#i had one friend (who randomly disappeared a couple years ago D:) always say this to me and i adopted it

[alchemiclee]

me: this thing doesn't work. i'm struggling so much. I can't do this. this is bad. i'm failing. etc etc

friend: you can do it, I believe it you!!!

me: 😊!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #403

“ashes to ashes, watch me disappear”

If given the opportunity, would you like to star in a musical? Definitely not. I don't like musicals. Name one person you’d take a bullet for: There's honestly a lot, but Mom immediately came to mind. Any posters of a band on your bedroom wall? Yeah: Metallica and Marilyn Manson currently. I want lots more, especially an Ozzy one. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates. Do you share your bedroom with anyone? No, unless you include my cat and snake. Is your favorite color yellow? No, it's actually one of my least favorites. Were you born in a hospital? I was. Do you know the name of the person that delivered you? No, but Mom does. I think he delivered me and my two sisters, and I know Mom has seen him since for other reasons. Was your birth recorded? God no. Good call, Mom. Did you eat a peach this week? Would you believe me if I told you I had a small bit of peach pie for my sister's birthday? For some reason, I just really wanted to try some. It was okay, but the aftertaste sucked. Are you leaving the house tomorrow? Yes, for TMS therapy. Every weekday. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I honestly do. If you could get free vocal lessons would you take them? Probably not. I don't like singing in front of anyone, and it's not like I wanna get anywhere with my singing, so. Is your mother diabetic? She is. Are you? No. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. What is your main responsibility each day? Be sure to take my medications. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. There are rare mornings where I forget, but I almost always remember. I don't fw skipping out on meds that keep my mental health stable. When was the last time you used spray paint? Good question. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Yep. Who is the friendliest person you know? My mom, probably. Something that annoys you about summer: THE HEAT. THE HUMIDITY. UGH. Something that annoys you about winter: Hm. That's hard to say, given I love winter. I guess the fact it doesn't snow enough here. Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side-by-side. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Not sobbed or anything, but I've definitely teared up and gotten the sniffles because of multiple movies. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? No. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I didn't need to pretend; I'm pretty damn sure I was for a while. Might I add that it's EXTREMELY inconsiderate to pretend you're insane, btw. Insanity is not "cool." It's not "funny." It's not "edgy." It's a serious, confusing, heart-wrenching issue that can ruin lives. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Yes, myself included when I'm even mildly nervous. And sometimes just randomly. With a lisp? I don't believe so. What was the last board game you played? The Disney version of "Pretty Pretty Princess" w/ my niece and even my nephew, even though his sexist-ass dad didn't want him to. Like let your kid have some fun with his sister and aunt, goddamn. They had a blast. It was Aubree's birthday present from me, so I am SO glad she loved it. Did you win? Ha ha, no, I always let Aubree or Ryder win. I came super close once, but I let the kids bend the rules a bit. They don't like losing, and even though they definitely need to understand that just happens and is totally fine for it to, I wasn't about to be the one to make them sad about it. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? OH MY LAAAAAWWWWWWD. Also at Aubree's b-day party, at one point, I spoke in a snobbish British accent while I was winning at the aforementioned game. Ryder asked, "Why are you speaking Spanish?", and I fuckin DIED. Have you ever made up a word before? Yeah, I know at least a few instances for fantasy animals in writing. When was the last time you went to a museum? A couple summers ago when my brother and his son visited, we went to a science museum. My nephew was sooooo into it. Do you have a nice yard? If so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? If not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days? Our front and back yards are both small and honestly very boring. The grass is a pretty green, but that's the only nice thing about it. I don't go to sit outside here on any day. Do your parents enjoy any of the things that you enjoy? Do you bond over these things? My parents and I have very similar music tastes, so there's that. I also didn't know for the longest time that Mom likes to write, which I sure as hell do, too! She doesn't really write anymore though, and she's self-conscious of it anyway, like I am. She and I also love a lot of the same shows. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? I think The Incredibles 2. I aaaalways wanted to know what happened after the end of the first film. Do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you had the time/had the talent? Please share a synopsis! I genuinely think some RP I've written is series-worthy, but I don't feel like re-writing the YEARS of RP into a book format, and I sincerely worry that the ridiculously dark parts could inspire people like serial killers and cause A LOT of controversy, crime-blaming, and just general hate. I don't want to be involved in that. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? Compliment my Markiplier tattoo, obviously knowing it's a tribute to him, and we're essentially besties. Is there a person in your life (maybe barely) that you feel in constant competition with (even just in your imagination)? Maybe you feel they are consistently outshining you? Ugh... there's a local photographer that's much more successful than I am that I admittedly am very envious of. I swear to whatever god you may believe in that I mean it from a modest perspective, I really, really do, but I genuinely think my skills surpasses hers, and she's only more prevalent because photography REALLY is about who you know. She's talented, yes, but like... come on. If you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)? I mean yeah. I miss cuddling, holding hands, kissing, just being cute together, and especially people getting engaged or having kids. It's such a trigger to me. Once upon a time, that's all I wanted with Jason. I wanted to be that beautiful couple that got married and had two or three loved-beyond-words children, but then he left so abruptly, and I feel like it was so brutally robbed from me. I don't want kids anymore like at all, but the point still stands that I felt like my dreams were just ripped away. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use "Ozzkat" just about everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? OHHHHHHHHHH YEAH. There have been a couple days or so where I was totally glued to looking up various tattoo designs, bingeing let's plays or conspiracy theory videos, etc. etc. If you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? I WILL NOT get married in a church, first of all. I'm also not having the traditional vows, and I probably won't wear a white dress, but instead black. Salt & vinegar, barbecue, sour cream & onion, or cheddar? Ohhhh, I like all those options but barbecue. I think I've gotta go with sour cream & onion, though. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? A D O R A B L E ! ! ! I think they're ordinarily geeky, but I mean, geeky is cute in my world. :^) Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? Angels, no. Spirits/ghosts, 100%. I don't exactly believe in demons, per se, but I do question if evil spirits can possess someone. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? I've seen The Notebook numerous times. Name three countries you want to visit; why those three? South Africa to interact with meerkats at the KMP, somewhere up in Canada to see the Northern Lights, and Germany just because, really. I took German for four semesters, and the culture and all just interests me. Do you have a good luck charm? No, considering I don't believe they do jack. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Only Sara. Now that I have Discord semi-figured out now though, we'll probably use that for voice chatting. Are you allergic to any animals? I might be allergic to dogs. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home? I'm like... always at home. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say "retard/retarded" as an insult? Absofuckinglutely. Don't pull that shit when I'm around. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Plenty. Have you ever had a home-grown tomato? Yes, from my old friend's garden. We'd have delicious tomato, mayo, and bacon sandwiches. The only instance where I've enjoyed tomatoes. Have you ever held a real gun? The former friend I mentioned just before, her husband always carried a gun, and he just needed me to hold it for a sec for some reason I don't recall. I hated the feeling. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans? I like both, but I think I prefer Converse. Have you ever been called bipolar? Yes, because I clinically am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? FUCK no. And like the "retarded" thing, don't you fucking DARE to do this in front of me. I WILL deck the shit out of you. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage? Sure, as long as you're being safe and are very thorough in communication. Do you like to watch old sitcoms? I don't really watch TV as I say in like every survey it seems, but I do enjoy some old sitcoms I grew up watching with my mom, like The Nanny, The Golden Girls, The Munsters, etc. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now? Being completely serious, I don't even know if I CAN physically run right now. My legs are so incredibly weak, and I'm humiliatingly close to what my heaviest weight was back in 2016, so I can almost guarantee my knees would crumple if I tried. Do you wear those rubber wristbands? I used to. I don't really like bracelets nowadays. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? Nope. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with? Uhhhh idk. What breed was the last dog you saw? A fucking GOLIATH of a lab. I shit you not when I say my sister's roommate's dog Hudson is the size of a goddamn bear. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say they were together at the very least 20 years. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I once accidentally put something (I don't remember what) in the microwave for around 45 minutes I believe, and I walked away and completely forgot about it. I remembered a long while later, and safe to say, it wasn't edible, whatever it was, lmao. Have you ever been to Mexico? No. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? Somewhere around two years ago? My memory is so garbage nowadays. Can you concentrate well while listening to music, or do you find it distracting? It's distracting, usually. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? I've been pretty bad about drinking too much soda lately. :/

[axelsagewrites]

Magnus Bane*Visions pt2

I know Camille and Magnus’s storyline is a bit different in the books/tv show but it fits in better with the request and the ideas for this so the bitch is in it! Sorry. Also if you cant tell: Warnings?-Mild swearing.

Part 1 Part 3

Main Masterlist HERE

Shadowhunters Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

“I don’t want to see some Magnus Bane guy.” I whined to Clary. We were all currently walking to Brooklyn to find this warlock and I can’t be bothered to be honest. I'd rather just go home at this point. “I know (Y/N), it's just…” Clary started but ended with a sigh. “It's just with everything going on, we need to keep you safe. If Valintine finds out who knows what would happen. I can't lose anyone else. I've already lost mom and Si an-“ She was barely holding back tears so I gave in. I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into a side hug. She rested her head on my shoulder as we walked. Jace, Alec and Izzy were walking in front of us. They said it was to give us privacy but I saw Jace activate a rune that looked similar to the hearing rune so I doubt what I say will be that private. “I’ll go Clare bear. You won't lose me.” “Promise?” “Now who's the one who sees the future.” I tried to joke but as she started giggling Jace turned around to face us. “Be quiet you two. Who knows whose around?” I rolled my eyes. Everyone thinks I'm just a Mundie anyway. “And you like him?” I whisper to which Clary poked my ribs.

After a fifteen minute walk, we were walking up the stairs to the high warlocks apartment. “I texted him a few minutes ago so he knows we're coming,” Alec stated in his same old monotoned voice. We walked up the stairs in silence although it always felt like the parabiti’s were talking somehow. Looking around somethings looked kind of similar but I brushed it off. The boxes outside of the door across from the high warlocks seemed similar but distant. Probably just some old vision that wasn’t important. Alec knocked on the door and it opened by itself. The shadowhunters began to walk in but I froze for a second staring at the door. Why did he just let us in without checking? And why is the number so familiar. “You ok (Y/N)?” Clary asked drawing the other hunters attention. “Yeah,” I mumbled shaking my head. “Yeah just got a small headache.” Clary nodded and I walked into the apartment. “So what brings you to my home again, shadowhunters?” I froze again. That voice. It wasn’t quite the same but…more awake? It isn’t… The man sitting on the sleek black leather couch stood up and turned around. Black hair, blue tips? Check. Tan, Asian skin? Check. Fabulous clothes? Check. Silky voice? Check. If it wasn’t the man from my vision then it's his bloody twin! “One of Clary’s mundane friends is having weird visions,” Jace said nonchalantly. Ok, that snapped me out of it. “You know, I don’t get why you hate mundanes considering it's your job to protect us.” I crossed my arms and glared at him. “Manners cost nothing you know. I do have a name.” I'm sick of this. I'm mundane, not scum. “Fiesty. Interesting.” Magnus said, getting back the attention. Its weird to think about the vision but at the same time, it's awesome. I don’t know when the vision will take place or if we last but still. “So tell me about these visions.” Magnus sauntered over to a bar and began to pour martinis. “Is it not a bit early for drinks?” Clary asked. I get it’s a bit annoying for him to be ‘drinking on the job’ but it's his flat. Come on Clary. “Its cocktail hour somewhere,” I said at the same time as the warlock. He turned to me with a smile. “I can stand this one. The other one, whats his name? Sheldon? He gets annoying. Whats your name?” “(Y/N). and his name is Simon.” I said, slightly annoyed. “It really isn’t hard to remember names of the only two mundanes,” I mumbled but I was heard. “My mistake,” Magnus said with a slight smirk. Probably because I flinched when I realised they had heard. Damn runes and magic! “Its just I happen to of met a lot of people over my long life. My apologies.” “This isn’t time for socialising.” Alec cut us off. “(Y/N)’s been seeing the future and I’d rather get that sorted out so we don’t have to deal with it.” “Deal with me or the issue?” I glared at Alec. Jesus! Is Izzy the only half decent one? “Ignore my brothers,” Izzy said. Well, that’s my question answered. “(Y/N) sometimes has visions of the future while they sleep. We want to know what they are and if it should be stopped.” “I see,” Magnus mumbled and stared at me. “Have you ever seen a demon before?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow. “No?” it came out as a question. How the hell should I know? “I don’t think so.” Magnus hummed in confusion. “Ghosts?” I shook my head no. “Spirits?” I shook my head again. “Any type of downworlder?” “No.” I sighed with slight frustration. “I'm pretty sure I would have mentioned that before.” “Sorry, darling, it's just a peculiar situation.” I had to fight back a blush thinking of the fact he will at some point call me darling again. “It's not often I hear about this sort of thing.” For the next half an hour I described what type of visions I have and when I get them. Jace and Izzy had to be called back to the institute so it was just me, Clary, Alec and my future boyfriend. I don’t know if I'm hopeful for saying that considering I already know it will happen. Magnus said he was going to go look through a few books. After a couple minutes of sitting with me and Clary, Alec went to help him. “Why do you keep avoiding eye contact with Magnus?” Clary randomly asked me. “What? No, I don’t.” I spluttered out but she gave me an ‘I don’t have time for your crap’ face and I sighed. “He’s um,” I paused and checked they weren’t in the room. “He’s been in a vision before.” “What? (Y/N) you have to tell him. it could help.” “Not so loud.” I hissed. “It wasn’t like the other visions,” I muttered quietly. She leaned over so I could whisper to her. “We were dating. I just don’t want to make him feel forced or anything. For all, I know it could be years from now.” I looked at Clary and she frowned. “What is it?” I grimaced. “It's just,” she sighed. “I think that vision might be wrong.” “Clary we've been over this-“ I started angrily but she cut me off. “He’s dating someone. I think her names Camille or something.” I froze. I couldn’t be wrong. Could I? “I'm sorry. Maybe that one was just a dream.” I rubbed my forehead in confusion. “It wasn’t a dream. I'm sure of it.” I said barely audible. “Everything ok in here?” Magnus asked as he and Alec entered the room. Clary looked at me and I nodded yes. “Ok, well I think I found something.” “Go for it,” I said. “Well, obviously warlocks are the children of Lillith who couldn’t have children. They were always stillborn. But apparently there is a spell to bring the dead back to life but it isn’t ever used. Some warlock tried in the 1800’s but died in the process. I came into possession of her spell book but didn’t see a point if going through it since none of the spells worked. We were looking through it and a page fell out. It had records of everytime the spell was used or attempted and who on. Around the time she died the records stopped but started again a couple decades ago. Only it wasn’t in the same handwriting. The last time it was used was on a fae baby who was stillborn. It doesn’t say where it happened but it has a date. (Y/D/O/B). Does that ring any bells?” Magnus asked. My face drained of colour and I stared at the floor. Clary put her hand on my shoulder. “That’s your birthday.” She said just above a whisper. I closed my eyes. “What else does it say?” “Not much to be honest. All it says is fae, (Y/D/O/B), successful. There is something on the back in a demonic language but it would take some time to translate.” “Do it,” Alec said. “If you can translate it you have too.” “I will. It will take some time though.” Magnus turned to me. “Are you ok?” “I'm dead,” I whisper. “I should be dead.” I put my head in my hands. “I'm fucking dead!” I yelled, frustrated. “Is that a new vamp then?” All our heads turned to see the woman standing in the doorway. A tall pale woman in a clearly expensive outfit with blood red lips and an eery smirk. “No Camille,” Magnus said which made my stomach drop into a further pit of disappear. “(Y/N) here just got a text saying they're in trouble for sneaking out. They meant it figuratively.” Why wasn’t Magnus telling his girlfriend? Apparently, all three of us had the same thought because me, Clary and Alec all shared a questioning look but went along with it. “Oh, that’s a game.” She sighed. “I could do with some new company. Raphael’s becoming duller as the days drag on. Wait if you’re mundane…” Camille trailed off with a smile. “And were shadowhunters.” Alec stood up. “And you are already under probation Ms Belcourt.” Camille rolled her eyes. “Well run along shadowhunters.” She said with annoyance. Magnus escorted us to the door. Just before he closed it he glanced over his shoulder before telling me, “Just a promotion. If she knew it might not benefit you.” “Why are you dating her then?” I asked to which he sighed. “Reasons you would not yet understand (Y/N).” And with that, he closed the door. We walked down the stairs and I told the others what Magnus told me. Clary didn’t quite understand but Alec clearly did. “That was probably a good idea. Especially since we are pretty sure it's her who turned the other mundane. He just needed to tell us the name before running off and it would be so much easier.” Alec seemed annoyed that Si had run off. I get it now. It's hard to protect people when you aren’t allowed to go after who you need to protect them from. “Thanks for defending me.” Alec raised an eyebrow. “From Camille. I think she would’ve eaten me if you weren’t there.” “You know, you’re not the worst mundane in the institute (Y/N)” He said with a slight smirk. “You’re the only one who did what they were supposed too.” “Whats that's supposed to mean?” Clary exclaimed in anger. I held back a laugh as I said. “Clary you never do what you’re supposed to. Plus his crush fancies you!” “Jace isn’t my crush,” Alec muttered and rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, who is?” I challenged. His eyes dropped to the floor and his checks went dark red. “No one. I don’t have one.”  Clary and I both raised our eyebrows and crossed our arms. We had learned this look together because of how much we used it on Si. It was the ‘bitch quiet lying to me and spill the tea’ look. “Fine,” he sighed. “Magnus’s assistant warlock. His names Elliot.” Clary and I smirked at each other. “Tell anyone and you won't wake up tomorrow.” Alec sped up, leaving me and Clary a few feet behind. We got back to the institute and filled Jace and Izzy in. The plan was to keep me hidden until Magnus translated the text but you learn quickly being Clary’s friend that things never got to plan…

I decided to make this multiple parts because of I’m evil. Ok, maybe I just can't fit it all in two chapters but either way. Sorry I've been MIA for a bit. I've just been busy tbh. I will be posting an announcement later about why and whats going on in November so if for some crazy reason you care about my posts and such I’ll be telling you guys in a little bit.

Part 3