#feathers and frosting frankenmuffin

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Ive been updating a few of the chapters with proper chapter art! More will follow.

The cat is called Schrödinger, the axolotl next to Aristotle is Diogenes, and the muffin is named Frank. Their all ocs btw. More about them here:

[not-the-axolotl]

The best kind of chapter art is the kind thats just extremely unhinged out of context. For example:

Like this makes no sence if you haven't read the fic its from.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 4

[Lost and found]

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How long had it been? Ten days? Three weeks? It must have been longer than that. In any case, it had been far too long. Every passing hour felt just as wrong as the last. Yet still... As Frank across the by now familiar beach, next to the same waves as all the times before, they found themself wondering. The muffin tried not to think too much about the implications of their conciousness. They had long lost hope in ever learning the reason behind their existance, if there even was any.

They had been walking for hours when they decided to take a short break. As they sat down on a nearby rock, Frank looked out at the sea. Besides the foaming waves crashing onto the shore, all they could see was a small boat in the distance. While it certainly was a nice view, the muffin continued their hike. Inside the boat, the three smugglers were debating their next move.

"Im starting to think that muffin is never going to show up. It's been more than seven hours, and we still havent seen the thing. Are you sure it's even coming, Charlie?" "For the third time in the past half hour, yes Liam, I am." While Liam and Charlie had spend the time bickering about wether or not the muffin was realy that predictable, Wilhelm had been outside, scanning the coast for any sign of life.

"Hey Charlie, Liam! You need to come here!" Saying this, Wilhelm handed the binoculars he'd been using to Liam, who quickly looked in the direction he was pointing. "Well wouldn't you know it. The muffin is walking right there!" Having nearly dropped the binoculars in suprise, Liam called Charlie over as well. "What are we waiting for?" Wilhelm added. "Lets go!"

Something seemed off. Frank, still calmly observing the ocean and shore around them, noticed that the boat they had seen earlier had changed its course. That couldn't be a good sign.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Character introduction

Some basic info/backstories about the non-canon characters. More information will be revealed later on.

Diogenes:

Full name: Diogenes Weaver

Appearance:

He's a tall, darkish brown axolotl. He wears a thick, dark grey cloak similar to the one socrates wears, exept Diogenes' doesnt reach all the way to the ground. Diogenes tends to hide his left hand due to [spoilers].

Pronouns: he/him. Age: 47

Background info:

Diogenes has autism and ADHD. He and Aristotle have known each other for decades, and are very close friends. He is a well respected alchemist, and has been teaching the subject for close to seventeen years now.

Frank

Full name: Frankenmuffin

Appearance:

Large muffin, about two foot in hight while standing up. He has got a polkadotted liner, and wears a orange and black friendship bracelet.

Pronouns: they/them

Schrödinger

Full name: O. Schrödinger

Appearance:

Schrödinger is a tall, black and white maine coon. He has a thick mustashe and typicaly wears a lab coat.

Pronouns: he/him. Age: 46

Background info:

He's a mad scientist, involved in a lot of shady projects. Schrödinger is currently working on something involving necromacy. While at one point he had a lover, that relationship came to a bitter end due to Schrödingers lust for power.

Wilhelm

Appearance:

He's a red panda, and relatively short in stature.

Pronouns: he/him. Age: 56

Liam

Appearance:

Liam is a tall, grey ferret, and wears a blue jacket.

Pronouns: he/him. Age: 32

Charlie

Appearance:

She is a hegdehog, and has bright blue eyes.

Pronouns: she/her. Age: 34

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 0, part 6.

[Trapped alive]

(CW: existencial crisis ig)

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The coast hadnt been that far off when the muffin jumped into the ocean, but the current dragged them further and further away from land. By the time they washed up on shore, several weeks had past. Despite the lack of food and water, the muffin was alive. Whatever magic gem had been baked into them, it prevented them from dying.

Sadly, immortality was the last thing the muffin wanted. Conciousness, or rather mere existance, felt wrong. They should not be alive. They should be a muffin. Yet at this point blissfull nonexistance felt more like a dream than like a memory. Perhaps there was a way. For now, all the muffin could do was weep, while feeling emotions they were never supposed to experience.

[I will be writing this part after the game comes out, but in short the muffin ends up in Barnaby's dimension.]

Slowly, the forest became less dense, and a starry sky was starting to become visible. An old, large manor stood on the horizon. When the muffin walked closer, they saw it was surrounded by a large cemetary. They didnt know how to get back, so the only way was forward, towards the front door.

Before the muffin got the chance to knock, the door slowly creaked open. They causiously walked trough the hallway behind it, but didnt see anyone. Suddenly however, the door slammed shut, and the muffin found themself face to face with a giant, owl-shaped ghost. "Well hello there! You must be here for the party!" The muffins fear was replaced with confusion. "What party?"

"Oh, where are my manners? I havent even introduced myself yet! The names Barnaby." The ghost pauzed for a moment. "Now you. Your quite the frankenmuffin, aren't you? Whats your name?" "I dont have one." "Now thats a shame, isnt it. How about i call you Frank?" The muffin gave a thumbs up at the suggestion.

"Well, im afraid I cant let you in today. For one, your still alive, wich is very much against the dress code. Secondly, the party's almost over. You cant just walk in now. Not to worry though, I have a solution. Just take this friendship bracelet, so you can come back another time. Bye bye for now." And the ghost seemed to disapear into thin air.

Frank took another look at the friendship bracelet. It was black and orange, and seemed to have a glow to it. They guessed the bracelet would allow them to freely enter and exit the pocket dimension they were trapped in. The muffin wasnt any less alive, but Barnaby had seemed friendly at least.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 15

[Ambush the muffin]

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The sounds of the ocean, birds calling out in the distance, waves sloshing against the hull of the wooden ship, were calm. Wilhelm easily tuned them out while looking for the one thing that wouldn't fit it: a large, sentient, muffin. "Are you sure it'l come back, Charlie?" "According to my calculations, it should be here any second now." Wilhelms coworker called out from inside.

A few more moments passed without noticable event. Then, as if Charlie had somehow summoned it, the muffin came into view having climbed over a particularly large sand dune. The smugglers quickly docked their ship, and when they stepped onto shore the muffin hadn't seen them yet.

Charlie turned to Liam. "You grab the cage, we grab the muffin." A simple plan, but the less steps, the less that can go wrong. Wilhelm, still injured, shouted suddenly. The distraction worked, and Charlie jumped onto the muffin. A lot of shouting followed, but in just a few minutes the muffin, and by extention the gem, had been secured. Having placed their first objective in the far corner of the boat cabin, the smugglers started to discuss what to do next.

"So now what," Liam started, adressing Wilhelm. "Do we get the gem from the muffin? Consideringthat it's the reason the thing is alive i'd assume that that would kill it" "Its best to leave it in untill we get to the lab. The explosion might have compromised it, and I dont want to be the one who has to explain to dr. Schrödinger that we broke the gem of immortality. Lets just get back while luck is still on our side."

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Gem of immortality? Schrödinger? Lab? The amalgamation of sylables didn't mean much to Frank, but they internalised it anyway. They were still a bit shaken up from being manhandled, and weren't about to test fate by speaking up. Though there was one spark of hope. And more importantly, an answer. A magic gem had brought them to life and was currently preventing them from undoing that.

The ship docked at a small port, and all three smugglers left. Frank assumed they didn't think they would be able to escape, and didn't hesitate to prove them wrong. Neither the cage or the door were locked securely, and they left within minutes.

Their bracelet, wich the smugglers didn't bother looking at closely, brought them to a scientist who would love to hear the information that Frank had acuired.

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And that he did. "The gem of immortality, you say? Can't say i've read much about it, so i'm going to assume it was discovered somewhat recently. Still, a lead is a lead. Now we have something we can work from." Barnaby had listened with great interest as Frank told him the series of events that had occured mere hours prior.

The muffin turned to leave once more when Barnaby interrupted them. "Come on, stay a while. The party is just about to begin, and the more the merrier!" "I'd rather not today, but I appreciate the offer." Truth be told, Franks mind was somewhere else, still repeating the smugglers' words.

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"Did we need anything else?" "Let me look. Bandages for Wilhelm, bread, mayo, and some beers to celibrate later. I think we have everything." Feeling good about themselves, Wilhelm, Charlie, and Liam made their way back to the boat, intending to finaly be done eith their mission.

But as they got closer, they realised the front door was open. "Was that door open when we left?" "No, but it doesn't lock very well, you know that Charlie. I've told you this before, not my foult you still havent fixed it." "Do you think I have nothing better to do?!" "Guys, come on. Arguing isn't gonna do anything. Lets just go inside, get the muffin to Schrödinger, and be done with this."

Both agreed with Wilhelm. However when they stepped inside they all simultaniously realised why the door had been open: the cage where the muffin had previously been trapped in, was open as well. "I knew we should have left someone to stand guard!" "Then you should have said so, smartass." Wilhelm just sighed. The whole opperation should have been over weeks ago, yet they were back where they started.

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Heyy. I know its been a while, but im feeling a hell of a lot better lately. Will be posting more often after this lol.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 6

[Cutting the cake]

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Once again, the muffin was at Barnaby's manor. Perhaps this excentric ghost could help them find a way out of their unfortunate predicament. There had to be some way, right? As Frank walked trough the empty hallway, the feeling of the cold, hard floor underneath their feet was nothing but a cruel reminder of the sentience they never asked for.

"Well hello there, Frank!" The muffin hadnt noticed Barnaby approaching. "What brings you back here so soon? Your still alive!" "Thats why i'm here, actualy." Frank began. "I've been having some issues with that. I want to die, but I just cant." Barnaby didnt know how to anwer that.

"What exactly do you mean when you say you can't die?" "Exactly how i'm saying it, i'm afraid." The owl contemplated briefly. Could that muffin realy be immortal? "I have a few ideas."

"Stabbed, perhaps?" The muffin nodded in agreement. Although they weren't too shure about the whole being stabbed thing, they still wanted to try. But when Barnaby stuck in the first blade... nothing. Even after a second, and a third. Despite looking like a very weird knife holder and feeling a painfull stinging sensation, Frank was completely fine.

"That wasnt what I was expecting." Barnaby hadnt seen anything like this before. "Maybe acid will do the trick!" Floating in a large barrel filled with a strange, green liquid, the muffin felt nothing more than a slight tickle. Barnaby, while an owl of science, was out of ideas. How could this possibly be?

"Where did you saw you were from again?" Barnaby asked. "I dont know. One moment I was just... there. I dont understand what happened either." The owl was silent. There was something about that muffin, there had to be. How else could Frank even be alive, let alone immortal? "Do you want the bracelet back?"

"No, keep it. Im sure you wont regret coming here. Have some candy!" Barnaby handed Frank a small candy, and they decided to leave. If they were stuck in this world, they might as well see it.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

İf that Muffin is so sad, i can eat them if they want to :3/very silly

It'd be amazing if that worked

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 2

[Time and location]

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The light of the rising sun shined brightly over the calm surface of the ocean. The sky wore just a few small clouds, wich were carried eastward by a strong wind. In the midst of the peacefull scene, the waves only barely moving it, was a small boat.

Spread out onto a wooden table, surrounded by various newspaper clippings, laid a large map. Pins had been inserted at several locations, seemingly at random. "Why is it, that after almost a month of looking, we still havent a clue where that damn muffin is?" Wilhelm asked no one in particular. "It shouldnt be possible for that thing to be moving that fast. One day its in one place, and the next its practicaly on the other side of the world!"

"I think I do see some sort of patern." Charlie metioned while comparing the dates and locations of the sightings. "The muffin seems to keep returning to the same place near the coast, where it was first seen two weeks ago." Looking at the spot she had pointed at, Wilhelm replied: "I see what you mean. It could be worth it to go there, and wait untill the muffin comes back there again."

Liam, growing increasingly impatient, sighed loudly. "Out of all the white rocks in the world, we're after the only one that can run away! Why does Schrödinger even want that specific one in the first place?" "Well, Liam." Wilhelm replied. "Firstly, its not just any old crystal. It is a magic gem, the gem of immortality to be more specific."

"What does he even need it for, anyway? It's not like the man is dying anytime soon, right?" Liam asked, more hesitant than before. "I was just about to say that." Wilhelm said, peeved about being interrupted. "He's trying to bring something back from the dead. A year or so ago, dr. Schrödinger got his hands on some sort of dead golem, and he's been looking for a way to revive the thing. From what i've gathered, he believes the gem of immortality will help him with that."

Having heard Wilhelms explanation, and learning what was at stake, Liam began to put away the map. According to Charlie's theory, the muffin would be back at the same location in the late afternoon of the following day.

With the table being empty for the first time in weeks, and the fact they had the rest of the day to do whatever, Liam grabbed a deck of cards out of one of the many cluttered drawers. "How about a game of blackjack?" Both Wilhelm and Charlie agreed to the welcome distraction, and the group sat down in a circle at the table. While the game certainly would have been more fun had they been playing with more people, they soon lost track of time.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 13

This a shorter one, i've been a little busy lately.

[The world around you]

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Conciousness returned, hitting Frank like a brick wall. As the muffin opened their eyes, they found themself covered in a soft blanket. "What was that?!" "What was what?" Barnaby was close enough to hear the question, and sat down next to them. "Those visions. It was like I was suddenly somewhere completely different. And some realy strange things happened." Somewhat amused, Barnaby answered. "That, my friend, was a dream. Your mind shows you things that aren't real, it's a perfectly normal thing to happen."

The owl continued. "Some say that dreams have meanings. That they can tell you about yourself or the future. The latter doesn't seem likely in my humble opinion. How can you subconsious know what will happen later?" The muffin wasn't fully convinced; the dream had been so vivid. They weren't sure of anything at this point though, so the hesitation remained unsaid. They simply reached for a cookie.

Franks silence didn't suprise Barnaby, who simply kept talking. "I do have one theory. I strongly suspect that the reason you can't die is because you're being kept alive some powerfull form of magic. I couldn't tell you what kind, though. It might also be how you're currently alive in the first place. Now, Frank was intrigued. "Can you tell me more about this 'magic' stuff?" "I'll explain it to you later. Magic is a very broad subject you see, and I have a party to host." Frank decided to leave the manor for a short while. They needed some time to think.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 11

[One of a kind]

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"Well... you were right. Food is nice" As Frank talked to Barnaby, the latter had news as well. "I have something to tell you, Frank. The council has made a decision, and they are willing to make an exeption on the dresscode. So you can come to my parties." "Thank you but... what council?" "The council." "Could you please elaborate?" "...No"

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The party had just started. The ballroom has filled with ghosts, food, and various party decorations. What to do now? Frank hadn't had much oppertunity to hone their social skills, and they didn't know much about food either. Still, they weren't afraid. Soon, they were chit-chatting with a group of ghosts. Sharing their life experiences opened the muffins eyes. Was this truly how mortals saw the world?

Someone scoffed at the muffins appearance. "I can't believe Barnaby let this guy in. They're clearly not dead yet. They obviously shouldn't be here!" A part of Frank felt hurt at the comment; They didn't fit in anywhere. Luckily, the feathered host had overheard. "If you must know, Karen, Frank isn't mortal. If I say someone can be here, then thats final. If that bothers you in any way, perhaps you're the one who shouldn't be here." "My name isnt–" "I dont care. If you have nothing nice to say to our new guest, the door is that way."

The possibilities were endless, and Frank was eager to try new foods. Cheese? Yummy. Garlic bread? Delicious. Soup? Not bad but weird texture. Carrot sticks? Why is this even a thing, raw carrots are gross. One food stood out: Chicken nuggets. They tasted amazing! Frank had found their favorite food.

The party seemed to go on forever, but it finaly came to a close. The muffin was exausted. They climbed up onto a soft couch, closed their eyes, and fell asleep. The muffin had never dreamed before, but that day was one of many firsts.

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The waves crashed onto shore. Frank was sitting peacefully in the sun, eating strawberries. However, his peace was disrupted by commotion in the distance. Two poeple, a goat and an axolotl, were angrily shouting at each other. A second, younger goat watched the argument from a distance. Frank couldn't make out what they were saying.

The scene shifted. Frank was floating high above the coast, looking down at the world, and at their own motionless body. The same poeple from before were present, looking down at the same corpse. Again, there were speaking, at a normal volume this time, but the muffin still didn't understand. Franks perception faded, and oblivion welcomed them once more.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Chapter 10

I know its been a while but will be posting more often after this.

[A hint of lemon]

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It was early in the morning, the sun just barely creeping over the horizon. The fallen tree that Frank was sitting on felt slightly damp; Dew still covered everything that wasn't yet bathing in the sunlight. Birds chirped softly in the far distance. The muffin wondered. What kind of birds were they? What were they trying to tell each other? Or were they simply chirping because they could? Because anything was better than to sit alone in silence?

Frank envied the birds. The birds were supposed to be. The muffin was never ment to be. Yet here they were, prisoned. Prisoned in every sound; every view; every touch, drowning something that should never have been concious. Frank desperately clawed at their face. How could it be that there was no way out?! Every last effort had been in vain! They scratched at their glutenous prison, with the hope it would do something.

RIP

What just happened? Whatever it was, it hadn't hurt. Frank looked down at their hands, and saw the result of their effords. They had ripped a piece off their own face. Touching their face, they realised the piece had already grown back. Now what? As they stared at the thing in their hand, they had a thought. Without overthinking the situation any further, if that had been possible, they ate it.

They found they didnt taste too bad. Quite nicely even. Someone who had eaten before would have recognised the subtle hints of lemon. They found that food made the cruelty of existance slightly more bareable. How about that candy? The sweet tasted differently, wich anyone else would have expected. It was very sweet. Frank figured Barnaby was right. Speaking of, they were going to pay that ghost a visit. Surely, someone who was dead would know a bit about dying.

[bookofnottheaxolotl]

Update from chapter 1. This started out as a wholesome friendship fic...

@battersweet @dar-thestrawberry

İf that Muffin is so sad, i can eat them if they want to :3/very silly

It'd be amazing if that worked