#for casual conversation i go with nonbinary and/or transmasc

[velvetvexations]

Hi!

I have a question, idk if youre the right person to ask it to, I just predict if I ask in general it might turn into a tma/tme dick measuring contest and im not interested in that. I hope you can help or might know where to send the question.

Context is that Im in a new fandom space, and Ive quickly noticed everyone - I dont love this terminology but Im sure what would be more accurate - was, assumedly, afab. There are cis women, genderfluid and multigender people, transmascs, trans men, other nonbinary folks. No cis men, no out transfemmes, no assumedly amab people.

I + others have noticed a fetishization of cis gay men and cis gay sex. I havent seen anything that looks like transmisogyny. I have seen some casual "men suck" kind of language.

Also caveat this is currently a theoretical question because I have very little power in this space.

But Ive noticed this weird demographic pattern. How do I look for why, apparently, no one amab of any identity feels comfortable in this space? (There also doesnt seem to be anyone openly intersex). And if I did have the power, how would I/others go about making the space more welcoming?

I see the disparity, idk what can be done about it or who to ask, without it becoming a broader question of who has it worse which I dont think is a productive conversation. I just want to know how to identify the obstacles and how to remove or adjust for them, assuming I had the power.

Please and thank you?

In my experience there are just more people AFAB in fandom spaces in general, especially here on Tumblr. The reasons for that are complicated, but I don't think it's that people AMAB are unwelcome.

[doomdoomofdoom]

What are your genders and can I have some

I have all the genders and also none of them.

Take as many as you'd like!

[wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj]

manic pixie dream girl bobby brackenreid queer headcanons yayyyy

bobby - transfem !!!! and genderqueer. (feels very close to being a lady but not quite, but certainly not a man) she/they. bisexual. possibly demiromantic

junior - queer, doesnt really label their sexuality, (they r very very sure that they like bobby though .) nonbinary. they/he. i’d like to think they would name themself julian/juliet, when given the chance. aromantic !!

lorraine - she/her. straight ally 🙂‍↕️ her brother can like whoever he wants hes a freak either way

nomi - she/her. lesbian and has some slowburn yuri shit going on back in st marys but now she’s a city girl putting up with her white family oh nomi you should be dyking it up with your friend and instead yr trying to forge a relationship with your cop dad 😔😔😔😔

bud - he/him. asexual but does not know that of course. has a lesbian sister

john - he/him, she if feeling it while it drag. gnc he realized that he can still be a brackenreid boy and do what he wants forever (crossdressing king) however he has not realized the extent of being able to acknowledge that he is also bisexual.

leo - he/him. hes giving straight metrosexual (LMAO) but has definitely tried SOMETHING w stitch in the past ok. just boys being boys or smth AGSHSJSKS

stitch - he/him. GAY HE IS GAY. while the boys being boys shit was happening w leo he was actually pining for bobby we (by we i mean me n @stitchs-nintendo-switch) all know this. some admiration mixed with fear mixed with “i can fix him” etc etc

pascal - he/him. also gay. i think the night bobby killed gerard intertwined him and stitch forever and was the start of some deep codependent bond between them 🫶🫶🫶 yay

gerard - he/him. straight and casually kinda homophobic 🙂‍↕️ you know just the way teen boys are homophobic

simon - ok insane take but i like to think shes also trans. trans woman, she/her, edna’s very supportive of her 😌. jr does not figure this shit out bc jr is so so oblivious. (as he is also deeply oblivious to the fact that brooks is rolling her eyes every time he talks about his dad being kind of a dick 💀💀) ALSO bisexual

veronica - transmasc enby. he/she/they? just cause ^_^ i think maybe he and james gillies could have interesting conversations abt gender and crossdressing.

[datwinky]

I wish I could be in more online trans spaces since I can't really be in them offline but it's such a hellscape.

Any place dominated by trans men and transmascs, they refuse to respect my pronouns and misgender me specifically and pretty much no one else, they refuse to respect my boundaries and god forbid I kindly ask them to not call me dude, they make my identity and what I'm comfortable with a debate, they promote their own body positivity by mocking mine (ex: talking about how they're better than me for having big tits and I'm just jealous of them??), they force me into gender binaries constantly, etc etc. Basically just entirely miserable disrespect of my entire identity. Which isn't even complicated! I'm genderless!!! Agender!!! No gender!!!!!

Spaces dominated by trans women and transfems are no better. They're never been personally disrespectful to me, but any sort of clique with them I stumble into talks about how much they want trans men to die and pretend like they're the oppressors. Genuinely just the most vile revolting hateful shit I've seen lateral violence wise. It's a breeding ground for transphobia, homophobia, and more. It makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about it. Obviously not people I want to be around. Fortunately I've only seen this sort of behavior in like, following circles. Not dedicated servers to it, though I'm sure they exist lmao. Unless you count the WayneRadioTV server which definitely isn't what I just described but one of the rtvs (or whatever you call that group) falls into the category so it's generally not a safe space. On the flip side the circles that aren't full of the worst people you'll ever fucking meet, they've been a lot more tolerant of other people than the transmasc circles. You get the most violent heinous trans-hating trans people on the planet or you get people that joke around and be horny and have some of the best insight on world issues you'll find out there and there's absolutely no in between.

I don't tend to hang out in like.....nonbinary chats of any kind because reasonably that would open me up to being called nonbinary, which is a label I fall under by technicality of not having a gender being out of the binary of man or woman, but not something I identify as or like to be called. Trans servers/group chats I've joined have for the most part been just generally trans OR fandom discord servers where there's like, two cis people.

I have joined a few agender/genderless discord servers though! What those people are like? Well they think we can talk it out with the KKK. A bunch of racist, ableist, etc etc etc weirdos. There's no outright aggressive culture that I've experienced just friendly debate vibes where the people casually drop that they think ALL people are worthy of respect, including fascists.

I hate hate HATE the generalization of trans people and grouping them into different categories of Bad and this is not what this is. This is a pissed off post about my experiences with online trans chats and how it tends to go. Obviously not all trans people are like this. Hopefully not even half of them are! But hey, trans people are people, and people suck. And that sucks!!!!! I would like to be able to hang out with other trans people SPECIFICALLY!!!!!!!!

Honestly no online queer space seems to be for me other than the really horny gay servers that people are only in to posts nudes. Places where people don't have real conversations and it's just porn? The worst thing you can come across OR. Just porn. Which is better than the rest. I don't really join mlm discord servers much. I mean I JOIN but I don't stay. It's either full of transphobic cis people, or y'know, the whole paragraph on transmasc dominated spaces. With the added layer of me wanting to be respected as someone totally not a man in any way but identifies as a gay "man" because that's my life experience and that doesn't change just because I'm genderless.

Obviously I hate homophobia. Obviously I hate transphobia. Experiencing these things is always Not Fun. But when it's cis people, even if it's vile, it's whatever. It's horrible. It's horrific. People die because of it. But they're our oppressors. That's part of oppression. It's when it comes from other trans people that hurts so much. Transphobia from trans people hurts far more than homophobia from gay people. Trans people are SUCH a vulnerable group and yet it doesn't stop the members of that group from being just as capable of heartlessness as anyone else. And it hurts. It hurts so much. It's left me jaded. After years and years and years of nonstop transphobia from the people I should have solidarity with, I get nervous when I'm around them. I fear for my mental well-being online. I fear for my safety offline (I've had nonbinary family members try to forcibly out me to their BIGOTED FAMILY as like, a test run for them, for instance. Even though I wasn't even out to those nonbinary people in the first place. This has also happened with mere school acquaintances in an area where I've had people actively try to kill me for being gay)

I'd definitely say offline friendships with trans people tends to be less....... problematic. Though I still have bad experiences like the trans guy I knew through middle and highschool who told me I wasn't allowed to be gay, trans, or mentally ill because that was HIS thing, berated me and pushed me to try to kill myself, mocked me for being visibly autistic, and felt entitled to my body and would sexually assault me/grab my hands and force me to touch his boobs. The rest of the """friend""" group, all trans, would just sit there and watch.

All this to say: boy is it so hard to find good people in this world. And I would like the people who should personally understand just how important it is to be a good person to be some of those good people. But they're not. Not inherently. And not more likely to be, either

[larnax]

real meaningful problems to postop transmascs/transmascs seeking bottom surgery

bottom surgery too much money call that shit expensive

lack of education about bottom surgery to people who don't actively look for it so allies and enemies alike dont know shit about bottom surgery and people who would benefit from it dont even know what their options are

medical gatekeeping forcing people to jump through absurd hoops only to have coverage denied for anesthesia

good fucking luck finding a urologist who has any experience with post-op patients, idiot

difficult to find clinics outside of the USA and Thailand bc while they do exist most resources assume you either live in the US or have the resources to travel to Thailand

postop/seeking op people having the topic treated like its a very serious tragic discussion so we're not included in any conversations unless people are sharing articles about gender clinics being bombed or reminding trans people that bottom surgery sucks

postop people being seen as incapable of sex or having lost their transgender sex appeal so people feel pressured not to get bottom surgery lest they lose their boypussy which theyre acutely aware is seen by many people as the only reason you would fuck a transmasc person

again bottom surgery being seen as this worldending tragedy only the most selfhating transgendereds resort to is like The biggest problem for postop people and contributes to the isolation/alienation a lot of postop people feel. making jokes about bottom surgery and bringing it up in casual conversation is Good Actually and i wish more nonop people did it so i didnt feel like i only exist when its time for people to talk about how glad they are that they arent like me

transmisogyny in the transmasc community leading people to lash out at transfems for having "too much visibility" which prevents us from working together to strike back against the real enemy, healthcare providers forcing me to get updated mental health letters to prove im sound of mind for seeking phallo stage 2 as if im going to regret Just the tip

not real meaningful problems

random trans women making posts on their personal blogs about being trans women including posts about vaginoplasty

people making jokes about bottom surgery

postop people identifying with a variety of labels or having their identity change throughout the course of getting bottom surgery, yeah even people who end up not iding as trans anymore. not my business and not yours either

non-transmasc people seeking phallo/metoidio. aside from the extremely legitimate reasons intersex people who had surgeries performed on them without their consent/ppl with natal penises who have been in a Penis Accident would get it, or nonbinary people seeking it for the same reasons i am, who am i to judge if a cis woman wants to piss standing up. again why would i waste any energy on this when insurance companies exist

[catcatb0y]

Normalizing accepting/needing/reaching for help even at slight or minor inconveniences is so much better than saying "you need to suffer (this) or (this amount) in order to use these," because the people that NEED them are almost ALWAYS going to say 'but someone needs it more' or 'but I'm not suffering enough'- especially those that have been (genuinely) gaslit and made to believe that "it's not that bad," or they're "just exaggerating."

Also on the capitalistic end of things, more people will demand (aid items), the more companies will make them, the more stores will stock them properly, the more people will look at you less weird for using them...

^ with cis people using gender neutral terms and experimenting with fashion/pronouns the less POWER people who weaponize those are.

Nonbinary/transmascs/genderqueer who still want to wear skirts and dresses without automatically being seen as feminine? Well if cis(het) guys do it-

Trans/nonbinary/genderqueer people who have anxiety or general trouble inserting their pronouns in a conversation? Well, if (cis)het people say 'oh hey I think I want to try (pronouns) this week-' then someone who is NOT CIS doesn't get shit for it.

Allo(cishet) people chosing to normalize not have sex? Helps ace people not stand out as much.

Similarly, allo(cishet) people normalize and not demonizing casual (sexual) relationships helps aro people who aren't ace fulfill their needs/wants.

Allocishet people normalizing queerplatonic (or queerplatonic adjacent) relationships makes it easier for (not allocishet) people to get into them and feel comfortable.

Normalizing experimentation with pronouns opens up new gates for people who are too afraid to explore past that bubble.

Normalizing experimentation with fashion opens up new gates for people who are too afraid to explore past that bubble.

Normalizing experimentation with sexuality (both homo/bisexuality and asexuality) opens up new gates for people who are too afraid to explore past that bubble.

But even moreso, all of these things take POWER AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO WANT TO USE THAT AGAINST OTHERS.

Can't call a gay guy a f*g for wearing a skirt if cishet guys can do it.

Can't call people tr*nn**s for wearing non-cis clothing if clothing doesn't have a gender anymore...

Can't call people r*t*rd*d for using a figet spinner or cube if neurotypical do it all the time.

Can't make fun of someone for using a mobility aid- or better yet can't WITHHOLD mobility aids from people who 'don't look like they need them'.

Can't look at people weird for going to potentially live saving therapy when people do it all the time for less.

Insurance companies can't be biased against people who get gender affirming surgeries, hormones, mobility aids, THERAPY if more and more people are less and less afraid to get it. Suddenly the "weak" people aren't the only ones needing aids. Suddenly "tr*nn**s" and "qu**rs" (as a slur, not an identity) aren't the only ones using hormone blockers! Or trying hormones! Or cishet ladies who just don't want to have tiddies for whatever reason.

Bigotry was STARTED because people DECIDED to make the normalized seem unnormal. They DECIDED to create a standard and enforce it, and separating the "normal" from the "unnormal" is only ENFORCING that.

My very unpopular opinion apparently:

Straight cis perisex able-bodied neurotypical people using aids designed for disabled people (I.e weighted blankets, grabby claw, sock holder, etc), going to therapists occasionally to keep up their mental health, using fidget toys, choosing to call their bf/gf their partner, using pronouns besides the ones associated with their gender just because they like it, and doing a million other small things that make us fitting in and being accepted a little bit easier is in fact exactly the type of support these communities need, and will ultimately help us so much more than gatekeeping ever fuckin will