#how am i supposed to write 7 good pages of academic writing. study for and take three exams. pack for break. and clean my entire

[arcturianview]

holy crow man. i binged the second season of LC in one night (bad decision dont do that i now need to go back and watch it again cause its all sludgy in my brain) and that twist ending hit me like a truck.

after watching the first season as it came out and being super hyped for the second, only to fall off watching it cause i did not care too much for the structure + it was at a really busy time in my life... well i wasnt sure what to expect, but it sucked me in.

i still definitely have some beef with the writing and structure (the recontextualization of previous scenes is only cool the first 5 times, and only when it doesnt feel like you cut away super deceptively, and its also cooler when you dont use upwards of 20 seconds of the exact same footage we already saw)

BUT THEY ALSO GAVE ME EVERYTHING I WANTED!!!!!!! QIAO LING & CHENG XIAOSHI SIBLINGS REAL!!!!!!! TIME LOOP THEORY REAL!!!!!! more sick fight scenes??? the main trio acting like they actually like each other more than once per episode (not that the stuff in season 1 isn't good, we're just getting the pay off here), through a game of memory telephone Qiao Ling has now seen images of her brother (!!) dying, so thats exciting and i hope the next sequential episodes (cause my understanding is that the bridon arc is a prequel) show her grappling with the horror of that and also i would love to have her and Lu Guang talk abt it and then not tell Cheng Xiaoshi bc they need to be closer friends.

anyway i think without the twist ending and the QL & CXS stuff we got i probably would have gone "well, that was a let down compared to season 1 but oh well, hopefully the bridon arc is good" and promptly moved on with my life, but these clowns actually have a stranglehold on me right now. 

[manuscripts-dontburn]

The Doll Factory

Author: Elizabeth Macneal

First published: 2019

Pages: 336

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 3 days

I felt that this book, while perhaps not exceptional, was very well put together. It was paced just right and the sense of growing dread escalates in a way which kept me glued to the page. Truly well written historical fiction.

Heaven and Hell: A History of the Afterlife

Author: Bart D. Ehrman

First published: 2020

Pages: 352

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 2 days

I am rather conflicted about this book. Firstly, as a Christian bordering on agnosticism (I have never been a part of any church and my family is completely atheistic), I felt both somehow comforted by Ehrman´s deductions and somewhat resentful at the same time. Not because he very convincingly talks about the changing of religious perspectives (I am a historian myself so that information was only natural), but because he is clearly working with the notion of non-existence of God, not really treating it as a possibility. That, however, is my own personal issue. Objectively speaking, this is a very good book. Though academic in tone, it reads quite easily and is obviously well researched. The title, however, is misleading. Like many others, I had expected this to be a study of VARIOUS theories of afterlives, but 80% of the book is focused on early Christianity only. Not that isn´t fascinating, but for people hoping to learn something about other religions and cultures and their post-mortem ideas, it can only represent a big disappointment. So - know what you are getting, have an open mind and you might find this book a worthy addition to your personal library.

Wuthering Heights The Graphic Novel

Author: Emily Brontë, John M. Burns

First published: 2011

Pages: 160

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 1 day

I don´t think there is much to review. I love the original book. I enjoyed its re-imagining here.

The Vanishing

Author: Sophia Tobin

First published: 2017

Pages: 390

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

How long did it take: 3 days

This was sort of OK I guess??? The beginning was promising, but I lost interest in the latter half, which also became somewhat convoluted. Not very memorable, though Sophia Tobin´s writing style is fine. I would not mind trying another book by her in the future.

The Mercies

Author: Kiran Millwood Hargrave

First published: 2020

Pages: 352

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 7 days

Stunningly-written and deeply moving, this book has really only one weakness. It somewhat drags in the middle. But the atmosphere is alive and palpable and the emotions pure and real. There are many other books dealing with the topic of witch-trials, but few manage to be as powerful as well as respectfully restrained. Hargrave as an author knows how to keep the balance and her book beautiful.

The Wizard of Oz and Other Wonderful Books of Oz: The Emerald City of Oz and Glinda of Oz

Author: Frank L. Baum

First published: 1900, 1910, 1920

Pages: 432

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 5 days

This book is not commonly known in my country and so I have only read it for the first time now when I am over thirty. It definitely has its charm, especially the first volume, which holds some beautiful truths one wishes to teach the children (or adults). The Emerald City of Oz and Glinda of Oz are both mostly just a flight of fancy with no actual conflict. In fact, the danger to any of the characters is so nonexistent it begs the question of "why should I care". Not bad, but perhaps I would have loved it more if I was 5, not 33. Mea culpa.

Vasilisa the Wise and Other Tales of Brave Young Women

Author: Kate Forsyth

First published: 2017

Pages: 103

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 1 day

Very sweet retelling of several classic fairytales in which the girl saves herself (even if she needs some help by others, and the others are never the prince).

S.

Author: J.J. Abrams, Doug Dorst

First published: 2013

Pages: 456

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 19 days

This book felt like an acid trip with Umberto Eco or something in a similar vein to me. I was rather terrified that the whole thing would be completely dependant on the unusual format, but to my delight, the format merely enhances and enriches the actual novel, which in itself is dark, confusing, moving, terrifying, philosophical and weirdly fascinating. I am sure a lot has escaped my attention or flew over my head, but I welcome it because it gives me more reason to return to the book in the future. It was not all flawless though. My biggest gripe, as an actual Czech person, is that even though so much effort and thought went into the creation of this book, the author decided that Google translate will do just fine - and no surprise - it did not. There are not many instances of the Czech language being used, but when it is... it is all wrong. The Czech language is quite difficult and complex and Google translate does not know how to deal with it most of the time. Just one example: In the book, Eric writes OPICE TANCE on the wall and says it is Czech for "MONKEY DANCES". Yeah. Yeah, it is. IF THE WORD "DANCES" IS TAKEN AS A NOUN IN PLURAL. The correct translation would be "OPICE TANČÍ" and trust me it IS a big big difference. (Do not get me started on the vintage newspaper article....) You definitely need a lot of brainpower and focus when reading, this is not an easy book to follow. You also need to accept that not all questions are answered. I am glad I read it though. I found it an interesting experience.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

First published: 1954

Pages: 407

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 3 days

What can I say? Yet again I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes. Few, very few books have the power of this one.

Mexican Gothic

Author: Silvia Moreno-Garcia

First published: 2020

Pages: 301

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 12 days

I don´t have much to say but I was a bit bored at the beginning, but it turned out to be a pretty wild ride.

Aristokratka u královského dvora

Author: Evžen Boček

First published: 2020

Pages: 184

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 1 day

Miluji celou tuto sérii, bohužel tento díl mi, ač stále zábavný, přišel prozatím nejslabší... Měla jsem pocit, že první polovina knihy opustila můj oblíbený, laskavý humor teenagerky, která se musí potýkat s výstřední rodinou a situací, a sklouzává spíše trochu k upřímné krutosti... Doufám, že další pokračování se vrátí ke své laskavosti.

The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family and Defiance During the Blitz

Author: Erik Larson

First published: 2020

Pages: 608

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 2 days

An excellent and above all readable account of a chapter in the WW2 history. Larson explains well why Churchill was the best man for that dark hour and why he is still viewed as a hero in Europe (his questionable and even abhorrent views and actions in the context of the British Empire and people of other races notwithstanding), as the person who stood up to Hitler and pretty much kept the fires of defiance burning. There is definitely not enough "family" in this "family saga", but given the sheer amount of material and information presented to the reader, I suppose the author struck an acceptable balance between the politics and the private matters.

Conjure Women

Author: Afia Atakora

First published: 2020

Pages: 416

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 8 days

The beginning of this book seemed tiring, and at risk of sounding insensitive, not interesting, since it seemed to tackle the same things that have already been tackled. But then there appeared strands of stories and of secrets, and suddenly I just needed to know everything. The whole story then appears as an artful mosaic. The last chapter felt unnecessary though and I did not understand its meaning if it was supposed to have any.

[erascrhead]

November Ice Breaker Tag Game

loI was tagged by the lovely @bnhastanning! I’m sorry this took so long - I’ve been procrastinating all of my work and i had to take care of it before did this but now? watashi ga kita motherbuckets.

November Ice Breaker

1 - What was the last thing you were really excited about? 

Not gonna lie, things are a bit bleak at the moment, but I suppose I was very happy because I did really well on my last lesson test in my Japanese class and I raised my cumulative grade by a whole percentage! I am not very good at it but if I do decently for the rest of term I think I can make my way up to an A-, which would be really cool!

2 - What do you wish someone taught you long ago? 

Don’t be so singularly focused on your goals and responsibilities that everything else is removed from your life. Most of my middle and high school career, I was focused only on achieving what I needed academically and extracurricularly, and pushing myself beyond what I really could handle, that I ended up overworked and lonely. If it puts it into perspective, in my 10th grade year, I not only had multiple people ask me if I had taken a semester away because I had spent so much time hiding in the library, but I literally gave myself an ulcer from stress and taking on other people’s responsibilities because I had painted myself into a position where I was never allowed to refuse. While I did get to achieve beyond what I ever could have dreamed of (and I’m really proud of myself for that), theres a lot of my adolescence that I have a sort of phantom nostalgia for, and that’s something I really regret. 

Your life needs to have balance to it. Make sure you find that early on, and understand how to equally prioritize your own well being with what you want and what other’s want from you.

3 - What are some of your guilty pleasures? 

Not doing the reading for class lmao. As someone who never once skipped the reading until I graduated HS, skipping some of the reading in college, when I end up having around cumulative 500 pages per week is quite nice. I wish I had something less goody-two-shoes but I do nothing and also have zero (0) shame.

4 - What topic could you give a twenty minute presentation on without any preparation? 

There’s a couple of different things I could talk about in differing qualities ranging from classical ballet scores to a linguistic breakdown of a hamilton song, and of course I could go off about bnha for a long time, but I’m gonna go with a fun one.

My most fun answer is that I could talk about racism and race correction in Harry Potter for like three hours. Black Hermione is god tier fanon, and JKR’s attempts to race correct her make me really frustrated, not only with the problems with the action itself, but as well with the nonchalance she attempted to do it with. I have a bit of a ‘cheat’ on this one, because last year I wrote a ~5000 word academic research paper on the subject. I was already really passionate about it before that though (that’s why I wrote it in the first place); the only difference now is I can spit out narrative and numerical facts™ off the cuff, and my argument would be better organized.  

5 - What scene in a movie or tv show gives you goosebumps every time you watch it? 

I don’t really have an answer for this, which is kind of sad but also hilarious considering what my parent’s jobs are. If I had to pick something, I don’t really have a scene in particular, but the movie Amadeus (the extended directors cut edition) is one of my favorites that leaves me breathless in the best of ways. 

6 - What were some of your favorite holiday traditions growing up? 

One of my favorites is that every year since I was little, my mother and I would pick out either 1-3 new ornaments for our tree. I remember being little and walking into the Macy’s Christmas section and just being dazzled by the lights, and typically, we would pick out some white and gold porcelain birds. As I got older, are choices started coming from more small time shops, like a kiosk in hawaii or a small knick-knack shop near the place where we occasionally ski in the winter. For me, it’s really the act of going and picking out something beautiful with her that’s really nice.

A newer tradition is that every year I bake chocolate-chip bread pudding in a dutch oven. I am, unequivocally, the best baker in the family both immediate and extended, though not the best chef, and this became a hit around the time I was 15. It’s just really fun to make -- I like to belt out to Christmas songs while I bake. 

7 - What book had the most significant impact on you? 

HARD QUESTION. There’s a bunch of different ways I could answer this: the impact on the way I think, the first chapter book I read on my own that helped me discover my love of reading, my favorite example of intricate world building? I have a lot I could say. The direction I’m going to go for is the impact on my writing, and the one of the first books that really made me marvel at the beauty of words, just as they are. My two runners up are The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller and We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson, but my final answer is Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz.

Representation aspects aside (but also, yes!), this book was one of the first books that made me feel emotion for the words themselves. It’s more of a character study than it is plot driven, and as a kid who grew up loving action adventure fantasy novels, I think that’s one of the reasons it really stood out to me. I pulled an excerpt, just to give the gist:

I stared at the reproduced mural in the book -- but I was more interested in his finger as he tapped the book with approval. That finger had pulled a trigger in a war. That finger had touched my mother in tender ways I did not fully comprehend. I wanted to talk, to say something, to ask questions. But I couldn’t. All the words were stuck in my throat. So I just nodded.

One of my favorite things now is to play with words, to roll them around on my tongue and isolate their melodies, placing them in them in rhythm to a beat only I can hear, and I think that this was the first book that showed me how to do that.

8 - What weird thing do you have nostalgia for? 

So I went to a small school for all the way up until college; about 45 kids in my sixth grade class, 22ish in my homeroom/main class. There were four kids, including me, that had an aptitude for math, and understood the lessons without being taught them, and so what my teacher would do is give us the homework packet for the week and send us out to the outdoor benches next to our classroom to complete it during the period. We, being 11, would goof around Monday through Thursday and do the entire packet in the Friday period and then turn it in. Not the best teaching decision (i wish i had been taught the next year’s material tbh) but that’s not the point.

It was just a year, but those periods felt so untouchable and surreal and innocent. I remember, the school was so quiet, and it was just us, and we were just kids who were getting away with not learning math for a whole year, and it felt like the greatest victory in the world. 

9 - What's a problem you have, that might be entirely unique to you? 

I don’t know how unique it is, but the intensity with which I currently need to pet a dog is unparalleled.

10 - What are two of your favorite snacks? 

I literally eat an apple with peanut butter on a daily basis I cannot emphasize this enough i am, a slut, for peanut butter. 

There’s also this specific Costco Brand trail mix that I literally have eaten so much of that I got nauseous. We love Kirkland Signature™ up in this house.

That’s all! I’m tagging @kicheetah @teamstevesass @stark-tony @bakugox @rabbitproduce @pixie-witchery @joeytrlbiani @queenangst THOUGH NO PRESSURE and also anyone else who wants to! Have fun!!

[threemoonsareshining]

hey! for the cute and unique asks -- 5 7 9 11 14 18 22 26 35 45! i hope you've been doing well and if not here's all the love: xoxoxoxo

Hi!!! omg thank you so much for the asks I’ve been wandering around my house for hours trying to find a distraction because life is terrible right now

5. how many times have you read your favourite book? 

My favourite book is actually a trilogy called “Memorias de Idhún” and i’ve read them like 5 times even though they’re like between 500 and 800 pages each part, but yeah I was like that at 15

7. what kind of weather do you like? 

I feel like almost everyone here on tumblr loves cloudy and cold rainy weather but I actually love the warmth of the summer (even though it’s boiling right now) but I find it nice because I go to sleep really late and I love to leave the window open at night and feel the chill breeze... but in the end I guess that I also like cloudy and chilly weather because that’s what I just described above, but also because it reminds me of my holidays in the north when I was little, and I’ll agree with you, beaches in rainy days are just magical, just as misty forests... so yeah I actually love that kind of weather what am I saying

9. what kind of weather represents who you are as a person? 

hmmm I think that the one I described above, the one that lets you wear summer clothes with a thin jacket on, with dim sunlight slipping through the branches of the trees, a really, really soft breeze, almost unnoticeable, but enough to make the grass flow smoothly, and if you decide to stay home, a light rain that makes the ground smell fresh and earthy....... I don’t know how to describe it

11. what is your favourite song right now? 

I’ve been loving Kishi Bashi's latest album Omoiyari, I think it’s phenomenal, especially the song Angeline, so so good, really.

14. have you ever been heartbroken?

Oh, a very relevant question right now since, currently, my heart is completely shattered into a million pieces in a way it had never been broken before. The short story is that the guy that gave me my New First Kiss (mentioned him in the other ask), just decided that keeping a long distance relationship is just “too complicated for him”. 

All this after me freaking out months ago precisely because because of this thinking: “how on earth are you supposed to start a relationship just months before you leave to study abroad for a year!!!” but he was like “hey c’ mon but I really like you :(“ and i was like “yeah and I’m sure I’m going to like you as well, and that is AGAIN, PRECISELY, why I don’t want to start this, because I’m going to fall for you and then we will have to break up and I will suffer” but then I thought: “hey you can’t get into a relationship with the initial mindset that it’s going to be temporary because that’s not fair for the other person, and he looks super into you as well!” Guess what happened? After months of a beautiful relationship a month before the end of the semester he said “Yeah a long distance is too complicated for me if we haven’t found anyone by the time we get back I’d like to keep dating you but in the meantime I just don’t see the point” so basically yeah, I ended up liking him more than he liked me (idk if this makes any sense) and now I. Am. Suffering. Just as I predicted because I know myself really well. So yeah these past 2 months have been complete hell to me: I almost failed all my college courses (thank god I ended up only failing two hehe) because I just could not stop crying and worrying while he was able to put all that aside and pass all his courses (which I’m glad about don’t get me wrong but I just want to point out that he didn’t seem to suffer at all) and I just feel worse and worse every day because I feel like a piece and dispensable piece of shit

And before you say anything: I Know that long distance relationships are hard and that a whole year is a lot, but I also think that all that can be negotiated and that people can arrive at a middle ground, but I just bumped into a big and hurtful “no”, and he just expected me to be okay with it.... yeah sure

18. are you spiritual?

I was really spiritual when I was very young but I think that was only due to my Catholic upbringing because now I pretty much disagree with many of the ideas spread by the church (or maybe with the church as an institution). However, these days I am starting to believe that I need to find some “path” in life, in the sense that I need something to hang onto during hard times like these ones, some principles that I live by and that I feel like they need to be “clearer” in my head so I don’t lose my complete sense of self every time something bad happens to me and that is out of my control. I don’t know if that needs to be spiritual by any means, but maybe it will be, I’m not sure, but I want to dig into it. 

22. are you an artist?

This may sound very cheesy but I think everyone is an artist in their own way. If you put thought into what you do and make it yours, who says it can’t be art? I myself have always been quite an artistic person, but I have the bad habit of discrediting myself by saying that nothing I do can be considered art, or at least “good art” because I don’t actually have the skills or academic preparation to do it: I draw, but I have no clue about proportions, I’m terrible at freehand drawing, that is, I have zero technique; I dance but I am not a professional so god forbid me from trying to get better even though I know I will never be able to get as good as a professional dancer; the same with music. But despite all this, I draw, I dance and I play and write music and it sometimes makes me feel good, other times bad, sometimes I show it to the world, sometimes I don’t, but just by creating all this I think that yes, I’m an artist.

26. what emotion do you feel most often?

These days? I just have a constant sinking feeling, like the one you feel in your stomach when someone gives you really bad news. All the time. But I only feel this when things are really bad, but that was a constant in my life for many years, so after some time I kinda get used to it and it transforms into helplessness, a permanent feeling of letdown and emotional exhaustion

35. what is your favourite thing about yourself?

With everything I’ve been through these past months (good and bad), I’ve come to realise that when I care about someone, I devote myself completely to them (not in the sense that i “disappear” as a person, but in the sense that I am willing to go to great lengths to be better for that person, to do better, I just try really hard). And despite this, I’ll still think it isn’t enough, so in the end, even though I think this is a good thing, it also drains my soul and emotions a little bit, because sometimes I give all I have and I don’t get the same amount back, not even close, which is frustrating and disappointing because when that happens, all I can think about is “what did I do wrong, what else do I have to give in order to make them happy”. But I just think that people deserve to be treated well with my whole attention.

45. do you believe in aliens?

I know everyone says this but it’s pretty much impossible that we live in such a vast universe and that there isn’t another form of life other than the one on Earth, nah, not possible. But I just find this topic very overwhelming and complicated (science is not my forte)

So yeah this has been my monthly venting (god not even close) but this will do for now. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks again I hope you have a really really nice day

🍂🍁🍃🍂🍁🌻🌼🌾🌻🌼🌾

[perahn]

Codex #7

… so stupid – for all the times I suspected that Harper was not entirely human, it never occurred to me to doubt Cyrilis Albinex. I saw the signs: the awe among her adherents, the glowing gems, the mist. I had the dreams: my speculations about the laughing, one-handed woman in golden scale mail seem ridiculous now. It should have been obvious. I’ve never been closer to agreeing with those who sneer at oneiric diviners.

All this, and I simply failed to realise the woman we’d been hired to kill was a dragon.

A gold dragon, the High Priestess of Tyr, in his temple and her lair: not a foe I would have suspected we could survive, let alone kill. Either my studies on the subject overestimated their strength (possible; not too many academics would seek out such a creature willingly), or my allies and I are rather more capable than I’d assessed (leaving aside the possibility of an unknown and probably non-measurable outside factor). The first conclusion is somewhat difficult to test; I shall have to work with the second.

Well. The dragon’s death summoned an apparition that closely matched the statue of Vhaeraun in his temple. The statue, however, did not exhibit hair that changed colour, nor did it laugh at us, nor set blue fire burning at the doors. I am inclined to believe it a genuine visitation – if only because he acted like the kind of deity Jarnath would worship.

Being embroiled in drow concerns was bad enough, but it seems we are truly pawns in the power-games of the gods. I know Vhaeraun, Tyr and Yurtrus are seated at the board, but who else will shove us around to their liking?

Between that and the Wall, it’s almost enough to make a self-respecting Red Wizard look for a god to stand kvaleth for her.

What nonsense am I writing? Hells, I am more drained than I thought…

… the chains dream again. It’s been quite a while since it last came to me – shortly before Khaseth’s attack, if I recall correctly. The chains embedded in my flesh stretched off in all directions, myriad in their colours and shapes. The unseen hands tugged at them until I danced to their will, although I tried to fight them. The one anchored in my throat tore free this time, and I remember choking on the blood -

But the recurring were with me. They were chained, too. The Thirsty hung quiet in hers, obedient to the faintest twitch of command; the Erratic tore a chain from her arm as I watched, and wrapped the wound with a thicker one; the Silent pulled on a blue-black chain as if he could draw the hand on the other end to him.

I saw, for the first time, the three chains I held, and where they were fastened to the recurring. They were not embedded in my hands, but neither could I let them go…

Katy was unusually ebullient this morning – apparently slaughtering a dragon feeds into some of her novel-based fantasies. It’s a more explicable reaction than other tropes she’s mentioned. Balancing that, however, was Harper, who was in a black mood again. I cannot shake the feeling there was something I should do about it – or for him in general - but experience tells me I will only make it worse. Besides, I wouldn’t appreciate being asked to explain myself, or Katy’s insistence on ‘cheering up’ when I am feeling savage. So I mostly kept out of it, although I continue to observe, to try and understand…

As expected, Jarnath was not there when we went to claim payment. I don’t think any of us were surprised – irritated, yes, but not surprised. Even Katy has better pattern-recognition than that. It did, however, leave us at somewhat of a loss. Harper successfully extorted payment from the Mandible, which appeared to shake the last of his black mood.

Adinaun and Twinkle, who we suspected might have had a hand in Jarnath’s disappearance, were not in evidence at the High Tide…

[several pages follow, of which only fragments have been deciphered as yet. One features the image of a magnificent gold dragon, reared on its hind legs and breathing fire.]

… offered to buy me!... quite obviously disturbed, and went tearing out of the house… Aunrae… Malakuth Tabuirr, a power play, given Tansia Neverember’s note… some drink shaped like a serpent… speaking to Ahmryr Yhauntyr and another drow, possibly Tabuirr… stupid hats, but probably more comfortable than wigs…

… legless on the floor, and Shay kissed her cheek. These matters are handled quite differently outside the Academy, I suspect, but some things are unmistakable. Certainly the instant epistaxis was not subtle – although its significance escaped Shay. She seemed a little confused by the whole incident, and when she said as much, I discreetly told her Katy was infatuated with her.

It’s a rather peculiar development, to my mind. Katy has consistently watched elves – I still remember the way she was hanging off that book-seller’s every word – and I assumed that was what she found attractive. There’s a great physical difference between any given elf and Shay.  What I would consider the usual sort of motives seem unlikely: Katy does not think like a Red Wizard, and even if she did, I can see no particular political or tactical advantage to be gained from dalliance with Shay.

No. I am all but certain it is a genuine, if atypical, attraction.

I don’t know how the Long Death monks handle these matters, either. With no real evidence, I suspect that Shay will not unbend so far as to encourage her admirer. No doubt that’s wise. Shay can certainly handle any physical threat Katy might pose – ha, there speaks the Red Wizard again - but Katy’s control of her magic is noticeably weaker when she is distracted or emotional. I judge there’s a sizeable risk of a wild magic accident during sex.

Still, in another light, it almost seems a pity. There was a look in Katy’s eyes that reminded me of Nebastis. And the sorceress makes so many idiotic decisions that one feels she should encouraged in her first display of good taste. Shay is not, physically, an outstanding example of her brutish race, true, but that is ephemeral: her worth is clear for all with sufficient judgement to discern it. I think better of Katy that she does.

Idle musings. I am kvaleth to them both: this concerns me only if either ask me to intervene. I have meddled too much already – not by answering Shay’s question, that was perfectly within my responsibilities to her – but by prying into her mind onto the subject. She is fond of Katy, and somewhat embarrassed by the situation…

But that wasn’t what I went in to find. Shay does wish to leave the Long Death. Her reservations are because of her friend, whom she wishes to free, and because she does not want to involve or risk Harper, Katy, or myself. These scruples can be overcome, I think – in any case, it makes my path clear. I think the first step is to examine her journal, the means by which she is tracked…

… stumbling blindly through the shelves of the library, knowing by the cries that they were gaining on me. Somewhere, among all the books, was the only one that could help, but I didn’t know which one, couldn’t read the spines, couldn’t remember the layout, and the pages were crumbling into a thick, choking dust. There was no time. The Erratic and the Thirsty called my name – pleading or guiding, I couldn’t tell – and I knew the Silent was there, too, somewhere, no easier to find than the one book I sought. The roof began to fall in, and by thin, greenish starlight, I could see them all: the book, the hunters, the recurring, and I knew I had only life enough to do one thing…

… Katy demanded to know exactly how she had behaved while drinking that ridiculously potent serpent alcohol, and Harper, the ingrate, walked out and left me to conduct the conversation. As if I know anything about mediating love-affairs! Especially when Katy chose to claim her blushing was because she was “allergic to water”! I haven’t heard an excuse like that since Hathreb said his alchemy homework had undergone “a spontaneous evaporative event”.

She tried to downplay the matter and asked me not to say anything to Shay about it. I explained that I could certainly hold my tongue in future, but that I’d already answered Shay’s question: in short, that Shay knew exactly what was going on.

Katy’s response was predictably emotive. I had no business speculating on her attraction, certainly none speaking about it to its presumed object; I must have had some ulterior motive, possibly jealousy, for disrupting the balance between Shay and Katy; I had done “the worst thing in the world”, “possibly ruined [her] life” and, essentially, betrayed our alliance. It seemed strange to me, given that Katy could have assumed Shay was aware of her interest after the whole incident… but I will accept her word on it.

Again, I misjudge and fail my wastet-le.

I could rail about my own ignorance, claim that I was doing the best I could under conditions I was never trained for. I could make excuses about how even those more familiar with her believe that Katy overreacts. They might even be true, but they don’t change the outcome. I have a responsibility to her, and by her estimation, I abrogated it.  

There was little I could do, except offer an apology and explain something of why I had acted as I had: that my sole experience of that nature, Nebastis had told me of her feelings and it had helped me decide how to proceed.

It was… slightly uncomfortable to speak of her, even after all this time; it was somewhat worse when Katy seized on it like Twitch on a weasel. I did not attempt to disguise the fact that I killed her, although I suppose I never said so directly; in any case, Katy appeared to think it the equivalent of one of those books she’s always going on about. There were even tears in her eyes.

Well, she promised to keep my secret, immediately assuming that it was one, and said that she just wants me to be happy, and then asked Harper (who was listening outside the door, naturally) to fetch her more bacon. That sort of emotional volatility does look as though it requires a great deal of fuel. Perhaps that’s why she hasn’t noticeably gained weight despite the massive mound of pancakes she consumes daily.

Katy was reluctant to speak to Shay about the whole matter, but Harper was most insistent. He also agreed with me when I pointed out that not doing so showed a lack of faith in Shay. I suspect his agreement springs from some perspective other than my own inclination to have all the relevant facts made clear to all relevant parties – and my belief that Shay will handle what concerns her well – but it was still a pleasant indication that perhaps I have not been hopelessly stupid with Katy. Then he bullied her into speaking to Shay. I do admire the way he handles people.

Katy returned in short order, expressing her wish to speak to Grotana and Twinkle about her fiend, having also made it clear she would prefer to do so without Shay or me in attendance. It was understandable, if somewhat undesirable. I did offer to find some makework for myself, which Katy took as some sort of passive-aggressive jibe. How am I to be a decent ally to these people when I cannot make myself clear?

[Almost immediately after complaining about the difficulty of clear communication, the writer becomes more intricate in her encryption]

…described Jarnath talking to him… Rylfein keeping discreet watch… about the time we killed the dragon… can sympathise with its admiration of the more fabulous creatures in the bestiary, particularly those thought lost, but still, Squishy?... priests to contact… magical interference of a kind I did not recognise…

… Shay appeared to have some vision of Yurtrus. She said there was no hurry to go to that temple instead, which I accepted and Harper overrode. Shay drank a bowl of disgusting gloop in the temple, then fainted. When she regained consciousness, she explained that Yurtrus had ordered her to Sundabar, in the Silver Marches. Katy and Harper had a number of questions and objections, as well they might; I ascertained whether she was going and assured her I would accompany her.

That much, at least, is clear and achievable.

The priest currently on duty at the Temple of Vhaeraun quickly identified the bond between Katy and her fiend as a potential danger, and recommended an exorcism ritual. This, he said, would take three days of preparation and a fee in gold. He also mentioned that he has conducted it only once in four hundred years, and on that occasion, it was successful. He was somewhat evasive about how its subject fared – it sounded as though he was rather more interested in the capture or study of the parasitic extra-planar in question – and Katy believes both that the subject died and that she will also.

She may be correct, but I don’t see this as a major issue; she would be in a temple whose clerics are more than happy to render service for gold, and the diamond she gave me awhile ago is of suitable size to fuel a resurrection spell. It would certainly be a fitting use for it.

Nevertheless, she was distressed. She dragged Harper outside, while I spoke further to the priest. Based on his knowledge and what I could provide him, he tentatively identified Bob as an incubus disguised as a minor demon. This would explain a great deal about its behaviour, and about the ineffectual nature of my researches into the subject. The priest has been bribed to continue his study into the matter and is preparing for the ritual; Katy may take some persuasion, I think, but that I leave in Harper’s hands.

I had a discussion with Harper after we returned to the house – in Mulhorandi, after casting tongues on him. I thought it a worthwhile precaution against Bob’s eavesdropping, as was the walk we took around the rather squalid Skullport block. I informed him of what I’d learned from the priest and the implications for Katy. It took some time, of course (how can people be so ignorant? Is that really the trade-off: you gain people skills and lose a basic understanding of the world we live in and any control of your emotions?), but again, we are in agreement as to the necessity of getting rid of Bob.

He also asked after Shay and made clear his intent to accompany her about her business in Sundabar. In turn, I asked why. It was not as disingenuous a question as he seemed to believe. I am aware he feels a responsibility for Shay, as well as some form of emotional connection… but he is a sufficiently rational creature that those are not necessarily reason enough for a long journey into the unknown on the say-so of some pestilential and plague-ridden deity.

He said that I have demonstrated emotional awareness beyond the limited understanding I profess, and that pretending to less empathy than I possess is unwise. He accused me of being frightened by emotions.

I suppose it’s encouraging to hear – as though I have come further in understanding my allies, and offering what they need, than I believed. It doesn’t feel that way, though. Sometimes things make sense, or I can extrapolate from my own experiences… but it still feels wrong. Years of training taught me to look for the rational motive, for what there is to gain, and so often it’s absent here, or… there’s a satisfaction in learning, in the exercise of logic, in facts gathered and arrayed into a coherent whole. I think they do something similar with emotion – as though emotion is its own reward. It sounds ridiculous. You might as well eat when you aren’t hungry, sleep when you aren’t tired, or… I don’t know. Kill when it’s not necessary.

Ha.

I suppose what it boils down to is that I know I understand Red Wizards. I also know these people are not my kind. Sometimes they’re similar; usually they’re very different. When they’re similar, I can contribute. But I’ve made some mistakes, both with members of the order and with outsiders, and some have carried grave consequences.

Harper asked about Nebastis.

I should have seen that coming. I knew he was listening, and that it would be the sort of detail to interest him – if not in quite the same way as it intrigued Katy.  Of course, he didn’t miss that I had killed her; he just wanted to confirm it.

I do wonder what he made of it. It probably looks very callous to an outsider – which, of course, it was. He probably wouldn’t see the reasoning behind it, even if I did explain it. Unsurprising, given how often I’ve questioned the necessity myself… He also offered an apology, concerned that asking about her was overstepping. It wasn’t, although I’m not sure I conveyed that adequately. In any case, it suggests that the subject of past lovers and/or murders is one he considers out-of-bounds for our alliance. That, in turn, implies that I am unlikely to learn more from him about the person represented by the ocean-eyed serpent – since the animals in that dream were people, by Harper’s report, and given the context of other dreams, that one is almost certainly not the seas or the Navy, as I’d surmised, but a lost lover.

Endless digressions. Harper called me ‘the brains of this outfit’, with no detectable sarcasm, but I can’t imagine it’s a post I can claim to hold much longer. I can see myself losing discipline, concentration, the ability to think in connected sequence… I don’t know what’s happening to me.

Since we were speaking in Mulhorandi anyway, I took the opportunity to answer properly a question he asked a long time ago: what I meant when I referred to him as an ally. I called him ahk-veleth.  

I’ve never said that word before. It was somewhat easier than I’d expected – possibly because I’ve acknowledged it for some time, and because it would be painfully obvious to any Red Wizard who watched how I usually interact with him.

Which has its own dangers, of course, ridicule being the mildest of them…

He didn’t really react, but I hope it was of use. At any rate, I’m glad to have one more snarl straightened and clarified.

After bidding him goodnight, I went in. Shay was in her customary place in front of the fire, and I scried the priest of Yurtrus at her request. He appeared to be travelling through the Underdark with other orcs, which was none too informative. I offered to cast Sending for her, but apparently all she wanted was to be sure he was well.

I also tried to scry Adinaun. What is about the drow that sends that spell awry? Is it Vhaeraun? The ambient magic of the Underdark? I could understand if the spell had simply failed – that’s a basic Nondetection - but the way it warped between Rylfein and Jarnath when I tried to scry Jarnath, and this time, well… if I had time and a handful of apprentices, I’d enjoy studying and classifying the effects. As it is, it makes my head hurt. I searched for Adinaun. I got what looked like a Skullport street and what seemed to be a first-person perspective of a drow that resembled Rylfein. Possibly I’ve been cursed by some entity whose sense of humour outweighs its malevolence, and it defaults to images of Rylfein whenever I attempt to scry on a drow. It would make as much sense as other recent events…

… I dreamed of a vast underground lake. A white, luminous fog rose from its surface, pulsing in time to a strange, wild music. I think I would know the tune if I heard it again, but the instruments or the singers were unfamiliar. There was a deathly peace about it: there was no breath to stir the mist, there had never been, there could never be. I knew I had been called there, and that I could not leave. There was something beneath the water that knew my name…

[wordsinwinters]

Then Again: P1 Peter Parker x Reader

Author’s Note: This is the first fanfiction piece I’ve ever posted, so I’m learning how this all works as I go. I’ll probably post this on AO3 sometime soon, but because I’ll need to make an account, etc, it might be a little while before it’s available there.

Additionally, please review! 

I’m excited (and extremely nervous) to put my writing out there for the first time, so any comments, questions, or advice are absolutely welcome! 

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11

Then Again, Part 1:

(Word count: 1,358)

Living in New York City rarely feels as glamorous as the movies and aesthetic blogs make it seem. Most days, that lively hustle and bustle of our beautiful, always dreaming city reminds me of a horde of flies conducting emergency drills underwater. Especially on foggy days. And muggy days. And Mondays, Tuesdays, occasionally Wednesdays. However, the almost-weekend to weekend days that sprinkle in refreshing breezes alongside bright sunshine - those days pull you up by the back of your collar and shove optimism down your shirt like it’s a cool, wet towel. The city tingles from the ground up.

Today is one of those good days.

Ironically, I woke up exhausted. I nearly spilled my breakfast in my lap (but didn’t, thanks to Peter) and I walked with my three best friends to school through fields of exhaust fumes half-awake. Once there, however, it all seemed to turn around. The classes I attended went wonderfully and the classes I didn’t attend, I’ll assume went just as well. I skipped half of them for the first time in my life.

Besides occasional “homework sharing,” I rarely break rules, it’s just that Ned and Michelle can be extremely persuasive… not that I needed much persuasion today. The suggestion was enough. I’ve been so giddy this week that I embraced the tiny taste of teenage rebellion with open arms. (“Tiny” seems like an appropriate description: all we did was hide out in random parts of the school watching Vines, playing minor pranks in the hallways during breaks, and stealing food from Peter’s stash of locker snacks as payback for his refusal to join us.)

Today has been a great day, and outside of Peter acting a bit strange, it’s been a good week overall. It’s just so easy to be happy with everything going on. Tonight: special dinner with our friends. Tomorrow: Midtown’s academic decathlon team heads to Washington, D.C. Shortly after, my friends and I will attend Prom, go on summer break, and enter our senior year of high school. My anticipation for this trip, the dance, the summer, and our eventual graduation bubbles up inside my stomach anytime the conversation between me and two of my best friends takes a short dip as we walk back from school.

Despite all of the upcoming things I have to think about, this walk is making my thoughts drift back to the one topic I’ve been trying most to avoid. Why wouldn’t Peter sneak out of class? He isn’t always such a rule follower anymore. And then why leave seventh hour when we all have class together? Is it just a today thing? He’s seemed… off all week.

I need to stop thinking about him. Wondering why he’s been strangely reserved or else imagining the previous seven hours with him more present in their events is not going to help me keep our friendship normal. Just think about something else. Anything else. Even someone else.

“Should we invite Flash?” I ask. I ask this partly because it’s a question nobody has brought up yet, and partly because the conversation has certainly dipped and my brain wants to sprint away from my control. I even thought I saw Spidey a minute ago. By now he’s on the other side of Queens. Think of something else.

We stop on the sidewalk, traffic rushing in front of us, countless buzzing people behind everywhere else.

Ned and Michelle turn to me with matching expressions.

“And why would we do that?” Ned asks.

“Because every-”

“Oh, shit.” Michelle groans. “Because everyone else, bar Mr. Harrington, is going. The entire team except Flash. For being so smart, we’re all a bunch of fucking idiots.”

“Technically we don’t have to do anything,” Ned says, obviously resistant to the idea. “It isn’t an official team dinner or whatever. We can’t get in trouble for it.”

“Still, as captain, I can’t organize a social gathering with everyone but Flash and pretend it isn’t a shitty thing to do. God damn it.”

The walk signal turns white as Michelle starts a text to Flash. Peter’s apartment is only a few blocks away.

Once we reach the door, Ned knocks. We all know Peter and May won’t be in, but Ned has a habit of politeness that even that can’t shake. After a couple seconds, he unlocks it himself with one of the five total keys to the apartment. (Strictly speaking, May isn’t supposed to have had three extra copies made, but she wouldn’t be May if she paid mind to that rule.)

“So,” Michelle says, heaving her bookbag onto a chair. “Music and clean, then Netflix and chill?”

The three of us look around at the destruction our last night of studying brought the apartment. Snacks and dishes are strewn in odd places and our fallen pillow fort is a ruin. A sticky 5 Hour Energy must have splashed on the carpet at some point, given the pink stain to the right of the couch. Coating most of the colossal mess are countless pieces of scribbled-on paper.

Ned and I nod in agreement.

Michelle’s speaker beeps awake and we set to work.

As I gather garbage, I let the music fill up my skull. I imagine confetti raining down inside of it, each piece sparkling with tiny letters that read: It’s just one of those good days.

The only thing that could make this day better would be the presence of Peter and May Parker. But then again, Peter ducked out of last hour, I suppose to get a head start on his “internship” (he’s never done that before though, so the irony of his skipping part of Psych and not any other classes did not slide by unnoticed by Michelle or Ned either) and May has… a job, a hobby? I really don’t know. Wherever they are and whatever they’re doing, I can’t help wishing they were home.

May returns around 5 p.m. As usual, she is unsurprised to find us watching Netflix. Over the last couple weeks, we took study breaks by picking out a lighthearted show and making questions from an episode. Today is an exclusively no-studying day, but we can’t help continuing the mini-tradition while we marathon Friends.

“Ah, the Studying-Not-Studying game.”

May walks over smiling, her arms crossed.

“It’s a vital healing process for our near-fatally strained brains,” I joke.

A phone buzzes.

“Wait, Miss MJ! You can’t answer that text until you answer my question for this episode. Were they,” May says, “or were they not,” she pauses, “on a break?”

“Oh god, no,” I plead. “Please, please, don’t start this again! Ned and MJ argued about this for twenty minutes before you got here!”

“Okay, but Rachel did say-” Ned begins.

“Oh my god, Ned! We talked about this!”

Michelle begins explaining with her hands and May grins, walking into the kitchen. Feinting defeat, I put my head in my hands and sink into the couch cushion. Slumped, I take out my own phone. Nothing.

I text Peter.

“Still good for 7:30?”

Whoosh. And now the waiting game begins. Actually, it began at 3:00 p.m. when I sent the first of a dozen messages. But none of them were questions, so an answer wasn’t necessary.

“Hey MJ,” I say. “What was that text you got?”

Michelle and Ned halt, hands frozen in expressionistic flight.

“Let’s see.” She flips her phone over. “It’s from Flash.”

Ned clasps his hands together.

“Dear merciful God,” he prays. “Please, please, let MJ read us a rejection text from Eugene ‘Flash’ Ass-Hat Rich-Boy Bitch-Boy.”

We made up that nickname today while cutting fourth hour. Not quite eloquent, but to the point. Plus, it’s almost impossible to say seven times fast. (We made a game of trying.)

Michelle types a quick response and takes a breath, placing her hand on Ned’s shoulder.

“Prepare yourself for something dreadful, Ned.” She hangs her head. “Eugene ‘Flash’ Ass-Hat Rich-Boy Bitch-Boy is… ‘super doped out’ to accept our invitation.”

“God damn it.”

“Kids!” May calls from the kitchen. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you to watch your language?”

Part 2

A/N: The content above is only 3 pages of a current 44 pages. If there are any mistakes in it, I apologize. Tonight was my self-set deadline and I didn’t edit it as thoroughly as I would have preferred. (Betas welcome!)

I’m hoping to update again around Saturday, 

but because my weekend is so busy, I’m can’t promise anything. Still, I am planning to update weekly!

Again, please let me know what you think – I’d love to hear from you!

P.S. I love writing stories that have background plots spinning behind closed doors, so if you have any questions about little nods/hints you might find in this, I wouldn’t mind writing some “note” posts to explain details that may not be explicitly explained throughout this story.

[howtowriteathesisthat210]

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The One With All The Books: My favorites + tips on how to get out of your reading slump!

Ever since I was a kid, I've been obsessed with books: while most children I knew then were preoccupied with Barbie dolls and battleships, I immersed myself in fictional worlds and found trusty companions in protagonists who embarked on adventures that transcended the limits of the physical universe. Back then, I would sleep with them under my pillow, read them in the backseat of our family car even on rather turbulent road trips, and turn to them during boring class discussions.

Over time, they ended up shaping my opinions and world views, fueling my hunger for knowledge, and inspiring me to put my own thoughts down on paper. It's safe to say I wouldn't be the person I am now, had it not been for my love for the written word. Which is why I find it odd that I haven't made any of the standard recommendation posts that would normally be found on the personal blog of someone like me. In an attempt to fix that, I'm sharing with you my eight favorites of all time, not only to give them a fitting tribute (that will still not be able to do their profound impact any justice), but also encourage you to pick up a good read! Who knows, maybe it'll change your life as much as it did to mine!

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

As a kid, I loved both science and fiction, but always saw them as two concepts completely opposite from each other. When I found out that they could marry and live in perfect harmony in a genre of their own, I was over the moon. It was exciting enough, getting to teleport across universes by folding the fabric of space and time, encounter terrifying creatures who somehow parallel actual people on Earth, and learn about obscure scientific concepts. But, the fact that it manages to tie in the triumph of good over evil, and the power of familial love was just the cherry on top for me. I brought this with me everywhere I went for a solid two months, obviously with good reason.

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

My mom had recommended this to me in high school, and I put off buying it for so long because I originally thought I was "too old to be reading stuff like that". Much to my surprise, what was practically disguised as a children's book, with its simple prose and watercolor illustrations, served as both as a moral allegory and criticism of the way adults operate in today's world. Though its length can trick you into thinking it's a fast read, most passages demand to be looked at a second time, reflected on, and shared to the nearest person—if you're the type to protest against annotating, you might have to rethink your stance.

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke

When I was in grade school, my parents had this rule where I was only allowed to buy a new book during special occasions, to control the growing number we had piling up in our house. I remember seeing this in the NBS branch in Glorietta, and having to wait until the end of the quarter to ask my parents to get it for me. Oh, well: as the cheesy saying goes, "True love waits." Although if there is anyone who loves books more than I do, it's Meggie Folchart, as she has inherited her father's gift of bringing fictional characters to life. But, when disaster strikes, as it always does, she must learn how to harness this special power and save her family. The world-building and imagery is unbelievably rich, Funke doesn't just paint a picture in your head: she creates a whole ass movie. No wonder eight year-old me put her up on a pedestal.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (the entire series, but maybe the third was my favorite) (ok it was, don't tell the two others) by Jenny Han

The blurb at the back of the book certainly doesn't do it justice: I remember finding this at a nearby Fully Booked and putting it down instantly, dismissing it as another cliche YA novel. Sure, Lara Jean Covey has to deal with all five of her unsent love letters to her crushes being mysteriously sent out, but she also grapples with important issues such as identity, family, and—in the third book—the future. I read Always and Forever, Lara Jean during the summer before I entered university, and every single line resonated with me so much I paused at the end of every chapter to take a crying selfie. Plus, Peter Kavinsky is my literary dream boy: if I ever expect my future significant other to take me on a cross-country road trip to go antique shopping, they'll only have him to blame.

Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler

We're taught that we shouldn't judge books by their covers, but I'm glad my twelve year old self decided to brush that aside when she bought this. Although I didn't end up reading it until five years after, I devoured the thick hardbound in a day and a half, and was reduced to a ball on my couch shortly afterwards. I know the book has the most self-explanatory title, but it's just that it takes on the universal experience of first love and heartbreak so authentically. The stream of consciousness writing style and slow pacing may be an issue for some, but I reckon it adds to its charm, as it allows Min to take readers through all the motions of a relationship in a way so relatable, entering her headspace feels like slipping into a second skin.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey

A friend of mine in high school had complained to me that her mother had made this required reading for her, and I suggested I'd take it off her hands for a bit. I ended up going through her copy thrice in a month. (Ah, what I would give to go back to the days when I could still afford to read on school days.) An issue a lot of books that claim to "change your life" have is that they elaborate on these supposedly groundbreaking ideas, yet fail to break them down into doable action steps. Fortunately, Covey shares his practical advice in a structured manner, complete with examples, illustrations, and the occasional dad joke, freeing it from any preachy or condescending undertones. I don't know how to say that this is the only self-help book you'll ever need without sounding like someone from the Home Shopping Network.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

This paperback intimidated me from the moment I first saw it on a shelf, because of the metaphorical title and steep price. But, good thing I got around to buying it eventually: this harrowing story is told by a promising doctor with his whole life ahead of him, who turns into a patient as soon as he is diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. Reading this was difficult, because I knew that no matter how hard I tried to dissect and reflect on the questions of life and death being posed by the author, I could never come close to understanding how he felt. But, that didn't make the experience any less necessary.

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Creativity is a rather difficult concept to talk about in depth, because it seems so abstract. This is why the author advises readers to treat it as a living entity: one that bestows the best of ideas to those who nurture it, complements the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, and demands our full participation despite the looming presence of fear. I finished this on a school bus ride home from school, and the minute I got home, I marathoned Gilbert's TED talks and keynote speeches on YouTube: there is a distinctly tender, somewhat spiritual quality in the way she speaks about her craft, that easily makes you hang on to and follow every word she says.

Now I know books aren't everyone's go-to when looking for a way to pass the time: I've heard people say that they can't find time for it, that there's nothing out there that piques their interest, or they simply don't have the patience, given that social media posts and Netflix shows practically hold our attention spans captive in this day and age. While all are valid points, they can clearly be worked around! I was in a funk during the start of my Christmas break, because I hadn't touched a non-academic book since the new school year had started. But, I managed to finish four in the span of a month, and am currently on my fifth, as of this writing. Here are some tips I have, just in case you want to kick your reading slump in the ass as well.

Start small. Like with any habit you want to build, introduce the behavior in small increments: five push-ups, five minutes of meditation, fifty pages of a novella. Then, once you're starting to get the hang of it again and you don't feel your two brain cells shrieking for help because they can't figure out if "lived" is an actual word in the English language, you can increase it depending on your progress. This happened to me when, thanks to a notably bad case of tsundoku, I had amassed 14 (!!!) unread books in a year. I decided to tackle as soon as my vacation started, so I kicked it off with a rather easy read: Matilda by Roald Dahl, 232 pages thin, with numerous drawings.

Read something you'd actually enjoy! It's gonna be hard to stay engaged in something that doesn't excite or entice you: reading is supposed to be a hobby, not a household chore. Find something written on an interest of yours, a field of study that you've always been curious about, a person that you've looked up to for forever: I truly believe that there is no topic that hasn't been written about at this point in time.

On a somewhat related note, don't be afraid to DNF books that don't satisfy you. A lot of us pick books up because everyone else loves it, and are afraid to put it down for the fear of being othered. But, if we've all come to believe that we should sever ties with people who no longer serve us, what makes it any different for books that just don't touch our lives? I remember reading The Bell Jar when I was 13 because it came highly recommended by someone on Instagram who I found really cool. It was far too heavy for me, but I couldn't find the heart to shelf it especially after how much it cost me.

Remember that physical copies are not the only way to go. Thanks to the presence of audio and e-books, one can now enjoy stories anywhere and any time, without the daunting feel of several pages, or the burden of lugging around heavy hardbounds. (Although you are missing out on one of the best parts of reading: new book smell. Your loss.) One might find it easier to process the information this way, or even appreciate whatever the author has to say.

Talk about it with a friend! They could help keep you accountable in following through your reading goals, give you solid (and sometimes even personalized) recommendations, or accompany you in mourning over the death of a major character. It's always been a dream of mine to start or join a book club for these exact reasons, but I'm afraid this post is possibly the closest I could get to that right now. Nevertheless, I'd love to hear your suggestions and give you more of my own! Drop me a message here (or here, here, and here!) if ever you're interested.

Love and light,

Angel

[dancekickboxcardio]

Weekend 🎊. I am back. I am tuned to New York Times while I write ✍🏾 my thoughts 💭 down on my iPhone 📱 X. I wonder what fun things 😍 I am going to do today. Yes, I am full of life, energy ⚡️ and excitement 🤩. It is a huge difference from the past few days and I can definitely tell I am better. I don’t need Advil. My nose 👃🏾 has a thick mucosal drainage and that’s ok. My immune system has been fighting whatever it is that compromised my bod. I have to shower 🚿. I haven’t in like days. Wawames just walked in. I have to pack 🧳 for the holiday 🎄 trip 🛣.

I was looking to starting slow on my first day back at the gym 🏃🏼‍♀️ 💪🏾. I am eager to see familiar faces and bid them the Merriest Christmas 🎁 as I take my leave for New Jersey and New York. If we stay in a hotel 🏨 which I have not asked, there is a gym 🏃🏼‍♀️ 💪🏾. Otherwise, I am stuck and can not get my system going in the next 5 days. I did say I have to pack 👗 right. I may not have new outfits with tags 🏷 but I have two unopened scarves 🧣. I have two new earrings 💎. That’s it. It’s ok. My priorities ⚠️ have somewhat shifted to my serious academic work at health club 🤦🏼‍♀️. It’s a personal me time and I work on issues such as coming up with the most inquisitive thoughts 💭 from efficiency 📊📈📉 to psychological underpinnings 🧠. I have made a schedule 🗓 of what I want to do today. Sadly,

I am a no go 🙅🏼‍♀️. My Mom is in early and she gave me the bad news. I have no time to prep and be dropped off 🚘 to work on my fitness 😕. It was a little bummer but I took it optimistically and know there are many things I can get busy ✍🏾🗒 with today. Allowance 💵 week 🎊🙏🏾. That’s my hands like an athlete 🎽 sliding together ready to perform my shopping 🛍 habit 😏. I was going to wear my new Zella’s 👖 today. Let it go 😏. What am I going to do today. Let’s brainstorm 🧐.

(1) Read a book 📚

(2) Twiddle ��

(3) Shopping 🛍 plan, like what do I want to spend my little “paycheck.” Vie, it’s allowance 💵. Stop 🛑 dreaming like you have to earn what you need. Isn’t that what normal people do? Work for their living. I am like living ✨ and everything handed to me. This is so “frustrating.” I say this because I know my potential and value. I love 💕 where I am and I feel that I am doing important work. However, I entertain like a devil’s advocate what my life could be. It’s not crushing because I know where my heart ❤️ is and I concede. I am already a strong head as we know it. Funny 😆 how my temper is not met with masculine inability to handle what they do not understand with care and love 💕 and affection 🤗. It’s like I am coddled and engage in a communication of negotiation and explanation of what it feels 😦. My gawd, are you lucky 🍀.

(4) Watch TV 📺

(5) Pinterest 📍

(6) Study 📖

(7) Journal 📓

Yeah, it’s true I am the queen 👸🏼 of walking in delicate situations. That is like one of my gifts 🎁 . A great conciliator. It is also my weakness to understand and take so much. It is the worst of situation and I still have that tolerance and patience. What do you do? Be a royal 👑 mess.

You definitely can tell that I am in good health. I am joking 🙃, I am thinking 🤔 of the stuff that I want to do and must do and have that strength to actually do it.

I am still not sure what happened like how I got the strain of bacteria 🦠 or virus. That’s why I vigilantly clean 🧽 my mat and foam roller. I need to kill the microbes. Perhaps, it was already in me. I miscounted as usual when I do not think 💭 it through like I don’t pay attention and give a damn. Quick thoughtless spitfire. I was only sick 🤒 three days. Monday why didn’t I go? I only had 5 hours of sleep 💤 . Perhaps that late night 🌌 and lack of proper amounts of sleep 🛏 pushed the threshold of immune system defenses low. It still doesn’t point the vector. Where did I get it from? I went to the hospital 🏥 twice over the past seven days. I went Thursday to get a blood 🩸 draw and I went Monday to get the rest of my lab 🧪 completed. It was unsuccessful Monday and I only touched the door 🚪, the sign up stuff 🖊 and sat 🪑 on the waiting room. So how? Maybe it was already in your system. Yeah. I emailed📧 my doctor 🥼 and I have to check what she said esp who shall explain the results on my tests. I happily 😃 cooked 👩🏼‍🍳 even if most is perfectly burnt. I watched TV 📺. I was on my phone 📱 doing stuff and slept 🛏. I didn’t get to study 👓. Yes, you did. Right. I was pretty good in answering question raised by professor 👩🏻‍🏫. I am excited 😜 to continue today. I would like to plan next year. I have reminders on how I want to live 2020.

I love 💕 my seafood 🦞 casserole 🥘. I try not to eat 🍴 everyday. Thank God, breaded 🍞 fish 🐟. Yes, I have panko and regular bread 🥖 crumbs on my grocery list for next week 🛒. I shall be out of town.

When I woke up Tuesday I knew something is off. I can barely wake up for being weak. I had no fever 🤒 or headache 🤕 but I had no energy. I feel sick. I had muscleaches. I slept 🛏 and rested because it was imperative. I had chills. I drank tons of Advil 💊. I don’t believe I did anything but being stuck in bed 🛌 which is a surprise because I maybe ill 🤧 like almost every week after flu shot 💉 but I was functional and not totally unable to do a thing. Eating 🍽 was a chore. Yet I had to put nourishment in me. If not, I won’t have fuel ⛽️ to fight off the infection.

I feel like I finished Neruda Tuesday not Wednesday because I wanted to get over the Jerusalem book 📚 and I didn’t until Thursday. Right. I read Tuesday. I cannot tolerate being stuck in bed the entire day. I should change my sheets.

I had no caffeine ☕️ in my system for the past two days Wednesday and that’s ok. I don’t need that supercharge 🔌 because I wasn’t going to power 💥 through my day. I have no strength and energy. There is not way I am going to push the limits of my protective body mechanism. I noticed that I have an appetite. That’s good. But I am eating more than usual like I am craving and my diet was so uncontrolled. I had a sweet 😻 time with Jamesicle 🐈. Sparky is being a sweetheart today. He went up to me, leaned on my back and would like to be carried 😯. Hmmmmm.... love 💗 without having to dispense a treat 🍭. I wished I had finished the book 📚 but I was living life as I usually do. A cat 🐈 is talking. I love 💕 it. I am always distracted. I don’t know 🤷🏼‍♀️ about you but sometimes you want things exactly as you conceived it. I just pulled down my curtains. Lights in 🌞. But I was consciously telling myself to not be perfectionist and exactly how you want it. Life is not going ever to always be your way. But when it does, you see your ends. You adjust. I mean I wasn’t so frustrated that my new gym bags 💼 , the ones I like are all sold out 🏷. My gawd, the Roksanda was the perfect one. My second choice Betsey Johnson was gone the next day. Now what? Well, it wasn’t too hard of a choice if I should get a full price 💲💲💲💲💲💲Lululemon. Be honest with yourself. You only have three hundred dollars 💵 . Would it be less different if you get the carry on on sale? Right. It doesn’t define who I am. In fact it makes me respectable that I am not passing off what my little stipend can only afford. I don’t make these grandiose claims and when I do not have a show for it, I go around town making false claims to placate my juvenile tendencies 🙄. You are adulting. Ugh 😑, I know. Oh, there were $20 bottoms by Zella’s to Gottex so I am cool 😎. Spend $150 what’s supposed to be for coat 🧥 on them. Horrible in a sense. But who tells you precisely how to live your life. Those who are not happy 😃 and problematic or without in theirs.

I definitely was improving Thursday. I was greatly enthused 😃 when I completed ✔️ the Jerusalem book. I haven’t shared my musings 🖊 on passages that I highlighted by camera 📸 on the book. It checked off my 12 books for 12 months to complete the year 📆. I was feeling good and pat myself in the back because I did something good and I actually reached one of my annual goals🥅 , yay 😀 🎉. Oh, I shall put my impression plain. Wait a second.

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A post shared by Gal Glasses On (@book1234glitters) on Dec 19, 2019 at 3:17pm PST

It is a very heavy text considering that it wasn’t like a 300 pages literature. It was packed. I follow where my heart 💓 leans, the thread 🧵 which guides it and I stumbled into a perfect transition, Canterbury Tales. I was surprised 😮 to see myself delving into religion and realizing how my upbringing has some influence on how I see it. I wasn’t livid violent at each slights and insults. I was very calm and try to see what’s going on. You need to be less reactive and stand on what is right not on the tides of push buttons. It takes a certain strength to build yourself. It takes another to sustain peace ✌🏾.

I am not hungry 😋. It’s a Friday. I could expend my extra energy in thre treadmills and on the equipment floors . But I am cool 😌. I still have a lot of task 📝 to tackle. I am wearing my Apple Watch ⌚️ and esp yesterday to have like a monitor to tell if my heart beats are irregular. Like right not I am not at all uneasy 😬 and it’s not that my blood pumping organ was functioning erratically and strongly, I had some tightness in my chest. I may not have cellular function on it, but it shall alarm 🚨 when something is seriously 😒 not right and I can call emergency ⛑ medical 🏥 help in a jiffy. I can tell the huge calmed difference and on fit Americano ☕️ too. Shall I shower 🧼 with my new tech. What do I feel like doing? Decisions, decisions, decisions. Make it haphazard 🚧. There is literally like a book on it. Wait, let me pull it up.

I am like already living it. I am not alone 🔦.

[cosmosogler]

today i got up soooort of on time. then i got distracted by the internet!!! so i was 2 minutes late for class. the air was chilly today though so the bike ride over to campus was gucci. perfect weather.

i took furious notes in both classical and quantum. classical today was “graded” by a professor who left the comments portion of the lecture very open-ended. we weren’t really sure what to say. i ended up kind of dominating the conversation even though i didn’t really want to.

gotta keep my trap shut!

after that we went to get spaghetti. i missed it, even though we only skipped one week. suzanne asked why i talk to my parents. that got me down a pretty dark lane of conversation. i tried to focus on how i wish i had a closer relationship with my siblings... but i’m still so angry. all the time.

eventually harrison said something like “we need to pick a different awkward topic before my day gets ruined.” 

and i said “OH. i’m sorry my life ruins your day.” 

i was mostly joking. he apologized but we did change the topic to “awkward topics.” 

then i went to group therapy. i had to fill out a survey beforehand. i thought about how i was feeling the last week or two. i only really started feeling like i had any energy at all yesterday-ish. so i kept my answers pretty low mood-wise. 

i only consciously lied on one of the questions because i wasn’t sure what the required response would be. and it wasn’t a big lie. i’m not really at “high risk” of killing myself. maybe 5%. right now at least i feel ok. the past week collectively though, i wasn’t feeling too hot. 

group therapy was... actually good? we tried to focus and dwell on some conversation topics even though most of us are usually lightning-fast about responding. i ended up talking quite a bit. they seemed worried. they also seemed pretty upset about the department thing, where the professors/coordinators lie about how your classmates are doing to try to push you to work harder.

one thing the group leader said though is “how can we help you?” 

i told her i’d get back to her on that. i don’t really know. i said hearing about their self care routines and comparing ideas helps. i have made adjustments to my routine over the last two months. pretty drastic ones. i haven’t yet been able to re-cram in time to meditate before bed but the podcast helps me doze off at least. 

i’ve been drinking more tea too and i think that keeps my stomach a little more settled. caffeine free so i can drink it with dinner.

i need to think a little more about what other people can do to help me. i don’t really have any hope of actually being helped any more. i still get let down all the time by the people who are supposed to be in charge. but like... you only get out of group therapy what you put in. if i can find a specific goal to achieve that these guys can help me get to, and how to get them to get me there, that’d be great! but i also might not have Problems if i am able to get that far? i mean, like, you gotta be pretty on top of things to know exactly what you need help with and what that help needs to look like.

after that i went to e&m. something about that classroom really throws me off, because in the last ten minutes of class my eyes started hurting AGAIN. like a cramp, almost? this doesn’t really happen anywhere else. reading for too long i just get a headache and then i grind my teeth which makes the headache worse. i tried some eye exercises and that helped for a few minutes but by then i was way behind and i was just tired. 

the frustration builds up. the professor will make a step that doesn’t make any sense and not explain it. someone will ask a question and he won’t explain it still because he thought the question was dumber than it actually was. he goes too fast. just little things, but millions of them for 50 minutes straight. and then trying to focus on the board hurts. maybe his handwriting is too small and it strains my eyes? maybe i get frustrated because he stands directly in front of his writing and his lecture is incomprehensible and the anger and anxiety make my muscles tense up which hurts my eyes? i dunno.

after class i checked my email and then biked back over to the group therapy building. but this time i went to the third floor. the person i was having a meeting with was like 10 minutes late even though i got there 5 minutes before my appointment. i took the time to update pokemon go since i haven’t touched it in over 8 months. i caught a murkrow and looked at the entei raid a few blocks over.

i want entei. not gonna happen at level 20 though. my strongest pokemon is 1400 cp. this thing was like 19000.

anyway this new person is annie. the student “care area” is not a therapy office but they can help coordinate between the drc and my department. we talked about maybe dropping e&m for now since the workload is getting to be too much. (i am 4 weeks behind in grading.) 

so i will talk to danielle about it tomorrow, and then see how i do on the test on friday, and then talk to both of them again next week. i’m a little stressed about the consequences of dropping the class. the financial aid requires a certain amount of credit hours. and we’re supposed to be done with classes by the end of our second year, and i won’t even have finished UNDERGRAD e&m by my first year if i drop it. and it’ll give me a glaring weak spot on my next round with the prelim right after new year’s. 

well, i haven’t talked about it with the drc yet, so i probably won’t get anywhere worrying about it right now.

at the end of group therapy i said that even though i like to complain, i will try to follow up with actual solutions more. 

it just seems like... most of the things i complain about don’t really HAVE solutions. or i’ve already made a decision about how to deal with them but they are still very difficult and/or stressful. my classmates said it might be a good idea to reach out to my brother more after he moves away for college because teenagers are super moody and just not very enthusiastic about talking to family members in general. so that just means being patient for another two-ish years.

after that i biked back to the office.

OH! I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR THIS MORNING. it was like three inches away. they were making a left turn across the road i was riding down and they just... didn’t stop. or go and get out of the way. i had to pull a hard turn and swerve up on the sidewalk and i almost hit a pedestrian. 

it’s like they weren’t even looking.

anyway i got back to the office at about 5:15 or so. i took a 45-minute break to eat some food and walk around a bit and goof off on facebook. i felt a little better after that, and then suzanne helped john and i study for our e&m test. we covered the entire chapter, just the main ideas, but it helped a lot i hope. i had my mind blown once at least. i understand dielectrics WAY better now.

we got done with that at 7:10-ish, so longer than a full class period. i was exhausted and antsy by the end of it. i packed up my things, yelled at luis a little bit about the alphabet song since we’d been having an argument about it earlier, and then biked home.

he told me the alphabet song came before the alphabet and that’s why they are in the order they are. i think the vowels should have all been put together.

the alphabet song was based off a mozart piece apparently and copyrighted in 1835. TAKE THAT, LUIS! EAT IT!!

when i got home i made some dinner and hid some cookies around for snoopy to find. she was WAY more interested in looking for them after she watched me hide them. and also had some catnip that i put on her walk-through brush. then she seemed to realize for the first time that her cat bed has two levels, and the lower level had cookies on it.

she’s a goofy one.

by the time i finished eating it was after 8:30 so i watched a few youtube videos and checked the 9 o’clock updates. then i ACTUALLY SAT DOWN AND DID SOME GRADING. i got through 2 pages of a whole lab section, which comes out to 36 pages. i did that in about the same amount of time, and then i spent a few minutes feeding snoopy and preparing my daily planner for tomorrow, and then it was 10 so i started writing. now it is 10:43.

it feels like this week has been going extra slowly. maybe it is because i feel more focused so i am losing less time to the Void of the Internet? my breaks have been more... deliberate. i set aside 90 minutes to play smash bros, and then got back to work after i felt more relaxed. stuff like that. it was a lot of fun, too.

i am a little worried about friday, between the test and the fact that i have to have 9 sections of labs graded by the end of the day, which is just not going to happen. tomorrow i don’t even get to sit down and take a BREAK let alone do work until after 4. friday is busy all the way through 4 too. and today was busy through after 5.

AND i gotta start the classical assignment somewhere in there too so i don’t have to try to slog through a 12-hour assignment over the weekend yet again. 

tomorrow my labs ungraded are gonna bump up to 12. but i made progress today. i have doubled the amount of grading i’ve finished. that’s something, right? 4 is twice as much as 2, even if you need to get to 70. and then 20 more after that.

something good. i jumped right away to asking questions when i got to my meeting with annie today. i admittedly did not have time to look up their office before i got over there, but she was very kind and explained how their office was different from the drc and counseling centers and what they are useful for. we got a solid plan set and another appointment scheduled within 25 minutes. 

now i just need to apply that “here is how this will be helpful” authority to emotions i guess? i’m not very good at asking for help from peers. i do it a lot but that doesn’t mean i’m good at it. well, i can do academic questions pretty well. but personal help is like... a league of its own.

i think i did a good job making use of some break time today and then getting back to work when i was ready. i didn’t have a LOT of time today but i stayed busy at least. and i paced myself really well yesterday because i wasn’t miserable and exhausted today! 

well, i was miserable and exhausted. but not AS miserable and exhausted as i usually get when i work too hard for too long without breaks. because i took breaks!

[uicyoulater]

Yonsei How To Pt 17.1 - Courses (An easy syllabus)

I told y’all I would do this so here I am doing this. I am going to give a guide (in a few parts) on how to choose courses (good for any grade) and course registration (only good for freshmen sorry).

#1 advice for anyone looking at a course is to read the syllabus carefully. Why? 1) So you know if you’re allowed/qualified to take the course 2) So you know if you want to study what’s being taught 3) So you know more about the class structure and grading 4) So you know if the class plays to your strengths (Academic writing, math/science assessments, lots of HW, no HW) Will the syllabus tell all? Not always. 

The first step to courses, in general, is to know what’s offered by going to the course catalog system. Everything about courses and syllabi in the next few posts can be found here unless I say something different.

Start off by going to the Yonsei portal homepage. It will initially be in Korean but can be changed to English. You don’t have to have a login within the Yonsei system to access this info so anyone can see the courses offered this semester and back many years. Go to the catalog by clicking on this icon.

You will then come to the catalog. Its search parameters will be at the default as shown below.

To start off the search you must change the parameters. Since this blog is more centered to perspective/first-year students, I will navigate to the UIC Common Curriculum (CC) courses offered at the International Campus (YIC). Note: Don’t change any boxes that mention “English Courses Only” or any variations, as this weirds-out the system within UIC courses.

I recommend that everyone do this even before they apply and again once they get in to get used to the system and to see what’s offered. You can see other semesters or years by changing the semester parameters if you wish.

Now that you’re here you can see the courses offered, you can open the syllabus to learn more about the course. ALWAYS READ THE SYLLABUS. I’m going to use only classes I’ve taken in my examples for this and future posts. (Or maybe a course that I want to take/haven’t completed yet when the semester starts.) I’ll try to take out contact info, but this is, of course, publicly accessible.

This course is Beginning Korean 2 offered in Songdo during 2017-1. (FYI all photos are of this same syllabus, it’s just long and hard to screenshot) This is a very good syllabus in my opinion and very easy to understand.

There are a few things to notice here. (Moving from top-left) 1) The course title (is not circled but important) 2) The location (you can find the translation of this on the website/in your course manual once you arrive (Veritas B #207) 3) TIME! You can’t take 2 classes at the same type. The system actually won’t let you. Yonsei runs times from period 1-10, with 1st hour starting at 9 AM. 5-6 means 1-3 PM, usually with a 10-minute break in between. 4) Instructor information. If you have any questions for the professor you can email them, call them, or visit office hours and this is where to find that info. 5) Target students. This is important because you don’t want to register for a class that won’t take you. Some classes are for certain majors only while some have prerequisites that aren’t courses (IE, an ability in math or language, academic writing practice or lack of)  6) Prerequisites 7) Requirements. This can list rules or information about grading and class work. This is often where a professor may mention if their course has certain types of tests or group projects or what the weekly homework might be like. 

8) Grading policy. Fairly self-explanatory, but some syllabi will have more detail (%, timing) than others. 9) Texts. Some classes have all-online texts and some have no texts. For paper texts, you can either buy them in the school bookstore or copied books in the copy center. I don’t recommend buying the books before the class starts unless the syllabus gives instructions to do so. Copy center books usually take about a week into the semester or at least a few days anyway. When in doubt, go to class and the teacher will tell you. 10) Period (Week) You will notice that this “week” or “period” does not start on a Monday. This past semester, the week started on a Thursday because the semester always starts on the 1st or 2nd of the month (September or March). There are 16 total weeks in the semester. 11) Weekly Topic. Here you can see what the professor has *predicted* you will study that week. If there is a sickness or delay in the schedule the professor has the right to do that and it will usually happen. Still, this is a good way to see individual topics you’ll learn. 12) Materials and Assignments. Here is where you’ll see what you’ll be reading in the textbook (if you have one) and online as well as major assignments. 13) References/Add-Drop. The reference column is very important since it contains all academic dates like holidays and course markers. School festivals or other non-public holidays are not listed here. The Add-Drop is the first important date. This is the period when you can add and drop courses without any penalty online to change your schedule. After this point, you will usually get a withdrawal on your report card. Note that you do have classes during this period and you should go to them to see if the class is right for you, even if you don’t expect to attend in the long term just to tell your professor that you are dropping.

14) + 15) Midterms. As you can see, your midterm exam could (theoretically) be anytime between 4/17 and 4/22 during 2017-1. This isn’t always true, as some professors have them earlier or later than that, but it’s the general timeframe. This exam was originally supposed to be between 4/20 and 4/26, but was actually on 4/19, an example of things changing. 16) + 17) + 18 (next page) Holidays. Other holidays and days off are also listed here on the side. If it’s listed, you will have the day off (usually). Note, this semester we also had an election on 5/9 that was not listed, but was a public holiday and a day off. Sometimes unpredictable things change the academic calendar. 

19) + 20) Study week and Finals. As you can see, you have a review/reading period before finals, making the total finals period from 6/8 to 6/21. Your exam can theoretically be any time in between. For example, my first exam was Macro on 6/8 and my last was a Philosophy essay on 6/21. After your final/after review week, you will usually stop having class for the subject or classes will be optional review sessions. Your exam may or may not be the same time as the usual class.

That’s the whole thing. This is a very easy syllabus because it has a constant textbook and is well-written. Sometimes, very little detail is in the course catalog syllabus, which is why you should try out the class and get more info in the first week if you’re unsure. Not every class is the same, even if it has the same title so read carefully!

 As always, feel free to ask me any questions you have about this. This will be a multi-part installment so I will go into more detail later.

[manuscripts-dontburn]

Prisoner of Night and Fog

Author: Anne Blankman

First published: 2014

Pages: 432

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 5 days

Though the first part seemed aimed at younger readers and I was ready to plough through many YA clichés, this is, in fact, a really well-written, solid historical fiction. Anne Blankman has certainly done her homework and her fictional character of Gretchen Müller, her sadistic and unpredictable brother and her seemingly weak mother are woven so seamlessly among the real historical characters I actually stopped reading at one point to look them up (and confirm they are indeed fictional). True, the inevitable romance was... well... inevitable from the first chapter and personally, I thought more time and character development would have made our heroine´s journey even more interesting and suspenseful. However, the moments which are meant to be disturbing ARE disturbing, the points meant to be creepy ARE creepy and I also very much appreciate the considerable historical accuracy backing the whole plot. Also, the fact that this takes place quite a long time before WW2, merely hinting at what is to come, rather than presenting the most overused - and overwritten - conflict and horror of the past century. Definitely a book more readers should try if they are at all interested in historical fiction that is written well.

A Supernatural War: Magic, Divination, and Faith During the First World War

Author: Owen Davies

First published: 2019

Pages: 304

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 10 days

Fascinating in focus and yet very tight and even sparing in style, this is a very interesting book that serves well to provide yet another piece to the puzzle of the social history of the First World War. My only major critique would be this: certain parts felt like encyclopedic entries which left one "hanging" - wanting more information but either there isn´t any or the author has decided not to include it. The author himself, too, acknowledges that white Christians were far from being the only ones entangled in the fighting and does mention beliefs and superstitions of other nationalities and faiths, but half a chapter does not do them justice. In other words, this study could have - and should have - been longer, because it calls to us through the ages with everything that is human, naive, fragile and hopeful.

To Be Taught, If Fortunate

Author: Becky Chambers

First published: 2019

Pages: 135

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 2 days

This was both beautiful and rather depressing. Becky Chambers has impressed me before and she has managed to do it again - on 135 pages of this novella. Her talent as a writer, her imagination and her sensitive treatment of the human psyche is undisputable.

Death of a Romanov Prince

Author: Terry Bolland, Arturo E Beéche

First published: 2018

Pages: 240

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

How long did it take: 2 days

Unfortunately, this book was a huge letdown. The Konstantinovichi branch of the Romanov family have always had a special place in my heart and I jump at every piece of literature that concerns them - there are few in the West! Arguably Prince Oleg was the most promising of the last "imperial" generation and I definitely appreciate that somebody tried to bring attention to him. Sadly, this publication suffers from the same weaknesses as any of the books published and edited by Arturo E Beéche: A great number of typos and mistakes within the text. Amateurish formating. Sometimes the original photographs were very small and they are so enlarged you cannot see anything since they are very pixelated. Information and quotes are repeated numerous times. But those technical things could be forgiven if the text had value. I am sad to say that there is very little new information - on the contrary, the book takes such a broad scope to cover various relations and palaces (without providing pictures of what is being described) that it has no time to go in-depth at all. Case in point: there is not a single reference to the homosexual tendencies of Oleg´s father and uncle, even though their sexuality greatly affected their lives. The book spends time listing German and Russian and Greek relatives and mentions Oleg´s intelligence and good character but nowhere does it present any evidence of it. This is not an insightful biography I had hoped for. It is an encyclopedic, sterile and confusingly put together attempt at.... what exactly? I don´t even know. A great opportunity wasted.

The Good Bee: A Celebration of Bees – And How to Save Them

Author: Alison Benjamin, Brian McCallum

First published: 2019

Pages: 192

Rating: ★★��☆☆

How long did it take: 4 days

I very much appreciate the intent with which this little book was written and it certainly holds some fascinating information and helpful tips. At the same time, the text does not flow too well and reminds one more of a textbook rather than something that would truly inspire one to take up bee-keeping. I suppose I just wanted something else out of it than what it gave..

Hesse: A Princely German Collection

Edited by: Penelope Hunter-Stiebel

First published: 2005

Pages: 287

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 2 days

A well-put together catalogue, introducing just the right amount of information and full of beautiful, high-quality photographs.

The Forsyte Saga

Author: John Galsworthy

First published: 1921

Pages: 752

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 7 days

See my full review HERE

Girls of Paper and Fire

Author: Natasha Ngan

First published: 2018

Pages: 384

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 6 days

I liked the possibilities and the setting more than the final execution and plot. Other than that I just feel like I am too old for this kind of books. So maybe the problem here is me, really.

Lucia: A Venetian Life in the Age of Napoleon

Author: Andrea di Robiland

First published: 2008

Pages: 384

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 3 days

I have learned long ago that I am most open to gaining new knowledge through the stories of individual women. By looking through the eyes of Lucia I have finally understood the mess which was Northern Italy before, during and after Napoleonic times and I got introduced to an interesting lady. Definitely a win for me.

Pohorská vesnice

Author: Božena Němcová

First published: 1855

Pages: 181

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 4 days

Když jsem se konečně přenesla přes nářečí i slovenštinu, když jsem přestala kroutit očima nad tím, že celý příběh je o nedostatku komunikace, dokázala jsem ocenit krásný obraz českého venkova, jak jej Božena Němcová zachytila. A konec mne dojal oproti všemu očekávání.

Hitler's Hangman: The Life Of Heydrich

Author: Robert Gerwarth

First published: 2011

Pages: 433

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 5 days

Perhaps not the most exhaustive, but still very informative biography of one of the worst humans ever. The terrifying thing about him was especially the fact that he was so average and unremarkable in every single thing - and then he rode the storm and changed to always be on top. The author´s style is very readable and he manages to strike the chord between the academic and more personal tone well.

The Wife Upstairs

Author: Rachel Hawkins

First published: 2021

Pages: 290

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 2 days

I am not big into thrillers but this got me sold on "Jane Eyre inspired". It was quite good, though this type of writing does not make me crazy.

Conspiracy of Blood and Smoke

Author: Anne Blankman

First published: 2015

Pages: 416

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 3 days

A sequel to Prisoner of Night and Fog, this was solid, unfortunately it was not as good as its predecessor. The first book is about a girl waking up to the world, finding cracks in what she has been taught all her life. It is about her deciding to think for herself and how this affects her life and relationships. And since it is pre-Nazi Germany, these changes in her thinking are very dangerous. This second book, on the other hand, is primarily a detective story without a pay-off, and way too many things are spoon-fed to the reader or feel convenient. I also felt that most of the book followed a theme of "we know where to find information - we go get it - Nazis get there at the same time - we somehow manage to escape." On the other hand, if something did work, it was the romance. Passionate, devoted and loyal, and yet mature and believable.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune

Author: Nghi Vo

First published: 2020

Pages: 121

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 1 day

Lovely and breathing of history and legends. Modest in length, rich in the story.

The Library of the Unwritten

Author: A.J. Hackwith

First published: 2019

Pages: 440

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 8 days

First of all, as an author who is yet to finish any of her projects, I felt RUDELY called out by this book! Second of all, this is an absolute blast. An adventure with a heart, characters you cannot help but care for and so, so witty and clever in using mythology and even Biblical stories. Brilliant work!

Mansfield Park

Author: Jane Austen

First published: 1814

Pages: 584

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 3 days

I suspect that my enjoyment of Jane Austen novels usually comes with how interesting her heroines are. And so when I was given Fanny Price, who for the first 200 pages merely breathes and observes, I was almost less than excited. But once I was willing to understand Fanny was not there to amuse me, she was there to provide a comfortable, quiet place among the bustle of feelings and happenings of others, who only later recognize how much she herself was interwoven into their lives. Mansfield Park does not have the wit and comedy of Emma or Pride and Prejudice but stands on the ground as solid as Sense and Sensibility. It was slow and perhaps even a bit too long, but I enjoyed it a lot.

[rueur]

Morning Pages #7 (11.01.2017)

Wednesday 11th Jan - 7:48 a.m.

SO, as you can imagine, I slept so much last night and it was amazingly satisfying. I had no energy by 8 o’clock last night and just decided that that was it. I would be feeding the cats and calling it in. I didn’t even eat dinner. I had a handful of pretzels and a zooper dooper, that’s it. Actually, two zooper doopers sorry. It was a hot day and I had spent most of it outside along the Yarra: that murky brown, yeast-infested bowl of a river bend where the Abbotsford convent nestles undisturbed on the edge, and the Collingwood Children’s Farm accommodates the nostalgic sounds of sheep baaing and the evermore nostalgic scents of hay and barnyard excrement. This was actually the first time I’ve been exploring around the convent, rather than just going straight to Lentils. It’s honestly a fascinating place.

Sorry, I just took a massive break from writing right now. It’s 8:13 a.m., and I think I’m just feeling really good right now. Like really good, like happy. A little sick, still a little fatigued. My throat hurts, my stomach feels a little weird because I’m still transitioning back into eating properly, and I think I’ll have to take another break to feed the cats in a bit because I don’t want to keep them waiting too long after 8 o’clock. But things are getting a lot better between Ikaros and I. I was just on Facebook for a little bit, checking up on friends before I started really writing this morning’s morning pages (because I am a bit overwhelmed by what I have to write today, I mean what happened yesterday), and then realised that Ikaros had already added Lauren and Jacob on Facebook! Before he’s met them, before we’ve had a chance to organise something with them. It’s adorable. Hopefully Lauren and Jacob weren’t taken aback by this. I don’t think they would be, honestly. They’re too lovely. I mean if Jacob is anything like what Lauren’s told me he’s like, then they’re too too lovely. Okay, I’ve written just over half of this first page so I think I should go and feed the cats now. I’ll be back here in a minute or so. I’m sorry, this entry is going to be a lot of stopping and starting because I’m on my way out of a depressive slump. Life feels very oddly in a mix between erratic and orderly right now. I think I’m veering away from erratic and into a healthy orderly state.

Okay, I just fed the cats. It is 8:32 a.m., and I am ready to start writing again. It’s nearly been an hour since I started this, though. I think that already, this has been the longest time I’ve spent working on some morning pages. I don’t think I really want to write about what happened yesterday. Okay, basically what happened yesterday was I met Lucas. It was at 12:30 as planned so despite Malith and I relieving ourselves of about a month without conversation by sitting and chatting for around 8 hours, I managed to conjure together three hours of sleep before heading out to the Abbotsford convent. Lucas met me at 12:30 on the dot, but I was there about ten minutes early because I thought I’d get lost. I’d never walked to Lentils on my own before, always with Ikaros. And the first time I went, I went with Rhiannon and Cam and some of our other friends for Rhiannon’s birthday. I think this was during high school, that or first year uni. We volunteered for about an hour before eating for ourselves. I still remember that day really well, because it was so lovely.

Lucas and I decided to go on a walk first, along the Yarra, where we found ourselves on this cute and very scenic little ledge-walk. Lucas kept pointing out different kinds of trees, landscape features, some facts about the history of the area, and I was honestly loving it. One of the greater things about Ikaros was how much he knew about random topics that interested him. I also see that in Isaac. These boys google things or watch informational YouTube videos in their spare time. In regards to Lucas and Isaac, they read books and fill their heads with real world facts, not the fictitious drivel that I consume! No, I am a massive lover of fiction. In fiction we find a reflection of our own world, our own selves. Whilst non-fiction helps us understand the world around us, fiction writing helps us first see that world. I am enjoying reading David Foster Wallace’s essays, even though I read none of it yesterday because honestly all I had the energy to do was go meet Lucas and then collapse into bed.

Lucas and I were also very like-minded, I realised very early on in the day. We were equally interested in environmental studies and the natural sciences, in arts, in creative thinking and academic learning, in media, in spiritual beliefs! He was very interested in learning about my Buddhism and I was equally interested in his spiritual connections to Bali. He spoke briefly about a cleansing ritual he would do often during his time in north Bali, at the end of which he’d be given a colourful pirith noola. I was wearing a pirith noola when I met him, so that was how that came up.

All in all, we spoke for about three or so hours, had lunch at Lentils and then spoke for a little while longer. It was really refreshing, having that level of insightful conversation and getting to know somebody, focusing on that one person, for an afternoon. Marcus, Ben, Ikaros, that guy at that party, Isaac, Nick, Lucas. I have now kissed seven guys and zero girls and I am finding this outrageous. Maybe I should’ve kissed Lauren or something, but honestly I didn’t want to force it. She is insanely gorgeous, and hopefully that time will come.

Okay, this is ridiculous! It is 9:17 a.m. now, and I think it’s safe to say that I am procrastinating at this point. I just spent a bit of time sending messages to people, and looking up Melbourne’s School of Life because Lauren has been sending me a bunch of their YouTube videos over the past few days and I first of all, didn’t know it was a YouTube and now secondly, didn’t know that it was an actual school/cafe/store in cities around the world, Melbourne being one of them! Long story short, we are making plans to go and check out this fascinating, gentle global institution. I am excited, I really am. Looking towards the future, making all of these new friends during my time off and this being my last year of my degree, I am really really hopeful about everything that’s happening in my life right now.

Yesterday Lucas asked me what makes me happiest in life. Funnily enough, I was able to answer that question right away, I think actually it might’ve been because I only just came out of a depressive slump. I told him that what makes me happiest in life are those occasions where everything is going smoothly: those days or weeks or months at a time where there’s nothing standing in your way and you can live day-to-day without a hint of misery, yet you’re also as efficient as you’ve ever been. There have been periods of time in my life where I’ve experienced no form of emotional distress, no relationship issues, no work or school stress, and have just lived freely within the confines I have created for myself, and looking back on those times makes me infinitely happy. Because they were real, they existed. They are possible and thus, that state of being is an achievable long-term condition. That fact makes me infinitely hopeful and infinitely happy.

Lucas also told me that he and his girlfriend of three years broke up because of scheduling issues. With his university work, and her full-time, crazy shifts, they literally never had time to be with each other and every time one had time off, the other was supposed to be asleep, resting before their next load of work began. I told him that it’s always that kind of stuff that breaks up otherwise functioning relationships. It’s always the irritable little things that come together and create unscalable mountains. I said that that will always happen, because our everyday concerns are self-inflicted. If you take something soft and natural like human love and our relationships, and intersperse these natural concerns alongside mechanical or manmade concerns like paying bills and managing your workload in a systematic society, then those mechanical concerns will always interact with your natural concerns in a very jarring way. They don’t go together. Professionally speaking, human beings treat themselves like machines or computers, but love is our animalistic side and it’s that which we can’t shake that reminds us of the forever underlying fact that we are literally just animals. Our lives are held within the safe clutches of Mother Nature, not Mother Culture as Daniel Quinn would say.

I wrote a couple of essays and a bunch of stories along that thought last year, and shared it with Lucas yesterday, and he found it pretty interesting. Then he shared something he’d made with me, which was honestly really depressing to hear. Back when he was still missing his girlfriend and they just weren’t in sync, he had designed something for her: two towers with open roofs, one standing on either side of a large river. There’s a slit in the wall on the river-facing side of both towers, that allows you to see only the eyes of the person standing in the other tower. You can see their eyes like they’re right up next to you, but you can’t reach that person. And the river keeps flowing between you viciously, an uncrossable obstacle that mockingly gives physical form to the incessant passing of time. Over a while, you feel that although you’re staring into the eyes of this person, they’re not there anymore. And your believing that means that neither are you. You’ve both left before you’ve had a chance to leave at all.

[profoundkittenblaze-blog]

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[ceaselessly-into-the-past]

an economy of words

My mother called me up today and it was as if an angry fisherman had impaled with a harpoon and beleagueredly dragged me a mile through the unforgiving ocean before pulling me aboard and leaving me to bleed out on the grimy, death-smelling deck.

Which was unfortunate because I had actually had a really pleasant morning. Some events that occurred last night had brought me back in contact with a friend from high school that’s currently studying abroad and we’d talked for a while. It was the afternoon for her when I woke up at around 7:30 am and found that she had replied to my messages.

I might make a post about the events that transpired last night. I might not. I think I’m going to follow the river on this one. My internal river.

it’s ever-flowing and it takes me places. Sometimes to places that I don’t want to go. But it’s usually right and so I follow it dutifully.

Talking to my friend made me feel at home in a way that I hadn’t felt in a while. I don’t know if it’s the ‘bad air’ that my old teacher at the Juilliard Pre-College is always on about, or the prodigies next door or the horrible way in which the school blatantly Harvey Weinsteins its students, but I had gotten myself into a kind of grave of mind in the last few months, and it only took a few minutes with her to realize that I had, and to get me out of it.

She has a blog, too. She doesn’t write often but when she does she writes beautifully. Like a small-scale good novel that not many read but is loved by those that do waiting to happen in a few years.

Everything about her has that kind of quality, actually. The beginnings of something uniquely good.

But anyway, that was all violently fucked way up the ass by a call from my mother.

The backstory is this: I was busking a few weeks ago and I was asked by a woman to perform at her wedding for $10,000. I cautiously got her contact information and we’ve been talking back and forth for the last few weeks about details. However my parents called her last night and found that she had believed that I was a poor lower class kid and had tried scamming me into performing at her shitty wedding for 1/10th of the original salary. I had thought something was off about her, but I guess now I knew.

Fuck that lady.

When I heard how much she’d pay, I felt like I had some value for once.

Anyway, my mother called me to tell me these things. My father had already texted me something along the lines of how she was a hack and she was fucking me over, but my mom started like this:

‘I want you to know that we care about your future very much...’

And then, a few minutes later,

‘And I know that things are busy at school, and you have to practice and study and-‘

I couldn’t take it. My mother was doing Her Thing that was so singularly infuriating that I have been tempted more than once to push her over and scream at her, as she so often does to me, the words that I now calmly stated:

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Oh, you remember the lady you met and asked you to play at her wedding?’

‘Is this about her?’

‘Yes. As I was saying-‘

You need to know at this point that it is 5 pm, I’m trying to eat dinner - sitting down to have meals usually take me about an hour or more, which is why I so often skip them - and I have a three hour orchestra rehearsal starting at 7 and I’ve barely practiced today.

‘Mom, get to the point.’

‘Yes, I know, I am. But as I said, what I need you to know is-‘

‘JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS THAT I NEED TO UNDERSTAND IN ONE SENTENCE AND BE DONE WITH IT, MOM. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO AND I DON’T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW.’

I suppose I should now reveal that what happened last night was that a friend of mine had almost killed herself. I ditched chamber rehearsal and ran, faster than I had in a while, all the way from the main building to the residence hall to the Office of Residence Life. I told to the student that was working there, very clearly:

‘This is going to sound fucking insane, but I have a friend at another school that I think might be in the process of committing suicide.’

‘Oh shit.’ The student - who I knew from my cello studio - stood up straight and raced to contact the proper authorities.

‘Hi, yes, I have a student here who has a friend that seems to be threatening, uh, some self-harm.’

Some self-harm. What a cute way to put taking your own fucking life. Practically synonymous.

He hung up. ‘They say you can come into the office and wait.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, and walked into the office and sat on the sofa. It was 5:21 then. I was still in contact via Facebook Messenger with the friend who was committing suicide, who seemed to be going off the rails.

‘Just hold on,’ I wrote, or something nauseatingly saccharine and stupid like that. ‘Just hold on and don’t leave me just yet, I’m not gonna let you.’

The first responder to my situation came at around 5:43. A full twenty minutes after I had asked for help. He talked to me for a bit, then the student that had called him, and then left the office to make some calls.

A few minutes later, Sabrina Tambara, some kind of student life administrator or something, came in and took over. She asked me more specific, better questions, and I showed her the messages that my friend had been writing to me. The look on her face changed perceptibly and she pulled me into a back room. In a few moments she had someone from my friend’s university on the phone.

‘Hello, this is Sabrina Tambara from the Juilliard School of Music. I understand you got a call from Brandon earlier about a possible situation with one of your students. He seems to not have understood that this is an active situation- yes, it’s currently ongoing. Yes. Yes. Hold on. Kei, do you know where she is?’

I shook my head no. By this point the friend was no longer replying and hadn’t seen my questions about where she was and who she may be with.

‘Okay, he doesn’t know. But her name is-‘

I wrote it down on her notepad and she read it aloud. She paced the room, talking, listening, and then after five or so minutes hung up.

‘The school has gotten people to your friend. She’s gotten help now. Everything is okay.’

‘Thank you,’ I said.

She delivered the mandatory spiel about the availability of counselors if I needed anybody to talk to - a spiel that I heard two more times from two other student life officers that tracked me down later that night.

One of the speakers at our convocation ceremony had been Juilliard alumna Danielle Brooks, who portrays Tasha ‘Taystee’ Jefferson on the show Orange Is The New Black. Of Sabrina Tambara, she said this:

‘She had my back.’

I suppose she did have my back in this instance. It just took thirty minutes more than it should’ve for her to get there.

So this had happened last night, and had kept me up, and had filled me with fear and a deep sadness all day, and it eventually found its way to making me fucking snap at my mother. All the poison and anger at how things are had fermented inside of me and now boiled up and came in a burning jet out of my mouth.

A thing about my mother is that there is no economy of words with her. I’ve recently been trying to emphasize an economy of things - economy of movement, economy of effort, economy of words, economy of emotion. Trying to find the least amount of motion or energy or breath or feeling to achieve the desired result. I try to employ an economy of emotion in music to convey a concept without detouring and digressing. Yo-Yo Ma digresses, in his style and his movement and his process of creating a line. He is a monument to excess.

in that way my mother is a monument to an excess of words. She spirals and circles and pirouettes around a subject like a panicked, unskilled 6th grader trying to fulfill the page requirement on her pathetic book report. Today what she was trying to say was:

‘Just be more wary of weird people on the street that offer you things, or try to solicit things from you.’

Something that’s simple enough and that I was already at least peripherally aware of since coming to the city. But my mother made a stupidly huge journey out of arriving to that point to the extent that I could feel myself actively hating her.

It took her 20 minutes and verbal detour after logical cul-de-sac to get to this point, where all she could have said was that:

‘Just be more wary of weird people on the street that offer you things, or try to solicit things from you.’

I honestly believe that my mother is a moron. I’ve had my suspicions for the last few years but it’s become painfully apparent now. Even in her native language, she can’t say one simple thing without going through a mental obstacle course of idiocy. Everything she says is in this manner, whether she’s admonishing me or trying to remind me of something simple.

She has no economy of words and it sickens me. It sickens me to have to be in conversation with someone that is so unwieldy and inefficient with her own ideas. Not even some else’s, like in an academic paper, where you’re asked to tear apart the mind of someone you’ve never met in a week and explain carefully their deepest thoughts and beliefs. Her own thoughts.

So that’s what’s happened recently. My friend almost died and my mother is as much of a tumor on my experience as a growing adult as ever.

But that friend. That friend I mentioned earlier.

She’s something.

What that something is, I honestly don’t know. But she is it.

I kind of love her. In some way, somehow. I really do.