#fix it - thinks evan has moved on and there's no chance for them anymore..

[curlyboys]

i love the trope of buck leaving tommy voicemails and texts when he's angry or drunk or when the pain is too much and he just wants tommy to know this isn't some passing thing that this is a lasting love and he's never getting over him..

and one of the messages at some point in the months after their breakup goes along the lines of:

..i dunno why you didn't believe the way i cared about you was serious.. i wish you'd stuck around long enough to tell me why you were so scared, why you didn't believe in us, who hurt you.. i still love you, and i still hate you for running away, but i forgive you.. i hope you can find a way to forgive yourself.. because you deserve to have a happy ending, tommy.. you deserve to believe that it's possible for you, because it is.. i wanted to give that to you.. i wanted that for both of us..

[dragonydreams]

BuckTommy Fic: Stuck in the Middle With You

Title: Stuck in the Middle With You Fandom: 9-1-1 Rating: Teen Audiences And Up Pairings/Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Eddie Diaz & Tomy Kinard Additional Tags: post-episode: s08e06 Confessions, this is not a buddie story, second chances, Eddie's a good friend, Fix-It Summary: Eddie promises Buck he'll talk to Tommy to try to get his friends back together. Word Count: 2,701 Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over these characters. I am merely borrowing them from Reamworks, Brad Falchuk Teley-Vision, Ryan Murphy Television, and 20th Television. Betas: Thank you to @medieshanachiefor looking this over for me. Author's Note: I'm not really sure where some of this came from. I had a line in my head and it kind of spiraled from there. Then Tommy got notions and wouldn't give them up. 

Read on AO3

They drank their beers in silence, but after a few minutes when Buck was still staring at the fireplace with that kicked puppy expression on his face, Eddie couldn't keep his rising worry in anymore.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what happened?" he asked.

Buck looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. He watched Buck take in his bare face and legs. "I could ask you the same thing," Buck said, rather than answering.

"A priest told me to do something joyful," Eddie said. 'Your turn."

"A priest…? We're coming back to that." Buck takes a swig from his beer bottle. "Tommy dumped me."

Eddie nearly dropped his beer in his haste to turn to face Buck. "He what? But you just had your six month anniversary!"

"Took me by surprise, too," Buck said. "I don't think he was planning it, but as Athena would say, I went full Buck and scared him off."

Eddie winced. "What happened?"

"I asked him to move in with me," Buck admitted.

Eddie blew out a breath. "Is that how you phrased it?"

"Yeah, how else would I do it?" Buck asked, confused. 

"You didn't suggest moving in together, but for Tommy to move in with you," Eddie said.

"What difference does the phrasing make?" Buck asked, getting annoyed. He came here for comfort, not an inquisition.

"At any time while you were deciding to ask Tommy to move in, did you remember that Tommy has a house with a two car garage?" 

"I– What–" Buck's brow furrowed. "Of course I've been to Tommy's house."

"And you asked him to move in with you," Eddie said, again. 

Buck huffed in frustration. "I didn't mean my loft, literally."

"Did he know that?"

"I don't know, he was too busy breaking up with me to discuss where exactly we'd live," Buck said. "Why are you taking his side?"

"I'm not," Eddie said, holding his hands up. "I'm just trying to understand what happened."

"Did you know he used to be engaged to a woman?" Buck asked. "To Abby?"

Eddie's eyes went wide. "Not your Abby?"

"Yes, my Abby. Although I guess she was his Abby first," Buck said. "How could the two most important people I've dated been engaged to each other?"

"That is quite the coincidence," Eddie mused. "Is that what led to the idea of moving in?"

"Maybe?" Buck admitted. "Josh said all this stuff about me coming out in a post-Glee world, but he and Tommy came out in a pre-Glee world that wasn't so understanding and I wanted Tommy to know that I respected how hard it must have been for him and show him that I was all in."

"Had the two of you said I love you yet?" Eddie asked. 

"Why does everyone keep asking me that," Buck muttered. "No, but had you and Marisol said it before you asked her to move in?"

"No, we had not, and look how that turned out," Eddie said. "Our exes definitely had some big secrets."

"Yeah, but I knew about Abby before asking Tommy to move in. You didn't find out about Marisol being a nun until after," Buck pointed out.

"Almost a nun," Eddie corrected him automatically. 

Buck slumped back against the couch, draining the rest of his beer. "I went too big, too fast, didn't I?"

"You do have a tendency to act before thinking things through," Eddie agreed. 

"It's part of my charm," Buck said.

"Is it though?"

"Apparently not," Buck admitted. "I thought people liked big romantic gestures. Tommy loves all that rom-com stuff."

"Maybe, but not when it's a reaction to learning about a shared former lover," Eddie said. 

"How do I fix this?" Buck asked, tears filling his eyes. "I don't know that I am... Was… am in love with him, but I'm not ready to be without him."

"I don't know that this is something that you can walk back," Eddie said. 

"He said that while he may have been my first, he wasn't going to be my last. Did he tell you that he wasn't in this for the long haul?" Buck asked.

"We tried not to talk about you too much when we hung out," Eddie said. "But from what I could see, he was in it as much as you were." 

"Then why would he say something like that to me? Just because he's the first man I've been with doesn't mean that I want to be with other men."

"I can't speak for him, but maybe it's been his experience that when one man is just starting to date men and the other isn't, they don't usually stay together that long," Eddie said. "I'm just guessing here. You'd have to talk to him."

"Or-or you could," Buck suggested. He sat up on the couch, suddenly eager. "Yeah, can you do that? Can you go tell him that sometimes I leap before I look and I don't want this to end?"

Buck was looking at him with such sad yet hopeful eyes, that Eddie found himself saying, "Okay, fine, I'll try. Once."

Buck tackle hugged him. "Thank you. You're the best friend ever."

"I can't promise I'll change his mind," Eddie cautioned. 

"I'm not asking you to. I just need him to talk to me," Buck said, pulling back. "And now I think I need to know where your pants are."

Eddie laughed. "Yeah, um, so have you seen the movie Risky Business..."

~~*~~

Eddie stood before Tommy's front door, food offering in hand, and took a deep breath before ringing the bell.

It took a few minutes, but Tommy opened the door looking as rough as Eddie expected. 

"Had a feeling you'd need this," he said, holding up the bag containing a couple of breakfast burritos. 

"Did he send you?" Tommy asked, warily eyeing the bag of food.

"Yes, but I also wanted to see how you're doing," Eddie admitted. "I'm your friend, too."

Tommy stood back and let Eddie in before following him to the kitchen. Eddie got down a couple of plates while Tommy started making coffee.

"Should have known he'd run straight to you," Tommy muttered. "That man has been in love with you for as long as I've known him."

Eddie snorted. "No, he's not."

Tommy stared at him with an eyebrow raised. "I know he claimed he was trying to get my attention after you and I started hanging out, but I can tell you, he was most definitely not."

"He may have been trying to get my attention, but that's just the way our co-dependent friendship works sometimes. It's not because he's in love with me," Eddie protested.

"You tell yourself whatever you need to," Tommy said. 

"If he was in love with me, why would he have come to my house last night with a six-pack of beer and practically beg me to come ask you to talk to him to try to change your mind about breaking up?"

"Because you're his best friend," Tommy said.

"His straight best friend," Eddie reminded him. He idly wondered why he had to keep telling men he was straight. 

"You sure about that?" Tommy asked. "Should I kiss you and see if you have the same revelation Evan had?"

"Thanks, but I'll pass," Eddie said. "Because one, I'm not bicurious and two, I'm here on behalf of my heartbroken best friend."

Tommy poured them each a cup of coffee and they moved to the dining table. They each took a few bites before the conversation resumed.

"So, Buck's Abby was also your Abby," Eddie said. 

"It appears so. Did you know her?" Tommy asked.

Eddie shook his head. "She was before I moved to L.A. But I was there for the aftermath. Did he tell you about their breakup?"

"We didn't really get into that," Tommy admitted. "He just said she was one of his most transformative relationships, before me."

"From what I've heard, Buck slept around a lot before Abby. Bobby actually fired him his probationary year because he kept stealing engines for hookups."

Tommy choked on the bite he'd just taken. "I'm sorry, he stole fire engines to have sex? He wasn't kidding when he said he was a himbo."

Eddie nodded. "That's not the guy that I met, though. I met a guy who was living in his girlfriend's apartment even though she'd been traveling in Europe alone for months after her mom died."

"I did read about that. I sent her flowers," Tommy said.

"She basically ghosted Buck. He was staying true to her while she ran around without any real intention of coming back. She broke something in him."

"Because I broke something in her," Tommy said.

"That's not what I'm saying," Eddie said, quickly.

"Then why tell me about it?" Tommy demanded.

"To help you understand Buck. In case you haven't noticed, he has a fear of abandonment. Of not being enough," Eddie said.

"Who doesn't?" Tommy countered.

"He also tends to overcompensate when he's afraid," Eddie said.

"You're saying that he asked me to move in to his loft because he was afraid I'd leave him for a woman once he knew I used to be engaged to one?" Tommy asked, incredulously.

"No, I'm saying that between learning about Abby and something Josh said to him about how hard it was for gay people pre-Glee he wanted to show you how "in" he was in this relationship by asking you to move in."

"He's done this before? I'm not sure if that makes me feel any better."

"Did he tell you about suing the city after Bobby wouldn't let him return to work as soon as Buck wanted to after the ladder truck crushed his leg? Or asking Taylor to move in with him instead of just telling her he'd kissed Lucy back after she'd kissed him?"

"So he has done this before," Tommy said, solemnly. "Wait, Lucy Denato?"

"Or the time he tried grooming Ravi to take his place because he was convinced we all hated him after Chimney went chasing after Maddie when she left after Jee-Yun was born?"

"Or the time he thought he was cursed because he grew boils after an allergic reaction?" Tommy added.

"Exactly. He gets stuff in his head and reacts without thinking."

"And instead of talking it out, I just reacted to the words he was saying instead of talking to him about where they were coming from," Tommy said.

"Do you love him?" Eddie asked.

"Not yet, but I was close," Tommy admitted. "I didn't get into this relationship expecting love. I wasn't looking for it, but it was starting to sneak up on me."

"And that scared you," Eddie guessed.

"It did, because, as I said before, I didn't want my heart broken when you finally realized you were as in love with Evan as he is with you," Tommy said.

"I told you, I'm not," Eddie insisted. "I'm not gay, or bi."

"That's why you grew a Freddy Mercury mustache? To show how straight you are?" Tommy asked.

"Is that why the hot priest was hitting on me?" Eddie wondered aloud. 

"I'm sorry, a hot priest was hitting on you?" Tommy made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle.

"He called my mustache very handsome," Eddie said.

"So you ran home and shaved it?"

"No, I shaved it because I realized I didn't need the mask anymore," Eddie said. "And not to mask that I'm straight. That's just the truth."

Tommy held his hands up. "Okay, fine, you're straight. You have no interest in bedding Evan."

"No, I don't. I'm not a threat to your relationship."

"There is no more relationship," Tommy said.

"If you're willing to try, there still could be," Eddie said. 

"I need to think about it," Tommy said.

"That's all I'm asking," Eddie said.

~~*~~

Can we meet for coffee?"

Buck nearly fumbled his phone as he read the text when they got back to the station after a call, four days after Tommy had dumped him. He frantically looked around for Eddie.

When he spotted him on a couch he ran over to him, holding out his phone. "Eddie, Eddie, he texted."

"Are you going to respond?" Eddie teased. 

"Oh, uh, yeah, of course," Buck said, pulling his phone back.

Yes! When and where?

Tommy responded right away. 

Tomorrow morning, 10am. You know where.

The coffee shop of second chances. Third? I'll be there.

"So?" Eddie asked.

"We're meeting for coffee tomorrow when we get off shift," Buck said, his face lit up with his smile.

"That's great, man. Good luck," Eddie said.

~~*~~

Buck was sitting at an outdoor table, two cups of coffee before him. The main difference this time is that he knew he had Tommy's order right.

"I'm feeling a bit of deja vu," Tommy said as he sat down across from Buck.

"Coffee should be better this time," Buck said.

Tommy brought the cup to his lips and hummed with appreciation. "At least you didn't try to be cute and order the wrong thing knowingly."

"I'd never do that to you," Buck said, offended.

"I know," Tommy said. "I'm sorry, I know that I have no right to be snarky."

"I'm the one who got dumped," Buck pointed out. "If anyone's going to be snarky, it should be me."

"I'm sorry, Evan," Tommy said.

"So it's Evan again?" Buck snarked.

"I deserved that," Tommy said. 

"What are you sorry for?" Buck asked.

"I'm sorry that instead of talking out my concerns that you were moving too fast I pulled away completely," Tommy apologized.

"And I'm sorry if you thought that I meant I wanted you to move into the loft. I was just so excited about the idea of living together, I didn't stop to think about where it would be," Buck said.

"I guess that's something we'll both need to work on; pausing to think before saying things," Tommy said.

"S-so there's something to work on?" Buck asked, hopefully. "Are we getting back together?"

"I think we need to have some long conversations about what we're looking for in this relationship, but I'm willing to have those discussions," Tommy said.

"Me too," Buck said, eagerly.

"But first, I want to ask you something that I should have done from the beginning," Tommy said.

Buck licked his lips nervously and nodded. "Okay, ask."

"Are you in love with Eddie?"

Buck laughed, then noticed the stern look on Tommy's face. "Oh, you're serious."

"Very."

"No, I'm not in love with Eddie. He's my best friend. My soulmate, but my platonic soulmate."

"Are you sure about that? Now that you know you're bi, are your feelings for him still just platonic?" Tommy pressed.

"Totally," Buck assured him. "He's always going to be an important person in my life, but he's not the one I want to share a bed with. My turn for a serious question."

"I deserve that," Tommy said.

"Can you handle Eddie and Christopher's role in my life? I'm always going to drop everything if one of them needs me. Are you going to be okay with that? Most of my girlfriends couldn't."

"Hell, I'll probably be the one driving you," Tommy admitted. "They're both pretty special people."

"They're the best," Buck agreed. "And I think you should take Eddie to the Lakers game instead of me. I really hate basketball."

Tommy laughed. "You know, somehow I just knew Eddie was going to end up at that game."

"Can we kiss and make up now?" Buck asked. 

"God, yes," Tommy said, both of them standing and reaching for the other. 

The kiss was fairly chaste since they were in public, but their hunger for each other was clear. This was something they both desperately wanted.

"You wanna get out of here?" Buck asked, somewhat breathless.

"Come back to my place?" Tommy suggested. 

"I'm right behind you," Buck said.

"Hmm, no, I think we should be face to face," Tommy said, smirking. 

Buck's face flushed. "That's not what… I mean yes, absolutely."

Tommy kissed Buck's cheek. "I'll see you soon."

The Beginning (Again)

[maraudersftw]

"Oh god. How long have you been standing there?"

Congrats love!!! ❤❤❤

Hey, Lauren! Remember when you sent this? 💖 Neither do I 🥲 But I wrote something for it, so thank you, queen!

Fighting Fear

Through the light veil of intoxication clouding his vision, he spots her across the room, stood near the fireplace with Mary Macdonald, a cup of punch in hand.

“—how he did that swerve and roll when the bludger came his way! Are you listening, Prongs? What’s—” Sirius’s annoyed tone morphs into a heavy sigh the very next second, and James doesn’t even need to turn to know that he’s spotted the girls too. “Ah. Suppose I’ve lost you now, then.”

With a self-admonishing shake of his head, James looks away, shifting so that his back faces the fireplace now; not entirely eliminating the temptation but lessening his masochistic tendencies somewhat. “It’s nothing,” he makes himself say, chugging a huge gulp of his own punch and instantly regretting the move when his insides recoil with horror. “I’m fine. It’s over… whatever it was.”

“Is it really?” Sirius asks, looking exasperated. “Because not a single person in the room—no, fuck that; the castle—would believe that, given the fat fucking clouds of gloom the two of you seem to carry around with you these days.”

James clenches his jaw. “What do you want me to say, Padfoot? I did what I could, but—”

“You gave up.”

That does it.

“She is the one who went fucking silent on me!” he hisses, fingers clenching around his now-empty cup. “I told her how I felt, I asked her out, because you—all three of you!—told me she had to feel the same way, and then I scared her off. It’s exactly what I'd feared, and now—”

“Stop whining for a moment, would you?” Sirius glares, snatching the crushed cup away from James's hand for no apparent reason. “She didn’t go fucking silent on you; she said she needed some time.”

“Yes, to think of how to let me down gently, no doubt.”

“You know, Prongs, Evans has called you arrogant ‘bout a dozen times in the past, but now is when you really need to pull your head out of your arse, mate,” he scoffs. “Give the bird a bloody chance. She’s never had her feelings all sorted out, like you have. She clearly likes to complicate matters and overthink them to death, and I shouldn’t have to tell you this, because you already know it! If you just stopped panicking like a headless bloody chicken, you’d see all of this more rationally.”

“Merlin,” James mutters, ears a little red. “What’s with you suddenly?”

“I’m tired of watching you mope around and be miserable. Disbalances the atmosphere in the dormitory.”  

“Right.”

“Are you gonna let her talk to you then? She’s been trying since Thursday.”

“I know,” James sighs, runs a hand through his hair. “I’m just—”

“Scared of getting your heart broken, I know,” says Sirius, rolling his eyes, though not without fondness. “That’s not going to happen. No one chases the person they want to reject quite that badly. If Remus hadn’t stopped her, she might’ve marched down to the locker rooms after the match today to find you.”

“You’re kidding,” James whispers, sudden images flashing through his mind about this potential confrontation that could have taken place. He thinks he sort of regrets its non-occurrence now. “You… really think I should take a chance?”

“For fuck’s sake, yes!” Sirius barks, eyes jumping towards the fireplace for a beat. “And I’d do it soon, too, because from the look of things, Evans has clearly started thinking you want nothing to do with her anymore.”

“What?” James frowns, turning around to find only Mary standing near the large, scarlet couch, glaring with undisguised annoyance right at him. “Okay, she does not seem well pleased.”

“No shit.”

“Where’d Evans go?”

“Outside,” Sirius replies, clapping James firmly on the back. “Now go fix this or Macdonald won’t be the only one hexing your balls off.”

“You can try,” he says, mostly distracted as his feet carry him towards the portrait hole. Heart thundering behind rib-cage, skin too red-warm, breathing a little unsteady, James opens the portrait to step out, all the while trying not to completely lose it.

At first, the corridor looks seemingly empty; quiet and unoccupied given the late hour, and he wonders how she could’ve possibly gone somewhere far so quickly. But then a soft, rustling noise catches his attention, and his eyes scan the space to land on the barely-visible movement of a shadow within the nearest alcove.

He swallows, keeps his footsteps light so as to not startle her, and moves closer.

However, before he can traverse the entire distance, she steps out of the darkness, a soft gasp of surprise escaping her lips when she notices him, feet coming to an instant halt. At the sight of her, something in his chest flutters madly, then tightens to the point of pain; her eyes are sad and red-rimmed.

“Oh god,” Lily says, “How long have you been standing there?”

“I haven’t—I just came outside to—not long,” he blabbers like an idiot, feeling worse by the second. Fuck, had she really been out here, crying by herself? “I came looking for you, actually.”

“Really?” she asks, and he finds his brows climbing high when she juts out her chin a little defiantly. The action almost makes him smile with its familiarity; but only almost. “Are you just saying that because you ran into me here and have nowhere to go? Because from what I’ve seen, James, you haven’t seemed very interested in even looking at me lately, let alone looking for me.”

Merlin, this wasn’t going well. “Evans—”

“So, if awkwardness is all you’re trying to avoid, please don’t worry. I can leave you be in peace. You don’t have to feel bad—”

“Lily, stop.” He frowns, takes a step closer so she’ll see he means to go nowhere. “I’m not here because I felt bad or anything like that—although, yes, I’m not feeling too grand at the moment. I came here to tell you I’m sorry.”

He’s surprised her again; the tension evaporates from her shoulders gradually, green eyes widening. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been such a prat.” James runs a hand through his hair, finds it difficult, suddenly, to keep holding her gaze. “I knew you were trying to talk to me, but I kept avoiding you because I was scared that you’d—” say it, say it! “—that you’d say no. Or worse, that you wouldn’t even want to be my mate anymore. It was just easier to run away from that, I suppose.”

He breathes out deeply, feeling a strange sense of relief even as his heart still continues to trill in anxiety. Lily blinks, lips parted, expression painted in stunned disbelief.

He rushes to add: “That’s not to say that I still feel the same way! I mean, am I afraid? Well, yes, deathly. But I’m ready to accept whatever your answer is, Evans, I promise I am. I never should have expected you to have an immediate response anyway, and I know that—that you probably don’t feel the same way, but I respect your feelings, so… yeah.”

Fucking hell, his face feels like it’s positively on fire.

But at least his embarrassing spiel has resulted in light pink splotches on Lily’s cheeks too, which he notices only a little too well when she steps even closer, leaving barely any space between them.

“So, you were not avoiding me because you changed your mind?”

“Changed my mind?”

“About how you feel… about me,” she elaborates, voice quiet.

He can only gape in response. “You have to be kidding me. Are you absolutely mental? You thought I could just move on, change my mind, about you in four bloody days?” He scoffs, or laughs, or sobs a little—it’s hard to tell. “Honestly, Lily, that’s the most ridiculous—"

“James,” she says softly, effectively shutting him up, and in that half of a millisecond in between, James thinks that if she’s about to let him down after saying his name like that, she’ll need to take a lesson or hundred on how not to be heartbreakingly cruel. Thankfully, what she does instead is smile the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen on her, and pull him down with a light tug on his jumper. “Thank you for respecting my feelings, but I very much feel the same way.”

And before his brain can even catch up with the words, before the grin on his face has any time to materialize, Lily’s lips slide softly over his, stealing his breath, heart and sense all in one fell swoop.

[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 2 (C.E)

A/N: Here you go guys. Much awaited part 2 is here. I am so in love with this particular fan fiction and hope you guys like it. If you want me to write any blurbs related to this series, do let me know.I am open to requests.

._._._._._.

Part 1 

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris regrets divorcing you and he tries to mend the relationship. However, you have already moved on with Tom Hiddleston and are quite happy. He has to just stand back while you and your children become closer to Tom and it is all his fault.

Warnings: Angst all the way.

._._._._._.

“Coming in?” Chris turned his face towards you with a questioning look in his eyes.

“No, I have some work. Just wanted to drop the kids off myself.” Your ex husband’s house was on your way so you just saved him a trip.

“Not even for coffee, darling?”

“Sorry but I will have to say no.” You still got flustered when he called you with nicknames. You had once decided to tell him to stop calling you with all these terms of endearment but you couldn’t build up the courage to do it.

It has been over a year since your divorce and the moment you think you are over him, he is right there to bring those feelings back. You were a mess when he moved out and you had to see him on the weekends for the kids. It looked like you were drowning and you couldn’t come up for fresh air. It was exhausting but after several months, it didn’t hurt that much. It didn’t feel like your heart was tearing into shreds. You felt numb but that was better than feeling like your heart was being ripped out of your chest.

“That’s fine. See you Sunday?”

These were the only few sentences that were spoken between the two of you since the divorce. This was your new normal and you were starting to adjust to it. “Yeah, bye.”

“Who wants pancakes?” Sighing, he turned around and asked in a fake, cheerful voice. He didn’t get to be disappointed. These were the the seeds that he sow and he had to reap the results.

“I do.” A collective chorus came from the living room as they had already started to play with Dodger. Dodger was adopted from a shelter home about two weeks into the divorce. Loneliness was a destructive force and Chris hadn’t come to that realization until he was sitting in his home at eight, all alone. No laughter, no mess, no companionship. He went out that day and got a new dog. The apartment was eating him alive because it was a reminder of his ‘new life’. More like his ruined life.

“Daddy, you goin’ to be there for my match?” Jace looked up at his father and hoped that he wasn’t going to say no. There have been too many occasions this past year where he was not there for his children like Easter or Mia’s first day of school. He was either too busy with his career or he couldn’t bear to be with his family knowing that he wouldn’t be going home with them. He wasn’t strong enough to handle that truth.

“I’ll be there but I have work afterwards so I can only be there for half time.” The apologetic tone was all too familiar to the kids now so they just stayed quiet.

Chris noticed their disappointed look and continued, “When I get back, we’ll go to Disneyland for the whole weekend.”

“Mommy and Tommy will be going as well?”

Stopping in between making the pancakes, he asked with a venom laced tone, “Tommy who, Jace?”

“Mommy’s new friend. We like him.” Your son continued petting the dog without realizing the damage he is doing to his father. “New friend” was always a code for boyfriend and Chris didn’t know what to do with that information.

He knew that you had gone on a few dates with Tom Hiddleston because of the paparazzi. But he didn’t know that you both were serious. Your kids knew about him so it was pretty damn serious.

“He won’t be going with us.” Speaking with finality, he resumed cooking. You were his and that was not going to change. He knew he was being unfair but when it came to you, he lost all rationality.

“But he is our new dad.” Mia whined from her place and Chris just looked at her with a wounded look. His babygirl was putting someone else in his place.

His voice boomed throughout the house and both the kids looked at him with tears in their widened eyes, “I’m your only dad. Don’t you ever say that.”

“‘m sorry, daddy. Didn’t mean to make you mad.” Her chin wobbled and Chris was quick to realize his mistake. It was not your children’s fault. It was not your fault. It was his fault.

“Not your fault, baby. But you only have one daddy and that’s me.” Kissing her forehead, he wiped the single tear that managed to escape her blue eyes.

“’kay.” The kids got distracted again but Chris did not forget. He was still seething from the inside because Tom may have taken you away from him but he damn well couldn’t take his children.

They all get ice cream afterwards and the kids fall asleep in their rooms that Chris built from scratch. It was a lengthy process because he just kept remembering the times when he decorated their nursery with you. Such a beautiful memory and he was ruining it. The guilt ate him up inside when he realized that he may not get to ever decorate a nursery for your children again. He may not get to expand his family with you again. Again, it was his fault.

“Sorry, ‘m late. Work was hectic today.” Everything was so busy today because your boss signed up a new contract and he has been impossible to work with. You just wanted to go home and sleep for the whole week.

“It’s okay. They’re sleepin’ upstairs. Listen, we need to talk.” He was too consumed by anger and hurt to notice that you were too exhausted for everything.

“Go on.” You urged him, figuring that he might say that he won’t be able to make it to your son’s match. This was what most of your conversations were based on; him saying that he is too busy to be present at occasions related to your children.

“Why are my children referring to your boyfriend as dad?” He nothing but spat that sentence.

“I- I didn’t know about any of this. I’ll talk to them.” Stuttering, you tried to mediate the situation but nothing seemed to get through to him at the moment.

“No need. I already did that but for next time, keep your boyfriends away from my children.”

“Our children and I don’t let anyone near my children. We are serious.” You were offended by his crude tone and you weren’t just going to let him walk all over you.

“You can’t be serious with him. As a matter of fact, you can’t be serious with anyone.” Your ex husband declared it like it was a law. He didn’t know how to react to what you said. All the pain was converted into anger because that was his current form of expression.

“Are you serious?” This was all too much for you to handle. How could he say that?

“Yes. You only belong with me. I regret it so much (Y/N).” Chris’s expressions told you where he was going.

“Oh, stop. You can’t just do that. Can’t come bargin’ in my life and mess it all up again. I am happy.”

Chris reached out his hand but you took a step back. He was not allowed to touch you anymore. “I was mistaken. My career is not above you, darlin’. Never was.”

“You made me feel worthless. You made me feel as if I was the reason our marriage ended. Won’t allow myself to get sucked back into this relationship.”

“I know I broke our family. I tore us apart and didn’t even apologize for it properly. I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” There was a stream of tears running down his face and you wanted to wipe them away but you resisted.

There were still times when you wished that you were still happily married to Chris. That you still had your perfect, little family. The divorce made you feel worthless and lonely. There were times when you couldn’t even look at your children because they were the exact replica of your ex husband. You once adored the fact that they were his carbon copy. However, now you couldn’t help but get angry. How could he leave little pieces of himself behind and think that you could move on with your life.

It was all because you were with another man. He never said all these things when you were alone and you suffered from depression. There were days when you couldn’t get out of bed to get your kids ready for school. You knew that Jace had informed him because he was really worried about you and he always shared his troubling thoughts with Chris. But he didn’t do anything about it. He stayed quiet and you had to pull all the pieces back together yourself. It was all tape and glue. Your ex husband didn’t get to come back and dismantle your progress. You wouldn’t let him.

“You can’t do this. Can’t come back. I am with Tom now so stop trying to fix things that you already broke.” Your face was red with anger and all the energy was drained out of your body.

“Please, just give me a chance.”

“No!” You couldn’t choose Chris again. You had to choose yourself. You chose to think about your needs and your feelings for the first time in seven years. That’s why you agreed to go on a date with Tom. He surpassed your expectations the first time and you knew that he could be your partner. No one could compare to Chris but Tom made his own place in your heart and you were glad about it. You continued on, “Tom is good for me so please don’t ruin my happiness again.”

Tom was great. He was good with the kids and he was slowly becoming an integral part of your life. You still missed Chris because that man was the love of your life for seven years and those feelings can’t just disappear with a single piece of paper. You were glad to have Tom in your life and you knew that as time would pass, you will love him with your whole heart. However, a small part of you would never forget Chris and would always wonder about the what ifs. What if you were still together? What if you had more children? What it you got to grow old together? Broken dreams are what hurts the most.

“I don’t want to be a cause of that. Not again. But I want to make things right.” He unintentionally came closer to you, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. Sorry I wasn’t there for our kids. Sorry that I broke you, baby.”

“A sorry doesn’t fix anything.” His chest was hallowing from inside out but he didn’t want to back down. Not now. Not ever.

“Just answer one question for me. Are you truly happy?” A tremble was prominent in his voice but you tried to ignore it.

“I-I am. For a long time, I wasn’t but I am now.” You spoke with such conviction that he knew you were over him.

You would always love Chris but now it was time for you to move on with your life. It was time to leave the past and delve into the future. Chris would always own a piece of your heart but you are going to allow Tom to have an opportunity as well. You will open your heart again to love. You were sure now.

“Okay. I will get the kids for you.” He backed off like he promised he would. You knew at that moment that it was all over.

Watching you drive away with his kids was heart breaking for him and he just watched helplessly. Chris still wanted to cry, beg and apologize. He wanted you to take him back but it was all his fault. He ruined you once, he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t interrupt your new life. It doesn’t all revolve around him but he was okay to remain on the sidelines while you enjoy your life. He will be there for you if you needed him.

You are happy and that should be enough for him but he wants to be selfish again. He wants to fight for you but it’s all too late. You were with someone else. He lost his chance.

Wednesday rolled in pretty quickly and Chris dreaded going to the match. You were going to be there with your new boyfriend but he didn’t want to miss his son’s game. He could only be there till half time already so it wouldn’t be that awkward.

“I just wanted to be here for Jace. Won’t cause any problems.” Chris took a seat beside Mia when he saw you shifting uncomfortably. The seat that should have belonged to him was currently being occupied by your boyfriend but Chris just bottled up all his feelings. It was not right to still think of you as his wife.

“It’s okay. Let’s just forget about everything.” You wanted to move on and did not want anything to hold you back.

“Okay. Mia, you want Kit Kat?” Offering her a large chocolate bar, he started talking with his daughter so that he could distract himself from you and Tom.

“What is happening, love?” Tom questioned when he saw that his former co-star did not even glance at him properly.

Chris and Tom were not the best of buds but they were still good acquaintances. He thought that dating you wouldn’t be a problem because Scarlett had informed him that Chris was the one who asked for divorce. However, this situation made him realize that Chris was jealous. He still had feelings for you and Tom didn’t know how to react to that.

“Nothing of importance. Let’s just focus on my baby boy.” Saying that, you cheered for Jace as he made his first goal. He was an exceptional player like his father and you knew that he would pursue football as his career. Jace was really passionate about football. If Chris didn’t become an actor then he would have definitely tried out for football.

There were times when he used to take you to the park so you would play with him. It was your thing. Maybe he had replaced you with someone by now as well but what you didn’t know was that Chris had stopped playing football altogether. Like many things in his life, it reminded him of you and it was just too much to bear.

“You are doing great, buddy.”Jace immediately asked Chris to pick him up as you gave him his Captain America water bottle. It was half time and Chris had to leave for shooting. He was getting late but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

“Thank you, mommy. Ollie doesn’t listen to me that much so coach is angry at him.” Babbling on, he rested his head on his father’s shoulder.

“Okay, buddy. I have to leave now but I will call you when your game is finished.”

“Won’t be going with us to Chick-fil-A?”

“Uhh-” He cluelessly glanced at you because he didn’t know what his son was talking about.

“I wanted to give him a treat after the match.” Tom butted into the conversation to prove that he was a part of the kid’s lives as well.

Chris could have actually made it to the restaurant because he would be free in an hour tops. However, he decided against it. He had to take a step back for you. Of course, he would be there for his children but Tom should be given a fair chance as well.

“I won’t be able to make it buddy. You enjoy with Mommy and Tom. I’ll take you and Mia to Disneyland this weekend as I promised.”

“Okay, daddy. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” Giving him to you, he turned to leave. It was hard for him to do this but it had to be done. Chris wiped his eyes discreetly as he saw you all laughing together. This was his fault and he would have to bear the consequences.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

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A/N: This story had me in tears from the very start. I cried when I was writing it. Again, I am open to blurbs for this series and other requests. Tell me if you want to be added to my tag list.

Tag list: @peculiarpenman, @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet, @caanyoonmoon, @coldmuffinpartycloud, @marvelfansworld, @agnesk, @lauracontisstuff, @deepintothenature, @xcaptain-winterx, @nostxlgia18, @sophiaedits , @luckyladycreator2, @mrspeacem1nusone

Like, comment and reblog.

P.S. If you want blurbs and epilogue related to this series, please send in requests. I will need some ideas.

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[favefandomimagines]

You Should’ve Told Me (e.b.)

Summary: you and Buck go separate ways but before you found out were pregnant.

AN: evan buckley is literally the most wholesome person ever and i love him

Buck was supposed to be your constant. That’s what the two of you had promised each other when you started dating. You were both at the age where dating casually wasn’t the goal anymore. It was to settle down snd start a family and a life together. 

But real life got in the way. Your schedule never matched up with his, he somehow didn’t understand that you were a surgical resident at Hollywood General and that meant working long hours. 

There was no time to spend together and it took a toll on the both of you. So he decided that it was better for you two to break up. You wanted to work it out and you offered to talk to your chief resident about switching up your schedule. But he didn’t want you to have to sacrifice your career for him. 

So, you reluctantly agreed. Even though it was the opposite of what you wanted. 

That was four months ago and you hadn’t seen him since. Soon after you and Buck broke up you found out you were a month pregnant. But you were holding such a grudge against him for breaking up with you, you hadn’t wanted to tell him. 

There was no good time to tell your ex boyfriend you were having his baby. Especially when you were still actively working. And working at a hospital while five and a half months pregnant was not ideal.

But he had friends at the hospital. The entire 118 had friends at the hospital. Somehow the word got around that you were expecting and you received a call from Hen. 

“Hello?” You answered. “You’re pregnant?” She questioned. “How did you-” You started. “Dr. Williams told me. Said Buck must be ecstatic to be a dad. But he doesn’t know does he?” Hen explained. 

You were quiet for a moment, squeezing your eyes shut. “No. He doesn’t know. I guess a part of me is still angry that he left. I don’t want to talk to him but I know I need to.” You said. “Y/N, he deserves to know.” She said. “I know, Hen. I’m just trying to find a right time.” You told her. 

“Look, I gotta get to a surgery on a premature baby. Pretty ironic.” You added with a dry laugh. “You call me if you need anything, okay? Surgery while five months pregnant is risky.” Hen said. You told her you would and then hung up the call. 

Hen put her phone back in her pocket before she glanced over at Buck who was sitting next to Eddie. Buck needed to know the truth. She knew you’d be furious if she told Buck before you were ready. 

But it was the right thing to do. For both of you, it could potentially fix things between you and him. 

“Hey, Buck. I just heard some news from Dr. Williams over at Hollywood General.” Hen started. “What’s that? Is Y/N okay?” Buck asked. “Well, she was going to tell you when she was ready but you deserve to know.” Hen said. “What’s going on, Hen?” He questioned. 

“Y/N’s, pregnant. Williams said she’s about five maybe six months along.” Hen confessed. All eyes landed on Buck as he quickly stood up, ready to leave the station and head to the hospital. “Buck, she’s in surgery.” Hen stopped him. “She’s five months pregnant and they’re still letting her operate?” He questioned. 

He shook his head with a scoff before he stormed out of the station. 

You had just gotten out of surgery, your back and neck sore due to the hours of standing you just endured. As you worked the kinks out of your neck, you turned the corner and saw Buck leaning against a hallway doorframe. 

You came to a slow stop when you noticed him standing there. “Buck? Wh-What are you doing here?” You questioned. “You look good. For being five months along.” He said. 

“Buck,” You started with a sigh. “You should’ve told me, Y/N.” Buck cut you off. “I was going too. I-I just wasn’t ready to see you again.” You said. “I had a right to know.” He said. “You had a right to know because you are the father, not because it was going to magically change things between us.” You slightly snapped. 

“Y/N, I did it for the both of us. You didn’t need to sacrifice your job for me.” He told you. “No, what I needed was you. I needed you, Buck and you decided you didn’t want to fight for us anymore.” You sneered. 

Soon after you finished talking, you scrunched up your face at some mild discomfort. “What? What is it? Are you okay?” Buck frantically questioned, quickly coming to your aid. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. She’s just really kicking. Probably due to the four hour surgery I was just in.” You answered. Buck looked at you with wide eyes and a ghost of a smile on his face. “Did you say she?” He asked.

“Yeah. It’s a girl.” You confirmed. You could see the look on his face and how overcome with pride and joy he was at the fact he was going to be having a daughter. 

You knew then that you couldn’t deny him of getting a chance to be apart of the rest of your pregnancy and his child’s life. “I actually have an ultrasound scheduled. I get one every month to make sure everything’s okay. Do you want to be there?” You asked. 

“Yes. Yes, absolutely I want to be there.” Buck answered. You smiled up at him as his hand fell into yours. “And then when you get off, you are coming back home. I know she’s not going to fix everything but we can at least start before she gets here. I want her to have two parents that love each other.” He added. 

“I would like that.” You replied with a smile. Buck helped you to the OBGYN exam room and also helped you lay down. 

Your OB was a good friend of yours, having been in multiple surgeries together since you started your residency. She came in, greeted you and then noticed Buck in the room. 

“You finally told him?” She asked. “Not exactly. His coworker told him because Williams can’t keep her mouth shut.” You answered. “Okay, then. Well, welcome dad. Ready to see your baby?” The doctor asked him. 

You thought Buck was going to pass out right then so you took his hand and squeezed it gently. 

The doctor placed the wand on your belly, moving it around until you saw the baby on the screen. “There’s Baby Buckley. She’s looking great, about the size of a sweet potato. Everything looks good for both baby and mom. But at this point in the pregnancy, iron levels tend to get a little low so make sure you’re eating well so you don’t become anemic.” The doctor advised you. 

You looked up at Buck and saw the tears in his eyes and smiled softly at the sight. “Can he hear the heartbeat?” You asked. The doctor smiled back at you as she turned the sound on the machine, a loud beating sound coming through the small speakers. 

“Nice and healthy.” The doctor commented. “That’s our baby.” Buck said. “Yeah, it is. We’ve been calling her Baby Buckley because I can’t think of a name. I thought it was going to be a boy.” You told him. “You had a name for a boy?” Buck asked. “Yeah. I was thinking Evan.” You said, looking up at him.

Buck leaned down and kissed the top of your head. “I know you may not be ready to hear it but I love you.” He whispered. 

“I’ll leave you two alone.” The OB said, exiting the room. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was just too scared to face you after we broke up but that wasn’t fair to you.” You whispered.

“I’m not mad at you for not telling me, I’m mad at myself for leaving you alone. Having to go through this by yourself up until now.” Buck said. “Promise me you won’t leave.” You said.

“I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

__

You knew labor was a painful experience. You’ve seen it first hand many times in medical school but you didn’t know how painful it really was. 

It was long, your body was getting torn apart and you were mentally and physically exhausted. But Buck was there at your side through it all. Even when you screamed at him and told him you were in pain because it was all his fault. 

He knew not to take it seriously. Even with the epidural he knew you were in pain. After 15 hours of labor, Buck’s daughter was finally in his arms. You were asleep, which was well deserved and Buck was holding the baby. 

You stirred slightly and opened your eyes slowly and looked over at Buck in a hospital rocking chair. Looking at the little baby as if it were an $800 million lottery ticket. 

“Gimme. I want to hold her.” You said tiredly, holding your hands out for your child. “Mommy is really greedy apparently.” Buck teased as he stood up. He placed the baby gently in your arms as he sat on the edge of your hospital bed. 

“We still haven’t come up with a name.” He said. “You know how people say you won’t know your baby’s name until you see them?” You questioned, looking at her wrapped in her little pink blanket. “Yeah, why?” Buck asked. “Delilah. That’s her name.” You said. 

Buck smiled warmly at the two most important people in his life. “It’s perfect.” He told you. “Just like her mom.” Buck added. “She has her dad’s eyes though. Beautiful blue eyes.” You spoke.

Buck looked at both you and your baby and saw the rest of his life right in front of him. But he wasn’t satisfied with coparenting, he wanted to be with you. Wake up to you in the morning and you being the first thing to greet him when he got home. You and your daughter.

“Marry me.” He said quietly. “What did you say?” You questioned. “I said, marry me. I want to be with you every day, even on the bad days when you’ve been up since four in the morning. I’ve wanted that with you since I met you and Inwas dumb to leave you before. So I’m not going anywhere.” Buck explained.

You smiled up at him before leaning forward to kiss him deeply. “Took you long enough, Buckley.” You whispered.

The seemingly perfect moment between you and Buck was ruined when the door to your hospital room opened.

“Can we see the baby?” Hen carefully asked as she poked her head in. “Of course you can.” You answered. Hen entered the room followed by the rest of the 118 and Maddie to see the newest addition of the family. 

Everyone stood around and stared in awe at the baby. Buck’s baby, something they didn’t think would happen in a million years. 

“What’s her name?” Maddie asked. “Delilah Buckley.” Buck answered. “She looks just like you, Y/N.” Hen commented. “Well, that’s a relief.” Buck said. “I’m so proud of you, Evan.” Maddie said hugging her brother. 

“She really is beautiful.” Bobby added. “Welcome to the club, Buck.” Eddie said, patting him on the back. “I love all of you but Y/N needs to rest and so does Delilah.” Buck announced. “Already getting protective.” Chimney said. 

You bid your goodbyes to your friends before Buck took Delilah out of your arms. You began to protest but Buck shook his head. “Nope. You need to rest. Especially if we want to go home tomorrow.” He said. 

You smiled as he sat down in the chair, making faces at Delilah, who was gripping his finger with her hand. You had your perfect little family and you were very grateful things worked out for the better.

[vannybarber]

The Prenup

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part Two Part Three Part Four Final Chapter

Scrounging through the little desk in the corner of Chris and you's bedroom, you hear him let out a boisterous laugh.

He was watching some movie and there was a certain part that he found so hilarious. After 4 years of watching it with him constantly, you still don't get what's so funny. But it makes him happy so that's what matters.

You were searching for the wine opener so Scott could get his middle-aged-4-kids-divorcee vibe on. You cleaned the other day and stuck it in there after a nightly dose of freakydeaky from Chris, which consisted of wine, whipped cream, and a many different forms of chocolate.

After what seemed like forever, you find the corkscrew and grin at your accomplishment. You take one more look in the drawer out of habit and you spot a big orange envelope with Chris' name on it. Being the nosy curious person you are, you take the envelope out and get a good look at it. You see the words Prenuptial Agreement in bold and your heart drops.

Chris had proposed to you 9 months ago and you were happy beyond words. After being together for 4 years, he finally put away his commitment troubles and made you his fianceé. And now you find out he's going to get you to sign a prenup. A fucking prenup.

You look around the room at loss for words. You were angry, hurt and confused. After 4 years of being together, he doesn't have faith in his own judgment that you guys would be together forever? You both have been through literally everything. There isn't one thing you don't know about each other. Your relationship was rare and it was special.

After moments of contemplation, you decide you would confront him on it. There's no way you could carry on the night and sleep after this. Not until you get your answers. Closing the drawer, you take a sharp breath and exhale before walking out the room. You get back to the dining table where Lisa and his siblings surrounded.

"Here you go Scott" you say slamming the corkscrew on the table in front of him. He looks up at you, puzzled. You glance at him then at Chris and he's looking at you just the same. Evidently your tone matched your movements because everyone went silent. You draw back and put both hands behind your back and huff.

"Babe, are you alright?" It was Christopher talking to you now. Your attention goes to him and your lips are in a thin line. Refraining from blowing up at him, you force smile on your face and change your tone of voice.

"What do you mean, honey? I'm fine." You should leave the acting to Chris honestly. That's definitely not your field of expertise. Shifting on your right foot, you stare at him. He shuffles and tilts his head with a knowing look.

"Spill it Y/N. What's up?"

"The flames when I burn this damn house down." So much for not blowing up. You snatch the envelope in front of you and chuck it on the table. Everyone watches the exchange and the envelope fly to the table. All their faces change from confusion to shock and even more confusion.

Chris didn't even need to look down to know it was the prenup. His eyes went from you to the wall. Guilt written all over it, you almost wish you gave a shit. You wonder how long he was going to keep this hidden from you. No need to wonder now.

"You want to explain to me why you have a prenup?" You place your hand on your hip and roll your neck at him.

"I got that for us."

You swear to everything you wanted to lunge at him right then and there. 'I got that for us'. Why do people always use that excuse for everything? They weren't thinking about you, just themselves and expected you to go along with it.

"You got it for us? I know you didn't do this on your own. Who put you up to it?" You look around the room. Scott has his hands up shaking his head. Carly and Shanna both let out a quiet "not me". You look at Lisa who had this look of hurt.

"Chris, you tell me everything. How did I not know about this? Why didn't you tell me?" Well now you know she didn't suggest it. You feel slightly guilty for letting it cross your mind, but you had your reasons.

"Ma, I had my reasons. I kept it hidden because I didn't know how I felt about it myself" he says rubbing his face and fixing his hair under his cap. Still didn't answer your question.

"Christopher, who put you up to this? Tell me now!" You're getting fired up by the minute. You have an idea who it could be too.

"Megan. She thought that it would be smart to consider. Just to protect me."

"Megan." Your voice is laced with absolute venom. "You know Chris, she does a good job keeping you out of trouble and bullshit so you're not all over the tabloids, but sometimes, her ass is too much!"

Chris is never in the news for anything negative. He's always minding his business and moving quietly. Megan is a great publicist, but she can be pretty overbearing about his personal life. She gave you side eye for like the entire first year of you guys' relationship.

"Baby, she was just looking out for me. You know how it is, women getting with you for your money. Guys loose half of everything they have when getting divorces."

You can't even believe it.

"I am not 'women'. I'm your fianceé. We've been together 4 years, Chris! After all this time your material things come before me?" Tears are puddled at your eyes now and your voice is cracking. This catches his attention.

"I told you from the start Chris, that I never cared about your money! Never have and never will. I am used to not having much. I'm not money hungry or concerned for having top tier everything. I've learned to settle."

"Y/N, I didn't mea-" you slam your hand on the table, making everyone jump. Chris shuts his mouth.

"I'm. Not. Finished. I am not marrying your bank account. I'm not marrying your cars. I'm not marrying your house. I don't give a damn about any of that shit. And you literally are still concerned about all of that?" Your face is wet and your nose is runny. You wipe your nose and cross your arms.

"It's not even like that!" Now he's getting upset. For literally nothing. This is his fault. "It's just in case it doesn't work out, we don't need to deal with all the extra mess."

That completely shattered you. In case it doesn't work out. He actually has thoughts that your marriage couldn't work. What would even cause that? You guys don't even argue. You don't even remember the last time you did. You've learned to understand what each other needs and mastered that. What is he on about?

"You know what the sad part is? Us not working out crossed my mind in, like, the first year of our relationship. And I decided that if we did get married, and God forbid we divorced, I wouldn't take anything from you."

He looked at you like he just found out he wasn't the father of your baby.

"Yeah, Chris. That's your money. You made it, not me, so why would I ask for any of it from you? You gave me an amazing relationship and thats enough for me."

"Oh my goodness." Everyone directs their attention to Scott. "So you wouldn't want anything from the divorce?"

"Of course not! I came in this relationship for him. Plus a make my own money. I don't need anyone else's."

You had your own business. Many employees at different buildings in Boston. You didn't have much growing up and you were proud of yourself for not having to worry about financial issues. Chris liked that you had your own thing going and didn't have to adapt to his life and depend on him financially. And he still got a prenup.

Feeling like you were gonna cry again, you rub your temples and take deep breaths to prevent it. But you failed and started crying more. Chris got up and moved to stand in front of you.

"Baby, I'm sorry I upset you. I thought you would be okay with this. Like you said, you don't care about my money so what's wrong with the prenup?" His hands were on your sides, but not for long as you shook them off of you.

"What's wrong with it? What this is telling me is three things. You have doubt that our marriage won't work out, you think I might change my mind and ask for alimony, and that your money comes before me."

"I..." he struggles to form words. You take this chance to get out of there.

"I really don't want to be here right now." Chris looks up and grabs your arm.

"Babe, you don't need to go. Where the hell are you gonna go?" You turn and grab the envelope from the table. You open it and pull the papers out, shoving it in his face.

"I'll go to a hotel or something, but I'm not staying here if this is the shit you're trying to pull with me." You turn the paper to you and look in disgust. You scan over it and your eyes fall on the dotted line where you need to sign. Beside it is where he needed to sign his.

Well not anymore.

You read over his signature on the line. Chris Evans.

He signed the prenup already. Now he was just waiting for your signature. He really was leaving you zero choice.

"You signed it already??" Everyone at the table head snapped up. Shanna gasped and covered her mouth. Lisa mumbles an "oh no" under her breath.

"So you were just going to bring it to me and expect me to sign it with no fight, huh?"

Chris says nothing, but his face is red. You don't wait for a response and walk to your shoes and your bag. Already having everything in there, you slip your shoes on and walk back to Chris.

"Just a heads up, you brought this on yourself."

You whip around and walk to the fireplace. You chuck the papers and envelope in the blaze and turn back to him.

"You can forget about that damn prenup, cause I'm not signing it. As a matter a fact, you don't even have to worry about that because there won't be a chance of us divorcing." You force a smile and clasp your hands together. Lisa and Scott rise from the table panicking.

"Babe, no-"

"Forget the wedding, this engagement and all of it. You can take this fucking ring too." You pry the ring off your fingers and throw it at him. It hits his chest and falls at his feet.

"I'm not marrying you."

You turn on your heel, grab your purse and jacket, walking out the door, leaving the Evans' speechless.

Was this too dramatic? I have my own opinions on a prenup, but maybe it's not as big as it seems? Idk🥴.

masterlist

[badwritingbutimisslys]

this is my first ever post on what was going to be my writing blog, mainly for mcl, even though the fandom's dying I wanted to contribute to it, and, you know, since not a lot of people even write for it anymore, I wanted to write what I would've wanted to read in here but alas I am the clown and I just had a fever dream last night and it was just insane and I loved it so much so I decided to try my chances right crazy shit happens every day so

So here's an idea for Beemoov to continue my candy love without possibly saturating the story or disappointing fans. This is my actual official pitch for two new MCL games, even though they'll probably never even see this. Buckle up:

The fans have been complaining and begging for the return of the old love interests since they have been deleted. It was a choice, that's for sure, but the damage can be fixed, I think. My idea is a university life and love life reboot, but with the old crushes. These games would be an alternative storyline, where Candy doesn't move back to the city she went to high school in but instead moves to where Kentin, Armin, and Lysander live. There we can have two new love interests introduced, to complete the amount of five routes in total. The rushed arcs of Kentin and Armin could be brought back and more fully explored, along with Lysander's grief and guilt for the death of his family, his desire to keep the farm and avoid his living relatives and old friends to detach himself from his old life and his pain for not following his dreams and not wanting to let his parents down or kill their legacy by selling the farm.

Kentin could have actual closure and development regarding his childhood traumas, insecurities, and all that he went through during military school. What he had to do to fit in and survive and how he thought that acting that same way was the only way he could make it through adulthood and how he chooses to cope with everything he's been through. Armin could also have some closure regarding his family and the loss of his biological parents. Maybe he moved away from Alexy because he wanted to feel closer to them, and that was the city they lived and died in. maybe his adoptive parents moved there, and he didn't want to be away from them, or he wanted to give his older brother a truer chance and kept in touch with him, and he ended up convincing Armin to move to where he lives, where he could have the opportunity to get the tech job Alexy says he has on university life, and Kentin went along with, since Evan convinced him to go back to the military, and their arcs could still be linked. Kentin would grow as a person and find out what he truly wants outside what he believes to be expected of him from his father and Evan himself, and so could Armin, and Lysander.

All of that outside of the two new love interests, who could be literally anyone. Viktor could be finally introduced into the game, and even his story in the mangas could be kept as canon but slightly adapted, and maybe Evan himself could be a love interest, as many players theorized them to be before the announcement of Nathaniel in uni life. To keep the LGBTQIA+ route would also be possible, introducing a female love interest again, that could also be an old high school friend that happened to move there as well, or not, the possibilities are literally endless.

I, like many other fans of the game, don't want it to die but have also been losing interest in the story as it progresses. To me, it started with the death of these three crushes. I was a Lysander girl myself, and the ending he got just killed me every single time Rosa or Leigh or Castiel showed up, and I was reminded that they just kept living their lives, and Lysander didn't. Same for Armin, every time Alexy showed up. Kentin was tragically forgotten, and he as well deserved so much more than that, and, maybe, this could be an opportunity to do that, to give these wildly loved characters the development and ending they deserve, to regain the love and the interest of so many fans and players who were unhappy with the choices made by the company and simply lost the desire to play my candy love, despite loving it and having grown up playing it.

In the events of someone of Beemoov's team seeing this and taking it seriously, which I sincerely hope does happen, and this gets somehow approved and does actually happen, I don't even want any sort of credit or even acknowledgment, pretend this post never existed, and you came up with the idea yourself, and I'll be happy to just be able to play the game.

Either way, this is just some feedback and a hopeful dream of getting my loved character back and done right by, even though it might be completely unreasonable and unreachable. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[lyallblacklupin]

Don’t miss the Yule Ball

Remus is worrying his next move after how Sirius has cried in his arms, and the ball is approaching. He doesn’t know what to do now. 

Tags: Post-Incident with Severus Snape, Angst with Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Trust Issues.

Chapter 2

If there was anything to stop the girls from giving hopeful stares at Sirius, Remus would have done it. He was stuffing his porridge—not because he wanted to eat it for his breakfast—like he needed to, otherwise the world was going to be on fire. He scanned the girls around the Great Hall, murmuring ‘Sirius Black’, whipping their heads in all of the directions to find their target.

However, the target was sound asleep in his dorm because Remus came down quite earlier since he couldn’t sleep at night after witnessing Sirius’ awful sobbing. He had looked so vulnerable, and hopeless. Remus couldn’t stop himself from playing last night’s memory in his head, and how he had to keep a poker face while his insides were clenching. Sirius’ sobs had been hurting him like a physical pain since the night. He hadn’t known the best way to comfort him, so he had held him in his arms as tight as it was possible.

“Hey Remus!” He started a little to find Lily Evans smiling at him.

“Oh hi, Lils.” He smiled back, “What’s up?”

“Nothing, just thinking about tomorrow.” Her face was dissolving into something unreadable.

“The Yule Ball?” She nodded with a serious look, “You don’t have a date?” And she shook her head.

“Hey, Lils,” Remus squinted to look into her pained emerald eyes, “It’s okay. I also don’t have one. And I think it’s perfect! We can go together! It wouldn’t be weird at all.” He beamed up at her but soon his smile turned into frown because Lily was not at all thrilled with the idea.

“It’s not like I haven’t been asked, you know…” She began to play with her fruit salad.

“Who asked you?”

“James.” She smiled weakly. Remus thought for a second that his ears were deceiving him.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Thatswhy…” She trailed off with a disappointed look, but he held her by her wrist.

“No, no, no. I just—you mean James? James Potter? My best friend James Potter?”

“No, my uncle James Potter.” She rolled her eyes, “Wait—I thought Sirius was James’ best friend?”

“Oh yeah, whatever. But you mean you want to go with him?”

“Is it really that weird, Remmy?” Remus melted on that look of hers. She so wanted to go with James, and at the same time James was going get lucky. He smiled genuinely at her.

“Lily, it is not at all weird. It’s like the opposite of weird.” Her smile stretched into a real one as she launched herself into his arms.

“God, Remus Lupin, your approval is all I needed. You’ll be the death of me.” They both laughed and held each other tighter.

And then, Remus’ eyes found Sirius walking stiffly to the table, alone. His eyes had bags under them, his hair were disheveled, as he slipped into the seat far away from Remus and Lily’s. Remus felt his stomach twist, and he untangled himself from Lily. She looked skeptically at him. By few eye contacts, he was able to communicate with her that he was worried about Sirius. She knew everything, including the fact he was a werewolf, the fact how he always had a crush on Sirius, and then fell in love with him, and the fact how Marauders fell apart because of the incident with Snape, and also the fact that even after forgiving Sirius, things were not going back to normal.

“Remus, it’s just that you guys stayed away from him for months, and things cannot just slip in the same old times in few days. It will take time.” She whispered to him.

“It’s not just that, Lily. He’s hurting. Like he is sick or something.”

“What do you mean?”

“He stopped in the middle of the crowd when we were heading back to the Tower after dinner. He was breathing hard. He was standing by the support of the railing of the staircase. And then I tried mending things with him, he cried—“ Remus felt like his heart was falling, “—like a lot, Lily.”

“Oh poor Sirius,” She said, eyeing Sirius sitting and staring at his breakfast, “Do you think he was having a panic attack or something?”

“Then why didn’t he tell me? Of all people, huh? He knows that I have a history with panic attacks. I know how to help!” Remus realized he was speaking louder.

“Honey, he already feel indebted after what he—I mean whatever happened between you two, maybe he didn’t want you to feel responsible for this…and you know he doesn’t take pity…”

“He is Sirius Black. He likes attention.” Remus instantly regretted his words.

“You and I, both know that’s only partly true.” Then they fell silent. Remus wanted to stand up and go straight to Sirius to hold him, kiss his head and tell him that everything was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. But then there was this fear, buried in the depth of his heart. He was scared, and the truth was that this fear was tearing them apart.

“Okay,” Lily sighed, looking very concerned, “What do you want?”

“Does that matter?”

“Of course, it matters! He loves you.”

“No, I don’t think so…”

“What!?” She gaped as if she had caught him saying a slur to her, “How can you say that? Sure, he did a mistake but that doesn’t justify the fact that he doesn’t love you anymore. Sirius is not like that!”

“I don’t know…I just I think he is better off without me, I guess? I just don’t want all of this for him. It’s too chaotic. He should move on, and just be my friend.”

“Remus,” She waited until our eyes were locked with each other, “I asked you what you want?”

Remus was out of words, suddenly.

Who said that he didn’t crave Sirius Black? Who said that he didn’t love him? Who said that he didn’t want him? He did. In fact, a lot. He wasn’t sure if he should be wanting him. Truth to be told, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to deal with their fierce relationship all over again.

Sirius was like fire, and Remus was less likely to be water all the time. He had tried shaping himself into one but sometimes it had been hard, because Sirius had been all over him. While they had been dating, Remus had lessened his reading in replacement to spend more time with him—not that he hadn’t enjoyed their time together but it had made him feel rusty. Sirius had always tried to sway him away from his studies. He had had the upper hand in their arguments because Remus had known that Sirius’ anger lasted hardly five minutes and then it dissipated into thin air, so he had always let him say mean things to him, not matter how bitter they had been to him. He’d gulp down everything, but the incident with Snape had not been worth swallowing down. Now that Remus was not with Sirius anymore, there were loads of time for him to study, read, be himself, and yet he was still feeling very useless.

No matter how many reasons Remus could list down to prove the disadvantages of being in relationship with Sirius, the opposite side of the list never failed to outweigh all of those drawbacks, and that was: He was unconditionally in love with him. And despite of everything, he was never going to stop loving him. And he knew that, but feelings also clouded decisions.

“We can only be friends,” He found Lily staring him with a resigned look, “I think I need to go.”

He stood up and walked out of the Great Hall because he felt suffocated. He loosened his tied to breathe properly, “How are you supposed to feel claustrophobic in the Great Hall?” He said under his breath because yes, that was a fun fact about Remus Lupin that he was a claustrophobic. It had taken him ages to get comfortable with physical interaction, and Sirius had been the one who had helped him.

Before he registered where he was walking to, he crashed into someone.

“Oh Merlin, I am sorry!” An unfamiliar female’s voice, “I am so, so sorry! Let me fix that for you.”

Remus didn’t even get the chance to know what needed fixing when his werewolf ears heard her whisper ‘Episkey’—

“OW!” Remus held his nose instinctively, and he found his fingers were soaking with blood.

“Scourgify.” She murmured that too, and his blood was gone. Remus finally focused his vision to find a brunette girl staring at him with big grey eyes—so like Sirius’, her yellow and black tie was there. Hufflepuff. He smiled at her. She had a beautiful smile, but not as dazzling as Sirius’.

“Hi, I’m Catherina Johnson, fifth year.” She held out her hand, and Remus took it.

“Nice to meet you, Catherina. I’m Remus Lupin, sixth year.”

“Oh, I know who you are,“ She smirked at him, “The smart one, and also the one every girl trying to steal for tomorrow.”

“Ha-ha,” Remus didn’t like taking compliments because he didn’t believe in them, “You must be mistaking me with Sirius Black.”

“Oh him, too! But hey Black is never a long-term material. We girls like guys like you, sweet and loyal…”

Remus felt so reminiscent. The girl was reminding him of Sirius. A lot. He huffed out a sarcastic guffaw.

“Looks like bumping into me was not a total coincident, was it?”

“Like I said, the smart one…” Catherina was an attractive girl, and cunning too, and Remus couldn’t say he didn’t her, “So, is that a yes then?” She was smiling, and Remus thought it was for the best.

“Yes, indeed.” He replied back.

Chapter 1

Chapter 3 is coming soon!

[ourloveisforthelovely]

In Love and Death. Part 1

Harry Potter AU (request fic)

Summary: (set during current time) Regulus Black has made a lot of mistakes. Now he has a chance to fix the mistakes or possibly make them worse.

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- later chapters

Song at the beginning: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

_____

She knows what I think about and what I think about...one love, two mouths, one love, one house. No shirt, no blouse. Just us, you find out...

“I’m going to hell.”

It was the thought going through Regulus’ head as he looked down at your sleeping form.

“I’m going to hell and Evan is going to kick my ass from one side of the place to another but she’s worth it...always will be worth it.”

Regulus turned on his back and slammed his head down on the pillow. His life was one series of failures after another. After drowning and staying dead for a while, Regulus woke up at the bottom of the cave’s lake surrounded by actually dead inferi. As he kicked to the surface the best thing that Regulus could put together was the potion didn’t let him be fully drowned or Voldemort was really losing his touch.

Things were, even more, confusing the first time that Regulus looked at himself. He hadn’t changed. The boy looking back in the mirror was the same boy that Regulus was when he had gone to that cave in the first place.

Dead things don’t age.

His mind had supplied. Confusing was the best way to describe everything. Waking up in a different generation, finding out Sirius had gone to prison and was now on the run, and realizing the secret that he “died for” was out...Regulus had to sit quietly and take everything in. It took Sirius and Remus talking to him numerous times to get Regulus to actually speak again.

That is where you came in and shook his fucked up world some more. You were an auror and a young one at that. Before you walked into Grimmauld Place and made Regulus feel like he had been slapped on the back of the head with a book, he never had any interest in falling in love. It was too risky and he didn’t have the time nor the drive for it. Now some girl with sandy hair and bright blue eyes was making him reconsider everything that he felt about relations and Regulus had no clue who you were.

It wasn’t until Sirius introduced the two of you after seeing his brother’s expression did Regulus realize how fucked he was…Evan Rosier’s daughter...you were his fucking best friend’s daughter that had clearly grown up in the time that Regulus was dead.

Regulus had to quickly look away in order to chastise himself for even looking at you that way. It didn’t matter that you were an adult (and a very attractive adult at that). Regulus was there when you were born. Hell, he had been there when Evan turned up at Grimmauld Place the summer before 7th year freaking out because his girlfriend was pregnant. It had taken Regulus all that he had to not tell Evan that he was a fucking fool when the other boy made the comment that he was told that Emma wouldn’t get pregnant if she jumped up and down after sex. Regulus had sat there staring at Evan the whole time with a frown.

“Jumping up and down? What? Where do you get your facts? My mother, as prudish as she is, at least gave me a pamphlet on what happens. I told you not to listen to the Carrow twins!”

Regulus had to shake the thoughts from his mind as he took in your confused expression. The moment that you spoke for the first time, Regulus again felt like he had been whacked with a book.

“Sirius, I thought that you said your brother was dead?”

Sirius nodded then shrugged.

“Yes but apparently he’s not. It's kind of confusing.”

“So Supernatural dead?”

“Excuse me, but what is Supernatural and just what does this have to do with me?”

Regulus had finally started to become annoyed with wondering what the two of you were talking about. It was Sirius that had to give him the update on “pop culture.”

The next few weeks led to Regulus falling further and further in love with you. Whether it was wrong or not, he couldn’t help it.

“She won’t want me. I’m a former dark wizard. She’s an auror. What kind of fucked up joke would that be?”

Others in the Order, particularly Alastor Moody, took great pride in watching every move that Regulus made around you. Moody was not about to let one of the girls that he cared about could be harmed by someone that was on his “list” once upon a time. It didn’t matter to Moody that “to the world,” Regulus and yourself would physically make a cute couple. To someone looking in, they would assume Regulus was just some 18-year-old kid and would have a decent shot with you.

“It's best you stay away from Y/n. You are old enough to be her father. I don’t care how young you look or if you have been taking a years-long siesta...you’re a death eater and that’s what you’ll always be in my eyes. Y/n has dealt with a lot in her life. Her family has abandoned her. She doesn’t need some guy who has affiliations with those people.”

Regulus still scowled at Moody’s comment. It didn’t matter to the auror that Regulus actually provided proof that he “wasn’t bad.” To Moody, that dark mark on Regulus’ arm would always be damning evidence that he couldn’t be trusted.

To Moody’s displeasure, you agreed to go with Regulus on a several months mission to Greece. Regulus had to fight back a fit of laughter as Moody threw a fit like an overgrown child about it. It wasn’t until you came into the conversation did the elder auror cool his heels down.

All of the previous events led up to Regulus’ current situation. The two of you had been in Greece for a few days spying on what looked like was the Carrows. It was day three when you kissed him for the first time. The memory would be forever ingrained into his memory….

Regulus stood looking over the edge of the hotel balcony. After another day of watching his former friends wander around like blind idiots, Regulus was exhausted. He wasn’t a “sit back and watch” type. He would much rather just go and hex the hell out of the Carrow twins then ask for forgiveness later. The sensible side of his head, however, told him to cool his heels and calm the fuck down. If he wanted any hope of clearing his name and showing that he wasn’t a monster; going against what the Order wanted was no way to do it.

“Regulus?”

He turned at the sound of your voice calling his name. You stepped out onto the balcony with him.

“Have they done anything new?”

Regulus shook his head.

“I think Amycus will need a new liver soon. I have never seen someone drink so much.”

You laughed at the comment as you began to watch Amycus practically snog the bottle of fire whiskey. Regulus, meanwhile, kept his eyes on you. It was wrong to be looking at you like this. He bloody held you as a newborn; now he was drooling over you.

You reminded Regulus of Evan. There was the same serious expression that Evan wore 95% of the time along with his physical looks. Regulus was thankful, however, that you were nothing like the Rosier family. You were spunky and had an amusing sense of humor.

After a few moments, you turned back to the man at your side.

“Can I ask you something?”

Regulus nodded. He was trying to keep himself as closed off as possible to you. Maybe if he acted as if he wasn’t interested then you would believe him.

“Yes?”

“Don’t get mad.”

You said before standing on your tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his lips.

After that, he was hooked. You didn’t kiss him again for another two days. In fact, it was Regulus that made the next move. He had spent enough time in his head going batty until he had to touch you again. To his pleasure, you didn’t fight back.

“I’m too old for you.”

Regulus mumbled between kisses. Your fingers were locked into his hair making sure that he wasn’t about to get a clean getaway.

“No one would know. We look that same age.”

“This is really fucked up. You know what I am…”

Your hand was on his lips silencing any further comment.

“What you were. Not now. I don’t care what our friends say. My family...I’m a blood traitor to them so they aren’t shocked by anything that I do anymore.”

Your moving pulled Regulus from his thoughts. He quickly closed his eyes hoping that you would think that he was still sleeping and not worrying about what was going on in his head.

“I know you're awake.”

You said with a grin. Regulus’ sighed as you wiggled your way on top of him. His grey eyes rolled up to your bright blue ones. You were used to the serious expression on his face. It was rare when you got a smile from him.

“Beautiful boy.”

You said with a smile. Regulus reached up and grabbed your hand. He gave you a raised eyebrow before bringing your hand to his lips.

“You spoil me.”

This was how the two of you had spent most mornings. The Carrows didn’t come out until typically late in the evening so that left Regulus and yourself with free time during the day.

“As I should.”

You replied, stroking your hands through his messy hair. Although neither of you had said “I love you” yet, you knew that you were in love with Regulus. This was the first time that you had felt that emotion in your life. You credited this to your parents. More like your mother, Emma. She never told you one time that she loved you or made you feel loved. You assumed that she just went crazy after your father died.

Regulus was in the same boat. He didn’t talk about his parents much. In fact, he didn’t want to talk about his childhood ever. What you knew about his childhood, you had learned from Sirius. At first, you didn’t think that Regulus would want anything to do with you. That quickly changed, however, when he realized how nice it was to have someone want him. He was as touch starved as you were! It was rather amusing how you had gone from being a girl who “didn’t need a man” to a girl who bent over backward to please the man that you were falling in love with.

You already knew that your friends wouldn’t be thrilled with the relationship. Tonks had already sent a text asking if something was going on with Regulus. You simply brushed off the question with some witty humor (but you knew Tonks wouldn’t be so easily thrown off).

“Y/n, please. The two of you have nothing in common. He’s dangerous and I think that you know it. An auror dating a former death eater isn’t a good look no matter what Regulus can do to prove his innocence. I just care about you. If Regulus can come back from the dead what’s not saying your father won’t?”

It didn’t matter how many times you told Tonks that Regulus’ waking up was most likely due to Voldemort. Your father was killed by Moody. If he came back from the dead then there was definitely some weird shit going on.

“We have to go back tomorrow.”

Regulus’ calm tone pulled you from your thoughts. He quickly pulled you back down into the bed beside him. You settled yourself against his chest as Regulus reached up to gently stroke your hair.

“I know. I’ve been dreading it.”

Regulus was quiet for a few moments.

“So do we break up and act as if nothing happened between us or are we going to go in and be ready to fight?”

Your head snapped up.

“I don’t want to break up. I want to be with you.”

The question broke your heart. You wished that things could be as easy as they appeared. To others in this hotel, Regulus and yourself looked like innocent teenagers out on a holiday. They didn’t know the “truth” but your friends would know.

Regulus took his place on top of you. His left hand had gone back to your face. Your eyes fluttered to the dark mark on his arm. Maybe you were being childish but you didn’t care about that brand on your lover’s body. He was a different man now.

“I want to be with you too. I don’t care what our so-called friends have to say. It's not going to be easy and I think you are a smart enough girl to know that.”

Regulus was relieved when you pulled him down for a kiss.

“I’ve faced a lot of bad things in my past. I’m not scared of making my friends mad. They’ll either accept it or we can go out on our own.”

Regulus sat up. Going off on your own would be a lot easier said than done. There would be no way in hell that Alastor Moody was about to let one of his aurors go off with a death eater. Alastor Moody would track Regulus down like a dog and take you away.

You were on your knees behind him in an instant. Pushing a chunk of his curls away from his face, you pressed kisses to his jawline.

“You know that is a lot easier said than done. If we go off on our own...find our own little place...it's not going to look good on your job being married to a death eater. We’ve had this conversation before, Y/n.”

Regulus stated, calmly. He could tell that you were beginning to get frustrated the moment that you pulled away from him.

“Yes, we have. No one has to know what you were. You keep your arm covered up. Besides, there are a lot of former death eaters running around just fine. Take a look at Lucius Malfoy, for example.”

Regulus rolled his eyes again.

“Yes, love, I know. Lucius Malfoy is the scary mother fucker that gets away with everything. I don’t think that I am going to be that lucky.”

You got out of bed and slipped the lace nightie that you were wearing off.

“We shouldn’t worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. Come join me in the shower.”

_______

@fairywriter-oracle

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[iwantitiwriteit]

Love Lockdown - Part 5

Back to December - Part 1

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Summary: In the December prior to the pandemic, you spend Christmas with Chris in Boston, a first time meeting between you and his extended family. You struggle with implications of seriousness this milestone has on your relationship with Chris.

Warnings: Angst, Pandemic backdrop, Profanity, healthy dose of Fluff, sprinkle of Sexual suggestiveness

Notes: So much was really working against me getting this up for y’all lol, but nothing worth having comes easy, right? Anyways, tried some new stuff I learned in some articles I read, more showing, less telling. Allusions and metaphors. We’ll see how it comes across. Christmas in October anyone? Read the previous part here!

The ding DONG of the doorbell echoes so exaggeratedly, it had to have been your imagination. No, I’m really here now. With your blood pumping loudly in your ears, you stare straight ahead at the barrier to entry,  and seemingly to your happy future. 

A Christmas-covered front door shouldn’t cause you this much stress, but here you were, feeling mocked by smiling snowmen and delicate, origami snowflakes. 

You try to focus instead on one of the many thoughts flurrying your mind.

What if they hate me? Valid question, but sooo not the vibe right now. You go for another.

What if I hate THEM? Nice. None of these thoughts are stilling your rapidly beating heart.

“Ow! Loosen up the vice grip, will ya?”

“Oh,” you look down at where yours and Chris’ glove-clad hands are joined, releasing them almost instantly. “I’m sor—“

“It’s alright, babe,” Chris chuckles. As if you could muster a strength close enough to hurt this man. He’s sure not to let your hand get too far, taking it back into his and bringing it up to his rosy lips for a chaste kiss. 

You wish you could feel it, the warmth of his lips on your knuckles, but that would mean braving the Boston blitz without a piece of your knit armour. You’re not sure you’re ready for that. You’re also not sure how he does it. He’s wearing significantly less layers than you, yet he’s perfectly content as if it’s a Summer’s day, while you are, quite literally, quaking in your boots.

He notices your shivering shoulders, knows it’s not just the cold getting to you. With his right hand in your left, and his left hand wrapped around a gift, he nudges you with his words. 

“Hey,” he starts, but sees the opulent wreath on the door still has your attention. “Hey you,” he tries again. You finally look up at him. You lock your widened eyes with his ocean calm ones as he scans your face. Your brows could almost touch with how deeply furrowed you have them and your lips are fixed in a tight line.

“Typically it takes a lot to get my girl all nervous and whatnot,” he states, but you knew it was more of a question of what's up with you.

“Yeah, well… I’m not nervous, Chris.”

“Really? Cos the bruise on my hand would say otherwise,” he jokes.

You roll your eyes at him trying not to laugh. “Even if I was nervous, which I’m not, could you blame me? This is a lot. This is big. This... This is your family.” Your features soften and voice drops in volume. “I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

“Impossible.”

“You sure? Think I already did by taking this long,” you mumbled. You look away, unable to hold Chris' intense gaze anymore. Being in front of his childhood home, for the first time since you’ve started dating over 2 years ago, you can’t help but feel… guilty. 

No use in taking the conversation there at this moment. Especially knowing that lately it led to some sort of shouting match. The ‘I can’t’s’ and ‘next time’s’ didn’t suffice anymore. 

Chris only responds with a sigh as he rings the doorbell for the second time. He looks back over to you, a snowflake floating then landing on your lash. You’re unaware of how whimsical you look to him. How well you’re going to fit in with his family and friends. 

He takes his thumb to brush the snowflake off and cup your cheek. Watching as you swallow thickly, Chris moves his thumb to your throat to massage away the lump you try to move on your own. You relax into his touch, and he flicks his eyes down to your gently smiling lips then back up to your eyes. You know what he’s silently asking. Placing your hand on his wrist was your silent answer. He leans in slowly, and you wish you could stay like this, just for a little while longer. But all good things...

“Uncle Chris!” a youthful voice exclaims as the door swings open. Chris swiftly removes his suggestive hand from your neck and himself from your personal space. He prays there’s some mistletoe hanging inside.

“Hey Kiddo!” Chris huffs out as he picks the child up, replacing her spot on the floor with the present in his hand. She goes to wrap her small arms around his neck as he asks her, “Did you grow since just last night?”

“No!” She giggles as he pinches her cheeks. “I missed you Uncle Chris! You weren’t here when we woke up,” his niece pouts. You look at Chris to see him with matching puppy dog eyes and poked out lip. 

“Oh, Kiddo, I’m sorry. I--”

“It’s ok,” she cut him off, causing you to chuckle at her brashness, “I saved the gift from you and your special friend to open last!”

“Well, speaking of...” Chris pulls you in closer to him by your hand, “This is her! I went to get her from the airport,” he beams down at you. The little cutie in Chris’ arm has turned more shy when speaking to you as you exchange names and a quaint handshake. 

In a not-so-quiet whisper, she tells Chris, “She’s really pretty. Good job,” with an added thumbs-up and shoulder pat. You can’t fight your giggle and the heat that rises to your face, and Chris can’t fight the laughter that erupts from himself.

Chris is joined in a chorus of laughter, the foyer now filled with Evans’ of all ages, tickled by one of their youngest and no doubt happy that Chris is home… and brought company. This is it… you think.

It’d been a long while since you’d ‘met the family’, having not made it that far with the relationships leading up to this one with Chris. You wonder if it’s like riding a bike, or if you should’ve read an article on how to during your last minute flight.

In the crowd of smiling Evans’, you spot Chris’ mom and brother. You’ve met them on numerous occasions, all in L.A., and know them pretty well. However, everyone else you knew from a picture, a story or would be meeting for the first time this afternoon. There was going to be a lot of meeting, greeting, questioning, explaining… 

You steel yourself for the day ahead. Chris looks at you and gives you a reassuring smile and squeeze on your hand. You reciprocate, tension releasing only the slightest as you look at his sunny face, your reminder of why this must go well.

——————————————————————————

The first couple hours you were sure would be the hardest. It was a time of first impressions, and you only get one of those. Tasked with making the rounds to about 30 or so aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, in-laws, childhood this and that, Chris wanted to make sure you met every. Single. Body. And as soon possible.

“That way, we get you comfortable faster!” He rejoiced. Chris’ excitement was always infectious so you try to let wash over and enthuse you. 

You lost count of how many times you fake laughed at ‘Chris has finally brought you home! We were starting to think you weren’t real!’. But with Chris by your side, the worn out joke was just bearable. He found new ways to respond each time, no doubt to at least keep you entertained. ‘Who do you owe money, then?’ or ‘When you find a treasure, you try to keep it to yourself as long as possible *wink*’ or ‘She’s not even here… she’s a hallucination’ never failed to make you laugh or make your cheeks burn.

It’s actually really endearing to know that there was some anticipation for your arrival. Unbeknownst to you, Chris had been hyping you up to his family. Telling them your accomplishments and aspirations in your writing career, which apparently impressed them. He told them your hobbies and other passions that sparked conversations about their own, and prompted advice on your life trajectory. 

All in all, breaking the ice was more delightful than you thought it would be, and hoped that by sticking by Chris’ side the rest of the day would go in that way. But the universe had other plans.

At one point, you get whisked away to the kitchen by Chris’ mom, Lisa, under the guise of needing help with some dishes for dinner. You quickly realize that it's a set-up of sorts, with most of the women of the Evans family gathered around the island putting finishing touches on their dishes and slyly sipping spiked eggnog. These are the people who you feel you have to impress.

Their chatter and laughter came to a halt as they eyed you cautiously crossing the kitchen to the spot Lisa designated you. It was only a matter of time before the interrogation began.

“So… we’ll cut straight to the chase: why is it we’re just now meeting you? You’ve been with our Chris how long now?”

“Vicky!” Lisa smacks her arm warningly. “Have you no filter? You’ll scare the poor girl off before dinner!”

Chris has told you about his infamous Aunt Vicky. “A true cream puff; soft and sweet… once you get past the tough outside,” you remember him telling you.

“It’s fine,” you start, not willing to cower from the inquiry, “Chris and I have been together 2-½ years— 3 in June. And we’ve been happily taking things slow.”

“Good on you for taking things slow. Most women would— and do��� jump at the chance to lock down our Chris. But not you, you’re a woman with her own sense of self. We like that,” you’re affirmed with a wink.

Whew.

“You are as pretty as our kid spy said; thought she was exaggerating.”

“Um thank you…?”

“She’s pretty, but can she cook?”

“Carole!” Lisa warns another woman and apologizes to you with her eyes. Chris also told you about his aunt Carole, Vicky’s ‘side kick’. The two of them made for a dubious duo.

“Yeah, what’s Chris’ favorite dish of yours?” Aunt Vicky prodded.

“I can cook, but not that often for Chris,” you respond, to which you’re met with crickets and cock-headed looks. You add, “He’s out of town a lot, and when he is in town, he’s the one doing the showing and proving of why I should stay with him,” you joke (kind of), and to your relief, they find it funny.

“Oooo I like her!” Vicky and Carole say in unison, causing the kitchen of women to laugh. You really did try to keep your expectations low for this visit, not necessarily wanting to seek Chris’ extended family’s acceptance, but you can’t help the relief you feel in this moment.

The next couple hours pass of helping out with dinner dishes and dessert, giggling over glasses of cocktails and family stories. You’d narrowly avoided questions about marriage and babies, but that’s to be expected. For the first time today, you’re able to forget your worries and your boyfriend and actually enjoy yourself. Speaking of...

“Hey you,” Chris is waiting by your seat that’s next to his which he pulls out for you when you arrive at it. An early Christmas dinner is about to be served, and you and Chris are reunited at the table for the first time in hours. “Missed you,” he says with a kiss on your temple. “Can’t wait to hear about your day,” he adds. But there wasn’t much talking between you two throughout the meal, though. 

No, the Evans’ family theatrics don’t allow for it. All of them talk with complete genuineness, laugh with their entire beings, opine with their whole chests, and you see where Chris gets it from. Turning to your boyfriend, you find him smiling and laughing along with the rest of the table, looking full of warmth and love. Completed by his family. Your heart gets a little heavier thinking about how he doesn’t have these moments as often as he’d like. In part by his job, yes, but a small part of you feels like you may also have something to do with that. A thought that pains you to wade in too long.

After dinner you try to help with the dishes, packing away leftovers and to-go plates. You don’t get too far, instead get shooed out of the kitchen by the elders, being told to ‘spend the rest of the evening with your man’. You oblige, realizing you barely talked to each other since earlier in the day. In your quick scan of the house, you couldn’t find him, so you shoot him a text.

Some of the kids and teenagers were gathered around some games in the den. Their antics and wittiness remind you of your nieces. They happily let you join in, and at one point, you acquired a little one on your lap as your game partner. The two of you bond over beating her cousins in these games as you school them in a few rounds of Uno, Connect Four, and Jenga. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you smile as you check it.

“Oooooo is it from Uncle Chris?” she cheekily asks as you get up, setting her on your spot on the floor.

“They’re probably gonna go make out under the mistletoe,” one of the older kids teased. The room of adolescents erupt into a fit of giggles and chorus of ‘ews’

“Are you two gonna get married?” the little cutie randomly asks you. “I heard my Grandma and Aunts talking about it!”

“Oh, wow, um… I gotta, I’ll see you all later.” With that you dash out of the room, as symphony ‘K-I-S-S-I-N-G…’ fading behind you.

——————————————————————————

The sky was shades of baby blues, pinks, purples and oranges. It’s a beautiful backdrop to the snow and ice kissed tree branches and lawns. The road had been freshly salted and freed of winter obstacles making it easier to stroll along as you and Chris often did after a meal.

It’s even more beautiful than he said, you think to yourself. For a second you wonder why you were ever hesitant to come here. There was no real reason, yet you used a million excuses. But this time around, you finally ran out.

Not that you weren’t tired of your fear. That was it. The real reason… was fear.

You look down at your boots, the ones you dust off just one week a year now. Striding beside them are a larger, more expensive pair; they too only see the snow on rare occasions. Your eyes follow up the long legs they belong to, taking in the nice slacks and chunky cable knit sweater under a heavy, well-made piece of outerwear. Your eyes finally land on the face of the man in the fine threads. 

Looking at Chris right now, you’ve never seen him fit in so perfectly somewhere. But why wouldn’t he on the roads he cut his teeth on. He could make you forget every fear and every doubt you’ve ever had. Hell, he could make you forget your name on a good day. And on those days, you didn’t know what to do with all of that, what to make of it. But it’s the most wonderful time of the year, so 

“Come here,” you say just above a whisper, tugging on Chris’ hand causing him to turn to you. You bring your hands to his broad shoulders, smoothing out the invisible wrinkles there. You languidly drag your right hand over to his chest as you notice a red stain on the light colored knit. “My love…” you humoredly drag out as you tap on the food stain.

“I know, I know. My mother already beat you to the scolding,” he chuckles.

“You’d think by this age you’d have learned to be more careful.”

“Hmm, now what fun would that be…” his sultry tone didn’t go unnoticed by you. Your eyes on his tailored, dinner party clothes, hoping to find a relief for your emotions somewhere between the stitches. You never know where to begin with your feelings. Surely it would be to start with the easy stuff, but it all seems hard. 

You rub your hands on his chest, not quite meeting his eyes. “What’s up? Whatcha thinking about?” Chris asks with a lopsided grin, resting his hands on either side of your waist. You smile at him nervously. Before you could say anything, there’s a gust of sharp, cold wind. You clutch on to Chris’ sweater, burying your face in his chest seeking refuge and warmth.

“M’thinking about how you got me out in this damn cold! You know my southern bones can’t take it,” your whines muffled by his sweater. He chuckles at your antics.

Chris slowly drags his large palms up from your waist, and this just ensures that there are goosebumps on your skin under your layers if the wind hasn't done so already. He rests one hand on your shoulder pulling you apart just enough for you to look into his hazy blue eyes. His other hand continues it’s trek until it’s rested on the side of your neck, his thumb stroking your jaw. “I know of a way to get you warm…”

“Was this part of your plan?”

“Mmmm… maybe…” Chris leans in close, surely to kiss you, but you have other plans.

“How’s it feel to be back home?” you inquired with faux aloofness, slipping out of his hold and continuing your walk towards his mother’s home.

Chris hesitates for a second, wondering if you really just swerved a kiss from him. He clears his throat, “Uh… yeah it’s great! There’s nothing like family, I know you can agree to that. Even if they are loud… and crazy,” to which you both chuckle. “So…” he starts as he wraps his arms around your middle causing you both to waddle up the front lawn. “How do you feel? Not so bad, was it?”

“No! Far from it! I really, really love your family Chris,” you say as you crane your neck to look at him briefly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Although, I strongly disagree with some of their choices in best music of all time, but I’ll learn to get over that. I got over it with you,”

Chris spins you around in his arms, hands firmly on your waist. “I don’t care what you say; Joel is the best music Billy of ALL TIME!”

“Yeah, ok.” you retort with an eye roll to his amusement.

“I’m glad you had a good time babe. They’ve been hounding me to meet you for a while now. I’m happy we made it happen.”

The words are right there on your lips. I’m sorry it took so long. I’m sorry I acted silly. I’m sorry I was scared to take the next step. But what if I’m not ready? What if we get it wrong? Your throat is dry, as it often is when it’s time to bare a little of your soul. At least Chris always has something to say.

“I can’t wait for you to see me this nervous when I meet your family…” You don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse. Chris looks into your eyes expectantly, lovingly. His features are soft and tender, and you think it’s the most beautiful sight on a man, on this man. Your man.

Chris looks at your lips then at your eyes. There goes that silent question again. You’ve never been one to give Chris what he wants when he wants it. He’ll never admit, but it’s one of the things he loves most about you. So, in true you-fashion, you make a run for it.

He’s baffled, but doesn’t waste much time in playing into your little game. You’re laughing hysterically as you look over your shoulder to see him bounding after you on the front lawn. You high tail it around the side of his childhood home, kind of hoping he catches you. Not even you, as stubborn as you are, would want to be running forever.

Chris walks into the backyard cautiously, but not cautiously enough as he’s met with a snowball in the temple. And your maniacal laughter.

“Oh, you’re in for it now!” Chris sneers as he scoops up the most perfectly compacted snowball.

“Oh shit!” You slowly make for the backdoor, walking up the deck stairs backwards, hands up in surrender “C’mon babe, you don’t have to do this,” you plead.

“Yes. Yes, I do. Cos all I wanted was an innocent, sweet kiss.”

“I’ll give you a kiss! Just put the snowball down.”

“It’s too late, sweetheart.” The look in his eyes is sending butterflies straight to your heat. As much as you wouldn’t mind ‘losing’ this game, there’s too much at stake.

“Think of my hair!” You whine to appeal to his better nature. That gave Chris pause, but only for a moment.

“It’s in braids; you’ll be ok.” When Chris takes a step towards you, you take a step back, but instead of eating snow as you anticipate, you slip on a patch of ice and fall flat on your ass.

Chris is quick to race over to your side. “Babe! Are you ok?” he’s slightly panicked as he lifts your torso in his arms, checking your eyes for consciousness.

“Got the wind knocked out of me, but I’m fine, yeah,” you say through a dry laugh.

“Oh, thank god.” He says with a sigh of relief and a wide smile. You smile back at him as he strokes your cheek and says, “Now I won’t feel bad about this.”

“Wha—“ You see white as your face freezes over. Chris is dying of laughter as you sputter the snowball out of your mouth. 

“Ha ha ha. Keep laughing... you won’t get that kiss you’re wanting so bad.” He immediately stops laughing, deflates, and pouts, causing you to giggle. “Oh my goodness! Is it that serious?” you teased him a little further. Chris was done playing, though. He stood up and folded his thick arms over his chest to show you he was serious.

You stood up too, and began to tap and poke at his shoulders, chest and stomach. Chris wouldn’t look at you, trying his best to stand firm and not smile. “Look up, dummy!” you say eventually. He acts as if he’s doing you a favor, but can’t hide his giddiness at the sight on the ceiling.

A leafy green plant, with a cluster of red inedible berries, secured with a red ribbon.

You take his face into your hands, lightly grazing your fingers over Chris’ full, trimmed beard. The world is out of focus as you and Chris are now eye to eye. Neither of you can hide your eagerness. You rub your thumb over his plump bottom lip and wonder why you would ever deny yourself this man.

Pulling him into you, the gap is closed between your mouths. The kiss is gentle, shy even, after first. It dawns on you that you’d only shared a quick peck at the airport, and before then, had gone a couple weeks missing each other’s touch.

The neediness and desire within you is heightened at the thought. You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him closer. You start to get lost in him, in his warm taste and touch. You feel the yearning in Chris too. He wraps his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly to himself. His hands start to travel to places you desperately want them to be, but he catches himself, remembering where you are.

“Let’s go say our goodbyes,” he says through an out-of-breath smirk. You bite your bottom lip and reply with a quick nod of your head. 

The pair of you head inside to make your last rounds for the evening. Chris keeps it pretty brief with everyone, the both of you promising to see them again sometime soon in the new year. Early Spring seems to work for most everyone; the kids will be on spring break, Chris will be home before jetting off for a press tour, and you’ll have settled in to your new writing job, that isn’t exactly your dream gig, but a step in… a direction.

As you got into Chris’ car to head for his Boston home, waving to his family as you backed out the driveway, none of you could predict or prepare yourselves for the very different, sordid world that waits in the months ahead. How drastically it would change on grand and small scales.

You look adoringly at Chris from your spot in the passenger seat, unaware the beginning of your relationship’s treacherous slope was just a few days away. Had you known, you wouldn’t have left that kiss so soon, would’ve cherished his heated embrace a little more later tonight.

But it’s already been written.

——————————————————————————

What’d you think?

[myemergence]

take me back to the start

Title: take me back to the start Author: @myemergence Rating: E (for one smut scene, later in the fic) Artist: @benjaminrussell Artwork: MAGAZINE COVER and MUSIC VIDEO Warnings/Triggers: mentions of alcoholism, mentions of OC character death, car accident Notes: Thanks to @marcia-elena for the beta on this. I so appreciate all the work you put in! Written for @buddiebigbang. And the artwork is amazing! I love them so much, Holly! Summary: Country music star, Eddie Diaz, is on a break before his US tour when he gets unexpected news: he has a son. He needs to come home to his hometown in West River, TX right away. He hasn’t set foot there since he left for Nashville nine years ago, leaving his old life behind. West River is the last place that Eddie wants to be—he needs to focus on his career, and his tour—not looking after a kid that he doesn’t even know yet.

Crossing paths with his high school sweetheart, Evan Buckley, who’s now a Deputy with the sheriff’s office just might change all of that, reminding Eddie of the person that he used to be… and the kind of person that he wants to be.

Read the whole thing here: AO3 LINK

*

The thing about being a musician and wrapping up a big tour is that it makes the time afterward to unwind and let loose even more rewarding. Taking the time to ground himself before hitting the road again has become essential for Eddie, an integral part of his process. 

This time, there’s no unwinding. As soon as the last concert in the tour ended, he boarded a red-eye flight from Los Angeles into Houston. And he’s tired, a feeling that’s not exactly foreign to him, but he feels weary down to his bones. He’s headed back to West River, Texas, about fifteen minutes outside of Austin, where he was born and raised.

A place he hasn’t as much as set foot in for nine years.

Eddie blinks blearily as he pulls his rental car up to the drive-through at Dunkin for a much needed coffee. He’s within an hour of West River, but he’s going to need something to power through the last hour of his drive as the sun is beginning to rise over the expanse of otherwise deserted small-town Texas that surrounds him.

It’s so quiet out here that it’s almost unnerving.

“Good morning, sir. That’ll be $3.27.” The dark-haired girl at the drive-through window can’t be more than eighteen. 

“Morning.” He holds out his phone so that she can scan his payment.

“Aren’t you…” She trails off slowly, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Eddie adjusts the trucker hat that he’s wearing, despite the fact that the sun hasn’t become a hindrance yet. He’d put the hat on before he pulled up to the drive-through only a couple of minutes ago. He knows that he’d be nowhere without the support of his fans, but he’s exhausted. He just wants to get to his abuela’s so that he can fall into bed. He’s tempted to drag a hand over his face and beg for his coffee.

“Eddie Diaz.” He introduces himself with a winning smile. He’ll try to find time to rest later. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Rosie. I-I can’t believe I’m preparing Eddie Diaz’s coffee. Nobody is going to believe me,” Rosie practically squeals, her face flushed as she fumbles with scanning his phone. “Here, um,” she steps away from the drive-through window momentarily and comes back with a pastry bag along with his coffee. Simple like always: black, with 2 sugars. “For the road. Gone Now really helped me through a hard time, when I lost my grandpa—and you wrote it about yours.”

Eddie’s smile becomes more genuine as he takes the coffee and muffin from the girl. He’s sure he looks like a mess, with blood-shot eyes and bags under his eyes. “I think most people have forgotten about that song. That was on my debut album.” He’d written that song what feels like a lifetime ago.

Like he was a different person back then than he is now. He supposes that in some ways, he was.

“I was only thirteen when it came out,” Rosie says. “I hope you make more songs like that. Your new stuff is great, but… that’s definitely my favorite. Anyhow, I won’t keep you, I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“I do,” Eddie confirms, reaching over into the top of his duffel bag that’s resting on the passenger seat. “It was really nice to meet you, Rosie.” He hands her one of the signed albums that he carries with him, a simple thank you that he likes to have for those truly special fans. “It’s not my debut album, but I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Eddie offers her a parting wave as he pulls away, and tosses the hat that was his poor attempt at disguise onto the passenger seat. He takes several sips from the steaming coffee, then sets it in the cupholder, wincing as the heat nips at his tongue, hoping that the caffeine will help keep him alert for the rest of the drive home.

Before he pulls onto the road, he scrolls through his phone, pulling up his debut album on Spotify and pressing play, a wistful smile crossing his face. He’s trying to put a little space between him and the reason that he’s coming home to West River; Rosie’s words remind him, at least for a moment, why he started making music in the first place. He hears the familiar opening chords and pulls out onto the quiet road.

There was a time when not a single day

Went by without us talking

And now I can barely remember your face

We’d spend hours weaving words

And guitar notes together

Just you and me in the music’s embrace

But you’re gone now, you’re gone

All those moments lie six-feet deep in the ground

You’re gone now, you’re gone

I keep missing you ‘cause you’re not around

He knows he can’t live in this world of make-believe for long. He can’t pretend that what matters is his connection to the music anymore—he stopped writing his own music long ago. But it’s nice to remember, even if those moments are fleeting.

*

Eddie pulls into the same gravel driveway that he used to skid his bike tires on as a kid. His abuela still lives in the same house she did back then, only a few doors down from his childhood home. His parents moved an hour north about five years ago. Eddie’s stomach flops a bit, and he tries not to dwell on how little he talks to them these days, or their lack of support over the years.

 He drags himself out of the rental car and grabs his bag out of the passenger side, leaving the rest of his luggage in the trunk. Before he can even make his way up the short drive, his abuela steps out onto the porch.

Eddie yawns into the crook of his elbow, then makes his way up to her. “Hey, Abuela,” he murmurs, pecking her on the cheek.

“Eddie,” Abuela says. She welcomes him with a crushing embrace, and he smiles as he hugs her back. She pulls back just enough that he can see a fire in her eyes; he already knows what that means, so he remains silent until she spits it out. “You were supposed to call me back so I knew you were doing alright.”

“I told you I have you listed as my emergency contact. If anything happens to me you’ll be the first one they call,” Eddie teases with a laugh.

“Edmundo,” she scolds, swatting his arm, and he watches as her jaw tenses under his name.

“Okay,” Eddie acquiesces. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be more cautious next time and call you. But Houston to West River isn’t a long drive.”

“Shannon—”

“Can we talk about this later?” Eddie asks. “I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I just need a couple of hours and then I promise we’ll talk, okay?”

“But, Eddie—” Despite the fact that he’ll probably be reamed for not turning his full attention to her, Eddie pushes the door open and steps inside. He stops in his tracks as his eyes catch sight of the figure who’s settled at the table, and his duffel bag drops to the floor. He feels abuela’s hand on his shoulder. “This is—”

The pretending is over.

“This is Christopher, your son.”

*

Eddie knew coming back home to West River wasn’t going to be a vacation in any sense of the word. He knew what would be waiting for him; baggage so heavy that it had the ability to destroy his entire career. The dream that he’d risked everything for, that he’d given up everything for.

This is Christopher, your son.

Abuela’s words echo in his ears.

Sure, there had been a few phone calls beforehand, warning Eddie of the kid’s existence after Shannon had shown up at Abuela’s with the boy. That hadn’t prepared him for this moment at all.

What the fuck is he going to do?

The temptation to drop by the hole-in-the-wall bar downtown to take the edge off is there. Instead, he tells Abuela he has to take care of some things and he disappears. He just needs to drive around for a little bit to clear his head. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do.

A kid will ruin everything.

How could Shannon keep this kid to herself for years, not mention a word of his existence, and then just drop him off and leave like he’s somehow now Eddie’s responsibility?

Eddie unrolls the window, letting the evening air hit his face as his foot presses down more firmly on the gas pedal.

Take care of it. You only have a few months until the tour.

Fuck all of this.

These backroads are so familiar, and there’s something comforting in driving down them late at night, when the rest of the town is quiet. It reminds him of those late nights when he and Buck would—

Eddie stops his thoughts short, the ache in his chest just as familiar as these roads. Buck.

What are the chances that in a town of a few thousand people he won’t run into Evan Buckley? That’s even if he still lives here. Eddie shakes the notion from his head, refusing to allow himself to get nostalgic about the past. A past that revolved around Buck.

Right now, he needs to focus on how he’s going to fix his life—before it becomes a public relations disaster.

Pressing down on the gas harder, Eddie gets lost in the feeling of the cool night air hitting his face, saving him from his downward spiral and memories of Buck.

Unfortunately, the moment is short lived. Red and blue lights flash in his rearview mirror amidst the otherwise stark darkness of the night. With a sigh, he pulls over to the shoulder of the road.

*

Buck climbs out of the cruiser and closes the door, walking up to the driver’s side of the out-of-state car. “Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” He quickly scans the inside of the vehicle, assessing if there are any passengers that he needs to be aware of before settling his sight on the driver.

Of all the people he could’ve had the unfortunate task of pulling over tonight, somehow it’s Eddie Diaz. He studies Eddie’s face, tipping his head to the side as his identity registers with Eddie. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Buck.”

It’s like he took the words right out of Buck’s mouth, because really, what are the fucking chances? After nine years Eddie somehow still has the ability to make Buck’s heart thunder in his chest merely by saying his name. His jaw tightens as he looks at the country music star in front of him.

“It’s Deputy Buckley,” Buck tells Eddie, his voice tight. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“This has to be an actual nightmare,” Eddie mutters, though Buck’s sure at this point that he’s talking to himself.

“License and registration.”

“Evan—”

“I said, license and registration. Don’t make me ask again. I’m going to suggest that you actually listen this time if you don’t want to end up in jail for the night.”

Eddie’s mouth snaps shut at Buck’s words. “I’m gonna grab the registration from the glove compartment.” He opens the glove box and hands over the paperwork, along with his license.

“Yeah, didn’t think you’d want that news story,” Buck mutters as he takes the documents and inspects them. He obviously knows that it’s Eddie, and he already ran the plates and knows that it belongs to a rental in Houston. He hands the paperwork back to Eddie. “Watch your speed, because next time I’m not going to be this nice,” Buck warns.

“This is nice?” Eddie actually has the audacity to laugh at him. “Seems more like you’re Deputy Dick to me.”

Buck’s lips press together into a tight line. He’s used to not being well liked while on the job—but it feels harsher coming from Eddie. “You know, I could still take you in tonight, if that’s what you want.”

Eddie shrinks under the words, and what he says next sounds sincere. “You know that’s not what I want.”

The same words that Eddie had said to him all those years ago, at the end. Buck feels his chest fracture down the middle, a reprise of the heartbreak that Eddie left in his wake.

He forces himself to school his expression despite the way he’s feeling. “Have a good night, Eddie.”

He doesn’t wait for Eddie to respond, turning sharply on his heels and walking away from the man that’s had his heart all along.

*

“You know, I don’t really think that this qualifies as guys’ night,” Buck says as he looks across the card table at Chimney, taking a sip of the lemonade in front of him. 

 Chim raises his brow a little, glancing in the direction of the living room. “You’re my brother-in-law,” Chim says, “and I’m not sure how to say this delicately, so I’m just gonna say it. If there’s one Buckley I’m trying to make happy right now, it’s not you, Buck. I’m trying to get in her good graces after the bottle rocket incident.”

Josh snorts from where he’s sitting, bringing the beer up to his lips.

“I’m not going to be the one to tell my wife that she needs to leave so we can have a proper guys’ night,” Chim adds.

“You would never say something to Maddie, and not just about guys’ night,” Josh challenges, his brows shooting up.

“I’m sorry, was that a complaint I just heard? Because I’m pretty sure that the last time you hosted a card night your mom showed up,” Chim points out.

“And Buck’s place—”

“Has constant interruption. I know, I know.” Buck rolls his eyes dramatically. “Are you gonna deal us in, or what?”

“Mads, were you gonna join us?” Chim calls helpfully into the other room, and Buck glares at him.

Maddie lifts herself off of the couch and walks out to the dining room table where they’re all situated, grabbing the bowl of chips from the counter and pulling up an empty seat. “I don’t want to play, but I’d love to talk to you guys.”

They really need to start finding different circles of friends, at least for nights like tonight. It’s not as if Buck’s going to tell his pregnant sister to go away, so instead he smiles. “We’d love it if you talked to us, Mads.”

“Really?” She grins, and Chim looks at Buck gratefully. “So, I heard a rumor that Eddie’s back in town.”

“Pick a different subject.”

“He’s back in town and got pulled over by West River’s youngest and brightest the other night,” Chim says.

Just the mention of Eddie’s name is an unwanted reminder that he’s back in town, at least temporarily. The fact that this wasn’t a figment of Buck’s imagination sends his brain into overdrive. There’s been some speculation over the reason for his return, and Buck has done everything in his power to stay squarely on the outside of those conversations.

He’s made it clear to his family and friends since Eddie left town that there is one topic that he refuses to discuss: Eddie Diaz. A lot of the locals were around Eddie growing up, and having someone that’s famous from their small hometown is something to talk about—especially when there’s a new tour that’s announced, or when Eddie is working on a new album.

But his friends? They know that it’s a hard and fast rule, and bringing it up on guys’ night is a definite foul. 

“Guys,” Buck manages as evenly as he can muster. “Talk about something else.”

A tense silence falls over the room, and for a minute Buck refuses to look up, knowing the pity that crosses their faces any time that someone brings up Eddie. He’s tried to hide his heartbreak behind indifference, but he’s not naive enough to believe that any of them buy it. Most of them had front-row seats as they watched Buck’s hopes and dreams shatter to the ground around him, leaving a hollow shell behind.

Finally he looks up.

“Can we make an exception this one time, Ev?”

“Maddie. I don’t talk about— about this, and you know that.”

Maddie’s hand covers his, her touch light, her tone equally calm and even. “You know, this has a name.”

“Why are you bringing him up now? You know I moved on from him a long time ago.”

It’s as if Chim and Josh aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table, trying to avoid the line of fire. Even if Maddie is officially a Han now, nobody wants to get obliterated during a battle of the wills between the siblings.

“This is guys’ night,” Buck reminds her. “The one night of the week that I can unwind and relax. Instead you’re here and dredging up a past that died years ago.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I was a kid. Just a stupid kid. There’s nothing else to say. We were together and then we weren’t. He has his life now, and I have mine.”

“Maybe that’s true, but you never did move on, not really. He’s in town for who knows how long, so maybe it’d be a good chance for the two of you to talk?”

“No, it wouldn’t. And, uh, thanks for ruining tonight,” Buck mutters as he stands up from the table. This is the kind of interference he’d expect from their out-of-town parents, always assuming they know what’s best, but not from Maddie.

“Buck,” Chim warns, and Buck sighs again, shaking his head in frustration. Chim’s always been protective of Maddie, something that Buck’s always appreciated, especially after all that she endured with Doug, but tonight feels like the exception.

“I’m gonna head home.”

“Buck, you really don’t have to go,” Josh says helplessly.

He attempts a smile for what Josh is trying to do—slapping a bandage on the evening, trying to piece everything back together. Buck shakes his head. “I think it’s for the best if I go.”

Buck says his goodbyes and hops into his Jeep, driving home. He knows that Maddie has the best of intentions, and that she cares about him with her whole heart, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

When he arrives home he notices there are only a few lights left on in the house, and that the porch light is on for him. 

“You’re home awful early,” Carla says as soon as he makes his way inside, barely looking up from the little girl that’s propped against her side.

He shrugs a little, not wanting to get into all of the details of how the night quickly spiraled out of control in a way that was just too much for him to handle. “I couldn’t stand the time away from her.”

“Mhm,” Carla says in her knowing way, and Buck’s thankful that she doesn’t say more than that. She knows enough about his past with Eddie, but she’s always stayed out of that part of his life.

Buck toes off his shoes, crossing the room then and scooping Lucy up in his arms. “Hey baby,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“She insisted I read her three stories out here and not in her bed because she was ‘not tired yet, Carla’.”

Buck chuckles at her words, feeling Lucy squirm in his arms before she settles again. She rests her head against his shoulder and he hoists her up higher so that she can curl into him. In a world where everything else is imperfect he’s able to come home and hold a little piece of perfection in his arms. Their lives have been far from easy, and there isn’t a day that Buck doesn’t wish he could be more for her.

He’s doing his best to make up for the huge piece missing from her life—the absence of her mother. Every day she helps him remember that there is more than heartbreak and loss, that sometimes there’s hope, too. He has to hold on to that.

“I’m gonna head out,” Carla says, kissing the back of Lucy’s head and giving Buck a sideways hug before leaving.

Buck walks down the hallway, glancing at Lucy’s bedroom door and then pivoting, walking across the hall to his own room and laying the sleeping girl down on the pillows, covering her with the sheet and comforter. He gets ready for bed and lies on top of the covers beside her. He knows he shouldn’t make a habit out of this and he won’t, but tonight he needs the physical proof.

He hasn’t lost everything, because he still has Lucy.

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Love Potion

Request: can i request some angst for younger remus where it's a couple days after the full moon and he looks for the reader so they can cuddle (they're already dating) and he finds them kissing another guy, and he asks reader why and the readers like "i dont want you anymore, i love this guy, blah blah blah" and he's heart broken but later somehow reader's friend finds out the guy gave them a love potion and fixes it, and reader has to try to explain to Remus that it's what happened but he doesn't believe her, and it's all angsty because he's mad at her but in the end he understands or something like that, and i am SO sorry that this is so long, and i love love love your writing

Requested by: Anon

Paring: Remus Lupin x Reader

Word Count: 3.3K

~Master list-

Remus was exhausted. Another full moon a few days ago wore the boy down. His body ached and all he wanted to do was relax and stop moving and making his newest scars hurt more. Remus knew after a full moon as restless as the last one, there was only one thing that would make him feel better.

You.

You’ve been dating for a little over a year now and knew all about Remus’ lycanthropy. You wanted to help him any way you could, offering to become an Animagus just to protect Remus, but Remus refused to allow you to do that, not wanting you to even get the chance to be hurt, much less by him. So instead you settled on middle ground. Whenever Remus needed it, full moon or not, you were always down for cuddles. It didn’t really seem much like middle ground considering the fact how much you both loved cuddling with each other and just being in each other’s arms. You’d always run your fingers through Remus’ fluffy hair, gently scrapping your nails against his scalp as he held you close to his chest. There was no doubt in his mind that it was his favorite part of the day.

He packed up all his books and papers in the library, his work long forgotten since you had been on his mind for the last 20 minutes. His friends knew the look in his eyes as they watched him gather his things, bidding them goodbye before he was gone. His first stop was the Gryffindor common room, assuming you were probably with Lily.

“Evans!” Remus called out to the red head as she started to make her way upstairs. Lily turned around, sharing a smile with her friend. “Is Y/N up there?”

Lily shook her head at his question. “No? She ran out almost an hour ago, looking for too giddy for her normal self so I figured she was looking for you, ready for your cuddles.” She giggled softly, remembering the way you skipped out of the common room. Her giggles ceased when she realized Remus was your destination. “What she didn’t go to you?”

Remus furrowed his brows and put his hands on his hips. “No, I haven’t seen her since last lessons.”

“Want me to help look for her?” Lily offered but Remus turned her down.

“It’s fine, I’m sure she just went for a walk.” Remus hid a whimper as Lily patted his shoulder in good luck before she finished her voyage upstairs. As soon as she was gone, Remus went up to his room and threw his things on his bed, pulling out the map his friend and he enchanted and started looking for your name. It didn’t take long before he found you, your name floating in the astronomy tower next to some kid name Jordan Adams. “Jordan Adams?” Remus whispered to himself as he tried to think of who this kid was and why his girlfriend was so ‘giddy’ to see him.

Remus didn’t know much about him, knowing he was a Gryffindor in the same year as you and him and vaguely remember you complaining about being partners with him last year on a project in Transformation. A project Adams used as an opportunity to repeatedly ask you out. Sure, this was before you and Remus were dating, but what were you doing with him now?

Remus didn’t waste anytime to head to the top of the tower, the pathway thankfully secluded before he reached the top. But then he saw the last thing he ever wanted to see.

You and this Adams kid lip locked, no space between you as his arm was thrown around your waist.

“Y/N?” Remus’ shattered voice caused you and Jordan to separate, your head snapping around to look at Remus. Jordan’s eyes went wide, wiping your smeared lipstick off his lips which only made Remus more upset. “What the hell is this? You’re cheating on me?” He blurted out, watching you stand up and head his way. He didn’t want to look at you, your calm expression making him sick to his stomach. With everything you and Remus went through he never thought you’d cheat on him.

“Remus, I love him.”

And just like that the anger disappeared from Remus’ body, replaced with a numbness as he stared at you. “W-what?”

“I love him.” You repeated, looking back at Jordan with a smile once only reserved for Remus. You loved him? You loved him? You were the only person Remus ever said those words too, and for you it was the same. But now you just said those words about a completely different boy. “We’re over Remus. I don’t want you anymore. Jordan’s my boyfriend now.” You batted your eyelashes at Remus as if you hadn’t just ripped out his heart and stomped it into the ground.

“I-I don’t understand. What happened- Why are you”

You let out a loud annoyed groan, rolling your eyes at Remus before grabbing Jordan’s hand. “Don’t let this be harder than it has to be. I just realized Jordan’s perfect for me. I mean isn’t he just dreamy?” You clutched onto his arm, fawning over the boy before turning his head to land a sloppy kiss on his mouth.

Remus had seen enough. He ran out of the tower, right out of the school and straight into the forbidden forest. His eyes were prodding with tears he finally let fall as he dropped to the ground, slamming his fist onto the forest floor and screaming out his pain. He’s been in physical pain before during and after a transformation, emotional too, like experiencing his parent’s reactions after he was infected, but in this moment all he could feel was the way he couldn’t breathe. His throat closed up as he sobbed in the woods, his walls breaking as the image of you pulling Adams’ face to yours played on repeat in his brain.

His heart was broken, and he couldn’t handle it.

A first year Hufflepuff saw Remus run into the woods, the cries of the much older boy catching his attention before he disappeared in the tree line. He was the one who told James, Sirius, and Peter where the fourth member of their friend group was. The boys took off immediately to find Remus, unsure of what happened in the last hour since they watched him leave the library.

Remus was no longer crying when his friends found him a while later, deep in the forest and propped up against a tree. His cheeks were wet, and all emotion was drained from his face when the boys stopped. “Moony? Moony, mate, are you okay?” James whispered softly as he and Sirius squatted on both sides of him, sharing concerned looks when Remus showed no sign of a response.

“Remus?” Sirius tried this time, putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. Remus’ head slowly turned to look at him, his eyes bloodshot and looking as if he just realized he had company. Sirius hesitated momentarily before standing up, grabbing Remus’ arm and gently pulling him to his feet. “Let’s get you out of here.” He spoke in a quiet tone, worried the raise in voice wouldn’t be good. Remus allowed the three of them to bring him to his room, trying to pass the common room as quickly as possible to hide Remus’ condition from the rest of the school.

They placed him on his bed, Remus curled into his covers and brought his pillow against his chest, holding it much like he would hold you. The boys didn’t leave him, each of them climbing onto the bed, making sure not to disturb Remus’ position. “Are we going to talk about it?” Sirius asked, unsure how to directly address this. James, the only other person in their foursome with a girlfriend, knew what ever was going on with Remus was related to you. No one break downs like this unless it was over someone they love.

“Take your time, Moony. We’re here when you need to talk.” James said as he patted Remus’ arm, feeling the boy stiffen under his touch before a quiet sob went through his body and his eyes clasped shut.

“She cheated on me.”

They were sure they misheard him. There was no way you, who they knew love Remus more than anyone else, would cheat on him. “Remus-“

“I caught her kissing Jordan Adams! She said she loved him!” He cried out, wetting the pillow when he held it against his face. He wasn’t embarrassed to cry in front them, they were practically his brothers. He was embarrassed that he imagined a future with you, you who just broke his heart and only made Remus believe more that no one could ever love a monster like him.

Remus cried for more hours than he’d like to admit, his friends staying by his side until he ran out of tears. Lily stopped by earlier as well, confused as to why she just saw her best friend with someone who most definitely wasn’t her boyfriend.

They took shifts once dinner started, Peter watching over Remus while Sirius and James got something to eat, hurrying up in order to get back to Remus. The first thing they saw when they entered the great hall though was you, clinging onto Adam’s arm much like you had when you were in front of Remus. If they didn’t believe Remus earlier, they definitely would’ve now. They shot you a glare as they walked by, choosing to sit at the other side of the Gryffindor table. They spoke in hushed voices, refusing to look at you as Lily rushed to the table.

“We have a problem.” She told the two boys, sitting in the spot next to her boyfriend.

“Yeah, Miss liar over there.” Sirius grumbled, nudging his head in your direction before stabbing the food on his plate.

“Exactly.” She placed a box of chocolate on the table, picking out a piece and holding it up. “James, take a good sniff and tell me what you smell.”

James raised a brow at her, confused what she was getting at as Lily shot him a look and he complied, taking a deep sniff of the chocolate in her hand. “I can’t smell anything, your perfume’s too strong. Are you wearing the whole bottle?” He asked, taking another whiff and mentally enjoying the smell of Lily wearing the perfume he bought her at Hogsmeade.

“I’m not wearing any perfume today! That’s my point!” She exclaimed, only making James jump before both boys waited for her to explain. “When I smell this, all I can smell is your shampoo.” James flushed red as Lily put the candy back in the box, wiping the slightly melted chocolate of her hand and onto her napkin.

“What are you getting at Lils?” Sirius asked, shoveling another bite of his food into his mouth.

“I found this box on Y/N’s bed this afternoon. She only ate a few pieces before leaving.”

“So?” James scoffed, annoyed at the mention of you.

“So? How daft are you?!” Neither boy said anything, still very confused as to what Lily was trying to point out. She groaned, throwing her hands into the air. “It’s a love potion! Adams gave Y/N a love potion!”

Both boys’ face dropped, pieces of the puzzle slowly falling together. “She’s under a spell?” Lily nodded slowly. “She’s not really in love with him?”

“Are you kidding? Look at them.” They looked down the table, seeing you grabbing onto Adams’ arm and staring adorningly at him, but Adams wouldn’t look at you. Instead he was completely focused on his friends, you were just arm candy, but didn’t seem to mind. “Does that look like love?”

Sirius shook his head in disbelief, thinking about Remus sitting in their room believing you no longer loved him. “Should we tell Remus?”

“No. Not until the potion’s worn off.” Lily shook her head at them.

“How long will that be?”

“A day? At least.” She muttered, trying to recall what she learned in Slughorn’s class. “It’s already been over half that.”

James scowled. “Moony is going to kill Adams.”

“Not unless Y/N does first.”

“What if Adams gives her a second dose before the first wears off?” Lily reminded them as they fell silent. If Adams gave you a second dose before the first wears off then it’s at least another day before you return to your old self.

“What if we get her away from him?” Sirius suggested and went over plans in his head.

“You mean kidnap her?”

“What? No!” Sirius denied James view as James shrugged. “I mean, what if Lily distracts her until she’s back, that way Adams can’t get his grubby hands on her.”

“That could work.” James agreed, turning to Lily. “Could you do that?”

“I think I’m more than capable of getting my best friend to spend time in her room.” The task was easier said than done.

By school rules, you had to sleep in your own bed and Lily thanked every star in the sky that Adams hadn’t pulled something with you being spelled and made you return to your room. You went on for a while talking nonstop about Jordan. It was infuriating for Lily to listen to. She usually didn’t mind hearing about your love life, both of you love sharing with each other before going to sleep, but that was when you were talking about Remus, not some boy who decided to sneak you a love potion.

“Y/N!” Lily groaned, slapping her hand against her pillow and looking over at you in the dark. “Just go to sleep!”

“But we always-“

“Not tonight. Let’s just go to sleep.” She didn’t hear any response from you, sighing in content as she figured you listened to her. She let her eyes close, thankful for the silence as she fell asleep.

She barely got a few hours of sleep before hearing you whisper her name. “Lily?” she grunted, rolling onto her back and rubbing her eyes.

“What?”

“I need to see him.”

She sighed deeply and pulled the blanket tighter against herself. “You can see Adams in the morning. Go back to sleep.”

“No Lily. I need see Remus.” Her eyes snap wide, realizing how your words echoed with tears. She was out of her bed quickly and lighting the room, seeing you perched on your bed with tears in your eyes.

“The potion wore off?” She ask as you nodded, hanging your head low. “Adams must’ve messed up somehow…” She mumbled, letting out a breath of relief before launching herself onto your bed, wrapping her arms around your neck. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re back.”

You hugged her back tight, burying your head into her neck. “Lily I messed up!”

“Why’d you eat the chocolate?!” She yelled at you, separating and pushing the hair out of your tears.

“I thought they were from Remus! They smelt just like him, I thought-“ you stopped yourself, realizing how stupid you were. Lily scrambled out of your bed, jotting something down on a paper. She handed it to your owl and let him out of his cage.

“Take this to Remus.” She told the owl before he flew away.

“He isn’t going to want to see me.” You tried to tell her, but she didn’t listen as she pulled you off your bed and dragged you down to the common room. Remus woke up to the sound of your owl on the window catching his attention, his sniffling filling the room as he wiped his eyes. He furrowed his brows, looking over his still sleeping friends before shuffling out of bed and opening the window. Your owl dropped the message in his hand. His eyes darted over Lily’s vague words.

Common Room. Now.

He didn’t want to go, but if Lily was telling him to, he knew better than to ignore her. He tossed the paper on his bedside, glancing into the mirror to see the mess he looked like before shaking off the vision and heading downstairs.

“Lily?” He called out as he finished the steps, looking around the room before his eyes landed on you, your gaze casted onto the fire as you sat curled up in front of it. “Y/N.” You turned to look at him, looking just as distraught as he did.

“Rem.” You whispered, fresh tears falling down your face at the sight of him. You stood up, taking a step towards Remus as he tried and fail to hide how much he was hurting as he started back up the stairs. “Remus wait!”

“Why?” He spat, his eyes glaring into yours with a fire you’ve never seen before. “I don’t want to hear it. Whatever you have to say, go tell Adams.”

“I don’t love Adams! I don’t even like him!”

“Oh, really? Cause it sure didn’t look that way earlier when your tongue was down his throat!

“I love you!” You screamed at him, sure that every Gryffindor, even the sleeping ones, could hear you. Remus didn’t say anything, watching as you closed your eyes, falling onto the couch behind you. Your voice was softer now, so scared of losing Remus as you looked at him from across the room. “I love you Remus. I’ve always loved you. Adams left chocolate on my bed, I thought they were from you. I didn’t know there was a love potion in them.”

Remus bit his tongue, watching you hug yourself tight shaking your head as your tears hit the carpet. “Why should I believe anything you’re saying right now?”

You shrugged, feeling so defeated. “Because I do love you Remus. It was a love potion; you must believe that. I don’t love anyone but you.” Your voice cracked as Remus broke, slowly making his way over to the couch with you. He didn’t look at you as he sat down and you nodded, reaching over to cup his cheek to get him to look at you. His watery eyes met yours, his breath caught in his throat as your fingers danced over his skin. “For as long as you’ll have me, I’m yours. I promise.” Remus stayed quiet, leaning his forehead against yours.

It was a love potion. He thought. It wasn’t her. She still loves me. She always loved me.

You were about to pull away and grant Remus the space he probably wanted. You knew how upset you’d be if the shoe was on the other foot, but Remus didn’t let you pull away. His lips connected with yours, a kiss much different than the ones Adams stole from you. More tears streamed down your cheeks, wiped away as Remus brought a hand up.

“I believe you.” he whispered, brushing his thumb back and forth across your cheek. You smiled, licking your lips as you fell into his embrace, your body fitting against his perfectly. Remus sighed, letting out a shaky breath when he held you into him. “I love you.” he whispered into your ear, feeling you say it back as your breath tickled his neck. You were both exhausted, the sun not coming up for another or so as Remus laid down on the couch, you still in his embrace laying next to him as you let your hand move into his hair, playing with his curls.

“I’m gonna kill Adams.” You mumbled as Remus raised a brow, nodding his head.

“I’ll help.” You chuckled at him, feeling his laugh rumble in his chest as he pulled you closer to him. It didn’t take long before both you and Remus fell asleep together, your tears long gone. Lily found you an hour later have come down to check on you before seeing you and Remus finally cuddled together. She smiled, leaving you and your boyfriend to get some much-needed rest, vowing to never let you eat random chocolate you find on your bed again. Even if it does smell like your boyfriend.

A/N: Thoughts? 😊 Hope this was what you were hoping for Anon!

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[wonder-womans-ex]

Curtain Call

Act one, scene one

Sirius finds him with his head in his hands, back against the brick wall of the information and technology building. He stops for a moment, wondering if he should go over there—ask what’s wrong, or offer assistance—then decides against it. 

He is Sirius Black, and Sirius Black does not help other people. 

Not anymore. 

So he continues on with his day. He walks past the crying boy into the theatre building, pausing by the bulletin board to pull a phone number slip from the bottom of a flyer that advertises free physics tutoring. It tears off at the area code. 

Great—just what this day needs. 

It gets significantly worse when he pushes through the stage door and bumps into Danya, who’s lurking behind the wings, black Abbey Road shirt blending in with the curtains. She smiles at him brightly. 

“Hi, Sirius,” she says. “I was just leaving. I could wait up, if you want—fancy getting lunch together?” 

There is exactly one good thing about Danya Lent, and that is the fact that she doesn’t giggle, or tuck her hair behind her ear, or look up at him through her eyelashes. She talks to him like he’s a regular person, not some sort of movie star. She’s not just attracted to his looks—she genuinely likes him. 

But Sirius just broke up with Remus. He’s not looking for a relationship. And Danya isn’t the kind of person he’d be interested in dating, anyway. She reminds him too much of James. 

“Sorry, Dan,” Sirius tells her, glancing towards where Professor Fischer is sitting at the piano centre stage. “I’ll probably be here for a while; I don’t want to keep you waiting.”

Make that two good things about her—she can take a hint. Danya just nods and grins. “All right. I’ll see you around, I guess!” 

And then she’s gone.

Sirius clears his throat before approaching the professor, startling the older man out of whatever trance he’s in. Fischer’s eyebrows shoot up comically when he sees Sirius, and he pats the spot next to him invitingly. 

Sirius steps forward, sliding onto the piano bench. He absentmindedly plucks a note—D#, he thinks, but it’s been years since he quit piano lessons—and waits. 

“I was quite impressed by your performance yesterday,” Fischer says, and Sirius’s heart sinks. Professor Fischer throws around words of praise like they’re buy-one-get-two-free, and ‘quite impressed’ does not fall high on the sliding scale of compliments. 

“Thank you, sir,” he says anyway, because he knows better than to say anything else. 

But apparently the professor isn’t done yet. “I had been wondering,” he begins, fingers dancing over the keys, yet never making a sound, “Whether you’d given any thought to that course I suggested.”

“What, the creative writing one?” Sirius’s voice, though he tries hard for it not to, gives away his surprise. He’d assumed that Fischer had been recommending the free creative writing seminar to everyone in his class, not him specifically. He’s never had a way with words—not ones that weren’t already scripted out for him, at least. 

“Yes, that one. It’s not like most of the courses we offer here—it’s led entirely by alumni of the university, and most of them are very good writers. I think it would be good for you.”

Now Sirius is intrigued. “In what way?”

“You’e an incredible actor, Mr. Black, but what you struggle with is finding the purpose behind the words.”

(Sirius thinks he has purpose down to a science, but he’s not about to say that to Professor Fischer.)

“Oh, sure, you know what the characters are feeling and why. You have a way with the people you play. But what you lack is the concept of an author.

“I’ve had an eye on you for a while, and what I’ve found is this: if Eloise is walking down the street, you know why she is walking down the street. But you do not know why the person writing the script made the conscious choice to have her walk down the street. You get so caught up in the fiction that you forget it is based in fact. Do you understand this?”

Professor Fischer’s accent gets more pronounced the more passionate he is, and right now he sounds as if he would be right at home on the streets of Berlin. Sirius nods slowly. 

“I think I get it,” he says. “I need to know what goes into the making of a story before I can make the story come alive.”

For this he gets a smile. “Four o’clock on Wednesdays in the Rogers lecture room. You’ll be there?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I will.” 

***

And, sure enough, Wednesday afternoon finds Sirius standing in the middle of a hallway, wondering where the hell the Rogers lecture room is. He checks his watch—4 minutes to go. He’s glad he got there early, but at this rate, it won’t make much of a difference. 

He contemplates just leaving. He didn’t sign up for the class or anything (wait, was he supposed to?) and it’s not like there would be roll call or anything anyway. But he trusts Professor Fischer, and at least this seminar is something to do that isn’t scrolling through his old texts with Remus and crying. 

When someone bumps into him, he turns around. It’s a girl with shoulder-length auburn hair and a lip ring. Her eyes are green—piercingly so—and he opens his mouth and closes it again a few times trying to remember what he was going to say. 

At first, he thinks oh, fuck, we’re back to being flusted around pretty girls. Wonderful. But then he realizes that while she’s attractive, sure, from an objective point of view, he’s not really attracted to her. 

He’s actually a little bit scared of her. No, scratch that, very scared of her. Maybe it has something to do with the vicious glare she’s sending him. 

“Um,” he says, finally. “Sorry. Do you by any chance know where the Rogers lecture room is?”

She purses her lips and nods, striding past him further down the hall. After a moment, he follows her to the elevator and waits as she jabs aggressively at the up button. There’s a long, awkward silence while the elevator gets to their floor, broken only by the loud ding when it arrives. 

The ride up between floors is even more painful, if that’s possible. Sirius tries to occupy himself by looking at the ceiling, which is mirrored, so he looks at the wall instead. It’s patterned like a booth in some sort of high-class restaurant—greenish, with vaguely paisley-shaped blotches here and there. 

Finally, they arrive at a hallway identical to the one they came from. The walls are the same off-white; the floors have the same grey carpeting. If he didn’t know better, Sirius would say they hadn’t moved at all. 

The girl walks out, the soles of her pink high-tops squeaking until she’s out of the elevator and into the hall. She turns around. 

“Well, come on, then,” she tells him, voice not at all how he had expected. It’s the first time he’s heard her speak, and he’s surprised at the eastern accent. Nova Scotia, he guesses, or New Bruinswick. He nods wordlessly. 

He finds himself being led into a small lecture room—smaller than any he’s ever been in, anyway—with fifteen or so other students milling around, chatting and laughing. On the whiteboard at the front of the room, someone’s written Glendale A.L.L. Creative Writing Seminar. 

Looking left, then right, and finding that his red-haired saviour has vanished into the crowd, he sits down at the very back of the room. He has around thirty seconds of awkwardly waiting for something to happen before there’s a shout of “Sit down and shut up!” from somewhere near the front. 

When the smoke clears—or, if he abandons the metaphors, everyone else has chosen a seat and he can actually see who’s speaking—it turns out the person addressing the room is the same girl who led him there. She’s smiling, now, unlike when she was with him, and her hands are outstretched in front of her. 

“Hi, everyone! Welcome to the A.L.L., or Alumni-Led Lectures, creative writing seminar—free, because we know you’re university students and you therefore have no money.” This gets a ripple of laughter from the seated students, and her shoulders rise a little more. Sirius knows why; positive audience feedback does the same thing to him. “I’m Lily Evans, and I graduated from University of Glenrow last year with a bachelor’s in Engligh lit. I’m going to be your main instructor for the next few months. Here with me to help me out, because I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own, is my good friend John Lupin.”

A boy, tall and lanky, peels himself away from the wall and goes to stand beside her. She says something else, but Sirius doesn’t hear it, because his eyes are fixed on her companion and his ears are ringing. 

Whatever Lily says, that boy’s name isn’t John. 

It’s Remus. 

And he broke up with Sirius two weeks ago. 

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 138: Excess of Phlegm

A gnome tried to bite him on the nose. James snatched the thing by its ankle right before the teeth broke skin and was already hurling it as far away from him as he could before he'd even properly gotten to his feet.

The fact that none of them suffered from their brains melting for the recurring switch between night and day was the real mystery to all this. There was a big green pond full of frogs Longbottom was sloshing his way through, the place was lined with gnarled trees and plenty of plants he'd been able to identify from Herbology class and a few he hadn't. The Burrow was just visible in the distance and his stomach snarled with hunger, they really should have taken advantage of Slughorn's food selection while they had the chance, but then he saw Regulus storming over there and decided he'd starve rather than dealing with that arrogant child right now.

His scowl intensified when he saw Peter going after him, Merlin what he wouldn't give to have just left that kid behind! Between him and Snape, who ever would have guessed these two bothersome ones would cause so much misery along this blasted trip.

Sirius was coming over to him eagerly, and he did a double take as he saw the Polyjuice Potion had completely worn off of him and glanced down at himself in surprise to confirm the same, only just realizing everything was fuzzy back around the edges again not from his head still being sore from his latest impact with the ground. The feeling of moving like they were was worse than changing bodies, who knew?

"Odd," he pulled the ripped up shirt off and passed it back, half a mind to steal more clothes from the Weasley's for both of them while here. "Doesn't feel like it's been an hour."

"That spell I put on Longbottom wore off with the jump," Sirius recalled as he passed his glasses back. "To us, it definitely wasn't long enough to have done so. Guess this mess makes even the magic we use on each other wonky, how annoying." It would have been sort of interesting to somehow find a way to gauge time before now if they'd thought about it, but James found when he slipped his pants back on he still had the Polyjuice Potion in his pocket anyways and sighed as he uneasily patted it.

He looked back to see Sirius giving him a beseeching look. His eyes flickering to where Regulus had vanished and back with a look James couldn't quite believe, was he really fixing to defend that kid?

"Listen Prongs, thanks, really, but I wish you'd let him keep going. I hadn't even realized, but he needs to get all that off his chest if he really has a problem with you and I'd rather him take that out on me even unintentionally anyways." Sirius still finished with a guilty look in place that set him bristling.

"You don't deserve that Sirius!" He snapped back at once.

"He thought I was you," Sirius quickly reminded.

"That's not the point!" James insisted. "I wouldn't have just stood there letting him yell at me! He's not your bloody parents, and I'm not going to let him start doing that shit to you if you're hoping that makes it all better! I'm not even sure why you're trying!" He regretted the words the instant they slipped out, Sirius looked so confused and he'd been trying so hard to bite his tongue against saying anything, letting Sirius make his own decisions about his little brother.

"What do you have against Regulus?" Sirius didn't quite demand it, but he sounded so surprised James chose his next words carefully, he'd already felt vaguely paranoid before this. He'd only just turned fourteen after all.

"You never talk about him Sirius, less than even your parents. I always wondered, well, how much he knows about, well, some of your punishments," he admitted, and didn't like the response when Sirius rubbed absently at his shoulder and didn't look at him. Moony wasn't the only one with scars, but some weren't so visible.

He pressed in now that Sirius didn't flat deny it, "I'll not have you feeling guilty you didn't keep that in your life if he stood by and did nothing instead of helping you in that forsaken house."

Sirius let his hand drop and looked back at him steadily. "I don't know okay, I honestly don't want to know if he knows. He's not been in the room and laughing, if that's what you mean. Mostly he just hides in the attic when I start going at it with them and doesn't come down until he's summoned and I've usually cleaned myself up by then. If he suspects anything he hides it well."

"A trait you two share," James grudgingly let some of the ire trickle out of his voice, at least Regulus had never actually hurt Sirius then to appease his parents, the nightmare he hadn't been able to shake. Hearing Voldemort do so to his Padfoot had not let the idea rest though. "I still can't say I'm all gung ho helping you out with him Padfoot, especially if he's going to turn that temper on either of us."

"Hasn't had the best role model from anyone," Sirius quietly muttered.

"You're working on it," James gave a sort of laugh in admittance. Better than having come down the stairs and the two dueling to the death he supposed. He still didn't quite like Sirius just taking this in stride though if this was the alternative, it wasn't natural to not see Sirius fight back.

He sighed when he heard Smith starting the book and decided to brave the house alone for now as he distracted Sirius, "I'm going to see if there's food, and get us both a change of clothes. Go find Moony would you, haven't seen him exiting the garden with the others. Tell him for me I don't bloody care who he snogs in the meantime, will you?"

Sirius looked so hilariously startled that James wondered if he'd gotten it wrong then, but it was probably even better he leave the two to it then. Whatever the hell they were up to, it was helping Sirius, he could tell that much as Padfoot grinned and took off.

James walked with his head held high into the kitchen and made straight for the stove. The others crowded around the table watched him when he walked in, the book still having a few leaves clinging to pages in Alice's hand as she alternately read and shook her head at whatever conversation abruptly stopped at his entrance.

Snorting in derision as if he was supposed to care about being talked about, weather it was a group this size, the whole of his house annoyed he'd lost such a huge chunk of points for his latest prank, or the whole of Hogwarts laughing both at him and with him whenever a prank or counter prank was in action, he strode over to the stove and followed the basic steps of potions class to get a fire going and setting a pot in place before pausing in confusion.

Alice disengaged herself from the table, both of them ignoring the annoyed look Evans and Longbottom gave each other as she came up to him and asked, "like some help?"

"Sure," he smiled at once. "Know how to make grits? Ever tried syrup in that, it's to die for!"

She grinned at his enthusiasm and promised, "oh I'm sure we can whip up some of everything."

He couldn't help but smile at her, there was just something about her round face that radiated kindness, it wasn't hard to see why Longbottom was so smitten even if she was a little too timid for him to get the full appeal. She was short too, barely a few inches difference to Peter, but she nudged him aside gently and he didn't even think about stepping aside for her as she began going through the motions and talking in a level voice everything she was doing, though he hadn't actually asked for a walkthrough.

He listened though. He was painfully aware because of this future his parents clearly hadn't survived to take care of Harry, and it twisted up something in him to ever wonder for long how much time they had left, had they ever shown up in his wedding photos to Evans? While he could go home now and ask his mum to teach him this, he instead likened more to the idea she might not just laugh along with her boy for once, but give her something to be proud of as he studied her wand movements and copied with wavering success.

The milk, water, and salt were all carefully blended together and at a steady boil, even if he was sure they came out a bit too lumpy when Alice quietly redirected, "I hope everything's okay with those three."

The invitation was clear. He ruffled up his hair, his wand slipping and the stirring stopped for a moment as he considered telling her yes, and he would deal with his problems, again. That hadn't exactly been working out for him so far though, and damn if she hadn't been right back in Sirius' own house. Maybe if he'd just bloody talked to Padfoot before this future slammed him in the face he wouldn't have broken his ear drums and had his feelings so viciously kicked into him.

"Not sure how to get Sirius and Peter to talk to each other," he finally admitted his problem. It may have even worked there for a second in Slughorn's house, before Regulus had so rudely interrupted he was sure. "Padfoot's trying, but ah, he's not the best at using his words." He was always more of a free spirited, gestures, and reactionary kind of bloke, and he rarely tried to hide any of it. Maybe if Padfoot hadn't been suppressing how little he'd forgiven Peter on his behalf it wouldn't have been so bad! James wouldn't change him for the world. "I know he tried back in Malfoy's room, but it doesn't seem to have done much good."

He and Remus had been worried about just that, but hadn't let themselves interfere. "I'm not their mother, I can't just make them apologize to each other, but I don't know how else to help. What the hell do I say?"

He finally tapped the pot to get it stirring again lest something burn. It still felt weird to be saying this to anyone but Remus, but he hadn't anything else to offer but an apologetic shrug and mutual agreement there was just no mending this broken bridge with magic. At least Moony had promised he'd keep the two away from each other if he wanted, but that wasn't helping anymore than the two interacting the past few times. They'd been faking it thus far for his sake, and he knew that.

Now Regulus was trying to throw his opinion in, and he'd probably just pushed Peter farther away towards that kid. It's not like Wormtail had stood up for Sirius against the brat! He still didn't appreciate the last time Peter had shouted at Sirius back in the forest!

When Alice finally spoke, her voice was quiet but gentle, she seemed to respect he still was not trying to air their business and the others talking quietly at the table over their game once more should not be able to hear. "I don't know them as well as you do, but I hope you see laughing this off just isn't helping."

He grit his teeth to stop himself snapping at her that wasn't helping either, he still didn't know what else to do!

"I'd say, first step, just make sure you're all on the same page. Then, maybe, see where they want to go from there. Sometimes, we outgrow people, and that's not always a bad thing." She frowned at Evans, and James refused his own look to confirm it even if he knew in his heart what she meant and it was very, very true. He didn't see it as the same thing at all, Peter had never done anything like old Snivilius had. Sirius had over reacted in his anger, but this future wasn't letting up on them for a second about how awful things to come could be, he was entitled to an emotional outburst! He and Remus had tried to stop him from doing Peter a real harm!

"That's not very helpful," he huffed, removing the pot from the heat and grabbing down bowls.

"Sometimes the advice we need isn't what we want to hear," she shrugged, but she still looked sadly at her friend, and then back at him. "I'm sorry."

He huffed and changed the subject to syrup, bacon, and gravy, at least her company wasn't as bad as her fortune cookie nonsense.

Remus was still leaning against the apple tree he'd landed face first on and hadn't chosen to move, instead knocking his head softly against the bark in hopes it would knock some sense into him. Anger at himself still dominated rather than Padfoot not giving him some bloody warning for their stupid prank as he kept replaying what Sirius had said.

A break? They weren't even together as far as Sirius was concerned and he was already laughing about a break. What if Remus never asked for a break, would Sirius keep hooking up with him along with how many others when they got back? Would he be able to keep himself in check and go along with that, pretending to ignore any such thing was happening? He very much doubted it, and it only confirmed in him what he should have known back in that alley way, he really should put a stop to this now.

Amongst the cawing birds in the bright morning sun and the frogs still splashing about in their water, he heard someone approaching him and looked around in mild concern when he realized no shouting had resumed. If James and Regulus were off killing each other, they were doing it quietly.

It was the real Sirius this time, of this he was very confident of as Prongs would still be looking at him like a concerned parent about to give him the sex talk.

"You told him?" Sirius confirmed in delight as he barely came over in arms reach. He even turned around like the conversation was done there and they could go off to join James like nothing had happened.

He should have expected the gleeful smile. Sirius made himself as clear as possible on Slughorn's bed, Remus quickly reminded himself, and even before that. He only sees you as a playfriend, get over it!

Remus' scowl deepened, some of his self-anger getting an easy redirection. "No you arse, he figured it out when I didn't know it was you!"

Sirius just looked confused for a few more moments before he got it, and then he laughed as he edged closer. "What did you do?"

Remus shoved him back away in disgust. "It wasn't funny! What the hell are you so happy for?"

"I wanted to tell him," Sirius reminded with an eye roll, "what are you so angry for?"

Remus bit his lip rather than answer, this was going as horrible as it was possible to! "Look, it means something, different to me, telling people, alright." He tried to plead with him to understand. He clearly didn't. "Sirius, I know you don't see it as a big deal ever to tell us of your last dalliance, but it does to me, okay!"

Sirius just cocked his head to the side and kept watching him as if waiting for further explanation, like he couldn't fathom what other meaning there was, like he really couldn't picture telling his brother who he was hooking up with for any other reason than the fun of it. Remus tried to take some comfort in that Sirius really just didn't have the capacity to even be looking for anything more with anyone, not just with him.

"Okay, fine," Sirius mercifully gave in, though it was clear he still didn't get what Remus' problem was. Remus breathed in relief. "If you don't want him to know yet, I'll push him off what happened. I'd still like to know what you did," he added with a grin.

"How the hell do you think you're going to get away with that?" Remus demanded.

"If I can get McGonagall to not give me detention for transfiguring Eckers into a rocking horse I can do anything!" Sirius declared with the greatest hurt to his pride Remus was questioning this. He still hadn't stopped grinning. "You still have to tell me so I know what I'm working with."

Remus groaned and put his face in his hands, was this not bad enough without the teasing? "I hate you so much."

"Love you too Moony," Sirius casually agreed. "Now come on, work with me!"

Remus finally dropped his hands so he could glare at the bastard, and then let his hand rest on the inside of his thigh of the real Padfoot this time, leaning forward and whispering with as much annoyed suggestiveness in his voice he could, "is that a challenge?" He quickly dropped his hand and crossed his arms with a huff.

His pissed off attempt didn't really work, Sirius' eyes still glazed over with lust for a moment and he licked his lips before he shook his head and muttered, "yeah, that's not very subtle. Any more context I should know?"

"I still never got my pineapple," he sulked, as if that was really his biggest concern.

Sirius gave him a cheeky grin as he patted his bag. "Moony, I'm insulted, you really think I'd leave you hanging?"

He could not imagine where and how Sirius had found the time to nab that in between everything else that had gone on. The thoughtfulness in the action stunned him. Damn him for still getting aroused by this asshole when he wanted to keep glaring at him.

Padfoot's eyes flickered around the garden for inspiration, they even listened to some of the chapter in mutual silence as Harry finally confessed to his friends of the Prophecy hanging over his head and the Phlegm being Fleur Delacor back in wedding bliss to Bill Weasley, but that wasn't striking much. Remus' concern grew even Sirius' silver tongue wasn't going to get out of this one.

"Look, just hang around out here if you want to, avoid Prongs and the others, I'll cover for you, just like always." Sirius finally sighed. "I promise I'll get some actual food for you for the next spot, okay?" He even sacrificed the crystalized pineapple now, tossing him the box and not even taking a single one for himself.

"Don't bother," he grumbled as he caught it, but pocketed it. Deciding to scale the tree for now in any relief to get away, and half tempted to pitch himself off head first. Sirius pouted at him the whole way up until Remus was crunching on an apple so loud he could pretend he didn't hear him walk off.

Sirius kicked and huffed and paced the whole way back to the door, taking twice as long as the trip should be. Great, yeah, even Moony was mad at him now, this just really could not be going worse. He knew he couldn't force the guy to relax about being gay, or whatever he considered getting off with another guy to be. He'd heard plenty of horror stories from other kids in school for their parents' reactions. He had no wish to envision Remus anywhere near that, but did he really think so little of Prongs? Sirius just had to find a way to get him to relax about this, it was by far the easiest problem to focus on, he knew Moony so well he was sure he could come up with a solution to this. It was too bad he couldn't turn into another animal for him to help, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

He walked in and found himself plenty distracted by Alice teaching James how to cook. She was being really nice about it too, even as Sirius watched he waved his wand a little too enthusiastically and sent a packet of bacon flopping to the ground. She corrected him and he got it right in the next go with a very pleased smile and a half glance at Evans, who was ignoring him and playing cards at the table with the others again. James turned away remarkably fast and wasn't even trying to talk to her but kept his focus on Smith. The book was left open at an empty chair, so at least nobody was reading it to try and get them out of a nightmare.

Regulus at least looked in a semi better mood. He wasn't shooting death threats at Prongs at least, but just flat ignoring him, and he didn't at all look up at Sirius' entrance as he took the deck from Evans and shuffled with quite a bit of skill. Peter at least looked around with a half smile at him before waving him towards the food.

Sirius needed no such invitation and leaned next to the stove, stuffing himself silly and still not quite sick of breakfast meals despite the fact they'd been having that in abundance lately but purposefully leaning on Alice's other side and not engaging as her and Prongs chatted casually about their mums different home spells, something he couldn't join in on anyways.

James had never had a problem making friends, Sirius thought back, it was him who'd made the four of them friends, Sirius was still half convinced sifting through memories it would never have worked without Prongs as their buffer until they were all used to each other. So it was still his fault really James was now keeping himself on the outs and not engaging with the rest, but instead sticking by Sirius and keeping himself apart, something he and Moony much preferred.

Attention was one thing he'd had all his life, whether he wanted it or not. He glorified in it at school as much as Prongs, but still far more enjoyed their private jokes alone in their dorms once the laughter had died down, a choice when to be in the spotlight for his amusement and when to leave it, something he'd never been allowed before James.

It wouldn't kill the rest of these guys to understand a good joke and curiosity could do wonders for their own moods.

Stuffing the last of his food into his mouth, he went back to the scullery for a new change of clothes rather than this ripped up shirt, maybe that would help Remus at least somewhat. It greatly irked him nobody did ask why he was outside still even with a ready excuse.

Maybe it was slightly better this way, Remus would refuse this on principle and spoil what Sirius was going for.

He snatched the bottle of Polyjuice Potion out of the back of James' pocket and snagged five cups down, slamming them on the table and pouring a dollop into each, keeping just enough left in the vile he slipped it back in for Remus later and glared at the lot.

"Don't even dare tell me you're not curious?" He accused each and every one of them.

Alice came over at once plucking a thin black strand of hair away. "When I tried in class it was too lumpy, nearly a solid it was so gross, Slughorn gave me an A and I was worried it would be the wrong color if I tried. Thanks Sirius," and she dropped it in.

It frothed and bubbled for only a moment before settling on a beautiful shade of the lightest yellow, like a soft warm light, it even looked kind of fuzzy, like a baby chick.

She grinned in delight, but none of the others exactly looked encouraged to play along.

"Frank?" She sighed.

"I already know what mine is," he tried to put off, glancing guiltily between her and Lily and needlessly rearranging his hand. Sirius had no idea what was going on there. "It's blue, love, and yours is beautiful of course."

She was still pouting at him with those large amber eyes of hers, and so he finally gave in and winced as he came away with some loose blonde hairs, dropping them into his own.

Blue indeed, a very dark royal shade that had the consistency of a squashed berry. She still smiled in delight and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, but neither went so far as to offer swapping cups and bodies, apparently even they weren't going to indulge them that far.

Peter glanced around but finally went next to at least show a spot of good faith, his mousy brown hair vanishing into the mud for moments before it changed. It was a speck of the light, just before the dawn sky showed a hint that was not quite black. It even had little sparkles of the stars, he'd swear it, the pinpricks desperate to still be seen as the opaque of the day began forcing its way through the peaceful night. In the crest of the velvet, just before the nocturnal animals would end, he smiled and shook his head fondly for the deep purple color.

"Come on then," Peter even reached over and gave Regulus a light prod. "They really didn't mean anything by it this time."

"I'll just wait for my own potions class when I do it," Regulus said stiffly, still only glaring at his plate as he played a card.

Alice knew better than to try and talk Lily into any such thing, she was too stubborn and probably already knew hers anyways considering her advanced potions work.

She was half right, Lily did know what color it was going to be, but with one last begrudging look at Potter to make sure he knew this wasn't for him, she gave her and Frank a friendly smile and plucked a red hair free for them to see.

It was the soft blush just under the surface, the light airy breath that flashed over and warmed the skin. Her breath caught in her throat again as she could already taste how lightly it would flit down one's throat. She brushed her hand through her hair and smiled softly to herself with pride, she'd never been fond of the color pink, it had always been Petunia's favorite, but she looked almost gleefully now at how it softly glowed in her cup, warmth seeping right through to the tips of her fingers once more.

Sighing in resignation of being left out and only for Peter's sake and not the other two, Regulus finally pulled a hair free as well.

Trapped in the forest, it would be the first hint of light. The faint sun flicking through trees, the slightly thicker grass getting just a little more springy with each step, the same shade of hazel flickering out of the corner of his eye when he was on a broom and the Forbidden Forest was just lively enough to grab his attention. The darkest shade of green, or a freckled shade of brown, he smiled softly as he tipped the cup this way and that to catch every last glimmer it would show.

Lily took all of their distraction to collect all of the cards this time and pocket them with purpose when Alice told she was going to finish the chapter.

Alice beamed at everyone smiling once more and mouthed a thank you to Sirius, who graciously acknowledged this with a competitive smirk. She made sure to catch James' eye before picking up the book to finish, and he nodded his resignation at last, their quiet whispers before Sirius had entered finally sinking in.

HPHPHPHP

And just because I don't have a better time to share this considering the location of the future chapter it shows up in I won't spoil, you got these now and this below:

Luna- light Orange/ Hermione- Dark Orange

Ron- Dark Brown/ Neville- Light Brown

Dumbledore- Gold with silver flecks

Fenrir*-

It looked more like smoke resting in the cup, the thick cloying kind that would choke your lungs and suffocate you faster than the fire could reach you. Even being nowhere near the lips, the urge to gag, plug up the nose and run was the first instinct upon seeing it. Surly such a vile color was not meant to ever be seen, let alone consumed, for it would never let go once it latched on.

Voldemort-

It's the color he feels pulsing all around him when that sense of purpose, power, rightness, and even triumph surrounded him. He could feel it now, almost burning out of the cup as the color reflected back his soul. It would darken with time just like the murky little depth of solid black color in the center was now, turning deeper and deeper shades with every new murder he granted those not worthy of this life, but always in the very edges before the liquid traced the rim of the cup, you could still see burning red.

Umbridge- pink

It sits like a heavy film over the tongue once swallowed down, leaving an almost chalky, lingering weight behind. The fluorescent, almost painfully bright color would be bitter, like the darkest tea, and would curl into a nauseating feeling the lower down your body it traveled.

Bellatrix- light green

The neon glow was enticing to look at, as if the vividest shade of a particularly tart apple were sizzling in the cup. One sip was all it would take, and you could not stop. You would keep drinking, even when you were out of breath, and the tang became painful because your mouth was burning, you would still keep swallowing happily for the phosphorescent liquid of the verdant shade. ( I can not believe the books literally glossed over what this canon color should be!)

Snape- light purple

It seemed painful to even look at, the image of drinking it would be worse. The morbid feeling of prodding this color, the heavy purple would whiten slightly and then turn back an even darker shade, to have that inside of him made him want to be sick. He wished it would mottle to the greens and yellows of a fading bruise, but feared it would never happen.

Don't worry, you'll get Remus' eventually. I think mine would be similar to a lime green, and sweet with a nice kick at the end. Let me know yours?

*You would not want to drink Remus/ Fenrir's, or any other werewolves FYI. I have a headcanon of what would happen if you tried to use polyjuice potion on a werewolf, and it's similar but more gruesome than what happened to Hermione when she tried to use it on a cat. Check out my AU, Proper Life, chapter 5 for details if you're curious, it's in the very first section so you don't have to read much if you're not invested in the whole thing.

[thenonbinarydetective]

The Flying Saucer Mystery

Hey do you like camping? Do you like aliens? Do you like treasure hunts? If you said yes to all three than this might be the game for you! @nancydrewnetwork

Inspired by The Flying Saucer Mystery(duh)

Mystery

Nancy and her friend’s all-expenses paid(by Carson Drew) camping trip is quickly derailed by rumors of strange encounters and long-lost treasure hidden deep in the Shawnee National Forest. Hopefully Nancy can solve the case before she gets abducted (and maybe she can have a fun vacation for once).

Friends

Ned Nickerson: Nancy’s boyfriend. Chemical Engineering major and star athlete at Emerson. This time he gets to help in person. His experience as a camp counselor and first aid will come in handy.

Bess Marvin: Longtime best friend and always reliable. She’s good at keeping the campers happy in tough times and knows more cutesy camp recipes than Pinterest. Actually, she might’ve stolen them all from Pinterest.

George Fayne: Other longtime best friend and outdoors enthusiast. She’s a useful friend to have both on the trail and for when your gadgets fail on you and you don’t know why. 

Burt Eddleton: Best friend of Ned. Biology major at Emerson who seemingly can’t choose what to focus on exactly. He knows a lot about both wildlife and plants. Pretty good athlete and pretty chill dude. Kind of a Himbo. Proud duck Dad (Don’t worry Sparkles is with a chickensitter).

Dave Evans: Other best friend of Ned. Archaeology major at Emerson. He knows a lot about artifacts or at least he’s mostly talking about artifacts because Bess gets freaked out by the skeletal side of his interests. Pretty chill guy also might play Wonderwall if presented with a guitar.

Suspects

Blake Wilkinson: Co-owner and head guide of Happy Trails Camping Company. She’s the trail guide helping the group get through this vacation. She seems nice enough but she is way too serious about her job. Well maybe not too serious. How else can you explain the buyout offer she’s hiding from Amani? What else could she be hiding?

Amani Wilkinson: Blake’s wife and other co-owner of Happy Trails Camping Company. She prefers nature over business. In fact, she doesn’t seem at all interested in the company (Does Blake know?). She’s happy enough to show you around the forest. Hopefully she doesn’t leave you all alone out there. Just kidding, she would never do that. Right?

Shay Hernandez: Assistant trail guide and aspiring park ranger. Or so he says. He claims to be a college student at a local university, but won’t say what his major is. That’s okay, maybe he’s still deciding. However, he talks a lot about science. Not just biology or even ecology like you might expect from someone who spends most of his time in the outdoors. He talks about computer science and robotics too. Is it just the sign of a budding scientific mind? Or is it a sign of something else?

Sonny Joon: Nancy knows Sonny’s here for the aliens, but does she really know him enough to say that’s the only reason why he’s there? Or is she in for another.....adventure with him? I’m sorry Sonny fans but it fits.

Soffi Ziririan: The only one of the campers (besides Sonny) that doesn’t know that much about the area. Again or so she says. She’s an avid hiker and outdoor enthusiast. She loves challenging herself with new challenges. Strangely, she didn’t give that much information to Blake or Amani when she signed up for the trip. She might just be a private person because that happens all the time... 

Kole Morse: He’s a local, so it’s strange for him to be going on a guided trail experience. He knows the forest like the back of his hand, so why is he here? He claims it’s just for fun, but no one knows for sure. One thing that is for sure is that Kole is a true environmentalists. He doesn’t believe in the aliens, he thinks all the sightings are fake and going to negatively affect the environment. He not too keen on “people who don’t truly understand the forest” being in the forest. Whatever that means. How far is he willing to go to protect what he refers to as ‘his forest’?

Joseph “Old Joe” Austin: Native American man from the local Shawnee tribe, One of the oldest residents from around Shawnee National Forest. He lives in a cabin with his brother Sam and his dog Trixie. He’s also a shoe-in for the friendliest resident of the forest award. He’s welcoming and kind to all the campers that come through. He says he’s given up on finding his father’s treasure. Or has he?

Samuel “Sam” Austin: Old Joe’s younger brother. Unlike his brother, he’s quiet and likes to keep to himself. Old Joe just says he’s shy. Really, Nancy figures out that he’s deaf. Luckily she remembers a bit of sign language and that online dictionary the Hardy Boys text is a great bonus. He’s actually trying to find his dad’s treasure again. Although he seems innocent enough, Nancy doesn’t know how far he’ll go to get his dad’s treasure.

Phone Friends

Frank and Joe Hardy: They were supposed to go on the trip with the group, but Frank broke his leg during their last mystery so Burt and Dave took their spots. They are super bummed. Luckily Nancy can call them so they can live vicariously through her.

Dagny Silva: There’s treasure, here’s Dagny. Not actually there because she has better more certain treasure to track down, but she owes it to Nancy to occasionally answer her phone.

Ranger Maia Chikovani: A ranger of the national forest, asked Nancy to figure out what’s going on. She believes in aliens, but is a bit more worried about the impact their UFO may have on the environment.

Locations

Forest Trails and Clearing: There pretty straightforward. Trees and plants and stuff. There’s quite a few different locations, but can all be summed up by this title. Nancy has a map to keep track.

River appears next to some of the trail but not all of them.

Old Joe’s Cabin: It’s where he lives with his brother and dog.

Swamp: Where the UFO has been spotted. Coincidentally, the treasure is rumored to be near this location

Treasure’s real location: It’s not actually near the swamp. This location is only revealed after Nancy figures it out.

Time

Day/Night cycle. Time keeps on moving so your week may be more than a week depending on how long it takes for you to solve it.

Transportation

Horseback riding: For longer distances along the trails

Walking: For shorter distances and areas that the horses cannot go. Also for like around the camp and stuff. Nancy’s not riding the horse for a week straight that would just be weird.

Puzzles/Mini Games

Pitching a tent

Fishing

Building a fire

Cooking camp meals

Roasting marshmallows and making the perfect s’more

Mushroom picking: I’m enby I can’t not include mushrooms.

Decoding/Solving the clues Old Joe and Sam’s father left for them: This is a series of different puzzles, all at different times and with different purposes. They all fall under the same category so they’re being lumped. I imagine they would be a mixture of logic and clues that you find about the two brothers and around the forest itself.

Opening the treasure box: Simply one of those weirdly over-complicated puzzle boxes that everyone seems to have. You know the type.

Fixing the radio: The radio gets trashed with the rest of the camp and it’s up to Nancy to fix it

Lockpicking other campers’ locked private possesion: The usual

Flying the Spaceship: After Nancy and Ned get trapped in the spaceship, Nancy needs to figure out how to fly it before they crash!

Alien Dream World: Nancy and Ned are transported to an alien world by the spaceship. It’s so amazing it’s like a dream.

Finding Arrowheads: there’s a few old arrowheads scattered around. They’re old and don’t belong to anyone (at least not anymore). Mostly collected for fun.

Second Chances

Riding your horse into the swamp: Why?

Drown in the swamp: At least the water’s warm....it’s not worth it

Radio explodes: You shouldn’t have connected those wires

Crash the spaceship: Should’ve used the turn signal

Bear attack: like the alien attack but with bears

Alien attack: like the bear attack but with aliens

Setting yourself on fire: Stop, drop, and roll!

Ate the wrong mushroom: you clearly picked a toadstool, not a mushroom. (It’s a joke don’t get technical lol)

Additional Features/Notes

This is only loosely based off Shawnee National Forest. I cannot guarantee the presence of small swamps or aliens. Also the pictures and everything might not be perfectly accurate. It’s just aesthetic, it doesn’t have to take place in Shawnee. I just needed a name. It can change.

Communication is different with Sam than with the other characters due to the fact that he is deaf. He uses sign language (that is automatically translated). Nancy’s speech is silent for his conversations, she’s using sign language too but you can’t see her hands (because you’re not really supposed to talk when you’re using sign language. Also Sam only “speaks” to people who can also use sign language.

Speaking of communication, I know we all like our phone friends, but cell signal is unreliable on this trip. Nancy won’t always be able to get in touch with her contacts so she’ll have to rely on her in-person friends. This time they can be assigned to certain tasks as well as provide hints. Everyone has their own specialized hints that the other characters won’t know a thing about.

Just for the sake of clarification, most people in the area do know about the treasure left by Mr.Austin. Most people don’t believe in it anymore, some believe that it belongs to the brothers (if it does exist), and other think it’s finder’s keepers.

P.S. Sorry for breaking Frank’s leg but Joe gets hurt the twice as much as he does so it’s only fair that he sometimes it’s his fault that they can’t go camping. tbh with their mysteries they camp like once a week, they have nothing to complain about.

(Forest UFO Mini Art Print by vectordreams)

[captainsaveasmut]

Heartache

Pairing  》 Chris Evans x black!plus-size reader

Synopsis 》 Follow Evans through his emotional journey as he tries to understand why his relationship failed and work through his heartache

Warnings 》 angst / slight smut / mild profanity

You know

Maybe you’ve never been in love like I’ve been in love

And maybe you’ve never felt the things that I’ve felt

But this is what I told my friend

I said, you know, sometimes you get lonely

And I cry, I cry

And the tears would fill up in the wells

In the wells of my eyes, baby

And then it got so bad, it got so bad

Till one time I thought I’d roll myself up in a big ol’ ball and die

       - Lenny Williams / Cause I Love You

Why did no one warn me that it was going to hurt this bad? Why did no one give me a heads up on the pain that I feel in my chest? In my heart? Why am I here? I am the cause of this. That’s why I’m here. Our last argument constantly replays in my head like a broken record. Haunting me when I’m the most vulnerable.

I don’t baby. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it, but I see it now. I see how distant I was from you. How much I didn’t appreciate you… care for you… love you. You wanted my attention. You needed me and I didn’t see it, but now I do; when it’s too late.

"You don't care! You never cared!"

"Pay attention to me!”

"Why can’t you see that you are the reason why our relationship is failing?”

“I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

That was the last thing she said to me. It cut me deep. It caused me the most pain because it wasn’t until then that I realized that I lost her. Next thing I know she’s gone. Everything packed up and off to the next destination. Damn, I didn’t realize how small and empty my house is without her. Dodger is great company, but something is still missing- she’s still missing. What was once we and ours are now me and mine. But what’s so funny about her leaving is that I didn’t think she was going to. I’ve been single for quite some time before Y/N, but now that she’s gone the feeling almost seems foreign to me. Like I’ve been with her all my life.

We’ve been bickering for a couple of months and I thought it was just another argument. Same shit, different day. I would’ve never guessed that she would leave me. I mean I knew she could (and a part of me wanted her to in the heat of the moment), but that would mean that we would have to start over from scratch. Since I tolerated our bullshit, I assumed that she tolerated it too. We aren’t getting any younger, this was the best we could do… or so I thought. Wouldn’t she be more comfortable staying here than leaving to hopefully find something better (that may or may not be out there)? Wasn’t she content like I was? This was just a bad cloud over our relationship, that seemed to take some time to pass. Every couple goes through it; no big deal, right?

Sucks to have an immature mind. Mine just ruined a relationship that could’ve last. Our relationship started to break apart when we started talking AT each other instead of TO each other. Almost everything she said in our arguments was true. I did stop caring at times and would get lazy in the relationship. I’m a busy man, what can I say? Is that an excuse- at the moment, yeah it was, but now I know I was just pride getting in the way. Y/N had her faults too, don’t get me wrong. She was controlling and immature at times, but I guess I brought it out of her. I was lethargic and she was fed up. She wanted to fix it but, I was too arrogant to go about it.

After Y/N called it quits and moved out, I was “cool” for about a week or so. After that, I became the new resident at “sulk city”. The heart sure does know when it’s broken and it makes sure to remind you of its brokenness, no matter how much you try to ignore it or distract yourself from it. It felt like a ton of bricks just landed on my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I was slacking in my career, I couldn’t focus, I didn’t have the strength to go outside the house or get out the bed for that matter. I was depressed. My boys gave me “legit advice” (or whatever they called it) and told me to go out and explore my options. "Man, why are you still worrying about Y/N? She’s a dime a dozen. You’re fucking Captain America, you’ll find a new one by tomorrow. You need to get your panties out of your ass first. Can’t move on buddy, if you’re crying and shit.”

I can honestly say I’m not surprised my fellas’ idea of “moving on” is having meaningless sex with any and every female that walks past me, but I decided to give it a shot. What’s the worst that can happen to a heartbroken man anyways? I went to a small house party with them and met this beautiful woman named Angela. She was sexy, there was no denying that, but she wasn’t Y/N. But that’s the point, right? To find someone new? So, I filled my body with alcohol, drowning any thoughts of my ex, and had a great time with Angela. She was definitely interested in me; hanging onto me throughout the entire night, and I willingly let her.

“Maybe you’ve never been in love like I’ve been in love and maybe you’ve never felt the things that I’ve felt.”

     - Lenny Williams

We were having a great time, drinking and dancing, next thing I know she’s whispering in my ear that she was ready to leave. We all know what that means. I planned to take our private party back to her place to finish what we started, but Angela wasn’t the patient type and had other plans. And now I have a beautiful, naked woman in the backseat of my car, waiting for me to take her right then and there. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I haven’t had sex with another woman in the past three years, a century in relationship years. This was new territory. I didn’t know what she liked, her hot spots, hell I didn’t even know her, but I had to get over Y/N one way or another. So, I undress and slip in the back with her. I was having sex with a stranger in my car.

Everything was going well for the most part, until it wasn’t. She was straddling my lap, grinding herself on my crotch, as we made out. I quickly slipped a rubber on and it was smooth sailing from there. She loved it. If her moans didn’t tell me then her body did. Angela began kissing all over my neck and collarbone as she rode me; my hands latched to her hips as I met her halfway. Was I getting over Y/N? I thought I was until Angela kissed and sucked a spot on my body that instantly makes my body go weak.

My earlobe.

I don’t think she realized the severity of what she just did to me. My body just went numb under her and a hard groan escaped my lips along with a name, which wasn’t hers. You can probably predict who it was. She surprisingly wasn’t fazed by it. She just claimed that once she was done with me that her name would be the only name I groaned out. She just shrugged it off and kept riding, but I, however, couldn’t just shrug it off. It bothered me. Not the fact that she didn’t care that I practically yelled out another woman’s name, but that she sucked on my earlobe in the first place.

First things first, you have to understand the importance of my earlobes. My earlobes are my spot- the spot. The same spot that Y/N discovered and has always taken advantage of for the past three years. She sucked on my earlobe when we made love and when she wanted to make love. That was HER spot. Y/N’s spot. Angela and I weren’t making love; we were fucking. And even if we were making love, Y/N claimed my earlobes as hers or at least I claimed them for her. That was Y/N’s spot as much as it was mine. No one but Y/N knew how much it affected me and now I’m starting to feel like no one but Y/N is allowed to activate that feeling. It didn’t feel right if it wasn’t her doing it.

Once I came to grips that my earlobes belong to Y/N and that sex wasn’t going to help me get over her, I told Angela to stop. I removed myself from under her and put my clothes back on while handing back hers. She complied but she wasn’t happy about it. You can bet your bottom dollar that she gave me a few words while she got dressed too. I just sat there and took it. Oh, and I can’t forget the hard-ass slap she gave me before she stormed back into the house. I deserved it.

After that sad attempt of “moving on”, I went back to my lonely, depressed state. My boys came by again, made fun of me, and tried to hook me up once again but, I was done. I can’t go through that shit again. They eventually gave up and left their poor excuse of a friend in his empty home. I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. I love Y/N and I want her back but I think it’s too late. No one waits around seven months to get back with their ex. Especially if they were the ones that were dumped. She probably moved on by now. She’s a good woman, so I know someone already claimed her as theirs. Someone better than me.

Someone, please make it stop! Just tell me what to do because I’m a hopeless wreck at this point. My friends were no help, so maybe I should ask someone wiser and who understands women. "Christopher, if you feel this strongly about her then you need to win her heart back. Nothing is worse than losing the one you love, especially if there was a chance to get them back”, my mother told me & she was right. I needed to get Y/N back, but I couldn’t find the strength to come face-to-face with her.

“Go get her back dumbass!”

“Shut up! It’s over. She’s gone.”

I guess I was embarrassed that I waited this long to finally do something about it. Or maybe it was my big, dumbass ego trying to prevent what it ruined in the beginning. Either way it goes I was scared. Scared of being rejected by her. Scared that she wouldn’t give me another chance. And so here I am, lying in the middle of my bed, tears of frustration filling up in the wells of my eyes, as I deciphered through my options.

Should I get her?

Should I not?

Should I get her?

Should I not?

A ball of hurt and heartache formed in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. “I need her. I need Y/N.”

And just as those words fell from my lips, my body immediately lunged itself from the bed and out the bedroom. I grab my car keys (no wallet, no phone) and race to my car. I had no idea what I was doing exactly, but I was determined to leave my pain and misery. I started the car, backed out the driveway, and drove off. As I traveled down the road, I tried to put together some last-minute confession of my love for her, but honestly, I was a fucking wreck and nothing I came up with seemed to be good enough.

My mind ran a mile a minute, as my foot pressed harder on the accelerator & my hands steered me though the dim-lit streets. I pull into her neighborhood until I reach the familiar, cozy, one-story house. I stare at the exterior of the home for a while, before my hands opened the car door and my feet guided me out of it. I walked up to the driveway, to the stoned walkway, up to the porch, until I came face to face with the front door. Here it is. The moment of truth. I didn’t want to knock on the door, but my hands decided otherwise and did it for me AND rang the doorbell, as to say that it was urgent for someone to answer the door. No please. I NEED them to take their time. Give me a minute to pull myself together.

“Can someone answer the door!”

That voice. It was enough to make my heart pound and my body go limp. I wasn’t ready! Just as I was about to back away from the door and HUAL ASS, the door opened. A handsome Ethiopian man, with a stubble beard and intense eyes, answered the door. I am very secure in my sexuality, believe me, but this man was gorgeous. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a model of some kind. I sure hope this isn’t the next guy she moved on to. It would just crush me more than I already am.

I stood there, rocking on the heel of shoes like a fool as I tried to let other words besides “I” come out of my mouth. The man looked confused and worried as he stood there looking like a god. I felt stupid. What am I even doing here!? Man, this is embarrassing. I looked passed the man to see Y/N’s close friend, Jean and another guy peeking from behind him. The comical look on Jean’s face made me want to shit myself. No, now THIS was embarrassing. I looked passed all of them, avoiding eye contact. Words still haven’t come out of my mouth and it felt like I’ve been standing here for hours!

“Hey, can I help you?”

“I- I- …”

“Adam baby who’s at the door? And why are y’all crowding aroun-”

There she was. As much as I wanted to avoid eye contact, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. This girl sure does get better with time; like a fine wine. She looked perfect.

“Chris?”

She sounded shocked and confused, yet it had some type of joyful undertone to it. I would expect her to react that way. I mean it has been almost eight months and I’m sure I’m the LAST person she would expect on her porch at 10:47 PM, but it was time we made up for lost time.

Was I nervous? Yes.

Scared? Yes.

Sick to my stomach? Yes.

Did I know what to say? No.

Did I want to have this conversation? Not really.

Was I ready for whatever she was going to tell me? Hell no!

But I can’t let another second go by without trying to get her back. So, I pushed all instinct to run and hide aside and faced her like a man. I was sick and tired of this heartache. It was time I attempted to fill the hole in my chest again. I needed my girl back.

“Hey Y/N.”

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