#he doesn’t want to move on without him
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❝No matter how hard we looked in the lost and found,
We never could shine the moonlight underground.
To the point where we got sick of pretending like we are saviors,
Till we learn to carry on.❞
— 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘌𝘠𝘌, link click
#OOKAY RANT INCOMING!!#I love this specific part of the song so much#idk the lyrics here stuck out to me a lot#especially the “to the point where we got sick of pretending we are saviours’#till we learn to carry on’#like it shows us how Lu Guang held the belief in his heart that despite#despite the fact that death is an impassable unchangeable node that should not be crossed#he holds on to the belief that he could still save Cheng Xiaoshi#he doesn’t want to move on without him#which thus marks him as a saviour until he does move on#and notice how repetitive this theme of being s saviour is when it comes to Lu Guang?#since Lu Guang only wishes to save Cheng Xiaoshi#and also notice— Cheng Xiaoshi’s dying wish was for Lu Guang to save ‘them’—#everyone else#with him seemingly out of the equation#idk he didn’t seem to have himself in mind/include himself in the ‘them’#but yeah basically thats it LMAO#rant#link click#shiguang daili ren#lu guang#cheng xiaoshi#shiguang#the eye link click#bridon chapter#link click bridon#bridon arc
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Another Otsutsuki?!
we’re messing up the timeline for this one. (I lost this crack idea but then it came back… the abyss stare back and I jumped in.)
anyways, now some kids meeting the new kid
Panel 1: There’s something wrong here.

Comic 1: Attention.


they’re both in the same boat
Comic 2: Day Off (with confusion.)



he just a little insecure,, (kakashi still told him to get it together)
back to the future now
Comic 3: What. (huh?)


Panel 2: very tiny.

#naruto#naruto fanart#kakashi hatake#obito uchiha#rin nohara#toneri otsutsuki#fanart#art#my art#sketch#drawing#digital art#creating silly posts pumps my brain#kid obito had immediately had distrust of the new kid#and couldn’t even explain why so he stood there glaring#obito looks at kakashi 20 years later after Toneri admits defeat with “I TOLD you he’s was weird“#kakashi after getting back to earth promptly puts obito in jail#ALSO when I saw Toneri for the first time his design is so neat!#I haven’t watched the movie so I read the description of the guy to have an idea of him#what I got is that Toneri is unhinged too ANYWAYS moving on#Toneri ends up noticing Kakashi white chakra and follows him with curiosity#Kakashi’s ends up choosing not to be jerk lets him stick around as long as he isn’t in the way#toneri takes a bit of insult because even if he’s missing eyes he’s definitely not weak#so showing some skills without destroying his disguise he ends up impressing kakashi#while kakashi talks with him and offering advice and asking him if he wants yo try anything else#he doesn’t know but Toneri immediately in his mind claims kakashi has his#this post could’ve absolutely gone from silly to psychological horror#like real quick haha#imagine the joke was just kakashi going through more issues 😭 the punchline is that there isn’t one
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we all talk about how house would kill himself after wilson dies but do we ever consider the possibility that wilson wants house to die too…?
#like he can’t stand the idea of house having a life without him moving on etc#selfish and possessive and all that#i think he’d want to know that wherever he’s going#house is going with him#even if he doesn’t say it out loud#house md#hilson#james wilson#house md spoilers
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‘Kakashi should have been a parental figure to sasuke’ is a terrible argument for hating Kakashi, cuz no tf he shouldn’t have
Kakashi is in no place to be a parental figure to ANYONE in his state. He’s not ‘parental figure’ capable until post war arc when he finds some damn closure
But also, Sasuke does not NEED a parental fogure and he’d be insulted at anyone trying to fill that role. Where Naruto had no one (and thus a parental figure stepping in for him was good) sasuke has parents he loved
Parents he adored, who’s desd bodies he saw laying on the ground after his big brother murdered them
The last thing he needed was a parental figure. What he needed was a friend and support, and he had people trying to be that
Naruto was and wanted to be his friend
Kakashi wanted to be a support system for him
For many reason’s, of which fall on no specific person as being totally in the wrong, that did not happwn.
Sasuke pushed Naruto, Kakashi and everyone else away to seek his own goals, because he was so consumed by revenge he was willing to do anything. Which is exactly why Kakashi told him to stop seeking revenge
He was fine with Sasuke wanting revenge until he saw just how much Sasuke was willing to sacrifice to get it, and only THEN did he step in and tell Sasuke to stop seeking it
Because he saw how it was destroying Sasuke.
How this desire was eating away at Sasuke so much he was willing to harm his friends, people who cared for him and who he cared for, because he felt they were in the way of him achieving that goal.
Kakashi tried to be what Sasuke actually needed. Not a parental figure, but a support and guide. A role no one could fill cuz most people wanted to use sasuke (orochimaru, obito, even itachi at the start) and the one person who genuinly wanted to help Sasuke (Kakashi) was not the person who could both because their world views were vastly different because of how differently they experienced their trauma’s, and because Sasuke chose to push everyone who cared about him away
People need to stop expecting Kakashi to fill a parental role for Sasuke. That is not his role
It should never be his role
You cannot fill a role where someone already stands, and even dead Fugaku was Sasuke’s father figure. His real, loved, respected father.
#also can people just admit that Kakashi IS the omly adult figure who doesn’t want to use Sasuke#like Orochimaru wanted his body#obito wanted his power#Itachi wanted him to be his end and even had plans to genjutsu him to work for Konoha#and when Kakashi becomes Hokage not only does he fight alongside Naruto for Sasuke’s freedom#but he makes NO move to stop Sasuke from leaving the village#he fully accepts Sasuke’s choice#to act like he’s trying to use sasuke or only cares about konoha is an outright lie#Kakashi cares about Sasuke and his wellbeiing#when they see each other in shippuden he doesn’t want to fight sasuke and makes that clear#he only fights when sasuke makes it clear he’s excited to kill him#and even then he’s mostly fighting defensivelessly#when sasuke shows up in the war arc others are accusitory and demmandingn an explanation#kakashi see’s him and immidiatly accepts that he’s there on their side to help without question
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I just finished watching The Old Guard (banger movie by the way, absolutely recommend if anyone’s been debating it), so naturally my brain went the route of Old Guard DBDA au. I don’t know any details; all I can think of so far is that Charles and Edwin are a pair of immortals that have been at it for a while together, and the timeline of the story starts with the appearance of a new immortal: Crystal. As for what’s beyond that, idk—are there other people on Charles’s and Edwin’s immortal team? Or are they just a duo? Idk if the immortality loss thing happens to either of them, I’m leaning towards no if it’s just the two of them… but like. It would fit SO well.
I’m already kind of envisioning that it’s just been Edwin and Charles, doing good and helping people from the shadows for decades (or maybe even centuries if we stretch out the timeline a bit); not a direct role-for-role cast replacement of the Old Guard, but more of an insertion into the story structure/world. Like, Edwin as the older of the two, having become immortal a while before Charles and almost immediately getting trapped and spending a canon-adjacent length of time being tortured for his abilities—then escaping a short while before Charles appears and he starts having dreams about him. Their deaths could even be similar to canon: Edwin gets sacrificed (literal sacrifice rather than a prank this time) or maybe even put to death for suspected homosexuality and comes back; Charles dies of hypothermia and internal bleeding after his “friends” turn on him, but he doesn’t STAY dead. Edwin has dreams of cold, and pain—utter impenetrable cold—and of an attic, and a lake, and he sees Charles’s face—he decides he has to find him.
Then Crystal comes around, and maybe she has a similar background to canon—maybe even with the memory loss? Like, her toxic ex-boyfriend kills her and she comes back without a bunch of her memories—some kind of complication with the process—and she gets them back gradually over the course of the story (probably as multiple deaths clear things up/shift things back to normal). When Charles and Edwin find her, there’s a lot of complicated emotions, stemming from—well, both of them wondering why NOW, why another one after probable centuries of it just being them, but where Edwin is resistant and standoffish (he doesnt trust new people this close, why did it have to change, their life was FINE as it was), Charles is excited to have a new person around!! Someone they won’t lose!! Someone like them!! And meanwhile Crystal is just,, fucking REELING from this and also maybe being stalked by her crazy power-hungry toxic ex-boyfriend who was maaaaybe in the government the whole time and dating her because her parents had whopping political status. It’s a lot.
Shit, maybe Esther could even be another immortal—one Edwin and Charles don’t know about; one that’s removed from the dream-connection somehow, or one that they haven’t been able to pin down/get clear enough memories from to realize it’s a whole other person and not just, like, them having weird dreams and shit. And maybe Esther LOSING her immortality correlates with Crystal gaining hers, and Esther tries to figure out a way to steal the boys’ immortality somehow to get hers back… or maybe she’s NOT an immortal, but more of a Merrick-type character that finds out about the immortals and wants to take their power for herself? Idk.
Last thing I’ve been thinking about is, I want Niko to be an immortal too… but is she an immortal from the start? Probably not. Maybe she’s a normal mortal girl they meet while dealing with Esther and all get really attached to, who then breaks everyone’s hearts by dying when she tries to help Crystal get the boys back from Esther, providing Crystal’s first big lesson about the futility of relationships with normal human beings (while still being worth the pain for the value of the love while its there)… UNTIL she comes to in her grave in Japan weeks or months later, and the inside of a coffin shows up in all of their dreams. Or something.
I am hereby inviting anyone who wishes to participate in this idea with me to do so, in any way you please
#add-on ideas or completely different interpretations of what a dbda/old guard crossover/AU could look like. all is welcome#magpie thoughts#dbda#dead boy detectives#the old guard#is the cat king an immortal to? but one that’s not on The Team because he likes his solo life just fine and also Charles hates his guts#because he hits on Edwin every time they meet up?#the possibilities are endless#payneland#Edwin Payne#crystal palace#god im just thinking about how PERFECTLY Edwin’s torture fits into this scenario… he gets captured and killed over and over and OVER again#for more years than he can count… pushed further and further; torn up in more and more horrible gruesome ways every time; because every time#he heals and comes back; good as new… even if it takes a week for his body to regenerate from being chewed to pieces… he comes back…#until he learns to fight his way out. until he maps the entire facility they keep him in—its changed over the years; gotten more advanced.#moved location—and forgets more ways of killing his captors than most soldiers ever learn. and he makes it out#then a few years later. he isnt alone anymore#and Charles… Charles who is glad he didn’t die but he still lost his chance at LIFE… he is glad he left his house with all his dad’s anger#but he never got to GROW UP… never got to make a family (better than the one that made him) or get a job or graduate college (im mentally#aging them up a bit in my head. just because) or any of the things he’d planned to do… and he loves Edwin SO MUCH and wouldn’t trade this#for ANYTHING now that he has it. but he never got his mom out. she turned away from him when she was on her deathbed because he was the same#age he’d been when he left forty years ago and she didn’t believe it was him. years that he would have been able to have going back home for#family dinners—or having his mom come to him; or going wherever she’d gone if she got away from his dad—lost to checking in on them through#papers and records and windows and down the booth at a restaurant with a mask on his face so they couldn’t tell it was him. things edwin#doesnt quite understand; things he doesn’t get because he doesnt even remember his parents or family.#he’s always seemed so much happier without them—like he didn’t even need those memories—and Charles tried to do the same.#and if we want to bump up the ‘’time goes on’’ angst. throw a little sister into the mix. make him have a younger sister named Clementine#who he has to watch grow up from a distance. who he visits on HER deathbed (maybe instead of his mom) and who pushes him away. or who DOESNT#push him away but its still heartbreaking because the last time he saw her she was a teenager or a little kid and now she’s an old woman. he#never got to watch her grow up and now he’s losing her. and he’s stuck behind.
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Anyone still calling late game Katsuki an abuser in 2024 is just not paying attention. Full stop.
#bkdk#bakudeku#every time I see an anti post they try to define bkdk shippers as just masking their hate of Izuku#or as inappropriately labeling them as childhood friends and that being the basis of the whole ship#or as of acting on the hand hold scene LIKE KATSUKI DID FOR ELEVEN PLUS YEARS IN CANON without realizing that it went sour that first time#or as abuse apologists#they like to whittle katsuki down to the black and white bully even now#in 2024#after everything he’s done#all the growing#they like to whittle Izuku down to a helpless child who can’t find it in himself to stand up for himself#even though canon Izuku not only tolerates Katsuki’s moods#he appreciates him and understands him#and finds joy in being around him#literally I get it if you see them as platonic only#that’s so super chill and an excellent dynamic#but people throwing hate at bkdk shippers only ever out themselves as not understanding or comprehending or even knowing the source material#at all#on the surface Katsuki yells at izuku for literally nothing and it definitely rubs you the wrong way if you are only paying surface level#attention#but after dvk pt 2 he literally only yells because it’s familiar#it’s easier to respond that way than to cope with the guilt that’s eating him alive whenever he sees how happy Izuku is just to be around h#he’s flustered#he’s got a crush#but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to understand what it is or how to deal yet#Katsuki Bakugo is a flawed character who puts in the work to change and if you’re not acknowledging that you are not paying attention#anyway#lol the post a while ago that said ‘if you ship bkdk just admit you hate Izuku and move on’??????#lol I love him so much AND I ship bkdk because canon tells me that’s what he wants#at least I’m paying attention enough not to think he has to be babified
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Hey about the ghost Luigi au. But. Would he fade with time? Or would he be forced to watch everyone’s lives continue without him? Would he be forced to watch his friends and brother die? Cause that’s angsty as hell my dude
oh, he’s in it for the long haul. i think after time has done its damage, he would go from being inconsolable to a long period of complete and utter shutdown. who knows, maybe he takes to scaring folks in the end. at some point, that becomes the only thing a ghost can really offer, right? when connection is that temporary it loses its meaning. the only way he can touch the real world anymore is through fear.

or you know, he could fulfill his dying wish and ascend to the afterlife. i want him to have a happy ending in one universe or another
#unfortunately luigi has always had very little sense of identity on his own#he relies on others to essentially shape him because he’s so deeply insecure. he people pleases impulsively you know#without mario he doesn’t even know who he is#once mario is gone luigi feels utterly sealed off from everyone. in an emotional sense#as far as luigi’s concerned he simply does not exist without mario#and like. i don’t necessarily mean that in the “luigi is mario’s shadow” way [although that’s a small part of it]#i mean that in the way that twins who are that close have extremely codependent souls#and you need them to live. honestly#this makes it sounds like i believe luigi has no personality or goals or principles which is not true. yes he IS his own person of course#and it’s not like he COULDN’T reach his own true potential and find peace and contentment in a lonesome life!#but i don’t think he will. he’s just not equipped for it and honestly? i think he’s so absorbed in the grief that he just doesn’t want to#it feels too much like moving on. and how could he ever really move on?#uh. damn okay. this is making me need to call my twin bro. this is getting me in the gizzard a bit /lh silly#asks#ididntwantobeaglader#ghost luigi au#no id#giddly’s art#i didn’t even make this art for your ask btw i just had it lying around and was like “OH this applies to your question!!”#thank you for the ask!!!
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i hope will never gets over mike i want wills feelings for mike to be treated like an earth shattering dream crushed and he’s left to live inside its remains forever as it eats him up inside because it was always going to be him him him and nobody else on this earth. i don’t care about happy endings i want true love real love fantasy love or don’t even BOTHER
#byler#do you GET IT!#i want will to show up at mikes doorstep 8 years later after they’ve moved on from being teenagers#and sob because he doesn’t know how to live without him#and he begs and pleads please let me love you please
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The thing about Forever and Bad is that they don't know how to deescalate, and they start at 100 straight from 0 every time with each other. They will spend hours arguing about semantics that don't matter. They will go to the extreme ends of pranks (which as fun as the audio remixes were, spending hours trying to find the source was literal hell genuine psychological torment). They will go for the throat just to antagonize the other.
So no, I don't think Forever knows a thing about Dapper or the other eggs whereabouts. He just knows better about the way Bad operates, the way he lies and deflects. He's familiar with his crafty words and how he turns a conversation on its head. He knows that what Bad is being accused of is entirely likely, that he is not who he usually is when the eggs are around. And he knows that Dapper, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is who Bad cares for most of all.
This isn't something he can argue hours about, to chip away little by little like he usually does. For both the safety of the worker, because the longer they're locked up surely the worse off they'll be - and for the safety of Bad, who if he wasn't under extreme watch by the Federation, he certainly is now, after Tubbo very loudly accused him in his Federation office.
He goes for the throat, immediately playing a trump card that he knows Bad won't just brush off or ignore, because as much as Bad can be unpredictable, Forever knows that Bad cares about the eggs as much as he does. As questionable as his morals are, as slippery as he can be to pin down, Bad has always placed the eggs as the highest priority - and he needs Bad to have no choice but to be honest, or to knock him off guard enough that he'll give him something to work with.
Is it fair? Maybe not. But when has Bad ever played fair with him?
#I haven’t watched forevers POV these past few days so take this with a grain of salt. this is a ghostie perspective#it’s like. there’s so many moving parts in this scenario. but we can all agree that bad was never morally right for kidnapping the worker#mf tortured them then developed some odd reverse Stockholm syndrome. we been knew bad is not a good person though#like. I’ve said it before I’ll say it again. bad highlights the difference between nice and good. because he is nice he has the capacity to#be generous and sweet. but my god he is not good#also. Tubbo man. the way he’s gone about this is so messy like. he’s caught on to bad that’d be good! if it wasn’t for the fact that#he played all his cards instantly in the middle of a federation office. like fuck man you’ve tripped alarm bells before you even knew the#damn situation. before you even had undeniable evidence. forgetting bad atm since ron doesn’t want to go back to the Feds this places him in#a terrible situation. it’s like it was not handled with tact or care and there will be consequences for acting without more knowledge yknow#also bad getting taken by feds will be bad for the eggs. straight up. as much as he deserves consequences for his actions it’s like the feds#are not who you want giving out consequences ffs#qsmp#mcyt#q!bbh#q!forever#bbh#forever#z speaks#also SORRY REPOST my organizational tags weren’t working you understand <3
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STILL in the act 2 hags boat btw. act 2 hags you are so everything and the world to meeee I wanna talk about them so bad alas I cannot yet.
#but soon…!!!!!#but I do love them not being soulmates or this pre-ordained thing. there’s no outer force bringing them together#they just simply want to! and they’re making that choice themselves#!!!!! also im having post bg3/ future thoughts with them specifically after shri’iia passes bc i dont subscribe with the thought of#astarion dying too after she’s gone. i like the idea that he learns how to live with that grief and move on without her#and find love again!!!!!!!!!! that’s what she would’ve wanted for him too. and his new love doesn’t negate what they had if anything bc she#loved him it helped him love others too. and living on despite everything isn’t that so human of him?
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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ok so given everything went well the the Bride’s Reanimation what exactly did Dan decide to do? Because while he did agree to her creation with the agreement that she would be his replacement Meg, she’s not she has a different brain and based on what we saw a different personality what will Dan’s reaction be if she’s not what he originally wanted? Will he get discontent and look for happiness elsewhere like he did with Herbert? Will he resent her for not being Meg? Even if she was similar enough for him there’s no guarantee that she would love him back, which is extremely understandable since he is essentially her parent. What if the Bride just isn’t into Dan at all and just wants a dad? Will he leave? Will he blame her? Will he blame Herbert? Will he just lose it and try to inflict harm (he’s not emotionally stable especially not when it comes to romance) I’m kinda curious to know what will happen
#Overall the sci-fi move genre(?) of male doctors/scientists creating women in order to cure the guilt they feel for playing a role#In a lover’s death is its whole own thing and can say a lot about bodily autonomy and gender roles being projected onto the creation#Because at the end of the day these creatures are being created with the very specific goal of fulfilling a specific role#That the doctor thinks he needs in his life/overall being there to be a particular thing to the doctor#And never once does he actually stop the think about the ramifications of his actions and the effects it can have on him and his creation#Like what if it doesn’t make the creature happy? What if they can’t do it right and make him resentful? The never think#Actually this isn’t even just about creating women(or what is supposed to be a woman)#All doctors in media we see creating artificial life do it with the very express purpose that the creature will fulfill a perfect role#The perfect wife or or son or lover#Whatever this role is they all have specific thoughts on how the creature should act and want to enforce that onto them#Also let’s not even get into the problem of creating a creature specifically to be your lover because the consent there is dubious at best#Because do they have the minds of children at first? Even if not they owe you a great deal for creating them is that leveraged#Overall the whole “making a person without conception” is such an intriguing story device I could probably write an essay on this shit#Anyway rant over if you made it this far thanks for caring#reanimator#herbert west#bride of reanimator#dan cain
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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i hate my life fr
#im not doin very good#I am not where i want to be bc a man lied to me#and i let him#6 1/2 years later i am lost#so behind#everyone is ahead of me#I wanna disappear and cry#i feel trapped and stuck#can’t move out without a roommate#all my friends got a roomate while I put my trust in a man#who lied and used me and string me along#he never planned to get us a place he lied#im so fucked#I just want to go away#I hate everything#and I just saw where my best friend just moved in to a house with someone he doesn’t even really like#or used to talk about was a bad friend so#that hasn’t triggered me at all#im fine#not really i wanna kms
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“Why? What’s the point of living when the only girl I’ll ever love is gone?”
“No dude, i feel worse.”
“Dude, i don’t have time to start over with other girls. I’m nine years old, dude. If i don’t work things out with Wendy, I could be alone my whole life.”
“I can’t let Wendy go. This whole time, I’ve been having my friends do all the talking for me. It’s time i took control.”
“Tell her i love her.”
“I can’t believe it. She’s in love with someone else.”
“There’s nothing else i can do. She was my whole life.”
And antis really think Stan doesn’t care about Wendy. Weird.
#otp: i cant do it alone#south park#stendy#stan x wendy#viv speaks#LIKE BE SO FUCKING FOR REAL PEOPLE#season 7 ep 14 ended me. brought me back to life. and killed me again.#friendly reminder that i still haven’t watched all the episodes yet ad I’m still learning about the characters.#SO WHEN I WATCHED THIS. I DIED ON THE INSIDE#it’s the audacity of antis to really say that Stan hates her or Wendy doesn’t care abt him—delusional.#Wendy wasn’t treated properly so she left. Stan noticed after the fact and he was lost without her. LIKE HE CARES. but he’s fucking 9.#he doesn’t know shit abt feelings ok#tbh what wendy did was underhanded by dating Tolkien but she just wanted someone who’d actually give her attention#they’re fucking children but from an adults’ perspective—yeah. it’s a dick move#anyways live laugh love stendy#i know they’ll come around I’m just mad this happened#like WHY TREY AND MATT WHY#THIS WAS SO UNCALLED FOR ???#all I’m asking is for happy stendy okay thanks#END RANT.
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