#have i shared this before. idk it always feels like i'm repeating myself lol

[redgearsmovin]

S1 - Sneeze and Thank you

[nerves-nebula]

I have recently seen some pushback against calling oneself afab and I dont fully get why tho? since im only at the fringes of queer discussion so I havent seen the full argument against. I also didnt really know how to get the idea across so I just used the most convenient label. Not saying the pushback is wrong, I'm just curious, I feel the language around this sort of thing has changed while i wasnt looking and idk where to start looking as to why without looking like an idiot

Fuck it sure I’ll give u an amateur crash course in dumb bullshit.

WARNING!! This is not an invitation! I will only care about ur input in this if we’re mutuals lmao !!! Under the cut for being long and annoying

I mean, it’s fine to say if you’re afab if it’s relevant its just. Like. It’s an acronym about a thing that happened? You can’t be AN assigned female at birth. That’s silly. at that point just say female or cis or perisex, or just specify what you’re talking about. Like if you are the same asker as before, I would just say perisex cis woman since that’s what was relevant to the medical history u were sharing

This is kind of a personal pet peeve of mine, but I really hate how a lot of these acronyms get used. Like people saying POC characters when they should say characters of color or something like. POC means person/people of color that’s not… ur basically just saying colored characters at that point but fucking up an acronym to do it you know.

Anyway, that last ask was about presuming one isn’t intersex and being prescribed hormones so it makes sense to specify ur assigned sex I guess. It’s just weird to me to phrase it that way. Tho I normally wouldn’t mention it because I don’t believe that everyone should always be on the same page as me about confusing constantly changing terminology shit and I’m willing to leave that alone usually. But now it’s almost 4 am lol

Also like your assigned sex isn’t something you usually super identify with if you’re trans but also trans people are the main ones using assigned sex language so it gets a little bit muddling. Which is fine because it’s anonymous but in a real conversation, that would be kind of weird.

Like I’m assuming you’re a cis woman who is presumed perisex from what you’ve said? But then why bother with assigned sex or gender at birth at all if you didn’t change that? If u say ur presumed perisex and thought it was weird that a doctor wanted put u on hormones like that gets the point across yknow. Since intersex ppl also have assigned genders most of the time.

Afab is also often just used to replace a woman in a way that is super unhelpful and sometimes transphobic lol. Smth will say “afab ppl need to know this!” And then it’s about like getting a pap smear. Which is not something that all people who were assigned female at birth will need for various reasons (intersex, bottom surgery, etc)

Also trans and nonbinary ppl get called “afabs” like it’s a noun by cis ppl (and other trans ppl of all kinds let’s be real here) the way you’d say woman/female. (This also happens with amab but that’s not my area of expertise and also this response is far too long as it is)

generally just a somewhat useful term that has really gotten away from its original point (I think idk I’m not caught up on the specific history of this word)

If I did a bad job explaining or repeated myself well. that’s not my fault I’m not being paid to do this and it’s almost 4 AM.

[chogiwow]

dude so i saw ur reply last night but i was in desperate need of sleep but also didn't sleep bc i was just engrossed in a book IVDSNS BUT this morning i opened up my inbox and couldnt find ur reply and was so confused and as i continued to be unable to find it in my inbox i got sadder and then i realised im stupid bc the reply wouldn't be in my inbox 🧍‍♂️anyways semi-long reply sorry hehe (semi-long bc ive defs sent longer ones)

ahh i see i see @ substack. reminds me of medium, which i've come across before... i did debate exploring medium as another writing platform, but never got around to it vsjnvks so its nice that u bring substack to my attention bc now i can compare 🤩 well. maybe not now now but yknow. whenever i decide to/can get around to it NVJDKNSK

100% agree w and have had the same thoughts as you about fics/continuing to write/the pub industry (which i really should give much more thought to, given that one of my degrees is in writing🧍‍♂️) and yeah no it DOES serve as a good incentive to build a portfolio (if anyone asked me for a portfolio, i would simply hand over my uni work bc i have nothing else rn LMAO) but tbh i think even if it is a hobby, it's a good way to kinda explore and set your ??? idk like foundations or whatever so you get an idea of what you wanna write about and if you actually wanna take it seriously (which isn't to say you aren't - we can 100% take hobbies seriously - just that different contexts/intents would call for different. things. wow i love words.)

and also related but unrelated, i think its fun/nice to. uh. idk how to say it but for us (as in literally you and me, but also other mutuals and people in fandom who made friends in the context of fandom) to see eachother write or talk about things outside of the uniting factor or common denominator or whatever? though yeah that does kinda potentially extend the relationship beyond what some people are comfy w. i'm kinda just rambling rn sorry AHHA

OH BUT BUT sorry back to the publishing/career thing. Even if you don't use the substack writings for like. writing/publishing careers, it can still help with other career things? like, you run a blog and hav experience writing about diverse topics, communicating ideas etcetc. so no losses 🤩

do not feel guilty about the chan fic 🙂‍↔️ yes i love/d it and i think about it and yes i would love to read more BUT im so happy to have just been eble to experience it at all. i hope you've never felt pressured by my responses to it KNVDSKJNVDSK sincerest of apologies if you have.

tbh i havent been up to much, i don't think. shits kinda hit the fan tbh but i'm hoping (always hoping) the only other place for the shit to go is down, now. (ie. i hope this is the part where things start getting easier etc). it is what it is, even if it shouldn't be, and we'll somehow get through it because. well, we have so far, right? BUT ANYWAYS

"anything you wanna yap about-" BOY do i have things to yap about. that book^^ i was so engrossed in? jesus CHRIST i sent my friend 10mins worth of voicemsgs JNCDKSNDSK (it may have been 10mins because i simply i can't articulate properly and kept repeating myself and going off on tangents.. but it probably would have been 10mins anyways if i'd planned and scripted it all before hand anyways. it was only 10mins because i got tired and realised i should probably see how much ive spammed 💀) ("kat... 10 whole minutes? 😭" babes thats not even the worst of it-)

i also like to 'yap' about the stuff i learn in class (my other degree/major is in media and cultural studies) and i just 🤩 have so much to say about some things that i find so so interesting but me talking as much as i do/want to is also just. i find it interesting and really wanna share and talk about it KJNVDSKJVNSK so like yeah, to bring this full circle, is why i've vaguely thought about using medium/substack,,, tbh i thought about just making a sideblog here AHAHA but i cant take myself on tumblr seriously LOL + 'fresh' start on new platform sounds neat mhm mhm but also hehehe (evil) maybe instead of spamming my friend about stuff, i can just write blog posts and she can read it whenever hMMMM thinking thinking,,,

anyways 🧍‍♂️sorry, i was expectin this to be long but it ended up longer than i thought it would HAHA wait no im rereading my ask/reply rn and substack just sounds great bc i can do informal reviews about things i've watched/read aswell AHHHH and yeah like just ??? more personal though explorations/'journaling' kinda vibes as well? HMMM AND and even mini writing pieces--- i literally do not have the time to be considering this rn but here i am wHOOPS okay i'll stop now before this gets even longer 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

hi katttt, i'm so sorry for the late reply :'D apparently i'm in the phase of my life where i can only type out articulated replies on my laptop and not my phone, also week's been sooo hectic i hate being a corporate slave fml <3

lmfao not you tryna find my reply in your inbox sdjskd all's good tho hehe :3ooh medium is ... something, i couldn't really figure it out all that well and also the few times i've tried to read on medium, it's asked me to subsribe or sign up to continue to read? and i just don't ... vibe with that lol

yes yes, tryna write about real life stuff really makes me pause once in a while and just think (?) it through bc writing fiction is gen easier than trying to string together the raw ideas relating irl issues/stuff (for me at least). like it really makes me stop midway and rethink my choice of phrasing stuff or even putting forward an opinion thinking about how its gonna make people percieve me? well, not that its not sumn that doesn't apply to fiction as well bc i kinda think that the way one writes always just brings about some sort of perception of their character and personal views through their words, no matter how subtle ... am i making sense? but fictional writing just lets you cloak it into a 'what-if' situation where any judgement of your story/character(s) is not a direct discernment of your personal opinions whereas talking about irl stuff always comes with that concious load of having your opinions/thoughts being obligated to a verdict (positive/negative/both).

so anywayyy sjhdj, yes it's fun to just write and pursue as a hobby bc its fun communiatingideas and realise that it might not be all that irrelevant as you thought haha :>

and noooo, i absolutely love love LOVE reading yout tags on my fics, like i legit go back to my old writings and read the rb tags and it always makes me so happy :( i do want to continue writing fiction bc its always been a comfort to me to be able to weave stories my way, but i suppose everything has its own time to unfold and settle ... sometimes inspiration hits so bad but the will to write it out is just not there :/ but anyway ! i'm glad that you've enjoyed my writing so far <3

yeah, things don't don't need to work out all the time. i'm realising this the hard way, through adulting. really makes me wanna go back and give my younger self a good whooping on the ass to have ever wanted to grow up fast so desperately. but yeah, hope your shit works out man (✿◡‿◡)

lmaoooo no bc ! its so fun to just simply yap about stuff , that's like writing but ... verbally ,,, you could litch rally make a yap blog and i'd read it alllllll :3 also what book is this, drop the nameeeee :'D no but like i get you not being able to take tumblr seriously bc i was like ! i can't talk about this shit on tumblr ! tumblr's supposed to be for my clownery ! all the grownup stuff needs a different platform altogether sjsdksjd but if you ever consider making a blog, i think i'll read it fo the vibes itself. and the words ofc and opinions and stuff. like that's important too gaaaahhhhh what i'm saying is ,, i think you'd make a really amusing and entertaining blog - in a good way !!

anyway ! i think i needed a medium to unscramble the crap in my brain so the blog served well (even though it was an impulsive decision lol) but yeah ! go for it, you won't regret it. nobody really gaf's in the beginning, like readership is low babes, unless you have friends who will actively read your shit but that's a big comfort to me lololol. not sicouraging you in anyway, but its a point to consider if you're looking for a chill sesh with your own writing haha <3

[coconutcordiale]

steady pt three (i keep all my affection in a paper cup)

pt one | pt two | pt three | masterlist | prequel

pairing- rooster x female bartender!reader (no y/n)

synopsis-

You want to tell her you know how she feels, it’s truly unfair for someone to look this good with that mustache. There’s a bead of sweat rolling down his neck to his collarbone and you want nothing more than to follow it with your tongue. Alice looks like she agrees with you.

Completely unaware of his own effect, Bradley just swipes his card.

warnings- 18+ minors DNI, unprotected sex oops, light daddy kink/bradley bradshaw is a soft daddy dom that just wants to take care of his girl this is the hill i'll die on, overstimulation, oral (f receiving), lil bit of praise kink (can i write smut without someone -especially rooster- saying good girl, prob not), breeding kink if you squint but like...don't it's like half a line & i'm scared of kids so it's not really breeding kink idk, no kink negotiation here so not a good example of what you should do irl, brief mention of past infidelity (no current cheating)

length- 5.6k ish

an- i can't believe this is over this is literally the most difficult thing i've ever written, also for real publix sandwiches are the goat i wouldn't share mine with bradley. I’m sorry the end was so cheesy I hate myself lol ok ily all bye

this chapter title is also from only for a moment by lola marsh lmao i basically wrote 15k based on one song that's less than 3 minutes long

You slam the door a little harder than necessary when you get to the rental car.

“Did you get the closure you needed?” Bradley asks tentatively, probably wary of the chaos you know is simmering under your skin.

“Closure from another person is a myth,” you answer firmly. “Only you can give yourself closure.”

“So, no, in other words.”

You appreciate that he’s at least trying to keep the amusement out of his voice as you repeat his cheesy quotes back to him, but it's short-lived because everything feels too small, too suffocating in the muggy Austin air.

You almost don't tell Bradley, but a part of you recognizes you need to get the words out. That someone else needs know about you and Jake so it doesn't subsist only in your eyes, so it doesn't blind you as it disrupts your field of vision, bright spots of an incoming migraine.

“He said he’s in love with me.”

His knuckles go white around the steering wheel, and you raise an eyebrow.

After a beat he relaxes, tone frustratingly even. “Bold, considering he’s still married, right?”

“Bold,” you scoff. “That’s one way to put it. I didn’t bother to ask. No ring, but we all know how you pilots are about rings.”

“Why?”

You shrug. Because it doesn’t matter.

“I want to ask you something, but you have to promise not to get mad at me,” he continues, gaze fixed on the road.

Even though you know you’re unlikely to get mad at him, you grumble anyways. “No promises.”

“I’m not trying to sound judgmental. You obviously loved him. But can I ask, why you stayed so long? Wasn’t it excruciating?”

Loved. Past tense. You're surprised as you realize how true that feels, that Jake has maybe, finally, become someone you loved and not someone your heart still beats for.

“I’ve never been in a serious relationship before,” you admit, softly, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. “At a certain point, maybe I started to think there was something wrong with me, a reason I wasn’t worth the effort of a real relationship. Like maybe what I had with Jake was better than I would ever get from someone else.”

You hear a pained noise from him, but barrel on, knowing if you don’t get the words out right now, they may live inside you forever.

“It wears on you after awhile. My guy friends are always acting sarcastic about it, wow must be so horrible to be pretty, so shitty that everyone wants to sleep with you. People say it enough, men confirm it with their actions, and eventually, you start to feel like that’s all you’re worth.

You shudder; you’ve never admitted that out loud before.

"I know what it looks like, but it was more than sex. I’d just never felt that way about anyone before.”

Bradley pulls into the parking lot of your hotel, but you’re staring straight ahead, admission having frozen you in place.

“I don’t know how to make you believe you’re worth more than that. Seresin was practically falling apart, and he hasn’t even seen you in almost a year, for fuck’s sake. Those guys that missed out on knowing you, they’re morons.”

He pauses and takes a deep breath, looks over at you and you feel his dark eyes burning into the side of your face.

“Cali, I—if you think he’s being serious, if you want to be with him, I know it’s complicated, but I have your back.”

Any ice that was thawing around you suddenly frosts again.

“You think I should try to work things out,” you say slowly. “With Jake.”

He flinches. “That’s what you’re taking from—fuck, never mind. I didn’t say that. I just want you to know I’m here for you, whatever you decide.”

Your stomach is sinking and you’re not entirely sure why.

“Thank you,” you manage to murmur, squeezing his forearm affectionately before getting out of the car, worried he’ll see the tears forming in your eyes.

It stays sunk as you get back to your hotel room, as you get ready for bed silently, as you bury yourself under the covers and turn your back to him.

He feels miles away in the other bed, somehow farther away than he does with a flight of stairs separating you at home in Florida.

Sure, a mini vacation to a wedding (even if it is to Texas of all places) is a little intense for friends, but that’s yours and Bradley’s thing if you’re being honest. You guys have spent the last six months being a little intense and over-committed. Being the only things to pull each other out of the dark places you longed to hide in.

You agreed to come, as a friend. It’s not like you guys pretended to be dating, it’s not like he didn’t introduce you to everyone as his friend from Florida.

You’re not sure when you started hoping for more, when you started thinking there was something promising constructing itself in the space between your apartments.

+

Rooster immediately knows it was a mistake to visit you at work. But you’re working the early shift and things have been so off since you guys got back from Texas. It’s like you’ve retreated into your shell, like you’ve put back on every layer he spent months peeling away.

You smile when you see him, but there’s something hollow in it, something not all there.

He’s pretty sure he overstepped asking you about Jake, but he doesn’t know how to bring it up again, how to apologize without making it worse.  

He couldn’t help it; he saw how Jake looked at you. Understands how Jake feels, knows all too well the magnetic pull of you, the involuntary twitch of fingers to touch you. But the way you stole glances after you stopped panicking at his presence…well he’s fairly certain you’ve never looked at him the way you tried to hide you were looking at Jake.

He felt all the air empty from the room the moment you two were aware of each other's presence.

Bradley doesn’t know how to compete with a love like that.

Despite all that he can’t stay away from you, can’t spend another night in his apartment wondering what you’re thinking.

Unfortunately, that means he’s in a touristy tiki bar, politely letting a girl chat him up while you busy yourself making sweet cocktails with overcomplicated garnishes just out of his line of sight.

She’s pretty. And nice. She’s drinking a Jungle Bird which he knows you don’t detest making, so he doesn’t feel bad when she orders another to stick around and talk to him. She laughs at his jokes and doesn’t tell him he’s an idiot for not liking The Office. As far as he can tell (given that he met her about five minutes ago) there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Except for the fact that she’s not you, of course.

She excuses herself to the bathroom and you make your way over to his side of the bar, wordlessly putting a fresh beer in front of him.

“You should ask her out,” you suggest. “She’s gorgeous.”

Bradley stalls, blinks twice. His tongue is suddenly sticking to the roof of his mouth. “You think so?”

You roll your eyes. Usually, he secretly loves how much you roll your eyes, the fire that’s always lit behind them. Loves the bratty disposition you manage to express with one little look. He’s always liked how expressive your features are, how he can read your mood before you even say a word.

Right now though, it just makes him uneasy.

“Everyone thinks so, look at her.”

“No—that’s not what I—” he stutters. “I meant, you really think I should ask her out?”

“Yeah, she obviously likes you. It’s not like she’s going to say no.”

Bradley hates the way his heart sinks at your suggestion, but nods anyways, choosing not to correct your assumption that he’s stammering with nervousness over this girl he just met. He desperately wants to change the subject, to make sure he’ll be able to see you outside of the shell you put on for work.

“I have your suitcase at home if you want to get it after work. Sorry, I forgot it was still in the Bronco when I left the other morning.”

When he left for work after carrying your sleeping form up to his apartment, not wanting to risk waking you by searching for the keys to your place, because you looked too peaceful for him to wake up after the flight back.

He forced himself to sleep on the couch, despite how pretty you looked in his bed, how badly he wanted to crawl in with you, tell his students he got stuck in Texas, and keep you in bed with him forever.

He walks home when you tell him you'll come by after Beth takes over, after Jungle Bird slides him her number on a napkin, hoping it’ll clear his head. Sits on the beach, watches the sky darken over the water. Wonders if he should play it cool and wait to text her. Wonders if he even wants to text her at all.

He knows he’s ready to date again after Lauren, has been for a while now, so eventually, he does text, because pining after you isn’t going to get him anywhere.

He thinks he can be your friend, if that's all he's going to get.

He’s just barely gotten through his front door when you knock, sweaty and red-faced.

“Just got back from a run,” you tell him, clearly having seen the question perched on his lips. You’re still breathing a little hard and it’s sending his blood in the opposite direction of where he needs it to be going.

The sweat dripping down into the valley of your breasts is giving him decidedly not friendly thoughts.

“You hate running,” he says instead, brows furrowed.

You shrug. “Did you make plans with the girl from the bar?”

He rubs the back of his neck, feeling awkward.

“Yeah,” he answers finally. “We’re going out this weekend.”

“That’s great,” you say flatly, immediately turning to leave, picking up your forgotten suitcase a little too aggressively, like it’s done something to offend you.

“Hey, wait, hold on.” Bradley reaches out for your arm, tugging gently and forcing you to stop in your tracks. “Are we in a fight right now? Is this about the wedding?”

“No,” you answer petulantly. You won’t meet his eyes, instead staring down at where his fingers encircle your wrist.

“No, we’re not in a fight or no, this isn’t about the wedding?”

“This isn’t about the wedding,” you reply through clenched teeth. “Not entirely, at least.”

He can’t help but let pride swell through him at your words, knowing a few months ago you would’ve lied about being fine until you were blue in the face.

It still feels like he’s taking a shot in the dark, a tiny flicker of hope igniting in his chest. “You told me to ask her out.”

You cringe, face twisting in pain like you just sucked on a lemon. “Only because you were pushing me to go back to Jake! I thought that was what you wanted. I thought—”

You’re breathing hard, but he’s pretty sure your chest is heaving with emotion, not from your run. Your mouth is open to continue when he says your name.

Not Cali. It sounds hard and serious as it passes his lips. You wince and he immediately feels bad.  

“Stop,” he continues firmly, determined not to lose his nerve at the hurt crossing your features, willing himself not to get worked up and loud. “Don’t put words in my mouth. That’s not what I was doing. I know we went to the wedding as friends, but it’s stupid to deny there’s been something building between us for a while now.”

Your expression softens and Bradley knows instantly that you feel it too.

“I just didn’t want you to shut the door on Jake out of some obligation to me. I want you to choose me, for me. Not because I’m not him.”

He sees the moment it clicks for you, the second you start seeing how the wedding must’ve looked through his eyes.

“I’ll never go back to Jake,” you say quietly. “For lots of reasons that have nothing to do with you.”

Something inside him unfurls, anxiety sitting in his stomach loosening, but he’s not done, can’t be done, until his intentions are crystal clear.

“What do you want? Do you even know? Because I know what I want.” He grabs your arms, turning your body to face him fully. Hooks a finger under your chin, making you look up at him as he tries to gather the courage to say this next part. “And I can’t settle for anything less. If you want casual, I can’t give you that.”

“I don’t want you to go out with her.” It’s as good as an admission from you, he knows that.

Dark eyes warm as the beginning of a smile stretches across his face. His chest is lightening, warmth bubbling within. “How come?”

“You’re smart enough to do the math,” you mutter, rolling your eyes. But there’s a bright, happy tinge edging at the corners of your mouth.

He’s full-on grinning now, reaching to pull you into him by the waist. He tucks his face into your hair, so you won’t see the giddy expression on his face. “Tell me anyways.”

“Want you all to myself,” you mumble, lips ghosting over his skin to make him shudder.

You might have more to say, but Bradley used all his patience flying today and his hand tilts your chin to him, lips covering yours before you can make another sound.

You make a tiny mewl in surprise against his mouth as he grips you, tongue sliding past your lips and his blood immediately rushes south.

Making a face when Bradley manages to pull himself away from your lips, you look down at your sweaty sports bra. “I need to shower.”

“Shower here,” he suggests. “I’ll make us dinner. You can spend the night, maybe? And I won’t sleep on the couch this time? I promise I’ll behave.”

Bradley sees his hopeful eyes mirrored back at him when he finally takes a chance to look at your face.

Things are so shakily composed between the two of you, that he’s somewhat afraid if he lets you go back downstairs to your apartment you’ll spiral and come up with a hundred reasons not to give you guys a shot.

Maybe he’s being insecure, sue him.

You seem to understand where he’s coming from, the tenuous connection hanging delicately in the air between the two of you. Nodding, your fingers play with the hem of his shirt fitfully before you rush to his shower, like if you waited for another second you might not be able to peel yourself off him.

He inflates with pride at that too.

Bradley overestimated his abilities, probably, when he promised to behave. He didn’t think about how hard it would be not to think about you naked in his shower while he seeks out ingredients to throw together for dinner.

Didn’t think about how good you’d smell, fragrant with his body wash as you wrap your arms around him from behind.

Bradley’s movements are shaky, and jerky when he turns around to kiss you. He clears his throat, and only just barely keeps himself from running his hands underneath the baggy top that hangs off your shoulders. “Is that my shirt?”

You freeze. “I…yes. Is that okay? I didn’t have anything with me, but I can run downstairs…”

You say something under your breath that he can’t quite make out. Your face is completely unreadable and Bradley’s body flashes hot and cold every other second.

“No, don’t, it, uh, looks good on you,” he says finally when he’s pretty sure he’s not going to rip it in the process of pulling it over your head.

Bradley’s taking deep breaths, using grounding techniques. He breathes in through his nose, and out through his mouth. He knows you’re not trying to tease him. You’re not doing anything, not really.

This is Florida, everyone is scantily clad more often than they’re not.

If he’s going to behave, he’s going to have to tap into that self-control he beat himself over the head with every time he saw you in a bikini before today.

It’s just so much worse now that he’s allowed to touch you.

“It’s hard, with you looking like that in my shirt. I want to fuck you stupid,” he admits.

Your mouth drops open in surprise.

“But I think we should take things slow. I don’t want to mess this up by jumping in before we’re ready.”

His cock twitches when he notices the disappointment you’re not trying very hard to hide.

“Okay,” you pout. “You’re probably right.”

You turn to open the fridge, leaning to grab a water and his shirt rides up a little higher on your already bare legs.

Bradley groans, head falling back to stare at the ceiling. “Baby, you’re killing me.”

+

You can’t believe how much you hated Florida beaches when you first moved. The Keys are beautiful, with endless white sand and clear water.

You convince Bradley to stop by Publix on the way back, with promises of pasta for dinner. You really just want a sub to take to work tomorrow, but you’re not going to tell him that.

The poor cashier practically swallows her tongue when she sees Bradley, shirt open over his bare chest and covered in sand, sunglasses sliding down his nose that’s pink from the sun. He makes sure to look at her name tag and smiles genuinely at her when he asks, Alice, how’s your day going?

You’re going to pass out.

You want to tell her you know how she feels, it’s truly unfair for someone to look this good with that mustache. There’s a bead of sweat rolling down his neck to his collarbone and you want nothing more than to follow it with your tongue. Alice looks like she agrees with you.

Completely unaware of his own effect, Bradley just swipes his card.

It’d be infuriating if it wasn’t so adorable.

This time you’re counting all the ways he’s not Jake, but it’s a good thing. Jake would’ve preened, leaned into smirk, just so he could see the blush rise on the poor girl’s cheeks.

It’s not that that’s bad, you know you do the same sometimes. Smirking at guys you know are giving you a once-over while you make their drinks, sparkle in your eyes because you don’t always hate the attention.

But it’s oddly endearing with Bradley, how he doesn’t seem to know the effect he has on people. Like he doesn’t fly multi-million-dollar planes for a living, like he couldn’t use that to get any girl he wanted in his bed.

He’s just being mean when you guys get to the car, flinging his unbuttoned shirt off and into the back of the Bronco and muttering something about tan lines.

Your mouth is watering.

When you get back to your complex, you snag his forgotten shirt and form a plan.

“Caliiiiiii,” Bradley sings as he bursts into your apartment. It’s a good thing you never listened to Beth about locking your front door because shirtless Bradley Bradshaw is a sight to behold. “Showered so you wouldn’t complain about—”

You hear him stop dead in his tracks at the entrance to your kitchen. When you look over your shoulder at him those plush lips are parted, eyes roaming over the back of you. You’re clad in one of his marginally less offensive button-ups (at least there aren’t any birds on it), thrown hastily over your bikini.

“How gentlemanly of you to shower for dinner with little ol’ me,” you giggle. “But I have to admit I haven’t had time for more than rinsing the sand off.”

He ignores you completely, tone accusing like you hadn’t spoken at all. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

You consider denying it but can’t fully hold back the smirk forming. “Well, you seemed to enjoy it when I wore your shirt last time.”

Bradley just nods dumbly.

“Anyways, don’t get too excited, this is one of three dishes I can actually make, but I thought we’d…” You trail off because he’s suddenly right behind you, crowding you so you feel the heat radiating from him as he brackets you with his arms.

“Nope,” he says tersely. “Dinner can wait. Turn off the stove.”

He turns you around so he can kiss you, slow and deliberate. His tongue slides between your lips assertively, hands tapping on your thighs as a sign for you to hop backward and up on the counter. “Tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

“Wait, what?” You ask, but he’s already on his knees.

You should’ve known then and there he was going to be nothing but trouble.

The first time Bradley makes you come, you’re still in the kitchen. He’s kneeling with his face buried in your pussy, skimpy bathing suit bottoms long flung behind him, lips curled around your clit insistently even as your thighs clutch his head in a way that must be uncomfortable. After all his talk of wanting to wait and do things right, it’s almost funny. Would be, if your mind wasn’t currently busy whiting out.

The second time, he drags you to the living room before you’ve had any time to recover and pulls your back against his chest in front of the couch. The tall mirror in the corner of the living room displays the absolute debauchery unfolding on the floor in the middle of your apartment.

“Keep your legs open, baby. You can do that, right? Be good for me?”

You’re nodding before you even know what you’re doing, head jerking up and down like a bobblehead.

“Fuck, look at you,” he croons in between the nips he’s determinedly pressing on your neck. Barely even a command, you still look up, watching your reflection as his lips trace across the top of your shoulder, mustache leaving red marks in its wake. One hand is busy tugging the strings of your bathing suit top loose so he can toss it out of his way, while the other drifts to tease your inner thighs.

Bronze eyes meet yours in the mirror and he grins, like the cat that got the canary. “Gorgeous, darlin’.” And then he pushes two fingers into you without warning, the stretch making you keen as your head falls back on his shoulder. “You’ve no idea how much I’ve thought about you like this.”

“Ohmygo—Bradley.” You turn your head to kiss him, but it ends up being little more than your lips slotting together and you moaning straight into his mouth as he fucks his fingers in relentlessly, your hands gripping his arms like they can’t decide if they want to pull him in closer or push him away, oversensitive as you are from his mouth.

You sink into him, into his hands, his grip. Let it erase the gravity that keeps you tethered to the ground, let yourself flutter high above the clouds.

You don’t even realize how close you are until he curls his fingers inside you to graze that soft spot, thumbing at your clit. His other hand palms your tit and tweaks your nipple at the same time his teeth close on your neck and you’re done for, letting it crash into you, cunt clenching around his fingers and back arching away from his chest.

It takes you a few seconds to come down, eyes closed as you blindly turn your head in search of Bradley’s mouth. He kisses you sweetly, but briefly and you make a noise of discontent when he pulls away. You open your eyes to glower at him but when you do, you see a filthy gleam in his eyes that warms you straight to your core like you didn’t just come twice in two different rooms of your house.

His fingers are suddenly pressing at your lips, and you watch his eyes glaze over as you take them in and suck, licking your release from his fingers. You’re suddenly very, very aware of how hard he is behind you, thighs clenching at the realization that he’s straining against his shorts, grinding against your ass because he’s so turned on from getting you off.

God, he’s so perfect it’s not even fair.

His digits in your mouth are giving you your own wicked ideas, about returning the favor as you wriggle your way around to face him. It’s a good thing his other arm immediately goes to support you because you’re pretty sure your legs are made of jelly.

He seems to read your mind, or maybe just the way your cheeks hollow around his fingers as you look down to the bulge in his pants, lips already forming wicked promises as he pulls his hand away from you. “Next time, baby. Need to be inside you.”

The high-pitched whimper that leaves you at that would be embarrassing if you could currently remember that you have downstairs neighbors. You can’t, though, so who cares.

“Want you to ride me,” he grunts. “Have to see how gorgeous my girl looks bouncing in my lap. Can you do that for me?”

To be honest, you’re not sure you can. It’s a 50/50 chance your legs will give out the moment Bradley stops holding you up, but you want to, want to so badly.

You nod anyways, figuring odds are Bradley will catch you if you melt into the floor, and he swings around so he can lay flat on the rug. His shirt slips off your shoulders, getting trapped around your elbows as you lean forward to support yourself on his chest. You’re about to fling it off when he makes a strangled noise, hands going to bring the material back up.

“Baby, please.” There’s a little whine in Bradley’s voice that turns you inside out. “Keep it on.”

That sweetness, that little crack in his dominance is way hotter than it has any right to be.

You make quick work of his shorts, biting your lip as you pull him out, his tip red and leaking precum.

“Christ, Bradley, this how you got your callsign?” You manage to mumble as he pulls you up to balance your hand on his chest again.

The bastard winks. “I know you can take it. Been so good for me, why stop now?”

Using your free hand to guide you, you sink down slowly, not bothering to hold in the moans at the stretch of him.

Stars are bursting behind your eyes that are squeezed tight against the intensity of it, your slick walls are oversensitive and shaking already. Bradley’s hands are clenched on your hips, trying not to move before you’re ready.

You roll your hips, starting to find your rhythm, and he groans, head thumping back against the floor.

When he looks back up at you his eyes are almost completely black. “Look so fucking beautiful bouncing on my cock, darlin'.”

He reaches up to grab your tits, thumbs brushing over your nipples just to make you squirm even more, before trailing his fingers down to your clit as he starts shifting up to meet the grind of your hips and it’s so much, too much, sending sparks straight through you.

You shudder. “Bradley—da—I can’t.”

There’s something knowing in his gaze, at your pace stuttering, at your half-formed words trying to claw their way out of your throat. He slows as you do, ever so slightly pulling his finger from your clit. “Need a break, baby?”

You bite your lip, refusing to meet his molten gaze, giving only a tiny shake of your head, trying to find your rhythm again.

When he smirks, you can feel it permeating the air around you. “That’s what I thought. One more, I know you can give me one more.”

He plants his feet flat on the floor behind you, giving himself the power and leverage to fuck you in earnest from below. You’re trembling, you know sounds are leaving your mouth, but you’ve no idea if they’re words at this point.

You’re not fluttering above the clouds anymore, you’re flying, speeding through, fast and hard and riotous.

Bradley’s voice is low and gravelly, but he’s looking up at you with reverence. “It’s okay, baby, you can let go. I’ve got you, gonna take care of my girl.”

“Daddy,” you whine, any sense of coherency, shame, or worry having left you two orgasms ago.

The sound that rips from Bradley’s chest at that is rough and guttural, hands going to your hips in a bruising hold. “That’s right, gonna come for daddy like a good girl, aren’t you?”

You’re nodding, babbling, keening yesdaddyyesfuckbradley�� You dig your nails into his chest as it hits you. Electricity ripples under your skin, through your veins, dominoes cascading down and hitting every nerve ending in your body. It’s right on the edge of pain, body worn out and spent from tensing and releasing.

“Fuck, baby, so gorgeous when you come on my cock, gonna fuck my girl so full,” he grunts, big hands bouncing you like a ragdoll in his lap.

Even through the fog, his words hit you hard. “Fuck—please, daddy.”

His thrusts get shallower, wilder, before his back arches from the floor, mouth spilling incoherent praise, holding you down onto him as he spills inside of you.

You slump down onto him, the only sound in the room yours and Bradley’s heavy breathing.

You’re falling apart, body trembling and shaking, and you’re still on the floor. You’ve no idea how you’ll survive when Bradley finally takes you to a bed.

“Jesus,” he whispers. “And here I was thinking you couldn’t get any hotter.”

You flush pink immediately, wincing as you move to get off him, wetness sliding down your thighs. He scoops you up almost immediately, carrying you to the shower and mumbling under his breath about making sure to keep daddy’s cum inside of you.

“Oh my god, Bradley,” you whine. “I can’t go again."

The pasta is completely unsalvageable by the time you get out of the shower. He’s lucky you’re willing to share your precious sandwich with him.  

When you see your downstairs neighbor the next day, she immediately reddens and turns on her heel to get away from you.

+

You’re back at the beach when Penny gets a call from you.

“Burning off some energy,” you tell her when she asks what you’re up to. “I’ve had a lot of that lately.”

“Should’ve just let me introduce you to Rooster from the beginning.”

“Who says this has anything to do with Rooster?” You ask, even though both of you know you’re lying through your teeth.

“Nothing wrong with being happy, honey.” You can hear her smiling through the phone.

“I might actually be happy?” You joke. “Is that what this is?”

“You guys are in the honeymoon phase. Every song on the radio is about you, neither of you can do anything wrong—”

“Oh, he does plenty wrong, believe me—”

Penny isn’t bothering to hide her laugh anymore, but her tone is still soft and caring. “It’s sweet. Rooster’s a good guy. He’s been through a lot.”

“He is. I’m kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop,” you admit. “Wish I could just enjoy it.”

“It’s hard. You don’t give your heart away easily,” Penny responds like you’re easy to read, easy to understand.

Maybe you are.

“You wouldn’t be taking this chance unless he was worth it,” she adds when you don’t answer, too busy thinking about how maybe that mask you’ve always worn isn’t as opaque as you thought it was.

Maybe that’s fine. Maybe you really are as strong as you pretended to be with that mask.

That’s the thing about masks. Sometimes you realize they’re more a part of you than you ever thought. When you thought you were faking it the whole time.

“He’s definitely worth it.”

Rooster raises an eyebrow at you, having come back to the tree you’ve taken residence under.

“Talking about my other boyfriend,” you tease, trying not to get distracted by the swimsuit that seems to be riding lower than it was before he ventured into the water.

“Hand the phone to Rooster, I want to talk to him.”

You giggle, sticking it out in his direction. “Penny wants to talk to you.”

“If you think my loyalty here lies with you, you're sorely mistaken,” Penny says, warning dancing all over her tone.

“You don’t have to be worried, Pen.” Bradley looks at you, eyes warm, fingers drifting up your legs. “If anyone’s gonna get their heart broken here, it’s me.”

d a y 3 6 7

You don’t notice the date, but a year since you moved to Florida, almost to the day, you realize you’re in love with Bradley Bradshaw.

As it turns out, loving Bradley is like flying high above the clouds.

[purrvaire]

so. this is going to be a personal post, free to skip etc

cw // grieving

today it's my granny's bday. she passed away in July - she would be 93 today - after being sick for quite sometime. and i guess im feeling it particularly bc life has been absurd and i didnt have much time for processing when it happened - i had to help mum sort out stuff before and after the funeral, uni exams of course didn't stop for me. like, i realized i have troubles dealing with it bc i gathered the courage to watch the last video mum took of her - the day before she passed - only yesterday and it hurt so bad. anyway, i don't want to wallow in painful memories so ill tell you some of the happy ones <3

me and my grandma were very close; she lived with me while i was growing up and we used to share a room; she had her quirks, mind you, my sister and her would fight a lot and, as always, i was left to placate both of them lol but the thing is, she was always ready to listen. when i came back from school, i would tell her all about my day and my friends. in the last months i needed to repeat her stuff bc her memory failed her a bit. and she helped me as far as she could with school or, when she wasn't able bc she finished school at 15, she would listen. And she was so interested in what I was learning! Istg I prepared a whole ass exam about linguistics and she wanted to hear all about it! When I had exams, she would comfort me the day before and she was the first person I would call after bc I knew she would be waiting anxiously for me to call. Actually, I had an exam at the end of July and I got the top mark (30 e lode, which I guess is A+? Idk) and I had to stop myself from calling her number, it was so automatic the routine we had.

When she could still read easily, we used to read books together; we read the Secret Garden and Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice and Anne of Green Gables - the last one was the topic of my undergraduate dissertation which I dedicated to her.

AND my old lady was such a great football fan! NO BUT SERIOUSLY she wouldn't miss a match, we supported the same team of course and she would get fond of players too LMAO the night she was hospitalised, I remember she didn't want to leave home because - and I quote - she was busy watching the Champions League. I get it from her. In fact, this year, chances are that my team could win the league after 30+ years and it's bittersweet, you know? Knowing that she isn't there to enjoy it.

Anyway, I'm typing this while I'm waiting at the hairdresser - she liked my hair long and was sad when I cut it but anyway she believed it suited me - and tomorrow I'm taking a plane to Belgium to visit a friend; I'm telling you bc I can't tell her. She was very religious - as all old southern italian ladies are - while I'm not so much anymore, but just for today I'll believe she is watching me from up there. 🤍

[uwusillygirl]

i truly loved reading your thoughts about this. it would be so fun if maybe you could occasionally post recs of your favorite books/movies/shows and maybe briefly share opinions on them? only if that would be fun for you of course! i'm just saying i, and i'm positive many of your readers/followers, would be delighted to see them!

you are absolutely right regarding NP featuring a parade of horrifying clueless men masquerading as doms where all of marianne's masochistic tendencies seem to get repeatedly exploited without the scenes being "resolved" in any meaningful or helpful way. & instead of an ideal result of her feeling somewhat better and at peace, they leave her the same raw bleeding wound of a girl. and your take on connell needing to prove to himself he's good and good TO marianne when in reality many times he has been anything but... really brilliant. i don't think i've ever thought of it that way, as lost as i was in my harrumphing about what i took as rooney's repeated portrayal of slow vanilla sex being equated to true quasi-soulmate-bond love and affection. though i am first to admit i am a very sensitive girl who will immediately take things to heart if i see myself in a piece of fiction, and sometimes miss the bigger literary analysis picture. i'm so glad i sent an ask! also lol @ paul and daisy definitely sacrificing some canon information to say get behind me BDSM baddies of all types we got y'all. (also idk if you've seen/heard but paul mescal is in a film called "aftersun" that i believe is playing in select theaters right now which from my understanding is a very dreamy and melancholy potentially-hysterical-tear-inducing two hours of him being a young girl dad. i have not seen it yet because i think it might actually break my brain in a very dangerous way that i am not equipped for atm, and i am already pre-mourning my sanity and emotional stability for when i finally bite the bullet)

also as someone who has full on sobbed to your beautiful cathartic words many times over, i am grateful to you for exploring freaky mentally unstable girls who maybe should re-evaluate their relationship to sex but also maybe shouldn't because sometimes it's ok to be insane and slutty if you have a partner to support you through it! if drugs can't fix you maybe having 15 orgasms in a row can! even though i think i am different from your chrissy in many ways, i have never felt so validated by a character and never felt so hopeful and fulfilled seeing her clawing her way to happiness. sometimes it feels like you've taken stuff from the darkest stickiest ugliest parts of my brain and put it on paper and i'm like ok well now i've got to have a three week crisis to deal with this now, except it usually ends in some necessary acceptance and potential healing and always at least a temporary period of bright hope for the future (which is so difficult to come by some days). so thank YOU!

i loved reading what you had to say, as well! thank you so much for sharing (u actually got my brain all crazy and now i'm writing a little something that'll hopefully be up tonight lmao)! i would be SO happy to share recs (including ones tailored to specific interests!) if that's something people would like! anyone can lmk! i watch and read a shit ton for my work, actually, so i'm always so happy to share thoughts. it'll give my loved ones a break from my random excitable rants, too.

going a little out of order here, but i have found that the day i let go of trying to understand, rid of, or narrativize my sexuality, gender expression, and sexual interests and just say "whether it came from some event or is inherent or is a choice, it just is what it is, and that's okay" it paradoxically became way less of an issue for me, and way easier to express what i like and want just for the sake of it. in my opinion, there's only so much exploring we can do before it becomes a sort of ouroboros of "i'm trying to work stuff out for me" turning into "i'm trying to be sexually palatable in a new way".

"get behind me bdsm baddies" is so fucking funny. i have actually seen aftersun and was one of the original hysterical criers over it. i can confirm it is a life ruiner, and yet i'm going in for a rewatch on sunday. best movie of the year in my opinion!

i am so flattered that first one's free has moved you! it's more than okay to be insane and slutty! i don't know you, but can pretty confidently say that your darkest stickiest ugliest parts of your brain are not that bad if my chrissy expresses them - she may think she's a mess but i think she (and anyone who resonates with her) is doing just great and is a good person deserving of good things <3 if i didn't believe that then i'd also be so fucked lmao.

hope the near future brings you those good things! glad to hear you're finding spaces to feel hopeful.

please send an ask whenever, i'm so glad you reached out!

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Hey Kat, hope you're doing well! Long-time follower, first-time asker lol. My question is about handling envy or comparison to others in a relationship.

My best friend is someone I've known for many years, and we both do the same course at university. He's fantastic, love him to death, all that stuff and I know he feels the same about me.

When it comes to our university course, he consistently does better than me. We both work incredibly hard and are almost always No1 and 2 in the class, in which I'm always #2.

I genuinely feel proud when he shares his grades with me, and enjoy watching him do better and better, but I feel... something else at the same time. I get annoyed at myself for not being as good, I get almost annoyed at him for always being just a few marks ahead, just that one question ahead. It's not really jealousy, but I worry it could reach that point.

I feel like if I was further behind, it wouldn't bother me? But it's literally only 2-3% every time, and whilst it never used to bother me, it's started to frustrate me these past couple of weeks. I find myself less proud of my work, because when I tell him my results I know his will come back just that little bit higher. But I don't want him to know that, because I want to keep supporting him and showing him how proud I am of his work.

And I know, I know, grades aren't everything, but we take a very intensive course so it takes up a lot of our lives, and I LOVE my course and subject and want to do as well as I can, so given how often we hang out (we're best friends, like I said) and just how close our marks are...yeah, idk. It's just started getting to me. He's a few years older and like an older brother to me, I aspire to be like him when I reach that age, so it's upsetting that I've been thinking this way lately.

To summarize, how do I pull my head out of my ass and make myself realize that it doesn't matter if he's a little ahead? Hell, how do I make myself accept that I'm doing the best I can and regardless of what grades I get I shouldn't compare myself to anyone, even if they are a friend? I get annoyed with myself for these feelings.

As you already know, there's no pressure to answer unless you want to! Have a nice day, Kat!

Changing an automatic thought pattern is really hard, but with enough effort and persistence, it's often possible. So start catching yourself before your thoughts begin to spiral and repeat an affirmation like "school isn't a competition." You won't believe it immediately, but if you keep at it, you will begin to internalize it.

[ackermanshoe]

Edited lmao: warning this is kinda pointless and alot of farfetched theory and a veryyy long post please read at your own risk 🤡

Edit again: my analysis when I started it 1 month ago: 👩‍💼🖨️📇✒️🖋️✏️

My post now: 🤡🤡🤡🕯️🕯️🤡

Edit: I started writing this like ages ago but I don't see my own point with this writting and I'm editing it after reading @nini14 's Ackerman breaking the cycle analysis and I feel like both of these go hand in hand. So without further ado:

Triangles

Let's see as we all are made aware that aot significantly revolves around trios of friends such as the following :

Although these are the main trios that is noticeable, other trios can be made out by taking some characters from their original trios to make trios based on looks / character and dynamics. And this is where my argument comes in with this trio:

Their dynamic has always been mother father and son. Now let me explain, idk if anyone has heard about the drama triangle but here

These terms can be applied to MLE trio, Levi being the persecutor, Mikasa is the rescuer and the victim being Eren. In the first 3 seasons at least, Eren was being taken away and his decisions constently put him in danger, Levi being the persecutor who always gives Eren what he deserves for being a pain the ass and Mikasa being the rescuer always siding with Eren and protecting him no matter what. Do you see it?

This is Mikasa to a T.

The following is an example of the dad being the rescuer and the son "junior" being a victim, and much like Eren, could possibly refuse the hand that is helping him.

So that being said now that we have an understanding of their dynamics in the relationship, let's get back to understanding a triangle. Did you know triangles are one of the strongest shape because it has three sides that rely on each other hence shifting their energies on to each side and it makes the perfect shape for a bridge, architectures favourite. Why am I tell you this?

Because these dynamics that every trio is made up of in aot is because they have strong relationships.

Someone mentioned isayama loves putting move triangles and I couldn't help but agree, look at how many times he has placed Eren historia and an angry Mikasa? And subtly he has always ( to me at least) hinted the love triangle between Levi Mikasa and Eren, outside of their father-mother-son dynamic. Personally this makes sense to me the most, fueled by mikasa's dream. A choice was there to make and she unknowingly chose Levi.

Now this brings me to the death of all the trios Levi has been part of, from Isabel & Farlan to hanjo & Erwin to where we are now. Our situation before S4 was EMA+Levi = 4 people but we all know that a square isn't as strong as a triangle so something shifted. Eren, even with him in it Armin and him were more connected as for Levi and Mikasa as a pair it was more obvious. Especially in the conversation EMA had in that stare place as depicted on @gilly-bj 's analysis on similarities between rivamika and Mika's parents. Not only was Mikasa placed directly next to Levi although being feets apart in reality but her lines "another conversation only you two understand" it. Visually and verbally divided Mikasa from Eren and Armin and connected her to Levi. Both alone.

Yet another triangle placed by isayama intentionally or not is Armin Mikasa and Levi.

Because a triangle represents the process of recycle and reuse it also represent the cycle of life, an on going thing that doesn't stop, a history that repeats itself. And going back to Ackerman finally breaking this cycle of tragic fate, will they?

The fact that the whole manga series start at chapter 0 is very suspicious in it self. Why does it isyamaa? A 0, a circle that comes back around? A 0 which represents both the ending and the beginning? Why is the 1st chapter called "to you, 2000 years from now"? ( That's such a fucking impactful chapter name gives me chills )

Before my theory start I just wanna add that the story started from a narrative perspective makes me wanna believe in rivamika even more. Did eldians share the same fate in 2000 years? Who knows, but I know for sure Erens and mikasa's dynamic as the impulsive hotheaded doer and their protective calm but strong friend thinker will continue forever just like the never ending triangles.

I forgot all these ppls names on chaoter 0 so PLS bare with me.

The main dude who heavily resembles Mikasa even tho he is a man, has a incredible power just like the Ackerman's as a human AND he can shift into a titan???? Last time I checked weren't Ackerman's the bio product of titans? Remember is science is on a ongoing journey and forever progressing towards the impossible ;)

Hmmm

The little girl who resembles Gabi, who has the same dynamic as Eren, the girl also looks up to his inhumanly powers, a little too much alike Eren's idolisation of Levi ( and looking up to Mikasa's strength I think )?

Lastly, chapter 0 makes me believe it was set in the future. Look at the buildings, 2 story buildings I don't remember seeing buildings like this in the pre time skip era have you? I could be wrong tho.

If Isayama is as smart as we think he is then he might have related this chapter to the whole plot of aot. 🤷 Or it could mean something. And here's where my theory comes in and it may not be the most favourable for eldians. Let me start with the good part tho, the guy who looked like Mikasa is could be a descendant from the Ackerman clan, but he isn't half and half like Mikasa and Levi, he's full blooded. Which might be why he has the power to shift ( idk this kinda don't make sense since Mikasa and Levi can't buy hush )

So let's say rivamika got married had a family they always wanted and had the peaceful life and 2000 years from then this guy^ existed. Oddly familiar to great great great grammakasa 💀💀.

The cycle never ended for eldians, the whole world could still be mad at them for Erens action and has the prejudice against them for a long time. And the fact that they can shift is never going to change even 2000 years in the future. And the guy ( omg I keep calling him the guy cause I literally can not be bothered figuring out his name ) who lives in a far more developed society with richer civilization within the wall. It could be possible that Ymir or someone erased the eldians memories ONCE AGAIN after the rumbling ended. Because Mikasa levi weren't effected they probably were excused and got to live as they pleased. This dude is also the reason why I believe isayama does not consider the Ackerman's as side characters at all. In the end the story might have actually started with them, alluding to "the ending is just the beginning" as said by kingsama himself. ( Wtf am I saying lol )

So yeah in conclusion as I said yes story is weirdly really influenced by a large amount of triangles and loops. And yes ackerman probably would break the cycle of death after all living through hell fighting hell all for what? If not recreating into a heaven, giving it new life. I do believe in rivamika living the life they are destined for with each other but eldians fate might just be too tragic for me to see them as truly free people who gets to roam around outside the walls as they please.

I guess my point is that everything that goes around will come around, that will bring good karma for the Ackerman's and maybe a repeation of the past for the rest of the world. 😩😩 I think I fully somehow believe Eren is gone for good. Unless isayama draws him waking up from a long dream on his bed then 💀👀👀 I will throw myself away.

Thank you for reading 💞 once again I'm so sorry this post isn't as good as I'd like it to be I am sleep deprived right now and it isn't worded as well as of like it to be. But hope my delulu ness was enjoyable at least. ✌️💀

[alien-baby-boy]

For a long time I had few questions in my head ...

1. Do you prefer lawlight in : before yotsuba arc, in yotsuba arc, after yotsuba arc

2. Whats better ?

- Lawlight when Light is normal Light (just like in yotsuba arc)

or

- Lawlight when Light knows that he is Kira

3. What will Yagami Family think when they will figure out that their TopOneTheBestSonUnderTheSun is dating that one autistic fucked up bottom biotch called L? (sry I have to wrote that xD)

I'm sorry for spreading myself out so much, but I rly love you're headcanons and I want to know what you think about that.

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night idk when will you answer :DD

thank you!! that is so sweet & i'm glad you like them! i love talking to you guys & it's awesome when i see a user like a bunch of my things! it's afternoon here, so good afternoon to you as well :)

-

1. Do you prefer lawlight in: before yotsuba arc, in yotsuba arc, or after yotsuba arc?

i personally read a lot of aus, but pre-yotsuba is my favourite, especially when they're just getting to know each other & Light frantically changes his plans to recruit L instead of killing him

it's honestly not that hard to convince L to commit war crimes, as long as they have fun & don't have to reveal themselves

Light gives L Misa's old death note (which she gave up to live a happy life but retained her memories of it) so L could do his killing & researching criminals with Kira from the comfort of their (shared) bed

2. What's better? Lawlight when Light is normal or Lawlight when he knows that he's Kira?

Kira!Light by just a hair

i really like the idea of Light bringing L over to Kira's side & i feel like a lot of their tension that ultimately brought them closer was from them being two sides of the same coin. Kira & L, world's best serial killer & world's best detectives. i think L joining Kira could be really nice & fluffy, if done right.

3. What will the Yagami family think?

their reactions are ,,,varied. i don't personally headcannon L as autistic, but he definitely has some sort of mental illness. i agree that L is a fucked up bottom bitch, though.

i've actually answered this before, so i might repeat some points :)

Soichiro is not homophobic, but, really, Light? you chose him? why not a nice young officer or fellow university student? if he knows who L really is, at first he's worried that L took advantage, but Light is quick to reassure that's not the case & if anything, he was the one taking advantage of L. either way, Soichiro sees how happy L makes Light & how they already have a million inside jokes and approves after a few weeks

Sachiko has never seen Light look at any of his "girlfriends" like that and remembering how her relationship with Soichiro started so she thinks it's fate. they both get the talk from her & they're both mortified. it's Light's third time getting the talk, but L's first.

Sayu immediately loves L & thinks he's so cool since he wears eyeliner (aka his dark circles), he's foreign, and L will answer her taboo questions or let her play dress up with him & L has taught her a few new tricks on how to hide minor things from her parents. honestly, Sayu was jealous at first that some random teenager was going to take Light away & steal all his time, but that never happened. L was always polite & nice & didn't demand attention from Light 24/7

so, they all eventually warmed up to the relationship after seeing how happy L made Light & the fact Light finally found his equal.

-

that's all the headcannons i have right now, but i'll be here if you want to hear more later! (especially spicy headcannons lol)

[fonulyn]

3, 13, 28, 37, 38, 39 for the writer meme

thank you for asking! :D

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

ehhhhhh I try to never say never because you can often find some kind of circumstances where pretty much anything works? :'D but there are a lot of tropes i'm not very drawn towards. most notably maybe A/B/O, which seems very popular in a lot of fandoms.

but tropes are good! even the most cliche idea can be fun to write and that's what we're in this for, fun :'D so who knows!

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

already answered this. but uhm. another one could be the "don't be afraid to use the characters actual names" because honestly, repeating them won't sound stupid. coming up with a new way to refer to a character in every sentence is what rather pulls the reader out of the moment, if anything.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

i think i'm gonna mention @tirsynni and @kneesofthebee at once, because the reasoning is pretty much the same lol: I really enjoy both their characterizations, and I really like their clear, concise writing styles! it's always so nice to read. plus, both of them have written very excellent nivannedy, which is a direct route into my heart :'D

as for the third, hm. i think i'm gonna be self-centered for a moment here and say me :'D simply because I give me what I want!

37. Talk about your current wips.

right now I'm actively working on two nivannedy fics; one is a direct sequel to the self-indulgent verse, and pretty much picks up where the previous part left off. i'm so excited to get them further in their journey :D this next part isn't yet going to be where I get them married lmao but we're getting there!

another one I'm working on right now is based on a dream I had lmao. Piers and Leon have history, but Leon broke it off a bit over a year before the fic takes place. and then they're stuck together trying to save a bunch of children from an infected village, and of course old feelings flame up again :'D

i've got a bunch of other fics I'm planning but those I haven't actually started properly writing? always happy to talk about those too tho if anyone's interested.

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

this is gonna sound like such a cop-out but honestly, any and all of them. every single time I get a comment notification I light up like a damn christmas tree, I kid you not :'D i go from :((( to :DDDD in a second ahaha. but I gotta admit, the comments that actually point out what parts of the fic they enjoyed, maybe even quote stuff back at me? those are the absolute best.

39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I've been incredibly lucky and haven't gotten many mean comments. there's one that sometimes still pops up in my head but nowadays it doesn't cause more than a tinge of irritation anymore, thankfully. and idk. thus far I've just deleted them. I don't want to see them in the fic, I don't want to engage with them if they're just being rude, so deleting the comment seems like the most efficient way to go. but I do often show them to a friend or two first, to talk it through, both to make myself feel better and to see if there's actually some point to the comment i should consider.

thanks for asking, again! :D

[sawamura-daichis-thighs]

For the writer asks! - 5, 8, 14, 19 and 20 💖

ahh, thank you!! ٩(◕‿◕)۶💖

meta asks:

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

I'm primarily writing for JJK (& a bit of Haikyuu!! too) atm, so I'd have to say Megumi. He's always struck me as a more introverted character than broody or stoic; he's pragmatic but has moments where emotion overrides his logic, cares so much about his few close family/friends, and is developing confidence in himself/his abilities, all of which I can definitely relate to. Also, we both think Yuuji is the epitome of goodness and sunshine, so there's that lol.

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

Overall, yeah! Sometimes I get in a mood for some light angst, but not often, which is why the majority of my fic is hurt/comfort and fluff. I also enjoy reading long fic, as well as fantasy AUs (I'm actually a huge sucker for pirate/mermaid AUs!), though I don't really write them myself anymore.

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

Oof, usually at the end right before posting. Very rarely do titles make themselves known to me beforehand or during a fic. I usually just browse through my pretty words tag until I find something that feels right lol. I think plant kisses like seeds and love's only demand is that we fall are the only titles that were 100% known before the fic(s) were written.

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

For sure! Y'all know I love tropes like first kisses, friends-to-lovers, sharing a bed, and nightmare-induced h/c. I've written a couple of fics using some variant of the phrase "hands out in front of [them] like [they're] placating a wild thing", because the symbolism of earning the trust of a frightened creature in relation to emotionally fragile characters is just *chefs kiss* to me, and I know I use "startled out of [their] reverie" a lot. I give a lot of attention to describing heartbeats and eyes too, I think. (Sometimes I get a little too in my head about it when I realize I'm reusing the same tropes/adjectives/phrasing but I figure that's just my writing style.)

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Ugh, I wish I could answer this question for LOD because I could probably ramble about that for a while, but since it's not published yet I hope this is okay! I remember writing this section of on purpose, i love him and wondering if anyone would catch on to the double-meaning:

Love is the greatest curse of all, he remembers Gojo saying once, not directed at Megumi but hollow beneath his breath as if he were reminding himself, and although his eyes had been covered Megumi could tell his gaze was far away, focused on some distant memory that he couldn’t begin to imagine. Of all the lessons Gojo’s taught him over the years, this is the one that Megumi understands best.

He fell in love with a dead man, after all. The fact that he manages to return doesn’t make that fact any less true. Still, despite knowing this can only end in tragedy, Megumi chooses Itadori anyway. Grabs on with a white-knuckled grip and refuses to let go no matter the inevitable agony because Megumi’s a sorcerer and sorcerers exist to exorcise curses and Itadori Yuuji the boy deserves to be loved wholly.

Which is that Megumi, as a sorcerer, intends to exorcise the "curse" of love by allowing himself to love Yuuji unconditionally (Idk if that makes sense??). Also, it's a bit of a parallel to SatoSugu's relationship, though ItaFushi's is (hopefully) headed for a better endgame.

[clarz-cc-archive]

answered May 12, 2020

Q: hi!! i was the one who asked about re: hobi and age hierarchy - thank you for your answer!! i would agree with what you said about hoseok very much letting the hyung line dictate their friendship whereas he pushes around the maknaes a lot more. and ive seen those instances of hoseok being a little miffed whenever the maknaes use banmal with him (kind of endearing, i shouldn't be laughing at his anger but its kind of adorable how pouty he gets sometimes) but i would now like to ask you thoughts on hopekook! i adore hopekook to the max and can't stop talking about them. I find them to be interesting because as you've mentioned before, members have said they were super close when they debuted, they're pretty affectionate with each other and love each other a lot, but i guess when i examine their personalities and the way they seem to process things they're just pretty different?? so i'd love to hear your thoughts on them, and feel very free to just link me to any posts you've already spoken on hopekook before, im a noob with curiouscat and am not sure if there's a search function so if you'd rather me just like search myself im happy to do that too!! id hate for you to keep repeating yourself haha. i am now going to proceed to read through more of your curiouscat answers because i just love your galaxy brain, my gosh.

A: hopekook 🥺 my babies and my first otp!!! and i think you're right, i see them as being very different in terms of how they process stuff, but jungkook has said multiple times that he thinks he and hobi are very similar (like i think at one point he even said he felt like they were the same person?), so i just!! really wanna know what he means!!! i think hopekook is such a comfort ship for me because i really don't think their relationship is very fraught. they seem to understand each other very well and they share a) a lack of fluency for communicating their feelings in words as well as b) an excess of fluency in multiple other forms of non-verbal communication (dancing, cuddling, body language, playful physical touch, etc) that i think makes them really interesting to me. i think i love them so much (like, beyond the fact that they're my favorite and second-favorite members, lol, which is really probably the main reason) partly because i'm so interested in the ways people communicate and understand each other beyond the words we say to one another, and i personally feel like they're the best ship for exploring that. with hopekook i just really love how close they seem to be and how secure they seem with each other. i've said before that i think hobi is like jungkook's human security blanket and i fully stand by that, i mean he's always smelling him and he used to sleep in his bed all the time because it smelled good and good smells make him feel safe and they're always kissing each other's necks and also like choking each other at fansigns for fun (and horn) and they're so un-self-consciously affectionate and it brings me so much joy to watch them. part of what i enjoy about hopekook too is that, and this is like a SUPER speculative personal opinion here, but i think a lot of the reason they're able to communicate so well and exist in such security with one another is partly because all of their time knowing each other has been in the context of ot7 and bts, so they ARE forced to verbalize their feelings to one another, either at the weekly dorm meetings or performatively on camera for our viewing pleasure when prompted by a producer, and i think it's interesting to think abt whether any of those features of their current circumstances kind of smooth over any of the friction or misunderstanding that might otherwise arise from what I see as their different methods of processing their emotions, and how their communication might change in the absence of those things. i have more thoughts about them, i always do, but idk these are some of them! and also god thank you for calling my brain a galaxy brain you are so sweet!!! most of the time my brain feels like a swamp so it's lovely to hear 💞 also i HADN'T talked abt hopekook yet and, as i said, they are my faves (i love almost every ship and i def love every member but i'm only human and i have biases in both!!!) so thk u for giving me the chance!

[nyxopenjournal]

It's almost 4am and I'm still awake which means Thought Brain has turned on and I feel sappy which makes me emotional. Alternatively titled: Can't Sleep

Life is difficult and sometimes it's extremely hard to manage. I'm going through one of those. But I think I'm starting to get a tiny bit more hopeful about making it through. I don't think I'll necessarily be happy or get what I think, in this moment, I want but maybe I'll find a way to be content with what "is" instead of wishful thinking about what "isn't." I'm really trying to accept things as they are and not push further bc that always leads to me hurting. My depression fog that I've spent the last 5-6 months in is finally beginning to clear & I noticed that today. It's funny bc the thing that made me realize it is bc I guess I had been subconsciously paying attention to the way the grass grows and I'd never noticed it before. (The grass grows weird). And today I commented on it lol. I've been too preoccupied with my sadness to pay attention to anything like that. Grass growing. I'm still sad. I can't lie, most times I ignore it or it feels hollow & far away to a point where I can avoid thinking about it. But it is there. I can't do much about it at this point in time for several reasons but I'm chugging along. I'm trying to accept that others' happiness doesn't have to include me. And accept that that's okay. I might not be a lifelong person. I don't know anything about the future and not knowing how things will turn out is the bane of my existence bc my brain plays "what ifs" like they're game show topics for a prize. The prize is usually I end up depressed bc of my own train of thought. Trying to learn how to balance distance with care. What's the right amount of energy to give to a topic? How to be less "all or nothing" about everything. There has to be a balance or I'm gonna just make myself suffer for the rest of my existence and quite frankly, I've suffered enough. I'm tired of it. There are things I wish for that I've convinced myself are impossible. It's too late. Missed opportunities and such. That's been playing on repeat in my head. There are a lot of things that I'm told or I see that don't make sense to me and how I perceive the world, but I've also become the person who is so scared to ask questions. I didn't used to be like this. I'd question everyone and everything until it made sense to me. Now nothing makes sense and I'm always confused and I'm scared to ask. What sense does it make? It doesn't. But. It's where I am right now. I didn't used to be afraid about how big my thoughts were or how much I had to say or how many tangents I went on about a topic, but now I'm scared to say more than a couple words in fear of being annoying or convincing myself whoever I'm talking to doesn't care. So now it's just simple, dulled down thoughts. Which is unfair to myself honestly bc it's not like I've suddenly begun to have less complex thoughts and questions and feelings. I've just suddenly become overly terrified of sharing them so they roll around in my head until I have a breakdown. Outlets are nice. It would be nice to have a person to talk to but it's my own fault that I'm here right now. No one else's. I have to accept that. Maybe the part of my brain telling me I'm just not good for people and will inevitably fail at any platonic or romantic relationship is right and I should give up trying to pursue either. But I also still crave it so what do I do with that? It's not like I get it either way. I'm too scared to talk to people. It's been this way my whole life. I wish I didn't crave it. I didn't used to. But the older I get the more I do. Idk what to do with that. It's just where I am right now. I doubt it'll change. It's not like anyone is looking my way. I'm just floating around on a rock till I die. Epic.

[gamora-borealis]

I thought I was the only one who wanted a compilation video of all the guardians appearances minus Gamora's death scene. I always have to fast forward past her death and then I pause and replay the scene where Peter hits Thanos in the face. Thanos getting wacked in the face repeatedly is incredibly soothing to me. I'm not sure I'll ever look back on parts of Infinity War with fondness. The movie started out as if I was eating one of the best meals I've ever had and then suddenly someone peed on my plate, dumbed it on my head and stabbed me with my fork. My whole appetite was just gone. I'd pay good money for one long gotg movie with the murder and abuser is so sad bits edited out.

Yess I feel this so much 😭. I remember that I was trying not to spoil myself before going into IW but inevitably caved and checked some document or something of spoilers I saw being shared on twitter and I remember being like... this has to be fake. Why would Gamora die??? And I was going to see the earliest possible showtime in my area so low-key I was like maybe this person is lying. But at the very least the idea had been introduced so by the time they finally got to it I was like oh it's happening. And I kinda could tell because they were giving us such good Starmora content too. But I still couldn't believe how bad it was. I had been struggling really bad with my depression at the time and had just started taking antidepressants but wasn't used to them yet and I literally went home and cried and cried and my mom was like, really concerned about me actually. The Guardians, especially Gamora, had recently become my really strong comfort characters so it was such a hard shock. I can't imagine having zero warning going in. And the image of it is still seared in my brain too 😕. I remember being so mad when people were making fun of Peter afterwards for fucking stuff up and I'm like... okay but that's how I feel too!!! And that part felt pretty genuine to me!!! And Doctor Strange said it was the only way it could have happened!!!

No and then Endgame killing Nat in the exact same way was so awful too. I really liked Nat when I first saw the Avengers when I was like 12 because I was like "heck yeah girlboss," and to kill her in the same exact traumatic way, that for any character is just like, disgustingly brutal (especially with what they show), was like what the fuck is wrong with these writers!!! And like I was mostly expecting a resurrection of Gamora and to see them be like, no, and we're gonna do a repeat with Nat was just sooo disappointing. Especially when they were the ones making up the logic of how this shit all works!

I remember during the height of the pandemic (I think, who knows what time is anymore lol) I went back and rewatched the parts with the Guardians and was like, this stuff is actually pretty good. Like especially the stuff with Gamora and Nebula in Endgame was actually pretty cool too. But it really was unsatisfying considering to have it all end with Gamora being like "who is Peter" and them trying to make it funny. Because the situation was not funny to me!!! I mean maybe with better timing it would have been funny idk. But maybe watching it without her death makes it a little better, ya know?

But god the way everyone was like not even sure if Gamora was still around afterwards because they didn't even show her going off on her own... They absolutely should have done at least that. At the very least, the ending being so dumb with all the Captain America time travel stuff was like, yeah okay I can officially say these movies are a literal joke. And upon rewatch they really made Thanos so overpowered for no reason too!!! Don't even get me started lol.

I definitely feel much better about all of this after Vol. 3 because even though they didn't end up like, restoring her memories/old self or something through the soul world like I wanted, I think it was still handled pretty well. And I can see now that James Gunn probably saw Gamora's arc as over with Vol. 2 because in this movie she went in such a different direction and he said in the first draft of Vol. 2 she was going to sacrifice herself. So at the very least I don't feel as robbed or anything about where her story was going, except wanting more focus on her in Vol. 3 because I love her and of course I wanted them to more fully address her and what happened. And maybe more of her was scrapped for time with everything going on, but at the very least it's easy to imagine what was left out (with her but also how the Guardians were dealing with her being gone). My totally alternate version of what really should have happened in Vol. 3 will always live in my head though, because I spent like, four years thinking about it lol.

I'm still salty that she ever died though of course, don't get me wrong. Especially in the way that she did. Maybe if it was like, oh she sacrificed herself it would have felt better (which is why I would just cut her death scene at the part where she tries to if I were to include it at all in said compilation). Luckily I'm coping with it better now.

I really want to rewatch Vol. 1 & 2 before going to see Vol. 3 again, and that's why I especially want a version of IW/EG with all the other shit cut out lol. It's what we deserve!!!

[coralsgrimes]

Not Benny Boy causing another Twitter riot with two little double taps and then taking them back 🙄 when is that man going to learn to read.. the.. captions.. before he taps?!!! 🤣 if he doesn’t want to go near anything remotely ‘controversial’ then pay more attention, it’s simple. And all she did was tell the truth in any case…..

Lol so I think I know wtf this is about but if it's not, then explain please lol

So we all know the fresh prince sitch by now. Benny's fave twitter crowds were A) very into the screaming for screaming about poor lil willy cuz their entire flock of mutuals has that mentality #pro-slap, and B) loads of them used to be in love with Zoë Kravitz.

So Zoë posted some ig shite and was basically shading Will. Benny tapped tapped cuz he's into Zoë lately. But from what I can gather lil fans were not happy with Zoë's opinion. Seriously, she was the best, the most amazing unproblematic queen and now she's the worst with the typical getting all the dirt on her cuz she failed the twitter vibe check... Anyways!

Boy apparently unhearted them posts after a hot second. 

And about the twitter riot......... Soooo me personally, I have not seen anyone shitting on Benny. There is like total of 5 tweets mentioning this, nothing even drama like, and one of them is about how much they love Benny for taking the like back. All I can see is #willydidnothingwrong, very fucking stupid takes repeated by herds, and arguing about Zoë including the well I always knew because [insert anything] but I only share now cuz she ain’t our it girl anymore. But ye know very probable that some of them screamed about Benny's betrayal cuz they love to scream and I feel like they lose touch with reality every time they open the twitter app x.x and then they delete them tweets or go private 

Soooo we do know boy is tapping not reading, see the activist or majority of his likes, tho I'm still waiting for my dd/lg like and not that kidnapping vanilla bullshit. Second, boy likes to keep his name out of everything that might agitate his precious fangirls, a drama so to speak, or anything with strong sides/opinions/potential for controversies, soooo if the loudest screaming muffins he might have seen are against Zoë now? Welp boy can't have that xd but who knows for real why he took away his lil hearts ;c I was not around for any of this so it’s all hard to verify

Another thing I found out while getting up to date with Benny's shite. And this is hilarious!

So some darklina stans were salty with some bridgerton?? stans. Why? Welp idk exactly, no idea about the details but there were some behind the scenes photos or something involved, and the main argument of our icons, I have seen, was that the bridgerton fans could not distinguish between actor and character. I will repeat, that darklina stans were saying that other fandom cannot distinguish between fiction and real life. 

So in ma essay I'm gonna fling myself off a cliff...

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal