#fat guy stuck in internet

[adultswimshowspoll]

loser’s bracket round 3

please reblog after voting

[adultswim2021]

Fat Guy Stuck in Internet #9: “Boogie Baby, Boogie!” | August 11, 2008 - 12:15AM | S01E09

I actually freakishly remembered that one of my friends (also a reader of this blog) liked this episode and thought it was significantly better than the rest. I remember this because he said it featured the “Whitest Kids I’Like”. Very funny joke, makes me smile, and I am beautiful when I smile. 

Speaking of big smiles, this one has a special guest star who is basically the human embodiment of a scowl, Matt Besser. Matt Besser is the reason I don’t believe in god, because what kind of god would count Matt Besser among his glorious creatures. Mean teasing aside, he’s fairly fun in this, and gives as much of his "all" as he ought to on this show. He plays a David Bowie/Goblin King type guy.

Oh yeah, this is a Labyrinth episode. Gemberling and Chains encounter a Labyrinth and have to go through it. If they don’t make it through, Matt Besser is going to turn them into one of his “dancing sweety boys” (good). Gemberling is annoyed and impatient, and doesn’t want to hear the songs. Chains is thoroughly entertained and is stoked to be doing maze games. 

This is honestly a very fun episode. It doesn’t sustain it’s excellence for the entire episode, but it has enough bright spots that I think I have to agree that this one is “the good one”. I literally laughed a few times at this. The scene with the racist Dumb crows actually got me good, but it’s one of those very simple jokes that will probably not translate. I will tell it anyway: Chains stumbles on the crows (the maze is full of muppet-style guys), and he laughs and says they’re great. Gemberling chides him for enjoying what is clearly a mean-spirited racial stereotype. Chains, disappointed, scolds the crows: “you guys tricked me!” and then walks away, pouting. I think it might’ve been that I was expecting something clumsier, and more 2008, but that is solid.

I also liked the lying door/truth door scene. One of them is Timmy Williams and the other is Sam Brown, the aforementioned Whitest Kids my friend KON liked (I don’t know why I was being coy earlier about who it was). It doesn’t end terribly strong, and the music isn’t actually that good in it, but it’s good enough for this show. But this one made me laugh two-and-a-half times, and that’s actually pretty good for almost any 11-minute Adult Swim show. This was almost Assy McGee good!

[popculturebuffet]

Next up for Adult Swim, favorite character from their mid-2000s shorts: Squidbillies, The Boondocks, Metalocalypse, Frisky Dingo, Assy McGee, Saul of the Mole Men, Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job, Fat Guy Stuck in Internet, The Drinky Crow Show, and Superjail?

We thankfully haven't hit where I haven't watched a lo tof these.. yet as I watched adult swim pretty consitantly. Squidbillies: Dan Hallen. I may not like this show, but any time I saw him in an episode it was funny, with Sheriff a close second. And yeah... I do not like this show. It's overly cruel, overly gross and has all of Aqua Teen's weaker aspects magnified. It's not as bad as I remember but i's still not GOOD.

The Boondocks: Huey. The cast for this show is stacked, but huey is a nicely done voice of reason, fairly consitant on telling you I told you show and ready to kick ass, but still limited by his youth and the madness around him. They took the already intresting comics version, sanded off an edge or too without taking away what makes him intresting.

The Boondocks might be the finest comic strip adapatation there's ever been, and tha'ts coming from a massive comic strip nerd who dosen't get to talk about that side of things often. It's also one of the few to succeed, being massively popular to this day and it's revvial likely only falling through because well.. Warner Bros Discovery sucks dirty ass in thunder storms. It takes the thoughtful commentary that made the original great, but fleshes out the characters: Huey is still a standofish radical, but no longer as judgmental (and when he is it's for good reason), as well as a kid who while out of his depths at times is smart and thoughtful, Riley's obesssion with rap culture is deepened as is his own skills and fowl mouth, and Grandad is expanded greatly, giving not only a better reason for the move (wanting to enjoy his life) but a wonderful sarcastic streak and horny nonsense. I'ts not a stretch to say the talented voice cast elevate these characters, as does the lack of newspaper confines: while I Love newspaper comics, McGruder has outright said how much he chafed at the confines and The Bondocks is a fantastic example of an adult cartoon using the medium to tell truly adult stories, exploring black culture, racisim, human nature and other topics.

The show is gorgeous as hell too, it's anime style looking tight, the fight scenes being some of the best i've seen in a cartoon to this day. It's also damn funny as it is insightful, Dick Riding Obama still gets caught in my head regularly. Ruckuss Song from the first episode, you know the one, thankfully does not but is still hilaroius in it's sheer audacity and racisim, as well as the white audience clapping it. Boondocks was a show that let you know what it was from the jump, never compromised and was great for it's first three season. Season 1 can be utterly bleak at times, but in a way i've grown to accept is horrifically real especially after learning more about r kelly, 2 is full of fun nonsense and while the second weakest season, still has classics like the halloween parody and Season 3 is a triumph. Mostly for this

I don't know what the point of this was, but I welcome it. Season 4 .. is bad apart from freedom ride or die. But the shows first three seasons are a show that is of it's time yet more nad more relevant with each year and one of adult swims finest.

Metalocalypse: This is like asking me to choose my chlidren but Charles. Nathan is close.. but Charles is such a presence in the show for most of it's run, hilarous, badass and the straight man to his four man child clients/surrogate children. Metalocalypse itself is another of Adult Swim's best and thankfully got a full ending last year with the epic and awesome Doomstar Requiem. It's a show I need to rewatch more, cyncial as hell about the music industry, yet hilarous, mashing together the badass opera of metal with tons of great concerts and songs.. with the man childish egos inspired by the metallica doc some kind of monster that shows just hwo human these god like figures are.. and how stupid they are. oh so gloriously stupid. The shopping scene from the first episode never ceases to make me laugh and serves a sa perfect mission statment for the series

Metalocalypse created 5 perfectly stupid human beings and just lets their own egos, selfishness and incompetnece do the comedy work, while giving them the perfect straight man to keep them from dying in a sewer some where. This somehow perfectly overlaps with an epic ongoing plot where these 5 idiots turn out to be the world's saviors and part of a dark and epic subplot that ... is slowly paced and clunky but is really just there for the most part to give a reason WHY our heroes concerts are so awesome and dangerous they kill thousands and give us some structure while nonsense happens. It's a decent story but the main point is to let 5 well thought out dumbasses go through nonsense at the highest level possible. It pays off it's story well in the last season and the doomstar films, but serves as a great background for a fantastic bunch of comedy, animation and music.

Frisky Dingo: Xander Crews. Adam Reed playing the douchiest iron man imaginable is brilliant. Ghostface is second. This is a show I need to revisit. Plot wise it can be wonky, pivoting broadly in weird places, but comedy wise the premise is gold: a supervillian can't afford a "Media buy", only able to send hilarious post cards

Put him up against Xander Crews, who badly wants a new arch enemy so he never has to actually grow up, a bunch of plots we probably didn't need, some great catch phrases in "ya know" and "boosh!" (Master Cyllender) and a lot of hyjinks and you get a great show. Season 2 is better having a less soapy structure in favor of a mocumentary, letting the characters just be assholes, and ending in a return to supervilliany an da cliffhanger. Frisky Dingo was sadly criminally underappricaitedin it's time, but should be recognized as one of adult swim's best and the blueprint for archer. Killface booshed so Sterling could shout "Phrasing".

Assy Mcgee: No faviorites here. I never really liked this one apart from it's theme song and name. And the concept of a talking butt as a hardboiled cop on the edge is just.. funny. Otherwise it's one of those shows I Just didn't watch hardly.

Saul of the Molemen: A solid show I might revisit one of these days. As a kid I didn't really glom onto it, but I dig i'ts hammy vibes, truly awesome theme song from Trey Parker and Matt stone and will be eternally greatful for this song.

Even better once I found out what Mustache Ride Meant from the comic strip girls with slinghsots Otherwise not much ot say, I lvoe the lead actors main performance. Probably not amazing these days, but still worth remembering and preserving

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!: A fucking hard choice given the show has both a ton of great sketches and characters. I'll go with David Libe Heart on the character side, as he had so much pizzaz and i'm glad he's still around. For sketches there's tons and tons, though sexual romance is probably the tops for me. SEXUAL ROMANNNNCEE.

The show itself is comedy gold. While i'm not a huge one for dark comedy, Tim and Eric does it in the way I like: over the top, goofy and so damn dark it's funny. A prime example is this

The show fades slightly as it goes but the sheer number of great comedians tha tpass through, great jokes and talent Tim and eric found is amazing. It's a show that only gets better as time goes by with greatly analogue effects, jokes and more. It took everything they did right with their first show and amplified it.

Fat Guy Stuck in the Internet: great name, forgetable as fuck show

The Drinky Crow SHow: Didn't really like this one but I appricate it's animation style, it looks gorgeous and theme song, which slaps. Wasn't for me at the time, may be these days.

Superjail: Not sure on a faviorite character, possibly the gay couple. But the show itself is one I'm not a huge fan of due to it's mean spirt (Not to mention it's outdated if well meaning depecition of trans people in Alice) but I respect the hell out of it for it's creative animation, chaos and David Wain in the drivers seat as the warden. Love that guy. It's a series I dont' love but can easily see why so many do.

[two-white-butterflies]

★ — it was all yellow | carlos sainz

Description: After finding Carlos in bed with an internet starlet, you decided to break up with him. 5 years later, you meet him again.

Pairing: actress/singer!reader/carlos sainz

Trope: Secret Baby Trope

Disclaimer: Everything written in this fanfic holds no truth about anyone's personality or actions. It is made purely for entertainment.

A/N: I got so many requests for this typa trope and I only got the idea now. Super sorry for the 6 month delay WAHHAHA.

.

.

.

yn.ln: the vibe that we bring to the function. btw 💚 HOTDS2 is out!

liked by danielricciardo and 71,923 others

>comments

danielricciardo: Helaena Targaryen >>> - edited: Helaena Targaryen <<<

echibano82: MAN!! 😭

ynforever: the rise and fall of a midwest princess is my fav album of urs

formula.unoworld: sainz fumbled a baddie

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

because.official: Carlos and Pinon 😘❤️ #MyHeart

liked by carlossainz55 and 6,293 others

>comments

foreveryoung78: Wake up Carlos the fatherhood allegations are strong today

solonglondon: U ever heard of a boy named Pablo Sainz? 😳

bestfriendsfw: miss Because...go and tell ur mans - landofanbase: HER NAME ALWAYS TAKES ME OUT 😭 WHY IS HER STAGE NAME "BECAUSE"

.

.

.

WHO IS CARLOS SAINZ'S NEW GIRLFRIEND? BECAUSE...

Brezziana Aziza, whose stage name is Because has gained fame because of her relationship with Formula One Driver Carlos Sainz Jr. Previously known on social media as an influencer who vlogs about her daily life, netizens began to call her "Because" well because of her excessive use of that word.

Although she has stopped using that word since, the name has stuck. She is currently under fire for visiting a Shein Factory in China. For more details please click this link: Shein sent American influencers to China.

>comments

becauseunitedfanbase: she's so funny n quirky i get it why carlos loves her

breatheinlouder: if pablo does belong to sainz, brezziana broke a family up - corduroy8chan: the family broke because sainz allowed it to be broken, she's homewrecker because...? - becauseunitedfanbase: more like home renovator

.

.

.

Just an Inchident (Charles L., Max V., Lando N., Carlos S.)

Carlos Sainz holy shit guys did you see twitter

Charles Leclerc Yeah man Is it real?

Lando Norris i did some research and this kid's 6-4 yrs old there's a chance mates

Carlos Sainz how am i even supposed to ask her? it was so awkward when it ended i totally regret doing that to her but im so happy with because now

Charles Leclerc There's a fat chance that the kid is yours man

Lando Norris ask her like a civilized man dude i saw a reel where someone asked her if pablos yours

Max Verstappen Who uses reels mate? 🤣 2 reacted 🤣

Lando Norris well she avoided the question silence means yes if you aren't the father she'd answer it

Carlos Sainz maybe she wants to torture me

Charles Leclerc She's a good person man I don't think that she'll do that Plus she's above using her son for leverage

Carlos Sainz and how do you know that Charles? we haven't spoken to her in years

Max Verstappen She grabs coffee with Victoria on Tuesdays I've actually known about Pablo for a while now

Carlos Sainz 👍🏻 2 reacted 🤣

Max Verstappen 👍🏻 .

.

.

yn.ln: i want a velaryon burial #HOTDS2

liked by 93,192 others

>comments

danielricciardo: the camera quality sucks just letting you know - yn.ln: thanks! i have eyes btw

comments have been restricted.

.

.

.

yn.ln: A lot of you wanted to comment and ask questions about my son, and I never really posted about him because I'm not like those parents who use their kids on social media for likes and clout.

Five years ago, I gave birth to my first baby, Pablo L/N (09/12/18) and every day has been filled with laughter and warmth 🦋 he was not a secret, but I tried to keep his life private. Now, a lot of people feel like they have the right to know everything about him. What he looks like. Who his father is. I'm telling you that it doesn't matter.

You don't have the right to his face. You don't have the right to know about his family life because it doesn't concern you and it never will.

Thank you so much to my friends!! @danielricciardo @rileykeough #DakotaJohnson and #ChrisMartin

liked by 1,239,901 others

>comments

danielricciardo: ❤️

rileykeough: 🥺 i love you and p

victoriaverstappen: We love you! - yn.ln: thank you vic, playdate with luka and lio soon? - victoriaverstappen: Absolutely!

comments have been restricted.

.

.

.

email to destinybumgarneroffice@gmail.com (Y/N L/N publicist) from danielkirkmanhq@gmail.com

Good morning Dessie.

This is Carlos Sainz Jr's publicist, Daniel Kirkman, in light of the rumors between my client and Miss Y/N L/N we humbly request the truth about Pablo L/N's paternity in order to legally and publicly clear things up. Speaking as your old friend, these past few months have been stressful both physically and mentally. Even if there's a sliver of hope that the kid is Carlos' please update me.

Warm regards, Daniel Kirkman.

.

.

.

email to danielkirkmanhq@gmail.com (Y/N L/N publicist) from destinybumgarneroffice@gmail.com (Carlos Sainz Jr's publicist)

Good afternoon Mr. Kirkman.

I can see that the years have hardly changed you, you still have horrible email etiquette. Because we are old friends, I spoke to Y/N. Truth is, the things that I'm going to share today will ruin your client's reputation if our emails are ever leaked. Remember the fallout of 2018? We both celebrated New Years in Y/N's Santa Monica House.

Actually, New Years was the day we found out that she was pregnant. Not a doubt in our hearts that the baby was Carlos'. We were about to tell him but the moment we landed in Ibiza, she saw Carlos in bed with Brezziana. (I refuse to call her Because!! BECAUSE it is confusing and preposterous.)

I think that hiding Pablo from his father wasn't right, but I don't blame her for doing it. As for the paternity test, Y/N agreed but the team will come back to you with the legalities and such. As a 'friend' I want to tell you that the best Carlos is ever going to have is him paying child support and seeing the child once or twice a month.

Y/N has a lot of lawyers, more than we do friends. And judging by Carlos' personality, I don't think that he'll fight for his son.

Warm Regards, Destiny Bumgarner

.

.

.

email to destinybumgarneroffice@gmail.com (Y/N L/N publicist) from danielkirkmanhq@gmail.com

Good evening Destiny! What makes you think that Y/N's going to win the legalities? + I never expected you to reveal all of this via chat. You sure that I won't betray you?

.

.

.

email to danielkirkmanhq@gmail.com (Y/N L/N publicist) from destinybumgarneroffice@gmail.com (Carlos Sainz Jr's publicist)

I got dealt with the winning hand now Dan.

I know you're smart enough not to doubt me. :)

.

.

.

email to destinybumgarneroffice@gmail.com (Y/N L/N publicist) from danielkirkmanhq@gmail.com

All is fair in connections and clientele?

.

.

.

email to danielkirkmanhq@gmail.com (Y/N L/N publicist) from destinybumgarneroffice@gmail.com (Carlos Sainz Jr's publicist)

All is fair in life, Dan.

.

.

.

oliviacooke: sorry for drinking your juice hun. 📸 pablo l/n

liked by 283,192 others

>comments

yn.ln: haha thanks for carrying his bags liv

comments have been restricted.

.

.

.

There are only two things. Truth and lies.

Truth is indivisible, hence it cannot recognize itself; anyone who wants to recognize it has to be a lie.

The past that you've tried to bury has slowly began to reveal itself. Maybe it was your fault, you aren't sure...

Carlos Sainz was a horrible man. He cheated on you. He didn't apologize. He admitted that another woman made him happier. Was there something special about her? A simple internet starlet with no proper claim to fame made him feel more alive.

"You've got to face him anyways." Dakota placed a glass of wine on the coffee table. "Pablo isn't his. He doesn't even look like him." you shook your head, unable to accept the inevitable truth.

"I've read all the posts on Twitter, they don't think that I have the right to push my son away from his father. Carlos is immature, I don't think that he's even capable of being a father." you scoff, taking a sip.

Haven't you given your son everything that he needed? An iPad, a big house, private education, and vacations in all the nice places.

"Two wrongs don't make a right." Destiny breathed.

"- from what Kirkman says, Carlos has changed. I don't encourage you to be romantic partners or even best friends, but please be civil for Pablo. Please let him have a civil relationship with his father." she added. "I hate it when you're right." you looked away.

You've seen his posts. You've seen his interviews.

There wasn't a bone in his body that screamed mischievousness anymore. He looked tame. Happier.

He achieved all of that without you, and maybe you could be that too.

You can be everything without him too.

"So you'll talk to him?" Dakota asked.

"I'll give it a try." I relented.

.

.

.

Look at the stars.

Look how they shine for you.

The music played in the background as you sashayed your way into the VIP section of your friend's restaurant. Destiny was an angel enough to close shop and ensure that your privacy was protected especially in these vulnerable moments.

A sigh escapes your mouth, hearing that song in the background. As much as you adored Chris Martin, this song was getting in your feels.

You take a sharp turn, halting once you see his figure.

The very same man that shattered your world in Ibiza. The very same man that looked you in the eyes while he admitted that someone else made him much much happier than you, his fiancee.

And it was called Yellow.

"Thank you so much for being here, Y/N." your name sounded soft on his lips. Behind his brown eyes, there was sorrow - not to be confused with regret because he looked better than he ever was. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" you chuckled.

While nothing about you has changed.

Carlos has changed drastically.

"Destiny told me about the emails. Your team wanted a paternity test, right? You don't need it, Pablo is yours." you decided to be straightforward, not bothering to sugarcoat the truth.

You could feel that bitterness on your throat, like tears were threatening to spill out of your eyes, like you just swallowed a pill and forgot to drank water afterwards.

"Uhh - I found out on New Years day, and I wanted to tell you in Ibiza." you didn't bother to continue the story. He knows what you mean.

For you I'd bleed myself dry.

"I'm sorry, really sorry for not being a man. I know that we were about to get married, and I got scared. I was 24 years old, everyone was telling me that I had another life ahead of me. I was young. I wanted to ruin my life. I-I shouldn't have brought you with me." he apologized, trying to find the words that could articulate his feelings.

This was all that you needed from him.

An apology.

"When Destiny found out, she grabbed me by the ear. Told me that I could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve you. I believe her, and I want to do everything to make it up to you and Pablo." he promised, but there were still words unsaid - the turn of his brows telling you that he wasn't willing to return back to normal.

That he still loves Because more than he's ever loved you.

"Do you love her?" you smiled bitterly. Your smile.

Look how they shine for you.

"I betrayed both of you that night. She didn't know that we were dating. She didn't know who I was. I apologized to her and she forgave me, but I realized a few years after that I should've apologized to you too." he admitted. "- I love her, really."

You knew that he wasn't lying.

.

.

.

destinybumgarner: this is the PINK PONY CLUB

liked by 712 others

>comments

yn.ln: WAHAHAH IM JUST HAVING FUN

danielkirkman: crowns c / o pablo the prince

.

.

.

part two

A/N What driver or actor should we pair reader with? 😭 comment to get tagged

[slowsonic69]

I'm not in love...

Benjamin Poindexter x Mean!f!reader

Synopsis: Dex get's obsessed with a fellow FBI agent who seems to always be up to no good. Author's note: I don't know what this is, but it's here. The lack of Dex fics is making me go crazy and thus I end up writting this. Warnings: Smut(?), Masturbation, they both awfull, I do not condone anything the reader is doing/saying, English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes. No use of Y/N. She/her reader. Also I know nothing about FBI, only what the internet says so...bare with me...

Words: 5k

He doesn’t remember when it had started really. The shift from Julie to her. It had flipped like the flick of a switch. Blinding light reshaped into complete darkness.

She wasn’t kind like Julie had been, patient and sincere in her warmth. She didn’t care much about how other’s felt around her. Didn’t run to their aid when they faltered. Didn’t compliment her colleagues when they did good. Didn’t pity laugh when the joke wasn’t funny.

She was crude with her words and harsh in her judgement. Walked with square shoulders and a lifted chin through the halls of the office. Her steps loud and proud even while deafened by the carpeted floors.

Her outspoken attitude led to frequent disputes with the guys over at the coffee machine, who’s arrogance matched her own. Answering their jabs with unflattering descriptions of her nights with their mothers. Poking at their insecurities like a seasoned surgeon on an operating table.

She would steal people’s lunches in the shared fridge on the days she had been too lazy to make her own. When people started complaining about their missing food she blamed Steve Fat Hudson (as she so kindly called him).

Even going as far as planting the half eaten lunches she had disliked into Hudson’s desk whenever his back was turned. Well hidden between the disorganized files and office supplies that Steve half-mindedly threw into his drawers.

It didn’t take long for people to noticed the smell of rot coming from his cubicle. And even shorter after that for them to socially outcast him, and call him Fat Steve to his face.

It had unfolded so perfectly in front of her, only mere feet's from her own desk. Spectating the scene with an unforgiving glint in her eyes, one that only Dex had spotted. After, she’d laugh at every joke at Steve’s expense, enforcing them even more by making pig noises whenever he passed her in the halls. It was cruel, he knew, childish even.

Yet Dex stayed silent, an unknown accomplice to her malice. He had noticed every single of her mischievous endeavor. How they always started as something random, a fleeting though that inexplicably stuck. Fat Steve, Slutty Samantha from the front hall and drunk gamble addict Peter who worked in forensic. A few of her ever growing list of victims.

By now he recognized it when the ideas landed. Her face would light up for a mere second, anyone would easily miss it if you weren’t paying attention like Dex was. Her canine would bite upon her plush lips, harsh white on pink, a ghost of grin growing ever so lightly behind it. Ready to bite at the bait laid bare before her.

Then, when gossips and manipulation weren’t enough, came the broken electrics. The sputtering coffee machine who left third degree burns, the printer that only printed out compromising pictures of a variety of colleagues. The smashed in vending machine, only one danglingly pack of peanuts left inside of it. Crimes left unpunished, even when surrounded by dozens of FBI agents.

She was a convincing devil, always an alibi at hand. A convenient witness, a contradicting proof that shows that it could not have been possibly her. But the higher ups knew or at least had a hunch that it was her. A cryptic feeling that came from years of dealing with the worst of crimes, and most cunning of criminals. They knew when someone was guilty. But sometimes you just couldn’t prove it and had to move on.

Therefore they shrugged at her demeanor. Reasoning she wouldn’t last long in the bureau anyway, so might as well laugh at it or ignore it completely. Their burdens and cases heavier on their shoulders then her gossiping or bitchy personality.

But she lasted, longer then most have betted.

Because at the end of the day, in between her casual cruelty, she was a damn good FBI agent. Efficient and fast-minded on the field, she never came back from a mission without receiving a pat on the back from Hattley.

She solved cases left and right. Meticulously writing them up and always handing them on time, no one could discredit her place in the bureau. As much as everyone wanted her gone. Or dead, depending on who you asked.

Dex continued to watch from the sidelines, perplexed and perhaps even drawn to her ways. She was so unashamedly herself. Even if it meant she ended up eating alone every evening, watching random show’s on her tablet. Even if it meant she had an empty contact list on her personal phone. That the rumors that she started were nothing compared to what others said of her.

She shrugged it all off, barely noticing how people immediately sighed and groaned when she entered a room. She never budged or adapted to others, instead forcing them to endure her for however long they had to work with her.

He hated her for it, hopelessly and obsessively waiting for the day she’ll be caught. The day she would be humbled and change herself for others. For the loneliness to eat her alive and make her fumble into submission. For her to crawl and beg for anyone to like her, love her as she is.

Dex lingered at the edges of her life, with the patience of a saint, so he’ll be the first to see her morph into an unhinged animal. Gnawing at it’s cage for redemption. He waited, with batted breath for her to turn into him.

Because she had to. Because if she didn’t, it meant that everything he had done, everything he had sacrificed would have been for nothing. That he had suffered for nothing.

Changing skin every time he stepped out the door for the mere price of being seen as normal — stable. While she paraded her vices like a trophy and went back home with the same life as him. The only damning difference being that she was content with it.

It made Dex’s head spin, especially while watching her through his monocular as she snickered at her phone. Like a well trained agent, he followed her offline and online activities closely. So he knew exactly what she was laughing at, or more accurately; whom.

Laying comfortably on her couch, a glass of red wine in hand, she was reading up on all the responses to her hate comment under a fitness influencer’s instagram post. Complaining about his mental health, on how much pressure he had felt making videos or content in general.

Her response to his post had been short, but poignant; Then Kys, pussy.

Immediately after she had been flooded with long essays about her inappropriate behavior. Accused of perpetuating the harmful pressure on men to not talk about their feelings. But even the most holiest of angel could not dissuade her from her path of chaos. On the contrary, it amused her to see them try.

Dex rolled his eyes at her means of entertainment, but didn’t look away either.

It irritated him to no end that she was satisfied doing all these meaningless bullshit while he couldn’t even fathom putting his cups away in the wrong order. And she ended up the happier one of the two.

God, he loathed her. Just like everyone who ever met her.

So why did his heart flutter when approached by her at the coffee machine on a random Tuesday?

The office had been mostly empty that day. A heavy sigh stagnated between the overworked bodies and humming computers, the heat of summer slowing down their movements. Phones ringing here and there, it seemed even crime had slowed down from the heat.

Most were catching up on paperwork, only the ticking of their keyboard filling up the silence. Others were suspended from being on the field and so ended up doing the same. Dex had been one of them. And so was she.

She walked up to him with the same confidence that a man in his midlife crisis would have after buying a Lambo above his budget. It was comically over the top. She didn’t walk but stomped to him. Her shoulders swinging with each step, hands tucked in her trousers pocket. Her canine visible behind her badly hidden grin.

“Damn, you’re stuck here too?” She started, leaning her back against the wall next to the coffee machine. Observing his movements like a shark looking for blood.

“Yeah.” He breathed out, sipping from the crappy office coffee. Worried for a moment that she had broken the machine once more and came to see him get burned. Dex stepped back from it just in case, keeping his face stoic. He didn’t want to give her anything. Not a tick of his jaw or the shuffling of his feet. He must stay neutral — boring.

“Sure feels like a shitty day to stay inside.” She continued, he was sure she hadn’t even registered his response and simply continued on to perform her planned monologue.

“It’s just isn’t fair isn’t it? To punish agents for simply doing their jobs.” She pushed herself off the wall, kicking an invisible stone on the ground like a grounded child. Well, in a way she was. Dex silently agreed with her statement though but didn’t show any sing of doing so. Simply continued to stare as she turned dramatically with a woosh back to him.

“It’s my first trespass. Shoot out gone wrong” She eyed him up and down. “I’m sure you know the drill after, what, your fifth suspension?”

It had been out of his control, a visceral reaction to her words. His eyebrows creased into a deep frown. His mouth opened half agape ready to retort before he saw the glint grow brighter in her eyes. Shit. He caught the bait.

Dex pressed his lips tightly back together before he could regret coming to work today. In return she shot him a smile, shark teeth in full display.

“I didn’t mean it as a jab, just…you’re experienced, right? What do you do on a day like this?” She stepped closer, hunching down slightly, Her eyelashes fluttering. Surely hoping to come across as unharmful, lost and in need of guidance. Dex knew better. Knew her better.

He shrugged, “Ask Hattley, I’m sure she’ll be glad to help you.” He finished the sentence with a tight smile and a nod. His feet dragging him forward and past her. Eager to escape whatever plan she was hatching up, so he could concentrate on lowering his pounding heart and the tingle of something creeping up his spine. A sentiment he couldn’t place.

But of course, she wasn’t one to give up so easily. She followed him to his desk.

“I can’t ask Hattley, she’s mad and would just bark at me to get out her office.” She finished with an exhausted huff and made herself comfortable against the side of his desk. Dex watched her do it, her hips pushing his penholder slightly to the left. With flared nostrils he put it back to its place, an inch more to the right. Her grin broadened when she noticed.

“I don’t know how to help you, but I’m sure you’ll figure something out. On your own, like a grown adult.” He snapped back, the tingle in his back increasing with each of her predotary smiles.

She chuckled, picking up the neatly placed fountain pen on his desk. Turning it around between her fingers, her smile never faltering. She was clearly getting exactly what she wanted out of him.

“You sound like Hattley. I’m only asking for guidance, you know.” She flipped the pen in the air, and caught it back with her other hand. Repeating the motion until Dex had enough. Catching it mid-air he placed it firmly back where it should have stayed, 3 inches from his writing mat.

“I have work to do, so…go bother someone else.” He squeezed trough clenched teeth. She tilted her head.

“That’s not true. You finished all your reports yesterday.”

The tingle up his spine intensified. “How do you know that?”

She leaned forward, lowering her voice. This close he could smell her perfume, (Florabloom Forte from Guerlain Paris, he had noticed it in her bathroom closet). It reminded him of spring, when the trees grew greener and the air caressed his skin instead of biting on it. The perfumes tones mixed with her natural odor almost made his eyes flutter shut, forgetting for a moment how annoyed he was from her presence.

Unfortunately, the creaking of the desk as she leaned closer stripped him out of that short sweet daze. “You’re not the only one who’s observant.”

“What?” His whole body straightened, fully back on guard.

When she chuckled, warm breath hit his cheek. Accompanied with the scent of the strawberry mints she sparsely ate throughout the day. As sweet as it was it, this time it couldn’t distract him from the fact that she was mocking him. Sitting on his desk like she owned it, disorganizing his whole setup.

Her overwhelming presence and insinuations inciting the tingling to grow even stronger, threatening to reach the back of his skull.

“You don’t think I wouldn’t recognize your car outside my apparte-” Dex didn’t let her finish, not in the middle of the office like this. He grabbed her arm, pulling at her black blazer and pushing himself back on his feet. Towering over her, he eyed the rest of their colleagues. But no one was paying them no mind, too entranced in their own melting misery.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His voice strained inside his throat, prompting him to croak out his words. The faintest start of a buzz tickling the inside of his skull, taunting him to implode further.

She winced as his grip tightened but didn’t wiggle or fight her way out of it. Instead she placed her hand on his, the sudden added warmth making him suck in a breath.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. In fact…” She looked around as well, more for the dramatics then out necessity. “I kind of dig it.”

He frowned, frozen in place. “What?”

“I said I liked it.” It was with ease that she peeled his stiff fingers off her arm. The shock of her revelation making his body compliant to her touch.

He simply stood there for a second, dumbfounded. Whatever outcome he had expected, it hadn’t been that one. Then again, she was a special kind of person. Completely out of the box, and undeniably attracted to danger and everything forbidden. What else could he have expected then this?

“It’s not what you think.” That’s all he managed to say. Because it wasn’t. She made it sound perverse, like he was some kind of creep stealing her underwear.

“Let’s talk about this somewhere else?” Some attention started to turn towards them which made an added ounce of sweat join his already damp forehead.

Licking her lips she nodded. “Sure, pretty boy.”

“Don’t call me that.”

He led her to one of the underused utility room close to the bathrooms. It was a narrow space, but big enough to fit two bodies. And most importantly, it would be private.

Now chest to chest, the small room encapsulated their warmth in some sort of makeshift sauna. Dex felt drops of sweat tickling down his neck, her keen eyes not helping with the matter. Close once more, her sweet perfume enveloped him. Somewhat calming down his nerves.

“Well, you wanted to talk?” She drawled out her words, taking sadistic pleasure in his discomfort. “Or, we can cut the bullshit and just…you know, do it?”

He tilted his head. “Do…what?”

“oh come on, you know what I mean...” She hit his arm playfully. It must have been an attempt at easing the air, an offer of partnership in whatever she was insinuating. With no response from Dex her face contorted into disbelief, finishing it off with an exasperated sigh as he remained lost.

She raised her eyebrows like an elementary teacher would while explaining something obvious to the dumb kid. Lifting her hands in front of him she passed her right index finger multiple times through the hoop her left hand formed.

It dawned on him like a bucket of ice. Sex. She was talking about sex.

Dex stiffened into place, the already small room shrinking even further around him. Suddenly their current placements felt completely inappropriate. Her chest only inches away from his, he could nearly feel her dress shirt shifting against his. The glint in her eyes, her whispers, her attention — it all had corrupted into something more then just her search for mischief. And all shifted into place right in front of him.

He couldn’t stop the blush from reaching his cheeks. “No. I- No, that isn’t-” clearing his throat he reaffirmed his voice. “It’s not what this is.”

“Wait, so you weren’t planning to fuck me?”

As always, crude with her words. He clicked his tongue. “No.”

For a second she just looked at him, in complete shock. Clearly not expecting that answer.

“Then why the hell are you stalking me? Just for shit and giggles?” She barked, raising her voice.

Dex shushed her down, but that seem to do the opposite effect. “Don’t fucking shush me!”

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but please keep you voice down. I’ll explain, I swear.”

She rubbed her face, the heat finally getting to her as her skin reddened. She restrained. The edges of her anger grew duller, its blade halted. For now.

She nodded for him to continue. “Better be good.”

He took a breath, trying to form a coherent reason why he indeed had followed her around. As much as he had wanted to explain to her why, he realized he didn’t really know himself.

Morbid curiosity? Hatred turned to obsession? The need to understand her? To become like her? To survey her?

He had acted before thinking, impulse always taking over when it came down to it. Lost in the rhythm of her life, her schedule, her habits.

He hadn’t even stopped to think on why he had given up on Julie for one of earth’s many scums.

“You intrigued me.” Is what he landed on. Although it was short, and simply not enough to explain the wide range of emotions he felt whenever he simply thought of her, it was a start. An opening into a plausible cause of his overwhelming interest.

The utility room fell silent, only their labored breath filling the dense tension. The smell of his sweat overwhelming her sweet perfume. He hoped it didn’t disgust her. He hoped he didn’t disgust her. The mere thought made him twitch.

He thought he hated her, wanted her punished for what she was. But now faced with her complete attention, it dawned on him that he didn’t want any of that. He couldn’t even deny the small ounce of pride he felt as she had wanted to give herself to him, right here and now. Not despite his flaw, but because of it.

In the whole 9 months he had been surveying her, he had never seen her with another man. Romantic nor platonic. The notion quirked up an involuntary smirk. She had really wanted him, just like that.

The echo of her laugh reverberated in the ever shrinking closet, causing him to look back up, not having even realized he had inclined his head in the first place.

“You’re a weird motherfucker.” Another chuckle, although she didn’t sound amused. His heart dropped.

“Good lord, if it weren’t for your pretty face I would have already punched you into a coma. But wouldn’t want to ruin your only redeeming quality, right?”

Watching her cruelty from afar and being the target of it was two very different things. When distanced from it it mildly annoyed him, like a lone small rock inside your shoe, uncomfortably digging into your sole.

Now confronted by it, the rock grew ten fold and split his skin open until blood poured freely out of it. She had given him an ounce of what he craved, and immediately snatched it out of his hand. He knew that what she had just said was nothing compared to what she’d done to others. And yet he couldn’t shake the need to hurt her back.

“Well at least I got something going on for myself. Couldn’t say the same for you, the office’s whiny bitch. ” He retorted, the crudeness feeling strange on his tongue. But he didn’t mind the taste.

She cocked her head to the side, staring as if seeing him for the first time. It wasn’t disgust, to his relief, but something else. Something deeper, a reaction she won’t give away freely. Not without a fight.

With one step forward their chest collided, adding on warmth to the already simmering utility room. If there had been windows, they would have completely fogged up by now. She was a few inches smaller, but it still felt like she towered over him.

“Brave little stalker. With your particular antiques I could end your career just like that.” She snapped her fingers as emphasis, always up to overdoing her dramatics. “And your carreer will end up dead and buried, right next to your parent’s caskets.”

His face dropped and before he could stop himself, his hands flew at her collar. Gripping at it while pushing her against the wall behind her.

“Not before I end yours.” He promised, now nose to nose with her. His spine rigid as a metal rod, the feeling from before still pressuring against the back of his skull. Like bolts of electricity turning into warm pooling blood. He wanted to vomit from it’s pressure.

Another one of her mocking chuckle filled his ears. He was growing tired of them.

“With what exactly? Because from last I heard, being a whiny bitch doesn’t get you fired. But stalking someone is a felony. I could press charges, and whine some more at the court stand. Cry my bitch eyes out until you end up right where you belong, you freak.”

She pushed hard against his chest before he could even register what she had said. His back hitting the wall behind with a loud thud, making him groan in pain.

The door of the utility room flew opened, airing out the sweat and the spitted out insults. With her hand still on the handle of the door, she turned, one mean look on her face.

“Stay away from me, asshole.” She said like a dare. Challenging him into a game he didn’t know the rules of yet.

He should have followed her, threatened her into silence for even thinking of getting him fired. Hell, he should put a bullet inside that thick skull of her and make her shut up for good.

But he didn’t, instead he leaned further against the wall. His hand resting on his chest where she had pushed him minutes ago. Through skin and muscle he felt his heart beat a thousand miles an hour.

The tingles from earlier finally breaching through the thick layers of the wall he had built around his mind.

As it collapsed the corners of his lips lifted into a full smile. The same one he wore the day he had won his first baseball match and his team had lifted him up in the air. Cheering his name instead of spitting it out.

The same smile he shamed himself into forgetting when he aimed at the birds in the tree in front of the orphanage’s window. Watching them fall flat onto the grass bellow, their thin wings twitching one last time.

It was all consuming, akin to a wave crashing into him, engulfing him completely. Like the floral smell of her perfume. The sharp predatory canine behind her pink lips. The harsh rolls of her tongue as she threatened him, Pushing him to be his true self.

He wanted to show her more. What he could do, what he wanted to do but stopped himself from doing everyday. And he will.

It didn’t take long before her talent for gossip worked throughout the office. For days now, weird looks and whispered followed wherever he went. It felt like walking through the halls of the orphanage again, head down and desperately confused on why no one liked him.

He shook it off, because he had to. Because he will not let her win at this game she forced him to play. But he couldn’t deny that she was pulling at a string he was sure she hadn’t even known was there. Alienating him even more the he already was. It wasn’t difficult for people to believe the strangest things about him then.

The story that she had concocted was that Dex had assaulted an ex-coworker into a coma back at his old job. At least that was what Ray had told him.

“I didn’t do that, I would never do that…” He pleaded with his partner, the only one still willing to talk to him. Ray reassured him that he believed him. Still, there was a hesitation in his looks, a lingering ‘what if’ written in his frowns*. She was making him paranoid.*

Work had always been a safe heaven of order for him. Predictable after years of cases and missions. With one whisper she had grumbled it all down to the ground, leaving him to pick up the pieces.

Dex’s head spined further and further into an agonizing buzz as the days went on. Not once catching sight of her. It was almost like she had evaporated from the surface of the earth completely. Ray affirmed him that he had seen her around the office, so it wasn’t as if she was missing. Some days he went and waited next to her desk, hands on his hips. Gnawing at his lips until they bled. She never appeared. Always ‘On a mission., at least that what he was told.

From that point on her saw her everywhere.

From the weirdly human shape coat rack in in the corner of the office to similarly looking strangers on the street. Even the shadow of the breaker box the at the end of the hall of his building had suddenly taken her form. The brown bubbles of his decaf winked at him like her. The fountain pen she had played with staring him down, mockingly. Traces of her fingerprints still present on the barrel.

Driven thin, he discarded her warning of staying away from her even further and went to park in front of her appartement. The same spot he always used, with the best view to her windows. The lights were out. The curtains pulled. He never saw her come in or out that night.

It was driving him mad, no one can just disappear like that. She had to be somewhere, hiding just at the edges of his vision.

With each passing day he couldn’t see her he was left to resolve the frustration with imagination. Fantasizing about what she was possibly doing. Perhaps her dishes or going for a walk a cigarette dangling form her lips. Pursuing the bad guy she was currently investigating, placing the photographs of the murder scenes on her desk. Those sparkling eyes toning down into deep focus.

But the most recurring thoughts were the flashes of her heated stares in the utility. They ran frantic at the forefront of his mind, making him squirm in his bed at night.

The feeling of her clothed chest moving against his, her floral perfume and her even sweeter sweat filling his every pore. He could have had her then, taste the strawberry mint on her tongue. Mingle his sweat with her own, his tongue tracing her racing pulse underneath the flesh of her arched neck. His hands mercilessly groping at her clothed breasts.

She had turned him into a pervert.

Even as a teenager he hadn’t fantasized this way. Left so pathetically aroused in his bed it had felt almost painful. Hopelessly grinding against his mattress like animal in heat, hoping to alleviate his growing needs. Unsurprisingly, it worsened it. He couldn’t ignore it for long, with fast hands he freed his member, pre-cum already leaking from it. He sighed in relief, like a weight had been lifted from his chest.

Through half lidded eyes, he stroked it slowly. Up and down, feeling the velvet skin stretch with each thrust. The pronounced veins pulsating with pleasure. A broken moan escaped him involuntarily as images of her haunted his release.

“Gross little freak. All this for me?” She would taunt him, that god awful grin of hers sharpening with each of his groans. And he liked it. All her attention on him, even when knowing what he was. Not looking away but praising it. Because she must be as fucked as him, to do what she does.

His strokes grew faster, more hasty.

She’d brush the hairs away who stuck at his sweat-packed forehead. Her touch soft and caring, like a lover would. She’d be kind to him, only him. For they both know how it is to be alone. Rejected for being different. But they had each other now. She’d lean down, frustratingly slow, and rest her lips on his. Gentle, like a confession. Deepening it into a promise.

“I’d never leave you. I need you, Dex.”

Strands of cum spurted out past his hand and onto his naked stomach. His orgasm so strong and sudden, he almost forgotten how to breath properly. It had been while since he had had a climax that strong. This intoxicatingly bittersweet.

The aftermath was the bitter part. Cleaning himself up witch shaky hands (he hated the stickiness on his skin, the bleach smell filling up his senses), reality creeping up on him. He was still alone in his bedroom, his appartement, his life.

Shame and anger, intermingling and tightening into his core. He felt dirty, he felt pathetic. But the hope of seeing her again, and show her he was capable of what she wanted of him kept him going.

To show her she was not alone in her cruelness, that he could be way worse.

She would embrace it, Dex was convinced. She had to or he’ll kill her.

[chiptrillino]

Hi, I love your art sm! I have a question about your process; how do you get references for your art? Are you at the point where u don’t need them, or do u have a go to website? Or take photos yourself?

thank you! I explained my process a bit here in this ask LINK depending on the time and energy, i am pretty much at the point where i can figure out some poses by memory alone. but i need one first very crude sketch in order to like to have visuals about what i like to do? or how to pose the body. So: step 1. Crude sketch step 2. Redraw it properly (sometimes i can right away use the sketch for coloring) step 3. Proper line art for coloring (examples below)

(ID in ALT text)

i don't spend much time combing through the internet till i find the one pose i would like to draw now. i just start to doodle. see something i like. and then refine it. i look up images if i have trouble with some anatomy or i need some help with colors and pattern. but its then things like... "toothy smiles" "male torso with belly fat" "guy stretching nude" "long hair in water" "human skeleton with muscle" "underwater photoshoot" check out how it more or less works and then adapt it to the drawing i am working on. i have been drawing for over 15 years now. i have build up a bit of a visual library, and have reached the point that sometimes i see artworks and know which pinterest image was used as a reference because people stuck to only one photo of a model and basically redrew the original just with some refinement. nothing wrong with that just not something i do or at least avoid doing.

[alphajocklover]

So I’m at my best friend’s house and something weird happened. He just told me how much he knew I love muscular guys with strong facial hair and said he had a really early birthday gift. He took a selfie then took a picture of me and now, I feel all weird and foggy in my head. I think I can see his big fat…dick through his briefs. I rubbed my face and, do I have mutton chops growing in? I just, please help me I’m not sure what’s going on, I don’t think I like it

First off, I’d like to wish you a happy early birthday! Turning 22 isn’t the most exciting thing ever, certainly not as fun as turning 21, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it! And before you correct me and say that it's not your actual birthday yet, or that’s you’re not turning 22, let me just say this: give it a moment.

You feel that tingling across your body? The strange sensation that’s like a sunburn that somehow underneath got underneath your skin, or static electricity dancing across your muscles. That’s the app your friend downloaded doing its job. I’ve talked before about InstaJock, the app that turns people who use it into a jock, and how there seem to be people making knockoffs of it as well, but as the app has grown in popularity, some of the knockoffs have gained traction too. I’d even venture to call a few of them legitimate competitors. Most have done so by finding a gimmick and carving themselves out a place in the digital tf world. Fratbook, for example, is an app that works a lot like this InstaJock, except every more of a frat boy lean. SnapBack does internet fuckboys, Redsky does conservative men, etcetera. There are even some more far out ones, like Polygraph, which is kind of like Twitter (or X or whatever) except everything you post becomes true. But I’m getting way off track, we should get back to you.

I can’t be entirely sure what app your friend used on you, but I doubt the specifics matter anymore. By this point the burning in your muscles and the itch of hair growing across your face and body is unbearable, but it doesn’t remotely compare to the dull warmth that's spread through your head. You said that you didn’t think you liked the change at first, but right now it’s hard to think at all, especially with your friend's fat dick swinging in your face. You weren’t sure when he took out his cock, or when you got on your knees, but as the heat in your muscles calmed to a dull throb, and your new thick black hair has settled across your body, you find yourself just going with the flow. Why wouldn’t you bro? Everything just feels so fucking good!

Now I have good news, better news, and even better news! The good news is that whatever your friend has done is probably temporary. It was a gift after all, and he also transformed himself, so you’re probably both going to just enjoy being hairy hunks for a while. The better news is that you probably have a boyfriend now, if that's what you want. Your friend probably knew you would hook up, and this might have been your way of seeing if you’re also into him, while living out his fantasy. The better news is that, if you want, it doesn’t have to be temporary. Once you’ve turned back to normal, and you and your ‘best friend’ have had a little talk, reach out. If you guys want to spend more time in your dumb, beefy, hair forms, I might be able to help. ---------- Hey guys! So, I know most people skip over the little out of character updates I sometimes put at the bottom of my stories, but I'm hoping you guys take a second to look at this one because I have a bit of an announcement. I realized yesterday that on February 17th, in just five days, this blog will be a year old! I know I'm only just getting back into doing this, but I'm so proud that I've actually stuck with this for a full year! So I want to celebrate! So, I'm going to be temporarily reopening my ask for...

An Alphaversary QNA!

What makes this QNA special is that you won't just be asking me questions. You can ask a question to me, my character, or any of the characters I've written about in any of my stories! The answers will probably be shorter than my usual work, but will give you guys the chance to ask about anything thats confused you, dig deeper into the world building, or even check up on a character or concept that you're curious about. This will go until February 24th, the day I posted my first original story! Don't be afraid to ask away! Thanks for coming on this journey with me you guys! I can't wait for another badass year!

[hyperlexichypatia]

I feel like the mainstream opinion of feminist culture in my adult life has gone through four stages about makeup, but is, for some reason that's very distressing to me personally, stuck on stage 3 about force-feeding.

We went through:

We're all taught that women should wear makeup to make themselves attractive to men.

Women shouldn't have to wear makeup to make themselves attractive to men!

It's feminist praxis for a man to forbid his wife/girlfriend/daughter from wearing makeup. That's how he shows he's a good guy who cares about women. Look at this hero male feminist ally who threw away his wife's makeup collection while she was asleep and wrote "You're beautiful just the way you are" across the bathroom mirror! What a stand-up guy!

... hey... wait a minute... wait... that's not feminist! That's just a man telling a woman what to do with her body!

I was around in the '00s/'10s. I saw this all play out.

And now we're at:

We're all taught that women should eat as little as possible in order to be as skinny as possible to make themselves attractive to men.

Women shouldn't have to eat as little as possible in order to be as skinny as possible to make themselves attractive to men!

It's feminist praxis for a man to bully and insult a woman for not eating (what he considers) enough. It's sweet and wholesome when he threatens to physically overpower her. He absolutely shouldn't respect her "no," which she obviously doesn't mean. Look at this hero male feminist who shoved unwanted food at his date and threatened to sit on her to make her eat it! What a stand-up guy!

Well? When are we getting to Step 4, Feminist Internet Culture? Can it please be soon? Please?? Can we just skip to the part where we stop praising the "feminist praxis" of how school bullies treated every autistic kid?

I am an autistic ARFIDite with less than zero tolerance for food pressure. I will cut you off for a "Come on, just try it, you'll like it!" If someone actually pulled an "I said eat, bitch" or threatened to sit on me, I'm getting a fucking restraining order. Absolutely not. Fuck no.

"Ohhhh your thin privilege--" I'm fat, asshole. I'm "limited in the medical providers who'll see me" fat. This isn't about size. This is about "no" meaning fucking no. I'm not ordering the plain salad because I'm "on a diet," I'm ordering it because every other food item on this menu is a sensory nightmare and my consenting to come to this restaurant at all is me meeting you halfway. But even if I were doing some kind of intentional weight loss thing, that would still be, medically speaking, none of your fucking business.

Overriding someone's food choices isn't cute, it isn't funny, it isn't romantic, and it sure as fuck isn't feminist.

[adultswimshowspoll]

loser’s bracket round 2.5

please reblog after voting

[adultswim2021]

Fat Guy Stuck in Internet #5: “Eating with the Goddess” | July 14, 2008 - 12:15AM | S01E05

It’s so fucking hot today. I’m trying to go the whole summer without plugging in my portable air conditioner. It could be worse. But: just know I was going to call this blog off because of the heat. Okay? Okay.

I think I’ve mentioned this elsewhere, but I believe this entire show had a series of video commentaries on adultswim.com, which went with every single episode. I turned my nose up at them at the time, but man, would I love to have them now. There is so little about this show online. Even the IMDB page for it is all fucked up. 

This one is about Gemberling and Chains, stranded and on the brink of starvation, telling their life stories to one another. Gemberling’s is basically a parody of Dirty Dancing, with other cast members playing different roles. It’s Dirty Dancing, but instead of dancing it’s computing. Gemberling has a sexually-charged teaching session with Toddler, an obvious parody of Baby. The thing is the name Toddler was so gloriously stupid on it’s own that I laughed really hard at it, then I realized there was an actual reference behind it and it spoiled the humor for me. 

The second story is Chains’, and It’s a parody of Teen Wolf but he’s a dracula instead of a werewolf. Both flashbacks are done in this expressionistic style that’s sorta fun. Liz Cackowski and Neil Casey are the MVPs of the series, they actually manage to commit to the campiness in a good way. Those other two though, yeesh! I mean, they have their moments. Did I mention it’s hot? My computer just said RECORD HIGH, and you gotta respect that.

MAIL BAG

hey you're doing a great job

Hey thank YOU!!!

Yes the kangaroo dressed as space ghost can and will do the monologue from the end of banjo…don’t ask how it will speak English

That's great. To speak with one of those things would be a dream come true, even if he (or she! OR THEY) were mocking me while crane-kicking my jugular vein out of my body. "Death to sick puppies" it would probably say, before making me go kablooey. It's the best way to go out. Much better than dying of extreme heat in your bedroom because you didn't feel like plugging in a portable air conditioner. And setting up the window panel thing and stuff. Yeah.

[thatmittengirl2009]

Just gonna say this: even when he said he loved “Jenny’s use of words” that wasn’t much better. That’s not romantic.

If you truly love someone, you’d say you love their heart, their kindness, their compassion. Not “yOu gOoD wItH tHeM tHeRe wOrDs.”

Any fan who read that as true love and a compliment needs to reevaluate their lives. That was a man stuck having to say something “nice” because all she did was openly blab about him nonstop so he’d be a bigger dick if he said nothing at all.

I still say that relationship was PR. Look at how both benefited. She wasn’t a known actress at all. Suddenly she was getting big Disney voiceover work, a comedy tour, a book….they also had “engagement” rumors nonstop. Your first public appearance together requires your entire family to be there? At which he barely dressed up while she was dolled up? At her event? Again solidifying the momma boy image. You can do things as a couple without your entire family in tow. It screams I can’t do anything alone either just like fish. Which by the way, Carly can’t say shit about her son being involved in this whole charade. She’s allowed him to use her kids for ages to solidify his “good guy” image. He’s shown so many videos of the kids (when they were way younger) on national television and no one blinked. So his family can’t get pissed about being “dragged” into this when they willingly always went along with everything for years as long as they benefited positively. Carly let her kids onto red carpets to get photographed many times and suddenly now it’s an issue?

And he barely also ever showed affection to Jenny too. Yes they were spotted together. Were they ever holding hands though? No. And if that was real, he ain’t a PDA guy and looked like he was miserable with her half the time too. So basically yeah he’s an alone guy who hates relationships. Because fyi Christopher, girls LOVE affection in relationships and i don’t know a girl who is not clingy to some degree when she loves someone. If you want that, you gotta get used to it.

So using Jenny as comparison is a reach peeps. He didn’t treat her any better. She also had problematic stuff that had to be scrubbed off the internet I should add like homophobic tweets and fat shaming. But sure he was so in love with her. They also had a movie…an indie movie…to sell they were both in. Read the fucking room miss “I KnOw eVeRyThInG aBoUt PR!” She can’t even detect sarcasm without asking an AI bot for proof. Yet she yells at others to read body language. Maybe she needs a class herself.

And don’t get me started on Minka who is a known beard and professional PR girl. They released an article on her dating history a couple months ago and the time frames and my mom read it yelling aloud “omg what a fucking slut! She’s a walking STD flag.” Why do you think she’s the queen of pap walks? And just think about the timeframe they dated as Disney took over Marvel….what a way to clean up the fuck boy and party boy days by making him be in a stable relationship and help her while being drunk constantly. Was there PDA? Sure she was hot. He was a young horn dog who apparently liked to fuck anything so it worked probably easier to sell. And know who helped sell that too? Good ol Scotty boy and Teera who had all their online pictures and status’ public with her. The girl who talks like a fricken baby I might add and tries to sound intelligent but there’s not much substance there. Why his family follows and comments nonstop on her stuff is beyond me because that looks horrible regardless if he’s married for real or not. Any potential real partner is gonna question that like oh so your family doesn’t respect you and does not have boundaries…noted.

All I’m saying is yes this is another PR stunt but his entire career was perfectly crafted and created by the same PR team that should leave people skeptical AF. I don’t think he’s a bad guy but I don’t think for one second he’s this perfect, family guy, who is the true heroic voice of patriotism or whatever. He typed stuff online. That’s far different than being an actual activist and being in the streets with commoners fighting for their rights. The image they created went along with his decade long marvel contract and his PR team leaned on that image to sell as himself and guess what? It worked! Y’all bought into it. Fans had him on a pedestal when it was just a well crafted image everyone fell for to sell the marvel hype. Not the real him. The anger and frustration of everyone should be at these agencies, not the person necessarily because they’re the ones turning assholes into angels all for public perception. Or mad at themselves for falling for it. Not saying he is a bad guy in comparison to many of the real assholes but people leaned too much into the internet boyfriend crap willingly. It’s brainwashing in a sense. You all were part of the cult. This is why you should never put much stock into anyone that isn’t yourself or your real relationships. You’re sold a fantasy, nothing real with celebs. It’s all one maticulously curated image and this is where critical thinking is important. Ellen whose entire brand was laughter and positivity turned out to be one of the meanest. Always question things with a healthy skepticism.

Y’all ever read the early early interviews pre-marvel? He was a douche canoe!!!! The type of guy I actively tried to avoid at all costs throughout my life. But people like to erase that from history lol. Everything was “fuck this movie man!” to just talking about drinking nonstop and how his perfect girl had to have a body and who’d he like to fuck. He was spotted many times at Playboy mansion parties and with Hugh Hefner, the creep of all creeps. One was their famous pajamas party if I’m correct and it might as well just be called an orgy. Yeah he did that. He was a huge asshole and for someone whose mom supposedly taught him how to treat women, I’d say she did one hell of a job to make sure women avoided him. Unless they only wanted to fuck him or use him for his status or money. Marvel cleaned him up hard and it’s why he always sounded like a robot repeating the same crap over and over for a decade. He even was asked who he was closer to in real life: Steve Roger’s or Johnny Storm. He said Johnny. That should have been a massive red flag. Johnny was an annoying little shit who used women. In early interviews he said the character he related to most of was that London movie. I never heard of it and I won’t watch it but reading the plot: an over-controlling, cocaine infused asshole who just wanted sex & locks himself in his exes bathroom? Idk if that’s what I would want to relate to and that’s a big red flag too. Everything just got worse with this fish stuff.

Do I think people change and mature? Sure but considering he was coddled by momma who always had to insert herself and living in a HW bubble from a young age, young artists aren’t allowed to grow. They’re surrounded by “yes” people who plant ideas so artists think they’re in control but they’re not. He’s never been in control. It’s a systemic issue that’s been around his entire career, not just recently. He never grew or matured because when he wasn’t surrounded by HW bullshit where everyone believes their own hype, he hung around the same old Massachusetts high school friends who wanted a free trip or an easy job as an “assistant” or “real estate agent” who only sold his homes and leaked addresses and a family who intervened in everything. So more “yes” people who didn’t say “hey they’re controlling and manipulating you. Maybe you should say no. Or take a long break from that.” It’s why celebs are forever trapped in high school and never grow up. Their growth is forever stunted unless they have a truly grounded normal family who stays out the spotlight. But they also need to be raised correctly from the get go too. Kids need to learn boundaries, self respect and discipline. His mom was a push over who just seemed to want to be her kids friend. There’s red flags in so many interviews like the older ones where he says “if my friends ended up in jail, she’d be the one they’d call to bail them out.” That teaches kids nothing. Meanwhile my mom called the cops on my brother when he shoplifted. Hard lessons are the best lessons sometimes. He was always doomed from the start with that kind of upbringing knowing he could get away with whatever and it’d all work out because a PR team can make things disappear.

All I’ll say is karma comes back to everyone and it comes tenfold sometimes. It was just his time. All you can hope is someone learns the hard lessons and really learns them so they’re never repeated and they grow up for real. Do I think everyone can redeem themselves? Sure. Do I think everyone needs forgiveness? Sure. Do I think people can become their best selves? Of course. It’s just a matter of time before he sees it himself and actually proves it for real. Someone who can acknowledge their wrongs and I mean all of it and learn and grow from there and make a promise to themselves to do and be better. Like I said, I don’t think he’s a bad guy. He’s a product of his upbringing and environment for sure though. And the best part? We can all look inward and decide that’s not us and change. It’s our lives and we can be anyone we want to be at any minute. So good luck to him. No one should need a PR professional to tell them who they should be. That’s a hard battle and cost to not be yourself.

[andsour]

trauma candy salad hnlm edition !!

content warning : trauma dumping , illness and death of a parent , death by suicide , absent parents , toxic workplace , body shaming , toxic relationships , implied drug and alcohol abuse , cheating. none of this is actually depicted in detail , but it is discussed by the characters in a flippant joking manner. lmk if there's anything i missed and i'll add it immediately !! ib : @bluwavez <3

the video starts with joori sitting cross–legged on the floor, dressed in a pink pyjama set and holding up a pack of candies as she waits to begin before whoever’s behind the phone camera whispers, “okay, go!”.

“hello, i’m joori, and when i was a kid my family lost our house and had to move in with my grandma because my dad got sick, so i decided to become an idol so i could be, like, rich and save our family, right? then right before i debuted, he died.” she shares bluntly. “i brought the sweet & sour strawberry chews!” she drops a handful of the unpeeled candies into the bowl.

“hi, guys! i’m ryuhyun, and i never had any real friends growing up because i was homeschooled, so obviously i was really excited to become a trainee and finally make some friends, just for everyone to hate me because they thought i got their friend cut on purpose. i brought strawberry milk candy.” she explains, pushing her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose before pouring the still–wrapped candy into the bowl. she looks up at the camera like she’s just remembered something. “it’s okay, they all like me now.” she adds sweetly, chuckling along with the other girls.

“hey, i’m meilin, and i was always praised by my dance instructors growing up for staying late at the studio and being so hard–working and driven, but it was really just because neither of my parents were ever home and i didn’t have anything better to do,” meilin shares. “i brought skittles!”

“hiiii! my name’s kenzie, and when i was thirteen on the mickey mouse club, i got bullied for being “annoying” and “ugly” by people on the internet so i left that company and changed literally everything about myself but it didn’t matter because they still don’t like me. i brought nerds gummy clusters!” she explains animatedly, all in one breath, pouring the contents of the bag into the bowl.

“i’m ej, i brought twizzlers nibs, and when i was in first grade, my mom killed herself.” ej states simply, dumping what she can into the bowl and then picking off the pieces that get stuck to the inside of the bag. the video is abnormally quiet as she does so, then cuts abruptly.

“i’m joori, and when i asked our creative director why she refused to put a song i worked really hard on, on our album, that, mind you, our producers had already approved of, she told me it was dogshit! i brought watermelon sour patch kids.” she says, smiling stiffly, which makes the rest of the girls laugh, breaking the tense atmosphere.

anna has to take a second to collect herself, still cracking up, before she starts. “hi, i’m anna, and that same creative director told me i was fat and it was ruining all of our concept pictures,” she forces an exaggerated frown before snickering. “i brought peach rings!”

“i’m ej, and a year ago my mentally unstable ex–girlfriend trashed my room while she screamed at and broke up with me for the hundredth time, but i did cheat on her with her—” the camera whips around to reveal kenzie with her jaw ajar, shocked at being exposed at first, before she clamps a hand over her mouth and laughs, then turns back to ej. “— so it was warranted, i guess. i brought haitai plum candies.” she shrugs, before dumping the candy into the bowl.

“i’m meilin, and a guy led me on for a year, let me buy him a bunch of shit and treated me like his girlfriend, just to tell me he wanted to back to being only friends, then, like, a week later popped out with another girl on his private instagram, and when i confronted him about it he was like, “well, i never asked you to do all that!”,” meilin mockingly puts on an exaggerated deep voice when she says the last part, then rolls her eyes. “and that’s why his group’s comeback flopped. i brought sweet tart chews.”

“ryuhyun again!” the girl chimes, waving to the camera. “at a fansign when we first debuted, this fan straight–up acted like i didn’t exist— like, they wouldn’t even look at me or let me sign their stuff. i didn’t get any gifts. then, people on twitter called me a crybaby for getting up and leaving half–way through… so i could go cry.” she admits the last part sheepishly, laughing at herself a little with the other girls. “i brought gummy bears.”

“i’m anna, and whenever i made a mistake while i was singing opera solos in a literal children’s chorus, because i was a literal child, my mom would get angry and refuse to talk to me for days,” she shares. “i brought jolly ranchers!”

“i’m kenzie and when i was eighteen, i dated this fucking loser— his name is kim daehyun, by the way—” kenzie starts as the rest of the group laughs scandalously at the name–drop. “and when he’d get mad at me, which was basically all the time, he’d repeat my hate comments to me. i stayed with him for eight months, though, and hooked up with him, like, three times after we broke up. i brought green apple sour straws!”

“girl.” anna chides off–camera as the others snicker.

kenzie shakes her head and waves her hands, embarrassed by her past self. “i’ve learned since then, i promise!”

“hey, i’m ej, and i spent the year i turned twenty–one getting fucked up and partying every night, and i almost lost my job because of it,” ej explains, carding her free hand through her dark hair. “i brought mini starbursts.”

the video cuts, but ej is still in the frame, joined by joori who has an arm draped over her shoulder. “i’m joori and i basically had to stage an intervention so she wouldn’t lose her job. best friends!” the girl smiles widely, hugging ej closer. “oh and, i brought trolli sour bite night crawlers!”

the gummy worms fall onto the pile of candy in the bowl with a thud. an unsteady hand holds the camera over the bowl while the girls use their hands to mix the candy together, their voices and laughter overlapping in the background. it cuts again to ej violently shaking the bowl to better mix the candy and making a mess. finally, it ends with kenzie holding up a peace sign while the rest of the group poses behind her, chewing on their candy as they chime, “byeeee!”

[palmolli]

my groozelink fankids along with a messy ahh family tree

The oldest is Impa, and then the youngest, Gannon (with a second n) (debating giving him a different name). I've had these two for... a while. I've tried writing a fic about them because I do have the basic idea for the story, and I'm just unsure of what to put in it.

MORE ABOUT THEM BELOW 😊😊😊

I know groozelink isn't very popular with a lot of people, but I like don't care, lol. You can have your ships lemme have mine 😊. Because of that, I've been kinda putting off posting about them, also because they've been stuck in a draft stage for ages. But this is Tumblr, so I'm just gonna do what I want, I guess. ANYWAYS TIME TO RANT ABOUT MY BABIES YAAAAY

Oh gosh, Impa. The girl has a million pounds of pressure put on her, being the child of Hylia reborn and the Hero and all. She has to live up to both of their legacies, and she's expected to make an even greater legacy of her own. So she trained hard to be the very best, Like No One Ever Was (tm). Now she's buff as flip, can sword fight like a demon... but... she's constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown. The pressure is starting to get to her, and any moment she might crack and snap at everyone. She truly wants to help people and be an inspiring leader, but it's difficult to do that when her fuse is burnt out. She seeks purpose, but the purpose in question has been forced onto her by everyone around her (other than her family). Her parents constantly try to tell her that she doesn't need to prove herself, but she can't bring herself to believe that. Her moral compass and sense of justice is strong. Step out of line, and she'll correct you... even if what you did was insignificant... She has trouble being vulnerable around people, even those she trusts the most. Like her boyfriend, Rauru, who's been by her side since childhood. (YES THE GUY FROM OOT) (😈😈😈😈) (MWEHEHEHEU- COUGHHHH) mess with her peeps, and she'll kill you, no questions asked. (She gets it from her dad) She wants to uplift others, but currently, she's down in the dumps herself and refuses any sort of help at all despite people trying to help her.

GANNON!!!! the family baby(tm). He's still a child of the Hero and Hylia, so he's got expectations... except he's falling behind on all of them and has given up on appeasing anyone entirely. But that doesn't mean all the talk of his sister being God 2.0 doesn't get to him. Being the youngest of three sisters (Groose was with Peatrice before he said Fuck It, and followed his heart i guess. (peatrice didn't rlly gaf she was lesbian anyways) (lavender marriage core!!!!)) leaves him feeling alone all the time, especially now that Impa moved out of the house to live with her boyfriend. He's a jokester like his dad, and also, like his father, that jokester quality is just there to make up for his crippling self-doubt. He spends his time making weapons rather than using them. Eventually, he meets a Sheikah boy named Kira, (name still pending currently), who tends to pass out if he stands up too fast... stands for too long... he just passes out a lot for some reason... (pots.) And because of that, Kira's family considers him a Big Fat Disappointment, but he doesn't seem to gaf. They click instantly. Also... Kira has flipping MAGICK. Gannon didn't inherit any magic from his mother for some flipping dumb reason and finds Kira's sort of magic to be awesome, but... a little... dangerous, and tries to tell Kira he shouldn't use it so much. Kira doesn't really listen. Also, they're GAY. 😊

The story is basically about the Imprisoning War, as seen in Twilight Princess, but not really, and that's why I made these dang kids.

If it had game-play, it would be like Hyrule Warriors, basically. Different battles are in the povs of certain select characters, and each one moves the story along in one way or another. 👍👍

Pls internet like them please plsss pslslsss

Also, if you think the family tree is convoluted, I'm sorry, but I'm not changing it, lol. My irl family tree is way worse, and this is sort of based on my own family tree and experiences. (I relate to Gannon on a personal level)

[indigayghost]

There was this show on Globo (the biggest TV broadcast in Brazil) called Domingão do Faustão it was a Sunday evening program with like lots of different thing but one block was the Video Cassetadas and it was just funny internet videos like people falling and funny pets and things like that

But that thing that stuck with me was that every sunday for all of my formative years I would sit in front of the TV and at least one, and usually several, of those videos where just... Fat people trying to do things.

A fat woman trying to sit on a restaurant but the restaurant is tiny, how funny!

A fat person learning a new sport!

Literally a fat person existing

And like... I didn't think it hurt me but when I look at my past I see how every single thing I did, every time I wanted to play something, when I wanted to have fun, play in the inflatable toys and all that, every single time I got immensely anxious about not looking funny, is my leg in the right place is my pants sliding is my belly showing is someone recording is someone recording is someone recording?

Anyways haha just a little tidbit of trauma for you guys love yall

[thewanderingmask]

oh hey is it time to go watch old media until the writer's strike is over

welp here's my list, i highly recommend adding onto it or making your own

sit-coms

Better Off Ted (office comedy about a pretty decent guy who manages the R&D department of your standard big capitalist (evil) company. absurd, sincere, and blessedly not nihilistic.)

Golden Girls (four older women living together. openly touched upon topics like gay people are human beings actually and so are people without houses. and this was in the 80s.)

Murphy Brown (Reporter/news presenter workplace comedy. i like eldin)

WKRP (set in a radio station, this one is a pain to find unedited anywhere because of music licensing nonsense)

Designing Women (i haven't actually watched much of this yet but i heard it's pretty good so i'm listing it here in hopes i'll remember to check it out)

british panel / comedy shows (ok so they're like game shows, except the prizes range from useless to nonexistent, all the contestants are comedians, and nobody really cares that much who wins. ,fair warning though, these are british. so you're just gonna get a certain amount of jokes that are like "yup an old cishet white dude sure did write that")

Would I Lie to You (contestants make ridiculous claims and the opposing team has to guess if it's real or not)

8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown (not "8 out of 10 Cats". not "Countdown". specifically "8 out of 10 cats does countdown". yes this is important)

Taskmaster (five contestants perform a series of increasingly silly tasks to try to score points)

Big Fat Quiz of the Year / Decade (a series of long quiz specials where comedians often fail, intentionally or otherwise, to answer questions)

crime/detective/spy shows (cw copaganda. bc that's the entire genre)

Columbo (did you know it's ALL on the internet archive? for FREE?)

Simon and Simon (private investigators who are also brothers, a bit more on the fun side. pretty good for the 80s, but be warned you're still gonna get some dopey tropes like ableism in certain episodes.)

Rockford Files (ex-convict PI. doesn't like guns, friends with his dad. cynical but can't help helping people most of the time. we love to see it. like the two above, it's older but it holds up)

Brooklyn 99 (much like columbo, everybody already knows this one)

Burn Notice (recent ex-spy stuck in miami tries to get his job back. an unfortunate amount of ogle-y filler shots. I liked the first 4 seasons and low key recommend stopping after it, but everybody's mileage varies.)

and finally, because i know who i a:

cartoons

Motorcity (what if the only answer to an oppressive conformist society was UNDERGROUND TEENS WITH CARS and it looked AMAZING and it was KILLED AFTER 20 EPISODES BECAUSE THERE IS NO GOD)

Storm Hawks (what if the only answer to a returning evil empire was SKY TEENS WITH AIRPLANE MOTORCYCLES, side note this is like the only time i've ever seen stylized 3D animation in a way that just looks? good?? i would love to see more stuff try this kind of direction instead of aiming for anime or realism)

Generator Rex (a teen with TRANSFORMING MUTANT MACHINE POWERS fights alongside a kinda sus organization to try to save others who have transformed into dangerous mutants. i haven't finished this one and im not a fan of the monkey character but dam this show kinda slaps)

Teen Titans (TEEN SUPERHEROES. i have a soft spot for this show. it was my first superhero show as a kid and still mostly holds up as good fun)

Spectacular Spider-Man (spider-man has a lotta cartoons by now but this is up there near the top i feel)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (it's PRETTY it's CUTE it's FUNNY and only has a few episodes i would outright skip. i stopped enjoying it by the last couple seasons but i still think it's worth a watch if you haven't yet)

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD WATCH THIS SHOW DEAR GODS IT LOOKS INCREDIBLE IT'S SO MUCH FUN AND I LOVE MY IDIOT SONS SO MUCH AND THEN IT PUNCHES YOU RIGHT IN THE EMOTIONS WHEN YOU AREN'T EXPECTING IT-)

and Bluey. watch Bluey.

AIGHT THAT'S IT FOR NOW honestly i could add more to this but my memory ain't that good

✨enjoy✨

[samueltheadultcartoonguy]

Want this user to exist? Part 4

Name: Santiago Edwards

YouTube: ShadowDarkWolverines

Deviantart: SantiagotheFNAFnVBFanatic2002

Discord: NightMareSantiagoV3

Sexuality: Bisexual

Age: 22

Born: Cuernavaca, Mexico

Lives in: Kentucky, USA

Friends: Nuralibrawlstars, Konrad the Hedgehog, SunnyJade97, DannyD1997, FrogwoodProductions and other friends he has

He likes: Five Nights at Freddy's, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Battle Cats, The Venture Bros., Cowboy Bepop, Metalocalypse, Rick and Morty, Kid Cosmic, Sonic X, Yin Yang Yo!, Tuff Puppy, Tim and Eric shows, Puss in Boots movies, Duckman, Home Movies, Amphibia, The Ghost and Molly McGee, Bluey, The Muppets, Monkey Dust, South Park, Hazbin Hotel, The Metal Family, The Critic, Sym-Bionic Titan, Samurai Jack, Futurama, Superjail!, Furry fandom, Adult Swim, Techno music, Disney XD, Countryballs, and others he likes

He is neutral to: Brickleberry, Paradise PD, Dora the Explorer, Bordertown, Krapopolis, Abby Hatcher, Sidekick!, Animal Mechanicals, Hoops, Chop Socky Chooks, Out of Jimmy's Head, Fat Guy Stuck in the Internet, Tigtone, and others he's neutral to

He hates: Cat Mario, Fleabag Monkeyface, Eight Marbles, Mongo Wrestling Alliance, Rusty Rivets, Girlchan in Paradise, The Nutshack, Butterbean's Cafe, Barbie, Baby Basher, Sonic 06, Minoriteam, Sad Satan, Fetish art, The New Norm and others he hates

So want him to exist? Yes or no?