#goose and slider

[gothamnighthawk]

The volleyball scene in top gun is so insanely funny to me because there’s goose, who’s properly dressed for a day at the beach…

…and then you have Mr. jeans and the sweatpants twins

[dietcokeangel2004]

Nick “Goose” Bradshaw

[military-newsboys]

Mav: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds?

Ice: Yes?

Mav: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days.

Ice: Fuck.

Mav: It's gonna be a fun week!

Ice: I'm going on deployment.

Mav: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker!

[nyree2712]

Top Gun - Incorrect Quotes 196

Iceman: Why are you following me?

Maverick: We’re dating now!

Iceman: Yeah, but… why is Goose here?

Maverick: We’re kind of a package deal

Goose: *Eating chips* Buy one idiot, get one free

[kcsplace]

top gun silliness

[icemansaviators]

Some things I learned reading the original 1986 Top Gun script (because it was part of my English class and I read that shit like a fanfic at 3am giggling and kicking my feet that it was actually contributing to my career now lmaoooo)

-Pete “Maverick” Mitchell was originally called Evan “Maverick” Mitchell

-Slider was the original one in the O club to have the snarky conversation with Goose and Maverick

-Goose lost a drinking game.

-Goose was making gay jokes with an A7 pilot buddy of his that was unnamed.

-Maverick and Goose both rode to NAS Miramar on the back of Mavericks bike and got pulled over by a CHP on the way there and it was very awkward, Maverick was being a little shit to the cop the entire time (YOU GO BABY)

-Iceman saw him get pulled over and that was his first impression of him.

-At the very end they wrote out an entire scene of just Maverick pushing through the crowd of the flight crew to get to Ice so they could stare intensely at eachother in silence before giggling at eachother.

-VAL KILMER WAS NOT KIDDING WHEN HE SAID THERE WASNT MUCH TO ICEMAN ON PAPER SO HE MADE HIM HIMSELF.

-without Val there would have been no volleyball scene, tooth snapping flirting, goose apology, O club interaction (to the degree they had one, they did talk but it was very briefly), or shirtless locker room scene.

-Hollywood and Wolfman are way gayer in the movie, Wolf flirts with girls 24/7 in the script but in the film he’s attatched to Hollywood at the HIP (we love that for them)

-Goose is constantly being flirted with by random women and has to always bring them back to Maverick to convince them he’s ACTUALLY married. (AND MAVERICKS FUCKING RESPONSE WAS “he’s married but he’s not dead’ LIKE PETE HONEY WHAT??)

-Val made Iceman so gay. I’m putting this one in here twice because it’s worthy.

-THEY DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE SCENE WITH CAROLE IN THE BBQ PLACE IN THE SCRIPT LIKE HONEY WHAT!! THATS MRS GOOSE WERE TALKING ABOUT HERE!! SHAME!

-Goose and Mavs interactions in the script were so funny like why’d they cut so many of themmmm.

-Sundowns callsign was changed to Fungus because of a joke and it stuck.

THATS ALL FOR NOW!!

[eliashirsch]

Mav, somewhere on the other side of the world: *gets texted a photo of ice creating an ocean with his tears* the hell?

Slider: your man is sad

Goose, who's used to dealing with Mav throwing a tantrum every time Ice is away: match made in fucking hell, i say

based on this post i saw lol

[micahmaeve]

[callsignchicha]

Sorry that its kind of a long post, too tired to figure out why the ‘read more’ thingie isn’t working :’3

[royalinkblot]

Top Gun: The Gay Agenda (A Goose’s Lament)🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

1986, Miramar, California.

Nick "Goose" Bradshaw was a patient man. A devoted husband. A loving father. A steady RIO. A rock. But as he sat in the locker room, towel around his neck, while Pete "Maverick" Mitchell ranted in full, barely-repressed-gay-glory about one Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Goose realized something truly chilling:

He was going to die surrounded by idiots.

"—and he's got these stupid, pretty blue eyes, Goose. Like—like oceans. Judgy, Arctic oceans. And his jaw? What the hell? It's like Michelangelo carved it himself. It's infuriating. He’s got these annoyingly capable hands and this silky, mocking voice like a villainous opera ghost, and he—he thinks he’s better than me just because he’s tall and broad and slim and hot! And don’t get me started on that beauty mark—I wanna punch his stupid angel face and kiss it at the same time and that’s messed up, right?!"

Goose stared at his best friend for a long, harrowed moment. “Mav.”

“What?”

“Sweetheart. You're in love with Iceman.”

Maverick blinked at him.

Goose turned, stood, and walked directly out of the locker room to call his wife.

That night, at the Bradshaw’s house, Carole, radiant queen of his universe, cackled like a banshee as Goose paced.

“I’m telling you, babe,” Goose moaned, massaging his temples. “It’s mutual. I overheard Iceman call him a ‘stupid green-eyed cutie.’ That’s not combat language, Carole, that’s foreplay!”

Carole nearly dropped the baby.

“I have spent weeks, WEEKS, keeping those two from killing each other or accidentally making out on the flight deck! And now? Now I have to make sure I knock before entering the locker room or I’ll walk in on Maverick’s legs around Iceman’s waist again! There were noises, Carole. Noises. I need hazard pay.”

But for all his complaints and grumblings, Goose was happy for his friends. And for himself, because, at last, he could put an end to the saga of emotionally repressed gay pilots.

He must have suspected this wasn't the case.

Goose never thought he’d be grateful for witnessing one emotionally-repressed Navy homoerotic slow burn resolve into a marriage, but the peace that settled after Ice and Mav tied the knot was glorious. Until…

The Phone Call.

“Hey, Dad?” Bradley’s voice, now grown and inflected with slight frustration, echoed through the line.

Goose smiled warmly. “Hey, kiddo. How’s flight school?”

“Fine. Mostly. Except this one guy—Jake Seresin. Ugh. He’s got these stupid pretty green eyes and this smug beautiful smile and he talks in this Texas drawl like he’s hot or something—he’s got dimples, Dad. Dimples. I swear, I wanna punch his annoyingly handsome face right in the—"

Goose froze. The coffee cup slipped from his hand in slow motion.

“Carole,” he whispered, handing over the phone like it was a live grenade. “Talk to your son about his OBVIOUS crush for Seresin. I—I can’t go through this again.”

On the other end: “WHAT?! It’s not a crush! I don’t even like him! He thinks he’s so slick just because he—he flies like he was born in a cockpit and he’s always—NO, MOM, STOP LAUGHING—this is serious!”

Goose was already on the other line, calling Iceman and Maverick.

“You DID this to him!”

Goose’s furious screech could probably be heard from orbit.

Maverick’s laughter came in unholy wheezing bursts, while he tried to say: “Technically, Goose, we never corrupted him. He’s just… following in our flightpath.”

“YOU TAUGHT HIM TO CRASH INTO GAY FEELINGS AT MACH THREE!”

Maverick wheezed, “I’m so proud of the kid. He’s even ranting like me!”

Iceman took the phone. “Hi, Goose.”

“Don’t you ‘Hi Goose’ me, Ice Prince of Gay Pining! This is your fault too!”

Iceman reply, calm and dry. “We accept full responsibility for corrupting your son. We’ll send a fruit basket. And tissues.”

“You cursed my bloodline with emotionally constipated, pilot-loving disaster men! You infected my son with your drama! Now he's as emotionally constipated as you two assholes”

Maverick gasped. “Goose. Goose. Did you just say that out loud?! Honey!”

“DON’T 'HONEY' ME, DEAR. I HATE YOU BOTH. I WANT NEW FRIENDS.”

“You’ll never do better,” Ice said serenely.

Carole could be heard in the background, howling.

Goose thought it couldn't get worse.

Until it did. Until it happened.

The Closet Incident

A week later, Goose received a call from Admiral Ron "Slider" Kerner. Current CO of NAS Pensacola. Goose braced for a tragedy.

“Hey, Goose. Slider here.”

Goose immediately felt dread.

“You're not going to like this, but—well—I just found Bradley and….”

Silence.

And then…

Goose isn't sure he heard correctly, but he swears something sounded like a dog choking on a bone. Was Slider choking?

“Bradshaw!” Slider chortled. “You’re not gonna believe this—I just caught your Gosling and Seresin in a storage closet. Doing things. Noises, Nick. NOISES”

Goose blue screen. He must have misheard Slider. He prayed he did.

“Say again?”. Please, PLEASE, tell me I heard wrong. Goose was at his wits' end, and he was sure this was just his imagination playing tricks on him. Trauma response. A form of PTSD. That must be it.

Instead: “Bradley and Jake. Storage closet. Caught them mid-thrust. Jake saluted me while still having your son inside him. Just thought you’d want the full picture, Admiral Dad.”

Goose screamed into a pillow for eleven minutes and then started therapy.

He was absolutely billing Iceman and Maverick.

After Slider's call (which the entire Top Gun '86 class knew about, thanks to Slider and Maverick), Goose was confident nothing worse could happen. Sure, the call he had with Bradley where they discussed guidelines for proper conduct regarding storage closets use in the Navy was awkward, but now everything was back to normal...sort of.

And then it happened again. On an ordinary day, a bomb landed on Admiral Nick "Goose" Bradshaw's desk.

In the form of a letter.

Dear Admiral Bradshaw,

Please accept my formal apology for the incident in the supply closet. While our timing was… unprofessional, my feelings for Bradley are entirely sincere.

I'd like to take this opportunity to officially ask for your blessing to have a relationship with your son (even though we've already had sex—again, sorry for the inconvenience—and we've done other things).

I really care about Bradley; he's perfect. I want you to know that I will always treat Bradley like the prince he is, because I'm sure your son is becoming my world.

I promise to always be the best version of myself for your son, because that's what he deserves. He makes me want to be better. To fly better. He's my wingman. And I will always take care of his wing.

Also, Bradley told me that you're close to Admiral Kerner (and I must confess that you and your friends intimidate me), so could you ask him to stop making faces and sounds every time he sees me? I'm worried he'll die of suffocation from laughing so much.

Respectfully,

Jake “Hangman” Seresin.

Goose practically ran the entire way home. Read the letter to Carole. Then together, they called Maverick and Iceman and read it again.

As Carole read the letter (and cried with laughter) Goose stared off into space like a man haunted by the ghosts of his past and Maverick could practically be heard on the floor laughing (gasping for air) Iceman, always composed and serene, said: “I like him. He asked permission. Good manners.”

Goose, finally out of his trance, said, "Iceman, you're paying for my therapy forever, man. This is worse than when I had to listen to you read poetry to Maverick while we were on the USS Enterprise.”

Iceman: “Fair.”

And so Admiral Goose Bradshaw carried on, wiser, wearier, and only mildly traumatized. He had survived the IceMav saga, and now the BradleyJake operation was well underway.

Sometimes, he looked up at the stars, wondering if future Bradshaws would continue this glittering, chaotic legacy of falling for their cocky flyboy nemesis.

He prayed not.

But just in case?

He increased the Navy’s mental health budget.

And added “Emotional Disaster Preparedness” to flight school training.

[personfrommars10]

Carole: This is my Husband Goose and this is our boyfriend Maverick and this is Maverick's boyfriend Iceman

Slider: so what's the situation here

Carole: well I love Goose and Maverick and Maverick love's Iceman and me and Goose hate Iceman. It's simple

Goose and Maverick: yeah it's simple

Iceman: don't worry Sli, I'm involved and I don't understand it

[dietcokeangel2004]

Tom “Iceman” Kazansky

[military-newsboys]

Hangman, texting the dagger groupchat: i just got arrested. can someone come bail me out

Coyote: on my way!

[five minutes later]

Coyote: can someone come bail me out

Phoenix: for fucks sake

[nyree2712]

Top Gun - Incorrect Quote 281

Bradley: Uncle Ice, did you date a woman called Sarah?

Iceman: *Reading a newspaper* No?

Maverick: After Top Gun

Iceman: Oh, that. That wasn't a date

Goose: What was it?

Iceman: Conversion therapy

Fly boys: *Choking* What?

Iceman: Sarah converted to lesbianism and I converted to Mav-sexuality

Maverick: Oh ... OH YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME

Slider: He's your husband

[kcsplace]

Top Gun Silliness

[deatheater25]

Rooster: Uncle Mav, do you start your stories with “When I was little” or do you just say “As I am today”?

Maverick: … I’m going to give you 5 seconds.

Rooster: 5 sec-

Maverick: I ran track in high school, try me kid.