#he's a flawed man and he's stubborn and he's trying to win an argument

[elvisqueso]

#bye felicia

Pocahontas (1995)

[agonycrossbow]

No one in RE canon loves Leon the way Chris does

The thing about Leon is, he has a lot of people who like him. He's a well-liked guy with very few actual personal enemies. But very few people tend to think about him beyond that point.

Claire likes Leon just fine, for example. So does Jill and Rebecca and Helena and Hunnigan and every other person who's ever worked with him. People value his insight and experience, they enjoy his company, and they overall have very high opinions of him -- but that's about it. None of them ever seem to go out of their way for him (except for Hunnigan, who only does it because it's her ass on the line if she doesn't) or have their lives affected by him in any personally meaningful way.

There are other people, like Ada, who have a certain degree of affection for him. Leon has a soft, special place in Ada's heart, sure -- but she also has a very out of sight, out of mind attitude towards him. The biggest debate in this fandom, sometimes, is what her actual feelings are.

And then there's someone like Ashley, who is the tragedy of the love that never was.

But then there's Chris.

Chris is the only person in this series who actually thinks about Leon just because he cares about him. There's actually a moment in RE6 where Chris radios him just to check on him and his location and make sure that he's not somewhere that's about to blow up or get destroyed.

The only time that was ever done in this series was in RE0 and RE1, because that was an entire team of people who all worked together trying to make it out together. After that point, everyone works pretty independently of each other, and any "check-ins" that happen end up happening purely by happenstance (think Leon and/or Claire actually glimpsing each other on a CCTV and trying to call out to the other at the end of RE2). But in RE6, Chris buzzes Leon out of nowhere just to check on him.

There's also a thing about Chris Redfield where -- one of his major character flaws is that he gets extreme tunnel vision. He's also stubborn as all hell and can't really be talked out of something once he sets his mind to it. Name a character that has teamed up with him at some point, and there's an example of him not listening to their plea/advice to do or not do something.

Chris listens to Leon every single time. Without question.

In RE6, Chris won't even listen to Piers when it comes to his blind fury and relentless pursuit of Ada -- Piers, who Chris handpicked himself to be his own successor.

Chris listens to Leon the first time, without question or much pushback, and he never goes back on it. All it takes is Leon saying one time "let the Ada thing go, I can speak on her behalf" -- and Chris, somehow, magically and miraculously... does. There's a real argument to be made here, due to this moment, that Chris trusts Leon as much as or more than he trusts Jill, even.

Throughout Vendetta, Chris defers to Leon's judgment and goes out of his way to get Leon at his side, when a simple phone call could have sufficed. And when he finds Leon in the state he's in, suddenly his focus isn't on getting his professional opinion anymore -- suddenly, it's all about Leon's physical and mental state. Chris is pissed not because Leon's refusing to help them, but because of Leon letting his depression win out and his drinking problem take over. Chris tries to take the booze from him not once but twice.

If Rebecca hadn't been there to keep them both on track, this would've stayed and continued a personal dispute. It wasn't about the mission anymore, for Chris. It was about Leon. And Rebecca had to remind him why they were even trying to talk to Leon in the first place.

And I know that there were Chreon moments in DI, but I've only watched it once so far, so I'd have to watch it again to talk further about it.

But suffice to say, Chris loves this man. Chris loves Leon more than Leon loves himself. That's for damn sure.

Hunnigan even describes them as a sort of love at first sight thing. It's impossible to know just how close they actually were in the time between their first conversation during the events of Code Veronica and their first face-to-face meeting in roughly 2008ish, but once they were together, they have had a partnership to rival any other in this series.

I actually hate to think how much worse Leon's depression might have gotten if not for Chris looking out for him -- because I think it's a really safe bet to say that they keep in touch between missions.

In fact, if the entire dev staff of Division 1 showed up at my house tomorrow and tried to say that Chris and Leon have no relationship outside of work, I'd call every single one of those devs liars LMAO

[bellysoupset]

this question is for the whole group ; what’s your favourite thing about your partner? also, what’s the thing they do that makes you want to pull your hair out? (this ask may or may not be inspired by the recent argument fics) 🍄

Hi 🍄, how are you?

Okay I'm going to try and keep this short and for this sake I'll try not to go TOO deep <- lying like a liar

Wendy: She loves how happy and open he is. Here's a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, who's almost always smiling and even when he's not, he makes no effort to play sullen and mysterious. She really likes not having play guessing game with Vin. Vince is a bit of a doormat though and it drives her crazy. She's the one always telling him to assert himself and he's like 🥺 but what if people get sad I said no. | Lighter version: LOVES that man's arms and tummy. Hates the fact he's always leaving his clothes around.

Jonah: Leo's secret personality - aka his bitchy side that only Jon gets to see - is something Jonah looooves. He takes immense pleasure seeing Leo flip flop like day and night between the sweetness that he truly is and the huge bitch that only Jon gets to see. He doesn't love how Leo shuts down, though. He'd rather face yelling and tears than Leo shutting him out and when that happens it drives Jon crazy. | Lighter version: He's obsessed with Leo's hair. Hates Leo inability to close a fucking door.

Bella: Lucas cares so much. About everything and everyone, not just the people he considers his family. He'll go out of his way to help anyone and this is truly what made her fall for him. Hates when his competitive streak gets the best of him, especially when it turns against him. Like when he's bulking and can't quit it even if it's hurting him, because he has to win. When he picks a fight and won't drop it. | Lighter version: She's a thighs woman through and through. Lucas has more hickeys there than anywhere else. If he clogs their toilet again she's going to tear him to pieces.

Leo: Jonah acts on his feelings. He's not the type of declare pretty words, at all, but acts of service are his love language. He'll stay up nights because of his patients, he'll pick fights for Leo, he'll put up with anything. Leo really loves how easily Jonah translates to him. Hates how stubborn Jonah can get. Because Leo reads him so easily, it's terribly frustrating when he knows Jon wants to do something but won't because he's proud. | Lighter version: Jon inherited his mom's model features - sharp jaw, beautiful chin, sparkly hazel eyes, cheek bones, long arms and legs. Leo truly thinks he's the hottest dude he's ever come across. Now if Jonah could STOP attracting men and women like flies, Leo would be happy.

Lucas: Bella is the most hardworking person he knows. She's won't give up, if she sets her mind to something it doesn't matter how shit she is at it at first, she WILL excel in it. Lucas adores this fire in her, he'll happily bend over backwards to help her achieve whatever. He hates how stubborn she is. It's the same flaw he has, but in particular when it comes to Bella's health. He's an over worrier about health so seeing Bell give that little crap about her own health makes him angry. | Lighter version: Error 404 she's the hottest woman ever. Sorry. He adores her laughter, it's giggly and girly and doesn't match her at all. Hates the fact Bella thinks she's Dr. Pimple Popper Jr and will chase him around to pop any pimple she sees. Put those claws away.

Vince: Adores the duality between Wendy taking 0 shit from people, but being a cupcake in the form of a woman. He's always liked sweet girls, but it always ended up badly for Vince because they also were too lenient and meshed with his own doormat tendencies... The relationship fizzled out and died. Wendy is not like that. She's a flower of a girl, but she'll die on her hills and Vince respects this more than anything. He doesn't love how insecure Wendy can be and how she refuses to talk it out. If he's super open, Wendy is super private and it drives him crazy. | Lighter version: DIMPLES. Cheek dimples, ass dimples, she's like a squish toy and Vince WILL chew on her. Hates how she'll spend 200 bucks in a mascara but not in something she actually needs like tires for her car. Please be practical Wendy.

[vacate-et-scire]

・❥・Heliotrope and Orange Lilies

Synopsis: Having an argument with their s/o, who started it, what do they do to earn forgiveness or need for them to forgive you?

Warnings: [mental health] [slight toxic behaviour] [pre established relationship]

w.c 1k

You started it:

Isagi Yoichi: He is a very dedicated man, green flag all over, but everyone makes mistakes, and Isagi's biggest flaw is that he gets way too distracted by soccer. When a big match is coming up, he will start neglecting his partner more so he can focus on getting better and winning. This will lead you to an argument 9/10, but he's been working on it, but he just can't help but forget about his life when soccer is so important to him. When Isagi knows he's hurt your feelings by becoming distant he tries to make up for it in quality time, you have his full attention all day, all week even. He's taking every second he can to be spending time with you to make it up to you.

Itoshi Rin: He has emotional relapses, ig that's what you'd call it? Sometimes he gets so caught up in his head and way of thinking he'll convince himself that he isn't good enough for you and that you're going to leave him like his brother did so to save himself the hurt he'll distance himself from you, nothing like Isagi does, Rin will actively avoid you, won't text you back or even talk to you for weeks if he can help it. This of course results in an argument, and he will struggle hard to make it up to you, he's still pretty convinced he isn't enough, but he'll try and have a heart-to-heart with you and spend time with you to get your forgiveness.

Kuniami Rensuke: He used to be so loving and kind, he really was the perfect boyfriend but after the Blue Lock program something about him changed, he didn't really seem to care about as much as he used to, he also oddly enough wasn't very keen on receiving affection gestures anymore, physical or verbal. When you tried to ask him about it one time he brushed you off and of course you can't leave things at that so you keep pushing for an answer, and he snaps at you, and you do not let that shit slide, which turns into one of the first arguments you've ever had with him. When realizing he was in the wrong he tries to make it up to you by going out for a very simplistic date, something you two used to always do, and he tries to communicate with you about how he feels, although he's not very good about it, he's trying his best.

Nagi Seishiro: He was lazy, when Reo wasn't around to do it for him, it was like you were his personal maid, he asked you to make food for him, clean his room sometimes and honestly Reo was your god send taking up quite a few of those tasks you had to do without any sort of appreciation. There was a point where you couldn't take it anymore and lashed out at him, you weren't just a friend, or a hired service, you were his partner and deserved to be treating like it. He really, really struggles to make things good between you two, he doesn't understand fully how you feel since he's always felt kind of emotionally distant, but he tries making an effort to do things for himself more often and give a lot more verbal affection, he even tried taking up one of your hobbies but messed up so badly he never told you he even tried.

He started it:

Shidou Ryusei: He is brash, erratic, and he does things on a whim not taking to account for your feelings very often, most things are very 'casual' to him between the two of you. We've all seen he's quick to anger, so in one scenario where he's been trying to drag you along to do god knows what, and you keep being stubborn saying you have plans? He kinda freaks out in an, albeit short, burst of anger, he feels like you don't want to be around him and to earn his forgiveness you MUST take time off of whatever you do to spend a whole day with him. The second scenario is when you try to be intimate, nothing sexual just intimate and romantic, he kind of struggles with the reality he's in a committed relationship and almost feels repulsed, he doesn't understand why but intimacy of any sort makes him pull away slightly and there isn't anything you can do to help but give him time.

Chigiri Hyoma: He gets insecure sometimes, he's usually super confident, and he knows how good he looks, how well he plays, and how good of a boyfriend he is. But there are times when he sees you getting attention from other people, I mean, how couldn't you? You were stunning, drop-dead perfect, but he can't help but feel slightly insecure, that maybe one of these people could preform better than him. Chigiri reacts on impulse and half accuses you of wanting someone else but immediately shuts up, he started the short-lived argument but wants your forgiveness, he feels guilty for being so brash and talks it out with you. He also does an 'at home spa day' to try and cheer you up.

Bachira Meguru: Now Bachira is sometimes a bit much, he's a chatterbox and a constant buzz of excitement, he constantly needs your attention, or he feels like you don't love him, he wants to be clinging to you often as possible. No sane person can really keep up with the level he's on without getting a little worn out or frustrated, so when you start to mellow out and stop matching his enthusiasm he doesn't get mad, but he gets upset. He'll wake you up in the middle of the night, face filled with tears you can't see, but you can hear it in his voice, he'll keep asking if you love him anymore and apologizing for being annoying. Reassure him and explain to him the truth so he doesn't overthink and everything will be okay.

[chaoscradle]

Totally wrote an essay in @booksandpaperss (hope it’s okay to tag you!) post and I wanted to make it into an actual post so here I am!

The Wheelers are so incredibly mischaracterized by a lot of people, to the point where sometimes it’s not even the same character anymore. The only exception is Holly, and that’s because we haven’t seen much of her.

I see Karen characterized mainly as a completely emotionally neglectful and dismissive mom who is fully conservative and very much traditional.

Karen isn’t a good mom, but we see her reach out to both Mike and Nancy in s1 and Nancy again in s3. In addition, yes, we see the Wheelers with a conservative sign on the lawn, but we do know that Karen isn’t fully traditional. She urges Nancy to follow the story in season 3 despite the misogyny, and she makes it very clear that that isn’t her line of thinking. She’s not the best parent, but she’s not an asshole either.

Ted is emotionally distant and definitely not a good father. He’s never shown to really connect with Mike or Nancy, instead we really only see them interact negatively with each other. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about his kids though- he’s shown to be asleep with Holly in season 3, and he does contribute to disciplining Mike and Nancy (although not well at all, he really only made things worse).

Nancy has two characterizations I see that sit wrong with me, the first being her as a prize to win and a slut, the second being heartless.

Nancy is very independent and doesn’t need a man in her life to function, and seeing her as a prize is incredibly sexist. As for being called a slut, she had sex with Steve because she thought that was what she was meant to do, and she cheated with Jonathan because she loved him and made the mistake of not waiting. The characters are flawed and make mistakes, it’s what makes them interesting and realistic. On top of that, many characters are forgiven for their mistakes, but Nancy is constantly being held to hers.

The second characterization I mentioned was heartless. She’s sometimes characterized as not caring about anyone else’s feelings at all, incredibly argumentative and void of any of Nancy’s real personality. Yes, Nancy is independent and a badass, but she cares for other people. She’s stubborn but also kind.

She’s more than The Girl In A Love Triangle, and she’s also more than The Girl With A Gun.

Mike is heavily misunderstood due to some not understanding his arc, as well as us not being able to see from his pov the past few seasons. He’s interpreted as a whiny, moody brat who doesn’t care about anyone except for El. He’s a shitty boyfriend too, for pretty much no reason other than his parents not really loving each other.

Mike is, in fact, a shitty boyfriend to El. He can’t say “I love you” to her face. He can’t even write it. Believe it or not, it’s because he doesn’t love her. He struggled with conformity and internalized homophobia, causing him to have repressed his feelings for Will and trying to force himself to love El instead.

Mike is kind of a whiny, moody brat, but so many people treat it as his only trait. They forget that he’s a leader, a planner, someone the Party looks to when they’re in trouble, etc. They’re far from his only traits. Mike also struggles with his mental health, and it’s something very overlooked by the GA. He canonly has depression and PTSD, and we see signs of it throughout all the seasons, even in season 1. A lot of his withdrawing behavior and acting out in season 2 and 4 is perceived as him being bratty and a bad friend, when in reality it’s his mental health. In season 3 when he was “written badly”, he was affected by his internalized homophobia and external pressures to be normal, causing him to spend most of his time kissing El.

Mike also cares about his friends. A lot. He fights every season for them, he’s been dubbed “The Heart”, he jumped off a cliff for one. Again, his mental health, internalized homophobia, and conformity caused him to struggle with himself and consequentially pull away from his friends and lash out at them.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

falling.

pairing: carter baizen x reader

warnings: angst, cheating (sorta?)

part 1 / part 2

and it kills me 'cause i know we've run out of things we can say. what am i now? what am i now? what if i'm someone i don't want around? i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling. what if i'm down? what if i’m out? what if i'm someone you won't talk about? i'm falling again, i'm falling again, i'm falling and i get the feeling that you'll never need me again ...

Stay away from me. I don’t want to see your face.

Those words were burned and scarred onto his mind and no matter how much he drank, how much he smoked, how much he slept, he could still hear her voice echoing those same words which hit him like daggers. She’d meant those words, he knew her well enough to know when she meant something and she had meant every single letter of every single word she had muttered. He couldn’t escape them and the worse thing was, he couldn’t escape her face. He hadn’t seen her in the last three months but he couldn’t forget the look on her face, the look of disappointment and hurt. He was used to disappointing his family, that’s all he could do but he’d never disappointed her before. She’d been upset at him, he’d been upset at her but they’d never been disappointed at each other. They’d always been there for each other but now she was just gone and he daren’t even try approaching her. He knew her threats weren’t empty and he knew way too well not to mess with Y/N. She was sweet but at the end of the day she was a Vanderbilt heiress and if you got on her bad side, you could easily see it. Yet, that didn’t mean he didn’t miss her.

How could he not when she had been around since the very moment they were introduced for each other? He couldn’t really explain what they were and he didn’t want to dwell on it, he’d rather think to himself that she was gone rather than admit he was the one responsible for it. After all, wasn’t that what he always did? Run away from his problems and avoiding them, instead creating even more issues. It was easier after all. However, what he did not expect was to find her doing the exact same and he couldn’t help but admit how angry he was to see her with someone else. At Cotillion, with Chuck, it was easy to know it was nothing; after all, everyone with a pair of eyes knew all Chuck Bass was interested in was Blair and once Nate was off the picture, the two immediately became a thing. But now? Now he couldn’t convince himself of it, he couldn’t tell himself that she was trying to make him jealous as she stepped into a MET exhibition accompanied by someone whom he didn’t know. A Kennedy, he had heard, and how could Carter compete with a Kennedy? He could not but seeing his Y/N with someone else made his blood boil and his grip tight around the champagne glass. Clearly he had forgotten he was here with someone else as well, yet, that didn’t mattered. What mattered was that his Y/N was with someone else. 

He hadn’t even want to come to this exhibition in the first place, he’d even tried to argue it out with Serena yet it was no use, he was here now and he could see it; he could see them. He could see the man pointing to his Y/N introducing her to everyone in the room as if she didn’t already know them. And that smile, that smile that always got him to do anything she wanted. A smile that was for him no longer yet looked his way and faltered. He downed the cold champagne in his glass, staring back at her before she moved her gaze away, hand wrapped around her date’s arm. Carter shoved the champagne glass on one of the floating silver trays before making his way through the crowd like a wolf hunting its sheep until she reached her. Whomever she was with had left her alone, probably to get some drinks but he didn’t care.

      - We need to talk. 

      - No, we do not. - she grabbed a canape from a passing tray, a habit she had whenever she was uncomfortable at parties. 

      - Can you at least give me that? You ruined my family’s appearances at social events, you made your point. You owe me a talk.

      - That’s rich. - she looked over her shoulder, hoping her date would come and interrupt their interaction. 

      - Please. - his eyes scanned hers for any softness which still laid for him, yet he couldn’t read her eyes. They were hooded and hidden by thick black shadow and dark eyeliner which took away from how watery and bright they usually were, from how happy he remembered them. It’d been a long, long three months and part of him hopped all the care she had once held from him hadn’t died. He still held her in high regard and while he didn’t expect her for even care for him anymore, part of him still hoped she wouldn’t let him bleed out if she found him wounded. However, Y/N was much too smart to let her own emotions take over her in public situations and so she walked away.

Her gown dragged away all her insecurities and all the faltering which still seemed to dance around her whenever he was around, yards and yards of fabric dragged all that was bubbling all the way to her throat and she found herself walking faster and faster to the bathroom. Her hands flew to the porcelain sink, holding herself up as if the weight of all she had ignored for the past three months was pushing her down into the centre of the Earth. Her head snapped up, watching her reflection in the golden mirror; she thought maybe if she could see how pathetic she looked, she would snap out of it. 

     - Y/N. - her grip on the porcelain tightened up as she turned her head to see him against the closed door.

     - I hate you. - she almost barked those words at him, voice filled with poison as if she had wanted to say them a long time ago. His eyes softened, corners looking down, a far cry from how unreadable he always was. - With every fibre of my being, I hate you. 

     - Fine. - he made his way towards her, standing by her side. - I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you.

     - You humiliated me in front of everyone. - her eyes looked into his for the first time that night, old wounds still not completely wounded. - You kissed me in Santorini when you were with Serena. You are a bad person, Carter. 

     - I know but I wasn’t with her like I was with you.

     - Details of your relationship do not interest me, Carter. If you wanna talk about your relationship, I’d suggest couples therapy. 

     - We weren’t a couple in Santorini, Y/N. Did you seriously think I would’ve done that to you?

     - I don’t know you. - she spewed those words, letting go of the sink and walking backwards, away from him. - I don’t even trust you, Carter.

     - I hope you know I’m not asking for forgiveness from you. I’m just apologising. 

     - I don’t need your apology, I need you away from me. I want you away from me.   

     - You’re spoiled, you know that? - he pointed his finger at her. - Just because the whole world revolves around your family does not mean I’ll stop going places just because you don’t want to see me. You don’t get to decide what I do!

    - For someone who hates this lifestyle, you seem so bothered. - she stood there, not completely happy with the adjective he’d just placed upon her. Y/N Archibald was many things, but spoiled was not one of them. No matter how many riches she had, she did not expect the world to bend to her will.  - Why are you here if you’re just going to criticise me anyway? 

The two of them remained in that match, almost to see which one of them could hurt the one the most, as if hurting each other would somehow make the fact they weren’t together hurt any less. The truth was, both of them were stubborn individuals and while Y/N had been the most forgiving of the two, seeing the man she had always hoped would someday be hers with someone else had almost erased all of that. Maybe she was spoiled for expecting him to someday magically want her by his side but he was spoiled too. They were two flawed human beings staring each other, waiting to see which one would break apart first until he realised one thing; he did not want to see her break apart. He was bitter, angry at her even but deep down he knew there was no one to be angry at but himself. He had caused this and he was lashing out at her, hoping that by hurting her, he’d feel better about her hating him so much. However, he did not want to hurt her. At least no more than he’d already done, either willingly or unwillingly. 

    - You win. - he lowered down his hands in defeat. Y/N, however remained still yet if one were to touch her arm, they could feel she was trembling. - I can’t fight with you any longer.

He almost left her there standing, not sure of what to say. He really was going to leave, he was going to disappear for a while yet his decision faltered as his eyes almost too quickly scanned her, noticing the thin gold bracelet around her wrist. He had given her that bracelet, something he’d got from one of his first travels to Europe. It was nothing too special, in all honesty, compared to what she was wearing, it was probably the cheapest thing she had on her person but he remembered that bracelet way too well. He remembered giving her the small little bag, her little argument about how he shouldn’t have gotten something for her, how she promised she’d never take it off. She still had it, she still wore it. 

     - You’re wearing the bracelet I gave you. - he pointed towards her wrist and she immediately covered it, looking at it for a bit before looking up at him.

     - Fine. - her voice almost broke as she tried to undo the clasp.

     - Don’t. - his voice however broke down as she found the clasp. - You promised. 

Her aura softened, shoulders lowering to a neutral position as her hand unwrapped from her wrist, her eyes gazing the shiny gold metal before she looked up and at him. Whatever fire her anger had ignited within her went down, washed away like the waves onto the sand and for the first time she moved forward until she was close enough to feel his breathe on her face. Her eyes heightened up to his, lips half parted as her hands cupped his face, the same face she had seen grow older over these years yet remain the same blue eyes which were so typically his. Her finger grazed his cheekbone, the mere action making him nuzzle his face against her warm. She always had warm hands and the both of them no longer wanted to fight. She was tired and Carter was deadly afraid of not ever talking to her again, he could not lose her. He did not want to lose her. 

There was no sound, not even the soft music outside seemed to break the silence, all that was around was their breathing, soft and slow. Her eyes moved from his to his lips, pink tinted, tainted with the taste of champagne which she could smell from his breathe. Soft emotion filled eyes looked his for a second before she moved closer, closing the distance between them. Her hands moved from his chest to rest against his chest as she tasted the champagne on his lips. His hands held her waist flush to him, before he two broke off the kiss, foreheads leaned against each other.

    - Don’t leave.

[ivyaugustetc]

hello!! i'm giving you pure creative freedom here, do whatever you please!!

i'll try my best to describe myself, as that is my fatal flaw. i have green eyes and messy brown hair. my classic scent is marine water and driftwood. im a entp, aquarius, and slytherin. i use the pronouns she/her. i'm extremely stubborn, i have a good sense of humor, and i love learning. i also love to argue/debate, and i'll do anything to win [even if I'm wrong, but i'm never wrong ;)]. i probably need glasses, but alas, my stubbornness kicks in so i'll never admit it. my favourite hobbies are reading, writing, researching, and baking. i love learning about all types of mythology + astrology. i have a knack for history, and i'm super into foraging, although I don't get to practice it much! i play many sports, some of which including ice hockey, baseball, and volleyball. i would describe my aesthetic as a mix of academia, cottagecore, and goblincore. i have an extremely flirtatious personality, even when i don't mean to come across that way. my friends say i have an old soul- they also say i'm a nerd but we don't talk about that. i was on our schools honor roll and I received two other awards, one for my academic achievement and one for my leadership skills. i am a die-hard romantic, although i'm the person you least expect it from.

hopefully this information will suffice!! I'm excited to see what you come up with :)

hey!! this is so much good information omg i love it i have SO MUCH, this one was so fun to write. okay okay here we go:

ship: i ship you with cameron + you would be besties with meeks and stick!

notes:

you're like a more adventurous version of cameron, and that's something that simultaneously draws him to you and give him a healthy fear of you ;)

allow me to elaborate: he's convinced that he can get good grades and keep himself stable whilst keeping his head down and doing his work—you manage to do both of those things while being an absolute firecracker of a person

and besides just school, you're into so many other forms of learning and all these other athletic pursuits that he's just like how can one person do all these things and be great at it???

little bit of enemies to lovers coming up here

at some point in class you'd get paired up for a debate and spend a lot of your time socializing with your group mates and having a good time, which cameron, in all of his smug hard work, thinks is a good thing because he'll be able to crush you in the debate

long story short, he does not

you end up in a heated debate in the front of the classroom, both of you just throwing knowledge back and forth at each other with so much aggression and of course you wipe the floor with him and win the whole thing

you just brush it off because duh, ofc you won you're always right, but cameron cannot stop thinking about it

it haunts him for so long that he eventually goes over to your dorm, knocks on the door, and when you open it he asks, "how did you do it." "what do you mean?" "the debate."

and so you invite him in and show him how you planned out your argument and stuff and he's like "...it's oddly simple?" and thus you introduce him to the fact that you can be smart and do well without being wound up so tight that you might spontaneously convulse ;)

he still doesn't believe you, so you take it upon yourself to show him the magic of not giving a shit while also giving a shit

you encourage him to have fun and think more freely rather than within the rigid guidelines of how the school teaches you to think

you show him that there's more to life than just work, something he probably wouldn't have been able to figure out on his own

and he starts to enjoy not just the new mindset, but hanging out with you and getting to know you :)

onto you and meeks!

you and meeks are similar in the having an old soul, he gives me really smart old man trapped in a teenager's body kinda vibes??

but you always want to be grouped with him for projects and stuff because you get the info dump and he makes it neat and organized

and at some point when cameron asks him about you, he describes you as someone who's really nice and fun to be around

i firmly believe that meeks loves mythology and astrology as well and therefore you would have conversations about it that would last HOURS about everything pertaining to those subjects

like a teacher would say something semi controversial and you'd lean over to meeks and whisper "that's very scorpio of him to say" and he'd be like "i was thinking the exact same thing"

onto your partner in crime (and my future husband but whatever), stick!!

this boy represents your chaotic side,,,, sO WELL

i have this weirdly specific idea that you would meet because you could simply not see the board (but again, you're too stubborn to get glasses) and you would ask to borrow his for a second and he would just. go with it.

and now every time the teacher writes something on the board, he just hands you his glasses long enough for you to write down the info in your notes

i just imagine you two walking down the hallways together, cackling over your own jokes and thinking you're the actual epitome of comedy (which u are, duh)

he would listen to your sports talk because he doesn't play sports but his brother does so he knows all about them

he gets the flirtatious personality and he also has one lmao which leads to some,,, interesting conversations that piss cameron off

but as i said, you're this free spirit that makes everyone around you smile, even richard "stick up his ass" cameron ;)

[laulink]

Ok, so, I wasn’t able to watch the episode yesterday, but now I did and BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY

I knew it’d be a lot, but that was everything I could have expected and more. 

Let’s break this down :

First, the most obvious : Yang falling. The scene was soooo emotional, because the slow-motion really showed every character’s reaction in detail and it was heartbreaking, really. I’m confident Yang’s fall won’t harm her, especially not kill her, since she’s one of the main characters, but RWB & co don’t know that, and they can’t ask Jinn anymore, nor Oscar/Ozpin, not until they leave the central location, meaning they wouldn’t be able to access it anymore, and Ambrosius himself might not know what exactly happens when someone falls in the void, just like he didn’t know what would happen to Penny if he did as told. So I’m very excited to see what exactly happens when someone falls into that void and what CRWBY will do with the rest of the team. A theory I’ve seen going around is that Yang will reenact the tale Oscar and Ozpin talked about, which is apparently the Remnant version of Alice in Wonderland, and that would be pretty great I think ! The question now is : will Yang go through that journey alone while her team has to try and move forward, thinking she’s dead, or will the three other also fall down into the void ? I’m kinda split on that, because, on one hand, I find it hard to believe that Ruby, Weiss and Blake will fall too, all while Penny is there to help and probably the Happy Huntresses too, but on the other hand, it would certainly be different to make one of the characters only go through such a journey while the others don’t. Like Oz and Oscar said, the girl in the fairy tale came home changed, and it would be weird if Yang was the only one to be changed by such a journey while the others did not experience anything even remotely similar.

Next thing on the list : Ironwood. Two points with him : killing Jacques and fighting Winter. All about the Schnees, huh ? I know it may seem... unnecessary, and anti-climactic, at this point, to kill Jacques off, especially by Ironwood’s hand, but I think it might pay off in the future. Like Winter said, Weiss had opted to save her father : she didn’t forget about him, or decide to let him fare for himself while Atlas was falling, she decided to actively take steps to save his life. And now he’s dead. I don’t expect anyone in the family to mourn him, but I also don’t think anyone will really rejoice in his death. A shitty person is still a person, and normal people don’t actually enjoy learning of the death of someone they knew well, even if they didn’t like them. They might feel relief, but there’s always a hollowness coming with it too. Because that person occupied a piece of their lives and that’s something they are taking with them in death and that will never come back. I don’t know what, exactly, CRWBY intends to do with that, but I expect the news of Jacques’s death to have on impact on the Schnee family members, whatever it is. As for the fight, I found it to be a nice touch to see James cry as he got ready to fight Winter. He still truly believes his course of action is the right one, he can’t see all the harm he’s doing, and it genuinely pains him to fight Winter, because he loves her but he thinks what he wants to do will bring more good and is therefore needed. It’s truly tragic. I fully expect Winter to win this fight, but I don’t know in what state she’ll be left after this, nor what exactly will happen to Ironwood after she beats him. Does Atlas tip and make him or both of them fall off the edge of the path and down to Mantle ? Does Winter try to catch James and fail ? Does she lose a limb in the fight and later has to get a prosthetic and always be reminded of the man she knew who had over half his body replaced by prosthetics ? I’m curious to see what exactly will happen. But I doubt James Ironwood will make it out of the Atlas arc alive.

A blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene that I found quite interesting too : Cinder telling Watts, in her softest voice, that he, “Arthur”, deserves this. To end Atlas as he always wished he could. This, coupled with the title of the ep, throw us back to their argument a couple of episodes ago, where Cinder broke down and started crying. I already thought that Watts’s words had gotten to Cinder because of her tears, but her words now make me even more sure of it. Which means that I fully expect her to try and fix the flaws that Watts pointed out, aka the fact that she tends to use brute force to get what she wants instead of using her brain. She already started being smart about things again : she asked Jinn to know what RWBY & co had planned, she gathered intel to determine the best way to make their plan fail. I expect her to have one more trick up her sleeve in her fight against team RWBY. Maybe, oh, I don’t know : stealing the Staff and using it to create something and make the central location disappear while people are still in it. Wouldn’t that be funny now. (also, don’t ask me why, but I have a feeling that Watts will not even try to escape while Atlas falls down. As he told Cinder, he’s got everything he ever wanted, and his life goal was, apparently, to bring Ironwood and his kingdom down for casting him aside, so I can see him being happy going out doing what he always wanted to : tear apart everything Ironwood ever cared about)

Last note of this already long post : the bits with the Ace Ops were great, especially Harriet and Vine. It was good to see two soldiers argue about the values they hold most important as well as their feelings : loyalty (to the General or to the people) and grief (over Clover). Harriet’s semblance doesn’t give her tunnel vision, yet she still doesn’t take a single step to the side of the path Ironwood laid out for her. I’m curious to see how things will go for her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up being the only one being blown up by that bomb, killed by her own stubbornness, just like Clover was killed by his decision to follow orders without question.

[eryiss]

Summary: Freed and Gajeel were total opposites in every way, only connected by the guild. When they were forced to train together under Makarov's orders, they expected antagonism and mistrust. Instead, they were given a lesson in how quickly opposition can turn to attraction. The issue: let the budding relationship simmer away, or let it explode. [Freed x Gajeel Multi-chapter]

Notes: Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter, and thanks for sticking with this. It’s quite fun to write for this ship, and I hope you’re all ready for homoerotic exercise and another argument between men who don’t know how to communicate :)

Links: FFN, Ao3, Chapter List

Chapter Three - Proving a Point

Day Two: Tuesday

Gajeel woke in a pissy mood. This wasn't going like it was supposed to.

Freed was meant to be a smug, self important man with no practical skills, no world-hardened experiences, and no way of keeping up with what Gajeel was demanding of him. His three day plan had focused around humbling Freed, telling him that he wasn't hot-shit like he clearly thought, and making him realise that his cushioned life didn't mean he was Gajeel's equal.

What was not meant to happen was for Freed to be competent! He wasn't meant to make a shelter, he wasn't meant to be able to make a fire without a match, and he wasn't meant to be able to cook the damn fish and make them taste good! Even Gajeel couldn't do that.

Worse, the fucker knew. Oh he knew what Gajeel wanted but wasn't getting.

He hadn't been so smug when he'd lost though, had he? He hasn't been running his mouth when he'd been in the stream, gurgling his pathetic little surrender. Nah, he'd looked exactly how Gajeel wanted him; weak, embarrassed and unable to deal with the fact he was out of his league.

Sure, it hadn't taken long for Freed to recover and spout some bullshit about Gajeel being intimidated by his magic, or whatever the hell it was he said. He was trying to save face and Gajeel wouldn't let him; he had lost their fight because he couldn't live without his spells. That was impractical, short sighted and the way a spoiled brat of a man worked. No doubt if he had to rely on his fists more, he would have seen the stream as something to take advantage of and used it, rather than falling into Gajeel's trap.

Hah. At least one thing had gone Gajeel's way.

Mostly.

Kind of.

Look, Gajeel might hate the man and the things he seemed to stand for, but Freed wasn't bad looking. And Gajeel was just a man, who had been stripped to the waist with Freed in the same state of undress, wrestling one another. He was bound to get distracted for a moment. Thankfully, Freed's nasty kick to the balls and the ensuing tantrum after had quickly quelled any growing interest.

Gajeel knew what he had to do today, though. Because if he was going to fight with Freed at the end of the week, he needed to respect the man. He wasn't going to respect Freed if he couldn't take a defeat, and if he couldn't handle himself without his magic. So today, Freed was going to prove he had the ability to back up his words.

Okay, it was a tenuous reason for what he had planned, but fuck it. Fuck Freed too.

It was tempting to wake the prick up by dumping some of the water Gajeel had gathered over his sleeping face - a nice little reminder of how the fight had ended - but he decided against it. He needed to have everything prepared before he woke up, so it would be better to check that everything was in place. That, and Freed apparently snored a little when he was sleeping, and Gajeel certainly didn't want to interrupt the possible blackmail that could come from it.

And perhaps it was nice to have something cut through the silence of the forest.

Gajeel had trained in this forest many times, and as such had come to know how to utilise it's assets. He wandered slowly, blinking away the sleep in his eyes, and eventually found what he was looking for. A large tree that had fallen down years ago, and stumbled down a hill. What remained was a leafless trunk at the bottom of a steep incline, perfect for strength training.

Next, he walked to the largest upstanding tree within reasonable walking distance. Gajeel had often climbed this tree to push his agility and upper body strength, and it was the perfect way to test Freed's practical skills. The tree was still standing tall, the branches Gajeel used to climb still attached. Perfect, no excuses for when Freed fucked up.

When he got to the lake, Gajeel grinned a little. The morning was cold and the water would be freezing, the worst temperature to take a swim in. Normally Gajeel would have hated to swim in weather like this, but it would certainly be a nice wake-up call for the spoiled little Prince.

Yeah, this was gonna be fun. For Gajeel anyway.

——

"I think yesterday proved pretty damp conclusively that you're out of luck if you don't have your magic," Gajeel said with crossed arms, looking down at Freed. "So, today I'm gonna teach you a couple techniques that'll come in handy when you're in a situation where you can't spell yourself out of trouble."

Freed clearly wanted to make a comment, but held his tongue. He was learning, huh.

When Gajeel had returned from his check of the forest, Freed had woken up, set up a new fire and was using the rest of the fish (and a few berries that he had picked) to make them both a breakfast. Gajeel had wanted to reject it out of hand, but it had smelt great and if it was anywhere near as good as his meal the day before, refusing it would be a mistake. It had tasted amazing, so Gajeel had huffed out a thanks and gave a short nod of thanks.

Soon after that, Gajeel had motioned for Freed to follow him. Freed had done so without complaint - Gajeel couldn't prove it, but liked to think it was because the asshole was too embarrassed after his loss - and allowed himself to be led down the stream, towards the lake.

"You've got wings right, when you use yer magic?" Gajeel asked. "So yer probably gonna use 'em to get over every little thing, right?"

"Like you do with your little cat friend, I expect," Freed commented, and Gajeel stiffened slightly. Freed noticed and smirked a little. "My apologies, I interrupted you. Please, go on."

"Don't need yer permission," Gajeel grunted, more to himself than to the man standing before him. "But if yer using yer wings as much as I think you are, you ain't ready to deal with terrain that ain't easy to walk through. So, if this week's about improving then this is gonna help you get over that flaw. We run from here towards the lake, taking us through forested ground which ain't even and ain't safe, and then we swim from one side of the lake to the other."

"So it's a race then?" Freed asked, annoyingly not intimidated by the proposition.

"If you want," Gajeel shrugged. "But I ain't got a prize or anythin'. Definitely not one for participation, like yer probably used to."

Freed rolled his eyes at that, but didn't ride to the bait. Instead, he said, "Perhaps when I win, you'll cook for once."

"You ain't gonna win," Gajeel claimed.

"We'll see," Freed hummed a little, far too smug for his own good.

"Stretch up," Gajeel muttered, even though he wanted to push the man further, maybe even see if he could add an actual forfeit for losing, something to really make the fucker squirm. But, well, Gajeel didn't know for sure he would win, so couldn't risk things just in case.

Just as Gajeel went to start stretching his calves, he heard the sound of ruffling fabric and frowned. He ignored it for a moment as he felt the gentle burn of his muscles working, but caught sight of Freed's white - now dirt stained and crumpled - shirt now hanging over the branch of a nearby tree. With slightly furrowed brows, he turned towards Freed to demand an explanation, only to see him kicking off his pants and placing them right next to his shirt, leaving him only in his boxer-briefs. His tight and eye-catching boxer-briefs.

Before the thoughts could even form about how Freed was wearing his underwear to perfection, Gajeel forced his memory back to the night before. About how he'd acted and how he had tried to make Gajeel feel like crap just to feed his own ego.

Freed had lost a wrestling match, and had thrown a fit about it. Gajeel couldn't respect a man like that, and he couldn't find a guy hot if he didn't respect him.

"The hell are you doing?" Gajeel demanded.

"If we're going to swim, then I'd rather not get my only set of clothes wet when it could be avoided," Freed explained, and Gajeel was momentarily thankful that he didn't look ready to remove his boxers. He couldn't think like that, so spoke again.

"Cause you can't stand a bit of discomfort, right?" Gajeel grumbled.

"No, I just don't see the point of making things worse for myself to prove a point," Freed looked pointedly towards Gajeel when he said that. "The water is clearly going to be cold and the weather doesn't look like it'll improve, meaning it'll be a struggle to dry ourselves already. The fire can only do so much, and we'll either have to lounge around in wet clothes out of stubbornness, or remove them and wait for them to dry while we ourselves get dry. That extends the time we'll be cold, making us both uncomfortable and wasting time before whatever inane task you've got next. That, coupled with the fact that this is flu season, seems like good enough justification for avoiding a stupid problem."

Gajeel could hardly argue the point, so instead he mumbled, "We ain't gonna be lounging around."

"What an astute and well thought out argument," Freed deadpanned, and Gajeel wanted to punch him again. He didn't, instead averting his eyes as Freed started to stretch his arms. "Nobody is forcing you to do the same if you're shy, Mister Redbox. To me it just feels like the reasonable course of actions."

Rather than speaking, Gajeel turned his back. He also removed his shirt and boots; but he wasn't getting half naked like the pervert next to him.

Calling him a pervert was maybe a stretch.

He pushed back that thought, as well as the thoughts of how damn good Freed's ass looked in those boxers - Gajeel was only a man, and he couldn't deny what he saw - and instead got himself into line with Freed. The race is what he should have been focusing on, not the fact that Freed didn't look half bad when he was taken away from his pampered and luxurious sheen. Tangled hair and the odd spec of dirt really did wonders for the pretty-boy.

The race. Focus on the race. And the fact the guy couldn't deal with a loss.

"Ready?" Gajeel asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "Go."

He lurched forward before he could think, sprinting through the undergrowth of the the forest as he ran towards the lake. Years of guild work in places like this had allowed for the perfection of running through the forest; you kept alternating your gaze between the ground and on the trees.

Usually he would have turned his skin to iron so he wouldn't have to focus on the branches in his way, but he was trying to prove a point. He winced a little as a sharp end to a twig scraped against his cheek, far too close to his eye, but didn't let it stop his pace. He could hear Freed's breathing very close behind him, so evidently Freed knew how to run through a forest as well as Gajeel did, so he couldn't let up for a moment.

When they were out of the forest, there was a short run towards the lake with more space than there had been in the forest. Gajeel forced himself to run as fast as he could, not wanting to let Freed overtake him now he had the width to do so. And not having a view of the man's body might-

The race. The way he'd acted the night before. Focus dammit!

If telling himself wasn't enough to cut off his libido, the face first plunge into freezing, dirty water certainly did. He let out a shuddering gasp when his head broke the surface, but couldn't allow the ice-cold water to stop him. He quickly started to swim, smirking a little when he realised he still had the lead.

The smirk died when Freed overtook him pretty damn quickly.

Gajeel saw nothing but ripples of water ahead of him, and gritted his teeth as he tried to speed up. He was a man built to brute force his way through a problem, while Freed was apparently more agile. He should have expected that, but he had wanted to leave Freed in the dust during the run so it wouldn't be an issue.

All he could do now was swim to the other shore of the lake, pissed off.

When he reached the end of the lake, he saw Freed resting on one of the large boulders that made up the shoreline. He was panting, soaking wet and still wearing those fuckimg boxers. When he saw Gajeel haul himself up from the water, he looked towards him and smirked.

"That didn't end up how you wanted, did it?"

"Shut up," Gajeel snarled. "Get yer clothes, we've got a busy day."

When Freed laughed, Gajeel nearly pushed him into the lake again.

——

"So, you think ya can beat that?"

Gajeel had more than got his confidence back now, and he was smirking at Freed with his arms flexed intentionally.

Both he and Freed were stood at the bottom of a steep hill, where the dead tree-truck sat. Gajeel had explained this challenge; they would both have to push the tree-truck up the hill as far as they could. The justification for this exercise was that Freed might one day find himself in a situation where he was trapped without his magic and needed to force his way out with his strength alone, and the exercise was meant to simulate that. Freed clearly saw that Gajeel just wanted to push his limits, but he didn't say anything.

This was the last task of the day. They'd already attempted the tree climbing that Gajeel had planned, and Freed had been obnoxiously good at it. Gajeel had been faster, but they both knew that he had a natural advantage because he'd had practice. Gajeel could hardly boast about being slightly better then Freed at something he had done many times and Freed was new to.

Gajeel had just finished his attempt at pushing the trunk, and was fucking delighted when he saw he'd beaten his own personal record. This was how he would regain his control over things.

Freed didn't stand a chance.

"I'm sure I'll be a worthy contender," Freed stated, walking towards the tree-trunk. "Which is a feat, I expect, given that you've clearly been setting me up for failure from the beginning."

"Maybe if you weren't so predictable then I wouldn't have been able to plan things out so well," Gajeel grunted.

"So you predicted that, in everything other than tasks that relied solely on physical strength, I have exceeded your expectations and beaten you in completion, I suppose?" Freed taunted quietly as he positioned himself against the tree-trunk. "I expect you did all of this simply to prove your inferiority."

"Inferiority?" Gajeel scoffed. "You ain't done anything but bitch about this because it's not going yer way."

"Not going my way?" Freed laughed, turning from the log and looking at Gajeel again. "You are joking, aren't you?"

"All you've done is make yer little comments about how you don't think it's fair," Gajeel challenged, taking a step forward and glaring the other man down. "And when ya lose, you throw a tantrum."

"I throw tantrums," Freed demanded, sounding equal parts exasperated and annoyed. "As opposed to you, who has been acting perfectly rational throughout this? It hasn't escaped my attention that you clearly see Makarov's initiative as some sort of personal affront to you, and you have apparently seen it fair to force all of these grievances onto me. So for you, a man who has been as close to stomping his feet and wailing as his pride allows, to complain about me throwing a tantrum is practically laughable."

"You think that's what I'm doing?" Gajeel took another step forward. "I'm doing this because yer clearly a spoiled little city-boy and I ain't associating myself with something who can't-"

"Can't what?" Freed snapped. "Can't make a shelter? Can't start a fire? Can't swim across a lake faster than you? Because I've done all of this despite your clear hopes otherwise. Or would you rather judge my worth as a mage by seeing me push a dead tree up a hillside, or to wrestle you without the weapon I use nor the magic I wield? Because, Mr Redfox, if you need to force such strict parameters to best me and you consistently lose, then perhaps your plan isn't a good one."

Fuck, he wanted to punch the guy. Fully encase his fists in iron and beat the shit out of the guy. It would be damn satisfying to see the guy knocked out, while the smugness straight out of him.

"Nothing to say?" Freed continued, a patronising look on his face.

"Fuck off," Gajeel growler, turning around and going to walk away. Before he could take a step, a wall of glowing runes shot up in front of him, blocking his exit. He turned to Freed with an expression of fury. "What the hell is your problem?"

"You," Freed snapped, and magic seemed to emanate from him.

He looked feral in that moment, with all the shields of fancy clothes and smart ass words replaced by anger and magic. His shirt was billowing in the magic induced winds, and the glare on his face was accentuated by the purple swirling in his eye. Fuck, he looked like a man on the edge and it shot straight to Gajeel's dick. Freed was a gentleman gone wild, and if that wasn't one of Gajeel's most well-buried fantasies then he didn't know what was.

The expression was gone as quickly as it came, and the magic swarming Freed's eye fell away. For a moment, Freed looked worried, but he was talking again before Gajeel could understand why he looked like that.

"Neither of us are happy about this, but at the end of the week we have to fight side by side, and the biggest issue we have right now is that we can't stand one another," Freed seemed more calm now, as if the bubble of anger had burst. What the hell had caused that? "So, either you plan something that might make us work together, or at least respect one another, or we both stop trying and say to hell with the consequences."

Gajeel didn't say anything. It felt like the rug had been pulled from under him.

Suddenly, a wave of shitty realisation hit him. Freed had a point when he said he was taking his anger out on him, when he really just didn't want to do the damn training thing at all. He wasn't being fair.

"I think that's enough," Freed sighed. "I'll gather my things and go home. You needn't contact me again."

Freed was walking away before Gajeel could react, and the walls of runes fell around them both. A horrid feeling of regret filled Gajeel, and he quickly jogged to catch up with Freed, who was clearly ignoring him. He kinda deserved it.

"Shit, Freed, wait," He placed a hand on the man's chest, and Freed glared at him. "Yer right, I ain't been fair," It wasn't a fun thing to admit. "I had some ideas about who you were, and didn't wanna let ya prove me wrong, even when you were kicking my ass," He sighed. "And yer right about me wanting to fuck you over, that's why I did this shit, and it wasn't right. That was shitty of me."

"Well, I can hardly blame you for judging me. We were both guilty of that," Freed admitted. "And thank you for admitting that. But I don't see how we could suddenly become a cohesive, effective team, we're hardly compatible."

Gajeel sighed, Freed had a point.

But if a Fairy Tail mage was good at anything, they were good at being stubborn.

"What if we have a fight?" Gajeel proposed, and Freed frowned at him. "Talking like this ain't gonna get rid of the attitude we have for each other, right? You're still pissed at me, and you said some things that made me wanna sock a punch in yer jaw. Maybe having the chance to beat the shit outta each other might break through the attitude problems we have."

"That's not too bad an idea," Freed admitted, glancing at the evening sky for a moment. "It would be cathartic to make you scream."

"Buy me dinner first, city-boy," Gajeel teased before he could think. Freed all but gaped at him, and Gajeel was speaking to fill the silence before he could stop himself. "Y'know, I ain't ever seen you fight before. Don't know how you work."

"Then I have the advantage," Freed grinned slightly. "And you're voluntarily giving it to me. Perhaps you really are repentant."

"Nah, just wanna kick yer ass without you having an excuse."

"We'll see," Freed smirked, and Gajeel found himself grinning back.

[sullustangin]

Okay, strange question for Theron. I hat does he believe in. Beyond duty and doing things for the greater good.

That’s a good question! It’s going to get long, so some of this is beyond a cut. 

Theron was raised as a Jedi until adolescence - his belief system is rooted in the existence of the Force.  It exists in all living things, and some people can access and use it, while others cannot. The Jedi are the good guys.  He was also raised as a citizen of the Republic.  He believes in the Galactic Constitution, which bars slavery and grants all sentients certain rights.  The Republic is a representative government with elections and enfranchised people choosing their leaders. 

Duty and the Greater Good

“Duty” and "The Greater Good” concept have to be defined with Theron, because he is not a lawful character.  He’s a neutral, leaning chaotic character in D&D terms.  Lawful characters go by whatever society approves of; chaotic characters have their own internal compass.  Neutral considers both.  A great example of this is when Director Trant of SIS and Jace Malcom the Supreme Commander of Pub forces tell him to get the job done and basically ignore the fact that two planets full of people are going to be sacrificed to do it.  Lawful characters do as the authority says.....and Theron decides to go rogue and disobey with a Jedi in order to at least save the second planet. His “greater good” is a lower death count, rather than guaranteed Republic victory. I would argue that Theron interprets his duty as belonging to a larger galaxy rather than exclusively the Republic and its political/military objectives; he is pro-Republic, no doubt about it, but there are limits. He’s also pro-Jedi, but there are limits -- some of them can be real asses.   I discuss his alignment further here.

Going into Forged Alliances in SWTOR, we have a man who works for the Republic and endorses the ideals of the Galactic Constitution.  He knows the Republic is not perfect.  He does believe the Jedi are “right,” but he does have some issues with their attitudes toward non-Force users.  They are not perfect. We get some very vehement statements in Annihilation about Theron’s experience with the Jedi after he was found not to be Force sensitive:  the arrogance of the Jedi, how they looked down on non-Force users. He even applied this metric to Satele in their first real conversation with each other.  I discuss this more here.  This doesn’t make him anti-Jedi, but he doesn’t view them with the same rose-colored glasses he did as a youngling. Individuals aside, he follows the Light Side of the Force.  

The Dark Side decisions that a Pub can make to please Theron in Forged Alliances/Shadow of Revan involve deceiving the Empire -- first, by destroying the Revanite cyborgs on Rakata Prime; second, by setting up perimeters around the Yavin base that track Imp movements just a little bit closer.  The blowing up of cyborgs rather than fighting them is to prevent Lana and the Empire from scavenging them later.  It’s not about killing them -- they as individuals are already dead.  You have to kill them to get to the next room anyway.  It’s just a matter of whether you give the Republic an edge by not permitting the Empire the opportunity.  It’s a chess match.  On Yavin, it’s about the Republic having more information than the Empire here as well.  These aren’t traps or weapons that would hurt Imps -- it’s just about having more information.  That is his duty to the Republic as an SIS agent while still supporting a cross-factional alliance to defeat a shared “Greater Bad.”  So while dishonest and Dark Side and ‘anti-Jedi’, Theron still does things in support of a government that has the Galactic Constitution while doing no direct physical harm to the Sith Empire’s operatives (a rather Light Side-y solution).

What else does Theron believe in, besides all that?

Theron believes – most of all and with the most optimism --  in the future. We saw that at the end of Lost Suns.  We see that when he chooses to save civilians on a planet he’s never met.  We even see it in his Dark Side decisions in-game; he anticipates that the war will resume against the Empire, and he wants the Republic (and its Constitution) to have the best odds winning.  I believe that Theron would rather have a rough life himself and save others in the future from the same work and suffering he’s gone through.  Does he do it like a Jedi? Nope.  He isn’t honest or honorable all the time, but he draws the line of sacrificing innocents or excessive for a cause.  Does he do it like a traditional agent of the Republic, taking orders without question?  Good Lord, no.  Trant complains about that all the time in Lost Suns and Annihilation.  Theron is Trant’s best agent, but half the time, Trant wants to throw him out a window or down a trash compactor because he doesn’t do things by the book. 

I discuss in that alignment post how beat up Theron gets because he does things that are “right” in his mind, but not protocol. Theron fights for a brighter future.  Based upon what he’s willing to do personally to ensure that happens, his life comes second to those yet to be born and a better galaxy for them.  Call it Jedi virtue, call it a zealous belief in the Galactic Constitution -- Theron does it (and he meets his end that way in the Nathema Conspiracy, if the player chooses that path).  This is also partially why he doesn’t have an SIS partner. Theron might be assigned to another agent, but he wants to do all the work himself, his own way.  Trant has learned it is pointless to assign Theron a partner because the partner is left out and doesn’t even know when Theron gallivants off.  His risk, his way.  

So to be very specific, Theron believes in the future for others, not necessarily himself.  Theron has a certain lack of selfishness paired with stubbornness that makes him put himself in danger because he believes there is some greater cause; he, the individual, doesn’t matter as much.  We see this in other SIS agents -- they’d die in the line of duty without much of a second thought. I read about Lana’s early experience in the Talay initiative, and the SIS agents she encountered were particularly devout.  

For Theron, that duty isn’t just to Republic or SIS -- it’s for the better future of the galaxy as well.  We can also use this as part of an argument that suggests why Theron isn’t shown romantically involved with anyone unless he gets with the player.  Theron thinks it would be nice if he survived to see this great future he wants for the galaxy and the Republic, but he understands he may not live to see it. That’s not fatalism or pessimism however.  He knows what Jedi did during the Fall of Coruscant.  He was always told by Ngani Zho that he was so loved by his mother that she had to give him up, so she wouldn’t have divided loyalties when it came to the good of the Republic.  His personal happiness doesn’t rank very high here; it is virtuous and right for individuals to make choices that cost themselves something rather than others. Theron doesn’t like to be selfish.

During KotFE Theron leaves the Republic after they’ve accepted the political fiction that Saresh is out of office.  Everyone knows she’s pulling the strings and promoting constant warfare against the Sith Empire, while bending the knee to Zakuul the entire time.  They are oppressed, but she gets to have her little wars.  Theron joins the Alliance because it is resisting an oppressive power that the Saresh doesn’t seem interested in throwing off and that the Empire can’t seem to throw off.  In KotFE, you have Theron as a companion.  He does NOT accept Republic memorabilia in order to raise influence -- I don’t think that’s an oversight, since Lana takes Imp memorabilia with enthusiasm.  Theron believes in the Galactic Constitution and all of its principles – but the Republic is failing to do that right now by tolerating Zakuul and their systems of slavery. If you recruit Bowdaar, you do so by Fight Club or “Eternal Championship” or whatever, and it runs off slaves and people owned by others.  This was what Theron worked against during his career in SIS prior to the whole Korriban thing….and now the Republic tolerates Zakuul’s use of it, as long as Saresh has her little wars with the Empire.

By KotFE, Theron no longer believes in his duty to the Republic, but in the Galactic Constitution. Now that the Jedi are gone, he doesn’t believe in them as much as the broader, greater good that the Republic never fully reached for due to its conflict with the Sith Empire.

This also brings us to the idea that Theron believes in the player.  When all the things he valued in the Republic and SIS went to dust, he went to the Alliance, knowing that a key element was the rescue of the player from carbonite.  Somehow, he thought this person – this key figure that he had worked with previously – would be able to head an Alliance that would save the galaxy one last time from the Sith Emperor.  

With KotET, the player can decide whether they are a peacekeeper Alliance or a new Empire. Theron supports the player and doesn’t make any move to leave or go back to the Republic, regardless of the decision (a flaw in writing, in my personal opinion, but it is what it is).  This is the game’s mechanic, but we may also interpret this as Theron’s belief in truth:  we are what we say we are.  A benevolent empire may not have elections, but it has a greater good in mind.   The Republic claims to support all of these ideals in its constitution…but it doesn’t under Saresh.  Even with a more brutal Eternal Empire, there is truth in advertising.  We are doing this, that’s the way it is.  We’re not hiding behind some Constitution that’s pushed to the wayside in favor of continued war with the Sith Empire. I know this is spinning the wheels hard to try to make it work, but Theron has to have rationale for staying, and it’s not provided in game. In Onslaught, we see a return of Theron’s temper; players who permitted high casualties on Corellia had Theron stomp out on them in anger.  That is consistent with what we’ve seen previously, but the writing had made him somewhat of a sycophant to the player character for awhile; it was a good surprise for character development, bad if you were romancing Theron since you don’t get a smooch off him for that ending.  

Now, if you go all Light Side for Theron, then it’s more easily explicable as to why he stays with the player – the Alliance does what the Republic will not, and he rather be in a place that does what the Republic should be doing, rather than be in a Republic that’s all talk and no action. He’s happy to return home to the Republic, if you make that choice in Onslaught.  He’s also accepting of remaining independent.  He only expresses concern with an Imperial alliance because he doesn’t want his home ground to dust....and all the people in it.  All those little individual futures that we as Alliance commander can control -- and if we’re working to make them better, that coincides with Theron’s own beliefs.

Does Theron Shan believe in love?

The virtue of love, in the sense that one cares for the good of others and the galaxy, is approved of by Jedi.  The idea of having someone, of bonding to someone and wanting to maintain that relationship – and the associated fear of losing that relationship – can lead to the Dark Side.  Now, Theron may not buy into that as much as he did when he was a kid, but it might stick in the back of his mind, since unless the player romances him, he remains single.   He’s also devoted to his ideals and his work, his duties. He’s a self-admitted workaholic -- that sort of kicks romance and personal love down the ladder of priorities. 

On the other hand, Theron hasn’t been treated well by ‘love.’ Ngani Zho loved him… and left him without telling him the truth.  Zho also told Theron all the time that his mother Satele loved him so much that she had to give him up….and we have yet to see her ever admit that to him, face-to-face. We can argue that the latest patch, Echoes of Oblivion, points toward that happening, but even then, she only indicates that to player, not to Theron himself.  We saw Jace Malcom’s rejected paternal overtures in Annihilation and then alienation from Theron during Iokath.  Player choices decide whether that relationship is recoverable or not.

In an unromanced game, Theron is alone, but not necessarily lonely.  We can view this as sort of a holdover from his Jedi youth and as his adult life as a spy – love is a good thing in the galaxy but attachment is not, given the risks he takes.  There is no suggestion that he’s romantically involved with another NPC, unlike other games or even the Lana/Koth thing -- which is ultimately left up to player interpretation as to what exactly that was. 

This next bit is more subjective, because it’s how I’ve interpreted the Theron romance to this point on neutral/Light-leaning characters, specifically a smuggler.  I think prior to the playable character, Theron believes in love, but once again, not for him personally.  If the player romances him, it’s a whole different bantha wrangle.

Love is difficult. Being mutually attached is difficult for Theron, because most normal people want a certain back-and-forth, a certain amount of information sharing before they really commit.  Theron can’t give as much as they can.  Hook-ups are physically satisfying, but emotionally lacking.  

I know some authors have him as a someone who slept around a lot, while others have him as a serial monogamist.  Many just don’t discuss the idea of him being with anyone else besides their playable character.  I’ve written him as someone who can get hook-ups, can do a relationship or two seriously, but also has long spats of celibacy mixed in because he’s busy working. The greater good isn’t going to happen by itself, so Theron works at the cost of his personal relationships.  Because of being a spy and the issue of his parentage, he can’t disclose his work routine or why he’s come back with a new scar – it’s easier to let the relationship fall to the wayside than explain. Where are his parents? Who are his parents?  Easier to let the relationship go than explain.  

Theron is a consummate professional.  Even in the era of KotFE/KotET, Miot and Koth refer to him as ‘stiff’ or ‘stuffy’ and not knowing when to “not work.”  His duties come before his personal desires.  This is why we have to get through all of Rishi before we even get to kiss Theron, plus another few weeks/months on Yavin before they playable character and Theron hook up.  However, if we take a look at the player’s path from Korriban or Manaan (Pub and Imp side encounters with Theron), it’s a courtship over the course of a half-year or more.  There are a lot of headcanon explanations for this, ranging from playable character inexperience, demisexuality, “behind the scenes” action that emphatically states that they were hooking up long before we saw them, and so on.  

I took what I saw on screen to be a signal of Theron’s professionalism -- no time for lovin’ until the job is done -- but also his attachment issues. I’ll do another post on this later, but I’m writing him with the label “fearful avoidant attachment” in mind.  Basically, Theron wants to be attached to someone, desperately, but he is terrified of it.  I don’t blame Satele for this one – this is all about Theron not only being ditched by Ngani Zho, but also then being dismissed from the Jedi Order because he wasn’t even Force sensitive to begin with.  Suddenly, the father he knew and the way of life he thought he was going to follow til the day he died – gone.  Now he has to integrate with ‘normal people life’ where you’re supposed to do the personal life attachment stuff that Jedi frowned upon.  In my fan fic, Theron confesses that SIS and his duty to the Republic – more accurately, to the future – take the place of the Jedi order. He attaches himself to that more readily than individuals.  

The playable character changes Theron; he says that in his “I’m back at SIS” letter.  He’s more open to teamwork and reaching out to Satele.  Again, fans have run with this, including having Theron in a relationship with the player until the Eternal Fleet incident, having them just hook-up and leave it at that (particularly if Imperial), or something in between.  Ziost marks a time where Theron is both relieved and embarrassed the player is there to catch him when he falls.  The last we see of Theron in-game Pubside prior to Popsicle Time, he says he won’t hesitate to reach out (unlike what he did this time).  

Then we get the “For When You Wake Up” letter.  It reveals that Theron is in love, whether or not he wants to openly acknowledge it yet. He doesn’t send a letter to an unromanced player stating that the fact they’re still alive is “the thing that keeps [him] going.”  And he’s also worried, nervous, or even scared that the feelings are not mutual -- “I don’t want to presume.”  

The Theron romance starts in KotFE the night of his arrival. The kiss can be a tentative “let’s try this,” and then dating starts.  I took it as “let’s go back to my place” and a full-blown committed relationship starts between Theron and my smuggler.  There are other interpretation in between.  Any way a person shakes it,  Theron had been holding on to his Yavin hook-up for five years in his heart.  Based upon letters you get throughout these two expansion pacs, Theron still has workaholic tendencies.  He still struggles with the writing of words and expressing love publicly – but he is attached, and painfully so, as we see in Chapter 12, when the player goes on an impromptu camping trip with Marr and Satele.  In my interpretation of all of that, love is still difficult – but not because of the reasons Theron had prior to Eternal Fleet, when he was fully committed to SIS and the Republic.  It’s because in order to save the galaxy from the Sith Emperor, the player may have to be sacrificed for the greater good.  Theron can’t step into their shoes on this one; he can’t take their place.  

After the main KotET chapters, we see the Traitor arc and all of its flaws – but also the consistency of Theron’s character, if we remember how he believes in a better future, even if he doesn’t get to live to see it.  That does include potentially sacrificing his romantic relationship with the player and possibly his life as well.  If the player chooses to kick Theron out of the Alliance, the question of where he goes next is valid – he won’t go back to the Republic, and he’s not an Imperial. Where is Theron Shan, in those player universes?

If Theron (and his romance) survives to Echoes of Oblivion, we see a letter that is downright gleefully sweet.  His mother isn’t dead, and it’s because of you that he has a chance to try to make something of that relationship…again.  I’ve expressed my skepticism about this, since this is the exact set-up we had prior to Eternal Fleet, and then Satele ghosted Theron.  We’ll see; I may be a bit of a cynic or an angstmonger.  The point is, the way the romance is written to this point, Theron is happily in love with his partner/spouse. Love is for him, after all. 

Even without the romance, a living Theron in the Alliance (or whatever it is now) in Echoes of Oblivion is one that has attachments to friends and potentially family again.  There is a future -- and he’s in it.  That may have been more than what Theron was anticipating when we first met him at 23, nearly 17(!) years ago. 

[neon-junkie]

The O’Driscolls Daughter - CHPT.2

Summary: You’re Colms daughter, stubborn and temperamental like him, but you’ve got a kind heart and a soft spot for the poor stableboy that Colms gang torments.

Pairing: Kieran Duffy x f!Reader

Word Count: 3468

Rating: SFW

Tags: Colter, Grizzlies west, Strangers to friends to lovers, Slow burn, Flirting,  Arguments, Fights/

Notes: Y’all have poked (motivated) me to get this next chapter done so here u go! 

CHAPTER 1  |  Read on AO3

It's another lovely day in Grizzlies West. Despite the sun shining overhead, it's still cold as fuck. The men groan as they mope about the camp, waiting for orders off Colm, waiting for somebody to come and attack them, anything. They're practically waiting for paint to dry, beating each other up as a form of entertainment.

Tom's wasting the day by arm-wrestling some of the men. He's only winning purely from his size, targeting men much smaller than him to challenge. They're sat in what's left of a cabin, one wall is completely gone whilst the other three and the roof are barely standing.

Tom can feel his elbow going sore as it slowly slides across the crate, his opponent putting up too much of a fight for Tom's liking. His eyes flick over to the sudden movement, lighting up when he notices Kieran exiting the stables just a few meters away.

Shaking off his opponent, Tom calls out to Kieran. His opponent gives him a funny look, annoyed that he just bailed on the game, but grins as he realized what Tom was about to do.

"Boy, come here!" Tom calls out.

Kieran's head dips slightly, scurrying over, trying his best to avoid eye contact but still look in their direction.

"Yes, sir?" Kieran asks.

"Come play a game," Tom tells him as he pats his hand on the crate, though Kieran knows it's an order. An order he's happy to refuse.

"Oh? Oh, no. That ain't for me, sir," Kieran rejects.

"C'mon, kid. I'll go easy on ya," Tom chuckles. Everybody present knows that Tom will probably try to break Kieran's arm.

"Nahhh, I... I ain't one for that," Kieran waves his hands in front of his body, feet turned inwards. He has no idea how to escape this situation.

"Boy," Tom grunts as he stands up, taking a slow walk over to Kieran. "When I tell you to do something, you do it," Tom tells him, stopping a few inches from Kieran. Tom's got his chest slightly puffed out, shoulders back as he intimidates the poor stableboy.

"Sir, I'll lose, we both know that. Ain't much of a fight," Kieran explains to him, trying his best to remain a pacifist and keep this situation under control.

"Like I said, I'll go easy on ya," Tom tells him. Kieran gulps, his fingers twiddling together. He's about to speak until a familiar voice catches everybody's attention. It's your own.

"He said no, Tom," you tell Tom. You'd been nearby this whole time, sharpening your knife as you lean back against the ruins of another cabin. Either Tom had no idea that you were there, or he did and was trying to wind you up.

"You wanna challenge me instead? Create a distraction so this boy here can take the chance and run?" Tom asks you, his face turned towards you, though his body still faces Kieran.

"I ain't one for child-like games. What's next? You gonna ask me to play iSpy?" you chuckle as you holster your knife, leaving the whetstone on a nearby crate. A few of the men can be heard giggling, Toms head snapping over his shoulder as he glares at them, instantly shutting them up.

"I ain't afraid to beat a woman, you know that," Tom informs you as he finally moves away from Kieran, slowly approaching you. You take a few steps forward, meeting Tom halfway.

You're close. Noses almost touching, chest and stomach pressed against each other. Tom's got that mischievous glint in his eyes, eager to irritate you as much as possible. The men are watching, holding their breaths as they wait for something to happen... anything!

"That a threat, little Tommy?" you ask him, making him scowl.

"It is, and don't you know it," Tom responds. Kieran can be seen slowly shuffling away, trying to get some distance but still keeping an eye on the situation.

"What you gonna do, fat man?" you ask him.

Tom finally snaps, suddenly pushing you back. As he pushes your shoulder, his foot hooks itself behind your ankle, sending you falling backward, thudding against the snowy floor. You hear the snow crunch underneath you, your head beginning to ache from the impact.

Despite the landscape being mostly white, all you can see is red. Tom slips up, turning to the men as he points at you on the floor, laughing over his shoulder. They join in like the bunch of sheep they are.

A window has opened, and you're quick to jump through it. You spring to your feet, your fist clenching as you stand. Tom turns at just the right time, a perfect punch landing right across his face. You can hear the cracking of his jaw, feeling it swing against your knuckles.

Tom stumbles backward for a few seconds, finally landing on his ass as he holds his face. The men remain silent, and Kieran's in the background, watching all of this with wide eyes and an open mouth.

This woman, Colm O'Driscolls daughter, had just punched the soul out of Colms right-hand man, all for what? picking on a stableboy?

Colm always seems to appear at the wrong time. He shows up to find Tom on the floor, your fist still clenched and your brows still furrowed. Colm can clearly see that you've just hit his right-hand man, though he has no idea why.

"For fuck sake," your father says as he approaches the situation. "I wish I could spend just one single day without the two of you getting into a scrap. You're practically family! Why do you fight like this?"

Neither of you says anything.

"(Y/N), come with me. Tom, get yourself cleaned up and see me later," Colm orders the two of you.

You and Tom share a quick glance before you turn heel and walk, following Colm back to his cabin.

This feeling was far too familiar, that feeling you get when you're heading to the principles office, or when your boss has asked to speak with you privately. Your tail doesn't hide between your legs, you have no reason to be scolded, though as always, you know the blame will fall on you.

Colm takes his usual seat as you shut the door, sitting in your usual chair opposite him. He pours himself a drink from the bottle already on the table, swirling it around in his glass before taking a sip. He doesn't offer you one, he only does that when he's proud of you. Today was not one of those days.

"You were never a problem growing up. You were so obedient and calm. But now you're older and you're starting to spread your wings, all you seem to do is hit Tom with them," Colm tells you, having another sip of his drink before placing it down on the table. "Why?" he asks.

"Your bitch isn't as obedient as you think," you reply.

"Tom's got his flaws but don't we all?" Colm shrugs.

"Tom's got a lot more flaws than you think. You can shrug it off all you want, but that man isn't right in the head." You tap your finger against your temple as you speak.

"And what was it this time? What did he do that upset you?"

"He was picking on the men," you explain, your voice just as plain as his own.

"Which men?"

"Kieran."

"Who?" Colm asks, genuinely confused. Colm has always preferred quantity over quality, picking up men wherever he can find them, disposing of them faster than he picked them up.

"The stableboy?" You raise your eyebrows. Sometimes you remembered that this man right here is your father, you always wished you could forget.

"You..." Colm cute himself off, shaking his head. "You punched Tom because he picked on a fucking stableboy?!" Colm raises his voice as he speaks, ending in a shout.

"Do you want your men to be at each other?" You shout back. You really are your father's daughter.

"I want my men to get on with their jobs. Not fuss each other over fucking nonsense!"

"This ain't nonsense? Your pathetic excuse for 'men' bum about all day, picking on each other when they should be out working! Finding leads! Robbing folk! Not pissin' about."  

"You tellin' me how to run my gang?" Colm glares.

"Yes."

"You fucking run it then. Go on," Colm waves his hand at you in a shooing motion, hoping you'll chicken out.

"I will. You've seen what I can do, you know I'm good," you sit back, crossing your arms, your voice finally lowering. "I'm your child after all."

"Robbin' folk ain't nothin' like runnin' an entire gang. If you're so good then prove it to me. Maybe then I'll consider telling the men to stop picking on your stableboy," Colm copies your position without thinking, also leaning back with his arms crossed. He watches you hungrily, waiting for just a glimmer of fear to flash across your face. But it doesn't.

"Fine. I will. I've already been fishin' somethin' out. I'll get it done," you tell him, getting up from your chair and heading to the door, deciding the conversation was over.

"Oh, and (Y/N)?" Colm calls out as you open the door, already halfway through it. You stop in your tracks, sighing as you look over at him. He's smirking. "Take the stableboy with you," Colm orders.

You don't reply, exiting his cabin. You needed some time to yourself.

The sky has already turned orange, evening was here. You're hungry but decide to tell Kieran the bad news first, wanting to give him as much time to prepare as possible.

So off you go, heading to where Kieran practically lives. As you enter the stable, you feel a nice blast of warm air, wiping away the chill that is constantly on your cheeks and nose.

It's warm in here, all thanks to the horses. Kieran often overhears other gang members complain about how cold the decaying cabins and thin tents are, but thankfully, Kierans never really had any temperature issues.

The only time he gets chilly is when he's dragged outside for whatever nonsense. In the stables, he can stay warm and surround himself with good company - the horses.

Kieran's head snaps over his shoulder as you appear, shutting the doors quickly behind you. You could have sworn you overheard him mumbling to himself but you're almost certain it was probably some men outside.

He's fussing his horse, his hand resting on the animal's nose as he watches you stomp the snow off your boots.

"Mister Duffy," you greet him as you approach. He's still visibly shaken from earlier, and now there's a glint of fear in his eyes as he notices how pissed off you look.

"Miss, you really didn't have to do what you did earlier. I really appreciate it, but I don't want you gettin' in no trouble," Kieran tells you as he moves his hand from his horse's nose, resting it on his neck instead.

"I already told you, sweetheart, that those clowns need putting in their place and I'm more than happy to do it," you explain as you enter the horse's pen, your hand coming to gently stroke along Kierans horse.

This is the softest horse you've ever felt. Sure, the other horses are soft, never having that neglectful sticky feeling to their fur, but this one felt unreal. Maybe Kieran conditions his horse's fur every night? That'd explain why he spent so much time in here, cleaning his horse like his life depended on it.

"Well, I do appreciate it. Did Colm give you much trouble?" Kieran asks, watching your hand pet his horse, his eyes often flicking over to the rest of you.

"Nah. I don't think he can, he's my father after all," you shrug. "What's this gentleman's name?" you ask Kieran.

"Huh? Oh! You mean my horse?" Kierans eyes widen.

"Yeah."

"Branwen," Kieran tells you.

"Well, Branwen, you're real soft. Your rider here quite clearly loves you," You tell Branwen. He lets out a small nicker, puffs of chilled air coming from his nose, as if he was thanking you.

Kieran watches you in awe, his heart melting at the sight of you talking to his horse. He feels a little sick, the butterflies in his stomach dancing around to the sound of his heartbeat.

"Yeah, not to sound cheesy but he's my world," Kieran rubs the back of his neck, eyes flicking at the stable floor then returning to you. Either Kieran is overheating, or he's blushing. Maybe both?

"I know how you feel, (H/N) is my world too. I'd be lost without 'em," you reply as you nod in the direction of your stabled mount.

"Yeah. I ain't got much to enjoy in life, but at least I got someone to enjoy my time with," Kieran tells you as his eyes overlook Branwen, giving his horse a gentle rub under his jawline.

"Kieran?" you ask, his attention being drawn to you. "I don't mean to spoil the moment, but I came here to tell you something."  

"Oh, god. What is it?" There's fear to his voice, his flustered red cheeks fading back to his pale skin colour.

"I got a stagecoach robbery that's gonna be happenin' real soon. I understand that you ain't one for fightin', but Colms ordered me to take you with him. I thought I'd let you know in advance," you inform him.

Kieran lets out a deep sigh. "Guess this is my punishment," he says.

"No, it's my punishment," you correct him. Kieran gives you a funny look and you're quick to correct him again. "I mean, because Colm knows I'm soft on ya. He views his men as just... men, you know? I view them as human beings. So he's making me take you with me just to get me all worried and stuff," you roll your eyes and shake your head. Typical behavior from your father.

"You ain't gotta be worried about me, Miss. I'm just a stableboy," Kieran shrugs as he looks down at the floor.

"You are just a stableboy, but we need people like you! If it weren't for you, our horses would constantly be a mess. You're like, the foundation to a house. You get me? Without you, we'll just topple over," you explain to him. Kieran catches on to what you're saying, nodding his head in agreement, a smile creeping across his face.

"No ones ever put it like that before, thank you, Miss," Kieran replies, letting out a little laugh as he thinks about what you've just said.

"How many times have I told you to stop callin' me that? It's (Y/N). Don't be afraid to say my name," you tease him, his cheeks flustering again.

"Well, (Y/N), thank you," Kieran replies, a little sheepishly.

"Now, I gotta go get some dinner," you say as you exit the pen after giving Branwen another pat. "You get your guns ready. I'll make sure you have the safest job."

You flash Kieran a smile before heading out, quickly shutting the stable doors behind you to stop the cold air from seeping in. Yet again, you've left Kieran in a mushy state, his heart still thudding, finally allowing himself to let out the grin that he's been holding back on this whole time. He's like a child getting worked up over their crush, giving Branwen a hug, pretending he's you.

"It's happened again," Kieran tells Branwen, his eyes shutting as he smiles to himself, head still resting against Branwen's neck. "She's done it again, Branwen. I've got them butterflies back, I can feel my heart poundin' out my chest."

Kieran moves off his horse, moving to lean back against the fence so he can speak to Branwen properly.

"She called me sweetheart, told me to call her by her actual name, said she'd make sure I'm safe. All that real good stuff!"

Branwen lets out a snort, his head flicking up slightly. Kieran can see Branwen cheering him on, getting excited on Kieran's behalf.

"She met you as well! Ain't that nice! Introduced you to her and everythin'. You two are gonna be best buds before you know it," Kieran laughs, his voice a little lowered as he doesn't want to attract the attention of anybody who may be outside.

"I'm real nervous for this job though. But I know I'll be safe with her," Kieran worries, watching Branwen give him a little nod in agreement.

"Guess I should go clean my gun, huh?" Kieran sighs, pouting a little, hating the idea of going into combat.

"I'm gonna go get some dinner. I'll be right back, then we can talk a little more," Kieran tells Branwen as he makes his way out of the pen, pulling on his gloves before exiting the stable, off to pick at whatever scraps were left.

Branwen's sat down when Kieran returns. Kieran takes a seat beside him, leaning back against his horse as he eats. The two spend the rest of the night fawning over you, too star-struck to bother thinking about the job.

[sunevial]

Directors commentary: What it’s like writing the various forms of inhumanity among the followers

For this, I’m going to be completely neglecting how I write Young Priest, because he’s still basically human for the purposes of the Follower’s universe. He thinks, acts, and behaves with human qualities, even if he’s really not human anymore from a physical standpoint. That being said, there are some things I have hinted on that I’ll touch on later. 

I’ll break this up into two parts

Those Who Were Never Human, aka the Old Guard (Old Priestess, Lieutenant, Advisor)

Old Priestess is probably the most difficult character for me to write in general. She is complicated and layered, probably moreso than any other character I have to write for this universe. Compassionate yet oh so cruel, manipulative yet still somewhat caring, vain and self assured yet a little fragile, never wanting to be vulnerable yet still wanting to keep her own close to her chest. She is a scorned immortal, fallen from grace and power, and it shows in her actions and her words and the very way she carries herself. Her hatred of humanity runs deep, and no amount of revenge will satisfy it, but she is so incredibly lonely and so incredibly wounded and so incredibly filled with a sorrow even she won’t admit. 

When I write her, I write her knowing she is old, she is bitter, and that she values nature and the natural world more than anything. She is always in control of every situation she is present in, and she makes her presence known. She never uses contractions, has certain words she calls certain people, and she can flip between being terrifying to sweet on a dime. You should never feel completely safe when she’s in the room, even when she’s not using magic, and every other character knows that.

Unlike Priestess, who knows humanity inside and out, Lieutenant knew nothing of humanity before his time with the Followers. He barely registers all five senses (sight and hearing being the easiest, followed by touch, with taste and smell being the most complex), and at the very start, he only really had a grasp of one emotion: fear. By the ‘present’ day, he has collected a couple more, including anger, a sense of contentment, and possibly a sense of displeasure (and that’s pushing it). That being said, he is not a creature that knows malice, and despite his cold words, he never acts out of spite or with ill intent.

Combined with that is him being someone that is barely used to having physical presence. He never walks when he can just teleport, though he might to humor his colleagues. Physical matter confuses him, so anything that isn’t a void construct is difficult for him to properly use (his aim is terrible with anything that isn’t his knife). He rarely relies on his shell to perceive the world around him, as only a very small portion of his actual self is contained within that body. Above all, through, he is a curious individual, wanting to better understand this world he now lives in. He asks questions that most mortals wouldn’t think to ask, and even if he doesn’t feel emotions, he has learned how to perceive them well.

Advisor splits the difference between the two immortals, having less direct experience with mortals than Priestess and having a better understanding of them than Lieutenant. In many respects, he seems the most human out of them, always cordial and polite and professional in his manner. He is genuinely kind when he wants to be, always open to teach others or give a helping hand because he is a researcher and he wants to see results. 

This also makes him the most unnerving at times, because his oddness is treated so casually. He makes remarks that are eerie in their simplicity, uses reality warping magic with the same care we take to breathe, and he can read emotions and minds and the future with no effort at all. I never write his magic the same way twice, because much of his powers are based in the fact that he is chaos incarnate and does not hide that. Advisor is not scary because of what he can directly do, though that’s scary in of itself, but he’s scary because you quite simply don’t know how much he can do on the sidelines. There’s a reason why I write him with a sort of surprising upbeat flair; he doesn’t have a reason to be anything but. 

Those Who Were Once Human (Witch, Bookkeeper, Huntress, Part Timer)

As we’ve seen throughout the story of the Followers, Witch used to be a perfectly normal and perfectly sane person, someone capable of truly loving and fearing the world like a mortal. She’s no longer that person. Margaret was broken and battered, reshaped and reformed into the image of the people who trained her. Her empathy and compassion were beaten out of her, replaced with a sadistic cheerfulness that rarely drops. They bound her loyalty with string and thread, made her scream until she could scream no more, and so she was stripped of fear and sorrow. She takes deals and sells to all who come to her door. 

I write Witch to be emotive but not emotional, because while you can always tell what she’s feeling or thinking based on her expression, she doesn’t feel those emotions much at all. Her words are always just a little too empty, and that’s by design. The only time that it comes through is when she’s actively trying to care, because some small parts of her still remember what it means to be human. She shows those around her daughter, and that’s why she sounds more complete when they’re talking, because it’s the only time she is allowed such a luxury. 

Bookkeeper, in many respects, is the exact opposite of Witch. Knowing she sold her soul and life for something so trivial weighs on Bookkeeper heavily, but she does her work and she does it well. She has put up walls, walls to mimic the cold exterior of an indifferent immortal while she internally suppresses all of the emotions she still maintains. Because she feels, even if she denies that she does, because that is the only way she remains herself. She has willingly remade herself before, and she’ll do it again, becoming petty, selfish, and a master of the passive aggressive arts.

There is not a word that leaves Bookkeeper’s mouth that isn’t at least partially an insult, though she may drop that streak for Witch. She will never admit to anything willingly, but she will answer at least in half truths if directly asked. Her opinions are strong and firm, unbending and unyielding because she has read enough to win just about any argument thrown her way. She hates getting her hands dirty, but she makes no secret that she will do the work that keeps her out of the line of fire because she is deadly efficient. And deep inside her, she occasionally allows herself to pity, to care, to allow herself to care.

Huntress is stubborn, stubborn beyond belief because while being mortal, no amount of physical or mental abuse could ever make her break. She is strong, she is angry, she is flawed, but she owns every aspect of herself she likes and every aspect of herself she despises. Because of that, Huntress will always be just that, herself and there is nothing the other Followers could ever do to change that. If Huntress wishes to change, that’s on her own terms and no one else’s. That doesn’t mean she is mortal, though, because she was always just a bit more than that even in life. 

Knowing this, writing Huntress becomes a balance of making her not wanting to play nice with the other Followers but more than willing to play along. Her heart is hard and cold, and she has no sympathy for the pain of the people she loves. She laughs loudly and brashly, her emotions and actions always a little more feral. Her first resort is violence and she relishes in it, because there’s only one Follower who has a true bloodlust. She is impatient, unyielding, always up to play and to hunt and to hurt. Her compassion is rough, but it is there, and she makes sure not to lose it. It keeps her grounded.

Of the mortals, Part Timer has retained his humanity the most, and that’s saying something. Each of his personalities retain thought processes are still incredibly human, each very distinct in how they act and how they feel. Some are more caring, some are more angry, some are more scattered, and some are more logical, but all still retain a fair bit of humanity when everything is boiled down. That being said, all but one of his personalities has accepted that they can’t retain that humanity forever, and the good doctor is fighting to keep what little sanity he remains.

Taken together with his condition, Part Timer’s inhumanity is written in a man who can never be whole. He has little control of who’s in charge. His actions are consistent within the personalities, but they switch so rapidly and so violently that it’s hard to predict. While he tries to keep things light and polite, he still fears his colleagues more than he trusts them, and so he refuses to let his guard down even for a second around most of them. He resists learning magic, resists accepting its use by both the people around him and himself, because the more he leans into the use of magic, the more he loses his grip on his sense of self.

Now, for Young Priest, the challenge is to write him in a way where the hints of inhumanity are starting to creep in. He’s an artist, first and foremost, and already he’s starting to get a little lost in that world. His transformation is fueled by a desire to save his sister, so he needs the ability to do magic well. Something I’ve been trying to show how much magic tempts him, how much learning tugs at his morals and at his sense of humanity. His discomfort keeps him grounded for now, but it’s starting to lessen with every step he takes. It won’t break for a long time yet, but Priestess chose him well.

She knows that the temptation will someday outweigh his humanity, and she intends to make sure that as it happens, he stays loyal and true.

[heroacademiaimagines]

Fluff Alphabet: All Might/Yagi Toshinori

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

There’s no one thing that Toshinori likes to do with you, you could just be sitting watching paint dry and he would still enjoy it because he was with you. When he was much younger he enjoyed taking you out far more often, even if he had to do it while disguised, but as an adult (and an injured man) he finds that he’s far happier just spending the time around you doing whatever it is you desired. He felt like he had wasted so much of his time not being with you, instead choosing his hero career, and now that he had the time to think about it, he realized how empty it felt not having you beside him.

His free time with you is spent doing a variety of things, which can include helping him become a better teacher or even helping him train his successor (information you became privy to after his true form was revealed, after he promised there’d be no more secrets). He tries to take you out places where you’d never been before or that he think you’d enjoy, so that he can at least enjoy some of the time he has left with you when trouble isn’t afoot.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

To catch All Might’s attention, you really had to be something special. Your personality was bold, you were charismatic and flirtatious, but you always pulled back when he showed interest, leaving him wanting more. You seemed capable of playing him like a fiddle, keeping him running after you even long after you’d become friends. There was always a tension, unspoken feelings, and these things kept him hooked for the rest of his life. You were a person that seemed hard to pin down, but left him feeling like you could easily.

Aside from the fact that he thought you were beyond the most beautiful person he’d ever laid his eyes on, there’s a lot of beautiful things about you. You were an admirable hero, a loyal friend, a bright soul in a world that seemed to want to dampen that hope and optimism that you carried on strongly every day. He could spend all day and night talking about you, gushing about all the things that made you who you were, but he’s often silenced before hand as it’s sickeningly sweet how much he loves you.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

His entire life had been about being a figure of peace for the people, being strong and positive and able to take on any problem that could possibly come his way. Fighting off your anxiety and depression is a battle he certainly couldn’t win with his muscles, but he could do all that he can to show you’re not alone. When he sees you’re in a mood, or having a panic attack, he’ll talk with you calmly, embracing you if the closeness comforts you, letting you know you were safe because he was there, even trying to elicit a laugh or another response out of you before he releases you.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Toshinori never thought that it would work out with you, not for lack of trying. He just knew that his vision for the future always included being the best he could be, saving lives until he physically couldn’t anymore. He didn’t think that that part would ever come true, and once it does, he finds he doesn’t quite have a dream to stand on any longer. But you’ve remained a constant, and even if the vision of his future has to change, it doesn’t make it any less bright. He wants to spend the rest of his time with you, and whether that ends with you two married or not, as long as he’s with you he doesn’t care.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He can easily go back and forth, depending on ‘who’ is talking with you. As All Might he finds the need to always be the one ‘in control’, the one who takes care of you to the point you don’t have anything else to worry about. It just comes more naturally to him to be dominant when he’s in that form, compared to his scraggly form, where he feels more useless and unattractive. He’s not necessarily completely passive, but he’s more passive than what he’d normally display, and he feels like it’s more a show of his true self rather than the persona he put on for the world. He’s still a gentleman though, and one who wants to keep you as safe as he can.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He forgives almost a little too easily, letting go of things that still stick in his head and annoy him. He can’t help but not want to fight, since he sees so little of you as it is, but he supposes that no relationship is perfect. Toshinori’s aversion to fighting is obvious, and it’s almost irritating how he dances around difficult topics. You want your time spent with him to be worthwhile, too, but it didn’t cause any genuine relationship problems to disappear just because you don’t want it to be there. You try to get him to understand this over time, a lesson he’s quicker to accept when he’s older, but it’s one of the greatest flaws in him.

Toshinori is very careful with the fights he allows to go too far, preferring to dim that fire long before it explodes into something larger. He knows how to deal with volatile people rather well, considering the line of work he’s in, and he’s endlessly patient when he’s dealing with a person he loves. He hates arguing or leaving an argument to fester with you, because he knows how dangerous his line of work is; he’s the number one hero, but life had proven unpredictable, and what if something happened to him? Would that anger you had for him last forever, since he would no longer be able to soothe it? He has many anxieties surrounding you, but this one is prevalent enough that it can cause actual problems if he doesn’t cap it while he can.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He would truly be marked as a fool if he wasn’t grateful for all the things you did for him, and all the patience you’ve given him. Even if the relationship had started with an understanding that he was All Might, and he had a duty to the people, he still knew he couldn’t just completely ignore you and expect the relationship to continue. He worked hard to prove that he thought of you even when he was away, and that the better, safer world he was fighting for wasn’t just for the general population, it was for you, too. He knows he cancels on one too many dates, that he comes home bloodied and bruised and makes you worry until you’re sick, but he also knows that he loves you, and that you love him enough to keep trying.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Toshinori finds it’s pointless to even attempt to hide secrets from you, and even from the moment you’d first met, you could tell there was something different about his Quirk. He ended up confessing after your first night spent together, being filled with sudden dread as he realized he let slip an extremely important secret. This, however, doesn’t prevent him from lying to you about an incredibly important secret that, once exposed, could potentially ruin your trust in him and your relationship.

The wound that prevents him from fully transforming into his All Might form is a well-hidden secret from you, something he’s ashamed of. He didn’t want you to know because he didn’t want you to worry, but there were parts of him that were sure it was because he didn’t want you to look at him differently; he didn’t want you to think he was weak, or sickly, and he was too stubborn to lean on you even when it got at it’s worst. Those years are ones where you didn’t see him in person often, putting a strain on your relationship, to the point where it could have easily broken you up once the big secret was revealed to the public. He’s full of apologizes despite being the injured one, but you greet him at the hospital with teary eyes, scolding him for thinking you’d love him any less just because his stint as All Might was coming to an end. The relief is immeasurable, and a great reminder as to why he’d fallen in love with you in the first place.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You made the world worth fighting for even more. You made his mornings seem brighter, his training less difficult, you just had this shine to you that made everything better. Even when the puppy love stage of your relationship wears down he finds that you’re still a great source of positivity and energy, a person who understands they’re supporting a man who holds the weight of the world on his shoulders. You also help him to feel human, letting him know that he doesn’t have to be perfect when it’s just the two of you, allowing him to vent his frustrations and his sorrows when the hero life wasn’t quite as positive and glamorous as he’d once envisioned it. He’s not afraid of admitting your positive influence, accidentally causing rumors to circulate about you for years when he mentions a ‘special someone’ in an interview that helped keep him motivated to being the best hero he could be.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

His jealousy comes and goes, and never seems entirely consistent. He doesn’t like seeing other people hanging all over you, or very openly trying to get you to date them, despite your relationship with him being a secret and there being no easy way for you to tell the person you’re happily taken. You’re the only one who can tell when he gets jealous because he keeps the forced smile on his face, but you can see the twitching of his eyes as he begrudgingly has to keep his mouth shut while you handle the situation. But for what it’s worth, he trusts you with every bit of his heart, so he knows even if others want you, your loyalty lies with him and you can handle yourself. His more possessive side tends to come out if another hero is the one flirting with you, or if he hasn’t seen you for awhile and upon finally getting the chance to, you’re busy with someone else.

Jealousy is another one of those feelings that Toshinori tries to shove deep down inside him, hoping that he could squash it out before it became a genuine problem. You can tell when he’s upset, and immediately pry, seeming almost pleased to hear that he was getting jealous in a situation. He takes great comfort in your words of confirmation, that you love him and only him, and that no one could ever compare to the love he gives you. He apologizes for feeling the way he did, even if he can’t quite help it, and you’re quick to ‘forgive’ him for it.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Toshinori is a passionate kisser, and when he was younger, he was particularly fond of spontaneous, sweeping you off your feet kisses. He also liked to pull a move where he spun you around and dipped you down low before pressing a kiss to your lips, normally as greeting after he had a good day on the job. He’s a focused kisser, one where you can tell his attention is on you, only you, and nowhere else; his mind was filled with thoughts of your scent, how you felt against him, it was a hijacking of the best kind.

The first kiss was electrifying, perhaps the first time he’d ever felt so connected to a person who wasn’t his mentor. You had met a few times before that, you were in one of his classes in college and lived nearby, so you were familiar with each other. When he swooped in to save you from the villain attack that day, he didn’t think much of it until you appeared on his doorstep that night, distraught. David hadn’t been present and he’d let you in, and after talking to you for a short while, it ended up in a natural silence. He can’t remember exactly who made the first move, and now it doesn’t necessarily matter, but the next thing he knew your lips were on his and you were practically on his lap, kissing him, finding comfort in him after your life had been in danger just hours before. He thought it was simply ‘hero syndrome’, where you were in love with him just because he’d saved you, but… well, his future self can’t help but think what a silly thought that was to have.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Would it truly be a confession from him if it wasn’t full of flowery prose, actual flowers, and so dramatic that you wonder if he ripped it off of some cheesy American romcom. There’s always a bit of glamour in everything he does, you think it’s embedded in him at this point, but it gets the mood across well. You’re surprised to hear the love confession, staring at him in stunned silence while he stares back at you, awaiting your response to his feelings. He’s almost positive he’s never felt more awkward in his life, backpedaling and apologizing for being too much, which finally snaps you back to reality that All Might, of all people, was confessing his love to you.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Marriage isn’t the first thing on his mind, even after your romantic relationship lasts for a few years. He wouldn’t mind the finality of it all, considering how much it took from you both to last this long, but to get married… he’s not sure why the thought makes him nervous. He would present the idea to you before going forward with anything, feeling out your personal opinion on the subject and then deciding from there if he has to plan a proposal.

Toshinori’s first proposal was much like his love confession was, dramatic, flowery, and full of love. The ring is incredibly flashy, and you tell him you can’t wear something like that in public without big questions being asked, especially since the two of you were openly connected. It’s a ring that you keep near and dear to you, but can never quite find the opportunity to wear (unless you’re appearing at a charity event and want to show off). The second proposal comes after All Might is no more, where Toshinori offers you a ring much less gaudy and far more practical, one that the two of you could wear without drawing too much attention. There’s still danger lurking around the corner, and he still mostly keeps out of sight, but he feels less urgency about keeping your relationship a secret (though he keeps it away from the media as long as he can).

Being married to him might feel a little too short-lived, as you never quite got to it when he was younger, until after the accident crippled him and prevented him from living a fast-paced life. He uses the rest of his time with you wisely, spending as many of his days with you as he can, taking you on all those dates he had once missed out on, and assuring you that he loves you more and more each day. He’s a loving husband who wants to take care of you, and who hopes you continue to be patient with him as he learns what it means to be a good husband.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Honey, baby, he really lays it on thick, but you can’t complain. Having him call you those things in his deep voice makes you feel some type of way, and you especially love when he lovingly whispers a nickname in your ear after you’ve been apart for a while. These aren’t generally said while he’s out in public for obvious reasons, but he slips up sometimes, and simply has to play up the flirty persona.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

All Might is like a lovestruck puppy, something that would surprise those that didn’t know him and his loving, more affectionate nature. He thinks the world of you almost instantly, and almost makes no attempts to guard his heart against your charms, feeling an instant connection and as though he could trust you with anything (which he ends up doing when he tells you the secret behind One For All). He acts like the perfect gentleman, opening doors, walking you home, doing anything he can to impress you and show you that he’s the perfect person for you to date.

It’s very obvious to those close to him how in love he clearly is, even in the beginning few months of the relationship. The longer it lasts the more support he gains from his loved ones to keep you close, but not too close, as life of a hero doesn’t just endanger him now. Still, he doesn’t make much of an attempt when not in his All Might form to show that you’re not someone special to him, even if the actual relationship is still unknown.

He tries to express his love in little gifts, sending you post cards from all over when he’s away with different ways to say ‘I love you’ and even writing little love notes that remind you he’s thinking of you and would see you as soon as he could. He can get mushy in person, too, seeming to ramble on and on about you to you before he cuts himself off and gets embarrassed. He knows he’s hopelessly in love with you, but he doesn’t need you to know that or to see the more ‘pathetic’ side of him that wants to do anything he can to make you happy.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

For the sake of your safety, your relationship must remain a secret, so unfortunately, All Might doesn’t get to show you off as much as he’d love to. He wants the world to know what a wonderful person you are, someone who captured his heart and kept it safe. If he could do so your relationship would be public, but as it was, PDA was almost expressly forbidden for your safety. It didn’t stop you from flirting with him in public, or playing holding onto his arm and calling yourself his number one fan, as this just seemed to be a regular interaction between All Might and one his many fans. You couldn’t go too far, but there’s a bit of a thrill in pulling him into an alley where you can kiss him to your hearts content until his absence is noticed.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

All Might has a taste for romance, and just seems to know how to make you feel loved after a long day of stress. His attention is all yours when it’s just the two of you at home, his phone elsewhere as he gives you a massage or simply cuddles up with you. It’s something he’s learned to do since he’s gone or busy so often, to fulfill your attention quota and to make you happy in any way he can. He’s good with gift-giving and appearing genuinely sorry when he breaks a date, making him a little hard NOT to forgive even if he’s disappointed you.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Incredibly! You’ve questioned whether he read a lot of romance novels from a young age, to which a flustered Toshi ignores the question entirely and simply says he just has a knack for it. He thinks about the things he would want from someone and then proceeds to treat his significant other the same way, and if there’s anything he’s doing that’s ‘too much’ to tell him, as he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. He likes being able to shower you with gifts or give you a comfortable life, without you having to worry too much about little things. You suppose it’s just the benefit of dating the number one hero, but it’s not as though that’s all the relationship was to you; you’d dated him far before he’d become number one, attracted to him for a variety of reasons that didn’t involve his growing popularity.

Everything he possibly could! Even if he had been run ragged that day, if you came home and wanted something specific for dinner, or wanted to go out and do something, he would do it. You try not to ask for too much when you see he’s tired, as he’s likely to push himself to the point of exhaustion just to do the things you want to do. He’s pretty content just spending his free-time around you, and would be happy if you felt the same.

He goes back and forth between being both. He greatly enjoys a lot of cliché romance things, and sometimes you wonder if he should’ve been an actor instead of a hero. He tries to send flowers, fruit, or some other type of basket to you at least once a week, especially while away, and whenever he’s finally home again he always brings with him a gift of some sort. The gifts are generally tailored perfectly to your interest, and can involve fashion you’re interested in, books he knows you’d find fascinating, and little knick-knacks that just so happened to remind him of you.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Of course he believes in you! If you weren’t a person he could admire, look up to, and support, it’s likely you wouldn’t have been together for as long as you had been. He knows at times he seems like some type of generalized motivational speaker, and that it seems ‘expected’ of him to say these things to you, but he’s never been one to not try his best to be honest. He wants you to know that he thinks the world of you, that he’s confident in your intelligence and drive, and that he thinks you can achieve anything that you put your mind to. If there’s anything he can help with, he’d do his best, because he wants nothing more than to see you succeed.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Toshinori finds your relationship to be rather interesting, and certainly not conventional as it is, so he wouldn’t feel like there needed to be any more spice. The midnight rendezvous and the constant sense of danger, the worry that you might be discovered and targeted because of him, was quite enough spice for him. If there was something else you wanted to try out, he’d try to have an open mind, but he feels he’s more of a traditional person when it comes to relationships, so he’s perfectly okay with routine. Your relationship doesn’t seem to have a set routine until after his true form is revealed, and he can now come home to you at night as his days of a hero are over; it’s a sad time for him, but at the same time, he finally gets to spend his days with the person he loves the most, so it’s more of a bittersweet type of feeling.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He likes to think that he knows you rather well, though he can’t blame you if he feels like a stranger at times due to you not having much face time together. But he’s always talking to you about things that are important, always keeps up on knowing what’s happening in your life, and also keeps a list of your favorite things just in case he forgets. He’s also rather empathetic, knowing how much stress he must put you through with what he does, and how lonely you must feel when he’s gone (he feels the same), constantly trying to assuage your worries, or at least distract you from them.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Toshinori had to learn how to balance his social life with his work life, and at first, it was clear to him that his work life meant a great deal more. He cared about those close to him but he felt his true calling was in saving people, and that often didn’t leave him much personal time; being the symbol of peace was a full time job that often required overtime, so he had been positive he wouldn’t want to put any partner through that. Your appearance threw a clear wrench in his plans, as he found himself inexplicably drawn to you against his own will, unable to deny his own feelings and bury them far enough down so that he could continue on without having you in his life. His relationship with you is important, one of the things that keeps him inspired, that keeps him moving forward, and consistently reminds him of exactly what it is he’s fighting for, so he considers it to be very important to him.

You are someone who he values very highly, and he considers you one of his closest, if not the closest, friend he’s ever had. Even if he doesn’t confide everything in you, he has his reasons, and still considers you as the person who knows him better than anyone. He’s shown you every part of him, even the ugly, weak parts the media would be discouraged to see, and to have that type of trust built means the world to him.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

When you’re finally alone together, the man barely lets you out of his sight or out of his arms, always holding you or leaning against you to get the skin-on-skin contact that he’s missed. You almost think he’s touch-starved with how much he enjoys being cuddled up close to you, but you know it’s also because he’s trying to make the most out of the time you get spent together. He’s not quite the same after he obtains his wound, as he’s trying to hide it from you, thus he tries to keep a distance so you won’t discover it. It’s a rough time with him constantly hiding himself from you, to the point where you rarely saw him for long periods of time, but once you’re told of the secret, her returns to the same old affectionate Toshinori you once knew.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Toshinori doesn’t often have moments where he has the chance to miss you, since he’s kept busy so often, and when he finally does have a chance to rest, he instantly passes out. He’ll keep in touch with phone calls and texts while he’s fighting against villains, but on the rare moments when he finally has the chance to take a breath is when the loneliness starts to leak in. This tends to happen later at night, almost into the early morning hours, where he stares at pictures of you that he has on his phone and wishes you were awake so that he could hear your voice.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He would do just about anything for you, and would absolutely go to great lengths both to keep you happy and to keep you from harm. He fights the feeling that he’s being selfish by being in a relationship with you, thus not allowing you to potentially move on to a person who might better suit what you want, but after being told you’re not a child and you’re well-aware of what you’re getting in to, he relaxes. He knows he’s beyond lucky to have someone who’s both managed to capture his heart and who has the patience of a saint to deal with his busy life, and he knows the relationship is one worth fighting for.

[flabwahn-blog1]

I’m starting a blog for me. I don’t actually want anybody to read it I just need somewhere to dump because I can’t afford counselling and my support system is just non existent. Since my 25th birthday I came to this horrible realisation that my support system (barely if any) was a complete fraud and I watched it crumble before me leaving me feeling like I have wasted the last 10 years on people who have no respect for me whatsoever.

I am one of 6 children with a broad range of personalities. The eldest Michael, is hardworking, has never touched drugs or cigarettes, rarely drinks and lives with his wife and has been with her for over 10 years and for this I am so proud of him. He has achieved the most considering he was dyslexic and has been called thick his whole life with people constantly reminding him he could never achieved anything. Now, he is above and beyond all of us by leaps and bounds. However, he has realised this and sits very highly on a pedestal. In his eyes, he cannot do any wrong because of the stark difference between him and the rest of us siblings. The result of this, he has the absolute incapability to apologise, recognise his flaws or acknowledge he can upset anybody because he feels so strongly about his opinions, which isn’t a bad thing but it causes huge grudges within the family. When he has a thought in his head - a mild assumption - he believes it too be true, This is turn results in this thought becoming verbal, and he has no hesitation in telling all family members this thought as if it’s the truth and he really does believe it himself. I picked my nose in his car, and he thinks I had been sniffing cocaine. Rather than discuss this with me, he told the whole family this was the truth when it wasn’t. Now we don’t talk, because I wanted an apology. This may seem very high and mighty, which I understand. But when we upset him he refuses to speak to anybody unless we apologise and kiss the ground he walks on. So without an apology, I will not entertain the relationship anymore. I was so hurt, and as I am getting older I am beginning to realise that you may be my brother, but that doesn’t mean anything. If someone in the street did this to me, I wouldn’t accept it. Having the title of brother means nothing, it doesn’t give any right to treat or accuse me like this. So that’s the first relationship that died for me. Michael was my favourite brother, I always admired his honesty and his big heart. I miss him so much, but my stubbornness won’t falter right now because I’ve always been a doormat, and now I have stood up to him our relationship has gone.

My brother Craig, the second eldest is again a hard working man, he has respect for women and in recent years I have noticed how good he can be. Me and him are very similar where as we feel like the black sheep of the family. I can’t relate to him though, his experiences have been more horrendous than mine and I would never say I can imagine how he felt because that would be an insult to him. As the black sheep growing up, he was subjected to bullying day in and day out from members of his own family, his support system and his own parents. I am ashamed to admit at times I was involved and is probably one of my biggest regrets considering the place I am in at the moment with my family. If you ever see this Craig, know I am sorry from the very bottom of my heart. You are a good man and you didn’t deserve what happened to you. But to see you achieve now with your skating, your beautiful girlfriend and home, I know you’re so much stronger now and I am so proud of you. Out of us 6, you probably are the most empathetic brother I have, you listen to me and don’t make it a competition of who has had it worse or try to invalidate anything I have felt. You are a good ear and the rest of this family doesn’t see you for what you are, because you detached yourself from us all, and I don’t blame you. Sometimes you think you know it all, but you’re just you. I accept it when we chat, but I know it’s you demonstrating that you only have my best interests at heart. 

Then it’s Paul. I don’t think I have ever come across anybody in the street like Paul. But then again if I did, I wouldn’t see that side I see with Paul with anybody else because I don’t live with them. Hate is a strong word, and believe me when I say I hate him. I know he is my brother but again this is just a title. This doesn’t mean I have to like him or love him. In his world, Paul is number one and nobody will ever come first not even his own children which just baffles me. He is a bully, he shouts and shouts when you try to confront him about just about anything because he knows he will win. To a point where he knows this, and knows no one can be bothered or have the guts to confront him anymore because of his reactions and he abuses this. Not many people can bring the worst out in me but he does each and every time and I am so ashamed he can do this to me. My dad works long hours and hard days, he has no issues with waking him up every morning whether its making a cup of tea, blowing his nose (he has a cocaine problem and if anyone knows a cocaine addict blowing their nose it’s not quiet) or just moving around. And he generally believes it does not matter because he needs to do those things and does not care about any consequence, he is completely incapable of recognising he has the ability to upset people, acknowledge it or even show any remorse for it. I moved back home a month ago, and my only lay in is on Saturdays. He wakes me up around 6am every single weekend without fail. I came home from an 18 hour shift, and the dog had wet herself indoors. I came indoors and trod in it, and noticed footprints around the whole home from him where he’d seen in, walked in it and ignored it and my heart just broke. I looked at that pile of wee, and knew exactly what he thought of me and that is a maid. His opinions of women are very outdated in the sense we have a place in the home and he would not dare lift a finger because that’s not his job. And that’s how he sees me, just a maid who belongs at home and couldn’t even take 5 minutes to clean it up because he felt it was my job. It broke my heart my own brother thinks so little of me, I can’t grasp it. He has the complete inability to even clean up after himself unless it benefits him directly such as his own bedroom. He refuses to wash up because he strongly feels that is my job and makes no hesitation to remind me that this is my job not his. Whenever he gets a girlfriend I feel so sorry for them because all they do is blame themselves for his actions when they don’t realise he has always been the same. He was bullied when he was younger massively, and in turn this made him into a bully. He is so scared about being the victim again he makes damn sure that everyone around him knows hes the alpha male to make sure this never happens again to him. The lack of respect for everyone around him just baffles me again. I would happily never ever speak to him again or see him again, and if he dropped off of this planet I would feel no remorse or grief. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I am only human.

Then there’s Jack. Jack is a wonderful person, the biggest heart and genuinely cares for anyone he loves. I have never met anybody that dislikes him because he makes you feel so valued and that you matter. Jack has empathy, sympathy and knows how to make you laugh and diffuse the situation. But this side of him I rarely see anymore, because he has a serious and big problem with cocaine. I lost the Jack I loved because of that drug, watching the mood swings, the thieving, to come second to the drug itself broke my heart. But I knew he needed help and because of how he was I knew he deserved the help and did everything in my power to give it to him. I tried to build his self-esteem, his self-worth and his confidence. But time after time over the last 8 years, he has stolen from me, degraded me, abused me and more. He doesn’t work and hasn't done so consistently for the last 5 years. I took him to get his haircut every month to give him some self worth, we went to dinner every week, everything I ever had I shared with him because I knew he had nothing and I didn’t want him to go without. I shared my cigarettes, my weed, my soul, my paycheck with him in a desperate attempt for him to realise he could have those things himself and to try and give him confidence to know he deserves more than what he is currently doing. But on my birthday we had an argument, only petty for throwing rubbish out of my car and I told him off - he sent me multiple voice notes telling me he hates me, I’m a slag, I mean nothing to him etc. After spending so many years doing what I did, hearing that made me snap and I gave up. I feel guilty every single day worrying where he is, what he’s doing, if he’s safe. But I realised at some point I had to come first for me, because I knew I would never come first in his world only the drugs. I keep a picture of him with me all the time, but I know I am waiting for the day when  I get a call telling me he didn’t make it. Because I know before he’s 30 this will kill him. But I can’t sacrifice myself anymore for him, it was destroying me. 

I can’t finish this tonight. I’ll finish this tomorrow. I need somewhere to put my story.

[flowerspecial]

Calum College Series: Part 8

Warning: There is a little bit of alluding to depression and struggling to cope with pressure. If you feel similar to any of the characters, please find someone to talk to. Whether it be a friend, or a parent, find someone that you can confide in. If you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, my inbox is always open 

Calum hissed as gingerly lowered his aching body into the ice bath. He welcomed the freezing water as they gave relief to his screaming muscles. He tried to relax, closing his eyes, as much as possible as he submerged deeper into the water.

Soccer practice had become very intense as his coach prepared them for match season. Weekly practices turned into daily practices, and the drills became harder. His coach became a harder taskmaster, and every small mistake was scrutinised. Calum usually thrived off being pushed beyond his limit, he enjoyed the challenge. But as the semester went on, his impending exams loomed over him like a dark cloud. His studies were becoming more complicated just like his soccer practice. He felt like his judgment was becoming more cloudy, and he was struggling to concentrate.

“Are you heading back with me mate?” Ashton asked as he snapped Calum out of his daydream. Ashton had climbed out of his ice bath and wrapped a towel around his torso. Calum rolled his head on the side of the tub and looked at Ashton with a sigh.

“I don’t think so. I might go to the library actually, get some revision in.” Calum knew full well that it would be unlikely that he going to get any revision in, but he thought that is would be better to at least go to the library with the intention of revising than not to go at all.

Calum felt as if he was being pulled in so many directions that he couldn’t put his feet down in one for too long; otherwise, he would be behind in other areas. People were always trying to help him, Ashton was always willing to go with him to the library to work together, and Mollie would repeatedly make doubles of any study notes she created so Calum could have a copy. Calum couldn’t help but feel guilty that they were going to so many efforts for him. His guilt and his stress were causing him to distance himself from everyone. He hadn’t gone on a proper date with Mollie in weeks, not wanting her to see how much of a mess he had become. He didn’t want to trouble her with his insecurities, so thought it would be better just not to say anything at all.

“I don’t know why he’s ignoring me, Ava. What have I done wrong?” Mollie asked Ava as they headed back to their dorm from the library. She ran her fingers through her hair in exasperation.

“You haven’t done anything Mollie. Maybe he’s just busy?” Ava tried to reason.

“It just seems weird, we were fine at his birthday party, and as soon as we had sex, boom, he vanished.” Mollie was really racking her brain trying to understand why Calum was so distant with her. She really didn’t want him to be one of those guys, she didn’t think he could be, but the facts were not lining up in his favour.

“Why don’t you text him or something?” Ava felt terrible for Mollie. Mollie was obviously so besotted with Calum and for him to just go silent on her was awful. Ava also felt horrible that while Calum and Mollie were drifting apart, she and Ashton were getting closer and closer. She definitely didn’t think it was fair on her best friend.

“Don’t you think I’ve tried that?!” Mollie shouted in exasperation. “He either replies to me with really short sentences or doesn’t reply at all. It’s like I’m not important to him.” Mollie didn’t want to be one of those girls who cried over a boy, but a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.

“If you want I can try and talk to Ash? He might be able to say something?”

“Would you?” Mollie turned her head to Ava in hope.

“Of course, I’m meeting him tonight. I’ll ask him then.” Ava placed her hand on her shoulder in comfort. Mollie smiled glumly at Ava, appreciating the efforts.  

Calum made his way to the library and took a seat in one of the spare rooms with a whiteboard. He began to work through some of the questions that his physics professor had set him that week. Thanks to Mollie’s little study guides, physics was probably Calum’s best class, so he managed to breeze through the questions rather quickly. When he completed them, he sat back in his chair and took a deep breath stretching his arms out in front of him. He was about to start on some work from his statistics class when the door was pushed wide open to reveal a rather upset looking Mollie. Calum stood up instantly ready to speak, but Mollie managed to find her words quicker.

“What have I done that’s annoyed you so much?” Mollie said, searching Calum’s eyes for answers. “You won’t text me, you hardly talk to me in class, and you never ask me to spend any time with you!” Mollie was trying to keep a level head, but she could feel herself getting more and more angry as she spoke.

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Calum muttered quietly. He looked up at her and reached out his arm to try and hold her. His heart sank as she took a step back, denying him her touch.

“Then can you care to explain to me what is going on? Because right now Calum, you are coming across as a complete dick.”

Angered by her words, Calum bit back in retaliation, “how am I coming across as a complete dick? It’s not my fault that you want to be with me every bloody second of the day! We are separate people! It’s not my fault that you’re clingy” Calum regretted the words as soon as he spoke. He always knew that he had a temper, saying things before he had thought them through. Another one of his flaws was that he was stubborn, so he wasn’t about to back down either.

“I am not clingy Calum! I’m sorry for actually giving a damn about you, but you know what, if you don’t need my help, that’s absolutely fine with me!” With that, Mollie turned back on her heel and stormed out of the room.

Calum watched her go without even an attempt of stopping her. He felt stupid that he escalated the argument that quickly, Mollie hadn’t done anything wrong, he knew that. He couldn’t let someone who he cares about so dearly, point out his flaws, so he would instead shout inaccurate hate speech just to feel some sort of satisfaction. But that was just it, Calum didn’t feel the satisfaction that he usually does when we wins an argument, because he didn’t feel like he had won. He questioned what he had just achieved by that hateful comment. Instead of explaining and apologising to Mollie for ignoring her, he had only driven her away even more.

Calum fell back onto his chair and ran his hands through his hair. There was no way that he could return to studying, so he let his head fall onto the desk and just sat there for a while. He wasn’t aware of how much time had passed, but once he felt like he was ready, he grabbed his bags and walked back to the dorms.

He thought it was quite apt actually, as he walked home he was caught in a torrential downpour. He was absolutely drenched from head to toe, but he thought he deserved it. Lugging himself up the stairs, the weight on his shoulders was almost too much to handle. He was struggling to cope with it all and couldn’t see a way to make it better. He knew he had people who cared about him dearly, and he had so many great opportunities that people wished they would have. Yet he managed to push them all away and wasn’t handling the pressures of everything. He knew he should be happy, he knew he was so fortunate, but he wasn’t.

Calum pushed the door open and shuffled his way into the room. As he entered, Ava was quick to jump off Ashton’s bed and stormed over to Calum angrily.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Ava said as she pointed a finger into his chest. Calum could only guess that Mollie had told her what had happened. Calum stayed silent though, he didn’t even want to reply, he knew he was wrong and wouldn’t even know where to start trying to explain himself.

“You have probably the sweetest girl on campus looking for you trying to help you. Yet you decide to shout in her face and call her clingy!” Ava screamed at him. Calum looked visibly deflated and was staring at the ground. He felt awful for how he had dealt with the whole situation, but he couldn’t come up with any solutions to make it better.

“Are you not going to say anything?” Ava attempted to provoke him. Unlike Mollie, Ava thrived off confrontation, and growing up with 4 older brothers, she was always ready to stand her ground or defend someone.

“I honestly have nothing to say,” Calum whispered beneath his breath. Calum looked like a man who had had all the wind knocked out of him. He looked sad and destitute. Ashton felt a twinge of empathy for his friend, he could see how genuinely distraught Calum was over the situation. Ava, however, was not willing to take that weak answer. She was not about to let him off the hook that easy.

“How about starting with ‘I’m sorry’, that’s usually what people want to hear,” Ava said crossing her arms trying to make herself look more prominent.

The problem was though, Calum knew that apologising wouldn’t be enough, he was never brilliant with his words. The look on Mollie’s face when he made his little outburst kept replaying in his mind. Her face contorted into an expression somewhere between distraught and fury, and it made his heart drop to his stomach when it flashed in his mind.

Looking at Ashton and Ava, Calum knew he had no words to reply with. Thinking on his feet, he grabbed some clean clothes, shoving them in his bag,  and walked back out of the room. Not really knowing where he was going, he let his feet make the decision for him and headed out of the building. He wandered through the streets, trying to clear his head even the slightest bit. As he was walking, he came across a local cafe that was lit up in the night sky by its neon signs.

Calum entered the cafe and took a seat in a booth at the back. He looked over the menu, not really taking it in, as he was approached by a young man.

“What can I get for you?” He asks.

“Whatever you recommend.” Was all Calum said as he handed back the menu. The young waiter looked a bit taken back but could see that Calum was clearly struggling with something, so took the menu out of Calum’s hands and headed to the kitchen.

Calum was left alone to his thoughts once again, and he was struggling not to let himself spiral into a small breakdown. On the outside, it would look like Calum is overreacting, it was only a tiny argument. It was nothing to react this strongly about. But it wasn’t just that. Calum felt like everything terrible had come at once, and everything was all a bit too intense for him. He was struggling to cope, and this little argument was the tipping point. He felt like he was drowning in air.

“Here’s your food,” the young waiter said timidly as he placed the food in front of Calum. Calum noticed the waiter’s unease and felt bad that he was so anxious around Calum.

Wanting to reassure the waiter that he wasn’t volatile, Calum gave the waiter a small but genuine smile and said: “thank you mate, appreciate it.” Calum noticed the waiter’s shoulders drop with the release of tension as he walked away.

Calum wasn’t really that hungry, so he picked at his food slowly. The food was delicious, Calum thought that he should bring Mollie there one day. But then he second-guessed himself as he thought whether Mollie would even want to eat at the cafe with him. He leaned his head on his hand as he thought about his next plans. Calum didn’t want to go back to his dorm, because he knew he would get the first degree from Ava again. However, he knew he couldn’t just stay in the cafe all night, the waiter would probably get a bit annoyed with him to be fair.

He stayed in the cafe for a few hours, getting lost in his thoughts. The young waiter tidied his table around him and topped up his coffee periodically. Calum was grateful for such a kind gesture from a stranger, he thought it was sweet. He decided though that enough was enough though and pushed himself from his seat and grabbed his bag to leave. He left his money and a generous tip on the table and made his way out of the cafe. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going, but his feet seemed to have a mind of their own as they directed his body onwards and forwards.

Before he knew it, Calum was stood in front of his car that was parked outside the dorms. Grabbing the keys from inside of his bag, he climbed inside the car. He sat there for a few seconds while he collected his thoughts deciding where to go. He put the car into the ignition and pulled away. Calum always thought something was relaxing about driving, so he hoped that this might clear the fuzziness that is going on inside his brain. This time though, he was driving with a purpose, so he was a lot less relaxed than usual.

He drove for around hours, the only source of light being the headlights on the passing cars and the lights from shops he drove past. When he began to drive on familiar grounds, he sighed in relief. There was something about driving on the roads of the town that he grew up in that made Calum feel safe. He could feel his mind gain more clarity with every familiar place that he passed. He smiled to himself with nostalgia as he saw his old high school. It was crazy to think that less than a year ago he was there, dreaming about college and all the great things that he was going to entail. It reminded Calum just how hard he had worked to get into college like he had told Mollie at the beginning of the year, he always struggled with school and tests. Looking at his high school also shed some perspective on Calum’s current situation. Taking that step back from college, even for a couple of hours, he could see that this negative spiral he had found himself in was only small compared with the many happy memories he had made already. The spiral felt significant because he knew he was focusing on it as one big unwinnable thing, as opposed to looking at each problem individually.

He felt this sense of refocusing, and he wanted to tackle his problems head-on, but he knew that tonight wasn’t the night to start. He needed to give himself the night to recharge, so he drove to the driveway of his childhood home. When he walked in he was greeted by his mother who was equally happy to see her son, and confused as to why he had paid her this visit. Calum hugged his mom tightly and held her like that for a few moments. She guided him into the living room while she made them a cup of tea. Calum proceeded to explain everything to his mom, knowing that she would listen to him judgement free.

His mom gave him her advice on how to tackle the negative spiral that was whirling around in Calum’s head. He was happy that he made this trip to see her, even if it wasn’t entirely planned. He was almost excited for the new day, between them, he and his mom had made a complete list of everything that Calum could do to get through this small rough patch. As the night developed, Joy decided that it was time to go to sleep, and kissed the top of his head softly. Calum made his way to his childhood bed and rested his head on the pillows, falling into a peaceful slumber.

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines : Chapter 3 - Ashara

yay chapter 3 continuing the plot line in chapter one, this one’s a long one

Kyradia talks to an old friend (i wonder who it could be *looks at title*) and has to face some of her own flaws

As Ashara turned around her face turned from a calm smile to a frown. “Kyradia how did you get this contact this is supposed to be for emergencies only” she looked furious no wonder to be honest.

emergencies? Kavaraa had failed to tell her about that context, oh god what was she supposed to say this was all a big mistake she didn’t know what to do but she had to say something Ashara was just stood there looking all angry, hands on her hips those narrowed eyes like Kyradia had just suggested a crazy plan.

“well” she said impatiently Kyradia realized she had been silent for over thirty seconds.

“um hi Ashara i uh just wanted to um first of all apologize for what happened on Voss” oh god why was this so hard Kyradia had given speeches to the galaxy before, this was her old apprentice once one of her greatest friends oh right that’s why, she cared a lot more about Asharas opinion.

“oh really you wan’t to apologize now, you seemed pretty clear on your opinion back on Voss” Ashara said her face was all angry and scrunched up god this was gonna be a hard sell.

“yeah i wasn’t really thinking straight at the time and i made a mistake i’m really sorry” that seemed good right, it was the truth after all.

“you tried to SHOCK me” she said raising her voice oh god yep there it is, is there any way to salvage this Kyradia thought, her mind was racing as she tried to think of ways to justify her actions as anything other than cruel which it really was “give me one good reason why i shouldn’t hang this call up right now” oh god it’s do or die just say what you’re thinking be honest.

Kyradia sighed here we go “look... i get jealous of good people they make me feel like i’m inadequate and that i can’t become better. I  take it out on them instead of realizing i’m angry at myself” is the truth working Ashara was listening but still seemed angry “and when i saw you so grown up and like a proper Jedi i felt like you had outgrown me and didn’t need me anymore. I didn’t want to lose you so i tried to bring you down to my level by trying to expose your flaws and in turn that made me lose you” wow i don’t think i even knew that about myself before now she thought “i understand if you want to hang up this call and never speak to me again but i needed closure” she paused  “that’s one of the reasons i called”

Ashara seemed taken aback her eyes were wide and she no longer seemed so mad “i uh i didn’t realize you felt like that” she looked away from Kyradia holding her arm “how do i know you’re not just trying to manipulate me again”

Kyradia knew the only way to get he to believe her was to let her choose “because if you hang up now i wont pursue it any further I've made my peace i hope you understood it but it’s up to you not me” Ashara actually looked like she smiled for just a second oh thank god for the first time during the call Kyradia relaxed.

“ i’m sorry i judged you so harshly on Voss i didn’t mean to make you feel bad i honestly hoped you’d be proud of me” Ashara looked kinda embarrassed this must be fixed immediately Kyradia thought suddenly knowing exactly what to say.

“ok you have nothing to be sorry about this is entirely my fault and of course i’m proud of you, look at you your everything you ever wanted to be how could i not be proud” at that Ashara went red and looked away clearly overwhelmed .

“thanks master” she said with a shy smile.

“no please don’t call me master call me Kyradia or Ky if you’re so inclined” Kyradia grinned she felt the best she felt in weeks ever since Ossus she couldn’t get these things off her mind her head finally felt clear.

“ok Kyradia” Ashara said rather stnted and awkward “you said this wasn’t the only reason you called” Ashara had sat down now her calm warm smile had returned, Kyradia hadn’t seen that in 7 years. But now she had to go back into the less positive stuff.

“right well i made a similar mistake recently with a close friend she got angry at me for making a bad call and i retaliated” Kyradia put her head in her hands as she talked “now we’re not talking”

“ok i see, but what does this have to do with me” Ashara looked stern again Kyradia hoped this hadn’t put her off.

“i think i need someone to tell me when to stop, i don’t want this to happen again” Kyradia said she hated having to admit weakness, she was supposed to be the leader of the alliance not a nervous wreck “and you seem perfect for that, also i miss your company”

“so you need me” Ashara seemed guarded again maybe come on a bit less strong Ky show her you’ve changed.

“look i’m not going to force you into anything but i would like to show you I've changed so if we could talk in person on Odessen maybe you could help me with those jedi skills of yours” Kyradia really wanted to catch up more than anything but she did need help as well.

“ok fine but i will be on my guard i’ll see you then” Ashara said  as she ended the call. Kyradia sat there for a minute contemplating what just happened thank god she understood best get dressed got a Jedi to meet.

Kyradia sat at the Odessen bar hands on her drink tapping the glass furiously she was way too nervous about this, the hard part was over now just to prove you’re a better person.

She felt a tap on her shoulder that shocked her into jumping out her seat, is she here yet? once she focused she saw it was Lana.

“commander are you alright” she said with her eyebrow raised.

“yeah totally fine great how are you” Kyradia leaned on the bar trying to look normal Lana looked thoroughly unimpressed.

“fine, we had a distress call from Kavaraas temple on Yavin 4 and need someone to look into it” oh of course she had to go do something .

“i’m kinda busy right now i’m meeting back up with my old apprentice” Kyradia said with a sigh.

“well i’m afraid we have no one else how can look into it and i think you owe it to her” damn it why was she always right, stupid sensible Lana.

“fine i’ll look into it” no point in arguing with Lana she knows what’s best and she’d almost definitely win the argument.

“good luck with your apprentice” Lana said with a half smile before leaving promptly.

Kyradia went back to sitting for another fifteen minutes before she saw the blue and white lekku of Ashara come through the door she quickly waved her over.

“um hi” Ashara said quietly man what’s the best way to make this not awkward.

“how have you been it feels like forever since we were on the fury” start small yes good easy don’t push it.

“well I’ve mostly been okay after you were captured we all tried our best to find where you were, we did that for about a year, well at least me and Andronikous everyone else kinda disappeared once they gave up on a quick rescue”

“i’m aware of them don’t worry i’m glad you two stayed” she leaned in “you were always my favorite” Kyradia smiled this wasn’t so bad

Ashara chuckled “yeah i know i don’’t think you were that subtle with that” what i thought they couldn’t tell damn gotta be more sneaky “anyway after a while the search was getting to me i was more vicious and stubborn i realised i needed to take some time away to remove the darkness that was building inside me so i had to leave Andronikous which didn’t exactly go down well” i can imagine that man never stopped searching Kyradia thought “he said i was cowardly but i knew i had to go then i studied peace and serenity on Voss until you found me years later” Ashara frowned “since then I've been trying to do what i can to help people.

Kyradia felt bad but thought not to press it right now “well i’d tell you how I've been but 5 years in carbonite and then 2 years documented by the whole galaxy so you probably already know”

Ashara chuckled again “yeah I've been keeping up with your exploits” she said with a smile “thank you for saving everyone i knew you were capable of it” Kyradia smiled but felt a bit somber

“i’ll be honest i was just doing it because i was angry at Arcann and wanted revenge for Marr but i kinda learned a lot along the way” She said half smiling

Ashara gave a smile “i think it was more than just that you had something to fight for you lost something you cared about and knew that what happened was wrong.” damn forgot how good she was at reading her

“sooooo is there anyone else you’ve met along the way” Kyradia gave Ashara a friendly nudge if this didn’t diffuse the tension nothing would

Ashara went bright red as she said that “what? i mean um no i dunno i’m uh a Jedi i” she contiuned to fumble for about thirty seconds while Kyradia gave a evil smile

“you’re messing with me aren't you” Ashara said glaring as Kyradia

“ hehe maybe” Kyradia said this had been great she hadn’t felt this positive in ages it’s a shame she had work to do “i’m sorry to cut this sort but i have to go investigate some distress on Yavin IV, something at a jedi temple” Kyradia was hoping that Ashara would offer to help considering those circumstances.

Ashara looked concerned “what’s the danger?”

“not sure could be pretty dangerous i should be able to handle it”  cmon reverse psychology

“ok no i’m not letting you go to an unknown danger alone after what you’ve been telling me i’m coming too” yesss it worked

“ok sure i wouldn't mind some company” Ashara narrowed her eyes as Kyradia said that

“that’s what you wanted wasn’t it” Ashara said with a coy smile

“maybe” Kyradia said looking purposefully shifty. In response Ashara pulled Kyradia into a hug “what are you doing” Kyradia said her arms limp unsure what to do

“getting you back” she smiled evilly “i remember you hate hugs, also you seem to have changed so much i’m so pleased” Kyradia felt a little water in her eyes, eeww feelings

“thanks Ashara” she said returning the hug...