#he cant help whats in his genetic code

[onestepfcrward]

"ultimate lifeform" "son of dark arms alien ruler" - king shadow is...like it or not, believable.

[dollsolace]

i want to give donna two verses in regards to her motivations etc bc!! i really think donna was the least cruel out of all the lords.

yes, she did what she did - and while she is very intelligent, she is also a very obviously vulnerable person, and miranda herself is intelligent enough to know that also makes her easy to manipulate. donna, despite what people think, does enjoy having company (she's the most impeccable host). while she is secure in her solitude for the most part, she finds she craves companionship on the particularly difficult days. and miranda gave her that companionship. waltzed in and started calling herself mother miranda and referring to donna as her child. the death of her parents was still incredibly fresh, only ten years prior, and she still missed them dearly. miranda filling that maternal role, knowing it was what donna needed, only fuelled her devotion.

to go into a little more detail, the gardener letter really solidifies to me that donna wasn't evil. in the diary it praises miranda for her compassion, and how overjoyed they were for her 'adopting' donna. which sounds like donna had undergone some improvements since her arrival - as she isn't the type to go around outwardly talking about how good miranda is. or her feelings at all for that matter. which in the next entry is confirmed when they write 'she seems happy.' AND that miranda truly was treating her like a daughter, if even those around could see it.

cant remember it word for word its 4am but something something he saw visions of his dead wife and donna told him she could help him see her again. now, if miranda has indulged them with the knowledge of the megamycete effectively being a hard drive with how it retains the memories/genetic codes etc of those that come into contact with it, donna probably thinks that she can help him to see her again. donna has never been a sadistic woman. she's never been one for harming things, and the horror she'd witnessed that was her sisters death would only drive her further away from violence. with the right manipulation, however, she would commit those acts. especially if its coming from someone she holds in such high regard. who claims that its for a good cause. one she has no choice but to believe in, considering the 'gift of power' miranda bestowed on her.

but on the other hand, even if they hadn't been granted that little tidbit of information i still think she'd be trying to use it for good. because miranda said they were doing this for good. yes, she's well aware that she can cause horrific visions. but the knowledge that he'd seen his wife and it wasn't in a way that left him crumbling to the floor in hysterics perhaps gave her the idea of using what she was gifted for good. something miranda claimed their whole false goal was about to keep donna compliant. she invited him to her home with the innocent intention of helping him see his family again. but she can't use it for good, she quickly came to realise, when he began to screech and wail in terror - resulting in him going to drastic measure to end whatever he was seeing.

but !!!! i also really adore musing evil ppl so maybe i'll give her a verse where, while she was still manipulated, she feels no guilt nor shame for what she's done. in fact, she stands by it and her loyalty to miranda until the bitter end. indoctrinated entirely into her little freak cult

[skelesnakesposts]

“Now behold! Behold as I unmask your...beloved...hero...?" The Villain's voice trailed off as he tore open said hero's crippled mech suit on live TV, only to reveal something quite...unexpected. “Cut the cameras. Now.”

The hero was a mere child. That can't be right, who would let a child into a world like this? Did their parents know? Did anybody know? Or was this a secret the child was trying to keep? The villain started questioning everything they knew about the hero

The villain had assumed the hero was in college. That was the most logical explanation for the 

“School assignments” they made comments about in their typical banter. 

The villain had put their small stature down to poor genetics, he hadn’t even questioned their high voice. Some people are just unlucky in that department. 

The villain had put the words and phrases that he didn’t understand down to the villain being in his mid forties, and he had assumed that the hero was in their twenties. He hadn’t expected her to be a  child. She looked like she was fifteen at most. Too young for her to be making these kinds of decisions about her life. Too young for him to be fighting with. 

“Who put you up to this?” the villain asked, the heartbreak obvious in his voice. He never wanted to harm children, it was against his moral code. 

“What do you mean?” the young girl asked, feer obvious in her voice. She hadn’t expected her enemy of so many years to react this way to seeing her face. 

“I mean who put you up to this, who sent you off to fight an adult when you’re so young? You hardly chose this of your own volition?” he asked, anger rising in his voice, but not targeted at the poor girl.  She had done nothing wrong, only listened to the adults in her life that she trusted. 

She looked down, almost as if she was ashamed of what she had done. “My father. He wanted my brother to do all of this but the experiments…” 

Rage flickered across the villain's face. Experiments? On children? How careless could a parent be, did they not care about their children at all? And where was her mother in all of this? 

“You aren’t going back to that god forsaken house. You didn’t deserve any of this, I’ll handle it.”

“What? But -” 

“I don’t want to hear your excuses for your parents, they put you through hell for their own benefit. You aren't’ safe in that home, you can’t go back”

“But what about my sister, she’s only six she cant handle any of this on her own, I only stayed to protect her”

“I’ll look after it, don’t worry about it. Neither of you will have to worry about this ever again. I know this may be hard to talk about but what did the experiments do to your brother? It’s important, I need to know how best to help all of you”

"Now behold! Behold as I unmask your...beloved...hero...?" The villain's voice trailed off as he tore open said hero's crippled mech suit on live TV, only to reveal something quite...unexpected.

[princeanxious]

An idea I’m drawing stuff for:

Okay so g/t sanders sides au idea but where the tiny people are actually mini android/cyborgs made to accompany people /if they want to/ as companions to humans that can connect to technology and the internet. (Medium-big sized ramble under-cut)

They arent nessesarily helpers, but they can help humans w/ technology issues if they want(and there are lots of human laws in place that prohibit forced labor and captivity from this new sentient race, but as you might guess, just bc there are laws doesnt mean everyone follows them or gets caught breaking them) the rest of the world is kinda up for development but i can tell you these tiny android people sometimes come with additional features such as tails w/ audio jacks/place where the tail would go to insert an audiojack, eyes and fingers that glow, ear type varients depending on what time they were born/created, have as many bendable joints as a human, but their legs and feet are naturally a bit thicker/wider both for balance and more room for technology in their tiny bodies.

Theyre a very intermingled mix of liveform and android(and are probably best explained as just. Straight up aliens to planet earth), to the point that theres no actual way to seperate tech from bio-matter. And theyre so tiny that trying to seperate the two on such a small scale is still scientifically impossible at this current time. Damage and wear/tear to their body can heal quickly with enough energy, rest, and time, but losing body parts can be nearly detrimental to their health if said parts cant be reattached quickly. They are not strong enough to regenerate a full limb.

It’s not an immediate death if they lose a limb, but its very much an emergency due to how spread out their bodily function sensors are in their tiny bodies. Losing a certain leg can mean losing complete mobility of both legs and balance, or losing certain patches of memory, losing a certain arm can mean losing the ability to balnce well, or go nearly sensory blind(meaning they can see things, but no longer feel them that well.) the tail is the only bodypart that is not immediately detrimental to their health, just their lifestyle. Their tail is their only way to directly connect to the online world without assistance. Without it, they rely on adapter prostetics that wear out over time and need to be replaced on occassion.

That being said, in this au, Roman, Remus, and Janus are tinies in this world. Roman and Remus are twins, and both suffered an injustice of experimentation that involved one of their legs each being removed, and being reattached(successfully) to the other’s body, as a test to see how similar twin tiny’s bodies are and if the similarities assist any in surrogate limbs attaching successfully. Theyre rescued and rehabilitated amd rehomed together before anything more was done to them, but they live life knowing they have eachothers leg and function as if said legs are really their own, and it connects them in a very odd way that they cant really explain.(it comes w/ a bonus of being able to send messages to one another, but a con of being able to see a portion of the other’s memories, be it mental, or physical muscle memory)

They live with a group of humans, Logan, Patton, and Virgil, who are aware of their situation and have welcomed them into their home to live normal tiny lives. Patton and Virgil are brothers, and Logan is their childhood bestfriend. Remus tends to travel w/ Logan the most bc Logan isnt bothered by Remus’s constant hyperfixations on dark and grusome things.(they hold alot of convos abt dark literature and anatomy, and astronomy. Remus finds Logan’s voice soothing on his semi-irratic stream of thoughts, and talking abt astonomy helps sooth Remus to sleep the fastest.) Roman clings to Virgil mostly but passes inbetween Virgil and Patton pretty frequently depending on whose at work. (Virgil and Roman bicker about everything under the sun, but it’s still healthy for them. Virgil keeps Roman’s ego in check and Roman helps Virgil gain more confidence in things, especially things in public.)

Janus is.. well, he was born.. defective, in a way. No ones really sure exactly what happened, if there were dificulties in his development, or if his existance was fused semi-incorrectly with another while in the preverbial womb, but he is born with his body being partially down the middle on one side with another set of tiny genetics, leaving 1/4th of his body from one side of the head to just below the same side’s ribs to be a different skin & metal plating color. One eye glows gold, the other a bright milky white, the same going for either hand w/ his finger-tips on the same sides. Pure snow white skin, plating, and hair is unnatural, and its theorized to be a permanent glitch in his physical coding seeing as the ‘other tiny’ that had yet to combine correctly would not have developed any physical traits until birth to mimick a combination of it’s parents, it’s physical attribute coding would remain dormant and thus not addapt with the rest of the body.

This leaves Janus visually different, and physically different. He has his own two legs and tail so that part of his body functions normally, but the arm that is inter-functionally dormant leaves him with terrible balance issues(thus leaving him to require a cane) and his on the same side that is similarly dormant leaves him functionally blind in said eye and deaf on said side.

He’s developed an extremely defensive personality because he refuses to be pitied for something he was never in control of. He’s plenty independent without help and beyond grouchy. Has been known to bite humans who try to help him but wont listen to him, hard. He’s never been allowed to live a normal tiny’s life because the parents he was born to gave him to humans to ensure he lived, then got retroactively babied since. His foul temper has lead to a difficulty in the homing process, and the humans are almost about to give up on him when Virgil walks in one day, curious about homing a third tiny to help stabalize the twins antics and frustrations born from there only being the two of them.

Janus is just as foul at first as he is to everyone who approaches him, because he fully expects pity. Instead of Virgil moving on in rejection/dismissal of the rude behavior, Virgil just chuckles in amusement. “Oh boy, you’re fiesty huh?” “Have to be, lest people think they can do and think whatever they want about me. Better to give them my worst so they don’t get any god-complex over my disability, right?” And Virgil relates, and isnt hesitant abt mentioning his own struggles w/ how rudely people treat him w/ his general anxiety disorder and chronic depression.

Virgil manages to convince Janus take a chance and come home w/ him. And then Janus meets Patton, and things go so much better than anyone expected them to go. I mean, they get worse before they get better, but the getting better is so much further than any resulted backtracking. Janus likes Patton, and is uber protective of him. No one knew Patton to bicker much, but oh boy, does he bicker with Janus, often abt taking care of one another. Its all out of love and care, and its honestly jarringly sweet. (Patton gets Janus hooked on chocolate chips, and may or may not bribe him with a bottle-lip full from time to time if it means making Janus relax.)

[artemis-fowl-angst]

my brain has given me quite a few chaotic ideas as of late and id like to share them now

artemis getting older and building pretty much wonka’s chocolate factory and playing the role of willy wonka

au where opal has a similar reset power as the player from undertale, and artemis playing the role of sans, the only one able to really remember the reset. I like the idea of him being able to manipulate the code of the game, and opal constantly re-running the world and reseting it watch its affect on artemis and tourture the people she hates. another thing for this one is if in one timeine she tried something new and befriended foaly to get at artemis from a difrent angle and so they have to pretend not to know eachother while secretly trying to sabatodge eachother. 

artemis coming back to st. bartlbys as a teacher just to annoy all the techers he used to have that havent retired yet

bnha-esc au, where most people have superpowers called “pings” dr po has a telepathy or honesty ping, which informs him about the fairies, looping him in with the adventures

artemis survies tlg, but is just blinded in his fairie eye

au where artemis never quite recovers from atlantis complex, only using ongoing treatment to help a bit, not curing it completely

opal is redeemed sorta and she has to help the main cast fight against an even scarier villian, resulting in petty tension and bickering between foaly, opal, and artemis while butler and holly actually go out and save the world

joker artemis and batman(girl?) holly

artemis, holly, root, and butler have to go on a roadtrip together (in between arctic incedent and eternity code) to save the world or somehing idc and we get to see them interacting

me projecting chronic illness onto artemis? no, never.....

@fowlblue ‘s villian au but after a decade or two artemis dies at a young age somehow and we get to see villianous and now adult artemis interactig with butler in the afterlife

we need more about juliets wrestling carrer

we also also need more from juleit and artemis growing up together being rasied by bulter

we also also also need more angst for child arty cause you know fowl senoir wasnt a good parent before hand

au where aretmis and alex either adopt or make a child of their own using fancy genetics shit idk how it works and we meet child, another thing is if this child grows up and has kid and we get to see artemis as a grandpa because everyone knows that would be wonderul

sorry for all the typos im typing fast to get all o these down before i forget them

lawyer au, cause artemis as a laywer would be great

artemis who aso participates in pride parades and does drag with juleit woud also be great

madame ko coming to fowl manor to asses the job the butlers are doing and artemis getting into an argument with her over juliet’s care of the twins and domovoi just being like “ what went wrong in my life, why am i having to mediate an arugument between the two most terrifying people i’ve met?”

artemis who can talk to crows because i said so

@otomefowl ‘s marvel timeine but deadpool comes with them through the portal

bird artemis cant see glass

i have more,  but that woud take too long and im in school rn, send me an ask if you want some more chaotic ideas and alspo sorry for a the typos im typing fast

[wormboytrav]

fury dragon family theory

another httyd analysis because i cant help myself!!! pls let me know ur thoughts as always :D

so, if you've read my last post you know that i see toothless as very panther-like

they have similar coloration - mainly, mostly black with faint markings - and they're both felines (well, toothless is feline coded, but anyway). this also makes a lot of sense when you take into account toothless has very few natural enemies in the food chain, as do black panthers.

so what is a black panther? they're just leopards, honestly. specifically, melanistic leopards. basically, the opposite of albino - the stuff that albino animals lack, melanistic animals have an abundance of, and are therefore dark colored. therefore, i don't think night furies are a species at all, just like black panthers aren't!

melanistic traits come from genetic mutations. if this were to happen to a weaker dragon that is naturally lighter colored, that specific dragon would be easily spotted, die, and fail to pass on its genes. however, since night furies are naturally so powerful, i think that a few melanistic furies occurred, survived, and bred enough to make a subdivision of melanistic "night" furies.

so what is a "fury" then??? well, it's definitely a strike class dragon - the speed and intelligence are obvious. additionally, the need for echolocation insinuates that they're probably nocturnal, like felines. we can get a good idea of what a standard fury might look like if we simply edit toothless to be lighter

so maybe like this! (ignore my bad editing skills lol)

for the purposes of this post, let's call this the "standard" or "dusk" fury. you'll notice i accentuated his markings a lot more, and specifically made a bit of a stripe near his eye - that's because dragons, like birds, get the sun in their eyes a lot while flying, and i thought this coloration would suit him! i also gave him blue eyes instead of green, as green eyes are more common in melanistic animals who have blue eyes originally.

let's talk about those markings though - they would be super useful in the environment that toothless lives in: a snowy mountainous region. this is taking from snow leopards, who live in similar regions, and are VERY good at camouflage.

like this ^^

now, i hear you. but travers! that fury edit is basically monochromatic, how would it hide in the wild? okay, first of all, due to furies' echolocation ability, i think it's safe to assume they're night hunters. also, if you accidentally found a 26 foot long dragon, would you bother it? nah.

so what do we know about standard furies? well, what do we know about toothless, and how much of that could be adapted based on his coloring? let's list his capabilities:

- echolocation: helps him navigate in the dark for nocturnal purposes. standard furies share this trait

- retractible teeth/splitting spines: implied to be a multi-species trait. standard furies wouldn't necessarily have these

- tail fins and secondary wings: aid in turning and gliding. standard furies have these.

- strike class traits: as a strike class dragon, toothless has intelligence, speed, and a strong jaw. the standard fury would operate in the same class

- aquatic abilities: toothless can canonically swim very well! it's no surprise, due to his strong wings and tail shape - it's almost like he's build to be semi-aquatic. which makes sense, because his diet is mostly fish, and he lives in an archipelago!

so basically, night furies really are just melanistic dusk furies! because they're already nocturnal, they didn't need to evolve any further to survive.

okay. so let's talk about other members of the fury family - the light fury, and the night lights.

i will be conveniently disregarding most of httyd 3, and i apologize for that. let's focus on the light bright fury's concept art.

now, i definitely think this is a more aquatic dragon. specifically, a dragon that lives near ice - the blueish coloring, fat dispersion, thicker scales, and fins tell me that much. also, her secondary wings seem more suited for aquatic travel than long flying trips. and look closely - she has the stripe near her eyes to see better!

what's up with that tail though? there are sails on it. well, sails are actually used in temperature regulation! i'm not sure what her rounder spines could mean, but it's possible that they also let her swim better.

take a close look at her mouth in the drawings - it's almost like she has mist or fog coming out of her mouth. i mean, fire is dangerous and difficult to maintain in a cold climate. could it be that the bright fury uses mist to confuse her victims and gives them ice burns? it's possible!

(we do have to take into account that she's more into adulthood than toothless though)

so we've established three dragons in the fury family - the night fury, the dusk fury, and the bright fury. the night and bright fury are very similar except in rarity and melanin - they're semi-aquatic nocturnal strike class dragons designed to fly long distances in cold-climate island chains. however, the bright fury is a demi-aquatic strike class dragon who uses mist to entrap its victims and uses ice to kill them. they both use echolocation - the night + dusk furies in darkness, and the bright fury in snow storms.

let me know if you have any ideas for any other species in the fury family! also lmk if you have any criticisms :)

[malwarechips]

SI started off as a silly little off the string fix-it au and has sort of evolved into having somewhat of an actual plot.

its set during saint's time, and sig and suns decide they need to finally figure out a way to help pebbles (and also moon too !! but pebbles is significantly more fucked up and the main motivation). sig comes up with the idea of seperating themselves from their structure in order to literally go and get pebbles themselves. suns dislikes this idea, but agrees to go because theyd rather die as well than have to helplessly watch sig get mauled by a vulture via an overseer.

sig creates a piece of code that has the ability to merge an iterator's puppet with the genetic code of a random logged creature. its random, completely random. he tried to get it working being NOT random, but its already such a complicated thing that he couldnt get it to let you choose. yes this means theoretically someone could be a leech

the way its done allows a puppet to reconnect with their structure via plugging their arm back into a port on their back, mainly implemented so they can 1) actually execute this code for pebbles' and moon's puppets since they cant do it via their own structures and 2) to allow them to still do occasional maintenance on their own structures to postpone collapsing longer than if they were left with only automatic processes running

ill ramble more about the lore later, BUT FIRST

LONG LIST OF EVERYONES PROS AND CONS and also what they are under the cut YAYYYY !!

moon - giant jellyfish

+ good at swimming

+ cant drown

+ defensive electric shocks

- gets the urge to just idly float in the middle of large bodies of water

- leviathan bait

- might accidentally shock you when she touches you

pebbles - raindeer

+ he's finally a little taller /silly

+ can dig (kind of)

+ worm grass resistance

= bows his head at the others instinctively because theyre taller than him. hates it. does not do this with inno because theyre the same height. tries to fight him instead.

- freezes at the sight of literally anything that moves even slightly too much

- covered in sporepuff spores all the time actually . goodness

sig - green lizard

+ strong as fuck

+ heavily resistant to red lizard bites to the point of near immunity

+ wormgrass immunity too

+ heavy. vultures struggle to lift him

- heavy. no one could carry him if it was needed

- uncontrollable urge to lay in the sun and bask. is unmovable when this happens unless himself and/or other iterators are in in immediate mortal danger

- struggles to climb poles. he can because he has hands unlike a lizard but its difficult because hes fuck off heavy

suns - king vulture

+ FLIGHT!!!

+ built in weapons

= theyre even bigger now. this is neither good nor bad. it is neutral

- has almost no idea how to use said flight or weapons. still learning. its hard

- also very difficult to move away from sunlight. does the thing vultures do where they stand in the sun and splay out their wings

- constantly hungry

- very frequently smells like blood and dead things because they have a habit of completely losing it when eating. just utterly lost in the sauce but the sauce is a lizard corpse

- tries to carry corpses away onto a ledge to eat them alone. is usually prevented from doing this by sig who just lays on it. too heavy to move

sliver - dropwig

+ buggy :)

+ kickass mandibles. does a lot of damage via biting. can genuinely oneshot a lot of lizards if she gets the jump on them. goes for the neck

= fucking terrifying actually.

- has a habit of pouncing on the other iterators by accident

- impulsively steals the others things to use as bait

- WILL DIE IF SHE COMES INTO CONTACT WITH ONE (1) SPOREPUFF EXPLOSION

inno - scavenger

+ very good at making things. befriended a scav group and learnt how to craft explosive spears and electric spears and bombs

+ scary good aim

\- very easily spooked (and irritated

\- obsessed with shiny things to the point where the others are genuinely concerned that if a pearl rolled off a cliff they would jump off to get it

\- pearls make them stupid (affectionate)

wind - yeek

+ very good at jumping

+ surprisingly strong?? cant carry suns or sig but can cary the others and still jump really well

= squeaks all the time actually

\- literally always bouncing. never stops moving unless theyre asleep. even then they still roll around a lot

\- keeps accidentally scaring inno and pebbles by moving too much

ok wait i wanna talk about survival instinct now. we've been brainrotting about it for a while

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[duketectivecomics]

Okay. I just got into Duke's comics and I am really interested in his powers. Like how do they work? Like can he just make light/shadows swarm? Because I am just imagining one of his siblings/Bruce just looking at him very hard and he's like fine, I'll make you a dramatic entrance you dramatic bastard. But I have no idea if that is supported by his current power level (I asked this to another blog and they said to ask you)

Hey anon! I'm currently still working on my own comprehensive meta on Duke's powers (which is taking awhile for both various fandom-related and irl reasons, but rest assured that i WILL be giving y’all my In-Depth Thoughts™ eventually)

For now I'll direct you to the meta tag on my blog as there's a few posts in it right now from others who have broken down/interpreted Duke's powers! There’s lots of great ideas floating there so I hope they’ll be helpful to you

But to answer ur Qs As Is without going TOO far in-depth:

1) “How” always feels like a loaded question when it comes to explaining Comics Science™ but... They Work because Duke has a metagene (which was activated rather overtly during Dark Days: The Forge/The Casting, altho one could argue that it was also being showcased during All-Star Batman, but again.... something to get Into in my meta post). The ‘science’ of the metagene in DC comics is that its a part of a character’s genetic code that allows them to manifest powers of varying degrees. To use a parallel, Metas are the DC equivilant of Marvel Mutants, but usually without as many overt social inequality metaphors (there was actually a point where people were lining up to Become metas in the 52 comic, but that’s neither here nor there lmao). The science explanation beyond “its in their DNA” is going to be a little lacking bc comics don’t care abt strict scientific explanations.

tl;dr - its comics. don’t over think the How and worry more about the What & what these powers mean for the narrative

2) Light not so much (he’s made quick flashes of light to distract enemies in Batman & the Signal iirc) but he’s definitely been shown using his shadow powers to surround people in Batman & the Outsiders (its a minor arc for him where he and Cass experiment with that ability with varying degrees of success too, and its brought up again in the Dark Nights: Death Metal ‘Robin King’ back-up, but hasn’t been used again in canon just yet, as far as I’m aware) Given that his shadow powers are still so new, and given that he’s so open as a character to experimenting with his powers, it’s not outside the realm of possibility!

3) i know its not strictly a Q, but with those two points in mind now: Duke already has given his family some Dramatic Entrances (again, see Batman & Outsiders and Robin King), so if anything by this point, it’s kinda old hat to him :D

I’d be a little careful in ur line of thinking there, though...

Granted, I don’t know what you have in mind beyond what you’ve sent here obviously (whether it be you’re gathering research for a fic or wanted to check in before making a comic or maybe even just want to justify a headcanon but), just be mindful that duke’s not solely here to prop up his family members! Duke’s a successful combatant on his own and he IS supposed to be a daytime vigilante, not a nighttime one, afterall! And mayhaps he wants to give HIMSELF a dramatic entrance eh? Ever thought abt THAT lmao

In all seriousness though, hope this helps, hopes the meta tag helps you, and cant wait to see what you do with Duke! :D

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[reflectionsofacreator]

aLRIGHT

let’s dig into this one

So the timeline for this is a bit strange, but this is when Clay discovered the Truth about Eve and Adam, about the origins of humanity, and the precursors themselves. It’s kind of subtly implied in the last memory that Clay was just starting to dig deeper and deeper, searching more and more into his genetic memory until he found the Truth. Additionally, Clay’s Bleeding Effect was out of control due to being forced to spend so much time in the Animus, and he was able to unintentionally access older memories, including that of Adam, his direct ancestor. Now, I’m not exactly sure if Juno gave him the Truth, or she found him while he was spelunking in his genetic memory, but either way, this is how she finds him. 

And this is where Juno informs him that it’s his fate to die to pass on a message to Desmond, and that this message can only be passed on with his death. He tried to fight it, but Juno also informed him about Lucy’s true allegiances, thus ensuring that he would never actually leave Abstergo. And also do exactly what Juno wants. 

I’m just. Gonna. 

Along the way we hear a conversation between Clay and his father, with Clay excitedly telling him that he’s doing “real work” with William and Rebecca, only to be shot down and just... Sighs. The way that Harold just insists that money is what’s important, and then demanding that Clay support “this family”... We find out that Clay’s mother left, and like. With that, it becomes kind of clear that Clay isn’t supporting his family so much as being guilted into giving his father money. It just!! It sucks!! Because Clay was clearly desperate for a support system, for friends, a family, and he thought he found that with the Assassins! Except he got used and chewed up and spit out again!! 

We find an email from Clay’s mother, and ... phew. 

From: KaczmarekConstruction@hotmail.com To: clayk@mail.com Subject: explanation

Dear Clay, It's your mother. I hear things are going well for you at work. It seems like you're impressing everyone. I always knew you'd be important. Not much to miss here. It rained earlier today. I had to rush to close the upstairs windows before the bedroom soaked through. Your fathers renovation is nearly finished. All these cupboards to put stuff in. dinner will be a real party. Im sure you're wondering why I'm emailing you out of the blue for the first time and talking about the rain and dinner. I'm not exactly comfortable talking to you about thiss. I had to drink one and two rum and cokes before getting on here. You and Harold. You've always liked Harold. I did too but I cant forgive him like you. We never go out anymore. I have to take care of him. He doesn't want my help. This wasn't supposed tobe my life. Raising you and him. Two baby boys. I'm sorry I wrote that but it's truw. You'be always done such a good job taking care of your father. If I stay here I wan't make it clay. forgive me. By the time you read this I'll be on the road. Know that I still liove you. Mom

Sighs like. I kinda want to be mad at her, but more than anything I’m just looking at the Kaczmarek family and just coming to the conclusion that none of them need to be together or live together. Like -- it’s a story that’s all together too common, and rather unremarkable because of it. A dad and husband that has to be babied and practically raised, a son with expectations thrust onto him without any thought for what he wants... It hurts, but what hurts worse is the fact that this happens all the time. It’s not special. And Clay knew that. It’s why he went so hard for the Assassins. 

Something that’s interesting is that during Clay’s talk with his father, you can find a code imprinted onto the wall, written in braille. 

It reads "The truth is constructed from lies” and there’s a couple different ways that that can be interpreted. 

I think the first thing I thought of was like... the concept of “history is written by the winners” and how the truth that we know in our day to day lives is probably not actually true, just created out of an attempt to lie to ourselves over what history actually is like. My next thought was that Lord of the Rings opening monologue of “And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth.“ and relating it back to how the story of Eve and Adam is actually a war of rebellion in the AC universe, only to be slowly transformed into a creation myth in various religions. 

Another thing to consider is the fact that this was found while Clay was talking to his dad about the Assassins (albeit indirectly), and the Creed being “Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted” is something that should be taken into account as well. The way it’s written in braille also brings to mind the phrase “blind to the truth” in my opinion, which Clay certainly was blind to what was actually going with William, and Lucy. 

The second code you can see is after you find the letter from Clay’s mother, and it’s the greek letter theta, Θ, in it’s capital form. You see it as you’re traversing a gap, and have to dodge around the pillars as the platform you’re on passes through them.  

Historically, it was used in classical Athens as an abbreviation for θάνατος, Thanatos, the Greek god of the dead. It was used as a warning sign for death, similar to the skull-and-crossbones is used now. It survives on potsherds where people would vote for the death penalty by marking Θ on the tile. 

Directly after this symbol is seen, you hear one final exchange between Clay and Juno. 

Clay: I can see. What has been, what will be. Juno: Then what you must do is clear. Help Desmond Miles. Clay: I... No. Not me. I refuse! Juno: Thousands of years this message waited. Soon its promise shall be fulfilled. Go forth, with eyes open to all but the truth.

Now, this is a bit of something. What Clay is seeing is the Calculations, a catch all term for how the Precursors managed to project themselves into the future form when they were. It’s briefly mentioned by Jupiter that Minerva was always better at the Calculations than him, that it was “always her domain.” 

The way the Calculations work is like... hm. If you know the weight of a knife, the speed at which you throw it, the wind resistance on that day, you can pretty accurately predict where it lands, right? The Precursors managed to do that for everything. They mathed so hard that they predicted the future. 

The writers confirmed that part of Clay’s insanity, in addition to the Bleeding Effect, was because he saw too many of the Calculations, and that his line about “The sun... your son..” was a reference to what he saw. Now, this gets into a bit of like, meta knowledge, because at the time, ac3 wasn’t out yet. But the DLC of “The Tyranny of King Washington” is related, because it’s a possible future that was Calculated into existence, and that the Apple let Connor see. So the Calculations aren’t just visions, it’s possible to, with the right equipment, actually experience these things. 

But also, I can’t help but wonder -- did Juno maybe force Clay to see the Calculations, in order to manipulate him into seeing the messages she needed passed on? To sort of break him into being more pliable and thus less resistant to her desires? And what did she mean, “eyes open to all but the truth”? [shakes the screen] give me answers dammit

Food for thought. A lot of thought. 

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[magnusarchivis]

STATEMENT: 620026 / DATE: January 15th. / S.

“Statement of Jonathan Sims regarding an indescribable individual who demonstrates an inconceivable amount of.. power. Original statement is given January 13th.

Audio recording by Jonathan Sims. Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute. London. This statement is a followup to statement 620025 will be kept private from the institute by all means.

Statement begins: 

Nothing could’ve prepared me for what had happened, I’m sure of it. I believe I spoke briefly of the-- anomaly I had met the night of the 11th in my last statement. Even now, I wonder if I had ever truly met them at all. 

Was it a dream? Had the tenebrous nature of those tunnels caused me to succumb to such a state of psychosis. I could’ve just-- walked out, and sat in the gardens til I had come to my senses and went home. It’s what I want to believe, but the security tapes don’t lie. I watched it over and over. I never walked out of the building that night. 

S is well, a rather peculiar individual. We originally withheld our conversation via the online forum. He offered his services to help me out so quickly that I immediately took him for a fool. S stated that without my scent it would be hard to find me. Knowing what I know now I--. I cant stop thinking about the scent of fear. As I asked him what he was, he stated that he was an alien, or angel with an absurd amount of confidence. An unfortunate experiment designed by a Professor Hojo, who “took liberties in designing my genetic code.” Laughable, really, how I even entertained the idea that someone like this would exist. But with the subject of reincarnation rising in popularity I-- well. If we become the.. monsters, which came first? The chicken, or the egg?

Nothing else seemed really remarkable about him. I still hadn’t believed S when he stated he was on his way from the Americas. I then proceeded to heckle him. Somehow, entertaining this idea of being saved brought me some sort of peace. Anything to take away from the eyes of whatever was watching me cower in the dark corner of those tunnels. I then heard the footsteps in my office. The blood drained from my face as my fingertips felt so... so cold. I was overcome with a faint nausea that gripped me so tight, and firm. He stated he could sense the my.. cortisol, that it was elevated. While it’s easily to assume so, I’m starting to believe he did not infact, lie.

I don’t quite want to describe what happened next. Partially, because it doesn’t make sense. It makes my head hurt awfully when I try to remember it. S opened the hatch. I then took his hand as it was offered and I. I felt. Yanked. Like the pressure had changed and hugged me from all sides and not in a good way. The air was vacant, like a vacuum and the colors I. I.. Suddenly, we were in the garden, and I fell onto the closest bench. 

Is he? Micheal? Or perhaps they’re related. I just. It has to be. Micheal. I’ve never seen anything quite like it but. They’re close in practice, yet they are absolutely opposites in nature. Nor did S recognize the name. We spoke briefly, I asked him why he was here. Love. Of all things. 

I’m both repulsed and nauseated to hear about such a trite cliché.

I was offered a piece of his hair as well, and under no circumstance am I allowed to send it anywhere. While I’m tempted to betray his wishes, we shall see what I can do here after Sonya’s out for the day. 

As for his story. If we speak again, I will be making a personalized statement, and formalize a file. 

End statement. 

[theredandwhitequeen]

Roswell New Mexico thoughts Tripp and Walt and Roy Bronson Vet training  Women not speaking New clothes Plants grew - Alien Mom’s Ultra sounding Michael’s chest Pick his nipples out of a line up - I love you Kyle Aid and abet Kisses Maria and Rosa are talking Graham Green is annoying and has a hair piece Isobel wanting to reunite rosa and Arturo  Sheriff Valenti working on Noah’s case Foreman, entire staff killed at Long Farm, after picture in paper.  Alex going over the fence, fixing his leg,  A wild Michael Guerin appears Alex looks so pretty in the sunlight Alex texted Maria, she texted back See if they have records of Michael’s mom Hello Wyatt and a weapon Horses being freed because Michael is awesome Wyatt no guns, but this weapon is fine Diamond and Silk, love the names Smiling boys She watches heart surgery for fun I don’t like her much Jesse is out Charlie not in prison Isobel taking pictures of her food Mind wammying Arturo Rosa stole her mother’s pills,  Arturo wants forgiveness - I want that for him Broke a window Pancake Papi Hiding in the closet, kissing, Steph caught them Louise and Nora Dancing Dance partner has curly hair, not safe for him yet, very smart Dancing with Walt, WHO IS WALT IN THE PRESENT? You smell like Rain, it’s what your workshop smells like. I love you Alex Michael  Walt, Louise, Nora Forrest with his blue hair Alien Guy History guy Totally lost guy Met at the library Forrest is a writer Why did you kiss me? Rosa and Isobel Jenna reported Charlie I didn’t know who she was then Genetic sequencing project Why are you working with Jesse Dirty bomb genetic code bomb My fight is over now- I don’t believe you Jesse Isobel’s money is no good Cherry Chili Milkshake  Private Security outfit Wants to see how the story ends He’s mad himself I keep putting you first  Love you like family I’ll help you with Max, Liz, but then I’m going to need a bit of space I like being your rock - 😭😭😭😭 I’m standing still Nazi PoW camp in Roswell Air-force went to barn and covered up what they found Birthday dinner for Kyle’s mom Acetone poisoning Tested Noah’s cup Birthday presents - bought her same perfume as Jim Diligence is what Main Men do.  Eugene Manes III - Tripp - Alex’s great Uncle Roy loved Louise  Tripp killed Roy Explosion Did Walt die? Did he lose an Eye?  Talking about feelings I was afraid you’d take it and go. I didn’t want you to go.  Told Alex it’s not on him, everything in the past I cant stand in your way Where are you going Jenna? Arturo and Rosa reunion  You do deserve it You never failed her When god grants you a miracle, you don’t explain Liz and Isobel Talking to Max about god The gun that killed Roy Why are you in the dark? Car malfunction  Is she being abducted? Kyle watching surgeries  I need you to come back Cords breaking at the pod

I really liked the episode it’s given me so many questions and also so many amusements.

Alex looked so beautiful in the sunlight

Michael deserves so much happiness

They are going to be ok and better than ever in the long run, because they’re being built back up, through talking, finding common ground and learning to be friends first.

I loved Arturo in this episode a lot, feeling like he failed his daughter and didn’t deserve forgiveness. Going to church, I love him

Meeting Forrest Long, spent time with Kate Long as a kid.

I need so many answers about 1947-1948

I hope we see more of Roy Bronson, he’s fascinating, in love with Louise

The little boy who Nora seemed to be mothering. All they wanted to do was get the kids and go away

When did they move the pods to the cave? Who knew about them? So many questions.

I feel so bad for Kyle, he’s such a good guy. He’s still in love with Liz, but she’s never going to be over Max.

[tumblunni]

I had a really weird dream involving Dr Maddiman. Its a shame i can barely remember any of it and also it seems i woke up before it ended? Like i just had this overwhelming sense that allll the plot threads were gonna be wrapped up any second now and then BOOM awake. So just a whole bunch of random stuff happened with no real explanation at all.

It was some sort of post apocolyptic setting i think? Humanity was in these small isolated cities fighting against some sort of invading army but we never actually saw the aliens themselves. And some part of my brain was like "it makes sense its the same rules as a hairdresser and the design takes cues from a pack of AAA batteries". I have NO idea what that means! So basically everythibg was super vague and undescribed and dream-me just had a sense of already being a long time fan of this series and knowing enough to fill in the gaps. Apparantoy this was some sort of adaptation of a thing id already seen, but id been told the ending was different and more accurate to the manga? Also i wasnt actually a person watching this show i was still the protagonist of the show yet i acted like i'd been reincarnated and relived this week a million times or something

ANYWAY the way dr maddiman comes in is that he was some sort of 'brilliant but dangerous' expert the government had hired to help our fight against the aliens. It wasnt really explained why he was.. yknow.. maddiman. Like is this meant to be that ghosts also exist in this sci fi universe? Was he a half alien hybrid instead of a yokai? Was it just human maddiman with the personality of yokai maddiman due to ptsd...? In any case he didnt seem entirely tethered to the laws of reality and nobody knew exactly how he pulled off all his scientific miracles. He was treated as the only guy who could understand the mindset of the aliens, but that also made him dangerous because he trapped in the delusion of everything being okay and fun and happy and he often did evil things by accident while having good intentions. But they didnt have anyone else who'd cracked the code of the alien weaponry so they had to put up with him. He was just sorta assigned a crack team of secret agents whose job was Be The Old Man's Friend So We Dont All Die. Dont let him realise how the world is all destroyed and such, just play along with his goofyness and try and remind him to do his important work while dancing around why its important. it was super creepy how he was locked up and gaslighted like this!! And he was all 'oh im sure when im done with my ultimate experiment i can go home to my wife and kids' and yeah it was implied here that the same backstory applied :( 'distract the old man and validate his false opinion that his family is still alive and waiting for him' :( poor sci fi madds :(

Oh also for some reason he seemed to be wearing elements of Adventure era Dr Eggman's outfit? But just the general style of the coat and the wearing goggles that he never actually uses. And he had a very warm and cuddly autumnal colourscheme

Anyway i was part of the Super Secret Grampa Cherishing Division whose job was to act as his assistant but also secretly be packing a bazillion weapons to neutralize him if he poses a danger to humanity. But i started to genuinely care for the guy and question the 'any atrocity is permitted for the sake of saving the world' philosophy of my bosses. Also it was just very weird how it was this post apocolypse alien fighting action thing yet i didnt see ANY OF IT cos this story was confined to this one laboratory. It was surreal hearing about all this stuff happening offscreen!

I think Maddiman's main project was some sort of dimensional transport thing using salvaged alien tech? It was just a door in his lab that usually led to a closet but if he got it working itd teleport us straight to the alien base and save the world. And a lot of it wasnt explained but i got this great sense that itd all come together with a great twist ending evebtually but then i woke up before i got that far. Same for the reveal of this maddiman's new sci fi backstory and soooo many other dropped plot threads. Alas!

So anyway: closet. Closet with one of those bead curtain things cos i was thinking about them when i fell asleep. It was supposed to be a teleport but when it malfunctioned it had really scary negative effects warping people's biology and stuff. I remember one of the test subjects was sent in for a five day trip to a specific alternate dimension but then when they came back itd been several years and theyd had to survive in a deadly wasteland and been mutated into a hellbeast. And maddiman had a huge breakdown because he felt like his recklessness and optimism towards this experiment had caused this mistake to happen, and he'd never realized just how awful the consequences could be. He was babbling motor mouth discussing theories for where it went wrong and there was something like 'we'd only tested it for one day trips and assumed that just programming two of them would equal two days but actually with each additional number on the screen it multiplies the days by 3" And there was something about like...the bead curtain was the machine rather than the door itself? Like trying it on a bunch of different doors around the lab to try and find a way to cure this person.

And there was some sort of artificial intelligence computer with the personality of an adorable lil girl, who helped maddiman do calculations and stuff. She missed the mistake in this calculation cos her concept of linear time and the limits of human organs was kinda undeveloped. She only existed within the realm of numbers after all, and didbt even have functionality to record footage of her human friends's faces. No idea wtf a human looks like! So maddiman was lost in his desperate grief of potentially accidebtally killing or at least mentally scarring a person and the government would probably kill them now if they saw they were a super mutant. And he was sobbing and begging this AI to help, his last resort was her maybe being able to see a brainwave that he'd missed. But she was freaking out cos she didnt even fully understand why maddiman was crying let alone what to do to fix it. Eventually she did manage to find a solution theough some simple different logic thing that she had from her perspective as a computer. And that person was saved but still traumatized and maddiman had a moment of realizing just how high stakes everything was and freaking out. He was like 'whats wrong with my head, why didnt i notice that, why was i so reckless, why cant i seem to grasp basic human logic that i need right now" Having a big existential crisis of 'wait how did i even get in this lab, where's my family and why do i seem to have superpowers'. Protagonist mission: hide all the goddamn mirrors to avoid this weird ghostgramp (...aliengramp??) from realizing he's dead (..or an alien??) and losing control of himself. And everyone was running around talking about 'containment procedures' and poor maddiman didnt know that if his panic attack continued he might just straight up be killed for outliving his usefulness. So the protagonist was desperate to help him calm down and it sucked SO MUCH cos they had to lie about his past and weave the web of deception around him again for his own safety. In the end they just hugged him close until he calmed down, and all the other employees were like GASP THEY ACTUALLY TOUCHED THE EVIL DANGEROUS SUPER EVIL MAN and protag was like 'i am 1% away from slapping the next bitch who insults this grandpa'. And it was super depressing cos once he'd calmed down he seemed to start forgetting that anything bad had ever happened?? And he was really panicking and scared cos he didnt understand why he was forgetting, and he knew he had to cling onto something important but he didnt know what. And then five minutes later he was back to haha cheerful nothing is wrong and i love doing my fun science in this room im never allowed to leave. And protagonist was crying the tears that this poor gramp wasnt allowed to cry :(

Also actually i think maybe he was a ghost AND an alien? Like he was a scientist who died in some sort of tragedy back when the aliens first invaded, but along the way he'd been infected so his body got back up as a twisted combination of human and inhuman. And this was something unique to him, like he just happened to have a genetic mutation in his blood that was totally undetectable in life but happened to mix unpredictably with this alien virus to turn him into a hybrid instead of just killing him. So the government was very interested in finding a way to replicate this and create new supersoldiers, as well as just taking advantage of this dude's confused mental state that granted him a unique understanding of alien tech that made him more effective than other scientists. And, of course, also made him easy to manipulate :(

And i also had a feeling that maybe his backstory was mixed up with Adventure dr eggman? Like here it seemed he had a daughter instead of a son, and she had a similar death to Maria Robotnik where she was assasinated by the government he worked for, and it tipped him over the edge. I think Maddiman-alien-scifi-dude originally died trying to save her from being used in some sort of experiment? Like she was already dying of a disease and thats why maddiman took this job to have access to powerful government technology to try and look for a cure. But when the whole alien apocolypse happened, the evil government decided to use her for experiments cos she was 'basically dead anyway'. Theyd just lie and tell maddiman she died of her illness. So this was how they found out that this particular family's bloodline had a mutation that let them form a viable hybrid with alien dna. They were turning this poor kid into a monster in the basement while lying to her dad about her being dead! And maddiman was about to commit suicide from having no reason to live anymore, with the hell of this apocolypse world and the false impression that his kid was already dead. But somehow monster-daughter sensed this or something and broke out of containment to try and save him, and when he saw her he was able to recognise her even in her twisted state. So when the soldiers gunned her down in front of him and fed him some lies about this not being his daughter, he just completely snapped. He tried in vain to fight back and take down as many of them as possible in revenge, but well he was just a simple round dad with no ability to fight a government. So he was unceremoniously executed along with his kid and they shoved the bodies back in the lab to continue testing. "Damn that overemotional science dad, he made us execute our most valable test subject! But at least this way we can analyze his corpse to see if the mutation is passed down on the patrilineal side." But at some point during the fight, monster-daughter's blood had splashed on her dad and gotten into his bloodstream. So the seemingly dead body suddenly got up out of the morgue and started sucking people's blood or something. And this led to the current situation where they have him locked up cos he's a valuable test subject but also hey he has 100% reason to kill all of us and we're screwed if he remembers his past. Also i think the computer AI thing was his subconcious attempt to recreate the personality of his daughter even if he couldnt remember she'd ever existed :(

Anyway at some point things escalated and there was this final showdown versus both the invading aliens and the evil governmebt guys. I think there was some corrupt greedy politician dude who stole maddiman's teleporter tech and sold us out to the aliens cos he wanted money and power or something. And probably predictably the aliens just threw him off a bridge after he gave them the thing, because seriously even this evil army thinks these government dudes are too evil!

So this big actiony event was happening and Maddiman was freaking out like 'no no no i cant leave the lab everyone wpuld be mad at me, i dont even know what its like outside this room' even when he was in the middle of being attacked by aliens. He was forced to face his repressed memories to survive, and he naturally had a massive fuckin freakout! And i think maybe when protagonist character was trying to protect him he accidentally lashed out with his powers and hurt them, and he was so horrified thinking another person he cared about was gonna die because of him. Protagonist was like 'dont worry gramps its just a scratch' but he'd already freaked out and run away into the battlefield to his heavily implied death.

BUT THEN at some sort of moment of dire need, he came back all powered up and re-memoried and was like 'i have every reason to despise humanity but im not gonna let more children die because of these damn corporate monsters (and also literal monsters which are infinately less scary)" And he did some sort of great sacrifice to save the protagonist at the cost of his own life, and it was super dramatic falling from a building into a lake of fire or something. While sobbing and smiling peacefully thinkibg "did i atone for my sins? Will i be able to see my family again?" As his smiling face sunk beneath the flames and the protagonist cried out into the abyss...

Aaaaand then i dont really know what happened in the big battle and i also never found out wtf the solution was to fixing the transporter thing or how the aliens invaded or any of the million plot points that were non gramp related.

I just remember that when we all saved the day and defeated the baddies we found that maddiman had actually survived and it was a big hugs reunion. He was like "OH YEAH i totally forgot i literally already died once and regenerated from it, and this was the entire start to my story. My bad!" *shrugs inexplicably not dead arms*

So yeah in summary im glad my brain summoned up a universe where my favourite sad granddad is literally immortal now, but also why did it torment him with an even sadder plot than his original one

[scarlette-joel-writing]

Erased Pt. 5

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Requested by: Me 

Warnings: Langu- you already know.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7 Part 8  Part 9 Part 10  Part 11  Part 12 Part 13

~

I wake up in a room that is not my own. I wake to the sun shining in through the white curtains onto the white walls. Everything is so bright and I can blink a few times to let myself adjust to the brightness of the room. It is obvious that this isn’t my room because mine is painted navy blue with forest green curtains and kept pretty dark on a consistent basis.

The next thing that tells me that this isn’t my room is the fact that there is a body lying next to me. No one in the complex is allowed in my bedroom. People are allowed in my living area and things of that nature, but my room is the one place that I constantly and effectively keep to myself. Makes it easier to keep people at a distance.

I shift in the bed a little and that is the first time that I can feel the arm that is draped over my waist. I still at the thought that someone is actually in a bed with me, touching me. And then I remember last night.

I remember waking up in the infirmary. Remember back talking Steve and coming up to find Bucky to make sure that he knew that none of this was his fault. I definitely remember that hug as well, as he had pulled me to him and whispered his apologies to me over and over again. I remember telling him that I could make the memories go away and I remember falling asleep in his bed. I guess that I hadn’t taken even a second to even look at the room that I was in.

I let myself look around the room that I am to see that everything is the way that it had looked when I had moved into the complex all those months ago. The same beige comforter and sheets and the white pillows. Same basic furniture and curtains. There are no decorations on the walls or sitting on the dressers. If it weren’t for the fact that Bucky is sleeping in the bed, I would assume that no one lived here.

How can that be, though? He has lived here longer than I have. He has been here almost a year and a half and it still seems like he is only living here temporarily. He hasn’t made this place his home. I wonder why that is. I wonder why he doesn’t decorate his room with memories like everyone else.

“Because I don’t have any memories worth putting on the walls,” I hear a deep voice come from behind me and I let myself stiffen. Was I talking out loud? “No, doll. I can hear your thoughts,” he says again and suddenly I feel like a dunce. Of course. I had connected with his mind last night so that he could sleep properly. Guess I had forgotten that I was still connected when I woke up.

“Sorry about that,” I say as I pull my thoughts back into my own head and turn around to face him. Everything hurts when I move, and I find myself wincing every once in a while as I twist my body away from the direct sunlight. When I do, the metal arm that was resting against my waist suddenly swipes across a piece of exposed flesh of my midriff and it makes me jump. “Holy shit that is cold,” I hiss out and he just lifts his arm so that I can turn over and pull my shirt down at the same time.

“Sorry,” he mumbles and once I have gotten comfortable again, lying down and facing towards him, he lets his arm drape over my waist once again. I pause for a second, thinking that he would have pulled it away by now, but I find myself realizing that I like the weight of his arm against me.

Thank god he can’t hear my thoughts anymore.

“So how did you sleep?” I ask, even though I know the answer. No dreams. No nightmares. Just a deep sleep.

“It was honestly perfect. I haven’t slept that well in a really long time,” he smiles widely as he looks at the window and at the sun coming through, but when he looks down at me, he loses that smile. His flesh arm, which was resting between our two bodies, comes up and touches my lip. For a split second I wonder what he is doing but then I feel the sting and realize that he is touching my busted lip. “I did that to you,” he whispers as he continues to look at me.

It is a good thing that he can’t see my ribs or my stomach.

“Don’t worry. I gave you one to match,” I say as I put my finger to his lip that is scabbed over just like mine. His will heal a lot faster than mine though because of the genetic mutation.

“I know. I am so proud. Why didn’t you tell me that you could fight? Why didn’t you tell anyone that you could fight?” he moves his hand back down to its resting position between us and just stares at me for a second. How do I explain it? How do I tell him without sounding like a bitch?

“No one asked,” is all that I say and I can see the way that he nods his head slightly, making some hair fall into his face. Before he has a chance to move his arm from my waist, I bring my hand up and run my hand through his hair to pull all of his black hair back. His hair is soft and silky through my fingers and I can see him close his eyes and gasp softly at the sensation.

“I can train you, if you want. Properly train you. I can make you just as strong physically as you are mentally. You’d be unstoppable,” Bucky looks at me and gives me a small smile that I return happily.

“Really? You would really do that?” he nods his head and I reach over to pull him closer to give him a hug. He is the first one on this team that has ever actually seen room to grow where everyone else just saw fragility. He tightens his metal arm around my waist to hug me back and it sends a jolt through me.

What the hell is going on? Why is my heart doing that? I am just lying in bed with a man that is super pretty and we are hugging. There is nothing weird about that.

“We should probably get ready,” I laugh as I pull away and sit up in bed. I wince but I make sure that he cant see that. He already feels bad enough. I don’t want to make him feel worse.

“Alright. I guess you are right,” he laughs as well and I finally determine that I like the sound of his laugh. He should do it more often.  

Hopefully he will.

~

“We need to figure out a plan. We need to figure out how to get that stupid code out of Bucky. He is one of our best avengers and a part of the family. We need him and that means we need to stop Hydra from turning him,” Steve says as we sit in the top floor of the complex, overlooking the city of New York. Steve turns to look directly at me. “Can’t you just pull the memory of them putting the code in? Wouldn’t that make it go away?”

“I tried that the first time that he came back like that. I can erase the memory as many times as I wish but that code has a physical effect on him as well as a mental one. It has been a part of him so long that it is engrained into who he is,” Everyone at the table takes a collective sigh and I suddenly feel bad that I brought every one down.

“Maybe you guys should just put me back under,” Bucky says from beside me and my head whips around to look at him. Suddenly I am in his head. What the hell are you talking about? We are not just gonna put you back under! “I will be safer to everyone that way,” he grumbles to the room but I know that he heard me and I know that he believes that that is the right answer here.

“No James. That isn’t happening,” Steve says and I am relieved to find another person in this room that agrees with me. “There has to be something that we can do,”

“Unless you can find a way to erase the memory of the code from every person on this planet, I don’t think that he is ever going to be truly safe,” Tony says as he leans up against the window, eating raspberries from a bag.

“Maybe I can,” I blurt out from my spot and everyone just looks at me with raised eyebrows. “I mean, we have the book don’t we? The one with the code in it?”

“Yea,” says Natasha, “it is down in archives,”

“Okay then. I get the book. I learn the code. I can then search through the world to see if people have those exact words in that exact order memorized and if they do, I can just erase it. Hell, we could go as far as to erase Bucky from their minds. Make them forget that they even have an asset,” I let myself smile at my idea.

“Can you do that?” Clint asks as he stares at me like he has never seen me before.

“Yea. I can do it. It’s gonna take a lot of energy and a few hours but I can do it. If no one knows the code or Bucky, no one can ever turn him rogue again. He’ll finally be safe,” I lean back in my chair and let myself sigh in satisfaction, It was a good idea. It is a good idea and it can work.

“That’s way too dangerous, Y/N. You’ve never done something this big and I don’t need you getting hurt in the process,” Steve says and looks around the room to try and find another answer.

“Bucky is suffering every time one of those Hydra people make him their soldier,” I say as I stand, letting the room fall silent. Bucky grabs my wrist to pull me back down but I just shake him off. “You haven’t seen what he has seen. You haven’t seen the things that he has had to go through. The guilt and the pain and the anguish of having to watch his own body, a body that he can’t control, do unspeakable things to people. He has been suffering for 70 years Steve. And if I have to die to make sure that he gets to live a normal fucking life, then by god I am going to fucking do it,” I stare straight at Captain America and I don’t let them waiver. “Now the question here Cap, is if you are going to stand behind me and let me do what I can do to help him, or if you are going to treat me like a child some more.”

And suddenly the room is silent. All eyes are on me and Cap. No one dares speak and no one dares breathe. Everything is quiet until…

“Alright. We will do it. Tell us what you need and we will get it for you,”

Taglist: 

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