#fucked up and didnt let the top process long enough so its like

[0bsc3ne]

getting dysphoric from emotional fluctuations likely due to my menstrual cycle <<< saying my sudden manwhore tendencies are blonde male syndrome

[beesmygod]

today is webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 3: sketch 1

ed note from the future: this got long. its going mostly under a readmore for everyone's sake. and i didnt even finish sketching, just trying to explain what is going through my mind while trying to sketch. look, if i write down my process in exhausting detail people will realize im completely insane. this is a net benefit to anyone trying to interact with me in the future who thinks i can be reasoned with. community service. thank you for allowing me to post this shit lol

hmmm. giving up on the first few panels for right now. here's what i'm thinking about as i sketch this:

too many of my panels were talking heads or constantly relied on one point perspective. i have been trying to work against this for a while with mixed results. sometimes the result is so bad i have to scrap what i did and start over but sometimes it's "good enough for TV"* and i hit publish on it. no risks, no reward after all. can't get better if you don't try.

in this first panel, i have two people having a back and forth conversation through a weird magic hole in the floor/wall. maxine is laying on a couch with hole right above her head. homestar runner will demonstrate what i mean:

however, there are logistical problems with maxine that homestar runner doesnt have. maxine's right shoulder is dislocated, so she can't lay on that side, or any side that would put pressure on the joint. im realizing i don't actually know what position would be most comfortable in her situation or how she would instinctually arrange her body to avoid pain. i start looking up videos from physical therapists on how they recommend patients sleep for some ideas.

also i start looking up what women look like sleeping on couches. how does the human body fold up. because this isn't it.

anyway, this was my first effort with the first panels.

for reference, the last page ends like this:

the top left of the sketch would have been the hopi clown back on the shelf with the "camera" tilting above it to reveal maxine. while this keeps the relevant object from the previous page in frame as a piece of connective tissue between updates....i'm struggling to fit the second character in. the one talking from the hole. maybe there's still hope for this? it's not terrible. initially i nuked it but maybe i can make this work.

fuck! she needs a pillow or two to make this work. this video is right, that DOES look naturally comfortable compared to the standard fetal position that would pull the affected shoulder inward. i didn't draw any pillows into the stupid establishing shot of the office bc its not the kind of couch you are expected to sleep on!!! this is a man's business office!!! i thought i was so smart!!

basically every couch comes with decorative pillows though, and the shot of the room didn't include the wall the "camera" was up against. my 2-point perspective failure might have paid off here lol. if i can establish that the second character is talking through the hole, he can use his rayman hands to reach across the room and get the pillow for her. it can be part of his personal campaign to show maxine he means her no immediate harm. the pillows were just out of frame. lurking. ok let's try it again. uhhhh after i eat some lunch

---

*my friend kelly had an anecdote from working in animation that im going to retell badly from memory. her boss would take the work she labored over to meet by deadline and would laugh at it, saying "ah, its terrible! but good enough for TV". and while extremely mean, he had a salient point: it never has to be perfect. it just needs to be good enough to be seen. sometimes i seriously think about this anecdote when im dissatisfied with my own art. it's bad. but it's good enough for tv.

[intertexts]

YAYYYY YOU KNOW DAKOTA BACKSTORY NOW <333 YOU MADE IT !!!!!!

EPISODE 19 + 20 TRIVIA:

- they are all. so very sad. let me play you a song on the worlds tiniest violin

- charlie: "im angling my mic so i can lay on the ground"

- after 5 minutes of just going "im sad" "im sad" "me too" they are FINALLY talking about the episodes

- SUMMER AND DOUG !!!!!!!!!! ohhh i love them they are important 2 me

- the other heroes with summer and doug were fan created!!! the one with black and white hair is Portalgeist (teleportation power), the one with the green visor is Valence (no mention on their power), and then the pink one with the mask is Sleepyhead (sleep/illusion/dream powers) :]

- grizzly: "im glad the water thing worked!! william was proud of me because i didnt rush in and that meant a lot"

- "there is a reason dakota thinks there are three different summers and not just one summer, i think it'll probably come up when we meet the doctor" << HELLO??? i dont actually remember this. omg

- "i hope le frog can finally move on and get over us now. hes their problem now" MEAN 2 HIM !!!!!!

- william figuring out how to neutralize the demons........ woag (on that note he said his original intention was to turn it into a wisp. do with that what you will)

- moving onto 20 woooooo everyone sad again!

- bizly: "i have gone over it in my head a thousand times how i would present her and everything, i hope i did it some sort of justice because every time ive thought about it since you originally told that idea it has made me *this sad*"

- "DAKOTA COLE CHARACTER STUDY EPISODE" << this is such a huge win for me

- "dakota has been very scared to go see his aunt for a very long time. i dont think he ever would have done that alone. i almost wanted him to say that to you guys in the episode but i dont think he wouldve even processed it enough to admit that yet"

- condi and charlie both said they didnt really know what to say in character a lot kf the time but then they realized they didnt really have to say anything, the important part was that the characters where physically there for dakota in that moment

- grizzly: "i mean im sure it was a huge surprise for william and vyncent not just the scenario itself because dakota never talked about it, but the fact that i dont think theyve seen him get emotional like that. its always been sort of over the top righteous anger and never anything this soft or quiet" (charlie: im curling up in a ball on the floor)

- DAKOTA DAMASCUS !!!!!!!!!!!

- they (bizly and grizzly) were a little nervous about how well this was gonna play out because its such a direct real life kind of issue, but they both really like that it adds such a huge layer to dakotas character

- bizly: "i mean, you have this guy- both of his parents were literally killed in the wake of a superhero fight and he STILL grows up with the mindset of 'i wanna be a superhero!' and just this unwavering optimism and urge to do the right thing"

- condi: "i cant wait for us to get into william shit too i reaaally wanna get into whats going on with him"

charlie: "huh? what william stuff?"

condi, suddenly SUPER AGGRESSIVE: "I wanna go to *FUCKING DEADWOOD*"

- grizzly: "i mean william is scared of facing things so part of dakotas whole goal with this was to face something he was really scared of doing to hopefully inspire william to do the same"

- charlie: "i think ive said this before but i think william sees dakota as... making it. into the prime force, as a superhero, just as The Guy who stands out above us all, right. i think he sees dakota making it out of all of this. i don't think he sees that for himself."

grizzly: "dakota Will Not make it to that point without dragging william and vyncent up with him. hes not gonna leave them behind for anything"

- "there are a lot of things william would pry into way too much, i mean its literally on his sheet as one of his complications, but i dont think he would ever pry about this unless dakota brought it up first and wanted to talk about it" aaaahhh the ghostkicksisms

- bizly had said someone had been in the apartment recently, which was weird because his aunt has been in rehab for a WHILE. grizzly doesnt even know who it couldve been

- they said they intentionally kept the details of her rehab sort of vague, they didnt want to get too into the descriptions of it bc that would be too real and too heavy and they wouldnt want to represent anything like that in a poorly handled way. generally though she is there for addiction/alcoholism

- "how pissed would you guys be if we got to the end of the campaign and le frog was the final boss" and they all get VERY GENUINELY ANNOYED JUST AT THE THOUGHT OF THAT POSSIBILITY "bizly i would leave. i would quit"

- charlie: "i have NOTABLY *not* been using a secret identity for a LONG time. because i think william stopped taking the whole hero thing seriously, he doesnt see a point in it anymore"

- bizly says they have already met who he plans to be the final villain of the whole campaign!! theyre trying to guess now, charlie says it would be cool if it was mark (holy shit), grizzly says mal !!!! he thinks mal is going to take the tricksters power in some way. he also jokingly said it would be funny if harlem shade turned out to be the main bad guy because he would have fun playing him as a villain. (condi had to leave early so he doesnt get a guess) . charlie says they all have their own Big Villains right now (wiwi has mal, vyncent has the lich, grizzly doesnt have one yet but he probably will eventually), but he doesnt necessarily see mal becoming THE villain. neither of them think the trickster is going to be the main villain since the whole point of season 2 has been to get ashe back

- GRIZZLY ADMITS HE THINKS MARK IS A REDEEMABLE CHARACTER. WIN !!!!!!!!!!!

DAKOTA CHARACTER STUDY WHOOOOO!!!!!! I MADE IT!!!!!!! a little blood covered and trembling but i made it!!! also jesus i have a BACKLOG of trivia u sent me i wanna talk about so bad... thank u king btw. its so fucking awesome 2 finish an episode & then receive so much trivia about it. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me (<- can't stop fucking saying that now!!)

I LOOVE the prime rifterssss i love fan created characterssss theyre so good!!! man. i love summer and doug. yeah even doug. also YEAH the reason he fucking thinks there's three summers is because he has FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGE from ONE MILLION CONCUSSIONS and JUMPING OFF A SKYSCRAPER and being EXPERIMENTED ON!!!!! NKDFKDFGHfgk. or at least. thats what i think.

i also thought he was gonna turn it into a wisp!!!!!!! i was so surprised when it didnt work... my assumption is that they were like, different variants of the same thing, whatever that thing fucking is. which. i guess is maybe not true!! wild.

FEELING INSANE OVER EPISODE 20. LIKE. IN GENERAL. joining charlie in a fucking ball on the floor tbh. what i will say before i spend like, a fucking week sorting through my thoughts & shit is that i do think they did a really good job w/ handling the addiction plot point... whenever anything like that comes up it really is always a crapshoot of like oh okay is this going to be unintentionally shitty to addicts. is this going to be wildly inaccurate. is it going to be ableist. etc etc etc. & i think the vague and blurry brushstrokes that they Did draw were really well done... more specific detail wouldn't have carried nearly as much weight as that description of their trashed rotting apartment & the way they reacted 2 seeing each other !!! wails and cries and throws up.

ALSO, the way his parents were killed feels like such a fucking missing piece slotting into place for his character? i had figured that-- ok i knew his parents were dead & i also knew he'd had.. personal experience with the um. violent and dangerous area of effect superheroism has. but knowing they were collateral damage in that umm. knockoff darkseid? darkstar? fight makes so much sense irt his perception of heroism & not wanting to be responsible for deaths. god.

& ummm i'm feeling fucking normal about "he sees dakota making it out of all this, he doesn't see that for himself." & "he doesn't see a point in the superhero thing anymore" like, we knew that already. but. doesn't make it easier to hear!! MORALLY AMBIGUOUS VIGILANTE WILLIAM WISP WHEN.

i have no idea who the bbeg is gonna be dude. oh my god. its gonna end up being fucking alan (allen??) or something. it's gonna be one of the s5. this is amogus now. anyway. GOOD EPISODE!!!

[brella-boi]

Building Dango: Part 3

In starting this step, Ive been officially finished with my real job, therefore its speedrun time from now.

With the mask now glued together we begin the process of ✨sanding✨

Essentially carving from this block of legos we got going on.

I got this rotary carver from my father like 10 years ago that was like maybe 10 quid in Lidl. Its finally going to meet its use (hoarding runs in the family.)

I only had 1 type of sandibg grit with this carver... so it had to do. The other bits are stone, abd while they are thinner, i didnt really see that much of a difference in texture after it was carved.

Honestly this was super anxiety inducing. This was truly my first time using this carver, and it was a feat of patience and trying to go slow enough not to fuck up this foam.

Now be aware, EVA is toxic, and theres SO much fucking dust when carving. I was wearing a mask and sunglasses while working on this, as well as doing it outside.

But I was chipping away at it regardless. The jaw looked good as I tackled it first and gained some confidence. It would receive several more touchups over the course of two days, but essentially it was done!

I didnt mind having it super rough, because the jaw will actually be covered by fabric, so its fine. The real test was the top part of the mask which is pseudo-skull.

It does technically have a rough-ish texture, but I was still trying to get it as smooth as possible.

The horn- gid i was dreading it. But honestly I am so fucking proud of myself for doing it so clean. Its just. Chef kiss. So nice and pointy im in love.

Then came the gap filling- which I use EVA sculpting foam for. I swear ill have this tub forever theres so much.

I will say, i dont think i let the sculpting clay dry long enough, because i was having a really rough time sanding it again. It didnt turn out super smooth against the edges of the mask, so Im hoping i can fix that with a primer.... please god fix it

And lastly I added the scar Dango has on one side of the mask :'D

Sanding overall took about 6 hours total. And i came out of the sanding process like a white dog emerging from a pit of mud. Immediately had to take a shower and dump my clothes into the washing machine lmfao

[lysiablackwing5]

Its Quiet Underground...

“Ok, you have to be quick.” Ollie starts. “I cannot reach you while you are in here, so I cannot help you if she finds you. Get in, start the generator, get out.” Aww he actually sounds concerned. 

“Of course Ollie-man.” I say, sounding exhausted even to myself. “I will be careful.”

“I don’t think you understand.” He started sounding desperate, not even dragging his words out anymore. “Ms. Delight is-” It cut off there. I started at the red phone in increasing horror, taking note of the overturned desks, writing on the wall, and what I am pretty sure is blood on the floors, before the speakers up ahead crackled.

“This is Ms. Delight Speaking.” It started out. “Pardon the interruption. Students- remain in your seats until the bell has rung. And no going in the halls without a hall pass!” The speakers crackled out. I panicked, sitting down behind one of the turned over desks as if it would save me from my inevitable fate. 

Deep breaths.

In-

Out.

Repeat.

I looked at the hands of the grabpack, and the electric circuits on the walls. Slowly, I stand, and get to work.

…

After a-frankly- terrifying almost-encounter with Ms. Delight, I picked up my pace getting the power to work, hoping she didnt see me. No such luck though, as the speakers crackled mere moments later.

“Wait- I remember you!” Nope. No way you could have remembered me. I only went to playcare once in order to drop my niece off for the day while me and Clay worked on our separate projects. Clay picked her up after his shift, and I never went to Playcare again. I regret that now. “Yes, I remember. You used to work here!” How would she know that? “How are you…alive?” I froze, before continuing on, forcing myself to control my breathing before my mind starts spinning off again. (I miss Clay. I miss my brother.) I tune back in at the mention of Catnap. “-Catnap wouldn’t like that you are here…You should leave.” 

“I’m trying damn it!” I shout, irritated and fed up with people telling me to do something I’m already trying to do. There was a pause, before the sound of a throat clearing sounded before the speaker cut out again. I grabbed the charger, entering it in the slot before using the grabpack to redirect it. I grab a yellow tape on the way, pausing to play it when I saw the corresponding box.

…

I felt sick listening to the tape. The end, was she laughing or crying? Do I want to know?

…

I moved on.

“...Not a good listener, are you?” Not according to my parents. “You are a lot like the other humans in that way. I wonder if your screams will sound the same as theirs too!” I snapped. This, this was just the cherry on top of the endless nightmare I've had for the last week, perhaps even the last decade.

“You want to know what my screams sound like? YOU REALLY WANNA FUCKING KNOW?!” I let out every out of frustration and pain and fear right there, screaming until my throat was raw and my voice cracked and I coughed, tasting metal in my mouth. “HOW DOES THAT SoUND Huh?!” My voice cracked at the end, and I grabbed the water bottle, taking a large gulp of water. I ignored the sounds of confusion as the speakers crackle out and continued finishing the job, getting the generator going, and then I see her. Face broken showing meat and bones with that eerie grin on her face, just staring at me, unmoving, unblinking. I did what I had done my entire time in this place.

I ran.

I grab the battery pack and ran, shoving it into its spot, blocking my paths, keeping an eye on Ms. Delight. I barely processed gathering the energy to open the doors, just keeping my eyes on her just long enough to get passed before I bolt again, and again, and again

and again

and again

andagainandagainandagainANDAGAINANDAGAINANDAGAIN

AND AGAIN!

And then I reached the last puzzle. And I felt the exhaustion permeate my body, but I kept going until I had all the battery packs, until I charged the door just as I had done many timed before, until I was at the exit pulling the lever but Ms. Delight didn’t stop she just kept going and-

The door dropped.

All that was left of Delight was blood, bones, meat and mangled plastic, just barely holding the door up from where it sat on her head.

I sat down. 

I sat there and stared, my voice caught in my throat as I feel the splatter of the blood on my face and clothes, sweat sticking to my body and the blood pooling out of her head by my feet. I just stayed there for a moment as the tears slipped down my face (when did I start crying?) and my nose and throat burned as if I was downing some hot wings with a soda and laughing all the while, but this isnt one of those happy times, as it happened again. I killed again.

Maybe Poppy was right.

I am the right person for the job.

I am already a murderer, what is a few more at this point?

Yeah, what is a few more…(I ignored the sob that tried to break out of my throat at the mere idea, as I cannot afford to break down here again. I can’t. Not until I know for sure…) I stood up and turned around, ignoring how my vision briefly went black as I resholdered the grabpack. I walked up to the cutout, debating on whether or not I wanted to press the button and risk hearing something that will worsen my already bad mental state. I got a breif flash in my memory of green patches of felt and a dark brown puddle of dried blood, and decided against it. Instead, I grabbed the flare gun/hand (fland?) and busied myself with attaching it, firing it into the dark experimentally. I continued on.

Using the purple hand, I launched myself around, until I saw something strange. A pile of…toys. Toys that had dried blood on them, some still dripping, staining the others. It looked like a… altar. 

Oh gosh.

It was an altar.

Ollie did say at the very beginning that Playcare was Catnap’s church, but I didn’t know he meant it so literally…

Said cat seemed to appear from the darkness as if summoned (White pinpricks-stop.), standing before the altar and raising his hands high, staying there in what seemed to be worship. I felt like this should be a sight of horror, a sight that should make me feel sick and numb, yet I couldn't help but feel nothing at all at the sight of so many corpses being displayed like decoration for a deity unknown to me.

He knows you are there. A voice in my head whispered. Show respect, and you may be spared. I knelt down on the beams, wincing at the pressure on my knees, bowed my head, clasping my hands in what looked like prayer, a plea, whatever it may be. I could feel eyes (Pinpricks-) looking at me, assessing my worth. I waited until the feeling was gone, and then a little more as a precaution. When I lifted my head, he was gone. The silence felt less oppressive than before, but the darkness still felt like it had eyes, eyes that watched as I slowly stood up and began walking into the dark corridor labeled “Playhouse”.

Chapter 4

I fired a single flare at the little critter after it bit my leg, feeling nothing as I turned back to the Bobby Bearhug cutout and pressed the button.

“Hi, I’m Bobby Bearhug! Wanna know how much I love you?” I just looked at it blankly, pressing the button again. “I love you to the moon and back!” Pretty generic response. I press the button again. “I’m crazy about you!” Isn’t this supposed to be for kids? “I’m lost without you…” …

No.

“I’ve been lost a long time.” I feel myself start to drift. I remember…

“Please take me with you this time.” I forced myself to stay calm. Its alright, everything is alright. Its not like before…

“You won’t leave me, will you?!” I hear myself say in sync. I couldn’t even feel my mouth move.

“Please don’t go Clay.” I repeat to a piece of paper. “I’m sorry. Please come back. I’m sorry.” I just stood there, drifting further and further away. I don’t know how long I was gone, before I felt a sharp bite. A little elephant stood there, jaws locked on my leg. I fired a flare, drawing myself back as I began to walk again.

Deep breaths in.

Slowly release…

More of the critters are starting to show up, as I enter what looks like a padded playroom. Then it was a blur of ducking, running, flares and buttons until I was traveling across a makeshift elevator and running down an endless set of stairs. The next room I found myself in was a drained pool area. I took that moment to sit and reattach myself. Going blank will only make things harder, hurting me and making sure I can never get out.

…

Do I even want to get out? Not really. I’m tired—so, so tired. I grab my water bottle, amazed that it's still intact even after everything that happened. I just held it. I squeezed it tight in my hands and listened to the crunch sound of the plastic, brought it to my chest and held it for just a minute. The yellow doors are taunting me from where they are, Watching me, beckoning me forward. I’m not ready to continue the nightmare. I’m not ready for the next person who will try to kill me, the ambush of critters, pinpricks watching me from down the dark hallway and I just bolted the other way before I fully recognized the sight. 

Deep breaths in.

Slowly out.

In.

Out.

In

Out.

“In. Out. In. Out.” I slowly released a breath, closing my eyes for just a moment.

I got up.

I walked through the doors.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The first thing I saw were the cells. Some open, some locked with dead critters handing in them. There was another set of doors as well, with a place far more comfortable looking, vacant, as if prepared for someone who never used it. It looked so cozy…

I take a sip of water.

I continue walking down the hallway until I see him. The dog with the Sunny pendent.

Dogday.

And yet…

Belts were tied over his wrists, neck, and torso. A torso still dripping blood, slowly, steadily, as the legs were missing. His limbs seemed to be on the verge of tearing as well, as the stitches looked so strained from this position. He seemed to be passed out for the moment, and I made an impulsive decision. I walked forward and undid the bindings. I got the first arm down and was working on the ones around his neck when he seemed to stir.

“Who…?” I got the first one around his neck off, supporting him while I worked on the next one. “ARGH! You—what are you doing?!” I didn’t answer, getting the second one down and working on the last one on his arm. “You—You’re Poppy’s Angel, aren’t you??! Yes, that explains it.” He looked at me, for a moment, as I struggled on the last belt. 

“You should just go. Leave me. Catnap will not rest until he finds you if you take me with you. I’m nothing more than a Heretic, my death has already been signed.” I pointedly ignored the lack of lower body as I finally got him down, using the straps to secure him on the grabpack. He looked even more panicked at that. “Please, just go-”

“Shut up.” I didn’t recognize my own voice anymore. It sounded so cold, so devoid of anything. Catnap flinched, but went silent. “I have been through hell to get this far, I don’t even want to be here. If you don’t mind, I would like someone who can tell me what the hell is going on nearby because clearly Poppy won’t.” It was spoken low, little more than a whisper. Dogday got the message. I put the grabpack on and continued forward, until the sound of little feet was heard in the pipes.

“No…NO!” Dogday sounded like he was hyperventilating. “RUN, NOW!” I didn’t wait a moment longer, firing a flare to hold them back and running. I didn’t stop when we fell through the floor, barely acknowledging Dogday's whimper of pain as his head was hit. I moved quickly through the pipes, my new passenger giving me directions as I went.

“Left!”

“Move forward!”

“Quickly, the middle slide! They are gaining on us!” I fired another flare, hearing squeals and screams as I threw myself down the slide. “Now left, there should be an elevator just ahead.” I saw the purple print and switched hands, jumping across with the practiced ease I've gotten in God knows how long I've been here. I got to the elevator just as the metal door slammed shut behind us and the elevator started moving suspiciously on its own. I breathed heavily, hands on my knees. 

Dogday panted behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder to steady himself. “Are you alright?” I paused, then gave a tense nod. The elevator stopped, and I stepped off, freezing at the Dogday cutout that greeted me. He saw it as well, and turned my head away.

“Nothing good ever comes from listening to those. Move on, there is no time to waste.” I nodded, feeling a lump in my throat that wasn’t there before. I walked over to the slide, slipping down and closing my eyes for a moment. I could almost pretend this was all a bad dream, and that I was still a little kid playing pretend on the playground. It was over far too quickly though, and I stepped off the slide and walked out back into the open area of Playcare. Just as I stepped through, a increasingly familiar ringing started, and i have never felt more relieved to hear it until that moment.

“Ollie?”

“You’re ok! Oh thank goodness your ok. Is everything alright? You aren’t hurt too much are you? No lost body parts???” I laughed a bit at the frantic voice he used.

“Yeah, I’m alright. As alright as I can be. I did hurt my ribs and legs again, and probably irritated the wounds I already have, but I should be fine. And no, I didn’t lose any body parts yet.” After I looked around for a moment, I started heading towards the Dome. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get the generator going, Delight smashed it as soon as I got the battery packs in.”

“It’s ok, I’m just glad that you are ok.” Ollie has been sounding more and more genuine since that little moment before. “I’m a little upset that you didn’t get any first aid kits though, it seemed like you really need them.” I nodded, wincing as I moved wrong and irritated my ribs. Seems like the adrenaline is finally starting to wear off, which means it is time for another mini-nap in the Dome.

“Angel, who is that?” Dogday's voice was tight with suspicion. The other side of the line also went oddly quiet. I could feel the tension building, and I picked up the pace.

“Ollie. He’s been a big help since I’ve gotten to Playcare. Check with Poppy about him.” I said simply. The tension seemed to almost disappear at that, though the line stayed silent.

“Are we going to see Poppy then?” Dogday seemed hopeful. Ollie chose that moment to speak up.

“I’ll call and let her know you have Dogday. She will be so excited to see him again!” The fake voice was back, leaving me feeling oddly disappointed. “You can leave him with her while we finish up.” I nodded, staying silent as the line cut and I changed direction towards the elevator. It took a couple minutes to get there, minutes spent in silence for the most part. The elevator was still descending as we approached, with Poppy looking even more excited as seeing Dogday than Dogday was at seeing her. I took that time to unbuckle him from the grabpack and carry him the rest of the way as is.

“You know, your arms are really strong.” He said as I shifted him to be more comfortable. I just gave him a deadpan look in response. He had the sense to look sheepish about it at least. I batted his snout, ignoring the startled look he gave me. We were quiet for a few more moments until the elevator finally reached the bottom and Poppy ran out to hug him.

“DOGDAY!!!” She jumped on him, almost crying and she hugged his neck tight. “I’m so happy you’re alive! Oh gosh, I thought you were…” She started sobbing more. Dogday hugged her back just as tightly, patting her back and whispering repetitions of “I’m Ok” “Its alright” “I’m so so sorry”. 

I awkwardly stood there, still holding on to the duo during what seemed to be a very heartfelt reunion. Thankfully, Kissy saved me by gently taking them out of my arms, nodding in appreciation as she carried them back to the elevator still holding each other. I watch them go, mentally detaching myself from the anger rising up again at the fact that none of them asked about the blood. None of them asked how its going. Only Kissy acknowledged me at all.

I take a deep breath. I turned. And I walked away. Distantly, I can still hear them talking, still hear the elevator take them back up.

I feel nothing. 

I look at the camera, giving the one I know is on the other side a stare I know good and well is dead. I hear my heart beating in my ears, as I feel something start to break inside me.

[navire190413]

okay so i know why x-chan is so weird about me. i've been avoiding it because its honestly out of my hands now. he texted me good morning yesterday and we chatted all day long and made plans for this weekend. around 7, i was at the bar and he stopped responding so i figured he fell asleep after getting home from work. wake up this morning and text him good morning and no response. i only get a response around 12 when i ask if he wants to go to a park tonight to play pokemon go. he says he wants to be alone so i ask if he's okay and if something happened that's making him not want to respond.

before i proceed. there's a lot of backstory. right before we broke up i was already in the middle of spiraling because things had been bad between us for awhile at that point, my ocd was at an all time worst. i also got diagnosed with depression on top of it. i was sleeping 20 hours a day. and just fighting with x-chan whenever we did manage to speak. whenever i was awake i was engaging in pretty bad compulsions because i was so anxious about our relationship so it was either a) sleep or b) drink. so i was drinking heavily and started to engage in p unsafe behavior because i wanted to not deal with my ocd and depression anymore. also i had so much self hatred i was basically self harming myself on purpose. this obviously didnt help the fact me and him were already in unsteady waters, and made things way worse. so we broke up.

i kind of just kept self sabotaging from that point on. not going to class, spending like $100 on booze every single night, drinking from 7pm-4am almost every night. it was bad, i am still kind of feeling the effects of it. i had a lot of scary stuff happen to me at that time.

i was so drunk returning home at 6AM one morning that i collapsed a block away from my place (i think. i dont remember), and some random guy literally carried me (i am 178cm and 65kg, not an easy task), all the way to my house with me drunkenly pointing where to go, while he was asking if i was okay the entire time. i remember this much. he brought me to my place and let me open the door with my key while he was still holding me and gently placed me in the entryway and told me to be more careful and shut the door and left. this was extremely dangerous, but thank you to that kind stranger. i woke up the next day with bruises over my entire body and my purse was empty. i dropped my wallet, phone, camera, and airpods in the process. i have an airtag in my wallet and can track my airpods and phone .i woke up 2 hours after getting home and tracked all of my stuff to a nearby police station. the guy who carried me home must have went back and collected everything i dropped and turned it all in for me. i was so hungover filling out those forms at the police station.

i had another instance a few weeks after that where i was drinking at the bar at 5am, drunkenly got into a fight with some younger guy, and he stole my phone. he returned it the next evening and apologized saying he didnt remember anything.

my drinking and behaviour was so bad i had a few friends threaten to cut off our relationship if i continued down that path. luckily i've turned things around a bit since i started my job. i drink everyday but only 2-3 cans and go to the bar mostly only on weekends, and i always catch the last train. im going to a shrine on saturday to pray for support to stop drinking, then gonna actually do my best not to drink on weeknights anymore starting next week. im determined. i used to wake up at 4am everyday to study for 2 hours before going to work. i really want to get to that lifestyle again.

anyway, that's the backstory of where my head was at. the bad thing i did which is why me and x-chan can't get back together, during my self-destruction phase is... about a month after me and x-chan broke up i was drunk walking through ikebukuro station and got nampa'ed. and the guy was cute enough so i said "fuck it", first time for everything. we went and ate ice cream together and then went to a hotel together. okaaaaaaaaaay i slept with a random guy who hit on me in a fucking train station. i've never had a one night stand before this. i dont think its that big of a deal if it was the very first time and will probably be the last. we used protection and i got tested a week later then a month later just to be safe.

the first time me and x-chan reconnected again, we were drunk and he asked if i'd had any guys approach me since we broke up. there were a few innocent invites to dates and stuff which i told him about. but i also told him about going to the hotel with the guy (i cant keep a secret to save my life. so i told him.). and he was piiiissssed. not even jealous, just pissed that he dated someone like me, a woman with 0 value, who can sleep with anyone at any time. he said in that instance he regretted our entire relationship because he thought he knew me but was wrong. but then he invited me back to his place to hook up immediately after this so i dont get it haha. we were friends with benefits for a few weeks and really lovey dovey before he realized he wanted to love me more before he could hook up with me anymore. and thats kind of why we're at where we're at now.

so that's why we're re-building our trust now. so i can prove im not actually a slut who just sleeps with anyone. which is why i dont hangout with my guy friends right now either.

the reason he stopped messaging me yesterday is because he randomly remembered that i had sex with that guy, and it made him realize he cant trust anyone at all so he didnt speak to anyone at all last night or today and isnt planning to for awhile. i asked if i should cancel our date reservation tomorrow, but he said he'll go. he just wants to be alone today. i wonder if he's going to end everything tomorrow or if it'll just go back to how it was before today and yesterday. i have no idea anymore. i know i need to stop. this shit is so stressful. the urge to ask him why he’s pissed i get bitches is strong. but his english isnt good enough to understand that, nor would he find it funny.

i had the worst 6 months of my life and fell into a dark place. i mean its life and it happens to people sometimes, especially when you have ocd and addictive tendencies. but i had multiple people i love tell me im a weak woman with no value anymore because of those 2 months of me self-sabotaging myself. so im living as straight as i can now while still kind of reeling from everything and trying to prove to people that those 2 months dont define me. after i got my work visa and passed n1, everyone told me how amazing i am and not a lot of people can do this, etc. so maybe it changed some peoples' opinion on me. like hey, im not an entire piece of shit. i can still achieve things. im still trying relatively hard. im still studying every single day despite drinking lemon sours while doing so and taking breaks to chain smoke haha.

in other news i found my dream apartment. no idea if they accept foreigners or not, but i want to live there soooo bad. its a good price, and the biggest apartment i've seen at that price, and a 4 minute walk from Ikebukuro station. its a corner apartment so every wall has windows, and a big balcony, and CLOSETS. which is so rare. and the inside is just absolutely beautiful with a bunch of hardwood everywhere. i want it soooooooooo bad.

Im going to the realtor company on sunday to possibly go see it. they're going to check with the owner to see if americans are allowed to apply or not before i go, so if its not okay they have time to prepare some other apartments to show me.

why are people so obsessed with shibuya scramble? i have to cross it everyday and theres always like 50 people with cameras recording it. its just…. a crowd of people crossing the street 😭

an hour after posting this he called me to tell me hes excited for our date tomorrow. so maybe hes getting over it!

[gothtopus222]

okay i need to rant about this stupid guy because i cant stop thinking about all of this shit

so, my boyfriend has this friend right and we have a LOT of common intrests, so we started talking about music we like ect ect, i didnt like him for a long time bc he made me anxious but i warmed up to him, eventually we got really close (at least i thought we were close) and now i've always had the problem of being way closer with people than they are with me, but I knew he pretty much had ducky, their other best friend, and pretty much no one else.

when we were talking it was a REALLY bad time in my life. Maybe one of the top worst, and I've had a lot of really shitty time. I'm bipolar, and i was balls-deep in a horrible mixed episode, i also was heavily restricting food and taking more ritalin than i am supposed to, so basically, i was in an insane hazy oblivion and basically just entierly zoned out but also really intense from the ritalin and mania. I was in the process of moving and trying to pack up all of my shit too and my parents were CONSTANTLY fighting also so badly it would wake me up from sleep when they got into it.

So we would talk for hours, texting until like 3am, mostly about will wood/other music artists we share obsessions with, but also a lot about life and our respective shitty mental health. Now, I was also convinced I was going to lose ducky, and i was going through yet another horrific mania-induced gender identity crisis. So, although he NEVER said anything about it, in retrospect I was defintly not being a normal human person in the way i was interacting with him. Its hard enough for me to interact normally, but throw in that shit-storm and I know i was being way too much for anyone to handle, let alone someone i only just started talking too

eventually, me and ducky did break up (thanks bpd)(we also got back together a few weeks later obvi) and I think the main thing i did was ranting to him, basically dumping my entiere thoughts while activly splitting on ducky. I think this was probally the final straw. The day ducky told him we broke up, he told me us talking "doesn't feel right" and he has not responed to a single text since then.

i asked him why, and nothing. it hurt almost as bad as breaking up with ducky, because at least with ducky we had talked about if for literal days before deciding to break up and we also kept talking as friends. I didnt text him for like two weeks and when I was in a much much better place mentally i reached out saying basically "hey im sorry for how i acted, i promise thats not how i normally am, you just need to be more firm with me on boundaries. also if you hate me please say that instead of just ghosting me" but nothing.

now heres the part thats fucking me up the most. I fucking TOLD him so many times how hard being ignored fucks me up. I told him that being ignored literally makes me suicicdal. I told him how i'd so much rather someone scream and yell at me, call me horrible names, even physically fucking hurt me than ignore me, yet he STILL refuses to even acknowledge me. He KNEW how i have absolutely NO friends but ducky, he KNEW i was in the worst time of my life, he KNEW all of my trauma around friendships ending, he KNEW ALL OF IT, but he still fucking ignores me. I hate it. I cant fucking stand it.

I JUST want to be his friend again so bad. I loved him he was so fun and we had so many common interests especially in things that ducky doesnt want to talk about as much with me. i just want him to tell me what i did wrong. I want him to be angry i want to hear everything i did wrong i want him to TELL me i cant stand him ignoring me it makes my skin crawl. Now ducky told me he blocked me which makes it even worse. I feel entierly out of control.

and the worst part is, ducky just says 'yeah he didn't handle it right, but your response to what he did is not his fault' when i tell him how hes making me actively suicidal. Like,, yes,, that is true,, but when i've told him how triggering it is, when i've told him about the time i attempted after someone stoped talking to me, when i text him begging him to text me back and he still wont, at what point does at least SOME blame fall on him? like if i had never told him any of that stuff and he was just oblivious to how triggering it is that would be one thing but NO, i fucking TOLD him SO many times.

im so upset and hurt and confused and angry and evberything feels so bad and i just know hes talking shit about me to ducky i know he is he thinks im a bad person and hes trying to convince ducky i am a bad person . i hat ehim somuch im so hurt and upset and i want to hurt myself i cant belive i even tried to be his friend i can ttak ethis

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

[wheelsup]

okay but can you imagine spencer washing your hair for you?

like, i never (ever) let anyone (at all) touch my hair, but i feel like he'd be really gentle about it, and there is just something so soft and tender to me about the idea of washing someone's hair for them 🥺

that’s my dream <3 ik you didnt specifically ask for a blurb but i think about this very often. i wrote two versions of this, but this one (with two bickering best friends who are v much in love) won my heart. 

wc: 1.6k   contains: friends (to crushes, maybe ;) ), injured reader. gn!reader

-

“Spence, I promise you that I can do it by myself,” you huffed, attempting to yank off your tank top as you walked toward the hotel bathroom, using only one arm while trying to keep the other as still as possible.

“I’d be more inclined to believe you if you didn’t sound like you were going to cry,” he snickered, following hot on your trail as you tried to escape his hovering. 

“You’re being dramatic.” 

“Oh really? Lift your arm up, then.” He leaned his hip against the marble counter, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for you to do it. One obnoxiously smug eyebrow arched on his forehead.

Sometime during the case, you’d gotten into a brief tousle with a suspect, who just had to run away when approached. If Morgan had been there, you wouldn’t have even batted a lash, but he wasn’t. So not only had you detained him by yourself, you also wound up with a minor pulled muscle in your shoulder. 

You shot him a sarcastic smile, toothless and irritated, and raised your right arm into the air. He let out an airy scoff. 

“Other one, smart ass.”

Your arm dropped down to your side, your smile falling with it as you turned sharply towards the shower. 

“Look, I’m disgusting right now. So either I suck it up and shower, or you’re going to smell me until the day we solve this case.”

Spencer’s nose crinkled at the gross truth. He wasn’t ungentlemanly enough to tell you, but sharing a bed with a coworker was quite a quick way to discover if they were in need of a shower or not. Your shoulder might be out of service, but both of you could agree that hygiene was a bigger priority. 

“You can’t even move. Just… just let me help you.”

You snorted. “Nice try, Reid. I’m not letting you shower with me.”

He rolled his eyes at your use of his last name. You only called him that when you were annoyed with him. He pushed off the counter and turned to the wall, hitting the light switch and earning a shriek from you as the room suddenly went dark. 

“I won’t look,” he shrugged, amusing no one but himself. 

“You’re a clown, you know that?” you muttered under your breath, drawing back the shower curtain and fumbling around, searching for the knobs in pitch black. “Absolutely fucking theatrical.” 

You found them moments later and ran the water, testing the temperature on the back of your hand. By the time it went from cold to warm, you noticed that he still hadn’t moved. From the sliver of light peeking under the door, you could make out just his silhouette in the corner, perched on the vanity. 

He was being stubborn about this. That, and the comforting fact that you couldn’t see a single thing –– thankfully, not even his face –– wore you down.

“Close your eyes,” you murmured. 

“It’s already pitch black in here ––”

“Close your eyes, Reid.”

Sighing through his nose, he did just that. To make sure you knew it, and also maybe just to be annoying, he made a show of getting off the counter and turning himself around to face the wall. You peeled out of your clothes as quickly as you could. In the process, you caught the long shower curtain under the heel of your foot and, as you stumbled over it, accidentally dragged it along, sending the metal curtain hooks screeching as they slid along the bar.  

The second you found your ground, you immediately shot daggers into the back of Spencer’s head, waiting for him to make a joke. As if he could feel them, he bit back his quip. Not without letting a barely contained cackle slip under his breath. 

“Okay,” you warned, stepping into the shower. Grabbing the end of the shower curtain, you pulled it tightly over your body to cover yourself as you poked your chin out to talk to him. “I’m in.”

Spencer turned and approached the shower, eyes still shut with his hands out in front of him, feeling the walls for guidance. He was still mocking you for making him close his eyes. You raised your brows; he must’ve thought he was quite funny. 

“You look like Velma when she loses her glasses.”

That knocked the funny bone right out of him. His hands dropped to his sides.

“Just get your hair wet and hand me the shampoo.” 

You drew the curtain shut again as you dipped your head under the shower stream, coming back moments later with sopping wet hair and a little bottle of complimentary hotel shampoo. 

He let you sit on the floor of the bathtub, just slightly removed from the spray of the water. Your back was to him, as he kneeled down on the tile floor, just outside of the bathtub so he didn’t have to get wet. You bent your knees to your chest, resting your chin on them.

Spencer first pushed up the sleeves of his sweater as far as he could before deciding to remove it altogether for the sake of protecting the wool against stray water. The cuffs of his work shirt were unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows as he got to work.

Taking a healthy quarter-sized amount of shampoo into his palm, he lathered it between his hands before running soapy fingers through your scalp. The pads of his fingertips softly dug in as he carefully massaged the shampoo in.

When he started working his fingers in patterns, putting pressure near your temples and increasing it as he dragged them up the curve of your scalp, you let your eyes close. He was getting rid of a headache you didn’t even realize you had. 

The tension you’d been carrying in your shoulders eased a little, and it made him think about how much you probably needed this. One of his hands came down to massage the muscle between your neck and your good shoulder, knowing it was best to just let the hot water do its magic on the bad one. 

When the shampoo had been sufficiently lathered, he stood up and detached the shower head, bringing it down to you so you didn’t have to move. You leaned your head back for him as he carefully rinsed the soap out.

You weren’t going to ask, but thank God Spencer told you to hand him the conditioner next. This, he slathered all over the ends of your hair, making sure all of it was sufficiently covered in conditioner before loosely twisting it into a low, makeshift pony for you. 

“Mm. I was about to ask how you’re so good at haircare,” you chuckled lowly to yourself, in a half-sleepy voice with your forehead resting on your knees. Dangerously close to falling asleep. “Then I remembered what you used to look like.”

You had a lazy smile on your face just thinking about the days where Spencer’s hair used to be down to his shoulders. He looked so pretty like that (not that he didn’t look pretty now, too), you always wondered why he got rid of it. 

“Remember when I got shot in the knee?” he hummed, returning to work your shoulder. He adorned a tiny smile of his own as he started to reminisce. “You came by my house at least once a week. Brought me meals, watched movies with me. Helped distract me from the pain. Even drove me to my physical therapy appointments.” 

You mm-hmm’d that you remembered.

“You pretty much did everything shy of helping me bathe. Though, I feel like you would’ve helped with that, too, if I asked.”

You both laughed at that. You hadn’t really noticed the parallels of your situation, being injured and needing his help for once. He was happy to repay the favor. 

“I’ll, uh. Let you wash your body yourself,” he said, coming out of his daydream for a moment. He rinsed his hands off and got up, patting down his wet hands on his trousers. With one nod from you to confirm that you’d be able to do it, he quickly exited the bathroom to give you privacy. 

You emerged seventeen minutes later, clad in pajamas with towel-dried hair. Spencer was still awake as you crawled onto the bed beside him, more than ready for bed after that. He looked to the side to ask you how the rest of your shower was, and before he could get it out, you shuffled up next to him, winding one arm around his and resting your head on his chest.

“I take it you had a good shower?” he laughed. This was one of his “I told you so” moments, and for once, you didn’t mind it. 

“Mhm,” you smiled, chuckling behind it as you shut your eyes. You were falling asleep fast. “Spence, the scalp massage…” 

“Was good, right?” he boasted, inflating his own ego a bit. 

You nodded against his shoulder, not caring if you helped blow up his ego another two sizes. Burrowing deeper into the covers, nestling tighter against Spencer, you got one more quip in before falling asleep. “S’good that I think I have a crush on you now.” 

Joke or not, he pulled the blanket higher until it reached your chin, holding you with both arms and kissing the top of your head before falling asleep himself.

*

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[tahitiwoke]

five times kissed bc i didnt send it to you but i suppose its my time to be hurt

ONE | HE WAS A GIANT.

" it's all the in the back swing, slugger, " phil says with a laugh, readjusting roman's grip on the sammy sosa wooden bat - it's pint size, one he had to get at a walmart because the ones he had at home were practically the size of roman himself. the boy pulls his arms back and tries for a practice swing, one-two-three times, and with a fresh determination, adjusts the yankees cap phil had pushed onto his head before they got to the cages.

like this? " yeah, just like that. come on, now, chin up. focus and don't dare look away, 'cause that's what gets you -- taking your eye off the ball. " from the other side of the batting cage, carol whoops and shouts go roman! and shoots phil a wink. he's a good kid they tell each other at night when he's gone to bed. he's a good kid with a good head on his shoulders and he's got a hell of a life stretching out in front of him.

there's a long break before the next ball flies out the ejector and a longer pause between the shunk of the piston, and the crack of roman's bat finding leather. naturally, phil goes wild. " that's what i'm talking about! " they applaud obnoxiously and phil kisses the top of his head, ruffling his hair.

TWO | WICHITA LINEMAN.

things go wrong. it is the nature of the beast, it is what happens to people like them in this job and maria tells him this was always going to be the risk, that if anything were to go wrong, it may as well be now when nobody is in too deep. are you in too deep? i heard he's living with you. but phil knows now what he didn't before: he can't live without roman.

when maria mentions transferring roman into someone else's caseload, he grabs her wrist, keeps his voice low so as not to wake the sleeping boy in the hospital bed that looks so obscenely large next to his tiny frame. if you take him away from me, i'll burn your fucking house to the ground. he's my boy. the pause had been volatile. had been hard to process, for both of them, but when he let go, she had nodded. okay, she had said with an oddly proud look on her face, okay. get some sleep, coulson, you look like shit.

he waits until she's gone before he turns back and kisses roman's forehead, careful not to jostle any of the wires attached to him; when he sinks back into the too-small, shitty uncomfortable plastic chair, he opens a book and starts to read.

THREE | EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

she's not coming back, is she? roman stands in the threshold of the bedroom doorway, looking into the dim light cast by the bedside light; phil is awake with a report scattered over the duvet - not a usual move, but the living room still has a lot of boxes from the move, both his things and roman's - so needs must. he looks over at roman, over his glasses. he's always been a precocious kid. he's always been a good kid -- thirteen years old and already half a man.

a sigh pushes out between them, phil rubbing at the frown cutting into his own forehead. " no, slugger. she's not. " there must be some sort of sadness, some heaviness that he has not managed to cover quick enough because roman pads into the room then, in his pyjamas that look a little smaller than they did last week. (they'll go shopping tomorrow. he'll get him new clothes, and they'll have ice cream and he'll say to the waiter my son was wondering if you had the chocolate milkshakes again?) it is careful the way he puts his hand on phil's shoulder, but in a strange moment, he's almost the caretaker -- roman leans over and presses a kiss to phil's forehead. it's okay, dad.

FOUR | COURAGE, MY BOY.

jess watches the young man on the edge of the wellwishers carefully; he's hung far enough back, stood beside a red-head she doesn't recognise, that it shouldn't really draw her attention as much as it does, but the utterly devastated look on his face catches her breath. it's a deep sorrow - the kind she feels herself, in some small way. her brother was not the most forthcoming person. never mentioned friends or girlfriends -- or boyfriends? no, it doesn't seem the grief of a lover. it looks... christ, it looks like the grief of a son.

(that makes her baulk, makes her immediately dismiss the idea. because phil would have told her, surely, and their mother if he had a son. he would have mentioned it.)

somebody presses a folded flag into her mother's hands and says we thank your brother for his dedication to his country -- fucking steve rogers shakes her hand when he says it. she does not know what phil did for a living but it seems overwhelmingly important with the sad, sorrow filled face of captain america staring over at the white stone marker. the boy she'd been watching - twenty-ish maybe, she thinks - steps up to that marker after the priest disappears kisses his fingertips, pressing them lightly against the front, just above the words chiselled into it.

PHILLIP J. COULSON. FRIEND, BROTHER, SON. THE RIGHTEOUS SHALL GO INTO ETERNAL LIFE.

FIVE | ONE SMALL VICTORY.

phil is running a little late -- he doesn't mean to be and he texts roman to say he's on his way as soon as he leaves the office, apologises for the delay and that dinner is his treat. that he cannot wait to meet the mystery girl. he's so eager, in fact, to get into the restaurant that he even tosses the keys to the valet with a cheerful don't scratch it, chief and takes the steps two at a time upstairs to where the hostess had told him they've been seated.

the girl is facing away from him and carol forces a smile when he walks in, but roman stands. roman stands and hugs him and phil kisses his temple, " hey, slugger, sorry i'm late, i had a nightmare at the office -- "

phil turns then, to greet the girl and say hello and has his mouth open to introduce himself but -- he knows the face. he knows the exact shade and shape of the girl in front of him and she looks equally thrown off, looks slightly nauseas when roman says josephine, this is my dad, phil.

[dr4cking]

Can i request a reader x Draco smut based on they are bff's and both have a crush on each other so, the sexual tension between them explodes? Ofc if you want to.

Finally.

draco malfoy x reader | smut | anon requested.

a/n : hi thank you for requesting! this is my first request, i tried my best and i hope you like it! <3

y/n and draco has been best friends since they were born, their parents being best friends too makes them two inseparable. like now, they were watching a muggle movie snuggling to each other in malfoy manor, in draco’s bedroom to be exact. it was a summer break, two weeks before they going back to hogwarts. luckily his parents is out of town for business. "merlin.. isnt he so hot draco? i mean look at him, he could ripped my heart into pieces and i would say thank you.” y/n said with a heart eyes looking at the screen of the muggle electronics, admiring the main character. “oh please y/n, he‘s a muggle, wizards could do so much better” draco scoffs, jealousy started to bubbling up inside him.

“yeah? which wizards?” y/n turns to face him, raising her eyebrows at him teasingly making his face flushed.

“me” draco whispers softly under his breath hoping y/n didnt catch it.

y/n giggles at him and give him a peck on his cheek. “you’re cute, y’know?” draco blushed at her little action, quickly focusing on the screen.

the first movie had finished and draco switched it to another movie. after half an hour passed, y/n let out a tired yawn.

“draco im kinda tired and sleepy, im gonna take a nap, you can continue if you want and wake me up later if you feel bored enough" y/n said as she slowly falling deep into her sleep. draco just nodded, rubbing her back and continue watching the movie until he get really bored and watching y/n sleeping peacefully. a blush appeared onto his cheeks as he studying her figure, he had been in love with her since forever but he didnt know if she feels the same and he dont wanna ruining what they already had right now. his thoughts were interrupted by soft grunts coming from y/n's lips. he looked at her watching her breathing gets heavier and she shuts her eyes weirdly he never seen her like this before, until he heard another soft whimper left her lips and he connecting it together and realized, is- is she having that dream right now? he was about to wake her up but he heard his name coming off of her lips in such a pleasure way? "draco- there, oh-" y/n's body shifted uncomfortably at her side of the bed arching her back as she still sleeping. draco scrunched his eyebrows in hearing his name repeatedly left her lips, he was getting hot and turned on by the thoughts of what y/n might be dreaming right now. "y/n wake up darling" draco shakes her body softly not wanting to startle her. y/n slowly open her eyes and rubs her face, she stares at draco confused why is he waking her up. "whats wrong, draco?" "im sorry darling its just- ugh- its- it seems like you were having that kind of dream, darling, are you sure you're feeling comfortable?" draco asked while y/n blushing so hard right now as she realized what is he talking about, she hides her face in embarrassment. draco looking straight to her and give her reassuring smile. "i- im sorry draco you're not supposed to heard that- oh my god- i-" y/n try to explained it but she just lost at her own words. "its fine darling, no need to apologize and dont be embarassed i just thought i should wake you up" they stay in silence and sitting awkwardly next to each other, the sexual tension is too hard to deny. draco fiddling with his fingers. "did it always happened?" draco asked raising his eyebrow looking deep into her eyes making her shocked and looking down. "well i mean yeah, i dont know why it happened tho" "to be honest.. me too sometimes, m- maybe you should just release it?" draco asked boldly, he widen his eyes as he realized what he just said. while y/n froze and she feels her heart just stopped, she's blushing even more at his suggestion.

they stared at each other lustfully and started to leaned in. when their lips met, its like it was meant to be, two worlds connecting together. the kiss was rough but still passionate, draco put his hands on her waist laying her down gently not breaking the kiss while she put her arms around his neck pulling his hair lightly and moaning into the kiss. draco started to go down kissing every inch of her skin, sucking on her neck making love bites everywhere, causing y/n to moan a little louder. his hand tugging at the bottom of her tshirt he looked up at her asking for permissions, she nodded and he take it off of her.

draco stopped for awhile to admiring her body, he had been craving her for so long and now he cant even believe he finally get his chance, his hand goes to her back unclasping her bra and throw it somewhere, he stares at her body fully in admiration while y/n blushing madly like a tomato right now. his mouth instantly attached to her nipple playing with it and his hand playing with the other one while his free hand started to go down feeling her wetness through her shorts. "damn baby, you're so wet, this all for me? can i take these off now, love?" y/n nodded eagerly and moaned softly at his touch unable to giving him his permissions. "i need words baby" "just fuck me already, draco!" y/n yelled impatienly. draco smirked at her and shaking his head. "patience, love" he pulls down her shorts along with her underwear, revealing her glistening cunt, he licks his lips and stand up to take off all of his clothes, they're fully naked now, and he get back on top of y/n again. "tell me about your dreams, baby, what did i do in there? did i do this?" his fingers rubbing her clit and teasing it earning a moan from her, while his lips kissing her inner thighs softly, making her getting more impatient. "yes draco, more pleas- shit" y/n moans louder as draco positioned his face between her legs and starts to eat her out. his fingers slowly entered her, curling them inside pumping in and out making the girl a moaning mess. "draco- im- im so clos- wtf?! what the hell do you think you're doing draco" y/n glared at him as he pulled out his fingers when she was near her high. draco smirked at her. "relax baby, i just want you to cum all over my cock." y/n groaned in frustration wanting him to fuck the shit out of her already, draco noticed and his smirk get wider, he lining his cock up and down at her entrance making y/n gasps at the sudden action. "you ready, baby? tell me to stop if you're not comfortable, okay?" draco said as he pushed half of his cock inside her making both of them groaning at the feeling, draco buried his face on her neck and y/n dug her nails on draco's back scratching his back making him going deeper inside her. draco paused his movement letting her adjust to his size for a few seconds and he look up to her asking if he can move, y/n slowly nodded. draco pulled out his cock until it was just the tip inside only to slamming it back again slowly not wanting to hurt her, their moans filling up the room, he quickens his pace moaning her name as he going deeper and deeper inside her. "yes- fuck- draco- right there!" y/n screams his name out loud when he just hit the spot that she doesnt even know it existed. draco keep pounding into the spot harder and faster, helping her reaching her high. y/n screams his name over and over again screwing her eyes shuts seeing the stars as she feels her high is finally snapped, triggering draco to cum any sooner too, she panted heavily, her legs becoming to feel like jelly now, draco's thrust became sloppier and he feels his cock twitched inside her, he bites her shoulder softly and burying his face on the crook of her neck screaming her name as he emptied his thick cums inside her, filling her up.

y/n stroking draco’s hair softly, his eyes still screwed shut and mouth hang open, he collapsed on top of her body as he finishes inside her, y/n smile at the sight of draco's right now, butterflies filling her stomach, draco pulled out slowly as he feels his dick softening, y/n winces at the loss contact and feeling the sore has coming, draco smile proudly at her and kissed her passionately which she gladly returns with the same passion showing how much they love each other. they pulled away and draco rolled to the side staring up at the ceiling processing on what had just happened with his best friend, y/n did the same too until he broke the silence. "you have no idea how long i've been wanting to do that, that was the best i've ever had" draco is facing her now, caressing her cheeks and giving her face soft kisses all over the place, y/n smile and nodded. "me too draco, so what does this mean for us?" "i will not denied it anymore y/n i've been in love with you since day one and only see my future with you, let me take you out on a proper date tomorrow but for now, will you be mine, y/n?" draco asked nervously, afraid he will get rejected. "of course draco, i feel the same too, im yours from now on and will always be." y/n chuckles getting on top of him kissing his pretty face before reconnecting their lips. "so, round two?"

[loousir]

[Satyr} Insecurities

Soft Male Presenting NB Satyr x Male Reader

Dakota

Warnings: Dakota get comforted by you after a sudden breakup and you end up confessing, they realized they like you too, mentions of alcohol (tho not explicitly stated other than beer), two faced boyfriend (now ex)

Masterlist

---------------------------------------------------------

Currently, you are on your way to third wheel for your best friend, Dakota. This guy that Dakota was dating was one that you really did not like. He was all sweet and kind around Dakota but the second they turned their back, he was a complete jerk. You knew you should tell Dakota but they just looked so happy being with this guy that you didn't want to ruin this momentary happiness.

Anyhow, both of you were walking down the street to a small yet busy pub that he had asked Dakota to meet. Dakota had asked him if you could come and he said yes but you knew he would have said no if that didn't ruin his "perfect boyfriend" image. You developed feelings for Dakota years ago, long into your friendship with him but you never confessed. You knew they didn't feel the same so you decided to just try to be the very best friend you could be.

Dakota pointed out the place you two were going and you followed them up to the front door. You opened it for them and they almost instantly spot their boyfriend, going over to him and hugging him. You smiled a sad smile and looked at the two before joining them at their table. He had sent Dakota off to get drinks for the three of you. "How have you been (R/n)?" He looks over to you with a not glare for once. "I'm breaking up with him."

Your eyes widened slightly. "What?" He nods. "Yeah I got hit pretty hard in the face with reality after the last time we met." His whole demeanor had changed from what it was before. You tried to say something but Dakota came back with a beer bottle and two glasses. They set one of the glasses down in front of you and handed the bottle to their soon to be ex who's demeanor went back to perfect boyfriend mode.

You smiled at Dakotas smile before taking a drink of what they got you. "Ah, (R/n)! Did you see the new episode yesterday? It was so good!" Dakota said before going on to ramble about bits and pieces. (R/n) smiled and nodded, chatting about said episode with Dakota.

A few minutes had past with the three of you talking before (R/n) decided it was time to bring the bad news. "Dakota." They looked up to (R/n) who looked like he just accidentally kicked a puppy. Dakota noticed and went to grab his hands to ask what's wrong but he pulled away. You looked away out of courtesy but still listened in. "I'm sorry Dakota. I dont think we can be together anymore. Its really me, not you. You've been nothing but good to me and I want you to be happy but it can't be with me."

"Maybe we'll see each other around. Don't worry about paying for drinks, I'll cover it on the way out." He said standing up to leave. Dakota couldn't seem to process what what happening as they watched their now ex-boyfriend walk away. "Kota, let's go." You said standing and grabbing their hand.

They didn't move but instead started to shake slightly. "Dakota, please." You pulled them up and practically dragged them out of the pub and stopped when you were a block away from it. Dakota hadn't said a word but held on tightly to your hand. "Do you wanna go back to your house?" You asked, looking to them. They nodded softly, more hair moving to cover their usually covered eyes.

You squeezed their hand gently as the two of you walked back to Dakotas place. It wasn't too far from the pub so neither of you saw the point in taking the car. After a few minutes of walking, Dakota stopped, making you look back. "Im... S-so sorry... I... I cant..." They tried to say something but ended up almost collapsing, legs shaking like crazy. You caught them before they could and opted to carry them the rest of the way.

Dakota holds onto you and cries into your neck. You gently rub the back of their head and whisper reassuring words into their ears. After a few more minutes of walking, you make it to the house and carefully unlock the door and close it behind you before taking them upstairs to their bedroom. "I'll go grab some water. I'll be right back ok?"

You head back down stairs, lost in thought as you grabbed water from the fridge before heading back up. You didn't expect to see what you did though.

Your body stood ridgid with shock. Standing in front of you, staring back with wild and afraid eyes was your best friend of 5 years. They looked like they were wearing pants but they weren't. Their legs were covered in dark brown fur, same colour as their hair. Your eyes followed the soft digitigrade shape down to the cloven hooves in place of feet. A small tail to match laid tight against their body.

"Dakota..?"

You breathed out hesitantly. They seemed to snap out of whatever trance they were in for a moment and they started to shake. "Hey... Hey whats wrong?" You asked as you very slowly approached them, as if the wrong step could send them sprinting away. They didn't say a word and you eventually got to their side. You very carefully grabbed their hand but they pulled it away faster than you could blink.

They looked at you with such fear that you could barely even tell if it was your sweet Dakota anymore. A tense moment passed as you had seen his eyes for the first time. You gently took their hand again and pressed their palm against your chest. They could feel your heart pounding, theirs was probably just as fast. You and Dakota had this thing where if one of you were panicking, the other would place a hand on the heart of the one whos panicking. It usually ended with a hug but it was really just a comfort thing that Dakota had started with you when they had a panic attack in public. Once they had seemed to realized, some lever must have flipped as they pulled you into a tight hug.

"(Y/n)..."

You hugged them back, gently placing a hand on the back of their head to keep them close. A silent minute had past before you felt your shoulder getting wet again. "I'm so sorry." It was barely a whisper but you heard it. Neither of you said a word after that. Dakota pulled their head out from the crook of your neck and rested their forehead against your chest.

"I didn't want you to find out like this..." Their voice was small as they spoke, hands gripping tightly to the back of your shirt. You carefully set a hand on their cheek, coaxing them to look up to you. Their eyes were red and slightly puffy from crying. The bright green, almost yellow irises stood out against their pink-ish scleras. "Your eyes are so beautiful." You mumbled out without thinking.

Dakota blushed and looked away. "I know you probably don't wanna talk so let's sit down and I'll go first." You lead them over to the bed and both of you sat down. "Judging by your reaction you didn't want me knowing about the whole... Lower half thing." You paused to look at Dakota who nodded. "Sorry." You said, still processing everything. Dakota shook their head. "N-no... I..."

"I don't know what to say..." Dakota said with a heavy sigh. "It's ok. You don't have to say anything-" They cut you off before you could continue. "(Y/n) I've lied to you for 5 years about it! Of course I have to say something!" You looked away from them and sighed. "I would be lying if I said it didn't upset me that you never told me what you were." Without hesitation, you grabbed Dakotas hand again, staring at it as they let you intertwine your fingers. "But I always had a feeling you weren't exactly human anyways... Of course I wanted to know but I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me."

Dakota looked to your eyes, tears welling up in theirs again. You could see that they wanted to apologize for not saying anything but you just shook your head. "Kota, I could care less that your a Satyr. If anything I like you even more." You mumbled the last part but they still heard it anyway, signaled by the blush that rose to their cheeks yet again. Dakota placed their free hand on your cheek and made you look back to them.

"I love you so fucking much Kota. You don't even know. I'm sorry. This is probably a lot on top of me finding out about probably your biggest secret and the... Y'know." Dakota shook their head. "Its all been so overwhelming. I'm honestly surprised I haven't passed out yet." You let a small huff of a laugh pass as they pulled your face closer to theirs. "You seemed to have calmed down a lot." You mumbled out.

Dakota nodded. "Yeah. I guess I'm... Relieved... I've known you long enough that I know you when you aren't feigning truths." They pause for a moment. You took this moment to observe their tear stained face. "(Y/n). I dont ever want you to leave me." Their voice had been shaky since you found out about them being a Satyr but it was even worse when they said that. "I couldn't truly live if you weren't in my life Kota."

They looked at you with wide eyes. "Sorry, said something weird didnt-" You were cut off by a pair of soft lips against yours. You carefully kissed back, tangling your hand in their soft, fuffy hair. The second both of you pulled away, Dakota smiled and pulled you into a tight hug. "Kota-" "I think him breaking up with me was the best decision ever." You furrowed your brows, really confused.

"What? Why? I though you two were happy together." Dakota nodded. "I was happy. But I also saw how unhappy you were. A-and it made me realize... Just how much I wanted to make you happy because you make me happy." You couldn't say anything but just looked at them with surprise. "Can I... Can I kiss you?" You asked quietly. Dakota laughed and nodded, pulling you into a kiss.

Your hands decided to test the waters a bit and you gently ran a hand through the soft fur that coat their leg. They shivered and gripped onto your shirt, leaning into the kiss more. You pulled away and let your hand linger on their thigh. "Did... Did you really mean it when you said that you liked me more knowing I was a Satyr?" You blushed and laughed awkwardly while looking away. "Yeah... I didn't realize I said that out loud."

Dakota let out a gentle laugh and pulled you into a tight hug. "Let's take a nap, I'm tired after crying so much..." You nodded and kissed their neck softly as the two of you laid down.

"Please stay by my side."

I originally started this one shot at the paragraph that starts at "Your body stood ridgid with shock." so sorry if everything above it seemed weird-

---

1890

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Anon said: tried to read through all your request rules, but I didnt specifically see which Characters you write for. If you do, could you write for Porco helping his S/o sleep? I have super bad insomnia most days, and I just really want something fluffy with Porco...just cuddles or stories or something. If you dont write for Porco though could you switch it with a AoT character you do write for, I'm not really picky. Thank you so much in advance! 🥺💗

Porco helping you sleep

{Porco x reader | tw:none | sleep help, fluff | canon }

{ "The Night School" C.1660-C.1665 By Gerrit Dou 1613-1675 }

Unmoving shadows cast into the empty white walls, slightly flickering with the flame on the white candle sitting on the nightstand. Half lidded eyes observe their small movements for they're the only interesting thing in this empty hotel room you've been assigned. 

Your beige uniform tucked into the small closest with a single hanger inside, the armband hanging on the closest door for easy reach. The squeak of the spring mattress chirping up whenever you moved to flip your too stiff pillow. 

Judging by the amount of melted wax collecting on the bottom of the candle, you've been awake for far too long. 

This isn't the first time this has happened, you're used to getting acquainted with the room's walls and shadowy furniture.

Sleep has abandoned you long ago, its friend insomnia visiting you daily instead. Only leaving every week or so to remind you of what you could never have, taunting almost.

You've tried to force yourself to sleep really, did every known trick in the book, you even tried mediation like Zeke has been preaching to you about, but to no avail. so you've started making peace with the thing, you know at least using the night time to get things done since you're not getting rest either way.

Books were your first friend, for staring at the walls could only be entertaining for so long, but now with your stash of books miles away back home, you're left with nothing else to do.

The nightstand drawer only contained an emergency gun with several bullets inside, and the pocket knife under your pillow wasn't interesting enough.

Getting up from the bed, you picked up the candle before slowly inching the creaky door open. Maybe a glass of water could help, who cares that this is your third time going for water in the last hour? Well hydration is important after all, or so you tried to bargain for an excuse to stretch your legs.

Attempting your best to glide through the old wooden boards without as much as a squeak, you headed towards the kitchen, passing through several other bedrooms in the process, probably all deep in dream land already.

Everything was too quiet, the sound of water filling the glass was the only thing interrupting the silence, its cool feeling going down your dry throat helped you a bit.

Drinking down what you can, you decided to take the rest with you back, a good excuse for a trip to the bathroom later. Although as you turned, a figure was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and staring at you.

"Isn't it too early for breakfast?" Porco said, covering his mouth with his hand as he yawned, "you should get some rest while you can, we're getting thrown in the front trenches tomorrow." 

Just the mention of it made your stomach roll at the thought of staying in a muddy hole for days, the smell of gunpowder and yelling of soldiers, not to mention the crowded train rides back home.

"I know, it's just…" you stared at the water moving inside your glass while tilting it, "one of those days, you know?" 

eyes narrowing with his eyebrows pulling down in concentration, even Porco's sleep clouded mind could recognise the heavy bags under your eyes. The ride here used all of your energy and now you're too tired to even sleep.

Feeling an unpleasant weight on his chest, he wasn't sure what to say as he approached you, awkwardly leaning against the sink, a heavy sigh left him.

"You know, you should bother me more often, I don't mind it." His gentle tone was followed by a melancholic smile, "let's just...go to bed."

With that his hand wrapped around your wrist, loosely at first like he was reluctant about it, before it got more secure once you didn't pull away.

…

The old door gave out a creek as it closed behind you, the room dimmer than you left it with the candle you're carrying almost burning out. 

Looking at the small bed with a single pillow, you wondered how the two grown people would fit in it and judging by the frustrated look Porco was eyeing it with, he must be thinking the same.

Looking at him, your mind wondered back to all the battles you've fought together. For some reason the superiors always seemed more strick and harsh with him, especially after the paradise mission was launched.

Belitting and nagging, carelessly throwing him in risky situations.

Your grip tightened around the water glass, feeling growing thickness in your throat. "Hey...it's okay you can go to your room, you need sleep." You said moving past him to sit on the bed, "I'll be fine."

"Should've thought of that before waking me up, now scoot over." He said, rising an eyebrow and stepping closer.

"I didn't wake you up, you're just a light sleeper." Laying down, you stretched your limbs filling the bed, "there's no room, it won't fit."

Silence filled the room for a while, you could feel his eyes roaming over you, "Oh really? Well…"

One second, you were laying on the mattress while staring at his stubborn expression in confusion, the next a pair of arms was lifting you up as he stole your place before dropping you on him. His arm circled your waist not trusting that you won't pull away

"I made it fit." he looked at you with smugness in his eyes

His warm skin felt comforting against yours, contrasting with the cold room air, you could hear his slowing heartbeat with being so close to his chest, your legs slowly tangling to fit under the blanket covering you.

Apparently that's as far as his genius plan went, because after that an awkward silence filled the room.

"So...you made it fit huh?" You couldn't help but say, a grin slowly spreading on your face. 

Porco blinked in response, tilting his head, before his eyes stilled as his ears flushed. "Fucking god, you're such a-" his attempt to scold you was interrupted by a chuckle escaping mid-sentence.

Having a contagious laugh, soon enough you too joined him.

After it died down, the atmosphere was replaced by a much more relaxed one as his hold on you softened, more intimate than the previous one. 

"When I was a kid, i used to have trouble sleeping- well more like i was too stubborn to fall asleep." Porco said, trailing his finger up your back soothingly, "and since Marcel was stuck sharing a room with me, he'd tell me stories to get me to fall asleep."

"What kind of stories?" 

"...if you tell this to anyone I'm reporting you to the higher ups you for treason, they were flower stories." Clearing his throat, you could feel his heartbeat rising under you, 

Closely watching your reaction, Porco continued after some seconds. "now I'm not calling you a kid nor do i think it's as simple, i just think...we should give it a chance." 

With the heaviness of the blanket above you and warmth of his body underneath you, it was hard to refuse his request, especially with the way he looked at you so earnestly. 

You agreed, and felt his other hand reach to pull up the blanket more, tucking you protectively between his body and the soft fabric. 

"This first one is called...well i don't remember what names Marcel gave them, but it's about poppies."

Crimson red bringers of eternal sleep, their crumbled petals and dark centers often found in the ancient tombs of soldiers.

As the mother of nature, Demeter, mourned and grieved from the betrayal of Zeus, it wasn't only the mortal realm in which death loomed at every corner, for her own mind was a tormenting prison of never ending suffering.

And so a droplet of her blood sprang and flourished to create a six petaled flower, easing her heartache if only for a moment as the poppy put her to sleep, numbing the pain.

Following in her trail was a red carpet of poppies, soon enough death and sleep themselves wore the flower, red crowns resting on top of Thanatos's held up head and one almost slipping from Hypnosi's leaning one as he dozed off. for eternal sleep was only another name for visiting the underworld. 

A symbol of peace in resting and condolence for the loss of a loved one, became the poppy's role. 

"This is why you'd often see them in people's front pockets whenever we return home." Porco said, the light slowly vanishing from the room as the candle burned itself out, the flame snuffed.

You've never questioned why a delivery of poppies would always be on the requirements in each returning celebration, it's just always been there. 

Slow and easy breathes flew through you, lazily stretching your arms up till it met something soft. Porco seemed to tense as your fingers loosely combed through his hair, leaning into the touch after a while.

"Don't stop." He murmured, sleep clear in his voice as another yawn left him.

"Do you have any other stories?" Drowsiness sweeping through your mind, you buried your hed deeper against his neck, eyelids fluttering shut.

"Yeah just…" his hand stilled from behind you as he looked into space attempting to recall a memory, soon enough the soft stroking returned. "This one is about peony."

Named after none other than Paeon himself, these flowers lived up to their reputation of healing and honour, for they have their own story to tell.

How the peony came to be declared king of flowers.

During the Tang dynasty, empress Wu Zetian strolled through her garden. Frowning at the empty field of green covered in thick white blankets of snow, the harsh season not showing mercy for the plants.

With a new goal in mind to flip this dreadful looking graveyard of a garden, she set to defy nature for she is the ruler of the land and her word is law.

Per her majesty's order, all flowers shall bloom in the midst of winter's visit.

As the word travelled far, all the fairies in the land couldn't believe their ears, how could such delicate fragile petals grow amidst the storm and snow. For flowers only bloom in spring, how could we go against mother nature?

While merciless mother nature was cruel, she couldn't compare for the empress's strong rule. For the fairies feared for their wings as their knees shook in her presence.

When the sun shined again, it welcomed colourful fields of different flowers in full bloom. The empress was pleased with their sweet smell and proud colours, each one rivaling the other.

And yet, she stood still near one flower bed, eyes wide. The peony deified her words and stubbornly refused to open, only sticks and brittle leaves left in their place.

In a fit of rage, the empress banished the flower to a far away city, striping away their status.

Living up to their stubborn nature, the peony bloomed that spring the most beautiful flowers humans have ever seen, turning the city of Luoyang into a heavenly soft land as their petals danced through the wind.

But their beauty couldn't last long, for a hungry fire swallowed them all, under the order of the empress who turned their green to coal.

And yet to everyone's surprise, when the earth circled the sun again, the peonies were back in bloom. Springing from the ashes were their mesmerising big petals and soft colours. 

In their respect, the fairies crowned them for their bravery as the ruler of the flowers, for wasn't it for their sacrifice the flowers wouldn't have been freed.

"They stayed on the right way, even if it meant going against the world." Porco's slurred words were half muffled against the pillow, head buried in it, his eyelids seemed to get too heavy for him to force them open again.

Turning his head to the side, you felt his lips press a light kiss against your forehead before whispering a goodnight, his hold still comfortably secure around you as if you might slip away. 

Soon enough, you too drifted into sleep as only his soft snoring filled the room. The moon watching over both of you through the windows as her light barely reached inside. 

And at this instant, you didn't think there was anywhere else in the world you'd rather be. Thoughts of what the future holds were pushed to the back of your mind next to the past, for the present is now and what a waste it would be not to bask in these rare moments of peace in this horrible world

[zed-36]

“Racing Daze“ - Taro/Kurt (unfinished)

well! i kinda wanted to hold onto this one just a little bit bc i did have fun writing what i have here but w my life as it is i know i have to put it away for some time at least (and by then i may not wanna touch it).

with most of my works i give a outline to follow so i dont get lost of sputter off into nothing, but this was incredibly impulsive and well, didnt have a solid outline really which is partially why im posting it unfinished. here is that outline:

Kurt and taro have a race in the same place, they get a place together because it's out of town and convinient

They have a casual platonic situation… starts on the morning of the first race after settling in their room.

Banter between each other as they relax and get ready. References to the past and their connection through the years. Casual intimacy

Probably smut bc im like that but like, simple and casual affection too

Now, for the story- these will be only on tumblr, tagged “unfinished”. (again, this is totally SFW but it was intended to go NSFW!) i really like the idea of kurt and taro (as i have written them before) so i know i want to write something with them again, whether its this or something new.

    There was a shift in the bed,  a slight creak of the frame, as Taro got up. It was never hard to wake up early, blinking away sleep with ease. Though on the other side of that bed lies the complete opposite. Kurt is not a morning person, anyone would know that. While unwilling to step out of his covers, he’s at least awake enough to turn on his side and watch the other get ready. Taro’s movements are always careful and quick, done with ease. His long hair tied back swiftly with a few snaps of a hairband, loose strands tucked behind his ears. It was no surprise Kurt was satisfied simply watching from the covers, he didn’t have to do anything but enjoy the presence of his friend, all while doing none of the getting-ready that he should be doing. 

It wasn’t exactly commonplace for the two to be together like this, but it wasn’t a shocking arrangement either. Street racing or not, their careers were centered around racing. They didn’t just stop and become street racers for fun. There was actual racing to do, ones that determined some of their income. Whether it was the prize, or simply advertising for whatever companies it was this time around, it was a job. Picking up the same race wasn’t a surprise for either of them, and while it sparked some competitiveness, they were friends. Being friends meant making things convenient- like deciding to share a room out of town in Austin, Texas in order to… save money? Not be bored…? It didn’t matter too much why, they were in the same place at the same time.

As Taro slipped into the bathroom, Kurt finally turned himself away and looked at the clock, which showed 7 AM. He lets out a sigh, kicking off the sheets.

“Fuck, seriously? It’s seven… we have at least two hours before we really even need to be off to the tracks.” No real annoyance held in his voice but he definitely wouldn’t ever make a conscious decision to wake up at this hour.

Moments after, the sound of the sink stops and Taro walks back into the room, not expressing much to Kurt’s tired face. “Just means we get to spend more time together.” He says, though barely addressing Kurt as he slips a black tank-top over his head. “You suggested it, right?”

“Right.”

In order to knock the tired out of his muscles, Kurt finally slid off the bed and onto his feet, stretching his arms over his head. Getting ready in the morning was a process, and as Kurt did so alongside Taro it felt different. There was something nice about sharing his space with someone in such a simple way. Kurt let the cool water of the sink flow over his hands before taking them to his face, washing off the sleep that still clung on. As much as he didn’t like waking up at such an hour, he’d done it enough times for work that he knew how to power through it at this point.

[brelione]

Joy (JJ Maybank X Reader)

You were a strong person. You could take care of yourself and keep your life in check. That was until your fish died. You didnt know why it hurt you so bad or why you felt the way that you did but you figured it was just because you held back your feelings all the time and maybe the fish was the last straw. 

JJ picked up on it quickly, noticing how your smile didnt last as long and your outfits were all over the place. He had tried to ask you what was wrong, giving you more hugs and kisses than usual. You wouldnt tell him what was wrong or what had happened which only added to his anxiety. 

He thought that maybe he had done something more, that maybe he wasnt good enough for you anymore. He had asked Kiara about it too, figuring that maybe you were going through a girl problem.

 “No, ive been trying to figure that out too! Like its not just me, she’s acting fucking strange.”Kiara confirmed. That didnt make him feel any better but he was glad that he wasnt the problem. It wasnt until four in the morning that he got a good idea, shooting up in his bed. 

He texted it to himself before going back to sleep, breaking open his old piggy bank once he woke up a few hours later. He knew that you’d be at work by the time he drove himself to the mall, a grin on his face as he walked into the Build A Bear store. 

He had an idea in mind, seeing a stuffed golden bunny on display. He saw all the cute clothes for the toys, the Harry Potter robes standing out. He felt ridiculous through the whole process of tap dancing so the rabbit could run fast, kissing the sewn heart and touching it to his toes and head. 

The worker had showed him all the sounds and scents he could pick out, a blush on his cheeks as he recorded his own sound. “I love you princess.”He muttered, picking out a birthday cake scent right after. He saw a ton of children and their mothers, feeling a bit stupid. 

He knew this would make you happy though, watching as the worker stitched up the rabbit’s back before he moved along to the isles of clothes. He frowned, trying to remember what hogwarts house you were in. He did, however, remember your favorite Harry Potter character and decided to just grab the robes that matched their house. 

Then a little toy broom caught his eye and he just couldnt resist, deciding to buy it as well. The worker gave him his box with the rabbit in it, the birth certificate and a coupon. He had been in the store for a good two hours, relieved to finally get out. 

He got on his bike, making his way to your house. He saw that your bike was already there, a big grin on his face as he went up and knocked on your door. You opened it quickly, your hair wet and wearing nothing but a long t shirt. 

You calmed down once you saw JJ, trying to figure out why he was coming to your house at this time in the middle of the week. “Hi.”He grinned, holding the box behind his back. You stepped pass, letting him inside. He stared at you for a moment, taking the box out from behind his back and pushing it into your arms. 

You raised your eyebrows, sitting down in the middle of your kitchen floor. “What is this, J?”You asked, not opening it yet. “Just open it!”He exclaimed, a grin on his face.

 You rolled your eyes, opening the top before reaching in and pulling out a soft object. It felt like silk under your fingertips, eyebrows furrowing as you stared down at the bunny in your hands. 

Your eyes were watering as you noticed the Harry Potter robes, hugging the stuffed toy and a smile spreading across your face as JJ’s message played from the toy. He bit his lip anxiously, watching as you pulled the birth certificate from the box, raising your eyebrows. 

“I named it Joy cause I thought you needed some joy in your life.”He explained himself. You lunged at him, arms tight around his body as you sniffled. He held you tightly, placing kisses on your forehead and shoulder.

 “You okay?”He asked, a small grin on his face. You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “I love you.”You muttered, the stuffed animal pressed against his side as your grip on him tightened. “I love you too, princess.”He whispered.                                                                                                                                                             @nas-marie-loves-u @28cnn @sexytholland  @yuxsh06   @ifilwtmfc  @cherryobx @poguestarkey @n1ghtsh4d3-67  @poguestyleskye @judayyyw  @sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @jj-fic-recs @homophobicclownmoviestan @jj-iz-bae @natalie-kate-98 @negativity4you @nxsmss @ofmaybankheart @broken-jj @joshy-obx  @curroptbunnie @outerbnx-stiles @angelreyesgirl100  @hannahhh-marie @sadnessrehab @purple-vodka-99 @annmariek8 @harryswigss @imagines-07 @pink-meringues @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off  @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @dmonchld 

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: Partners On And Off The Clock

Gif credit @imthehoneyyourethebee

Requested by @littlehalliewho. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for requesting.

Happy Reading Dollies

Taglist: @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder

You know, keeping any secret is hard? Well try keeping that secret from your boss and friends/coworkers that you're not fucking one of their friends/coworker while seeing them everyday. Did I mention that the coworker you're fucking is also your partner. No, it's not really that hard. Nah, totally cool.

Try again on that.

"Your cheeks are really red today". Erin observed you as you poured a cup of coffee.

"It's a little warm in here". You tried covering it up.

"Not that warm. So spill, who is it"?

"What are you talking about"? You nervously chuckled.

"Well, yesterday you came in all cutesy and last week you had about four hickeys on your neck. So there is someone and you need to give me details".

"Erin, there's no one".

"Bull. Tell me. I want to meet him".

"Fine, he's really handsome and hes so smart. Super sweet, so funny and kind. God, the lips on that man melts me everytime he touches me. I cant get enough of him". You gushed, biting your lip.

"Awwww, you're in love".

"Stop". You laughed, shrugging it off.

"I know you so well, Y/N.  You love this guy and you know it".

"Okay. I really like him but it can't go anywhere. Just spending some time together and that's it". You said as Alvin came in, his coffee cup in hand.

"So what's the drama today? Adam, staple his ass to the chair again"? Alvin made you spit out your coffee. It landed all over you and the table. You and Erin busted out laughing.

"Wow. No. Our little Y/N here has a boyfriend". Erin told Alvin before you could open your mouth.

"Is that so? Is he the one that's been giving you those hickeys". Alvin brushed your hair from your neck ,to show a slight purple spot below your ear.

"Okay. Stop. Enough with my love life and my neck. He's a guy that I like and that's all. Now please let's get back to work". You huffed and went back to your desk.

"She's in love with him".

"Really? How can you tell"? Alvin asked Erin.

"Well, for one she's is gushing over this guy and she admitted to me that she does in fact love him. But they cant go anywhere with the relationship".

"Hmm. Wonder why"? Alvin sipped his coffee.

"Don't know. But I hope he doesnt break her heart or I'll break his neck". Erin warned as she went back to her desk. Alvin followed.

You were being assigned to a robbery by yourself, your partner had things to take care of before coming to the scene.

Getting out of the car you saw the uniforms on the scene and went to speak to them before going inside.

"Who called it in"?

"The owner after he became conscious. The suspect hit him with a can of corn and bolted after he got the money".

"Well that's sweet of him. He didnt want to go to prison for a murder charge". You say before going into the store.

The place was trashed, the security tapes were being processed and finger prints were being done. You just looked over the scene and talked to the owner and witnesses.

"Did he have any tattoos or scars"?

"Ma'am, I was to worried about the .38 pointed at my face than looking at him. Sorry". The owner huffed.

"That's okay. The tapes will show us something and we'll get the guy. Don't worry". You reassured him and went to your car. Just as your partner pulled up.

"Hey". You say as you handed him your  notes.

"Thanks. Sorry I couldn't make it on time. I had something to do".

"Its fine. There's nothing really for us to do. The officers on scene had everything covered. So I guess we can go".

"Alright, um. Can you ride with me for a minute"? He asked, looking around.

"Okay"? You were confused but got in his car and he drove off.

"Y/N, Erin told me what you said".

"Al, I know what you said when we started. We could never have this outside of the bedroom. I'm okay with that".

"No you're not. I know that. I want us to be something more so that's why i went to get these". Alvin handed you a yellow envelope.

"Divorce papers"?

"Yeah, I want something real with you and I know that getting a divorce will be the first step". Alvin pulled into a empty parking lot.

"If you're not ready, I dont want to pressure you".

"I'm ready. I want a life with you. I want you to be able to introduce me to your friends and parents as your boyfriend".

"Al, are you sure? This is a big step. We'll have to tell Voight and he'll assign us a different partner. I like being with you".

"But this means we can go out with friends and have a peaceful relationship. Not have to hide and have to worry that someone is going to find out".

"You're right. I want that more than anything. I'm so happy". You squealed, leaning over the console and kissing Alvin's neck. 

"Are we celebrating right now"? He smirked.

"Maybe". You both quickly undid your pants and you got on top of him.

"I love you, Alvin". You said between kissing his lips.

"I love you too". He wrapped his hands in your hair and kissed you hard.

It was uncomfortable in the car but you were getting use to it, since that's mainly where you two had your sexy time.

"Fuck". You moaned as you sunk down on his cock. His bit his bottom lip, his hands on your hips as you started rocking your hips.

The car started rocking hard, the alarm went off. Alvin quickly shut it off as you giggled. It was so funny.

"I think the car is trying to get us caught, that's the third time it's done that". Alvin grunted.

"Let it, we're out now. Nothing to hide". You took your shirt off and put your breasts in Alvin's face.

"Definitely not". He mumbled against your skin.

You grabbed his shirt collar in your hands as you rode him. Alvin brought his lips to yours.

"I'm glad you're mine".

"Me too. Now I'll have to fight of the younger dudes for sure".

"No you won't. I have my anti-young guy propellant on. Only you can get near me". You gasped out when Alvin took over and quickened his pace.

He bucked his hips into you, driving his long hard cock deep into you. Making your orgasm build and build until you came crashing around his. Clenching around him, squeezing his cock.

"Fucking hell". Alvin growled as he was about to cum. He quickly pulled out and came on his stomach. You slid your pussy lips over his cock to help him release.

"Next time you're coming in me". You sighed a happy sigh as you got off him with a kiss to his lips.

"Why couldn't I now"?

"We have work to do and I dont feel like having you dripping down my leg or making my panties soaked. I mean they're already soaked everytime I think about you. So that's all the time. But it wouldn't be professional".

"We just fucked on the clock in a police car so I dont think that would be the problem". Alvin chuckled as he buckled his pants up.

"Funny. We should be getting back. They probably figured it out by now. Especially Erin, she is dead set on finding out who my mystery guy is".

"Let's see how long it will take her. This should be fun". Alvin kissed your lips and took his hand in yours, heading back to the station.