#i know that this is just how an office functions but maybe it shouldn't

[holodeckprotocols]

people are walking around the office too much I'M OVERSTIMULATED!!!!

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you seriously, actually ship it?

Okay. Lets talk. Because apparently some of you are defending... well... "that" (under the cut)

"He's autistic! It was a stim!"

If you genuinely think that this has ANYTHING to do with autism, you are an objectively stupid person. Like, your brain is so fucking smooth, it puts the surface of freshly tempered glass to shame. You're a barely functional reprobate with subhuman intelligence who has no idea how to form thoughts so you let a 50 year old billionaire who spends too much time on his phone decide your thought process for you.

"He was throwing his heart out to the crowd!"

Now, I don't really play baseball, basketball, netball, or any sport where you throw anything other than sometimes darts, but... is that how you throw? You perfectly extend your arm at that angle? Twice? After spending years posting tweets that very much align with Nazi viewpoints? Do you throw a pitch in baseball and scream SIEG HEIL as the ball hurtles towards your opponent? No. Stop being a fucking idiot. This was deliberate. He did it twice.

"He's autistic! He doesn't know better!"

Please comment if you actually think this so I can personally call you a stupid cunt and block you. We absolutely do know better. Autism and Nazism aren't mutually exclusive.

"You're inhibiting his free speech!"

1st amendment only applies to censorship from government positions of power, which I am not, as should be obvious from the fact that I have no power to censor him. Though I shouldn't have to explain that.

"Well, he's gonna get away with it so stop being so sensitive!"

Yes. He is. But that's not a flex, that's A FUCKING MASSIVE PROBLEM. Call me sensitive if you want, but absolutely every single one of you should be offended by this. Did you pay attention in history class, or were you too tired after a long night of being fucking railed raw and bone dry by propaganda on Twitter? Moron.

"Well, he's rich and you're not, so there!"

Yep. Got me there. He's rich, and I'm not. Yknow, Hitler and a lot of Nazi officers were pretty minted too. So was Epstein, King Leopold, Stalin, Jimmy Saville, every MP currently serving in parliament... but sure, they're great people because they're rich, right?

"You're just a stupid offended libtard!"

Google "The Holocaust".

"Well, you're still using his app!"

His app? You mean the one he bought, then fucking ruined because he has no idea how to run it, right? And you because its basically impossible to find mutuals as a vtuber without it, you knew that, right? "His" app, please, you probably think Ronald McDonald makes your burger when you order McDonalds, you moron.

"If we punish Elon for this, then that's a violation of the first amendment!"

You mean like banning tiktok, removing any and all talk of election rigging, then putting it back up the next day? Or maybe like deleting any criticisms of you and your nazi salutes under your recent tweets despite it blowing up everywhere else? Or does that not count because its something you agree with? Yeah. You've been cucked harder than Sneako and you don't even realize it. Elon and his government buddies are leaving your free speech rights looking like this

Aaaaanyway

I find it well and truly laughable that so many people like Elon will say all this insane shit and do all these fucking heinous things and people will defend them. Like how that gun woman who shit herself says stuff like "I'm not homophobic, I just think gay people are disgusting and that they should die" or that comedian nobody finds funny anymore spends hours whining about trans people but says he's not transphobic.

Lets all be on the same page for once and have the balls to say what we actually think. Elon got so close, but being a spineless edgelord who doesn't have the balls to just say what he thinks out loud is quite the weakness.

[queerstudiesnatural]

re: the prototype being elliot ludwig

i think that's still the most solid theory for who the prototype is, but there are a couple of plot holes with that theory, which can be explained although with a stretch of the imagination :

1. harley sawyer was studying the prototype, which seems to suggest he didn't create it himself. and it wouldn't make sense for the prototype to have been created by someone like dr white or some other doctor. in fact, if that was the case, sawyer could have just asked them how they did it instead of studying the prototype himself. which leaves one possible answer: ludwig turned himself into the prototype. maybe ludwig knew he was dying and wanted to try and salvage his brain/intellect, or maybe he wanted to be immortal to stay with poppy. that would explain why harley sawyer was so frustrated with the prototype.

2. the drawing of mommy long-legs in ludwig's office doesn't count imo as it's clearly a continuity error, since ludwig was dead by 1990 and mommy long-legs was created in 1991. so it doesn't make sense, whether ludwig is the prototype or not. actually, if anything, it can be proof that ludwig was still alive in 1991 despite being declared dead, perhaps living as an experiment who was still living in his old office for a while. idk, i'm grasping at straws, but i think it's pretty safe to say the mommy long-legs drawing shouldn't be taken into account (it was the result of a fan art contest so maybe they just didn't think too hard about placing it there).

3. let me know if you can think of more evidence against ludwig being the prototype?

ok now onto my second theory:

the prototype isn't elliot ludwig per se, but he was made by ludwig, maybe as a companion for poppy? a sort of brotherly figure? this makes a lot of sense to me, as the prototype could think of himself as ludwig's son and heir, maybe wanting to take back control of the factory that is his "birth right".

a possible addition to this theory is that the prototype is the one who killed ludwig, maybe accidentally, maybe on purpose, and then made ludwig part of himself like he's now doing with the dead toys. maybe the prototype has ludwig's consciousness/brain capacities attached to himself, making him, like doey, an amalgamation of several consciousnesses.

we know the prototype is adding toys onto himself, probably to gain their strengths and capabilities, as most of the toys are akin to rabid animals now due to years of trauma and starvation. but if he attached a freshly killed (or still alive?) ludwig to himself, then maybe part of the prototype is a fully functional and conscious elliot ludwig.

or he was just created by ludwig as a companion for poppy, but had other plans for himself than just to play house with a doll.

either way i think the "it's time to come home" monologue the prototype gives at the end of chapter 4 is pretty much undeniable evidence that there's a family connection there, whether it's fatherly or brotherly

[weakherodiaries]

Weak Hero Musings (8): On Baekjin's Fate

SPOILERS ALERT

This one is super long and I'm sorry for that.

A. WHY BAEKJIN (DONALD) MUST DIE: THE SOCIAL PROTEST AND THE LAWS (for the counter-argument, please read point B).

Disclaimer: I'm not a Korean lawyer and I'm sorry for any mistakes.

The thing is, I understand that this webtoon is a social protest medium mixed with the action genre. I'd suspected that this was the case since early on, when Sieun (Gray)'s backstory was revealed. I Googled and found that there were kids whose fates mirror Suho (Stephen)'s. And there are other real cases that the webtoon included too.

These cases are probably just the tip of an iceberg. I'm sure that Seopass and Kim Jinseok know so, so much more about their social problems than I do. Through the webtoon, I can sense that they hope to make strong statements. "Our child welfare policies are bad". "The bullying problem is a national epidemic". "Our urban development plans are harmful to the society". "There's something wrong with our educational system". Etc etc.

In this lens, Baekjin (Donald) must die for the statements to be impactful. His demise as a complex character will probably matter, especially since this webtoon has quite a following and a new adaptation is coming.

Since the webtoon is serious about child welfare, I'll try to take it seriously when it comes to real juvenile criminal proceedings. I'd since learned that had his crimes been uncovered, and had Baekjin survived and made a full recovery, he would've possibly stood trial in the Criminal Court, instead of in the Family/Juvenile one. Because he was a genius head of a criminal organization, he would've been considered competent in the eyes of the law.

Baekjin's crimes are severe. Theft, breaking and entering, destruction of property, tampering with evidence, assault and battery, corruption, blackmail, extortion...you name them. Baekjin would've ended up in prison for some of his crimes, (maybe for 2-4 years or more, depending on how the prosecution and the court see his mitigating circumstances as an abused and abandoned kid) and he would've been heavily fined for the others.

Afaik there's no total expunction of criminal records in South Korea. Even though 5 years after he was released the records could be deleted from public view, law enforcement officers would've still been able to access them until his death. Undoubtedly, this would've created difficulties for Baekjin to apply to universities and to look for jobs. Barred from many opportunities, the future would've been bleak for Baekjin and he might've turned into a reoffending criminal.

Perhaps it was better for him to die.

B. WHY BAEKJIN (DONALD) SHOULDN'T HAVE DIED: THE FUNCTION OF FICTION

In spite of my understanding, to say that I was flabbergasted from Baekjin's death is an understatement. I was reeling from the shock. I know that he's a fictional character but there's even a research on how the human brain can sympathize with both fictional characters and real human beings.

So, in my brain, Baekjin is both that relentless juvenile criminal and the downtrodden kid whose life was cut short.

Baekjin deserved to live. To make amends, and build great friendships with the Eunjang and Union kids, and other people outside of those circles.

He deserved to go to karaoke and scream from the top of his lungs with those friends. To play online and arcade games. To play basketball, soccer, or baseball. To read and rant about animes, novels, mangas, and webtoons. To have his life read in Tarot. To eat at random roadside food stalls. To go to cinemas, make some noise and be shushed at. Or to use a friend's streaming account and refuse to pay the bills. To sing and dance at school festivals.

He'd probably never be able to go to a decent university if this was real life but since this is fiction, why wasn't he allowed to go to a local university and rant about his know-it-all professors? Why was he not allowed the chance to doze off in early morning classes like any other kids, being glued together by a bazillion cups of coffee (yes I still remember that cute fanart)?

Why was he not given the opportunity to present a new Math formula, and receive an echoing standing ovation afterwards? That kid had never been appreciated in his life, fgs.

Didn't he deserve to get a job and whine about it while drinking, eating out, and logging in to online spaces like the rest of us? And maybe someday he would've even dated, got married, got divorced, raised kids, or stayed single forever and traveled the world.

We'll never know.

Why, why, when life's already tough on real juvenile delinquents and criminals, must it be made tough on a fictional one? Doesn't fiction exist not only as a medium of protest but also as an entertainment and a catharsis?

[mckinlily]

Um, okay this is a loaded question, and if you want to play it safe, you can answer me in DMs, but...I personally feel that there's something wrong about how VLD placed Keith in the lead. In a way, I can see him becoming Black Paladin, but Shiro...it feels more natural to me, it feels right that Shiro is Black Paladin. I'm not into VLD beyond Shiro, Keith's parents, and the Lions personally, but I know someone who loves it and makes good points about Keith as a leader, but something just isn't aligning for me. Maybe it's because Shiro and Keith are two radically different archetypes, and they got swapped when they shouldn't have, I don't know.

I came here because I saw one of your post S2 rewrites, and I appreciated it. So, again, feel free to answer me in DMs (if you have problems DM-ing me, let me know and I'll fix it for you) if you don't mind discussing this with me.

As a final note, I'm not trying to hate any particular character. They're all fine on their own, and I don't want to treat one as worse than the other. I just want to figure out this problem I'm having with Shiro and Keith.

Thank you for reading this, and take care.

You came to the right blog! Because I adore Keith and believe he certainly has qualities that could make him a good leader—and absolutely hate him as the Black Paladin.

The thing I never understood about Voltron fandom debates about who should be the Black Paladin is that they always seem based in the idea that because Shiro is a leader and the Black Paladin, that means the Black Paladin is the ONLY leader on the team.

It is worth noting that that premise was disproven in episode one. It was Allura who made the final call on whether the paladins should run or stay and fight Sendak, and Shiro explicitly bowed to her authority. From then on, Shiro and Allura both lead Team Voltron until the show decided to destroy their characters, accepting influence and trading responsibilities depending on which one of them fit the situation at hand. Typically, Allura functions more in a commander and diplomat role and Shiro is more of a field officer, but they both pick up the lead where needed.

I know you didn't bring up Allura, but I think it is vital she is included in any conversation about leadership in Voltron. She is introduced as THE princess of an entire planet, she has more knowledge and experience of the intergalactic landscape than any of the other characters, she's been set up to be a leader since birth, and she IS the leader of Team Voltron for two whole seasons. Shiro makes it VERY clear he considers her to outrank him.

So the question you have to ask any time you consider replacing Shiro as Black Paladin: why NOT Allura? If the Black Paladin is the "best leader", why are you skipping over the one character already established and thriving in a leadership role? (And then you have to ask yourself if that character being a Black woman has anything do with that.)

Now I do think there are ways narratively you could answer that question. For instance, if you keep the Lions as sentient beings, that means they can make choices—including wrong ones. For instance, for a time when I believed anything might be salvaged after season 3, my head canon for Black choosing Keith was that Keith was the one missing Shiro as intensely and desperately as Black in that moment. Therefore, the choice was not about Keith being "better" but rather them being at the same place emotionally and that allowing the bond. The major problem with the Lion swap in canon is that we're given NO reason for Keith to be Black Paladin besides "plot device said so". Especially when we have Allura right there. It's just bad writing.

(By the way, you don't have to be pro-Black Paladin Allura. There's nuance to be had, and I personally am actually more One True Black Paladin!Shiro. But you can't just dismiss her--a capable and proven leader--from the conversation. Erasing her character is not the answer.)

ANYWAY. Back to Keith. Or rather, leadership on Team Voltron. Thing is, there are many different WAYS to be a leader. We already touched on the differences between Allura and Shiro. Keith does a good job of making split second decisions in battle or calling shots if Shiro is incapacitated or somehow separated. If you're in the middle of a fight, the plan has gone to shit, and the team just got separated, Keith is great at telling people what to do and mobilizing because something needs to get done NOW.

But that's not the only way to lead. Keith, for instance, is terrible at pep talks. He misses a lot of the nuances going on between him and his teammates off the battlefield. He doesn't plan ahead, like, ever. Sure he's great at making up stuff on the fly, but sometimes you need a plan.

But it's not just Keith. For instance, when Shiro, Lance, and Pidge go on the mission to rescue Slav, it's Pidge who calls all the shots. Is that not leadership? Pidge is often the one telling people what they need to do to solve technical problems. She's a center for information, typically the one collecting it, organizing and interrupting it, and then instruction others based on her conclusions. We see her take point on a mission, give orders to her teammates, coordinate efforts, problem solve in real time and relay a new plan in order to navigate unexpected challenges. Why not argue PIDGE should be the leader?

And there's when they freed the Balmera and Hunk took the lead. That mission was more challenging, but I'd argue in that arc, Hunk's leadership mattered less in terms of orders and more in terms of determining what type of team they'd be. Hunk was ADAMANT they free the Balmerans and set a tone for the team where they didn't leave suffering people behind. Hunk set up a moral imperative for the team that they'd be lesser without.

And Lance! There's actually lots to say about Lance and his strengths and types of leadership. But it's easy to point out that Lance is the one initiating fun and team bonding outside of battle. And when you're operating a giant robot held together by emotion connection, that's pretty dang important!

Point is, they're ALL leaders. They all have the capability to take point when needed. We SEE them all take charge at different points of the show.

So what's the Black Paladin then? If Shiro's The Leader then what does that mean? And this is the cool part! Because you know what Shiro is really really good? Know who else to put in charge. He's the one who first acknowledges Allura as an authority because he sees she has knowledge and experience he and the others do not. He selects which paladins to go together on which missions based on their strengths and the situations. He steps back and lets Pidge or Lance or Hunk call the shots if they're in an area of their expertise. Shiro's job isn't to tell people what to do. It's to decide who to put in charge of what and place them in best position for success.

There's another aspect of Shiro's leadership that is supporting his teammates, offering comfort, teaching, and giving the kids something solid they can believe in so they don't have to care the full weight of the war. But like letting others take charge where they shine, Shiro's leadership is all about enabling those he leads. One of my favorite Shiro lines is "It's too dangerous—I'm coming with you." Shiro's goal is never control. He is support. He leads the paladins because he sees the best in them and helps them reach it.

Narratively, also, Shiro is just set up to be the Black Paladin. The parallels between himself and the Black Lion are too obvious. From both being controlled and abused by Zarkon to Shiro's missing arm and Black's mission bayard. It's a kid's show. The symbolism isn't all that subtle. And if that weren't enough, we literally get an entire episode A plot in Space Mall about it where Shiro literally fist fights Zarkon for the Black Lion and in the end, he wins because he makes it clear it's the Black Lion's choice and trust.

Remember when I said the problem with Keith in the Black Lion in canon is that we're never given an explanation beyond "because I said so"? We're shown repeatedly why the Black Lion chooses Shiro. Even before we meet most the Lions, the other paladins themselves choose Shiro as their leader when Lance asks him if they should go through the wormhole. We repeatedly see Shiro seek to understand the Black Lion better, and Black responding. We see the similarities between their situations and backstories. We see them bond.

And I think this is really important because when Shiro is in the Black Lion, it's not about him being "in charge." It's about his relationship with the Black Lion. Yeah, of course, the other paladins are leaders! And they should be! But none of them have Shiro's relationship with the Black Lion. In this narrative, the Black Lion isn't a prize to be won but a relationship to nurture, and Shiro has put in the work for that relationship.

Which is really important because it means the Lions aren't a hierarchy. The Black Paladin is one role, an important role in Voltron, but no more important than any of the others. "The Leader" is not the most important person in the room. Instead, Shiro is a facilitator who enables all the others to perform their roles better.

Also can I just remind everyone just how well the Red Lion fits Keith? The paladin who keeps throwing himself out airlocks get the Lion most likely to go AWOL and fly off to save him. Keith defends his friends and team by attacking first and asking questions later, and Red started destroying a planetary body to get to Keith. The kid with abandonment issues gets the Lion who doesn't hesitate a second to go after him. And even the way they're shown to bond—that it's so physical and based in action rather than words—it's so Keith. I freaking love Keith as the Red Paladin. He gets to be as chaotic and free as he was always meant to be and gets a Lion who meets him every step of the way.

But if you say, no, Keith should be the Black Paladin. Well. What about Red wasn't working? Why was that role not one Keith fit in? Because from my reading of canon, Keith was thriving in Red. He got a secure attachment to his favorite person in the world, he gets the freedom to fly while also being part of something bigger, and he's making friends. It's still in its beginning stages, but he's figuring out how to bond with Lance, Hunk, and Pidge and you get the sense these are a kind of friendships he's never experienced before. But you know what could kill that really fast? Making him The Leader, a position that inherently sets him apart from the rest.

This is actually a problem twice over for Keith because unlike Shiro, who is shown to be given his role voluntarily by everyone around him and repeatedly shows he's earned that trust and respect, Keith is basically thrown into the Plot Device Machine and gets a t-shirt that says YOU'RE THE LEADER NOW. And we never get a reason beyond that.

This is actually my biggest problem season 3 and the Lion Swap. Because as soon as they made that choice, the Lions became a hierarchy. But what other explanation do we have? Keith won Favorite Character status got "prompted" to Black Paladin. But as soon as Black Paladin is a promotion, that makes the other paladin roles inferior. Red becomes the "second in command". So Lance get prompted but can never be equal to Keith. Allura gets the "Training Wheels" Lion/Blue, and they didn't have to write that as a massive demotion, but they sure did anyway. Hunk and Pidge are no longer leaders because they aren't in the "Leader" Lions.

It makes me so mad. One of the things I loved first about Voltron was the message of equality and servant leadership. The idea that a leader (represented by Shiro) is someone who elevates and enables everyone else. A recognition for the more "feminine" types of leadership—nurturing, compassion, emotional support. Which support roles are seen as vital and just as if not more important than being the "boss."

But we only got two seasons of that before they pulled the rug out and said, "Nope. We're returning back to patriarchy." Suddenly the Lions were in a strict chain of command, one character was the boss and the rest were his subordinates. There was a top position and a bottom position, and the characters were all fighting over each other. Perhaps most damningly, the Lion lost all personality and agency and become trophies to symbolize a character's power. And I'm not saying they're an accidental representation of how women are treated in Western media but I MEAN. It's right there.

My response when anyone says "[X] character should be the Black Paladin!" is—Why? Is their connection with the Black Lion deeper than Shiro's? Do they have more in common with Black than Shiro does? What could they achieve or obtain as the Black Paladin that they couldn't where they currently are?

And, though I don't think most of us realize it, the answer to that last one is power. Because we're soaked in patriarchy and a certain portrayal of "leadership (derogatory)" that many fans automatically assumed the Black Paladin HAD to be in control of and have power over the other paladins. So of course you want your favorite character to be the Black Paladin! You don't want your self-insert to be inferior!

But that's all the patriarchy talking. The other paladins are NOT inferior. There is NOT a hierarchy of types of people. Keith doesn't have to have Shiro's role because he's already equal as Keith.

Keiths look different from Shiros, but they're all equal and valuable as they are. Same goes for Lances, Hunks, Pidges, and Alluras. The whole point is they're stronger together. Their differences make them BETTER.

So yeah. Of course, Keith has some good leadership qualities. There's plenty of situations where it only makes sense for him to take the lead. But why on earth does he need to be the Black Paladin to do that? He's already Keith!

[writing-oof]

autism and bees, bees and autism

Tubbo has autism. Puffy knows that Tubbo has autism. Tubbo does not know that he has autism.

TW: hints of PTSD? idk

The clock ticks like a bomb, set to explode the moment Tubbo takes his eyes off of it.

----

Technically, there's nothing wrong with Puffy's office.

----

Things stop being okay, at some point.

Tubbo starts to notice things more, after that first session with Puffy.

Puffy wants him to think more about how he feels. She gives him a journal and homework, telling him to log in it whenever he feels something bigger than usual.

He doesn't have to ask what "big" means. "Choking," she means. "Devastating."

It doesn't happen a lot, and never for very long.

Still, by the end of the week, he has three logs.

---

Sometimes, Tubbo doesn't behave correctly.

He knows this. It's been a problem since he was a kid, even if Ms Puffy assures him that no four-year-old really behaves correctly.

That isn't the point, though. For the first time, he's really not using 'behave' and 'obey' synonymously.

For whatever reason, Tubbo Underscore does not act the same as his peers.

It's trauma, Ms Puffy says.

Tubbo doesn't think she's wrong, necessarily. Loads of the things that he's done for years are deeply rooted in trauma.

Still, too many teachers have called him the odd one out for him to think that it's just trauma.

----

"Are you familiar with autism?"

Tubbo snaps his gaze away from his hands to meet Puffy's eyes, surprised.

It's not the question he expected her to ask, at the least.

"Autism," Tubbo repeats, letting his gaze drift around the room as he thinks. "It's a developmental disorder? It affects the function of the brain."

He looks back to Puffy. "Sorry. I don't know. Tommy's brother's autistic, I think?"

"That's Techno, right?" Puffy asks, like she isn't good friends with Philza outside of work. Tubbo's always admired her ability to keep her work and her life separate.

Tubbo agrees, "Yeah. He's weird with chairs."

Puffy hums, letting her pen tap against her clipboard. "He's weird with chairs?" she asks, "Could you elaborate? Maybe tell me what autistic behavior you've noticed."

"No, Tommy told me he was autistic," Tubbo defends, "I didn't just assume he was because he acted autistic."

Not that Technoblade doesn't act autistic. He definitely does.

"That's alright," Puffy says, "I wasn't really worried about that. Could you elaborate about the chairs and other behavior you saw?"

Tubbo nods. "He has a specific place you have to sit at the table. And he's not good with loud noises."

Tubbo thinks for a second. "Sometimes he hits his hands on his legs when he's excited."

He shows her the motion, tapping the heel of his palms against his thighs in a sequence of twos.

"He has headphones," Tubbo remembers, "He wore them at the park because it was too loud."

Puffy nods, waiting for him to continue.

"That's all I can think of," Tubbo says, "Sorry."

"Don't be," Puffy dismisses, "Those are some great observations. Why do you think Technoblade wears the headphones when it's loud?"

Technoblade wears the headphones because he's autistic, and loud things are worse for him. And when things feel bad or painful, people shouldn't make themselves do that bad or painful thing.

Tubbo knows what Puffy's doing.

Unless she hasn't read Schlatt's email yet, so she doesn't know about the dishes. Then, he has no idea what she's doing. Besides, it does seem a bit roundabout to use autism to make Tubbo realize he was being stupid.

Tubbo huffs. "Can you just tell me whatever it is I need to realize?"

Puffy quirks an eyebrow. Tubbo crosses his arms, the scrutiny digging under his skin.

"Sure," Puffy agrees after a moment, "I was going to point out that you share a lot of behaviors with Technoblade."

Tubbo's mind stutters to a stop.

What?

She can clearly see his skepticism, so she carries on.

"When you're nervous, you tap your hands or pull on your fingers. When you're excited or distressed, you shake out your hands like you got them wet."

Tommy noticed that one too.

He'd asked what Tubbo got on his hands, the last time he did that.

"So I have a nervous tic?" Tubbo asks.

Puffy clarifies, "Stimming. You don't only stim when you're nervous. You do it when you're excited or really happy, too. It's not exclusively an autistic behavior."

Tubbo wasn't exactly worried it was, considering he apparently does it too.

"You also have notable sensory differences," Puffy points out and Tubbo frowns.

"I do?" he asks. He's never noticed any sensory issues before.

"There are several types of foods you don't eat because of textures," she notes, reading off her clipboard, "You don't wear denim because of the texture. You listen to music on full volume to destress, but are easily overwhelmed by the noise in public spaces. You have a fascination with multi-textured fidgets, especially ones that click. You hate fluorescents because they buzz and you keep a fan running in your room constantly for the noise."

Tubbo's kind of surprised those things he mentioned offhandedly were important enough for her to write them down, but he supposes he kind of does have sensory issues.

"Is that it?" he asks, surprisingly curious, "Or is there more stuff?"

Puffy smiles reassuringly and says, "There's a bit more."

Tubbo nods interestedly and listens.

"Well, you have fixated and restricted interests that you've mentioned you focus on at least multiple times a day," Puffy notes.

Tubbo's eyebrows pinch together, a bit. "Everyone has things they like."

"Sure," Puffy agrees, "but not everyone has things they think about for years and care about intensely."

Tubbo considers her. "Like Greek Mythology, for Techno?"

Puffy nods eagerly. "Exactly like that. For you, it's bees."

---

And Tubbo loves bees.

In his room at Schlatt's apartment, he has bees all over. He's got a bee blanket, bee legos, bee books, and a handful of different bee plushies.

And he has pretty much always loved bees.

He remembers when he was a kid, that he would pretend that he was a bee, buzzing and buzzing and buzzing inside his closet he pretended was a hive.

[theseventeensteps]

re: the 'socialist hopecore' post i made that has majorly broken containment and is now probs the most popular post i have made on any platform in my entire life;

there's basically two kinds of commenters on the post, one person who is like 'ugh i know it's so easy to fix but america will NEVER do it' and another person who is like 'lol u know how to fix this? *guillotine gif*'

and listen, my support for guillotines aside, not enough people know This One Weird Trick That Wealth Hoarders Hate!

unionize your fucking workplace.

Almost every horrible problem that US has can be traced directly or indirectly to the face that unions have never been as entrenched here as they were in some other countries. Union saturation got to like, 35% here, and was intentionally busted by the wealth in the 70s and 80s, and has never been in the double-digits since. You remember those cool years where the tax on big corporations was really high and a single good job could pay for a house and feeding the family? That was coincidentally the same time a lot of people were unionized and could collectively bargain for higher wages and better pay.

Today, even a lot of the standard benefits that union workers won, like the 8hr day, are nearly completely done away with. I work in an office, and I have a nine-hour day with an unpaid lunch. (And an hour commute each way!) That shit's gonna keep going if unions don't grow and stop taking garbage from bosses.

Unionizing is hard, don't get me wrong. But you have way more power at your workplace, with your coworkers, than you do at the ballot box or with your consumer choices. So here's a place to start:

Figure out who unionizes your industry. If you're in logistics and some other kinds of blue-collar work, there's the Teamsters. If you're in a creative field, there's IATSE. If you're in service work, there's Unite Here, SEIU, and UFCW. Some unions organize across industries (UAW unionizes auto workers and grad students, IBEW unionizes electricians and some coffee shops). There's almost certainly a union for your area of work, and if there isn't, you still have options.

Stop letting your coworkers justify to themselves the bullshit they put up with. If your coworker complains about PTO getting rejected, pay being low, unsupportive managers; support their complaints and don't just let them say stuff like "it is what it is." When they say something like that, you say, "it doesn't have to be." You don't need to talk about unionizing right away -- it's important to get your coworkers first to the place where they recognize that they deserve more and shouldn't have to put up with garbage.

Figure out what common complaints your coworkers have. Maybe your company pays you $20/hr when similar roles elsewhere start pay at $22. Maybe you're being artificially kept at 36 hours a week so they don't have to give you full-time benefits. Maybe your manager plays favorites on the schedule and you never have any consistency. If there's a consensus among your coworkers that there's a couple things that they all agree would make the job better, take note of those. These can be the basis of your demands for a contract later, and you can use that to convince your coworkers it's worth it to fight. (Don't forget, things like safety issues can be really unifying too. I once worked for a catering company where we were all ready to riot just to get a functioning chair dolly.)

Get to know a couple people outside of work. Meet up with a coworker or two that seem serious about wanting better. This is a good place to bring up the idea of unions for the first time. It's best to talk about unions in explicit detail outside the workplace -- retaliating against you for talking about unions is illegal, but bosses have a lot of tools to get away with it anyway.

If you have a solid core of people that are serious about changing things and are interested in unionizing, reach out to a union that handles your industry or a closely related industry. You can even reach out to several. They'll have more information for you and can support you fighting to unionize.

A lot of the time, changing the world feels like trying to swim upstream. Winning tiny defensive victories in an onslaught of powerful people making things worse. Unionizing, and using your union politically, is a different thing entirely. When you vote for people and ideas you support, you're wielding a baseball bat. When you unionize and use your labor power, you're wielding a goddamn rocket launcher.

Go forth, unionize, and change the world!

[sweepweep]

So "Good Witch" is being taken off of Netflix so of course I started watching it to see if I was missing anything and I wasn't. It's one of those shows that has the potential to be good if it had better writing because it, for the most part, seems like it has some good story lines. A new doctor in town who has to basically start his clinic from scratch in a town that doesn't trust doctors because their last town doctor was an asshole after the narcissistic mayor screws the new doctor over by telling him it was fully stocked when it was barely functional while also dealing with a divorce and having full custody of his son. A son that is spoiled and trashed a person's house and skips school and his dad doesn't have the emotional availability to take care of him so their relationship is strained. They have the self-centered mayor who doesn't admit to her own faults or thinks things through (holy shit how did she become mayor?). There's another dude, Derek I think, who was acting weird for half the episode and seems like... Well I don't know if he's a shitty partner or if becoming a police officer was so important to him that he didn't want input into his decision including his partner or what but. He's a police officer! And all the people he loved, including the main characters which I haven't even talked about yet, were being assholes about it for reasons ("this is the last thing your father wanteed for you" he said accusingly) they don't really explain. I think the dude's sister implies that their dad died in service, or like a long string of family members died in service, but they don't say what happened or why I should care about this (I guess if the dad did die in service I could understand why they would have such an unsupportive attitude but still. Maybe it's the dry dialogue with no character voice behind it. When they talk it's always so stale omg no soul behind those words). There's also a new chief of police. I think he called out the mayor a few times for her bullshit so I think they're good?

Ok so the actual two main characters, the Nightingale's! Danny Phantom witch au or crossover anyone? Jk. They're... good witches... That's really all there is too them... They don't really have personalities other than being nice and being whimsical but no personality to make me care about them. Magic is barely there so for but it's just the first episode so who knows. They make it obvious that the new doctor and the witch mom are endgame but they also obvious make the doctor's son (who I am going to refer to as "Troubled Boy" from now on) and the witch daughter endgame with a childhood friend love triangle that he's obviously going to lose which is going to be awkward because if the doctor dad and witch mom get together then that means the kids are going to be step-siblings and good luck explaining that. When the witch daughter first sees the troubled boy and her childhood friend gives her a psychological profile per her REQUEST and they start looking down on him ALREADY EVEN WHEN HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING YET (which makes me think they do this REGULARLY and that annoys me. Especially since with the dialogue I'm not going to care about this one obvious flaw). They try to pull an "I'm not like other girls" thing but then make her show immediate interest in him despite the fact that she was looking down on him literally half a second ago. And then she's just nice the whole episode. Well ok. Both ships they're trying to pull and enemies to lovers but I don't care about them and one of the ships is a one-sided enemies to lovers thing which isn't that fun especially since the doctor kind of had a point in telling the mom witch that she shouldn't have been prescribing what at first I thought was safe nonrisky herbal remedies or like a magic potion thing but no she says she watches what proportions she puts or something which makes me think she prescribes like. Real medicine. Presumably without a license or something. I will give her credit that she is in fact good at what she does and has a point in telling the doctor that herbal remedies are also an alternative form of medicine. Also the doctor not believing in herbal remedies because they're not pills and therefore not giving his patients that option?? Like sir???? Did no one teach you about this when you DID go to medical school??????? What did you think people used before pills were made??????????

Oh WOW that sounds bland. Yeesh. I’ve never watched it to be honest, but it sounds like it tried to fit every trope into a show and failed.

I think you’re completely right in saying that it has the potential to be interesting! If only the characters were 3 dimensional. Yknow. Actual people.

This hits every stereotype and trope, I have no idea how NONE of them landed

[shadowbunnydragon]

To Bailey, Lily, and Russell: Since you’re dating a predator, what kind of relationship challenges do you face? I’m only asking because I’m a guy and I’ve had a male wolf friend recently come to me and ask me out

Russell, his ears turning pink: "Uh... w-well..."

Baily: "You do have to remember that us humans are omnivores, making us predators as well. Granted, our lack of claws or sharp teeth kinda make that a bit hard to believe for some mammals..."

He reaches into his coat pocket to pull out his buzzing phone, accidentally swiping up and hitting the speaker option.

Leodore: "Hey there, Barney! Just calling to let you know that I've mulled it over, and I still find it silly that you guys are predators. No offense, but you kinda look more like how we'd make a felt puppet mascot for a show to teach very young mammals tolerance and understanding and all that nonsense towards predators. Basically you're predator lite, if you catch my meaning. Also wanted to let you know that I'm gunna be kinda late for our next card reading session, things did NOT work out in the waste disposal union like I had thought it would. Seriously, you make one, or several, jokes about organized crime connections, and suddenly everyone gets up into a tizzy... oh great, it looks like I'm getting pulled over now. I probably shouldn't be talking on my phone while driving, but this is just getting ridiculous. Anyways, see you in maybe an hour."

The phone goes silent, the three humans staring wide-eyed at it in silence.

Lily: "Anyways... it's true that there have been some challenges. Like smaller herbivorous mammals sometimes being nervous around us and giving us side-eyed looks and wide berths."

Russell: "Patricia and David told me that it was a lot worse towards predators a few years ago, but that it's gotten better. The specism towards predators in general, I mean. But then there's also... some members of Jackson's pack aren't too happy with him not dating another jackal, or at the very least, another canid... and sometimes, despite the brave face he puts on... you can see that it does in fact hurt him from time to time..."

Lily: "Some of Renato's family has voiced similar concerns... with his great-grandmother suggesting that we are some kind of evil spirits that have started appearing to work a dark mischief... whatever that means."

Baily, rubbing the back of his head: "I might be kinda lucky in that regard. I'm sure some members of Sophia's pride might not be too happy with her bringing in a human... especially one who was, until very recently, homeless. But thanks to a 'certain someone' and their increasingly embarrassing antics, I guess I'm looking golden in comparison..."

His phone buzzes again and, after receiving now somewhat amused nods from the other two, Baily swipes up and enables the speaker function yet again.

Leodore: "No, officer, you've got this all wrong! That wad of money just fell out of my pocket! It was not a bribe! Speeding and talking on my phone when driving is around $150 here, I've gotten enough tickets for that to know by now; so why would I try to give you $400 when I can just bite the bullet and pay this fine?! OOF!" A loud slamming sound followed by a muffled voice speaking. "Oh, uh, Basil, we're gunna need to have a rain check for that reading. Apparently someone needs to FILL A QUOTA!"

The call ends.

Lily: "... Anywho, opening your heart to someone can be scary, and each time there will be their own sets of challenges. But, there's the chance that you could find someone who makes your heart sing... ahem, and whom you get on with wonderfully. Ultimately, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my big fluffy Marshmallow."

Baily: "I never thought I could feel the way I do about Sophia. Sometimes I wonder if she isn't an angel..."

Russell: "And I'm really glad that I said yes to Jackson! I don't know how things will go down the road, but I'm really happy here and now!"

Lily: "I think that it's safe to say that all three of us here wish you the best of luck with this wolf boy!"

[dxmedstudent]

IMO, It's the Calvinism.

No really, the idea that people can stay healthy (and skinny, and fertile etc) if they are morally pure and do everything right is embedded deep. Sometimes it's a bit more like superstition - in an "I'll keep the wolf from the door if I follow these rules" kind of way. And other times it's very much "good people won't be punished, so if you are punished - with ill health or disability or infertility or something else, then maybe you deserved it through your inaction. Through not being religious or good. Through not being "healthy" enough. Through being fat. Through having sex. etc.

But multigenic diseases like diabetes are unpredictable - you can eat healthy and still wind up with diabetes like everyone else in your family. You can have a normal diet that would be fine for most people but might predispose you to it.

So many patients come to us already ashamed for not living a perfect lifestyle, as if to a confessional. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't smoke. Sorry, I know I'm over weight." and they have nothing to apologise for. They are just living.

But they come in to the doctor's office, ready to be lectured and blamed and it makes me sad. And I'm not about that - sure, sometimes we'll talk about how in this particular context weight or diet etc matter, but actually I try to keep that to a minimum and within the framework of acknowledging that we are all humans trying to get by as best as we can and that being fat isn't inherently sinful. Realistically, we're not always going to live the healthiest life imaginable. And I can see people relax when they hear that.

And even if someone has the most self inflicted of diseases possible, even if they are immensely overweight and deliberately lived the least healthy diet as possible - they still deserve good care and to be treated well and without judgement.

I do *sometimes* crack out the tough love "you need to stop this right now or you could die" - but that tends to be for patients who have an eGFR of 3 and are declining haemodialyisis because they 'feel fine' when they could literally die any moment when their kidneys no longer function. There are some times when we do need to help patients see risk. But that should be rare and reserved for patients in immediate danger - in general most patients need to be treated as sensible agents in their own care who have complicated and imperfect lives.

I recently saw an ad on TV aimed at addressing diabetes stigma, and I'm glad to see it's something people are raising awareness for.

damn people rly hate type 2 diabetics don't they

[laurawriteberry]

Fake Relationship

Paul walked into his publicist's office, only to see Brittany sitting in the seat next to the spare one for him. She turned and smiled at him, batting her eyelashes one too many times for it to be natural. He looked at his publicist as he slowly walked in and sat down, moving his chair further away from her.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"The TV execs are worried the show's ratings are dropping, so they thought now would be a good time to boost ratings would be if two of their stars were to partake in a fake relationship."

Paul's eyes widened. "Woah, what?"

"Everyone knows the best way to gain interest is through relationships. People are obsessed with other people's love lives, but especially with celebrities. They want to know what it's like for two celebrities to date, so why not give the people what they want?"

"But they only work if the pair can convince the world they're dating," said Brittany. "It's not amateur hour." She turned to look at Paul. "That's why we'd work together. Dave would cause the drama we need, but I need someone who can behave at the various events and functions we go to, and everyone knows he's... impulsive and reckless. He'd end the relationship after a few days without meaning to, and while I'm all for an on again, off again relationship, I think we need something a bit more... stable."

Paul scowled in Brittany's direction, not liking how she was talking about his best friend. But then, she wasn't wrong either. He was known for being a notorious player, and while his drama was helping with ratings, it might also be pushing people away.

"What does it entail?" he asked, looking at his publicist and ignoring the way Brittany squealed in delight.

His publicist smiled at him. "Smart decision."

"I didn't say I agreed. I wanna know what I'm getting into before I go ahead with this."

"Naturally. Well, you'll be required to attend events together, spend time together, and have paparazzi take photos of you together. We need people to believe you're together, and we need you both to seem like the next big thing."

"How much time do we have to spend together?"

"Multiple times a week," said Brittany. "Like, we could go shopping or hang out at the beach."

"Oh, c'mon. I've gotta go shopping?" Paul groaned.

"Uh, you need to look the part as my boyfriend. No more dressing like a broke teen."

Paul opened his mouth, but his publicist cut in. "We'll discuss the finer details tomorrow. For now, if you agree, I need you to sign some paperwork."

"Shouldn't I get a lawyer to read over it?" His publicist looked uncomfortable at his suggestion. "I don't want any nasty surprises."

"There won't be. Just sign."

He hesitated, looking over at Brittany. Could he pretend to date her for a short length of time? Maybe it wouldn't be too bad? But he knew he was kidding himself, anything to get him to sign the contract. One that likely bound him to a lot more than either of them were letting on.

He signed the contract, feeling like he'd signed away his life.

[thewul]

scope: rebranding/font/slogan/strategy entity: ONMT

so it's interesting, in the sense that there is a real drive to achieve an image, at the same time basic mistake when you do that is overdoing it, also nice colors, but South Africa went there first and they have locked the colorful theme

the slogan is an important part of it, the message that ONMT wants to convey, is not it, tourism is the activity of the office, it is expected that the office is in action, what message ONMT wants to convey to the tourism industry and Morocco's visitors is more to the point

so a bit of flattening all this and we obtain the following

where at this point either I can continue playing with graphic elements, or I have a strong message to convey

how does it function, we tend to go for the red color first visually, its wired in our visual recognition, then we realize that we didn't read the message and so we go back to the message, a bit like a warranty that the message will be read not skipped on

this I think nicer font is Corbel Regular, pretty standard not too elaborate either we already have the designer font, so as not to get into the way of the message, and its not conflicting with previous slogan font since its obsolete, and its font

for the strategy, we have brushed on it before I think, 589K businesses in the travel agency industry

we want to purchase up to 5 or 6% of that, outbound from different areas in the world and implement drivers for Moroccan tourism products, not enforce them any business is good business but they have to be there, commercial drivers, interesting margins

the tourism industry like any industry is supply chain based, opening hotels and waiting for tourists is done with, buying tour operators of different sizes and travel agency chains and having them drive our tourism sector is much more like it

it cuts down on the fragmentation of the travel agency sector while it shouldn't bother anyone, 5 or 6% are not 10%, at 5% it is equivalent to 14.8BN USD annually, with a workforce of 150 thousands, globally

it's simple in terms of going upstream, maybe more elaborate to implement, and it looks like the actual ONMT venture and priority for years to come

it is a consequent investment budget, certainly is, with a goal, that is to triple the number of inbound tourist stays in Morocco within the next 8 to 10 years

interestingly, when we think we are done, Morocco is inviting 150K tourism professionals and their families for all inclusive 15 days in Morocco, not all at once but as these acquisitions progress

Because they have to know what they are selling, and because big cap ventures is not just throwing money at stuff, the people making it happen are key

Also a pragmatic aspect of owning these businesses is, commercial incentives, interesting margins, but at some point we want to see inbound business, if the numbers aren't there so be it, not past a volume retainer however because that means you are not selling the destination, others are

Now as a travel agent you want to go somewhere, okay I will still propose you Morocco, better if not excellent price quality what do you think, of course I will not force you it's your choice, next time you want to travel I will propose Morocco once again, try to find out why you're hesitating, take note of the stuff that I have to email because it needs fixing, and I will make you a onetime deal that flattens anything else, 25% off on the spot

Especially since I have a volume of those with my package, so it is a comprehensive set of marketing and commercial tools, that said it is also legitimate, if it turns out that its many agencies report sluggish sales, for them to ask ONMT for a review of these packages, and so its both ways as it should

We have just scratched the surface of what is a global tourism industry expertise pole including online, at 150K employees, even indirectly ONMT becomes one of the largest TO's worldwide, where the business is not just to sell Morocco, but to promote the tourism industry to the benefit of all

I would promote Spain or Indonesia day in day out including outbound from Morocco, providing Spain or Indonesia promotes my destination as well, and so win win partnerships are basically what tourism is made of, for its operators and clientele

The reality of the global tourism industry is that a tourist is going to come to my destination 1.5 times, hopefully 2.5 if he likes better than all of the competitive offering on the market, but after that what am I selling, and if you don't understand that fact you're not in the tourism industry, not really

Another thing is, that in the past my destination is all there is and oh look tourists are going somewhere else what can I do, nowadays you build up your destination in terms of service quality, and you buy the business where it is not where you want it to be, tourists nowadays are online waiting to snatch any cost competitive offer to anywhere, they don't even care where that is providing the quality is there

There's been countless hours countless meetings and a lot of money spent on trying to counter the attractiveness of another destination, whereas buying business in that destination to shield a drop in domestic sales made all the sense in the world not otherwise

Did you ever stumble into the hotel of a large hotel chain, and it's almost empty, they don't care, they think in terms of geographical spread, that they can boast 160 countries to their clientele is more important than any single empty hotel somewhere

They have evened the bets which is what you are supposed to do in the global tourism industry, way past your own destination

Thank you for having followed

[tealeavesandthorns]

Gunna put this under a read more but just because it's a lot of text and people can read it if they want and if not can skip....

bit of a look into my brain over the past week and you know the wild ride I keep going on - mentions of neurospiciness, pmdd, period talk, anxiety, depression and sui*ci*dal thinky thoughts

So it finally happened, I finally broke down to the point I was basically sent home from work - my boss told me I should log off and then said I'll see you Monday.

That was Tuesday, and it took until Wednesday afternoon - after crying and napping and crying and having a gazillion anxiety attacks - for the little voice in my head to go 'check yo period app'.

I did and it turned out I'm due on in about a week - so then I was like okay probably that.

Then I realised for about the past 6 months - every single time I've been at my lowest ebb and I mean crazy lowest, either crying, anxious, angry or depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I've headed onto my app to check whether I'm due on and it always says about 5-7 days. I've talked about the potential for PMDD before - it's also been mentioned to me before by several online friends.

So after years of being like My MeNtAl BrAiN iS nOt To Do WiTh My OvArIeS - because of piss poor doctors and having to fight every second to get help. It's starting to seem like actually that might be the case.

Since I found out I was Autistic my anxiety and depression has been so much better because I'm able to manage it so much better APART from the week before my period.

So now I've got to try and get a doctors appointment to prove all this on top of one for my meds. I'm going to have to go through being told 'go on contraception' - nope it sent my sister loopy, I can't afford that.

I'm so NERVOUS talking to work or anyone about it. I've spent so long trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me I'm sure it must feel to people like 'here's another thing'. It's not though, this is what everything has been leading too.

I've got to go through talking to doctors and hr and gathering all the evidence I can, fighting to be heard because I'm too self aware and I shouldn't be. I'm going to have to fight to be heard that I'm doing everything I can to keep myself going. I'm going to have to fight because I don't want the pill, the implant, a hysterectomy or anything that's going to mess with my hormones. I'm going to have to fight for HR and OC Health to recognise I'm autistic.

I'm going to have to fight to get my manager to listen and ACTUALLY listen to me that maybe I might know my own brain and body and triggers best. I'm going to have to fight to get my manager to understand that maybe, very occasionally and once in a blue moon for one freaking day - on my fixed days I might need to work from home.

I don't know how to make them understand how difficult things get and how difficult it is to try and function.

How do I make them understand that already being in the office is pretty overwhelming but I do it because I actually like it and enjoy my job, but the noise, the smells, the space, the talking, it's tiring on most days and on days like tuesday it's exhausting to the point my chest feels tight and if one person speaks to me I burst into tears. How do I make them understand that on days like that I seriously think about breaking my own arm, getting myself run over or throwing myself down the stairs so that I simply don't have to have the social interaction.

What I'm more scared of then anything else though is being out of a job and ending up on benefits or something.

There's just a lot going on atm and a lot of anxiety so I'm sorry for my slowness and stuff. I'll be back to peak activity when my uterus decides to open the floodgates (gross I know).

[jodilin65]

Finished watching another episode of FBI.

The latest VZ challenge is out. There are five rides ranging from 27 to 56 miles. I'm going to be riding through New York, Spain, Australia, Hawaii, and the UK.

They used the quieter mower, so I was able to sleep through it. That’s good too, because it seems like the second Alexa I set up may have quit at some point during the night.

Prosebox is still down for their upgrade. They should be back up before I get up. As soon as I check it out, I'll decide whether it's worth staying or not. I hate it when websites and apps become something completely different from what I joined them for.

I used the nasal rinse that the doctor gave me, but I'm not sure it did anything for me. I think the nasal spray I normally use will be enough now that I know I shouldn't have stopped it in the first place.

I was surprised that my blood pressure was only 112/74 at the doctor's office yesterday. It might have been because I wasn't drinking much since I didn’t want to have to pee along the way there.

I made a lot of calls today. I rescheduled the glaucoma doctor because I wasn’t going to be able to make the original appointment. Then I had to call back and reschedule again because I stupidly forgot to adjust the length of my day on the program. When he first wrote it years ago, my circadian clock was at 25 hours and 15 minutes. A few years ago, we had to bump it up to 25 hours and 22 minutes. Now it's at 25 hours and 36 minutes. I'm really starting to wonder how much more it's going to progress over the years. It is something that worsens with age, though.

So, I see the glaucoma doctor in the middle of next month and the ENT at the end of next month. Even though it's a different ENT that I've never seen before, I worry about him canceling on me like the last one did. Unfortunately, the glaucoma doctor can't do an eye exam at the same time he checks my eye pressure. Some woman does that, but I didn't bother to make an appointment just yet.

The ENT's office also had me call the pulmonologist's office to give them their fax number so they can fax whatever info they get from the company that tried me on a CPAP for the results of my original sleep test.

I'm still interested but a little concerned about Inspire. I would hate to have it implanted and then find it didn't help.

One of my biggest concerns is discomfort with the device even after my scars have healed. I don't expect to feel anything if I'm just sitting there, but if I lie on my right side or my stomach, I worry that I may feel it, although I didn't feel the heart monitor device much. That was a little lower, though, where there's more fatty tissue. This thing is described as being the size of a small matchbox.

My other concern is whether or not I can get used to the electrical impulses. Some things I can adapt to, and other things I can't. I never could get used to sleeping through noise or movements, so there's a little bit of worry there. If it's consistent, then maybe it would be okay. I honestly don't know what to think. I mean, I'm interested, but I do have concerns. This isn't something I can simply return like I could the CPAP.

My lesser worries are the usual risks that come with surgery. Because they're going to be working with the nerve at the base of my tongue after "slitting" my throat, there's always the risk of nerve damage, infection, and other issues. In addition to the chest incision and the cut just under the chin toward the right where the device will be, they sometimes have to slit the side of the neck from under the chin toward the collarbone. I know it sounds horrible, and I know I would be in pain for a few days just like I was after having my gallbladder removed, but it would be totally worth it if it helped. If it could help my energy levels and my brain function, that would be great!

Oh, another concern is my breathing. Tom thinks the only reason I had problems breathing after the last surgery is because they were cutting muscles that affect breathing in the diaphragm area. Well, I sure hope I wouldn't wake up so short of breath because this is a more complex procedure that would last longer. It takes less than two hours to remove the gallbladder, but this would be a two- or three-hour procedure.

Although there will eventually be longer-lasting batteries, the current battery lasts 11 years. So although the surgery wouldn’t be as invasive to replace the battery, that's something that would have to be done when I was around 70 if I got the implant.

[tomb-bloom-noctem]

It's July which is disability pride month. My first since getting my autism diagnosis. Same doctor who gave me that diagnosis is now asking about if I want to persue seeing if I also have ADHD due to some things I'm repeatedly reporting especially with executive disfunction and the meds I'm currently on not helping some of these things. I'm open to it. Next time I see her we'll look into that. I don't know how the diagnosis will come back ultimately. I didn't...entirely expect to get diagnosed with autism in the first place. Now she's telling me there might be another diagnosis?

I don't really know...I guess "how" to have pride. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to celebrate disability pride. I feel like I'm too abled to be considered disabled even if I do have an autism diagnosis and maybe also have adhd. I've been encouraged to embrace who I am especially after fighting for so long for a diagnosis. But see I didn't know what I needed. I just finally got into that office after months and month. I sobbed on that chair begging her to please understand that I don't know what's wrong with me I'm not here to lie I'm not trying to trick you I just need help I can't keep living like this. That I might genuinely end my life if I don't get help because my brain is an absolute bastard and I can't keep myself together even if I look fine on the outside.

I remember that. And I think isn't that proof enough? The fact that I needed this appointment so badly then all I could do in the appointment was cry and beg for help?

I'm not making any sense. It's 1 am. I should sleep. But my brain instead wants to be at war with itself. Fighting that regardless of what the doctor said, I'm not allowed to use these labels. Or that I've always been different from my peers even when I didn't recognize it and now I might finally have some direction. That my functioning is getting a little less survival mode.

I don't know who I am lately. I don't know what's right for me. I don't know how to accept these labels let alone have pride in them. I don't know how to be a good friend. Or partner. Or employee. Or community member. Or...anything really.

I don't know anything anymore.

[fleetsparrow]

I got the below quote in a writer's newsletter today, and it rubbed me the wrong way.

As a creative, you answer only to your art. No one else gets to decide. If you have breath in your body and a mind that functions, you can create when, if, and for as long as you like.

The above quote doesn't seem so bad on its own. Indeed, read out of context, it's almost inspirational.

But the below photo was also attached to this message:

The photo reads: "All limitations are self-imposed."

Taken together, they create a message I'm really getting tired of.

Yes, in general, I agree with the idea of these statements. Your creativity and creations don't belong to anyone else. Nobody else has the right to tell you what you should and shouldn't create or how you should create it.

But last time I checked, I didn't choose capitalism. I didn't choose ableism. I didn't choose racism, or white supremacy, or the continual re-emergence of fascism. Yet these are all real limitations we live with.

No, not all limitations are self-imposed.

Yes, you can always add your own limits and blocks to your own creativity. But why is it the people who tell you that all your limitations are self-imposed are the ones who have the fewest limits? The ones who've "made it"? The ones who are selling you something?

Maybe they've forgotten what it's like to try and create while also trying to survive in society. Maybe, because they became established so long ago and in such different circumstances, they genuinely can't comprehend what things are like for the rest of us. Maybe they don't care; after all, they bootstrapped their way to a career, why can't you? Don't we, as the saying goes, all have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé?

And, I don't know, maybe to some people, this concept of self-imposed limitations is inspiring. Maybe it gets some people motivated, because they only have themselves to be accountable to.

But I don't think that applies to most of us.

Most of the creatives I know—the visual artists, the writers, the craftspeople, and all of the rest of us—are constantly hitting the wall of others' limitations on us.

It's very hard to create when you're constantly anxious. It's incredibly difficult to create when you're struggling. It's nearly impossible to freely create under the limitations of capitalism and white supremacy.

That doesn't mean we can't do it. That doesn't make it any less satisfying or less important or less of an accomplishment when we do create. But we are not all living under the same limitations.

The abled cishet white man who has his own home office and who can sequester himself away for hours each day secure in the knowledge that his entire life and household won't fall apart while he's away does not have the same limitations as a disabled queer parent working two jobs and living in a shared one bedroom apartment.

Yes, by the measure of time in seconds and minutes and hours, we all have the same 24 hours as everyone else.

But we don't all have the same resources. We don't have all the same failsafes. Just because we all live under similar circumstances, it does not mean we all experience the same consequences of those circumstances.

So, no, all limitations are not self-imposed. You can still do creative things under them. You can still make art under the limitations you live with.

But those limitations are not your fault. They do not come from you. They are not yours to solve alone.

Create what you can when you can how you can. Create for joy. Create for expression. Create for yourself and for your people. Create for love and for life and for the sake of creating.

But don't kill yourself to do it. Don't beat yourself up for not being "productive" to a capitalist society's never-ending demands.

Everything moves in cycles. When you're deep in the hibernation of winter, it may seem like the growth of spring will never return. It will.

Create within your limitations. Create to break your limitations. But don't blame yourself for the existence of your limitations.