#hansposting

[jerek]

good afternoon girls are we trusting the process (it's 10 am)

[dolphdrago]

Friendly reminder: Hans Söhnker.

(he's on the right; photo from wikipedia)

[fellhellion]

all that literacy, all that literacy and he got no idea what these poems mean

[chessiesystem]

Assigning Vibes to Pictures of Hans Johansson CB

zonked out of his mind roommate who is about to watch you eat the dinner he just laced with 30g of MiraLAX

evil garden gnome who pushes all of your potted plants slightly to the left, not enough to be obvious but enough that you trip over them on your way out

porcelain clown doll you found at GoodWill for 50 cents that might not be haunted but his beady little eyes follow you around the room anyway

jittery twink on the starches aisle that steals your food cart when you aren’t looking

[cloip]

German Vocab!

kreischen (Verb) ~ to shriek, to scream, to squeal

Hans kreischte und kreischte, aber keine Frauen fanden ihn attraktiv. “Hans screamed and screamed, but no women found him attractive.”

Message cloip, but only if you find him attractive :-) or have grammar questions

[moviegroovies]

nasty nasty hansposting under the cut

so one source of tension i imagine in a kristhanna situation would be the inevitable question of who anna is going to marry. 

like, yeah, for as long as they can they tell themselves it doesn’t matter, that their situation is only their business, and as long as they’re happy, it doesn’t actually matter who marries who, but sooner or later, they have to face the facts, and the fact is, anna is the queen. she’s expected to marry, specifically to marry one man and produce viable heirs. so which one will she pick?

on the surface, the obvious answer is hans; he’s royalty, he was born and bred for this life, he’s got a prim and proper appearance and a nearly pristine reputation (marred only by that one ambiguous blip where he may or may not have tried to murder the queen). he knows how to be a good king, or prince consort, or what have you. even kristoff points out that he’d be the obvious choice.

however... hans disagrees. he tells anna point blank that she should marry kristoff.

they both just sort of stare at him. who are you and what have you done to hans? he shrugs. points out that after what he’s done, shouldn’t they want him as far from the throne as he can be, anyway? besides, he knows that kristoff would feel pushed out if he and anna married--like the odd man out, the one peasant among royals--but he’ll still have a place even if he doesn’t wed the queen. 

not to mention, he says, lounging on some decadent palace furniture, he takes some pleasure in the thought of being the king and queen’s illicit boy toy...

that’s about as far as their practical diplomatic talk gets that night.

[suffer-my-beloved-mutuals]

On tiktok there is someone who just constantly gose off on their abusive biological father hans (they are all tagged hansposting)

reblog if your name isn't Hans.

2,121,566 people are not Hans and counting!

We’ll find you Hans.

[dolphdrago]

Guys.

ngl i'm very obsessed with "wem gehört ihr herz am nächsten sonntag, fräulein?"

[dolphdrago]

I'm not kidding.

[jerek]

Say yes to heaven, say yes to me...

We're not genderbending bro we're imagining an elaborate body-theft situation where girlie incapacitates you, steals your clothes, performs a Process on you that transmutes your genetic blueprint onto her female body, goes and murderfucks until God destroys the Southern Isles like Sodom and Gomorrah, then comes back and gives you your body back: in the very moment it happens there's a vanishing, ecstatic gap between your previous sense of self and your new, physical reality. Then you're a man again. But the hole remains: a slash across your shirt, wet with blood that is all at once hers and yours. Her blood. Your blood. You are not immune to woman blood.

[chessiesystem]

I use to hate blonde CB but I admit he’s grown on me and that’s p much solely due to Hans Johansson

[jerek]

Once again I'm on my incel shit. What the fuck is with women and never liking the same guys as gay men like. Like. Excuse me??? Excuse me??? Why's all the fanart for [redacted] gay. You never thought about abusing him? You never thought about taking him to freedom then slitting his throat? You never thought about telling him he's a free man and strangling him when he kisses you? You never thought about braiding his hair, bootblacking it, taking his ass to Goldshire? You never thought about telling him you genuinely didn't care how he felt about you because there was nothing he could possibly do to shake you? Let him kiss you and tear off his bottom lip with your fucking teeth. What's wrong with women

[jerek]

Will continue hansposting when I get a tums in my system his mormon aura gave me gastritis body and soul