#however eddie remembered and i wanted to write this to emphasize it

[dumbass-hyperfixations]

The text comes at 9:07.

Eddie: Happy birthday, Hen! Hope you have a good one :)

Hen smiles down at her phone as she sets down her bag in the locker room. Someone really ought to teach that man how to use emojis (seriously, is he secretly 50?), but the text warms her heart too much to be bothered by it. At least someone remembered, even from another state. She’ll take the typed out smiley emoticon as a win.

Hen: Thanks Eddie 🥳 how are you doing?

Eddie: Almost done fixing up my house and making small breakthroughs with Chris every day. But I’m sure Buck’s keeping you all updated. How about you? Any big plans today?

Hen: I’m sure it’s going great, we’re all rooting for you ❤️ and yes, Buck’s giving us all the updates, hasn’t shut up about you since you left 😂

Hen: No big plans today, though. Shift, then takeout for dinner.

Eddie: Not even cake? You’re breaking my heart :(

Hen sighs. She’s breaking her own heart over this silly little thing. She feels ridiculous, being so excited and then so disappointed over such a small thing. She scoffs as she kicks off her shoes and shakes off her jacket before answering Eddie.

Hen: I guess I’m just not in the mood this year. Maybe Karen and I will get dinner over the weekend.

Eddie: Oh, Buck and I tried this great Italian place the night before my last shift at the 118! You should ask him for details, their spaghetti bolognese was amazing :D

Well, definitely not doing that. Not while Buck and the rest of the 118 are being excited over a different H.E.N. in their lives right now. Another thing she’s ridiculously jealous of today: firefighting gadgets. And the way Eddie isn’t able to keep Buck out of their conversation even for a second. She bets Buck never forgets his birthday.

Hen: Thanks, I appreciate the tip 🤗

Eddie: Anytime. Hope you have a great day :)

Yeah, Hen thinks. Against all odds, she hopes so, too.

***

Another text comes around at 14:32, while Hen is taking a break on the roof after that call for Archie, the self-proclaimed invisible man.

Eddie: Hey, just got off the phone with Buck. I’m sorry those dummies forgot your birthday :(

Despite it all, Hen chuckles.

Hen: Don’t be acting like you didn’t remember just because of the Facebook alert. I know you well, Diaz 😉

Eddie: Guilty. Still sent the text though!

Eddie: And I know it sucks, but just remember that they still love you. We all do. Probably gonna be making it up to you for a week. I’ll bet you 10 bucks Chim’s gonna send you balloons. Maybe even a serenading mariachi band.

She snorts into her phone.

Hen: Oh god, I hope not. Haven’t I suffered enough?

Eddie: True. You can always guilt-trip Buck into doing yard work for you, though. He’s pretty handy with that. Kind of wish he was here now, helping me around the house.

Yeah, she bets he does. God, those two are so sickeningly codependent. She’s gonna have to hold an intervention one of these days.

Hen: He’s been giving me THE WORST puppy eyes since they realized they forgot. Could probably make him wash the cars too.

Eddie: Yeah, saw ‘em. He called me all sad, asking about your favourite pie. If you don’t talk to him soon, your house is going to look like a bakery display for a week.

Hen: Thanks for the tip. I DO NOT need my kids on a sugar high after all of this 😂

Eddie: At least they remembered, right? And Karen?

Hen: LOL. Mara dressed up real cute. Not for mama though, for picture day 💔 and Karen at least noticed my (very very nice) birthday outfit, but didn’t connect the dots.

Eddie: Ouch

Hen: Yup. I guess she forgot because of the kids’ schedules. Still hurts, though. There’s usually not a thing missing from her trusty planner.

Eddie: I guess she figured she’ll remember. You guys have celebrated how many thousand birthdays together now? She probably just got too confident in her ability to remember everything she loves about you.

She tries to scoff, but it comes out a little wet. Of course, he’s right. And Karen’s gonna feel so bad when she realizes.

Hen: Damn you for being right.

Hen: I’m gonna be angry with you about that, because you and Athena are the only two people I can’t be mad about missing my birthday.

Eddie: Hahaha sure, if it makes you feel better! Gotta go now, getting ready for work.

Hen: I still can’t believe I’m gonna walk back down to the loft and not see you on shift with us 😔 your talents are being wasted in that Uber

Eddie: Don’t I know it :( take care, Hen. And make Buck your gardener! I’ll be expecting pics.

Hen: 🤔🤔 starting to think gardener Buck is more of a gift for you than it is for me…

What can she say, even in her desperate sorrows, she loves making fun of the whole BuckandEddie thing, no matter how platonic it might be.

The answer is immediate.

Eddie: I’ve gotten tired of all the cooking/baking photos Maddie keeps sending me. He needs new hobbies.

Hen: How many of those do you have?????

Eddie: So many.

Eddie: Save them all, though. I like seeing him happy.

Eddie: He is happy, right? Not just putting a brave face for me every time I call?

Well. She can’t even make fun of that.

Hen: Ever seen those videos of amputated dogs that are learning to move around with prosthetics?

Eddie: Yeah?

Hen: Looks kind of like that. Happy, but still getting used to those wheels instead of legs ❤️

Hen: (The amputated legs are you. And the wheels are all those six thousand two hundred and twenty-two FaceTime calls you’re having on and off shift.)

Eddie: Yeah, I got that. It’s the same for me, really.

Eddie: Really gotta go now. Let me know if Chim sends you balloons!

***

At 21:20, Hen’s the one to send the text.

Hen: [image attached]

Hen: I actually got those fucking balloons. Are you psychic?

Hen: Also featuring chocolates from Bobby.

Eddie: Ha! Not psychic, he’s just predictable.

Hen: LOL, that he is. The worst part is that I actually kind of love them.

Eddie: Not seeing 10 different pies on the table, though. Master baker crisis averted?

Hen: Not yet, but he acted like an awkward butler around me for the rest of the shift. Needed some time to cool off, but I’ll ask him tomorrow.

She sets the phone down and opens the basket of chocolates. There’s a note inside with yet another apology, a birthday wish, and a promise of homemade dinner on their next 48 off. I am loved, I am loved, I am loved, I am loved. She thinks the words on a loop in her head, intending on doing so until she believes then again. God, today sucks.

Her phone pings again, Eddie’s contact illuminated on the screen.

Eddie: I just realized. We have never texted as much as we did today.

Surprised, Hen snorts out a laugh.

Hen: That can’t be right. We’ve known each other for well over 7 years now.

Eddie: I’m serious! Check our previous messages.

And Hen does. The last text before today was a few months ago, when she wished him a happy birthday during their 96 off, to which he responded with a simple thank you. Before that, a bunch of school-related email screenshots and links, mixed in with some carpool-themed “I’ll be there in 15!”s and some Denny and Chris sleepover related negotiations. Each short text thread at least a few days, if not weeks apart. Wow.

Hen: LOL, are we even friends 😂

Eddie: Right?! Like, I know we are, but we have absolutely no way of proving it.

Hen: I’m blaming it on the twelve hundred groupchats the Buckleys have created over the years.

Eddie: Seconded! Why do we need one for every get-together? The original groupchat is fine.

“Mama?” Hen looks up to see Mara standing in the doorway, looking a little unsure of herself.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Mom’s calling you for dinner,” Mara says. “Or, she’s asking if you feel like joining us.”

Hen sighs and stands up. To her surprise, the weight of her chest is lifted somewhat. She didn’t even notice that she calmed down and switched her mood during their chat.

“Of course, I’m coming,” she says and hugs Mara again for good measure before they head to the kitchen. Just to let her know nothing is wrong, that she’s not mad at her. Or anyone, in fact. This stuff happens. I am loved, I am loved, I am loved.

After dinner, she sends Eddie the picture of the cake Mara and Denny brought her.

Hen: [image attached]

Hen: Got the cake after all ❤️🎂

Hen: Thanks for today ❤️

Eddie: Looks good! And, anytime :D

[whoopsieintheuniverse]

Headcanon Time!

Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh I’m writing for Naruto again!

Kisame Headcanons

NSFW under the cut so Imma need the minors to not go under there. Thnks. 

Very polite, mhm. 

This is kind of canonical, but I just wanna emphasize how polite Mr. Hoshigaki is. He will kick your ass in training and then tell you to have a good day and genuinely mean it. 

He’s also just not very judgmental, which is probably due to how he was raised. 

I headcanon that Kisame had a very country, almost hilly-billy like family. In canon, there are no Hoshigaki names on memorials in his village; they’ve been expunged. I don’t know why but that’s some Hatfield-McCoy type shit. The Hoshigakis were menaces to society for no particular reason, and Kisame just had to go with the family.

After seeing what he’s seen, yeah Kisame is not judging you at all. 

Talks to Samehada and knows its responses like the back of his hand.

I think the bond to Samehada and its user works similarly to Venom and Eddie Brock. 

That shit is a symbiote and you cannot change my mind. 

A FULLY SENTIENT SWORD?? THAT HAS FOOD TASTE PREFERENCES??? yeaaaaahhh your honor, that’s a symbiote. 

Sometimes, who Kisame trains with is dependent on what chakra Samehada has a taste for that day. Kisame definitely soils her. Talks to her like a dog when no one is looking. 

Itachi has seen it. He says nothing, but he think it’s cute. 

Because of the bond between him and Samehada, I think Kisame can kind of taste chakra, too. He’s been bonded to the sword so many times that he has some of its powers even when not formally bonded together.

Kisame can swim, but he can’t fish.

 It makes no sense, but Kisame is terrible at fishing. He isn’t all that patient, and sedentary activities like that don’t strike his fancy all that much. 

Itachi is convinced that sometimes Kisame scares the fish away on purpose. 

As for swimming, Kisame, of course, is a strong swimmer, but did you know that wasn’t always the case? 

Kisame couldn’t swim all that well until he hit the ninja academy. I definitely think his family just chucked him into the water, and poor baby was pretty sure he was drowning until he remembered his gills. 

I think the “fussy, nervous kid growing up into a laid-back adult” trope is just funny, and it fits Kisame in my mind. 

Instigatorrrrrrrr. 

Again, pretty canonical, but one of Kisame’s favorite hobbies is starting shit. 

The rest of the Akatsuki is sooooo used to hearing him pipe up,” You just gonna take that?” during an argument. 

Itachi tries to get him to stop with one of his patented “Uchiha glares” but pouring fuel on a fire is too good for Kisame sometimes. 

Besides, he doesn’t do it often. More of just messing around. The Akatsuki is really the first place Kisame has been more comfortable of being himself and not just a weapon or tool, so his personality really has a tendency to chime through when he finds something funny amongst the members. 

In addition to this, Kisame also is very physical in a big-brother way. Very much will give Deidara a noogie. Is also the king of the shoulder-bump thing guys do when they pass you. Kisame is your annoying frat-brother confirmed. 

To go with the above, Kisame has not had many friends.

He didn’t allow himself to have friends. Thought they were liabilities. 

As such, even though Kisame will consider you a friend in his mind, he will be very independent. 

This is because he still struggles with the “shinobi have no friends” mentality, and because he doesn’t want his friends to think he can’t handle himself. 

To Kisame, if he isn’t firing at 500%, he isn’t good enough and other people will think that as well. 

Pls tell him he’s good. 

***********************NSFW CONTENT BELOW!!***************

 NSFW Kisame Headcanons

Get into it, yuh

Firm believer in “attitude adjustments”. 

Like, if there’s something seriously wrong, of course he’s not gonna be one of those guys that just pop it out unprompted. However. 

You feeling bad, babe? Shooot, let your man fix it. Hidan pissed you off? Yeah, let him make it all better. That movie made you sad? Sit on his lap and tell him alllll about it.

Let. Him. Pin. You. Down.

Kisame has such a huge thing for immobilizing his partner. Not even in a bondage way, but definitely with his body. Gets him hot for sure. 

It also makes him feel all mushy that you trust him enough to let him have that control. Think about it. You trust him, a missing-nin, a mercenary, and whatever else people call him. Despite everything he’s done and everything he’s been through, you still trust him and love him. Makes Kisame love you more each time.

Adventurous in bed. 

The Kama Sutra is a checklist for Kisame. No, I will not accept criticism, and no, I will not take it back. 

Every time, it’s kind of interesting to see what positions Kisame will think of next. 

He can’t help it! He loves every part of you, so of course he wants to see and touch and taste everything. One minute, you’re face to face and the next minute, he’s slinging you into a different  position. Just how it is babes. 

He will look out to not stress or stretch your body in any ways you can’t take, especially if you’re not a shinobi. 

Kisame has a thing for being used by his partner.

Now let me explain. To put it lightly, sit on his face. Use him as a dildo every once in a while. Take what you want from him, pls. 

Kisame just wants you to be completely satisfied by him. Using his body to get off like that is just *static noises*. Please just top him once in a while, I promise he will love it. 

So sweet after.

Kisame is not stupid. He knows his stamina is crazy, and he knows he’s rough.

Gives the best massages! Let him work out those knots he’s put into your back.

Likes to cuddle. He’s touch-starved and the first time you curled up to him, it freaked him the hell out. After that though? If you don’t cuddle up to him post-coitus, he’s going to assume something’s wrong unless you tell him otherwise.  

He also likes little forehead kisses and kisses on his shoulders. Don’t tell the guys, he has a reputation to keep.

[liesoverthec]

I don't know if you've paid any attention to this but do you know the official ages of the main characters? You've always paid attention to little details so i feel like you'd be the right person to ask this to.

Hi anon! ❤️ I’m SO SO sorry this took so long!

I appreciate you thinking of me for this - I have in fact paid attention to this 😂 I know about the general age of some characters, and I know within a year of others (depending on when their birthday is they may have aged up already!)

Bobby - 54. He says in the pilot that he’s 50 years old, and so you figure he’s at least 54 by now, if not 55 if his birthday was between January (when the pilot aired) and now!

Athena - mid 50s. In Athena Begins, I feel like it’s safe to assume she’s around 22 or 23, since she’s in law school but not close to finishing (and I really don’t think she took a gap year), and that was 1989, so she was *probably* born around 1966-67. Which would put her around 54-55 right now, which fits with how old Bobby is!

Hen - 41. She says in Future Tense that she joined med school at 40 (if she’s not rounding for dramatics). Since she got into med school last year in the s3 finale, I’d say 41 now. If she did just say 40 bc it was easy, I’d still say she’s between 39-42 now, bc she’d have to be close in age to 40 to round so automatically like that imo. But at this point I’m going with a simple 41.

Chim - Late 30s to early, early 40s. Chim is one of the two I really don’t have a good idea on. Chimney Begins is set in 2005, and he’s at least 21, since we see him drinking beer in that episode. So he was born sometime before 1984, which would make him 36 right now if he was exactly 21 then, but I think he’s a little older than that, since he’s been working in the bar for a while before the fire. I can’t remember any other details that would give him a more specific age, so if someone does and can provide them I would love to add them! Personally I’d say 39-40, bc I think he’s a little older than Maddie but not by much. I can say however that he has a March birthday! EDIT - thanks to the wonderful @shannon-diaz who remembered that we see Chim’s birthday on his license in 2x10 (you can see the pic provided in the notes!) HOWEVER! I want to make a disclaimer (which I would like to emphasize is not me trying to argue against the lovely Ann at all, she’s absolutely right about this, I just wanna say this) - they have already been changing Chim’s birthday since then, since the license says 10/20/1977 and they’ve since moved his birthday to March. So it’s absolutely possible that they’ve decided to change his age as well. BUT! At the point this was shown, they’d already committed to Madney becoming a thing, so it’s likely they thought about how old Maddie and Chim were in relation to one another. What I don’t know is if they thought about Maddie’s age before then, or if they put it off until they had to during the Daniel arc. All of this is to say - right now, as of end of s4, the best info we have says Chim is 44. But I could also absolutely see the writers pulling a switcharoo on the poor props crew and changing his age, since they’ve already discarded the birth date. So I say, go forth and know that Chim is 44! But also please don’t get mad at me if that information changes in the future 😂

Buck - 29. During the entire Buck Begins arc, they say multiple times that the family has been hiding a secret from him for 29 years, etc etc. In the Valentine’s Day ep in s1, Abby says Buck is 26. And in Kids Today (the opener to s3) Maddie specifically mentions he’s 28. So I’m most sure about Buck, out of everyone, esp since Oliver himself is 29. I think he’s the character where they’re sticking closest to the actor’s actual age.

Maddie - around 37. We know Maddie was 9 when Daniel died (Chim says she made the promise to not talk about Daniel when she was 9). Since Daniel died a little over a year after Buck was born, that puts Maddie around 8 at the time Buck was born, making her 37 to Buck’s 29 as of right now. Also, in ep 4 of s4, her mom mentions her being a “high risk pregnancy” since she’s over 35, but specifically does not say she’s over 40. So 37 or 38 for her. (Side note - Maddie is older than Daniel by between 1.5 to 2 years, since she says Daniel died when he was 7.) like I said, I’m most positive about Buck’s age but Maddie’s is a close second.

Eddie - early 30s? I also have no idea about him. My personal best guess would be 33, since that’s how old Ryan Guzman is now, and they’ve never in my recollection said anything to indicate a different age for him! (Same thing here as goes for Chim - if anyone can remember something let me know!) Note - I’ve been thinking on this a while and I actually feel pretty good about 31-33. We know Chris was born in 2011, so he’s turning 10 sometime soon, and that would make Eddie somewhere between 21-23 when he was born, which I feel fits with a timeline of him taking time to work with his dad after high school, and then joining the army, doing basic, and getting deployed all in time to get leave for Christopher’s birth.

And there’s all 7 mains! I’m going to link this in a bullet point in the next character details post, so if anyone wants to add information for Chim or Eddie (preferably with an episode number and/or scene so that I can verify it), I’ll edit this post and give you credit, so that way when I link this post, people will be able to see it all in one place, and the edits w credit will be in the tag for everyone to see!

Also all of these ages are as of right now, end of s4. If you want to write future fic or fic for a past season you’ll want to add or subtract years accordingly!

Thanks for the question, anon - putting together the “age puzzle” is like my favorite kind of challenge!

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

[wordssometimesfail]

Textual Reddie & Queer!Eddie: A Masterpost

So I’ve been planning on doing something like this for a while, but it had fallen to the wayside until @skinks​ and I started talking about Reddie again, and my weak little heart was rekindled.  

Speaking of reKINDLEd (ehh? Ehhhhh?), my Kindle copy of IT is full of highlighted textual support of unresolved Reddie feelings, and a queer reading of Eddie specifically. And lo, a disjointed essay-type meta was birthed. This fucker’s about to get long, so if you’re interested, dive on under the cut – but be forewarned, there are massive spoilers for the book and (probably) Chapter 2 below!

(Seriously, cannot emphasize the MASSIVE SPOILERS enough. If you don’t know what happens and you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read this.) 

As a very general disclaimer, I am not going to be including everything that I highlighted. There is a fuckton, including a lot of small moments of Richie and Eddie interacting that don’t showcase anything other than their closeness. I’ll be paring it down here to moments that prove a larger theme, and some standout cuteness. With that said, IT is a 1,300-page behemoth, and it’s definitely possible that I skipped over something. If you know of anything significant that I missed, feel free to reblog with additions.

Note: I will be using terrible, half-assed MLA citations for this. Pagination is from my Kindle copy of the novel. All quotes will be italicized to help differentiate them visually from my points (if something was italicized in the original text, it’ll be unitalicized here). Unless otherwise stated, all bolded emphasis is mine. “--” will be used in place of em-dashes, “/” will be used to denote paragraph breaks.  

PART I – ASTHMA

“When Eddie’s nervous he reaches for his aspirator.” (King 372)

It doesn’t get much more explicit than this. We’re told in no uncertain terms that Eddie’s psychosomatic asthma is rooted in nervousness, in things that make him scared and uncomfortable. The trigger for this particular explanation is being overwhelmed by the age and significance of Boston, but in an earlier scene:  

“These shoes no longer looked just right... but he supposed they would do for where he was going. And for whatever he might have to do when he got there. Maybe Richie Tozier would-- / But then the blackness threatened and he felt his throat beginning to close up.” (King 112)  

This is Eddie’s first on-page asthma attack. It hits him the first time we see him as an adult, having just received his call from Mike to return to Derry. And yet it’s the thought of Richie, not It or Derry, that makes Eddie nervous enough to need his aspirator. Notably, the thought goes unfinished. We don’t know, nor do we ever find out in explicit terms, what Eddie thought Richie Tozier would.  

Of course, asthma is the most prominent symptom of Eddie’s hypochondria, so the attacks crop up often in the text. The most interesting of these attacks for our purposes (other than Eddie becoming nervous at the thought of Richie) is the following:  

“‘The first of the ‘new murders’ [...] began on the Main Street Bridge and ended underneath it. The victim was a gay and rather childlike man named Adrian Mellon. He had a bad case of asthma.’ / Eddie’s hand stole out and touched the side of his aspirator.” (King 646)

Mike (speaking) tells the gang about the death of Adrian Mellon, and takes care to note three things about him: he was gay, he was childlike, and he had asthma. The connection between Eddie and Adrian is drawn quickly and obviously as Eddie reaches for his aspirator, seemingly out of reflex - but what we can also infer here is that this is making Eddie nervous. He could be nervous because a man with asthma was just killed by It, and he, too, is a man with asthma. He could also be nervous because the parallel that Mike and the prose have none-too-subtly drawn between Eddie and Adrian implies that they have more in common than a respiratory problem. But what?

PART II – EDDIE/ADRIAN

“[The other Losers] are being called--I know that much. Each murder in this new cycle has been a call.” (King 1116)

Mike writes this in the fourth interlude, referring to the way that It’s murders 27 years later all seem to be calling out to the Losers’ Club. By drawing a parallel between Eddie and Adrian through their asthma, King leads us to believe that Adrian’s murder specifically called to Eddie. He also leads us to consider how else they might be linked.

Adrian is virtually Eddie’s opposite. He’s out and proud and in a loving, unstrained relationship. He flirts openly with other men, teases his aggressors, and, to contrast with the neurotic and nervous Eddie:  

“‘He didn’t have much in the way of protective coloration. He was one of those fools who think things really are going to turn out all right.’” (King 27)  

His openness, however, is what gets him killed. While being harassed by some homophobes, Adrian teases and antagonizes them, and the next time they see him they assault him and unwittingly gift him, half-dead, to Pennywise.  

It especially kills me that Adrian’s asthma is not significantly mentioned in his chapter. He makes a comment to his boyfriend that the “air’s better” (King 36) in Derry, which could imply that he has had less problems since he moved there, but the word “asthma” is never used. It’s not relevant to his story, and it’s not brought up until King has to draw a parallel between Adrian and Eddie. Because it’s not relevant to Adrian’s story, the connection that King draws between them feels almost half-assed and weak, until one considers their contrasting personalities and contrasting happinesses in their respective relationships. Along that same line of thinking, the implications of having Eddie directly paralleled by a gay man killed for being gay cast a suspicious light on Eddie’s presumed straightness.  

If we accept that Eddie and Adrian are linked, that Adrian’s murder was a specific call to Eddie, then it goes without saying that there is a strong implication here that Eddie is closeted. He is being contrasted with an out gay man who fears no consequence for being out in a small, violent, hateful town. Eddie’s neuroses and fixation on his psychosomatic asthma are contrasted with a man who hadn’t a care in the world - not even his (presumably) real physical condition. The fear and self-hate that dogged Eddie his whole life never bothered Adrian Mellon, until it killed him.  

If we accept that Eddie and Adrian are linked, and what that implies, then we can infer that Adrian is what Eddie could have been, were he happy, open, and out - and what happens to Adrian is the exact kind of thing that may have kept poor, terrified Eddie in the closet.  

PART III – SEX, QUEERNESS, AND SELF-LOATHING

So, I think we all remember the leper scene--creepy in the 2017 movie, even creepier in the novel. One notable book-only detail is that the leper “[offers] to give Eddie a blowjob for a quarter” (King 400) in addition to chasing him around and being generally disgusting.  

“Come back here, kid, the hoarse voice whispered. I’ll blow you for free. Come back here! / No, Eddie moaned at it. Please, go away, I don’t want to think about that.” (King 394)

Eddie is immediately terrified by the mere thought of getting a blowjob, of being touched by someone diseased, of being touched by a man. He doesn’t even want to think about it... and then the question becomes, does he not want to think about sex with the leper, or sex at all? Regardless, it seems pretty normal for an eleven-year-old boy to be scared of a blowjob from a strange adult with open sores on his face. But there is, of course, more to unpack here.  

Another difference between book and film comes when Eddie recounts the tale to Richie and Bill...:

“‘He didn’t have leprosy, you dummy,’ Richie said. “He had [syphilis].’ / […] / ‘It’s a disease you get from fucking,’ Richie said. ‘You know about fucking, don’t you, Eds?’ / ‘Sure,’ Eddie said. He hoped he wasn’t blushing.” (King 400)

All of a sudden Eddie isn’t just afraid of disease, but of a sexually transmitted disease. Pennywise’s angle on Eddie is a big fuck-off combo of decay and sex--specifically gay sex. Not only is the “leper” a man offering him sexual favours, but Bill is quick to point out that men can get syphilis from “another g-g-guy if they’re kwuh-kwuh-queer" (King 402). Queerness and gay sex are therefore lumped in with Eddie’s fear of the “leper” from word go.  

Since he’s a pre-pubescent child (in that same scene, Eddie recalls trying to masturbate and nothing happening), Eddie’s disinterest in and general apprehension towards sex makes sense without bringing the element of internalized homophobia into the mix. But this is my post, I can do what I want, and Stephen King already brought it into the mix for me.  

Eddie is frightened by the thought of queer sex at another notable point in the novel as well, when he recalls a vignette from his and the Losers’ past:  

“Patrick Hockstetter was down [in the Barrens]. Before It took him Beverly saw him doing something bad. It made her laugh but she knew it was bad. Something to do with Henry Bowers, wasn’t it? Yes, I think so. And-- / [Eddie] turned away suddenly and started back toward the abandoned depot, not wanting to look down into the Barrens anymore, not liking the thoughts they conjured up. He wanted to be home with Myra.” (King 720)

Myra, for those who haven’t read the novel, is Eddie’s wife. If you’re one of those people (or even if you haven’t read it in a while), you might also be wondering what exactly Patrick Hockstetter did to Henry Bowers in the Barrens that made Eddie balk and suddenly crave his wife’s company. Well, my friends, Patrick tried to give Henry Bowers a blowjob. Eddie has to turn away from the mere thought of two men (well, boys) engaging in a sex act. He has to return to his wife, the implication here being that she is there to shield him from queerness, from queer sex.  

And the scene between Patrick and Henry, which we do see later from Bev’s point of view, is extremely telling as to why Eddie has to turn away. Henry gets violent and angry when Patrick propositions him, just like Adrian Mellon’s assailants got violent and angry, just like Eddie’s own mother gets defensive and cruel at the thought of a pair of (unconfirmed) gay men in their town with a nicer house than hers:  

“‘Any two men who bother keeping a house so nice must be queers,’ Eddie’s mother had once said in a disgruntled sort of way, and Eddie hadn’t dared ask for clarification.” (King 712)  

Eddie here is afraid to even question the root of his mother’s assumptions, or the very fact of her prejudice. Questioning, experimentation, being openly anything other than straight in Derry only earns you bile and violence from the rest of the town, and Eddie knows this. Why would anyone come out? How could they? Isn’t it better to just turn away and leave the thought unfinished?  

And it is explicit that Eddie feels somehow wrong and incomplete, in addition to his general aversion to all things queer and sexual. At one point, compounding himself and the homeless “leper”, Eddie has an internal monologue that ends as follows:  

“I got me a disease that’s eating me up. My skin’s cracking open, my teeth are falling out, and you know what? I can feel myself turning bad like an apple that’s going soft. I can feel it happening, eating from the inside to the out, eating, eating, eating me.” (King 405)

By conflating himself with the “leper”, Eddie makes the disease his own. He makes his fear of the “leper” falling apart a fear he has about himself. He fears something within himself, something rotten, turning him “bad” - bad like offering a blowjob to Henry Bowers in the Barrens. It’s a literal fear of disease, to be sure, but that sense of being rotten to the core, being bad on the inside in a way you cannot change, also feels like an apt metaphor for internalized homophobia in light of the subtextual queerness of the rest of Eddie’s fear. And especially in light of another scene in which he feels inferior, rotten, wrong:

“Simply reaching for the cubes of bread [at communion] became an act which required courage, and he always feared an electrical shock... or worse, that the bread would suddenly change color in his hand, become a blood-clot, and a disembodied Voice would begin to thunder in the church: Not worthy! Not worthy! Damned to Hell! Damned to Hell!” (King 1247)  

We will absolutely come back to the fact that Eddie uses Voice with a capital V, but for now let’s focus on the rest of the scene. Eddie’s fear of being damned and unworthy is rooted in a story his Sunday School teacher told him, about a boy who blasphemed. Even as a small child, he has anxiety about his existence or behaviour cursing him – making him diseased, or turning bread into blood. And, of course, for the purposes of this reading, we can’t ignore the fact that queerness and American Christianity don’t typically go hand-in-hand. This compounded with the suggestion that he is rotten from the inside out suggests that Eddie has some reason to think he has blasphemed – and his persistent association with queerness suggests that this reason may be the knowledge or suspicion that he isn’t straight.  

Eddie’s worries even follow him into adulthood:  

“Get off it, Eds, Richie’s voice seemed to whisper. You ain’t solid at all […].” (King 715)

I included this quote because it reinforces my point about Eddie not feeling whole or right within himself. It’s not quite time for the Reddie part of this meta, but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Richie is nowhere in this scene and has absolutely nothing to do with it, and still it’s his voice that voices Eddie’s subconscious fears about not being “solid”. Again, I will be going into this in more detail later. First, there’s one more element of this queer reading of Eddie that needs to be tackled.  

PART IV – THIS ONE QUOTE GETS TO BE ITS OWN PART BECAUSE MY GOD

Most of you are probably familiar with Anthony Perkins, even if you don’t know you are – if you’ve ever been exposed to Psycho, either by watching it or through pop-cultural osmosis, you'll know him as Norman Bates. You also may or may not know that he was famously closeted. He reportedly only had relationships with men until he met and married Berinthia Berenson in his early 40s, and never came out during his lifetime. (Obviously one’s sexual history doesn’t necessarily determine one’s sexuality, but most sources I can find suggest that he was gay, not bisexual.)

Now, if you read Eddie Kaspbrak as gay, this may sound somewhat familiar. Married a woman, never came out, horror icon, it’s all there. But why do I bring it up? Well, because of this:  

“Eddie--it was weird but true--had grown up to look quite a little bit like Anthony Perkins.” (King 628)

On its own, it’s a seemingly innocuous, if oddly specific, pop-cultural reference. Nothing to write home about. Compounded with everything else we know about Eddie, and everything else I’ve covered above? It’s telling as balls. King could have simply described Eddie, as he does immediately after this line, but he takes the time to compare a character repeatedly associated with queerness and sexual repression to a closeted gay man who eventually married a woman.  

(Note: admittedly, IT would’ve been written in the early-mid 80s, at which point Perkins was not officially known to be gay, but according to my father there were plenty of rumours. He was, additionally, known as a repressed, shy “mama’s boy” who was made nervous by female attention. Sound like anyone else we know?)  

PART V – REDDIE

And now for the main event.  

If I unpack every individual piece of Reddie goodness to the degree that I’ve unpacked Eddie himself, we’ll be here for another 2,500 words. So, I’m only going to hit three major points:  

PART VA – CLOSENESS

Richie is all over Eddie. He frequently pinches Eddie’s cheeks, calls him cute, and is all-around physically and verbally affectionate with him. Some notable examples:  

“Richie […] pinched Eddie’s cheek. / ‘Don’t do that! I hate it when you do that, Richie.’ / ‘Ah, you love it, Eds,’ Richie said, and beamed at him.” (King 384-85)

This is their first on-page interaction, mind you. This moment sets the stage for the rest of their relationship.

“Richie jumped to his feet a second time and pinched Eddie’s cheek. ‘Cute, cute, cute!’ Richie exclaimed.” (King 390)  

“‘[My aunts] all pinch my cheek and tell me how much I’ve grown,’ Eddie said. / ‘That’s cause they know how cute you are, Eds--just like me. I saw what a cutie you were the first time I met you.’” (King 446-47)  

Listen. Do you think I’ll ever get over this? Do you think I can move on, knowing that this exists? Richie teases everyone, but he only ever uses “cute” for Eddie.  

“‘Take it easy, Eds,’ Richie soothed, and leaned toward him. / ‘Don’t call me Eds and don’t you dare pinch my cheek!’ [Eddie] cried, rounding on Richie. ‘You know I hate that! I always hated it!’ / Richie recoiled, blinking.” (King 668)

This scene takes place when they’re adults, and I love it for a number of reasons – the easy return to form for both of them, Richie genuinely trying to comfort Eddie, and Richie’s surprise at being snapped at. My heart goes out to the man. 

“‘I hate it when you call me Eds.’ / ‘I know,’ Richie said, hugging him tightly, ‘but somebody has to toughen you up, Eds. When you stop leading the sheltered igs-zistence of a child and grow up, you gonna, Ah say, Ah say you gonna find out life ain’t always this easy, boy!’ / Eddie began to shriek with laughter.” (King 1334)

There are quite a few scenes where they make each other laugh, but this one is my personal favourite.  

And the cherry on top:  

“[Richie] slapped Eddie’s can.” (King 1322)  

The context of this is less than shippy (they’re squeezing through a tight passageway, Richie is behind Eddie and needs him to move forward), but there are few ships that can say that party A has canonically smacked party B’s ass, and I think we should appreciate that more as a fandom.  

There’s also a strong element of protectiveness – Richie is very protective of Eddie in a way that Eddie’s mother isn’t. He genuinely pays attention to Eddie’s needs and tries to do right by him:  

“It was Richie and Bev who went to Eddie. […] Richie dug his aspirator out of his pocket. ‘Bite on this, Eddie,’ he said, and Eddie took a hitching, gasping breath as Richie pulled the trigger.” (King 903)  

“Richie heard Eddie cough twice […] and then fall silent again. He shouldn’t be down here, he thought […].” (King 968)  

“...Eddie [agreed to follow Bill into the sewers] last. / ‘I don’t think so, Eddie,’ Richie said. ‘Your arm’s not, you know, looking too cool.’” (King 1251)  

“Richie turned Bill toward him, looked at him as you would look at a man who is hopelessly raving. ‘Bill, we have to take care of Eddie. We have to get a tourniquet on him, get him out of here.’” (King 1396)

Hey fun fact? Fun fucking fact, Eddie’s already dead in this scene and Richie knows that.  

On a cheerier note, and to add one last dimension to Eddie and Richie’s closeness, Richie is the only person with whom we see Eddie intentionally swapping spit/germs (outside of ritualistic bloodletting). Not only does Richie use Eddie’s aspirator at one point, but there’s also this scene:  

“‘I can carry [the Parcheesi board],’ Eddie said, a little out of breath. ‘How about a lick on your Rocket?’ / ‘Your mom wouldn’t approve, Eddie,’ Richie said sadly. […] ‘[…] Ah say you kin get germs eatin after someone else!’ / ‘I’ll chance it,’ Eddie said. / Reluctantly, Richie held his Rocket up to Eddie’s mouth... and snatched it away quickly as soon as Eddie had gotten in a couple of moderately serious licks.” (King 1243)  

The obvious humour of this scene aside (poor Richie, having to share), the fact that hypochondriac Mama’s boy Eddie doesn’t mind Richie’s germs in particular is both sweet and interesting. The imagery here, of Eddie licking Richie’s Rocket despite his mother’s disapproval (compounded with the pre-established association between Eddie and blowjobs) is just... interesting, to say the least. As is the fact that I totally stole this scene and reversed the roles for the sake of a fic that I would like to pimp as a reward for making it this far into this monstrosity. It has a happy ending, don’t worry. 

What does all of this put together signify? Richie and Eddie are close. They clearly love each other as friends, and the almost flirtatious touching, cute-calling, teasing, protectiveness, and Rocket-licking can also all signify the beginnings of something else as well. If nothing else, it’s fun, sweet fic fodder.  

PART VB – THE VOICE (WITH A CAPITAL V)

This is one of my favourite details. Eddie thinks of all the Losers from time to time, but Richie is straight-up one of the voices in his head. Richie refers to his impressions and characters as Voices with a capital V, and Very often, Eddie will think in them. He’ll hear jokes in them, Pennywise will taunt him with them, he’ll hear the very criticism and hate that he fears hurled back at him in Voices. Right from the start:  

“‘Had any good chucks lately, Eds?’ [Eddie] says out loud, and laughs again.” (King 374)  

As he drives to Derry, Eddie is already laughing and delighting in the thought of his friends (specifically Bill and Richie) and the way they used to be. Later in the same scene:  

“‘Sure, kid, EV-ery day,’ he says in a Richie Tozier Voice, and laughs again.” (King 376)  

King quickly establishes that Richie’s Voices are a source of joy for Eddie, and that Richie himself is one of the Losers that Eddie is most looking forward to seeing. Indeed, in several scenes (including one of the ones quoted above), we see Eddie laughing at or with Richie when he does his Voices, both in the present and the past. But Eddie’s love of the Voices gets twisted by his own subconscious fears – I mentioned earlier that it is a Voice with a capital V that tells Eddie that he’s damned to Hell during his imaginary blood-communion. And it’s Richie’s voice that reminds Eddie that he’s not “solid”, to cap off a scene where he literally runs away from thoughts of queerness and sex. Eddie’s fear of himself becomes conflated with the Voices in a way that suggests his fear is of Richie, of Richie’s hatred, contempt, and dismissal. He is afraid that Richie sees him as unworthy, damned, unsolid. He is afraid that Richie sees the thing that’s eating him from the inside out.  

Eddie wants to be home with Myra. It’s easier to keep Richie and his Voices in his head than to risk what they would (--) do if they saw all of Eddie clearly.  

PART VC – EDS & EDDIE’S DEATH

Yes, we all know and love “Eds”. We love Richie being a little shit, we love Eddie being his tsundere self, and we love that Eddie canonically has a soft spot for the nickname:  

“Man, he had hated it when Richie called him Eds... but he had sort of liked it, too.” (King 374)

We also love (or hate) that “Eds” factors into Eddie and Richie’s final exchange in the novel:  

“But there was something else [Eddie] had to say [before he died]. / ‘Richie,’ he whispered. / ‘What?’ Richie was down on his hands and knees, staring at him desperately. / ‘Don’t call me Eds,’ he said, and smiled. He raised his left hand slowly and touched Richie’s cheek. Richie was crying. ‘You know I... I...’ Eddie closed his eyes, thinking how to finish, and while he was still thinking it over he died.” (King 1386)  

(A.k.a. the scene that nearly made me throw my Kindle across the room.)  

This ties into a broader theme with Eddie that I only began noticing when I started compiling my notes for this meta – his thoughts, when connected to other men, queerness, or sex, often go unfinished. He cuts them off before they stray somewhere that makes him nervous (the thought of Richie giving him an asthma attack), before they stray anywhere at all (the memory of Patrick and Henry making him yearn for Myra, not wanting to think about blowjobs), or before they even become thoughts (not daring to question his mother’s homophobic comments). And here, when he has to say one thing before he dies, when he’s finally allowing himself to conclude a sentimental, intimate thought that he doesn’t even know how to word... he’s cut off one last time.  

And we don’t know what he was going to say. We can speculate, we can infer, but we don’t know, just as we will never know what “Richie Tozier would”.  

Richie Tozier seems to know, though. When he realizes they’ll have to leave Eddie’s body behind, he kisses Eddie’s cheek (just as Eddie touched his in his final moments, and in contrast to the way he used to pinch them) and...:  

“Richie got up and turned toward the door. ‘Fuck you, Bitch!’ he cried suddenly, and kicked the door shut with his foot. It made a solid chukking sound as it closed and latched. / ‘Why’d you do that?’ Beverly asked. / ‘I don’t know,’ Richie said, but he knew well enough.” (King 1427)

Richie’s shutting the door on Pennywise and the sewers and the whole horrible tragedy of it all, yes. But he’s also furious with the grief of losing Eddie, and shutting the door that will now forever separate Eddie’s final resting place from the hole where he died. Bev’s question allows Richie to do just what Eddie did, too – keep it quiet, cut it off, not acknowledge what he’s avoiding or what he’s just lost. Still, he knows well enough.  

PART VI – CONCLUSION  

I don’t know for sure that King intended for Eddie to be closeted, but I think he did. He’s gone on the record that he believes in leaving stuff like this for the reader to figure out. There are a lot of scenes, a lot of small moments, that suggest that Eddie is gay, and while many of them make sense without that reading, the entirety of the picture they paint does not. I’m partial to Reddie, and as I’ve demonstrated above, I believe there is a lot of textual evidence to support the theory that they had feelings for each other. Eddie’s death alone, and the fact that the last thing he had to say needed to be addressed to Richie while Eddie held his face in his hands, is... a LOT. But I’ll be honest – my loyalty is to queer!Eddie on its own.  

If Eddie Kaspbrak is gay, then his story is ten times more heartbreaking. It’s a story of fear, not just of the supernatural but of the very real hatred and pain he would have faced being openly gay in Derry. It’s a story of fearing that something inside of him was rotten and sick and sinful, and that one of his closest friends in the world thought so too. It’s a story of self-loathing. And it’s a story without an end, because Eddie could never let himself think of how to finish admitting what he needed to admit to himself. The truth was lost in asthma attacks, in Myra, in death. In that sense, it’s fitting that King never explicitly stated that Eddie was gay, if that was indeed his intent – it's one more thing we’ll never know for sure, because Eddie couldn’t bring himself to tell us.  

THAT BEING SAID. My loyalty is to queer!Eddie. Which means that my loyalty is to making this shit better, exploring and dissecting the hell out of it, and fixing it. Give Eddie Kaspbrak the ending he deserved! Let him finish his thoughts! Take these quotes, draw inspiration from them, and let’s all cling to each other in preparation for Chapter 2.  

[beepbeeprichiellc]

I know you’re super busy with all the awesome stuff you write but for future works, how about a reddie Vegas wedding. They meet each other and get super drunk and get married and then shit happens. Love ya❤️💕

Ahh, yes...I love this idea...

The first thing that he noticed was he was the smell. There was a stench that wafted up from the bed he laid in, the strong scent of musk and sex burning his nose. That wasn’t it, a faint tint of stale beer and vodka also floated in the air, as well as greasy food and….what was that? Wet dog? What the fuck was a dog doing in a hotel room?

The second was the debilitating pain that throbbed between his temples, the dryness of his throat and the heaviness of his eyelids. Eddie had been hungover before, plenty of times during college and a few during high school. Never, in his entire drinking lifespan, had he experienced a fucking situation like this.

The third and final thing he noticed came crashing down when he finally managed to open his eyes. It was bright, too fucking bright if you asked him, and the room looked just as trashed as him. Clothes of various sizes littered the floor, looking as if they had been thrown down in a haste, furniture was turned over, trash piles every inch or so. This was not his hotel room, fuck was he still even in Vegas?

Eddie tried to remember what had happened, the last thing that he could even manage was arriving at the bar with Bill and Stan, then it only came in pieces. A smile, a dirty joke, some man who smelt like sin and seduction, then….oh fuck. “What happened last night?” He muttered to himself, managing to sit upright in the oversized bed.

“What? Did you say something?”

“Agh!” Eddie yelled, his body spasming at the lump beside him that had moved unexpectedly. He fell to the floor, tangled in sheets with his head breaking his fall. There was a curse that dripped from his lips, his not so graceful small stature unable to recover as he laid on the ground, defeated and nursing his now pounding head.

“Dude, are you okay?” The lump said, the shape of a man’s head becoming visible over the mattress. “Fuck, you really fell hard didn’t you?” He wasn’t an unattractive man per say, there was a sense of uniqueness in his sharp jaw and crooked nose. His blue eyes seemed endless, magnified by the bottle cap glasses that were perched on the end of his nose. That hair though, Eddie thought, wild and untamed caused butterflies to attack his lower gut.

“Who in the hell are you?” Eddie spat, managing to pull himself onto his elbows. “And what did you fucking do to me?”

“What did I do to you?” The man laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “From the looks of the room, it looks like I gave you the night of your life.” He was overly amused, a sadistic grin stretching across his face. “I just wish I could remember if you were any good.”

Eddie snorted, “If-and I can’t emphasize if enough-we had sex, I can guarantee I was the best you’ve ever had.”

“Oh, I like the confidence, whatever your name is!” The man laughed, stretching his long limps across the mattress as Eddie gathered himself from the floor, using the sheets to hide his indecency. Instantly he realized that infact the stranger was nude as well, painfully so as he exposed himself with no shame. Despite every sensible voice in his head, Eddie looked and nearly choked on his drool. The man unfortunately noticed. “Like what you see eh? Care to take another test ride?”

“Oh my god!” Eddie sputtered, a blush creeping up his neck and spreading across his cheeks. “You-you fucking immature-stupid-ugh!” That’s all he could manage as he moved around the room quickly, picking up the clothes he recognized as his own and bolted towards the bathroom, the other man's laughter following him. Slamming the door he let out a ragged breath, confused and angry tears filling his eyes. What did he do last night? And where the fuck were his friends?

Without really thinking he ran his fingers through his hair in attempts to ground himself, however his finger caught in the knots that were created by his bed head and he ripped them out painfully. Everything stopped when he noticed the silver band around his third finger on his left hand, something that had not been there yesterday.

Quickly he pulled on his boxers and stormed out, ripping the piece of metal and chucking it to the half dressed man in front of the bed. He spoke before his brain could catch itself. “You’re married? You fucking piece of shit, you have a wife don’t you? Was I just a fucking experiment? Son of a bi-”

“Okay slow down short stack.” The man said, wide eyed with his hands held up in defense. “I am not married, that ring was on you so if anyone is married it’s you!”

“I’m not married! I’m not even in a relationship!” Not anymore, he thought but refused to add. “And if you aren’t married then what is that!” He pointed to the glisten that came from the other man’s left hand.

“What is wha-oh shit.” The man choked, pulling the ring off and staring at it with a gaping mouth. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit….” In an instant the happy, joking man turned pale. He rushed to the bedside, grabbing his phone and dialing a number, all the while ignoring Eddie’s questions. “Beverly?” He asked, his tone sharp and commanding. “Yeah-yes it’s me wha-no I didn’t ditch you last night! I can’t even remember last night!” His eyes met Eddie’s, making the air in the room become thick, suffocating the both of them. “Check your messages, did I-did I leave you any? Yes? Well look at them!” He sounded just as annoyed as Eddie looked, even more so when he turned away towards the door. “No I’m not being rude-okay-yes okay-thank you.” A long pause followed, then- “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!”

Eddie wanted to leave instantly, the anger that bounced between the walls made him feel small and weak, knowing full well when it came down to it, this man was well thirty pounds heavier than him and could surly beat the shit out of him if he wanted to. With the speed of his lesser years, Eddie went to the bathroom and threw on the rest of his clothes, not bothering with his shoes or socks and prayed that his phone was left in his own room at the Bellagio, if not fuck it, he could buy another one. Stan and Bill were sure going to be thrilled when he told them that he was about 80% sure he had just experienced his first one night stand. Not looking back to see if the other man was off of his phone call, Eddie slipped through the door and into the hallway outside thankful for the clean looking appearance outside. Rummaging through his pockets as he walked he found his wallet, yet another miracle on the worst morning of his life.

“Hey, wait!” A voice yelled, stopping Eddie in his tracks. “You can’t just leave, we-”

“Look, I don’t know you and I’m a little freaked out right now so just leave me alone.” Eddie growled, holding his hands up in surrender. “I don’t want any trouble.”

“Well you found it.” He replied, adjusting his glasses. “Apparently you and I are married.”

“Wh-what?” Eddie choked, shaking his head in utter horror. “I don’t even know your name, how can we be married?”

“Well my name is Richie, and if Beverley is right you are Eddie?” Eddie nodded, “Okay yeah, well I guess sometime last night we tied the knot...and so I think we should go back to my room and talk about-”

But before Richie could finish, Eddie had began to run.

[ostrich-on-a-rampage-blog]

boyf riends 26? for the writing prompt thing

26 - I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed.

Jeremy stumbled backwards, staring at the flames that licked up the exterior of Jake’s house. The beer in his cup sloshed out as he tripped over the edge of the sidewalk, his feet tangling up amongst themselves. Half-drunk, Jeremy tumbled to the ground, his elbows scraping against the rough gravel of the road. He gazed up at the fire, scrabbling back to his feet.

The house was on fire. Jeremy still wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. He had started drinking, trying to forget the awful bedroom moment with Chloe and everything had started blurring together. Jeremy recalled laughing. A lot. In fact, his jaw was starting to hurt. Jeremy absent-mindedly pressed his hand to his jaw, before focusing on the conversations that eddied around him.

“That’s one way to end a party,” some drunk football player remarked, chortling into his cup.

“Yeah,” his football buddy agreed, “that party was flaming. Get it? Get it?” He hiccuped a couple of times, leaning against his friend.

“Holy crap,” Jenna Rolan breathed. She took her phone out, quickly snapping a picture. “I cannot believe this. I literally cannot believe this.”

“Wh-what happened?” Jeremy stuttered, making his way over to Jenna. He gestured vaguely to the fire. “I just– Everything happened so fast and now… How’d it get caught on fire?”

Jenna snapped one last picture, before turning to Jeremy. “You will not believe it. Rich set the fire. He just–gosh, I don’t know–lost it. He was running around and screaming and then he just set it all on fire. Man, Jake is gonna be so pissed.”

“Did everyone get out?” Jeremy asked. Jenna didn’t answer, scrolling through her pictures and trying to find the one that captured the intensity of the situation best.

Chloe sidled up beside him, resting her head against Jeremy’s shoulder. “Oh my god, Jeremy, I was so worried that you were still in the house. When I didn’t see you in the crowd over there,” she nodded her head to the remaining partiers, “I thought that you were trapped in the house. I started crying,” Chloe emphasized, gesturing up to her watering eyes. “You wouldn’t want me to start crying, would you? You’d want to comfort me, huh?”

Jeremy shook his head, trying to focus on what Chloe was saying. His head swum from the alcohol, but at least the stupid SQUIP had shut up. He turned back to Chloe, noticing that she had begun to pout. Chloe’s bottom lip trembled softly. “No, wait, that isn’t what I meant,” Jeremy began. “I just…” he scanned the crowd of drunk partiers around him. For some reason, he felt as if something were off, as if he was missing something huge. As much as the SQUIP annoyed Jeremy, its knowledge would be useful at the moment; the SQUIP could remind him what he was missing. “Something’s not right.”

Chloe giggled. “Of course, something’s not right. The house is on fire!” She smacked Jeremy’s arm playfully. “You are so funny when you’re drunk. We should do this more often.”

“Mm,” Jeremy replied. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes from the flames. It reminded him of the final Star Wars movie, when they gathered around to burn Darth Vader’s body. “You know,” Jeremy remarked, staring at the flames, “vikings used to do stuff like this. They’d burn the deceased on pyres. The Norse believed that they’d be sent to Valhalla with all the possessions that burned along with them.”

“So?” Chloe asked. She crossed her arms. In irritation, Jeremy suspected. “That sounds stupid. Who even cares about that?”

Jeremy whipped around with a jolt. “Michael.” He had been at the party. Jeremy tried to calm himself, searching through the crowd. Of course, Michael had gotten out. He was working himself up over nothing.

“That weird dorky kid?” Chloe asked.

Jeremy ignored her, scanning the students immediately beside him. Not Michael. Not Michael. Where in the world was Michael? “He’s not…” Jeremy moved quickly over to the second crowd of partiers, where Chloe had come from. Not Michael. Not Michael. Not Michael. Jeremy’s chest was beginning to tighten. Michael wasn’t here. He wasn’t outside. And if he wasn’t outside, that meant that he was inside. Inside. With the fire. “No,” Jeremy breathed, shakily pulling his phone out. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding. Maybe Michael had left after…

Jeremy’s stomach twisted painfully. After he had called his best friend a loser, had shoved him away. He hadn’t mean it. It had… It was the SQUIP. At least, Jeremy tried to convince himself that. The thought seemed to fall flat. He hadn’t meant to hurt Michael.

“Hey, it’s Michael. Leave a message at the beep. Or just freakin’ text me. Your choice.” The beep from Michael’s voicemail chilled Jeremy’s blood. He wasn’t answering. Michael hadn’t answered his phone. Why–

Jeremy knew why. He glanced back at the flames that licked through the open windows of the house, his heart dropping into his stomach. “Michael. Michael’s still in the house.”

“What?”

“Michael’s still in the house,” Jeremy repeated, his voice hardening. “I… I gotta get him out of there.”

Jeremy started forward, but Chloe grabbed his sleeve. “Don’t go in there.”

“But–”

“No, I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed for some loser like that,” Chloe said, tugging Jeremy back, away from the flames.

“H-he’s not–”

“C’mon, Jeremy,” Chloe repeated, insistent. “Let’s just go home. If he’s still in there, the firefighters will find him.”

Jeremy could hear the wailing of sirens growing louder as the firefighters neared, but they wouldn’t reach the house in time. Already, it seemed as if the entire house would burn to the ground. With Jeremy’s best friend trapped inside.

“Besides,” Chloe continued, not noticing the way that Jeremy’s breaths seemed to hitch uncontrollably, “why would he have stayed inside? Everyone else got out just fine.”

But, not everyone else had just had their best friend turn them away. Maybe Jeremy hadn’t meant those cruel words, but he had sure-as-hell said them. And Michael must have believed Jeremy, must have believed every awful syllable.

Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back burning tears and broken sobs. He could picture it now. Michael would shut himself into the bathroom, away from the party. For a moment, he would try to convince himself that it had just been Jeremy’s SQUIP, that it hadn’t been Jeremy. Eventually, however, he would decide that Jeremy had meant everything. He would give up. And, when the fire started, Michael would crawl into the bathtub and wait until all went dark.

“H-he might’ve stayed there, alone in the bathroom,” Jeremy explained. “I–I… I… He might’ve stayed.”

Chloe didn’t seem to understand, and brushed Jeremy’s worry away. “Well, then that was stupid of him. But, come on, Jeremy. It isn’t the end of the world. You’ve got new friends now.” She smiled, fluttering her eyelashes. “You’ve got me.”

“That’s… T-that’s not enough. I want… No, I need Michael. H-he’s– I… I love him, Chloe!” The confession burst out of Jeremy and he couldn’t take it back, even if he had wanted to. For a moment, the realization of the truth of that statement warmed Jeremy. Until he remembered.

“I… I gotta go,” Jeremy whispered, ignoring the look of shock that stiffened Chloe’s face.

It didn’t matter whether he loved Michael or not. 

Michael was dead.

And there was nothing Jeremy could do to fix that, no matter how many SQUIPs he took. He had messed up, and he would pay the consequences for the rest of his life.

AN: So, I’m really in love with BMC right now and I’m taking prompts, so if you want to hit me up with a bunch of prompts, I will love you all. 

[aaroncutler]

Sunrise as Comedy [by David Kalat]

June 11th: The following text was written by film critic and historian David Kalat on the occasion of this year’s F.W. Murnau retrospective at the Brazilian festival Olhar de Cinema. Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans screens in the festival June 11th and 12th. More information about the retrospective can be found in English at http://olhardecinema.com.br/2017/en/2017/retrospective-f-w-murnau/ and http://olhardecinema.com.br/2017/en/screenings-2/#.retrospective, and in Portuguese at http://olhardecinema.com.br/2017/2017/olhar-retrospectivo-f-w-murnau/ and http://olhardecinema.com.br/2017/filmes/#.olhar-retrospectivo.

Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau’s Sunrise is the dictionary definition of a classic film. It won (for all intents and purposes) the first ever Academy Award, has been placed on the National Registry, and was the first silent film put out on Blu-Ray.  It routinely places in “Best Of” lists, it’s a picture whose artistry is intended to be accessible to mass audiences.  It is conventionally beautiful, conventionally narrative, conventionally stirring.  It needs no apologies or excuses, it’s just excellent in every way.  

But did you know it was a comedy?

Consider the basic premise: Sunrise presents a sexy, vampish “Woman of the City” who invades a rural idyll where her very presence corrupts a naïve young man.  In order to pursue this temptress, the young man comes to believe his only escape from his existing small-town romance is to kill his girl, which he utterly fails to accomplish, and thereby sets in motion the plot developments of the rest of the film.

Just six months before Sunrise hit theaters, American audiences saw the exact same plot in Harry Langdon’s comedy Long Pants!

In this context, it’s worth remembering that Langdon’s film crossed enough taboos (or do I mean tabus?) that some audiences didn’t find it funny at all.  Meanwhile, Murnau does pitch Sunrise like a comedy, and its contents are not very much distinguishable from what constituted comedies of the same period. For example, Sunrise’s main characters go on a date to a carnival, where they run into money problems and an out-of-control animal (see Harold Lloyd’s Speedy), and the film climaxes with a catastrophic storm (see Buster Keaton’s Steamboat Bill, Jr.)

The young man (George O’Brien) rows out to the middle of the lake with his trusting wife (Janet Gaynor) where he intends to drown her.  But when push comes to shove, as it were, he loses his resolve and rows mindlessly to the opposite shore, where they board a trolley car.  And in one of the most astonishing sequences in all of cinema, the shell-shocked couple gather their wits as they are transported from what might as well be a medieval village straight out of Nosferatu through a forest to an industrial patch and finally arriving in a futuristic Metropolis, all in the span of a couple of minutes.  There is no such trolley ride anywhere in the world—this thing might as well be a time machine.

The transformation is absolute.  The opening scenes take place in a silent movie world of exaggerated gestures and portentous symbolism.  But the city reveals more naturalistic acting, more observational in tone.  And the city scenes are obsessed with the details of the setting—the cars, the clothes, the architecture, the store fronts, the people-watching, the traffic.

Dramas do not often get bogged down in such observational fascination with their setting.  Although it happens sometimes (as with the semi-documentary approach of Billy Wilder’s People on Sunday, or perhaps Robert Wise’s Star Trek: The Motion Picture), this is a technique more familiar from comedies, where the observational detail is part of establishing the ironic commentary. Think Jacques Tati’s Playtime, or Chaplin’s City Lights, or Jean Renoir’s Boudou Saved From Drowning, or just about anything by Harold Lloyd.

Murnau introduces two outsiders into this cityscape—scraggly, haggard refugees from a horror film who have stumbled into this world in a state of high emotional dudgeon and will encounter it as if they are visitors from another planet. Again, the parallel is to a comedy’s structure, with the outsider hero(es) providing for a commentary on the world around them.  Charlie Chaplin rarely stumbled into any of his adventures after a botched murder attempt, but all Murnau has done is to provide a context for his protagonists’ alienation where someone like Chaplin uses his costume as a shortcut to the same ends.  Like Boudou or Mr. Hulot, George and Janet are outsiders invading this space.  We will witness its familiar contours through their eyes.

Setting in a film in the juxtaposition of old versus new has been a central recurring feature of many important comedies (Steamboat Bill, Jr., Mon Oncle, Modern Times, Yoyo) and also specifically places Sunrise squarely in the zeitgeist of late 1920s comedy.

For example, consider what happens once George and Janet arrive in the city.  They proceed to stumble from one episodic set-piece to another. In one of these, they crash a wedding ceremony and are overwhelmed by the moment (wedding vows take on an eerie significance when juxtaposed with trying to kill your wife).  George breaks down, begs for forgiveness, and the two stagger into the street in a romantic haze.  In another transformation of setting not unlike the trollycar ride that brought them here in the first place, they lose track of where they are and see themselves in the fields of home—until car horns bring them back to reality.  And what ensues?  Slapstick havoc in the middle of traffic, that’s what—a punchline, just like you’d expect.  Traffic-based gags abound in comedies of this era.  The scene emphasizes the modern tribulation of city streets packed with noisy cars going every which way.

Observations on the comic aspects of traffic are fundamentally the stuff of movie comedy. Thanks to the coincidence of the age of movies and the age of cars, there wouldn’t have been much to say about traffic prior to the dawn of film.  It doesn’t really belong in any other medium.  Paintings can’t capture the movement well; theatrical performances can hardly stage this indoors; no one would write a book about traffic because it isn’t a literary subject--but 1920s comedians put such material into movies all the time. 

Pointedly, Sunrise does not view this transformation from rural life to modernity as a bad thing.  It seems to be tilting that way in its early scenes, the way the evil vamp is called “Woman of the City,” as if her corruption is connected to her sophistication. Once George and Janet arrive in that city, however, what they find is wonder, fun, and welcoming strangers. The city folk are sometimes a little perplexed by the two rubes, but never in a mean way—and no matter what George and Janet do or misunderstand or break, they are greeted by smiles and tolerance.

Sunrise shows how the new world, threatening as it is to the old, doesn’t have to lead exclusively to corruption—it is possible to navigate your way through this modern world and still come out morally whole.  As such, Sunrise is about hope in the face of wrenching change.

As it happens, 1920s screen comedy was itself undergoing a wrenching change, metamorphosing from silent physical slapstick to a new talkie genre of romantic comedy.  The solo comedians of slapstick’s Golden Age had to make way for a new breed of female stars, who took equal footing with their male costars.  The end product of that transformation would be the screwball comedy, whose genre conventions presuppose flirtation as a form of combat, or vice versa.  The stars of 1930s romantic comedies “meet cute” and engage in reel after reel of open combat, before discovering that hate is just a variation on love; you have to really care for somebody deeply to want to fight them that badly.  Fists give way to embraces and the former opponents end up in each other’s arms.

This is, you may note, the template of Sunrise—in which the couple starts off as opposed to one another as humanly possible, and end up as tightly allied as conceivable.

Sunrise is not just structured like a comedy, it is absolutely jam-packed with comedy actors.  Janet Gaynor, the female lead, was a fairly inexperienced young actress whose resume before showing up here largely consisted of comedy work—Laurel and Hardy’s 45 Minutes From Hollywood, Syd Chaplin’s Oh What a Nurse, Clara Bow’s The Plastic Age, Charley Chase’s All Wet, and various and sundry Hal Roach one-offs.

Once she and her hubby/attempted murderer George O’Brien make their way into the city, they spend the rest of the film encountering comic actors: Ralph Sipperly, the Barber, came from Fox’s own comedy shorts division.  Jane Winton, the Manicure Girl, came from such comedies as Footloose Widows, Why Girls Go Back Home, and Millionaires.  Then there are the Obtrusive Gentleman (Arthur Housman) and the Obliging Gentleman (Eddie Boland).  Both Housman and Boland were small-time comedy stars who were brand names in their own right, having top-lined their own respective series of comedy shorts.

On top of all the comic actors, there are actual jokes: the wedding reception mistaking the peasant couple for the bride and groom, the business at the photographer’s and the headless statue, the comic misunderstandings at the salon, and a drunken pig!

This is a “silent film” in that no dialogue is spoken, but it has a synchronized soundtrack that includes sound effects and music, and sure enough the various slapstick punchlines get their little “boing!” and “wah-wah” music cues just like you’d expect. 

Murnau’s allegiance with the world of comedy continued in the follow-up feature to Sunrise, City Girl (whose title, a riff on “Woman of the City,” signals from the outset its agenda vis a vis Sunrise).  City Girl opens with a scene in which a rube on a train unwisely reveals a fat bankroll and his own unwary attitude towards his money, rendering him an easy mark for the attention of a grafter.  And once again we find Murnau pulling plot points from the films of Harry Langdon—in this case, the short Lucky Stars.

Murnau stuffed the cast of City Girl with comedy veterans, too: Eddie Boland is back (briefly); Guinn “Big Boy” Williams was a regular supporting actor in silent and talkie comedies (including the brilliant Ladies Night in a Turkish Bath with Jimmy Finlayson); David Torrence earned his slapstick comedy credentials a few years after working with Murnau, in the Laurel and Hardy film Bonnie Scotland; and Richard Alexander was on the front end of what would prove to be a wildly varied career that included Harry Langdon’s See America Thirst, as well as Laurel and Hardy’s Them Thar Hills and Babes In Toyland.

Finding such comedy references in a Murnau film may be jarring to those who think of him only in terms of Nosferatu and other grim fables.  That may be a sizeable contingent, I realize.  It is generally the tendency of critics who write about Murnau’s films to identify the comic elements as something imposed on Murnau against his wishes by the studio in an effort to Americanize and popularize his films.

The primary English language text on Murnau is Lotte Eisner’s The Haunted Screen — the very title of which signals its preoccupations and prejudices when it comes to Murnau.  And so in her fealty to those prejudices, Eisner skips over, dismisses, or otherwise brushes under the rug any of Murnau’s works that don’t fit the bill.

Lotte Eisner suggests that all these tawdry jokes were inserted into Sunrise by Fox gag men and Murnau was obliged to go along with them.  Hey, but wait a minute–Sunrise was famously made without studio interference, and even after his falling out with Fox, Murnau never said that Sunrise was anything other than a work of total creative freedom.  You can’t have your cake and eat it too—you can’t say Murnau had total creative freedom but he also had to tolerate jokes inserted into the script against his will. If Sunrise was Murnau’s vision, his vision was prone to flirt with comedy.

Now might be the time to note, ahem, that The Last Laugh has its own comic elements, in which a bleak story comes to a tragic end, and then reboots itself as a comedy for its final reel—inspiring the English language title.

For that matter, Murnau made The Finances of the Grand Duke, a mild action-comedy about a master thief that in many ways anticipates similar lighthearted fare along the lines of Arsène Lupin or To Catch a Thief or a fair chunk of Steven Soderbergh’s back catalog.

The magic of Murnau is that his genius was not limited to vampires and demons—the man was also gifted with a deft comic touch.  Sunrise is Murnau’s comedy masterpiece.