#exy is religion for kevin and neil. without it what are they?

[betterlucknexttime]

everyone talks about the callousness of kevin’s first question being “can you play?” but. he grew up in the Nest, where he and jean were beaten routinely and stitched each other back together. (i also feel like we talk about neil’s first aid skills and never kevin’s, which he surely has, but that’s another post.) and in the Nest, that was the most important question. “can you play?” that’s all we’re good for. that’s all we have.

and it’s not much different with neil. yes, neil is hurt. but he could be dead—he will be dead at the end of the year. and he gave kevin his game, which means kevin is responsible. it’s “all for the game.” exy is neil’s LIFE.

would we rather kevin asked if neil was okay? “how are you?” wouldn’t that be the stupidest question ever? of course he’s not okay. three weeks in the Nest, torture at the hands of his father and his cronies. neil is not “okay” but we all his answer will be “i’m fine” just like we all know it’s the only lie he can’t pull off.

when neil can’t play, kevin is strict about his health. “you’re no use to us if you push yourself and end up needing another week to recover.” (or something like that)

.

“jean, you’re bleeding, stay still, press here, shh, can you play?” tears in he stitches up his best friend and only ally at fourteen. his eyes are dry five years later. this is old hat. there’s eight hours till scrimmage and they must be on the court. if jean can’t play, he needs to think of something. cover for him. take whatever blows riko decides are worthy punish enemy for his absence on his behalf.

“neil, can you play?” have i failed my end of the bargain? will you live? (because being able to play becomes synonymous with neil, kevin, and jean’s survival.) do you still have something worth living for?

[kevindavidson]

Kevin Day Cooks

About three years after going Pro, Kevin gets bored in a sense. Exy has been his life for so long that at 26, he wants something new. But the only other passion he has is history but even that isn’t enough to settle him. So he searches for another hobby and finds one that he’s actually good at. 

At the Nest all meals were prepared and made by the team so Kevin had been cooking since age seven, casually. it was self preservation to him, nutrition only. Until Abby asked him the history behind the meal they were eating at family dinner and...he didn’t know. Kevin sat at a loss for a long few minutes because he knew so much about history, but he’s forgotten the most important part. 

Food.

It brought people together and tore them apart all the same but it was the one thing that tied everything together. forget religion, and work, food was what made the world. Without it, no one would exist.

He started learning where dishes came from, and the cultural history behind them. He asked Jean about French dishes, and Jeremy about southern ones, and whenever he crossed paths with someone visibly not from the States, he asked them their favorite meal so he could learn both how to make it and the history. 

Due to all this cramming, the facts started pouring out of him very quickly. Andrew, Neil, Jean, and every other player on his team got very fed up very quickly. It was Bee who suggested he share it. The blog idea was shut down, as was the guest starring on a cooking show because Abby said that he wouldn’t be able to ramble like he tended to do.

So, Youtube. He created a Youtube, watched a few hundred videos on how to edit, and other cooking videos for an idea of what he was supposed to do, and got to work. He started easy, a dish anyone could make - Garlic Bread. he chattered on about the timeline and history of the bread while mixing ingredients, kneading the dough - sleeves rolled up his forearms because Nicky said it would get views from Non-Exy watchers if he did that. 

Immaculately dressed in slacks and a flannel, Kevin Day made Garlic Bread while babbling on about the history of Ancient Rome, 15th Century Italy, Bruschetta, and the new Italian-American version of the food. He edited it, posted it, and by the time he woke up the next morning it had over a million views, had been written about in dozens of articles, and was all over twitter. most especially being dragged through the mud by the Foxes for the shots of him bending over to but the bread in the oven and slight muscle flexing. Allison coined it “Borderline Fanservice”

Kevin didn’t care. He liked that people wanted to hear him talk about history while also being able to indulge in cooking for more than simply needing nutrition. As the channel grew people started recognizing him as Kevin Day the Youtube cooking man almost as much as they did Kevin Day the son of Exy.

One video turned to two to three and so on and so forth. 

As it grew cameos were made. 

While making brownies and blabbering about Bertha Palmer, Andrew sat cross legged on the counter just barely in frame with a cat in his lap wearing plaid pajama bottoms and what was clearly a Palmetto hoodie with JOSTEN across the shoulders - how the Josten-Minyard Rivalry was outed as the Josten-Minyard Romance. The press had a field day. The video also factures not only Andrew pelting Kevin with chocolate chips throughout the video, zeroing in on Kevins ass when he bent to put them in the oven, but the ‘keeper pouring an extra half bag of chocolate chips into the batter when Kevin wasn’t looking whilst wearing what some fans deemed a smile.

When Kevin chose the Dobson Schnitzel recipe, he invited Bee onto the channel and pretty much smiled at her the entire time she talked about the origins of the recipe. Her great-great grand mother, and her proud Jewish roots. (Whenever asked about his favorite episode, Kevin always says its that one.)

He posts a Cooking w/ Dad video in which Wymack cracks not one, not two, but five different smiles at his son while they make regular old chocolate chip cookies as they should have been doing when Kevin was eight and had a bad day instead of Kevin working through injuries on a court and Wymack grieving Kayleigh during PT while feelings for his therapist bloomed.

There’s a few dozen videos that Aaron just pops in every once in a while to watch Kevin work. In one he’s arm crossed, practically a statue off to one side. In another he’s wearing scrubs, dead on his feet, and stealing a bite off Kevin’s plate and humming in approval. He’s passing through the kitchen and swiping frosting from the piping bag, or staring diligently at the coffee machine pulling an espresso shot too slowly for his liking. In every video Aaron appears in Kevin always has this dopey look on his face until Aaron is gone in the next cut, in every video there is some type of soft physical touch, and an air of domesticity that leads the press to talk and receive absolutely no answers.

Dan and Matt pop in from time to time, passing through the kitchen during a kitchen party for the OG Foxes and their partners. There’s Allison sitting on the counter, phone in one hand, lipstick in the other, applying a new layer with Renee leaning into her, back to Allisions chest. (The fans and press have already taken notice that Renee always puts her back to a wall and find this little event to be something to look into.)

There’s always Neil. Neil in the background, Neil stealing food, Neil trying to pester Kevin about stats that lead to such a big conversation that Kevin forgets what he’s going and has to record a voice over for the rest of it - the fans pester him to post the original sound and it doubles the views of the first. Neil staring at the finished cooled apple pie, glancing at Kevin, and just bashing Kevin face into it so hard the pan cracks in half. Neil and Aaron, who was also in the shot, both fell to the floor laughing. 

Abby cameoed some of the time which led toward Abby gaining a large following. Mother Abby everyone called her for the motherly way she fretted about Kevin, of which Kevin reveled in. She became the only other “Celebrity” on Tumblr besides Neil Gaiman. Ask about the Foxes, Wymack, herself and much more flooded. Everyone loved Abby, and Abby loved sharing her people to the world. she liked cracking open the door to shoe them that their heroes - Andrew, Kevin, Matt, Jean, Jeremy, Neil - were just people after all. 

Matt could sing. Kevin pouted when he burned himself on the stove. Jean shouted in French whenever annoyed. Jeremy had a knack for finding every corner to bash his toes into. Andrew’s diet consisted of sugar, caffeine, some more caffeine, and spite. Neil never shut up about Exy.

As the years went on and children happened, they started showing up. Kevin’s hair went gray, he retired, he and Aaron adopted four kids from the system who couldn’t wait to be Foxes, Dan and Matts kids loved coming on the channel. The channel made for more than just a hobby for Kevin, it became a home. A recording of the life and family he’d made for himself by simply having the spine to say, “No.” Once in his miserable life.

Kevin Day, a six time Olympic Gold Medal Champion, Son of Exy, and the best Striker in the world would forever say to anyone who asked that his greatest accomplishment wasn’t his medals, or his skill, or Exy. It was his channel.

Just...Kevin Day finding that he was worth more than Exy by being a perfect househusband.

[percontaion-points]

Raven King chapter 2

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 2

"You shouldn't be outside if you're coming down with something," Kevin said.

"Such concern." Andrew grinned at Kevin's cool tone. "Don't cry, Kevin. It's nothing a nap and some vitamin C can't fix."

Are those codes for more street drugs?

"Don't go so deep you forget about us, okay? Put one foot in their hole and keep the other up here with us. You've got to be the piece that finally brings this team together. We can't make it to championships without them. Promise me you'll try."

No pressure, though!

“Tell me: when do you actually sleep?"

"During class," Neil admitted.

She thunked Neil on the forehead. "Wrong answer. You've got a GPA to maintain."

"Dan's had a couple years to perfect this speech," Matt said over Dan's head.

Ah yes, the sole role of a female in a male-centric novel: to be the mothering figure to the troubled boy.

Neil pushed all thoughts of Andrew aside and followed Kevin onto the Foxhole Court.

Chapter 2 summary: When they get back to the dorms, Matt and Neil go into the room that they'd shared with Seth. Seth's entire goddamned bed was taken out, as well as all of his things. I'm pretty sure college dorms don't work like that, but college dorms also don't have a super special dorm 100% just for athletes, so like...

They all gather in the common area, where Nicky starts pouring alcohol. They all toast to Seth. Neil decided to change the topic by asking about why the twins didn't grow up together. One of the random background characters says that they were separated at birth. Aaron went with the auntie, while Andrew went into foster care. One day, Auntie took Aaron to a sportsball game, where Officer Higgins saw Aaron and confused him with his brother. However, the auntie later than shut down any attempt to reunite the brothers, because she's fucking trash like that. But Aaron tried to contact his brother anyway, and instead just got a letter that said “Fuck you, don't contact me again!”  But then too much time passed, and the brothers didn't meet until a few years later.

They then eat dinner together and watch a movie before going to bed. Matt and Dan talk some about how the team is a fucking shitshow of a mess, which is what happens when you intentionally recruit troubled youths. Dan basically tells Neil that nobody gives a shit about Seth, and puts the success of the team 100% on Neil's shoulders. Which... super shitty, but whatever. For his part, at least Neil doesn't seem to take her seriously.

Neil then starts in on his homework. Dan is surprised that he's taking six classes, and warns him not to burn himself out. That the exy contract is for 5 years so that they can have a lighter courseload and still have energy left to play. She advises him to drop two classes, and they help him with that.

Renee shows up just then, having taken a beating from Andrew. Sounds like the two of them are in some kind of weird fight club situation. She randomly talks about her religion which has nothing to do with anything before she leaves as quickly as she'd showed up.

Kevin then shows up for the dumb midnight practice sessions with Neil. The others chide Kevin for not understanding that this kind of obsessive behavior and no sleep isn't healthy.

[grxywxrn]

Alive part 1

Neil Abram Josten was dead. He had never lived, but he was still dead and gone and absent and dead.

Dead, dead, dead.

It was a familiar word, playing like a broken record in Andrew’s head. A broken, dead record in a broken, dead mind.

Andrew imagined his mind like a smashed mirror, fragile and blood stained, unable to give a clear image to those who gazed upon it. This was all because Neil Josten had been fine.

Andrew hates many things, the words family and please, bitter tastes, people, but on that night a whole bunch of things were added to the list. The number zero made Andrew violent, thank you was torture to hear and Exy made him homicidal.

He still played it though, so Kevin wouldn’t die either. He didn’t care if Kevin died, he didn’t care if he himself died. Andrew didn’t care at all. The one thing that had made him feel disappeared like a tea light candle flickering out in the wind.

“Andrew?” Came a cheerful voice. Andrew looked up from his phone to see Nicky Hemmick, his all to happy cousin, smiling at him. “What are you doing in Germany? Especially unannounced?”

Andrew didn’t answer, he saw no reason to.

Nicky, after years of experience, let it slide. Six years ago, he may have pressed on, but Nicky eventually took the hint four years ago that Andrew was now a whole new type of broken.

Nicky played it off like Andrew had replied. “Well, it’s crazy to see you again. Erik and I were just grabbing stuff for dinner. His parents are looking after the girls for the day.”

Andrew has never met his nieces, Nicky and him had silently agreed that it would never happen. As soon as one of them started crying, Andrew would have done something that Nicky would regret.

“Hey, you should join us!” Nicky exclaimed. Andrew started walking away, trying to find his favourite ice cream in the frozen section of the supermarket. “Okay, sorry, bad idea, you’re right.” Nicky was still following him.

“How’s Aaron?” Nicky attempted to make conversation. “Is he getting used to the married life?”

In truth, Andrew didn’t know how his twin was, like everyone, Andrew didn’t care enough to care. Andrew grunted and that made Nicky ecstatic.

“And Kevin?” Nicky asked through the frosted glass door that was opened right in front of his face. Andrew got his ice cream and walked away again. “Fine, I’m guessing, with the recent win.”

Andrew skipped checkout 0 even though it was the shortest line up and headed to number 6 which was significantly longer.

“What about you, are you doing okay after Neil’s-“

Andrew whipped around, his fingers crushing the windpipe in Nicky’s throat.

“You have no right to say his name, Nicolas.” Andrew growled out Nicky’s full name because he knew it reminded him of his parents, or mainly his lack of them.

“Andrew, it would be nice of you to put down my husband.” Andrew cast his eyes lazily over the the man speaking German at him. Erik looked like he was playing it cool, but his fist was tight around the handles of his shopping basket.

Andrew basically threw his cousin at Erik, telling him to drag Nicky away with the most venomous glare ever. As Andrew paid, he heard Nicky saying things like, “It’s my fault, I over stepped my boundaries again.”

Andrew carried on with his plan for the day; get his cash changed from American to German because his was running low on cash, buy a new charger for his phone, went to the key smiths and went to get a haircut.

That’s where is all went wrong. A haircut was usually a bad experience, for both the barber and himself, but this was worse.

His hair was bright purple, messy and curly, his eyes were icy blue and his smile was so wide.

Neil Josten, age nineteen and Exy prodigy goes missing after game

After two years, Neil Josten is presumed Dead by authorities

Hunt for Neil Josten closed, body found in building foundation by demolition team in England

But Neil didn’t look dead at all, in fact, he look more alive than he ever had. There were no bags under his eyes and his complexion was tanned. He had a burn scar on one cheek and three lines down the other.

Andrew blinked, but Neil was still there. He held his eyes shut, rubbing them like Neil would disappear again.

Alive, alive, alive. So damn alive.

“Nathaniel!” Someone scolded of him and Neil turned away from the voice, holding in his laughter as his co-worker pulled funny faces.

Neil noticed Andrew, smiling at him. Neil came out from behind the front desk, ripped jeans paired with a red over-sized hoodie.

“Guten Tag!“ Neil greeted him in German. “Wie geht es dir?“

Andrew knew what Neil had asked him, he knew how to answer, but he just stared.

“Herr?” Neil reached for Andrew but let his hand hover. “Wie geht es dir, Herr?”

“Nicht so gut, Neil.” Andrew stood back, world tilting as he moved.

“Maybe you should sit down.” Neil guided Andrew towards a chair, in the mirror Andrew was ghost white, chalky skinned and eyes wide. “Can I get you something to drink...”

it was too late when Andrew realised he was waiting for a name.

“How are you alive?” Andrew asked in English and Neil looked taken aback.

“I don’t know- Sir are you high or drunk or-“ Neil was taking a few steps back.

“Neil, Neil Josten.” Andrew said, he didn’t know why. He hadn’t said that name in six years, Andrew had almost forgot what it sounded like on his own tongue.

“Alright, would you like me to help you find him?” Neil pulled at his hair.

No, he’s dead. You’re dead. Andrew wanted to grab this Neil by the shoulders, shake him until the nightmare subsided and he woke up in an empty and cold bed.

Andrew shook his head.

“Okay. Okay. Just breathe and I’ll be back in a moment.” Neil returned with a biscuit and a mug of coffee. Andrew didn’t touch the coffee because it looked to bitter but he ate the biscuit. “What is you name?”

Andrew choked.

“Andrew Minyard.” Neil smiled like he knew something Andrew didn’t. Maybe he did. “Can I get a trim and highlights.”

Neil let his face fall slack for a moment before nodding.

When Andrew got home, he could almost see the red marks on his skin from where Neil had touched him.

When Andrew went back to the shops the next week, Neil’s hair was black until his eyes and then snow white.

Andrew observed from a coffee booth, spying from over his mug. Neil was good at doing hair, and he liked to catch with his costumers.

Andrews phone hummed in his hand. Renee was the only person who called him.

It was a simple ‘are you treating yourself good?’ Like every question was around this time of year.

‘Come home soon, Andrew. I don’t want you to be alone.” Renee said, stopping mid-sentence with the sound of sizzling bacon in the background.

“Why?”

“You know why.” Renee didn’t beat around the bush with this. “Andrew, Neil’s-“ Andrew flinched “-anniversary makes you dangerous, not only to yourself but to others.”

“Shut up.”

“I want you to be happy.” Renee pleaded.

“Well I can’t be!” Then he hung up the phone.

The booth lowered beneath Andrew as someone took a seat next to him.

“Is everything okay?” Neil sipped his coffee gently like it would be too hot.

“Give me your phone.” Neil gave it over. Andrew tuned on Sir and said into it, “Neil Josten disappearance.”

Hundreds of articles came up at that search, Andrew found one without a photo of Neil.

“You follow Exy?” Andrew asked.

“Ugh,” Neil growled, “I hate that sport! It’s so stupid.” Andrew couldn’t help but scoff. Neil Josten saying Exy was stupid was just to ironic.

“Well, I play for New York with Kevin Day. Used to play for PSU in collage, for the Foxes.”

“I’ve heard of them, a friend follows it like a religion.” He seemed to loath Exy more than Andrew. “He’s obsessed with Day, and that dwarf bodyguard of his.” Andrew gripped the knife beside his coffee on the table. “Oh, wait. That’s you isn’t it?”

Andrew grunted, Neil laughter brightly. Neil snagged his phone back and read the article that Andrew had found.

“Hey, he went missing seven years ago today! Did you used to play with him?”

“In more ways than one, yeah.” Neil snorted, then laughed loudly. Andrew’s chest aches like hot coals replaced his lungs.

Alive, alive, alive.

“I hated him. Oh, I hated him so much.” Andrew hated that just voice shook on the word hate. He knew that word had a different meaning when it was directed at Neil. Andrew’s fist shook, he wanted to punch something. “I never knew why he was killed, Kevin wouldn’t tell me. But sometimes it feels like he’s still alive.”

It was weird. Andrew was talking to someone, and not just anyone about anything. He was talking to Neil about his own death that he couldn’t seem to remember.

Dead, dead, dead.

Alive, alive, alive.

“Well is that why you’re here? Was he buried here?”

“No, parts of his dismembered body were found in building foundations over in England. He wasn’t buried. I don’t actually know what happened to him.” Neil flinched, smile gone.

“If you want to talk-“

“I have already said to much.” Andrew started to leave but a hand gently wrapped around his wrist.

“Come around to the shop around three, it’s when I get off for the day. We can grab a coffee or something.” Neil smiled and let Andrew go. Andrew’s skin was on fire. “Oh, and my names Nathaniel Wesninski.”

Andrew’s hotel was big. He earned a lot of money playing Exy so he spent it all on stupid things. This hotel had a ball pit. It was three stories and the pinball machine room was where he spent most of his time. Alone.

Andrew walked down the hall on the top floor, passing Kevin in the gym. Andrew wasn’t going leave Kevin in America by himself so he dragged him to Germany with him. They hadn’t talked the whole week they had been in the the country and Andrew liked it that way.

He had a beer in one hand and ice cream in the other. When Kevin saw his unhealthy idea of lunch, he rolled his eyes.

“You can’t actually eat that for lunch.” Kevin commented.

“I can and I will, now shut up.” Andrew was about to walk into the games room.

“I invited Nicky over.” Kevin told him. “He told me about what you did. You’re lucky no press saw you.”

“Don’t care.” Andrew really didn’t. “I’m going out later anyways, so it will just be you two.”

“Where are you going?” Kevin got off the treadmill, bringing his shirt up to whipe the sweat off his face. “Not to do anything dumb or illegal?”

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out in the car.” Andrew replied. He wasn’t going to tell Kevin about Neil being alive. If Kevin knew he’d tell Neil everything and try to get him back into Exy.

“Andrew,” Kevin sighed, “look, I know you don’t care or feel anything about anything, but don’t do anything to ruin your life. Neil wouldn’t want-“

“Neil is dead, Kevin!” Andrew threw his beer bottle at Kevin’s head, missing by a millimetre. But Neil wasn’t dead. “He’s been dead for years and he can’t want anything!”

“Andrew, it’s okay to feel pain.” Kevin told him. He stepped forward, hands raised like he was approaching a deadly animal. “We all lost N-him that day, but you deserve to feel sad or grief because you lost someone you love!”

Andrew slammed the door shut behind him. He threw his bowl of ice cream then smashed the glass on one of the pinball tables. Then it was time to leave.

When he got to the barbershop, Neil was putting foils into a mans hair. He was smiling and saying something about loving the shade of red the man choose to dye his hair.

Andrew pushes past a girl asking if he wanted to make an appointment and walked to the back of the shop where Neil was. His hair was now green at the ends and not white.

“Andrew!” Neil exclaimed when he noticed the tiny blond approaching him. “Have a seat, I’ll get you a drink. Extra sugar.”

Andrew sit next to the man who watched him in awe.

“Can I help you?” Andrew arched an eyebrow.

“Oh, it’s just,” the man beamed up at Andrew, “you’re Andrew Minyard!”

Neil had returned with a grin, placing the sugary milk down in front of Andrew.

“No, I am his twin.” Andrew said. The man just laughed, clearly not aware that there was two Minyards. “Aaron.”

“I knew an Aaron.” Neil began, eyebrows furrowing. “Have no idea where from or how, though. Funny thing is, I’m pretty sure he had a twin brother.” Neil laughed. Andrew wanted to bottle that sound.

“Small world.” Andrew muttered. His phone rang so he fished it out of his back pocket. “What do you want, Day?” He grunted into the phone and the man squealed. Andrew realised that this was the freind Neil had been talking about earlier.

Kevin slurred something into the speaker and Nicky screamed in the background somewhere. They were drunk as frat boys at three o’clock in the afternoon.

“You know, Drew,” Kevin slurred, “the way you spoke to me earlier was...was mean!” Andrew didn’t care. “I was just trying to help. Neil was...was my...friend tooooooo!”

Nicky started crying in the background, saying something like, “sweet Neil!”

“Kevin. You are drunk. Leave me alone and drink water and try not to fall off the balcony.” Then Andrew hung up the phone, heart aching. Why did it feel like Neil was everywhere, every time Andrew turned around he saw him. Some days he wished he had never met Neil at all.

Neil brought him back to reality when he leant over the back of the chair Andrew was sitting in to whisper, “I put some scotch in the coffee.” Then he went back to putting foils in his friends originally blond hair. Andrew drunk the coffee in one breathe and Neil giggled.

“I’m not supposed to give that to costumers but your tecically not buying anything.” Neil shrugged. It didn’t taste to good, it was just sweet milk and scotch but it was greatly appreciated.

In the time Andrew was sat in the shop he had four more of those drinks, learnt that the friend was called Nico and sighed a piece of paper for Nico to get tattooed.

Nico payed, spent ten minutes talking to Neil about Laura’s birthday present with a smirk and the kissed Neil goodbye.

Andrew almost took the scissors off the bench to stab Nico with.

Neil laughed, though, rubbing his cheek with a fake disgusted face.

“Sorry about him,” Neil turned to Andrew. “Nico’s a bit...special is the word I’d use. We are just friends though, he’s got a girl, Laura.” He pronounced Laura as Low-ra when he talked. “Still insists on kissing me goodbye every time though, say just because I’m ace doesn’t mean I don’t deserve some love.”

Neil shook his head, hair floating like a merman’s underwater. He was smiling quietly as they both fell into step beside each other, walking to seemingly no where.

“You’re ace?” Andrew asked after a moment of silently contemplating it. When Neil had first come to the Foxes he had said the same thing, I don’t swing, and all that. Kevin later said he was probably demi and hadn’t had a chance to figure out what he wanted.

“Yeah, is there a problem, Andrew?” Neil didn’t ask out of irritation, but genuine concern.

“No, the guy I used to date was demi.” Andrew made a point about say ‘guy’. Neil nodded. They didn’t look at each other, but they walked until they reached a coffee shop. Tooth Café.

They were about to sit down when Andrew spotted a camera pointed his way. Damn the press.

“Put your head down and walk to the nearest exit.” Andrew murmured. Neil didn’t ask why, he did what he was asked. Andrew put a hand on Neil’s back, fingers gripping the printed button up that Neil wore as he guided him away from the press.

The press chased after them, just behind them now and asking questions. Andrew suddenly pulled Neil around a corner. He grabbed the back of Neil’s neck to face him.

“Black car, number plate 157 RRT, floor two, seconction G. Run.” And Neil was off, running with the speed of the striker Andrew had once known.

The press had caught him, sticking a mic in his face.

“Andrew, Andrew. Who was that man?”

“You don’t need to know.” Andrew walked the opposite way to where Neil had ran.

“A lover?”

“Does Day know you’re here?”

“Who was the man?”

“Andrew, any comment on the rumours regarding your sexuality?”

“Since you played for the Foxes, how do you feel about Neil Josten’s death?”

“Who’s death?” Andrew retorted. The reporter gasped.

“Your old teammate-“ said someone at the same time somebody said “your late lover!”

“How would Neil feel knowing that you are moving on?” A reporter said next to his left ear. Andrew lashed out, punching the man in the throat.

The press launched back, some ran away. On lookers gapped as Andrew walked away.

Andrew found Neil sitting on the hood of his black Mercedes, scrolling through his phone.

They got in before anyone could see them together.

“Someone posted a video.” Neil whispered.

“Kevin’s gonna scold me.” Andrew pulled out of the car park and on to the open road.

“The reporter deserved that though, for what he said.” Neil was testing the waters of this conversation, now that he knew how angry Andrew could get. “He had no right.”

Andrew was silent.

“I watched one of your games, well two actually.” Neil started a new conversation. “Neil’s last game and yours, Andrew.”

Neil’s last game.

Thank you, you were amazing

0

He had ran around that stadium so many times, he didn’t find anything except the bag.

Andrew swiveled the car back onto the road when he started to go into the next lane. Someone cussed at him from a different car.

“Andrew, the way you shut down the goal is incredible. Maybe you could teach me a bit before you left?” With that, Andrew changed direction towards his hotel. When he arrived, he told Neil to stay while he ran upstairs.

Upstairs in one of the living rooms, Kevin was passed out drunk while Nicky was certainly on the way. Andrew grabbed two sets of gear that Kevin had made him bring with them and stuffed it in a bag. He raced down to the car with a pint of ice cream and two spoons.

“Every time I do anything remotely Exy-ish, i eat a whole one of these. Kevin hates it.”

Andrew had to wait for Neil to figure out how to put on the gear, because it wasn’t like Andrew was going to help Neil dress.

Neil looked like Neil in his armour. A green haired Neil.

“Alright, just try and take a shot in on me.” Andrew said. When Neil took the shot, the ball fell a few feet in front of Andrew.

Andrew got the ball in his racket and threw it down the court to where Neil would have been waiting for him seven years ago.

This present day Neil gapped in shock.

“Woah!” He exclaimed. “You are amazing!”

“You’re not allowed to say that.” Andrew glared Neil down.

They tried again and this time Andrew caught it. Then they tried again and Andrew reached for it. The next time Andrew was too distracted by the muscles moving in Neil’s thighs to block his shot.

“OMG!” Neil cheered. “I won!” He struggled to take off his helmet. “I got a goal in on Andrew Minyard because he was checking me out!”

“Was not.” Andrew argued but it was ignored by Neil screaming into a phone.

“Nico!” He started telling him all about what just happened. When Nico didn’t believe him, Neil switched the FaceTime camera to Andrew. “Told you!”

Andrew let them talk and eventually Neil calmed down. Andrew just watched him talk into the camera from goal.

He missed Neil.

He hated Neil.

Andrew launched a ball down caught, it seemed to pass Neil on flames. That ball carried only a small part of his anger. So he threw another and another. Neil ducked away, ending the call.

Andrew threw the whole bag of balls across court, still seething. When he was done, Andrew was shaking. Neil looked up at him from the floor to which he dove to when balls seemed to be aiming themselves at his head.

“Andrew-“

“Shut up!” He slammed his racket into the wall, snapping it in half. “God, just shut up! Stop looking at me and shut up!”

“Andrew- look at me-“ Andrew couldn’t. He couldn’t look at Neil without breaking. He had gone seven years without breaking, it couldn’t be now. “Shout at me. Tell me everything you want to tell him.”

Andrew grabbed him by the hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything? You knew they were coming for you, why didn’t you let me protect you?” Andrew screamed at Neil who look just about ready to cry. “You knew they were coming for you and you still played, you still made me feel something about you! You knew it wasn’t nothing so why did you let me fall knowing you were going die?”

“Andrew,” Neil gasped.

“What!”

“I don’t think I am ace after all.”

Pink. Baby pink.

Renee was going to be so happy.

Andrew wasn’t sure how Neil had managed to get Andrew’s hair that shade of pink, but the media loved it. The first time they had seen it was when Andrew was leaving the New York airport with Kevin Day at his side.

@TheJeanKnoxMor

@AJminyard not bad, Jeremy did call you a baby though

@offcialJeremyKnoxM

@AJminyard @TheJeanKnoxMor did not! Please don’t kill me, Andrew!

That was the most liked response. Some fans speculated why he would have dyed his hair such an unAndrew colour.

One fan said something along the lines of mental breakdown and Andrew wasn’t sure that was wrong.

Renee had liked it, she had called him cute. Aaron said it made him look gay, Andrew had kissed Kevin in reply. Thea had laughed at that.

Nicky kept texting him, even after there was no reply.

One morning Andrew woke alone, like every morning or sometimes afternoons.

The first notefication was; @NathanielWes04 is following you

Neil had sent him a dm over Instagram.

Heyyyy, Andrew! I looked up what time it is over in NY and I am sorry if this wakes you up!

Andrew almost smiled. Almost. Andrew called him, too tied to type a text. Neil picked up after the fourth ring.

“Drew,” he mumbled gently. Andrew had woke him, but he didn’t care. Because Neil wasn’t around, Andrew allowed himself to feel something.

“Hello.” Andrew said back. It was all silence.

“Why don’t you ever say my name, Andrew?” Neil slurred sleepy at Andrew.

Because it hurts.

“Your name is stupid.” Neil laughed at that.

“I share it with my dad.” Neil smile was evident in his voice. “Or at least I think I do. I don’t remember.”

“Don’t remember?” Andrew prodded.

“I was found in a dich somewhere between Cornwall and London, I think that where it was. Anyways, around five years ago a jogger found me minutes from death. I don’t remember anything from my birth to a week after I was found.”

Minutes from death? They had tried to kill him, but stupid Neil Josten survived. Of course he did.

“What colour is your hair?” Andrew asked when his chest felt too tight.

“Ash.”

They were silently listening to each other breathe and Andrew was reminded how alive Neil was.

Andrew imagined Neil lying in his bed in Berlin, on the left side of the mattress like he always used to. He saw his messy ash hair splaid out on the pillow and eyes hooded with sleep.

“Come to America.” Andrew shocked himself when he said. “New York, I’ll pay airfares.” Neil didn’t say anything, softly breathing instead. Actually, he was asleep again. “I hate you, Neil Josten.”

“I know.” He mumbled in his sleep. Andrew hung up and threw his phone at the wall. It shatter but Andrew didn’t care.

This meant some part of Neil knew who he was, right?

Andrew thought about kissing Neil again, it made his muscles ache so he blocked out the thought and got ready for breakfast with Renee.

“Andrew, that is amazing! Oh, my goodness, when does he come back to the US?” Renee was taking the news perfectly, at least in her mind.

“Never.” Andrew Said when he finished his bite of pancake. “Neil doesn’t know who he is and I intend on keeping it that way.”

“Why?”

“Because, it’s not Neil.” Andrew complained. “He’s a hairdresser with a new colour every week, let’s his friends kiss him goodbye and wears cropped shirts and short-shorts to the gym.”

Renee laughed softly like she always does.

Andrew wasn’t complaining about the later. Following Neil on Instagram was torture when he was trying to forget his lust. Andrew let his mind see a photo of Neil squatting with one leg stuck out, then pushed it away when Renee’s mouth started moving again.

“Andrew, this could be your chance for a happy life, take what you deserve.” Renee sipped her tea. Her hair was in need of a touch up at the roots. “Besides, he’s going the find out eventually.”

“Whatever.” Andrew finished his pancakes and coffee in silence. Renne didnt say anything for the rest of breakfast and Andrew almost thanked her.

Kevin was texting him, asking where he was because he was late for practice. They had come back to America a few weeks ago and Kevin basically slept at the court. In the month they had been in Berlin they hadn’t practiced together and that made Kevin even more enthusiastic.

Renee said goodbye to him out the front of the coffee shop and they went their separate ways.

Andrew headed to the court, hating every second of it. When he got there, Jean and Jeremy with talking with Kevin in the middle of the court.

“You didn’t say the newlyweds were going to be here.” Andrew said over the loud speaker. Kevin jumped a bit, but found Andrew scowling at him from the commentators box. “And Kevin, Jeremy is married now so back off.”

Andrew caught Jeremy snicker but Jean didn’t look to pleased. Kevin flipped Andrew off with an embarrassed look towards the couple.

Andrew loved to make fun of Kevin celebrity crush on Jeremy.

Andrew came down to the court, the only one not dressed in armour and he intended to keep it that way.

“We are going to be training with Jean and Jeremy.” Kevin told Andrew. “They were in town for the weekend so-“

“You thought, ‘let’s practice instead of hanging out like normal people!’” Andrew quirked a brow up at Kevin. He didn’t reply so Andrew started to leave.

“Andrew, wait.” Jeremy called after him. “We need someone to guard the goal.”

“Cool, call Sean.” Andrew replied. Sean was the other goalie on the team. He wasn’t as good as Andrew and couldn’t shut down the goal as good as Andrew, but he was alright.

“Andrew, it would be greatly appreciate if you would help us.” Jean asked. “I mean what else were you going to do?”

“Get drunk.” Andrew replied.

“It’s nine in the morning!” Kevin exclaimed.

“You’re right.” Andrew said. “I’ll hit someone up to drink with, never drink alone.”

Part two

[sleepwalkersregime]

Day 2- Neil’s frienship with Renee

Here’s my second (late) fic for Neil’s birthday week. Read it on Ao3 or under the cut.

 https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502065

     None of the foxes had ever heard Renee swear before. It simply wasn’t in her vocabulary. Neil had yet to understand Renee as a person, and he still had his observation skills ingrained into his brain from years of needing them to stay alive. From watching during games, parties, and the school semester, Neil noted that Renee had the most self control of anyone he had ever seen before. His mind changed during one scrimmage. 

It was finals week before Christmas break, and everyone was tired from the double practices that Kevin insisted on to make up for how much he knew they would slack off during break. They had been at it for an hour, and everyone was getting testy and tired. The scrimmage progressively got faster and more violent. 

Neil made a particularly tricky pass back and forth with Kevin, relishing in the fact that he didn’t mess it up, before shooting at Renee. She tried to block the ball, but she wasn’t fast enough, and the goal behind her lit up red for the sixth time. If Neil hadn’t been so close, he would have missed the strained “Fuck!” come from beneath her helmet. He glanced around, but no one else was surprised, so he must have been the only one to hear. He raised his eyebrows at Renee. She exhaled. “Sorry. Long week.” Neil nodded before returning to half court. As usual, Andrew and Neil were the last to leave the locker room. They got back to the dorms and Andrew packed his things. He, Aaron, and Nicky were already going up to Columbia for the break, but Neil had one more final on Monday he needed to stay for, and Andrew was going to drive back down to get Neil afterward. Neil and Andrew said goodbye inside the dorm so that they wouldn’t have to do so in front of Nicky and Aaron. “I’ll miss you,” Neil said against Andrew’s mouth. “It’s just two days, idiot.” Andrew let out a hiss of air as Neil responded by trailing a line of kisses down his jaw. Neil pulled back and smiled. “Don’t fail your test,” Andrew said before turning to leave out the door. Neil accompanied them to the car and waved as the Maserati pulled out of the parking lot before heading back inside fox tower, going up the stairs to the roof. He nearly slammed into Renee when she opened the door from their floor. “Sorry Neil!” she quickly said as she continued around him without making eye contact. Normally, Neil didn’t like to get into any business he didn’t have to, but this was extremely out of character for Renee. “Is everything okay?” he called out. She stopped and turned to face Neil. Her face was red and her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. She took a deep breath before speaking, her voice coming out surprisingly steady. “I’ll be okay. Thank you.” Neil caught her arm before she spun off again. “Do you want- I’m going to the roof if you want some fresh air.” He felt awkward- he was rarely alone with Renee. She looked at Neil for a moment before nodding slightly. They went to the roof in silence. Renee followed suit as Neil sat down on the edge (on the opposite side of where he usually sat with Andrew). He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up, taking a single drag before letting it burn on its own.

Unsure of how to comfort a distraught Renee, Neil settled on keeping quiet until she decided to speak up. After a few minutes, she did.

“Allison’s parents want her to visit for Christmas. She said she wouldn’t go if she can’t bring me, and they aren’t happy about that.”

Neil remembered the time he found out that Renee and Allison were dating- he had been oblivious to the whole thing, and when his eyes lit up with surprise when he was told, Matt had slid Dan a twenty dollar bill.

“I told her we can always go to Stephanie’s. She’d love to have us. But Allison’s settled on bringing me home just to spite her parents.”

Neil looked at Renee and noticed her fiddling with the cross around her neck. “I left before it got too heated. I don’t want to start a fight right before Christmas.”

“That sounds tough.” Neil had never been good at knowing what to say to comfort others. “Allison seems to always choose the most dramatic option.”

Renee chuckled at that. “Yes, she does. I think she hopes that her parents will forgive her, but she won’t say it out loud. It’s great that they even invited her home, but it will take more time for them to accept us dating.”

Neil thought about his shopping trips with Allison, and how the very first time they went to the mall, she bought him a sequined crop top and impossibly tight leggings. “From what I know, Allison likes to throw everything out there at once, not wait for people to adjust slowly. Her parents know her, and if they’re willing to take her back  for leaving to pursue exy, I think they’ll get over the initial shock of this soon enough.”

Renee eyed Neil. “You’re not as apathetic as you want people to think.”

Neil shrugged.

“Thank you, Neil. I think you’re right.” She squeezed his hand once and stood to leave. “Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

Neil shook his head.

“Would you be interested in coming to church with me?”

Neil’s mouth fell open. He had only been to a church once in his life, and it was used by him and his mother to hide. Organized religion was never something he had taken in interest in. The only thing that stopped him from saying no immediately was the fact that Andrew was gone. While they would normally spend Sundays together in their room and on the roof, he would have free time this week. It couldn’t hurt. “Sure.”

She smiled. “We’ll leave at 9:00. Dress nice.” And she left.

On Sunday morning, after his usual early run, Neil stood before his closet and realized he had nothing church-appropriate. His nicest shirt was a black turtleneck that Andrew had bought him for going to Eden’s. Figuring God wouldn’t mind, he paired that with his newest pair of jeans and put on a pair of black vans that Andrew had left behind. A knock on his door signaled Renee was waiting for him, and he met her outside. Neil looked at Renee’s bright shirt-skirt combo and down at his own outfit. “Sorry, it was the best I had…”

Renee shrugged it off. “It’s perfect.”

They walked about fifteen minutes to a small chapel nearby, filling the time with Neil asking Renee about her religious background and trying to understand why something so abstract brought her peace.

Walking in, almost everyone greeted Renee with a smile as she introduced Neil. The service was an hour and a half. A lot of it was singing hymns, which Neil opted to sit out on and just read the words instead. A priest gave a sermon about God’s love and sharing that love with others, no matter the differences between people. It began and ended with a prayer by someone from the congregation, and Neil was impressed by how everything was attributed to God. The prayers thanked God for everything they had, and asked for things like comfort and understanding.

“So what did you think?” Renee asked Neil as they walked home.

“It was… different. I’ve never believed in God because I never had a reason to. My life was always in someone else’s hands, and I never had any divine intervention that saved me.”

Renee nodded. “That’s how I felt too. Why would God just let these horrible people go around killing others? But, from how I connect with Him, it’s not about that. He gives us the tools we need to be good people, and it’s up to us to take it. When I was in a gang, God didn’t stop me because it has to be our own choice.”

Neil mulled that over for a minute. They were back on campus now, with fox tower in sight. “I can see why believing in a higher being is… reassuring. Like all the shit that happens here isn’t just it. God, or buddha, or mother nature, or whatever it is… there’s an outside force that can give us a second chance. And it’s worth it to try.”

They were back on their floor now, and Renee stopped with Neil outside his dorm door. “That’s exactly it.” She leaned in to hug Neil. “Thank you for coming with me. I hope you can understand why I’ve made the choices I have.”

Neil nodded. “Thanks for taking me. I… I’m not sure if Christianity is for me, but i’m glad to know more about it. And about you.”

She gave him a warm smile. “I’m always open to talk if you have questions. Good luck with your final.”

“Good luck with Allison. I hope Christmas goes well.”

Neil thought about church for the rest of the day. He really was happy that he got to understand Renee a little better- she had been a mystery to him every since he came to Palmetto. He wasn’t sure if he would ever believe in a god of some sort, but now that his life didn’t have an expiration date, he found comfort in the fact that he could explore this again whenever he wanted.

[broship-addict]

can I request some random kevin hcs? take your time and tysm🌸

I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen my trinity of Kevin Day posts [x] [x] [x] but I am always ready to talk about this loser :))

Nora once mentioned Kevin learning how to play piano

it’s so hard for him???

piano music (classical especially) usually has really strong and complex melodies in the right hand with simple stuff going on in the left and imagine how FRUSTRATED Kevin gets with it

his left hand always goes on too strong

the peddle’s too wet

the tempo isn’t even

and Perfectionist Kevin Day cannot stand it he’s probably never gone through an entire song without screaming at least once

(Thea films it and sends it to Andrew, who surprises Neil by actually letting out a bark of laughter)

his first year at Palmetto, Kevin convinces himself that taking bio as an elective was a good idea

it’s important to know what’s going on in your body, right?

(and at least the math’s minimal)

except he absolutely hates it

the professor’s snobby with him because he isn’t a sciences student

Kevin had thought he was good at memorizing things? but apparently not when trying to name all of the different enzymes in the human body

(it didn’t help that Andrew got a kick out of scrawling all over his notes with dumb doodles)

((usually drawings of liver tumors and an arrow pointing to it saying “you”))

he barely scrapes by and vows to never touch sciences again, until somehow Neil challenges him to try first-year physics in his senior year

you know how Neil doodles little fox paws all over his homework? Kevin can draw 30+ different models with their original paintwork by memory

imagine him barely conscious and flipping through channels because the only games on are painful to watch

somehow he manages to watch an hour’s worth of Ancient Aliens and can’t sort out facts from pseudo-history the next day in class

the entire room gasps as he confusedly explains UFO sightings and religion before breaking off halfway in horror

probably tmi but goes to the washroom 10+ times a day because he thinks drinking the full recommended 2 liters is a good idea

the one and only time Kevin ever managed to beat Neil in running, they found out the next day it was because Neil had fractured something in his ankle and couldn’t play the next game

(goddammit, Neil)

Kevin once got banned from ever trying to coach little leagues Exy after nearly making 3 kids cry

it wasn’t that he was being mean, it’s just that Kevin has a hard time remembering what children are actually capable of doing

(also he kept assigning suicides omg)

can he cook? not really. but he keeps trying anyways???

his birthday in future years involves dinner with Wymack (and sometimes Abby and sometimes all the other Foxes crash)

Kevin asks for carrot cake every year and he’s happy enough that usually he’ll refrain from bugging Andrew and Nicky about the amount of extra frosting they squeeze on

[exysexual]

hs au (part four)

(part one)(part two)(part three)(read on ao3)

Neil has never hotwired a car alone before.

It’s different, to look at the innards of a vehicle and rely solely on your own intuition to make it work and to not have the safety net he’s used to. On the run, he never in a million years would’ve expected to miss his mom’s harsh words and harsher hands, but he has to fight to keep his own hands still now.

It’s just…weekends are hard, a shapeless stretch of time until he knows exactly where he’s meant to be again, and this shitty car has been parked on his street for three weeks without moving.

Nobody’s going to miss it, not for a day at least.

He lets out a sigh of relief when he feels it come to life beneath his hands and rests his forehead against the steering wheel.

What now?

All he knows is that he wants to get away from it all. He doesn’t have as many resources as he’d like, doesn’t want to actually up and leave, but still.

He remembers being Chris and Stefan and Nathaniel all too clearly, the fleeting identities that he could discard without a thought. Neil feels harder to shake.

After staring blankly at the dashboard for a minute, he decides to hit up a gas station and go from there.

The gas station by the Jamesons is one of the only places in the surrounding area that sells Sour Punch Straws.

That, at least, is what Andrew tells Cathleen before he slips out of the house.

In reality, the gas station by the Jamesons is the closest place that sells Sour Punch Straws, but it’s also a nice ten-minute walk away and an excuse to get out of the house for a bit.

Kenny and Kendra are home from college for the weekend, and nice as they are, it all gets a bit Stepford-y when the whole family is together.

Also, giving twins such similar names? What’s up with that? It’s like they didn’t even want to give them a chance at differentiating themselves.

Andrew is staring at the candy section, deliberating between Sour Punch Straws and Sour Patch Kids (which will be more artificial? which has more sugar?), when a familiar figure walks into the station and heads straight for the register. Andrew grabs the Straws and hurries as casually as he can to the cashier.

“…yeah, just fill it up, but I’ve only got cash,” Neil is saying when Andrew gets close enough to hear.

Seriously? Why does Neil only have cash? What kind of shady-ass parents does he have that let him drive the car around without a credit card?

The second cashier gestures to Andrew and he saunters forwards, caught somewhere between hoping that Neil will notice him and that he’ll escape without shattering any further illusions.

He watches out of the corner of his eye as Neil slides some money across the counter, gaze fixed out the window. Andrew looks out to find only a pretty shitty car at the pump nearest the station, all scraped up and bare bones.

“Oh, hey, Andrew.”

Andrew turns back to Neil and tries to look surprised as he gives him a nod of acknowledgement. He retrieves his change and candy and follows Neil out of the station towards his car.

“What’re you up to today?” Andrew finds himself asking, stalling out by the front of Neil’s car. Neil shrugs.

“Got the car to myself and just want to get away, honestly.”

Andrew cocks his head. Curious.

“You picking up a teammate or something?”

Neil shakes his head. “I don’t have any plans.”

“What, you’re just going to…drive anywhere?”

Neil nods.

“That sounds nice.”

Neil looks away from the nozzle in his hand and nods at Andrew. “Yeah. It’ll be good.” Andrew bobs his head awkwardly and wonders if he’s supposed to leave now. “What’re you up to today?”

Andrew tries not to feel pleased at the question. “Uh, not much. My family’s having a bit of a bonding day and it creeps me out.”

Neil smiles at that. Andrew looks away instead of trying to memorize it. “What do you mean?”

Andrew kicks at the pavement beneath his feet. How much should he reveal?

“Mostly a lot more prayer than I’m down for,” he settles on. “And too many expectations.”

Neil finishes gassing up and leans on the driver’s side door, a contemplative look on his face.

“What kinds of expectations?”

Andrew swallows uncomfortably. Why had he said anything?

“Mostly Exy stuff,” he shrugs. “There’ve been some college scouts around and it’s getting everybody’s hopes up.”

Neil nods. Andrew clutches the Sour Punch Straws tighter in his hand.

“Anyway, have fun with your…drive or whatever,” he says after a moment. “I’ll see you in school.”

Andrew can feel the other teen’s eyes on his back as he crosses the parking lot. He tries to move smoothly, to not betray how quickly his heart is thumping against his ribs.

Neil drives south because he doesn’t want to recognize anything. He follows the signs on the highway mindlessly, consciously forgets what lies north of Oakland, and tries to lose himself in the familiar motions of driving and passing and signaling.

It doesn’t really work.

Part of the problem is how aware he is of the need to drive inconspicuously. If he’s pulled over, they’ll be able to tell something is wrong with the car, and then they’ll look into it, and then he’ll be investigated–

It seems impossible to remain invisible when you’re trying to be, though. Neil stares at the speedometer, is acutely aware of the speed limit and the cars around him and–

It’s better than thinking about beaches and smoke and fire, maybe, but it’s still thinking of cause and effect, his faked identity and what could happen from there.

Neil tries to focus on what he’s seeing, the clear skies above him and the obnoxious hipsters around him, but it doesn’t work.

He stops at a McDonald’s and grabs some food. He eats in the car, stares at the greasy bag and tries to focus on anything other than his life.

Somehow, he ends up thinking back over Andrew Doe. Andrew Doe, who is overwhelmed by the expectations of his family, who is uncomfortable with their religion.

Andrew Doe, who doesn’t actually seem to take his future for granted.

Doe. Neil doesn’t know much about Does, why somebody ends up with that name– unidentified dead bodies? Unknown arrested criminals?

Abandoned kids?

Maybe, just maybe, Neil has been too quick to write Andrew Doe off. Maybe his quick eyes and incredible hands and sharp mind aren’t being wasted in a comfortable life with a loving family.

Neil doesn’t get back on the road for a long while.

Andrew watches Neil come into class on Monday with a look of casual indifference he absolutely did not practice in the mirror. Neil slouches in, eyes on the ground except a quick glance around the room, and drops into his seat with no acknowledgement to Andrew.

Andrew resolutely does not give a flying shit what Neil Josten does.

After class (a class that Andrew did not pay any attention to, caught between worrying about the Edgar Allen scout coming to their next game and tracing the back of Neil’s head with his eyes), Neil turns to him on their way out.

“Should we start up on the report? We’ve gotten a big enough sample size.”

Andrew shrugs. Two can play at that game, Josten.

“Can we meet after school again and divide it up?”

“Sure, but I have practice.”

Josten nods. They’ve reached the hallway, and Andrew should want to escape to his next class, but he stays rooted to the spot.

“5:30, library?”

Andrew nods, the epitome of cool and collected, and heads off to Bio without looking back.

Neil keeps an ear out for Andrew this time, sets down 1984 before Andrew sits down. Andrew’s hair is damp, part of it plastered to his forehead, and Neil finds his eyes drawn to it.

"Hey," Neil thinks to say. Sometimes he feels like he's pretty good at being a normal high school student.

“Sorry I’m a little late,” Andrew says, and Neil flicks his gaze away, focusing on the clock at the far end of the room that indicates that Doe is 15 minutes late. “Coach is freaking out because scouts will be at the game tomorrow, so he kept us late.”

“It’s fine,” Neil brushes off. He taps a finger against the desk, telling himself not to ask– “What scouts?”

Andrew tilts his head slightly. “Penn State, I think, maybe Berkeley. Oh, Edgar Allen.”

He throws it out there like it’s nothing, like it’s not the top team in the country, like it’s not where Riko and Kevin play, and Neil’s vision narrows to the teen in front of him. His throat constricts, and he forces himself to swallow, but suddenly he doesn’t know how to breathe–

“In and out, with me. On my count, ok?”

Neil blinks open his eyes and he has no idea how he ended up on the ground, or why Andrew is crouching in front of him, or why his throat feels raw and ragged–

“How about you try clenching your fist?”

Neil focuses on his hand, stares as his skin pales and his veins bulge slightly, and the echo in his head disappears. He swallows deeply and then lets out a shaky breath, pushing himself upright.

“You back with me?” Andrew asks, his tone neutral and face blank. Neil licks his lips nervously, eyes darting around the otherwise empty library.

“I’m sorry,” he rasps out, coughing once. “That’s never happened before.”

“Panic attacks are more common than you’d expect,” Andrew shrugs, standing up. Neil hoists himself off the ground, one hand remaining clenched against the back of the chair. He stares at his feet and lets his mind remain peacefully blank for a few seconds before he starts planning again.

“Do you think, um, we could meet some other time?” Neil asks, looking back at the other boy. Andrew is still watching him, his expression inscrutable.

“Yeah, no problem.”

Neil packs his stuff up wordlessly, ignoring Andrew’s movements, and leaves with a tight smile before he starts panicking again where the other boy can see.

Andrew is distracted all through dinner, but the Jamesons don’t mind- Mac had mentioned to them that scouts would be there tomorrow, so they attribute his absentmindedness to that. They skirt around the issue, forcing food upon him and saying a longer grace than usual, but otherwise letting him be.

He flops down on his bed afterwards and stares at the ceiling, his mind replaying the scene in the library on repeat. The casual conversation, Neil’s look of absolute terror, the moment he lost control and dropped to the floor–

It makes absolutely no sense. Panic attacks happen, but some preliminary research tells Andrew that first time panic attacks don’t usually happen to people without anxiety disorders and no triggers.

Berkely, Penn State, Edgar Allen, Exy, college…what is so horrible to Neil Josten? And what could possibly prompt him to look that terrified?

Andrew barely even registers that he’ll be playing in front of them the next day as he spends the rest of the night trying to piece it together. No matter how he looks at it, though, he has only one conclusion: there’s more to Neil Josten than meets the eye.

(part five)