#how to overcome fear

[valtoybob]

“Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s choosing to move forward—while fear rides quietly in the passenger seat.” Fear is one of the most powerful and misunderstood emotions we face as human beings.

[calltoamentor]

How do you let go of the way things were supposed to be? What does "would've, could've, should've, didn't" mean to you personally? I feel we talk about change as this nebulous, passive thing. This action that is everyone else's responsibility to take but somehow always bypasses the individual thinking about it. Let's talk about how to avoid and release lifelong regrets and stagnation.

[mahalakshmi-college]

How to Overcome Exam Fear and Anxiety?

Introduction: Why Exam Fear Is Common

Exams are a significant milestone in every student’s academic journey, but they often bring along fear and anxiety. In India, where academic success is closely tied to societal expectations and family pride, the pressure to succeed means we will put much more pressure on ourselves to excel.  The first question to ask and beat is how to overcome exam fear.

School and university students in Chennai, like many across the country, face immense stress due to competition, parental expectations, and the fear of failure. Exam fear is common and natural, but when it becomes overwhelming, it can hinder your ability to study and focus. 

Understanding how to overcome exam fear is the first step toward managing your emotions and preparing effectively. Students often ask, “How do I deal with this fear?” This blog aims to provide practical strategies to help students understand how to overcome exam fear and turn anxiety into a productive force.

Understanding Exam Fear and Anxiety

Exam fear also known as examinophobia, is a psychological condition that manifests as excessive nervousness before or during exams. It can affect students emotionally, socially, and cognitively. 

In India, this fear is often heightened by societal norms that equate academic success with personal worth. Symptoms include sleeplessness, difficulty concentrating, headaches, and feelings of helplessness. Recognizing these signs is the first step in learning how to overcome anxiety before exams.

Exam fear and anxiety are common psychological responses to the pressure of performing well in exams. In India, where academic achievement is highly valued, these feelings can be particularly intense. Exam fear is not just nervousness; it can be a debilitating condition that affects a student’s ability to study, recall information, and perform during the exam.

Exam anxiety often includes physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweating, headaches, and nausea. Mentally, it can cause difficulty concentrating, negative thoughts, and a sense of helplessness. Socially, students may withdraw from friends or family, feeling overwhelmed by their fears. Understanding how to overcome anxiety before exams and how to overcome fear of failure in exams begins with recognizing these symptoms and acknowledging that they are normal reactions to stress.

In Chennai, students often face additional pressures such as the high stakes of board exams like the SSLC or HSC, and competitive entrance tests for engineering, medicine, and other professional courses. The fear of not meeting expectations or failing can lead to procrastination, avoidance of study, and low self-esteem. This fear can create a feedback loop where anxiety impairs performance, which in turn increases fear.

Psychologists explain that exam anxiety stems from the brain’s fight-or-flight response. When faced with a perceived threat-such as an important exam-the body releases stress hormones like cortisol, which prepare you to react. However, excessive stress hormones can impair memory and decision-making, making it harder to perform well.

To manage exam anxiety, it’s important to understand its root causes and how it affects you personally. Some students may fear failure because of past experiences, while others might worry about disappointing their families. Some might feel unprepared or overwhelmed by the syllabus. Identifying your specific fears can help you answer the question on how to deal with exam stress and anxiety.

Learning how to overcome exam fear involves both emotional and practical approaches. Emotionally, it means accepting your feelings without judgment and practicing self-compassion. Practically, it involves adopting study habits and relaxation techniques that reduce stress.  CBSE Schools in Chennai and also across India are increasingly recognizing the importance of mental health support, offering counseling and workshops to help students cope.

Causes of Exam Anxiety

One of the biggest challenges students face is how to overcome the fear of exams. This fear often arises from parental pressure, societal expectations, and the competitive nature of Indian education. Understanding how to overcome fear of failure in exams is essential because this fear can paralyze your preparation and performance. 

Students who do not know how to overcome anxiety during exams may procrastinate or avoid studying altogether. Other causes include lack of preparation and comparison with peers, which increase how to deal with exam stress and anxiety. Recognizing these causes allows students to adopt better strategies for how to overcome exam fear and improve their mental health.

Effective Study Techniques to Reduce Stress

One of the most effective ways to manage exam anxiety is through disciplined and strategic study habits. Knowing how to deal with exam stress and anxiety starts with creating a study plan that reduces last-minute panic and builds confidence through preparation.

1. Create a Realistic Study Schedule

Break your syllabus into smaller, manageable sections and allocate specific time slots to each. A well-structured timetable ensures that you cover all topics without cramming. For example, dedicate mornings to difficult subjects when your mind is fresh and evenings to revision or lighter topics. Use tools like planners or digital apps to track your progress.

2. Prioritize Difficult Topics

Identify subjects or chapters you find challenging and tackle them first. This approach prevents the anxiety that comes from leaving tough topics until the last moment. In today’s competitive academic environment, mastering difficult subjects early can boost your confidence and reduce stress.

3. Practice with Mock Tests and Previous Papers

Simulating exam conditions by solving past question papers or mock tests helps familiarize you with the format and timing. This practice improves time management skills and reduces fear of the unknown. It also helps identify weak areas that need more focus.

4. Use Active Learning Techniques

Instead of passively reading textbooks, engage with the material actively through summarizing, teaching concepts to someone else, or creating mind maps. This deepens understanding and retention, reducing anxiety about forgetting information.

5. Take Regular Breaks

Continuous studying without breaks can lead to burnout and decreased productivity. Follow the Pomodoro Technique-study for 25-30 minutes and take a 5-minute break. Longer breaks should be taken after 3-4 cycles. Breaks help refresh your mind and improve focus.

6. Avoid Multitasking

Focus on one subject or topic at a time. Multitasking divides your attention and reduces the quality of learning, increasing stress and confusion.

7. Stay Organized

Keep your study materials, notes, and stationery organized. Clutter can cause distraction and increase anxiety. A clean, quiet study space free from distractions like mobile phones, can significantly improve concentration.

8. Set Achievable Goals

Set daily or weekly study targets that are realistic. Achieving these goals provides a sense of accomplishment and motivation to continue.

9. Stay Positive and Reward Yourself

Celebrate small victories, like completing a difficult chapter or scoring well in a mock test. Rewards can be simple, such as a favorite snack or a short outing, which help maintain motivation.

Mindfulness and Relaxation Strategies

Mindfulness is a powerful tool when you want to learn how to overcome exam fear. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and visualization help calm the mind and reduce nervousness. Students who practice mindfulness regularly find it easier to overcome exam fear and stay focused. 

Relaxation strategies are essential components of how to deal with exam stress and anxiety. Incorporating these into your daily routine can help you manage pressure and improve your exam performance. Understanding on overcoming anxiety through mindfulness can transform your study experience.

Importance of Sleep, Nutrition, and Physical Activity 

To effectively deal with exam stress and anxiety, maintaining good physical health is vital. Sleep, nutrition, and exercise directly impact your brain’s ability to function under pressure. When students learn how to overcome exam fear, they realize that neglecting these areas worsens anxiety. 

Proper sleep helps with memory and focus, which are crucial when figuring out how to overcome anxiety before exams. Balanced nutrition fuels your brain, and physical activity releases endorphins that reduce stress. These habits are key to how to deal with exam stress and anxiety and maintaining overall well-being.

Building a Positive Mindset and Confidence

A positive mindset is fundamental when learning how to overcome exam fear. Confidence grows when you focus on effort rather than just results. Students who practice positive affirmations and set realistic goals and understand how to beat the fear of failure. Celebrating small achievements helps reduce how to overcome exam fear and builds resilience. 

Developing self-compassion and surrounding yourself with supportive people are also important strategies for how to deal with exam stress and anxiety. This mindset shift is crucial for managing exam pressure effectively.

When to Seek Help

Sometimes, despite your best efforts to learn how to deal with exam stress and anxiety, professional help is necessary for the advanced steps. If anxiety severely affects your sleep, concentration, or mood, it’s important to seek counseling. Many schools offer mental health support to help students learn how to overcome anxiety before exams and cope with pressure. Recognizing when you need help is part of how to overcome fear of failure in exams. Don’t hesitate to reach out if your fear and anxiety feel unmanageable.

Conclusion: Turning Fear Into Focus

Fear of exams is a common challenge, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding how to overcome exam fear and applying strategies to deal with exam stress and anxiety, you can turn fear into focus. Exams are important, but your well-being matters most. With the right approach, you can face exams with courage and perform your best.

Reference

For Further information or if you need to know more, Just click the link Mahalakshmi Vidya Mandir for expert support. You Can also visit or contact us through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin.

[reallytoosublime]

Anger is a natural human emotion, but when it spirals out of control, it can have destructive effects on our relationships, mental health, and overall quality of life. Learning how to overcome anger is not about suppressing your feelings; it’s about understanding them, responding constructively, and channeling your emotions in healthier ways. This guide provides actionable steps, backed by psychological research and mindfulness practices, to help you take control of your anger and transform it into positive energy.

[imbrian1287]

English Podcast - How to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking | 🎧 English on...

Public speaking doesn’t have to be scary! In our latest episode, Sarah and David share relatable experiences and proven tips to help you conquer your fear and shine on stage. 🌟

[billa-billa007]

Complexity vs Complicated | How to Challenge your fears | UnLearn Show

Overcoming fear is a common challenge that many people face in various aspects of their lives. Whether it's fear of failure, fear of public speaking, fear of heights, or any other type of fear, there are strategies you can employ to help you manage and conquer your fears.

[natjennie]

something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.

[cobaltfluff]

goro picks up a clingy nyakiren

[dollopole]

“You would have chopped my head off.”

What was the first thing Merlin saw, as soon as he arrived in Camelot?

An innocent man, who had practiced magic, and whose head had been chopped off in front of the entire town.

No matter how Uther decided to kill those with magic, the nightmare that Merlin brought with him, for more than ten years was the first one he witnessed as soon as a young man he came to Camelot.

He had been so frightened that the man on the chopping board could be him to the point that no matter what he had witnessed, that was still his greatest fear:

Merlin was scared his head could have been cut off.

[volkoss]

Fic: Brilliant Things

While Rook is trapped in the Fade prison, Johanna and Emmrich are forced to help each other overcome their own regrets. DRAGON AGE | EMMRICH & JOHANNA; EMMROOK | WORDS: 4,553 | RATED: G

(AO3 LINK)

It’s pathetic, really. Volkarin has always been a soft touch, but this snivelling is something else.

Despite her own prodigious knowledge of anatomy and the undead, Johanna had not known the human body capable of making such a hideous racket prior to the events of these past few days. Corpses do not weep, and even if they did, she hardly cares. 

The worst part isn’t even that she’s reduced to mere ornamentation in the already ostentatious study of one of Nevarra’s greatest necromancers, forced to watch him burn a hole in the floorboards with each anguished thump, thump, thump of his feet as he teeters at the edge of a nervous breakdown borne by the weight of his own misplaced compassion. No, this part was inevitable. Volkarin had always been destined to crack one day—she just wished she could have been the one to cause it.   

No, the absolute worst part, worse than having been denied the opportunity to gloat over her lifelong rival, is that despite the circumstances, the lovelorn fool’s dedication to his Watcher duties have been thorough to a fault. Johanna has of course tested the wards binding her soul to her remains multiple times; she’d been trying to escape before this most recent escalation in their circumstances, it would be downright idiotic not to try when facing down the end of the world as they know it. Especially while her only hope at salvation rubs his red-rimmed eyes and mutters inconsolably under his breath, unwilling to accept that it is in fact his infernal meddling which has doomed them all.  

It’s simple, really: if Volkarin had just stayed out of her way, left her alone, Johanna would still have her beautiful bone construct—the culmination of her life’s work—with which she would’ve had the power to raise an army of undead to defeat this so-called god, this Elgar’nan. 

But Volkarin had possessed the sheer nerve to outplay her at the most inopportune moment. Although she’s ordinarily capable of giving credit where it’s due, she cannot respect the lack of long-term strategy. Of all moments to finally locate his own backbone!  Volkarin had always been like that, though. Capable of surpassing his own self-imposed limitations given the correct impetus. What else could one expect from such a hot-headed, idealistic man as he. Ugh. And couple that all that with a new paramour, a bright-eyed young thing surely twenty years his junior, it’s no wonder Volkarin’s been distracted (but not distracted enough) of late. 

What needs to be done now is plainly obvious to Johanna, or indeed, anyone with half a functioning brain. For whatever reason, everyone in this crackpot team of would-be heroes that Volkarin has somehow gotten himself mixed up in relies on Rook, even though Johanna’s not sure what the impudent whelp brings to the team, other than a tendency to meddle which rivals even Volkarin’s. And as the group’s resident expert on the Fade, Volkarin is the most well-placed to tear a hole in reality itself to locate his misplaced lover. Even Johanna can see that would make for a most romantic story indeed, and she doesn’t even read that sort of dreck.

But it’s clear to Johanna that Volkarin is functioning at perhaps one-tenth of his usual operating capacity, compromised as he is by needless sentimentality. Of course, the type of man who would sacrifice not only his lifelong dream—immortality itself!— for a mere wisp, of all things, would struggle without the guidance of a more indomitable hand.

And in Rook’s absence, the task falls to Johanna. Unfortunately. Here she’d hoped her days of solving Emmrich Volkarin’s problems for him were over, but no matter. Unlike Volkarin, Johanna Hezenkoss does not shy away from necessary evils. 

As always, she chooses her words carefully, delicately balancing dramatic effect and efficiency.

“You know this is entirely your fault, don’t you?” 

Volkarin stops dead in his tracks as though she’d just punched him. The respite from his infernal pacing is most pleasant indeed, and she’s elated by the knowledge she can still instil such a reaction in him even while bereft of limbs.

Expression jumping from shock to outrage and then, most curiously, to acceptance, Volkarin raises two fingers to rub at his temples, quietly answering, “I know.” 

Johanna’s mandibles clench tightly and it is only with some difficulty that she manages to relax them. For Volkarin to admit his failings so readily, the situation must be worse than she had feared. “And what do you have to say for yourself?” she asks instead. The last thing she needs him to know is that she’s worried. 

Volkarin averts his gaze as he hunches into himself. She remembers the stance well from his days as a young child at the Necropolis. “I should have confessed the truth to Rook while I had the chance,” he admits in the most mournful, pitiful tone that makes even Johanna feel sorry for him as much as it makes her want to vomit, if she were still capable of such a thing. 

While it’s not quite the answer she’d hoped for—then again, Volkarin would never debase himself by offering her a proper apology for everything he’d put her through—it’s one Johanna can work with nonetheless.  Doing her best approximation of a tongue-clicking noise, she replies, “Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that argument you had with your paramour.” 

As planned, the words bait him back into action with a sputter. Back straightening and fingers curling into the palms of his ungloved and unadorned hands, he snaps, “Still hung up on—” before cutting himself off and pinching the bridge of his nose as he breathes deeply to regulate his emotions, the same exercises they’d been taught as apprentices. Johanna had never cared much for them. 

The next words that come out of Volkarin’s mouth throw her for a loop. “Have you ever been in love, Johanna?”

One of the downsides of no longer having muscles or tendons is the inability to answer questions through exaggerated facial expressions alone. As much as it pains her to lend legitimacy to this line of inquiry, there’s a frightening intensity in his eyes suggestive of a commitment to this topic of conversation. She suspects he won’t accept a total deflection, or worse, that such an attempt might set off his moping again.

That still doesn’t mean it’s any of his blasted business. The time to be asking these types of questions was thirty years ago, not now. “I’m familiar with the concept,” she says acridly, hoping it’s enough to satisfy his curiosity before swiftly adding, “Not that I see how it’s of any relevance.”

Of course, Volkarin simply can’t leave it there. Instead, his lips purse, the look he now fixes Johanna with one of mixed pity and disappointment.

Infuriating man, to think such condescension could possibly affect her!

“Then you would know what it feels like,” he continues quietly, “to leave such matters unresolved with no resolution.”

Of course he would turn it around on her: a most pathetic and transparent attempt to make this an exercise in ‘practicing empathy’ instead of learning to properly communicate himself. She deftly avoids the obvious trap, cutting to the chase instead.

“You’re an idiot,” she states cleanly, simply. There’s a lack of malice in her words that surprises even her.

Volkarin must sense it too, because even though his body visibly tenses at the accusation, his reaction is short-lived. Instead, he allows his shoulders to slump—terrible posture, really—before running a hand through his tousled hair, the action accentuating the dark circles beneath his eyes. Finally, he sighs, a little huff of intermingled acceptance and defeat. Pinching the bridge of his nose once more, he answers, “I’m afraid you’ll have to explain yourself, Johanna.”

Now she’s really concerned, and even more adamant about not admitting it. Esteemed Professor Volkarin, inviting her to lecture? She’d never thought she’d see the day. Preening nonetheless, she doesn’t bother to disguise the elation from her voice as she points out the obvious. “Your paramour is trapped physically in the Fade, correct?”

Volkarin blinks; it’s too difficult for Johanna to distinguish whether he’s simply concentrating or staving off a fresh wave of tears, so she doesn’t bother.

“Correct,” he answers, fingers rubbing at his chin now, itching at the three-day-old growth which is a sight bewildering to even Johanna.

She does her best to continue ignoring the absurdity of it all as she continues.  “And my understanding is that you are indeed Professor Volkarin of the Mourn Watch, one of Thedas’s leading experts on the properties of said Fade, are you not?”

The masseter muscle in Volkarin’s jaw twitches. “I don’t see where you’re going with this.”

“You always did lack a certain vision,” she says with a sigh which could be described as downright nostalgic. “I simply ask, what would happen were the situation reversed? If you were the one trapped in the Fade?”

Volkarin’s face softens, lips twisted into a smile so besotted it sickens her. “Rook would stop at nothing less than breaking into the Fade barehanded.” Johanna watches him expectantly as his eyes widen in realisation and he mutters, “Oh. Oh dear.”

It would, of course, be too much to hope for him to actually admit that she had a point, that she was in fact, entirely correct as always.  “You always did give up far too easily,” she admonishes instead. “I’m frankly astonished you ever got anything done without me.”

Not only does he have to the gall to ignore her reprimand, he even adds to her immense displeasure by resuming his infernal pacing. There he goes, thump, thump, thump against the floorboards again. All take and no give, just as always.

A newfound wave of frustration pulses through Johanna’s consciousness and she’s hardly a patient person to begin with. “You know, when I told you this situation was entirely your fault, I wasn’t talking about the missteps you’ve made in your pathetic love life.” There’s a new vigour—an urgency—to his steps when he finally deigns to face her. His hands together with frenetic energy. “Johanna, this is hardly the time. There’s so much to set in motion—”

No. Absolutely not.

She refuses to be overlooked again.

Shouting over him, she demands to be heard. “YOU. RUINED. EVERYTHING.”

But Volkarin still won’t be diverted and waves a hand as though before himself as though to dismiss her accusations. What’s downright infuriating is the confirmation that this infatuation with some youth he’s known for less than six months means more to him than all the years they’d spent working together. He pulls books off their shelves with alarming velocity, muttering titles under his breath that Johanna can’t quite decipher.

Never one to back down from a challenge, Johanna tries again. “If only there was more at stake than locating your lost paramour,” she hedges.

Volkarin continues to ignore her, but she can see his hands shake.

She makes another attempt, but this time she doesn’t even bother to disguise any lingering traces of bitterness evident in her voice. Not that she had been holding back on purpose, of course. It’s simply a most peculiar situation in which they find themselves. “If only you had an old friend with practical experience in creating receptive Fade eddies.”

A sharp intake of breath. Aha! A reaction! He doesn’t look at her yet. “What do you suggest?”

She’s not going to let him off that easily. “I don’t know. I didn’t realise you were seeking my opinion on the matter.”

“Johanna.” He finally turns from the bookshelf, pushing back unruly locks of hair from his forehead. “I could not have expressed myself any more clearly.” “Only because I had to do nearly all the work of leading you there!” she snaps back in return. Despite her gnawing frustration, there’s comfort in the familiarity of their conflict, the back-and-forth, the diametric oppositions of their world views.

Johanna will never, ever admit it aloud, but she has missed him. Not that it means she wants to spend the rest of his life trapped in his study, mind you.

But still, better this than death, better this than the cowardice Volkarin had embraced with open arms. For all that the good professor harps on about morality, of propriety, of decorum, of kindness, the real difference between them is that Volkarin is little more than a persnickety academic, but Johanna is the true innovator. An inventor. Her experiments speak for themselves. Yes, her aptitude for the more experiential aspects of their art had resulted in her current predicament, but failure is only ever a temporary setback, so long as the fundamental nature of existence remains intact.

And right now, that can't be relied upon. Elgar’nan had changed the trajectory of the moon itself! Even Johanna balks at such audacity.

It's only then that she realises Volkarin has been silent too long, which is entirely suspicious for a man who so adores the sound of his own voice. But at least he isn’t snivelling again. No, instead his forehead is furrowed deep in thought, fingers scratching at his chin once more.

“Careful,” she warns.

Volkarin blinks, his attention snapping back to her. “What is it?”

“You’ll hurt yourself, thinking that hard about it.”

Strangely, he begins to smile. Maddening man! “I suppose it would be too much to hope for you to simply help me out of mere goodwill.”

Something about his tone and his expression manages to get under her skin even though she no longer has any. “Obviously. You know me better than that.”

“But you are considering offering lending your knowledge to our cause due to the mutually-aligned nature of our interests.” “I would’ve used less words,” she answers in agreement. He holds up an index finger as though about to lecture, but it’s evident in his posture that he’s barely able to restrain himself from pacing again. That he does manage to do so is a point in his favour, for now. “You’ve certainly made clear your opinion on my relationship with Rook.” When she opens her mouth to interject, he raises the other fingers on his hand, and despite herself, Johanna falls silent and allows him to continue. “Which brings me to the realisation your motive was to provide a distraction from my grief so I could recalibrate and continue on the necessary work that must be done in Rook’s … absence.”

While she’s glad to hear Volkarin’s voice tremble as he dances around the topic of the void Rook has left in his otherwise obviously miserable life, the fact that it even does so still rankles her. Even more frustrating is Volkarin ascribing emotions and feelings to her that she does not possess, as though he’s some sort of Chantry sister instead of a powerful necromancer.  “I just wanted to stop the racket,” she snaps.   

“Be that as it may, I couldn’t help but notice your choice of topic.” He sighs again, an exhalation of air that’s heavier than any of the noises she’s heard him make throughout their entire conversation. His shoulders slump. It makes her wish she could slap him with a ruler.

“For what it’s worth,” he continues, “I am sorry. Sorry lichdom failed you. Sorry you were unable to reach out to me. I amespecially sorry you felt the need to conquer the capital in order to attract my attention.” When he lifts his gaze to look at her properly, she is surprised to find his eyes glittering with a mischief that makes her feel thirty years younger. “Forgive me, but I am unaccustomed to receiving overtures of friendship disguised as attempted acts of war.” 

She has told herself many times over the years that she has always hated him. She wants to continue hating him the same way she has survived these last decades in his absence. But in this moment, something within her breaks. Perhaps it’s the way they’re hovering on the precipice of the end of the world, or maybe it’s even the way Volkarin’s eyes resemble a baby labrador’s. 

As it turns out, even she is not entirely immune to the proximity of Emmrich Volkarin’s moral fortitude. Everything according to the Mourn Watch’s plan, no doubt. Oh, she’s not an idiot: she knows why it’s his office in which she has been assigned to complete this part of her penance, even if Volkarin pretends they’re still figuring out the details. All these years of exile but still trapped by the consequences of oaths she had made when she had been much younger and more naïve.  

The realisation should really disgust her but she finds herself devoid of her usual anger and envy, bitterness and rage. She realises, too late, what it is that has broken inside her: the dam that had kept any other most inconvenient emotions at bay.  

A wave of vulnerability crashes over her and she is powerless to stop it. Her next words slip out of her before she’s even had time to think.

“You abandoned me.” Once spoken aloud, she wishes for nothing more than the ability to take the words back, if only to stop Volkarin staring at her like she’s just kicked him. The flame of hatred she holds for him at her core begins to flicker back to life.  

“Johanna, I….”

“Don’t you dare apologise to me!” she screams. Maker, she’d throttle him if she could. Discrete emotions become increasingly difficult to identify, she only knows that she’s been knocked off course and discombobulated despite only trying to help for once. She feels seven years old again, lost and scared in the chambers of the Grand Necropolis, hating all these stuffy mages and their prim propriety, hating the newfound knowledge that such arcane energies filled her veins as well. The only friendly face a shy boy not much older than herself, and she’d helped him out of his shell with her façade of fearlessness.

And in turn, she had watched as he had become one of them.

“You don’t understand,” she hisses. She chances a look directly at his eyes again. He’s patient. Waiting. Despite it all, he wants to understand. Damn him.  

But whether Johanna is capable of letting herself be understood is shakier ground, part of a vast expanse of uncharted territory that lies between them.

Putting it as bluntly as she can, she simply states, “Your parents died. Your parents loved you.”

Volkarin steeples his hands together, comprehension dawning on his features despite what continues to be left unsaid between them. “Ah. I—you never did tell me how you came to live at the Grand Necropolis.”

She scoffs. “What was there to tell? It’s only the same tale from all over Thedas. Parents have child. Parents don’t want a child with magic. Pah!” A surge of resentment swells within her. Why is she talking about this? Why is she talking about this with him? She hasn’t so much as thought about this in years. It hardly matters now. Just look at everything she’s achieved! She’s fifty-one years young and she’s going to live forever.

The thoughtful expression has returned to Volkarin’s face, and she’s grateful to find herself capable of hating it again. “You told me you were born near Perendale.” Why does he even remember that? Regretting ever telling him anything about herself, she answers, “I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Next he was going to be asking her whether she had ever been in love again. Why did he always insist on meddling in matters that didn’t concern him!

“That’s no insignificant distance to travel, especially with a young child in tow.”

“As though you’re an expert on travelling with young children,” she answers hotly, before recalling that pet skeleton of his. The way he doted on it, Johanna would be unsurprised to discover that Volkarin had indeed mistaken it for a real boy.  Very magnanimously, she decides against saying this part aloud.

She just wishes Volkarin would let the topic drop. In the past, she’d always retreated whenever he had threatened to dismantle her walls and bluster with his disaffecting sincerity and dogged determination.

But now, she is at his mercy. And she knows—better than anyone—that despite his spotty track record at seeing through his commitments, Volkarin is nothing if not thorough.  He’s an indecisive man, not a slothful one.

“I simply believe most parents do their best with the resources available to them.” He scratches at the side of his nose. “Most people do, in fact. Even if we cannot, at times, predict the consequences of our actions.” At this, he fixes her with a downright professorial stare.

“I am grateful I wasn’t snatched up by templars,” she begrudgingly admits. “I could have been sent to Kirkwall.”

The corner of Volkarin’s lips twitch. “Perish the thought. I do profess my gratitude that the Mourn Watch was able to take me into their care.”

It’s only when Johanna remains silent that Volkarin appears to realise his mistake. “Ah. Of course. They never did truly appreciate you.”

Volkarin’s words sound downright strange to her until she’s able to identify the anomaly: the phrasing is hers, not his. She continues to say nothing, entirely too suspicious of where he’s beginning to go with this. “And although I wouldn’t, as you said, dare apologise to you, I do want you to know I am aware that it was wrong of me not to speak in your defense when it came to the growing number of censures that had been amassed against you, even though your experiments benefitted my research. If I could redo that time in our lives again, I would have severed our partnership earlier and provided you a proper explanation of my decisions. “I suppose I assumed you would come around to my position on the matter. But I dare say you thought the same as well.” She watches the smooth column of his throat as he swallows nervously. “There was so much I was willing to overlook until I thought the price too high to pay. Naturally, recent events and conversations have elucidated to me that we have vastly different thresholds for such matters.” To say she is stunned is an understatement: that she has allowed him to prattle for this long without interruption is testimony to this fact. But it is even more stunning that to receive a proper explanation for the events that have haunted her for decades from the most conflict-avoidant man she has ever known. Other partnerships are unlikely to be repaired by an admission that they should have separated sooner, but nothing had ever been what one would call normal when it came to the two of them.

As much as it displeases her to admit it, Johanna is certain that Volkarin’s capacity to deliver his soliloquy was driven by Rook’s influence. What other force in this world but love would be strong enough to push a man like Volkarin to the brink of foolhardy bravery?

And while the thought is still annoying, it doesn’t sting as much as it once had.  

Thus, it is with nostalgia and not bitterness that she remarks, “We could have done brilliant things together, Emmrich.”

Her use of his first name does not go unnoticed. How could it? His eyebrows raise so high they nearly disappear into his receded hairline. “You haven’t called me that in over thirty years,” he protests.

“And it’ll be thirty more until I use it again,” she insists in return. “Just tell me the truth. Was there ever a moment in time when you appreciated the power and potential at our fingertips? That you thought we could have been the ones to rule this world?”

He averts his gaze. Grinds his teeth. “Yes,” he finally admits. “I saw it. But it would have never been worth the cost.” Johanna scoffs. “There’s always some crackpot trying to take over the world. It might as well have been us. We had the best chance of it. Both of us liches, our knowledge combined, my brilliance counterbalanced with your compassion… There was a reason I kept a bleeding heart like you as a partner for so many years. But I underestimated your sentimentality.” She wouldn’t be making that mistake again, that was for certain. Just look at the situation it had landed her in! She would simply have to figure out how to best wield it to her purposes while she remained trapped here. If Volkarin thought she wasn’t going to continue using every tool at her disposal to facilitate her great escape, then he was sorely mistaken.

“Yes,” Volkarin answers softly, crows’ feet at the corner of his eyes wrinkling as he gazes at her with discomfiting fondness. “I dare say you did. Just as I am guilty at times of underestimating your brilliance.” He swivels on the spot and Johanna is afraid he’s going to resume his pacing but the walk he has in mind for now is mercifully short, only over to the bowl on his desk where he’s deposited the majority of his grave gold.

“What are you doing?” she hisses, hating how urgent her voice sounds to her own consciousness. She always hates it when he behaves erratically.

“I was under the impression we had work to do, my dear.”

“Absolutely not.” Surely it hadn’t been so long he’d forgotten her utter loathing of pet names.

He laughs, then, long and rich. It is a definite improvement on the snivelling. “Force of habit. Won’t happen again,” he promises. “First things first. I do believe you had some knowledge to impart on the practical applications of receptive Fade eddies?”

“Getting ahead of yourself as always, Volkarin,” she says by way of reprimand. “You need a bath. I don’t have olfactory glands and even I can tell that you reek. And a shave.”

He rubs his hand against his chin again, eyes widening as though surprised to find it covered by hair. “Ah! Yes. Thank you.”

“Completely and utterly useless.” This time, she’s disgusted by the tenderness in her own voice. Oh, no, this won’t do at all. “While you’re at it,” she adds, determined to get their shared task back on track, “get the elf girl and your skeleton boy. We’ll need to replace the stolen dagger in order to kill a god. And I don’t know about you, but ancient elven gadgets are hardly my area of expertise.”

“Of course, I’ll speak with Bellara.” His brow furrows. “But why do you want Manfred?”

“Because I don’t have arms, you idiot.” It really does make building things more difficult. And she won’t even be able to inadvertently kill the wisp this time due to the aforementioned lack of limbs. It’ll work perfectly, really.

“Consider it done.”

Not having much other choice in the matter, Johanna watches as Volkarin gathers his bathing supplies and heads towards the door.

It is on the threshold that he pauses and looks back at her, his hazel eyes bright with fiery determination. “I’ve always appreciated you, Johanna Hezenkoss. Let us continue doing brilliant things together.”

And then he is gone, door to his study closing gently shut behind him.

[clairedsfield]

sdl ep. 299

[rexxdjarin]

all I’m saying is that a lot of the Star Wars fandom is incredibly weird about saw gerrera’s character

and like we know why

but it’s like I need you all to understand that all parts of the rebellion were of equal importance in stopping the empire

saw and his partisans were the extreme and his constant pressing of the rest of the rebellion to actually ACT is part of the reason why they eventually did.

there would be no destroying the Death Star without saw gerrera.

mon mothma and a lot of the rest of the rebellion were often chastised by saw for taking too long discussing things when action was needed. And though at times mon mothma absolutely did not agree with his methods, she did understand that he was right. They needed to take action. The time to argue and overly plan every step they took had passed.

and so his demands pulled the rebellion in the right direction. As decisive action, even if it’s not a 100% correct one, often does.

we need to understand that being overtly critical of him is to deny his importance and represents the exact kind of left-leaning infighting that derails movements. they found a way to band together to make change happen even when they didn’t 100% agree.

we need to understand and accept that, so that we can do the same and move actual change forward.

[pasdetrois]

Marina Dyachenko and Sergey Dyachenko, Vita Nostra (tr. Julia Meitov Hersey) • Mircea Suciu, Camouflage (2) • Agostino Arrivabene, Immutatio • Matthias Claudius, "Der Tod und Das Mädchen" • Henry Fuseli, The Nightmare • Dragan Bibin, Pull (edited) • Maria Kreyn, Angel's Back • Franz Wimmer, Death and the Maiden • Mel Chin, Bat and Dove • Ana Sanchez, Death and the Maiden

[chaos-interwoven]

i told @anxiouslyandmessily i would be nice to jeremy knox today so here goes:

Jean had been keeping his plan a secret for months. Well, not from Cat and Laila, but from Jeremy and fighting the urge to tell his partner, his captain, was very difficult. But it would be worth it even if he had to keep returning to Cat for reassurance.

He got the idea on a quiet car ride home after his Sunday session. Jeremy had been yawning in the driver's seat, perpetually tired even with the later start time, eyes on the road but trailing ever so slightly towards where Jean now knew to be the beach. Jean had followed his gaze, surprising himself when the normal swell of anxiety didn't bubble up quite so far in his chest. Dobson had told him the exposure sessions would make a difference, but he hadn't truly believed her.

Later that night, after Jeremy had left, he brought his laptop - bought with his own money this time and he didn't yet know what to do with the pride in that thought - out to the couch and settled down next to Cat.

"I want to buy something," he had told her, needing her help and not knowing where to start.

Together they had checked multiple online sites and visited stores, sifting through options upon options. There were more than Jean had expected but he needed it to be perfect. He had an image in his head and he was learning to trust his instincts and follow through on his desire. So they looked and looked and looked.

Until they found it.

Cat had suggested riding the bikes to a neighboring shopping district, having found a store that boasted a larger selection of dog toys than those they had visited before. They had trailed through the aisles, Jean quiet and searching, when she let out a small gasp. Cat pulled the toy from the shelf, giving it to Jean the second he reached for it.

It was a shark toy. Not unlike the one the shelter had given them with Jab's adoption papers, but stronger. Jean didn't think Jab would be able to tear this one's fins apart as easily, the material tough and fibers woven together thicker. The shark was made to float, a water-resistant outside with a foam filling that meant it wouldn't sink. It was perfect. Just big enough that he could already see Jeremy's smile at the way Jab would look lifting it. He could feel the edges of his mouth raise slightly as he looked back at Cat, his own smile magnified on her lips.

Jean was more nervous about getting Jeremy to the beach than actually being close to the ocean. He didn't know what to do with that realization either. They had taken Laila's car and Jean could tell Jeremy was confused from the way his eyebrows were pulled together but having him drive would've ruined the surprise. Jab was yapping away happily in Jeremy's lap, unaware and unconcerned with the way his other father was stiffening under him as they got closer and closer to the beach.

"Jean?" The question came softly but he could tell there was tension there. He looked over to Jeremy as he parked and a reassuring smile came easy.

"Come on," he said and Jeremy followed him unquestioningly even when confused, just like Jean knew he would.

The way Jab leapt from the car didn't give Jeremy a moment to hesitate. Jean smiled at his dog's antics as he bent down to retrieve an unassuming bag from the back seat, only letting the emotion play on his face so broadly in the hidden safety of the car. The twisted paper handles didn’t feel like a lifeline in his hand as he met Jeremy’s eyes over the roof. Jean took the leash from him as they followed Jab onto the beach, letting his partner walk ahead of them and toe out of his shoes.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s in the bag?” Jeremy asked over his shoulder. Jean let his eyes linger on that lopsided smile for a moment before merely shaking his head.

At a little before 7:00, the sun was slowly creeping towards the horizon. They walked about halfway to the shoreline before Jean dropped to his knees in the sand. Jab came bounding up to him, putting his sandy front paws on his thighs to get closer to his face as Jean unclipped his leash from his collar. The dog shook his fur out and spun to greet Jeremy when he sat beside them.

“Here, open it,” Jean said, handing the bag over to Jeremy. Jab stayed close to them, trying to stick his head into the bag. It was technically his present but this whole gesture was truly for Jeremy.

Without even peaking into it, Jeremy tipped the opening of the bag forward and allowed Jab to sink his head into it. A little excited bark came from inside and the gray fabric of the shark toy appeared as Jab scrambled backwards.

“Oh,” Jeremy said, surprised and pleased, “He loves sharks.” The smile on his face had grown when Jean glanced over.

“I know. It’s water proof and can float.” That made Jeremy look up from the pup, his eyes glowing in the setting sun. Jean resisted the urge to look away as he had done so many times before and ran his hand down Jab’s back. “I figured we could play fetch since he’s gotten better at it.”

Jeremy’s smile just grew and grew. Jean would never get over how wide he could grin. “Okay,” he said, almost breathless in excitement.

They left their shoes near the path and walked to the shoreline. Jeremy immediately went into the water, letting it lap up his golden skin until it reached his knees. Jean knew that if he had been in swim shorts, he would’ve fully submerged himself. He took a deep breath and walked ankle deep into the water. At this, Jeremy’s mouth fell open in quiet surprise and he soon found the other man back at his side. They looked back at Jab who had busied himself digging a hole in the sand and Jean called his name to get his attention. It was beautiful how simple it was for the dog to relearn his name, how quickly he came to respond to it. A small part of him wondered if he could do the same.

Jean passed the shark to Jeremy, eyes trailing on the flex of his muscles as he threw it down the shore. It caught on the waves, barely lifted by the water. An airy laugh sounded at the way the shark looked in the sea and Jab chased it down. Not letting a second pass, Jeremy ran after him, laughing still and telling the dog what a good boy he was. Jean couldn’t help but roll his eyes fondly as he strolled after them.

By the time he reached the other, the toy was thrown further along and Jab had left to get it. The waves felt friendly against his legs and staring at Jeremy, he could overcome the slight panic at being in the water. Instead, he focused the squish of the wet sand beneath his toes, the wonder in Jeremy’s face as he studied Jean, and the amazement he allowed himself to recognize. Memories of the nest couldn’t reach him here with his pup zig-zagging happily down the beach and in the corner of his eyes the greenery didn’t call forth blackberry bushes. All Jean saw was the man in front of him, his mismatched colored dog, and the sunlight outlining them in gold.

[billpottsismygf]

I can't stop thinking about how Kelvin's treehouse represents safety for him, a safety that was shattered by a traumatic experience on the night of a thunderstorm that he associates with his burgeoning sexuality. How he's been scared of thunderstorms, and his sexuality, ever since. How the treehouse was half destroyed during a thunderstorm, its foundations now unsafe. How Kelvin refused to let it be demolished (annihilated, obliterated, devastated - synonyms). How he rebuilt it bigger and better than ever with the help of his lover. How when that's done, he's no longer scared of thunderstorms, no longer scared of marrying the man he loves.