#has clearly altered them on a basic level

[kissessio]

I live, laugh, love, breathe, and eat Terusai / Saiteru, and although it's a pretty popular shipped, it's basically hated by 50% of the fandom, ESPECIALLY people who didn't watch past Season 1 bcs Season 2 wasn't dubbed (if you're one of those people, you are MISSING OUT)

So here are some reasons why I ship Terusai and think it's one of the most canon ships we have (DNI if you genuinely despise the ship, do interact if you like it / wanna know why people ship it)

1.) Many people say Teruhashi only likes Saiki bcs he doesn't flock at her like everyone else does, and though that is the main reason he caught her interest, it isn't the main reason why she likes him. At first, it does start off like that. He doesn't pay attention to her, frustrating her as well as piquing her curiosity as she tries to charm him, which causes her to develop feelings for him in the process, which seem quite shallow at the start (Saiteru is a SLOWBURN, trust) but as time goes on and she learns more about Saiki, this false image she has of Saiki which is this shy flustered guy kind of melts away and she sees the "true" him, someone who's more aloof, stoic, and antisocial, and still accepts him and yearns for him (as seen in the mixer episode when says "it'd be more fun if Saiki was here, even if he'd just be in the corner silently the whole time...") Not to mention Saiki was the first to really treat her like a person. Everyone only sees her on the surface level as the pretty and perfect girl, basically hust a mary sue and nothing more. But since Saiki can hear her thoughts, he can see past that, and treats her as he would to anyone else – like she's a normal person, because deep down, she is. Internally, she isn't perfect, and although she gets upset when she isn't treated like she is perfect, it's inevitably what she needs bcs she heavily relies on validation of others too much that it becomes unhealthy (like when she overworked herself trying to memorise everything about everyone until she fainted and Saiki caught her) so since Saiki treats her like this, it's no wonder her at first shallow feelings would deepen.

2.) "But Saiki clearly hates her / doesn't like her or romance" The thing abt Saiki K that makes it so good is that Saiki is an unreliable narrator / the things he says won't always be true. And plus, he's a confirmed tsundure, as we saw in the episode w/ his grandpa where he said "You've been a Tsundure much longer than I have". He says he doesn't like his friends and doesn't care for them, and yet he goes out of his way to do things for them (such as protecting Kaidou from the scammer psychic lady, altering the world so Mera didn't have to hide the fact she had part-time jobs, and disguising Nendo so he'd get hired as a waiter) all under the guise that it'd benefit him or just doing it in general with no explanation. Why would it be any different with Teruhashi? He's done many things that suggest he at least cares for her (Protecting her from the newspaper club, knocking her brother out so he wouldn't bother her while she was sick, swapping out the creepy gift her brother got her for a cute one that he picked out for her, getting mad on her behalf after his brother was mean to Teruhashi, etc.)

3. The mixer episode. I mentioned it earlier, but in this episode, Imu tries to set Teruhashi up with a few guys because she was under the guise that Saiki was bad for her. Yet, as I mentioned earlier, Teruhashi yearned for Saiki's presence, even though she knew he would just stand there and most likely not even pay attention to her, she just wanted him there. This causes something to sink in for Saiki apparently, and later, the guys do rock-paper-scissors on who gets to date Teruhashi. Saiki suddenly appears and WINS the game before knocking the guys out and saying "I can't let any of you have her." Need I say more?

4.) The episode when Teruhashi fainted. In this episode, Teruhashi, as I mentioned earlier, was overworking herself to memorise everything about all her admirers because she didn't want them to think she didn't care about them. Inevitably, she overworks herself, and faints in front of the crowd of guys. Saiki catches her. He gets mad on her behalf, saying how she paid so much attention to them but they didn't even notice how tired she was before carrying her to the infirmary. Once she wakes up and finds out Saiki carried her there, she tries to find them, brushing off her admirers' next few questions and saying she forgot as she went to thank him. This means A LOT because for someone who hates attention (the main reason he even disliked teruhashi at first was because she draws a lot of attention) yet he went into the crowd and caught her, carrying her in front of all her admirers, drawing basically hundreds of peoples attention despite all his efforts to blend in throughout the entire anime. And Teruhashi, after spending so much time memorising everything about everyone for their praise and validation, just says she forgot so she could go say thank you to Saiki. Again, need I say more?

5.) Saiki's offu. In one of the season 2 episodes, Teruhashi tries to be more like Aiura, changing her style to be more gyaru-like, but later reverts back to her old self and her inner monologue says "i guess saiki wants a girl who's more true to herself... I'm true to myself!" Or something along those lines, and suddenly, she hears an "offu" turning her head and all the audience sees is saiki covering his mouth. He spent SO MANY EPISODES avoiding saying offu, even telling toritsuka during the island field trip episodes that he'll do anything to avoid saying offu, only to finally say it in season 2? And unlike everyone else who says offu over her looks or little kind gestures, he says offu because of her genuine thoughts? AGAIN, need I say more?

6.) All of the matching official art they have :

(I'll make a second post including all the other ones !!!)

7.) Saiki K family tree pattern. Everyone in the Saiki family has the initial S. K. Saiki Kusuo, Saiki Kurumi, Saiki Kuniharu, Saiki Kusuke, and if Saiki were to marry Teruhashi, her initials would be S. K. (Saiki Kokomi). Same thing with birthdays. Kurumi and Kuniharu are both born on the same month, which is the same thing with Kusuo and Kokomi, both their birthdays being on August (16 and 6)

8.) Saiki overall not being able to stop Teruhashi from getting what she wants. Unlike with Aiura, where his powers overpower hers and he's able to change the outcome of her predictions (as seen in the episode where he goes to her place of work and makes all her predictions incorrect), he stands no chance to Teruhashi's extreme luck. Despite trying to interfere with his powers, they still ended up in the same group for the field trip. Despite bringing Yuuta, the end of their amusement park date was still positive on her end. Despite trying to seem unlikable, even at the end of their cafe-mall date, her feelings didn't go away. When she wants something, she'll get it, and she clearly wants Saiki.

9.) The alternate universe episode. In that episode, we got to see one of the universes in which Saiki was still... well, Saiki, yet a tinsy bit more open with his friends. In this universe, he's actually dating Teruhashi. That means that as he gradually grows more open to everyone, he gets romantically closer with Teruhashi? Maybe,

10.) They parallel each other. So. Much. People who don't like Teruhashi often say it's because she's arrogant, but so is Saiki. Since he's psychic, he views himself to be the most evolved of the human species, and kind of has a god complex. But you can't blame him, because he practically is. He has almost every super power and can bend the universe to his will. So technically, he isn't arrogant, just self aware. And so is Teruhashi. She is canonically beautiful, even Saiki said so himself, and with how so many guys love her, of course she'd know she's pretty. Much like Saiki, not arrogant, just self-aware. And they both don't use these things for anything morally bad, they just use it to their advantage because they can. They also both have creepy brothers, but uh... that's just both of them being cursed by something.

11.) They've clearly impacted each other as they got more character development deeper into the show with the help of their friends – Teurhashi shows character development early on, rejecting Saiko and the shallow life she always dreamed of because he had insulted Saiki and the friend group. Meanwhile, Teruhashi's troublesomeness, along with the whole friend group being a nuisances helped Saiki realise he doesn't actually mind troublesome things, something MANY FANS COMPLETELY WALK OVER and continue to characterise him as guy who actually doesn't gaf.

I hate when people depict Teruhashi as this super bratty mean girl and Saiki as someone who GENUINELY hates everyone !!

And also, ship what you want, just don't bash other ships !!

[krispdreemurr]

ive been going back and forth for a bit now on this: on some level i kind of feel like sword route should have had a little more consequence if you did it on an otherwise pacifist run. like i get why it doesnt (it could potentially read as labouring the point about the layers of the fiction if sword route altered things beyond kris' outlook) but also i kind of feel like it should have at least been mutually exclusive with saving tenna... especially with the changes in his bossfight if you do it, i feel like it would still make sense. plus it would potentially make the meaning less opaque to the notorious subset of utdr players who tend to misinterpret all things no mercy related. in general i feel like there should have just been a little more lasting consequence to your choice to do this. obviously we can't fully know yet what the outcomes of the wider secret boss scenario will be (and I'm starting to have serious doubts about how good it will be for us at large). overall though i think with the specific nature of what you have to do to get the mantle, and how it does affect kris' behaviour and the way they approach obstacles, it might have worked a little better if there were more unavoidable consequences to your file.

at the same time though i keep talking myself out of this thought process because i think its kind of important to the feel of sword route that it remains a game within a game with no lasting consequences to those outside of it. the plausible deniability feels important especially as commentary on us the players and the way we inevitably experience stuff like the weird route. but then again we literally did stab tenna to get him out of the way during the game... and there are multiple instances of characters asking kris whether they had fun with the game (increasingly clearly referring to the violence)... plus the increasingly obvious blurring of the lines between the fiction and the fiction-within-fiction... i dont know. i think maybe it would have been interesting for it to affect things more permanently. but also i think it having more permanent concrete effects potentially might have made it less compelling. sorry for basically rambling in your askbox and coming to no useful conclusion on this, but if you or any of your followers have thoughts on this id be very interested to hear them

i think, genuinely, the fact we seemingly "get away with it" is part of what's going on. like, no one knows what Kris was up to, everything goes away when the game is turned off, nothing has been altered... except, of course, that's not true. pixel kris has definitely done Something with ramb. kris has lingering desensitization. but you can still act normal, continue on like normal, etc.

it's connected to weird route in that regard too, honestly - isn't it weirdly low-consequence, through 2 and 3? isn't it the case that your dark world actions are invisible when you've left except for the mental marks left on Noelle and Kris and Berdly (counting being comatose as a mental effect)? can't you still recruit enemies, make friends, see all the major plot beats, and have a good time?

if something is contained and invisible from the outside - if it will have no consequences except on the mind - if you can safely walk away from it back into the normal world...

is that what makes it "okay" to do it?

would it be fine to do a no mercy run in Undertale if at the end Frisk logged out of a MMO they were playing and went back to daily life with no one the wiser?

is the arbiter of morality whatever you can get away with?

[nekropsii]

“Bad Representation” is actually a topic I’m really passionate about and interested in, I could talk about it for ages. The way people handle “Bad Representation” as a concept is genuinely fascinating, too, so this is both an analytical fascination and an anthropological one.

For clarity, I thoroughly do believe there is such thing as “Bad Representation”, especially when it comes to expressions of pure bigotry from the person doing the representing… But I personally think everyone’s bar for what counts as “Bad Representation” is set a little bit too strictly, has no real account for capitalistic and/or historical restrictions - For Example: Language and common understanding of queer identity being far different in the 1950’s than it is now, and Studio Meddling - and also, interestingly, tends to take no account for the opinion of those getting “represented”, or the idea of individual satisfaction.

There’s been many, many times where a character is objectively pretty bad representation by modern standards, but discussion surrounding it takes no account for the concept of Resonance. Sometimes a character is not “Good Representation” as an objective concept, but they are relatable, likable, and quite fun to watch. I’ve seen quite a few instances of people talking down to the mentally ill or disabled for enjoying a Slasher in part because of their disorder/disability, or queer people for enjoying Hays Code villains. Sometimes a character isn’t written kindly, or isn’t written well, but they really resonate with you… And that counts for something.

One of my favorite characters - one who has helped me come to terms with my cPTSD and OSDD - is a representation of PTSD + DID that is objectively not very good. He’s basically a Vietnam War veteran, who gets an Alter in the middle of the war that is basically a self defensive Murder Mode. It’s literally the PTSD from The War and Evil Alter cliche, but there’s just some aspects that really hit for me, like the fact that he’s considered the nicest, kindest person in the cast, and the alter is portrayed clearly as being in constant self defense mode, thinking he’s still in the middle of the war, and also being quite silly. There’s several details I view as being done pretty well, a whole arc about him grappling with his mental health in a way I find quite fascinating and visceral, and I enjoy him quite a lot! But many would agree that he’s “Bad Representation” because of the War PTSD and Evil Alter tropes. Even I agree that those things kinda suck, but that’s not stopping the fact that this character has meant a lot to me, and that I really would not be the same level of okay with myself if I hadn’t discovered this character.

I’ve caught flack for this. I’ve seen many other people latch onto a character who is not executed very well because they find them personally relatable, or are using them to figure some things out about themselves, and also catch flack for it because the character is not “Good Representation” for a group as a whole. No account for Resonance, no account for Individual Experience. It’s a fascinating lack of a sense of nuance.

I think people have forgotten - or perhaps do not realize - that criticizing a base concept, or base execution of a concept, is different from criticizing individual experience. It’s like the difference between criticizing the makeup industry vs. criticizing someone’s personal choice to wear makeup. It is good to point out when something is written or executed poorly, but you do not know the reason why that one individual disabled person enjoys a poorly written character who shares their disability. I would even say that they probably know more than you do that it’s written badly, because they have lived that character’s disability and you likely have not. I think you should maybe step off if a blind person really likes Terezi or something. You do not need to patronize them by telling them that she isn’t “Good Representation” because her quirk isn’t screenreader friendly, and that her blindness has a magical workaround. I think they already know that these are facts about her that are true. They like her for a reason, and that reason is Resonance.

[mantisgodsdomain]

Every living bug has a personal scent - a blend of pheromones that generally acts as a personal "name", or "voice", in pheromonal communication. In social bugs, this tends to be stronger. As communication via pheromone is extremely species-specific, learning to manipulate them in more detail than some basic altering your expression of any given emotion tends to be something of a niche skill set, particularly among solitary bugs. It's most commonly learned for in-species communication, or by the bugs responsible for putting up pheromone signage in social-bug-heavy areas, but also has some fairly wide utility in less legal manners.

As pheromones are highly specific by bug, a bug of one species may have significant difficulty parsing the pheromones of a bug of another species. While social bugs in hives and colonies generally have something of an instinctive grasp of what various pheromones mean, and will often pick them up as part of communication among themselves, solitary bugs tend to be significantly less sensitive to them, and may struggle to distinguish between similar pheromone signals even if they know what both mean.

As a consequence of this, the vast majority of signage within a hive or colony can be wholly illegible to a solitary bug, even if it is perfectly clear to the hive's inhabitants. Bugs with reduced sensitivity to key pheromones used in social signalling can also suffer from this, particularly in places where pheromone signage can be important to operation. While these can be learned over time, unfortunately, it isn't always enough to make up for the social impacts.

Though it is possible to learn to suppress your personal scent, it isn't a widely distributed skill, and it's associated with criminals more than anything else - on a similar level to learning to lockpick, it's a cool trick to show off that also has a solid chance of getting your coworkers to ask you if you've stolen anything recently. Though suppression can make your scent more subtle, it can't eliminate it entirely, and most bugs who are seriously concerned about hiding their identities will wear some sort of masker to confuse their scent.

Monsieur Scarlet, due to a side effect of his personal flavor of mage, is capable of cutting off his own pheromone production entirely, or selectively shutting off specific pheromones. To other bugs, this will smell uncannily "blank". Since pheromones are still the main means through which bugs will communicate emotions, even beyond being a personal identifier, it's sort of like someone's face... slipped off, and there was just a void where it used to be.

Along with his short-range teleportation tricks, this makes him very good at slipping a tail, but also works against him in being an extremely distinctive trait that's very prone to freaking people out. Generally, you don't stop producing your personal pheromones until you die- but he's not producing a dead-ant smell, and he's very clearly up and moving, just lacking any personal scent. It's prone to tripping a sense that something is horribly, unnaturally wrong. Also, it's not very good for his body to stop making a bunch of major compounds. Generally, he'll opt more for things like cutting out stress pheromones than taking out everything.

[fraddit]

For the ship meme: Buddie and Bucktommy (either or both)

I'm going to blame my pmdd for why I took so long to answer this. But thank you for sending this, anon.

Ship It (buddie)

What made you ship it?

I followed @littlespoonevan from the Shameless fandom into the 911 fandom back at the end of s4. I'd been resisting getting into a new fandom, but the gifs of the shooting were too delicious to stay away any longer. Because of this, I started the show pretty much already shipping buddie, so there’s not really a specific moment I can point to.

But, if the show hadn’t actually delivered what it did, they wouldn’t have taken over my brain the way they did. They sucked me in with the clear love (platonic or otherwise) and camaraderie and constant near death experiences and insane writing choices. Plus, I just really really love both characters pretty much equally, so playing barbies with the two of them is absolutely ideal.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I love that they’re partners, that they’re equals. I love that they bring out the best version of each other. That they each think the other guy is the coolest, best person in the world. That’s their favorite guy! They just like each other SO MUCH.

I love that Buck basically swore a personal oath of fealty and devotion to Eddie and Chris and that he takes that very fucking seriously. I love that Eddie sees Buck as the most dependable and best person to go to in a crisis and that he’s not wrong! I love that Eddie caves every time Buck gives him the puppy eyes or calls him on his bullshit. I could go on and on.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

That they’re bi4bi. I think the flavor of love Eddie has for Buck is the same flavor he had for Shannon and that it would honestly be really brave and beautiful of him to finally risk his heart that way again, with Buck, in a way he was clearly avoiding with his two girlfriends because he still hadn’t gotten over Shannon and everything that happened with her.

Don’t Ship It (bucktommy)

Although, I think(?) I stated things pretty reasonably and without vitriol, I'm gonna put it under a cut, so people who want to avoid negativity can do so.

Why don’t you ship it?

To be frank, their relationship is boring to me and I don’t like Tommy. I feel the way he treats Buck is condescending and paternalistic, which I find deeply off-putting. On top of that, Buck and Tommy don’t even seem to actually know each other all that well, even after months of dating, and their relationship seems very surface level and shallow to me.

What would have made you like it?

It was never gonna be possible for me to ship bucktommy over or instead of buddie. I just love buddie too much, and everything that made me ship them didn’t disappear when Tommy showed up. Buck and Eddie have seven seasons of buildup for me to sink my teeth into.

But! I was genuinely ready to enjoy watching Buck date Tommy. It didn’t happen. Like I said above, I don’t like Tommy’s personality, so that would have had to have been different for me to ship it. The show would have had to alter several of their canon moments that I felt could have been much more intimate and emotionally deeper than they were. It would have had to show a genuine connection between them, that I personally just haven’t seen.

And at this point, after Tommy celebrated Buck’s best friend moving away, literally nothing could get me to ship them now. That’s red flag behavior to me.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I really enjoyed all their scenes in 8.11. Although, my read on all that was Buck having an ill advised hookup with his ex, which probably doesn’t sound very positive to someone who ships them and viewed those scenes in a different light. But I was genuinely Bill Hader shoveling popcorn dot gif at all of it.

[myassgoodbye]

Clair Obscur spoilers:

When it came to choosing an ending, I really couldn’t say which is better on a moral or even satisfactory level.

Like, sure, the painted world is escaping reality & grief & that’s not emotionally healthy. Plus, it seems like Verso’s soul is stuck painting there forever if the world continues, which he clearly doesn’t want.

But also, the people in the painted world are people. They have hopes, wants, needs, etc & the game clearly wants you to think that. Doesn’t that make it cruel & evil to destroy that world then? Sure, by the end, it’s just all of the party except Maelle (and maybe the people she sorta revived to fight) but there’re also all the Gestrals & uhh big furry guys.

Also, Maelle partly wants to stay in the canvas bc she can hardly speak in the real world & she’s ashamed or embarrassed by her scars. I think it’s fair to consider it a disability so I understand it’s probably emotionally healthier for her to go back to reality & learn to live with her disability but… you can’t really blame her for wanting to stay where she has her voice & face back. Clea seemed kinda shitty to her in the flashback & her parents were clearly dealing with their own stuff. I guess the end implies they’re gonna reconcile but it’s not very clear.

I guess the 1 issue I had with the game is it didn’t totally dive into the ramifications of the story. Aline makes or at least radically alters a world to escape her grief, Renoir decides to basically kill everyone, Clea makes some evil creatures cuz why not. (Aline also made some Nevrons too). But none of them seem to acknowledge how their actions fucked up the people of Lumiere or the other groups. All of that only matters in relation to their emotions. Maelle wants to keep the canvas, but we’re not supposed to see that as reasonable. It’ll kill her eventually.

The game is obviously all about grief & how we deal with it or try to ignore it, but it seems to imply that whatever you do out of grief is, at worst, sad or self-destructive. It doesn’t acknowledge that you can do things out of grief that causes more grief to others & you should be held accountable for that.

[rielzero]

Original by for-tymora's blog, altering this slightly and removing some bits to prevent overly spoiling my oc.

30 Questions for Your Tav! [ Ask Meme ]

Your Tav as a Companion

1. What would your Tav’s greetings be (at different levels of approval)?

Negative (<0):

He stares just at you, Clicking his tongue in an annoyed tone.

"Got nobody else?"

"I would prefer if you'd find a better source of entertainment."

Neutral (0 - 19):

"Seems like you've got something to say."

He stares at you, just raising a brow and cocking his head sideways.

“This better be important.”

Medium and up (20+):

"Hmm? Sorry, you caught me off guard."

"Feeling chatty? I don't mind."

"I'm all ears." Gestures to his ears.

When spoken to by someone other than the player character:

"I'd prefer to be in touch with someone better suited for important conversations. No small talk."

Flirting:

Pretends he wasn't intensely eyeballing your back earlier, winks.

"Something wrong, love?"

"Hey, caught you staring.''

"I was hoping you'd talk to me."

"You're looking dreamy today."

"Hello, love."

"..Hmm? Hmm.." He seems happy.

"I was wondering when you'd need me again."

Partnered:

"Hello, partner in crime." Mischief on his face.

"Say what you need, I'm here to listen."

Act 3 Vampire - Partnered:

"You look hungry, or maybe I'm... Heh."

"Ask me anything, anything, anything.."

"I'd kill if it'd make you happy."

"My love, we are so close to victory, I can almost touch it." (To Astarion Origin)

''You're looking splendid and magical today.'' (To Gale Origin)

"Yes, my sun?" (To Astarion Origin)

''Yes, my love?''

Broken up:

He Just looks at you emptily, and disappointed. Dead eyed.

2. Describe their tent setup! What’s on the outside? The inside?

It's the most put-together you've even seen. Stitched to the brim, looks like it can collapse and barely covers the bedroll. Has a bunch of bags surrounding it and crates to support the rest, kind of like a pillow-fort situation.

3. What would their character quest be titled? Why?

I personally haven't decided on this yet. Rat-themed perhaps, or something to do with him looking sickly.

4. What would your Tav’s romance scenes look like? How many would they have?

Probably depends on the Origin character, I can't picture him being romanced by anyone other than Gale or Astarion at this time. There would be romance and bonding scenes.

5. Describe their idle animations!

Cracking neck, cracking bones, stretching uncomfortably.

Pondering, tapping his foot on the ground with arms folded.

Wiping his face and looking at his hand for a moment before wiping it off his pants.

Tightening his arm wraps (would look like he's rubbing his lower arms.)

Casting Shocking Grasp, just to look at the sparks in his hands, then waves it off.

Pulling out his journal and browsing through it or jotting something down.

Sitting down and drawing (Stops upon approach.)

Act 3 idle Animations would be conditional adittions.

Poking his teeth, then stare at his finger..

Observe his wrist scars, turning it around and stroking it.

Scratch his neck scars, stretch.

Looks like he's smelling something, clearly bothered by it.

Pull out a bottle of blood and sip from it excessively.

Sitting down and drawing (doesn't stop when approached.)

6. How would the player go about meeting them in Act 1? What is their introduction?

I've done a post on this before I think, but it would be in the location near the intellect devourers, hunched over and trying to keep himself from hurling.

8. After Act 3, What are they talking about at the reunion party?

Probably about the change of appearance and hairstyle, and how he's doing better than he was after the defeat of the netherbrain. He's still settling down and getting used to things, 6 months wasn't enough.

Back to Basics

9. What’s the significance behind your Tav’s name?

Locke misspells his name, because he came up with it when he was sixteen. In his mind, Loki is written Locke at first because it sounds like ''Lock-i'' to him, he was the lockpicker in a gang of orphans.

10. Does your Tav have a last name? Is there a meaning behind it?

He comes up with it on the spot, it means ''Trick'' and its very much meant to be a trick.

12. Does your Tav have any tattoos or scars? Why?

Locke's facial tattoo is magic ink, its a protective ward of sorts. Won't elaborate. His scars are all from abuse, different people.

13. What is your Tav’s main color palette? Why do they choose those colors?

Has a strong attachment to purple because of his dead childhood friend, who was a purple tiefling.

14. Where are they from? What was home like?

Baldurian sewers. Not much of a home, more like a nightmare.

15. Is your Tav more likely to fight/flight/freeze/fawn?

He fights in most cases.

17. Do they have any enemies outside of the main plot? Any friends?

He has acquaintances, his closest being a fatherly figure, The Undertaker, Jermaine.

Deep Dives

20. What is their relationship to touch? Do they shy away from it? Do they need it to feel present?

Very much touch-starved, but dislikes casual friendly touch because he's afraid of affection at first.

21. Describe a defining moment from their past, which makes them who they are today!

He has CPTSD, it wouldn't be a singularity, though I'd say the moment he became a warlock is pretty big.

22. How is your Tav’s relationship with their family? Their parents?

The woman who raised him thoroughly abused him, so did the other orphans he was raised with. As adults, their relationship is strained and reduced to just being familiar with one another. He doesn't view them as family. He simply can't.

24. What does your Tav consider to be their own biggest character flaw?

He desires to have something of his own, but fails to give it a place. He feels like everything that he does have will never be completely his own, at times. (I'm being vague on purpose.)

25. What is something they would die on a hill over?

Wizards being prone to explosiveness. He will not accept the reality that some wizards never blow themselves up in any capacity. They're all one wrong step away from exploding themselves.

27. What is the worst thing they think they’ve ever done/said to someone they loved?

Say no to his ex-boyfriend.

28. Describe a smell that reminds your Tav of childhood.

..Cooked Dwarf roast.

29. What fears keep them up at night?

Sleeping in the dark.

30. What does your Tav want more than anything?

Power, or to feel like he's worth something.

[suffarustuffaru]

i need to share my very horrible idea to combine the reinhard/julius/otto/subaru boy drama into one julius-centric fic

ok so a little while ago ive made all kinds of ottojuli and reinjuli posts and while i havent finished all my major julisuba posts Yet i am quite fond of julisuba also and i think itd be incredibly funny if you just dumped all of these ships into one story. just go ALL IN on that boy drama!!!! go big or go home amirite!!!! the worlds WORST love trapezoid youve ever seen!!!!

this post is just me rambling fic ideas bc i sadly dont have time for Every Fic Idea and also i just. i just think itd be funny putting multiple ships with the same person in them into one fic. on a serious level its like mimicking real life relationships where sometimes people come and go and you have different dynamics with each person!! on another level i just think this is also very funny so!! here we go. under the cut:

anyway so my idea for this is that you know, julius of course meets reinhard when hes ten and reinhard is eight and then it alters julius's brain chemistry. at first he's in complete awe of reinhard. and then over time the shame starts setting in. that julius isnt as strong as reinhard. and the jealousy sets in a bit too, so julius's got this chip in his shoulder trying to carry his family's legacy and trying to carry the weight of knighthood to be as perfect as possible. to be as close to reinhard as he can. they meet again in their teens and julius shows reinhard the ropes of like basic knight stuff bc reinhard just joined the knights. and of course reinjuli become friends but julius has spent his whole life quietly watching reinhard from afar and now julius still has that distance with reinhard even as theyre supposedly friends now. reinhard is a God, you know? his powers and his leash from the kingdom and his family keep him distant and the two of them are ignoring that. classic homoerotic "do i want him or want to be him" friendship where both of you are too scared to get any closer for various reasons with a Twist (reinhard's very real monster complex that keeps getting validated bc Everyone Around Him thinks hes a monster).

anyway but then julius remembers that you know, shit between reinhard and him wont work out for many reasons, like reinhards family deciding to torment julius at various points in his life (heinkel, whos julius's boss, and reid, who went from julius's childhood idol to. you know.), and also reinhard needs to have kids because hes the sword saint, and also homophobia exists in rezero. and also even if those werent all obstacles julius still has his Complexes connected to reinhard and they got that distance between them so. no go. (repression gets in the way of relationships :((( )

also quick side note is that ex 4 happens and julius reinhard ferris go to vollachia and julius interrupts a meeting with vincent vollachia himself to go "I UNDERSTOOD THAT LITERARY REFERENCE YOU JUST MADE. THATS A REALLY GOOD REFERENCE I LIKED IT A LOT" bc hes a massive nerd and ig this is slightly-more-of-a-disaster-gay julius au so julius is like ............................. vincent was kinda cool for that.

AND THEN SUBARU CRASHES INTO JULIUS'S LIFE and julius is like seeing this guy who's also got a chip in his shoulder and then he insults the knights and says the knights are all depending on their dads (nepotism) and julius is like .......the chip in my shoulder was bad enough and also youre kinda like me fr. and you are clearly a fucking misguided kid so now i have to save your ass. i cant NOT save your ass. and reinhards like "julius and subaru nooo you dont have to do this :((((" and julius cant admit atm that hes also doing this to save subarus life so julius is just like "he disrespected the knights >:(((("

but yes we all know what happened there. julius saves subarus life. julius has to slice subarus throat in that one failed loop. they become friends across several timelines. they also homoerotically share souls, you know, typical bromance things, rivals to lovers except subarus the one going YOURE MY RIVAL and julius is like he is SUCH an upstart. hes really grown on me like a fungus but thats the appeal. and julius i think sees subaru as like a kindred spirit (or at least thats how i interpret julisuba) except subaru is like way more freer than julius is. same desire to prove yourself but subarus not restraining himself constantly like julius. its sometimes to the point of recklessness and general stupidity and what have you, but his boldness and bravery and determination and heart really is admirable.........................

yeah so anyway julius falls for ANOTHER guy again, you know how it is sometimes. the heart wants what it wants and julius is cursed to always have the worst meetings with his closest friends. and of course julius gets heartbroken bc wtf i have to kill my new friend :((( noo!!!! but in the finished loop its like. oh subaru...... hes really improved himself. hes grown so much already. hes kind of. inspirational really. idk how he does it. except subarus you know got that Mystery to him the same way reinhard does (theyre traumatized and Cant Take About It Normally so they just randomly lore drop what they can) and also subarus SUPER into emilia. and julius is like .................... well. subarus taken. haha. and reinhards. taken. fuck me. fuck. and like somethings going on with subaru and rem and emilia right. fuck. and subarus got his whole toxic masculinity / gender crisis..... and he doesnt know hes Bisexual yet...... man. what a loss for julius amirite haha.

and also subarus busy after arc 3........... and julius has no idea whats happening there but that seems Real serious :(( and julius's got other things to attend to so he hopes subaru reaches out to him eventually..... or that they cross paths again since subarus in the emilia camp and julius is in ana camp (and of course reinhard is in felt camp and like that was a whole debacle bc wtf. reinhard, u do know thatd be a big deal to our mutual friend felix?). so. julius pines from afar ONCE AGAIN HAHA.

(also of course subarus still attracted to reinhard here. its um. well julisuba can bond now over pining over reinhard but thats for later also!!)

anyway of course during arc 3 julius briefly runs into some gray haired merchant twink thats being dragged around by subaru bc ana camp rescued this guy from a cave somewhere??? and this new guy and subaru made a deal or whatever so he was just helping out in the background of the fight against sloth??

and whaddya know................ julius goes to drink at a bar bc you know he probably tastes wine for fun in his free time (hes definitely Fond of wine anyway iirc) and now hes Sad over the Ones That Got Away so. bar it is. and gray haired merchant twink is there!! no way. they start talking a bit casually while drinking you know and julius's taste is Unfortunately either the graceful ones (anastasia, because julius has great taste in women) or the cringe fail ones (all the twinks - except for felix - that julius keeps having the wildest first meetings with, because julius has slightly shit taste in men) so julius is like huh this otto guys kinda funny lol. endearing in a weird way!! and -

oops they both end up being a little. they make a little bit of a move on each other. bc they were drinking and got a Bit tipsy. ottos Also not over the one that got away (subaru) (again) and hey. the finest knight truly is. Fine. objectively fine. totally. so you know. things get a little out of hand, maybe they do a bit of cringe fail flirting hidden underneath five million layers of repression and the Horrors of Being Known but ultimately they both embarrass themselves somehow (read: how far they went with each other while under the influence is up to you) and agree to Never Speak of This Again bc oopsies they were both technically each other's first time being Straightforwardly Not Straight with another man. oops. anyway julius has to go back to his camp and otto fucking bolts but he bolts right into subaru and gets his ass dragged into sanctuary drama.

julius is totally not a little bit envious about that.................... about otto getting to accompany subaru to sanctuary... but dont worry julius!! youll get to make up for it later!! bc eventually arc 5 stuff happens. and julius is Glad to see reinhard and subaru again. even with all the Baggage. and subaru is of course Weird about julius but eventually subaru reassures julius after they both confide in each other about the astrea drama (theyre honorary astreas via being dragged into the astrea family mess). and subarus reassuring to julius in a whole new way okay. subaru, whos unrestrained and incapable of being on the down low about anything, and julius, whos always holding himself back with a gazillion layers of repression, starts learning to let go a bit...

but also juliotto meet again. its terribly awkward and they both agreed to never speak of their awkward encounters again. subaru is going ??? and reinhard is clueless. otto then also goes to save reinhard and felt from heinkel trying to take felt hostage, which was also terribly awkward but reinhard and felt are grateful about it (but lbr if reinhard and otto knew each other deeper reinhard would maybe be a little. Apprehensive. around otto while otto would be sympathetic with reinhard bc hes like male emilia). but then while otto manages not to get erased by gluttony....... julius gets erased. of course. which you know results in being forgotten by reinhard in julius's THIRD first meeting ever with reinhard. and subarus the only one who remembers him of course.

then arc 6 happens :,))))) and julius of course has to confront his ideas of knighthood, his identity, his self esteem, and who he is outside of His Name. and also julius gets his ass beat by reid. his childhood idol. who reinhard KNEW was a shitty person but never ever told julius (whether this is because reinhard wanted to spare julius's hero worship or because reinhard never got the chance to tell julius is hard to say lajdsf). but julius does get to triumphantly win in the end!! grow as a person!!! learn to undo a bit of that repression and not hold himself to impossible standards all the time!! hes growing still!!! hes finally solidified his friendships with people like subaru and emilia!! hes remaking his relationship with anastasia!! hes asserted himself, hes planning on going to meet reinhard again one day and duel him!! things are looking up even if its still bittersweet that he doesnt have his name back yet!! does this mean?? perhaps?? a HAPPY ENDING?? julius can have the two men (reinhard and subaru) he admires the most in his life?????? as friends???? or as boyfriends?????? slowburn mutual pining????????????????????????????????????????

and then comes. arc 8 otto. that piece of shit.

julius is very much someone who has to grapple with the weight of the expectations that people throw at him. and also reinhard is someone who May envy julius a bit, but there's also you know, joshua and subaru with the Explicit Envy and (past) resentment because theyre placing heavy expectations on julius!! theyre pointing blame at julius!! julius is trying to find himself outside of stuff like that, especially after arc 6, but he's still got stuff to work on you know? he still has duties to fulfill!! loyalty that he has to act on bc hes gotta help subaru and co in arc 8!! and then in comes otto.

otto is also someone with expectation placed on him, but its Different. ottos mostly a nobody and when hes Not a nobody, his reputation tends to be Derogatory. hes a menace. hes a bad luck charm. hes grappling with the fact that he has to keep being left behind - post-arc 5 bc he was injured, but also repeatedly during arcs 7 and 8 because hes too physically weak to be on the same playing field as emilia or garfiel or subaru on the battlefield. he feels Useless after placing his identity on the expectation that hes Dependable and Useful.

julius is a bit more on even ground with otto now that julius is. also mostly a nobody bc his name is still gone. and also julius had to deal with having that part of his identity crushed. julius tried to be useful over and over in arc 6 only to get his ass repeatedly curb stomped by reid in the beginning. he was a nobody. he wasnt dependable anymore. and also otto is that one guy he had a Passing Fling with over having The Ones Who Got Away and julius was still vaguely hopeful about maybe being pals at least but ottos brushed him off a bit since arc 5. theyre like each others secrets you know? and now otto doesnt know that shit - julius is the only one who Knows - and otto also hates julius's fucking guts now. over SUBARU. and julius has been through this whole rodeo clown circus with arc 3 subaru so this is an absolutely terrible ride through memory lane.

and this is julius's THIRD twink that hates him for terribly unfair reasons. julius is very tired and a bit heartbroken in this au trying to pretend it doesnt bother him. on one level it doesnt. bc ottos pathetic and clearly Overcompensating for Something. on another level it kinda does bc julius had a Thing going with otto. and otto is the complete opposite of julius. like hes different from the other guys julius has liked.

julisuba is about complimentary opposites - they appear Extremely Different at first glance but theyre very similar. theyre people who try to look and act bigger than they are, people who keep reaching to be The Best, to be Perfect, because theyre overcompensating. theyre worried their entire identity is only built off of trying to be bigger than the shadow that other people in their lives (like their families) cast. but they cant reach perfection. and julius is like subaru but if subaru tried to really make himself "refined" - if he tried to stop putting his heart on his sleeve all the time. reinsuba are very similar too. theyre very refined knights who try to keep themselves in check at all times while the weight of the world is on their shoulders. they cant have a hair out of place. except julius is like the "smaller" version of reinhard. julius is less powerful. its like comparing a human and a "god" - reinhard, whos untouchable. but its a double edged sword, because julius gets to be a normal person, because half the expectation placed on him is also purely from himself, while reinhard isnt. reinhard isnt Free. hes on a leash by the kingdom and his family. julius even gets his kind of "celebrity" status stolen from him via the loss of his name. hes truly kind of Normal now - julius is like if reinhard didnt have his crazy abilities and had a little more of a chance to be free.

otto? yeah otto is. very very far from all of that. hes so obviously imperfect that most of his reputation, when its brought up, is just him being known as a mess who's caused various forms of chaos everywhere he goes. either that or hes just. There. Invisible. very very average. and otto is someone who wants a nice comfortable life, someone who wants to fit in - julius and subaru arent Exactly like that, and while reinhard also wants to be normal, ottos the one who has more of an opportunity. but he doesnt. because otto Dooms Himself by being recklessly cutthroat. otto is like if subaru was just. More of an asshole, so ottojuli would just be a rather Extreme Challenge for julius to have to deal with HAH. and normally otto is someone who repays how people treat him - a very "you treat me like this, i'll treat you the same way in turn" kind of deal, except ottos developed a vendetta against julius and its basically like if subaru never let go of his arc 3 julius vendetta.

yes so anyway. etc etc stuff probably happens but i ran out of ideas lajdlfjasdf i just think combining ALL the boy drama and recontextualizing + adding to canon would be. batshit crazy. and terribly entertaining. im so sorry julius but i want to see you crack a bit under the pressure. reinjuli as a ship is like tragic gay yearning that never goes anywhere past being friends with quiet homoerotic tension, then julisuba is. you know. extreme rivals to lovers, starts out Rough but then ends up being super super sweet and theyre Trying their best underneath the self esteem issues. and then ottojuli is. toxic yaoi at its finest (pun intended). you get Every flavor of mlm possible!!

ok so you may be asking "ok what would you even name this fic then" and to that i say that this would be called To All the Boys I've Loved Before.

anyway i really wanna write this idea someday ill inform you guys (if youre reading this and are Interested) if it ever happens :< so. in conclusion this is just julius the entire time throughout all of these events:

[t1red-gastr0p0d]

Girl help, all my Interloper AU ideas come in the form of shower thoughts:

---

Canned food! Int has a lot of canned goods. They keep really well!

What's condensed soup? It's soup that has the majority of its liquids removed for shelf life. (Paraphrasing, I don't actually know the science behind it)

How do you eat it then? Glad you asked, you add the liquids back in. Preferably hot.

You can just kinda suck on cold thick tomato jelly if you're in a pinch like Interloper has been.

What are the cans with dog's paw on it? Dog food.

Int had a dog? No, they're for them.

The party is incredibly concerned that Int feels they have to eat dog food.

The party is even more concerned that Int has tactically starved themselves on occasions to make food supplies last longer.

Bonnie promises a feast so Int never has to eat dog food again.

---

On the topic if eating. Interloper's iron stomach. (Cooking level five in The Long Dark means you can't get food poisoning, you can just eat gone off, definitely not edible anymore, food)

The concerns rise even more.

---

Int flabbergasted at how TALL Euphraise is. She TALL.

---

Interloper's hides kinda smell like animal. Which is great in a survival situation for spooking off predators. Not so much for going into towns to get travel supplies and such.

Int doesn't notice. They're nose blind.

---

Socially awkward Interloper? I mean, isolation could've done a number on their social skills. It's a good thing Vaugardians are so nice...

---

Maybe they get a new hatchet and bow. Something more put together than the basic survival bow and a crude chunk of scrap metal smashed into the basic shape of an axe...

---

The mirror picture room! Forgot about that one.

Uh.

I mean.

Int has a camera. You can get a camera in TLD.

The color film actually prints out color pictures despite the monochrome wish affecting everything.

---

Phrases that would fit back in TLD world but wouldn't make sense in ISAT's world.

Only idea I can think of is the "clearly you don't own an air fryer" but idk if air fryers were a thing back in the 90s/80s/2000s/whatever that TLD is set in...

But Int finds the phrases funny, despite the confusion...

---

Teas to be used in addition to the multitude of potions and tonics.

Rose hip, birch bark, reishi and others.

Super Potion 2, Electric Boogaloo.

Siffrin is still not allowed to manage items anymore.

---

Reason for looping with Sif. Like, maybe they copied Sif's way of wishing to The Favor Tree. Did all the steps right and everything. Folded their wish into the leaf.

Maybe they wished, wished, wished that everything would be OK.

And it will be.

But first you gotta get through this and make everything is OK for Siffrin...

---

Slight alteration to the scene in act...5 was it? The one where a certain party member gets used as a stress ball by The King. (Avoiding a specific name and such just in case for spoilers I guess???)

Everything's frozen and Sif is desperately, desperately, desperately trying to prevent "The Thing" from happening. The King is monologuing about punishment.

...and then a feral scream tears through the stifling atmosphere.

The Interloper used an emergency stim, now spent and discarded, and rushes The King like a wild beast. Getting the person in The King's grip away.

He goes to say something but is cut off by the *BANG* of the revolver. A thin rivulet of dark blood patters down.

Then comes frantic and frenetic slashing from their knife and hatchet.

Before the party can monopolize on this moment, The King grasps The Interloper.

And then

Once

Twice

Thrice

Slams them into the ground.

They don't move after that.

And Siffrin feels the all too familiar t u g on their stomach.

[lord-squiggletits]

For the fic-writers' asks, if you fancy them:

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

4. What detail in We Are The Music-Makers are you really proud of?

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Ask source

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

Is it cheating to say Pay Unto Evil? It's not just because it's my most popular fic by all metrics, the longest project I've written, and the first complete novel I've ever completed, though. I just feel like, particularly in the later chapters, it's a good introduction to the themes that I often write about (mental health/suicidality, searches for meaning, bonds with other people, etc) and is the most complete summary of who I am as a writer in a way.

Though, if someone were to prefer something lighter, I'd honestly recommend An Endless Form Most Beautiful because out of all my fics that I started a year or two ago, I feel like AEFMB is the one that holds up the most strongly w.r.t. prose, characterization, romantic pacing, mystery, and so on. It's also dark, but far less grueling than PUE.

(On that note, it kind of amazes me how many people have told me they found PUE to be more depressing/hard to read than WATMM, considering the latter involves a bittersweet ending w/ major character death.)

4. What detail in We Are The Music-Makers are you really proud of?

Off the top of my head, I'd say that it'd be 1. Orion and Megatron interfacing right after escaping prison and basically cementing their love/bond with each other for the high emotion of the moment. I like how it (and moreso their later interface during their rebellion period) is incredibly romantic and affirming and shows how M/OP uphold each other's best traits, but it's also a little dark in that they're clearly codependent on each other and almost... not sane/well when they're not together.

Or 2. The major character deaths in chapter 6, both how I built up to them and how the characters actually died. That one is because that plot point was one I came up with from the very night I conceptualized WATMM, so in my mind, it had a lot of buildup to it. I knew what was going to happen from the start, and it was one of (if not the) most important climaxes of the story, so I was incredibly keen to be sure that the actual execution of it matched what had been in my mind for a year or more by the time I finally wrote it.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

I'm really keen on the stuff I've been cooking for Cityspeaker AU Tarnma as far as the psychology of a Titan goes. Like, Tarn is a sort of eldritch being (already a fun concept in its own right) that has a sort of collectivist mindset; not in a hivemind kind of way, but his sense of scale and level of awareness is so broad, and he's literally a living nest/colony for his smaller species members to live on. The way that anatomical differences pave the way for massive differences in perspective. Hell, the concept has even opened my mind in general to the concept of like... almost insect colony-esque Cybertronian interspecies symbiotic relationships.

On top of all the mechanical and worldbuilding aspects of it, it's also been really fun to ponder how being a Titan would then in turn alter Tarn's characterization. Pharma's characterization is more or less a slightly different angle on what exists in canon, but for Tarn he has this massive shift in perspective that changes a lot. Not least of which is that Tarn is Tarn without having been converted by Megatron, but he's also not Tarn of the DJD that we know in canon, and neither is he Damus/Glitch. So there's just a lot to play around with there in terms of defining Titan!Tarn's key traits as carried over from canon, and how he'd express himself while also being an eldritch being that Pharma needs training to even talk to without dying.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

IDW1 MegOP role reversal AU in which Megatron is a cop and Orion is a miner. No one else swapped: so for example, Megatron would be around people like Ratchet, Roller, and Senator Shockwave, and Orion would have Impactor and Terminus.

I think it'd be hella interesting to see how differently everything would go if M and OP were in swapped positions. Like as an example, Megatron probably would've been more conscious of stuff like Senator Shockwave putting the Matrix casing in him without asking and be aware that he was being manipulated somehow. Orion would very likely reject Terminus' teachings on how leadership is lonely and you have to cut off all your relationships so you can sit on the heights and do what you need to do. Or then again, maybe Terminus would be a slightly less evil (but still toxic) influence on Orion making him have the same martyr complex he has in canon.

And you could even do further splits from there like how Megatron deals with increasing evidence of corruption in the government, or how Orion would handle killing someone for the first time in the arena. You could fuck around with whether Megatron becomes the Prime or if Orion still does somehow. Honestly, I feel like in this scenario, M and OP would be way more likely to be able to meet peacefully and help each other out because... it just feels right to me that they would be able to see the evils and prevent their moral downfalls, but only when walking in the other's shoes.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

I think there's a list of fics that've pushed me in some way or another, honestly:

Pay Unto Evil and The Wicked for finding a way to fit reasonably accurate psychology/therapy into a dramatic story, but without falling into purely clinical explanations for things or making it seem "therapy speak" ish

Cityspeaker AU/Un solo cuerpo is currently pushing me on how to accurately translate characterization from canon to an AU that's so wildly divergent from it, given that I'm normally extremely canon compliant and tend to work off canon divergence rather than completely making up a new AU with a different premise and new lore. This is my first plotfic that, imo, could be more accurately described as continuity soup/original continuity rather than being strictly IDW-based (honorable mentions to Let the Poets Pipe of Love for also having this conundrum)

Every single plug and play scene I've written, PWP or plot, for pushing me to try to describe eroticism from an entirely alien perspective without falling back on human-like sticky sex

For Once, Nothing is Burning, because writing a multichapter plot-focused story where there's literally only two characters present and they are each other's sole source of social interaction (and where the POV character is largely stuck in one place for most of the story) is harder than you think it'd be for someone who's been writing Megatron and Optimus as long as I have

Through the bitter, sweetness: Because trying to describe the eroticism of a foot fetish through strictly a written medium was a big challenge for a kink I see as way more visual/tactile and hard to make appealing with words/imagination alone.

No comment on how it's affected my ability to write moving forward because I basically forget about every story I write as soon as it's done AND because my brain is soup and I can barely keep up with real life, much less look back on hobby writing and do some sort of style study/reflection on it.

[afniel]

Hi I'm rambling 👍

I kinda want to be more public about who I contain system-wise, make even let them make words occasionally, but also there's still a corner of my mind that's like, this will make my life so weird in certain circles if I do that, for reasons that if I explain them, will instantly make my life weird, because it's extremely IYKYK and I cannot smokescreen it even a little.

Also he'd be big mad if I lied so that's right out.

In my defense I did not intend to have the fictive that recently happened to me (I mean, obviously not, by definition) and it's got nothing to do with fandom, my brain just takes the path of least resistance when it wants to Make A New Guy but aaaugh.

I've been very quiet about the entire thing but I've known since 2020. I just haven't been sure what to say and I didn't think highly of being ✨Performatively Plural✨, which now I think isn't really a real thing anybody does and I've just been afraid to see other people be open about it I wasn't ready to think about it. So the gut reaction was discomfort, so I sat with it a long-ass time and occasionally made gestures towards maybe letting alters interact with the world a little. But now I'm like, damn tho, it's gone from scary to discuss to kind of just another thing about me, so now it feels strange to treat it like it's such a secret topic.

Even if I wrote a list like that it's gonna be shockingly short. I'm like, three fronters (two fictives, because my brain has A Type and it's "nonhuman guy who doesn't exist") and a little in their tweens who doesn't front and doesn't want to. Mostly various flavors of masc/nonbinary. And honestly from the outside, if you don't already know what you're hearing when The Accent breaks through, I look totally cohesive.

You'd think it would all be weird but it's a pretty normal feeling life. The actual weirdness is shit like, one alter doesn't have fibromyalgia pain. The other can roll his Rs. There's some skill differences. Sometimes you get to feel someone else having an emotion and it's like, it is there, but so partitioned that it's more like being in a room with someone else going through it. Mostly it's just...fine, though? Not even passive aggressive fine. It's really just fine.

(It was less fine when I still had a fragment who basically existed to be traumatized and lash out about a situation and we had hella amnesia barriers, but he fused voluntarily after things finally all resolved and even that's been fine since.)

Iono, I clearly am really ready to talk about it more if I'm random thought dumping about it on this level, lmao. So I'm just letting my gut feeling lead.

[light-lanterne]

Angel you're a real one for bringing up the Nancy issue in your post. For the longest I really couldn't stand how the writers just gave up on the Wheeler sibs while making the Byers, Sinclairs, Steve and Dustin, even Willel have better chemistry than Nancy and Mike.

Maybe it's cuz I have a really awesome older sister so comparing her to Nancy, Nancy falls entirely short. I want her to have an Over the Garden Wall moment (a cool cartoon I watch every autumn season) where another character points out how un-older sibling like she's being to Mike so she can do better cuz maybe she's truly unaware that this is an issue.

Cuz I don't think Nancy’s going to get it unless someone else on the outside openly talks to her about how she's just not there for Mike in the way she thinks she is. We've never seen Nancy be observant to Mike like how the Byers notice something's off about Will so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she can't see what's in front of her cuz the Wheelers only cared when danger was right at their doorstep (Ted and Karen when the government showed up, at the town meeting when Jason started the manhunt)

Nancy's following the theme of being her parents in recognizing something is wrong too late like in s1 when she worried about Mike and never even thought that he could be in danger when his literal best friend Will is missing, along with Barb.

So I dunno, I see Nancy reflecting her parents in that way of never knowing that Mike is also in the pathway of danger nearly constantly AKA a target of the same entity/mysterious bad guy that took Will twice (physically and possession wise)

Anyways sorry for the long ask but I just hate how they write Nancy and Mike's dynamic with no progression in 4 whole seasons. She has survivors guilt from losing Barb and protects everyone else but she leaves Mike in the dust

hi lex ~! please never apologise for long asks, i love to analyse characters (even if i don't do it often).

yes to all you said !! i don't know if the writers chose to completely ignore the wheeler siblings on purpose so there can be a cool storyline with them in s5 (or if they simply don't think their connection is important in the slightest -_- ), but i think it's factual at this point that nancy needs someone or something to knock some sense into her. it's been four seasons without her altering her behaviour in the slightest, so someone (potentially jonathan, seeing as he constantly blames himself for not being there for will) has to reach her lest something terrible happens to mike and she can't avoid caring any longer.

more than that, though, i think the crux of the problem is nancy's need for revenge. ever since s1 it's been well established that she feels entirely responsible for what happened to barb and, being unable to bring her back, has chosen to focus her energy into harming those she feels are also at fault.

so in s1 this translated to ditching the kids to go kill the demogorgon, later pretending that it was to help joyce and hopper in the upside down when it was clearly just an attempt to avenge barb. in s2, she missed out on most of what happened because she was off with jonathan and murray trying to figure out a way to make the lab pay. in s3, she's the first to get the gun ready to attack biIly and, in s4, she's the one who concocts a plan to try to kill vecna.

and while all these plans are ultimately cemented in her desire to keep the party safe, she constantly overlooks obvious flaws to her approach because a) she's only a human girl and there's not much else she can really do against their supernatural foes, and b) even if it's on a subconscious level, she has a strong bias towards violence because she's still trying to punish those who took barb from her (in lieu of punishing herself further because, as previously mentioned, she's the one she blames the most).

so, until she rids herself of this need for vengeance and starts thinking more logically, she will continue to ignore basic problems to her plans and, more importantly, the emotional needs of those around her. particularly mike, who she's grown up ignoring because that's the example her parents have set for her and who, in her mind, doesn't need to be cared for emotionally because what's there for him to be sad or traumatised about ? he got will back (twice), el back (also twice, if we consider the break-up), and he's had the least amount of near-death-experiences out of all the kids (as far as she knows).

in nancy's mind, since mike didn't lose his loved ones, there's no way he could possibly be struggling and so, anything she might actually notice, any signs she might see that defy this idea, she pushes down to keep up this self-imposed illusion. and, when she recognises her brother's behaviour in others, or sees that someone else is in danger, she chooses to hyperfocus on them so that she can continue to ignore mike's pain (or the fact that he's in danger).

,,,anyway,,, there's another half-baked analysis x.x thanks again for the ask lex !! hopefully my rambling is somewhat coherent u.u

[bodyfrmabalcony]

actually sorry to be back at this again but i did have slightly more to say about tim and jason (see last post i reblogged)

that post does a lot of analysis that i enjoyed re: their read on what tim is dream hallucinating jason saying re: his own death and i had a couple thoughts i wanted 2 add to that. tldr they r saying that this is wayy more about tim than it is about jason and i super agree. i said something about jason's line saying he killed himself in my tim post from last week, but it was kinda reductive, where i said basically yeah that sure sounds like like a way bruce might describe it!! but i don't really think that's the whole story - my more genuine nuanced take on that is a little more like: it sounds an awful lot like what a scared kid might imagine that bruce saying about what happened to a robin who fucks up, i.e., not something bruce said about jason but something tim is afraid bruce would say (or think) about tim if tim went the same way as jason

being a martyr and a cautionary tale and a failure - his own or bruce's - are all stacked up on top of each other w/ jason, and tim just kind of. has all that. to deal with. the linked post gets way into how tim is reacting to his mom's death, which is so so interesting to me, bc tim is clearly soo scared of his grief disqualifying him from everything else he wants and feels like he needs to do. he's scared he won't be able to be robin bc bruce sees him compromised by his grief, so he's got to grieve Just Right, at the same time that he's basically trying to take on bruce's grief for jason. the kid is in the poster house for Grief Alters Your Life In Ways You Can't Control and he's still trying to grieve correctly. oof.

and back to tim's relationship to jason post-jason's death, it's so interesting in every direction, but specifically a big thing to me is that on some level jason is not real. like he is, obviously, but tim didn't meet him and he's never going to. he's not dick, a man tim can remember as a child and whose apartment he can break into as a slightly older child. he's not bruce, a guy whose basement tim can end up standing in if he tries hard enough. he doesn't! exist! you don't get to meet dead men! jason doesn't need to be pinned down as tim's hero or tim's fear or tim's resentment, bc the most important thing is that he's just a story. he's just an idea.

and then, of course, what do u do when the idea puts a knife to your throat. or puts on bright yellow tights to beat u up in front of your friends. things get really silly!! quoting my own tags on the first linked post just to have them here as well:

#i think constantly constantly about the car crash disaster of #all the things ppl did in their grief after jason died and then #jason comes back. and sees things he was never meant to see #and it's specifically sooo interesting for the ppl who got caught up in the grief but never even met jason #tim looking at the memorial case #cass sitting at jason's grave on his birthday with bruce #like wtf is jason supposed to do w all that grief from ppl he doesnt know for a person he only sort of was #and on the flip side! wtf r the ppl who grieved a story supposed to do when the story walks up to them! #and in some cases. walks up to them holding a knife. #anyway just thinkin

[lunarbard]

I've been thinking about how to run a ttrpg campaign inspired by the structure of early (2001-2003) bionicle.

Not trying to replicate the precise details, mind. As cool as bionicle is aesthetically, I think this would work fine with just, humans living on an island. Normal villagers fill the role of matoran, and each village has an elder taking the role of a turaga. Then each PC would be a hero dedicated to one of the villages.

System shouldn't matter too much - though if you want to lean into the original elemental theme, you'll want a system that allows that (and maybe replace ice & rock to more clearly delineate character abilities - electricity/electromagnetism could be one). I don't think D&D-likes / other level-based systems would work too well to simulate the feel vs diegetic advancement by collecting equivalents to masks & such.

I think a pseudo-west marches hexcrawl would work pretty well for the style. You might not even to need a distinct map if the group isn't too familiar with bionicle; just overlay hexes on the mata nui map and start keying.

Each PC would start on a solo adventure as they wake up on the beach and explore the nearby area, eventually finding a village in need. They help out that village for a bit, get to know the people there, then start to venture out tryin to delve into what's going on, and likely finding the other villages & heroes along the way.

As an example of that sort of structure - once the hero of the Ta-koro equivalent has dealt with the local immediate threats, they head down to Onu-koro to find out the situation with an ore shortage, where they meet another hero and join them for that quest.

The core balance, I think, would be to present problems that require multiple heroes to deal with, while also keeping a matter of villages having small, single-hero problems that need to be dealt with (as well as the manner of general defense against whatever new evil threat is going on). So the PCs will want to group up to make problems easier, but will need to split off on their own more often than not to help their village.

To encourage helping villages - perhaps each village has resource tracks for vital things, and each village has special resources they produce and certain resources they require. See: Ta-Koro smiths need the Ore from Onu-Koro as an example. Each village should have two special connections with other villages, and ideally each should have some specialty independent from this trade all the heroes will want to support (like Le-Koro's Gukko riders).

Each village should also have a Hope resource that dwindles after attacks & long absences from their hero and rises when a hero aids them or just spends time with them. Ideally should encourage the PCs to seek out closer bonds with their villages.

For the dangers & foes, the basic structure of "some dark evil living under the world with minions they send out" works fine. But the details need some tweaking.

Combine krana & kraata into one miserable organic parasite. I'm actually tempted to keep "infected masks" as a core concept, especially if switching the denizens all to normal humanoids. Maybe all the masks are organic kraata/na, who alter their shape to replicate someone's face and look normal, just a bit creepy, unless given a close inspection.

Instead of new threats replacing old (infected rahi -> bohrok -> rahkshi), new threats compound on the old. So we start with corrupted beasts wearing these organic masks, add in mechanical monsters powered by weaker kraata/na who can deliver them (including to beasts to join the swarm), and finally a set of elites near campaign's end (each with a key to reach the final scourge of the island).

My preferred route for "how do you beat the evil" would be to take Mangaia and turn it into a large, central dungeon of sorts that the heroes can only access certain parts of with given keys/plot coupons, with some hard locks and some soft locks, like the first entry is hard locked behind a good amount of plot coupons (found in interesting locations all around the area) to open the dungeon in the first place, so the heroes have more incentive to grow familiar with the entire island. Later keys the party has to collect by responding to how the island changes - like maybe in the second wave of evil, our bohrok-equivalents change the landscape to reveal older ruins / open up other segments of Mangaia / make secondary nests in the island. The last set of keys to reach the chamber of the makuta equivalent would be the kraata/na granted to the elites, taking the krana hunt from the bohrok saga, and then, of course, a big confrontation with the great evil below.

[theriverperson]

Headcanon: CHARON's Mental State

River often comes across in public as maybe a bit odd or strange, but not the kind of off that they sometimes show in private. They heavily conceal themself, hum and sing a lot when there is no music playing, ask strange questions, or otherwise generally just seem to enjoy playing up being a lovable oddball who cares about people and is a bit stuck in their ways.

River is a mask.

CHARON created River as an idea not that long after establishing a reputation in the Underground as the 'River Person'. This is not to say they are a separate personality (they aren't) just that 'River' isn't really who CHARON really is, or even who they would like to be.

Simply put, River is the mask CHARON uses to feel comfortable interacting with the world. To feel safe, secure, and hidden. Socially acceptable, if a bit odd.

This is because CHARON doesn't really feel like know how to interact 'normally' with people anymore. Clearly they do, because they do it under the name 'River' all the time, but they don't feel like it counts. They dismiss it as acting.

Why don't they feel like they know how?

Because CHARON is around 2,700 years old and has believed for the majority of their life that mental health problems are either a personal failing, a curse of the gods, or the result of the spirits of the dead haunting them. They are mistaken, obviously, but they struggle heavily with the idea.

And to reiterate: they are around 2,700 years old. That is a long time for just about anything to live. They have seen and dealt with more trauma than most people will ever encounter, have had to completely alter their basic understanding of how the world works several times, and watched their entire world change multiple times into something completely unrecognizable to them.

All of this has led to some serious issues. some of which are issues built on top of other issues.

Like why they prefer to heavily conceal themself with such a covering robe. It started because it was the only way they would be allowed to visit any of the human temples, some of which were places of learning or other import. It continued because, while they are very social (they can and will talk to just about anything including random wildlife and inanimate objects, and they genuinely love being social) they also despise being the center of attention or put onto any pedestal.

And CHARON has literal myths associated with them.

So the idea of wearing a robe evolved to be a sort of comfort thing for them. They are safe wearing the robe. Secure.

Having their hood up or down evolved from there as an easy way for them to mentally form a barrier between themself and how they act around people. Eventually they taught themself how to speak without using their font, which began to function as a similar division.

They value those barriers heavily, because much of their long life has left them feeling highly mentally unstable. They have flashbacks, mood swings, varying levels of difficulty with their emotional state, are prone to fits of paradoxical laughter, and others.

Sometimes they are even self-aware enough to realize there is something desperately wrong with that and they they need help. Often they aren't that self-aware. They don't know why they feel the way they do about any of their traumas and are quick to dismiss it all with the excuses they are familiar with.

No, none of that is particularly healthy. They mostly have managed to get by this long by suppressing everything or venting it on 'safe' targets (like various unnecessary cavern walls in the Underground). They are self-aware enough to know that they're emotionally unstable and they feel the need to protect others from that instability.

All of this is why the mask 'River' is so important to them, because as River they can feel normal again.

[literaturereviewhelp]

Introduction Literature review is one of the most common types of academic works. This type requires applying specific search techniques. Although there are various techniques used in academic research, some general methods are applied by the majority of researchers. The main goals of this paper are to discuss the key aspects of a literature review and describe search methods for credible sources. Search Methods There are several ways to look for sources. An effective search might be conducted by using keywords, a topic, the title of a source, and the author’s name (“Finding and evaluating,” n.d.). Keywords help to find most sources. However, using a subject provides more specific results as it searches in a narrower field. Also, the author’s name or the title of a text gives an opportunity to locate the exact work that is needed for research. In addition, there are some tips for a more effective search. It is very helpful to use the preposition and to combine keywords and phrases when “searching the electronic databases for journal articles” (“Top ten,” n.d., para. 1). Another tip is to use an asterisk and wildcards as it helps to retrieve a larger amount of materials. Sources are divided into several categories. Two of the most prominent are books and scholarly articles. In order to conduct an effective search for sources, it is necessary to know how to evaluate them. There are some important steps to be taken to locate a credible source. First, it is necessary to identify the authors and their credentials. Also, the information about a publisher might be crucial to assess the credibility of a text. For example, “if the publisher is an academic press, this generally means a scholarly resource” (Finding and evaluating,” n.d., para. 3). Second, the audience the work is aimed at is an important factor as well. It could be made for the general public or a specialized audience. Third, the information presented in a source should be supported by references or clearly demonstrated examples. Another important aspect is the structure of a text. Information from sources should be incorporated in work in an organized and logical manner. In-text citations should support implications and conclusions. However, to avoid plagiarism, it is necessary to use paraphrasing or citing, including references to sources used for a study. Literature Review There are several important aspects of a literature review. The first one is credibility. The quality of evidence found in a literature review might be rated as follows: high, moderate, and low.The rate has a high impact on the level of evidence presented in a study. If evidence has a higher quality, further research will not alter conclusions (Pautasso, 2013). However, if the evidence is of low quality, it is necessary to continue research to provide more proof for a certain statement.Also, a literature review might contain unreliable statements. Unpicking dodgy claims are an explanatory tool used in science that critically appraises various studies. It promotes the development of new theories and concepts with the help of scientific conferences and scholar journals (Goldacre, 2011). This principle contributes to establishing a constructive discussion on relevant subjects. The next aspect is the goal of a review. It highlights the main difference between literature reviews for clinical research, health education research, and basic science research. A literature review for clinical research requires gathering information about the effectiveness of medicine, technologies, and ways of treatment. This information is used for addressing problems associated with various diseases. A literature review for health education research is necessary for promoting medical literacy among the general public and medical personnel. It aims at implementing practical approaches in medical settings. Basic science research is conducted to understand a problem at a basic level. It creates the foundation for further research. Conclusion A literature review should abide by specific principles. One of them is credibility. Appropriately selected sources enhance the significance of a study. Therefore, to achieve reliable results, it is necessary to apply the mentioned above techniques as they foster the quality of research. References Goldacre, B. (2011). Battling bad science.. Web. Finding and evaluating research materials.(n.d.). Web. Pautasso, M. (2013). Ten simple rules for writing a literature review. PLoS Computational Biology, 9(7), 1-4. Top ten search tips.(n.d.). Web. Read the full article