#what is up with these neurologists man | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yeonzzzn · 3 months

Text

for astra: park sunghoon

intro of for astra | spotify playlist

pairing: sunghoon x afab!reader word count: 5.8k

synopsis: sunghoon finds himself waking up and repeating the same day over and over again until he finally breaks the cycle and finds himself on a space station called ‘astra 1’. he soon learns he is one of the few who are still alive and that they aren’t alone…

genre: space!au, survival!au, neurologist!sunghoon, neurologist!reader, strangers to lovers, angst, smut.

warnings: swearing, blood, m*rder, guns go pew pew, other life forms, some science talk, unprotected sex, biting, hair pulling, sunghoon fucks reader against the wall, adding more as the story progresses, MINORS DNI!!! (these tags will be on every part even if they do not consist of said tag)

intro | part one | part two

a/n: tysm for 4.3k follows guys!!! i’m grateful more than words can describe. this means the world to me. so have this spacey thriller based off my favorite video game for the celebration 💜

[ 𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶… ]

[ … ]

[ 𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙿𝙰𝚂𝚂𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 ]

[ ****** ]

[ … ]

[ 𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺, 𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳 ]

[ 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙾? ]

[ 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙈𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙅𝙀𝘾𝙏 𝘼𝙎𝙏𝙍𝘼 ]

[ 𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶… ]

[ … ]

[ 𝖴𝖯𝖫𝖮𝖠𝖣 𝖯𝖱𝖮𝖩𝖤𝖢𝖳 𝖠𝖲𝖳𝖱𝖠? ]

[ 𝙔𝙀𝙎 ]

[ //𝖴𝖯𝖫𝖮𝖠𝖣𝖨𝖭𝖦… ]

[ 𝖴𝖯𝖫𝖮𝖠𝖣𝖤𝖣 ]

[ 𝖯𝖱𝖤𝖲𝖲 𝖤𝖭𝖳𝖤𝖱 𝖳𝖮 𝖲𝖳𝖠𝖱𝖳 ]

[ 𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙍 ]

Sunghoon’s eyes fluttered open, wandering them to the glass sliding door leading out to his balcony. The morning sun shone brightly into his studio apartment. With a sigh, he pulled himself out of bed, dragging his feet across the floor towards the bathroom. Stretching out his arms and letting a small yawn leave his lips.

He really didn’t want to go to work today. But nevertheless, he brushed his teeth and changed into his favorite pair of tan slacks and gray button-up shirt with lab-appropriate shoes then out the door he went, waving a hand and giving a smile to the apartment staff, “Good morning Mr. Park!” They smiled and waved back.

Sunghoon took the elevator to the roof, where his private helicopter was waiting for him, the pilot giving him a nod as he climbed in, “Good to see you again, Mr. Park.”

“Pleasure is all mine, like always.” Sunghoon teased. The pilot's laugh filled the copter and forced Sunghoon to smile even more. He really did have the best staff working for him.

And soon enough, he was walking into his company building, pulling his ID badge from his pocket and sliding it across the counter to the guard, once his ID was confirmed he was well, him, he was sent through.

“About time you showed up!” Heeseung teased with a tilt of his head, “What time did you wake up this morning?”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes, “Do you forget who owns this company? I show up when I want to.”

Heeseung patted his best friend's back, “Co-own. Don’t forget my half.” Sunghoon chuckled and shoved his friend, following at his side to the lab.

“What tests are today?” he asked.

“Let me think,” Heeseung checked his watch, “I think we can start with the drawings.”

Sunghoon groaned, “The damn drawings?!?”

They turned the corner and walked into the lab. All the scientists and lab techs rushing around to prepare for today's tests, “They won’t take long, promise!” Heeseung crossed a finger over his heart in terms of his promise. With a sigh and eye roll, he stepped into the testing box.

“Good morning, Dr. Park.” One of the scientists said, “We are starting with drawings, yes?”

Heeseung slid to the scientist's side, giving Sunghoon a thumbs up. Oh man, if there weren’t a glass wall between him and Heeseung right now, “Correct,” Sunghoon said looking away from his best friend, “Send them in.”

Sunghoon sat down at the desk in the middle of the room, a tablet sat in front of him. With a press of a button on the counter by one of the lab techs, the tablet screen went bright, showing the first drawing.

Sunghoon raised a brow, “It’s two people facing away from each other.”

Heeseung glanced at the computer on the counter, looking at the same image Sunghoon was.

“Good, good. Next photo.” The scientist waved the lab tech to continue.

Sunghoon slid back into his chair, glaring up at everyone on the other side of the glass, “These are fucking stupid.”

The test they were running on him was the Rorschach Inkblot test. Ya know, the blobs of ink someone dumped on paper to show to psych patients and see how crazy they are.

“Hoon,” Heeseung warned, “Please.” Heeseung was always the more level-headed one out of the two of them.

Sunghoon pushed his tongue into the left side of his cheek, shooting his eyes back down to the tablet, “It’s a butter—“ His vision went blurry. A massive pain in his head throbbed and his ears rang. He shot to his feet, covering his ears with his hands, and let out a scream.

“FUCKING DO SOMETHING!!!” Heeseung yelled at the scientist, “SHUT IT DOWN!!!”

Once his vision went black, everything went silent.

His eyes fluttered open, wandering them to the glass sliding door leading out to his balcony. The morning sun shone brightly into his studio apartment. With a sigh, he pulled himself out of bed, dragging his feet across the floor towards the bathroom. Stretching out his arms and letting a small yawn leave his lips.

He really didn’t want to go to work today.

Sunghoon stopped midway to the bathroom, slightly shaking his head. Something felt too…familiar. He shrugged his shoulders, deciding it was just another day.

“I think we can start with the drawings today.”

“The damn drawings?!?”

Sunghoon dropped his head into his hands, stumbling back a few steps, Heeseung immediately at his side ready to keep him from tumbling over, “Hoon, you okay?”

Sunghoon wasn’t sure how to answer that question. How does he tell his best friend he’s been getting a major case of deja vu today? So he shrugged him off, “It’s nothing. Just a small headache is all.”

Heeseung placed his hands on his shoulders, “We can reschedule today for another if you’re feeling sick?”

“Let’s just get the damn drawings over with.” he pushed past his friend.

Sunghoon stared at the inkblot pictures in front of him then shot to his feet, covering his ears and screaming until everything went silent and black.

His eyes fluttered open, and this time he didn’t look out onto his balcony. He stared straight up at the ceiling. His head was pounding. His heart was racing. But he got up anyway.

He glanced around his studio apartment, looking like it always does. Neat and clean. Not a single spec of dust. His couch looks new. Like new new, hasn’t been sat on kinda new.

As he made his way towards the bathroom, Sunghoon couldn’t shake the feeling that something was…well, wrong. His deja vu and the splitting headache wouldn’t stop. Sunghoon tried to wrap his mind around it as he reached for his toothbrush.

“I think we can start with the drawings today.”

Sunghoon blinked multiple times and shook his head, connecting his palm to the side of his face.

What the hell is going on??

He sees the inkblot of the butterfly and he starts screaming, everything going black until he’s once again waking up and staring up at his ceiling except this time….

He remembers the events that just took place. Sunghoon quickly sits up in his bed, sweat dripping down his face as he takes in his apartment. It looks normal but more eerie. The air felt thick and the apartment complex sounded too quiet. He swallowed as he stood from his bed, slowly walking to the middle of the room. He listened for any sound possible, but only heard the quiet. Not even the sound of birds was present. Something was definitely wrong.

That’s when his eyes landed on his kitchen countertop, a card sat there straight up, his name written on the front. It drew him in, calling for him. He took the white card between his fingers, flipped it open, and read the contents inside:

Sunghoon, Meet me in your office as soon as you get up and get ready. We have a lot to discuss. You’ll need to break the glass.

Sunghoon scoffs and tosses the card back on the counter. What did this mean? Who sent this to him? But the more he lingered his eyes and thoughts on the card, the more questions he had and the more confused he was. With the events that happened yesterday(?) and now waking up to this card…all on top of his deja vu and headaches…He needed answers. Now.

He quickly got ready and laced up his boots, checking the time on his watch, the helicopter that takes him to the company building would be leaving in ten minutes, he needed to get a move on.

He counted each step it took to his front door, holding his breath as he reached for the door handle. Here goes nothing. The knob twisted and turned, pulling the door open slowly and his heart nearly ripped out his chest.

The hallway was dark. One of the light fixtures was barely holding on by its cord, flickering and sending out sparks.

His whole body shook as he took that first step out of his apartment, realizing there were no other doors on this floor besides the ones to the elevator.

What is happening…

Sunghoon slowly walked into the hall, immediately clenching his fingers over his nose. Eyes searching up and down the hall for the source of the smell until he found it.

One of the apartment workers on his floor was slumped against the wall, head hung low, and dried blood covering their entire body and staining the floor around them. Tools and other equipment are laid beside them. They’ve been dead for a while because of the looks and position of their body. “Good fucking god,” he pressed his back against the wall, forcing his eyes down to the other side of the hall, “What the fuck is going on?!”

The office. His office. He needed to get to his office. With a deep breath, Sunghoon pushed himself off the wall and rushed down the hall, keeping his eyes straight ahead to not look at the decaying body as he moved past it, heading for the elevator and quickly tapping the button. He bounced his weight back and forth with his anxiety building up along with the questions running through his brain. He reached forward again and pressed the button once again, the realization sinking in that the elevator was not working.

You’ll need to break the glass.

Sunghoon turned back around, looking at the empty hallway with only his apartment door being the only door. What glass does he have to fucking break??

Then it hit him. The glass door to his balcony.

He quickly rushed back to his apartment, the bright sunlight forcing him to squint his eyes until they adjusted but he didn’t stop moving, taking notice that he couldn’t see his reflection in the glass. Sunghoon tried to open the sliding glass door, only for it to be bolted shut…or…maybe…

Sunghoon placed his palms against the glass and pushed, but it didn’t budge. He furrowed his brows and traced the tip of his finger along it, could this be…??

He needed to break the glass. But if his suspicions are true…

The tools by the dead worker. They had a wrench. He rushed back out of the apartment and into the dark hallway, averting his eyes from the body and locking them onto the tools, and picking up the wrench from the floor, its metal cool against his skin. Once he found himself back in front of the glass, his heart raced. What was he about to find once he broke the glass? What was waiting for him? Heeseung. He could only hope his best friend was the one who left that note for him. It only made sense.

So he swung the wrench, connecting it to the glass and watching it shatter, the sound of it breaking echoing in his ears. His eyes widened as he took in what was now in front of him, arm slowly resting back at his side and hand clenching the wrench tighter. He pressed forward, carefully stepping over the broken glass and into the new area before him.

His suspicions were true. He was being watched.

Two rows worth of computers, monitors, and cameras filled the room. Dry-erase boards that tracked every movement Sunghoon made sat in the corners of the room. Stacks of folders filled with records sat on almost every desk along with multiple broken coffee cups scattered amongst the floor. In the furthest part of the room were rows of shelves filled with food and water. The same exact food Sunghoon has in his cabinets.

Sunghoon slowly turned around and faced his…apartment? Would that even be the correct term to call it? He wandered his eyes over the room he was held captive in, seeing that every inch of that wall along the glass door was see-through. It only proved his suspicions more. Not only was he being watched, the entire wall was a two-way mirror.

Quick on his feet, he rushed to one of the desks, grabbing at the folders and flipping through the records, hands shaking at everything being revealed to him, “What the fuck…” Sunghoon was being used as a test subject. Forced to replay a specific part of his life over and over again as the experiment for over a year. Everything about his experiment was fixed. The time he woke up every day. The meals he ate. The time he left the apartment. The helicopter(which was just past the elevator and in fact just a simulation ride). The company building. It was all fucking fixed. This whole area he was currently standing in was a fucking stage and he was the performer.

Squeezing the wrench, then pushed everything off the desk out of anger, frustration, and confusion. What the actual fuck was going on here? He needed to get to his office. And since this seemed to be the company building, he knew exactly where to go.

Before a step could be taken, a mug rolled past his feet. It startled him, but he kicked it away anyway, chalking it up to be one of the items he pushed off the desk and walked towards the door assuming to be the exit. As he reached the door, the sound of the mug still moved, causing Sunghoon to whip his head around, seeing the mug finally halting in its place. There’s no way he kicked that mug that hard, did he? He didn’t have time for this and completely disregarded the stupid mug and opened the door, leaving his captive place and the weird mug behind.

Only to step foot into the lab, the main source of his deja vu. He placed his other hand onto the wrench, slowly making his way further in. Bodies of the scientists and lab techs were on the floor, at their desks and stations, and leaned against the wall. Their bodies were different than the one in the stage hallway by his ‘apartment’. Their skin was completely pale, their faces looked hollowed in like someone vacuumed sealed their skin to their bones. Sunghoon didn’t know which was worse to see between the bodies here and the worker in the hall. He kept his eyes moving, wandering off to the testing box, seeing the tablet still sitting on the desk with the butterfly inkblot still pulled up. How hasn’t that thing died yet?

His head pulsed just then looking at the inkblot. Body wincing and bringing him down to his knees, dropping the wrench at his side to cup the sides of his head with his hands. He bit down on his lips to keep from screaming, trying with all his might to keep his eyes open.

Please don’t black out again. Please don’t black out again.

A noise from across the room shook him from his daze and settled the pulsing of his head and blurred vision. He looked in the direction, swearing to god he saw something moving from behind one of the desks.

“Hello?” He slowly brought himself back to his feet, squeezing the wrench in hand and ready to use it as a weapon, “Who else is in here?” there was silence, “Heeseung, I swear to god man if that’s you…”

Except it wasn’t Heeseung that moved from beside the desk. It wasn’t even human. The thing was small, black, with four legs and dark veins that moved from his circular body down to all the legs. It moved fast, quickly jumping itself onto the nearest desk. Sunghoon took steps back, keeping his eyes locked onto whatever the hell that thing was. Watching as it moved itself from one desk to the other, making its way to him, jumping back to the floor, and morphing into a piece of paper that it landed beside. Without a second thought, Sunghoon rushed over, slamming the wrench down onto the monster, its appearance going back to normal and its four legs wrapping itself around the wrench and his wrists. On instinct, he lifted his arms up and quickly slammed them back down repeatedly, shoving the monster over and over again onto the floor until it stopped moving and its legs went limp, releasing his wrists.

Sweat dripped down Sunghoon’s face as he squats down to inspect the thing, “What are you?”

ₐₙd wₕₐₜ ₐᵣₑ yₒᵤ?

Sunghoon fell back on his ass, swinging the wrench once more against the monster until its black blood pooled onto the floor.

“Oh, fuck,” He whispers, “Oh, what the fuck!” He scrambles to his feet and rushes away from the dead thing, nearly tripping over the dead bodies as he runs to what he was praying to be the exit. He just needed to get to his office. Then everything will be answered for him.

But what Sunghoon was expecting to find, and what he did find, when the door swung open were two completely different things. His jaw dropped as he stared out the windows, arms limp at his sides as he walked to the nearest railing, “Holy fucking shit.”

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Blinking multiple times just for good measure to double-check he wasn’t dreaming.

He was in space. He was in fucking space. Sunghoon looked over the railing, seeing what he was assuming to be the lobby of this…spacecraft? Space station? He goes with station after seeing banners and signs of the like with the name ‘Astra 1’ written on them.

He swallows and decides to explore, walking down the steps to the first floor of the lobby. He couldn’t help but smirk as he took in the sights in front of him. He was in space?! What the fuck happened that lead him here?

As much as Sunghoon wanted to explore the lobby in its entirety, he remembered the small alien(?) he just encountered. If there was one, there had to be more. Maybe even something worse than that small one lurked among this station. He needed to find his office and get the fuck off this station. Fast.

Thankfully for him, purple signs that matched the station's color theme pointed him in the exact direction he needed to go. The offices were on the top floor of the lobby along with a few meeting rooms, a break room, and the trauma center. Sunghoon walked the three stories of stairs as fast as he could, finally reaching the top floor and noticing a turret sitting in the corner, pointing to the door of the trauma center.

What could a turret be here for? Sunghoon looked at the door to the trauma center, seeing the keypad was green, probably meaning the door was unlocked. Curiosity got the best of him as he slowly walked to the door. What could this turret be watching for? All those questions were answered the minute the door caught his motion and slid open. The sound of the turret started up and Sunghoon quickly dropped to the floor and pushed himself backward. The alien he saw standing before him looked exactly like the small one, except more human-like. As tall as one, with two large dark purple eyes at the top of its head. Its skin was also black but shinier, almost electric-like; a current flowed through the outer layer of its skin. It stared back at Sunghoon, tilting its head.

yₒᵤ’ᵣₑ ₐfᵣₐᵢd? wₕy?

The turret starts shooting out its bullets, the creature quickly rushing further into the trauma center for refuge and the door sliding closed. Sunghoon rushed back to his feet and over to the keypad, pressing his index finger against it, finding the lock icon, and pressing it repeatedly until the screen turned red. He waved a hand over the motion detector and let out a sigh of relief.

yₒᵤ’ᵣₑ ₙₒₜ ₗᵢₖₑ ₜₕₑ ₒₜₕₑᵣₛ. wₕy ᵢₛ ₜₕₐₜ? yₒᵤ ₜₕᵢₙₖ?

Sunghoon looked through the small thin window of the door, seeing the dark purple slits looking back at him. The creature hunched over into a corner. Why can he hear these things speaking to him in his mind? What the fuck is going on in this damned space station?!

He turned quickly, marching past the turret and down the hall that led to the offices. The hall had three doors on each side that had two desks on either side of each of the rooms. One door sat at the end of the hallway. It was cased in purple steel with a golden outline of flowers. It was beautiful, truly.

As he got closer to the door, just above the trim was a silver plate that read: Dr. Park Sunghoon. This was it. This is his office.

The keypad was red to show it was locked. Sunghoon pressed the lock icon and two options popped up:

Enter passkey

Face ID

Sunghoon chose face ID, because what the fuck would the passkey even be? He clearly doesn’t have any memory of stepping foot into this space station, what made him think he’d know the passkey?

The screen changed into a camera, showing him his reflection. A white bar moved up and down, and side to side across the screen to scan his features. It lit up green, and the door to the—his—office opened.

With a deep breath, he walked inside. The lights seemed to be motion-censored as they lit up the office with just the few steps he took inside. This office was HUGE. To his left, he had a view of the Astra 1 lobby and the infinite space. In front of him was a locker with another passkey he didn’t know. To his right sat his desk at the far side of the room with a workbench off to the side and a kitchen on the other.

He slowly walked over to his desk, tracing his fingers across the smooth surface as he rounded the corner of it. Sat on top of the desk were two monitors with the logo of his company slowly spinning in a circle and three picture frames. One with him and Heeseung as children, the other with them the day they created this company, and the last one is a photo of him, his younger sister, and his parents at one of his last figure skating competitions. Sunghoon smiled at these photos, fondly remembering them. But his smile soon faded at the realization he doesn’t remember anything else after a certain point.

He sighs and shifts his head to the other side of the desk, seeing a fresh apple and another card. He picked up the card first.

Sunghoon, If you were able to make it here, unlock the computer and click accept on the operator screen which will be already loaded up. The passkey is 20201130. I know you must have a lot of questions, everything will be answered soon. Please eat the apple as well. You more than likely haven’t been given proper nutrients.

Sunghoon didn’t realize how hungry he was until reading the card. Quickly tossed the paper down and grasped at the apple and sinking his teeth into the fruit. He dropped himself into the chair and leaned back as he chewed. How long has he gone without actually eating?

Once he finished the apple and tossed the remains in the trash can under the desk, he got to work with the passkey, typing it in and watching as both screens unlocked. Just like the card said, a window was already open to accept the operator. He clicked accept instantly.

Curtains came down the windows and the lights dimmed. One monitor shut off, and the other loaded up a video.

“Hello, Sunghoon.”

His heart stopped. The video was…of himself. And a small white ball floated beside his head…an AI, he assumed.

“You probably have a lot of questions,” he said, holding his hands together and leaning forward in the chair he was sitting on. The room he was in was a bit dark and looked to be in the corner of the lab downstairs, “For starters, I want to apologize on behalf of the things they will do to you,” he looked to the floor, licking at the corner of his lips, “I hacked into our companies system and saw the things they are planning for you, for us.” The white ball floated to the other side of his head, “How rude of me,” he chuckled, “This is November, Nov for short. He is…exceptional. He is us of course. We created him with the help of our technology and the neuroscience department. With the help of…” he looked down at his hands and twisted a ring around his middle finger, forcing Sunghoon to look down at his own hands and seeing that ring wrapped around his middle, when did that get there? “We were able to implant pieces of our psyche into these wonderful robots. We are the only one who successfully implanted our psyche into these things,” he gently tapped his index finger to the small bot, it turned to face him, obviously giving an attitude, “Hee was pissed we figured it out first,” Sunghoon smiled and looked down at the floor away from the monitors, missing his best friend and wondering where on earth he could be in this station. The video continued, “I’ll get to the point since I’ve messed around enough,” he leaned back into the chair, squeezing at his thighs, “The Typhon—the life forms we found while exploring space—I’m sure you’ve encountered them. If my predictions are correct then you undoubtedly encountered a few types. Or your memories returned and you’ll remember everything and I made this video as a safeguard for nothing,” he shrugged, “But I doubt it would be the case, unfortunately.” There was another voice shouting off in the distance. He stood to his feet and walked closer to the camera, worried filled his face, “My worst fear has happened,” he placed both hands on the side of the camera and swallowed, “I’ll leave instructions with Nov to explain the rest,” he glanced away from the camera, tucking his lip between his teeth, “Godspeed, Sunghoon. Good luck.” Then the video ended.

The curtains drew up and the lights came back on. What the fuck was that? The sound of a panel opening somewhere in the office jolted Sunghoon to his feet, the small white robot flew into the room, turning and looking at Sunghoon.

“Hello again, CEO Dr.Park,” Sunghoon carefully walked around his desk, meeting Nov halfway, “Have your memories returned?” It shocked Sunghoon on how alike his voice sounded coming from the bot.

He shook his head, “No.”

Nov tilted to the side, “What is the last thing you remember?”

Sunghoon shrugged, looking away from the ball, “That I was reliving the same day repeatedly, taking the inkblot test. Seeing the same image and everything going black until I finally somehow stopped the loop. I have no memory of this station or even stepping foot in it.”

Nov hummed, “It’s because you stopped taking the medication they were forcing you to use, to keep you in that loop.”

They were drugging him? “Explain to me what is happening!”

“CEO Dr. Lee and yourself, built Astra 1 after the discovery of the Typhon,” Heeseung and himself…discovered these aliens on this station? “They are smart creatures, and hold the key, secrets, and abilities for the mission you and Dr. Lee aimed for.”

To reach beyond the depths of our psyche and grant gifts to those who have none, to heal the less fortunate, and discover ways to extend our lives by transferring our psyche. They did it. Nov and the video Sunghoon was shown is the living proof of that. He couldn’t believe it, “How did we discover these aliens?”

“After Astra 1 was finished being built, Dr. Lee, yourself, and multiple others came up here to take a look before officially opening the station. The Typhon snuck their way into the station somehow. You and Dr. Lee found the mimics in the kitchen down in the crew quarters. One moment there was one mug on the table, a second later there were two.”

Sunghoon chuckled, thinking back to the small creature he encountered in the lab, “Mimics, perfect name for them.”

“Dr. Lee named that one.”

“Of course he did,” Sunghoon bit his lip, “Where is he?”

Nov tilted to the other side, “The whereabouts of Dr. Lee Heeseung are unknown. His tracking bracelet was disabled after the outbreak.”

Sunghoon froze, “The outbreak?”

“Yes. The Typhon are smart creatures, they played a coup and waited for the perfect opportunity to break out.”

Sunghoon scoffed, “That’s what happened in the video I was shown wasn’t it? The outbreak was happening.”

Nov hummed, “Indeed it was.”

Sunghoon gripped the side of the desk, “What happened to me?”

“After the discovery of the typhon and their abilities, as the video stated, you with the help of another doctor, successfully found a way to transfer over the psyche and created the neuromods to help with the transfer. Then the trials of using the neuromods on the typhon commenced. Once the trials were successful, it was time to take the psyche of the Typhon and plant them into humans. You being the primary test subject.”

Sunghoon clenched his fist, anger boiling up within him. He was fucking used as the primary test subject? HIM?! The fucking CEO of this goddamn company was used as the test subject?!

“I didn’t spend years of my life getting my doctorate in neuroscience just to become a damn fucking test subject!” Sunghoon snapped, locking his jaw tightly.

“That’s the thing, Dr. Park,” Nov moved closer to him, “You volunteered for it.”

His heart stopped. He did this…to himself?

“But you had no idea what the other scientists had planned, at least not at first. You were injected with the Typhon neuromods and took tests every single day to see how their abilities were working. It went perfectly until your mood started to change. That’s when they started wiping your memory. They stripped the Typhon psyche from your brain and restarted the trails.”

Sunghoon nearly fell to the floor, a piece of memory coming back to him of seeing Heeseung on the other side of the glass, screaming at the scientists each time over and over again to shut everything down, “Heeseung was a part of this too…He put me through this, he let me do this?!”

Nov fell silent for a couple of moments, “Dr. Lee tried to talk you out of it. Once the results were good, he no longer tried fighting you, until your mood changed and the other scientists took over the project. Dr. Lee had no control after that and had to play into their games, same as you.”

Sunghoon shook his head, “How has he completely just gone missing?! I just saw him yesterday for the tests!”

Nov shook as if saying no, “Dr. Park, the last trial you went through was almost three months ago,” Sunghoon stared at the floor with wide eyes, “The outbreak was contained a bit, but your trials continued. You eventually caught along to the trials and hacked into the station's mainframe and discovered everything they’ve done to you and what they plan to do to you. Not just you, but also the Typhon. You had plans to shut the project down but were caught in the process. The last memory you have was right after that final trial and before you were caught.”

His headache formed once again, dropping his head into his palm and gripping the desk tighter. It all made sense. Every ounce of it made sense. He needed to get off this ship. To find Heeseung and get off Astra 1 and report what has happened here to the police.

“I need to get out of here,” he said quickly, looking back at Nov, “You said Heeseung had a tracking bracelet, and I’m assuming the whole crew had one. Is there a way to turn it back on and find him?”

Nov went silent again, moving to look at the floor, then back up at Sunghoon, “There’s a list of the entire crew's bracelets and their locations, but after the outbreak, only one person was given access to the locations. Which brings me to the next piece of information you told me to tell you.”

Sunghoon nodded, waiting for Nov to continue.

“You need to destroy Astra 1 and all the information here along with the Typhon.”

He froze once again, “What about the survivors here? There have to be survivors on this station! Innocent people!”

Nov went silent then floated even closer to Sunghoon, “There are escape pods just below of the bridge, use those to escape with the survivors along with yourself after setting the station to explode.”

Sunghoon sighed with relief. This was good. It gave him time to search for Heeseung.

“You’ll only have ten minutes after setting the station to explode to get back to the bridge and escape. You’ll need to move fast.”

The locker slowly swung open, “I went ahead and unlocked the locker for you. In there, you’ll find your space suit to protect you not just from the damages of the station, but also the Typhon that is lurking around. A shotgun is also provided.”

Sunghoon walked to the locker. A red suit hung inside with the shotgun sitting on a shelf above up. He took the suit in his hands, inspecting it. Dr. Park Sunghoon was written on the name tag attached to the chest. He wasted no time pulling the fabric onto his body and zipping it up. God, past him really thought everything through with this outbreak. Too bad he doesn’t remember a damn thing about it.

“The suit has an auto function for the helmet,” Nov said, “For example, if you encounter a typhon or radiation, the helmet will automatically equip.”

Sunghoon raised his eyebrows, impressed, “Who designed that feature?”

“Why, you did, Dr. Park.”

Of course, I did.

Sunghoon grabbed the shotgun and the box of bullets sitting beside it, working fast to load up the gun.

He was officially ready to find Heeseung and blow this motherfucker into pieces.

“You said one person was given access to the entire list of the bracelets,” Sunghoon shifted his weight to the side, “Who is this person?”

“You’ll need to find Dr. YN/LN. She has the list.”

Sunghoon glanced up at Nov, “And where do I find Dr. YN?”

intro | part one | part two

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#myiceprince #for astra #park sunghoon #sunghoon #sunghoon smut #sunghoon x reader #reader x sunghoon #enhypen #enhypen x reader #reader x enhypen #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smut #yeonzzzn writing #space!au

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ughdontbeboring · 1 month

Text

pain relief

Austin Butler x WoC Reader (can be read by anyone)

Reader is trying to hide her chronic pain from her man

warnings: chronic pain (migraines), insecurities, smutty

THIS FOR ALL MY CHRONIC PAIN GIRLIES!!

notes: WOW even with all the Austin wips in my notes this is my first one to be posted, wow idk makes me nervous 😅 yall I hope I did our sweet boy justice.

No description of ethnicity one comment of complexion that’s it but reader when I write is always written with myself in mind. It’s soooo self indulgent.

this is SUPER self indulgent, So I first thought of this from his interview with Jimmy Kimmel when they asked about the migraines as an excuse not to have sex and of course his response was spot on he said “I don’t know what a migraine is” and Jimmy said “of cour you don’t” lmfao bc idk if I’d even turn him down if I had one!

I had a really bad period of back to back migraines for a couple months and this is what my brain rewarded me with in between one. I really don’t know what this is yall lol so don’t ask idk if I’m actually happy with it but yea lol

I put x reader but idk I guess it can tell be read that way, I don’t have the energy to re write it y’all so

now that I’m starting to feel better I will be catching up on my other wips.

if you like it, love it, fuck with it leave some love. I DO NOT give permission for my shit to be used anywhere by anyone.

🤕

Don’t focus on the pain, don’t focus on the pain she repeated over and over again in her head from under the safety of the soft cool cotton comforter as if it would keep away the pounding pain, protect her from it.

It would not.

Even with the house dead silent, the fan on for a little noise and all the black out curtains drawn that her boyfriend insisted he buy when he learned about her diagnosis from childhood- she knew relief would not find her. She shifted trying to readjust and find a more comfortable position to lay in, the little pocket above her head letting much needed cool air into her little bubble.

She knew a few weeks ago she should have reached out to her neurologist but she’d just been so busy it kept slipping her mind and the aspirin had been holding her over but this? no this one was a monster and it was full peak right now. It started almost a day ago after the LA screening for The Bikeriders and had not gone away.

It didn’t help that they also just got back from the UK press tour. All the flying, the red carpets, the flashing lights and noise was starting to take its toll. Recently her boyfriend of just a little over a year revealed to her how much he enjoyed having her accompany him and how he loves sharing those moment with her. Hence all the traveling she’d done recently at his side.

They still believed in healthy space but they truly enjoyed being together as much as they could.

Usually she’d fly out every 2 or so weeks to wherever he was since her job was more flexible, their relationship was long distance since she was still living in New York. Which they’d also discussed changing that status but they both agreed to iron out the plans once the tour was over and he had a few weeks of down time. They figured the actual move would happen after he filmed in NY the end of summer. Knowing summer was her favorite time to be home, ever the thoughtful boyfriend.

Though she was nervous to tell her family. They adored Austin but they’re a very close family and not seeing them everyday would take a lot of time to adjust to but it was important at this point in their relationship to actually be together. He even mentioned he’d love to look for a New York apartment which she had thought was unnecessary they could just stay with any of her family members when they visited until he reminded her she wouldn’t want her family to know she was his pretty girl who got cock drunk and loud when he fuck her stupid. Yes their own place was necessary.

She felt a sharp pain at her temple and groaned. It was like her brain was telling her to stop thinking about all the stress and think about the pain she was in, which she didn’t want to do either honestly. She wish she could sleep it off but it was impossible.

She flipped her pillow to the cool side and once again tried to empty her brain. Deep breaths girl deep breaths, the pain isn’t forever.

She heard the front door slam shut up, which made her curl up even more in a fetal position and the deep smooth voice of her favorite person calling out to her. That voice was her favorite in the whole world but right now she needed silence. She had hoped the migraine would have been over by the time he got back but she wasn’t so lucky. Now she would have to face the music.

She had been telling him the past couple weeks it was just little headaches nothing serious, he knew she got migraines but hadn’t experienced any with her so far. The past 2 years she hadn’t needed to be medicated, the doctor couldn’t tell her why they suddenly stoped and why she was only getting little headaches every once in a while. This is why she was so unprepared and completely out of her medication she hadn’t needed in so long; she truly thought they had finally stopped for good.

She couldn’t have been more wrong with the pain that was throbbing in her head. The front of her skull a constant ache and the back at the base of her skull and neck a wicked throbbing. The pain in her neck and shoulders unbearable even right between her eyes a sharp pain. She felt like she was dying. The fatigue of the attack her body was under was starting to catch up to her. She was trying to hold back the tears but the sound of boots pounding up the stairs along with the call of baby had her on the verge of a tearful melt down.

She wanted to avoid the conversation that would surely come after this, when he would witness her in a peak migraine state. She felt horrible because she knew he’d feel like it was his fault for encouraging her to come with him to all the press events but it wasn’t his fault.

She was an adult and she should have addressed this weeks ago with him and her doctor when the headaches started and not try to hide it to avoid worrying him.

She should have been honest and though she has no reason to be she was scared to tell him. She was scared he may think she wasn’t able to handle this kind of life. What if he wanted someone who didn’t need to recharge so often? Or someone who could just do anything with him at anytime not be laying in a bed sometimes for more then a day in pain and grumpy. Someone who couldn’t be touched in this state or be the prefect girlfriend.

She also knew she sounded ridiculous that wasn’t who Austin was but it didn’t stop the insecurity she had about her migraines and how they held her back from life sometimes. Held her back from being fully emerged into his lifestyle. The guilt wrecked her.

She knew she was mostly feeling insecure about her migraines because of those comments. She wasn’t normally insecure but recently she had read some comments which usually don’t bother her, about her and Austin’s relationship and how unhappy she looked being on press tour and if she was so unhappy why not just leave so he could be with someone who was happier with him. Those people obviously ignored the photos that were not taking at events that showed how happy they were but not knowing or they probably didn’t care she couldn’t be happier than she was, she was just suffering from more frequent migraines.

So of course they’d focus on the bad, not all the fans but some. A lot of fans, who she felt were real fans could simply see how happy Austin seemed again. She knew how that felt, she met Austin as a fan and all his relationships and flings after Vanessa seemed lackluster and without any real connection, so she got it. But some of the comments were really getting to her at this moment. Especially the ones about how he looked happier with Kaia (which she knew was a lie from hell, she heard all about that relationship from Austin, his last ex) and then the ones about Vanessa looking happy ALL the time, which was funny because Austin spoke to her about their relationship also and if fans only knew it wasn’t always perfect, yes they loved each other but still there was a lot of hurt in that relationship for Austin.

Then when those things would pop up she’d think what she’d say to her mans ex’s if she ever met them or if she’d just ignore them.

Her head throbbed hard from all the unnecessary thinking and stress she was bringing onto herself, things she normal never paid any mind when the bedroom door swung open.

Baby? He called again, steps coming to a slow stop halfway into the room when she assumed he noticed the state of the room; all the curtains drawn, the TV and lights all off, no noise but the fan she placed near the bed even though the central air was on and the pile of blankets on the bed covering her balled up body. Not a single part of her visible as she quickly stuck her hand out the air pocket at by her head careful to not let any light in and weakly waved at him. She could hardly speak let alone move her head to acknowledge him anymore.

“Baby you still in bed? It’s 10” He asked as he walked closer, not that he cared it was just unusual for her and caused a bit of concern to form in the pit of stomach.

He watched the head or he’s assuming area of the blanket shake in a yes motion. Even with the black out curtains there was still just enough light to make out everything in the room.

“Baby what’s wrong” he asked in a soft voice from the edge of the bed, his hand running gently up and down some part of her body under the blanket. Her body coiled away from his touch. He tried to shake away the slight sting it caused him.

“uh migraine” she whispered weakly, if he wasn’t mistaken he could hear the underlying embarrassment in her tone. What could she be embarrassed about?

“Oh shit baby, you need anything? Anything I can do?” He genuinely asked in gentler tone, though she couldn’t see how his eyes soften knowing she was probably in an immense amount of pain.

He felt useless.

“Uh no, just gotta be left alone for a while” this time there wasn’t any embarrassment in her tone just guilt.

Austin tried to school his own face and tone of disappointment. He know he couldn’t do anything truly to make it go way but he wanted to help, wanted to be there for her like she’d been there for him on all his overwhelming days and nights from filming and traveling. His sweet girl deserved that. Then he thought back to this one thing he’d came across when he was reading online about migraines when she first told him she got them pretty frequently in the past. He quickly dismissed that idea, a slight blush creeping up his neck, he felt a little embarrassed himself for even thinking to suggest that, who says that to their partner Austin? He thought. She clearly needed to be alone.

“Ok I’m just head downstairs then, call me if you need anything”

He took another moment eyeing her blanket fortress before turning and slowly heading Towards their bedroom door.

“Austin?” He heard her call shyly, her voice still muffled from the layers covering her.

“Yea?” His own tone was laced with curiosity.

“Uh…there…there is one thing you could probably do for me…if you don’t mind..if you do it’s ok-“

He was quick to be at her side, slipping out his shoes, ready for whatever. His stomach burned a little thinking she may ask what he thought of just briefly a moment ago.

“Anything”

He watched her baby blue fresh set of nails slip from under the blanket and her hand reaching out for his. His own large hand was in hers before he even registered it moving. She tugged him lightly, his body following gently. He was careful not to touch her as he laid next to her, his chest near where her head was, he remembered her saying how she didn’t like to be touched when she was having an episode, everything felt more intense and for some reason it usually amplified the pain.

“Can I use your hand for a while?” She asked shyly still under the safety of the blankets, he could hear her clearer through the hole she left at the top.

He felt guilty at the blood that rushed his cock.

“Of course” He said squeezing the right hand that held his left one.

He allowed her to maneuver his hand so that his left hand was under her head, she placed his fingers at the base of her skull, thumb on one side and his fore finger and pointer finger on the left side.

“Can you keep your fingers like this and apply as much pressure as you can? This are some of my pain points and the right kind of pressure can ease the pain a little, usually I tie a scarf but it isn’t always helpful” she mumbled weakly.

He was confused.

“Oh ok..I..I thought-“

This wasn’t something he read, though he seen something about heat compress. He was confused because he thought she was going to ask for his hand to give her an orgasm. That was something interesting that he had came across. It said it didn’t work for everyone hence why he was slightly embarrassed to suggest it, he didn’t want her to think he was only thinking with his dick.

He applied the pressure anyway, happy to help anyway he could.

“Is that good baby?”

“You can press a bit harder”

He did as she said, feeling her body adjust just the tiniest bit next to him. A soft sigh leaving her lips.

She soft voice thanked him. He hummed a response, his own body adjusting slightly to get more comfortable. He would lay here as long as she needed.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she called his name.

“Yea?” He asked feeling more tired himself than what he thought he was when he got home.

“What were you going to say? When I asked for your hand?” She replied softly voice full of the need for sleep.

His felt that fire and a blush come back. He chuckled to himself. Now was good as anytime to confess his unconventional suggest and figure out if it was something helpful to her or if it was something she even heard of before.

“Uh..I..I had been reading about migraines when you first told me you got them, trying to understand them better-“ He was cut off by a whimper she made, a pitiful sound of endearment. He knew what she was thinking, she was taken back by his willingness to be there for her however he could and that meant trying to understand what she would be going through. He kept going. “And I was reading how orgasms can sometimes help temporarily, but I didn’t want you to think I was just thinking with my dick” he concluded softly. Feeling better about just getting it out and in the open, it didn’t feel so dirty anymore, like he was taking advantage somehow. He knew her better than to think she would think that but it didn’t stop his insecurities about the topic.

He felt her body stilled.

shit was she mad at him? He felt the slight unease creep into his stomach and his insecurities intensify at the thought that she would be mad at him for suggesting such a thing when he noticed her right hand slip from under the covers.

Her soft palm facing up and open in a silent question and permission, are you still willing? And of course you can touch me.

He let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding and gave her his right hand, her soft fingers gently pulled his under the covers, her forearm resting ontop of his own as she slipped his hand under hers to be guided where he couldn’t see. Once his rough fingers tips ghosted over her wet pussy he didn’t need anymore guidance, he knew her too well, maybe better than she knew herself.

She gasped at the first touch and her hand left his to grip his forearm, as he’d started to explore her wet folds.

“How are you this wet already sweet girl? Hmm? Just can’t help yourself around daddy?” Austin questioned softly from above her, awe clear in his voice. He stayed laid on his left side, careful his body other than his hands didn’t touch her.

“Fuck” she groaned quietly from under the blankets. “Guess my body always needs you daddy” she moaned out. He groaned as his fingers applied more pressure and speed.

He felt the twitch in cock as she coated his fingers and moaned softly and weakly. His fingers switching between slow and quick. He was so painfully hard. He had to stay focus this was about her but how could he when her tight wet warm pussy was calling him? Begging for him. Her body was hardly moving just her hips grinding slowly into him.

Even fully covered by a ton of blankets he was still completely in-tune with her body. He didn’t need to see her face though he wished he could to kiss her soft lips, to know the pleasure he was giving her, to know she was close.

He blindly felt the warmth and wetness of her pussy driving into his hand slowly chasing the pleasure he was somehow able to provide in this state.

“Cum for me pretty girl, take it” he groaned lowly.

She moaned out, she sounded so exhausted and pitiful but he could tell she wanted this, needed it and he was more than happy to give it to her.

She squealed softly as she rocked against his hand, her body exploding and the sweetness of her drenching his fingers, her face seeking the comfort of his embrace under the blanket, he moved over slightly as his left hand still pressed to the pain points guided her, help her her blanket covered forehead lay against his chest. Her hips kept rocking slowly chasing the feeling.

“There you go baby” his husky voice praised even with a migraine she was still his good girl. So wet and warm and tight for him.

Moments passed with his fingers still cupping her warm sticky folds and the other still applying the pressure she required, neither hand moved as he felt her drift of to sleep, her body finally relaxing from the endorphins of her orgasm.

Austin woke to the press of a soft warm body slightly on top of his and light kisses and licks against his neck. He stirred and tried to adjust his eyesight to the darkness that had over taking the room. It must be late.

“Hey baby” her voice sounded softly, her lips suddenly near his own. She kissed his plump mouth, pecking kisses over and over. She sounded a lot better.

His arms moved to embrace her, pulling her further ontop of him and as close as he could get her.

“Hey baby” he replied his eyes seeking hers. The dimmed light from the hallway allowed him to finally see her. Though he didn’t physically see her face earlier, he knew she looked more well rested than she had in the past day or two. Her eyes had a fatigue to them but he was sure that would clear up from the migraine once she got some more rest. All and all she almost looked back to her normal self.

Her hand snaked up his chest to cup his face.

“Thank you, for everything” she told him a little emotionally.

He brought his lips to her for a passionate kiss, before laying his foreheads on hers.

“You don’t ever have to thank me, I’m yours, that’s what I’m here for, to take care of you” he whispered against her lips.

She pecked his again.

“And I’m still going to say thank you” she mumbled.

He pinched her side playfully as she laughed and pushed at him.

They just gazed at one another and she had to blink to stop the tears. She had woke to Austin on his back, her body against his. She had unconsciously sought his while she slept as the tension faded from her body and to her surprise his hand was still gripping the back of her head. The pressure had loosed when he eventually fell asleep but his hand was still there nonetheless. She didn’t think she could love the man more and here she was slipping further in the ocean that was Austin and some how she was learning she could breathe underwater. He was everything to her.

“I have a surprise for you sweet boy” she said smiling at him like he hung the moon and she’d die on that hill that he did.

Austin’s chest ached in a good way. He never wanted this to end. Couldn’t imagine it being any other way. Everything that had failed for him relationship wise lead him to this moment with her. He was better for it.

“Hmm, what’s that?”

She nodded her head to the side of him and that’s when he noticed the en-suite bathroom door open and the soft glow of candles burning. The scent of oils and salts hitting him. He quickly turned back to her.

“Wh-“

“You were knocked out and I wanted to return the love”

“You little sneak” he accused tickling her sides.

She was quick to scramble away from his hold and climb over him getting to her feet and out of his grasp when his hands followed her as she head toward the bathroom.

She stopped short of the door as she pulled her oversize graphic shirt over her head.

“I would do that you know, sometimes, never with men though, I hated being touched during my migraines but when it was really bad and I had the energy I would do it myself to help ease the pain” she spoke from the doorway to the bathroom, the soft light surrounding her body, giving a even more beautiful glow to her brown skin. “I didn’t think it would ever work from someone else’s hand, not too sure what that means handsome” she smirked.

So she had done that before he thought but just never with man, no man had ever made her comfortable enough to try let alone achieve bringing her relief. Austin felt those butterflies in this stomach again, he felt a sense a pride swell in his chest. His cock was even stirring again. That’s exactly who he wanted to be for her, the man that gave what she needed, what others couldn’t, he wanted to be the one no other man could compare to. He wanted to be her all.

She smirked at him almost as if she could read his every thought and she could because they mirror her own and how she felt about him.

“Lets go loverboy, it’s time for the real show”

ALSO yall don’t have to say anything abt it but i find it helps SOMETIMES but alone so I thought who could make this work for me with another person of course our boy Austin could bc he’s so perfect. He’s the only one I’d let touch me with a migraine lol

#austin #ughwrites #austin butler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler smut #austin butler imagine #austin butler x reader #austinbutleredit #austin butler x you #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x black!reader #feyd Rautha x reader #feyd rautha x you #Austin butler x woc reader

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zepskies · 5 months

Text

Wake Me Up - Part 2

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Summary: A few weeks after you and Ben celebrate your first Christmas together, Ben is returning from another mission with the Supe Affairs team. When he discovers that you’ve been taken, he’ll do whatever it takes to find you. And then, to help you heal.

AN: Thank you so much for your lovely responses on Part 1! Last week's angst was very physical. Now let's get into emotional...

Song Inspo: “I Can Read Your Mind” by the Doobie Brothers.

Word Count: 6.4K

Tags/Warnings: Angst, PSTD, hurt/comfort, medical trauma and injuries…and a bit of Nurse Benjamin? lol

💚 Wake Me Up Masterlist || Break Me Down Masterlist

Part 2: “All in Your Eyes”

At first, it was all shapeless color.

It felt like a small eternity before your vision cleared, and you dimly became aware of being in a hospital room. Your steady heartbeat clipped away on the monitor.

You had an IV in your hand and wires suction-cupped to your chest. Your raggedy clothes had been replaced with a blue paper gown, hidden under the blankets keeping you warm.

It was a slow process, and it hurt, but you managed to turn your head. You saw a man sitting in the corner with a laptop balanced on his lap. He typed with two fingers at a time, which reminded you of your grandfather. His brown hair fell over his furrowed brows, but his beard was well-trimmed.

His head soon rose, possibly feeling the weight of your gaze. His eyes widened a fraction, and he hastily closed the laptop and set it down on his seat before he went to you. You frowned when he came to sit at your bedside, and even touched your cheek with a gentle hand.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said. His voice was deep and smooth. “How’re you feeling?”

You didn’t have the energy to lean away from his hand, but you did give him a look of weary confusion.

“I…I don’t…who are you?” you asked.

His green eyes went blank for a moment. His hand fell from your cheek.

Then he chuckled in disbelief.

“Eyes are barely open, and already you’re fucking around,” he said.

That confused you even more. You were saved from answering, however, when there came a knock at the door. A blonde young woman peeked in. She brightened with a shocked, but happy smile when she saw you were awake.

“Hey! Oh my God, you’re awake,” she whispered in excitement. She went to your bed on the other side and picked up your hand. It took you a moment to remember her name, but you did recognize her.

“A-Annie? What…what happened?” you asked. You didn’t recognize the roughness in your own voice.

Annie shared a sobered look with the man sitting beside you, and she looked down at you again.

“Oh, hun. What do you remember?” she said.

You tried hard to think…but you couldn’t. It was all blurry and muddled in your mind.

Then, it was incredibly painful. A sharp, piercing pain that permeated through your skull and rattled down your spine, waking up the rest of your body in the worst of ways.

You whimpered, and the monitor began to beep more incessantly as your heart rate began to climb. You uttered a cry of pain while you held your aching head. You felt the gauze wrapped across your temples, forehead, and under your chin, half-covering your face.

The man turned to Annie with an angry frown.

“Get the goddamn doctor!” he snapped. But he reached for your closest hand and held it gently. He met your tearful eyes. Part of him didn’t know quite how to comfort you though. His eyes flit over your pained face, the way you were gripping your head with one hand.

He brushed his thumb over the one he held.

“…It’s okay, I got you,” he said eventually. “Just breathe.”

You couldn’t respond. There was too much pain, too much confusion. The last thing you saw was the worry in his eyes, before your head fell back against your pillow.

Your world faded away once again.

Dr. Helen Jeong, the neurologist Grace hired specifically to attend you, had been with you for a while. When she came out, Ben, Annie, your mother Marie, your sister Louisa, and the rest of the team (except for Butcher) were in the waiting room. All of them wanted to hear how you were doing, as well as the doctor’s prognosis.

Ben stood with his arms crossed, and Marie and Louisa followed suit. Technically, Marie was your next of kin, considering you and Ben weren’t married. She was close to tears again, but Louisa was supporting her.

“She’ll need a few more tests to confirm, but it looks like dissociative amnesia,” said Dr. Jeong. “It could be selective. Meaning, she remembers parts of her life, but not others, specifically tied to the past few days and the past year.”

“And me,” said Ben. He was frowning angrily. “Why doesn’t she remember me?”

She gave him a patient look.

“Her skull is fractured, but she’s also gone through an emotional trauma, as well as a physical one," she said. "The memories she’s lost are likely linked to that trauma, and so, her brain is trying to block out anything related to that painful time. It’s the body’s way of coping.”

Somehow, that explanation didn’t make it any better. Something dark and unfamiliar had been churning in Ben’s gut for days, but now he was forced to reckon with it.

It was guilt, and it was eating at his insides, clawing up to his throat. He covered it up with a hot layer of anger.

“Aside from time to heal from her injuries, it’s important that she be taken care of in a familiar, low-stress environment,” said Dr. Jeong. She aimed that last bit at Ben.

“How long until she’s better?” Louisa asked. “Will her memories come back at all?”

Ben shot her a dark look for even asking that question, but the doctor bobbed her head.

“It may take a while. Weeks, or even months, but have patience with her. As she heals, and with therapy, her memories should come back eventually,” she said. She gave Ben in particular a more reassuring glance.

He wasn’t interested in being reassured. He wanted results.

The doctor moved on so she could schedule an MRI for you, among other tests. Annie went over and laid a tentative hand on Ben’s arm. He glared at her touch and slid his gaze over to her.

“Look, we’re here for her…and for you,” she said. Even though she withdrew her hand, she looked sincere. “Whatever she needs, just let us know.”

Hughie was just behind her with a sympathetic look of agreement. M.M., Kimiko, and Frenchie were quietly supportive, if somber. You’d recognized Annie and Hughie earlier, but the others were strangers to you as well—likely because you’d met the other two at Supe Affairs, before you took on one fateful mission that would lead you to Ben. And him to you.

He let out a breath and gave Annie a minimal nod.

She smiled a little, and she and Hughie went back into your room to say goodbye for now. They promised to come back and visit, along with the others.

Meanwhile, Marie and Louisa were talking quietly. Ben’s ears perked up to it.

“I think she should come stay with you, Mom, until she’s better,” Louisa said.

When Ben heard that, he approached them. His darker frown was back in place.

“She’s coming home with me,” he said, in a tone that boded no argument. He should have remembered that your sister was too much like you sometimes. Fucking stubborn.

“If she doesn’t know you, she’s not going to be comfortable with you,” Louisa pointed out.

Marie gave her daughter a look, one that said she could’ve had a little more tact there.

“The best way for her to get her memories back is for her to stay with me, in a familiar place. In her home,” Ben said, his voice terse and shoulders tense.

“But trying to remember is hurting her,” Louisa said. “She needs to heal from her injuries first. And oh, how about this? No one will even tell us how the hell this happened in the first place!”

Ben’s frown deepened. Your younger sister had been warming up to him a bit more since the Christmas holiday you all spent together last month, but it seemed she was just as protective of you as you were of her.

Fine. Ben understood it, but Louisa was just a college student, not even old enough to order a fucking beer. He wouldn’t have this little girl telling him what was best for you.

However, as he glanced at your mother, he also couldn’t bring himself to answer Louisa’s non-question. At least, not with the whole truth.

“It was retaliation,” he replied, “for a supe we put away a while back.”

Louisa sighed heavily. Her lower lip trembled as tears welled up in her eyes, and she bit her lip and shared a look with her mother.

“Why did they want her though?” Louisa asked Ben, sniffling.

He held the tremor of unease deep inside, and he thought fast.

“He had connections in the CIA. She was the only part of the team here at the base, so he singled her out,” he said. The lie rolled off his tongue without much effort, even though part of it did add to the dark churning in his gut. His gaze fell beyond them.

“All of this is a moot fucking point,” he said. “All she needs is my blood, and she’ll be just fine.”

Louisa wiped under her wet eyes and scoffed.

“You think she’s going to accept a blood transfusion from a supe? Look, I’m sorry, but she’s not the person you know right now—”

“All the more reason to fix this sack of bullshit,” Ben snapped.

He turned on his heel and headed for your room. By now, Annie, Hughie, and the rest of them had cleared out. You were dozing, it seemed, but your eyes opened when Ben thundered in, followed closely by Marie and Louisa.

“Ben,” Louisa warned.

“What’s going on?” you asked weakly.

Ben shook his head and went to your bedside. He took up your hand and didn’t notice (or ignored) the apprehension in your eyes.

“Look, I know you think you don’t know me. You’ve been through…a lot,” he said. He paused when he considered the hell you’d probably endured the past few days. His gut began to roil again, but he pushed forward.

“Last year, you got hurt. Bad enough that you were going to need surgery,” he explained. “But I gave you some of my blood, and you healed right up. I’m gonna do the same for you now.”

You saw that he was serious, that he probably believed he was telling the truth. You just didn’t know this man—this supe that they’d told you was actually Soldier Boy. Instinctively you tried to pull your hand out of his grasp.

“No thanks,” you said, trying to hide your nerves. “I think I’m good healing on my own.”

Ben frowned. He held your hand a fraction tighter.

“Look—”

“No, you look,” you said in frustration, and a frisson of wariness. “I know you think I’m your…girlfriend or life partner or whatever the fuck, but I don’t know you.”

Just as the words left your lips, something sharp and painful flashed in your skull.

You can’t. You can’t. You can’t.

“But you do. You fucking know me!” Ben insisted. His grip on your hand tightened enough to make you flinch, a whimper sounding in your throat.

“Hey!” Louisa snapped at him.

“Ben,” Marie said, more gently, but not without urgency.

He realized what he was doing, and he forced himself to relax his grip. He watched you take your hand back and look at him like he was some kind of animal. He also realized then that you were scared. Scared of him.

Fuck me…

By degrees, he relented. Heaving a sigh, he carded a hand through his hair and gave a short nod.

“All right,” he said, and he met your eyes. “I’m, uh…I’m sorry, sweetheart. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

He held your wary gaze until you nodded in acceptance. He took in your face, bruised, and still stained pink from the blood that had been cleaned away with antiseptic wipes. Your neck, arms, and chest were the same; your other wounds were stitched up and bandaged.

According to the first doctor who evaluated you after you came out of emergency surgery (Ben had already forgotten the broad’s name), you’d also sustained broken ribs and a fractured cheekbone, aside from your other injuries.

“And…what about the rest of it?” Ben had asked. He spoke alone with the doctor, just outside your room. Marie and Louisa were in there with you now in the ICU.

The doctor shook her head, offering a look of professional reassurance.

“No. There’s no evidence of sexual trauma,” she said.

Ben took that information in with a nod. Inside his chest, however, the clenching around his heart eased a great deal.

But even with that relief, just your battered face, and the way you were looking at him now…it was all too much.

Ben ignored the voice deep inside that said this was what he deserved.

He stood up, and he left you with your family.

While Louisa had to go back to her dorm for school tomorrow, Marie stayed with you that night. You zoned in and out while New Girl played on the little TV on the wall.

Marie caressed your hair gently, though she was mindful of the way most of your head was wrapped after surgery to fix your skull. If only they could fix your mind too.

“That man…” you trailed. “Um, Soldier Boy. All that crazy shit he was saying…was it true?”

Marie gave you a look for your use of language, but she nodded gravely, and with sadness.

“Yes, Ben was telling the truth,” she said. “He’s the one who saved you. Believe me, he’s very upset that you’re hurt like this.”

You tried to process that as you frowned in contemplation. He’d certainly been…pushy. And determined, like he could actually heal you.

It didn’t matter though. You weren’t about to let a supe feed you his blood like a damn vampire, or whatever Compound V-tainted shit he tried to give you. You weren’t Bella Swan, and this wasn’t fucking Twilight.

“Ben” was rough, and demanding, and gave off a real assholish exterior. Just before he left, though, you also saw his upset. He had taken in your injuries like he was angry, just at the state of you. Like he was mad that he hadn’t been able to prevent it.

“I guess he went home,” you said. Marie shook her head.

“No, he’s still here.”

Your brows knitted together. “What?”

“He’s in the waiting room downstairs,” she explained. “Grace made sure he had a special pass so he could stay with us in the hospital, just in case…”

“In case of what?” you asked. Marie smiled and continued to brush your hair back.

“In case we need him,” she said. “For protection, he said.”

Her eyes shone with sadness again, like she knew something you didn’t. It made you suspicious, but you were surprised that he was still here, despite what you’d said to him.

…Huh, you thought.

Thanks to the (fucking awesome) power of morphine, you fell asleep shortly after.

A week later, you were still recovering in the hospital. The shitty fact of it was, between the medication for your injuries and the risk of pulling your stitches, you could barely move. Dr. Burke was pleased that you at least had feeling in your extremities. One of her main concerns for you had been mobility issues.

Well, you still had to use a bedpan, and sometimes you missed your mouth when you ate pudding, but at least you could feel your feet.

Marie took the whole work week off from her job in order to stay with you. Louisa visited you every day she could after her classes, but she had a recital coming up, and you didn’t want her to lose focus. You encouraged her to only come if and when she finished getting in all the practice she needed.

And Ben…well, he came often. Mostly when you were sleeping. And every time you woke up, you saw something new from him: a beautiful bouquet of flowers, imported chocolates, a snack from the deli down the street from the hospital, a good breakfast from your favorite café in the city, or even several orders of takeout for you, him, and Marie.

You also noticed how your mother doted on him almost as much as she did on you, offering to grab him cups of coffee, or laying her blanket over him while he napped in the big lounge chair close to your bedside.

The guy just refused to leave. So you didn’t say anything about it. You just watched him whenever you were lucid enough to notice he was there.

As it became easier for you to stay awake, and to observe his quiet, but solid presence, the more your wariness of Ben bled away.

You soon began to realize that you were curious about him. If you really had been with him before, how had you two met? And what had made you get with a supe, let alone the original supe Vought ever introduced to America?

You considered him now while he dozed in that uncomfortable looking chair. His brown locks had once again swept over his brows, almost obscuring his eyes. Part of you itched to lean over and brush it all away from his face. If only you were close enough.

You could admit, if just within the safety of your mind, that he was a damn fine specimen of a man. Between the cut of that bearded jaw, the broadness of his arms and chest, the length of those widespread legs…

“Keep staring at me and you’ll wear a damn hole in my face,” he muttered.

You inhaled sharply, and his eyes cracked open. A small smirk raised his lips in amusement. You smiled as well, more in embarrassment at being caught.

Ben let out a long breath and rolled the cracks out of his neck, confirming your assumption that the chair was even more uncomfortable than it looked. You felt a bit bad for him, that he was putting himself through all that for your sake…for someone who didn’t remember him.

He turned to you in askance. “How’re you holding up?”

You shrugged.

“Okay. Pain meds are finally kicking in, at least for the hour.”

He nodded, dragging a hand over his beard. He knew that you’d eaten lunch with your second dose of the day not too long ago.

“You still hungry?” he asked. “I don’t know how they could give you that shit. What was that, some poor fucking excuse for baby food?”

“Whatever it was, it wasn’t pleasant,” you agreed, but the doctor had requested something you could easily digest, with all the medication you were on.

Ben shook his head and rocked onto his feet. He’d get you a candy bar or something. He knew Twix was your favorite.

“Um…Ben,” you said, halting his steps. He turned to you with a raise of his brows. You pointed over to the folded quilt at the foot of your bed. Your mom had brought it from home.

“Would you give me that blanket over there?” you asked. “I’m a little cold.”

You’d get it yourself, but it pained you to fold yourself over. Ben was gracious enough to go over and get the blanket for you. He even opened it up and covered your body up to your chest. His face was stoic, more or less, but there was care in his hands. You found yourself staring up at his face. He leaned against the guardrail of your bed and met your eyes.

“Thank you,” you said, in a near whisper. “And, um…my water?”

You pointed to the plastic cup and jug on the rolling tray to his left. He shot you a look, but he did as you asked, pouring some fresh water into the cup and handing it to you. His fingers brushed with yours on the pass, but you tried not to focus on the warmth of his hand. Instead, you took a few sips from the cup and handed it back to him. He set it back on the tray for you.

“What’d I do to get the hot nurse?” you couldn’t help but tease.

Ben’s brows rose again, somewhat incredulous this time. Then, he was unable to restrain a cocky smile.

“Hmm, I’m a let that one go, since you’re laid up,” he said.

His gaze roamed your face. He noted that your purplish bruises were easing up somewhat, to green and yellow. Your lacerations were beginning to heal. And before, where there had been wariness, he now saw curiosity in your eyes.

“Can I ask you something?” you drew enough courage to ask.

His lips twitching to one corner, he lowered the guardrail and sat down on the edge of your bed. He gave you an expectant look. You sucked in a breath to steel yourself.

“How long have we been a…a thing?” you asked, pointing between the both of you.

Ben quirked a brow. “About a year now.”

You nodded, though your eyes were wide in surprise. You actually began to blush.

Ben smirked. He reached for the phone in his pocket and handed it over to you, after scrolling to find his photo album.

“Does that look like we don’t know each other?” he asked.

You shot him a wry glance, but you took the phone and started looking through the album. Many of the pictures that featured both of you looked like ones you’d taken, just from the angle. One picture was rather innocuous of him sitting on a couch, presumably watching TV, while you rested on his shoulder and smiled at the camera. His arm was wrapped around your waist.

Another was of you glaring at him in surprise, mid-bite on a large chili hot dog. He wore a Cheshire grin while leaning in close to your cheek.

There were several more than you flipped through, but each one made you sting with the unfamiliarity of it all. You couldn’t remember any of this, but it was undeniable what you and Ben were to each other.

Then you happened on a picture of just you, fresh out of the shower with a towel barely wrapped around you. You looked annoyed, but by the evidence of your smile, also amused that he’d surprised you with the picture.

Your blush intensified as you scrolled past that one. Then you encountered more pictures of you and him, each position filled with more bare flesh—and even more compromising than the next. You refused to press play on any of the videos.

“Oookay,” you said with a full flush heating your face and neck, and the tips of your ears. You minimized the album and all but tossed the phone back at him.

Ben’s smirk had deepened the longer he watched you peruse through the pictures. Now he chuckled and pocketed his phone.

“Like what you see, huh, sweetheart?” he couldn’t help but tease.

Frankly, you were adorable, getting all embarrassed, crossing your arms and pulling the blanket up to your neck. You shot him a look of warning.

What, you could eye him like a honey-glazed ham, flirt with him even, but you couldn’t take a little on the return side?

Ben chuckled some more and reached for your hand, to uncross your arms. You allowed it with a thinly veiled wariness. You weren’t afraid of him…anymore. But that didn’t mean there was no reason to keep your guard up around this guy.

Meanwhile, Ben actually struggled to figure out what he wanted to say to you. Something that wouldn’t put you off, or come off too strong. This was just too fucking strange…

He met your gaze with a heavy exhale.

“You’re going to be let out of here soon enough,” he said. “You don’t need to be scared of me. I’m not gonna hurt you. Matter of fact, I saved you.”

I’ve saved you more times than I can fucking count at this point, he thought wryly.

You stared back at him in contemplation. He sensed you were listening, really trying to hear him.

“You do care about me, don’t you?” you asked, almost in wonder.

Ben didn’t answer you right away. Your question took him off guard a bit, but he also found himself meeting your gaze.

“I think that’s pretty fucking obvious,” he said. You frowned at him then.

“Not entirely," you said. "Not if you don’t say it, Romeo.”

Ben stilled. Against his will, he remembered the last real words he’d said to you before this nightmare began.

“I love you,” you’d said. He could hear your pretty smile through the phone. “Just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

“Mhmm,” Ben replied, smiling himself. “I’ll see you soon, baby doll.”

He could also hear your disappointment, there in your brief silence.

“Come on, say it,” you implored.

Ben restrained a sigh. He cast a subtle look from the corner of his eye, watching Butcher, M.M., and Kimiko loading the car with their weapons, along with the supe they’d captured. They were all too close for comfort.

“Say what?” Ben asked, feigning ignorance. Your sigh reached him, stinging him.

“You know exactly what,” you replied.

He knew what you wanted, but he still didn’t give it to you.

He didn’t allow himself.

Now, he brushed a thumb over the back of your hand, and he sighed. Sometimes, regret weighed just as bad as guilt, even if you couldn’t admit to either one.

His gaze now slid up to yours.

“Well, I do… I care about you,” Ben said.

You’re fucking mine, his selfish heart added. He just didn’t think you’d react well to that admission.

“What do you say about coming home with me?” he asked. “I think being around all your stuff will help you…get better.”

You debated his proposition, and you realized his idea made sense. If this man was really your boyfriend, and you’d been living with him for a year…then maybe you could trust him.

Just not entirely.

“I want my mom to come too,” you said.

Ben smiled. It was a small, but true smile, and it took you by surprise. But you only felt your face getting warm again when he pressed his lips to the back of your hand.

“Yeah, she can come help me take care of you, ‘til you’re feeling better,” he said.

You regarded him for a moment, still wondering if you could trust him. The longer you stared into his eyes, the more you found yourself relenting.

“Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll go with you.”

After you were finally discharged from the hospital, Ben drove you and Marie out of the city to his apartment in Scarsdale. Technically, it was your apartment too.

He promised that it had been fitted with a much better security system, now with motion cameras around the apartment, and sensors on the roof. (You didn’t know that Hughie would have to explain to Ben how all that shit worked on his phone.)

The apartment itself was familiar to you, but it felt fuzzy in your mind. Like you had a dream of being here, living a life that wasn’t yours.

Thanks to the stairs, Ben left your bags at the foot of them, before he carefully maneuvered you into his arms without pressing on any of your stitches. You sucked in a shaky breath and held onto his shoulders, squeezing your eyes tight for a moment as the movement jostled your sense of equilibrium.

“You okay?” he asked. You blinked your eyes open and met his. His brows were furrowed in concern, but it was the intensity of his eyes that stole your breath. Part of you wanted to smile, half out of nerves, but you tempered it.

“Peachy,” you replied.

His lips twitched. He then moved carefully up the stairs.

He set you back down on your feet once he reached the top, at your insistence. Marie came in from behind with her suitcase and your forearm crutch, but Ben still kept a supporting arm around your waist.

“I’ve got it,” you told him, a bit nervous and hasty to escape his hold.

He released you, and reluctantly watched you head further into the apartment on your own two feet (and crutch). You wandered into each room like you were looking for a damn portal into Narnia.

It was hard for Ben to watch you like this. With a sigh, he went back downstairs to grab the rest of your things. He set them down in the living room while you ambled off into the guest room. Marie touched his arm in comfort.

“It’ll be okay, honey,” she said.

She’d developed a soft spot for Ben not too long after meeting him. And though he’d never admitted it, the sentiment was reciprocated.

He didn’t answer her, but after a moment, he nodded. She rubbed his arm with a faint smile and went to check on you.

Marie soon found you in the office you and Ben shared. It didn’t look like he used this room often, while your desk was covered in papers and files. It did, however, smell like his cologne in here.

Or, well, the scent was masculine and woodsy—like sandalwood and spice (and a hint of weed, as evidenced from the ashtray on his desk). You had to assume the scent belonged to him, even though you didn’t think he’d worn cologne at all in the hospital. Or maybe you just inherently recognized it as his.

Huh. Smell is the strongest sense, you mused to yourself.

The thought of you remembering anything at all from what you’d lost had you the slightest bit excited, and nervous. Dr. Jeong said you’d been through a terrible trauma. The evidence of it now littered your body and had nearly broken you. So you were fairly certain that there were things you didn’t want to remember.

The touch of your mother’s hand on your shoulder had you jolting. You breathed in relief when you saw her. Her eyes widened and she held up placating hands.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” she said. “You okay?”

You nodded, though you continued to take in your surroundings with a small frown. She helped you sit in one of the office chairs, as your strength was already waning.

“It seems like everything he said was true. It’s just…it’s a lot,” you said.

“Of course it is,” said Marie. “But if it helps, you seemed very happy here. You were just glowing all night with him at the Christmas party.”

Great, yet another event that was entirely blank in your mind. If you couldn’t remember celebrating your favorite holiday, then what was the point? You huffed.

“I just find it hard to believe that I’d end up with a supe,” you admitted. You worked at Supe Affairs for God’s sake.

Marie only laughed and rubbed your back.

“Well, you found a good one,” she said.

A good one, huh? you shook your head in true wonder.

Now that was food for thought.

When you first arrived, Ben had led you to the master bedroom and said it was your room. So why the fuck was he climbing into bed with you?

“Excuse me,” you frowned at him, drawing the blankets closer over your body. You only had on a large shirt over your underwear. It was how you preferred to dress for bed, and it was easier than pulling a pair of shorts over the healing scars on your legs.

Ben had on a gray shirt and some plaid pajama pants. He’d shucked off his old man loafers before making the right side of the bed dip with his weight. He raised a brow at you.

“What?” he asked.

“What do you think you’re doing?” you asked.

“Going to bed, sweetheart. Been a long fucking week,” he retorted.

“I thought this was my bed,” you said.

“It’s our bed,” he corrected. He grabbed the edge of the blanket to pull some of it towards him, but you pulled it tighter against you.

“Look,” you said flatly. “I agreed to come here and stay with you, but I didn’t agree to this kind of close quarters.”

Ben stared back at you in annoyance and willed his temper not to snap. So fucking what if he shared the bed with you? It was a California king. The odds of your bodies even touching were slim to none.

However, he saw that stubborn look in your eyes. It was all too familiar.

Christ on a cross. He forgot how goddamn difficult you were in the beginning.

And really, you two were at the beginning, all over again. He’d gotten you to trust him, slightly, but he knew the rest would take time.

Is this really fucking worth it? came an insidious thought deep inside. The selfish part that had ruled for most of his life.

Then, he spied the silver Rolex on his nightstand—the one you’d gifted him for Christmas, along with the photo album that you’d put together for him. It included the only pictures he kept of his mother, and new ones you’d made with him. They were pictures you’d collected and captured of your life together so far.

With a deep sigh, Ben wordlessly got out of bed. He grabbed up his pillow and a throw blanket that had slid to the floor, and he made his way to the living room. Marie was taking up the only guest bedroom, so he supposed he was relegated to the couch in his own home. How the fuck did that happen?

He sat down heavily in the middle of the couch and had to take some deep breaths. His head slowly fell into his hands, elbows resting on his knees. With both hands, he tried to rub the exhaustion and frustration from his face.

There were words he couldn’t say. However, within the safety of his mind, he was forced to reckon with it.

This was his fault. He knew it, down to his bones.

It was all really his fucking fault.

He should’ve gotten you a protective security detail from the beginning. He just didn’t think anyone would have the balls to…

Ben breathed past the tightness in his chest that was once again clawing at his throat.

Well, this fucking blows like a cheap whore, he thought.

And as you might expect, he slept fitfully that night.

The next morning, you winced at the ache in your head that was now customary for you. You had practically drowned in this giant-ass bed, but the reality was, you’d barely slept. You just couldn’t get comfortable enough to stay asleep.

You didn’t know if it was because it was an unfamiliar place, or because you now had a lower dose of pain meds than you’d been given in the hospital, or if it was because there was just something missing here.

You sighed and hauled yourself out of bed to freshen up. Really, you should’ve waited for your mother or Ben to help you out of bed, but you weren’t used to being incapacitated like this. And even when you were down, it had been ingrained in you (through your father’s special brand of “parenting”) to play through the pain.

So you grabbed your crutch from beside the bed, and somehow you managed to make it to the bathroom by yourself.

After dressing in sweatpants, a bra, and a tank top, you padded out into the hall. Your mom was still sleeping, but you found Ben in the living room.

He was sprawled out across the couch. Half the covers had slipped off his body and pooled on the floor. Again, you tried not to admire the length and broadness of his form, and the way that shirt stretched across his chest and arms.

His arm was curled across his closed eyes, but he lowered it when he heard you approaching.

His eyes were a bit red and bleary. It didn’t look like he’d slept very well either. You felt bad for that, as you leaned on the back of the couch to greet him.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” you teased him a little. “You slept like shit out here, didn’t you?”

“What was your first damn clue?” he groused. You had a feeling he was grumpy in the morning, regardless of how well he slept.

“Okay, I’m sorry about that,” you said. Even though you had every right to sleep alone, you still felt bad for making him sleep out here. “How about I make us some coffee?”

He nodded with a grunt. You smiled and teetered only slightly on your way to the kitchen. Ben frowned as he realized it.

“You shouldn’t be walking around like that yet,” he called after you.

He forced himself to get off the couch, rolling to his feet. You shot him a stubborn look.

“I’m fine,” you said.

Ben’s frown deepened with annoyance.

…Right. Okay, you weren’t exactly fine.

You were still exhausted. Still felt like utter crap, as stiffness pulled at your muscles and pain at your stitches and broken ribs. And, oh yes, your head was still broken.

But, this was the most mobile you’d been in a few weeks. You were determined to do at least one normal, productive thing today. Even if it was just making coffee, then you were going to count that as a win.

By the time Ben joined you, the coffee was done percolating and you handed him a mug. He took a sip before he remembered to tell you…no cream.

He looked into the mug in wonder. You’d actually made his coffee with sugar, no cream. Just like he liked it.

Noticing the look on his face, you paused.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot to ask how you take it.”

“No,” he said, sitting across from you at the breakfast bar. “It’s just right.”

You blinked in surprise, but then you shrugged and sipped at your own cup of coffee, which had both cream and sugar. While you were preoccupied with brainstorming where to order in for breakfast, Ben allowed himself to smile a little.

You were in there, somewhere.

He just needed to help you come out.

AN: See? I promise, there's hope. 💚

(But there's also still drama ahead...)

Next Time:

“We’re not gonna have this discussion again. You need to fucking eat,” he said. “I could feed you, though I promise you’re not gonna like it.”

His surly, frowning face was annoying you. His deep voice was annoying you. His tall, ridiculous wall-of-man body in your line of vision was annoying you, clothed in a rumpled shirt and the sweatpants he’d slept in.

Everything about him annoyed you right now.

But that could also have something to do with the pounding ache in the back of your skull, radiating forward and between your eyes.

“Bro, I’m on like, three kinds of medication,” you replied in weary irritation. “With what appetite do you expect me to eat?”

Bro? His eyebrow twitched.

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 3

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Break Me Down Masterlist

Soldier Boy Masterlist

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BMD/Series Tag List (Part 1):

@deans-spinster-witch @this-is-me19 @waynes-multiverse @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @spalady26

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@spnfamily-j2 @im-a-slut-for-fluff @lacilou @venicesem @mimaria420

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asifyoudidntknow · 6 months

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All Time Favs

I began reading fanfic in my teens during the original run of the show. There were lonnng breaks from it, but coming back to the fandom in 2017 reignited my interest. I now keep a spreadsheet as well as a "to read" list. I already have almost 600 logged (not including 5 years), so I wanted to share my top favorites. Divided into my 4 favorite genres (AU, casefic, angst + romance, and smut + romance) and in no particular order...

*Alternate Universe*

I used to wonder why someone would choose to read AU. Then I read one of these and was completely blown away.

Katherine of Ireland by Jenna Tooms (gossamer)

Katherine, princess of Ireland is married to Walter, king of Angora. When Walter is killed during battle, Katherine is taken by the enemy, FitzJames. William is FitzJames right hand. When FitzJames orders her to be beaten (even after discovering her pregnancy) William devises a plan to save her, heal her and get her back to Ireland. Will William always be seen as the enemy or will Katherine come to see him for who he truly is?

By the dim and flaring lamps by @sunflowerseedsandscience (ao3)

Civil war AU’s are my jam and this was one of the first ones I read. When Mulder discovers (disguised boy) Scully bathing in a waterfall by darkness and realizes what he is dealing with will remain etched in my brain forever.

In darkness by DKSculder (ao3)

What if Scully was married to Daniel? What if Daniel was a serial killer? What if Mulder was a VCU agent still? This is an unfinished work, but the idea is unlike any other I’ve come across.

Blinded by the white light by DashaK (ao3)

Need I say more? When Mulder and Scully find each other after colonization, will they remember each other and will they act on it?

The second side of light by @scapegrace74-blog (ao3)

Oregon Trail. Mulder is leading scully and Melissa across the trail when Melissa dies. They end up getting very close to one another on the journey.

Paracelsus by profuckslove (ao3)

Another amazing civil war AU. When Mulder goes looking for his lost son and comes across a pregnant scully what will happen to them?

Hiareth by profuckslove (gossamer)

Wales 1215. Scully escapes the king by marrying Mulder, the prince of wales. Marriage leads to love and fighting off dangerous men.

Paracosm by @softnow (ao3)

This is an unfinished work. College AU. Mulder has a crush on the library girl, will she return his advances?

A companion unobtrusive by @slippinmickeys (ao3)

A college AU where scully is looking for a roommate and Mulder is looking for a room. Melissa introduces them and the rest is history.

Qui Si by Trixie (gossamer)

After accepting an offer from a gypsy to go back to a life with Samantha in it, Mulder, a child psychologist, helps Scully, a PhD, get over her past.

You he did not fail by extraordinarily_ordinary (ao3)

Scully abruptly leaves TXF after surviving cancer and moves to LA to start anew. She is dating when Mulder is assigned as a profiler to a case she is working and they have to deal with things left undealt with.

Five years and a lifetime by @monikafilefan (ao3)

Mulder is a Peds psychiatrist. Scully is a Peds neurologist. They meet at a conference and have a one night stand. What happens when they come to work together 5 years later and Scully is a single mom?

Amish country by lolabeegood (gossamer)

Mulder and Scully go undercover in Amish country trying to catch a serial rapist while navigating very traditional values and roles.

You and me by lolabeegood (gossamer)

Mulder leaves his wealthy parents to serve under Scully’s father in the military. In order for her to stay safe, fed, and clothed she needs to marry.

The mountain man by aka Jake (gossamer)

Scully is sent from nyc (where she was becoming a doctor) to Montana at her father’s wishes. He wants her to marry a lieutenant under his command and not practice medicine, but she becomes intrigued with a local mountain man.

The countess/the earl by @slippinmickeys (ao3)

When scully is to be married to an old duke in order to save her family from financial ruin, a strange, alluring earl steps in to save her.

*Case*

There is nothing quite like a casefic. It's classic x-files and I am here for it. Writers in this fandom are so talented with their abilities to create a fic that rivals/trumps actual episodes.

Perchitor by @aloysiavirgata (ao3)

A little girl goes missing in the mountains with the superstition of Jenny Greenteeth to blame. Mulder and Scully investigate while navigating a new physical relationship.

Omens by @lepus-arcticus (ao3)

I read this one as a WIP and was anxiously checking for an update every night. There were several lines in this fic that made me gasp. Cancer arc angst. Give me it alllll.

XII by fragilevixen (ao3)

A killer that romanticizes every victim. His next target? Guess who. *coughSCULLYcough*

Hearts desire by malibusunset (ao3)

While in a small town scully runs into an old BF and starts wondering why she doesn’t prioritize her dating. She decides to go for it. The author makes me like Scully’s old flame. That says something. When the MSR convo finally does come, I thought I’d die from the slow burn.

Resurgam by opheila_interrupted (ao3)

One of the most xfiles like cases I have ever read. Remains unsolved at the end and has our agents investigating ghosts near Mulder’s hometown while dealing with their own (Emily & Teena).

Universal invariants/laws of motion by @syntax6

Scully is engaged to Ethan throughout the first season while her and Mulder’s relationship is deepening and then consummated right before she is abducted. How do two guys in love handle Scully’s abduction and what happens when she is returned?

All the way home/head over heels by @syntax6

Mulder is pulled into a past unsolved VCU case of a killer with a shoe fetish while navigating a new physical relationship with scully. When scully is targeted, Mulder has to gamble with his personal feelings while working to find the killer.

Queens gambit by Suzanne Schramm (gossamer)

Under Kersh, Mulder and Scully are assigned to a VCU case Mulder worked in Utah in 89’. The killer was put to death and then revenge began. Local mines and children involved.

*angst + romance*

This is my crux. Angst in any way, shape, or form. Add in some slow burn/ust and finally the rst *chefs kiss* particularly fond of Ethan fics and cancer arc.

Contact high by penumbra (gossamer)

Still feeling the residual effects of the spores post field trip, our agents try out Mulder’s new waterbed.

Early on by @sunflowerseedsandscience (ao3)

10 vignettes set during season 1. Our baby agents are becoming close, but Ethan is still around. How does scully navigate her relationship with Ethan while working with Mulder?

Center Mass by @kateyes224 (ao3)

Another Ethan fic set in season 1. Mulder and Scully make an effort to get to know one another… in more ways than one. And when Mulder gets aroused at Scully’s marksmanship it’s all over for me.

One blue line by sarie_fairy (ao3)

IVF arc. Scully is defeated by a negative pregnancy test. When Mulder tries to comfort her, she suggests having sex. I just remember wondering if I was reading or actually doing the act myself considering how detailed it was.

Salt by anjou (gossamer)

I remember reading this and being like WTF is happening to only have it all make sense at the end leaving me speechless.

Triptych by @iconicscullyoutfits (ao3)

My favorite FTF, post bee, how the f*ck did they get out of anarctica fic.

Snowbound by malibusunset (gossamer)

After missing their flight and being snowed in their rental on the side of the road, discussions lead to their relationship. Once they’re recused they are put up in an inn with 1 room. Dun, dun, dunnnn.

The ache by @storybycorey (ao3)

1999 Mulder has a visit with 2015 Mulder to urge him to get help with his depression and not lose scully.

Love bites by living_underground (ao3)

A review of vampirism cases throughout the years. Hickeys from Ed. Love bites from Mulder.

Goshen by bonetree (ao3)

Mulder and Scully are in a car accident where their car can’t be seen. Major injuries lead to near death experiences and visions of Emily.

All that our senses can perceive by wonderland (ao3)

Mulder’s POV looking over Scully’s transformation from girl to woman and how all of his senses perceive her.

Caught in the Act I by parrotfish (gossamer)

Although the whole series is amazing, the first part is my favorite. I love when scully lays into the review panel about being sexist.

The things she carries by @edierone (ao3)

One of my favorite cancer arc fics. When Mulder confronts Scully 3 years later on the porch I literally stopped breathing.

Red valerian series by dashakay (ao3)

Scully looks to skinner for comfort during a grueling case, starting a 6 month affair. Will scully ever love him or will the buried truth prevail?

Sex and Loathing by malibusunset (ao3)

Scully takes a drunk Mulder home after Roche. He makes a move and they have terrible sex. After 2 years of poking at each other they face things head on after Mulder almost dies in PBV.

Snakebitten by @onpaperfirst (ao3)

Set throughout season 5. My favorite season. Say no more.

Five years and one night by Shalimar (gossamer)

When Scully transfers to LA and Mulder finds more babies like Emily, can they work together again to get to the bottom of this conspiracy?

The letter by Shalimar (gossamer)

Post TFWID, scully goes searching for more clues to her and Mulder’s past lives when she comes across a letter in a local Apison museum she sent to Mulder.

*smut + romance*

It's hard to have just smut when it comes to MSR, am I right? these two idiots are so in love that my smut category must also be romantic.

Undercover swing by 2momsmakearight (ao3)

What if Mulder and Scully go undercover as a married couple interested in swinging? Can they both keep their jealously in check?

Be kind, rewind by OnlyTheInevitable (ao3)

To help catch a suspect, skinner requests our agents watch porn together. While watching, conversation leads to critiques about the performance and comments about personal preferences.

Girl 77 by mojo

A stripper is found dead with Mulder’s card on her. She looks exactly like Scully. Scully notices and confronts Mulder about it.

Dropped call series by @phillippadgettwrites (ao3)

Phone sex, but make it “not them”

December 31, 1984 by @phillippadgettwrites (ao3)

When Mulder saves an unimpressed scully from some jerk on NYE, they end up at her apartment having a one night stand.

Damsels by @sisterspooky1013 (ao3)

Scully is sent undercover as a stripper to find a missing woman. Mulder is kept in the dark regarding her case, but pieces together where she is and what she’s doing and sets out to find her.

The Shirt by Audrey Roget (gossamer)

Skinner reconciles with Sharon leading to a vow renewal celebration. Skinner asks mulder and Scully to stand with him as his best agents. After slow dancing together, mulder bolts out of the celebration before scully catches the bridal bouquet and he crosses a line. When they end up in an accident while driving in a storm, things come to a head in an Elvis inspired motel suite out in the middle of nowhere PA.

#txf fanfic #msr fanfic #fic recs #fic rec list #fanfic recs #au #case fic #angst #romance #smut #msr

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wasyago · 5 months

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I'm so curious, but it's okay if you do not have an answer for me; did something happen to Etho in your recks au for him to need all of those robotic prosthetics, like an accident of sorts? Or did he, I guess, experiment on himself or something like that?

Wonderful design, by the way! I can't stop looking at it, I love it so much.

haha yeah something did happen :)c

so, as you may or may not know, the world of recks suffered from a catastrophe caused by the moon going off its orbit and almost crushing into earth; which caused the creation of many gravitational anomalies all over the planet; which caused most of the big cities to evolve downwards and move under the sea level; which created this odd phenomenon of many skyscrapers in the middle of the city being abandoned and staying vacant, even if the buildings are technically fully operational.

and so teen etho, our smart little boy, thought "Hey, i don't wanna live so low underground where the sun doesn't reach when there's perfectly good houses on the surface!" so he just kinda... left his home and moved to one of the abandoned buildings. which, i mean, good for him and all that. BUT.

see, the thing about run down buildings is that they don't have a good water supply. and the thing about water in recks au is that it has a ton of bad chemicals, moon debris, leftovers of destroyed infrastructure, etc, in it when unfiltered or filtered poorly.

and etho, although smart, wasn't smart enough to give proper attention to the metallic taste of the water in the building he moved in to. like, sure it tastes a little weird but otherwise it's fine, it's something you would expect from an abandoned skyscraper right?

well, little did he know that the water he drank for god knows how many years of his life, was actually slowly dissolving his insides and poisoning him! and yknow, sharp pain in your guts every so often is one thing, but actively coughing up blood is another. and thank god he met cleo by then, because they forced him to actually do a check up to see what was wrong.

everything was wrong how you might've already guessed, to the point where the damage wasn't reversible anymore and there was no way to heal naturally. sooo etho had to get the prosthetic and say goodbye to his organs. the other option was to say goodbye to his life tho so he got pretty lucky there i think. thankfully cleo is a prosthetics doctor neurologist person, and she was able to get everything sorted fairly quickly for him and get that man on the operating table as soon as possible.

so at the end, all of etho's vitals had to be changed, including his throat and lower jaw because it also god badly damaged by being in contact with the water. (turns out etho had the raspy voice not because he was cool but actually because he was dying 😬) and! let me tell you, removing someone's entire set of vitals and changing them for the artificial ones in one surgery without killing the person in the process is actually very hard!! who would've thought huh...

well uhmm, yeah so this is what happened to etho o3o

(the eye prosthetic is another story tho, this post is already pretty long so maybe next time)

#recks au #recks!etho #recks!cleo #briefly mentioned but very important #yagotalk

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payasita · 1 year

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Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

#personal #anyway thanks for the kind words anon #i am going to go lie down #ADHD #long post

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rorja · 6 months

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today it seems i can’t stop thinking about neurologist!suguru… i came up with the idea for fun while i was watching a show and now it is haunting me with silly scenarios and stuff.

so please sit here a minute while i try to explain the vision i had this afternoon…! —🐣

neurologist!geto who quickly becomes the talk among the nurses of the university hospital he started working at last month. sure, he’s an excellent doctor and a great person and of course so polite and kind with his patients. but no, that’s not the only reason why he began to attract people’s curios stares.

neurologist!geto that is on duty the very next day after a troublesome night shift. visiting each patient of his ward dutifully while being accompanied by a nurse— who, coincidentally enough, is the one that seems to notice that odd little detail first.

neurologist!geto who becomes the center of the rumors that same afternoon. he’s a thirty years old beautiful man, and yet he seems to not have a ring on his finger! that’s shocking, a huge news! who would’ve thought that an amazing man like him was yet to marry. it was also weird considering the many people that got a crush on him, too…

neurologist!geto who shocks every doctor and every nurse in that hospital once again when the “bring your kids to work” day eventually arrives. showing up to the reception area of the main building gently squeezing the hand of a small and shy brunette child on his left while holding close to his chest a more enthusiastic and energetic blonde kid, who points her tiny finger around the decorated entrance. it takes less than one hour to discover that doctor Geto Suguru is a dad of two twins named Mimiko and Nanako.

neurologist!geto who happily answers questions about his daughters and encourages them to greet his friends, Satoru and Shoko, in the main hallway of the hospital building next to a coffee machine and a snack one. visibly ignoring the widened eyes of all the nurses passing by. he doesn’t care if they are shocked, what is important for him is that he got to opportunity to change the routine for his daughters, hoping they’ll have a wonderful time while prioritizing their comfort.

neurologist!geto who calls your name loudly while sitting in the cafeteria once he spots you looking at the menu. and you immediately light up once you see the two little girls eating their lunch boxes and talking about how cool their dad is while working. for an instant you hear Mimiko say ‘i want to be a doctor like him when i grow up’ and you can feel your gaze instantly softening. looking at geto with a fond smile as he tells her that he’ll happily support her if she wants to study medicine, but that he’ll be proud no matter what she chooses in the future.

neurologist!geto who surprises everyone in the hospital the day after. a silver band sitting comfortably on his ring finger that the nurses swear wasn’t there before. and when questioned about it, his only answer is “oh my wedding ring? i lost it about a month ago. me and my daughters were playing on a boat we’ve rented for their summer break, when it accidentally slipped from my finger into the water. i had to wait a bit to get a new one, but it was worthy. i’ll pay more attention to it in the future” with a polite smile before resuming his paperwork.

neurologist!geto who every day after work finally is free to come home to you and the twins you’ve adopted a week after your wedding. enjoying a simple evening watching a movie on the couch or playing some card games on the carpet of the living room, before helping you tucking the twins to bed. laughing with you when he recalls the odd questions about his ring from your colleagues of the pediatric ward back at the hospital, while helping you preparing the bed to go to sleep too.

neurologist!geto who is tired from his work, and yet focuses all the remaining energy in pulling you to his chest gently. holding your half asleep figure just as tenderly, a hand easing the knots between your hair and the other hugging your waist to keep you close to him. leaving a kiss on the crown of your head before closing his eyes with a content sigh. both of you eventually falling asleep before the loud melody of the clock wakes you up for a new day of work.

#jujutsu kaisen #geto suguru #geto suguru x reader #geto x reader #jjk #geto x y/n #geto suguru x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto fluff #jjk suguru #it seems like i can’t write anything but fluff for this man #jjk x reader #i forgot how to tag #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fluff

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aliteralsemicolon · 1 month

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what do u think about Maeve as a character and as a love interest for Spencer?

Well she definitely exists. She was definitely a canon love interest 😐 I choose to forget a lot of details from that whole incident on purpose. Talking about this is just beating a dead horse bc I think my opinion is just a general consensus.

but here's what I think anyway:

The storyline

I won't talk about it for long because I feel like it's obvious, but the whole situation was handled so poorly. It kinda just showed up out of no where on one random peaceful day. What do you mean Maeve didn't want Spencer to get the BAU involved because 'it could endanger him'? Babe, he's already in danger just by being in a relationship with you, but I guess that just doesn't fucking matter. Also, what the fuck do you mean that Spencer just went along with it? I'm sorry? Spencer Reid, who becomes very impulsive when it comes to the wellbeing of his loved ones? He just agreed to sit back? Not even investigate in his free time?! By the time ZUGZWANG happens, we as viewers know how the BAU operates. The BAU was more than equipped to successfully deal with Diane. We know what they're supposed to do in a stalker situation, but for some reason they ignore nearly every goddamn protocol and then they're surprised when Maeve dies??

Maeve as a character

Listen, I don't dislike her because she was Spencers love interest. I'm actually somebody who's very keen on love interests for Spencer. I want that poor man to be happy. I dislike Maeve because she's one of the worst recurring characters on the show. She's very morally annoying. Not grey, annoying. Maeve is a geneticist. Geneticists, for the most part, study gene interactions and evolution. She has no fucking business diagnosing and prescribing shit from one look at an MRI scan. I don't even wanna talk about how medically inaccurate the migraine bit of the storyline is. Somehow it gets dumber. I don't know what she said for sure, but I know for a fact that she said something like she had to get to know Spencer because of how interesting he seemed. FROM HIS MRI SCANS?! Are we ignoring how unethical this is? Please, I cannot fucking do this. But there's more. Apparently she loves Spencer. She says as much at the end of a phone call AND literally writes that one love quote in the Narrative of John Smith for him. She loves Spencer, but fails to mention how she was engaged literally not long before she met him. And she doesn't feel an ounce of guilt or sadness when he ex-fiancé (whom she also supposedly loved) gets shot in the head in front of her? Also there's certain times where she just comes off as very emotionally manipulative, but in the dumbest way possible. The thing is that I don't even hate her because she's like this. Some of these things actually give the character potential to become a really interesting and complex character. It's because she tries to come across as the opposite. The writers try very hard to portray her as an intelligent, good and innocent character, but everything she does is very selfish and stupid. Personally, if I was a geneticist and some fucker reached out to me to ask about his MRI scans I would redirect him to a fucking neurologist or something.

Maeve as Spencer's love interest

She's introduced to us a mysterious woman over the payphone. We get glimpses of her body in a dark room and we watch her fiddle with things while walking around, but we don't actually get to see her face until later. Her voice is meek and sultry. If this sounds like some wattpad introduction then that's because that's literally what it is. Maeve is introduced to us in a very Y/N esc way. The whole relationship is very much wattpad story written by a 14YO back in the day. Wait I take that back, even fucking 14YO's writer better shit. At least their stories were worth ruining your sleep schedule for. I can't even be upset, Maeve is literally not the first female character portrayed this way on the show *cough* Jane Seaver *cough*. MGG didn't want Spencer to have a love interest so Maeve was written to die. I just wish they at least tried to do the characters and the story justice. Viewers couldn't even connect to Maeve because she was just thrown at us one day and then literally killed a second later. Even if she wasn't unlikable I find it very hard to imagine that I would've cared about her death, because I literally had no time to bond with the character. It's also just very awkward when she shows up after her death because I feel disconnected with Spencer's emotions. Mentally, I know that she's his first great love or whatever, but emotionally, I do not give a fuck. She does not match Spencer's freak. What she is, essentially, is a female version of Spencer (but through the male gaze because she's a woman so ofc she's slightly dumber and Y/Nified). Spencer is one of the most complex established characters on the show and Maeve as a partner for him is just very boring. And even if she's was interesting, I PERSONALLY FEEL LIKE the actors have no chemistry together. He's had more chemistry with love interests that lasted for a way shorter period than he does Maeve. Ironically, the most chemistry he has is with the one person he despises the most (Cat Adams) and I think that speaks volumes. God, I wish so badly that they utilised the bar tender he did a magic trick for or the forensic scientist in that bombing episode.

Again, I'm pretty sure most of the fandom feels this way. I'm fairly confident that I might have more to say, but I cannot be bothered anymore.

#; discusses #; answers #✉️ from anon #spencer reid #criminal minds

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honeybeezgobzzzzz · 2 months

Text

𓅨 Sleepy Bitch Syndrome: Chapter Two

Sleepy Bitch Syndrome: You've got narcolepsy and have been visiting the Dreaming daily for years. Then its Lord and King finally return and he doesn't know quite what to think of you.

Warnings: None.

To Note: Morpheus/Dream x Narcoleptic!Reader, for you dear @aralezinspace.

Word Count: ~2.6k

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The hum of the fluorescent lights above you is almost hypnotic. Each keystroke on your keyboard feels heavier than the last. Your eyes drift to the corner of your screen, where the clock ticks agonizingly slowly. 5:17 PM. You stifle a yawn, fighting the drowsiness creeping in.

"Hey, you alright?" Kate’s voice snaps you back to reality. Her cubicle is adjacent to yours, and she peers over the divider with a concerned look.

"Yeah, just tired," you reply, rubbing your eyes. "Got that neurologist appointment today."

"Still having those...episodes?" Her eyebrows knit together in worry.

"Yeah." You glance back at your monitor, pretending to focus on the spreadsheet in front of you. "Hoping they can figure out what's going on."

She nods sympathetically before retreating behind her partition. The hum of office chatter and clattering keyboards fills the air again. You lean back in your chair, stretching your arms above your head. The movement does little to shake off the heavy blanket of fatigue draped over you.

5:23 PM. Time crawls as you fight to keep your eyelids from drooping. The anticipation of your appointment mingles with a lingering curiosity about Morpheus.

"Don't forget to log those hours," Dave from accounting calls out as he passes by your desk, clutching a stack of reports.

"Got it," you respond automatically, though you're not sure if you’ll remember once he’s gone.

You glance at the clock again. 5:25 PM. The minutes seem to stretch into eternity when you're counting down to something important—or trying not to fall asleep at your desk.

A soft buzz from your phone draws your attention away from the screen. A reminder for your appointment flashes up: 6:30 PM at Dr. Rosen's office.

You gather your things slowly, double-checking that you’ve saved all necessary files and logged out properly. The process feels routine but surreal, like you're going through motions disconnected from reality.

5:30 PM now. You stand and sling your bag over your shoulder, nodding goodbye to Kate as she gives you an encouraging smile.

“Good luck,” she says quietly.

“Thanks,” you reply with a weak smile before heading toward the exit.

The cool air outside hits you like a wake-up call, momentarily shaking off some of the exhaustion. You make your way to the parking lot, thoughts drifting back to Morpheus and what answers Dr. Rosen might provide today.

But for now, all that matters is getting there without drifting off into another unwanted slumber. You arrive at Dr. Rosen’s office a little early, the waiting room is sparsely populated. It is a later appointment. The receptionist greets you with a polite smile as you check in. “Please have a seat. Dr. Rosen will see you shortly.”

You nod and find a chair near the window, the dim light of early evening casting long shadows across the room. The hum of a nearby aquarium and the soft murmur of other patients’ conversations create a soothing backdrop, but you fight to stay awake.

The door to Dr. Rosen’s office opens, and a nurse calls your name. You stand, feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety as you follow her into the examination room.

“Dr. Rosen will be with you in just a moment,” the nurse says, closing the door behind her.

You sit on the examination table, your legs dangling over the edge. The room is sterile and brightly lit, a stark contrast to the dim, dreamlike world you’ve grown accustomed to. You fidget with your hands, waiting for the neurologist who has become a lifeline in your struggle with narcolepsy. Ignoring your support in the Dreaming.

A knock on the door precedes Dr. Rosen’s entrance. He’s a tall man with kind eyes and a reassuring presence. “Good evening,” he says warmly, taking a seat on the stool opposite you. “How have you been?”

“Tired,” you admit with a tired smile. “But that’s nothing new.”

Dr. Rosen adjusts his glasses, scanning through your file with a furrowed brow. "I see you've tried several treatments already," he notes, glancing up at you. "Any changes?"

You shake your head, the weight of frustration pressing down on you. "Nothing's worked so far. I still have the episodes, and they're getting worse."

He nods thoughtfully, setting the file aside. "Describe these episodes again for me. Any new symptoms?"

You take a deep breath, trying to recall the most recent occurrences. "It's like I just...slip away. One minute I'm here, and the next I'm in this dream world. It feels real, like I'm living a second life."

Dr. Rosen's eyes narrow slightly, a mixture of curiosity and concern. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "This dream world—can you describe it? What does it look like? Feel like?"

You hesitate, searching for the right words. "It's...different every time. Sometimes it's a vast city with towering buildings, other times it's a dense forest or a desolate wasteland. But it always feels vivid, more real than any dream I've ever had. I can touch things, smell the air, even feel pain."

Dr. Rosen nods slowly, taking in your words. "And these episodes—they happen without warning?"

"Yes," you reply, frustration creeping into your voice. "I could be in the middle of a conversation or working on something important, and suddenly I'm gone."

He scribbles a few notes on his pad, the scratch of pen on paper filling the silence. "Have you noticed any patterns? Specific triggers that might cause these episodes?"

You shake your head. "No patterns that I can see. They just...happen."

He sets his pad down and looks at you intently. "We might need to explore some new avenues for treatment," he says thoughtfully. "There are advanced tests we can run to get a better understanding of what's happening in your brain during these episodes."

"Like what?" You ask, both hopeful and apprehensive.

"An overnight sleep study would be a good start," he explains. "We'd monitor your brain activity while you sleep and see if we can identify any abnormalities or triggers."

You nod slowly, considering the idea. "Anything that could help," you say quietly.

Dr. Rosen smiles reassuringly. "We'll figure this out," he says firmly. "In the meantime, try to keep a detailed journal of your episodes—what you're doing before they happen, how long they last, anything you can remember about the dream world."

"Okay," you agree, feeling a glimmer of hope for the first time in a while.

He stands and offers his hand. "We'll schedule the sleep study as soon as possible," he says as you shake his hand.

You thank him and make your way back to the waiting room, feeling slightly lighter despite the uncertainty that still looms over you.

As you step outside into the cool evening air once more, you can't help but wonder what answers await in the depths of your own mind—and what mysteries still lie within the world of dreams.

For now, though, all you can do is take one step at a time and hope that Dr. Rosen's expertise will lead you to the answers you've been seeking for so long. You only hope that the treatment doesn't take away the friends you've made in the Dreaming.

The Dreaming has undergone a remarkable transformation. The once barren and broken realm is now vibrant and full of life, the colors brighter and more vivid than you ever remember. Flowers bloom in technicolor splendor, the sky is a brilliant azure, and the air is filled with the sounds of laughter and music. You step through the familiar meadow, your heart swelling with happiness as you take in the renewed beauty around you.

As you walk, you can hardly believe your eyes. The decay and desolation that once plagued this realm have vanished, replaced by a lush, thriving landscape. Your footsteps are light on the soft grass, the path ahead leading you towards the heart of the Dreaming—the grand palace where Morpheus resides.

Entering the palace, you marvel at the pristine marble floors and the intricate stained glass windows, now restored to their former glory. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming, a stark contrast to the cold, desolate halls you had grown used to. You make your way towards the throne room, eager to see the one who made all of this possible.

As you approach the grand doors, they swing open, and you step inside. Morpheus stands at the center of the room, his presence commanding yet serene. His silver-blue eyes lock onto yours, a flicker of suspicion crossing his features.

“Welcome,” he says, his voice deep and resonant, but not entirely friendly. “What brings you here today?”

You smile, unable to contain your joy. “I wanted to see the Dreaming. It’s beautiful. I can’t believe how much it’s changed.”

Morpheus’s gaze remains intense, his expression guarded. “Indeed, it has. But what I wish to know is what you are doing here. Why have you come?”

Before you can respond, a familiar voice cuts through the tension. “Ah, there they are!” Cain’s voice booms as he and Abel enter the room, their faces lighting up with recognition.

“Hello, dear friend!” Abel says, hurrying over to you. “We were just talking about you.”

Morpheus raises an eyebrow, his suspicion deepening. “You know this mortal?”

“Of course!” Cain replies with a rare grin. “They've been visiting us for years.”

“Practically family,” Abel adds, beaming.

You feel a rush of gratitude for their support. At least someone would stand up for your presence. “It’s true. I’ve been coming here for as long as I can remember.”

Morpheus’s eyes narrow slightly. “And yet, I do not understand why you have been granted such access to the Dreaming.”

Before you can answer, Lucienne appears, her presence calm and reassuring. “My lord,” she says, bowing slightly. "You have nothing to worry about their presence. I can confirm, they have been visiting our realm since early childhood. They pose no threat." Threat? Why would he consider you a threat!?

You watch as Morpheus considers Lucienne's words, his expression softening slightly. "Very well," he says at last. "But I must warn you, the Dreaming is not a place for mortals to linger. You must be careful."

His warning hangs heavy in the air, but you can't help but feel a sense of relief. At least he didn't banish me. Morpheus’ gaze settles on you with a mix of curiosity and suspicion, his silver-blue eyes never leaving your face. You can sense his discomfort with your presence, but you also detect a hint of intrigue—as if he respects your courage (Or foolishness?) for venturing into his realm time and time again.

As the evening wears on, you find yourself growing more and more tired. The Dreaming's magic is powerful and intoxicating, but it also drains your energy like nothing else. You excuse yourself from the gathering, thanking Cain and Abel for their hospitality before finding a bench to lay down. You close your eyes to get some rest.

The transition between worlds is jarring—one moment you're surrounded by vibrant colors and ethereal beauty, the next you're back in your mundane office cubicle. The contrast is stark and disorienting, leaving you feeling both exhilarated and exhausted at once.

You log off your computer and gather your things, ready to head home for the night. As you leave the office building behind, you can't help but feel a prickle of longing for the Dreaming—a place where you can forget about deadlines and appointments and simply exist in a world of wonder and possibility. Without narcolepsy.

But as much as you love visiting Morpheus' realm, there's no denying that it comes with its own set of risks—risks that are becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. Maybe it's time to start exploring other avenues, you think to yourself as you make your way home through the darkened streets. Maybe it's time to find a different kind of escape.

Cain and Abel flank you, their enthusiasm contagious. Cain’s hand clasps your shoulder, guiding you through the grand palace doors and out into the village. Abel chatters excitedly about all the new developments.

“We have so much to show you!” Abel’s eyes sparkle with excitement.

The village is a tapestry of bustling life and vibrant colors. Cobblestone streets wind between quaint houses with flower boxes in every window. Laughter and music float on the breeze. It’s hard to believe this was once a desolate place.

“There!” Cain points toward a charming little bakery nestled between a bookshop and a toy store. The sign above the door reads “Delightful Dreams.”

“You have to try their pastries,” Abel insists, practically bouncing on his feet.

You step inside, and the scent of freshly baked bread and sweet confections envelops you. The interior is warm and inviting, with wooden beams and cozy nooks filled with plush chairs.

Cain gestures toward a display case filled with an array of treats. “Pick whatever you like. It’s on us.”

You scan the options, finally settling on a delicate pastry dusted with powdered sugar. Abel grabs a similar one, while Cain opts for a hearty slice of pie.

You find a table near the window, sunlight streaming in and casting playful patterns on the wooden surface. As you bite into your pastry, the flavors explode in your mouth—a perfect blend of sweetness and buttery richness.

Abel grins at you between bites. “Isn’t it amazing? This place is like a dream come true.”

Cain nods in agreement, savoring his pie. “It’s been a long time coming, but worth every moment.”

You giggle at Cain’s surprisingly upbeat mood, the atmosphere light and joyful. For a moment, all your worries melt away, replaced by the simple pleasure of good food and good company.

Out of nowhere, the bakery fades away. Your eyes snap open to find yourself back at your desk at work. The familiar hum of fluorescent lights overhead greets you once more.

Kate peers over the divider again, concern etched on her face. “Hey, are you okay?”

You blink, disoriented but managing a weak smile. “Yeah… just drifted off for a second.”

She frowns slightly but nods. “Well, make sure you get some rest tonight.”

You nod back absently, your mind still lingering in that vibrant village with Cain and Abel as you return to your spreadsheet. You glance at the spreadsheet, but the numbers blur. The dream lingers, and you feel the weight of it pulling you back. You try to shake it off, but your mind keeps drifting. The contrast between the vibrant Dreaming and your dull office is stark.

Kate’s voice snaps you back. "Hey, focus. Deadline's coming up. Don’t want Karen jumping on your case.”

You nod, forcing yourself to concentrate. You manage to input a few numbers before your eyes grow heavy again. The room starts to waver.

A sharp sound jolts you—an email notification. You open it to find a message from Dr. Rosen's office: "Sleep study scheduled for Friday night."

Relief washes over you. Maybe this will finally provide some answers.

The day drags on, and you fight to stay awake. As soon as the clock hits five, you gather your things and head home. The streets are a blur of lights and shadows as you make your way through the city.

At home, you collapse onto your bed without even changing out of your work clothes. Sleep takes you quickly.

Date Published: 7/17/24

Last Edit: 7/17/24

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#morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader #the sandman netflix #sandman x reader #dream the endless #dream the endless x reader #the sandman #dream of the endless #morpheus #lord morpheus

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fortunekookie07 · 3 months

Text

Alright, this one is FINALLY ready. I hope you have your tissues ready. It's a looong one. I'm not exact, but it might be twice the length of the first part? I don't have a word count. Just a dang, that's a long scroll thing. Any whoodle here ya go!

@prettytemis @ellieevu @linxiajei17 @chryssikyu @potatosugar

****************************************************

Moment Forever Lost : Splintered Souls

"Who are you?" You ask, looking at the man in front of you. He is entirely unfamiliar, and he has this weird expression on his face as he stares back at you. It's almost... heartbreaking, soul shredding sorrow.

Your attention is diverted to the opening door. Several more people come in, none of them, you know. The male leading the group is tall, well built, and has mesmerizing gold green eyes. The prettiest hazel you can recall ever seeing. His name badge reads Zayne, and below that, it says Cardiology Head.

The Dr's behind him are from various departments in the hospital. Orthopedics, neurology, physical therapy, your head starts spinning, trying to remember what each Dr is there for.

The woman bringing up the rear of the group has a name badge that says Dr. Mia Evol Specialist. As far as you can recall, your Evol was never very strong or even remarkable. You write her off. She probably will be disappointed when she does her testing.

You focus your attention on Dr. Zayne as he asks you questions. Starting with your name and age. You have no trouble with those. "What happened to me? I can't really recall much. " You say when you've gotten your date wrong by five years. "You were in a traumatic accident and miraculously survived a building collapse." The dr says carefully, and you can tell he is leaving details out. Subtlety is clearly his weak point.

"These questions can wait. We need to run tests to see if you have recovered. Your body took a serious beating, but I believe you will be able to make a full recovery. " The neurologists say moving closer.

"We should get a full work up on her. We need blood draws, a CT scan, and x-rays. " You don't catch all of the things they say as they start conversing amongst themselves about who wants to run what test and when.

Your eyes go to the man in the corner of the room. Tired, is the word that comes to mind now. Looking him up and down you realize that he would be incredibly handsome if he had proper rest.

His white shirt is rumpled and you notice that the top two buttons were done wrong causing the whole shirt to look funny. You almost want to laugh at his silly appearance. A sense of familiarity comes to you as you stare at him longer.

He looks up then, having noticed your gaze. You stare back into his beautiful blue pink eyes and feel yourself falling into them. The longer you stare back at him the more you feel like you know this gaze. Something starts to surface in the back of your mind and you feel enchanted, like a spell has been cast over you.

A memory flashes by in the back of your mind. You just barely glimpse a sulky, pouting face and what you think is a school uniform. But it goes by too fast for you to grasp it. You stare at him harder, your brows furrowing in concentration. A slight ache starts in your head and you wince.

The little gesture is enough to shatter the spell like trance you were under and a nurse blocks your view of him as she unhook various equipment and they prepare to whisk you off for endless testing.

*******************************************************

Rafayel's mind was in endless chaos, he couldn't understand what had happened. He knew your tremor Evol was not strong. You'd told him that yourself many times since you'd gone to the Hunter Academy and tried to become a trainee.

He kept going back to the building collapse and the earthquake that had resulted in the aftermath.

Rafayel had thrown himself through the hole in the floor that had opened up when the supports could no longer take the shaking.

As he dove after you, he could see a glow forming all around you. A symbol appeared over your heart, one he knew all to well. It was incomplete but he still recognized it. He'd put it on his love's heart himself back in his first life as God of Tides.

His mind began racing. How could there be two girls with his mark? He'd confirmed its presence on her a long time ago. Why was it here now? He'd never sensed even a fraction of his power from you before.

Using his flames to boost his falling speed and get closer to you, his hadn't was reached out to you. It felt like time has stopped. The ground was so close and he was not gaining on you to close the distance.

With an anguished cry he summoned the flames and sent it to the ground below. If he couldn't catch you, then he'd would make it so you survived no matter what. He had to know why you had his mark and how it had come to you.

Like time was flowing again he watch you hit the ground. Tears were streaming from his eyes now. The sickening sound of you hitting the earth tore him in two.

Slowing his fall down, he landed lightly next to you and then reached out. He wished he couldn't tell how badly you were hurt. Blood was seeping through your hair and your nose was bleeding. Your breath was ragged and shallow. Like you couldn't get air.

Rafayel knew he shouldn't move you. Internal injuries could cause you to bleed to death, but he could also tell you needed immediate medical attention.

A lite thump behind him had Rafayel glancing around. He caught site of her running over. She had few injuries as well. Her black hair was cover in debris and dust. Shallow cute and nicks were scattered on her face and arms. If the thin lines of blood and tears to her sleeves were anything to go by.

She knelt by his side furiously tapping on her watch trying to get a signal. Glancing over your body and the extent of injuries she knee if help didn't come soon you were going to die.

"Come on, come on!" She said, frustration and worry lacing her tone. Finally the call connected and she immediately spit out the need for urgent medical help.

"A medical team has been dispatched to your location." Tara said without hesitation.

Anxious moments tick by and your breathing gets worse. It'd like your heart had been hooked up to a speaker. He's focusing ok so hard he can hear every shallow breath you take. He stops breathing the moment your heart mutters, skips a beat and then stops. His hands flutter, anxious at giving you CPR without knowing the extent of your injuries.

As if hearing your prayers, a light shines in the dark space and he hears voices calling out for survivors. She stands up and starts yelling, calling them this way.

Two paramedics and four fore fighters rush towards your location. Rafayel steps back and anxiously tells them that you aren't breathing. They get to work immediately. Hooking you up to the portable hear monitor and an IV to give fluids, pain medication, and then they start CPR. Placing a tube down your throat and then pumping air into your lugs.

They cut your shirt open, exposing your chest and feeling along your ribs and abdomen. "Her lung has collapsed were going to need a chest tube Stat. I'm not losing her!" The man says immediately opening the kit and getting to work.

"Got a pulse, get a c-collar and let's move her!" The unsteady beep of your heart on the machine has Rafayel taking a breath again. He hand realized he'd been holding it the whole time. Completely ignoring his lungs burning need for air. They strap you down to a long board and carefully lift you up.

For what seems like an eternity, Rafayel makes his way through the ruble. He's bringing up the rear of the group. Anxiety is eating away at him over your condition. Your heart has stopped once, it could happen again and they might not be able to get you back next time.

Using his injuries as an excuse, Rafayel manages to get a ride in the ambulance with you. The paramedics are hovering over you. Monitoring your vitals and body condition for even the slightest change. Then it happens, the heart monitor loses your heart and a long beep echos in his head as they spring into action. Preparing to do CPR, and manually pump air into your lungs

"Come on, you've got to fight for us. Don't give up now!" The guy who'd gotten you back the first time says to your still body as the heart monitor continues to let out the long beep.

Rafayel can't sit still he gets up. "Can I try something?" He asks but doesn't give them a chance to respond. He pushes his way between them and grasps your hand, squeezing tightly and then he's speaking, calling your name quietly.

"You can't leave me now, I haven't apologized for being the worst friend possible and not recognizing how important you are to me. Please don't go. You can hate me if you want. I deserve that, just don't leave me alone." Rafayel is tearing up, and the tears deips down his face and onto your chest right over your heart.

Suddenly the long beeping stops as the machine finds your heartbeat again. Very unsteady, but stronger than before. "Don't let go of her hand, right now you're her lifeline." The paramedic says as they cover you up to keep you warm. One of them keeps track of the heart monitor and then the same guy is turning to tend Rafayel's mild injuries.

The rest of the trip was a whirlwind to Rafayel. It didn't take long to get to the hospital and then you were rushed off for xrays.

A nurse bandages all his shallow injuries and then he manages to get it our of her what room you were taken to.

*******************************************************

The last test is finally done and you feel exhausted. Going in and out of different areas of the hospital has worn you out. Despite the fact that you were in a wheel chair or in your bed.

Due to not moving for just over two months, your legs have become pretty thin. The muscles deteriorated with out constant movement or walking.

Physical therapy is scheduled to start in two days if your xrays have cleared you. The skull fractures have healed well. Headaches were to be expected.

Finally younare back in your room and just as your had thought, that man is still there. It didn't look like he had really moved. Still sitting on that stiff looking couch.

The nurse hooked you back up to the machines and administered your evening medications and then helped you change into a clean gown. After all that was finally done, you were teetering on the realm of unconsciousness as the door closed.

Rustling had you slightly opening your eyes. He was standing up and moving closer to you. "Do you really not know who I am?" His tone sounds so defeated and his eyes have a faraway look to them. You hmmm before falling alseep, unable to keep your eyes open any longer.

Over the next few weeks, you have come to terms with the fact that in addition to missing fiver years there are significant gaps in your memory altogether. Rafayel, as he told you what his name was finally, hardly ever leaves your side. You're the one who leave this large room more than he does actually.

The day before, your physical therapist had even cleared you to walk without an aide. Though you aren't allowed to run yet, it shouldn't be long. You've even gained back some weight. Overall you look much healthier than you did when you first woke up.

There are several things that concern you though. Th dreams you have at night, you can never remember what they were about but you always feel like you've been on some fantastic adventure and you are almost certain Rafayel was in all of them.

Sometimes you even feel like this is the dream and what you can't remember is reality. Almost like you're disconnected from everything.

Unlike your initial prediction, Dr. Mia has not left the group of Dr's attending you. She has run numerous tests on your Evol and you can see that something is not quite right. She almost seems frustrated. Finally you ask her. She hesitates before asking the question. "Your Evol was tremors right?" You immediately focus on the use of was and you think the worst. Not everyone had Evol, and though yours was not strong it was definitely there. "Was?" You ask disheartened.

"No matter what test I rub on you the result is not tremor. It's Anhausen and your level is indeterminable." She sounded at her wits end. "It's possible to raise your level as you grow stronger and practice your skills. But I've never heard of anyone just having their Evol class change entirely. I didn't think it was even possible." She rambled off muttering.

After she left, you were consumed with thoughts. You wished you could talk to your mother. She had died just before you entered elementary. A car accident. The road had been slick with rain and her car had spun out of control.

You were only six when all you'd ever known was gone. Your father had never been in the picture and from what you'd learned from your mother's friends it had been a drunken night when she got you. With no family to turn to, you'd been sent to an orphanage.

That night as you dream wild visions come to life. A world under the sea, a pair of beautiful blue-pink eyes and a cocky smile seem to linger even as the dream changes.

*******************************************************

The next morning you wake up in a cold sweat and throw the blankets off of you sitting up in a rush. Your gasping for air and the room feels incredibly small. Like your trapped in some kind box.

Your hearts racing out of your chest and you feel like your soul has been split many times. You look around with wild eyes expecting to see those mad researchers come into the room to try their next experiment.

You really felt like you'd died several times as they played a game with your life. Only one person seemed even remotely concerned for your wellbeing. It wasn't much to you, after all, how important was some test subject that didn't even have a name? You'd only been referred to by a code of some sort. Subject 001 and Unicorn remained firmly rooted in your mind.

The door opens drawing you out of your still semi panicked state and fully back to reality. The dream all but forgotten as it moves to the back of your mind.

Rafayel is walking across the threshold and there's a small woman behind him. She's holding a small bouquet of large white chrysanthemums. How did she know your favorite flower? You wrack your brain trying to recall if you've ever met her and come up empty.

Something is gnawing at the back of your mind and you feel like you should know her. Her large brown eyes display her kind nature and friendly personality as they look you over. A smile is on her face as she meets your eyes. Turning to close the door behind her you can see that her dark brown hair is long and straight.

You feel a twinge of envy as you think that her hair would probably never have the audacity to misbehave on her like yours did. Heck you probably had bad bed head now.

"Hi!" She starts off brightly, turning up her smile. "Rafayel said that you had memory loss so I know you don't remember me, but we've met several times before. Rafayel is my good friend and he and I were there to rescue you the day your work building collapsed." Her words are careful and you feel like there is something that she isn't telling you, but you also feel like she is speaking in a manner to not upset or depress you so you decide to let it go for the moment.

"Rafayel told me that you were finally allowed to have visitors and that this was your favorite flower. I'm so glad you woke up. All of us at the Hunter's Association were worried for you. It was a terrible accident. It's incredibly fortunate there were no casualties. Oh I should probably reintroduce myself."

Her face blushes slightly in embaressment as she rubs her head shyly before giving her name.

You sit down on the bed and smile back at her. "Thank you for visiting, I'm sorry I can't remember you. Thank you for saving my life. The doctors told me some details about what happened. I would have died if you hadn't been there. I will be eternally greatful." You extend your hand to her and she lights up before taking it.

A shock goes through you as your palms touch and you jerk your hand back eyes widening slightly. You can tell she felt it to. As your eyes meet an image comes to your head. It's that woman, the one who was in your dreams. But she looks completely different, older, more relaxed. "What was that??" She says alarmed and no longer smiling. She saw something too, but clearly not the same thing.

She shivers hugging herself as if to chase away a bad memory. "Unicorn?" She mumbles very soflty but you still hear it. You gaze at her intently. Had she seen your dream? She shakes her head and then presents the bouquet to you after Rafayel touches her back and softly asks if she is alright.

You take the flowers, careful not to touch her hands again. She's smiling again. "I can't stay any longer, I have to go to work now. I just wanted to bring this to you. I hope you get to go home soon. Congratulations on your recovery!" She waves before turning from the room. "I'll walk you out." Rafayel says leaving behind her.

Once they're gone you mull over the image you'd seen. The woman, much older now. She had to know her. If you saw her just by touching. She must be real. There had to be more to this weird sensation you'd felt just by touching. Maybe it was all connected to the gaps in your memory, the way your Evol had changed, and your strange dreams.

*******************************************************

After another week had passed, the Dr's were finally ready to release you. For the first time in what felt like a century, you were going home. At first you were elated. No more testing, people constantly coming in and out of your room. No more endless medications. You could finally ditch that pushy physical therapist too! Even if there was still the matter of attending the outpatient therapy for two more weeks.

The best part at first had been getting out from underneath Rafayel's watchful eyes. He rarely left and even when he did, it wasn't for more than an hour. When the day had actually come and with it the impending separation you had this echo of loneliness. You had always lived alone. Ever since you had entered high school. Having him constantly around was nice.

When you found yourself standing in front of a door that was familiar and altogether alien you steeled your resolve and walked across the threshold. "Thanks for bringing me home and for staying by my side the whole time. I'm sorry I still can't remember you." You say turning to Rafayel. He only gives you that small smile as he hands over your bag.

"I'm just going to go to bed." You say after standing in the doorway in silence foe a few minutes. "Alright, get some rest. I'll check on you later." He moves forward, coming closer to you. Then his arms wrap around you as he pulls you into a tight hug.

After he's gone the silence is loud. Since waking up a few weeks ago, the constant sound of hospital machinery, and chatter outside your room has become familiar. Without all of that, it's like the silence is screaming, it makes you uneasy.

Bored from just sitting on the couch you flip on the TV to a random show and settle down. It's only with the added noise are you finally able to sleep.

When you wake up again, it's hard to tell just how much time has passed. Your body is stiff from not moving and you feel hungry, though the desire to alleviate any of those issues just isn't there.

A notification popping up in your phone finally has you moving. Of course it's just your phone telling you to charge it. Turning your attention to the notifications you see there are a lot of them. Going back for weeks.

There's texts, alerts, emails, and system notifications galore. Getting the charger and hooking it up, you start with the emails. Most of it is junk. The only things if relevance being bill notices and confirmation of payments. You frown in confusion, who was paying the bills while you were in a coma?

Moving on to the text messages. The conversation with Rafayel catches your eye. Desperate for a clue to your relationship you start reading.

Tears well in your eyes. How could he not tell you that you had been fighting and that you hadn't spoken for two weeks before your accident? The woman you had met, she was involved too. Why hadn't they said anything?

Feeling betrayed, you stop reading and throw your phone. It bounces off the bed and slides across the floor, stopping under the dresser. You flop down on your bed and curl up on your side. Any thoughts of eating having vanished from your mind.

Letting the feelings wash over you, you cry yourself to sleep again.

As your dreams wash over you, your mind seems to be going far away. Back to a time that your soul and heart remember, bit your mind has forgotten.

The next time you wake up, the feeling that you haven't moved for a long time set's off aches in your body. You can't bring yourself to relive your body's discomfort though.

The lingering image in your head is of deep, clear blue waters and a pair of striking blue pink eyes.

Then you hear it, the sound that has initially drawn you from your dreams. Slowly you sit up and look around the dark room. "What is that?" You ask trying to find the source of the noise. It sounds kind of like a whirring noise. Before you can locate it, the noise stops and silence falls again.

You stretch out your stiff limbs and get up. Your joints Crack with the movement as you do. As you are now fully awake and alert, your stomach let's out a snarl. The ache that follows behind convinces you to get some food.

Going into the kitchen and rummaging through the fridge and cabinets you soon end up with a little pile. Everything left is shelf stable. Looks like soup is the best you can do for now.

Before long you have the water boiling and are stiring the noodles as you wait for them to cook. Ramen is probably not enough, but lacking the desire to do much else you resign to the simple bowl of beef noodles.

After scooping it into a bowl you head to the couch and flip the TV on. You slowly sip away at the hot broth and slurp down the noodles as you watch the news. Wanderer attacks are at an all time low and experts are all trying to put their two cents in as to why this is.

You hardly care, less people are getting hurt and the Hunter's for once aren't being worked overtime. Setting the bowl on the table in front of you, you lean back with a yawn. It's silly for you to be so tired now after having slept twice since getting home, but your body is demanding rest and once again you drift off to sleep with dreams you can't remember much of.

*******************************************************

Rafayel looked at his phone with a mixture of annoyance and deep worry. It had been almost five days since he'd dropped you off at home, and not once had you picked up his calls or answered a text. At this point worry was taking a dominant lead in his mind.

If he were in Linkon, he would have just rushed over to your apartment to check up on you. However this was not the case.

An extremely important client of his and one of Thomas's investors had been trying to get Rafayel to appear at his art exhibit for years. Because Rafayel had ditched work and denied all gallery appearances and canceled his last two shows, he hadn't been able to say no. Thomas had threatened to quit, he'd even typed up his resignation and was prepared to submit it, he'd waved the official papers in Rafayel's face.

Having no choice, and not wanting to lose his good friend as his gallery manager, Rafayel flew to London to see the client. He'd had to leave right after dropping you off.

Rafayel's mood was absolutely sour as he watched reporters and guests walk through the gallery while he hid in a corner and sulked. Stupid Thimas and his stupid threats he though darkly as he glared at nothing in particular. Then his phone rang and he answered it without looking at the ID.

"Hello?" Your name tumbled from his lips and his heart sank when it wasn't you. "No, it's me. I didn't want to bother you while your working, but, maybe it's nothing. It's just, she hasn't gone to any of her physical therapy appointments. Zayne mentioned it to me when I was there for my checkup this afternoon. I'd go check on her, but I don't know her address. I'm kind of worried. She just came out of a coma too." Rafayel's heart froze with worry ad he rattled off your address and then begged her to go check on you.

"I'm on the next flight home. I'll be there in five hours." He said walking towards the client. This was the last day of his exhibit so surely he would be alright to let him leave if he said it was an emergency.

Thankfully the client was very understanding, seeing the look on Rafayel's face and hearing the concern as he quickly explained, had him feeling bad for the younger man. He placed his hand on Rafayel's shoulder and shook his hand. Thanking him for coming and wishing him a safe return home.

Rafayel had this foreboding feeling come over him, the same as the day you nearly died. His stomach clenched in knots as he begged the taxi driver to get him to the airport as fast as possible.

Whenever he had this feeling he knew something very bad was going to happen. He was begging to be wrong for once.

*******************************************************

Your eyes flickered open and you were confused about where you were. Where had Rafayel gone and what were you wearing? Confusion grew even more when you realized you also weren't in the sea. "Rafayel?" You called looking around the strange room.

Bzzzzzzzzz

The strange sound had you jumping. In your fright you tumbled to the floor, off your curled up position on the couch. With your fall, reality caught up to you.

Touching your aching head you mumbled "Thay felt so real, I can't believe I forgot it was a dream." As you went to stand, a wave of dizziness had you sinking back down. You felt so weak and the energy to stand just wasn't there. The dizziness grew and you felt your body surrendering to unconsciousness once more.

"S'mthins wrong." You manage to get our before blackness over takes your vision and you fall back into dreams.

*******************************************************

She stood outside your apartment hesitant. It was so late now. Almost three, but Rafayel had sounded so desperate. Finally she swallowed her indecision and rang the bell. It was so quiet out that she could hear the buzz echoing inside. Thankfully she was listening hard for sounds and she heard a soft thump.

Convinced that you needed help she opened the door with the emergency key card and rushed in. The landlord had been very understanding of your situation and trusted that because she was a Hunter she could be trusted and had given her the card.

She rushed past the doorway and into the livingroom. Spotting you on the floor, leaning onto the seat of the couch she rushed over and grasped your wrist, feeling for a pulse. Her blood went cold when she felt how weak it was.

Immediately calling for an ambulance as she checked you over for injuries. Finding none, she grabbed a blanket and covered you with it before lifting you onto the couch. You didn't wake from your sleep. Fear gripped her as your head just lulled back onto the cushion behind you.

Just as fear was taking over the sound of sirens shattered the quiet. Relief started to flood her as she quickly ran to the door and met the paramedics. She rattled off your name and age and approximate weight as the asked questions. She mentioned that you had recently been a coma patient and had been released a few days ago.

"Her heartbeat and blood pressure are dangerously low. We need to take her." The paramedic said packing away the machine. "Will you meet us there?" They asked and she noded before following them out and running to her bike.

Her heart was thumping with uneasiness. Ever since that day she had come to see you at the hospital, those horrific images plagued her dreams. What disturbed her the most was the face of her beloved grandmother. She was the focus of that vision. Ever since then she hadn't been able to shake the feeling of familiarity. That room was alien and she felt like she could describe it in complete detail. Down to every crack and the pick the exact shad of paint in the room.

Rafayel had spoken of you fondly many times over the years. Rafayel held you in high regard and you were very important to him. So she took you as important to her as well. Rafayel was her good friend, her soul mate that she couldn't have this time.

"Please be alright." She said aloud as she sped through the empty streets, almost chasing the ambulance.

She managed to reach the hospital just as the paramedics were unloading you. They were shouting to the waiting nurses. Your pulse was still far to slow and they'd had to resuscitate twice. Things were not looking good.

As she rushed over, one of the nurses stopped her. "Sorry miss, only family can follow. Please head to reception waiting area." Unable to change the nurses mind, she headed to the waiting area and paced.

After three hours of mindless waiting, a nurse finally came to talk to her. "Are you here for this patient?" She asked, looking up from her tablet.

Before she could respond Rafayel came dashing into the room. Out of breath, clothes disheveled and hair messy. He managed to get your name out between huffs. "She's awake now, but very weak. Her heart is giving out." The nurse said solemnly. Her face and expression showed very clearly that she was sad.

"What about a transplant?" Rafayel asked immediately, but the nurse only shook her head. "She is far to weak, she wouldn't make it off the table and the patient has expressed her desire not to undergo any surgeries.

"You can go see her now." She gestured to follow and lead them both down the hall. Rafayel hesitated outside your room. Trying to prepare himself for what awaited him on the other side of that door. A pat on his shoulder and he took a deep breath and opened the door.

His eyes went to you immediately. The slow beeping of the heart monitor tracking your far too slow heart rate, the sound of the oxygen tank giving you clean air. All of it made the reality of the situation painfully real.

His eyes finally went to your face, skin was far to pale and your eyes were lack luster. Walking closer, he stood at your bedside and just watched you. He said nothing for what seemed like hours.

Finally you spoke "I don't want to be here anymore." You said, voice raspy and quiet. Rafayel felt his heart squeeze painfully, the words were daggers, aimed straight at him.

"Take me up to the roof, I want to watch the sunrise one more time." The nurse wanted to protest that staying right where you were was vest for you, but something about your expression had her quieting down.

"I really shouldn't do this, but under the circumstances I'll help you." She got to work unhookijg the heart monitor, all the wires and needles that you had been connected to. Rafayel slid his arm under your knees and around you back lifting you up easily. Your head leaned against his shoulder as he turned and walked out the door.

Having spent weeks in the hospital before he did not need directions to the roof. He took the elevator up to the top floor and then walked up the short flight of stairs leading to the roof access. Adjusting his grip on you he pushed the door open. The sky was just beginning to lighten. Already showing signs of the sun's ascent. He walked over the the center and then sat down. Carefully settling you in his lap.

Finally you spoke again. "When were you going to tell me about our fights?" You asked in a calm voice as you looked at the sky. Rafayel hesitated before speaking. "I wanted things to go back to the way they were before. I wanted my best friend back." You shook your head and glanced at him once.

"What about the fact that I'm just a substitute for her?" Rafayel was confused that you were bringing her up now. "What do you mean?" Your body tensed getting ready to fight and argue but looking at Rafayel's genuine confusion, you relax again.

"I mean that I remember things I can't possibly know. Things that you said happened with her in your first life. Like I experienced them myself. I finally understand why I'm so attached to you. Why I could never let you go." Tears roll down your face as you speak.

"I hope I am never born again. Let this be my last existence." Your words are painful to hear but he can think of no rebuttal. He just sits there holding you and watching the sky.

The mark over your heart starts glowing again as the sun peeks over the horizon. "I never want to see you again." You say weakly. Tears are slowly rolling down your face and your body is feeling heavy. Sleep is calling, the comforting blackness is slowly seeping into your mind. Your head lulls back as your eyes slid closed. Your heart beats once more and then stops.

The silence is deafening, and Rafayel watches as his mark lifts away from you and then fizzles out, flying off in an almost untraceable red trail.

****************************************************

I know this is massively overdue. I had wanted to post this week's ago. I do apologize for the very belated update. I worked to pack it full of the angsty pain you guys crave.

#love and deepspace x reader #love and deepspace #lnds #lnds rafayel #love and deepspace rafayel #angsty #angst with a sad ending #angst #all the pain #no happy ending #rafayel

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octuscle · 9 months

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If a nerd in highschool suddenly gained muscular body, without an effect on his brains or mental state

How quickly would he actually, naturally change? Maybe the attention gives him an ego?

Or maybe the jocks want to be his friend

How much of a jock could the nerd become?

Project diary, entry 1 (Friday)

My name is Salomon Miller. I live in Providence, Connecticut and am a senior in high school. I wouldn't say I have any real hobbies, but I am interested in art history, architecture, astronomy and geology. And many other things. I read a lot and actually everything I can get my hands on. But my passion is sociology and political science. That's also one of the reasons why I'm writing this diary. Starting next semester, I will be studying at Stanford and have a full scholarship, which is linked to my participation in a project. The Department of Sociology will use my person to investigate the effects of serious physical changes on the psyche and behavior. I won't find out in advance what the physical changes are, but the changes were set in motion with the help of an injection that I received today.

My parents support me in the project. My father is a lawyer specializing in environmental law, my mother is a neurologist and psychiatrist. Neither of them understand why I chose to study sociology, but as they both studied at Stanford, they accept my plans. They don't have many options either, they are both in Europe for a long time. My mother has a research semester at the University Hospital of Heidelberg and my father is currently representing a client in a lengthy case at the European Court of Justice. I've known this situation since I was a child. I'm used to having our gardener or Consuela, our housekeeper, as my social contact. That's not meant in a negative way, I love my parents, even if our contact is often less intensive. This has taught me a certain independence, which I really appreciate.

Today is the Friday evening before the last weekend of the summer vacation. The date was chosen deliberately for the injection. This gives me until Monday morning to get used to the upcoming transformation. At the moment, I feel nothing more than a certain tiredness. Normally I would go for a long walk or read something. But I'm just exhausted and will go to bed early.

Project diary, entry 2 (Saturday)

I woke up at around 03:00 in the morning. I was scared to death. I was almost strangled by my pyjamas. I tried to rip the top off my body. I tore it completely to shreds. I was no longer wearing my pyjama bottoms, which were already lying in tatters in my bed. It was clear to me that the transformation had begun. And a look in the bathroom mirror gave me certainty. My whole body was twitching, just like I'd seen in a Hulk movie. Except I didn't turn green. But my muscles literally grew. In fact, little else has changed. I am still clearly me. Even though my neck was already wider than my head, which is why I almost suffocated in my pyjamas, this was still my face. My hairstyle unchanged. My eyesight was also the same. Fortunately, the head can't get any more muscular, the glasses still fit. My thoughts were running amok in my head, I can't describe the feeling, especially as the cramps didn't stop and the muscles continued to grow. I lay down on my bed and tried to relax. At around 04:30 the cramps subsided and I fell asleep again from exhaustion.

When I woke up at around 09:45, I was lying sticky and sweaty in a dried up puddle of semen. Obviously I had ejaculated once or several times. After getting up, I went to the bathroom to assess the change. According to the scales, I now weigh 120 kilograms (I assume that documentation in metric units is more scientific), my height is unchanged at 182 cm. What has actually changed is the length of my penis, which is now 18 cm when flaccid. I have not yet been able to measure the length when erect. In fact, I would have thought that the sight of a muscular man would somehow excite me. But my head has been working like crazy since I got up, I suppose my blood is needed in my brain and is not available for an erection. The shower was still an incredible experience. My body feels great. I had no idea what muscles felt like. However, I realized while showering that I had a problem: None of my clothes would fit me anymore. And my father is smaller than me and, like I was until yesterday, is also more of an ectomorph. My only hope was that José, our gardener, who is probably almost as muscular as me and about my height, had some of his clothes in the dirty laundry. He and Consuela both don't work at the weekend and I didn't want to invade his room.

I was actually lucky and managed to find a pair of jeans, a jockstrap, a T-shirt and a pair of tennis socks in the laundry. Everything smelled very unpleasant and at first I thought about washing it first and then putting it on, but then decided against it. Instead, I went to the mall as I was to buy something new to wear. There is an expense account from the project, which is presumably intended for exactly these cases. Shopping really was an ordeal. As usual, I went to Macy's at Providence Place Mall first, but I realized pretty quickly that I wasn't going to find anything in my size there besides clothes for gym class. Then I went to Abercrombie & Fitch for the first time. The sales assistants literally pounced on me. The XXL T-shirts fitted reasonably well, my thighs were too big for the jeans, but shorts were fine. Fortunately, the weather forecast for the next few days is still very good.

Even though I was extremely focused on quickly working through my shopping list and getting back home, I didn't miss the effect I had on my body. Not only did the sales clerks pay much more attention to me, people turned to me, nodded appreciatively at me and greeted me. It all made me extremely uncomfortable. I was glad when I got home again.

Project diary, entry 3 (Sunday)

I'm not really a religious person, but I value the institution of the church as a culturally integrating entity. So I probably would have actually gone to church, but I would have been very uncomfortable in shorts and low-cut t-shirts that exposed my chest. So I spent the day making up my bed, doing the laundry and getting ready for the first day of school after the vacations. My story for teachers and classmates will be that I spent the summer in Europe with my parents and discovered my enthusiasm for the gym out of boredom. I have no idea whether this story will be accepted. As much as possible, I completed the course enrollment online. Because I really have no idea what I can do with this body, I signed up for boxing and wrestling. The alternative would have been football, but I have no experience at all with team and ball sports. Swimming used to be the sport I hated the least, but a few laps in our pool today have shown me that my body has become less streamlined. Although I have a lot more strength, my times are worse than usual.

I have signed up again for the astronomy and chess clubs. Apart from that, I thought it made sense to leave myself enough time to be able to react to unexpected events.

My first real test was my Sunday video conference with my parents. As I can't hide anything, I decided to take the offensive and had the conversation in nothing but my swimming trunks by the pool. Even though I had no real idea of my parents' reaction, I was actually taken aback. My mother scientifically dissected the situation and said that my body was probably more efficient now and therefore I would have a benefit gain. My father disagreed, as he assumed that a bulkier body had a worse ecological balance. In the beginning, I tried to approach this project as objectively as possible. But then I couldn't help but start crying. I was afraid of tomorrow. And my parents actually showed something like emotion and compassion.

Project diary, entry 4 (Monday)

I was expecting something like running the gauntlet. But the first day at school was actually relatively unproblematic. Most of my friends at least pretended to believe my story about my stay in Europe. The teachers were not surprised either and largely went straight back to business as usual. The only noticeable reaction came from the musclemen and jocks. I have the feeling that they never took their eyes off me. When there was eye contact, I received a respectful nod. Otherwise, I felt a bit like a foreign lion approaching a pride of lions. Every muscle of the alpha animals and their water carriers was tense and ready to strike if I got too close to their watering hole. I'm looking forward to my first PE lesson tomorrow.

Project diary, entry 6 (Tuesday)

While the morning was more of a triumph, the afternoon was a debacle. The subject matter in chemistry and physics suits me very well, everything is very interesting. There shouldn't be any significant challenges in Spanish lessons either. But the new Spanish teacher is also an advantage here. Based on her first impression, she probably thought I was a hollow nut. She didn't expect me to have already read Don Quixote in the original and in the contemporary Spanish transcription during the vacations.

I embarrassed myself to the bone in gym class. Of course, after my contrived lie, everyone assumed that I knew my way around the gym like the back of my hand. And I don't even know how to hold a barbell properly. Interestingly, no one laughed at me or anything. On the contrary, they all assumed that I'm extremely underchallenged and told me that I should just train for myself and that I should join them next week after I've learned the basics. But maybe that was just polite contempt.

In any case, I spent the whole afternoon and evening at home watching all the gym tutorials I could get hold of and reading everything I could find about bodybuilding, nutrition and supplements. That's why I skipped the first session of the chess club. But I had to prioritize.

Project diary, entry 7 (Wednesday)

Theory is good, practice is better. That's why I went straight to the gym this morning at 06:00. The school janitor who opened the door for me said appreciatively that my discipline was paying off. The big boys are always the first to arrive in the morning. If only he knew. But in fact I was lucky, I was alone on the training area until 07:00 and by then I had familiarized myself with most of the machines I had learned how they worked in theory and had also developed a feeling for the weights I was able to lift.

The second visitor to the gym after me was the quarterback of the football team. Stephen and I have been at the same school since first grade. Of course I know him. But of course he has no idea who I am. We've never had classes together and someone like me is of course a nobody to him. Or was a nobody to him. Now I was his biggest rival, the only classmate who had bigger biceps and a broader chest than him. And being the alpha male that he was, he sought conflict directly. As far as I know, the jocks and Himbo's call it "cock comparison". Wherever I trained, he did the same afterwards with more weight. After training, he waited for me in front of the shower and said that he had already heard about me. I was the Spanish exchange student. I looked at him questioningly. "Well, the one who had that book with the windmills and the crazy knight at school. The linebacker goes to your Spanish course. Clever to take Spanish as a Spaniard," he said. I shook his hand, introduced myself as Salomon and told him we were in the same kindergarten. He returned the offered hand with a fist bump and said that I must have mistaken him. He had never been to Spain. But I spoke very good English for a Spaniard.

I always prefer to spend my lunch break alone. I like to read or just relax. This time, however, Stephen waved me straight over to him and his boys. He introduced me as Sal and said I should tell him how I liked it in the USA. At first, I wanted to start comparing European democracies with the US, especially in light of the rise of populist tendencies. But then I didn't think that was a good idea and just said that I thought the USA was the greatest country in the world. Stephen gave me a fistbump and all his buddies followed suit. Before English class after lunch, my friend Frederick passed me and said somewhat reproachfully whether I would always eat with the football team now. I laughed and gave him a fist bump and said that I would only eat as long as my primate research project lasted.

Project diary, entry 8 (Friday)

Yesterday was a wild day! I went to wrestling practice. Everyone but me has taken wrestling as a sport since they were in high school. I'm the only one who had no experience at all. Sure, I looked at and read through everything I could find to prepare. But without any practical experience, I really made a fool of myself. Thank God the coach really understood me. He said that he was sorry that bodybuilding wasn't a school subject. And then he gave me tips on how to pose properly. Damn, when I stood in front of the mirror in just my underpants and he touched my muscles to get them in the right position, I got a boner. And he obviously noticed. He then hugged me from behind and massaged my nipples. It was a feeling I'd never experienced before. I started to moan. He pulled me close to him. I felt his hard-on against my ass. And then I had my first orgasm outside of my bathroom. I was so embarrassed. And it was so great! Since then, I've really just wanted to make my coach proud. I've spent every spare minute at the gym, signed up to the sports club to do more wrestling and spent a small fortune on sportswear. I'm afraid I have a real crush for the first time in my life.

Today I got a telling off from my friends from the astronomy club. I missed the meeting and no longer see them during school breaks. I admit it, I'm neglecting my old social environment. But I have to find my way in my new role. Or rather, I have to find this new role first. Tonight I have a date with a couple of guys from the sports club. We're going to the gym first and then want to watch football in the sports bar. I'm a bit excited because I've tended to spend my weekend evenings alone in front of the computer so far. Now I have to think about what I'm going to wear.

Project diary, entry 9 (Sunday)

Dude, I might be drunk. For the second night in a row. The weekend is one big party. Last night at the sports bar was great. It was a little hard at first to pretend I knew anything about football. But after one beer I didn't give a shit. At some point, someone bought me some booze. Because his team had won or something. I was completely out of it and had to puke at some point. I can't really remember, but I'm afraid I didn't hit the toilet bowl. One of the boys then took me home with him. I really wasn't able to find my way home. Apparently, at some point I invited the boys over for a pool party on Saturday. And it escalated a little bit. Fuck, I probably have to spend the rest of the day tidying and cleaning. But for now I'm going to bed. After I've thrown up.

Project diary, entry 10 (Monday)

I'm a bit embarrassed about my behavior at the weekend. When I woke up on Sunday, a few of the boys were still snoring by the pool. And a few of them were making breakfast on the barbecue. I didn't really get around to cleaning. And then I overslept today too. Consuela suddenly came into my room and asked if my parents knew what had happened here. I gave her 100 dollars from my emergency expense fund and asked her not to reveal anything. She and Raoul actually did a great job. When I got home from astronomy club late at night, everything was pretty tidy again. The two of them are real treasures!

Mondays are not sports days. History, English, math. I admit that math has never been my hobbyhorse. And my teacher has made no secret of the fact that he thinks I'm an overprivileged white boy. When I couldn't answer a question to his satisfaction today, he said something along the lines of "Muscleheads are just all airheads". The whole back row started throwing paper balls at the teacher and hooting in protest. I have never received such expressions of sympathy.

Between school and the astronomy club, I went to the optician and got some contact lenses. Glasses are just so annoying when you're doing sport. And then I went to the hairdresser. I like my haircut. My hair is longer at the nape of my neck than at the sides. I had a photo of Coach with me and said that I wanted to look like this. Hehehe, the hairdresser said that he couldn't take away my muscles. In fact, I'm bigger than Coach. The hairdresser also shaved my beard. I haven't even written that yet, I have the feeling that my beard and body hair are growing faster and thicker. A bush is growing under my armpits and in my pubic area...

The astronomy club was terribly exhausting. I wanted to concentrate on the Jupiter-Venus conjunction. We had the best conditions to observe it today. But the nerds were all just asking questions about what exactly it was like on vacation, how I trained, how I changed my diet. I prepared myself for these kinds of questions. But every one of my answers was scientifically dissected. If it goes on like this, I'd rather look at the stars alone.

Project diary, entry 11 (Thursday)

The last few days have been pretty exciting, which is why I didn't get around to writing the diary. After training on Tuesday I went to the showers. Not all the guys on the team do this, but I just don't feel comfortable in the sweat with a bit of Axe under my arms. I also urgently needed to clear my balls and cock of the hair that was growing and shave my chest. I still can't get used to how hairy I get. In any case, it all took longer than with the other boys and then I was alone with Chuck in the shower. And suddenly Chuck knelt in front of me and sucked my cock. Without warning. I had prepared myself for intercourse in theory and in practice.

In any case, I've been a bit confused ever since. I mean, I have a crush on Coach. And Coach also got a boner when he helped me pose. I mean, he must think I'm hot too. But Chuck says he's had a crush on me ever since he and I spent Friday night together. The night I don't remember. But I'm writing all mixed up...

The blowjob in the shower was definitely sooooo hot. Even though it didn't last long. Boy, I shot my load into Chuck's mouth like that. My cum was leaking out of both corners of his mouth. He French kissed me with my cum in his mouth. Dude, I'm getting hard just thinking about it. And then he grinned and said that edging wasn't really my thing. I had no idea what he meant. In any case, I kissed him again and started wanking his cock. I was far too excited to suck him off myself. Chuck moaned and started twitching. Then he pulled me against him and wedged his cock between our stomach muscles. And then blew his load. Bloody hell! I don't know how long we showered together and soaped each other up.

In any case, I then started to gain practical experience with sexual intercourse. Chuck spent the night with me the day before yesterday and yesterday. The first time we fucked was really awkward. Chuck also asked if I was still a virgin. I said no, of course. But I'm sure he realized that it was the first time I'd fucked someone. And also that I was being fucked. In bed and in the hot tub. The first time I blew him was Wednesday in the school bathroom. We both just had a lot of pressure on our balls before civics. Shit, I'd never thought about sex before, now I can't get sex out of my head.

Practice is coming up. I just jerked off to the idea of forming a sandwich with Coach and Chuck in the shower. That would be so hot!

Project diary, entry 12 (Sunday)

Shit, I love my life. The parties this weekend were so hot. I mean, sure I love Chuck, but my dick has too much energy for one man. And Chuck gets off on me fucking other men too. As long as he's the only one who gets to fuck me. It's a point of honor, of course!

Before I go to bed now, I went to the gym again. To burn off the alcohol. And prepare my muscles for a tough week. I have my first wrestling tournament next Friday. And I've promised Steph-bruh, the quarterback, that I'll drop by football training. The hollow nut still calls me wetback, but has now understood that I'm not Spanish or Latino. And then I have to chat with my mentor from Stanford again. I don't know if sociology is really my subject. Chuck wants to study business administration. He's hoping for an athletic scholarship. Maybe I'm up for that too.

Inspiration found @redneckmusclehead

#male tf #muscle tf #jock tf #nerd to jock #nerd to hunk

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