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theartofdreaming1 · 4 years ago

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Whoo, so let’s get back into it, folks!!!💪 Chapters 13-15!!! (I definitely had planned on illustrating more scenes from these and the last three chapters during the hiatus, but didn’t find the time to finish any of it... maybe I’ll post those belatedly, whoops😅)

My two cents regarding this week’s prompts:

Best: see drawing 😊🥰

Worst: The revelation that Darius is an avox now (followed by Katniss not getting to say good-bye to her loved ones) 😢

Funniest: I find myself in the position of having to console them [the prep team]. Since I’m the person going in to be slaughtered, this is somewhat annoying. (Ch. 15) - Katniss is hilarious! 😂

Beautiful: Let them [Katniss’s loved ones] go, I tell myself. Say good-bye and forget them. I do my best, thinking of them one by one, releasing them like birds from the protective cages inside me, locking the doors against their return. (Ch. 14) - That’s some beautiful imagery! I’ll go into more detail on that passage in my thoughts on this chapter

As usual, my (extensive) thoughts on chapters 13-15 are below the cut:

Chapter 13

My body reacts before my mind does and I’m running out the door, across the lawns of Victor’s Village, into the dark beyond. [...] Where? Where to go? The woods, of course. I’m at the fence before the hum makes me remember how very trapped I am. [...] The next thing I know I’m on my hands and knees in the cellar of one of the empty houses in Victor’s Village. [...] I’m cold and wet and winded, but my escape attempt has done nothing to subdue the hysteria rising up inside me. It will drown me unless it’s released. I ball up the front of my shirt, stuff it into my mouth, and begin to scream. How long this continues, I don’t know. But when I stop, my voice is almost gone. - Katniss’s visceral reaction is absolutely gut-wrenching. Interesting how Katniss does not go to her former home, but to Victor’s Village after realizing that she can’t escape into the woods

I see the wooden box in the little boy’s hands. President Snow drawing out the yellowed envelope. Is it possible that this was really the Quarter Quell written down seventy-five years ago? It seems unlikely. It’s just too perfect an answer for the troubles that face the Capitol today [...] - Honestly, this move just shows how desperate Snow is to hold on to anything resembling control in Panem; it’s such an obvious and sloppy move on his part (for someone who didn’t want to stage an “accident” for Katniss after the berries because it would be too obvious, this is pretty transparent, at least for the people in the districts) -Yes, victors are our strongest. They’re the ones who survived the arena and slipped the noose of poverty that strangles the rest of us. They, or should I say we, are the very embodiment of hope where there is no hope. And now twenty-three of us will be killed to show how even that hope was an illusion. - Sure, the victors are strong for having survived the Games, but how many actually survived/truly lived after the Games?! At this point, of course, Katniss hasn’t really met any victors aside from Haymitch, so she still views them from an outsider perspective (notice how she says that the victors ‘slipped the noose of poverty that strangles the rest of us.’) We will learn later that being a victor is not all it’s cracked up to be; their wealth and glory might be highly visible, but their trauma and the way they are being oppressed are not; at least not to your average Joe (Katniss will have to learn that she is not the first victor who has had to endure unspeakable repression after coming back from the arena)

I’m glad I won only last year. Otherwise I’d know all the other victors, not just because I see them on television but because they’re guests at every Games [...] most return to the Capitol each year for the event. I think a lot of them are friends. - Katniss being glad that she doesn’t know the other victors/her fellow tributes because it will make it so much harder being forced to kill them in the arena is similar to how she didn’t ‘bother’ to learn her fellow tributes’ names in her first Games (like how she didn’t know Marvel’s name until the Victory Tour) - the more she knows a person the less likely she is able to kill them, even for her own survival; also, Katniss talking about the older victors attending the Capitol as ‘guests’ when we later will learn that they are actually victims, being forced into prostitution and the like - big oof 😖; it also makes sense that the victors would form a strong bond with each other - nobody else can even fathom what they are going through (also, because many of them are probably trying to keep these horrors secret from their loved ones - if they have still have some left - for protection... it’s awful and sad 😢) - Whereas the only friend I’ll have to worry about killing will be either Peeta or Haymitch. Peeta or Haymitch! I sit straight up, throwing off the sheeting. What just went through my mind? There’s no situation in which I would ever kill Peeta or Haymitch. - Katniss’s semi-detached, analytical assessment of her future opponents comes to a screeching halt once the thought crosses her mind that she might have to worry about killing Peeta and Haymitch - because she could never actually do that (they have become part of her family; they are literally the people she wanted to take with her into the wilderness when she had planned on fleeing D12)

I already know what will happen. Peeta will ask Haymitch to let him go into the arena with me no matter what. For my sake. To protect me. - Katniss knows Peeta so well; this selfless, selfless boy 😭

“I’ll admit, it was easier for the boy. He was here before I could snap the seal on a bottle. Begging me for another chance to go in. But what can you say?” [...] I bite my lip because once he’s said it, I’m afraid that’s what I do want. For Peeta to live, even if it means Haymitch’s death. No, I don’t. He’s dreadful, of course, but Haymitch is my family now. - This was Peeta’s immediate reaction; this boy truly is too good for this world 😭 In a way, it was easier/more straightforward for Peeta, though - he argued for sacrificing himself; Katniss would have to ask someone else (Haymitch, a person she cares about a lot) to sacrifice themselves for Peeta (also someone she cares about) - and she can’t bring herself to do that (that she would sacrifice herself for Peeta in the Games is not even a matter of discussion for her, though - Peeta and Katniss are too pure for this world).

“Maybe it should be you,” I say matter-of-factly as I pull up a chair. “You hate life, anyway.” “Very true,” says Haymitch. “And since last time I tried to keep you alive... seems like I’m obligated to save the boy this time.” - Haymitch saying ‘very true’ reminds me of this scene in THG (Ch. 8) after Katniss shot that arrow at the apple of that roasted pig and was worried there would be consequences for her mom and Prim: “More likely they’ll make your life hell in the arena.” “Well, they’ve already promised to do that to us anyway,” says Peeta. “Very true,” says Haymitch. And I realize the impossible has happened. They have actually cheered me up.; it’s one of the first moments of them working as a team and being each other’s support system

“Peeta’s argument is that since I chose you, I now owe him. Anything he wants. And what he wants is the chance to go in again to protect you,” says Haymitch. I knew it. In this way, Peeta’s not hard to predict. - Peeta cashing in the favor Haymitch ‘owes’ him for Katniss 😩 (this boy lives for others, especially Katniss; like how his token this time in the arena is a locket with photos to remind Katniss what - or whom - she has to stay alive for 😭 Also the line of Peeta not being hard to predict for Katniss in this way reminded me of Katniss thinking: He [Peeta]’s very hard to predict, which might be interesting under different circumstances (THG, Ch. 19) when she’s looking for Peeta after the 2-winner-rule has been announced - on the one hand, it shows how much closer they have grown over the past months, that it has become so much easier for Katniss to understand and predict his actions; on the other hand, I think it also shows that while Katniss is still intrigued by the way Peeta views the world and chooses to act in it (remember her fascination with that ‘intense look’ he would get while working on the plant book) and still can have a hard time predicting what Peeta will do (looking at you, strict trainer-Peeta! ;), the core of who he is (selfless, protective, loving her) is perfectly clear to her, and is made up of all the good things (he’s dependable in that way, but exciting in others... that’s a good combo to have in your significant other)

There’s something else I want from Haymitch. “Okay, I figured out what I’m asking,” I say. “If it is Peeta and me in the Games, this time we try to keep him alive.” Something flickers across his bloodshot eyes. Pain. “Like you said, it’s going to be bad no matter how you slice it. And whatever Peeta wants, it’s his turn to be saved. We both owe him that.” - Poor, poor Haymitch: he had spent most of his life as a victor in lethargic agony, then actually had some tributes he had a chance of bringing home (hope!), actually managed to get both of them out of there and now here he is, having to send them back into the arena, with a huge chance at least one of them won’t make it (also, having to watch his other victor-friends die) and then these two kids also have the audacity to be so pure and selfless, trying to rope him into helping them keeping their respective tribute partner alive 😭 And Katniss being adamant that this time, it’s going to be Peeta who’s going to be saved; these two... They are turning this cynical/sarcastic German saying on its head, for sure: “If everybody takes care of themselves, then everybody is taken care of.“ With these two, they are both taken care of because they are taking care of each other 😭😭

“It’s not too late [to run away],” he [Gale] says. Over his shoulder, I see my mother and Prim clutching each other in the doorway. We run. They die. And now I’ve got Peeta to protect. End of discussion. “Yeah, it is.” - Boy, the matter-of-fact way Katniss just accepts what just an hour or two ago caused her to have a total fit of hysteria because she’s come to the conclusion that this is the only way to keep her loved ones alive... Chills

I turn on the shower and stand under the warm rain for a minute before I realize I’m still in my underclothes. My mother must have just stripped off my filthy outer ones and tucked me in bed. [...] My hands sting, and that’s when I notice the stitches, small and even, across one palm and up the side of the other hand. - another example of Mrs. Everdeen taking care of Katniss and Katniss seems to be very accepting and chill about this - their relationship has come so far!

I’m not ready to see my mother and Prim. I have to pull myself together to be calm and reassuring, the way I was when we said our good-byes the day of the last reaping. I have to be strong. [...] They appear in the doorway, holding tea and toast, their faces filled with concern. I open my mouth, planning to start off with some kind of joke, and burst into tears. So much for being strong. - Katniss, there’s nothing wrong with crying in front of others, especially if they’re people you trust and feel safe around; it doesn’t mean that you aren’t strong - My mother sits on the side of the bed and Prim crawls right up next to me and they hold me, making quiet soothing sounds, until I am mostly cried out. Then Prim gets a towel and dries my hair, combing out the knots, while my mother coaxes tea and toast into me. They dress me in warm pajamas and layer more blankets on me and I drift off again. - I love this moment of the Everdeen ladies just comforting and taking care of each other here (mostly directed at Katniss, of course, but being able to take care of Katniss, at least in this moment, has to provide Mrs. E. and Prim with some comfort, too)... It’s really sad when you think about the fact that Haymitch and Peeta don’t have anyone to give them that sort of care 😢

My mother ladles out a mug of broth for me, and I ask for a second mug to take to Haymitch. - Sweet how Katniss thinks of Haymitch :)

a few minutes later Peeta comes down and tosses a cardboard box of empty liquor bottles on the table with finality. “There, it’s done,” he says. It’s taking all of Haymitch’s resources to focus his eyes on the bottles, so I speak up. “What’s done?” “I’ve poured all the liquor down the drain,” says Peeta. This seems to jolt Haymitch out of his stupor, and he paws through the box in disbelief. “You what?” “I tossed the lot,” says Peeta. “He’ll just buy more,” I say. “No, he won’t,” says Peeta. “I tracked down Ripper this morning and told her I’d turn her in the second she sold to either of you. I paid her off, too, just for good measure but I don’t think she’s eager to be back in the Peacekeepers’ custody.” - Damn, Peeta can be a hard-ass when necessary! But I see you, bread-boy, giving Ripper money also to make sure she’s got some resources, with her business at risk of running dry - you’re still a goody-two-shoes underneath that tough-guy act ;)

I don’t know what I expected from my first meeting with Peeta after the announcement. A few hugs and kisses. A little comfort maybe. Not this. I turn to Haymitch. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you more liquor.” “Then I’ll turn you both in. Let you sober up in the stocks,” says Peeta. - Lol, Katniss being all shocked (TM) at Peeta’s businesslike approach when she was so certain she was going to get some comforting snuggles from her boo 😂

“The point is that two of us are coming home from the Capitol. One mentor and one victor,” says Peeta. “Effie’s sending me recordings of all the living victors. “We’re going to watch their Games and learn everything we can about how they fight. We’re going to put on weight and get strong. We’re going to start acting like Careers. And one of us is going to be victor again whether you two like it or not!” He sweeps out of the room, slamming the front door. - Peeta’s been busy! Arranging things with Ripper, talking to Effie, coming up with a plan of action for the upcoming weeks... Did he allow himself any time to fall apart, at least a little? Or did he immediately switch into problem-solving mood, putting his feelings aside for the most part?

Peeta takes copious notes, Haymitch volunteers information about the victors’ personlaities, and slowly we begin to know our competition. Every morning we do exercises to strenghten our bodies. We run and lift things and stretch our muscles. Every afternoon we work on our combat skills, throwing knives, fighting hand to hand; I even teach them to climb trees. [...] Peeta and I excel under the new regimen, though. It gives me something to do. It gives us all something to do besides accept defeat. My mother puts us on a special diet to gain weight. Prim treats our sore muscles. Madge sneaks us her father’s Capitol newspapers. [...] Even Gale steps into the picture on Sundays, although he’s got no love for Peeta or Haymitch, and teaches us all he knows about snares. - Honestly, this would have made for an awesome training montage on screen... Oh well; I love how their training truly is a group effort, also involving Mrs. E., Prim, Madge, and even Gale

One night, as I’m walking Gale back into town, he even admits, “It’d be better if he were easier to hate.” - Come on, Gale, don’t be so effing petty 🙄 - “Tell me about it,” I say. “If I could’ve just hated him in the arena, we all wouldn’t be in this mess now. He’d be dead, and I’d be a happy little victor all by myself.” - Would you be happy, though, Katniss? Would you? I don’t think so; you felt bad for killing Marvel and for Cato’s painful death and you didn’t even like these dudes one bit... and if Peeta hadn’t been the kind boy (with the bread) that he is, you might not have even been there in the first place, soo... I’m calling BS on that one - “And where would we be, Katniss?” asks Gale - Gale... this isn’t about you or your romantic feelings for Katniss, geez... Katniss and the gang are in the middle of training for another flipping death match and you bring that stuff up again although she told you that in the world as it is right now, she can’t focus on these kinds of things... So. Let. It. Go.

“Hunting. Like every Sunday,” I say. I know he didn’t mean the question literally, but this is as much as I can honestly give. Gale knows I chose him over Peeta when I didn’t make a run for it. - Lol, does Gale know, Katniss? There she goes again, assuming without communicating... Also, why is not running away = choosing Gale? o.O You’ve barely seen Gale since the whipping, while spending loads of time with Peeta - why would Gale think that you chose him? The only definite choice you’ve made so far is that you are going to protect Peeta at any cost

Since I don’t plan on making it back alive a second time, the sooner Gale lets me go, the better. I do plan on saying one or two things to him after the reaping, when we’re allowed an hour for good-byes. To let Gale know how essential he’s been to me all these years. How much better my life has been for knowing him. For loving him, even if it’s only in the limited way that I can manage. - Katniss shouldn’t have to feel bad for loving Gale in the way she does; she truly cares about him, just not in a romantic way, but his repeated prodding has made her feel deficient in the reciprocity that used to be a staple of their relationship... She wants him to know how important he has been to her and she wishes he’d let her go sooner rather than later so he won’t be as hurt once she dies - she’s really trying to be considerate of his feelings, and yet she feels like it’s never enough... Whereas Gale is still hinting at/bringing up the potential romance angle, although she has explicitly expressed that it makes her uncomfortable. Honestly, in this regard, Gale kind of gives me Boldwood-ish vibes, focussing way too much on what he wants out of their relationship than what his counterpart wants or feels ready to give (maybe just because I’ve just recently finished reading Far from the Madding Crowd, or maybe because I’ve read this interesting post by @lost815 on the similarities between Peeta and Gabriel Oak); Gale is a lot less creepy than Boldwood, of course, but still he’s being super tone deaf when it comes to what Katniss wants and needs right now from their relationship

Chapter 14

I remain at the window long after the woods have swallowed up the last glimpse of my home. This time I don’t even have the slightest hope of return. Before my first Games, I promised Prim I would do everything I could to win, and now I’ve sworn to myself to do all I can to keep Peeta alive. I will never reverse this journey again. I’d actually figured out what I wanted my last words to my loved ones to be. How best to close amd lock the doors and leave them sad but safely behind. And now the Capitol has stolen that as well. - It’s so awful how this time, Katniss didn’t even get the chance to say good-bye to her loved ones on her own terms, when at least this time (in contrast to her first Games) she had the time to prepare something for the occasion :(

“We’ll write letters, Katniss,” says Peeta from behind me. “It will be better, anyway. Give them a piece of us to hold on to [...]” - Peeta does have a point that a written letter can serve as a tangible memento; unfortunately, it’s not a medium that is going to work for Katniss, but I really hope that Peeta got to say his good-byes to his family this way (since he will never see them again, albeit not for the reason he’s assuming here; although it might mean little to Peeta since they probably never received his letters by the time D12 gets bombed) - I nod and go straight to my room. I sit on the bed, knowing I will never write those letters. They will be like the speech I tried to write to honor Rue and Thresh in District 11. Things seemed clear in my head and even when I talked before the crowd, but the words never came out of the pen right. - Perfect example how Katniss is basically just able to speak from the heart in the moment, as we will see in MJ - Besides, they were meant to go with embraces and kisses and a stroke of Prim’s hair, a caress of Gale’s safe, a squeeze of Madge’s hand. - Also an example of how Katniss uses her actions to get a lot of her feelings across. (I love how Madge has been added to the roster of people close to Katniss’s heart)

Let them go, I tell myself. Say good-bye and forget them. I do my best, thinking of them one by one, releasing them like birds from the protective cages inside me, locking the doors against their return. - This is some beautiful imagery (also, some bird-motif again); I wonder what Katniss exactly means by ‘protective cages inside me’ - what or whom do these cages protect? Do they protect the birds/her images of her loved ones from something outside of them (in that way, it kinda makes me think of how the Capitol will pry open those cages inside Peeta, to distort his image of Katniss into something horrible), or do these cages protect Katniss, because the people she loves are what she falls back on when she has to remind herself what/whom she’s living for (think of how her promise to Prim kept her going in her first Games and how she lost her will to live after Prim’s death)?

“I love your new hair, Effie,” Peeta says. “Thank you. I had it especially done to match Katniss’s pin. I was thinking we might get you a golden ankle band and maybe find Haymitch a gold bracelet or something so we could all look like a team,” says Effie. [...] “I think that’s a great idea,” says Peeta. “How about it, Haymitch?” “Yeah, whatever,” says Haymitch. He’s not drinking but I can tell he’d like to be. Effie had them take her own wine away when she saw the effort he was making - Such nice moments that make you appreciate Effie a lot more; she’s making a fashion statement to emphasize that she views the four of them as a team (not bad for someone who hoped they were going to get promoted to a “better district” after Peeta and Katniss’s win) and she also re-enforces this through her actions (i.e. turning down her drink in solidarity with Haymitch); it’s very sweet (although I couldn’t help but snort at the absurdity of Effie suggesting an ankle band to the guy with one leg 😅 - she’s got the spirit, though)

Effie makes hushed, distressed comments like “Oh, not Celia” or “Well, Chaff never could stay out of a fight,” and sighs frequently. - A first hint that the Capitolites might not be too on board with the premise of this particular Quarter Quell, since they grow attached to their victors

I just sit there watching Peeta rip out the pages of the victors who were not picked. “Why don’t you get some sleep?” he says. Because I can’t handle the nightmares. Not without you, I think. - Katniss basically admits here that she needs Peeta, that he helps her dealing with her trauma, just by being there for her! Which is a big admission, coming from her. - They are sure to be dreadful tonight. But I can hardly ask Peeta to come sleep with me. We’ve barely touched since that night Gale was whipped. - You lying liar, Katniss! After Gale got whipped, Peeta kissed you in front of the Peacekeepers, carried you around your house and tucked you into your bed... He only turned all businesslike when the Quarter Quell was announced. On the other hand, you apparently decided in your mind that you “chose Gale” after he got whipped and now you’re upset that Peeta’s not making any ‘moves’ on you?? Make up your mind, gurl ;) And technically, you could ask him to come sleep with you; he told you that he also sleeps better with you in his arms, sooo... - “What are you going to do?” I ask. “Just review my notes awhile. Get a clear picture of what we’re up against. But I’ll go over it with you in the morning. Go to bed, Katniss,” he says. - Peeta reassuring Katniss that he’ll go over his notes with her in the morning makes me wonder whether he thinks that she is stalling going to bed because she wants to be up to date on everything (which is probably something he’d value highly, after being left out of the loop the last few times; and also because he’s in rational problem-solving mode right now, rather than his more emotionally mature people-person mode); Peeta insisting that Katniss should go to bed is a more grounded, rational expression of his caring for her (Katniss needs her rest)

within a few hours I awake from a nightmare where that old woman from District 4 transforms into a large rodent and gnaws on my face. I know I was screaming, but no one comes. Not Peeta, not even one of the Capitol attendants. - It’s so weird to have Katniss have this nightmare starring Mags, of all people... Also, someone’s a little pouty that no strapping young man with strong arms is there to provide comfort, hmh?😉

Peeta rises and flips off the tape when he sees me. - Okay, but it’s kind of hilarious to imagine that even that far into the future, their ‘old recording technology’ is still tapes 😂 - “Couldn’t sleep?” “Not for long,” I say. [...] “Want to talk about it?” he asks. Sometimes that can help, but I just shake my head, feeling weak that people I haven’t even fought yet already haunt me. When Peeta holds out his arms, I walk straight into them. - I think it’s interesting how Peeta first turns off the tape (research for their problem), then offers a more, hmh, let’s say directed approach to deal with her nightmares (’want to talk about it?’), and then offers physical affection to comfort Katniss; I also feel like from this moment onwards, Peeta drops the tough trainer routine completely (it’s not necessary anymore; the tributes have been chosen, they have done all the preparation that was in their power once his notes are finalized; after that, it’s just rolling with the punches) - It’s the first time since they announced the Quarter Quell that he’s offered me any sort of affection. He’s been more like a very demanding trainer, always pushing, always insisting Haymitch and I run faster, eat more, know our enemy better. Lover? Forget about that. He abandoned any pretense of even being my friend. - Katniss, this guy is literally preparing to die for you and you accuse him of dropping any pretense of being your friend??🙄🤦‍♀️ It’s called tough love and I can tell you are not a fan of it ;)

I wrap my arms tightly around his neck before he can order me to do push-ups or something. Instead he pulls me in close and buries his face in my hair. - We know that you missed Peeta’s affection, Katniss, but haven’t you considered that the poor boy might also have been missing these moments? - Warmth radiates from the spot where his lips just touch my neck, slowly spreading through the rest of me. It feels so good, so impossibly good, that I know I will not be the first to let go. - Katniss absolutely craving and basking in Peeta’s affection - how can people (including Katniss, lol) think that she’d chose Gale over Peeta?!??

And why should I? I have said good-bye to Gale. I’ll never see him again, that’s for certain. Nothing I do now can hurt him. He won’t see it or he’ll think I am acting for the cameras. That, at least, is one weight off my shoulders. - It’s been weighing on her how showing any affection towards Peeta could potentially hurt Gale; just goes to show how much she cares (platonically) for Gale, but also how much Gale’s continued lingering on the potentiality of the development of a romantic relationship between him and Katniss has affected/impeded Katniss in being more affectionate and open with Peeta (I’m sure it was not really Gale’s intent, but it’s still a pretty uncool move on his part)

“What’s with him [the Capitol attendant that brought the warm milk]?” I say. “I think he feels bad for us,” says Peeta. “Right,” I say, pouring the milk. “I mean it. I don’t think the people in the Capitol are going to be all that happy about our going back in,” says Peeta. “Or the other victors. They get attached to their champions.” - Peeta’s intuitve people skills are on to something here - I think this is when he realizes that the Capitol/Snow is severely underestimating the power of human connection (of course, the Capitolites generally aren’t truly empathetic towards the victors, their attachment is more of a selfish kind of “love”, but it’s an attachment nevertheless) and this is actually something that can be used to their (Katniss’s, Peeta’s, and just the victors’ in general) advantage and will ultimately lead to Peeta dropping that baby bomb

“We don’t have to tell Haymitch we saw it [the recording of the 2nd Quarter Quell].” “Okay,” Peeta agrees. He puts in the tape and I curl up next to him on the couch with my milk, - reminds me of Katniss and Peeta watching the replay of their Games: I sit so close to Peeta that I’m pracitcally on his lap, but one look from Haymitch tells me it isn’t enough. Kicking off my sandals, I tuck my feet to the side and lean my head against Peeta’s shoulder. (THG, Ch. 27) - Only this time, there’s no Haymitch to tell Katniss to sit close to Peeta; she’s doing that because she wants to

then I hear the name “Maysilee Donner.” “Oh!” I say. “She was my mother’s friend.” [...] “I think that’s your mother hugging her,” says Peeta quietly. And he’s right. As Maysilee Donner bravely disengages herself and heads for the stage, I catch a glimpse of my mother at my age, and no one has exaggerated her beauty. Holding her hand and weeping is another girl who looks just like Maysilee. But a lot like someone else I know, too. “Madge.” I say. “That’s her mother. She and Maysilee were twins or something,” Peeta says. “My dad mentioned it once.” I think of Madge’s mother. Mayor Undersee’s wife. Who spends half her life in bed immobilized with terrible pain, shutting out the world. I think of how I never realized that she and my mother shared this connection. - I feel like this is one of these moments where Katniss really realizes the trauma that also shaped her parents’ generation; it’s easy to be mad/upset with your parents for not doing enough/what you deem the “right thing” and expect from an adult when you are a child/teenager and totally forget that parents have been children/teens, too, who might have their own burdens to bear and which might impede them in their later life, that you, as their child, are not really aware of

But since Haymitch is going to be the victor, we get to see one full exchange between him and Caesar Flickerman, who looks exactly as he always does in his twinkling midnight blue suit. Only his dark green hair, eyelids, and lips are different. - Okay, Caesar still looking the same after 25 years is just kinda creepy

That’s when we hear Maysilee begin to scream. The alliance is over and she broke it off, so no one could blame him for ignoring her. But Haymitch runs for her, anyway. He arrives only in time to watch the last of a flock of candy-pink birds, equipped with long, thin beaks, skewer her through the neck. He holds her hand while she dies, and all I can think of is Rue and how I was too late to save her, too. - Okay, so the bird thing is super creepy and sounds like something the Penguin would come up with 😧 Haymitch evidently caring despite projecting an aloof personality just shows how similar (younger) he and Katniss are, as Katniss says: “It’s [using the forcefield to kill the last tribute] almost as bad as us and berries!” [...] I think I finally know who Haymitch is. And I’m beginning to know who I am. And surely, two people who have caused the Capitol so much trouble can think of a way to get Peeta home alive. - I’d love to know what Katniss has learned about who she is at this point; since she didn’t really have much of a concept of her identity beyond keeping her family alive and fed before her first Games and feeling at loss for who she is on the way back to D12 by then end of the first book. I wonder how exactly she views herself now - it definitely involves a bit of rebellion against the Capitol and a fierce determination to save Peeta, but no definite specifics so far...

Chapter 15

At some point during the prep, each of them [the prep team] bursts into tears at least twice, and Octavia pretty much keeps up a running whimper throughout the morning. It turns out they really have become attached to me and the idea of my returning to the arena has undone them. [...] The idea of being strong for someone else having never entered their heads, I find myself in the position of having to console them. Since I’m the person going in to be slaughtered, this is somewhat annoying. - Lol, you’ve gotta love Katniss’s dry humor 😂

It’s interesting, though, when I think of what Peeta said about the attendant on the train being unhappy about the victors having to fight again. About people in the Capitol not liking it. [...] They certainly don’t have a problem watching children being murdered every year. But maybe they know too much about the victors, especially the ones who’ve been celebrities for ages, to forget we’re human beings. It’s more like watching your own friends die. More like the Games are for those of us in the districts. - It is indeed interesting, Katniss! Peeta’s on to something here... To avoid solidarity and attachment, the Capitol diligently keeps apart the districts from each other, as well as the Capitol apart from the districts; BUT! because of the cruelty they inflict on the districts (the Games), they are providing the districts with a common goal/enemy to bond over (Katniss will make use of that when she’s talking to that man at the Nut in D2) and because by providing the Capitolites with this sick entertainment, they have created a contact point for people from the districts and the Capitol - and recurring exposure to something/someone creates a sense of familiarity (-> “familiarity principle”, also sometimes called the mere-exposure effect) and increases our liking of said thing/person. Blanchet and Vaage (2012) have even postulated in their publication “Don, Peggy, and Other Fictional Friends? Engaging with Characters in Television Series” that repeated exposure to characters in tv shows (vs. limited exposure to movie characters) would suggest that tv series have a greater potential for the viewer to bond with the characters on screen. They argue that this recurring exposure could have a similar effect to that of the “shared history account of love and friendship”, one of the criteria for the forming of friendships, which could explain why we sometimes feel like we have a sort of pseudo-friendship with fictional characters (who would have thought that I would end up citing a paper I referenced in my master’s thesis here, huh? I certainly didn’t ;) - since the Capitolites just barely acknowledge the victors as people and mostly know them from the detached viewings, I feel like this analogy could fit

the moment he [Cinna] walks in the door I snap, “I swear if you cry, I’ll kill you here and now.” Cinna just smiles. “Had a damp morning?” “You could wring me out,” I reply. Cinna puts his arm around my shoulder and leads me into lunch. “Don’t worry. I always channel my emotions into my work. That way I don’t hurt anyone but myself.” - love that banter-y aspect of Katniss and Cinna’s relationship; but also, Cinna’s remark about channeling his emotions into his work so he can only end up hurting himself hits different when you know what is to come 😢

I’m hoping to find Peeta and Haymitch, but they haven’t arrived yet. Unlike last year, when all the tributes were practically glued to their chariot, the scene is very social. The victors, both this year’s tributes and their mentors, are standing around in small groups, talking. Of course, they all know one another and I don’t know anyone, and I’m not really the sort of person to go around introducing myself. So I just stroke the neck of one of my horses and try not to be noticed. - As a hardcore introvert, I feel this moment in my bones - the only people I feel comfortable around are not there and there are a bunch of people who have known each other for a long time, talking with each other? I’ll try my best to disappear into the background (instead of a horse, I generally have a book) 😄

Because of his [Finnick’s] youth, they couldn’t really touch him for the first year or two. - Well, I’d hope so, but I get the feeling that the Capitol used those two years to let Finnick ‘know’ that there was no choice but to sign up for what they had in mind for him... or else 😟 - But ever since he turned sixteen, he’s spent his time at the Games being dogged by those desperately in love with him. No one retains his favor for long. He can go through four or five in his annual visit. Old or young, lovely or plain, rich or very rich, he’ll keep them company and take their extravagant gifts, but he never stays, and once he’s gone he never comes back. - It’s strange how Katniss first frames Finnick as a victim or as someone who needed to be protected (e.g. Capitol first couldn’t touch him for the first two years, Finnick being ‘dogged’), but after that, it doesn’t seem like she continues the thought that he might not be enjoying that lifestyle at all and might actually be forced into it; Maybe because Katniss can’t even fathom the horror of a 16-year-old boy being forced into prostitution, maybe because she’s still ignorant of how shitty the regular victor’s life is post-Games, or maybe because she’d never consider that a guy could be forced into prostitution (as in D12, it’s basically just a thing some women resort to, as the “market” for that kind of thing was basically just Cray, from what we’ve learned)

I can’t argue that Finnick isn’t one of the most stunning, sensuous people on the planet. But I can honestly say he’s never been attractive to me. Maybe he’s too pretty, or maybe he’s too easy to get, or maybe it’s really that he’s just be too easy too lose. - Sounds like you’re more interested in a more steady and safe type of guy, Katniss... Hmmh, I wonder who could qualify as such...🤔😉 I also love how Katniss has no problem admitting that Finnick is objectively hot, while still being genuine when she says that she’s not into him (she talked similarly about Gale in the first book)

He’s draped in a golden net that’s strategically knotted at his groin so that he can’t technically be called naked, but he’s about as close as you can get. - Lol, this reminds me of the Grimm’s fairytale “The Clever Farmer’s Daughter” in which a king asks said farmer’s daughter to come to his castle “Not undressed, nor naked, not on horse, nor by carriage, not on the road, nor off it", so she ‘dresses’ herself in a net, ties it to a donkey’s tail and let’s the animal drag her to the king’s castle, with only one of her toes touching the road 😄

“You’re absolutely terrifying me in that getup. What happened to the pretty little-girl dresses?” he asks. He wets his lips just ever so slightly with his tongue. Probably this drives most people crazy. But for some reason all I can think of is old Cray, salivating over some poor, starving young woman. - Oh boy, Katniss is way off here... 😩😭

“What did Finnick Odair want?” he [Peeta] asks. I turn and put my lips close to Peeta’s and drop my eyelids in imitation of Finnick. “He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets,” I say in my best seductive voice. Peeta laughs. “Ugh. Not really.” “Really,” I say. “I’ll tell you more when my skin stops crawling.” - Evidently, Finnick’s line of flirting is not appealing to neither Katniss nor Peeta ^^- “Do you think we’d have ended up like this if only one of us had won?” he asks, glancing around the other victors. - Peeta wondering about this really showcases his empathy and how he doesn’t really view the victors as ‘other’, unlike Katniss still does at this point

“Sure. Especially you,” I say. “Oh. And why especially me?” he says with a smile. “Because you have a weakness for beautiful things and I don’t,” I say with an air of superiority. - Says the woman who lamented having to kill a beautiful lynx and a beautiful deer and who waxed poetic about Peeta’s eyelashes 👀 -“They would lure you into their Capitol ways and you’d be lost entirely.” “Having an eye for beauty isn’t the same thing as a weakness,” Peeta points out. “Except possibly when it comes to you.” - Leave it to Peeta to manage arguing Katniss’s point while also dropping a flirty compliment - what a multitasker! 😉

“Shall we?” He holds out a hand to help me into the chariot. I climb up and pull him up after me. “Hold still,” I say, and straighten his crown. - Cuties! Peeta being a gentleman and helping Katniss up the chariot first, followed by her helping him up in return and adjusting his crown because they’re a team and basically married at this point 😭 (I know I’m exaggerating, but still.. it’s so cute)

“Are we supposed to hold hands this year?” I ask. “I guess they’ve left it up to us,” says Peeta. I look up into those blue eyes that no amount of dramatic makeup can make truly deadly and remember how, just a year ago, I was prepared to kill him. Convinced he was trying to kill me. Now everything is reversed. I’m determined to keep him alive, knowing the cost will be my own life [...] Our hands find each other without further discussion. Of course we will go into this as one. - 😭😭

Before either of us says a word, she [Seeder] embraces me. I know somehow it must be because of Rue and Thresh. Before I can stop myself, I whisper, “The families?” “They’re alive,” she says back softly before letting me go. - Aww, Katniss checking with Seeder how Thresh’s and Rue’s families are doing is exactly why Seeder went into this hug in the first place - Katniss is so kind 🥺

Except for her forest green slippers, she [Johanna] doesn’t have on a stitch of clothing. “That’s better.” We end up on the same elevator with her, and she spends the whole ride to the seventh floor chatting to Peeta about his paintings while the light of his still-glowing costume reflects off her bare breasts. When she leaves, I ignore him, but I just know he’s grinning. - Lol, somebody’s jealouuusss!!!😏 And Peeta’s just super amused 😂

I toss aside his hand as the doors close behind Chaff and Seeder, leaving us alone, and he breaks out laughing. “What?” I say, turning on him as we step out on our floor. “It’s you, Katniss. Can’t you see?” he says. “What’s me?” I say. “Why they’re all acting like this. Finnick with his sugar cubes and Chaff kissing you and that whole thing with Johanna stripping down.” He tries to take on a more serious tone, unsuccessfully. “They’re playing with you because you’re so... you know.” “No, I don’t know,” I say. And I really have no idea what he’s talking about. [...] “You’re so... pure,” he says finally. “I am not!” I say. “I’ve been practically ripping your clothes off every time there’s been a camera for the last year!” “Yeah, but... I mean, for the Capitol, you’re pure,” he says, clearly trying to mollify me. “For me, you’re perfect. They’re just teasing you.” “No, they’re laughing at me, and so are you!” I say. “No.” Peeta shakes his head, but he’s still suppressing a smile. I’m seriously rethinking the question of who should get out of these Games alive when the elevator door opens. - Geez, Katniss, calm down ^^ Although it would make sense that she’d feel upset over the other victors not taking her too seriously - being taken seriously has been an integral part of her approach in the last Games (think of how she took a lot of pride in showcasing her capability in the arena) and now that she’s hell-bent on saving Peeta it would also be important that any potential allies (or threats) take her seriously, too (of course, you can tease someone and still respect their skills, etc. but in Katniss’s defense there have been already 3 people trying to throw her off her game and it seems to have worked at least a little)... I wonder if Peeta might recognize this kind of playful teasing from his time on the wrestling team - I’m sure there was plenty of that happening there ^^

#thgagain #thg #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #thg meta #everlark #my sketches and drawings #thg fanart #haymitch abernathy #effie

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