#i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.

[soppsop]

i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

[respect-the-fae]

Things that remind me of: Ares

Sorry it's been a few days, life has been kind of a bitch, but I'm back with a post for my patron, Ares! I love him so much! This is gonna be a long one, I'll warn you now.

Weaponry. All weaponry. Whether it be a sword, a bo staff, escrima sticks or even sharp words falling off a tongue and destroying what they are aimed at. All weapons of every nature are this and remind me of him.

Boxing. I box alot, it reminds me of him and helps me feel close to him. How warm I feel, the ache in my arms, the bruises that form across my hands, the sweat dripping down my forehead. It all feels like he's there guiding me, reminding me to keep my guard up, and to keep my thumb out of my fist so I don't shatter it.

Red candles.

Bloodied hands and bruises. The type you get when your sibling gets beat up by the bigger kids and you go to sort them out because as annoying as your little sibling is, no one (NO ONE) messes with them.

Pink gin. Trust me, pink gin might seem like a weird one, but I have seen my mate single handedly knock out 2 guys who were threatening a trans girl while on pink gin. Pink gin is the Elixir Of Protective Rage and no one can tell me otherwise. (Dw, the girl is safe and we walked her home. We got takeout on the way and i cried bc she gave me a chicken nugget. We're friends now.)

Hunger Games, Divergent, Maze Runner. All about destroying their awful governing systems and rising up. Very Ares.

Using dumbass as a term of affection. With the same amount of love that people usually use when calling someone sweetheart or darling.

BIG HERO 6.

The concept of egging someone's house.

Snakes.

Having long baths/showers to avoid dealing with your emotional issues. Idk, just screams him.

Loving your crush/lover/spouse so fucking much, genuinely wouldn't hesitate to kill for them if someone hurt them.

Courage, all types of courage. Speaking out about racism in a protest, leading a protest, telling your boss about the coworker that scares you and harassed you. Telling a teacher about your parents if they're abusive. Standing in front of a crowd and giving a speech. Attending rallies, going to Pride, telling your bigoted family to suck a dick when they're being rude about trans/coloured/gay people, posting that post you were debating to do or not, sending your script/novel/anthology/biography to your agent, selling your art. Loads more that my brain refuses to give me right now. They are all brave, courageous acts that Ares loves and is so proud of you for. He watches you swallow down the fear and he rewards you with that glow of good adrenaline afterwards. That's his way of sort of kissing you on the forehead and telling you he's proud.

Rescuing animals from shelters. Ares is definitely very passionate about Adopt Don't Shop.

The Enemies to Lovers trope in fanfic.

Comfort items. Items that make you feel put together and braver. Mine is my Angel (from Lilo and Stitch, the pink experiment, teddy bear I got to match the Stitch one my friend has), I barely ever let it go if I'm in the house.

Poppies.

Baseball bats. The game too, but mainly the bats.

Petty 'wars' with siblings or coworkers. Snatching lunches and snacks, leaving passive aggressive post it notes.

War. Conflict. Rage. Obviously. But also bravery. Courage. A thirst for justice.

Protection. Of all kinds.

Weighted blankets.

Podcasts. True crime, and fictional horror ones. The Magnus Archives reminds me of him, idk why. (FOR REAL THO, ITS SO FUCKING GOOD, GO LISTEN TO IT. I WOULD DIE FOR JON, ITS ON SPOTIFY.) (And YouTube too.)

Learning about your friend's special interests because they mentioned they don't feel able to talk about it for fear of annoying people. And damn if you're gonna let that happen, so you're up till 5am reading The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory so you can talk to them about it, and give them a safe space to info dump and share their thoughts and feelings.

Geese. Yes they are bastards. But they are feathery, beautiful bastards.

Saying "because fuck you, that's why."

The "WHAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE" vine.

"Thanks for checking in, I'm still a piece of g a r b a g e."

Self esteem issues. Bad mental health. PTSD, anxiety, depression, BPD, eating disorders. They're all battles, and he is with you through all of them. By your side, holding your hand, rubbing your back. He feels your pain and he is helping you move past it. He is there to remind you that spite is a perfectly fucking good reason to get better, because people suck and you will show all the people who hurt you that you will not break. That you will get up, every single fucking time. And he is with you for every single step. If you believe nothing else, believe that Ares loves you.

Getting back up. Never backing down.

Teenage rebellion. Wild hair. Hair dye. Breaking into parks at night, exploring abandoned buildings.

Bumps in people's noses where it's been broken and not set properly.

Donald Duck. That duck is ready to fight all the time and I love him.

The movie 'Red'. Its so amazing. (Also watch that, it's on Netflix, at least on the UK one).

WWE.

That's it, my Ares one. I think I rambled a bit but I am very tired so forgive me. Lemme know what you think!!

I love Ares so much, I probably wouldn't have made it to this point if I didn't have him. He is my patron and he protected me when I felt alone.

Next I'm doing Aphrodite!

[raitrolling]

Present Day, Present Time

[Easy Reading Version on Toyhou.se]

-- alluringMisdirection [AM] began trolling autonomousMachinations [AM] --

AM: Oh shlt slnce when was lt your bday??

AM: All g tho, l got a place ln mlnd ;)

AM: Obvlously lt’s gonna be a secret, so don’t even bother asklng! Surprlse partles are the best partles, y’know. And lt’s gotta be good for the blg 1-0!

AM: So you better get hype- or, as hype as whatever’s posslble for you 8)

-- alluringMisdirection [AM] ceased trolling autonomousMachinations [AM] --

Callan stood in the homewares section of one of Block 136’s many low-end department stores, hands on his hips and tapping his foot in mild irritation. Predictably, he’d be caught off-guard by Gerrel’s mentioning of his wriggling day coming up. He didn’t forget, of course, he just- Wait, did Gerrel ever mention it before? They’ve known each other for a while and Callan had definitely made him put his wriggling day into his stupidly busy schedule, but he legitimately cannot recall if the redblood had brought up his own before. Huh. Well, whatever, Callan’s going to say that’s Gerrel’s problem to work out, because right now he’s got his own problem. What the hell kind of present does someone with no hobbies want? Most of the time when it comes to presents, Callan would simply grab whatever silly novelty he could find in the clearance sections - A hat with a funny saying on it, some desktop USB gadget, all those stocking stuffer toys made specifically for office 12th Perigees party gifts, the impulse buy bottle openers and fidget spinners at the registers, - it didn’t matter what the gift was, if it was a gift from him then clearly it was the most important! But this time it’s different. It’s not just a gift for someone’s 10th wriggling day, but the wriggling day of someone who it wouldn’t be inaccurate to call Callan’s best friend (who would’ve thought? Of all people!). A real pro at gift-giving too, the photo book he gave last Quadrants’ Day had touched Callan’s heart far greater than any novelty chocolate or humorous greeting card ever could. So now he’s obligated to be thoughtful. Ugh, thinking.

He acknowledges that the logical gift would be something practical, Gerrel does seem to like things that are useful and would make him more productive. With how much he goes on about ‘healthy eating’ and ‘cooking your own meals’, he’d probably be over the moon if he unwrapped one of those air fryer things people keep talking about. But as Callan stared the boxes of kitchen appliances down, he couldn’t help but think one thing...

An air fryer is fucking boring.

Yes, sure, it’s the perfect gift for someone like him. He’d appreciate it! He’d appreciate it a lot more than the corner store chocolates he received from the greenblood for Quadrants’ Day, or the reindeer antler hat from 12th Perigees. He’d probably get a lot of use out of it too, if what the recipe books conveniently placed next to the display says is true. You can cook chicken, vegetables, brownies and muffins, fish and chips, mozzarella sticks… But, it may be a gift from Callan, but it’s not a gift from Callan. There’s no pizzaz, no style, nothing that screams “This is a gift from the one and only Callan Ranpoe, the best troll you’ve ever known! Accept no substitutes!''. It’s a gift someone would buy for a hivewarming party, or something his rich boss would slip in with the weekly wages just to remind everyone of how much money he has. Not a gift from someone known for their sense of humour and great taste in, well, everything.

Callan’s train of thought is interrupted by an employee asking if he needs a hand. Some tired-looking brownblood who knows that if they don’t ask every customer who has spent more than thirty seconds standing on one spot this question their boss will have them thrown out on the streets. He dismisses the employee with a wave of his hand, who only responds by parroting that the tea towels and oven mitts have a two-for-one deal tonight only.

Two-for-one… That’s it! Cheap and more fun than some boring appliance!

Not wanting to make it seem like he was inspired by the employee’s suggestion, Callan continues to mull about the appliances section pretending to be interested in the breadmakers and slow cookers before stealthily slipping over to the kitchen accessories section. Sure enough, the tea towels and oven mitts are already looking more to the greenblood’s liking. There’s the towels with funny cooking-related puns (Haha, “Let’s give them something to taco ‘bout”! It’s funny because it’s got tacos on it!), towels covered in cute animal prints (and a very un-cute one covered in horses. Sorry Gerrel, but you truly have the worst lusus), and towels covered in sayings one would find on a Facebook Minions group (which unfortunately, would probably appeal to the redblood’s sense of humour more than anything else…). There’s oven mitts shaped like crab claws and dinosaur heads, some pop culture-themed mitts with references that’d definitely fly over his head, and one that just says the word ‘butter’ repeated on every inch of the fabric. Callan starts picking a couple off the rack, already congratulating himself on his head about how genius this gift is.

But… As he stares down at the dinosaur oven mitt and the tea towels with food puns, the gift still didn’t feel right. There should probably be something… More? To this? If the last present idea was thoughtful but lacks ‘Callan vibes’, then this idea is more Him but less thoughtful or really, wanted. Who wants tea towels for their wriggling day? That’s like giving someone socks and underwear. Callan sighs, dumping the chosen items onto the shelf below instead of hanging them back onto the rack. Putting in the effort for a perfect gift sucks.

Why is this so important? Why does a gift need to be thoughtful, personal, and most importantly, something that would make him think of Callan every time? Maybe it’s to make every moment as memorable as possible to combat the reality that all of Callan’s relationships are fleeting at best. Gerrel seems to be able to recognise him through his psiionics, most likely because altering one’s voice, speech patterns, and quirks in their posture and body language are difficult without specific training that Callan doesn’t have. But a friendship cannot be perpetuated on vaguely familiar quirks alone. What if one night Callan decides he wants to cut his hair? Change the way he dresses- hell, just happens to wear a waistcoat with his symbol printed on the opposite side? Doesn’t tie the bow around his neck correctly? Gerrel would fail to recognise him, and they’d be back at square one. And that’s not to mention the major elephant in the room being Callan’s stints as the prolific Phantom Thief. That wouldn’t be something he could just shrug off and accept, especially when his boss has been one of the thief’s major targets. He doesn’t come across as someone who would be angry to find out about this secret, but… He’s very honest and loyal. It would make sense for him to dob Callan into his boss, someone who values working as much as he does would definitely put his own job over anything else.

But then again… He’s selfless, in that way that makes Callan almost feel bad at letting him take over all the chores in his hive when he probably could do them himself if he could be bothered. Almost. Thank god he doesn’t have to wash dishes any more, and the food Gerrel cooks is way better than anything he could ever make even if he put his mind to it. So maybe he wouldn’t do that. Of course he wouldn’t do that! Even if it doesn’t last, he’s Callan’s friend now. And maybe they might continue to be friends, and- If the greenblood’s ego allows it- Gerrel could learn the truth of his psiionics, and try to work with it. Just as he works with every other eccentricity that makes up Callan’s personality.

… Nothing in this long moment of introspection has given him any more ideas for the perfect 10th wriggling day gift. Goddammit. 

The brownblood continues floating around the aisles, keeping an eye on Callan in the way one would monitor a known shoplifter or rowdy group of teenagers. Now’s probably the best chance to get that advice they’re paid to give out.

“Hey,” Callan addresses the employee with a nod, “Got any ideas for a 10th wriggling day gift? I need one for a guy who’s into like, cooking and shit. Practical, but fun, y’know?”

The brownblood silently casts their eyes over to the appliances, and settles on the most expensive item they can spot.

“Air fryer.”

Of course.

Once again, we’re back to square one. This is going to take more than an hour’s worth of thinking, which is well more than Callan has ever done in his life. But, that’s fine. He’s got time, and it’s for someone worth spending time on. And there’s still the entirety of the department store to meander about like what everyone else does at this time of night. Maybe he could look into finding some outfits so Gerrel can be at least half as stylish as him, maybe some instructional books on building projects that would normally bore Callan to death because they lack funny pictures, maybe some crafts to make something (he can paint a mean self-portrait, so a portrait of someone else wouldn’t be that much more difficult)...

Now, if only Gerrel didn’t steal his other non-kitchen appliance idea of putting together a photo book already, that could’ve been perfect. Who wouldn’t want their own collection of Official Callan selfies?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took another couple hours and some trips to a few nearby shops, but finally the search for the perfect present was over. Callan stood at the kitchen table, putting together the finishing touches on the now-wrapped gift’s presentation. The homewares idea was thrown out the window in favour of something just as practical, but in a way that feels more personal. A blazer sits folded on the table (Callan made sure to not unfold it after the cashier slipped it into the shopping bag, there’s no way he’d ever be able to get it right), in a similar style to the one usually worn by Gerrel albeit with gold buttons and a green trim on the collar and cuffs. A voucher to get his symbol printed on the jacket has also been slipped into the breast pocket. It felt right to give something with his hue, it’s a common sign of friendship between a higherblood and a lowblood. He may not have a particularly intimidating shade of blue or purple, but it’s still an indication of protecting a friend. And, it’s something picked out by Callan himself so clearly it’s peak fashion.

There was an attempt at tying up the gift in a bow - one of the spare green neckties identical to the one he wore, to be precise - but there was certainly little effort into making it look perfect. The bow was uneven and sat nowhere close to the centre, and Callan couldn’t figure out how to do that fancy criss-cross tie most presents are wrapped in. Not that the presentation mattered to him, and he’s sure that’s the level of effort Gerrel would expect from him. He probably doesn’t expect much from the greenblood, honestly, so perhaps this modicum of effort will make this gift even more special. 

[pinktatertots99]

🔥 Feelings on the canon ships of Homestuck?

Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It

god am i gonna need to go with the sequals too? just og or all ships that’re considered canon by the end? whatever i’ll just go in order in what might be the ‘canon’ ships from all three of these categories. this is gonna be fucking long so anything and everything is under the cut. also i’m SO not gonna add hiveswap that can be its own separate ask. so:

roxygen: it’s a cute ship...but the sequal vers is garbage considering how inconsiderate roxy is to john’s feelings and his house burning down like damn rox this is the guy who sat with ya as ya mourned doom rose’s death give the guy some fuckin time himself.

rosemary: also cute ship...sequal versions are fuckin godawful tho. their barely a thing in meat from wha i can gather and then there’s candy...oh CANDY kanaya deserves better fuck this sense of her sayin she’s over it idc if it was off screen, even then half the cast ate stupid pills during that time so WHY must i be surprised that this is wha happens?

dave/kat: i dun like it. in either universe. meat is just perfect gay bois who have occasional deep talks and literally do nothing else while candy they split up thanks to jade which, geez ya guys must’ve been shit to tell her to fuck off like come on. og hs wise i barely consider them canon if we only get pictures and them just being on equal footing on quadrant talk. not to mention dave implied to be crushing on jade and JOHN not karkat, idk where this couple even came from other then love triangle situation with terezi but like, that’s barely much of a reason to become canon. i’d go with em bein pale/moirails more.

jadedave: i’m guessing candy and meat i thought meat implied they were dating but may aswell. so....it sucks but thats because candy and meat suck, meat dave’s basically cheating on her i didnt hear any implication they broke up and she’s like...chill??? and then there’s candy where she literally forced him and kar to break up and dated after dirk apparently died, i do not like the implications of this whole thing. course candy dave is dead and a robot now so...anyways canon wise dave had a crush on her and if jade does like him i’d hope it’s not cause of davesprite cause despite both being dave’s they were different. it’s cute otherwise.

davepetajade: it’s...cute? i guess? idk i kinda found davepeta a bit...idk overwhelmingly overrated? like i know where their popularity came from but readin the series now after all that hype i dont really see it anyways tho it’s basically davespritejade with nepeta in the mix. and idk nothin implied much of nepeta liking jade, or talkin to her much. and davepetasprite is a mesh of both so idk. it’s a ship with cute fanon works of em hanging with outfits but that’s bout it.

janejake: i hate it. legit. this is disgusting and completely throws out jane’s character. like even in the fixed timeline the talk she had with dirk probably still happened on the god bed’s and how she acknowledged wha she thought was wrong on wantin jake’s kids and so on trickster still happened and how she also realized she might’ve overhyped jake. but lets throw it ALL out the window to force jake in an unhappy marriage in both universes and possibly force him to stay in candy due to having tavvy if i’m reading the implications right. even then jake isn’t good for jane either both got their own needs this ship would’ve been sunked in canon and WAS but the sequals are beyond it so maybe that explains it but it disgusts me.

roseterezi: guess in meat specifically. yeah i kinda dont...care for it, like i still cant tell if rose and kanaya broke up or if she just fucked off without breaking up either one is fucked up on kan’s behalf. even then i just dont care for their kismesis it got brought up once and that was it.

jaderose: candy wise i guess even tho it was a fling. it disgusts me still mostly because of kan’s behalf on bein fucked over and both goin through a ‘surrogation’ process without her notice. like fuck this shit the jaderose fans deserve better.

roxycallie: idk if this one’s canon but it’s heavily implied callie lives with roxy least in candy. it’s cute, cant deny it even in og it was pretty cute, dont really care for candy vers tho but then again maybe their not a couple in it idk what’s canon couples anymore.

johnterezi: literally fucked in meat universe and john has kismesis feelings for her in canon. it’s...interesting, idk tho i feel like it’s one sided on john’s side.

ms paint/spade slick: i cant deny it’s cute, he’d least know how to treat a lady but god i’d hope it wouldnt be his only defining trait with her. also want ms paint to call his bullshit out pls and thanks.

dirkjake: honestly i cant tell if their STILL canon in og or not god forbid the sequals. in general though...i dont. i honestly dont really like em together much. they seem like the type to least stay friends but idk bout another relationship would be a good idea for em. maybe later down the line but otherwise canon wise they need a break.

and now for the canon one timer ships this involves any ships implied, uncomfirmed, ex-relationships, crushes, etc:

arasol: it’s cute, best ship. their quadrant was never confirmed but regardless their cute. sol tho in the sequals deserved better then to get abandoned by aradia goddamn.

fefsol: also cute, i live for both of em bein ass’s together.

erisol: oh boi this one...this was...yeah i cant even deny they wouldnt be too healthy, i like lookin at fanon ways tho for em. canon wise tho yeaaaah no these guys definietly wouldnt work.

gamtav: it’s...cute but boi gamzee needs some help i think.

gamsol: -sollux did imply he either wanted a kismesis or matesprit with him in one of the flashes- again same as gamtav.

aradia/equius: BIG NOPE nope nope nope equi that’s weird wha ya did never do it again thank fuck aradia hasnt been around him since.

karterezi: their actually kinda cute, looking back on em they could’ve worked. stupid doomed timeline bullshit.

daverezi: also kinda cute, idk tho if i got flushed for em tho i get more pale vibes but it was semi-a thing.

kanvris: it’s baaaaad kanaya deserves much better and vriska never seemed much the type for cementing into a relationship.

vristav: even worse, like i’d like to thank fuck tav one up-ed her in the end cause fuck wha he had to go through.

karmeenah: it...could be cute? maybe? only iffy part is the ages, i thought the dancestors were like sixteen tho since the kids said they were teenagers even tho they were at the time about fourteen? idk tho if eighteen is considered an adult in alternia or not tho it’s kinda implied to be? anyways tho it’s just off puttin maybe a bit tho.

meenahvris: it’s kinda cute, it was atleast, idk lookin back it does feel more unhealthy.

rufidama: baaaaaad i love rufi but he’s got some bullshit he needs worked out and damara deserves someone better.

rufihorr: just as bad as above, both deserve someone better or atleast horrus does with some therapy on it rufioh i think should just chill on relationships but it’s so obvious their not meant to be.

mitula: it’s cuuuuuute i cant deny it, ...okay fanon vers is canon is barely anything and tula does give more pale implications for tuna but with how protective she was over damara near him it’s sweet, but god do i wish canon tuna gave more feelings for tula.

kantula: it’s...creepy. like it’s so obvious the vantas bois cant communicate well but kankri’s crush feels almost pressuring on tula when he kept goin about them and goin “oh but we’re totally friends and i’m celibate so it’s okay its whatevs” like kan go to a corner give tula some air to breath.

crotuna: BIG NOPE cronus needs to learn fuckin boundaries thirsty fish bastard.

should i even add cro//eri due to the fact he literally asked an eridan out? regardless gross, ew, no, i’ll take the fanon ampora brothers anyday canon i didnt fuckin need that thx.

porrnea: it was implied to be more of a fling. idk considerin aranea’s track record i cant really say i’d trust her in many flushed quads. and porrim seems the type to have hers open and not a closed off thing so idk they got different cases.

aranea/jake: i cant deny it’s fuckin cute, i’d would’ve loved if they tried to do somethin but aranea was definietly uhhh not a good choice for jake. least she backed off when he didnt wanna be kissed but man yeah, it was cute while it lasted.

kurmeu: i cant deny the idea kur forced himself quiet due to hurting meu hurts me in a sweet way but as of rn them bein ‘pale’ and him mind controllin her when we dunno if she’s alright with this or not is...disturbing.

vristerezi: i am HIGHLY doubtful this is canon considering everything but i guess i gotta cement this. i dont see em as canon in og or sequal wise since vris is still gone in both, even then i dont like, see it, i see it but idk man i like em more pale then pail.

erifef: honestly no. both are much too different for a relationship, kinda glad they uh...got cut short cause honestly even their moirailship wasnt healthy what’s to say a matespritship would? on BOTH sides mind you.

rosejohn: thank karkat’s shipping board. anyways, i think their cute cause fuck it rose is a bi-con to me, canon wise probably wouldnt work but i’ll take fanon.

vriseri: kinda glad they got cut short of their kismesis cause boi eridan deserves a better one with how shit vriska was in breaking up with him.

johnvris: it was cute, i cant deny i’m soft over how the two talked things about vriska’s life and john’s it’s just kinda cute. it’s obvious tho canon wise with wha john went through it wont work out. would’ve loved if they became moirails tho but o well canon is god i guess.

spadePM: i dont like much of their implications, would be an unhealthy relationship regardless considerin spade’s flushed and PM’s pitch, they deserve some therapy and other people.

dadbert/momlonde: their cute i like the implications of em, sad they died though, it was cute while it lasted.

meowrails: may aswell count moirails in this shipping mess. anyways their cute, they gimmie sibling vibes course equius early into it was so...not a good moirail.

kurtuna: i guess it might be cute moirails? idk tho with kurloz’s implications it concerns me.

gamkar: as moirails...karkat was fuckin shit at his job i cant sugarcoat it. i get where it’s from he’s not gam’s lusus and shouldn’t be forced to check on him during his time of gettin high and such, i get they were kids, but god gam kinda deserved a better moirail. and then later on in the series it gets more fucked up between kar gettin stabbed by him and both in a pretty unhealthy moirailationship to the fixed timeline where gamzee is just shut into a fridge and kar doesnt fuckin care, like dude, wow. gamzee was bad yeah but damn, harsh a tad.

terezigam: as a kismesis it’s almost disgustingly unhealthy to me and honestly terezi deserved better and gamzee maaaaybe shouldn’t get a kismesis, ever, unless he can sort his shit out -the sequals tho wont do that lol-

minorly gonna count johndave in this: idk if i can see john reciprocating for dave so dave’s crush on him almost kinda hurts, especially since fixed timeline dave’s john is well, dead and our john is probably still different from his john, has angst but man i kinda dont mind it as a one sides crush it’s nice confirmation of dave bein bi atleast.

nepetajasper/jasprose: i cant see it, it’s disturbing i guess. i like em more as friends but jasprose is probably more creepy bout it.

signless/diciple: i think considerin the implications they were fuckin adorable and deserved the best.

summoner/mindfang: it’s kinda sad considerin its implied mindfang’s love for him might’ve been one sided, they could’ve been cute tho.

orphanor/mindfang: probably sounded like the best kismesis’s until he murdered dolorosa.

dolorosa/mindfang: BIG NOPE i dun like the implications.

condence/orphaner: since it’s implied orphaner had a crush on her, gonna say tho big nope considerin condence is a bitch.

condence/lord english: its hard to decipher their relationship in canon, but to cover all my bases it’s big nope to me somethin bout it makes me uncomfy despite both bein bastards.

[matoitech]

hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

[shima-draws]

Shima please tell me about your galaxy brain human Lucario AU I wanna know how it all pans out

NDASKMADMLASMKSA OMG ANON I am more than happy to share :'D This got really REALLY long, I hope you enjoy a good read lmao

So we have. Lucario. As a human. Possibly named after an actual Pokemon Lucario, idk. He's still Aaron's apprentice—trains under him at the castle to become an aura user. However, human Lucario is like. 15, making his connection to Aaron that much more powerful bc he's pretty much baby and Aaron's in his mid twenties practically raising this kid by himself. Lucario views Aaron as kind of a father/guardian figure? He's still so uptight at this point tho;; and he views Lady Rin as a mother (which. Is. SOFT). Rin and Aaron might be in love, it's hard for Lucario to tell, he doesn't Romance. He just focuses on his aura training. Pssh.

Fast forward to the time of the Big Pokemon War. Aaron realizes the only way to stop the fighting is to go find Mew at the Tree of Beginning. However he knows that this is a huge sacrifice—and knowing how loyal Lucario is to him, Aaron knows he'll follow him and be subjected to the same fate. And Aaron's like—Lucario is just a kid, you know? He still has so much more to experience and live for. So while it fucking breaks his heart to shatter Lucario's trust in him (for the time being) and totally ruin his father figure status, Aaron "betrays" Lucario and traps him inside the staff. It's some crazy magic aura crystal thing that seals something inside of it, whether it be a Pokemon, human, spirit, or whatever else. At this point it's also for Lucario's safety—bc nothing can really touch him while he's in there, and they're in the middle of a war, so yeah it's just really good timing and planning to protect his kid. However Aaron, being the adorable himbo dumbass he is, kinda forgets that this is an aura crystal, and therefore needs aura to "unseal" it essentially, which would set Lucario free. Unfortunately after Aaron goes to the Tree and gives up his life to stop the war (cue Titanic music) there's not really any other aura user around. They're pretty rare, even way back then;; so Lucario falls into a deep slumber, being sealed, and is kept there for about 1000 years.

And then!! Ash fucking Ketchum enters the picture!!

Lucario is suddenly woken because he senses Aaron's aura nearby. Absolutely pissed at Dad for leaving him behind, Lucario escapes from the staff and goes to attack, but stops when he realizes Dad is actually not Dad, it is adorable 14 year-old boy who has a similar aura to Aaron. Cue a very disgruntled teenager running through the palace, totally out of place and confused. Eventually he's stopped by Lady Ilene, who explains what's going on. Naturally Lucario's heartbroken—not only is his master/dad/guardian dead, but so is his mother figure, and everybody else he'd once known in the castle. Bc Ilene looks so similar to Rin, Lucario takes comfort from her. Ilene does her best to console him and asks if he'll do her a favor. He leaps at the chance to make her happy—apparently he's a sucker for getting good Parent Figures to like him—and agrees to go help Ash and co. find Pikachu at the Tree of Beginning.

Instead of Lucario doing the Naruto run ahead of the group (which like. How the fuck is he so fast...) he actually sits in the car in the passenger's seat with Kidd doing the driving for him, bc hell if a human can run for that long and not be totally wiped out afterward (also he just woke up from a 1000 year nap. Yeahhh. Not gonna happen.) Also baby has no idea what the fuck a car even is so he's a bit nervous around it, and Kidd's like "Um yeah no I'm not letting you drive. Just tell me where to go" so Lucario uses his aura to lead her. Things progress p much the same way, with Lucario getting strangely attached to Ash despite not wanting to, at all, but it's hard because Ash is just Perfect and a Good Boy and pretty much gives Lucario the sort of attention he craves. Eventually tho that all comes to a head when Ash brings up his friendship with Pikachu. Lucario's still bitter about Aaron and honestly can't bring himself to trust any of them—and is pissed at himself for having taken a liking to Ash despite that—so that leads into their giant fight in the first step of their enemies to lovers trope. Ha. Even so, he still gets consoled by Max (and is given CHOCOLATE!! Which is the most fucking heavenly thing he's ever tasted), and witnesses Ash unable to sleep bc of his honest worry for Pikachu. Lucario does some Deep Thinking to himself about his relations to the group.

The next day, the group activates the Time Flower that recorded Aaron's entire abandonment of Lucario. Believe it or not being a young kid in training for a war tends to give you a bit of trauma, so Lucario freaks out a little and starts attacking the hollow projections of the enemy Pokemon. Ash manages to calm him down. Lucario collapses and asks why Aaron had abandoned him. What did he do wrong? Why would Aaron turn against the kingdom? Why did Aaron trap him in the staff? He doesn't know shit and it's frustrating. Ash comes up to him and apologizes, and as soon as the waterworks turn on Lucario's like oh nooo. Oh NOOOO. Here's this boy laying his heart out on his sleeve and is so honest and open and sincere that he can't help but feel awful for how he treated him. Lucario immediately forgives Ash and is like "I will now protect you with my life" bc Ash is baby and Lucario realizes for the first time!! He's made an actual friend with somebody that isn't his dad or the queen! And if he's friends with Ash that means he can be friends with Brock and May and Max and Kidd too. The prospect is EXCITING. He can trust these people now, he knows, because they saw what happened and they believed him about Aaron. They're choosing to side with him over the "kingdom's hero" and that honestly means a lot—it's a huge commitment and Lucario's just. Super grateful that he has a group of people backing him up. Lucario promises himself that he'll reunite Ash and Pikachu, bc if he were given the chance he'd reunite with the people he once held dear too. Ash and Pikachu really care about each other and Lucario admires and respects that a lot and he wants to make Ash happy so!! He's like. It is my personal mission to see that we find Pikachu successfully. And Ash is just like :'D !!! And it's that moment when Lucario realizes that he might like Ash a biiit more than he originally thought he did. Huh.

Literally not even 30 seconds after that revelation Regirock attacks and Lucario almost has a fucking aneurysm because he JUST made friends with these people!! And now they're going to get killed if he's not careful! Story of his life. He immediately shifts into Protect Ash Mode™ and hurries everyone to safety. Things are crazy. Lucario has too much of a burden on his shoulders. He's stressed. But Ash is with him and that makes things a little bit better so he focuses on getting them to where they need to go and protecting them along the way. Big job for such a young kid. Whew!!

Traveling through the Tree of Beginning, weird antibodies keep voring people, and it's not fun. At one point Lucario takes the bullet for Kidd, but is mysteriously released (probably bc of his aura and his connection to Aaron, who gave up his life, which gave energy to the tree and to Mew. So there's a connection there. The tree kinda sees Lucario as one of its own.) Finally, finally! Ash and Pikachu are reunited! Lucario can immediately sense how close they are and how much of a bond they have. Seeing someone with so much history with Ash makes Lucario a bit shy around Pikachu, but it’s cool, they warm up to each other eventually!

Right after this, Ash and the others find out that May, Brock and Max were devoured by the antibodies. Lucario barely has any time to grieve for them before the Regis burst in and essentially trap him as Ash and Kidd are attacked by the cells next. Lucario watches in absolute horror as Ash is swallowed up. It’s like Aaron all over again—and this time it’s worse because Ash hadn’t done anything wrong, and Lucario had really come to trust him and admire him as a person. It’s absolutely fucking heartbreaking. He watches in hollow-eyed despair as Pikachu and Ash’s other Pokemon cry over him. Everything sucks. The world is a nightmare. Lucario almost wishes he’d gotten swallowed too. Why is it always him that’s the last one standing, the only one left, the remainder to deal with the carnage and the loss by himself? Then Mew performs its voodoo magic and lo and behold!! Ash and the others are miraculously revived! Lucario is absolutely overjoyed and relieved. It’s then that he realizes he’d be absolutely devastated if he lost Ash for good—even more so than Aaron. At this point he’s kinda come to terms about Aaron’s death, though it still hurts because there’s so many questions left unanswered.

Of course right after this Mew collapses and everything goes to shit again. Great. (Can he get like five seconds to maybe just breathe?? Idk.) At the center of the Tree of Beginning, Lucario finds Aaron’s gloves and things start to click into place. Maybe...the stories were true? Lucario activates the Time Flower there and realizes what Aaron had done, his noble sacrifice, and why he couldn’t bear to get Lucario involved. Lucario breaks down in tears bc he’s so relieved and yet so unbearably sad. Aaron was like his father. Someone who cared for him so immensely and deeply. Aaron urged Lucario to continue on and live his life to the fullest—that’s what he wanted for him, after all. But at this point Lucario isn’t sure if he can. Mew needs saving, after all.

Lucario decides he’ll follow in Aaron’s footsteps and save Mew, no matter how sad it makes him to have to leave his new friends so early. Ash immediately protests, along with Kidd, and Lucario tells them that it’s a risk he has to take, just like Aaron. Mew and the Tree need his power more than ever now, and he can’t just abandon them. He starts to pour all of his aura into Mew, but it’s not enough. Ash puts on Aaron’s gloves and jumps in, deciding to help out. Lucario is grateful but also very panicked because Ash literally just came back to life—he couldn’t bear losing him a second time, especially since he already lost Aaron. Lucario tries to bump him out of the way but Ash absolutely won’t let him!! If they’re going down they’re going down together. Ash tells him that he can’t watch Lucario take on the burden by himself over and over—that he wants to split the weight and make things even. Cue a very emotional tense moment between two boys about to sacrifice their lives together. Neither of them want the other to die, but they don’t really have a choice. Mew absorbs their power and then…

Lucario wakes up.

And he’s alive. Holy fuck!! (There’s no fucking way I’d kill him nope not happening not this time bitches)

Apparently splitting the burden of giving one’s life energy to another with a second person eases the consequences—leaving both Ash and Lucario alive (which makes him realize that if he’d gone with Aaron all those years ago and split the burden, both of them would have lived. But strangely Lucario wouldn’t trade that opportunity for what he has now.) Ash literally jumps on him and hugs him so tight he nearly dies a second time, but it’s fine. It’s a good way to go.

The tree is safe, and so is Mew. Ash rejoins the others, bringing Lucario with him. They all have a merry little reunion, and then head back to the castle together.

At this point, Ilene thanks Lucario for all he’d done—for Ash and co. and for the tree and Mew. She then sets Lucario free—saying he can do whatever he wishes, he can follow any path in life he wants to now! Suddenly there’s a whole world full of possibilities, and that world is there for him to explore. He can practically hear Aaron encouraging him to take a step into the unknown, journey to his heart’s content, make tons of friends, and master his aura. Except Lucario isn’t really sure he wants to take the trip by himself. He bashfully asks Ash if they’d be alright with him joining them. Ash is absolutely fucking ecstatic, of course. He asks Lucario to teach him how to properly use his aura, and Lucario has a big self revelation moment like “The student has become the master” and it’s magical. So we hit off a brand new adventure with Lucario traveling with Ash, Brock, May, and Max, and teaching Ash how to hone his aura! Which gives us more aura Ash moments, which everybody craves! And it’s kinda gay and lovely!!

And that is my rewrite happy ending for Lucario and the Mystery of Mew thank you goodnight ✌️

[atomicwizardyouth]

Getting diagnosed with ASD as an adult

 Okay so I need to get some stuff off of my chest.

So I’ve only recently (~2 years ago) been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD/Autism) and I got that diagnosis at age 22. Now how did I get this diagnosis you ask? Great question! I didn’t want to get tested for anything, I just needed someone to vent to so I could get rid of the fucking suicidal idealisation.

Oh but OP, it can’t be that bad? Fuck off. I went through hell in my teenage years with people dying every. Single. Fucking. Year. after I turned 13. It’s a long story, it usually takes 30-60 minutes to give people the short version so I’m gonna skip that for now.

So here’s what I figured out that sucks about autism:

- I don’t feel stress, I just feel headaches and muscle pains and then I need to figure out if it’s because of a whole list of reasons or just cuz of stress

- Apparently I am more sensitive to sounds, visual stimuli, light and smells than a regular person which causes me to be stressed out a lot quicker than a NT human. Yeah this is fucking great when you can’t feel the stress build up!

- I have low empathy and seriously struggle with the entire ‘putting myself into someone else’s position’ because I just can’t understand what it’s like for them (please don’t ever cry near me, PLEASE)

- My world is very easy: predictable = good, good = healthy schedules & taking care of myself. Unpredictable/changes = bad, bad = no energy, no structure & I basically ignore all of my bodily signals. That’s bad! (won’t eat and stuff like that)

- Logic is my standard reaction, if logic doesn’t work it’s immediate anger. Yeah it fucking sucks, I know, but I can’t fucking control it any more than I already do. What is a ‘minor inconvenience’ for a NT person can be a “PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON FOR RAGE” for me and then I need to throw something, or break something because otherwise my head gets stuck in a feedback loop of anger, resentment & regret and then it gets WORSE. 

- I am always doing something with my fingers, hands or legs because otherwise something is wrong

- If someone messes with my schedule it can ruin my day and if it’s a big thing it can ruin a week or MORE and there’s NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. If you want me to do anything give me ~24 hour warning and I’ll be 100% fine. If you tell me at 8pm that my 9pm plans need to be changed? Be prepared to deal with stressed/anxious/angry me!

- I am afraid of what people might think of me now I’m labelled with something that’s this permanent and uncurable, so I am constantly anxious (working on that with therapy tho)

- People that break very clear rules around me make me FURIOUS, this is especially relevant during the pandemic. People that wear masks under their noses and people that don’t keep 1.5m distance suck a lot! People that don’t follow traffic laws (A RED LIGHT MEANS YOU STOP YOU FUCKHEADS) and it’s very rough to figure out that other people don’t see it like this and that I’m the ‘weirdo’ in this case. 

And now here are the good things!:

- I have a very strong long term memory where I can clearly recall details from conversations, things I learned or from random things if my brain deemed them important enough at the time. I can still vividly remember things I learned in elementary school and once that memory gets triggered I can recite that knowledge like I’d just read it (but it ONLY works if the memory gets ‘properly’ triggered)

- My logic & reasoning skills are very good!

- Languages are easy to pick up (apart from French, fuck French) since you just kind of learn the rules and then follow them and then you have a functioning language! (I’m fluent in Dutch & English, I’m passable in German and currently studying Danish because I want to)

- I’m great at finance & law! Rules rules rules rules rules they are SO NICE and it’s great to be able to follow rules to help people make sense of the insanity that law & finance is. I’m able to see minute details that are off (11 euros in a 10 million budget and that intuition of “something is OFF HERE” whenever I just look through finances and calculations. Also please play boardgames with me but GIVE ME THE MANUAL, PLEAAAASE. I absolutely love reading through them and then remembering all the rules and then I can explain them to everyone!!!!!!!!

- Hyperfixation on fun projects and stuff!!!! I absolutely love being able to just close myself off from the entire world to do something that my brain thinks is great to do at that time! That can sometimes be videogames (looking at you, civ 5 sessions that last 12+ hours for a few days in a row), something creative or even reading! I love to just jump into another world (especially magic!!!!) and just live through those books for a few days/weeks at a time

And just some general things:

- It’s great to see that talking about mental health has become more accepted in the online communities and it’s becoming better irl as well! I feel absolutely validated by some of the stories people have shared here on tumblr, but also on reddit and it makes me feel accepted and it makes me feel like I still belong in this world!

- Suddenly a lot of the stuff I did as a kid is now easily explained by “ah I was being an autistic kid at times” instead of trying to figure out why I did things differently or had more problems with certain things (seriously, fuck any art class that made me make an ‘original’ product, I can only IMITATE STUFF)

- Life is too short to be scared of your own disorders, so learn about them and try to deal with some of your shit and (hopefully) your life becomes a bit better :D

It’s tough for me to see the good instead of the bad (human brain being fucky and a bit depresso) but I hope some of you can relate to this or find this and figure out that you’re not alone!

[lovelylogans]

,,,,can I get some opinions on lorelai, specifically Lorelai's Love Interests?

*cracks knuckles*

i just answered an ask about rory’s main love interests but now i’m gonna go into lorelai’s

quick disclaimer: i have seen s1-s5, read scripts of key episodes of s6/s7. so. let’s get into it.

jason:

jason is literally trash lmao and i Dislike Him. least favorite of lorelai’s love interests. garbage man. if men have one thing it’s the Audacity.

okay first of all his whole introduction to canon was that he wanted to leave the business his dad groomed him for..... to piss off his dad. like. that’s his reasoning. that’s why he wants to go into business with richard. literally just to piss off his dad. Sir You Are Nearly Forty.

and then. and THEN. like his FIRST scene!!!! with lorelai!!!!! is when lorelai is like “hey you shouldn’t have gone behind my mom’s back and planned this business trip when she was planning a party! that’s kinda shitty of you!” and his response was to REMINISCE about their time at summer camp and he’s like “you still hold a grudge” because. BE. CAUSE. he stood up and tipped over the canoe when lorelai was fully clothed, and when lorelai pointed this out, this man. has the AUDACITY. to say. “i remember. green t-shirt, no bra. trust me, i was the hero of cabin five for the rest of the summer.”

GROSS. GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS. FUCK MEN. as if THAT isn’t gross enough he came up with the nickname “umlauts” because her nipples were showing through her shirt!!! diSGUSTIN!! men! are! nasty! and literally less than TEN one-sentence lines later he ASKS HER OUT.  

and then literally the rest of his character is basically just “business.” like. that’s it. when he takes the day off to come to stars hollow literally almost the Entire Time he’s focused on business calls and not on lorelai, his girlfriend who he came to spend time with. and then when richard, being a Shady Bitch, double-crossed him and went back into business with his dad, jason wanted to SUE HIM??? BRO???????? YOU STILL EXPECTED LORELAI TO STICK WITH YOU WHEN YOU ARE SUING HER FATHER?????????

this doesn’t even go INTO all the other stuff about hidden relationship and they’re literally dating just bc it pisses off their parents, it’s just. jason sucks. dude sucks. don’t like him. not one bit.

christopher:

i have..... complicated feelings toward christopher. to steal a quote i saw from twitter when someone was like “he knows lorelai so deeply!” they said “he knows her past, it doesn’t mean he knows her.”

so, like, on one level. i think that christopher was a bad dad to rory. right. like, he isn’t a good dad. i come from a home with split up parents, so, like, i understand the complexities there, but. he wasn’t a good dad. he just wasn’t.

that episode in season one? it’s the first time he comes to stars hollow. the. first. time. in sixteen years he has never gone to see where his daughter (and friend/romantic interest) lived, which follows: he hasn’t been to any of her parent/teacher nights, he’s never gone to any of the performances she was in as a child, he’s never participated with her when it comes to town events that she’s so passionate about (being a pilgrim, all the things taylor lists when she turns down being ice cream queen, etc) he wasn’t there. he wasn’t there for all the small moments that make up being a dad. no helping with homework, no sitting with her and listening after a long day, no actual parenting—no being there when she’s sick, no disciplining her if she does something wrong, no being there to celebrate her victories. he isn’t a good dad to rory. he has his occasional moments (he starts calling her more often post that visit, but it drops off again post-sherry) but all in all? not a good dad. i would go far as to say “deadbeat dad” as the first significant financial help he offers, that we see in canon, is him paying for yale. not helping with chilton, or any other childcare costs.

that’s an important factor when it comes to evaluating him and lorelai. because, quite honestly? i think that if rory didn’t exist, christopher and lorelai would have been firmly in the realm of “we dated in high school.” maybe a former flame that gets a fling when there’s a high school reunion. but since rory exists, they’re tied together forever, and therefore those feelings keep cropping up and flourishing (esp in situations when they shouldn’t) and they’re so stuck in the past.

i think that teenage christopher and teenage lorelai are well suited. i don’t think adult christopher and adult lorelai are well suited. lorelai had to grow up very quickly when she had rory, so she got a job, settled down in stars hollow, and put in the work of being a responsible parent who provides for her child. christopher doesn’t start keeping a job until s2/s3, he’s still very much stuck in the past. his pursuit of her is almost entirely rooted in nostalgia, as is her returning interest. they keep coming back to each other because it’s comfortable, it’s what they know. but once they look past that lens of nostalgia, their compatibility kind of falls apart. christopher is still immature in general (getting angry over the character reference she writes for luke, getting drunk at emily and richard’s vow renewal and basically shoving himself in the middle of their relationship like “but THE OOOOOLD DAAAAYYYS” and that WHOLE storyline of where he turned off his phone and ignored lorelai’s calls when richard had a heart attack, do NOT get me started) and lorelai is very independent and she likes her life where it is and how it is.

so to sum up: christopher and lorelai’s relationship is almost entirely doomed to fail because they can’t remove their rose-colored glasses when it comes to their (mutually romanticized) past together, and when the glasses are knocked off, they aren’t compatible. they just aren’t. what ties them together is that nostalgia, where they’re most natural is when they’re joking and being friendly (like the old times!) and when it turns into a romantic relationship, reality is too much for that tenuous connection to handle.

luke:

OBVIOUSLY i am team luke. this is the ship i’m most dedicated to within the gilmore girls fandom. he’s there for her, they push each other to become better (lorelai keeping his father’s boat, for example, and him encouraging her throughout the opening of the dragonfly) they have that Longing and Yearning. they have amazing chemistry, they’ve been crushing on each other since SEASON! ONE! and honestly they are fantastic when they work together.

i will say that they have their issues, and it almost entirely boils down to lack of communication.

if lorelai had communicated the occasions in which she had seen chris, luke wouldn’t have been so caught off-guard at the vow renewal and cut off their relationship. if luke had communicated about april’s existence with the full honesty that he didn’t know about her existence, lorelai, as a mother, as someone whose child’s default father figure is luke, would probably take some time but ultimately understand the importance of a child. they should have communicated about the wedding being too soon, and all their other issues. that bickering that makes their flirting and crushing so great also gets in their way sometimes; it’s hard for them to have a serious conversation without lorelai deflecting or luke shutting down. honestly i think it would have been great if they’d gone to couples therapy (okay, look, almost everyone in gilmore girls needs therapy, including emily and lorelai, so i’m glad that at least that one got tackled somewhere in canon) and it would have really helped fix that main problem.

frankly, i think a lot of their problems are bc ASP and the other writers wanted “drama.” which fair, it’s a tv show, but frankly leave the drama to rory and there are other ways to manufacture drama other than breaking up your main couple: dragonfly drama, for instance, or liz and tj and jess, or dealing with rory’s dramas, or something like the emily and richard and luke drama but sustained to a point where it causes a similar family fight that might have even paralleled lorelai leaving the gilmore household for someone she loves, and seeing that relationship knit up. like i get this show was in the 2000s but honestly let the couples actually Be Together!!! let them explore those dynamics!!! the whole “break them up, put them back together, break them up, put them back together” thing is tired and it seems unrealistic. like!!!! luke says “i’m all in” to lorelai and less than like TEN episodes later he’s like “it’s too much. this relationship is too much.” LET THEM WORK THROUGH THEIR STRUGGLES AS A COUPLE AND LET THEM C O M M U N I C A T E. LET THEM!!!!!

otherwise? iconique. the Flavor. the taste. the vibes are immaculate. chef’s kiss. luke/lorelai is So Good. their chemistry is unparalleled. their support of each other unmatched. 

i can’t really remember any other love interests lmao OH SHOOT

max medina:

lol forgettable uh, i think that he and lorelai had an interesting partnership, but it clearly wouldn’t have worked out to the point of a wedding, which i feel like lorelai knew because she kept holding back on actually answering him for the proposal after the s1 finale. i think that his dynamic could have also really been utilized to play with the dynamic of lorelai re-entering her parents’ world and the different expectations that that maintains; i don’t think it should have gone so far to, like, proposal, i think it could have been maintained then max wanted to get serious and lorelai hesitates and pulls something similar to the show. anyway, interesting first love interest for lorelai, also helps ground the world of chilton, so nice little twofold purpose for max there

i will say his proposal was super cute tho the thousand yellow daisies thing was Excellent

[inqorporeal]

DVD commentary meme! Anything from the Mandalorian bit in the latest chapter of For the Right Price, please?

Director commentary meme

Ooooh, lessee…

Fuckit, here’s the good stuff.

In both Mando’a and traditional handspeak, he said, “I see you all live. It’s good. I’m gonna keep this short.” Jango sighed. It had taken him hours to figure out what he was going to say, and how to say it. Public speaking wasn’t his thing, but it was expected of him, so he shoved the nerves away to be dealt with later and continued, “I’m not happy with how the reputation of the Mando’adë has dropped. We used to be respected out of fear; Jaster’s dream was for us to be respected for our honour. The Kyr’tsad want the days of conquest back, and you can see that affecting our reception across the galaxy.”

The Mando’ade being a communal culture, I refuse to believe that they don’t have a sign language, or that everyone doesn’t know it.

Jango is a complicated character to write: he’s the typical Hardass Action Man on the outside, but everyone has internal conflicts and insecurities they’ve spent their lives trying to either overcome or otherwise deal with so they can fill the role they want. 

Jaster’s reforms were unpopular with a lot of Mandalorians who wanted to return to the “Good Old Days” of conquest. Jango’s making a move that might be unpopular, especially after a decade where the Death Watch -- who were partly responsible for Jaster’s death -- were the only visible leadership who didn’t push pacifism.

He soothed the tightness in his throat with another sip of gal and continued, “That’s partly my fault. Instead of standing upright, I went and disappeared. A lot of you will be right to question my ability to lead after that, and I’m willing to accept the criticism.” An unhappy smile crossed his face. “Believe me, none of you can be harder on me than I am.

“I’m here because I want that dream back. I’m here because I want to ask each one of you to give me the chance to honour Jaster’s legacy, and follow me into a better future for the Mando’adë and Manda’yaim.” He shook his head. “We used to be a community. It’s because of me that we’re not. But we can fix that. It’s not too late.”

Jango has spent his life trying to honour the legacy of the man who adopted him after Death Watch killed his parents. After the clusterfuck that was Galidraan, followed by being sold into slavery by the politician who duped both the Jedi and the True Mandalorians, he just… stopped. Canonically. It doesn’t fit with Jango’s stated goals, unless there’s a substantial chunk of self-recrimination and self-doubt going on under the surface. Jango went from being active in the community to being a prickly loner asshole, and I imagine most of that is because he had a hard time looking in the mirror most days.

In the silence that followed, a solidly built teenager, who had likely been no more than a child when Galidraan happened, rose to speak. “Why come back now? Are you really here for us? Or is this still about you?”

In any other situation, nobody would have dared to voice such a question; but that was then and this was now. Jango nodded. “I should have come back sooner. Maybe I just wasn’t ready before now. But… things have happened recently. For the first time in a long time, I’ve been looking toward the future, not just for myself but for all of us.”

It is technically about Jango –  meeting Obi-Wan’s family (and particularly seeing how quickly Boba latched onto the first kid-type person who didn’t push him aside) made Jango realise that he needs to face the damn mirror and his people, admit his failure, and try to pick up the pieces. 

A substantial chunk of his identity, though, has been his people. Even in his self-imposed exile, stewing over revenge fantasies, it’s been about getting one back for the people who were lost on Galidraan. Jango got his personal revenge already – Tor Vizsla is dead at his hands, as is the governor of Galidraan who had set them up. But the best revenge is a life well-lived, and if he leaves the Mando’ade scattered and leaderless, he’s only half done his job.

A voice rose from the crowd, accent thickened by pain and anguish. “So you want us to just trust you now? After what happened on Galidraan?” An older Zabrak man stood up from his table, glaring in his direction. “What did you get out of that, anyway? Why did my riduur have to die for you? Why did I have to lose my son?” His voice arched over the growing rumble of discontent. “You didn’t even have the decency to die alongside them!”

Jango squeezed his eyes shut and raised one hand, signaling for quiet. “If I’d had my way, I would have. I would have died with them. I would have left you leaderless, with a power vacuum large enough for Tor Vizsla to step in and claim my place.” Which had clearly been the original plan. It was a credit to his people’s unspoken belief in him that none had allowed for that to happen. He wasn’t sure he had deserved even that much, and he wasn’t going to thank them for what had to have been a terrible set of options: the choice between an opportunistic conqueror or an absent disgrace. “I failed you all that day, and you now have only my reassurance that I have learned from the mistakes of my youth and intend to dedicate myself to serving the Mando’adë better.” Had he really only been twenty-three when he’d made that disastrous call? Twelve years felt like three lifetimes.

I have… a severe beef with how the Mandalorians are portrayed in a lot of media, because the “show” and the “tell” are so badly in conflict. So, uh, yeah. Fuck that toxic masculinity bullshit. This is fanfic, we can rebuild it.

A genuinely communal society has no place for mocking people for their moments of weakness. The lifestyle is potentially dangerous and they all know it, but loss still hurts, and it benefits nobody tho tell someone who’s hurting to suck it up. People are allowed to grieve, and they’re also allowed to look at their leadership and ask what accountability has been had.

For his part, Jango went through hell. He was enslaved for two years, after watching the people who’d had faith in him get killed because he made a bad call. There would definitely have been times where he would have wished to have fallen with them, to not live with the guilt, to not be caged and tortured. And this community sees absolutely no weakness in admitting to that. There is an underlying strength in being able to look at oneself – the flaws, the failures – in honesty, hold it all up to the light for everyone to see, and say, “I’m going to try to do better than this.” Self-examination hurts, but it’s the kind of hurt that comes with healing.

[shenanigans-academia]

End of Season 3

Last one! Then I’ll shut up until October

Episode 51: Moving Into Dorms

•”I won’t make you worry, Mom” Izuku don’t life to your mother like that

•”She reminds me of my predecessor”

“What why?”

“It’s the hairstyle” All Might asbsjienb

•I LOVE THESE KIDS SO DAMN MUCH

•I genuinely just want like a spin off of the kids in the dorms. Like them just being super powered teenagers living together and being KIDS like. Please. Living with all your friends with powers? What could go wrong...? Think of the shenanigans

•Aizawa laying down the hammer wow

•I. Love. Kaminari. Jirou leave him alone

•BAKUGO AND KIRISHIMA I LOVE THEM OKAY

•Kirishima is Best Boi

•Uraraka falling over from shock the entire time and Iida freaking out is so cute

•MIDORIYA’S ROOM IM CRYING

•Tokoyami’s is badass leave him be he tried so hard

•Mineta no

•Leave Ojiro alone he’s comfortable

•Kaminari’s room is literally any teenage boy room. I knew at least 4 guys who had a room almost exactly like that lmao

•I FORGOT KODA HAD A BUNNY

•The girls are outnumbered. Hate when Mineta’s right

•Bakugo is such an old man he’s already asleep I love a sleepy sad Boi

•Mineta:”I knew I’d get in trouble if just I suggested seeing the girls dorms now I have people to back me up!”

Todoroki:”I’m over it”

•Honestly Kirishima’s isn’t that bad y’all are just mean (except you Uraraka you get it)

•”If I found out my boyfriend had a room like this I’d dump him” HAGAKURE WHAT THE HECK

•Shouji... honey. Your bed isn’t even made. And they thought Ojiro’s was plain

•Okay Sero’s is cool “yup that’s me, always the wild card” god I love you

•Todoroki’s is so cozy

•Sato is so. Sweet lmao we need more of him

•Jirou is so punk I LOVE HER

•Hagakure. So. Pink

•Mina. So. Hot Pink

•Ojiro is so polite he’s so good

•I need Momo’s bed

•LMAO SERO WRAPPED UP MINETA WHEN HE WAS BEING PERVY WE LOVE TAPE BOY

•YEAH SATO WON

•Intervention time

•Tsuyu is so pure she deserves so much

•YALL MADE TSUYU CRY IMMA FIGHT

•KIRISHIMA APOLOGIZING AND SAYING HE WONT MAKE HER SAD AGAIN WARMS MY HEART they’re all so pure

Episode 52: Create Those Ultimate Moves

•Mido forgetting he was in the dorm is kinda cute he’s like wait this isn’t my room at home

•”That’s 2 questions. Calm down” Iida it’s too early for this and Aizawa is a tired man

•Everyone’s so intense. Then Mido is just like...I can’t move my arms what the fuck do you want from me

•”How can I fight with these damaged arms?” Well everybody told you NOT to break your bones, Deku

•ALL MIGHT HAVING A TEACHING FOR DUMMIES BOOK IM CRYING

•Lmao they just blew up Midoriya

•Nobody:

Mido and Uraraka: BOOOOOOBS

•”I’m Tenya Iida, the man you tricked into to being a walking billboard for you at the Sports Festival!”

“NEVER HEARD OF YA” Hatsume has no chill

•Hatsume doesn’t know personal space lmao

•”My quirk is in my legs you mad woman” Iida is done

•AND MIDORIYA JUST REALIZED HE HAD LEGS LMAO

•Mido is so soft for his mom’s costume I love it

•Bakugo is literally trying to kill somebody

•”If I’m so worried about using my arms then I’m use my LEGS” what happens when you break your legs again honey THINK

Episode 53: The Test

•Gotta protect those stupid red shoes

•I live for Kami’s choker. But Kiri you added sleeves. But still. No. Shirt. Honey

•Tsuyu’s hair up is *chef’s kiss*

•The girls talking about boys like regular teenagers I love it

•”ITS A BOY ISN’T IT IS IT MIDORIYA OR IIDA YOURE ALWAYS HANGING OUT WITH THEM WHICH ONE IS IT” Minaaaaaaa lmao she doesn’t mess around

•Cue Uraraka watching Deku lmao “it’s not it” SWEETIE YES IT IISSSSSSS

•Inasa is Iida x1000 and with WAY too much caffeine

•Erasure is too emo for love lmao

•”Think about it Erasure, if I was your wife your future would be a life of constant laughter”

“That sounds like a legitimate nightmare” god I love this grumpy man

•I do love Joke and Aizawa’s “friendship” if you want to call it that lmao

•IT’S DEKUS TWIN

•”This charming pretty boy is going to steal our girls” You’re right Kaminari he is

•”Please date me”

“Shut up” I’m both Ms. Joke and Aizawa

•Aizawa has so much faith in his class he’s like I’m not worried about my little shits just watch

Episode 53: Shiketsu High Lurking

•JIROOUUUUUUU

•”PROTECT THIS PERV” Mina is my favorite 1A girl I’m not sorry

•Shindo is slutty Deku and I love him

•I am the commentator wow

•”I don’t know why but I’m actually getting pretty excited about this” of course you are Midoriya you big quirk nerd

•”In order to help others you have to be able to take care of yourself” DEKU SAID SELF CARE

•”Midoriya what is this enviable situation you fight yourself in” Serooooo why

•We’re gettin some good Sero content thank god

•Lmao there’s a ninja school

Episode 55: Class 1A

•Todoroki is. As you say. A Badass

•Inasa:”Wait what were we talking about!?”

Poor Random Kid:”I don’t know. You just came up and started talking...”

•This is literally Anime Hunger Games

•Shouji holding Tsuyu is. So pure

•SHOUJI YELPING AND TURNING AROUND WHEN MOMO OPENS HER SHIRT TO USE HER QUIRK HES SUCH A GOOD RESPECTFUL BOY

•The power group we don’t deserve: Momo, Jirou, Tsuyu, and Shouji

•KAMI AND KIRI FOLLOWING BAKUGO MAKES ME SO HAPPY they love to annoy him and it works but they work so well together love Bakusquad

•GOOEY KIRI IS GROSS LMAO

•Aizawa basically saying Mido and Bakugo are the leaders who help the class work better the most and that he’s honored to teach them is PEAK

Episode 56: RUSH!

•Sooo Shindo’s a sneaky bastard I see

•”THIS IS WHY EVERYONES TERRIFIED OF YOU YOU’RE WAY TOO HARDCORE” Kaminari’s right and he should say it

•I need more Baku and Kami interactions tbh

•”Those ugly ass gauntlets of his” love sassy Kami

•DEFEND BAKUGO SQUAD IS AIZAWA/KAMI AND KIRI YES I LOVE MY BOYS

•Oof Mido takes no prisoners

•It does suck that if you don’t pass the Provisional License exam do you just never get your Hero License? Do you only get a set amount of times you can take it?

•Iida has grown so much

•Bakugo knows your secrettttt

•Jirou says fuck Kaminari lives lmao

•GO CLASS 1A ALL OUR KIDS MADE IT

•Aizawa shut up you big softie lmao

Episode 57: Rescue Exercises

•Sero why are you starting shit lmao

•Kirishima and Kaminari following Bakugo just because they want to is my favorite

•Momo stopping Uraraka from acting too quickly is great leadership skills. All these kids have what to takes to be heroes they work so well together and in situations like these I love these kids so much

•Shouji and Mineta are a good team because Shouji keeps Mineta in line and I appreciate it

•The fake bystanders are hilarious

Episode 58: Special Episode: Save The World With Love!

•All Might and David Shield (GAY)

•Bakugo why are you like this

•Midoriya is a giant softie romantic and I fucking love it

•All Might as a villain is just funny he gets so into the roll but he’s also just a bad actor lmao

•Mic needs to tone it down but he’s so funny

•I like Cementos a lot and Midnight is an A1 actress go her

•All Might running away and shattering the kids idea of love is so fucKING FUNNY LMAO

•Nice way to set up the movie

•UNLCE MIGHT

•GAY

•The timeline of this episode is throwing me off tho since this is before Midoriya moves into the dorms

•DadMight and Deku family vacation SO CUTE

•”You are the real heroes” THEY’RE SO PURE HOLY SHIT

Episode 59: What’s the Big Idea?

•Bakugo you need to calm down babe

•Gang Orca came to play damn

•Todoroki and Inasa are so chaotic together oh my god

•Gang Orca is just like what is up with these damn kids

•”It was a shock to meet your father because when I looked into his eyes the only thing I could see was an insatiable anger aimed at the entire world” imagine being raised/trying to live with that hatred, Inasa

•Lmao Todoroki triggered Inasa into not coming to UA. Endeavor loves ruining kids lives doesn’t he

•TELL EM OFF MIDO

•Inasa is so. Weird

•”Why didn’t I remember him? He’s so loud and obnoxious” You were so blinded by hate for your father that you were literally blind to other people in your way sweetie

•LMAO JUST CHOKE A CHILD THEY’LL GROW STRONGER

•Highkey love Shindo ngl

•Team Work Boys come on

•Ojiro my fuckin BOYYYY

•OHHH TSUYU THATS MY GIRL WE LOVE POWER MOVES

•Love Hair Dude

•Gang Orca’s actually impressed wow

Episode 60: A Talk About Your Quirk

•Mido passed yesss All Might Jr lol

•Bakugo and Todoroki. Whomp whomp

•B:”Let me see it [review of the exam]”

Kiri:”Ahh how about you worry about yourself”

Kiri’s like please don’t kill me

•Sero:”Hey looks like I’m pretty great at this” I love you Tape Boy

•I love how Iida just picks Mineta up by his cheeks and takes him away from people when he’s being too much lmao Dad Mode Activated

•Inasa and Todo are such an interesting dynamic. I haven’t read the manga but I know the make up exam happened recently and their interactions always make me laugh

•Kinda forgot about Toga but there were hints that it was her the whole time so it’ll be cool to actually meet Camie later on

•Holding his Prov. Hero License:”I have to show my mom and All Might right away” Izuku I love you precious boy

•oh my god One For All shut the fuck UP

•”I won’t be dying any time soon. Especially not by Shigaraki’s hand” if that is foreshaDOWING IM GONNA CRY IT BETTER NOT BE HIROKOSHI

•”We’re gonna have a talk about your quirk” I’m ready to CRY

•Kiri sleeping is so cute I love his hair down. And Iida sleeps stiff as a board I’m laughing reminds me of a friend of mine

•Bakugo please just. Breathe

Episode 61: Deku VS. Kacchan, Part 2

•MY FAVORITE EPISODE YALL

•Kacchan Hon, Deku doesn’t live just to get in your way in life believe or not

•Bakugo DEFINITELY kinda planned on killing Midoriya AHH

•”Why hurt each other when we could just talk things out?”

Bakugo tries to blow him up instead

•The flashbacks are killing me they were so small

•Bakugo’s voice cracking while talking about his anguish and self blame? That shit HURTED

•When he yells like this he looks like a feral wolf oh my god Kacchan

•Kacchan needs a hug. Too bad he doesn’t understand being comforted by other people. So instead Izuku KICKS HIM IN THE FUCKING HEAD WHAT THE FUCK

•Feral Bakugo has been Leveled Up

•”Our relationship to one another is completely screwed up” Oh really Mido what made you think that

•These kids wanna fuckin die

•”It’s obvious you’ve always looked down on me even when we were kids” Bakugo you are a BIG DUMB BLIND BOOMY BOY

•Okay but the animation tho???

•”All Might was my hero but you were the one ACTUALLY IN MY LIFE” WHEN I SAY I SOBBED

•When Bakugo’s crouched and ready to strike, Me:”MA THERES A WEIRD FUCKING CAT OUTSIDE”

•A wild Gremlin is loose Aizawa and All Might come get your kids

•FUCKIN KO BOI

•lmao whoops never mind

•my favorite MHA ship? Bakugou and Therapy

•ALL MIGHT YOU LITERALY JUST WATCHED THEM PUMMEL THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER BRUH

•Bakugo blaming himself for All Might’s retirement? Kill me

•”Sometimes I forget that you’re children” apparently everybody does THEY’RE 15/16!!!

•”Don’t you dare lose again” you are. So confusing

•Baku’s little exhale tho he had so much weight on his shoulders this poor boy

•”If this secret ever got out, people will wonder where the power went. You idiot why did you tell me about it before” Deku’s like I can’t win with him lmao

•THEY’RE PROPER RIVALS NOW I LOVE 2 IDIOT CHILDREN

•Aizawa with his hair in a ponytail and black V neck tho? Oof when I say I love a man...

•Aizawa is done with this class and these 2 problem children in particular lmao

Episode 62: A Season For Encounters

•My boy Twice

•”Your face makes me want to puke” you get used to it rando villain dude...or noT DABI NO

•Dabi. Babe. Bruh. What the fuck

•Twice and Ectoplasm have similar quirks...TODOROKI WHERE ARE YOU

•Overhaul. I’m gonna hate you so much I can tell. Especially for Season 4 I KNOW YOU you creepy Plague Doctor Asshole

•Kirishima trying to comfort Todoroki is adorable

•MONOMA WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS LEAVE PONY GIRL ALONE DON’T DRAG HER INTO YOUR BULLSHIT LMAO

•SHINSOUUUUUU “looks like he’s bulked up a bit since the Sports Festival” my boy gettin BUFF since he knows Midoriya could’ve killed him if he wanted to lmao

•Kami playing with Ojiro’s tail gives me life

•...You ain’t nothin but a Hound Dog Lmao

•BIG THREE. BIG THREE. BIG. THREE. MIRIOOOOOOO

•God I love Present Mic

•Sero and Mineta are asking to die I swear

•IIDA CALLING MIDO “HOUSE ARREST” AND DOING A FUNNY VOICE IM CRYING I love sassy Iida where has he been

•The first time I saw the scene of Mirio sticking his head through stuff to scare Mido was on Tumblr before I watched MHA and I was CACKLING AND CONFUSED

•The broccoli head was strong in that frame

•THE. BIG. THREE. AHHHH

Episode 63: Unrivaled

•Sometimes I forget how fucking gross Mineta is. Then he opens his mouth and it all comes flooding back

•”He didn’t do that great a job at the Sports Festival last year. Definitely left a strong impression” being buck ass naked will do that lmao

•I relate to Amajiki Tamaki so. Fuckin. Much. I feel you sweetheart

•LET! SHOUJI! TALK!

•Kaminari you dumb

•”The futures gonna be!?... Awful” Wow. Mirio gets it

•Tamaki if you could get off the wall you could do what Mirio’s trying to teach these kids I love an anxious boy

•Big Tough Boi Kiri is both badass and soft I love a Rock

•Aaaannd Mirio traumatized a bunch of kids with his dick. Mostly Jirou lol

•Aizawa your whole class was just murdered by a wild naked man

•Mirio has a baby face TinTin but is fucking JACKED

•”I tried to make it so that you didn’t see my willy. Sorry if you did” Mirio you’re so cute I’m going to bawl in Season 4 I’m not ready

•Mirio walks so funny

•...who the fuck is Sir???

•Kiri bringing Baku his trash: “Sure I’ll take it!”

Anybody else bringing Baku their trash:some kind of aggressive phrase

•Oh, you. I heard about you. I know what happens to you... this is gonna hurt, huh?

Whelp that’s the end of my rewatch. I can’t wait for Season 4! Is it October yet???

[myfandomsarekillingme]

Birdbox didn’t suck that much?

Alrighty, now I waited for the Birdbox thing to die down on purpose and I just finished watching it. As basically the Gordon Ramsey of horror I have to say I did go into it with as unbiased opinion as I could. (long post incoming srry | spoilers duh | trigger warning for yall who might need them)

Now, I have listened to some really bad creepypastas. Like not even Slenderman bad/cringy but just straight unscary and just stupid. I've also listened to some really really amazing ones that will probably stick with me for a long time. Now back to those shitty one. There are bad creepypastas with better hooks than that movie. OH MY LORD did it have a really bad hook. Seriously my question is did the writers pass a high school English class because that's one of the first things they teach you how to do. Anyways I liked the whole flashback idea. It made the traveling more enjoyable as it wasn't all just boring water. I didn't get why they added in Mal painting tho. Like it never became relevant again in the story and didn't really do anything. If you're gonna say she struggles with human interaction, killing off her sister is a really good way to progress the story and give Mal a character arc. BUUUUUUTTT, having her crash the car and then step in front of a truck? Predictable. Like sorry but I got the same feel i do when the writer of a creepypasta kills themselves at the end. Great. Awesome. If it wasn't done like a billion times before. (Yo su*cide is a really bad thing pls do not, I'm just saying if you are writing a story pls find something at least a little bit original other than "oh my gosh this monster i saw is so terrible let me write my last will and testament and stick it online")

I loved the "family" feeling the people in the house gave off. It was perfect. The combine personalities of everyone made a scenario that was likely to happen in our world. Everyone died too quickly tho. Not enough time for what was happening to really set in. Sure there should have been a rush of panic but everyone dying all at once? Yall just giving the conspiracy theorists a field day with "pack mentality". Let's skip ahead a little. Those two stealing the car? Great. Isolates everyone else. Letting the new guy in so everyone dies but the Mal, Tom and the babies? Awesome. Their relationship? Out of hecking left field. What in the world was that. Again you can NOT make it clear she is not a people person and then she just suddenly opens up to him. LIKE HELLO? Have you met anyone like that? Clearly not. (Skipping ahead again bc I'm getting tired of writing, this isn't for school what am I doing with my life)

SO. The kids are 5 or so when we first meet them. So Mal has been not pregnant for that amount of time. Sorry to state the obvious but,... WHAT ABOUT HER PERIOD??? uhhhhhhhhhh yall using the scraps of fabric for your eyes and I didn't see you grab a pack of pads anytime during the movie. Unless this is the hecking 1800 again and we are setting women in diapers when they get the "ha you had no baby bc you're not ready to have one" or in this case the "ah man it's the end of the world guess I have to make this even worse for you" monthly curse I don't know what's happening there.

Well now they are on their way to the compound or something? (Really predictable it would be a school for the blind. Not saying blind people are bad but speaking in genetics, you have to "breed" very carefully. If you want to keep people with sight you have to make sure there is people who can see. If you want to eradicate being able to see you have to do that. Not even going to go into the about of genetic inbreeding) Kids? Loved them. PSA if you are a motherly person like me don't watch this movie to be chill the kiddos are way too cute and you'll just feel bad for them. The names given to them (Olivia and Tom) at the end of the movies are also SUPER predictable. Wow you names your son after your dead boyfriend? Never would have guessed. Oh your adopted daughter is named after her mom who died two seconds after the baby was born? How original. The school place thing they ended up in was really nice. I liked the return of the doctor, brought it full circle.  

All in all Birdbox had A LOT of potential. The story idea was good and the characters were (mostly) 3d characters. The way they went about it though was just not scary. I felt no plot twists and there wasn't even a bad jumpscare in there. The best and simplest way to make this movies scarier would be the explain what in the hell is going on. I was lost the whole time. I'd like to know what caused this "outbreak" and why it made these people do this. Why are some people not affected in the same way? Here's some good ideas for why people started dying:

1) It was a biochemical attack gone wrong. It started in Russia so maybe it was the USA planting an attack on them and it went horribly wrong.

 2) A chemical outbreak in Russia. They were the ones developing it and it also went horribly wrong. 

3) They mention an "It" a lot in the movie. I wanted to see at least a little bit what "It" looked like. Even if it was just the camera and not the characters, we had the chance to see it many times

4) If there is an "It" where did it come from? Space? Some ungodly government experiment that actually managed to escape? Why bring it up if it isn't going to be important. And last 

5) It's both. A creature that brings about a chemical attack that causes humans to react in such a way their flight or fight response is triggered. Seeing no threat, they simply fight. Acting like the spores that can control ants, the human are driving to death to continue the spread of the chemical.

Overall I'd like to say I didn't straight up hate it. There are many different ways it could have been improved but it wasn't as terrible as many people make it out to be. But what do I know I'm just a teenager.

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[corancoranthemagicalman]

💜🌻💜🌻💜🌻💜

My grandpa also has great disdain for recent music... he doesn't like anything after the 50s. So I think its funny that he likes Shrek and he'll watch it any time its on tv. I'm not familiar with Top Gun's soundtrack. I'll have to give Take My Breath Away a listen!

My dad words at a university and he used to bring me and my siblings to the international dinners he'd host. Students would always as me what I was studying and eventually when people started talking to me I'd introduce myself by saying I was my dad's daughter and that I was in high school. I'm not sure if any of them were ever hitting on me bc I was, and still am, pretty oblivious to flirtations. It sucks that you had to tell guys you were in high school to get them to back off. Glad to hear they did, though.

I used to be a hufflepuff when I was in university! I re-took the quiz twice about a year ago and was shocked to get Slytherin both times but I've embraced it. Most of the qualities are very positive except for cunning and I don't think that describes me at all.

I totally get that. I had a similar experience meeting my best friend at university. We clicked really fast and even after graduating I still hang out with her once a week. (The teenage drama movie life thing sounds awful but in high school I was definitely also on the outside of my friend circle) It sure has been hard recently to maintain friendships but I have more good friends right now than at any other point in my life.

I'll take your word for it that I give off painting/crocheting vibes! And I agree with you on the winter v. summer thing. Summer is my least favorite season. Partly because of how humid it is in the summer here.

My group just finished a campaign a few months ago and I played a gnome cleric. They started a new campaign but I felt like I needed a break bc the sessions are long and intense even though I really enjoy it. What class do you play?

The sweater is a commission actually! In university I led a crochet for beginners group and there were a few people that just couldn't ever get the hang of it :(

Did I see that you weren't feeling well today? If so I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope tomorrow treats you better 💜 (also sorry this is an entire novel I haven't spoken to anyone all day so I guess you're getting it all)

-🐧🌻

This got SO LONG so bestie I am replying undercut to you. If anyone wants to see me slowly bromance 🐧🌻 anon then read away lol.

I am envisioning your grandpa dancing to Smash Mouth and it brings me great joy. Oh, man, Top Gun has an AMAZING soundtrack. Danger Zone is a classic, but Take My Breath Away is such a romantic song. Please let me know what you think!!!

Aw, that's sort of wholesome though. I'd get that from the older ladies at my church lol. "What are you studying?"/"Algebra, usually." Which was a LAUGH. And to be honest, I'm a flirty person by nature. I think flirting is fun. But to be crude for a moment (and apologies), most of their flirting would be staring at my breasts. :/ But it was SUCH HIGH HOPES when they backed off. Like YES you GO performing the bare minimum by not being attracted to children. Bravo. But really, I've never had a dude flirt with me who wouldn't back off after me shutting them down, minor or not. So I'm very fortunate in that way. But I too can be fairly oblivious? First time I got asked out, I thought he was asking me to hang out with the friend group. Then he was like "... like a date." After I had asked where did we all wanna meet up. Lmaooooo.

We do change as we grow. I've been taking some personality quizzes for school in regards to the PMAI (Pearson-Marr Archetype Indicator) especially and it actually talks a lot about how at different times in your life you'll display different archetypes depending on what you're having to adapt to or overcome. So I think the same is true for Houses. What's peculiar to me about Houses is that when I was younger I was under the understanding that you were your House, right? But the older I got, I prescribe to the "your House is what you admire" type theology. So I might not embody a Hufflepuff in every action, but a Hufflepuff is what I aspire to be. I admire loyalty above all else. Loyalty and kindness. I might not always BE kind. I'm far too hot-headed to be the embodiment of a Hufflepuff, but I admire gentle souls the most. Ergo, Hufflepuff. I've always hated how Slytherins were associated with negative sounding modifiers. Cunning IS a negative word since by definition it's about achieving one's goals through deceit. But I dont understand why being quick-witted and clever couldn't have been the heavier association. I think Ravenclaw's are booksmart and Slytherin are streetsmart. Gryffindors are street tough, while Hufflepuff are ready to roll. Does that make sense? I think the whole cunning/silver-tongued thing was the stupidest idea, because then you are saying narratively that Slytherin IS the evil House. Why have the House at all? On a meta level, Harry begging not to be considered part of the Dark Side despite the actual Voldemort growing inside of him is symbolic in his rejection of Slytherin, but when you go on to merchandise and tell children you are a Slytherin; you're telling children they're evil. They're gonna be evil. And not in "this is the House for brats" way. In the "you either die a villain or live long enough to run away." insane. My point is they're OUR Houses now and I'm saying I think you're clever and quick-witted, and that's pretty Slytherin to me.

I'm very blessed to have her and I'm glad other people get to experience that too. I think everyone is deserving of deep connections like that. And I'm glad to hear you taking time for yourself away from dnd. Our sessions can be exhausting too, but half of my party is my literal blood family and the other half is adopted practically so we usually end up hanging out for half of the session. Makes it way less intense. That sounds like it was a fun character!! I haven't gotten the pleasure to play clerics all that much. Right now I'm in three different campaigns that alternate each week. In one I'm a druid, and that's our 5th edition campaign. I'm playing the new Wildfire from Tasha's and I haven't gotten to flex out the Wildfire Spirit yet, I am having fun. I've got a wolf who is using the sidekick mechanic in that game and he's so much fun to play too. In the other two games, those are 4th editions (the edition I grew up on and learned how to play) and in those I am a ranger and a class known as a Warden. Sort of a fighter/druid class. And the druid and the ranger are both shifters, and the warden is my half-orc. I'm always happy to talk dnd lol. Which cleric were you? Trickster Domain?

Also EWWW HUMIDITY I HATE IT. :(((

Dude, I WISH I could crochet. My fingers are so big tho, bestie. Makes it hard to do anything dexterous.

I'm already feeling much better :)) unfortunately not in time not to bomb half of my project. Whoops. But I'm blaming Glass Shark. He got me sick.

Dont apologize for the novel!! As you can see I'm capable of replying with a novel in turn lol. I hope you had a wonderful day today and that this next week treats you well!! Thank you for the well wishing 💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode 1: “Why is my tribe all these musty men and Ruthie?” -Ali

-I'm writing this pre-cast reveal and I'm scared shitless. Dear future Jess, Don't puke before tribals because of anxiety. Don't let the m*n tell you what to do. Don't get in your head and trust your gut. Sincerely, Pre-Cast Reveal Jess.

- Now where do I begin.... It's day 2? I believe.... in this game and I've already spiralled and showed the signs of a future crackhead. In all seriousness though, I've calmed down and the initial shock of cast reveal has worn off. I was a bit shook seeing some of the people in this cast playing. I've literally hosted a large chunk of these people so I REALLY HOPE NONE OF THAT COMES TO BITE ME IN THE ASS (I don't think it will). I hope people realize I wasn't really paying close attention to their games when hosting.. and if I was... I have the memory of a pebble. I'm sure none of that will have an impact on anyone besides maybe Ali. BUT ALI IF YOU ARE READING THIS.. DAY 2 JESS REALLY WANTS TO WORK WITH YOU! Now lets talk about my tribe: - We got Rachael/Zach who are super close or at least have some sort of connection through his sister. - We got Birch/Keegan regardless of whatever they are pushing about doubts with each other I can see them cleaning that slat in the name of numbers. - Me and Gavin because I'm the only one he knows in this game. - Possibly me/Timmy if he wants to work with me. - Possibly me/Chips hoping he remembers I did show how blindly loyal I was to him the last game we were in.... - Bodhi might be in with people like Zach (who he was hosting) and Rachael. - John honestly... I have no idea about. He's such a wild card for me. My overall thought process and game plan right now is... BLUID THOSE RELATIONSHIPS! I think I proved with my challenge performance I am an asset to this tribe but I want to show people I can be an asset to them. I can see us swapping at 16 so I'm going to be around this tribe for a bit so I need people to want me around. So far I'm getting along with Keegan he seems like a cool cat. I'm also aware he's probably a cool cat in everyone's eyes but for right now.. I really like him! Birch is definitely a social beast. From what I remembered they were an extremely social player in the season I hosted them but they are very transparent with their information which does scare me. For the time being though, I'll attempt to work my magic with them and build that trust so the information spills to me.. Rachael is a queen. I really want to work with her because I do see similarities between our playing style which is something I always gravitate towards in games. I'm naive and I do know she has other people higher up on that trust-ladder based off of initial relationships but I do hope to somehow climb that. Although I do know she will be a power play in this game, I know I'm going to need other power players around me to ensure there is a target ahead of me. She also brings connections which typically brings in information. So rather than be a crackhead and go for her (which is what cast reveal night Jess thought about) I'm going to try and work with her. Zach.. honestly, I don't know how much I have in common with a teenage boy so that might be a road block between us. He is one of those key-relationships I hope to build off of through Rachael. I will also die if Rachael/Zach aren't that close and I'm just rambling shit right now. Gavin is one of my FIRST ORG friends and I'm SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM PLAYING THIS GAME. I don't think anyone right now knows we are close but I'm not afraid to cut him if it means I go further in this game. I'm not really sure about my tribes chances for this first immunity challenge. Everyone aside for a few people on this tribe seem like they have their shit together in this challenge. I know the "movie trivia" crew snapped hard and my back hurts from carrying my tribe but.... our chances of winning rely on Timmy (who is on vacation), Gavin who is probably working or something, and Bodhi who is hosting currently. So to say I'm confident.... would be a giant ass lie. I'm excited for the idol search to open up SO BAD.

-Cast is revealed and game starts in a half hour. I’m feeling excited. I hope I do better in this season than the game I did last, 17th. Ughhhhhh, grosss

- I’m having fun doing the quotes, it’s interesting. I feel like I’m getting along well with everyone. I’m trying to talk to them all and interact. If I’m amusing they won’t get rid of me. Right? Right? Somebody tell me I’m right

-Okay tea time!  I'm really excited. I had to add A LOT of people I have never talked to before and I always like doing that because I LOOOOVE playing with people that don't know how I play and also getting to know clean people and starting with a clean slate! The only people I had added on my tribe are Jay and Ali and I LIKE that!   I'm excited to talk to people, scope everyone out a little and see what I need to do.  This game and the theming is SO CUTE and I can't wait to see what all happens next!

- https://youtu.be/MY-s5k1n7sI

why is my tribe all these musty men and ruthie what did i do to deserve this.

https://youtu.be/LPxSC_ZjZIc

https://youtu.be/ojw9T8GsbaA

-That 36 person cast twist not being real...big disappointment, I was hoping for a huge mess where someone cries. But 20 people, good size. My tribe seems like good people so this should be exciting.

- So we lost the first immunity challenge. Seems like it’s unanimous for John to go. Works for me as he is who I wanted out when I woke up this morning since we hadn’t spoken. He keeps saying he wants someone who was weak in the challenge out and didn’t tell me a name but told Rachel, Bodhi. Funny thing is, John did worse in his challenge than anyone in the quotes group so therefore his own logic can be used against him.

-AHHHHHHHHHHH MY PEOPLE ARE HERE I DON"T KNOW WHO I WANNA WORK WITH. There is king ali, my bae Austin, bestie jay, and really old time friend Collin in this one tribe. I'm not even counting people on the other tribe. I'm gonna lose so hard. I'm crying tho

-When I was meeting my tribe for the first time I was thinking that we have a very good group here. I'm glad to see Bodhi again cuz I haven't seen him since Trinity: P&P a few months ago. I think that with the additions of Birch and Keegan to our tribe I think we're gonna win some challenges. So I'm hoping for the best and not the worst for this team.

- So we're all waiting for the results of the 1st challenge, and I'm feeling a little nervous that my tribe may lose, but I'm hoping that we do win because I want this season to start off on a good note for my tribe. I'm just hoping that we pull this off and not blow this.

-the way i was offered a final 2 within minutes of joining the tribe chat. hopefully this ages well and you get to see me and bodhi succeed :)

- John is too damn messy and has got to go. PERIODT.

https://youtu.be/L1-ZBhnUQ7U

-I love my Tribe!! I'm super excited to play with Keegan and Timmy again! I'm trying to get closer with everyone else since I haven't played with them before. I'm also kinda nervous for the challenge. I have a weird taste in music so we will see how this goes. I really hope I'm not first boot. I haven't had good placements in my last couple of games, so I'm hoping for better this time! This cast is iconic.

-So my mom got my drunk before the challenge and then tried guilting me into not doing the challenge. we flopped anyway. we are currently pulling ahead in the Movie challenge but it's still early so idk. I really hope we can get the next 2 challenges. I don't wanna be first boot.  

- Ahoy matey! me got cursed t' only talk like a pirate in thar tribe chats n' me alliance chat. So me’m doing dis confession like a pirate. So anyway. me’m in a alliance Wit' Keegan n' Jess. As far as me know our jolly crew only verily talked t' each other. So dis works out. Our jolly crew also lost which SUCKS. me verily hope me’m nay first boot. me might sail after John. All me conversations wit' him be painful. So that’s fun. me like all hands so dis will hard. But let’s see what happens! Birch signing off.

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Iq3ANGs8M&feature=youtu.be

- Here’s the Tea Link: https://youtu.be/X3J2e4ffmiY

- https://youtu.be/Q80k6g4QUIk

Kinda bummed the movie challenge didn’t go so well hope we don’t have to go to tribal this early

-Hello hello! I am SO happy to be back in atomic Survivor! I feel like things are off to a really nice start and I'm hoping that will continue. For now I'll do a little assessment of my tribe before we find out results for the first challenge. Ali - I've seen him around in the community a lot for years, im pretty sure I was around when he played his first game. But I don't remember if I've ever had the chance to actually play WITH him. He's such a nice guy I've loved talking with him so far Austin - Lmao the funny thing is I actually talked to him for the first time ever like a week ago. A real lucky break that he and I were both part of this casting twist. We immediately started talking and agreed to look out for each other. Cindi - this is my first time meeting her ever! She seems really rad and we've just been talking about life and tattoos and shit lmao. I can definitely see myself working with her in the future. Collin - y'all I LOVE Collin. I just played with him in Mesopotamia, and even though he voted me out I never had any bitterness towards him cause he's just that nice. He's definitely been the person I've talked to the most so far. We have a lot in common and I really want to trust him. But I am still a bit wary bc of Mesopotamia. Czern - I don't really have a read on him yet. Haven't spoken to him too much. Dan - Same as Czern but I haven't spoken to Dan at all Vi - Vi is such a ray of sunshine, I've loved her ever since I met her in Tashirojima. In fact my biggest mistake in that game IMO was voting her out. I'm 100% working with her this time. Ruthie - It's been so long since I've talked to Ruthie and I'm so glad that this game gives me the chance to reconnect with her. An absolute legend and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I haven't talked strategy with her yet but that'll come soon lol Timmy - Yo he DESTROYED that music challenge and I'm super grateful for that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's pretty nice but I don't really have any further opinions on him lol

- Reallllly glad we didn't have to go to tribal tonight. I've been really busy today so it would've been a really rough time. But instead I got to enjoy my day, but of course I socialized with my tribe. I feel really close with Collin, Ali, and Ruthie. Granted those are relationships that started outside of this game, but they're relationships nonetheless. I really vibe with Austin too, even though I talk to him a little less, we're bonded through that opening twist. And the best thing is Austin mentioned vibing with all those people + Vi (who's great as well, I just haven't talked any strategy with her yet) so I smell an alliance starting sometime soon. I just feel really well about the start of this game and im hoping it can last.

-First confessional of the season! I debated making a video but then I realized that's a lore more work and harder for me to have actual organized thoughts. Going back to the start of the game: I know RACHAEL, BIRCH, CHIPS, JAY, VI, CINDI, DAN and RUTHIE. The only person I don't know anything about is CZERN. So I've got a pretty stacked cast of people I can potentially work with moving forward. But I currently have three goals for this season: 1. Make the merge or swap so I can play with VI. Even if we don't work together, I'd love to play with her! She rules! 2. Make sure JAY gets voted out before myself. As a fellow winner, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. 3. Make sure DAN gets voted out before myself. He's a sneaky snake and I won't ever trust him after Nova Scotia. First off, I'm in an awesome alliance with BIRCH and JESS. It's only three people so it's not a clear majority but it's a good start. We formed this literally 10 minutes after the challenge had ended. Speaking of the challenge, it was a fun challenge but we did lose. However, JESS, RACHAEL, CHIPS and myself were the only ones who won our portion of the challenge, so I've been subtly hinting that I wouldn't feel right if any of us were voted out. GAVIN told me that TIMMY and BODHI didn't contribute much of anything to their part of the challenge, so that's a possible decision when it comes to this tribal. However, JOHN has been very difficult to have a conversation with and I've been told that him and BODHI won't vote for each other. So right now it's just working with JESS and BIRCH to determine what the best option is moving forward. I'm thinking I can get RACHAEL, ZACH and GAVIN on board with whatever we decide. Tune in later for some more thoughts.

-I wanna say it’s be super eventful but not really. Just a few small things: CHIPS has been telling everyone everything. He told JOHN he was the vote. He told JESS about the GAVIN thing. He needs to learn to keep things to himself if he doesn’t want to be gone next. JOHN tried throwing ZACH under the bus for not being good in challenges. I had a call with BODHI and apparently ZACH is a comp beast. So that’s not happening. If everything is as planned JOHN should be the unanimous vote. I might throw a stray vote on CHIPS just in case of an idol play but I’m undecided.

So this round I got super close with Austin and Collin, and close with cindi, and okay close with everyone else. I killed it in the music challenge because I  did not feel confident I wouldn’t go home if we lost. I need to tighten my bonds and hopefully make a solid group before the next round. I have no real targets atm but Ruthie and I have yet to speak so that’s awkward. I kinda wish I was on the other tribe because I feel like I’d vibe with them better. I had to make sure I was the first to go into the treehouse because I wanted to be open and transparent about what happens in there and make sure that nobody else got to go in and change what actually happens. I’m very excited for the next few rounds tho!

https://youtu.be/e_oVLgNr4ro

Okay so first round is going pretty good so far . I cant believe they put me on a tribe with vi which is amazing bc ride or die right there. I know ali vi collins and jay are def ppl I wanna work with in this game . I mean my whole tribe is great . Dan I know is a wild card and he seems like he wants to work together but I'm not sure if I can fully trust him since he did vote me out last seasons with telling me a damn thing . Cindi was almost in my duplicity season I'm on production for so I know her a bit as well. I know she would probs go with Rachael at a swap or merge which is dangerous .THANK GOD we won the first immunity and I dont have two sorry about a vote bc if I'm honest it would be HARD to decide on a name . Let's see what happens tho I'm ready to play and ready to win

Honestly it seems pretty slow starting. Just working on getting to know the tribe at this point. I really like Collin and Ali but beyond that I'm not getting like amazing vibes from the others. I'm not getting bad vibes either though, just neutral positive vibes if that makes sense

okay, so i have been focusing on getting to know my tribe-mates the past few days because in this game, connections are your lifeline. but, i also didn't want to come off too strong and be perceived as "too social" from the get-go *cough* keegan the snake *cough*. so, i laid back, talked to people (some more than others), and tried to focus on winning immunity. unfortunately, when immunity slipped through our fingers, i quickly got to work socializing and making sure i wasn't the one to be blamed for our loss in our challenge. i felt that i contributed a lot and tried to start discussions and debate about our quotes, and felt as though i didn't get much back from my team. so, i made sure that people knew my group wasn't very communicative and had they communicated more, we could have totally won. i didn't push for a name to begin the round, but i did make sure to let people know who i hadn't talked to in hopes of getting one of their names on the chopping block this round. i made sure to reach out to everyone (even those who didn't reach out to me or seem invested in the game, nor our conversations) because i don't want someone to spread my name as a result. then, it seemed to narrow down to john and timmy. also, it was obviously leaning towards john leaving this round. however, it was not until about a few hours before day change that john had FINALLY heard that his name was going around due to the fact that it was TRULY IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO HIM. funnily enough, this information came directly from chips--someone who i haven't talked to much. thankfully for me, john decided to tell almost everyone exactly what chips had said and no one was pleased to hear that. so, i worked my magic and made sure people were upset that chips tried to throw us all under the bus--because i need to make sure there is a target for next round that isn't me... DUH! later, i asked john what he wanted to do, and he sat there completely clueless. i was completely dumbfounded at his reluctance to say a name when his ass was CLEARLY on the line. eventually, i worked a name out of him, and he said bodhi (who was the only one who wanted to keep him earlier today)... so i obviously went right to bodhi and made sure he knew so i could build some trust with him going forward in this game since talking to john literally made me lose brain cells by the minute, i wanted to make sure he was the one leaving tonight. so, i am hoping everything goes according to plan at tribal tonight, but as long as i don't leave, i am golden with whatever. until next time... xoxo, gossip girl

So basically I'm not in town right now... and IbhopenI can trust people not to vote me until I get back and am less busy. I really bombed the challenge by getting 0 points for my tribe but we won that part... because the other people carried. Good stuff. Anyway we are voting John because he doesn't communicate well and has kind of mansplained the potential different vote? If its true then woohoo I got another round. Also! I got am advantage from idol hunt and thats nifty. 

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Click HERE to watch both out PREGAME and ROUND ONE cast assessments!

[5sos-deastiel-magcult]

Mental Health Month (life "story", its really long... But I think worth the read)

I laugh/cry each time I remember the irony that I was born on the month on mental health awareness month, when my me na to health is ... Basically down the drain. I mean I wish with all that is me that I could quit school, but for the life of me I cannot. I am too afraid of how disappointed my mum would be. And I'm will waiting for some Gosh DaRn Sherlock EpiSoDes!!!!!! But honestly looking at my life rn. I would honestly be better off dead, but I know that my "hell" of a life could no way equal to living a life with no basic human need or rights (my rights are hanging by a thread cause I'm a black female tho😑) and thats another fucking thing I mean when did society fucking decide that black people are just fucking immune to depression, Bipolarity, and other mental illness!!! ... Well ik I'm not gonna get an answer because... Well no one really pays much attention, yeah you'll get that surge of righteousness saying no this can't go on, but what's that post your gonna write really do (unless it will actually do some thing... Then plz do, write that post if you so please) but back to boring life, really what do I have to look forward to in life a job?? Working so hard to give my self a comfy life until I eventually die... I do t think so. Children?? Fucking hate them so that off the table... Really tho it all starts with fucking school, first the fucktards I go to school with... 😑kindest motherfuckers around😑 (if you're a 2 year old and couldn't tell, that was sarcasm) then you move on the the fucking curriculum... Haha there's the tests, the assignments, the fucking teachers you have to deal with who are assholes just so you can get an education... FOR WHAT!!!! SOME ONE PKEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY WE HAVE TO DO ANY THING IN LIFE. Its just gonna fucking suck anyway... Hm let's see if you're fat, or just not a size zero, or if you don't have muscles or a 6-pack you're ugly and undesirable according to society... And who controls society, MEDIA!!!! they control everything even fucking politics!!!! Why the fuck do you thing that fuck face toddler won the elections because of the fucking Media. Wether its good or bad publicity they are still getting their bullshit out to people, how do you think he got that many followers (yes like in a fucking Cult... Or Instagram, which ever name you prefer) and of you're not smart enough (Science and Math Only kiddoes, thats what they call smart these days) you dont go anywhere in life, nope you can turn out as a bum, so basically the decision on how your whole life will turn you is made by you when you're still a fuck faced little teenager who might even not have been kissed yet (and I know that whether or not you've been kissed doesn't say much about maturity, leave analogy alone) but honestly, I have never wanted to die more that I do right now, my life is complete shit and Surprise I'm only 17... Recently actually, and I think it was the saddest one ever (it was cute and fun of course) but the void in my chest and stomach keep growing, the ache in my chest doesn't stop anymore and I'm just so tired of faking adequacy. I wish ... It would just stop hurting... I wish I didn't feel so alone anymore, I wish I didnt feel In general... I've been planning to write a book for so long but I think the reason why is because, one day I told my self that I need to leave something behind when I die and I agreed with my self that it would be a book wether it was on my life, or just fiction. And each time I go to the book is when parts of me die inside, so each time I go to the book its me inching closer to sign the contract with death.

[defenestrationdissociationcouch]

New Years Resolutions and Becoming a Better Person

No one gonna read this so ima just go.

I've recently been trying to figure out why i still feel unhappy even though my lifestyle is stable for the first time in a long time and I'm beginning to realize it's because I've taken the stressed out mentality that comes from living in a stressful situation and continued to carry it into my now stable life. So now I am going to address my main problems and try to fix them.

How to stop being the Toxic Friend

One of the things I've realized I realized I do is I bitch about people. I didn't really used to but during my parents divorce my mom would tell me things about my dad and stepmom to try and convince me they were abusing me and by having these conversations with me, and putting me in theapy to try and help me with both the bad situations they were putting me in and the added emotional distrust she planted, I learned that you should just shit talk people who piss you off. Now, it is good to talk about your issues instead of bottling them up and hurting yourself like I used to, yes, probably. However, not everyone needs to know how you're feeling especially if the friends you're turning too aren't friend you see very often. Why?

Those friend now distrust you because it's like," What is she saying behind my back".

You're not really looking for advice because you're stubbron as hell and nothing they say is going to change what you've already decided to do for the most part. You of all people weren't born yesterday.

If you don't see them very often, wether its a lack time for them or an active choice, you make them feel like you are using them as an emotional crutch. Which leads me to point 2

2. You do not need someone to save you.

Growing up my mother and other older women made it out like they were going to protect me when my life fell apart or were actively "saving me" by being in my life. This was untrue as most of them abandoned me at some point anyways. Unless you are suicidal or something you can probably help yourself more than anyone else can because even if the people in your life want you to change you are the only person who can change yourself . No one else can do it for you. Because if you dont really want to change you won't.

3. Dont distrust people, to a point.

You have been used, by your parents, by your stepfamily, by family friends. It makes sense that you do not want to be used again. However, there comes a point where you are acting irrationally.

Yes you have had to deal with people who had alcohol issues, depression, and poured their adult feelings and issues onto you all at a young age. You have also had people who say because the people in your life have these issues they should be allowed to walk all over you because they are "unwell".

That sucks and if someone is using you like that you are completely allowed to cut them out of your life.

However, you're friends are teenagers and college students. They may not realize that they are making you feel used. Learn to have a peaceful and direct conversation with them. Especially if you want to keep this relationship in your life. Sometimes people arent as vengeful and manipulative as you think they are. Sometimes they do not realize they are hurting you.

Grown up conversations have never been your forte especially because they grown ups in your life can't have them. Be better. It'll be hard but over time you can learn.

4. Remember that relationships grown and change.

You have attachment issues. You like to latch on to one person and never let them go. You give everything to your friends because you are not ready for a relationship so it hurts when you see them give more to their partners. You've watch your father ignore you for your step mom. You're mother told you she wanted her own seperate "adult life" away from you when you begged her to come home at night. You can get angry because it feels like the only thing people care about is what they can fuck but that isnt entirely true.

You're friends are in a new stage of life and they might be closer than their partners than you today but they may be closer with you tomorrow. You might have these friends now but you might have a whole new set of friends next year. The only thing that is constant in life is change so embrace it or get left behind.

The only time we have is now. Happy New Year.

P.s. im also deleting all social media from my phone so i might become more productive with my time. Maybe not this app because i rarely use it tho. Not like anyone is really gonna read this anyways.