#hwang da seul

[nonglukest]

Ju Yeong & Do Hoe | Episode 8 | Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo

[chicademartinica]

The Hwang Da Seul megaverse

[heretherebedork]

The kiss! The sweetness and then Dohoe pulling away when Juyeong tried again and isn't that just heartbreaking and a sign of everything else that keeps happening and how they relate to each other and the pain and the fear and the love that keeps hurting because neither of them really knows how to love.

[taeminie]

Do you think parents can change? What I'm sure of is... minors can't do anything on their own. Go to sleep. You didn't get much sleep. Get some sleep and then think about it. I'm sleepy, but I can't sleep. I don't think I've ever slept properly.

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo 2024 | dir. Hwang Da Seul

[bengiyo]

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo: We Are So Fucking Back

I am glad that we are all having a normal one in reaction to Hwang Da Seul's latest project (@chicademartinica, @dropthedemiurge, @shortpplfedup, @lurkingshan). I'm still meditating on the whole affair, but for now want to get into how Hwang Da Seul feels so compassionate to closeted men, and how I also am stuck on the removal of the cross (@my-rose-tinted-glasses).

Shan already linked back to The Knowing, and I keep thinking about how rare it is to see two boys who've already come to an understanding of themselves meeting each other, and also including a bully who knows himself. What stands out for me with Hwang Da Seul is how old the pains weighing on her characters feel each time.

Dohee has suffered the abuse of his father, abandonment of his mother, and dissolution of his closest friendship, and he's just pushing through to leave all of this. His pain is obvious and lived in. He doesn't have to sit around moping exclusively about how he feels, because it's ever present. Like anyone else living with chronic pain, you just have to do stuff while hurting a lot of the time.

Juyeong is so fascinating to me because his exuberance and passion makes it almost impossible to hide who he is, and I will always be a sucker for the characters who love so loudly that you can't turn it off. I also keep thinking about how he has been communicating his attraction through his eyes so often, and how he's made desire known through all of his careful flirting.

The building romance between them hits for me most because they're paying attention to each other. Dohee made food that he realized Juyeong would like, is careful about hurting him in their sparring matches, and went for the ice cream that Juyeong said he wanted. Juyeong heard Dohee say he wanted to see snow, and so he made snow for him!

Now, back to that cross. Rose's post and one @benkaben posted have been rattling around in my head for hours. We know that Juyeong's mom is a pastor, and that he's being sent here as essentially conversion therapy (as Shan already pointed out). It's not just that he takes the cross off before confessing, which clearly shows that he's setting everything associated with that aside. It's that he's also confessing through a wall. It's such a small detail in how you can set aside the weight of responsibility and guilt associated with your queerness, but you don't lose the cultural touchstones: for some Christians (I was raised Catholic) you confess your signs through a mild layer of anonymity by putting some sort of wall or separation between you and the priest. There's something so subversive about having Juyeong set down his cross but still confess his feelings like a Christian.

I am also curious where Hyeonho will feature in the rest of this story. It's clear that he and Dohee felt something between each other at some point, and that Hyeonho ran from it. He doesn't want Dohee to get hurt too badly, and he's observing the growing relationship between Dohee and Juyeong. I'm so happy this character exists, because it gives us three characters struggling with the pressures on them to be a certain way. If we had to have a character who will make ugly choices around that, it helps for it not to be part of the main pair, and it also shows that these boys have not been the only queers around that they knew of.

Finally, let me just thank Hwang Da Seul for not being precious about the kissing. I like that their first proper kiss was their second kiss, and I like that it was awkward. I loved them false starting multiple times, trying to make sure they weren't observed too closely (considering their history), and I like that they built back to it. I know that kissing early means we're in for much pain, but it's so nice to have a show not dance around the kissing, or have it be especially mild. I like when two boys like each other and go for it.

I'm so happy that Hwang Da Seul is back. Every time I watch her shows I feel like I'm talking to someone who understands what the inside of the closet looks and feels like. I always feel seen by her in a way that feels gentle. She lets me remember how scary and ugly all of that was without it being a triggering or jarring experience. Peak drama season is upon us, because we're also about to get Love in the Big City in just three days. See you all on the other side.

[how-to-be-a-tree]

"I WANT IT, I GOT IT" BABIES

[impala124]

No, I don't think you understand. For Juyeong and Dohoe (who were expected to act like role models for others by their parents) to say that we have each other and that is enough, we don't need to live for others is so revolutionary.

She is telling this story to a majorly Korean audience, for whom it has been ingrained since birth that having no personal achievements makes you less of a person. But here she is lovingly telling us that it's okay if all we do in this lifetime is love (give and receive).

[dramadramallama]

there's a little somethin' somethin' in Hwang Da-seul's works that is hard to pinpoint, but hits—very strategically and precisely—at what I personally delight in.

is it the bitterness, in all these stories, highlighting the sweetness? the fact that the characters appear incredibly fragile? made of many, many, very, very thin layers that make it hard to parse them?

something about the grey areas, the gaps in the story line(s) remaining untouched: merely suggestions, but it paints an image, like seemingly random lines in a rough sketch; either you see the bigger picture (or you don't), either way—it's fine, it doesn't really need to be more detailed. not sure if it's a signature move, or just making the most of the production budget...

but idk it never feels unpleasant, like an itch that you can't scratch; it's just a sensation that's there and that's it. like I said, hard to pinpoint.

(although i do love the longer runtime in Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo, which did absolute wonders to the storytelling. you can definitely feel how fuller it is compared to her earlier works. i already look forward to what she can do next.)

[conscbgb]

MOTHER IS BACK!! AND SHE CREATED MORE MAGIC FOR US!! 👑🙌

Let Free The Curse Of Taekwondo

This marks the comeback project of director Hwang Da Seul following ‘Where Your Eyes Linger,’ ‘To My Star,’ ‘Blueming,’ and ‘To My Star 2.’

Juyoung reunites with his long-lost first love, Dohoi, whom he has been desperately searching for, at a funeral after twelve years. "It feels like everything is cursed..." Twelve years ago, the two of them shared a tender love, empathizing with each other's wounds. How did they end up estranged from each other? Dohoi, who found his own dream instead of Taekwondo as he desired, and Juyoung, who still does Taekwondo: can they break the curse of the past now, twelve years later?

[sookja]

블루밍 blueming (2022) dir. hwang da seul

을의 연애 business as usual (2025) dir. min chae yeon

[chicademartinica]

Hwang Da Seul do you think you’re slick ? *cries*

Let free the curse of taekwondo (2024)

To my star 2 (2022)

[heretherebedork]

I'm just a loser with too much pride. Please, don't abandon me.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Revisiting To My Star: If it’s hard for you (season 1, episodes 7, 8, & 9)

Past posts in this series:

Revisiting To My Star: A pursuer meets a distancer (season 1, episodes 1 & 2)

Revisiting To My Star: It's really hard to meet someone who's fun to be around (season 1, episodes 3 & 4)

Revisiting To My Star: This is considered flirting (season 1, episodes 5 & 6)

Also useful here:

My overview post about pursuer and distancer roles in relationships and how they relate to BL pairs

Well, I’ve reached the end of To My Star’s first season. Slowing down to write about it and discuss episodes with @my-rose-tinted-glasses and others it has definitely been worthwhile. I’ve noticed so many new things and gained a lot of perspective on things I was already aware of. 

As in my last post, I’m going to summarize the episodes I’m covering here for folks who could use a refresher and to help me restrain myself from summarizing elsewhere. If you already know these episodes well, feel free to skip past this bit. 

Episode 7: We see the rest of the confession scene that started in episode 6, Seo Joon confronts the supposed friend with whom he was involved in the scandal incident and decides to release the CCTV video from that night to the press, Hyung Ki starts to suggest to Ji Woo that they blackmail Seo Joon together (using a photo of him about to kiss Ji Woo during the “picnic” from episode 5), and Ji Woo goes home, packs a bag, and rejects Seo Joon horribly inside of a literal closet. 

Episode 8: The rest of the conversation between Hyung Ki and Ji Woo is shown. We also see that after Ji Woo said those hurtful things to Seo Joon, he told Pil Hyun he was moving out and left. A journalist comes to the door and tells Seo Joon about the photo of him and Ji Woo and apologizes for taking it and sharing it with Hyung Ki. Ji Woo meets with Hyung Ki to try to pay him off himself, but then Seo Joon joins them, pays Hyung Ki the blackmail money, and asks Ji Woo to come home with him. At first Ji Woo pushes Seo Joon away again, and Seo Joon almost leaves, but he comes back and tells Ji Woo he suspects that he returns his feelings. “If it’s hard for you, I’ll go to you,” he tells a crying Ji Woo, then he strides over and kisses him. 

Episode 9: Seo Joon and Ji Woo are together! Hyung Ki has a final meeting with Ji Woo in which, not for the first time, he insults him and admits he has feelings for him at the same time. He says he’ll pay the money back eventually. Various people express their disapproval of Hyung Ki for good measure. Aside from that, this episode is just a lovely ball of fluff with references to various events leading up to their relationship and ending with a truly sublime intimate scene. 

Overview

Episodes 7 and 8 represent a shift from capturing relatively subtle relationship developments to being more plot-driven and portraying more dramatic moments in the central relationship. The main way in which the more plot-heavy storylines (the resolution of Seo Joon’s scandal and Hyung Ki's blackmail plot) end up mattering for the relationship story is that they give Ji Woo and Seo Joon reasons to face challenges together and position them in opposition to other characters, both of which reinforce their bond. The other characters also sometimes act as foils that point out important things about the connection between them. Then we get to enjoy the finale, which is about 80% fluff. But just because the relationship stuff in episode 9 is fluffy doesn’t mean it doesn’t also reveal quite a few things about the characters and how they relate to each other. 

Before we get into what happens with Seo Joon and Ji Woo in these episodes and what it tells us about their relationship, their personalities, and their habitual ways of behaving in relationships, let’s cover what happens with the green shoe person, Yang In Woo, and Hyung Ki. That way, we can end on a more positive, relationship-focused note. 

Something bad happened

First, we find out who the green shoes belonged to! Her name is Seo Yeon and she works for a company called Vaspatch U.S.A. She took the photo of Seo Joon and Ji Woo and shared it with Hyung Ki, but at least she came to tell Seo Joon and apologized afterward. Oh, and she went to the restaurant to cuss out Hyung Ki in English, and he responds in kind. I usually enjoy out-of-nowhere English in a kdrama, especially if it involves profanity. Hyung Ki really has it coming, too. So I always enjoy that scene. 

You already have everything

In episode 7, Seo Joon invites Yang In Woo, the friend who was involved in the incident with him that led to his scandal, over to talk. He’s full of bluster at first, then tries to convince Seo Joon that he should let him lie about what happened to make himself look better because, well, Seo Joon has had a good career and In Woo hasn’t and he basically feels like it’s his turn and Seo Joon should “share” with him. Seo Joon isn’t OK with this, and he’s really firm with In Woo in a way. But he still offers to compromise and say they had a mutual fight. This is probably, at least in part, a concession so that he can avoid releasing the CCTV recording in which he has a visible panic attack. But it’s also an attempt to compromise with someone he always thought was his friend. When In Woo won’t even make that much of a concession, he calls and tells someone—my guess is it’s Yoon Seul, but it could be Pil Hyun or someone else from the management office—to release the recording. Just in case we had any doubt that he was a total dick, In Woo then tries to trigger Seo Joon’s panic disorder by jostling the table, causing glass stuff to rattle together. 

There is something you could say in In Woo’s favor, though. When the recording gets released, we finally get to see what happened. In Woo started a fight with other patrons at the restaurant, causing some glass to break which in turn triggers Seo Joon to have a panic attack. Most of the details are damning for In Woo, except for one. Before the fight, the other patrons are talking shit about someone, saying that this famous person isn’t so great in person. Given how much more famous Seo Joon is than In Woo, it seems pretty certain that they were talking about him. Seo Joon asked In Woo not to cause a scene, and he didn’t listen. The incident is still clearly his fault. But at least we know that he was protective enough of Seo Joon at one time to want to fight three strangers for badmouthing him. 

This situation implies some interesting things about Seo Joon. He tells In Woo, “I…saw you as a better person than you really are.” Perhaps Seo Joon has a tendency to idealize the people he’s close to. It would be consistent with how much he values relationships and needs to have people around him. He’s also pretty soft-hearted when it comes to those he cares about, so it’s helpful to him that In Woo continues to behave in such a shitty manner. When he refuses to compromise, he says, “It’s a relief. You’re bad til the end.” If In Woo had been less of an asshole, he might have been tempted to compromise with him or felt guilty for not doing so. But In Woo did him a sort of unintentional favor by being so selfish and intransigent. Now Seo Joon doesn’t have to feel conflicted. 

Let’s also live a little easier

Hyung Ki has mostly just been pining at Ji Woo up to this point. While it’s easy to find him annoying, as characters often are when we’re waiting for a couple to get together and this other person has the audacity to be in love with one of them, he hasn’t done anything wrong as far as we can tell (despite some mysterious hints). Well, in the last part of the series, Hyung Ki shows his true colors, and they aren’t pretty. 

When Hyung Ki finally tries to open up to Ji Woo, three things come out. 1) He has feelings for Ji Woo, 2) he’s very conscious of having more status than Ji Woo and it bothers him that Ji Woo doesn’t seem to feel insecure about this, and 3) he realizes that he has ridden on Ji Woo’s coattails because, well, Ji Woo has more talent as a chef than he does. Let’s drill down on these a bit. 

First, let’s talk about Hyung Ki’s feelings for Ji Woo. Hyung Ki seems like he’s been pining for Ji Woo in silence for quite some time—possibly for years. When Pil Hyun asked about Ji Woo’s current restaurant, he asked if he was working with “the same guy from the other restaurant.” It seems like they’ve been coworkers, at the very least, for a good while. Hyung Ki doesn’t quite come out and say that he has feelings for Ji Woo, but he makes it quite clear. When he first suggests they blackmail Seo Joon to save the restaurant from going under, he puts his hand on Ji Woo’s and says, “Ji Woo, you’ve known me for longer. Him, he doesn’t really matter to you…right?” He’s so pathetic in that moment that out of context, it might be tempting to root for him. When Ji Woo comes to get his things and say goodbye for good, Hyung Ki pauses and says in a small, subdued voice, “I just wanted to be close with you.” Like so many characters in media, he was complacent about the person he liked and then, when a rival showed up, he suddenly felt more urgency. But it was too late, the competition was too stiff, and given the next item on the list, maybe he’s been treating Ji Woo in a low-key shitty way for too long. 

It’s too bad Hyung Ki can’t just tell Ji Woo about his feelings directly and leave it at that. It would be best if he would, even if Ji Woo doesn’t feel the same way. But Hyung Ki seems to feel compelled to throw in the second item on the list: he’s very conscious of having more status than Ji Woo, but Ji Woo doesn’t show deference or seem to doubt himself in relation to Hyung Ki, and that bothers him. Hyung Ki isn’t actually better than Ji Woo in any way. But Hyung Ki seems to have bought into some cultural ideas about status to a great extent—possibly because if being rich and having a fancy education make you superior, that makes him superior to most people. We know that Ji Woo is actually incredibly self-conscious about things like being on his own without a family, but it doesn’t seem like Hyung Ki gets to see that side of him, perhaps because he doesn’t trust him enough to show it. Hyung Ki has a kind of rage about Ji Woo’s apparent lack of regard for his status that seems to have been festering and seething under the surface for some time, and finally comes to the surface given the strain of his family’s bankruptcy and his jealousy about Ji Woo’s growing bond with Seo Joon. 

Hyung Ki also seems to realize, and even occasionally admits, that Ji Woo is actually the superior chef between the two of them. Not only that, but much of the praise and status Hyung Ki has gained from the restaurant is really due to Ji Woo’s talents, and he’s very aware of that as well. When other people say he’s better than Ji Woo because he studied in Italy and so forth, he tries to protest (politely), but he doesn’t really stand up to them. When he admits that Ji Woo was the one who came up with their menu, it doesn’t sound like it’s something he usually acknowledges out loud. It seems like Hyung Ki doesn’t like taking credit for Ji Woo’s work or being touted as better than him while knowing the opposite is true. But he still has his status-conscious side, which might explain why he tolerates it as much as he does. That same part of him seems to resent Ji Woo for being so talented, too. 

When Ji Woo refuses to take part in his blackmail plan, Hyung Ki voices his contempt for Ji Woo in really insulting terms before calming down enough to make an indirect confession and a plea for Ji Woo to stay by his side and abandon Seo Joon. (He doesn’t seem to notice how weird it is to switch so abruptly from one to the other.) Hyung Ki references the fact that Ji Woo came up with all of their recipes, but only to try to convince him to try to keep the restaurant going instead of having to start over at another restaurant. Later, when Ji Woo comes to take his leave and proposes that they could “go back to how things were,” Hyung Ki voices all three of these feelings/sets of beliefs. Both times, Hyung Ki didn’t have any hope of getting Ji Woo to choose him instead of Seo Joon. But they could have remained on good terms and Hyung Ki wouldn’t have dug himself even deeper into a bitter, entitled hole if he had just talked about how he felt about Ji Woo, refrained from openly disrespecting him, and made the slightest gesture toward making amends. 

It’s no wonder Ji Woo couldn’t return Hyung Ki’s feelings. Those feelings were too tainted by resentment and contempt to lead to anything real. Seo Joon, in contrast, has an even greater kind of status as a celebrity, along with more money, but has never held it over Ji Woo’s head…well, he did hold his wealth over his head a bit when they first met, generally in response to a perceived slight. But he hasn’t done it once since they really started to bond. Hyung Ki’s faults help to highlight one of Seo Joon’s strengths. 

One thing that really stood out to me about Hyung Ki is the way he responds when Ji Woo isn’t willing to blackmail Seo Joon with him. At this point, Ji Woo still can’t believe Hyung Ki is actually considering doing something so repulsive. He says things like, “Are you saying this sincerely?” and, “You’re not being serious, right?” He sincerely thought that Hyung Ki was better than this. If Hyung Ki were looking at things more clearly, he’d see that this is actually a sign that Ji Woo thinks well of him—or at least, that he used to. But the chip on his shoulder and his defensiveness about the fact that he really is the kind of person who would do such a terrible thing makes him look at it in a distorted way. “You’re making me look like trash,” he says with a creepy smile on his face. Of course, Ji Woo didn’t really do that. Hyung Ki made himself look that way by acting like trash. Now Ji Woo is holding a mirror up to him through his reaction, so Hyung Ki is lashing out at him. It takes a certain kind of self-centered person to be so indignant when someone points out that they’re doing harm—to act wounded by the fact that someone has pointed out the way they’re wounding others. 

When I’m with you, I feel like I’ll be put in danger

Right up until the point where they finally get together, Ji Woo’s avoidant/dismissing attachment and distancer tendencies act as barriers to his getting together with Seo Joon. Thankfully, by the end, they’re able to overcome his fears together. 

Episode 6 cut off the confession scene at the point where Seo Joon says, “I’m even more certain as I face you. I’m not joking. I want to kiss you even when I’m not drunk. Let’s date.” The scene picks back up in episode 7 with Ji Woo’s reaction. Until you have a moment to think about it, his response seems out of left field. “Do you pity me?” he asks Seo Joon. “Do you pity me because I don’t have anything and live off people? You heard from Kim Pil Hyun. You’re the same as everyone else. Just because I’m struggling to meet ends…by myself! You’re pitying me.” 

This is such an inaccurate guess as to be a kind of non sequitur. Seo Joon has never shown any sign of seeing Ji Woo differently because his family isn’t around anymore, or of looking down on him in any way. Anyway, pretending to be in love with someone because you pitied them in such a way would be bizarre. But Ji Woo isn’t saying this because he believes it on a rational level. He’s saying it because Seo Joon’s earnest confession is scaring the crap out of him, and it’s matching up in his mind with one of his other biggest fears when it comes to his relationships—a fear so big that it’s an integral part of why he’s afraid to let others in in the way Seo Joon is urging him to in that moment. In other words, Ji Woo is afraid of intimacy in general, and part of that is because he’s afraid that if he gets close to other people, they’ll turn out to pity him—or look down on him, or eventually reject him—because of the losses he’s suffered, his isolation, or his lack of resources. That fear is activated in that moment, along with related ones, and it becomes something he can throw at Seo Joon to push him away. 

Seo Joon may not grasp all of this, but he can see that Ji Woo is emotionally dysregulated in a big way, and he knows that his confession caused it, no matter how well-intentioned it was. He’s particularly culpable since he persisted when Ji Woo had already given him signals to back off, even if his justifications in those moments were as flimsy as this one. So he apologizes. He hugs Ji Woo, even though he tries to throw him off, and says in a quiet voice, “You know that’s not true. You know very well….I only thought of myself. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” Ji Woo relaxes in his arms and stays in the hug for a while, and the scene cuts off. He hasn’t responded favorably to Seo Joon’s confession, but after that first attempt at resistance, he has at least responded to the way he’s holding him. 

I’ve never really settled on what I think about Seo Joon’s apology until now, but in light of this rewatch and the more detailed examination of the story I’ve been doing during it, I think I get it. Or at least, I have an interpretation that makes sense to me. 

Seo Joon starts by denying what Ji Woo said, with good reason. I like that he tells Ji Woo that he already knows it isn’t true. I’m sure he does know that, at least on some level. Seo Joon isn’t wasting time trying to protest or prove Ji Woo wrong here. He trusts that Ji Woo gets it already, he just needs to calm down and give it a moment’s thought. Then he says, “I only thought of myself.” It’s true that while we always hope that telling someone we like them will make them happy, and there’s an extent to which it could be viewed as a kind of compliment, it’s also generally something we do because we want something (even if all we’re hoping for is just not to have bottle up our feelings any longer). I think Seo Joon gets this. But I also wonder if he’s more prone to apologize after something like this because his own relationship baggage makes him worry that expressing his feelings to others will be burdensome to them. Either way, all of this adds up to Seo Joon being sorry. Then he says, “I won’t do it again.” If he means he won’t declare his feelings to Ji Woo again, this is an obvious lie. But it’s also possible that he means that he won’t do it in the same persistent way after seeing signs that Ji Woo can’t handle it. 

The next time Ji Woo hurts Seo Joon, he’s intentionally pushing him away and his reason, at least in part, is trying to protect Seo Joon from Hyung Ki’s blackmail attempt. It isn’t much of a stretch for him to act the part, though, since he’s been pushing Seo Joon away all along, and it’s not as if his fears on that front have been allayed. Ji Woo’s first attempt at pushing Seo Joon away seems a bit on the calculated side. “W: Thinking about things…it was disgusting,” he says. A stunned Seo Joon just says, “What?” “Everything that happened between us,” Ji Woo replies. “Thinking about it made me feel disgusted.” On an emotional level, this seems like Ji Woo trying to get things over with by coming at Seo Joon hard with a deeply hurtful comment and, metaphorically speaking, taking him out at the knees. Why is this such a cruel thing to say? Mostly because it sounds homophobic, so it’s bound to hit Seo Joon right where it hurts. Telling someone you have feelings for them and having them react with homophobic disgust is a total nightmare scenario for queer people. It’s also cruel because, well, having the person you’re in love with to find you repulsive is especially painful no matter what their reasons might be. My guess is that Ji Woo is talking this way because he thinks that it’ll be easier for both of them if it’s over quickly. It does work, for a moment. Seo Joon usually has a comeback for everything, but these words hit him hard enough that he just stands there, reeling, for a few seconds. But Seo Joon is persistent enough, and sufficiently convinced that Ji Woo returns his feelings, that this isn’t enough to completely discourage him. He suspects, correctly, that this is about something else, because it represents such a big shift from what he’s heard from Ji Woo before. 

So Ji Woo tries again and takes a different tack, and in the process, he says something really telling. “When I’m with you,” he says, “I feel like I’ll be put in danger.” I think this statement is a lot more honest than the first. It’s not hard to see why. Ji Woo has been responding to Seo Joon’s overtures in ways that betray his fear of intimacy for a while now. When Seo Joon does things that make him start to feel close to him or that tempt him to let him get even closer, this really does feel dangerous to Ji Woo. The irony is that the more Seo Joon makes Ji Woo feel safe, the more he poses a “risk” in this way. The more Seo Joon does things right, the more he shows that he’s trustworthy and sincere and that his feelings for Ji Woo are real and strong, the scarier he becomes. So Ji Woo simply voices the fear he’s been feeling all along, in its strongest form. This hits Seo Joon hard, because the last thing he wants to do is make Ji Woo feel scared. He wants to take care of him, not freak him out. 

At the end of episode 8, when the blackmail situation has been resolved and Seo Joon’s scandal has blown over, Ji Woo tries to push Seo Joon away yet again. He alludes to his fear of being controlled (“I told you I didn’t want to be taken in”), then tries one of his favorite excuses, dismissing the sincerity of Seo Joon’s interest in him. 

You’re going to leave soon anyway. You were just bored and the only person around was me, so you played around with me! Stop it now…it’s fine. Go live with people that suit you. Don’t disturb the wrong guy. Everything is solved now [meaning Seo Joon’s scandal], so you can leave quickly. Right? You can go to your own house….I want you to hurry and leave.

“I really wasn’t playing. I’m serious,” Seo Joon answers. “You still want me to really leave?” Ji Woo says yes. So Seo Joon grabs his bag, walks past him, reaches the door, and leaves. 

Ji Woo used the same narrative again, the one that says that Seo Joon is just an incurable flirt who had nothing better to do than steal Ji Woo’s heart for fun. It’s manifestly false, but his conviction that someone like Seo Joon couldn’t possibly have feelings of this sort toward him makes it somewhat more convincing. In the end, it’s somewhat moot, since he doesn’t need an ironclad story. All he needs is a moderately convincing excuse to push Seo Joon away so he won’t have take the risks associated with admitting to himself that he loves Seo Joon and Seo Joon loves him back. 

As soon as Seo Joon has his back to him and can’t see him anymore, Ji Woo starts crying—silently, but intensely. When he hears the door click shut, he staggers a couple of steps toward it, as if he wants to follow Seo Joon. But he can only make this small gesture of approaching him when he knows the door is already shut. It seems the only way Ji Woo is able to make a gesture that shows he wants to be with Seo Joon after all is if he feels certain that Seo Joon won’t find out about it. 

That’s why it’s so important that Seo Joon comes back—which brings us to his side of things. 

If it’s hard for you

In my posts so far, I’ve focused more on Ji Woo’s distancer tendencies and apparent avoidant attachment style than on anything that’s going on with Seo Joon (though I’ve touched on his habitual pursuer status a bit). There are a couple of main reasons for this, I think. 

One is the fact that in a piece of romance media, we naturally tend to root for whoever is trying to make the relationship happen. After all, it’s what we’re here for. It’s also a foregone conclusion, due to genre conventions, that the couple will fall in love and more than likely, will end up together. So if one person is getting us closer to that goal and one is standing in the way, we’re more likely to focus on what’s keeping that person stuck and less likely to ask ourselves why the other one is chasing after him so hard. I also think the storyline of season 1 is set up in a way that happens to particularly emphasize Ji Woo’s baggage. (We’ll see if season 2 looks different in this regard—I think it might.) 

But Seo Joon has his own specific soft spots and weaknesses. For one thing, like most pursuers, he behaves as if he wants to get as close to his (potential) partner as possible, but deep down, he also has a fear of intimacy (although he doesn’t want to acknowledge it). One way that he avoids getting more intimacy than he can handle is by falling for an obvious distancer, making it less likely that he’ll “catch” the person he’s pursuing more often than he can handle. In effect, when a pursuer and a distancer get together, they’re making a kind of unspoken pact. The pursuer agrees to hold the need for intimacy for both of them, since they feel comfortable with that side of themselves. The distancer agrees to hold the need for separateness for both of them, since that’s a side of themselves that they feel comfortable with. The pursuer then gets to disavow their own need for separateness/fear of intimacy and the distancer gets to disavow their need for intimacy/fear of abandonment. 

Seo Joon also shows signs of an anxious or preoccupied attachment style. But while I can see glimmers of this in season 1, especially in these last three episodes, I don’t think it’s the right time to get into that quite yet. The main thing to note, for now, is that just as Ji Woo’s distancing is related to his attachment style, Seo Joon’s pursuing is related to his. 

One big area where anxious/preoccupied attachment and pursuer tendencies overlap has to do with where the person normally turns when they need to regulate their emotions. As I quoted Harriet Lerner saying in my overview post about pursuer/distancer dyads, pursuers “react to anxiety by seeking greater togetherness in a relationship,” while distancers “seek emotional distance or physical space when stress is high.” (cite?) Similarly, people with an anxious/preoccupied attachment style tend to get stressed out when they have to spend time alone, and this is definitely true of Seo Joon. 

Let’s look at some examples. When Seo Joon first comes to stay at Ji Woo’s house, he’s crestfallen when he finds out that Ho Min has other duties during his first day there and thus can’t spend the day with him. Soon after this, he finds an excuse to follow Ji Woo to his restaurant. He just really hates to be alone! 

Soon after he and Ji Woo get together, Ji Woo has to go back to the restaurant to pick up his things and take his leave. Seo Joon is reluctant to let Ji Woo go in the first place. When he insists it's necessary, he relents, but texts him the entire time he’s gone. When Ji Woo checks his phone while talking to Hyung Ki, he sees the following: 

“Where are you?”  “Are you OK?”  “Why aren’t you coming?”  “Did something happen?”

As Ji Woo heads home, we see Seo Joon sitting on the floor in front of the door staring at the door. That’s how eager he is to see Ji Woo and how uninterested he is in doing anything without him. 

Now that I think about it, it's really remarkable that Seo Joon asks Pil Hyun and Ho Min to go celebrate without him after Ji Woo says those awful things to him in episode 8. It goes to show just how heartbroken he is that he voluntarily sits around by himself.

Seo Joon also seeks more time and closeness with Ji Woo in other ways. On their second day as a couple, Seo Joon proposes that they continue living together. He’s basically the lesbian from that old joke who shows up at a first date with her stuff in a U-Haul, ready to move in. Part of this is undoubtedly because they’ve already been living together for a little while, but it’s still remarkably early in their relationship for such a step. 

Possibly the most quintessentially pursuer-ish thing Seo Joon does in the first season is what he says to Seo Joon just before they finally get together. “Ji Woo,” he says, “if it’s hard for you, I’ll go to you.” This offer makes a pretty great summary of what pursuers have to offer in relationships. Pursuers seldom make this offer so explicitly, but they generally find a way to communicate to their distancer that they’ll generally be the ones to come to them in order to make closeness happen, allowing them to experience intimacy even though seeking it is “hard for [them].”

This is what Ji Woo needed in this case, and Seo Joon gave it willingly. We don’t see what happens right after their first kiss, but it’s clear that Seo Joon broke the ice sufficiently for Ji Woo to show his feelings in return so that their relationship could get off the ground. We get to enjoy some adorable fluff and that masterful intimate scene, and then the story ends. Until the beginning of season 2, of course. 

I'll be starting season 2 soon, so watch this space!

Thanks yet again to @my-rose-tinted-glasses for being an amazing resource for talking about this show, for encouragement, and just being a lovely human being. Her insights permeate everything I've written in these posts, but at the same time, I couldn't even capture half of them. Thanks to the giffers as always, including @paisky, @captnswilson, @mostlyfate, and @seatawinan.

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[optimistwithdepressivetendencies]

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[how-to-be-a-tree]

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