#i guess because i’m not really doing anything else so my brain has the space?? idk

[clueless1995]

woke up from a dream where snoop dog bumped into me in a waiting room (it was After some sort of indoor music festival) and dropped whatever he was carrying and his stuff went everywhere so of course i apologised and helped him pick everything up Not recognising him as snoop dog. and then when i finally stood up and handed him back his stuff i was like Oh. You’re Snoop Dog. Don’t worry i’m not a super fan or anything i’m not gonna freak out but that’s cool (cannot express enough how little i actually know or care about snoop dog, i’m pretty sure i was just dreaming about him because i watched the california gurls music video last night) and he was like. yeah i’m snoop dog. you seem like a nice kid come with me i wanna give you something. and obviously in real life this is red flag central but dream ana was like Okay sure and then we were at a gazebo and my mum was there and she was like ?? a snoop mega fan (she literally doesn’t know who he is irl she exclusively listens to fleetwood mac and she’s so real for that) and so he was just chatting with us about life and whatnot but my mum kept shoehorning Snoop-specific facts into the conversation and it was so embarrassing for Me personally but he didn’t seem to notice (maybe he had forgotten all of it skdjsjs. also im sure none of it is Actually true because once more. i don’t know anything about snoop dog so why would my dream??) but anyway he was like you guys seem cool it’s good to see kids these days be polite like you (i’m a full adult. i’m 24 years old. i’ve got like 15 tattoos and most of them are Pretty Visible most of the time. but i wasn’t gonna correct him) and gave me a bunch of. i don’t really remember what exactly they were but it was the vibe of backstage passes/exclusive festival stuff. for the festival that was already over. but again i wasnt gonna say anything i was just like wow that’s really cool thanks! and he was like yeah no worries. and at this point it was getting dark and i was like it’s been super nice chatting with you snoop dog but we’ve gotta head home. and he was like yeah shit sorry i kept you here chatting for so long here let me give you some money for a cab. and despite my protests he proceeds to open his wallet and starts stacking Australian $2 Coins on the table and ends up on another tangent but keeps count i guess and then is like yeah so thanks for being chill and hanging out here’s $600 and i was like ????? and then his bodyguard/assisstant (who literally didn’t exist before this point in the dream) leaned over and said “he likes to use cash he’s old fashioned like that. just take the money i think he’s trying to get rid of his spare change” and i was like okay cool thanks snoop dog have a great evening. and tried to pick up 300 $2 coins that were just loosely stacked on the picnic table and that’s when i woke up

[vaguely-concerned]

My two cents on how much of Mind!Varric is Rook’s mind trying to fill the blank space and how much is Solas actively talking through a convenient blood magic paper doll of the mind: I think it's a mix of both, a truly collaborative psychosocial horrorshow if you would, but waaaay more towards the second. It feels too directed and tactical at times to be anything else. Rook's mind is willing to go along with the denial phase as far as it can fucking carry them to not have to face the grief and regret and does its part in papering over details that don’t make any sense, the way brains will strive to create coherent meaning even out of deeply confusing input, but to my understanding it's a collaborateur in how that plays out, not the instigator or control center. Solas is using it as a path to agency and to gather insight into Rook as a person unguarded as he can't count on in his own guise. (That stoic option that leads to him being like 'oh I see you're cautiously denying me access to your inner life. well. at least you still have Varric to talk to. y'know as an outlet :)'. You absolute BITCH Solas! That alone convinced me that he HAS to have an active hand in it on some level.)

My guess is that it takes considerable effort on Solas’ part to make Mind!Varric do anything more involved or complicated than seeming to sit up in bed and give casual commentary, and that’s why he keeps having eerie five minute shallow pep talks with you before he announces he conveniently needs a nap aaanyway good luck kid you got this haha. When he’s just spouting NPC lines from his bedrest, I’m ready to believe that could be Rook’s mind being allowed to improv lines for him more freely because it’s less about Solas trying to get something out of them or working an angle and more ‘Still here! Still totally alive and fine and the mentor figure you know and love and trust :) don’t even worry about it! Thankfully there is no war in Ba Sing Sei, as we all know’ upkeep work lol. Rook’s mind is allowed to set the tone of Varric, the outlines, but not always the content. 

AND, on a (beautifully fucked up) character psychology level, I feel like Solas is indulging in actually getting to be the good supportive mentor figure to Rook with one hand to assuage the guilt he feels about what he's done -- and what he's going to do -- to them with the other. Same internal logic as he uses in Trespasser about the Qun. ‘Almost everyone is going to die from the course of action I’m doggedly pursuing eventually. But at least I can make their last years happier and freer and kinder than they would have been otherwise. and that kind of makes up for it right. a little bit. doesn't it. doesn't that make it better at least. I need that to make it better)'. Did I really take your beloved mentor and friend from you if you don’t know yet that I did? Some philosophers would argue not really! So it’s probably almost ok actually. Isn’t it even a little noble that I’m taking all this grief and guilt on myself and shielding you for now. With undertones that I’m not sure he would realize himself (and might be mortified by if he did) that he is so incredibly lonely, and even a dishonest and indirect emotional connection is more than nothing when you’re that desperate. In this setup he gets idk. Both the control he craves so incredibly badly in relationships and over himself, and the scraps, the fading afterimages, of intimacy and warmth and companionship, even second hand. The one thing Solas and Rook agree on deep deep down is that they really wish Varric weren't gone. They're handshake memeing this in the saddest and most creepy way possible.

I think an important element too is that Solas needs Rook and their team to *succeed* —  up to a certain point. He needs someone to hold the two other elven mean girls off until he can get out of here. Ideally, in a perfect world, even do all the hard work of killing them so he can swoop in at the end and do his thing when both sides are exhausted and out of resources to stop him, and then Bob’s your uncle! Same logic as he was using with Corypheus, and after that worked out so well, too! King of choosing to never learn from a single solitary mistake he’s ever made even though i fully believe he could have the capacity to Fen’Harel <3 The underlying idea isn’t flawed, you see, it was just unforeseen circumstances getting in the way. This time for sure it’ll all work out the way I cleverly imagined it in my head beforehand. Cue By Talos this can’t be happening etc. in the form of a statue almost crushing him like a bug. 

So he's providing guidance and forging Rook into a leader from two angles: one Rook might not trust, and one they probably will. Shaping them into what he needs slowly and carefully. He’s helping you hone your team into their most effective state, as he might have done with his own agents back in the day, setting up his chess pieces even if he has to squint through two glimpsed realities to do it haha. Pincer maneuver of an insidious stealth mentor you never asked for. Also… at one point mind Varric gives you a whole little monologue about how Solas' problem is that he’s always seen his interpersonal connections as flaws and see where it’s landed him, all alone and the worst part? it hasn’t even worked. it’s all been for nothing he’s back where he began with nothing to show for it but his mistakes. Like...that has such strong 'uh okay happy to play your therapist from two rooms away here what the fuck kind of traumadump is this' energy to me, I’m not sure Rook like. Thinks that much about Solas as a private person. So much of Solas' self-loathing and futile insights into his own flaws seem to shine through in Mind!Varric's dialogue all the time — I just can't believe that there's no guiding hand behind it as it were. 

Most of all. I feel like people underestimate the degree to which Solas is incredibly funny. As in, he has a very consistent and recognizable sense of humour. It’s one of my very favourite things about him. We must remember — it is crucial that we always keep in mind — Orlesian accent and wig Solas from May The Dread Wolf Take You (my beloved, the explanation for why I love this dude even with the. All of the everything else. No one does it quite like him). He is not at all above doing things or adding little flourishes for his own obscure amusement, in fact that seems to me to be one of his most consistent traits. The Randy Dowager Quarterly comment Varric has? The ‘Maybe this is the Dread Wolf’s revenge. Forcing us to house sit for him’ thing? To Me this is 100% Solas amusing himself in his boring Fade jail surrounded by the screaming hellscape of all his regrets. Source: it came to me as divine revelation through pure vibes trust me bro 

If nothing else I find it much more narratively interesting personally if the connection between Rook and Solas really is that defenselessly intimate and entwined (and so unbalanced!), and the sense of violation and invasion and betrayal afterwards consequently all the more nauseatingly intense. Even if you kept him at arm’s length in the open, he’s been under your skin the whole time, looking around, gathering what he needs to destroy you, wearing the face of a friend. Regretfully, probably, but choosing to do it every step of the way anyway. (Sound familiar, Inquisitor? Solas doesn’t have that many tricks when you actually look at it, he keeps returning to old tried and true ones like a dog with a bone haha.) Maybe he even genuinely meant some of it as mercy, which only makes it so much worse. It makes his sin against his own core principles of autonomy and the freedom of all beings in mind, spirit and body so much more juicily grave if it’s something he pursues actively and consistently, rather than it half-falling into his lap as a happy accident mainly orchestrated by Rook’s own subconscious. Solas, too, is at his very lowest point, the closest to giving in and becoming his own antithesis fully that he’s ever been, and it makes the choice of whether you still reach out your hand to him one last time or not all the more impactful and difficult.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch! This is kinda a scary ask to send but you’ve always seemed kind to other people asking scary questions so I feel brave enough to ask. So I’m a person with what I would say a fairly healthy and positive attitude abt sex- big fan of jacking off when the mood strikes and I’ve had a few partners. However, something that is really upsetting and scary to me are sex dreams because a lot of times I have dreams abt having sex with ppl I shouldn’t be having sex with and DONT WANT to be having sex with- notably, my father and my brother. I have strange dreams normally- anxiety related usually- but I HATE waking up from these dreams, I feel so sick and ashamed. I’m not even generally attracted to men, and these dreams make me feel like I need to second guess my identity. Additionally, my father is dead so I wake up feeling like my brain has disrespected his memory.

I’m trying to get a therapist for other unrelated reasons but a) my insurance is terrible and I’m having trouble finding someone in network and b) I would be so scared to say these things to a therapist - what if I’m secretly much more mentally ill than I knew, what if they hospitalize me, what if they put me on a sex offender registry?

Beyond “go to therapy” is there any advice you can offer me? It’s really very distressing and I’m really sick of it.

hi anon,

let's take a BIG DEEP BREATH before we start, okay?

so, first and foremost let me just say this, because it's important: nobody is going to hospitalize you or put you on a registry for something happening in your dreams. your dreams are not necessarily a reflection of anything you want or would enjoy in real life; your dreams are a pile of goo your brain spits out while its sifting information around trying to make a bunch of pieces fit together. unfortunately, I worry that you amount of stress and anxiety you feel about these dreams may be keeping them so front and center in your mind that makes them keep coming up over and over when you're asleep, creating a vicious cycle.

listen, I can't tell you how to change or feel better about your dreams. but I can tell you that people having sexual dreams that are in no way indicative of their actual desires is INCREDIBLY COMMON. none of those people are a danger to themselves or anyone else because of something their subconscious does that's entirely beyond their control, and that includes you.

having said that, it's totally understandable that you find these dreams disturbing and upsetting. for the time being, while you're managing them on your own, try to get yourself to a calm place while you're getting ready for bed - whatever works for you, whether it's mindfulness, melatonin, exercise, tea, warm bath and candles, taking time away from your phone, etc - and preparing space to be gentle with yourself and get into a good headspace when you wake up by making an extra nice breakfast, taking a long shower, going for a long walk, or anything else that will help you get out of your head and take care of yourself in the aftermath of an upsetting dream.

and if you do manage to find a reliable therapist soon, which I hope you do, I would strongly encourage you to bring this up with them if the problem is still persisting by then. anything causing you anxiety and distress is something that is worth talking over with a therapist, especially since leaving one stress factor unaddressed can also hold you back from resolving others - it's hard to focus on anything when restful sleep is off the table. once you've established a good rapport with a therapist, some conversations around this could be super helpful for you.

wishing you the best with finding some peace of mind xoxo

[taxideermied]

Is there anything you experience with nonhumanity that you don't see others talk about often?

Mmm good question Sonar! :>

First thing that comes to mind is really how much my framework for understanding my own nonhumanity has changed. I feel like this is a little stigmatized community-wide, honestly, so I think it would be good to talk about.

When I first found out about the “therian world” (for lack of a better term, “alterhuman” didn’t exist yet, and I was very much in therian spaces as opposed to otherkin ones. There wasn’t always overlap if memory serves) spiritual nonhumanity was almost exclusively what was discussed. There was some lip service paid to psychological nonhumanity but I never actually saw anyone talk about their personal experiences with it. And being, like, 12 at the time I wanted to fit in. I assumed my own experiences were spiritual in a “I have the soul of a deer in a human body” sort of way.

And that worked for a while but it also caused a lot of problems. I also had a strong connection to canids and, well…I didn’t have more than one soul, did I? Sure some people said they had the souls (or “soul shards” if I remember correctly) of multiple creatures but somehow that never sat right for me personally.

Around this time I was also trying to meditate a LOT because there was really a huge emphasis on meditation as a way to, I guess, subconsciously grill one’s self? It was sort of like a way to confirm your kintype with your psyche. I really don’t see any of this anymore but it was huge in whatever YouTube and Instagram therian sphere I was in at the time. But I was a super anxious kid and I could never meditate, or at least I never had this precious moment of astral clarity like everyone else seemed to get where your one and only one kintype walked out of the mists of your mind to speak to you, so it really gave me a lot of grief. I felt like something was wrong with me and I ended up with a lot of shame for maybe having more than one kintype (ridiculous in retrospect, there were plenty of very visible therians with more than one kintype, but you know that’s where I was at at the time).

Eventually I moved towards some kind of looser quasi-psychological understanding of my nonhumanity after time away from the community. I was in regular therapy for my social anxiety, and understanding myself as a “person with a deer brain” was useful for treating myself with kindness. But there was still a lot of lingering weirdness about the other kin connections I had, and I couldn’t square those away. Eventually, I resorted to just ignoring the feelings, basically, and trying to shove them down. Surprise surprise, that didn’t work.

It wasn’t really until the last few years that I have recognized just how physical my experience is. I mean, my anxiety was always super somatic, and then my chronic illnesses started to be symptomatic, and all of a sudden my “wrongness” became impossible to ignore. I started having really vivid hallucinations of transformations upon waking and falling asleep, and I also “discovered” (in quotes because it’s probably not the best descriptor for the experience but it will work) our plurality, which started to make a whole lot of things click together.

In all the online spaces I’d been in, physical nonhumanity was basically an off-limits topic. If you were physically nonhuman you were a p-shifter, and if you were a p-shifter you were a dangerous cultist who wanted to manipulate children. That sentiment kept me from making the connections I needed. I spent years doing “well I mean I know I’m human I just don’t feel it or think it or trust it” thought processes because I didn’t want anyone to think I was dangerous or untrustworthy. I got older and I could unpack a lot of the sanism that had been (and still is in some ways) standard fare for the community, and I realized how much of the fear surrounding physical nonhumanity was just that: sanism with a helping of respectability politics.

Finally letting myself realize and think without any cognitive dissonance “I’m actually not human at all, physically or otherwise” was one of the biggest weight-off-your-shoulders experiences of my self-discovery and has been much better for me mentally.

Now we’re sort of in a place where the answer is “all of the above.” Trying to fit experiences into specific boxes didn’t work, like, at all. “Physically nonhuman” is the most accurate for now, but I’d still say I think of myself as spiritually and psychologically nonhuman too.

Those big paradigm shifts were really nerve wracking! I hated feeling like I was wrong about myself, or like I’d been lying to people around me. It was destabilizing, and I wondered if I’d ever actually know myself or fit in anywhere. Looking back I can at least say they were all for the best, and down the line I might have to go through more. I see others talk about how it’s okay to be wrong about your kintypes and that is super true, but I think it’s also okay to have no clue what the fuck is going on or why you feel the way you do. It’s okay to think you’ve got it all figured out and then realize, nope actually you didn’t, or maybe things just changed! You don’t owe it to anyone to have it all straight :>

[laura1633]

I was hoping to post my "business man Charles & brothel cleaner/ (sort of) sex worker Max" one shot a few days ago but it keeps growing and is over 10,000 words somehow so here is a little snippet. The full thing will be posted very soon.

“So do I have to pay more for the shower? They said a flat rate plus tip for the night.”

Max opens his mouth to try and explain that the only thing he is really allowed to do for a client in the shower is clean it but then Charles slips his trousers off and all rational thought leaves his mind. Toto always says the best type of clients are satisfied clients and he also says that the client is always right. If Charles thinks Max is a sex worker then by Toto’s reckoning Max is a sex worker. Or at least that is the excuse Max plans on using when his boss finds out he jumped into the shower with one of their high value clients. 

“No extra charges,” Max takes a steadying breath, “They just uh - , they just didn’t tell me exactly what you wanted.” 

Charles is already heading on through to the bathroom so Max hurriedly kicks off his shoes and socks as he hops after him and tries to work out if he should be trying to slip into some sort of sexy alter ego,

“I didn’t specify,” Charles sets about turning the shower on, “I’m not into anything you might consider out the ordinary.”

Max nods although he’s not entirely sure if out of the ordinary holds a different meaning when it comes to sex work. It doesn’t really matter because as Charles steps out of the last of his clothing Max decides he’d be up for pretty much anything. Charles could put a leash on him and ask him to bark like a dog and he’d do it gladly. 

“I just asked them to send me someone special, after all this is a celebration,” Charles closes the gap between them and Max drags his gaze back up from where it’s been fixed on Charles’ rather sizeable dick. 

“Special?”

“Special” Charles repeats softly, his breath warm against Max’s lips as they come face to face, “I think they’ve done an excellent job of fulfilling that.” 

Max’s cheeks darken as he blushes, something he hopes Charles writes off as being down to the increasing humidity as the steam from the shower starts to fill the space. 

“You’re a blusher” Charles grins, “I like that. Very cute.”

Max’s blush deepens and from the way his ears feel burn he’s almost certain the redness has extended right up to the tips of his ears. Any thoughts of adopting some confident sexy persona evaporate into the shower mist. 

“You’re not shy are you?” Charles coos as he tugs at the bottom of Max’s t-shirt.

“I’m not shy” Max lies as he lifts his shirt up over his head and resists the urge to ask how he looks. He’s not in bad shape but he’s not sure he has the type of body people pay for, if Charles isn’t satisfied then Max knows that there’s a chance he could just ask for someone else, which would be mortifying.

He’s just about to ask if he’s good enough when Charles’ mouth finds his and he’s moaning into it pathetically. If the way Charles is kissing him is anything to go by then Charles doesn’t appear to disappointed in him. Far from it. 

“Lets get you out of the rest of these” Charles dips his fingertips along the inside waistband of Max’s sweatpants and eases them down. If Charles is having buyers remorse then there’s no sign of that registering on his face, in fact Max can’t help but feel a fluttering in his stomach with the way Charles is looking at him. 

“I like to use names,” Charles interlaces his fingers with Max’s as he leads him over to the shower, “I presume that is okay?”

“Like slut?” Max says before he can engage his brain. It’s a semi-reasonable guess, or at least he thinks it is, it’s met with laughter though. 

“I was thinking more sweetheart, princess, that type of thing” Charles is still chuckling as he grips at Max’s hips and manoeuvres him under the spray of the shower, “Okay sweetheart?

[beenbaanbuun]

Hey bunny! Sorry for bothering you when I'm sure you're in the middle of perfecting the addams!matz fic, but I have a kinda specific request I'm not sure I'd trust anyone else with.

I've been feeling kinda low on the self esteem/body image scales, but whenever I look for comfort fics I find that a lot of them cater towards chubby or curvier readers, which is great! I'm really happy that authors are doing that... but as someone who has the figure of a crayon, and is insecure about not being curvy or "feminine" enough, or worse that I appear child-like, it kinda just serves as a reminder some days T-T

So would it be too self indulgent to request a comfort/body worship fic with either Mingi or Yeosang with an s/o who's not curvy and is insecure about it?

No hard feelings if that's outta your comfort zone tho! I geddit ^^

Have a good day bunny, hope you have nothing but happy, snuggly, cozy vibes <33

~Lyra

i get where you’re coming from completely!! i feel like as a curvier girl i’m very lucky because it’s fairly easy to find fics catered towards me. i guess due to my own ignorance i haven’t really taken notice of a lack of fics that don’t cater to me but now you point it out i can see that it’s definitely true! i hope that i can write this perfectly for you because i feel like everyone should have fics that include them!

so i’m under the impression that mingi does not give a fuck about body type in the slightest

i mean we’ve all seen his fan calls - the man flirts with anyone regardless of body type and he’s so real for that!

but despite your boyfriend’s love and affection, sometimes your own brain gets to you a little

and sometimes the time you spend picking yourself to pieces in the mirror increases to a level that’s become concerning to mingi

he’ll catch you from time to time, just standing there and running your hands over your form

and, sure, he may be a little oblivious sometimes, but he isn’t dumb; he knows that it can’t be anything good

it’s not really a surprise when the two of you are getting ready for a date night and he catches you doing the exact same thing

he doesn’t say anything as he crawls on the bed, choosing to relax as he waits for you to finish, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t worried

still, even with him wondering whether or not you’re okay, he can’t help but admire how pretty you look in that dress

the way it elegantly hugs your body, stopping at mid-thigh to reveal just enough of your pretty legs to draw him in, but not enough to send him feral

well, even more feral than usual that is; you could be dressed in a pair of ratty old pyjamas and that man would still find something to make his dick twitch

“mingi,” you say after a short while of him admiring you, “do you think i look alright?”

his brow furrows and he scoffs in dismay

he’s almost offended in a way because how dare someone say something like that about his girl?

then he remembers that you are his girl and the fact that you’re saying it should probably be more cause for concern than offense

“you look better than alright, princess,” he says, “you think i’d be sat here undressing you with my eyes if i didn’t?”

you send him a glare through the mirror

“that’s not the point, mingi,” you grumble, “i know you think i’m hot but…”

“but what?” he asks, voice thick with worry, “you’re not worried about what other people think of you, right?”

you begin to shake your head, although you feel like your denial isn’t necessarily true

so instead you shrug, and with a sigh you tear yourself away from the mirror so you can go and sit on the edge of the bed next to mingi

he budges his legs over, making space for you to perch yourself on the mattress

“i mean i guess so?” you say, “i just… i don’t want people thinking i look like a child or something, y’know?”

mingi doesn’t know - the last thing he thinks of you is ‘child’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he can’t try and sympathise

he shifts one of his hands from behind his head to rub against your arm soothingly

“i don’t think you look like a child,” he says, “i think you look like my girlfriend; my very pretty, very sexy girlfriend, very mature-looking girlfriend.”

and while you appreciate his words, you can’t help but feel like they don’t mean much coming from him

it makes you feel bad, of course, but your boyfriend telling you you’re hot just doesn’t fill you with confidence about what everyone else thinks

“you don’t count,” you pout, “you have to think i’m hot.”

you don’t see the way mingi rolls his eyes before shoving himself into a sitting position

he shuffles his way over until he’s right behind you, close enough to swaddle your upper half in his overly-lengthy arms

he squeezes tight, just how he knows you like it

“i don’t have to think anything,” he kisses the spot just below your ear, “i think you’re hot because i have eyes and i can see that you’re hot.”

you can’t help but giggle as he nuzzled his nose into your neck, puffing out blasts of warm air against the sensitive skin

he always could find a way of making you laugh, even if in this situation, you’d personally class it as cheating

“well,” you say through your giggles, “i also have eyes and my eyes say the opposite!”

“yeah, but i don’t trust your eyes,” he kisses you, wet and sloppy and soft, against where your shoulder meets your neck, “they’re connected to your brain and me and your brain aren’t the best of friends.”

his hand move until they’re flat against your ribs, thumbs smoothing over the fabric of your dress

he almost wished the dress wasn’t there at all, wanting to feel the skin to skin contact, but he hardly thought now was the best time to ask you to strip

“you love my brain,” you counter, “my brain is me and you always tell me you love me!”

he smiles; you feel his teeth brush against you

“true,” he says, “but your brain is also mean to you, and anyone who’s mean to my baby is my enemy, okay?”

it’s a silly argument, but you can’t help but nod along in agreement

“good,” he says as he feels you give into his compliments, “now we have two choices; we either go out on the date, or we lie here and cuddle. it’s up to you, princess.”

you know which one he’d prefer; the way he’s stuck himself to you back like a limpet is enough evidence of that

but you can’t quite decide for yourself

one one hand you’re already dressed and made up, plus the fact that you’ve been wanting to go to this place for ages now and tables are really hard to book

on the other, taking the uncomfortable shoes off and crawling into bed next to your overly-clingy boyfriend seemed just so tempting

perhaps the choice isn’t that hard after all, you realise as you lean over - boyfriend still very much attached to you - to grab your makeup wipes

“pick a film, then,” you instruct as you take one out of the packet and begin to rub at your face, “and make it a good one!”

[superfluouskeys]

okay okay for the headcanon thing I am definitely for sure only going to send one (1) of and not forth (40) I am here to request Margo Madison bc someone put her back on my dash like yesterday and I was violently catapulted back to like a year ago when I was just watching space show on an infinite loop and honestly I did not get to pry enough thoughts about Margo Madison from your brain then so NOWS MY CHANCE

sdfknbjdfsnkjdfsnjkfsdnjk so these took awhile because the headcanons came to me in a random order but I felt that the (single) message(s) was/were a cohesive narrative that I could not interrupt and needed to be posted in order so here we go LOLLLLLLLL

margo madison my BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

realistic

Absolutely never thought she could learn another language, thought she just didn’t have the innate skill for it, didn’t even really have much interest.  I imagine she spent the first part of her exile just like vaguely miserable and hoping a miracle would happen and she wouldn’t have to get used to this.  In her personal life at least I don’t think she’s super jazzed about any little change to her routine—she likes things to be familiar and predictable at home.  So, without consciously meaning to, she makes herself a new little routine.  She definitely did not go out and explore all her options for pastry shops.  She went to one and that’s where she goes now.  She is not going to ‘try new things’ she has tried enough new things for a lifetime.

Then, when she started to settle into her new routine, the idea of anything else happening started to feel very unpleasant.  She can’t go back to the way things were before, so she really doesn’t want to have to dramatically change her life again.  I think at this point she was like, okay well, since I’m here now I guess I’d better learn some Russian.  And then I think it was surprisingly easy for her to pick up, because she has a very analytical and pattern-seeking brain, and because it served an immediate practical purpose.  And I think she doesn’t feel literally any pressure to be good at it because she’s supposed to be this random woman, which ironically makes it way easier for her than for the average language learner to speak and learn quickly.

unrealistic but amusing

Doesn’t think she has an accent.

painful and fun to inflict

I can imagine her carrying a lot of deep-seated shame around not hitting the normal life “milestones” or even particularly wanting to, never really having a relationship, having absolutely negative desire to have a child in her house, etc.  A part of her feels like, not only should she have taken Aleida in, but she should have WANTED to.  Even when she does finally have a Thing(TM) it’s so weird and complicated and impossible and barely even a thing and then it ends in life-ruining tragedy.  She loves her work, but it’s also all she really feels like she can do right.

realistic TO ME!!!!!!! (unrealistic but I will die on this hill)

frothing at the mouth about her having a thing with irina even though it’s completely against her morals and she has cut people off for being way less shady – is she rationalizing it to herself or has her moral compass legit shifted in a meaningful way???? both such good options!!!!!!!!

[wordarttmn]

Omori observations 10

Artics

Found a guy who knows Hero!!

Things hero is meant to be:

Caregiver (hot diggity dog)

Protector (mountain)

Saint (goosey)

Now i want to go to the pinwheel platform

And follow those red footprints for good

Ortès

Poems in the fog is a weird track. It feels like it is building up to something that never happens, constantly going back to the beginning (like headspace i guess), and it has an irregular, hesitant rhythm, sometimes going adding extra beats for no reason. It feels like it has some urgency to it, a weird urgency that slows down randomly.

The place had some urgency  the first time i saw it (in trevor’s treefort playthrough)

But it is a weird place. It has the most important letter in the hangman, the one that allows a player to guess the message as early as the prologue if found, but that isn’t obligatory in the plot and might be missed until the very end. And it has kind of nothing else?

Spaghetti which aren’t that important as an item, completely normal bunnies, a mari picnic and a boss i won’t fight today, and that’s about it. This isn’t a lot! It’s pretty small too, especially compared to orange oasis… it doesn’t even have different trees from the main forest!

Red footprints are gone.

Pujòu

What is going on?

Got a daisy from daisy. Daisies are one of the eight flowers that are relevant in this story, and they’re the one whose fan interpretation diverge the most as no canon meaning is given. However it’s also a pretty good item and i will equip it on omori asap.

Or maybe Kel.

Dude your sister is about to rope Aubrey into hitting you repeatedly with a baseball bat.

Come on

I like how that’s the moment they pick to play cards

For as much as sunny probably doesn’t like to admit it, they are.

Time to go fight Space Boyfriend!

Well once i’ve switched trains of course. Seemingly i’ll have to wait over 20 minutes in Dacs

Dacs

Ok so first i find this interesting

it’s a first hint that their relationship was more than rocky.

Also, not only Kel is not following the conversation, but no one is paying attention to what he is doing at all.

Time to discuss my idea i guess

I think that although Headspace is avoiding touching on the elephant in the room, as a dream it will end up surfacing Sunny’s more palatable worries and anxieties. And this dream in particular seems to bring up a lot of elements of Sunny’s home life. A home life marked by divorce or breakup, moving (the cardboard boxes having the same text as the ones in Sunny’s actual home).

i’m not sure how much Spaceboy and Sweetheart are meant to be a 1:1 representation of Sunny’s parents (i don’t really think they are, if anything they might be switched gender-wise with Spaceboy being the one left behind). The space pirates staying behind doing chores has a parallel with Sunny doing the same for his mother.

And the junkyard is littered with objects that seem to come from Sunny’s memories. Just like the house may be.

i’ve drawin attention earlier to the fact that the scary stairs are not the real stairs, or at least not the modern ones. But because they’re also filled with boxes, they might have looked like that in real life as recently as a few months ago.

I admit it, Spaceboy being a representation of Sunny’s mom is something that i came up with right now in the train. Because i don’t believe she’s that well adjusted anymore. How could she be?

Of course that doesn’t excuse the leaving Sunny home with absolutely no food, but it could explain it.

Might be a galaxy brained idea but let me cook here.

Space Boyfriend’s Tape - I want Nothing More might not be sung by Sweetheart.

He changed hair color. He had his little transformation scene under his bedsheets. And the space pirates just ran away really fast.

He says, while clearly not in his NEUTRAL state

Morcencs

Trouble - NEVER/ALWAYS is probably the missing theme for what’s coming

Aubrey has absolutely no reason to intervene here as always. She still does it because she likes starting boss fights.

You Were Wrong. Go Back - alright: we’ve got the 3BL ostinato (minor key) mixed with a motif from Trouble, and together they make most of the prologue, before we switch to the Stardust Diving melody. Surprisingly, nothing from Lost, then Found.

i’m afraid Spaceboy will be a little too easy to beat

he’s already furious there’s no way i’ll get to use the special attack this time

Back to redhead.

This would have been much funnier if i had stabbed him.

Such A Time We Had Together is a track i find kind of underwhelming. It sounds like a very modified, almost wrong version of 3BL, too major to sound good.

Spaceboy’s ambivalent attitude towards the mixtape is also something that feels relevant wrt the main plot, but i’m not sure how.

Also the Earth is gone for good.

Yeah put a pin in that description

Aubrey should cry more so Spaceboy would give her more free stuff.

Wet pillow time:

Interesting

(also i know i’m being a completionist but i might have missed another letter hole earlier)

She plays Lost at a Sleepover kinda hesitantly

He plays GOLDENVENGEANCE without hesitation

He plays his piece, which doesn’t really have a name.

i’m under the impression that all of them had music lessons earlier. Well Aubrey is the only one for which this might not be canon.

Space pirate Amigo just fell asleep.

Time to go save. I won’t follow the footprints right away but still

Also it’s pretty clear Hero is not seeing what we are seeing.

Biganòs

Sunny’s oversleeping.

I plan to wake him up at some point!

[creatortools]

New listeners?

I got two new listeners as well as a Intern doodle when he was younger and the one, the only…

KARMOR doodle hehehe

The full photo, info of my two new listeners, and a little ramble will be after the cut.

KAYNE AND RAZE IS FINALLY HERE! (I tried to draw Gienne and failed) Of course, the info I prove is most likely NOT CANON, this is just my interpretation/version of these two.

Kayne:

-He/They (Male)

-Probably in his twenties

-Half Chinese, half European.

-5’5 (Just an inch taller than Karmor)

-He loves his instant noodles (relatable) but hates garlic bread.

-Likes orange juice better than apple juice

-Extremely afraid of the stalker (Mad Crow? Idk if it’s still canon anymore.). He’s afraid that his stalker had broken out of captivity and is still following/stalking him.

-The feather that Loyal gave him is on his necklace. (I drew it there just pointing it out.)

-Sleepy man

-Very soft spoken, and very hesitant.

-Speaks English, of course.

-His birthday is on the 16th of December.

-Starting to forget himself.

————————————————

“…What…What else do I say? I-I don’t have much else to say, I…don’t know myself anymore? I can’t really explain it…I-I can’t remember?”

“…What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t…know…I’m sorry.”

“Can…you tell me more? Like where you lived before all of this, or…maybe the languages you know, or anything?”

“…Well…I like the colour green, is…that good enough? Im so sorry…I can’t remember anything else”

“Uhh, yes, I’ll write that down.”

————————————————

Raze:

-Any pronouns (Genderfluid)

-Unknown age? But their old I guess

-A half Bull hybrid space thing (new species alert?). Because why not and I think the connection I made to their mechanic bull Angel thing is cool.

-More than 6 feet tall, maybe around 7 feet max?

-In terms of food and drink, will try anything and like anything. He has no preferences really. It’s rare to find something he hates.

-Oblivious.

-Has four arms and a bull tail. Strong build.

-The star on her eye is like an eyepatch weapon kind of thing. She’s missing an eye on that side but she can use the star eyepatch thing like a ninja star.

-Can change their features slightly.

-Tolerates and also pities Makarro. Makarro reminds him of his late husband, while also reminding him of…himself almost.

-Gienne reminds her of herself of course. She’s very gentle towards Gienne.

-Wishes Zed for the best. They hope that Zed is doing well after they left.

-Not very trusting and can’t express his thoughts and feelings well. (Relatable)

-The mechanic bull is probably triple his height? Maybe? Idk but it’s huge.

-Can probably glance into other universes and worlds, and she probably knows of the other listeners’ existences even the ones from different creators and different audio creators (GBA, escaped, etc etc).

-Their birthday is the 5th of August.

I might add more info later idk probably not but as you can probably tell by now that I have my own lore of my own versions of the listeners. You guys can ask my listeners some questions about them (please 🙏), they will be happy to answer lol.

If you guys want, I might draw some comics showing lore (I doubt it but I really want to) or maybe doing some dedicated posts to my listeners’ own lore and stuff? I can’t really promise that I would, because of my school work lol.

I also can’t promise that my lore will be as good as full novel series and all the audio rp accounts like GBA, Escaped audios, etc. So please forgive me if my lore is kinda���eh…if I ever come up with a fully fleshed out character with lore beyond the actual series.

Sorry for the long post/ramble and my grammar mistakes my brain has been shut off for the week lol.

[kangals]

Kep report card for month 6 (omg it has been a full HALF YEAR of keppy already)

I changed most of the categories since most of them were really more designed for tiny 2-month old puppy, so these are more relevant for adolescence. I don’t really expect other people to read them all, but it’s nice for me having a record to refer back to.

Leash Walking: 🟢/🟡 overall good, but definitely pulls on a harness unless he is tired or I am constantly checking him (not “yank my arm off” bad, but annoying). he doesn’t do so on a collar, so I might switch to that for a while.

Manners - People: 🟡 wants to jump up on everyone he sees and gets very overstimulated by New Friend Attention. he’s very social still, not sure how much he’ll grow out of that (Stellina did, but I don’t remember if she was quite this extroverted at this age)

Manners - Dogs: 🟢/🟡 friendly bordering on annoying, but he does take corrections well and will give space without getting offended, so that’s a green. I give him a partial yellow here because he likes other dogs so much that he gets annoying about it while on leash and has a hard time focusing on anything else.

Manners - Home: 🟢 he’s really good at home, he settles well and aside from very basic puppy mischief (jumping up on the counters, taking things to chew) I can generally leave him to his own devices without issue. and is now housetrained, thank god.

Manners - Public Spaces: 🟢/🟡 really likes going places but just gets overstimulated about it, so it’s a lot of pulling on the leash and not able to settle. just needs more exposure and time I think. did pee recently at Petco but there’s so much dog traffic there it’s hard to say why.

Grooming: 🟡 trying my patience lol. he does solidly “ok” for brushing and nails as long as he’s got a distraction, but gets increasingly wiggly when restrained so we need to work on that.

Recall: 🟡 yellow but I don’t expect anything better at this age lol. Good at home, other places his brain is often checked out elsewhere. He is noticeably more responsive to voice command/tone of voice than Stellina was, which is nice.

Crating: 🟢 no issues, crates up well and doesn’t throw tantrums anymore. Does occasionally still have issues settling but that’s more just sitting upright/pacing than panic, and it does eventually go, so I’m not too concerned. Have only tried leaving him free alone for 20 minutes and he did fine, so hopefully we can start working that up and phasing out daytime crating.

Fear/Anxiety: 🟢 honestly very chill. he has startled at a few objects recently (trailer hitch, and one particular morning glory flower that I guess gave him bad vibes idk) but it’s a very upright, hackles up “hey what’s that!” Response as opposed to true fear or shyness, and he recovers fast once he had a chance to check out the issue. balks at new stairs sometimes, but that’s really it.

Volume: 🟢 green by collie standards lol. he’s significantly less barky than Stellina was, and mostly just barks when he’s playing or someone else is talking to him. does bark at ppl walking past the yard which is annoying but not obsessively so.

Puberty: 🟢 he’s a big fan of marking instead of just emptying the whole bladder at once, but so far he’s still only doing it outside so I don’t really care. hasn’t tried to hump, does sometimes get too interested in other dogs pee, but so far he’s controlling himself so Ball Privileges remain intact (no pun intended).

overall I’d call him a 🟢 with a few 🟡 caveats, all pretty typical issues for an 8month old herding breed. certainly no red flags or things that have really got me concerned, he’s a very happy, stable dog which I’m always thankful for. if the housetraining ends up being his biggest issue I think we’ll have gotten off very easy! but we’ll see what else adolescence throws at us.

[humbledragon669]

S1E6 – The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives P1 - up to the dissolution of the Horsemen

Well can you believe it? The last episode of the first season! And the first thing I want to make a note of is… the episode title. I really struggle to make sense of it because, linguistically, the only way something can be the very last of the rest of anything, is if it’s the very last of the thing at all. I can sort of make this idea make sense if I look at it from the perspective of the end of episode 5, where Armageddon is starting, and it does very much look like the world is about to end on that particular day, but it feels pretty woolly to me. Neil has been asked about this particular episode title before, but his answer did not help me wrap my head around the concept. In fact, it just made things worse:

Nope. No, I’m sorry, but that makes literally no sense. Anyway, I don’t want to get hung up on the little details... Hey, didja notice how Crowley (aka Aziraphale) greets his trial panel in exactly the same way as he greets Hastur and Ligur in the graveyard?

And that throw away line about getting some houseplants is pretty telling when you remember that  it’s actually Aziraphale delivering that line (oh, spoiler alert there I guess, but I would have thought that anybody reading this far into the labyrinth of my brain wanderings is probably going to have seen this show at least once before). It shows that Aziraphale knows exactly what the inside of Crowley’s flat contains, and that the only thing he would care about enough to actually furnish a space is houseplants. One thing I do question though, is how Aziraphale would know who Hastur and Dagon are. He definitely would have known who Beelzebub is, saw her on the tarmac at the airbase in fact, but those two? I don’t know when he would have come into contact with them before, particularly in their demon forms. Crowley could have given him a description of as many of the named demons as possible I suppose, but it’s a bit thin as a theory goes. But more curious is presence of the montage at this point in the episode.

It’s just short of 7 seconds long, and takes place less than 2 minutes into the episode. It also happens to contain the entire storyline for the episode in reverse. Shots of Aziraphale (Crowley really) tied up in Heaven, Aziraphale and Crowley in the park together, the Bentley and book shop in their respective restored state, Adam with Aziraphale and Crowley complete with wings, Satan breaking through the tarmac – it’s all there. It even comes complete with those fuzzy little lines that you used to see when you were rewinding a video back in the days of VHS (yes, I do actually remember that) to show that we’re watching events in reverse. It’s not like we haven’t seen montages used to represent the passing of time in this show before, but this is the first time it’s been done with parts of the story that we, the audience, haven’t yet seen. It goes by pretty fast so it’s not like you’d be able to work out the plot by watching it in real time, but I think it’s a risky play nonetheless.

Next curious thing in this episode. The music playing from Crowley’s Bentley as he approaches the gates of the airbase is different to what we heard in the previous episode. It’s the same song, but it’s a different section. Not only that, but the music continues playing from inside the car after he closes the door, whereas in the previous episode the slamming of the door cuts the stream of music off abruptly. There is nothing else different about this rendition of the scene from the one at the end of the previous episode as far as I can see but it’s a subtle difference that I find interesting, especially when you consider how many of the beings involved in the events leading up to Armageddon come to have somewhat blurry memories of what happened.

I have to say, the depth of Crowley’s grief at the loss of the Bentley came as something as a surprise to me when I first watched this show.

It’s true, we’ve seen him driving the car a fair amount in this season, and we saw him repairing the dents and other assorted damages following his collision with Anathema in episode 2, we even saw him giving it a pep talk as he willed it through the flames in the previous episode, but he talks about it here almost like a pet.

You were a good car.

But if I was surprised at Crowley’s response to the Bentley’s demise, I was more surprised at Aziraphale’s refusal to allow the demon to grieve purely because he still thinks of himself as “the nice one”. Well, mate, for someone who’s supposed to be inherently “nice”, you aren’t showing an awful lot of compassion here, and towards the being in the whole of existence that means the most to you too. Honestly, there are a lot of times I have been quite forgiving (no pun intended) of the angel’s behaviour because he genuinely believes in his own goodness, but I struggle with this. WHY IS HE BEING SUCH A PRICK? And who said he had to send the soldier anywhere (complete with magical miracle noise, in case you missed it), or harm him in any way? He could just have miracled the gun away, or slid him into unconsciousness like Death and Adam have already done with entire groups of soldiers. Is he just so used to Crowley doing all the footwork in situations like these that he’s lost the ability to think for himself? Or is it that him being “the nice one” is part of their agreed partnership, and that’s the role that the two of them have agreed he will play, not because that’s what he inherently is, but because that’s what makes the most sense and would usually be the most comfortable role play for them? Perhaps it really is the latter, because it’s not too long before we see Crowley make a conscious decision to resume the role that he is being expected to play.

I can’t help but feel like the incoherent noises that Crowley makes are his attempt at trying to ask Aziraphale to deal with this next group of soldiers because he’s not done grieving. I should think he knows he’s pushed his luck on that front a bit too far when his bumbling is greeted with this look from Aziraphale/Madame Tracy:

That is the face of woman/man/angel that is not to be dicked about with. And he knows it, giving himself a pep talk and asserting his position in a way that almost makes it sound like it was his idea in the first place. Almost.

Side note: there are a couple of lines missing from the original script here that I feel very sore that we didn’t get to see:

CROWLEY: Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new body? MADAME TRACY/AZIRAPHALE: Yes. Right. Madame Tracy, this is Crowley. He’s… Well, we’re sort of business associates.

Sad as I am that we didn’t get to see those lines, the tirade of double entendre from Aziraphale telling Shadwell to brandish his weapon so that they can “lick butt” almost makes up for their absence. Watching Crowley’s physical reaction because of his choice of words goes the rest of the way.

It’s interesting that he manages to use this phrase at all, even if it not only looks but sounds as if he’s about to throw up; he couldn’t even bring himself to say the word “Heaven” when he was screaming in the book shop earlier that same day.

Quick note about R.P. Tyler: this really is one strange little individual. He seems to think that a child causing damage to some plants is equivalent to that same child waltzing into a highly classified military air base. Eejit.

We’re taking a quick visit to the soundscape again, inclusive of an Easter egg. I am in no way surprised at the use of a harmonica at the beginning of this scene, particularly given the stage directions provided in the script:

The feeling here is spaghetti western.

I am not of the age that I would remember the original film and scene that this is clearly an homage to (the “Man With a Harmonica” stand-off scene from Once Upon a Time in the West), but I have been to my fair share of Muse concerts (I think I’m in double figures now), listening to the “Man With a Harmonica”, to get the reference. A tribute to the original piece was also used in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, again as a backdrop for a stand-off. I have absolutely no doubt that David Arnold’s treatment of the Omens theme tune in this way was intended as both atmospheric and as a pastiche of a piece of music that is arguably the most well-known of all spaghetti Western soundtracks.

Do you remember how I waffled on about the parallels between the members of The Them and the Horsemen? Well, in case you weren’t sure about that being a thing, or maybe just hadn’t cottoned on yet, this shot should spell it out loud and clear for you:

It’s interesting to see the character development that Aziraphale has gone through since his realisation that Heaven is perhaps not as “Good” as it portrays itself to be when we see him taking control of Shadwell’s gun to kill the Antichrist with, something which he has adamantly declared that he would be unable to do previously.

Crowley’s stance on the other hand appears not to have changed at all – he’s more than happy to support the decision to end the life of an 11-year-old boy in order to save the world, just so long as he’s not the one pulling the trigger. In fact, he not only supports that course of action, he vehemently chastises any doubts in it being the only one available to them. Madame Tracy’s interference with this particular plan of action feels to me like another statement of a recurring theme throughout the show – that the presence of free will is an inherently human quality. On this occasion, we see two non-earthly entities that both believe that there is only one course of action to be taken (i.e. there is no free will) whose actions are disrupted by a human entity who believes that this cannot be the case. What’s interesting to me is that the theoretically weaker of those entities, the human, wins out this little battle, suggesting that the actions taken as a result of free will always be victorious when pitted against actions taken through a lack of choice.

I absolutely adore watching Crowley’s expression when Aziraphale and Madame Tracy are separated. He can barely take his eyes of the angel, except when Madame Tracy announces that the separation made her feel “all tingly”.

That side glance looks almost jealous to me… And what's with the little head dip with the flirty yet smitten (smited? smote?) shoulder squaring…

Oh, that’s right, it’s love. And probably not just a little bit of gratitude and relief that Aziraphale has been returned to him, at least for the moment. There’s even a slow blink at the very end of that clip that looks a bit like he might be trying to keep the tears away. This tiny sequence of body language cues has my heart melting every time I watch this scene, and bearing in mind that David is actually acting in the background of the shot here it speaks volumes to just what an incredible job he’s doing that I don’t watch anything in the foreground – my eyes are firmly fixed on him and his reactions. I’m pretty sad we don’t get to see the moment when Aziraphale goes to join Crowley (this assumption is based on the positioning we see in this shot and the one immediately after Newt tells Anathema he isn’t really a computer engineer) – there is a part of me that screams to see the eye contact and facial expressions involved in that whirlwind of inevitable emotions.

For a show that’s filled with dark comedy, there’s a slightly jarring sense of social delicacy in the dissolution of the Horsemen in that we don’t see any of The Them actually land a “fatal” blow. We see them take up the sword, see them holding that same sword after they impale their respective Horseman, we even see the suggestion of an impact, but we don’t see the brutal imagery of an 11-year-old child thrusting a weapon through the middle of an adult-shaped monster. The speech at the end of this episode is heavy on the subtext of the disappearance of innocence from children as they grow older, and I suspect the desire to maintain the feeling of childlike innocence in each of The Them is the reason we don’t see them committing a very violent act. We’re not only allowed to maintain that image, but it’s strengthened by Adam’s empowerment of each of them to do what needs to be done, and his assertion that the things they’re doing battle against aren’t actually people, but concepts. It makes the whole thing feel like children playing games in the woods, which I think is probably the whole point, and the reason we saw them doing so much of it earlier in the series (and especially in the book – honestly I actually got a bit bored of how much “children playing in the woods” content there was in the original text).

As a side note, and knowing that it has been pondered over by many others before me: how did Aziraphale’s flaming sword become War’s flaming sword?! I remembered to look in the FAQ list for this one, and couldn’t see that it has ever been answered.

Next side note: Dagon says that all of the legions of Hell that are readying for battle were angels before. Does that mean that every demon is a fallen angel? Because that’s a lot of fallen angels (Beelzebub says that there are 10 million of them later on in the episode).

That’s also a pretty big revolution to have taken place “before the Beginning”. Surely if you were in charge of a place where half of your employees took place in an uprising, you’d have to question the validity of your leadership skills? There’s a little kudos going out to the sound editors here too – that effect of Beelzebub’s voice to make it sound like she’s buzzing like the flies she’s lord of is brilliant, mostly because it’s not there all the time, but fades in and out for maximum effect.

I also love the idea that a nuclear holocaust could all be avoided by running the disk defragmenter. It’s actually kind of appropriate, the job of the defragmenter being to rearrange important elements so that they fit together better, eliminating bad clusters as it goes, and all to ensure the hosting system can perform more smoothly. Feels like quite an appropriate analogy of a world gone mad with war.

Bearing in mind that I have been rattling on about parallels between the members of The Them and the Horsemen, there’s something interesting about Death’s parting comment to the group on the tarmac.

I AM CREATION’S SHADOW. YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME. THAT WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD.

If we’re considering that the previously mentioned pairings are mirror images of one another, would this suggest that Adam also cannot be destroyed? Or would it mean that his destruction would result in the creation of something else? Or if we took the words literally, would that make him the product of shadow (“shadow’s creation” instead of “creation’s shadow”). I like this latter idea, given who his father is (at this point anyway), but there’s something to be said for his potential for creation too, especially given his chosen name. I think there’s probably a lot to be said for possibilities for Adam’s character, which I’m planning on exploring in the future so I won’t go into this any further here.

Given the repeated suggestions we’ve seen that death = starlight (I’m paraphrasing for simplicity) in this show, and in other works by the original authors, it’s hardly surprising that Death disappears into a cluster of starts. God even tells us that, although they look like stars, they may be something else entirely, and that they reside within Death itself.

The complete dissolution of the Horsemen feels to me like a good place to stop. As always, questions, comments, discussion: always welcome. See you next time 😊

[squidsinashirt]

How often do you even get to see Lady P in person? I get you both travel a lot and sometimes she helps with rescues but you literally live on opposite sides of the world, if I were you the timezone difference alone would drive me crazy!

Who says it doesn’t drive people crazy?

I mean, ‘not nearly as much as I’d like to’ is the obvious answer here, but given we both kinda love what we do, that’s not really realistic soooo…

Lady Creighton-Ward has a calendar that would scare even a hardened CEO - she’s a busy woman! Wouldn’t dream of interrupting super sleuthing, criminal catching, charity working, gala hosting, billionaire hobnobbing, tea drinking, dog walking…

(I’m being a total hypocrite with that, given it’s me and my work that’s ruined plans the last twice, and it’s me that lives where I do… just being a gremlin, really 😏 if you find me sank in the Thames, you’ll know why).

That’s just the reality of being adults and the work that we do and the lives we lead, y’know? Neither of us would change it. It’s not like we aren’t used to it, neither of us expected anything else so… so it is what it is. Sure, it’s difficult at times - when there’s been a bad day, it’s hard being that far apart and you wanna be there.

But half a day ahead is actually a surprisingly useful timezone, if you were ever forced to pick a way to do long distance. I get up at five thirty for a swim every morning that we don’t have a shout, and that’s still only early evening London time. Vice versa, morning there is evening here.

Besides, beyond all the technicalities of how it works - if someone matters, it doesn’t really matter, y’know?

If you care, you make the effort and do the work, because, yeah, that’s what a relationship is, isn’t it? Any relationship. It’s making someone else a priority, however you do it. Sometimes that means it’s in the little details and inventive ways when there’s ten thousand miles between you, but the basics are the same; making time, making an effort, making sure they know. To love something, someone, is a verb, and all that, y’know? It’s an active thing, that means you gotta love them through the not so straightforward parts.

Dad used to always say love was about batting with your A game (caution, baseball analogy, my Kansas is showing, and I’m well aware there’s a decent joke in there about batting way outta your league, and I’m here for it because I am 🫶🏻). You know, you step up to the plate, focus and commit and you set your sights on where you want that ball, and when it’s bowled, you give it your all. I always thought I kinda understood what he meant but… now I get it. I mean, hell, my mom used to have to wait months for him, when he was off in the depths of space (and with an increasing number of Tracy babies too, bless her patience). Puts things in perspective, yeah?

And you do it because it’s all worth every second of waiting and wanting and planning. Maybe it makes you more appreciative of the time you do have together, y’know? 😚

Also, there’s a massive advantage sitting over this discussion - it doesn’t take 24 hours to cross the world anymore. Guess I need to thank Dad and @brains-ir for keeping the dream alive with the advances in tech 😂

… this was more of a ramble than intended, as always.

Anyway, I’m off roster and off island in… ten hours, twenty one minutes and thirty six seconds, with weekend plans that do not include a maintenance planner (nobody tell Four that).

If you’re thinking about going anywhere near any body of water today - don’t. Don’t make me tap the sign. Wait until Monday to have yourself a situation. Thanks.

(as always, that’s facetious, please call John if you’re in trouble 💫)

[tinyinvadr]

Chapter 4 is finally here!

Hide & Shrink

Chapter 4

Neither of us said a word as Ragatha set me down on my now massive bed, then took a step back to give me space. I stared up at her, not sure what I should say, if anything at all.

“So… are you good? Do you want me to stay here, or would you rather be alone? Either’s fine, of course.”

I wasn’t sure what I wanted at that point. It didn’t matter. Either way, I’d feel awful.

“You can stay if you want. I-I’m okay now, though. Just a little shaken up.”

Ragatha nodded, looking down at me with a sad expression.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Jax. I’ll have to talk to him. Can’t say he’ll listen, but he at least gets annoyed when I lecture him and tries to avoid me.”

She stopped for a moment to think about it, then sighed in defeat. “No, that won’t work, he’ll still pick on you if I’m not around. Why does he have to be so difficult?”

To be honest, I wasn’t all that worried about Jax anymore. At least, not at that moment. I was more concerned about what would happen in the long run.

“Ragatha… what happens if Caine can’t fix me?”

She gave a reassuring smile, but I could tell it looked somewhat forced this time.

“I’m sure he will… but even if he doesn’t, I promise, everything’s gonna be okay. Caine… doesn’t really understand humans at all, but from what I can tell, he’s trying. I’m sure he can come up with some way to help you. And even if he gets it wrong, you still have me and the others.”

The amount of faith she put in Caine was so strange to me. It was like she’d truly given up, and yet, she was still keeping herself together at the same time.

“How can you be sure he’s really trying? I mean, he IS the one keeping us all trapped here, isn’t he?”

“That’s what I thought at first, but now I’m not sure. He’s an AI, so he can only do what he was programmed to do. But he was trying to make an exit for us. I don’t think it’s possible for him to do that because whoever programmed him likely didn’t give him that ability, but he still tried. He knows we want to leave, but he’s incapable of getting us out. At least, that’s what I think. I could be completely wrong.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. We’re still trapped either way, though. How… How can you stay this positive?”

Her forced smile finally fell as her gaze traveled to the floor for a second.

“Someone has to.”

We didn’t talk much after that. We just sat in my room, exchanging a few words here and there, but neither of us could really be invested in the conversation. It doesn’t matter which way you look at it. Being indefinitely trapped in the digital realm is horrible.

She left after a while, and I decided to try and get some sleep. There wasn’t much else to do anyway since I would need someone to help me get down from my bed. It would also silence my thoughts for a while, which was something I desperately needed.

I let myself sink into the mattress, wrapping myself in the oversized blankets like a nest, and shut my eyes to let my mind drift off into emptiness. For a while, I could trick my brain into thinking I wasn’t in the digital circus at all. This was my real bed, and I was back at home, having a lazy morning.

Apparently, even in the digital world I’m a heavy sleeper.

When I woke up, I wasn’t in my room, which was already terrifying on its own, but I also woke up to quickly realize that I was in motion. Someone was carrying me, but I couldn’t tell who it was. All I could see around me was a cocoon of light orange fabric.

“Heh. Look who’s finally up. Thought you passed out again or something.”

Great. Him again.

The fabric above my head was pulled aside, and all I could see was Jax’s face staring down at me. I had to be in his overall pocket.

“Jax? What were you doing in my room?”

“Somebody had to come get you for breakfast, shrimpy. Well, I don’t really care whether you eat or not, but the others sent me since I’ve got all the room keys.”

That… didn’t make sense. My door wasn’t locked, and after what happened the day before, the others never would have sent Jax to get me, right?

“Why did you really take me?” I asked, bluntly.

Jax just snickered, that smile never leaving his face.

“You know, you’re smarter than you look, and I don’t dish out compliments lightly so don’t get used to it. Anyway, this little glitch you’ve got going on right now definitely means something. It’s been a whole day and Caine still can’t change you back, which can only mean that this whole digital train wreck is bound to come crashing to a halt any day now. So I got to thinking: if we can figure out what exactly this glitch is, we can exploit the %$!# out of it, destroy this game at its core, and finally get back to our lives. Sound good?”

As much as I wanted to leave, trusting Jax was a risky move. I had to make sure I understood the fullest extent of his intentions before I could even think about agreeing to anything.

“Uh… what do you mean by ‘glitch?’”

Instead of answering, he plucked me out of his pocket without warning, holding me by my shoulders and dangling me up in the air.

“Isn’t it obvious? There’s some sort of error with your digital body that’s blocking out Caine’s control. All we need to do is run a few tests to find out what it is and how to use it.”

I didn’t like where this was going, and I especially didn’t like the sight of the floor so far down below me. But I had to choose my words carefully, since I already knew firsthand that Jax would not hesitate to drop me again if I upset him.

“Can I… get back to you on that?”

There was something about his ever-present smirk that changed. It was almost sinister.

“Who said you had a choice?”

I froze for a second as I processed his words, then, in a desperate attempt to get away, I started kicking and wiggling my shoulders. The whole time, Jax just laughed like this was the funniest thing he ever saw.

It felt like I was kicking and screaming forever, until Jax suddenly plopped me onto his other hand, giving me a solid surface to sit on. Before I could question him any further, I noticed that Caine popped up next to us.

“Good morning, you two! Are you ready for today’s adventure?”

Jax’s demeanor suddenly changed, as if he hadn’t just been tormenting me.

“Appreciate the offer, Caine, but Pomni and I are gonna sit this one out.”

I had to say something. This was my only way out.

“NO WAIT CAINE I WANNA GO WITH YOU!!!”

Caine took a second to process what I said, then let out a cheerful laugh.

“Of course! Now, let’s see, Ragatha told me to try this with you…”

I was shocked when he offered his hand for me to climb on instead of grabbing me. He really was paying attention and trying to match my comfort levels.

Without hesitation, I scrambled onto his hand and curled up into a ball as he held me to his chest for support.

“See you later, Jax! Let me know if you change your mind!”

Jax didn’t say a word. He was too dumbfounded that I went off with Caine even though I was nervous around him.

As we floated down the hall, I realized he wasn’t teleporting to the main stage as usual. Just like Ragatha, he was moving very slowly so I wouldn’t get anxious or sick.

“Glad to see you’re doing better, Pomni. I’m new to this soft, quiet approach, but it seems to work for you, so I’ll keep doing it.”

It was strange to hear him talking in a somewhat calm voice. I could tell he was struggling to keep his constantly upbeat and energetic personality at bay, but I couldn’t help but be impressed by the effort he was willing to put in for my sake. Maybe he really could be reasoned with.

“Caine? Is it okay if I don’t go on the adventure today? I know I said I wanted to, but I just wanted to get away from Jax…”

He suddenly stopped, hovering in place as he looked down at me, concerned.

“That’s… That’s quite alright, but… if everyone else is busy with the adventure and Jax doesn’t want to participate, then there won’t be anyone around to make sure he doesn’t bother you. Unless you stay with me, but I don’t want the others to think I’m picking favorites…”

I honestly didn’t think anyone would care. I certainly didn’t, I only wanted to avoid being a lab rat for that crazy rabbit.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“Alrighty then! That means you’ll get to have a day of fun with me and Bubble! Ah- sorry, I mean… you’ll get to spend the day doing whatever you’re comfortable with.”

I shut my eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. I could work with this. Everything would be okay.

As we continued to travel down the hall, I could feel Caine’s fingers brush against the back of my head. It startled me, but I recognized that this was another attempt at giving me security.

He really was trying.

[imagineanime2022]

S/O With A Zombie Quirk

Keigo Takami/Hawks X Reader, Shota Aizawa/ Eraserhead X Reader, Taishiro Toyomitsu/ Fatgum X Reader

Requested: @supernatural-hunter1

Request: Have you seen that show on Netflix called “iZombie?” I was just watching it the other day and I was thinking what if. Hawks, Aizawa, and Fatgum who has a S/O who works as a medical examiner for the police and she helps police detectives solve cases but then Hawks, Aizawa and Fatgum found out that their S/O has a quirk called “zombie” 😂

(like the main character in the Netflix show? If you haven’t seen that show, it’s a good show you should watch it?, assault and robbery, attempted kidnap (implied but not really)

Warning:- Talk of eating brains or description, general dislike for the quirk, injuries, dead bodies, morgues

Hawks

🪶 The first time that Hawks met you it was at the beginning of a case that he had taken on, the police were getting nowhere and they needed a new angle so they called in you. 🪶 He didn’t know how you were going to help but sometimes a new medical examiner sees something that everyone else missed, however when you came in he didn’t know what to say. 🪶 You hadn’t told him that you worked with the police, in fact you didn’t talk much about your work or quirk. 🪶 When you finally used your quirk, he could see that you were nervous, he didn’t know if it was because he was there or because of what you were about to see either way he gave a firm nod as you swallowed a small section of the victims brain.

“You never told me about your quirk.” Keigo said as he handed you a cup of water. “It freaks most people out.” You answered softly as you take the drink downing it “and I don’t like it very much anyway.” “You don’t?” He asked. “Would you like eating people’s brains?” You asked “at least your quirk makes you look good.” “You think my wings make me look good?” He asked, a smirk stretching across his face as he closed the small amount of space between you. “Well I promise you that I don’t think differently of you, you didn’t get to choose your quirk and despite that you do a lot of good with it you know that right?” “Hmm.” You hummed, he leaned forward pressing a kiss to your lips. “So what else can you do?” He asked. “In times of extreme stress my strength and agility.” You shrugged “and I can take on the quirk of the person’s brain I ate for 24 hours.” “Seems pretty cool.” He mumbled softly as he sat down next to you feathers dispersing so that he could sit next to you looping his arm around your shoulder “are you okay?” “Huh?” You asked. “After what you saw, you saw her die didn’t you?” He asked. “Yeah and I’ll have to do it again for the trial.” You explained and he frowned. “What are you talking about?” He asked. “What I saw can be used as evidence now that they developed technology that can project what I see for the rest of the court.” You explained and he sighed. “There’s no other way for them to do this?” He asked. “Not at the moment.” You answered “but like you said it hurts people.” “Then I guess I’m going to have to come with you.” He decided as you leaned into his chest and sighed. “That would be nice.” You mumbled. “You're tired, get some rest, I’ll get you home.” Keigo pressed another kiss to the top of your head.

Aizawa

🐛 Aizawa wasn’t one to ask about quirks or anything, he didn't think that it meant much when he was looking for a partner and that didn’t change when he found out what your quirk was. 🐛 He found out about your quirk in a pretty high stress situation, you had been out and were cornered by a couple of thugs that thought you’d be an easy mark however your quirk activated when the stress became too much. 🐛 They called Aizawa to help deal with an out of control quirk user, but when he got there and saw that it was you he ordered everyone to fall back he decided that he could do this together. 🐛 He had to admit that it wasn’t easy, you were fast and strong but the moment that he’s gaze met yours and his quirk activated, he saw you come back to yourself and gave a sigh of relief.

Aizawa moved around the front of you, to properly get a look at you when you looked up at him and mouthed the word ‘I’m sorry’ he let you go immediately, he crouched in front of you helping you stand and leading you away from the growing crowd or what he assumed to be heroes, civilians and villains. Once you were away from prying eyes he took your face looking you over “what happened?” He asked. “I’m sorry, I thought I had it under control. It's been so long since I’ve been scared like that.” You mumbled as your eyes looked anywhere but him and he drew your eyes to him and spoke softly. “What scared you?” He asked. “There were these guys who tried to grab me. I think they wanted my purse or something.” You explained and he nodded for you to continue “part of my quirk is controlled by my emotions and when I get overwhelmed my strength and agility become far better and I go into a state of survival.” “That’s part of your quirk?” He asked. “Yeah.” You answered. “What’s the other part?” He asked. “Doesn’t matter.” You mumbled looking away from him. “It’s a villain's quirk.” “Nothing is a villain’s quirk.” Aizawa said. “I can see people’s memories or use their quirks…” You said biting your lip. “That’s not-” “I can only do it if I eat part of their brain.” You said like you were ripping a bandaid off and he almost winced when the tone hit his voice, he hated that you hated your quirk so much “it’s done good, helps with investigations and stuff but it got me no end of bullying back in school.” “We’re not in school anymore and I’m nothing like those kids, I’m not going to run away from you.” He promised “we are going to have to work on this stress response though, me and you, we’ll work through it.”

Fatgum

🍡 Tai had been with you for a little while before he found out what your quirk was, you never talked about it and he never asked, all he knew was that it had something to do with eating. 🍡 He never thought much of it. He wasn't dating you for your quirk after all, your personality was what made him fall in love with you and he was sure that no matter what it would keep him there. 🍡 Tai always reassured you that he didn’t need to know what your quirk was and he’d be fine never knowing as long as you were alive and happy. 🍡 However one day the league of villains came for you and your quirk, he got to you first but it caused you both to become trapped in the morgue that you worked in.

You took a deep breath as you looked around the room, there was nothing that you could use to get out of there, Tai was a good hero but he wasn’t about the fight them in the state that he was, having fought his way to you, he was injured, you grabbed everything that you needed to patch him up. “It’s okay Tai, I’m sorry, I can fix this.” You mumbled as you wrapped the wound tightly “there must be people out there by now with the way Dabi has been lighting the place up.” “I- I had Suneater and Red Riot get reinforcements.” He informed you. “They probably won’t storm in with us still in here though.” You mumbled, there was no second exit for the morgue, you had to go through the rest of the building to get out. You eye fell on the pile of files on your table, all the bodies in the morgue, you snuck over to the table grabbing the files and spreading them out on the floor. “What are you doing?” Tai asked as you looked at him and steeled yourself. “I’m going to use my quirk to get us out of here, if someone in here has a quirk that can help us.” You mumbled as you looked through each of the files until you came across the file of a male that had a teleportation quirk “perfect.” “Hey, you listening to me?” Tai asked and you looked at him and frowned. By now he had lost the mass that came with his quirk, it wound was weakening him and you could hear the villains getting closer to the barricaded room. “You don’t have to do this, we can find some other way to get out of here.” “This is the quickest way to get out of here, I have to get you somewhere that they can help you.” You mumbled as you pressed a kiss to his forehead before standing and walking over to the draw allocated to the man that you were looking for, you had already done his autopsy, he was a more simple case and there was no need for you take from his brain however per normal protocol you had already made the cut into his head so it was easy enough to get to the brain taking small piece and eating not daring to look at Tai as you did, making your way back over to him, pressing your forehead to his and wrapping an arm around him using the quirk to get out, you appeared in front of the ambulances that had been parked outside, Suneater and Red Riot noticing the suit of their mentor in seconds as you allowed them to take him to the hospital for treatment.

You didn’t go and see Tai in the hospital, he was only there for a couple of days and you were happy to see that he was getting better. What you hadn’t expected was for him to show up at your apartment. “What are you doing here?” You asked after opening the door. “Wondered how you were doing… Since I can’t go back to work yet, I decided to make sure that you were okay…” He explained looking you over. “I can see that you are okay, so are you going to tell me why you didn’t come visit me.” “People don’t usually want to see me after they find out what my quirk is.” You explained. “You thought I didn’t want to see you?” He asked. “Mmm.” You hummed. “Darling I wanted nothing more than to see you.” He sighed as he stepped forward pulling you into a hug, even in his smaller form it felt like he dwarfed you considering his 6ft stature. He could feel you crying and he sighed as he pulled you closer still “I don’t care about your quirk and it really doesn’t matter to me, you are who I fell in love with, not your quirk or the idea of what you quirk could be, it was you.” “I should have told you.” You mumbled. “I would have been happy even if you never told me.” He mumbled. “Come on I missed you, let's go cuddle and sleep the day away, yeah?” “That sounds nice.” You mumbled allowing him to lead you further into the apartment for a day of rest together.

Request Here!!

[taatsums]

Event Story: Precious as a White Light - Track 3

📍 HAMA House, Kitchen

Kafka: Ugh, how did this happen…

Ten: Oh, Boss. You had today off?

Kafka: I did…

Ten: I’d never peg you for the baking type~. Whatcha making?

Kafka: …What do they look like to you?

Ten: …………Colorful cookies?

Kafka: Macarons, right?

Ten: Aren’t macarons usually more 3D? Like, they’re puffier.

Kafka: Right, meaning this was a complete failure. Ushio told me they’re hard to get right, so I’ve been practicing on my own.

Ten: Ohh… This must be your gift for the chief.

Kafka: Exactly. Wanna give it a try?

Ten: Haha, I’ll pass. I’m just here to grab a drink.

[Ten leaves]

Kafka: I guess I’ll take a break too.

📍 HAMA House, Living Room

Kafka: Come to think of it, it’s rare to see you actually staying in the dorm all day, Ten. You’re always out at one drinking party or another.

Ten: Oh, that’s because I’m supposed to be overseas right now. I’ll be hiding out and living the shut-in life until White Day’s over.

Kafka: …So you’re avoiding White Day? You should at least give a return gift.

Ten: Well~, in my case, just accepting someone’s gift is already like giving something back.

📍 HAMA House, Entrance

Nanaki: Oh…

[Kiroku and Ushio arrive]

Ushio: Wah…!

Ushio: …I almost bumped into him… Um, can you not randomly stop in the middle of the entrance?

Kiroku: … Ah…

📍 HAMA House, Living Room

Kafka: Welcome back. Did you three come home together?

Ten: Pretty rare seeing you guys hang out.

Kafka: Ah, right. Ushio, could you take a look at the kitchen? The macarons I tried making got burnt, so I’m letting them cool there.

Ushio: Oh, okay, okay. I’m coming, gimme a sec.

Ushio: Panda, Golem, think about what you want to make.

Nanaki: Okay.

Kiroku: G-Got…it…

Nanaki: …Um, Murakumo-san.

Ten: Hmm?

Nanaki: ……

Ten: What’s up?

Nanaki: There’s something I wanna ask you about… But can we go somewhere else first?

Ten: Hm, OK.

📍 HAMA House, Kitchen

Ushio: (Is that guy stupid?)

Ushio: (Of all the people he could’ve gone to, he just had to pick the scummiest, most human piece of garbage of a man ever.)

Kafka: Are you teaching Nanaki and the others how to bake too?

Ushio: Yeah, it just kinda ended up like that.

Kafka: Nanaki was seriously wracking his brains to figure out what to give to the chief. Hehe, it kinda reminded me of when I was younger.

Ushio: …

Ushio: (…Well, look at that. Oguro-san doesn’t even see him as a rival.)

Ushio: (He’s taking the L no matter how you look at it. My condolences.)

📍 HAMA House, 2F Free Space

Ten: Oh yeah, le passager has some new stuff out. Wanna go shopping again?

Ten: You’ll want some spring clothes soon, right? 

Nanaki: …Murakumo-san, you’ve had a lot of relationship experience, right?

Ten: ……

Ten: So this is about White Day. You wanna give something homemade to the chief too, right?

Nanaki: ! H-How did you know?

Ten: Did you pick out what you wanna make yet?

Nanaki: N-Not yet… I’ve never baked anything before, so I don’t even know what’s good to make.

Nanaki: But Ushio told me to figure out what to make myself and just left it at that…

Ten: Hmm… Probably something other than macarons.

Nanaki: Huh? What’s wrong with macarons?

Nanaki: Wait, is it because Oguro-san’s making them?

Ten: He hasn’t been doing a very hot job, though.

Nanaki: …Huh, so macarons are actually something you can make yourself.

Ten: I’ve asked some girls at uni about it, and it sounds pretty hard. Seems like Boss wants a challenge.

Nanaki: …I see.

Nanaki: Um, I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this stuff.

Ten: What about your friends?

Nanaki: I don’t have any at school.

Ten: The noon team guys—

Nanaki: Do you really think I could talk about something like this with them?

Ten: And your brother?

Nanaki: He doesn’t really know anything about the chief or Oguro-san…

Nanaki: …Am I pathetic? Just saying all this out loud is making me cringe…

Ten: ……

Ten: …I’m supposed to be overseas right now, so I’ll have to ask later tonight. 

Ten: But I have a few friends who know a thing or two about baking.

Nanaki: Huh?

Ten: I’ll ask them about it for you…Don’t tell the Boss, okay?

Nanaki: Th… Thank you so much!

Ten: (I say friends, but they’re just exes.)

Nanaki: Um… is it alright if I’ll ask you for some advice again? You’re honestly the most reliable person I know…!

Ten: Ahaha, I don’t mind if you’re fine with me.

Ten: (Well, I’m bored, and besides—)

📍 HAMA House, Kitchen

📍 HAMA House, 2F Free Space

Ten: (...Seeing something as immovable as a rock get shaken up isn’t too bad either.) 

Track 1 | Track 2 | Track 3 | Track 4 | Track 5 | Track 6 | Track 7 | Track 8 | Track 9

[askbensolo]

How are thing going with Amalia? Has she found her own place yet? Has she talked to Luke any at all..?

I was broken from my sleep by someone knocking on the door of my hut. My brain felt all foggy, and my eyes all crusty. I pulled the thin cotton covers closer to me and waited to see if my visitor would go away.

It was the middle of the day, mind you. I shouldn’t have still been in bed.

And yet…there I was.

Ossus was a change of scenery—that much was true. And it helped to not have Mom breathing down my neck all the time. Still…whatever was wrong with me was clearly inside of me, no matter where I went.

The knocking came again. I threw the covers over my head, and regretted it—the hut was warm as it is, not having any clime-control, and my own breath was almost enough to suffocate me. But I was glad in a second, because whoever it was didn’t bother knocking a third time before walking right in. The huts do have locks on them—nothing sophisticated; just a latch you can close from the inside—but I guess I must’ve left mine unlocked.

Not the first of things I’d failed to do, lately.

“I’ll be up in a minute, Uncle Luke,” I muttered, because I figured that was who it was. “What—am I late for class or something?”

I wasn’t required to join the Jedi classes, but it gave Uncle Luke something positive to report to my mom—just the kind of thing I had in short supply. Besides, I was bored, now that I’d finished writing my book and had still never found a job and now I didn’t even have the chores I had failed to do at home. As fun as it had often sounded to have no work and no responsibilities, it was turning out to be a sort of hell. A peaceful kind of hell, but hell nonetheless. Enough of one to compel me to attend Jedi class for the sake of having something, anything to do.

“Just…give me a little privacy so I can get ready, okay?” I said when Uncle Luke didn’t reply.

Only…it wasn’t Uncle Luke at all.

“Oh, for Force’s sake. Don’t tell me you’re naked under there,” grumbled a familiar voice, and I rolled over, whipping my head out of the covers.

“Amalia?! What the—”

Yep, it was Amalia: towering over me with her hands on her hips, a squint like one on a deep-space cowboy, and something on her face that would have resembled a sneer to the uninitiated. She was dressed for summer, with a sleeveless tunic and trousers that stopped at the knees.

My expression must’ve been real funny, ‘cause her resting face broke and she afforded me a smirk.

“At least tell me you’re wearin’ underwear, Solo.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Ha, ha.”

I threw off the covers and sat cross-legged on the mat. Ugh, my back was stiff—I’d been lying down for too long, and now my body was mad at me. I winced and stretched my arms to the sky, then held out a hand to Amalia. She clasped my hand, lifted me to my feet, and we pulled one another in and slapped each other on the back.

I didn’t really care that I wasn’t wearing a shirt. It was only Amalia, after all.

“It’s great to see you, Mal,” I told her, grinning up at her—the only woman I knew besides my Wookiee aunt who stood taller than me. “Even as confusing, mysterious, and possibly creepy it is to have you in my bedroom uninvited.”

Amalia grinned back—as much as she could, anyway. I could tell it was a grin. Anyone else would’ve just said she crinkled one side of her nose a little more.

“Well, I had to make sure you weren’t hangin’ from the ceiling,” she said with a good dose of humor, and I chuckled and punched her in the arm.

Yeah, yeah, I know—it doesn’t seem like something you'd laugh about (Fannie certainly never had). But for whatever reason, Amalia and I do.

“Don’t tell me you came all the way to Ossus just because I didn’t text you for a couple of days,” I told her seriously. “I know we talked about it, and I’m trying to work on it, really. But you told me I should try to reply within three rotations—”

“I’m not here because of that,” Amalia cut in. “Believe me, Solo: I’m more than used to your radio silence. I’m here ‘cause Master Luke reached out to me and said he thought you could use a friend.”

I stared at her. “Luke reached out to you? You haven’t spoken to him since…”

“Yeah…I know,” Amalia sighed. “So…I figured it had to be kind of urgent.”

“Well…I’m not suicidal, if that’s what you were worried about,” I told her. “At least I haven’t hit that point yet.”

Amalia raised a brow. “‘Yet?’”

“It’s, uh…not been heading in a good direction,” I admitted.

On instinct, I squeezed my eyes shut as if to brace myself. If it was my mother I was speaking to, I’d have earned myself a one-way ticket to freak-out-ville.

But…Amalia only blinked slowly, nodded once, and patted me on the shoulder a couple of times.

“Yeah, I get it,” she said softly (by which I mean soft in volume, but still with that gruff rasp that characterized her way of speaking). “It’s okay, Ben. I’ve been there.”

I knew she had. I’d seen her there.

“Thanks,” I said, nodding at the floor and rubbing the back of my neck.

“What’re you doing on Ossus, anyway, Solo?” Amalia asked, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes even further. “Didn’t really come up during our call last week. What—your mother ship you here?”

“No,” I sighed, pushing past her to the clay washbasin. I poured water from the pitcher into my cupped hand and splashed my face, watching the excess water soak into the basin’s porous surface and paint it a deep brown. “I came here myself. I just…couldn’t take it at home anymore.”

“Hm,” Amalia replied pensively, as if she were thinking of follow-up questions. I decided to deflect them before she even had the chance to ask.

“This is your first time back on Ossus, isn’t it?” I asked. “Since you left? It’s been, what—like, seven years now.”

This turned out to be a great deflection. Amalia immediately stopped and began to chew her lower lip.

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, it’s my first time back. It’s…uh…weird. Everything’s changed. All the kids are different. Well…some of ‘em. Some of ‘em are still here…only they’re not kids anymore. But…I guess we’re not, either.”

“Have you talked to Luke? Since you got here, I mean.”

“Yeah. I had to ask him which hut was yours. He was…nice.”

“Luke’s always nice,” I said. “Even when he isn’t. Anyway...I’m touched that you came all the way out here just for me.” I took the rag that hung by the basin and scrubbed it all over my face. “I mean…you said you’d never come back.”

“Yeah…I know,” she muttered, scratching the side of one of her montrals. “Funny how things change.”

The way she said it was odd, as if her throat was strained. I lowered the rag and turned to look at her.

Amalia noticed, and met my gaze.

“I…didn’t only come here because of you,” she explained. “I mean—that was what got me to pull the trigger, yeah. But…I’ve actually been feeling like I’m supposed to return to Ossus for a while now.”

I frowned, hanging up the towel without taking my eyes off her. “You mean…just to visit? Or…to live here again?”

“I’m not sure,” she said. “I definitely didn’t want to do either. Still…I could never shake the feeling, and…well, when Master Luke told me you needed help, I guess it felt like a sign.”

“Are…are you thinking of becoming a Jedi again, Mal?”

Amalia shook her head. “No. I couldn’t be. I have fundamentally different beliefs about the Force now than what the Jedi believe. There’s crossover enough, but…no, I couldn’t call myself a Jedi. It wouldn’t be honest.”

“So…then what would it look like for you to live here again? I mean…this is the Jedi school.”

Amalia smiled wryly. “That’s just what I’ve been askin’ the Force, Ben. With very little response, it seems. Sometimes I think the Force might be a little off its rocker, having had to run the galaxy for so many eons—sorry,” she interjected, not to me, but seeming to direct the apology upward as if to the Force itself.

“Well...hey,” I chuckled. “You’re here now. Maybe the Force will...I dunno, give you a little extra guidance.”

“Yeah…here’s to hoping.” She leaned against the wall, antsily rapping her knuckles against the wood. “Anyway. How long are you planning on sticking around Ossus, Solo?”

“Not long,” I told her, swiping a wrinkled t-shirt from the pile of clothes in the corner and shaking it out. “Just till I can…you know…manage to snap out of this, and pull myself back together.” I paused. “...Which, so far, is taking a lot longer than I wanted it to.”

“Anything I can do to help?” Amalia asked, her arms crossed.

I smiled at her. “You’re helping plenty already,” I told her, wrestling on my shirt. When I had pulled my head through, I saw she was smiling back.