#i have a complex relationship with a certain part of PA

[pantone-palette]

The Beach Boys Pet Sounds album is beautiful and UNHINGED to me. It's like pouring boiling hot pickling liquid into a giant BALL jar that I'm stuck in. Throw the spin top on and SHAKE IT UP and put me in the fridge. Leave for 2 weeks, sample test throughout. Maybe add some dashes of salt and a few extra garlic cloves for good measure.

It's so Pocono Pennsylvania, I know how Superman feels

[woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh]

Christine Canigula was socially ostracized & developed a complex to protect herself: an essay

(suddenly i NEED to infodump about Christine actually so here)

Something I only noticed on rewatch: the way Christine will say something silly and then just kind of gingerly wait to see if Jeremy reacts well to it before continuing, almost like she's asking permission?? (e.g. the gap after the first stanza of "Play Rehearsal"). And it's only after he riffs off her bowling alley bit that she feels comfortable talking about her personal feelings with him (right before "Guy that I'd Kinda be Into"). The same happens with their "weird noise" exchange immediately before "It's pretty killer to sit and chat with you." I know theater relies on being succinct, and that 'bonding over shared quirks' and 'feelings talk' are both just crucial parts of relationship development... but I don't think it's a coincidence that it always goes in that order!

It's like Jeremy has to pass these *trials of weirdness* before she feels safe opening up to him and it drives me BONKERS so I wrote a whole 1000 word thing about it under the cut and this got too massive and I'm sorry. Also some autistic Jeremy meta at the end if that sweetens the pot hehehe

Table of contents:

Why she was ostracized

How she was ostracized

How that might inform her pattern of relationship development with Jeremy and Jake

How gender caused Jeremy's experiences to differ from hers, and how that affects their current relationships with "popularity" and peer acceptance.

1. Why she was ostracized

I am just so certain that Christine has been bullied or at least majorly outcast for a lot of her life. She's very obviously neurodivergent and because of that she can have these obnoxiously deep and repetitive interests, she can't judge if a piece of information will be genuinely interesting to someone, and she doesn't take social cues very well.

She frequently interrupts people when they're talking (an ADHD symptom btw), even when they're literally talking to her about the thing she wants to hear!

(C: "Do you find that? Because I totally find that!" J: "Uh, yeah, I-" C: "-And no matter how hard I try....")

(J: "I know the last thing I deserve is another shot, but-" C:"Jeremy, just... say what's on your mind.") (girl I'm sorry but that's what he was doing..... I have a whole other thoughtpiece on how this particularly fucks with Jeremy while they're dating but thats another thing...)

She doesn't seem confident in her interpretations of people's emotions and she'll ask/talk about them point blank (both theirs and her own) in a way a lot of people would find rude

("Uh, you seem really nervous...") ("Popular people are fucked up! *mutual laughter* …I mean, you're one of them!") ("I am flattered, this is new / still I'm not sure what I should do" <- as a response to getting asked out, that's pretty bold! Plus the entire part where she laughs at Jake's "rich boy routine") (also compare and contrast to Jeremy's "I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now." idk. are your allistic stage dorks in the room with us right now motherfuckers)

I'd go on about her hyperfixations/special interests too but I think Play Rehearsal pretty much sums it up lol

2. How she was ostracized

All this to say that I am CERTAIN she spent a lot of her schooling having "nice girls" patiently let her sit with them at lunch for weeks at a time until they finally get sick of her rambling and faux pas. Only when they leave does Christine realize that they didn't actually care about anything she said... And this happens over and over and over. (I know this seems hella specific but I swear it's an actual phenomenon... at least I'm pretty sure? sdjflksjf)

But anyway, it's clear that by the time they're juniors, Christine has kind of (and I do only mean kind of) figured out what behaviour other people respond poorly to. And from evidence I stated in the intro, I think she's become really careful about which people she lets herself get attached to. She doesn't want this to ever happen again - which means if she's going to hang out with someone, she has to know that they actually care about her, that they know she will sometimes be obnoxious or blunt, and they'll still be okay with that forever.

3. Applying this to her canon relationships

You can extend this to Jake, someone who sees her in her element in drama rehearsal (the thing everyone finds annoying about her because she won't shut up about it) and STILL likes her. I think it's a totally valid reading that her bluntness with him later ("Upgrade") is just because she misreads him / doesn't quite get the social standard that she should be white lying instead. But I think you could also read her as testing the waters. If she's really going to commit to dating this guy, she's gotta know he's okay with her being herself. And the fact that this guy (and I think it's significant that he is a boy, for reasons I'll explain in the end note) genuinely seems to like her is a whole new level of peer validation ("I am flattered, this is new") -- so of course she's gonna fall at least a little! It doesn't hurt that he's "tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am..." just like her!

Her history with being pity-liked makes Chloe's "advice," that Jake's just toying with her and is going to move on soon, even scarier, because that's genuinely happened to her (on a platonic level) so many times before.

Jeremy is also a good candidate from the beginning because he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in and he doesn't wanna fit in you ever see him without this stupid cardigan on? that's weird! And she keeps warming up to him not only because they're getting to know each other but because he gets progressively more willing to not only tolerate (as Jake does) but *participate* in her weirdness!

First, she does something weird and he tolerates it ("Play Rehearsal"); the next time she's weird, he participates! (bowling ball before GTIKBI). Then finally finally finally he initiates the weirdness and lets her join in! ("weird noises" exchange before GTIKBI reprise).

And notably, it is THIS moment that canonically signifies that they've hit the apex of their canon relationship development. If there was an achievement called "Befriend Christine," it would have popped up right then and there!!!

IN CONCLUSION: YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM T_T

4: Christine vs. Jeremy: Gender differences & how that ultimately impacts their social goals

I also think all of this would have happened to Jeremy too if he'd been a girl. But because, generally, young boys feel less social obligation than girls to take pity on the autistic kid (and because boys tend to be more quickly recognized as autistic) he just ends up completely alone for most of his school life (Michael nonwithstanding - and yeah there's an important distinction between your childhood friend putting up with you and knowing that, woah, I guess literally nobody else ever will).

Meanwhile, Christine has had people "put up" with her, and she's SICK OF IT!

That's part of why their complexes are so different, because Christine is trying to check everyone she meets to make sure they'll be okay with her weirdness before she gets attached, Jeremy is trying to eliminate his weirdness altogether because he's never even experienced his peers listening out of *pity* so how the hell can he expect someone to ever listen to him out of *interest?*

Jeremy has never had someone pretend to like him before, so he completely lacks Christine's fear of befriending someone who secretly hates you. He doesn't realize how bad it'll hurt him if he destroys his real self for popularity, if he befriends people who would have bullied his real self. He doesn't know what disingenuous friendship feels like, so like a very young Christine he's still actively trying to get there because he thinks it's the only kind of validation he'll ever get.

Do you see what im saying? Do you see it???? AUAUGUGUUGGH

THANK YOU FOR READING!!! If you have thoughts or even rebuttals please share i am so desperate to discuss the blorbos

[magicaguajiro]

Swamp Witch Travels: The Everglades

The Seminole War that never ended, a charm to Split a Storm and an Ancient Island. For centuries, the Everglades has been the object of wonder of many influential Floridian figures who each recognized its immense beauty and power. This River of Grass is a major center of life and biodiversity, as well as mysteries and Spirits uncharted, but will it still be around for the Swamp Witches of tomorrow?

The Everglades is going to shatter all of your preconceived notions about Swamps. It is a place of great power and duality. On one hand, this aqueous Land is covered in sparkling, clear, MOVING water. This water is the Life and Blood of the state, flowing from the Heart of the Everglades, Okechobee (Big Lake) The health of this ecosystem in turn affects the entire country. On the other hand, a place of Danger, Death and Rot, but for the purpose of Cleansing and Purification (not just rot for rot’s sake). As the water flows through this vast ecosystem, it is cleared of pollutants by plants and limestone while washing away scars left by man on this Land, until all is returned anew. It is a multifaceted, firm but gentle Spirit.

The Everglades is a union, a pact almost, between the Land and the Water to form the Swamp we know and love.

I am no stranger to the Glades. I was born and raised in the western Everglades, in the Big Cypress water basin. Fakahatchee and Picayune Strand were favorites of my parents as I was growing up, and we lived way out in the woods anyways so I always feel at home in the Glades. Many of my Spirits who are intrinsically tied to me, one might call a Spirit Guide or Angel, feel connected to Swamps and places where Water and Land converge. The Everglades is my home, but it is also a Spirit Ally, and a sacred place to the modern Indigenous Peoples of Florida, including the recognized and unrecognized Seminole and Miccosukee.

(PSA: this post will likely be part of a series only scratch the surface of the intricacies related to the Glades.)

Pa-Hay-Okee, “Grassy Waters”

Pa-Hay-Okee is the Seminole-Mikasuki name for the Everglades. I was blessed to be able to take a trip to see the Real Florida when I took an airboat ride with Buffalo Tiger Airboats, owned and operated by Betty Osceola. Betty is a conservationist and member of the Miccosukee tribe, located in the Eastern Everglades. The Seminole and Miccosukee are the descendants of various groups of Florida’s Original People from all over the state. The relationships and history of Florida’s Indigenous groups is complex. Before colonization and to this day we have had multiple groups who all have different beliefs, cultures, origins, and relationships. Today, we have various groups who are federally recognized as well as both Traditional and Reconstructionist groups who don’t seek recognition from the government, the most well-known being the Traditional Seminoles in Big Cypress.

Certain aspects of Seminole culture predate colonization, like the Chickee and some hunting techniques, while others, mainly linguistic and spiritual, are the result of groups joining together or adapting to new circumstances, such as patchwork. Many of the Seminole can trace their ancestry to groups in North Florida and surrounding states. These groups would live in various parts of the State, including the Everglades, at different times of the year following routes taken by seasonal migrations of game and water.

These people were forcibly removed, pushed South or murdered so their land could be taken in a conflict known to the United States as the First, Second and Third Seminole Wars. As they were pushed South, they encountered and assimilated various remaining populations of Pre-Columbian groups like the Calusa and Tequesta.

If you ask the modern members of these tribes, they will tell you it was a single war that is still being fought to this day, although with lawyers instead of weapons. You see, the Seminole and Miccosukee still have never signed a treaty with the US, and continue to have to fight for their Sovereignty and Land to this day. This has earned the Indigenous People of Florida the title of the Unconquered Peoples. Today, the tribes maintain traditional ways while also dealing with ever-encroaching settler beliefs and people. They still live off the land, but through the lens of eco-tourism most often rather than through subsistence living like many elders lived in their youth.

On my airboat trip, I got to stop and walk around Tear Island, a place where two Indigenous families began living in the 1800s and then abandoned in the 1920s. Being on these far off Islands, surrounded by the swamp and only accessible by boat, is where I feel most connected to my own Indigenous Taino ancestors, who would have traversed this same place but in a dugout canoe rather than an Airboat. The spirits of generations of people who lived and passed on are still here, within the water and trees, but also gathering around the cooking chickee when a fire is lit by their descendants.

High Tide at Chokoloskee

Known as the Western Gateway to the Everglades, we have Everglades City. It borders the Big Cypress Preserve and is a great place to stop to visit the Museum of the Everglades. The first settlers came here in the 1800s, it was incorporated in 1923. Past Everglades though, lies Chokoloskee. An Island with a Seminole name meaning ‘Old House’. This Island was only reachable by boat until 1956 when the bridge was built. John Weeks, the first permanent settler of Naples was one of the first settlers here as well. Before that, it was inhabited by the Calusa for more than 1,500 years.

Stop by HavAnnA Cafe on your way to the southern tip of the Island where you’ll find a large red building on stilts. This is the Smallwood Store. Founded in 1906 by Ted Smallwood, this store was one of the only places Indigenous and White Floridians could go to trade for necessities. Ted Smallwood was a well-known ally of the Seminole and Miccosukee peoples, even learning to speak the language. Today, his granddaughter runs the store which is a museum and gift shop. There is even a replica of Ted himself, pictured above.

This history of this store and island is long, and tragic. A nearby massacre during the ‘Third Seminole War’ caused the remaining Indigenous people here to flee the Island. Later on, a famous murder of a well known criminal happened right outside the Smallwood Store. You can read more about both, and the 100 year anniversary of the building being raised here.

This is also a great spot to see where the fresh water of the Everglades meets the saltwater of the Florida Bay. Definitely give this place a visit.

Splitting Storms: An Indigenous Folk Protection Charm

For some time now, I have noted the striking similarities between Seminole and Taíno beliefs around Twins and Weather. We even share a simple protection charm to ward off a bad storm I will share to you all.

In Seminole belief, Twins are intrinsically tied to the weather. Many elders believed that keeping twins together can be dangerous, and they should be raised separately. To them, one is Thunder and the other is Lightning, even going as far to saying that having two twins in the same chickee can cause it to be struck.

In Taíno myth, we have two sets of twins associated with weather. Boinayel and Marohu are the Cemi related to the Wet and Dry seasons, Boinayel being the Raingiver and Marohu literally meaning “Without Clouds”. Then we have the ones who I would say share similarities to the Seminole Twins, Coatrisque and Gautaubá. These are Twin sons of the violent aspect of Atabey, known as Guabancex, Cacique of winds. Coatrisque is torrential rains, while Guatauba is Thunder and Lightning himself.

The charm is very well documented in both groups, as well as many others, and very straightforward. It’s the underlying belief that makes these two charms so similar. The linked article from earlier even includes a brief explanation of it.

Basically, when you know a big storm is coming, you want to place an axe in a spot on the front of your house, usually on a piling or piece of the roof that extends below the ground. Tie it down if you wish, for the winds. If you can, do it so the blade looks like it is coming down on the storm. The goal is to split the storm so it goes around the house. If we look at the myths, it’s clear the axe is there to split the Twins from each other, forcing them to go around the house, leaving it protected.

In the Caribbean, in practices like Lúcúmí and Palo Monte, we see the use of Matari, ‘Thunder Stones’. Genuine thunder stones from the Caribbean are actually said to be relics of Taíno axes, shaped like a tear drop almost, either passed down or found and used for various purposes, one being to ward off Lightning and Thunder!

Will Your Kids Know the Glades?

The Everglades are vital to my spiritual practice and lifestyle, as well as that of thousands of other Floridians. Even if you don’t live in the Swamp, its health affects the entire country.

Today, the dangers facing the Everglades are almost as abundant as the dangers inside it. Overdevelopment threatens the entire state. Just like we saw with Split Oak Forest recently. Environmental Protections seem to mean less and less because they don’t have the teeth to defend themselves. Included in these threatened protections is the sovereignty of the Seminole and Miccosukee Tribes, who just had to fight to keep Big Cypress as a preserve so they can continue their traditional use. They are fighting to hold onto their Land to this day.

All while threatening the Traditional Use by Indigenous Peoples, they continue to allow oil drilling even approving new projects within Big Cypress. The Army Corps of Engineers also heavily harms the environment every year through mismanagement of Okechobee and of the water levels within the Glades. It is up to everyday Floridians to fight to protect and better manage this precious natural resource before its gone forever. It is up to Witches all over to be stewards of our Lands, wherever that is. For us Florida Witches, we need to organize, donate and hex our politicians.

Luz 🕯️

[azurefaire]

Really a genuine series with so much love and effort put into it. I'm really sad in many ways that it's been "lost to time" as people watched it and forgot about it. It has so much charm, just as much or dare I even say more to offer compared to some of the late 90s cartoons that are well remembered today. The character acting and writing, voice acting, and art direction is just so good. Sure, it may not have aged perfectly in some parts, but it is still one of the best shows I've watched in a long time.

I really just like how the show takes itself seriously enough, but also not too seriously. I really think it's cool they utilize show not tell within the story, they really use visuals well. I also feel like despite being a comedic show, it covers the nihilism of tweenhood/childhood in a subtle way- on how difficult it is to be a tween in a small town sometimes. That even if you should "get over yourself" it is also true life isn't a race and you should pace yourself, that everyone is dealing with something or is a jerk for a reason. The writing devices/methods they use, in terms of the comedy and overall vibe of the show- need to genuinely be discussed. You can tell there is so much effort and this feels like it was made for kids with not much self esteem and from a personal place at many points. That it was from one generation to another. Even if the show is silly, sometimes you can analyze a certain character who gets a lot of focus like someone of the main trio and just realize how complex they really can get. The show isn't afraid to take risks for the humor and tone and I admire that a lot. There's so many side characters as well that the show has and a great sense of setting, Hazelnut feels so lived in.

Kathleen is now one of my favorite voice actors at the moment, she's so good in Cathy and this. I see my childhood self with Pepper Ann but my tween self more with Nicky. Also there are real parallels to Steve the cat's relationship to PA and my relationship with my cat, who was given to me because of my chronic migranes in middle/highschool and often just feels like a bad roommate XD

I really wish there were more shows like this and that this series had a bigger fandom but I'm glad there's a small resurgence and acknowledgement of this show recently. Want to archive as much content as possible (both fan and official) because I feel like this show should at least have had some presence somewhere at some time lol

Pepper Ann appreciation post

So my bestie recently introduced me to the classic Disney cartoon Pepper Ann that aired from 1997 to 2000.

I'd seen it some as a kid, but for whatever reason I slept on it at the time and in the ensuing decades. Having finally watched the whole thing, and seeing how slept on this show is online? I wanted to make a post telling you why it's well worth checking out.

It's hilarious... much more hilarious than you may think at first glance. It seems like a fairly lowkey little slice of life show (and in several ways is), but the protagonist is such a girlfailure that her exploits always go to some hysterical places. And beyond that, the show gets downright batshit insane. Here's a sampler: Mark Hamill becomes President of the United States. And I'm not talking about a character voiced by Mark Hamill, oh no. It's literally Mark Hamill as voiced by Mark Hamill.

Despite this, the show has so much heart and can be genuinely emotional. It's also not afraid to tackle some mature subjects, like death, cultural appropriation, feminism, and even puberty.

The main characters - Pepper Ann Pearson herself, her best friends Nicky Little and Milo Kamalani, and her mother Lydia and sister Moose - are all very lovable with well-defined personalities who play off each other really well. And it is so refreshing that we have a dude who hangs out with two girls, and there's nothing romantic going on whatsoever. They're just really close platonic friends. (that said I have become shameless Pepper Ann x Nicky trash and this ship has taken over my mind please send help)

On that note, there are practically no unlikable characters. Even the more antagonistic characters are amusing and charming in their own ways.

To elaborate on Pepper Ann herself, she's such a fantastic, unique protagonist. It seems like a shows aimed at girls, especially around the time this one aired, were afraid of depicting their protagonists as anything less than basically perfect. Pepper Ann? Uh-uh. No. She's a total girlfailure who is somehow both REALLY smart and REALLY dumb at the same time (we're talking some WataMote tier cringe comedy at times) and can be a selfish jerk but also has a huge heart. She's just so fun and has an A+ character design and amazing voicework from Kathleen Wilhoite.

There are like zero bad episodes. And it got a proper finale that's a very satisfying and emotional ending.

So yeah, this is just a show that deserves way more love and attention. At least it's on Disney+, but can we get a Complete Series DVD release too?

[pennkquest]

Got tagged by the bringer of amazing headcanons and provider of gorgeous, jaw dropping interpretations @mr-laveau to assign some ships songs. Did my best here and 100% picked songs I already associate with other ships and characters because listen, sharing is caring. Let's get into it!

[D.A.M.N. Polycule]

This is all the boys @ FL and simultaneously FL @ all the bots. All of them are grateful to be in each other's lives and wouldn't have it any other way. They can't imagine things being different. Lyrics that specifically stick it: "It feels so good to know ya"

[Sam/Darlin']

It's a tad upbeat from what I envision the vibe of this pair to have but the lyrics fit to me. I'm also a sucker for any song that's like "I'm scared to love you but I love you too much not to try" so here we are /pos

[Huxley/Damien]

If there's one thing you need to know about are the blueprint to me. Alright, this is my top ship, can't be beat. I like to think that this song is from Damien's perspective once they get together. In general, I think they bring out the best in each other and this song fits that.

[Avior/Starlight]

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN (/LH)— Avior is one of my favorite characters. Starlight is one of my favorite listeners. Their storyline is one of my favs overall. That being said, I also love a little pain and this song cuts me deep. It feels like it sums up where they're both at mentally when it comes to the meridian stuff.

[Cutie/Geordi]

Much more from Cutie's perspective, but I feel like this captures their inner turmoil and how that conflicts with their love for Geordi. I love them and their story in general, and I think this song shows a certain will for their relationship to work out while still highlighting how Cutie has their own stuff to work through.

[Vincent/Lovely]

This specific version. The almost quiet feel to it compared to the original draws you in, pulls you close. Gendering aside, it's even more fitting post-Inversion.

[David/Angel]

Reminds me of quiet nights and healing as you go, which I feel is a major part of their relationship development. To me, this gives off "I want to be there for you and help you when the darkness clouds your mind". Again, always a sucker for.

[Vega/Camelopardalis]

This is an ultra specific pick based entirely off of the fic "And That’s Why We Broke Up" by @dominimoonbeam (your writing is >>>). I get that it's canon divergence, I get that this ship ain't for everyone, I get that I'm 99% certain it'd never happen in canon. That doesn't change the fact that this is 100% what I think of when I think about this pairing in the context of this fic.

[Elliott/Sunshine]

Beginning of the song reminds me of Elliott showing Sunshine dreams dreamscapes and stuff. That mixed with the friends to lovers vibes from the beginning of their relationship/dynamic and overall energy this song has made it fit for me.

[Alexis/Sam] (LET ME EXPLAIN /LH)

This ship isn't for me and I debated adding it at all, but this is one of the first songs I thought to add for this. I think it absolutely fits from Alexis' perspective and, if you view her as a more complex character rather than one dimension, it makes you hurt in a "It is what it is but damn" kind of way. Especially the line "strangers to friends, friends into lovers, then strangers again". Like come on, it fucks me up to imagine that pain after everything that transpired between her and Sam.

[Bonus Honorable Mentions]

Hit my audio limit whoops but Friendly Dark by Ollie MN for similar reasons as Die Trying assigned to Avior/Starlight. Also Our Love by Curtis Harding and Jazmine Sullivan from Arcane for Milo/Sweetheart (gendering aside). The girls that get it get it, and the girls that don't don't (/lh).

This was a lot of fun, even if I had to rack my brain a bit. I hope you enjoy my selection~ Tagging @thefablefoxart because I'm always in love with your musical suggestions (and don't know anyone else to tag /lh)

[maddiesbookshelves]

Solitaire by Alice Oseman (April 2022)

In case you’re wondering, this is not a love story.

My name is Tori Spring. I like to sleep and I like to blog. Last year – before all that stuff with Charlie and before I had to face the harsh realities of A-Levels and university applications and the fact that one day I really will have to start talking to people – I had friends. Things were very different, I guess, but that’s all over now.

Now there’s Solitaire. And Michael Holden.

I don’t know what Solitaire are trying to do, and I don’t care about Michael Holden. I really don’t.

Would I recommend it to anyone? If only to the people who have read Heartstopper and love Tori but who have never read Alice Oseman's other books. And it's still a pretty good book on its own.

Level of (dis)satisfaction based on the summary and my expectations? I wasn't disappointed in the sense that I knew it was Alice's first novel that he wrote in highschool. So it wasn't on the same level as Loveless but that's normal.

The mystery of Solitaire isn't particularly complex but the consequences of their actions were interesting. Same thing with Tori and Michael's relationship.

However, there's a version of Solitaire where Alice Oseman changed somes passages that bothered her in hindsight, it's a bit of a shame that I didn't have it, I would have liked to see what was different.

My thoughts on it? Maybe I wouldn't have liked it as much if I hadn't read Heartstopper. I was already attached to Tori, I wanted to know more about her so it all played a big part in me liking the book.

The mystery of Solitaire isn't particularly complex but the consequences of their actions were interesting. Same thing with Tori and Michael's relationship.

However, there's a version of Solitaire where Alice changed somes passages that bothered her in hindsight, it's a bit of a shame that I didn't have it, I would have liked to see what was different.

French version under the cut

Au cas où vous vous demandiez, ceci n'est pas une histoire d'amour.

Je m'appelle Tori Spring. J'aime dormir et j'aime bloguer. L'année dernière – avant toute cette histoire avec Charlie et avant que je doive affronter la réalité de la terminale et des candidatures pour l'université et le fait qu'un jour je serai vraiment forcée de commencer à parler aux gens – j'avais des amis. Je suppose que les choses étaient très différentes, mais maintenant c'est finit.

Maintenant, il y a Solitaire. Et Michael Holden.

Je ne sais pas ce que Solitaire essaie de faire et je n'en ai vraiment rien à faire de Michael Holden.

Vraiment rien.

Est-ce que tu le conseillerais à quelqu’un ? Ne serait-ce qu’aux gens qui ont lu Heartstopper et adorent Tori mais n’ont jamais lu les romans d’Alice Oseman. Et ça reste un assez bon bouquin tout seul, il est juste pas pour tout le monde.

Niveau de déception/satisfaction par rapport au résumé et tes attentes ? J’ai pas été déçue, dans le sens où je savais que c’était le premier roman d’Alice, qu’elle a écrit quand elle était au lycée. Donc c’était pas du niveau de Loveless mais c’est normal.

Avis sans spoiler ? J'aurais peut-être pas autant apprécié si j'avais lu Solitaire sans lire Heartstopper. J'étais déjà attachée à Tori, je voulais en savoir plus sur son histoire donc ça a énormément joué. 

Le mystère de Solitaire était pas forcément très compliqué mais les conséquences de leurs actions étaient intéressantes. Pareil avec la relation de Michael et Tori. Par contre c’est dommage, il existe une réédition de Solitaire où Alice a modifié certains passages qui la dérangeaient avec le recul, j’aurais bien aimé voir les différences.

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy, JK was bold in the past, around 2017-2019 (to me, gcf & rosebowl can be considered as ‘coming out’). But it seems he now prefers to stay closeted? E.g. he snatched JM’s hand in the Xylitol x BTS shoot, then looked at the camera. Holding hands is normal among members… a lot of his interactions with Jin, V and other members are more intimate than holding hands… his reaction makes me feel like he wants me to pretend I didn’t know…?

Sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately...

I'm busy being the man of my woman's dreams in a cis het anti black capitalist world

Fun times.

I saw that bit, uWu-ed and kept it pushing.

It's nothing new really. I think a few months back when I was out here screaming Jikook are toning down, acting super professional around the cameras yadda yadda people out here were looking at me like I'd lost my two delulu heads- but this segues into that theme for me and since I've exhausted the topic I don't know what else to add.

I've said before they've both been very conscious of the cameras within certain periods post October- again nothing new, they be like that every now and then every season every phase and the whys will always be up for debate in these ship streets- on that subject, I've read a lot of opinions yet I think like mine better and will stick to it. Thanks Kimberly of Delulu precinct. Walk along now. Lol.

Jimin was like that during the Coway behind the scene shoot too when he noticed the cameras and quickly elbowed Jk to draw him away from the gaze of the cameras.

I don't think it's because they stopped being 'bold' or want to pretend. It takes a lot of courage to even pretend or even perform the gay in front of the world and your peers. I think they are just awfully aware and conscious of the people they work with as well as corporation's growing awareness, intentions and interests in them. You just never know which saessang is moonlighting as a brand PA or marketing director for a company they are working with. You just never know who is watching especially whenever they have to work with these 'outsiders.'

Think of Dispatch. Were they not allies or business partners, they'd be careful around them too if they worked with them. Know what I mean?

Toning down and exercising caution is necessary sometimes. I don't know why some people think that's absurd or Tuktukkerish when I say stuff like that. Especially with the kind of reputation they have as a ship and just how commercially attractive that image is. It's common sense at this point if you ask me.

Jikook sells. Argue with the analytics. I don't know who thinks they don't. Must be the clowns and penguins. They sell period. BigHit knows this, BTS knows this, companies know this. We don't scream Jikook is a brand within a brand for no reason.

And a lot of the toning down in recent times has perhaps inadvertently mitigated that growing power and demand of them as a marketing resource- who knows, that could have as well been by design, intentionally instigated for obvious reasons which I argue is the case but don't mind me. I'm delusional, gay and apparently the man of my woman's dreams uWu. Gotta wear that pants in my relationship. Ayaya Hwaiting.

When you say he prefers to stay closested- I thought they are both closested already?? They both have never been fully out in our opinion. Yes our opinion because I feel we are like minded. Let's be delulu mates.

On the topic of closets, I want to save that for a separate post. What I can say though is they are both growing and maturing and learning and unlearning. Jungkook's desire to 'come out' or act reckless with his glass closet in my opinion stemmed from him placing more value on his personal happiness over other values perhaps because he was young and hadn't fully grasped the full and complex nature of happiness or understand the privilege he has as part of BTS.

We make decisions based on our values most times. It's how I make sense of their actions really. I'm more likely to assume things that are consistent with the values they each have expressed openly and tend to reject any theory that contradicts or is inconsistent with those values. A guy who values his career is less likely to act in a way that puts that career at risk. And I'm well aware their values evolve over time.

These days he has never quit as one of his mottos next to rather dead than cool- do you see the contradictions in those values? Rather dead means quitting life. Yet now he says never quit. Don't mind me. I'm in a grumpy mood.

But what I'm saying is, the desire to want to show the world who this person means to him is not fixed or a priority all the time. Now i think he values his career a lot more than before which means he is more likely to compromise and less likely to do things that may put that career in jeopardy.

Transferring that to his relationship, I don't expect him to be breaching the glass closet anytime soon. And if he do, it might be incidental and may carry with it consequences which I believe he is well aware and concious of now. Will that change? You bet. Again it depends a lot on what his values in a given moment are and which ones he prioritizes.

It's their relationship. They chose which aspects of it they want to share with the cameras. Some of it get written off as fanservice. Fair enough. But the nonfanservice passing moments has always been questionable- although I must say, I find all Jikook moments and interactions questionable lol.

It's just skinship. Holding hands I mean. Why would he be conscious of that right? II'vetalked about consequences and repercussions of their actions. Sometimes I think it's the off screen scolding that gets to him. The ones silently whispered at his back. I mean we saw his reaction when Jimin was getting scolded by the hyungs for sleeping late. He's talked about skipping sleep too if I recall correctly. Jimin is hyung and I know the hyungs expect him to know better and do better. I'd Imagine Jimin would equally scold JK if his actions reflected poorly on him too.

So why the hell would he not say anything to Jungkook for posting on his birthday when he hadn't posted at all for any hyung's??? Sigh.

It's sad his guards are back up- but it's for good reason I believe given the context of the situation.

I don't think dramatizing his dynamic with Jimin makes him bold. Nor does Jimin's propensity to over express himself with Jungkook mean he loves Jungkook more than. Both are extreme takes for me.

Nevertheless, I contrast that moment with a Tae Kook moment which is one of my favorite tuktukk moments. In this moment, JK is staring at Jimin, his whole body turned towards him. Tae notices the cameras and draws JK's attention to it. I think there are two such moments like that from the recent contents? I don't know I have to cross check.

Tae in that moment reminded me a lot of Jimin. Jimin does this too- play out their relationship infront of the cameras to the point one might say he likes to show off their bond- which is such a BTS thing to do too so no big deal. I mean they like to show off their bond and chemistry as Tae said a while back.

It's one thing for JK to hesitate to act with a member because of the cameras, it's another for him to act self conscious only after the fact.

And JK has always been him like this with Jimin as Jimin used to say- JK acts different with me off cameras than he is on camera. He had a history of suppressing himself around Jimin owing in part to his personality

He's talked about putting on a mask around people and in a recent interview Jimin have talked about pretending and acting one way when he's not- I mean I've ever talked about the boy being in love with the Maknae being a facade- one of many.

They have public personas which, from what BTS themselves say, looks slightly different or similar to what we see on screens- or that they've grown to be more like what we see on screens.

I guess what I'm getting at is that 'pretending' isn't exactly a new thing or out of the ordinary. Personally I'd say he's being conscious of his surroundings like Jimin was and not that he is 'pretending.' If you know what I mean.

If he's pretending he has good reason to I believe and we can only speculate on that- we can't know for sure why.

If Jikook is fanservice then there's no need for either of them to worry about the cameras picking up on their interactions or who's watching them.

What goes on in Tae's head? I wanna know.

I don't know where to direct this post because you didn't really ask a question.

I'm fine thanks for asking. I'm really fine. I'm thinking of joining Jimin in the gym at 3am to bench press and build some biceps to match my role in my relationship😒

And no I don't need any advice. Keep it.

This is going to be my attitude until we switch back😐

I'm gonna be a boyfriend from hell and a blogger from satan's ass.

Also I think I overshare💀

GOLDY

[patricide1885]

Im going to take a few cracks at this, because it's a good, although kinda taboo and potentially dangerous question.

There are good reasons to kill people. What good reasons are there to rape people that can't be satisfied by killing them? Rape is always about leveraging power dehumanizing people for your own satisfaction, this isn't so with murder in the same way, and while it can be true it's less so with torture - because you care about the person's experience enough to want them to suffer, if that makes sense. Someone talking about torture would also be considered to be maladjusted and unhealthy. But with rape, the community can't abide by people viewing people in such an objectifying way that could be dangerous for everyone involved. That person is absolutely a risk to the community. A murderer or even a torturer may not be.

It is also something that we haven't processed as a society/maybe we can't process it as a society ever. I think it is because the interpersonal power differential that makes living in community inherently uneasy when exploited puts all of reality into disarray. The point of society is for us all to be in agreement that we won't do these certain things, because if we do, being around others is more dangerous than being away from others and society falls apart.

There are parts of society where rape is accepted. But in those parts, it is wrapped back up into the social fabric "acceptably" so that stability isnt unraveled. Ie. People who think rape is okay in marriage. People who think rape is ok if you're a Japanese soldier raping a member of a conquered people. People who think you can rape slaves. And everyone who doesn't share these mentalities understand how dangerous these mentalities are which is why:

The taboo nature is protective - there's so much unspeakable complexity that would be destructive to hash out and cannot be simplified. It's the thing that should not be named because naming it can easily open one to more emotional damage if someone isn't empathetic, so the community strongly puts up boundaries around it to prevent such faux pas, they also want to send the message that this is a line that simply cannot be passed period and there is no redemption. This goes doubly for things like CSA.

We can let murders rejoin societies in many instances, but if you're a rapist, there's always going to be that unease.

Also, this is a website full of people who are significantly more likely to be the victims of rape than the perpetrators. Some male spaces online in some regards don't have this functional taboo because they are ok with rape, they're not going to suffer from it, and if they do, it's so unspeakable that they won't even discuss it as a victim.

Now for example if men are around women in any capacity, talking about wanting to rape someone else, even if it's Trump, marks him as a dangerous person. And it's a very reasonable and wise assumption to make. Which means no one of "the good ones" in terms of men is going to say such a thing. And if a woman said it, due to the way social relationships are constructed, that would be seen as a turn on to a man, which ultimately just objectifies the woman saying it.

It generally seems like on internet spaces like tumblr it has become more or less “okay” to say that bad people should kill themselves or that you hope so and so evil rich person dies (which I hope they never take away our ability to say that on here)

But I was wondering… why does it still seem taboo to say that someone should be raped? Is rape worse than murder? Is it wrong to say a bad person should be raped in a flippant Internet jokey way?

Or taking it a step further, if you’re a leftist who believes that there are CEOs and such who deserve the guillotine or need to face the wall, is it wrong to say they should be raped? I ask this because I saw tons of people using this hashtag lmao

[pocketcosmic]

T'Challa/Nebula for the ship meme!

who is more likely to hurt the other?: T'Challa, usually unintentionally. He has a strong Terran sense of morality. We see the more positive side of it in the episode, but that level of confidence can lead to faux-pas. He'll push too much about going to therapy, or talking to Thanos, or revealing some trauma, and she'll snap.

who is emotionally stronger?: Hard to say. Nebula seems more resilient because she doesn't reach out for help as much. But T'Challa is calmer and processes his feelings more.

who is physically stronger?: Nebula, definitely.

who is more likely to break a bone?: T'Challa. He's just a squishy hooman. :3

who knows best what to say to upset the other?: I don't really see T'Challa upsetting Nebula intentionally. Nebula when she's mad is probably like she is in the movies, mainly basic insults and threats, but nothing terribly cutting.

who is most likely to apologise first after an argument?: T'Challa. He starts apologizing during the argument and trying to 'unpack' but it just makes Nebula more upset (feeling analyzed). After they separate and calm down he slips an apology note under her door.

who treats who’s wounds more often?: Nebula treats T'Challa more often because he's more likely to be wounded (and she doesn't like to be touched when she is hurt).

who is in constant need of comfort?:  Both to some extent, for the reasons in "emotionally stronger" above.

who gets more jealous?: Nebula, but only a little. She still has a complex from being the unfavored daughter, but it doesn't affect romantic relationships as much.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other?: Nebula, it seems like she already has at the start of the episode, she doesn't seem to work closely with the Ravagers (perhaps because they hired Thanos).

who will propose?: Since we don't know what species have a concept of 'marriage' (let alone 'proposal'), probably T'Challa by necessity. It would be pretty funny to see Nebula skimming Terran entertainment to figure out how to put together a big proposal scene, though.

who has the most difficult parents?: HMM I WONDER

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?: Probably T'Challa. 

who comes up for the other all the time?: I don't actually understand this question. Maybe 'sticks up'? I think they would both have a bit of a negative reputation in some circles (Nebula of course being a daughter of Thanos, and T'Challa being controversial for affecting so much galactic politics) so they might defend each other in certain cases. I think T'Challa might do it a bit more.

who hogs the blankets?: So this is a kind of random headcanon but I imagine that, since Nebula's enhancements were not completed, she has some weaknesses stemming from parts of her body being mismatched with each other. And one of them is that she has some artificial (energy efficient) muscles, but her original skin, so she feels cold more often. All that to say that Nebula is a blanket hog.

who gets more sad?: Nebula probably, but she also hides it more.

who is better at cheering the other up?: T'Challa

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?: I think Nebula is more likely to roll her eyes or pretend she doesn't know T'Challa when he jokes. Nebula doesn't joke much so when she does, its usually dry.

who is more streetwise?: Nebula, she has seen so much more of the galaxy and experienced different planets and species cultures.

who is more wise?: This might be a tie, Nebula as I said is more experienced, but T'Challa is very resourceful and applies a lot of the wisdom he was raised with to new situations.

who’s the shyest?: Nebula, she tries to fake it but generally prefers to stay in the background.

who boasts about the other more?: They take turns, they're both very proud of each other.

who sits on who’s lap?: Neither strike me as big lap-sitters. Maybe Nebula might, as a joke.

The meme

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Twelve | Danger Mystery (Part 2 of 2)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

To those who read the previous chapter part before I fixed an issue with it:

I forgot to change the title from Chapter Eleven | Premonition to Chapter Twelve | Danger Mystery (Part 1 of 2) when copy-pasting the header format, and didn't notice until an hour of posting.

Apologies for any confusion I might've caused with that!

• • •

"Cool braids," Jerry says, smiling at Frisk. "Did you make them yourself?"

The one questioned seems less than enthused by him, though there's no denying how their face lights up at the compliment. "Toriel made them for me," they sign, going back to their bored expression afterwards. Their attitude is distant and shows how they aren’t ready to confront the past yet. They stand up and look away from him, a frown etched deep in their expression all the while. "I have to finish my homework now."

"Bring it here." Jerry tries to be cheerful, but fails horribly, smile and tone both coming off forced and awkward as he tries to hype up the situation as best as he can. "I can help you!"

Though they try to hide it from everyone else in the room, Sans can see how Frisk rolls their eyes, pouts, and then mutters something under their breath. "It's fine. I don't need any help with what's left."

They almost mimic (Y/N) in character and tone, acting just as stern and cold, if not more with how hard it is for them to pretend the opposite.

"I'd still like to know how you're doing in school." Jerry's tone changes, paired up with his expression: eyebrows creased, eyes glaring, and smile gone. "You're... You're the only one left who can tell me how things are going lately, now that (Y/N) won't answer my messages anymore."

"Why don't you ask that guy, then? You're friends, as far as I know."

Their angry gaze points at Sans as they sign the words: "Why are you friends with him?" with the most annoyed gestures possible, and quick enough for Jerry not to notice what they're doing or saying. Then, they look at their father again, seemingly running thin and out of patience with the way they look at him, a look so frigid it could put an ice skating rink to shame. "You haven't answered my question yet."

"Believe me, Frisk." Jerry huffs. "I've tried, but he refuses to tell me anything -- says it's not in his place to tell me about you and all that stuff."

"Cool," is Frisk's only reaction as they spare a look at their surroundings. "It's better that way."

The child sighs and walks away, not once looking back -- and not even as their father calls out for them by their full name.

"Come back here," he demands, standing up and glaring at the hallway Frisk passes through. "Or I'll have to ask why you've got such awful manners today. What's (Y/N) been teaching you these days, huh? You've never been like this before!"

"People change," they snap, stopping for a second to look at him. "So…" Their voice trembles as they take a second to ball their hands and direct their angry look at the floor. "So stop blaming (mom/dad) for everything, if you really want to talk to me."

They're gone for good after that, giving Jerry no chance to talk or ask questions any longer.

He's left fuming, and when he catches Sans's gaze, his anger augments.

"What the hell have you taught Frisk since I was gone? They- They were never like this with me before!”

"Never?" Sans asks, facing up at Jerry when he joins his side. "Hadn't you seen them since last Christmas before today? Ten months are enough for someone to grow and change."

"That's still too big of a change." He scoffs. "Now tell me what you did -- I deserve that much, at least."

"Nothin'." He pauses, shrugging to ignore the glare Jerry continues to direct at him. "We've been here for only two months -- three, at most. You've been gone ten."

Appearing caught in a dead-end, he sees Jerry's eyes wander from Toriel preparing some documents and Papyrus helping her out, to the hallway Frisk had walked through, and -- finally -- to the kitchen, where the clinking of cutlery’s heard as (Y/N) sets up the dinner table, while Undyne keeps an eye out for the stove and Alphys holds out a fire extinguisher near the scene. Sans has a hunch as to what Jerry's planning simply by the dour look on his face alone, so he holds the man back by the arm, saying, "Don't bring 'em into this." He's faced with a sharper glare, though he doesn't brush his hand away. "The kid's mad at you by default. Nobody else's told 'em to treat you that way."

"And how would you know?" Jerry shoves him off. "You're just some guy with a crush on someone else's spouse!"

"Ex-spouse." Sans sneers. "They aren't tied to you anymore."

"But they still have a kid to be responsible for."

"So do you."

Jerry tries to say something back, yet he falls short and stutters before giving up. "I- I'm gonna go help them out, then."

He sees the man look back to the kitchen again, longing visible in his eyes. 

"Knock yourself out, bud. Just don't go pressurin' 'em too much." The two spare a look at each other, a silent battle forming in Jerry's gaze while the monster remains stern but nonchalant. "You know what happened back at that bus. They need their time to rest."

A more empathic look softens up Jerry's visage as he nods, finally cracking a smile with it. "I know." He sighs. "But I have no clue how I didn't notice it was them you liked with how many damn comments there were about it on those videos."

"That's 'cuz we were barely gettin' to know each other back then." His confession's abrupt and appears to catch Jerry by surprise. "Wasn't until some time later that I realized what I was feelin' whenever they were around."

Jerry keeps quiet for what has to be a solid minute; it's a miracle based on how much he's wanted to communicate today, and in so short of a time. He sighs and his glare fades. A more serene look replaces his anger as he then relaxes his posture, completing a calmer self, much more refreshing to see in comparison to his previous attitude. "I promise I won't bother them too much today, but I still need to talk."

"Today only?" Sans remarks, quirking an eye socket. "So you're goin' back to zero after that?"

"Don't be stupid. I just mean I won't be as persistent today -- I know they need to rest."

The monster decides to let it go, aware he's going nowhere with how much more obstinate Jerry is. 

He sees him enter the kitchen and immediately seek after their ex, an attitude that makes him appear similar to that of a rambunctious puppy still looking for attention even after being told to back off. Sans chuckles at that thought and shakes his head, surprising even himself with how much he's becoming concerned with matters that weren't exactly his own. It’s knowing (Y/N) was tied to the situation along with Frisk what makes him want to try and intervene a bit more, though he knows better than that, taking into account how strained his relationship with the both of them still is. It's a miracle he even managed to befriend Jerry with how obnoxious and insistent he could be at certain times -- even more than Sans was himself.

...Was that why (Y/N) hadn't outright rejected him yet?

Did he resemble Jerry in attitude, somewhat?

Sans brushes that thought aside and proceeds to walk off to the hallway; the faint sounds of someone crying are heard nearby, prompting him to search for who it is.

He passes by a bedroom, a mini office, then a bathroom, until reaching the middle of the hallway. The person's crying sounds louder when he reaches Toriel's bedroom, though based on how young the voice is and that Toriel's still working with some documents back in the living room, he discards her as a possibility. He hears a few sniffles before the crying controls itself a bit more, making it seem as if the one behind that door heard his footsteps and chose not to be found out. Still, they carry on crying after some time, sniffles changing into sobs and sobs changing into loud and shuddering hiccups.

"...Frisk?" he calls out, knocking on the door twice.

The crying stops almost abruptly.

"Who's there?" they ask.

Weren't this such a pressing situation, he wouldn't hesitate so much in responding as he usually did to that type of question. He sighs and rests a hand against the door, drumming his fingers until he replies with, "Sans."

"...Sans who?"

"Sans ta permission, je ne peux pas passer."

He can't avoid the chuckle that follows when he hears them huff -- dramatically so. Soft footsteps and a click are the two sounds that lead before the door opens, revealing a tired Frisk with puffy, red eyes and an equally reddish, runny nose. Their hair's a messy bob, and the hair ties and ribbons Toriel used to keep the braids in place are no longer being worn.

"What do you want?"

"I wanna talk."

"No."

They almost shut the door right on his face, though he backs away on time, and -- as if seeming to trigger an unlisted superpower in (Y/N) -- they appear behind him, nearly giving him a soul attack.

"What's wrong?" they ask, peering over his shoulder. It's an evident, purposeful act on their part to tease him further and pay back at him, as they're already aware of how far his crush on them's gone. Still, they know their personal space and step back after that, leading him to turn his back on the door and face them instead. "...Was that Frisk? Wh- Why are they crying? And why are their braids gone? I swear if Jerry did something I-"

"He didn't say anything about that," Sans intervenes, calming them down by pulling them along with him next to the door and lowering his voice for only them to hear. "He, uh... tried to talk with Frisk, but they're still angry at him -- understandably. But they still don't wanna talk about it."

"Let me try, then," they say, sighing. "I think it's about time they told me at least something about what's bothering them -- Not just hide away like this every chance they get."

"So they always do that?"

They nod. "Whenever I try to talk about Jerry, mostly.” A subtle scowl accompanies the frustration in their tone. “But when it's about them telling me what happened to them at the Underground, they ignore my question by doing pretty much anything else that doesn't have to do with that." A tremble shows in their body as they take a second to breathe. "But today needs to be a different story -- They can’t keep running from this."

"No!"

Sans sees (Y/N)'s patience fade from their eyes at that sound, somewhat muffled by the door, but still an evident shout from Frisk.

"Sans is friends with Jerry, and- And now you're talking with him like that means nothing to you!"

The human narrows their eyes at the door as they stand in front of it. "Sans and Jerry being friends has nothing to do with any of this." They huff. "Did you really think they would be enemies right from the start?"

"Yes! Just like how Prince Charmin Ultra Strong gets defeated by Shrenk!"

Surprisingly, they don't get any angrier and -- on the contrary -- smile at that comparison. They bite their lip to hold it back, though they still fail when they reply with, "Does that suggest Jerry's mom is gonna be a bigger villain later?"

Some silence passes. "I mean, yeah. Don't you remember how sad and angry she was when Jerry tried proposing again, but then you rejected him?"

At that, the monster's grin shows up and he finds himself blurting out, "He tried it again?"

"Yes." The moment they spare to answer his question ends as they look back at the door and say, "Of course, I remember, but you still shouldn't have those expectations, dear. This isn't a good versus evil situation -- There's a lot more to it than that." They bump their forehead against the door, seemingly giving up their strong and stern facade as they press their lips tight and try to suck up some sadness by sniffling and looking at the floor. "You- You must've realized that, too, right? Some of your new friends hurt you at one point, didn't they? And then you still try to defend me despite all the bad choices I've made in the past. I… I know Jerry screwed up-"

"-a lot," they interrupt, making (Y/N) sigh.

"-but that still doesn't mean you should compare like that."

"But what if he's a villain in my eyes, (mom/dad)?" they ask, though it's more of a statement than the former. "The only good thing he's done today is compliment my hair -- That's it! And I'm pretty sure you haven't even used any of that support money he gives you, so it's not like we really owe him anything, either."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm not dumb. That's the reason why you worked so much in the past, isn't it? You... You just sent that child support money back to him, and kept some only for emergencies."

"That-"

"You tell me not to see him as a bad guy, but you still do that by refusing any help and doing everything by yourself."

"That still doesn't mean you'll owe him any of those funds, dear. In the end, we chose to (have/adopt) you, so you'll never owe us any of that money we provide for raising you."

"So why did you reject his part of the responsibility, then?"

The kid could be a lawyer with how quickly that question corners (Y/N) in place. Their once firm, narrowed eyes turn wide and a guilty look makes their forehead wrinkle and mouth form a grimace. They don't say anything as they reach out for the doorknob and try to turn it around. "Open the door. We can't keep talking like this."

"Answer my question first," Frisk says, voice faltering midway. "Please?"

(Y/N) gives in with an exhale, chest shuddering in the process. "I…” They clench their hand and hesitate. “I didn't want to owe him anything." They rest their forehead against the door again, looking more defeated than before when they close their eyes and fight their frown away. "That's why."

Quiet remains after their response.

The door doesn't click or budge, signaling for the one waiting outside to give up for now. They walk back to the monster's side and sit on the floor; their gaze looks left and right, observing the hallway with a distinctive boredom only sadness can bring upon someone. They're almost a mirror of Frisk back when he caught the two of them dancing: knees pressed right to their chest as they hug themselves tight.

Though it takes him a while to do anything, Sans soon settles on the thought that doing something is much better than nothing right now, so he tries to accompany them by the floor. He sits next to them and offers a literal shoulder for them to lay on, the softness of his jacket helping numb the hardness of his bones. They rest their head there and close their eyes, breaths steadying the longer they stay that way. "You kinda smell like Old Spicy," they comment, chuckling. "Like my aunt's new boyfriend’s cologne." They sniff a few times and scooch a bit closer to his side. "...Sorry. That was weird."

He laughs. "Guess I'll have to try a different kind next ti-"

Click.

Followed by the door being unlocked is Frisk opening it and leaving the room. They then look at him and (Y/N) with the most appalled expression possible, similar to a scrungy cat. "You two are mushier than a bag of marshmallows left under the sun.”

Saying that, they turn around and take their leave, adding, “I’m gonna go talk with Jerry now,” before their other parent can say anything as an objection.

“Still not gonna call him dad?” they ask, though it comes off more teasing than demanding.

“Not until he earns it.” Frisk looks at the skeleton with sharp, judging eyes. “Because right now, even Skeletor’s brother is a better candidate for that.”

They’re gone in a flash after that comment, leaving Sans to process the heavy weight of those words and for the human next to him to stand up, gape, and look to where their child ran off to.

“W- Watch your words Frisk (L/N),” they shout at the empty hallway, voice masking their embarrassment by being loud. "You're on thin ice!"

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• • •

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@the-simp-express

@nektotersh

@disastrous-l0vebug

@therealchickenjoe

@mintyflakes025

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@timelock97

[marvella15]

Astaire & Rogers Rewatch Part 7: Shall We Dance

• Something I didn’t consciously realize about this film until reading Hannah Hyam’s book is that Astaire and Rogers don’t dance together until nearly an hour in. That hasn’t happened since Gay Divorcee. What was anyone thinking??

• Shall We Dance suffers from a lot of extra crap that it didn’t need, such as extraneous characters, far too many interruptions in the Astaire and Rogers relationship, and a bunch of weirdness like life-sized dolls, life-like masks, and backbending ballerinas. The film also has a lot of wasted potential, including a great score and songs by George and Ira Gershwin. 

The Gershwins were already well acquainted with Astaire and Rogers. The duo had first met when she was starring in the brothers’ show, Girl Crazy, and Astaire was brought in to help with choreography. Rogers was close friends with George and even dated him. Astaire had known the brothers prior, having starred in a few of their shows with his sister, Adele. 

• Our characters/actors: Peter “Petrov” Peters (Fred Astaire), Linda Keene (Ginger Rogers), Jeffrey Baird (Edward Everett Horton), Arthur Miller (Jerome Cowan)

• Around the time I was first really into classic Hollywood films, including these ones, my family and I adopted a new dog. I annoyed my parents to no end by suggesting we name him Peter P. Peters. Don’t know why I latched onto that name but I did. 

• Even in the massive portrait of Petrov, you can see Astaire has his fingers curled in rather than fully extended.

• Astaire’s ballet attire lets us once again see just how skinny he is. 

• Always loved how Peter does a little tap at the rhythmic sound of his name and birthplace: Pete Peters, Philadelphia PA.

• Rogers’ cardigan with all of its baubles is truly awful looking. It will only be out done by a terrible floral dress she wears later. 

• I do however like that she shoves her handsy stage partner into a fountain. Why are men constantly the worst?

• “And why must there always be a kiss at the second-act curtain?” is YET ANOTHER example of these films trolling us. Not once up until this point has any act of an Astaire/Rogers outing included a kiss between them. 

• Linda’s disinterest in even meeting Petrov is based on the assumption that he’s a “simpering toe dancer.” While that’s incorrect, she’s not wrong that he is indeed another man who has seen a picture of her and wants to tell her he can’t live without her. So she gets partial credit. 

• If Peter wasn’t totally smitten before, Linda’s jab, “It’s just a game little American boys play” gets him. 

• As a mixed race number, “Slap That Bass” is incredibly unusual for the era. Astaire was a great admirer of African-American dancers and was strongly influenced by Bill Robinson and John W. Bubbles. I love the blend of all of the voices in this song. 

• The dance portion of “Slap That Bass” gives Astaire a chance to show off more of his innovative mind and choreography. He dances in time with the sounds of the ship’s engine and compels the camera to follow him across and up the vast set. The dance is also special in that we have behind the scenes footage of Astaire rehearsing, thanks to a home video shot by George Gershwin. 

• Peter making Jeffrey believe the boat is rocking may seem a bit unbelievable but having been on a large ship myself, sometimes you don’t realize it’s rocking until you see other passengers weaving or a giant chandelier swaying. 

• I usually skip most if not all of Jeffrey and Arthur’s scenes together. They slow down this film soooo much.

• Like in all of their films, songs are sometimes heard in the background before the actual musical number they appear in. But because this film is scored by the Gershwins, there’s an array of shorter pieces of music that are all their own, such as the whimsical score heard while Rogers and then Rogers with Astaire are walking her dog.

• The dog Peter borrows to give himself an excuse to talk to Linda hits his bark cue perfectly and looks extremely happy about it. 

• I would love to know what exactly Astaire and Rogers are talking about while walking her dog. Maybe they were given lines that were then not recorded or maybe it’s improv. But it seems very natural. 

Rogers did say that Astaire was a wonderful conversationalist and was adept at talking while dancing, something she noted most men couldn’t manage. 

• Wow do I love it when Rogers gets to be extra sassy

Peter: “Isn’t it wonderful being here tonight like this? Still on the same boat together.”

Linda: “Oh, I seldom change boats in mid-ocean.”

• “Beginner’s Luck” is such a charming, fast song that Astaire delivers wonderfully. He hardly seems to take a breath. 

A jazzed up version of “Beginner’s Luck” is the song Peter tried to dance to in Paris but the record kept getting stuck. 

• Something this movie fails at is letting Linda and Peter’s relationship continue to progress before throwing more obstacles in their way. We know from the gossip of the ship’s staff that they have been spending a lot of time together. When we see them, they are having a relaxing evening that’s incredibly domestic: sitting side by side on the deck while she knits and he smokes. Wouldn’t it have been nice to see more of this part of their relationship? 

• Why on earth did Peter think sending Jeffrey to fix the false baby rumors was the right decision? Jeffrey can’t handle a single thing. 

• Infuriated at the rumors that she’s married to Peter and pregnant with their baby, Linda tries to call him. “Operator! Get me Mr. Petrov. What? Don’t you dare congratulate me!”

• The theme of this movie is supposed to be the blend of dancing and music styles. Peter’s ballet and Linda’s jazz styles are one example, George Gershwin’s varied score, which switches from jazz to waltz to foxtrot to classical, etc, is another. But it’s a fairly weak concept that doesn’t quite land and reportedly, neither Astaire or Ira Gershwin was wild about it. 

• I love the new version of “Slap That Bass” that plays as Peter and Jeffrey enter the rooftop club. 

• When Rogers sings “They All Laughed,” she is singing to an off-screen Cary Grant, her friend and sometimes date who was visiting the set at the time. 

She is also wearing a dress with a horrible pattern. It’s supposed to be floral but it always makes me think of amoebas. Maybe it looked better in color?

• Astaire clearly has fun during the part where Peter hams it up a bit with his ballet next to Linda’s tapping. 

• In some ways, “They All Laughed” is reminiscent of “Isn’t it a Lovely Day.” They’re testing each other, trading glancing as they see whether the other can keep up with the increasingly complex steps. Until now, Linda didn’t know Peter could dance this way so her surprise and amusement unfolds slowly as the routine progresses. But he has been grinning since the start because he’s hoping to win her back through this dance.

• This is another duet where it takes a long time before they touch. The first physical contact is just her executing a series of spins with the help of his fingers. And it’s during this part that Rogers finally breaks into a wide smile.  

• When he spins her up onto the piano the first time, she happily waits for him to retrieve her. And when he spins her into a seated position and upright again a few times don’t miss how he looks at her with a wry, slightly mischievous smile. 

• The Linda doll is so creepy and not lifelike. Who was fooled by this?

Also, Arthur is terrible. Jeffrey is terrible too but he’s an idiot so I’m more willing to let it slide. 

• Peter walking out of Linda’s bedroom in the morning in his robe right in front of her fiancé while she is in her negligee is pretty funny. 

• Peter and Linda’s nice day out is just further proof that this movie should’ve spent more time on the two of them together rather than breaking them up every few minutes. 

• “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” is a fun song, though Astaire gets most of the good words imo. However, Rogers does do an extra affectation to some of her lyrics and that makes them funnier. 

At one point when she’s singing, he turns to her and for just a moment his face goes soft in that way it does sometimes when he looks at her. 

• Some film historians have labeled this dance as not that great when compared to other Astaire and Rogers numbers. But I’ve always found it very enjoyable and innovative. While Gene Kelly probably takes the gold medal for dancing on skates in It’s Always Fair Weather, Astaire and Rogers did it first, did it well, and deserve some extra credit for a duet on skates rather than a solo. 

Rogers also deserves some extra credit since the idea to dance on skates was supposedly hers. And probably deserves even more credit for doing this dance on skates while also in heels. 

• For some reason I really enjoy that they perform this number in their hats and street clothes. It’s so informal and feels like something you do on a fun date. 

• Throughout this dance, Peter continues to be the playful one, as he’s been in their interactions in the film, and Linda is the more serious one who needs to be coaxed into having fun. Maybe this is why Astaire frequently glances at her and even spends long seconds watching her at different parts as they move into the next series of steps. Rogers is more reserved in her expressions but whenever they are face to face, she appears happiest. 

A few times she looks triumphant, leading me to wonder if they or she had finally nailed a section that was giving them or her trouble. 

• Can’t say for certain but I swear she almost falls when they do the backwards steps. She just baaaarely snags his hand in time. 

They had to film this dance something like 150 times so I imagine there was more than one time where at least one of them did indeed fall. 

• The circular dance they do leading up to the end is based on a dance Astaire and his sister made famous in their time on the stage. 

• Apparently the grassy bank they tumble onto wasn’t padded so those fake grimaces of pain aren’t that fake. Their exchange after the tumble feels very much like married banter to me:

Peter: “Yes, it was my idea.”

Linda: “Have you any more of them?”

Peter, exaggerating: “No.”

• They’re such a good match:

Linda: “Peter, you’ve got to marry me.”

Peter: “Why, Linda, this is so sudden.”

• Oh 1930s Hays Code humor. The cop who overhears their conversation thinks she’s pregnant and pressuring the father of the baby into marrying her. Hurr hurr hurr.

• Heh:

Linda: “I beg your pardon but what are grounds for divorce in this state?”

Clerk: “Marriage.”

• It will never make sense to me that a dance was not planned in this film for “They Can’t Take That Away From Me.” It’s a truly lovely song. I know Astaire and Rogers will dance to it more than ten years later in The Barkleys of Broadway but it’s just not the same. 

It’s also a good reminder in the film that Peter has legitimate feelings for Linda and she does for him but they’re far more conflicted. Though he must sense he’s hooked her in a bit since he becomes very aloof once they return to the hotel in the stupid hope of making her want him more? Idk, men are dumb. 

• “They Can’t Take That Away From Me” carries special poignancy because it became a form of consolation to Ira Gershwin after his brother suddenly died two months after this film was released. 

• Oh Linda’s face when she walks in to see Peter with the loathsome Lady Tarrington is so sad and crestfallen. Ever thought you and your crush were finally on the same page only to find them canoodling with someone else? 

Although, she could’ve knocked first instead of just walking straight into his room…

• The ballet portion of the finale is weird and unappealing in every way. Harriet Hoctor was known for the backbend dance she does in this film. Maybe it was something spectacular in 1937?? but it doesn’t hold up. 

One thing I’ll say about Astaire’s duet with Hoctor, it’s a great chance to see him in a romantic duet with someone other than Rogers and notice how different he acts. No secret smile, no lingering looks, no whispered words, no soft expressions. 

• “Shall We Dance” is another upbeat song that deserves more than being featured in the remaining few minutes of the film. Their dance is far too short but wonderful all the same. Her delight when he finds her always makes me smile. She also executes some impressive full length lunges that I couldn’t do at this moment much less in a dress and heels in the middle of a dance number. 

For a few seconds, his fingers press into the exposed dip of her spine in yet another example of Victorian hotness. 

• And so we finish film number 7. Shall We Dance underperformed at the box office and wasn’t a critical darling. Everyone, the actors included, started to feel the magic was coming to an end. Coming up next is a film I pretty much never rewatch: Carefree. 

[inblazes]

"Mm. You don't."

Somehow, he truly doubts that the Duke would want to know exactly who took the title of #1 Worst Greeting. Diluc's carefully maintained and squeaky-clean public persona meant that most people outside of Mondstadt likely assumed that his lowest moments consisted of naught more than minor snubs between nobles, or perhaps not to be acknowledged at all.

Nearly having the threads of his life cut short in swift and exacting retaliation was a very far cry from the petty quarrels of the rich and overly-privileged, and not something he sought to divulge with a man he had barely just met.

Keeping his gaze clear of Wriothesley's, the Mondstadter spies the plate his companion had ordered, and raises a brow. Surely a man of his build needed more than that to sustain himself, no?

Or was it that he was seeking not to spend too much of another man's mora?

His own plate was similarly light, but the young master had at least taken quite a large breakfast earlier in the morning, seeking to re-energize himself after his long journey to get here.

"I don't know to whom you refer, but 'she' might be right." His words are accompanied by a look -- concern, perhaps. "It's almost noon, and you haven't had anything to eat yet? You can't expect to keep a physique like that by subsisting on air and pastries, so please... Do not spare any expense on my part, and have your fill."

Diluc stops himself in the next instant, and wonders if he's crossing a line. Who did he think he was, chiding a man's poor dietary habits when he had only met him for the first time but a few minutes ago?

Would he be offending a potential business partner, and harming his own prospects with his tendency to be so matter-of-fact? Would the Duke pick up on the fact that he had considered his physique at all, instead of keeping his eyes away?

"...My apologies. Perhaps that was an overstep."

Wriothesley is correct in his assumption about the briefcase, however, and the redhead spares a glance over his shoulder before he heaves it onto the surface of the table. Technically, it's a bit of a faux-pas to bring one's own drink to another establishment, but since there was no alcoholic element, it wasn't as if he would be breaching any licensing laws.

"My relationship with alcohol is nothing particularly complex, but it's not as though I don't recognize the irony. I just don't enjoy how it feels in my mouth, I prefer to have control over my body at all times, and hangovers aren't any fun at all."

Certainly, there was nothing illegal about making juice, so it would be up to the discretion of management... And somehow, Diluc was sure that they would have far more pressing issues to attend to.

"I'd like to imagine that I'm not the only person who feels this way, but my homeland has the sort of culture that places a lot of importance on gathering to drink, and most of our holidays and events revolve around it in some fashion. If you don't enjoy alcohol, then it can feel like you're a bit of a social pariah. I just want people to feel included and better-connected with their roots, hence... This."

A gloved hand loosely gestures to the briefcase. He opens it up to reveal the majority of the tools to his trade -- a cocktail shaker, a small container of ice cubes, and all sorts of juices, fruits, and mixers in glass bottles. There's even coffee and tea, plus sweet syrups and cream -- and a container of water with which to brew them. It's all sample-sized, so as not to cause him to have to carry around full-sized containers all the way from Mondstadt... But even then, it's still quite the load to carry.

If there was any drink that his new acquaintance so desired, he was certain that he could make it.

"Tell me, Monsieur Wriothesley--" He parrots back playfully, a mischievous glint in his eye. Trained up from a young age, it is in this that his talents truly lie, and he is proud to show it off for a change.

Not everyone who drank at the Angel's Share appreciated the complexity behind crafting high-quality, fresh drinks with a good balance of flavors and a pleasant mouthfeel.

"What do you like to drink in your free time?"

“Not the worst way? Hm. I can’t lie, you have me wanting to know who it is that has me beat,” he stated, his tone mirthful despite his somewhat monotonous timbre.

When the younger man told him to call him by his first name, Wriothesley’s brows raised a bit, but after a moment, he smiled. “If that is what you would like me to call you by, then Diluc it is. If we’re going on first-name basis, then you may call me Wriothesley instead,” he offered in turn, inclining his head in a minute bow.

There certainly aren’t many—if any—people that merely call him by his claimed name. He’s grown accustomed to being called ‘Your Grace’ by practically everyone he came to meet. It hadn’t bothered him at all. However, to hear his name be called by someone he just met, who didn’t seem to be intimidated by him, it seemed to settle something inside him.

It was nice.

He followed behind the young Ragnivindr towards the empty table meant for them, humming lightly at the inquiry of being hungry. “Admittedly, I am feeling a little peckish, but it’s no priority of mine. I mostly look forward to knowing about your intentions and goals for our meeting.” Taking his seat, he quirked a brow at the sound of glass clinking from within the other’s briefcase. Strange.

Though, he did pause and squint a bit before sighing lightly. “… However, perhaps I should eat something. Otherwise, I might not hear the end of it if she were to find out I haven’t had a meal yet. Thank you for your hospitality, Diluc.” He knew that the young master wouldn’t know who he was referring to, but it’s not like that mattered. For himself, he merely got a pain au chocolat and a tartine. He would have paired it with a café au lait, but he instead heeded the other’s request to not order a drink. Not a very nutritious meal by any standards, but at least it’s something that could keep Sigewinne off his back for a bit.

As the redheaded man got into the details of their meeting, he gave him his full attention, leaning forward on the table a tad while he clasped his hands atop it. Small hums of acknowledgement would leave him here and there, along with the occasional nod. Wriothesley was under the assumption that these drinks Diluc was referring to were alcoholic, however he didn’t point this out nor rebuff his negotiations yet. He merely waited to see if there would be some clarification, or perhaps a moment of realization.

When their eyes briefly met, a corner Wriothesley’s lips lifted in amusement, and even more so when it appeared that the other man grew sheepish once more beneath his gaze. Not…fearful, not cowed…but sheepish. Bashful.

How very interesting.

As he expected, though, the young master was quick to realize what one’s assumptions usually are when drinks are mentioned, correcting himself to say that they were non-alcoholic. This piqued his curiosity, especially so when Diluc stated he’s a non-drinker, causing his head tilt slightly as he regarded the smaller man across from him. “Oh? I must admit, the fact that a wine tycoon isn’t fond of the very products his family has created is quite novel. Although, you’ve certainly caught my attention, and I’m interested in learning more. I’m assuming these drinks are currently stashed away in your briefcase, Monsieur Diluc?”

[mauserfrau]

Mau's Very Silly Headcanon Post

Since I have two pieces of fiction going live this weekend and they’re both going to be late due to butting into each other XD.

I did another one here and there’s going to be some overlap, but less bodily function stuff in this one (mostly spit) (also some vague references to medical trauma).

A lot of this is small potatoes because I didn’t want to spoil anything.  How Phaseleech actually works ends up being a plot point in what I have pending, so I actually can’t just come out and say what’s going on.  That said, I’m sure there are people here who want to know what’s on my mind, but who don’t want to sit through 50K words with half a dozen squick warnings.

That said: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mauser_Frau

Questions welcome, about this, anything else I think about Borderlands, what exactly is in Chapter 13 of Satellite, if it’s true the one flashback actually happened to Mom... 

Both

-Look, the only thing I did that’s appreciably off-canon is let them have emotions.  Maybe I drove into left field with what those emotions were, but that’s really all anybody’s got to do to fix this situation.  Go with the deity of your choice.  

-If I was headed for a Gearbox ending, it would be for the scrapped one, not the one we got.  See this and this other thing.

>>>I would still have written the twins as having something resembling a meaningful relationship regardless of whether that turned out romantic or not.  As things went and are, them as a couple was something I knew how to write and my mom shipped them (no, I’m not kidding).  

-I’m not going for a canon ending.  Mercy, did I find a thread I could snap and take the whole sweater out.  

-Both had blue siren markings when they were born; Troy’s turned red after they were separated.

--Which was a complicated mess-- they were upside-down verses each other and had several secondary adhesions, the most notable of which was Tyreen’s face to Troy’s thigh.

---Leda never 100% recovered from the emotional or physical trauma, but she put on a brave face for the last sevenish years of her life.  

---Troy’s tissue loss was severe and left him with a notable pit in his upper right side.

---Tyreen also has heavy scarring running from her right armpit to her right hip.  It’s not as complex, but it is very visible.  Missing a fair amount of intestine compared to the average human, but this has apparently never bothered her beyond the fact that visiting the toilet when you don’t eat is not fun.

-Semi-identical twins. Have 82.5% of their genes in common.  LSS, neither one is a parasite.  They’re two sperm plus one egg and they didn’t divide right.

--Ms. Phaseleech* didn’t know any better.  #oops  

--If you get them relaxed enough, they will indeed curl up together in their “fish” position.

-Tyreen is the one who would wail first if separated from her brother when they were very small, but they don’t like being apart even as adults.  

-Both very well-read, used to recite The Odyssey to congregants instead of scripture (‘cause they didn’t have any scripture). 

-Good to excellent hunters. Depends what they’re hunting and if they’re together.  Prefer to go barefoot if there’s no one else around.

-The circumstances surrounding Leda’s death are appreciably worse than fanon baseline to the point I don’t think I ought to leave them lying around in a Tumblr post.  

-Both have wavy hair if they don’t iron the daylights out of it.

-Prefer to be on the road and around people, even if a fair amount of those people are going to end up dinner.

-Get weirdly soft-hearted around kids, especially little boys with a similar complexion to their own.

-Do they have any concept that they’re horrible people? Yes, but it’s very academic and not something that motivates them.  You’d be way more likely to hear them frame themselves as hedonists, which also explains their worldview to a certain extent.  

~*~

Troy

-Skinnier than most other Troys.  You could put him in a room with every fandom Troy and sort them by muscle mass, you’d find him at the bottom end, partying like this was an accomplishment.  

-Has an X-linked connective tissue disorder which is more extensive than he lets on.  He really should not do about 90% of the stunts he does because of the vascular involvement.

-Made a categorical decision to treat the associated pain with a lot of cannabis and massage.  Has a distinct resin and honey body butter smell because of this.

--Also, if you get him off-hours, there’s going to be a fair amount of “but why are we here, man?” discussion.

-Has a kink in his upper back.  His spine tilts to his right.  Not super noticeable, but if you were on massage duty, you’d realize something felt out of place.  

-Used to get catastrophic nosebleeds, though these have lessened in frequency and severity over the years.  

-After a certain point, has a permanent latching socket port installed on his right side, allowing him to switch arms out as he likes.

--Because he has a selection of eccentric ones.  What? It’s a challenge to learn to use non-human aspects like claws or feathers or forty joints in a tentacle.  

--Still flounces around without one if nobody of consequence is watching and generally won’t sleep with one in.

-The insides of his ear gauges are messy and don’t even get him started on changing the jewelry on any, erm, other piercings he might have.  (Nipples and one off-center PA.  That was QUITE enough after what it took for his tattoos to cooperate.) 

-Will frame any illness or off-day as a migraine, which he does get.

-Had really bad teeth before his mouth mods.  After that, has none of his natural teeth remaining.  Primarily uses his exceptional bite radius to annoy others, show off, eat sandwiches in a disturbing fashion and do unspeakable things in bed.  They’re for show.  They’re not functional in any serious way.  

-Doesn’t have great control of said mouth mods in the heat of passion or if you get him laughing hard enough.  Hope you like spit!

-Still has rather heinous-looking feet, but he’s concerned about losing his calluses if he has them fixed.  You’d be more likely to see him open on an operating table than barefoot in public.  

-Always wants to be the little spoon.  You’re a tink? You’re a third his size? So what.  He wants to be the little spoon.  Just give in.

-Genuinely likes tea, especially flower-based tea.  Favorite foods include grits, polenta, tamales, campfire beefy rice, beef and broccoli layered onto somebody else’s leftover noodles, beef curry, beef sandwiches soaked in jus, steak tips on day-old fries and look just give him a sloppy plate of starch and dead cow if you need him to shut up.  

-Drinks vodka so cold and over-filtered it tastes like water, then follows it up with extra greasy, burnt-to-hell texas toast while talking about his mother.

-Lactose intolerant.  Please do not feed the rat child pizza. Or chipped beef on toast.  No, not even if he begs.  

~*~

Tyreen

-Abnormally acute senses, especially hearing/smell and including a form of intuition which targets where things she can leech exist nearby.  She’s only aware of any of this in the context of it being different from how Troy’s senses work.  She knows where to get food.  Don’t most people?

-Doesn’t perceive herself as 100% human.  The Leech is part of her and she likes herself.  Mama said she was perfect.  The details are whatever.  You got a problem here? Well, that’s easy to fix… 

-Would have been sorted as a tomboy growing up, but had no companions to do so.  As is, prefers the company of masculine individuals, loves showing people up in a boyish fashion and is absolutely going to tune you out if you start talking to her about the topic.  

-Reeks.  You might smell something “off” with her around in a meeting room, but get her sweaty or worked up and forget it.  It’s not even a human smell.  Petrichor and spray paint, menstrual blood and chlorine, dead leaves and solvent.  It’s chemical, it’s uncannily biological.  It’s really not OK.  She can’t smell it and Troy’s used to it.  

-Doesn’t shave.  Has fluffy armpits that don’t match her dye job and a rather spectacular bush that extends onto her upper thighs.  Does pluck here brows and the witch hairs on her chin, but otherwise, you know what, nah.

-Heavily tattooed, but this is limited to her torso.  The viewing of said tattoos, as well as her scars, is a ritual in her particular CoV.  

--Not that she cares about being naked.  A body is a body.  You people are so uptight.  

-Will reflexively guard her lower stomach before anything else and sometimes in error.  Do not call her on this.  You will piss her off.  

-Has an eye-shaped siren marking, but it’s on her left shoulder blade and she tends to forget it’s there.  More aware of the “pointer mark” underneath her navel.

-Poor tolerance for any drugs.

-Can only ingest salt, sucrose and 80 proof or better clear alcohol without retching.

--Which is to say she doesn’t eat “people food”.  

--Fatty or high-fiber foods tend to make her ill faster.  She could possibly keep tofu or chicken breast down for an hour or more, but it’s still not going to end well.  

--Can and does eat cinder toffee because it’s one of the few things she can chew and digest.  Konpeito is nice too, but sometimes the dye upsets her stomach.  

--Milk, maybe.  Human works better.

-Enjoys swimming or long baths.

-Ambidextrous.  Was either born that way or picked up doing certain things left-handed because that’s what her brother had to work with and she had to show him how to do stuff somehow.

-Good with a forearm-mounted crossbow.  Either hand is fine.

-Used to drool precipitously when she leeched something “good”.  Mostly has a handle on this by the time the CoV gets to be a thing.  Mostly.  

-Deeply immature love language which might include her actually asking to play with her prospective partner and a good bit of bullying.

-SHE IS NOT SHY ABOUT HER NEEDS AND KINKS.  THE HELL WITH YOU.  YOU’RE MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING.  HOW DARE YOU.  DO YOU WANT TO BE SKAG BAIT ON THE NEXT LIVESCREAM.  UGH. #nottsundereatall

~*~

* The Leech IDed herself as, erm, herself in some stuff I’m not sure I’ll ever post but ANYWAY.

[recklessrex]

Jellicle-ho did this and now I also want to rank my favorite Cats. So I wrote this instead of writing about Sullivan.

Long Post Warning

To start with I don't hate/dislike any of them. The ones toward the bottom of the list tend to be ones I just think about less often, or don't feel like I connect to as well. Based on 1998 for simplicity's sake.

1) Munkustrap

My baby. Munk's always been my favorite from the very start. It's not just the hero thing, it's not just that Michael Gruber's a handsome mf, it's how he interacts with the others. He's so loving and protective, but at the same time so done with everyone's bullshit (when bullshittery occurs). And then there's the underlying anxiety issues we're all pretty sure he deals with that makes me just want to hug him. He just so clearly wants everyone to be happy and safe. It melts my heart how much joy he gets from seeing his tribe happy. Watch when Deuteronomy shows up in 1998, after he greets him himself (before which he steps aside so others can greet him first cuz he's a sweetheart), he spends most of the walk to the stairs soaking in how happy all the others are and being utterly overjoyed. Add to that his deep, devoted love for his father and how diligently he looks after him, his clear affection for his little brother Tugger despite being more done with his bullshit than anyone else's (Tugger don't touch the bagpip. Tugger no), his strong, tender bond with Alonzo and how smoothly they work together in a crisis, and his sometimes subtle, sometimes not-so-subtle crush on Demeter (notice that she's the only one other than Alonzo that HE approaches right before the Gumbie Cat and the only one he uses both hands to reach out to during that). Also his snark and sass, when he lets it out, is an utter joy. And I love the way he can assert his dominance with just a glance if the situation calls for it (watch him with Cassandra in Grizabella's first scene), but still rarely ever pulls rank like that. Overall he's a really fun character to watch for me, as well as to think about and (if I get around to it) write about.

2) Demeter

My other baby. (I'm so happy my two babies love each other). She's such a complex character. Her backstory of abuse and her current dealings with PTSD as a result are only the jumping off point. I love her moments of bravery, like jumping on Mac to protect the tribe despite everything she's been through. Courage isn't about not being afraid, it's about doing what needs to be done despite your fears. She's the most courageous member of the tribe and I love her so much. As for her relationships with the others, she has a much less subtle crush on Munk than he does on her, but she's so shy about it (and he's so damn polite) I doubt they'd ever get off the ground without a little help. She's so adorable in the way she looks at him, in 1998 she has a particular smile different from her other smiles that seems to be just for him. I also love her connection with Bomba, I feel like if she and Munk ever got off the ground it would be with Bomba's encouragement. Bomba is always there to hold her up when she feels small. While Munk makes her feel safe, Bomba makes her feel strong. So this is why Demelustrap is my OT3 thank you for coming to my TED talk.

3) Mungojerrie

Acts like a dumbass, is actually a genius. (Fight me). I love characters like this. Contradictions. Like brave strong Munk who is actually more emotionally vulnerable than he lets on, or nervous timid Demeter who bravely confronted the person she fears most. Mungo seems fundamentally clueless in most situations but I think he's just a carefree goofball, at least when the stakes are low. He and Teazer are both clever enough to get away with all sorts of mischief, and I don't think it's a "Teazer is the smart one" situation. I mean Teazer is probably smarter, but they need smarts on both sides. I also love how smoothly they work together as a team. Mungo ranks higher for those adorable "clueless" moments and for being a lovable goof.

4) Rumpleteazer

Acts like a bimbo, is actually a genius. To a lesser extent than Mungo in that she acts way less clueless than he does, and her antics are usually more obviously silliness rather than dumbassery. Would be higher but I just like Mungo's goofy aesthetic a bit more. I'd also like to take this time to note I do NOT think they are siblings. (Fight me. Again)

5) Mistoffolees

Another of those contradictions I love. He's simultaneously shy and showy, bold and insecure. He doesn't quite know who he is yet, but he knows who he wants to be. He's also adorable to watch, with his little hops and poses. His relationship with Tugger is adorable, whether you see them as mates or BFFs (both? both. both is good), and his obvious crush on Victoria is equally adorable (more NOT siblings!). The way he melts when she smiles at him toward the beginning of 1998 *sigh* so cute

6) Alonzo

Sorry @jellicle-ho I do love him lots, but he doesn't make the top five simply because I feel closer to Misto and the Chaos Twins (just an expression, not siblings!) on a spiritual level. He's still one of the best characters. He has his "contradiction" element of being cocky but somewhat insecure, and I especially love that he's just as serious as he is playful. He's also a slinky, sassy bastard and a blast to watch on stage.

7) Victoria

Woo boy. Okay first of all, since it seems to be a major factor, the contradiction element. She seems like a shy, reserved, almost demure young lady at first, but she's actually that quietly sassy serene girl at the Alpha bitch's lunch table, the one that's actually nice and doesn't participate in putting down the weird kid no one likes. But she's still gonna judge you. I love every moment of Victoria-sideeye in the 1998 video. And of course there's her whole side plot which basically revolves around her being extremely DTF, which is quite the opposite of "demure." Also her obvious crush on Misto is also adorable, the way she smiles at him, ugh like the only reason she danced with Plato instead is because Misto was too shy to approach her (also Plato has much better upper body strength so hey ho, hey hue, let's go Pas de Deux). She's also so very graceful and elegent and then there's her "omg why!?" flexibility which make her fascinating to watch.

8) Pouncival

Precious child. Precious little jackass brat. No but really I love him so much he's such a brat but also like he's tiny? And he wants to be cool sooo bad! The way he runs in for his "and bright!" all excited, I just can't. He has this sort of quiet, but enthusiastic demeaner of someone that knows he's not the star, but hopes to be, and he's bursting with energy in a pseudo-controlled way that I find more compelling than Etcetera's brand of enthusiasm. I love his acrobatics, whether they're super smooth, adorably clumsy, or straight up pratfalls. I love how 14-years-old he is. You can see him getting bored in that teenage "okay grampa you've told this story forty times already" kind of way during part of Gus's song. I love how adorably menacing he looks during the Naming of Cats. I just love the baby. He is very baby.

9) Bombalurina

She's beauty. She's grace. She'll smack you in the face. She's sexy and she knows it. She's such a confident, strong woman, and while she's the most overtly sexualized character, I kind of find it's even more empowering, you know? Like the idea that a woman can be both sexy and strong, she doesn't have to pick one. Bomba is walking proof that being strong, bold, and tough is not inherently "masculine," nor is protecting others. Don't get me wrong, I love strong female characters of all varieties, I'm not here to knock the tomboy trope, but when a strong female character is also sexually liberated it's just a different level of empowerment. Not just the deconstruction of "masculine/feminine" lines, but also in the "my body, my life, my choice" kind of way. Further, I absolutely love her relationship with Demeter. I personally support the mates, bffs, and siblings hcs because they honestly work so well as any of these (but as mentioned above, Demelustrap is my OT3, despite not always getting strong Bombastrap vibes). Her protectiveness and desire to comfort Demeter is so beautiful. Maybe it's the contradiction thing that I love so much. Strong, bold Bomba has her most tender moments when looking after Demeter. Idk. Moving on!

10) Rum Tum Tugger

He's beauty. He's… grace? He probably won't smack you in the face. He's sexy and he SO knows it. Tugger is walking proof that certain stereotyped "feminine" traits aren't inherently feminine, or to put it another way, he breaks down what it means to be "masculine." Think about it. Cares about his looks, beautiful luxurious long hair, wiggles his hips, wiggles his hips more, wiggles his hips when he walks, struts like a model on a runway, shakes his chest to be sexy, idolizes a cute boy, fashionable clothes (knee-bandana ftw!), all stereotypical "girly" traits, but would anyone describe Tugger as "girly"? Anyway, that's not even what I love most about him. I actually used to dislike him as a kid, but these days I can't get enough of him. Most of the time he just oozes positive vibes in one way or another, be it party vibes or laid back vibes. Most of his screentime in 1998 is such a good time because of that. He has such an energy and ferocity to him during his dance numbers, especially the second half of the Jellicle Ball in 1998. And then there's his quiet moments, especially the affection he shares with Munk while singing about their dad (omg the respect and affection he feels for both of them, coming from such a self-loving bastard it just ahhhhhh), and then after Deuteronomy comes back I just can't he's so sweet omg. Not to mention his whole relationship with Misto. Aside from the whole idolizing thing, which is adorable, he also is so supportive and encouraging. He just naturally bleeds confidence and good vibes, but he deliberately offers that confidence to Misto when he needs it. It's so beautiful and I'm gonna cry. I used to ship him with Bomba, but these days I hc them as friends with occasional benefits that like to place bets on how far interactions between Munk and Deme will go before one of them chickens out or gets awkward, and on which one will be the awkward chicken this time.

Wow I talked a lot about Tugger and he's only #10. Okay well, you folks ready to get controversial?

11) Macavity

I know I know, hear me out. I know most people interpret him as a total bastard with no redeeming qualities but like, I don't read him that way? Anyway I have complicated feelings about Mac but I'll get more into it in another post. As a character in the show I do really like him as a villain, I love his laugh, I love his "no look guys it's okay I brought him back see he's over there heheheh" gesture before he shows up in disguise, I love how show-boaty and "totally hyped for this" he is when he reveals himself, I love his "no wait please don't hurt me it's cool I'm leaving" gesture at Alonzo after the Jellicles start ganging up on him, he's just a blast of a character really, whether he's redemable or not.

12) Old Deuteronomy

Sweetest man you'll ever know. His compassion for the entire tribe is so sweet it hurts. He even feels love and understanding for Griz, and (futiley) tries to persuade the others to accept her, even subtley scolding them after the first "Memory" with his "Moments of Happiness." He loves his sons especially, and I adore every moment he interacts with either of them. He also can bring the sass, see his 'chin up' posture before Tugger bows to him, which I always read as them playfully teasing each other, or his little eye-roll when Munk gets a bit extra talking about the fire brigade. On that note, how into Munk's little play he is, even though it's going wrong. He keeps making encouraging gestures at Munk and reacting with surprise at the right moments (when Munk is looking at least lol). Anyway he's great moving on.

13) Jennyanydots

Jenny is that cool aunt that hangs out and has fun but also won't put up with your nonsense. She's so great I love her so much. She's honestly just a blast all the time I love her so much what can I say? I hc her as teaching Tumblebrutus how to sew. I don't know why.

14) Electra

Ah the "quiet" kitten. I read her as the tough tomboyish one of the girl kittens, and I hc her as sort of in training as a protector, and that's why she's more serious than the others. In 1998 she seems to look up to Munk, being the first to greet him before Gumbie Cat, and nuzzling him during Old Deuteronomy. 1998 Electra also has a lot of little adorable motions like licking her paws during Old Deuteronomy and retrieving the Peke paw from the middle of stage and than posing/playing with it during the Pekes and the Pollicles. I also love her freckles and her pink arm warmer. Massively underrated character.

15) Tumblebrutus

SPINNY. BALLET. BOI. Nuff said. But I'm gonna say more. He keeps up with Misto in ballet and exceeds Pounce in acrobatics, and as such is fascinating to watch. Also Brutus's struggle between his playful instincts and his desire to impress his elders is so adorable.

16) Admetus/George

First of all I first knew him as Admetus long long ago, and he will always be Admetus to me. Sorry. Second, omg this lovely, happy, wonderfully expressive boi. His face at literally any point in 1998 is such a gem.

17) Jemima

Speaking of great expressions, how bout Jemima? She's so cute and sweet! I love her whole deal of understanding Griz's pain and trying to get the rest of the tribe to understand. The only reason she's not higher up is because I somehow don't emotionally connect with her like I do some of the other kittens.

18) Coricopat

The more laid-back and playful half of the mystic twins. The twins in general are cool af, but Corico ranks higher for being more relatable.

19) Skimbleshanks

BUBBLY. TRAIN. DAD. Nuff said. Buttttt I'm gonna say more! Skimble is your best friend's dad that is always chaperoning on field trips but that's okay because he's actually pretty fun to be around most of the time. I love his cheerful expressions and his little jigs. His song is so much fun. And I love the relationship between him and Spara in 1998. More on that below

20) Asparagus

Okay so Spara is your other best friend's dad (or your best friend's other dad) who sometimes tries too hard to be cool and connect with the kids but that's okay because he's so nice and besides it's kind of adorable? What I find most adorable about Spara though is how hard he's crushing on Skimble. Like even if you hc them as already in a relationship, he really just can't get enough of Train Dad. Look at how Spara smiles at Skimble ALL THE DAMN TIME. He's practically blushing at multiple points during Skimble's song. And Skimble tends to gravitate towards Spara quite a bit, and omg that big grin he gives him during the line "sleeping car exprrrrreeesss!" I'm dead. In conclusion I need more Asparashanks content thank you for coming to my TED talk

21) Cassandra

I WANT to like Cassandra better than I do. I really really want to. But I feel like she's just so hard to get to know. I do enjoy her on stage, but as a character with backstory and motives she's a bit hard to work with. That being said she's by no means a flat character. I do hc her as one of the deputy protectors along with Alonzo, and more recently as part of the BFF power trio of her, Alonzo, and Munk, since Alonzo and much more subtley Munk are the only ones she shows any physical affection toward, aside from occasionally hanging out with T-brutus but we'll shelve that for now. I do really enjoy watching her though, she has some really interesting movements and expressions. And she does radiate a sort of "try me, I fucking dare you" vibe that I love a lot.

22) Tantomile

I have the same problem with Tanto that I do with Cass. I just don't feel like I know her very well. She is cool as a mystical psychic character, but that's part of what makes the twins in general cool. So far I haven't been able to connect to her as an individual without her brother, otherwise she would be much higher on this list. She's still cool though.

22) Plato

*Deep breath* okay. I don't dislike Plato. I just.. okay look out of the male kittens/young adults, he's my least favorite. He does have qualities that I really like, like how he's a shy reserved boy on the outside and a fiery passionate soul on the inside. That's cool. Also those intense expressions are pretty cool I guess. I guess I might have less positive feelings about him because everyone assumes Victoria's magically in love now because of the Pas de Deux even though they barely interact otherwise. Which is unfair of me to feel that way. I hc him as struggling with internalized anger and anxiety and having difficulty expressing himself.

23) Etcetera

I'll be honest, I used to find her annoying. This one's pretty much entirely on me, because she has a superficially similar demeanor to a girl that used to bully me in school. But since graduating Cety's grown on me a lot, not in small part due to her wonderful enthusiasm for literally everything. While less compelling to me than Pounce's quieter, more controlled flavor of energetic enthusiasm, her bouncy jubilance still makes me grin and giggle along with her, so that's a major plus.

24) Jellylorum

Jelly is your other cool aunt that worries too much about your safety but also has cool stories to tell and is always doing like art and stuff in her garage. I hc her as the tribe nurse. Would be higher if not for slight Karen-ness.

25) Gus

Only on stage for a short time but he shines. The way he starts out all helpless looking like he doesn't even know where he is and slowly blossoms into singing about his old days with enthusiasm, and then breaking down into tears. He's a great character for the scene that he's in, but unfortunately there's not a lot else to him, so he gets a low spot on the list

26) Grizabella

Oof. Okay so. I get it. She messed up. My hc is… well, complicated, but short version is she never planned on being a mom and has no idea how to be a mom, and so she just let Deut raise Munk and visited occasionally (ahem rarely), but she does end up later spending some time as his primary caregiver, and she fucks up royally, like massive neglect and mild emotional manipulation, and ends up emotionally damaging Munk more than if she'd left him alone. SO with this hc in mind, is she redemable? Idk. But the tribe forgave her so that's what matters. Do I feel sorry for her? Yes. Do I believe she honestly regrets her past actions? …kind of? Yes. Let's go with yes. Does any of this make her my favorite character? Not by a long shot. I have mixed feelings about Grizabella. I don't dislike her I just… don't know how to feel about her.

27) Bustopher Jones

Walking fat joke, but a pleasant walking fat joke. Wish we could have got to know him better than "that cultured fat guy all the toms want to impress." He's fun though. I love his expressions throughout his song, and that toodle-pip! is so adorable.

28) Exotica

Oh Exotica. Who even are you. We don't know you at all. I do like the moment in Old D's song when she's reaching from the outside of the crowd hoping to get to touch him, and he reaches out so she can, and immediately after touching him she drops her hand and backs away, which I read as shy fangirl overload flee the scene omg he touched me omgomgomg. So that was cute. Ummm. I wish she'd stop changing colors every three seconds so I could keep track of her. Other than that, I don't dislike her, I just don't know her well enough to like her.

Omg I made it to the end. Did I forget anybody? I don't think so... Phew, that was so hard! Thanks for reading if you made it this far! :)

[twilightofthe]

For the fanfic writer ask meme: E, N & W. Thanks 🙂.

Thanks for the ask, anon! (sorry for responding so late aaaa)  Questions from this writing ask game

E: What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

C-3PO, I too am loud, over-talkative, anxious, like linguistics, and tend to bother people.  Lol but for real?  Ok, I know I’ve made this joke before, but minus the evil and the murder, I really do relate to Anakin in a way, like I’ve got this entire [post] on why I think he’s ADHD like I am, and his anxiety and general tendency to be a disaster socially resonates with me too, like, I get that.  I’m also a massive drama queen who’s really smart about like one or two particular things so yea.  I’d say overall tho, I’m probably the most like Luke, a little whiny and awkward, a little dramatic, little reckless, love my friends and family a LOT, want to explore.  As to fics that capture similar qualities, I’d definitely say Pas de Deux, the way I write Anakin in it has a LOT of my anxiety and my worst headspace involved and wrapped up in his character, I very much projected a bit while writing it.

N: Any fic ideas brewing that you’d care to share?

Ohhhh honey you’ve got a storm coming….  besides the obvious other two books in walk the (family) line, I’ve got an entire list on a separate document of different stories I want to write, ideas including:

A oneshot fic I’m actually kinda working on right now.  It’s another modern!AU Obikin romcom and I won’t spoil it, but it involves parkour, R2 the parrot, Obi Wan may or may not be James Bond, and Anakin accidentally becomes Twitter famous

An epistolary style fic set during Obi Wan’s time on Tatooine where nine year old Leia finds the emergency comm Bail has to contact him, and both the lonely, kind of awkward young princess and the tired old hermit who should know better but is also lonely and misses both of her parents dearly set up a penpal relationship.  End goal is to establish a relationship that gives Leia a proper reason to name her son “Ben”.

A semi-crackfic where the Jedi Council gets some sort of Clue From The Force™ about the identity of the Secret Sith Lord, that clue being that the Sith Lord is: a politician with close ties to Anakin Skywalker, and also had very specific motives to send Darth Maul to Naboo.  Alllll the wrong conclusions are drawn from that, and the next day, Padmé Amidala is arrested for treason.  Obi Wan is the only Council member who’s like “y’all she’s innocent, it’s clearly the fucking Chancellor”, Sidious tries to manipulate the situation to remove the only two people in his way at once, and poor Anakin spends the entire fic in a state of “UH HI YEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON”  Shenanigans ensue

A 5+1 times they kissed Obikin alternate canon shortfic, because I’m hopeless and want to write shmoop.

A Sadmé (Satine/Padme) Ocean’s 8 AU that came about entirely over me yelling over Cate Blanchett and wanting to write a heist fic starring all of the SW Prequels/TCW ladies being total badasses

This absolutely BONKERS Rebels AU fic where S4 Ezra accidentally pulls both Ahsoka AND Kanan into the World Between Worlds during the Vader fight in S2.  Vader recognizes what happened and promptly kidnaps S2 Ezra who’s there by himself— as well as Maul who’s established a bond with Ezra over the Sith holocron —in hopes of discovering the secret of time travel.  While S2 Ezra has to somehow survive the Crazy Murder Roadtrip with Maul and Vader, now S4 Ezra, Kanan, and Ahsoka have to race to A: Find and rescue S2 Ezra before one of the Sith kill him— and therefore also kill S4 Ezra, B: Make sure Maul and Vader’s tentative alliance doesn’t lead to them finding Obi Wan for obvious reasons, and C: Make sure neither Maul nor especially Vader find the Lothal Temple World Between Worlds entrance and risk unleashing either into a past they both desperately want to change

A fic detailing different little neuroses and traits and attitudes passed down through the Yoda-Dooku-Jinn-Kenobi-Skywalker-Tano line.

Cross generational shortfic focusing on the desert children— Anakin, Luke, and Rey — and their first experiences with water and rain

A ficlet where Yoda somehow gets babified and basically just all of the Jedi Order having to deal with the cuteness overload that is Baby Yoda.

A post-TROS political drama where Leia’s Force Ghost realizes that once again, a new government is gonna need to be built in the aftermath of the First Order’s nonsense and that there are almost no good remaining politicians in the galaxy.  Finn is unfortunate enough to know how command works, how to take charge, how to deal with FO remnants, and is Force Sensitive enough to see ghosts, so Leia takes it upon herself to mold Finn into the next leader of the GFFA.  Would focus on rebuilding, family legacy, be very very Jedistormpilot, and so on.  I feel like I’m not really invested enough in the ST but I reeeeally want to see this idea in fic form, so I might end up giving this idea away at some point.

This one fic that’s been going through my head for YEARS but have always felt scared of actually writing because I know right now that it’s gonna get LONG, like over 200k (lol and look what’s happening with Mutuals ahahAHAHA—) where Anakin flat out dies.  Just, during TCW season 5, he fights Dooku and in the process of killing him, goes down with him and dies.  Padmé will have just became about a month pregnant at this time, and part of the fic will focus on her and Obi Wan and Ahsoka dealing with the aftermath of Anakin’s death, as Sidious is forced to jumpstart his plans and execute Order 66 early now that he’s not waiting on Anakin anymore.  The other part of the fic will focus on Anakin’s ghost, unable to communicate with Obi Wan or Ahsoka and having to watch them and Padmé and the surviving Jedi form the Rebellion themselves and his children being born and growing up without him, even though Luke and Leia will end up being the only ones who can see him.  It’ll go right up through the 20 years of the Empire and have a gigantic cast and I just don’t know if I can do it.

Now, I hate to say it, but I need to let it be known that these are still MY IDEAS, and I have not given anyone permission to use them, so please do not be that person.  Do not steal these ideas for yourself.  I will be VERY upset if someone does.  If you really like an idea, DM me and ask, but I don’t plan to give any of them away at the moment.

W: What is your favorite pairing to write?  Favorite pairing to read?

Hmm, to write?  That’s tough!  There’s so many different complex relationships in Star Wars that I’ve really found myself enjoying exploring, and it’s hard to find a particular one that I like best.  I’m open to at least sampling most pairings for reading, but my favorite has to be Obikin.  It just makes me happy!!!!! :D

Thanks again for asking, and y’all should tell me in the notes if any of the fic ideas sound like something you’d read!!!!!

[strechanadi]

Swan Lake - no longer a fairy tale

Right, so... Nobody asked me to, but something so marginal cannot stop me, clearly, so I went and translated the longest, the trickiest, the most profound review I have ever written. (And that includes POB Giselle, Swan Lake and Onegin! OK. Maybe not Onegin. But since I’ve done this one I can almost make myself believe I could give translating Onegin a go as well.) (She said and then promptly kill herself before she could made another clearly, completely and utterly deranged decision.)

Half of the things don’t make sense, I’m sure. And I can only hope they made sense in the original. (Which they probably didn’t, let’s be real, but since when this matters to me anyway?) (God, I literally cannot stop babbling, somebody strangle me or something. Or at least take the keyboard from my grabby and apparently very high fingers, that decided to simply vomit words after words for no real reason and with no brain to mouth/fingers filter whatsoever!)

It’s in times like this I truly wish to be able to write in an actual English language. Or for my mother language to be a world language, not some beautiful, hot mess, but a mess nonetheless, from the middle of nowhere. A mess I despite of everything love dearly and even live in this illusion of me being really pretty good in using (or more like playing with) it.

What is also clear - I, for a reason not known to humans, love to write absurdly, ridiculously long sentences. Be it just up to me, I’d write a whole review in one obscure linguistic construction I call a perfectly normal sentence. I was told however, that English doesn’t really do or like such things, so I tried to shorten them. Or some of them. Was really unbelievably succesfull doing so...

No reason to prolong this now, I guess?

So just, please be patient. Or benevolent. Or try to laugh in private at least! Look, I tried and I know it’s actually rather pathetic to be so spectacularly bad in English grammar, that I supposedly learnt from the age of 5 (but then spent more than 15 years actively hating the whole language, which... doesn’t make sense, I admit, but maybe explain some things), but... I mean, it would be better than google translate, if anything else. It HAS TO be!

As always - I appologize for anything and everything I did to the poor English language. It doesn’t deserve such a poor treatment.

Were there anybody who would feel personally attacked by my sheer ignorance of the basics of language of Shakespeare, Byron or Shelley and would want to make this thing better, let me know! (Even though I am afraid there are so many mistakes, your eyes will be bleeding around the end of 2nd paragraph...)

Last one - I have no idea how in/definite articles work!

(Good thing I don’t write fiction of any sort, ANs would be longer than the actual thing.)

Swan Lake, no longer a fairy tale

 Whenever the two words – Swan Lake – were mentioned, everybody had some universally shared idea of the final picture. Nothing has drastically changed with John Neumeier (1976, Illusionen – wie Schwanensee), who mixed the original fairy story with events from prince Ludwig II of Bavaria’s life, nor with Mats Ek (1987), whose prince was torn between imaginary princess Odette and real life Odile, nor with Jean-Christophe Maillot (2011, Le Lac) and new relations between his main characters, not even with Alexander Ekman (2014, A Swan Lake), who came back in time and took a look at the first premiere of said ballet in 1877 and tried to make a rather poetic story about what from certain point was started to be called a fiasco. As if the later Petipa/Ivanov version needs any more boost…

The unshakable certitude was irretrievably broken in 1995 by Matthew Bourne. His Swan Lake was new, daring, bold, with unexpected twists and one could not left theatre feeling indifferent after seeing it. Part of the ballet world turned its back to such profanity of beloved classic. The other part fell for its captivating charm, and since in 2018 Bourne’s Swan Lake came back to his New Adventure’s repertoire for umpteenth time, after hundreds of successful shows, many tours across the globe, adorned with every possible theatre and dance awards, it seems clear who were right then, 24 years ago.

  The most common characteristic of Bourne’s Swan Lake is „the male one“. Prince is in the centre of attention, black swan Odile is changed into unknown Stranger, and most obviously – all the swans became purely men’s business. Which opens completely new perspective for male dancers and saying that this ballet has a major influence to whole generations of artists is hardly an overstatement.

  Bourne follows the original structure and basic frame of Swan Lake. There are still four acts, act one follows the Prince, his character, the environment he’s living in, relations he has, act two is for the swans, act three still represents the ball, and in act four, where traditionally the Prince is coming back to the lake, here the swans appear in prince’s room. Many times even the formal structure is intact – the prince’s solo at the end of act one, pas de quatre of both little and big swans, or Bourne’s take on character dances in act three. Even the entrée of swans in second act follows the same space structure of the Ivanov’s original /aka swans are coming one after the other and crossing the stage from left to right (dancers‘ perspective)/.

  Oedipal Complex, repressed sexuality, low self-esteem

Bourne’s Prince, his personality, is more than ever influenced by his upbringing, by the estrangement of aristocratic background, his world constantly controlled, constricted by rules and rituals, with no spaces for affection, understanding, empathy, every emotion being replaced by duty. Bond between son and mother the Queen (ice cold, distant Katrina Lyndon for whom one cannot feel an ounce of sympathy, or more emotional, but still dismissive Nicole Cabera) is minute, almost non-existent, which has such a strong impact on the introverted, socially inept, insecure Prince, who is on top of all that haunted by strange dreams about swans. The feeling of lacking something gets even worse when he clearly sees his mother is more than capable of showing emotions, particularly towards another young men.

During yet another military parade or boat christening or exhibition opening, the heir to the throne is met with a bit silly, ill-mannered and completely unsuitable girl for his royal life (incomparable Carrie Willis, whose interpretation makes her character pretty sweet with candid, open-hearted warmth), who shortly after became his girlfriend and went with the family to the opera house to watch a ballet performance. Staging theatre scenes within the actual production /we call it theatre on theatre, which probably doesn’t make sense in any other language then ours, sorry/ is always very rewarding. Bourne is on top of that master of choreographic punchline and this scene (to pas de trois from Act I music) combines all clichés from romantic sylphs, awaken Floras, forest beasts to well-built male heroes one could think of and is a joy to watch for its grotesqueness as well as for the subtle details in gestures, ballet quirky manner or choreographic pattern for those, who know where to look for them.

The prince is trying to find his freedom in a night club, but to no avail. He’s met there unexpectedly with his frolicking girlfriend, then he got himself into a fight with one of her suitors (or maybe rather clients) and at the end his soul is beaten for good, when he has to watch the royal secretary paying some money to the one girl, whose affections he believed were genuine. (And it kind of doesn’t matter they most probably truly were.)

The only logical solution for the prince is a suicide. But before he’s able to throw himself into waters of a small park lake, majestic Swan appears and everything is changed at once. Traditional swans‘ corps de ballet danced by women is often associated with delicate elegance, crystalline beauty, dreamy atmosphere and aesthetics of homogeneously moving bodies. Swan is becoming a pure ideal almost as if from ancient Greece. Bourne’s swans are first and foremost animals, he’s not denying their grace, but is showing their slight awkwardness and ridiculousness in some movements at the same time. His swans are wild, independent, fetterless. Looking sinister when lining up to attack the prince, their physical, natural power strengthened by additional slapping arms, stamping feet, hissing and dangerously sharp, audible breathing. The Swan alone is very wary of the prince, uncompromisingly harsh, defensive, with sharp edges of aggressiveness that serves as self-defence of this imposing, powerful creature from anybody who would think of causing any harm. The almost imperceptible gestures calling the prince towards him are even more meaningful then, the moment when he nuzzles prince’s chest indescribably intimate.

Next evening there’s a ball at the palace. And even though it may seem the main reason of it is prince’s engagement thanks to all the ladies present, it’s the queen in her bright crimson dress amongst all black gowns who is in the spotlight. While her son doesn’t even know, what he should be doing with all said ladies. Break from routine comes with mysterious Stranger, whose raw, animalistic charisma draws every female’s attention to him, which he welcomes with great satisfaction. At the same time it also affects, quite unintentionally, the utterly unprepared prince, because Stranger’s arrogant dominance has something from Swan’s animalistic fierce. /Dear English language, you have many words. More than my mother language. But you have exactly nothing that would or could match prchlivost. Or at least I am unable to find it./ As Odile in original libretto, the Stranger dances his way through character dances (the Neapolitan one stands out with its light-hearted fun it makes of cliché Italian relationships) and finds his dancing peak in duet with the queen (music of so called Black Swan Pas de Deux). It is when prince’s psyche breaks and he, in his imagination, is thrown in arms of unknown to be faced with intimacy, sensuality, sexual tension and even the most basic physical contact, everything so strong even person of sound mind would probably find it difficult to cope. Therefore, when the Stranger kisses the queen, prince is there with gun in his hands and complete madness in his eyes. In chaotic situation gunshot is heard (although not by prince’s pistol), prince’s girlfriend falls dead and terrified young man is drawn away.

The tragedy is inevitable. To padded cell, where the prince is held, come doctor with the queen followed by group of nurses with queen’s face, whose hairstyle and white uniform may resemble the demonic nurse Ratched from the Miloš Forman’s film Flew over the cuckoo’s nest. After certain medical procedure (just shy from lobotomy) the prince is taken to his room, where the miserable, wounded Swan emerges from his bed. Shortly after he is followed by irritated flock of other swans, that throw themselves unbridled on the young man and then even on their supposed leader, doing so with brutality growing with every Swan’s desperate attempt to save his prince. The Swan dies at the end after their fatal, almost fanatical attack. And with him die prince’s illusions, dreams, hopes and then he himself. So when the Queen comes in the morning, all she finds is her son’s dead body, the sight of the Swan embracing his prince behind the bed the only, yet bittersweet comfort for the audience.

  As many other versions of this famous ballet, this too strengthens psychological aspect of the story and deepens characters‘ personalities. Here, more than ever, the contours of main characters are pretty blurry. The prince and the Swan are blending into one, they are reflected in the other, full of opposites they are complementing each other, one would say they are like two sides of the same coin. /Ha!/ Bourne on top of that let his characters to blend with different original ones. Where in traditional Swan Lakes it’s Odette weeping at the beginning of the last scene, here it’s the Prince, who is going through mental breakdown in striking resemblance to Giselle’s mad scene. The role of Rothbart, the sorcerer, is played by the royal secretary as well as prince’s own mother, who at the same time plays a part of original Siegfried during the act 3 ball, when being seduced by Stranger, who is Odile. What may seem as confusing chaos at first sight, makes perfect sense in the end and strengthens the unquestionably dark tones of Bourne’s choreographic vision.

  Artistic approaches or One man’s meat is another man’s poison…

As it always is with story ballets, individual artistic interpretation is something that has the power to change the final image of said piece. In case of Bourne’s Swan Lake and its current stars, the outcome may be completely different with each cast.

  Where Liam Mower was bored, annoyed, slightly defiant teenage Prince, Dominic North’s hero was more tired, depressed young man with no illusions, very well aware of all his flaws and inability to fulfil all expectations of his social role, while James Lovell, who seemed most out of touch with reality, emphasized prince’s childishly pure, honest naivety. If the suicide attempt of Mower’s prince was more than anything a dramatic gesture, North was simply resigned to its inevitability, and Lovell threw himself into the waters with absolute, desperate abandon, his mind not able to see any other solution. Each and every prince is then influenced by his Swan and Stranger (and every Swan and Stranger by his prince).

Matthew Ball, the newest principal of the Royal Ballet, can rely on his first-class technique as well as on his unquestionable elegant stage presence. His pliable body felt the music to its very last molecule, every movement full of regal charm and classical beauty, which in a way brought Ball closer to traditional, delicately soft, feminine portrayal of Odette. His Swan was untouchable in his impeccable perfection, icily confident, aware of every gesture he made, of every prince’s fascinated glance. Max Westwell, former soloist of English National Ballet, concentrated more on the raw temperament, natural animal distrust, physical power and ferocity combined with enigmatic magnificence. Dynamics of his movements escalated at all times, was full of unexpected turns and transitions from strong, energetic endings, to exhalation captured in casual, seemingly ordinary movement of hanging wrist.

As the Stranger Ball looked like smug dandy enjoying himself and all the attention, all too well aware of his own youth and beauty, that make everybody fall for him. Personally though I couldn’t help thinking he wasn’t as in charge as it might look at the first sight. He was mocking his prince, showing off ostentatiously. Weswell on the other hand was the embodiment of pure, uncompromising charisma. Interactions between him and Mower’s prince, who was impressed by Stranger’s unconventional, rough manners at first, was quickly becoming a tense fight for power, the prince trying to prove himself worthy of Stranger’s attention, to prove he’s his equal. With Lovell’s prince the seducing, open flirting, blatant sexuality was much more evident, which combined with this prince’s ingenuous innocence made the final picture unpleasantly sinister.

 Regardless of different casts, ending of the ballet became a real emotional roller-coaster. With Matthew Ball and Dominic North equal in their complete despair when being sure of the inevitable death of their partner. Ball’s total resignation the more palpable, the more he was stubbornly, despite his injuries trying to stay or at least look unaffected on the outside. Change of Westwell’s Swan, in act 2 so independent and powerful, was shocking. Now he was utterly, hopelessly, painfully broken. He was defending both his princes against furious swans with rabid determination, with no self-preservation whatsoever, with perfect, devoted abandon. Bond between him and James Lovell’s prince was then strengthened by certain feel of responsibility, by tenderness that felt almost motherly. He was not only trying to protect, but to sooth, to give some comfort to his prince as well with physical contact, with touches stronger, more frequent, more expressive, more meaningful. That was why prince’s positively hysterical, agonizing grief hurt almost physically then.

 Bourne managed something extraordinary. His Swan Lake with costumes by Lez Brotherson is as iconic, as legendary as the original ballet. His vision as strong as let’s say Ek’s Giselle. What’s more, Bourne’s ballet doesn’t age, it hasn’t lost any of its impact – thanks to slight costume, dramaturgic and choreographic changes, that only strengthen its drive. Prince’s hinted homosexuality won‘t shock anyone anymore as well as men swans won’t provoke such controversy, true. But thanks to these examples it is evident, that Bourne’s ballet is so much more than just a gay version of one famous story…

For everybody who actually reach the end of this madness - congratulations. And I am sorry.