#guilt and self-hate

[gurggggleburgle]

I just think that for trans masc Shen Jiu specifically doesn't experience dysphoria or euphoria but a secret 3rd thing. Gender hate.

Man hates himself so much he's like of course I see myself as a disgusting man. Of course I hate myself so much to discard my woman hood and cut off my own breasts. Look how foul and disgusting I am to let myself blend in with men in society. And now that I'm seen as a man I am never able to interact with woman as I please.

Truly I'm a miserable selfish fuck

[thepeacefulgarden]

And, hey. That needs to change.

If you need to take a day or two off school or work, take that time off. Looking after your mental health doesn't make you a bad student or employee.

If you need to cancel plans, cancel those plans. Looking after your mental health doesn't make you flaky.

If you need to say "no," then say "no." Looking after your mental health doesn't make you selfish or mean.

If you need to ask for help, ask for help. Looking after your mental health doesn't make you needy or "too much."

If you need to take a break from the news cycle, or from social media, take that break. Looking after your mental health doesn't make you callous or uncaring.

If you need to do less, then do less. Looking after your mental health doesn't make you lazy or irresponsible.

[bluerosefox]

The Trouble With Time Travel Guilt

Danny, due to a nightmare of his future evil self, does what any young hero teen with internet access would do late at night.

Starts a 'AITA' thread asking if it he was an asshole for destroying an entire timeline, even if said timeline population was a wasteland due to said evil version of himself almost destroying all life at the moment, by swearing to never become him (Dan) and locking his evil self away. And should he feel as bad as he does because of everything his no longer future self did??

He... wasn't expecting a lot of other people (some seem to teens his age, he even made friends with some like R3dRobyum~) that may or may not have experienced time travel too and dealing with this odd sense of guilt.

[pastafossa]

I went through the second half of my ADHD testing today. And we had some time left. She asked me how I was feeling, towards the end, about the questions and the issues I'd talked about, and I told her about my anxiety and guilt over the things I'd mentioned, and my fear even now that I'd get through this whole process just to hear 'It's not ADHD, you're just lazy, just try harder.' When I told her that she gently said, "well I want you to know, you do have ADHD. You have it. You don't have to feel anxious about that anymore." And ya'll, the way I just started to cry.

I have it. I have it, and I class as 'severe' ADHD.

All those times as a kid I got in trouble with teachers for forgetting things or not being able to focus. All of the, 'you do well in reading, you're smart enough to focus on this, too, don't be lazy, you just need to try, why don't you care?'. All of the projects I started but couldn't finish, the forgetting to reply to messages and texts from friends and losing friendships over it, the clutter I can never seem to manage, my shit attention span, the way I couldn't just get shit DONE, the failed attempts over and over and over to organize and task manage and I don't understand, I'm trying, I promise I'm trying, please, I'm trying, why isn't it working. All those years spent wondering why I was such a fuckup when everyone else appeared to breeze through projects and Normal Adult Tasks without forgetting or losing focus.

And now I know it wasn't my fault. That I was trying. That I did care. That I wasn't lazy. My brain just... doesn't work the usual way. I was doing the best I could with the wrong tools, because all my life I've needed a screwdriver and all I had was a hacksaw. And now, NOW I can finally go to to the doctor for medication, go to therapists who can help and I can finally get the right set of tools. I know now one of the reasons I'm so anxious thanks to this: "I've found that people with late diagnoses often struggle with guilt and shame, and a lot of internalized ableism, because they've dealt for years with people accusing them of being lazy or just not caring."

It is so, so gd validating, especially on top of the surprise diagnosis of 'oh yeah and you're on the spectrum and that's why you've always struggled with these other things!' It feels like there's this weight off my shoulders and it's amazing.

[katsy-kitty]

Me to myself at work:

Be like Hannibal. No shame.

You didn't know something? Not your problem. You know it now -- okay, whatever.

You missed someone's e-mail? Apologize and move on. No big deal.

You didn't do something you were supposed to because no-one had trained you? No shame. The company's fault.

NO SHAME AT WORK

You don't have to give your 100% because it's gonna kill you.

Take breaks, take care of yourself and remember: fuck grind culture.

[institute-of-oddology-founder]

you know its funny..you talking about cannon ford so badly is interesting. Maybe your self-projecting onto him because he is just another mirror of you. To think of it you would of been just like him if your Stan didn't take the journal. You are no different from him. yeah you may of realized your mistakes earlier but that would of never had happened without his death eh? you did all the same things he did up to that final moment. You know whats better? that ford your hating on actually is trying to change. he understood what he did was wrong and is trying to make amends with his brother he hasn't seen in 30 years. he changed up his attitude and everything for his brother but you don't see that do you? all you see is self hatred and loathing of the worst parts of yourself in him. your jealous that another ford has a life you wanted so your trying to steal it for yourself out of guilt. your willing to hurt others Stan cares about just because you can't cope in a healthy way. your the only monster here.

(Not me trying to piss this ford off but seriously he needs to look at a mirror)

[Stanford stared at the words with contempt. He knew it only spoke of truth, of things he knew but denied, yet he couldn't accept it. Because if he really was the monster, if he really was hurting Stan... Then what what was the point of all this? If it only made Stanley hate him more, then everything he has done, everyone he pushed, every sacrifice, was all for nothing. Pushing everyone away for a single-minded goal was what killed his brother, wasn't it? Had he really not learned his lesson, even after all these years? Was he always doomed to hurt Stan?]

... No. Stan deserves more than a brother who realized too late how much he hurt him. I've learned and changed and have been trying reach for him and our difference is what makes me a better brother. Everything Stan needs will be here.

I know I'm caving into my grief and my guilt, but if that's what will help me in my plan, then let it guide me.

[genericpuff]

vent post

[rustedleopard]

Still thinking about how Clover on the No Mercy Route likely would've given up their quest for vengeance and lived with Martlet had Axis not told them that he killed Integrity. The only real difference between Aborted No Mercy Run Clover and No Mercy Run Clover are a few more destroyed robots and the knowledge of what Axis did, which sent their LOVE skyrocketing to LV 19.

Look at them. They can't even look Ceroba in the eye after they inflict the final blow.

[dykedvonte]

Danse and Hancock work only after blind betrayal because it’s the equivalent of the one closeted person you kinda pity getting kicked out after being outted and you and your like 7 other faggot friends take them in and help them do a 180 on their outlook on life and personal style and get them to weed (possibly grape mentats in this case).

[ejacutastic]

if you're pushed into like cptsd intense/complex emotional moments by your parents.....lemme just say caregiving for them during/after a health crisis is a fuckin ride, babey.........

[topaziraphale]

"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

[jack-the-killler]

Bro istg, people always wanna be fucking irritating when I am overstimulated. Like stfu, I can only take so much of you spitting me nothing but bullshit, stfu.

[cloudbends]

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WONDERFUL PRECURE

[jam-packed]

tryna finish my fuck ass essay on werewolves (focusing on an american werewolf in london (1981)) and omfg i cant even get past the first body cus david cant concretely be bisexual because his idiot ass died but its also WHY hes bisexual and my brain is too scattered to connect everything succinctly so i sound insane

[exasperatedoctopus]

Whenever an episode has Lwaxana guest-starring I start filled with dread, for she is the most second-hand-embarrassment-generating person I’ve ever seen. By the end of the episode, I am filled with glee and soft fluffy feelings because Lwaxana is also the coolest lady I ever met.

This happens every time. Every. Single. Time.

[itsdefinitely]

do you think boy jerry contemplates clawing his eyes out sometimes