#i learned a lot in the last 2 years!!! there are some really ugly ones i didn't show but i kept the cringe old ones sdfghfds help.

[non-un-topo]

My Neekeys over the last two-odd years. I was curious to see the changes 🤔

[zorosprincess]

Succiduous pt.2

PRONOUNCED - Suc•cid•u•ous | \sək`sədooəs\ DEFINITION - Ready to fall, falling.

PAIRING - Miya Twins x Reader WC - 8.6K GENRE - Fluff, some Angst CW - a lot of fluff, unrequited love if you squint, some angsty scenes, some injuries, punches are thrown at one point, a breakup, general language warnings, the usual bullying that comes hand in hand with the miya twins SYNOPSIS - The thing about growing up with the Miya twins... You learn how to ignore things, even things fight in front of your face. Growing up with the Miya twins means you spend your whole life falling without realizing it... until you were ready.

PREV PART | MASTERLIST | NEXT PART

AGE 15

Your last trimester of middle school was the first time that a boy was brave enough to break through the barrier in front of you known as the Miya twins. He was a boy from the boys' soccer team at your school, the captain actually.

The girls' and boys' teams had a joint practice and he'd walked right up to you at the end with a charming smile on his face.

“My name is Tamura Eichi. You’re l/n y/n. Right?”

You had nodded dumbly then, not expecting him to know who you were. He was tall and attractive and knew who you were.

“I think you’re very pretty and I was hoping you might want to go on a date with me.”

You would’ve described your face at that moment akin to Atsumu’s face whenever a girl turned down his advances. Absolutely gobsmacked.

You had stood by as girl after girl had confessed to Osamu and Atsumu, but had never been confessed to yourself. You didn’t think that anyone would like you like that, at least no one brave enough to slip by the twins to get to you. You hadn’t realized that you’d been staring at him dumbfounded, not giving an answer, until his voice came again.

“So… is that a—”

“Oh my gosh, sorry.” You laughed awkwardly and then smiled up at him, nodding. “Yes I would really like that.”

He laughed at you. “You’re cute.” Your face flushed deeply and your eyes widened, completely speechless. “Can I take you out tomorrow night?” You nodded dumbly - not trusting your voice. “Great, bye y/n, see you tomorrow.”

You walked in a daze to meet Osamu and Atsumu that day. Dopey grin on your face as you met them outside the front gate of school. You barely even noticed as Atsumu called your name when you got closer to them.

“She looks weird.” He narrowed his eyes and scrutinized you, looking you up and down as you stood there. “’Samu wha’s wrong with‘er?” He asked, referring to the dopey look on your face, something he wasn't used to seeing.

“Shuttup Miya.” You snipped at him, trying to dispose of your smile as you adjusted your bags on your shoulders. You missed the flash of hurt in his eyes at the use of his last name.

“Why ya so smiley y/n/n?” Osamu asked, nudging your shoulder, you got caught off balance and nearly tumbled to the ground with a shriek. Atsumu barked out a laugh as Osamu barely caught you. “Easy there clumsy.”

Both he and Atsumu had grown over the past year and had finally pulled ahead of you on the height scale, their forms lingering above yours. You clung onto Osamu's arm as you rebalanced yourself.

“Miysam,” you singsonged, not even caring that you almost just ate it, “I got asked on a date.” You beamed up at him.

Both boys froze and looked down at you. “Ya what?” Osamu asked, staring down at you in shock.

“Who’d wanna go out wit ya?” Atsumu screwed up his face in annoyance and glared down at you before sending a ‘can you believe this’ look over to Osamu. “Wit ya ugly mug?”

“Shut yer face, loudmouth.” You growled at him, quickly pushing a hand out and shoving his arm.

Having not expected you to shove him, he quickly lost his balance and tumbled into the ground. Osamu let out a loud snort of a laugh and you drew your eyes back up to him, painting the smile back on your face.

“Tamura Eichi.” You breathed his name, swooning at the sound of it rolling off your tongue. “He’s captain of the boys’ soccer team.” Your smile grew. “He wants ta take me out t’morrow.”

“I don’t like ‘im.” Atsumu said from his position still on the floor. “Heard ‘bout him, ‘e’s full o’ himself.”

“And you’re not? Thing 2.” You scoffed down at him and shot a quick kick to his thigh, one not meant to hurt but to make a point.

“Shuttup meanie.” Atsumu scrambled up, glaring at you as he straightened.

“Quit yer whinin’.” Osamu smacked the back of Atsumu’s head and you giggled as the latter stumbled from the force. “Look at our little y/n/n, growin’ up. Did’ya say yes?” You nodded excitedly and he smiled fondly down at you. “That mean yer headin’ home tonight? Or ya still comin’ for movie night?”

Atsumu and Osamu both looked down at you expectantly for an answer.

“Of course m’comin’ t'watch movies. Like I’d abandon ya both. Ya both’d be lost without me.” You went up on your toes, slinging your arms over their necks and yanking them down. You laughed as they both stumbled, being pulled down by your weight before you realized why you’d been avoiding touching them too much.

Both of them were still covered in sweat and you let out a sound of disgust. You slid your arms away from them quickly, attempting to wipe them on the fabric of the soccer jacket you still adorned.

“Ewwwww,” you shuddered and shook your body dramatically, “you both are gross and are taking showers the second we get home.”

You didn’t have time to register the playful glint in Osamu’s eyes before he lunged at you. You quickly dodged him as your eyes widened. “But y/n/n, ya love us.”

“No.” You warned, stiffening your arm out in front of you, flat palm held in his direction. “Don’t you come near me ‘Samu.” You warned, starting to back away but the smirk he gave told you that you’d have to run.

“C’mon y/n/n.” He laughed and lunged again and you shrieked. Quickly turning, you bolted away from him. He chased. “Yer not gonna ‘scape.” He laughed as you quickly changed directions, barely missing his arm coming to trap you.

“No!” You laughed as you sprinted back towards Atsumu. “Yer all gross an’ sweaty. Get ‘way!” You skidded and threw yourself behind Atsumu. “’Tsumi!” You shrieked with a laugh. “Protect me!”

You were greeted by a vicious laugh as Atsumu moved from in front of you. “Nah.” He gripped your arm so you couldn’t move away again. “On ya own.”

You gasped as you felt Osamu’s arm wrap around your waist from behind. “Traiter!” You shrieked at Atsumu as you were hauled away from him and your back hit Osamu’s chest. You could feel his damp shirt against your neck and you made a noise of protest. “Lemme go.” You whined, struggling to throw his grip from your waist.

“Ah c’mon, y/n/n.” Osamu laughed and dragged you into his armpit.

You shrieked. Line = crossed. A muffled ‘ew’ dragged its way out of your mouth as he tried to rub your head into his sweat.

“S’not that bad.” Osamu laughed as you struggled and gagged.

“I hate ya!” You cried as Osamu loosened his grasp and you tried to pull away again. “M’gonna start sayin’ I like ‘Tsumi more.” You whined but both the twins laughed.

“Tha’s ‘kay.” Osamu laughed before hauling you up and throwing you over his shoulder.

“Put me down!” You shrieked as your face was suddenly met with his back. It was still soaking wet and you gagged. “This’s disgusting Osamu! Yer back’s all sweaty.”

“Smell’s good?” Atsumu’s face came into view with a smirk painted onto it. Both of them laughed at you as you gagged and pounded your fists.

“I lied. I hate ya both.” You groaned as they kept walking. “Ne’er gon’ talk ta either o’ ya again.” You protested but they just ignored you as they continued to their house.

Your promise was forgotten the second that you’d taken a shower at their house. They let you have the first shower and fought over who got the second.

You’d stolen a drawer from each of them in their dressers over the years and kept a handful of clothes and other essentials in them. It was something Atsumu never failed to complain about and something you’d never failed to smack him over the head for when he wouldn’t stop on his own accord.

You’d all spent the night on the couch binging a myriad of movies—what you did every Friday night; designated movie night. You’d ended up with your head in Osamu’s lap and your legs thrown across Atsumu’s just like you always did (except for when you would occasionally switch whose lap was where).

You’d fallen asleep on the couch in that position at some point and woken up in the morning in Osamu’s bed. Like usual.

You’d left earlier than usual that day, before Atsumu even woke up. It wasn’t hard to do, he had a bad habit of sleeping in way too late. But you’d left and been back to your own house before 10am.

Your sister’s first baby had grown out of his screaming in the middle of the night phase, but not his screaming throughout the day phase quite yet. Her baby girl had taken up the mantle of screaming through the night, however.

Walking into your house that morning, you’d been expecting to have to fight to keep your headache at bay. But it was as if some power out there had blessed you because when you walked in, it was eerily quiet.

“Hey! You’re home.” Your sister’s voice carried from behind you. You turned and she leaned against the entrance to the kitchen with a smile. “Just you and me today, they went to the park. Thought you might miss the quiet day. Was expectin’ you to be at the Miya’s house.” She set the rag she’d been holding down on the counter and turned her attention fully to you.

“I-“ you cleared your throat and felt your cheeks start to warm up, “I got a date tonight. Wanted to get ready.”

You watched her face light up and you swore she was about to start jumping up and down and clapping. “Did the Miya boy finally ask you out!” She shouted and your jaw dropped in shock and confusion. “You know, Osamu?”

You shook your head clearly. “No. No, no, no.” You groaned and ran your hand over your face. “I told you,” you whined, “we’re just friends.”

Apparently everyone was rooting for Osamu and you to date. You'd been asked by your sister and her husband about him on multiple occasions, even some of the Miya family had asked about the two of you. Neither of you saw that happening.

Sure you’d kissed a few times since you'd shared your first kiss, but purely for practicing purposes. When he’d wanted to kiss a different girl for the first time he’d come to you first and practiced. You’d made fun of him for how sloppy the kiss had been and he’d gone and kissed his girl the next day. Hell, they’d even lasted a full week before he said that he just didn’t think it was going to end up working.

You clarified for your dreamy-eyed sister. “Someone from the boys’ soccer team asked me out.”

“Oh.” Her face dropped for a split second before it perked back up. “Well,” she dragged the word before slowly approaching you, “will you let me help you get ready?”

You stared at her warily for a second before sighing and reluctantly nodding.

She really did clap her hands together, then, a small squeal of excitement leaving her lips as she dragged you off to her room. “You don’t have the right clothes.”

You let her play dress up with you for the day, she’d left your hair mostly natural but had made sure that your face would be left completely unobscured. “Can’t have you trying to hide behind your hair when you get flustered.” She’d joked with you.

When. Not if.

You’d rolled your eyes in irritation which got you a lecture about how you couldn’t do that on the date because not only would he find it rude, but it had a possibility of ruining your makeup. You’d complained up and down the wall when she’d slipped one of her old dresses on you.

Your complaints stopped when you saw yourself in the mirror.

The dress fell down to your knees and accentuated all the right places on your body. Flattering your body type perfectly. “It never fit me quite right.” Your sister had laughed and you’d surprised her with a hug.

The date itself had gone amazing. Eichi had shown up with flowers and had taken you to a local ice cream shop. You spent hours of the afternoon/evening talking and laughing. You’d never before spent that much uninterrupted time with anyone outside of the twins. It was refreshing. An entire change of pace.

Eichi had been funny and playful but never quite in the overwhelming way that Atsumu was. He listened well too, always adding in his input the way that Osamu sometimes forgot to do. When the sun had officially set, he’d walked you back to your house and had stopped at the gate to your yard.

“I had an amazing time with you.” He whispered, his hand still intertwined from your walk here. Your cheeks were heated and you were thankful for the dimly lit gateway you stood in, hiding all possible evidence of it.

“I would really like to do it again.” He spoke before you had the chance to respond to the first comment. You were so in awe that you just nodded dumbly, the same dopey smile from the day before painted on your face again.

“I would also,” he whispered, stepping slightly closer, “really like to kiss you.”

“Okay.” You whispered back quickly, not giving yourself time to second guess the decision. You barely caught the smile on his lips before he leaned in.

He was the only person you’d kissed besides Osamu and it was different. Less awkward and more like he knew what he was doing. His hand cupped the back of your neck to hold you in place. There was no crashing of noses as he tilted his head and pressed his lips softly to yours. It was pleasant and stole your breath and when he pulled back you accidentally let your lips follow his slightly.

He let out a light laugh at your action and disconnected your hands with a smaller kiss to the back of your hand. “I’ll see you on Monday?” He asked as he took a step back.

“Ye-“ you cleared your throat when your voice came out higher pitched than you’d meant it to, “yeah, on Monday.” He’d watched you enter the gate to your house and start to walk the path to your door before he turned and left.

You never made it to your front door.

You’d let out a happy squeal and quickly kicked your uncomfortable shoes off your feet, picked them up and turned to sprint down to the Miya house.

You let yourself in quickly with your own key and greeted their grandma kindly before pushing into the twins’ room without announcing yourself.

“Put a shirt on ‘Tsumi.” You said immediately and laughed as Atsumu screeched like a girl and tried to hide his body with his shirt because he was only in boxers.

“Wha’ happened ta knockin’!?” He shouted, quickly grabbing the pair of sweats right next to him and pulling them on. You paid him no mind as you flopped down onto Osamu’s bed and laid your head in his lap, smiling giddily up at him.

“Ya look nice.” Osamu took a look at your dress and you grinned as you smoothed down the skirt a little bit so he could have a better look at it. “Wha’s the occasion?”

You saw Atsumu’s face appear in your field of vision next to Osamu’s and you couldn’t stop your smiling. “My date.” You let out a giddy laugh.

Osamu hummed in recognition, a fond smile finding its way onto his lips. Atsumu, on the other hand, screwed his face up in distaste and opened his mouth to speak. You quickly cut him off.

“Eichi was so nice.” You swooned. “He brought flowers and kissed me goodnight and wants to do it again!” You let out a little squeal - you could and would hate yourself for the action later - and kicked your feet in the air a little bit.

“Hey! Watch it!” Atsumu chided, dodging one of your feet as he dropped out of your line of sight. “I still don’t like him.” He complained and you rolled your eyes.

“No one asked ya.” You said, propping yourself up on an elbow so you could glare at him properly. “Bet he doesn’t like ya either.” You chipped and were easily greeted with backup.

“No one likes ‘Tsumu.” Osamu snorted a laugh from behind you and your smile grew back on your face.

“Like I care.” Atsumu huffed and rolled his eyes again. “Whatever, jus’ don’t come crying ta me when he’s exactly what I told ya.”

“I won’t.” You fell back on Osamu’s lap, smiling as he played absentmindedly with a piece of your hair, continuing his conversation from before you dropped in.

You were content to only half listen to any conversation that night, still mentally swooning over the boy who wanted to take you out again.

You didn’t have to come crying to Atsumu about Eichi at all.

Eichi had asked you to be his girlfriend after just two more dates and you’d made it through the rest of the trimester. Then, you’d made it through the first trimester of high school. And then, for the first time in your life, you shared your summer with more than just the twins.

Growing up with the Miya twins meant that they monopolized most of your time, but now, with Eichi around, you made a point to split your time as much as possible.

Atsumu tried to be around a lot more when you were there now. Talking about how you ‘were never around’ and how you ‘owed him this’ and ‘owed him that’. He was exhausting, like always, but you missed it.

And when Osamu and you would team up to bully Atsumu together, it brought back the familiar fluttering of hearing Osamu’s laugh when Atsumu gave that stupid look of jaw-dropped, mock betrayal towards you both.

You took time with the twins wherever you could get it and it often ended with you all doing crazy things. Which is how, of course, you ended up here, basically straddling Atsumu as you swatted at his hands trying to come up and wipe his face.

“Stop that!” You swatted his hand yet again as it came up.

“It kinda burns.” He whined. “And it smells.” You rolled your eyes and smacked his hand… again. “Meanie.” He bit out, sticking his tongue out at you.

“Ya want bleach in yer eyes, loudmouth?” He rolled his eyes at you as a response and grumbled under his breath. “Didn’t think so. Now keep yer hands away from yer face.” You were standing above his sitting form, his head leaned back into the bathroom sink.

“Be more like Miysam.” It was a tease. You glancing over at the other twin who was sitting quietly, his eyes closed as he relaxed. The bleach in Osamu’s hair was washed out now and he was just waiting for the haphazardly applied grey hair dye to set in.

“He’s sleepin’!” Atsumu exclaimed and you giggled as, almost exactly on cue, Osamu let out a soft snore.

“Well, it is three in the mornin’.” You laughed and he glared up at you as you impatiently checked the color on his hair.

“See! Ya gotta be as impatient as I am!” His exclamation came softer this time at the recognition of how late it was. He reached up to scratch his head and you smacked his hand again. “I’m gon’ kill ya, I swear.” You rolled your eyes at him but smiled nonetheless. “Can’ we jus’ say screw it? Le’s wash it!”

You laughed and watched as he beamed up at you. “What if it isn’t the right color?” You warned and he groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Who cares. S’long as 'Samu and I’ve got the diff’rent colors tha’s wha’ matters." He paused for a breath before adding on to his sentiment. "And that ya had fun.”

You laughed and reached over him to turn on the faucet. “O’ course I had fun.” You leaned back again and looked down at his face with a smile. “Don’t blame me if ya hair looks like piss, ‘Tsumi.” He shrugged and you shook your head with another giggle.

Your fingers easily pushed into his hair, dragging it under the water and slowly working out all of the drying bleach. You snuck a few glances down at him and smiled as you noticed him staring at you, watching you work.

His cheeks were tinged pink from his continued position of not having his head tilted the right way and his lips fell into a relieved smile. You continued in silence as he watched you, working conditioner into his hair to ease the damage the bleach had been causing it.

You removed yourself from your place above him and he whined as he went to sit up. “Where ya goin’?”

You laughed as you pushed him back down. “Stay. I’m gonna wash out ‘Samu’s hair and then I’ll come wash out ya conditioner.”

Atsumu rolled his eyes dramatically as you came to stand next to Osamu who was leaning against his own sink, still softly snoring. That boy could sleep like the dead, it was surprising that he wasn’t the one that was always late.

“Stupid ‘Samu can wash out his own.” Atsumu grumbled as you began to run your fingers through his brother’s hair under the now running water.

“He’s sleeping?” You laughed and winced as you saw the grey starting to lightly stain your hands. “And so can you.” You pointed playfully with a lightly stained finger.

“But, ya give little massages with it.” He smiled and you glared lightly.

“Hush or ya can wash ya own hair.” A couple more soft grumbles came from Atsumu as you washed Osamu’s hair until the water ran clear. When you shut the water off, you came back to Atsumu’s chair and resumed your previous position.

“Alright ya big baby.” Atsumu smiled up at you but made no snide remarks as you began to massage the conditioner from his hair. You were right and both of your impatience had left him with a shade you hadn’t been going for.

You’d winced. At least it wasn’t splotchy.

“M’sorry.” You whispered as he finally stood up to look at it.

“Nah.” He’d laughed with you about it. “I like it. Ya did good.” He laughed and pulled you into a quick side hug.

“Help me get him ta bed?” You asked, trying to get Osamu out of the chair that he was sleeping in still. “Gosh, what s’he eat?”

You groaned and Atsumu laughed as he easily threw one of Osamu’s arms over his own shoulders and hauled him into an almost standing position. You definitely were not pulling your weight on getting Osamu back to his bed but Atsumu didn’t complain a bit about it.

“M'not really tired.” Atsumu whispered from his bed after you’d both settled down and turned off the lights.

“Same.” Was your whispered reply.

You stared at the bottom of his bunk, trying to find the words to ask if you could talk to him until you slept but he beat you to it. “Come up here and talk t'me?”

Instead of responding, you crawled out of Osamu’s bed and up to Atsumu’s quickly. You’d talked in hushed whispers and giggles until you’d both fallen asleep that night.

The next morning, you were late to your breakfast date with Eichi and it was the first time you had a serious fight.

He’d been mad about the grey hair dye that was staining your fingers as you were profusely apologizing for missing your date. You’d told him about dying the boys’ hair and it was the first time you fought about your relationship with the Miya twins.

The first time, but definitely not the last time.

Eichi and you lasted barely a month into the second trimester of your first year of high school. The Miya twins’ upcoming birthday happened to be the final straw for your relationship.

Growing up with the Miya twins, you learned one thing when it came to their birthday:

You had to make time to hang out with each of them individually, as well as together.

You could attempt to skip the individual part but you just knew the cries you would get, you’d give in instantly to the complaints. The Miya twins’ birthday was an all day event for the three of you. Had been for the past nine years and there was no way you’d break the streak on their sixteenth birthday.

Eichi had been pissed when you told him about the day you’d planned on missing school and about what your plans were.

You’d been hanging out with his teammates just outside his clubroom after practice on a Friday, drinking hot drinks to make up for the chilly air of the late September afternoon.

“No.” He’d said it with finality, like he had a say in the matter. Like he had the only say in the matter. “No, you’re not skipping school to hang out with them.”

You’d scoffed and widened your eyes to give him an incredulous look. “You’re joking.” His face stayed serious and you stood up straighter. "You're not joking." You rolled your eyes, unable to keep the temper crawling up your spine in check.

“Their part o’ my life. Ya knew that gettin’ into this.” He rolled his eyes at your words and you gripped your cup a little tighter trying to calm yourself down. “Eichi,” your tone was warning, daring him, “I’m not skippin’ out on their birthdays. It’s a decade long tradition now.”

“I don’t need my girlfriend spending an entire day alone with those two idiots.” He’d started to raise his voice and you had to bite the inside of your cheek to hold your words back.

“You’re especially not skippin’ school to do it!” He’d drawn the attention of some teammates who were trying desperately to look like they weren’t trying to eavesdrop. They weren't fooling anyone. “I don’t fucking get it.”

“Don’t call them idiots.” You pressed the words out through clenched teeth, your voice coming out lower than it normally would have. There was a razor edge to them, a serrated blade that itched to carve into his skin.

“You,” he pointed an accusatory finger towards you, “call them idiots all the time, what’s the big deal.” You growled and went to retaliate when he cut you off. “They’re nothin’ but a pair of idiots. They’re rowdy and fight all the time, ya come back to me with bruises sometimes.”

You rolled your eyes, yeah bruises you got from soccer and from your own habit of tripping over every crack in the sidewalk, not your boys. Never your boys. They’d never lay a finger on you.

He continued, “especially fucking Atsumu," he spit the name out like venom, "who’s so fucking full of himself and is just as fucking well to be the trash you should ignore on the side of the road.”

And that was it, the final push for your anger.

“Keep his goddamn name outta yer mouth!” You shoved at his chest even if he didn’t move. “I don’t give a damn no more.” You growled and thought that your grip on your cup might send the boiling liquid pouring over your hand at any second. “Atsumu ain’t trash and don’t ya ever fucking call him that again.”

He’d scoffed in your face and clenched his jaw at your defensiveness over the boy. “I’m your fucking boyfriend. You don’t put that piece of arrogant, loudmouth trash over your boyfriend.”

“Watch. Your. Fucking. Mouth.” You were seething. You easily dodging his hand as he aimed to grab your arm. “I don’ ever wanna hear his name come out ya mouth again. I don’ ever wanna hear ya call him any o’ that again.” You glared and him and shook your head. It was Friday and you had places to be. “I’m leaving.” You turned and got only a few steps before he spoke again.

“Y/n.” You stopped your steps but didn’t look back. “You leave now and we’re done. You choose them over me.” You let out a short laugh. Not worth a response. You kept walking.

You made your way quietly to the volleyball gym where you knew that Osamu and Atsumu would be waiting for you, like they did every Friday afternoon. Like they did every movie night. Every time you all had plans.

All your anger boiled over the closer you got and you ended up throwing the hot drink into a wall, the contents exploding out in a satisfying way. You took a deep breath, trying to shop the shaking in your hands and-

“Woah, what’d that cup do to you?” Suna’s voice was first to greet your ears with a quiet laugh as he stood next to Osamu. Osamu’s face, instead, filled with concern and he quickly abandoned his conversation with Suna to find his spot next to you.

Before either of you got a chance to speak again, Atsumu was sticking his face in front of yours. “Why ya look like ya just got hit by a truck, a/n/n?”

Your dissipating anger returned full force. “Why you-“ you growled and shoved your hand into his face, watching as he stumbled from the force of the unexpected hit. He barely had time to groan and register what had happened when you went to lunge at him. “Shut ya face ya loudmouth!”

Osamu caught you in the air by your waist just before you made contact with Atsumu again and you paid no mind to the fact that you were pointlessly swinging your arms and legs in Atsumu’s direction.

“Listen meanie! I didn’t come for ya to be a brat ta me!” Atsumu stood straight again, holding his nose where your palm had made contact. He went to speak again but Osamu cut him off.

“I’ll let ‘er go.” He threatened, you had already stopped swinging but the threat still held because Atsumu shut his already opened mouth.

“Wan’ talk ‘bout it, y/n/n?” he looked down at you questioningly. You shook your head. “So, le’s go home and watch some movies.” He immediately dropped the subject and released you from his grasp. He turned you towards the gates of the school. “Le’s go get ya another hot drink, too.”

Atsumu stayed quiet but glared at you, to which you responded with a glare of your own. Osamu had to keep himself between the two of you the whole way to their house.

They did get you another hot drink and Atsumu paid for it, which put you in a better mood with him for the rest of the night. You resumed your place sitting between the two of them and like always, fell asleep on the couch with your head in Atsumu’s lap and your feet strewn across Osamu’s as some movie played in the background.

You stayed at their house the entire weekend and neither questioned why you didn’t leave periodically to go be with Eichi. At least, they didn’t wonder out loud, to you. You’d caught them once trying to discuss it when you had left for the shower but they’d dropped the conversation when you’d walked back in.

It was on Monday that it all caught up to you.

You’d been unfortunate enough to not have either of the twins in your class for high school. But fortunate in the fact that Eichi also was not in your class.

You’d gathered your food for lunch and did what you always did, leave your class and head towards class 1 to find Osamu for lunch. Passed by class 2 on your way to grab Atsumu and continued to walk quietly.

Quietly until you and Atsumu passed Eichi in the hallway.

“Yeah, I broke up with her cause she wouldn’t put out.” You saw Atsumu’s steps falter as you passed.

“’Tsumi.” You whispered lowly, pulling on his sleeve to get him the last few steps towards Osamu’s classroom. “Ignore it.” He looked down at you questioningly, realization crossing his features as he realized why you’d been down all weekend.

“Should’ve known that she was just a whore for the Miya twins.” The words made the blood in your veins freeze and you couldn't stop it as you felt Atsumu’s blazer leave your grasp.

“Wanna say that ‘gain for me.” Atsumu asked, unbuttoning his blazer as he turned and took a step away from you and towards your now ex-boyfriend. “Don’ think I heard ya right.”

He dropped his blazer to the ground, hands already shoving the sleeves of his shirt up. You snapped yourself out of your frozen state and went to take a step forward to pull him back, only to be stopped by a familiar arm

Osamu and Suna were on either side of you now. Suna already had his camera out and Osamu’s face was set in a serious look made of stone.

“I said,” Eichi laughed as he took a step away from his friends and towards the clearing hallway, “little y/n/n is just a whore for you and your brother.”

You’re pretty sure you heard the crack of Atsumu’s fist hitting Eichi’s face before you even saw it. Eichi’s smirk was wiped off in a single hit but that didn’t stop Atsumu from going for more.

“’Tsumi!” You cried out, trying to lunge for them but Osamu kept you back. “Miysam! Make him stop please.” You begged but Osamu shook his head.

“Pretty sure he deserves this.” You grimaced as Eichi landed a punch on Atsumu and hid your face into Osamu's chest. It wasn’t the first time that Atsumu had ended up in the principal’s office because of you, but it was the first time he’d done it with his only intention being to protect you.

AGE 16

Growing up with the Miya twins means that you grow a knack for competitiveness. A habit of pushing your limits to get better than your best.

You had a habit of pushing it too far.

Osamu and Atsumu always used each other to compete, catching up to the other, pulling ahead of the other was always enough. You had yourself, be better than the last time. So you had a habit of going too far. Of not knowing what your limit was and passing it.

Osamu lectured you constantly for it. For the bruises and sprains that he and Atsumu helped you care for on a regular basis. For the days that they’d find you passed out over study materials because your body had finally given out from overuse.

It was never really bad until high school, where it got infinitely worse than your middle school years. And when you’d left Eichi you suddenly had more time to throw yourself into improvement.

The last week of your first year of high school you went entirely too far. Even by all the standards you'd set before.

Your eyes were struggling to open properly at first, bright lights assaulting your vision before your coach came into view. Relief washed over his face as he saw you conscious. “Oh good, was worried about you there, l/n.”

You tried to sit up but were immediately stopped by a figure to your left.

It took a moment to register the figure of a nurse who lightly pressed her hands against your shoulders and guided you back down. “You shouldn’t try to get up just yet, you might throw up.” Her warning made you suddenly aware that the world was a little blurrier than you were used to - like you’d forgotten to put on glasses.

“Whappened?” Your words slurred and you scrunched your eyebrows in irritation at the poorly formed words.

“You just dropped.” Your coach supplied, ever-so-elegant with his words. “One second you were sprinting after the ball, like always, and the next you were tumbling to the ground. Nasty fall.”

“We’ve got you on some pain meds right now.” The nurse said softly as she helped prop up your bed slowly. “But it’ll hit you once they wear off.”

Pain meds. That accounted for the heavy feeling in your limbs and why your vision seemed to be a little hazy. As if sensing your next question, she spoke again.

“You have a fractured ankle. It’s a light fracture so you don’t need a cast unless you decide that you can’t stay off of it. That means crutches.” You winced at the thought but kept quiet as she kept talking. “You have some severe friction burns on your side as well from the fall.”

“I don’t even remember tripping.” You mumbled your hands rubbing over your face like the motion and feeling would bring more consciousness into your mind. “How hard did I hit my head when I went down to forget that?”

“You didn’t trip.” Your coach said then, worry still etched into his face as he laid his hand gently on your head. “You were unconscious before you went down.” You shook your head lightly trying to figure out if you’d heard him correctly.

“You did hit your head hard though, you have a light concussion. I’ll be talking to your school about excusing you from the rest of your final projects.” The nurse said again. “You shouldn’t be reading for the rest of this week, or looking at a screen.” She added when she caught you eyeing your phone on the table.

“It was exhaustion.” She clarified, giving you your unofficial diagnosis. “Your body gave out on you.”

“Oh.” You whispered lightly, now noticing the IV sticking out of your arm.

“When’s the last time you ate?” You were silent as the nurse questioned you. When was the last time? “The last time you had a full night of sleep?”

“I didn’t know who you wanted to call.” Your coach interjected as he saw your frustration building. “I know you’re close with the Miya twins and you said your sister was busy a lot but…” he trailed off and you sighed.

“Could I use my phone?” You asked quietly and then quickly added on as you saw the nurse go to deny your request. “Just to call someone and then I’ll put it away.” She hesitated but nodded before passing you your phone. You sighed as you dialed the familiar number.

He picked up quickly. “Hey.” You muttered and didn’t wait for him to finish his question that he had started. “I know I’m not there, I’m sorry. Could you come and pick me up?” You sighed at the response on the other side of the line.

“Listen I’m gonna tell ya and I need ya to not freak out. M’at the hospital.” You let him rattle worries to you before talking again.

“Just you, please, don’t bring your brother.” There was a pause before agreement. You rattled off your room number and then hit the end call button. You placed your phone off to the side table again, as promised.

The nurse was rattling off instructions to you of how to take care of yourself at home when he showed up. A familiar face popping around the corner as his tall frame followed. His hair was messy from running his fingers through it, a nervous habit.

“Hey.” He whispered as you ushered him in the room. His eyes skidded from the machines hooked up to you to the bandages across your arm and ankle before settling on your face where a bruise was forming.

“Wha’ happened?” He fell into the chair next to your bed as the nurse retold what was wrong with you before informing him of all the restrictions you have over the next few weeks. The nurse left after her speech and he looked back at you.

“M’sorry ‘Tsumi.” You whispered, looking away from him.

He sighed and brought your face to look back at him. You watched as his eyes took in the bruise on your face. They looked almost golden at the moment and you nearly scoffed, only a Miya could look good under the harsh light of hospital rooms.

“I guess I jus’ forgot.”

His fingers lightly grazed over the bruise, careful to not press too hard on the swollen skin, a softer touch than usually came from him.

“Ya forgot ta take care of yaself?” Atsumu’s voice was nearly a whine as he pulled you into a soft hug. “Stop doin’ that.”

His warmth surrounded you and you noted that he still sort of smelled like volleyball practice, the smell of sweat lingered as proof of how fast he’d dropped his responsibilities to come here for you.

“Why didn’t ya want ‘Samu ta come?” He asked as he slowly pulled back. He eased you into a sitting position, your legs dangling off the bed. The nurse had disconnected you from all the wires and the IV before leaving a wheelchair for you.

“Don’ know.” You mumbled, your shoulders sagging as he supported most of your weight, placing you into the wheelchair. You winced as the cold hospital air surrounded your bare arms and legs, a reminder that you were still wearing just your practice shorts and t-shirt. Atsumu waited for you to finish your thoughts as he draped your bags over his shoulders and began to push you out of the room.

“Miysam lectures me like a dad.” You grumbled and tried to stop the smile from appearing on your lips as he let out a loud laugh behind you. “S’not funny.” You protested, your cheeks heating up.

“Is too.” He laughed and his face popped into view as he leaned over to look down at you. “Nothin’ to be ‘mbarrassed ‘bout a/n/n.” He teased, smiling as your cheeks heated up even more.

“Stop teasin’ me.” You mumbled. “Shoulda called Suna.” You stuck your tongue out at him and he feigned hurt.

His jaw dropped open in mock betrayal, the same look that he gave when Osamu and you teamed up to tease him. The same look he had whenever Osamu’s laugh sent a warm feeling shooting through your chest and made your eyes light up - the same feeling that was happening right now, except it wasn’t caused by Osamu’s laugh because his laugh wasn’t present.

Just the dumb stricken face Atsumu was making.

“Suna woulda left ya t'rot.” Atsumu grumbled as you both reached the front door. He transferred you onto crutches, largely supporting your weight for you. Carrying one of your crutches for you, he hunched over to let you sling an arm around his neck so he could continue supporting you as you both left.

“Suna woulda left you t'rot.” You grimaced at the strain of the crutch. “He likes me more than ya.” Atsumu snorted but didn’t counter as you finished the short walk to the bus station in front of the hospital.

He might as well have carried you onto the bus with how much he was lifting you up the stairs. By the time you fell into the seat you were dizzy from the pain meds still buzzing in your system.

You barely registered the warmth of his body settling next to you in the seat. I felt the familiar light pull of his arm dragging you softly into his side when his voice met your ears again.

“Go ‘head.” He said softly and let a small laugh out when you went to ask what he meant. “I’ll wake ya when s’time to get off.” You nodded lightly and that permission was all you needed to fall into a light sleep with your head propped on his shoulder.

Here’s the thing, about growing up with the Miya twins. You learn a lot of things.

You learn that they bleed into every aspect of your life, that you’re never going to get rid of them. You learn that they feel more like home than your own house does. That their bickering brings smiles to your lips and that nothing makes you happier than making them frustrated and drawing laughs out of them by force.

You learn to read their expressions, when a slight change in the glint of their eyes gives away what they’re about to do next. Micro-expressions that you can only read because you watched them develop for years. You learn to observe and read the Miya twins like open books.

When you opened your eyes again you were standing outside the bus at the stop down the street from the Miya house. “Ya think ya could stand there for a second?” Atsumu was placing you gently on the ground, catering one side so that you didn’t press your weight onto your injured ankle.

You nodded drowsily and leaned onto the crutch he handed to you. He’d carried you off the bus but you were watching now as he struggled to secure both your and his bags onto his shoulders. He’d pulled off his hoodie now and knowing him, it was because it had pulled the wrong way against your bags one too many times and had irritated him.

You let a soft smile pull on your lips as you pictured him wrestling with the sweater and your bags. “What’ya smilin’ ‘bout there?”

You let out a soft giggle and shook your head. “Nothin’.”

“I think ya might still have some drugs in your system.” He teased and you felt your cheeks heat up again. The feeling of the warmth brought your attention to just how cold the rest of your body was and you let out a shiver. “Ya cold?”

You nodded but it didn’t matter, he was already working his hoodie onto your body, struggling with supporting you and not letting your crutches fall in the process.

“There ya go.” He smiled at you as your head popped through the top of the sweater. You felt your cheeks flare up more as you were engulfed in warmth. His jacket was huge on you and the sleeves consumed your arms, the bottom falling to the ends of your shorts.

“Thanks.” You mumbled and looked away, trying to calm your cheeks and failing because of the way he was looking at you.

Before you spoke again he interrupted you. “Alright, up we go.”

You made a noise of confusion as he quickly bent down and wrapped an arm around the back of your knees. His other arm wrapped around your waist and he easily lifted you up, carrying you bridal style. Your eyes widened and you gripped your crutches to your chest tightly as you let out a small squeak at the sudden movement.

“Just like a princess.” Atsumu teased as he started walking and the heat of your cheeks burned its way to the tips of your ears.

“‘Tsumiiiii.” You whined. “Stop teasin’ me.” You buried your face into his neck and found yourself entirely enveloped by him as you groaned in embarrassment.

“Stop gettin’ flustered so easily then.” He laughed and the heat spread down your neck. His fingers unintentionally tightened at your side and you hissed from the contact with the wound that lay there. His laughing immediately stopped, his tone coming out serious. “Fuck, m’sorry.”

“S’okay.” You mumbled sleepily into his neck, starting to relax as you felt him turn towards the path up to his house. “I know yer just dumb.” You smiled as you heard him let out a playful scoff.

“Meanie.” His voice was playful as he carefully pulled open the front door of his house and navigated towards his room. The room was empty when he walked in and he placed you carefully onto Osamu’s bed.

“Alright princess.” He laughed and detangled himself from you before dropping your bags less ceremoniously next to the bed. “Relax here, I’ll go get ya a hot drink and some food.”

You smiled at him, your cheeks flushing as he brushed a piece of your hair back with a soft smile. You tried to pull off his jacket but he quickly stopped you.

“Nah, keep it, looks better on y’a.” He joked and you watched him leave as you relaxed into Osamu’s bed.

Growing up with the Miya twins makes you learn how to ignore things. To tune them out.

Like the way that Osamu hums along to the conversation to show he’s listening even though it grinds on your nerves because you think he’s not. Or how Atsumu runs his loud mouth any chance he gets because he’s got opinions on everything and no he doesn’t care if you don’t wanna hear them. Teaches you to tune out their constant bickering to the point where you don’t even realize it’s been happening until the first punch is thrown.

It even teaches you how to ignore things that have been right in front of your face the whole time. Like the warm feeling that spread in your chest every time Atsumu gave you that stupid look of his while Osamu’s laugh rang in your ear. Or the way that the you felt more comfortable in this room than any other in your life.

There’s a word; succiduous. It means ready to fall or falling. That was a great way to describe it probably.

You curled into yourself on Osamu’s bed, Atsumu’s jacket was still enveloping you in all things him, pressing warmth through your veins and your chest. Surrounding you in what you knew to be Atsumu’s scent, distinctly different than Osamu’s and overwhelming to your senses even though you were on the latter’s bed.

Because growing up with the Miya twins meant you spent your whole life falling without realizing it.

You took a deep breath in, nuzzling your face into the jacket in your half awake, probably still slightly high, state and you felt an involuntary smile pull at your lips. It smelt good, even though the smell of sweat lingered and he’d probably been wearing it for more than just today since he’d washed it… it smelled like Atsumu and it made you smile.

The sound of the Osamu coming into the room dragged your attention back to the real world where you realized what you’d just been doing. Your eyes widened in shock as realization crashed over you.

You looked up at Osamu slowly with those same widened and shocked eyes. “Miysam.” You whispered, your voice shaking.

“‘Tsumu told me.” He muttered, sitting down next to you softly. “I’m not gonna lecture ya just yet don’t worry.”

“No, Miysam.” You whispered again and he looked down at you concerned. “I think I fucked up.”

You weren’t looking at him anymore, instead staring out the door where Atsumu would reappear at some point with what he had promised you.

You’d never realized it until you were ready to fall.

“I think I like ‘Tsumi.” You breathed out, the feeling of a weight lifting off of you at the admission.

“Yeah,” Osamu muttered with a smirk, “I know.” He shifted his smirk into a soft smile as he looked down at you, loopy and trying to process. “Took you long enough to notice.”

a/n this piece will forever be special in my heart <3

TAGLIST - OPEN @faumpje @all-in-the-fandoms @pearl-blue-musings @chaes-tea

[generic-anime-boy-bracket]

Round 1, Group A: Matchup 2

Kirito vs Kim Dokja (these two were in last year's tournament too!)

Reasons for being generic + Propaganda below

Kirito

Reasons:

The definitive Isikai bot

He is literally the template of modern generic anime boys, every same-y looking isekai boy who came after him being based on him. He is the boringly-designed god to which they all pray.

THE most codified generic anime boy. The guy you think of when you think "Generic Isekai Protagonist". That's HIM. He may not be your fav but he's still the first to come to mind

Propaganda:

Gamer.

I’m honestly fond of him. He learns to have friends and it’s nice.

Kim Dokja

Reasons:

Everything about him screams generic. Generic hair generic face generic eyes (dare I say: generic name). Multiple times in the story he tried to pass himself off as one of his (much handsome-r) companions and everyone is like. Hmmmm I'm not too sure about that. I've heard he's a lot more handsome and you're kind of mid. There's practically a running gag wherein his closest companions say something like "wow kdj has anyone ever told you that you're ugly"

Chapter one he tells us that he’s an ordinary salary worker with no friends whose most interesting hobby is reading webnovels on the subway. This hobby proves to be useful thanks to the entire plot of the story but there is a running gag that people think he looks mid or can’t remember what he looks like at all

Propaganda:

"Hi my name is Kim Dokja :) no there isn't anything weird or off-putting about me :) I am a perfectly normal man :)" <- real quote from Kim Dokja seconds before doing something weird and off-putting Jokes aside he is. Very very generic. It's an actual element in the plot that he's generic. He also keeps trying to convince everyone else he's just some normal dude but he's NOT and they DO NOT BELIEVE HIM He also keeps trying to pass himself off as his much more handsome companion and it only works because they've never seen him before (there's at least three paragraphs every time this happens of "hm no I heard YJH is really handsome. This guy is kind of ugly ngl")

[gettothestabbing]

Relationship Doubts and Venting

For context, I've never had a long-term relationship before. I was technically 'with' a guy for two years, but after 6 dates our first month, I had to move, and so only saw him twice more in person after that. He insisted on EMAIL communcation only. So we essentially made no progress on actually getting to know each other.

So now, I've been with my current boyfriend for 5 months, and have known him for 6. We met on a dating app. We find each other very attractive, we're both conservative and want multiple children, we're both deadset on no sex before marriage, and we get along quite well. I enjoy being around him, and I've introduced him to my church and my coworkers on different occasions, starting from our first month together.

But on our last date, he started asking me questions about how my denomination handles weddings and what I would like my own wedding to be like. I was honest about what I liked, and finished by saying I wasn't ready to be engaged yet. But from things he's said, I have a feeling he's decided that I'm the one and is only waiting until I say something similar back to make it official.

That's so exciting, and flattering, and yet I know I'm not ready for it.

I still have a lot of concerns and unknowns about him. In no particular order, please enjoy all my concerns:

1: I still haven't met any of his family. We almost went bowling with his sister but she had a last-minute scheduling conflict. He's been living with his brother for several years, but he didn't even tell that brother about me yet. He says this brother is just very quiet and that they aren't close. But they've lived together for over 10 years, and my BF drives an hour EACH WAY to see me for every date. Where does the brother think he's going?

2: We never go to his area, partly because my work schedule is much less forgiving than his. This also means I've never seen his bedroom or home, including pictures. I've asked about this more than once, and he kinda dismisses it, saying it's just nicer to be in my area/house.

3: He's eight years older than me. I'm okay with the age gap in theory. In practice, we definitely grew up in very different eras and families. He's one of five kids, and I'm one of two sisters. I think he was harshly disciplined, and he indicated that he would physically discipline any children he has, though he added caveats restricting that discipline to certain behaviors from boys over the age of 15. But it still concerned me, because it wasn't coming from a place of "last resort" so much as from a place of "I got this so he would too."

Similarly, we don't agree on circumcision. His arguments for it consisted of "I was," "it's ugly otherwise," "he'll be bullied if he doesn't get it," and "there are some slight health benefits I think."

4: He was raised Catholic. I don't have an issue with Catholics generally, but I have known of several Catholic-CS couples who did not work out because of the vast denominational differences. I've also been personally warned by more than one CS woman of marrying a Catholic man, because they were prevented in their marriages from practicing their faith by their own Catholic husbands. TBF to my BF, he doesn't seem like he would be this kind of husband, but I don't know for sure because he doesn't seem to understand how different our beliefs actually are?

While my BF says he is looking for a new denomination, he's fundamentally incurious about other denominations, including my own. It seems like he is only looking to leave Catholicism because of political disaffection with Pope Francis and not because of an actual theological disagreement. He did Lent this year same as he ever did. He even admitted to not knowing the difference between Catholic and Protestant beliefs. He thought Peter wrote one of the Gospels (and he went to Catholic schools all his life).

It's just baffling to me that he isn't really interested in learning about different theologies and practices, while still claiming that he IS interested. It's words with no action following. I keep trying to show him stuff about my Bible study or my church. He's gone to a few services with me, but he never wants to talk about the content after. He just says the people there are nice.

Occasionally he makes jokes about wearing cult robes or bringing a goat to sacrifice to my church. This is because CS is often excluded from mainstream interfaith discussions and derided as a cult. Obviously, it's not a cult by any definition. I'm sensitive about this sort of joke, as not only do I truly hate cults like Scientology (for which we are also mistaken a lot unfortunately) and what they do to good people, but I was teased and bullied for my religion several times as a child and teenager.

5: Really, more than anything else, it's the incurious nature that concerns me. I'm not wealthy or an elite or anything, and never will be at my income level. But I do deeply value education, art, and learning. These are the things my family values too. I don't think I can be with someone permanently who doesn't value those things. I don't want to be overly pushy or self-centered either: it's not as if I want someone who only likes the stuff I like. But I don't want to only have small talk forever.

The few times we've had deeper discussions, he ends them as fast as possible, and his statements are rather vague and disconnected. While I wish we did agree on circumcision as an issue, I was more concerned with how poorly he defended his opinion, as well as how dismissive he was of my thoughts. I mean, I guess since I'm not a guy my opinion doesn't matter as much? But my arguments weren't about personal experience, but about empirical evidence and psychological studies. Idk. I regretted that conversation a lot; I got into lawyer-mode and was too blunt. For a few weeks afterward, he seemed like he was upset, but when I asked, he insisted he wasn't and that he didn't care. He also became more vulgar in our conversations after that. I had to ask him to scale it back.

None of these things individually are "dealbreakers". I'm not afraid of compromise and of us being our own people. But we do need to know some big things about each other and come to some important agreements before I would be ready to get engaged to him.

I'm hoping that when he meets my dad and stepmom next week, that will give me further insight. Good kissing and political agreement alone cannot a good marriage make.

[gamebunny-advance]

Overlays + Logo Experiments 2023 (Kuneho sa Kahon)

This is some old work that I did last year.

I'm not gonna call this stuff "scrapped," because I may still use them someday, it's just that I don't know if or when I'm gonna start streaming again.

I forgot how long ago I actually made these, but I do know that it was during a time when I actually sucked it up and sat down with Inkscape for a while. I've probably forgotten everything I learned since then, but I remember it not being as difficult as I thought it was going to be, so picking it back up again probably won't take too long.

Anyway, the actual notes...

I made 2 versions of the "Game" overlay, 16:9 and 4:3 to accommodate more gaming eras (the games shown are just placeholders). I'd like to have a dual screen overlay too, but it might have to be less "showy" to give the game enough room to actually be seen.~

It's mostly inspired by things like the Windows XP music player, just pinkified to match Kun3h0's aesthetic.

The message box is of course lightly tamagotchi inspired and is supposed to match with Kun3h0's GAB. (Well actually, I designed these overlays first, so it's the GAB that takes after the overlay, even using the same background image for her tummy screen).

There isn't a proper overlay for art streams yet. I'm always accidentally grabbing the edges of my workspace and resizing it, so I don't think a boxed overlay would work that well for it. Maybe just a border and a place to put the alerts would be fine, but I don't really have any ideas for it~

They aren't quite "finished" yet. There are supposed to be icons in the trio of hot pink buttons, but my placeholder ideas for them didn't look great.

(Icons originally from Icons8)

The idea was to bring in some more of that tamagotchi influence by having "care icons" that would allude to some of the features of Kun3h0's game, but I just don't think the icons I chose really work. Plus, I think they're just busy. I should probably just throw some hearts in there and call it a day~

Next are the logos. I actually really like the first one, but it's a little hard to work with.

All the empty space above the title next to the ears creates, well, an empty space when the logo is at the top edge of anything. It's just very ugly to me, but there's not much I could think to do about it.

So, I made the next iteration. It's a lot more rectangular, so it's easier to place in scenes, but I think the layering of the letters is a little off. I love the idea for it, but it's just short of being great. With a few more tweaks, I think it could really work.

But you know, I feel like the problem that almost all my logos have is that they're all bulky. There are just a lot of words in there since I include the English translation, but I figure that maybe I might be able to just condense everything into a single icon: like maybe the GAB Micro is enough of a symbol on its own to work? Maybe throw a couple of K's onto the screen, but otherwise I don't think I actually need much more than that. So, maybe I'll work on something like that soon.

The last thing is just some vector art tests I did. I tried remaking this faux vector art from a while ago. It was just a way to try and get used to the program. I also tried to remake my pictogram 1010s, to varying success.

[sunkissedfawn]

Movie Ask Game.

A list of years.

1950

1960

1970

1980

1990

2000

My IMDB list coming in clutch 😂

While scrolling through my list, I noticed some years have a lot listed. So I'm going to list ones I like, then try and pick out a favorite.

1950 Cinderella ✨ (it's the only movie I have in this year so, 😂)

1960 The ones that stuck out to me for this year are The Apartment, Psycho, Inherit the Wind, and The Magnificent Seven. I think my favorite one within this year is Inherit the Wind.

1970 The Aristocats (like Cinderella, it's the only one in this year I have 😅 but I do enjoy this movie)

1980 Omg, the iconic Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back. There's also The Blues Brothers, Airplane!, Superman II, and Popeye (Christopher Reeve and Robin Williams, God rest them). It's a close tie between Star Wars, The Blues Brothers, Airplane! and Popeye. Star Wars is the icon, but The Blue Brothers and Airplane! leave me on the floor in tears. And as someone who grew up watching some Popeye the Sailor episodes, I remember Popeye being enjoyable to watch, and thinking it was a good live action version.

1990 Here there is Tremors, The Hunt for Red October, Pretty Woman, Dances with Wolves, Home Alone, The Rescuers Down Under, The Prince and the Pauper, Edward Scissorhands, and Awakenings. Half of these left a mark on me as a child. The dramas were real heavy and intense on my little brain, but I knew they were really good films. Now that I'm older, they still hold up to be really good films to me. There's something about them that strikes me. However, I don't know why yet, but Home Alone makes me uncomfortable, and every year I want to watch it during the holidays, but can't bring myself to sit through certain scenes lol but it's so good because it's such a simple story. But my favorites would have to be The Prince and the Pauper and Awakenings. Although, Tremors is so funny, and enjoyable to me as well.

2000 There's so many from this year. There's An Extremely Goofy Movie, Life-Size, Erin Brockovich, The Road to El Dorado, The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Gladiator, O Brother, Where Art Thou? , Dinosaur, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon , In the Mood for Love, Gone in 60 Seconds, Titan A.E., Chicken Run, Scary Movie, X-Men, Coyote Ugly, Bring It On, Men of Honor, Remember the Titans, Meet the Parents, Pay It Forward, Charlie's Angels, Little Nicky, Rugrats in Paris, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Phantom of the Megaplex, Unbreakable, The Emperor's New Groove, Cast Away, Dude, Where's My Car? , Miss Congeniality, and Chocolat.

Life-Size, The Road to El Dorado, Gladiator, Dinosaur, Gone in 60 Seconds, Titan A.E., Bring It On, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and The Emperor's New Groove are up there and are my favorites. The rest of the movies mentioned also made an impact on me and hold a lot of precious memories with loved ones.

While I'm at it, I'll share what I remember with some of these movies. I remember being blown away by the Dinosaur trailer when our teacher popped in a VHS of a movie in the tv with an attached VHS player at the bottom of it lol then I later learned they filmed real places and input the CGI/animated dinosaurs after, and it was all mind-blowing and fascinating to me, and became one of the reasons why I grew to love film even more, and wanting to be a part of it. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was talked about a lot in school, and some classmates would try and reenact some scenes lol In the Mood for Love is a classic. And I remember seeing The Emperor's New Groove in theaters when it first released, and the theater not being crowded, and realizing in my gut, within that moment, Walt Disney Studios was on it's last great movie streak for my generation, and times were changing, and things in animation weren't going to be the same again, partly because of Pixar turning heads for Toy Story, A Bug's Life, and Toy Story 2 hence not a lot of people being that interested in certain animated stories/movies. It was a bittersweet moment I had, and I'll never forget the ones who were in the theater laughing at the beginning of The Emperor's New Groove 🥲🥹

[practicecourts]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love

Hi Joy & Becky and Athena, (@joyseuphoria & @harryissuchalittleshit)

thanks for tagging me! this list is for me (so these are my fave fics that I wrote, had the most fun with writing?;-) 1) Revelation. (Hogwarts 7th year, Jily) Part of the fun of fandom for me has been meeting lovely amazing new people all over the world who enjoy, reading,writing or both... This fic was written when @oneofthesirens (i hope you're doing okay) and me decided we'd pick 3 microfic words and write something. We decided it had to be bloodless... you can see how well that worked out 😉 2) Big Little Lion Man (Curiosity Killed The Cat But Satisfaction Brought it Back) ( a What IF James Potter's Animagus wasn't a stag - and all the ways he could annoy Snape in this alternative AU) I had so much fun (despite the hard deadline to write this as part of a fic gift exchange) with this... Another fic that is here because of a conversation with people I only know online...

3) Head Over Handlebars For You (Jily Muggle, Meet-ugly, Multi-chap) This story has my enthusiasm, my *how-the-hell-do-you-write-a-story* learning process and I love that a lot of people have been on that road with me ;-), also so much agony, tears even and frustration... but most definitely writing this and talking ideas about it has brought me so so so many smiles... I wanted a few things... Some have already happened (James Potter riding a Cargo Bike into the canal, Sirius & Lily having all kinds of conversations... Harry the Hamster, FAIRY TALE sprinkles... Idk... along the way FLOUR & WATER turned into a thing too, so i hope to end this fic in the next two months with an honourable mention of a Toaster, A WEDDING, a HAPPY EVER AFTER (I'm sure that's not really a spoiler) anyway... this has so many hours of my life.... that I can't not love it... so yes... 4) Sunrise, Sunset Sirius Black POV is so intriguing to me... I am currently trying to write the Sunset part (and am open to ideas... I thought there would be a sunset - wedding chapter ... mostly because our dear Smut Fairy requested a certain dress ripped off -lol) but my brain seems to enjoy thinking about sad things too and maybe a part two Sirius Black POV where he finds Lily the last time... oh Hush, that never happened ;-) 5) TDC - Another Muggle AU, jily & horses (idk) it's just ideas and vibes but I've many of those and I hope to turn this into a coherent thing at some point ... So this one is here because it's my fave thing to think about and experiment with how everyone would fit in here.

I feel like Pippi Longstockings ... “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” You're welcome to keep me accountable for that though ;-)

[shhh-secret-time]

Winds of Change

"The world is closing in, and did you ever think

That we could be so close?

But the future's in the air, can feel it everywhere

Blowing the winds of change."

Chapter 2

A smack in the face. 

It didn't matter that she was raised in the small town and for most of her life she was raised to prepare for it. She was never prepared for how the cold air felt against her cheeks or how it made her ears sting. 

At least it made her feel something. The sharp wind whispering reminders, telling her to breathe. And she does. She lets out a deep sigh from her chest and watches it take form in a small white cloud. Delightes in the hearty breath afterward and how the icy claws of winter gripped her lungs in a comforting burn.

After the talk from her teacher and her friend it was hard to feel anything other than disappointment and frustration. But it never lingered long, they always boiled away into nothing. Just white noise to disassociate to. 

Aside from the sound of other students talking to their friends and the crunching of snow under her heel, there wasn't much else to focus on. Just the ringing bouncing around in her brain. It starts like a pot of water steaming on a stove, sitting on an open flame for too long until it's boiling over. 

It's cold outside. 

At least the cigarette in her mouth is warm. Jean didn't even register putting it in her mouth or shielding the fire from the winds. But she did. The little cancer stick worked its magic, tar dripping down her lungs. Every puff chewed away at the paper leaving nothing but ash and smoke. It chewed away at everything, her stress, her worry, years of her life.

The dull glaze in her eyes disappears when Stan's beaten down brown truck comes into view. The dark browns glean back to life at the sight. The ugly truck never looked so beautiful. Jean silently prayed that Stan would never get rid of it, she could still remember the look on his face when his Uncle Jimbo gave it to him. Being handed the keys to freedom, the little faded bronze metal was more than a key to a truck on its last leg. It was something he could use to escape, something to get away from it all. 

Her hands find the cold metal and pull on it. When it doesn't open, she grumbles under her breath and knocks on the vehicle. Stan's eyes open and look over at her, shooting an apologetic look. It dies down into a look of boredom when he sees her face pressed into the window, her cheeks smooshed into the cool glass.

The familiar thunk of the lock being opened gives her another chance to hide from the cold. The truck door swings open with a groan as she slides herself into the worn leather seats. She quickly shuts the door behind her, all but slamming the poor thing. 

"Hey dude, sorry about that. Forgot I locked it." Stan shifts in his seat, going for the seatbelt behind him. 

"Nah don't worry about it, I just hate you forever now." She smirks at him trying to keep her voice as matter of fact as possible. 

Stan smirks back at her with a little chuckle, his hand comes out to rest on the back of her seat. The truck hums to life sputtering out some pathetic attempt at heat. It's enough that it makes the truck feel different than outside, enough to make her put her hands over the vent. 

"One day you'll learn to wear gloves."

"That's what the jacket pocket-"

"No, they're really not." He doesn't even look her in the eye when he cuts her off, he doesn't have to. He knows what she's going to say, she's been using that poor excuse for an argument for years. 

"Whatever! Focus on driving us to the store, stinky!" She says sticking her tongue out at him.

"Already picked up the beer, you were taking too long." Stan twists his body back to facing the steering wheel once he backs out of the parking lot. 

Jean sucks in another puff on her cigarette, holding it between her lips as she works the window. It slides down slowly letting the cold air slip back in. A small price to pay for a few more seconds of comfort. 

“Hand over the drivers fee” He doesn't ask, just reaches over towards her holding his hand out expectantly. 

"Yeah, I gotcha." 

She digs around in the coat pocket and places the pack in his hand along with the little lighter. The cheap plastic held enough lighter fluid for a few more flicks, but she didn't mind giving him the last of it.

"Thanks." His hands fumble around with the pack, eyes flickering off the road just long enough to find purchase. 

Jean lost count the number of times he used his knees to steer the truck, the faded dark blue jeans pressed firmly to the underside of the shaky circle that kept them from one solid sneeze from a ditch. It's enough to keep the truck steady while he lights the cigarette. Gives him enough time to enjoy the smoke and the feeling that washes over him. 

"Hey, did you bring your guitar? I left mine at home." Jean doesn't wait for him to answer as she looks in the back seat. 

Her lips curl into a grin when she sees the hard plastic case resting on its side. Faded stickers slapped over scratches. Just as she pushes the seat back to grab it her eyes fall onto the sticker of a poorly drawn horse. Penciled font with the words, "Brunkos." written horribly under it. Something she snuck onto his guitar case after a night of playing, she honestly didn't expect him to keep it.

She traces her fingers over the sticker, down the case, and towards the metal clasps that keep the thing shut. As the truck slows to a halt, she opens the case and pulls the cherry red and white guitar. Small scratches and scuff marks tell anyone who looks at it how often it's played, how often it's held in the black-haired man's hands.

"Why do you smoke this brand, it's shit- hey! Can't you wait until we get to Stark's Pond before grabbing my guitar?" His complaints turn to scolding.

Jean lets out a laugh, it's hard to take him seriously with the pout on his face. Her hand curls around the neck as she gently lowers it into her lap. Fingers slide down until they find their home on the cool metal strings.

"I would if you ever learned to tune Her beforehand." She ignores any further look of protests as she pushes her seat back. It slides back until it clicks into place pushing her further away from the dashboard of the truck. 

Stan just grumbles under his breath, something about tuning his guitar fine, she's not really paying attention anymore. Her attention solely on getting comfortable with the instrument in her lap. She shifts in her seat, back pressed against the door and her legs crossed under one another. It's not a lot of room, then again it never is, but it was this or the cold and she'd rather take her chance with the cramped space than losing her fingers to the bitter wind. 

The truck starts up again when the light turns green.

The rest of the ride to Stark's Pond is quiet aside from the small plucks from Stan's guitar, and the app on her phone that's resting on her knee. She closes her eyes as each note hits her ears, from the corner of his eye Stan can see the way she twitches her head to the side every other note. Her teeth gnawing down on the poor black ring on her lip. Chipped paint on her nails gleam off the sun's light as they move up and down the fretboard, occasionally turning the tuning pegs. 

His truck pulls up on the grass a few feet away from the pond. Parking behind the old brown benches that have taken a beating over the years, wood worn and settled into its nearly splintered state. Stan puts the truck in park and leans back in his seat. The belt fastened across his chest snaps back towards the corner of the truck when he clicks the button to release it. Jean looks up from the guitar as he lays his head back and slumps in his seat. 

"That rough huh?" She breaks the silence with a whisper, propping the guitar up on her knee. 

"Wouldn't have asked you to come here if it wasn't." Stan murmurs. 

He peels those red fingerless gloves off and tosses them into the cup holder beside him. His hands immediately went for the case of beer in front of her. 

"And here I thought you liked hanging out with me." She chuckles. "Alright buddy, come on talk to me. What's up?" 

Jean turns her head back towards the guitar and once she's satisfied with the tune, she begins a soft melody. 

Nothing too fast paced, hell it's not even that good. Not to her, she can do better than this she knows she can, but it's not about her right now. It's about Stan. 

She misses a note in the song. So, she stops. Restarts the song, placing her fingers back to the beginning note and tries again. 

It's strange how Stan feels. His lip’s part, ready to empty the uncomfortable emotions bubbling just behind his teeth. To let them fall out of his mouth into space between them. 

But he stops. He feels his throat tighten and feels the disconnect from his brain and his mouth. Instead, he brings the blond-colored liquid to his lips. The cold smooth beer can digs into the chapped skin. It tasted awful, watered down and whatever was put into the brand to make that bitter taste bearable didn't do a very good job. Stan's had worse, the beer wasn't there to taste good, and it did a great job of reminding him.

He couldn't complain about it too much, after all it was his father's beer he stole out of the fridge. The man had so many cases in the basement fridge there was no way he'd ever notice. The trip to the store was just for snacks and greasy food they would probably need later. For as reckless as Stan was with his body, he'd rather sleep in the back of the truck than risk driving. 

"Michael left." He's halfway through his can when he finally speaks and immediately his mouth goes dry. 

"Michael? Goth Michael? Skips school and smokes out near the kitchen exit, Michael?" 

"Yeah." 

"Damn... how'd you find out?" She asks, pausing mid-strum.

"He told me he was leaving. Said he was going to...graduate and leave South Park." Stan's answer is dry, he's trying to keep the emotion out of his tone. 

He swallows it down with another gulp of beer. This drink is bitter, like beer should be. 

Yeah, it's just the beer.

"...He didn't wait to graduate. He just left." Stan continues trying to sort out his thoughts, "left the day after I showed him my-" He stops. 

He doesn't need to say it, Jean knows. She ducks her head back down to the guitar, stretching her fingers down the string until it stings. It felt like giving him privacy when she looked away from him, in her mind it was giving him a moment to sort it all out. When eyes connect, expectation becomes too great. 

"I don't get why he just left like that." Another sip. "I mean...why tell me to get my shit together and then up and run away?" A longer one. The can's empty. 

"Yeah? Where did that come from?" As Stan tosses the empty can into the white trash back in the back, she hands the guitar off to him. 

She reaches down and grabs a beer for herself, snapping back the tab. Jean popped the tab off her beer, and dropped it into the can. She swirled it, listening to it clink, clink, clink; a little heartbeat to match her own. The taste is different for her, she likes the cheap stuff. It's lighter than the previous beers they've shared on days like this. The dark stuff never slid down her throat easily like this. 

"He read-...read my...you know." The embarrassment in his tone makes her frown, she hates that he's still hiding his love for the art. 

He had a talent for the stuff. Poetry. Jean could never wrap her head around the way to not make it sound elementary, but Stan could. Even back in the middle-school days she thought they were good, worth making something out of. But after one too many times of being put down by his father he became closed up to it. Started sharing it less and less, hiding it away and shoving it into the lower parts of his bookbag. 

"Right." One little word is enough to tell him she knows what he's trying to say. 

"Said that it sounded like I don't want people to care about me." Stan's knee comes up to the steering wheel again as he props the guitar up on his thigh. 

Stan plays the same song Jean was working on, he knocks the pads of his fingers against the fretboard following the rhythm of the song. Notes fly off the instrument, and a gentle thud would follow. It was almost enough to distract her from the weight of his words. 

"Do you feel like that?" The question weighs heavy in the air, so heavy it makes Stan's fingers come to a stop.

It isn't erupt, it's a slow halt. He finishes the notes to the song like it's second nature, like if he doesn’t, he'll have failed some imaginary audience. His thumb and index finger twist the strings just above the bridge. It would be silent if it weren't for the hum of the truck.

Jean takes a drink from her drink as she waits, for how thick the air becomes it doesn't bother her. It doesn't bother her because it's him. It's Stan. She'd sit for hours in this feeling for the raven-haired man. But when his shoulders drop, and the thought of everything finally starts to weigh on him, her eyes widen.

"Stan...buddy."

"I don't know." His voice cracks, the whisper almost doesn't reach her ears.

The can is put into her other hand before either can even blink. Her hand goes out to grab his, it needs to. She needs to.

Their fingertips are calloused from the sting of the guitar strings. Not just from this moment but years of this. Her hand curls around the side of his hand, index finger resting lazily on the top; the thumb brushing over his knuckles. The only part of her hand that's still soft to the touch are the pads of her thumbs, he deserves more but it's all she can give him.

"Hey, hey... it's okay." Her head dips down enough to catch his eyes. "Stan, dude, look at me for a moment."

She hates this. Hates feeling like this. Hates making him do this. Hates that he feels like this. But it's not hate he needs right now. Not by the way he finally looks up at her with those dull blue eyes. The same dull color she had in her moments ago. It feels like someone is squeezing her heart with the intent to crush it.

"You don't have to answer that...I'm sorry. But you know you are worth caring about. I know- I know you've probably heard it a thousand times but you're worth it man." There was no doubt in her voice, no playful note in her words. "You know you're loved."

He nods and goes to look away from her, that flight reflex kicks in. Jean knows it too well, knows that flinch away from kind words. Maybe it's the guilt of having someone having to tell you that you're loved. Or maybe it feels undeserved, she's not sure how deep that feeling goes for him. But she knows it.

"Hey no." Jean pulls his hand away from the guitar. She waits a beat for him to catch his breath and look back at her. He knows. "Don't do that. Say it."

"I'm loved." Stan murmurs, she doesn't believe him and neither does he.

"Again."

"Jean this is-"

"Dude." She cuts him off with a sharp look, the browns in her eyes don't have that twinkle, but it's not anger. It's not pity, she would never allow herself to pity him. "Say it again."

"I'm...I'm loved." He chokes back the sob.

Despite the feeling he can't bring himself to cry. The walls haven't broken yet but a part of him wishes they would. Just to shatter the glass of emotion and spill it out into the truck. It would fill the truck to the brim until he couldn't breathe anymore. He'd drown in it, and it would all be over.

Oh, but Jean.

He turns his hand until his palm is faced upward, gently taking her hand in his. "It's not..." Another pause. "It's not that I don't think I'm loved. People like me!"

"I know buddy. It's never been about that, I just wanted to let you know I love you." Jean's smile returns to her face as she scoots closer to him. Her legs pressed against the cup holders that separated the both of them, so close she's sure they'll leave marks in the exposed skin of her ripped jeans.

"I'm just tired." It's what he wants to say, it's what he wants to confess. Get this whole thing off his chest because he knows she'll get it. He knows she'd never put him down for feeling like this.

"I know buddy." She responds like she heard him. "Stan, you're doing good man. I know it's exhausting but you're doing so good." She responds like she heard him.

For a moment he thinks about taking his hand away, going back to his guitar and practice the song. Instead, he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out the folded white card. The folded marks make it look older than it really is.

"He gave me this. Said I needed a therapist." He says, placing the card in her hand. Stan's hands return to the guitar, anchoring himself back down with it.

The card is faded but Jean's able to make out the important parts. The number on the back of the card is written in pen instead of the printed black blocks on the front. She raises her brow and looks up at him.

"You gonna do it?"

"I dunno. What's the point? Just so she can tell me what I already know? And if I wanna talk this is what this is for." Jean watches the way his lips press together in a thin line and her eyes soften again.

"I guess... but Michael gave it to you for a reason." Jean reads the card again and that weird feeling in her chest comes back. It's the same feeling she got when she talked to Wendy this morning.

She knows she should tell him that she's not a substitute for a professional. That their friendship can't just be what the therapist could offer. That sneaking out of school and drinking in front of an old pond isn't a healthy coping mechanism.

But she can't, not when that selfish little demon inside of her clings to the fact that she's needed. He needs her just like she needs him.

Still, she'd be a horrible friend if she didn't want her friend to get better. So that demon is washed away with another sip of beer, it's pushed down her throat into the pit of her stomach. Unfortunately for her even having that thought makes her stomach twist and now she just feels sick, and each pathetic gulp of her beer makes it worse. But she's going to drown it. Drown that demon that's trying to cling to life.

"Just give it a shot man. It might do you some good, I'm going to school counseling." She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand before she speaks.

"Yeah? Why? I thought you said you weren't going to bother with all that." Stan asks raising a brow at her, there's relief that the conversation is taking a turn in those blues.

"Wen-" Jean stops and all but snaps her mouth shut, so quickly her teeth click together.

Stan chuckles, and how she wishes it was him taking joy out of hurting her teeth then she wouldn't feel so bad. "It's okay. Her name isn't going to make me break down."

"I know but- I just didn't want to-" Her hands come up to the braided pigtails resting on her shoulders, gripping the black braids. "You guys are going through another hiccup and I didn't wanna be an ass. We're supposed to be relaxing."

"You're not an ass for saying her name butthead. Besides, it was my fault. I broke up with her." He says it so calmly. No ice behind the tone, no venom or anger. No spite or sadness. Like it is what it is.

"What? Why?!"

"...I guess Michael was right about one thing. I gotta get some shit together." Stan plucks the final note to the song as he finishes his sentence.

He hands the guitar off to Jean and they switch again. A beer in Stan's. A song on her fingers. The words bounced around her head a bit. Instead of focusing on her finger placements she's trying to wrap her head around what he said. The tip of her ring finger and her pinky dig into the strings until they leave the strings imprints like a kiss.

"Maybe you do it for her now, go to this therapist and learn to do it for you?" She wishes she would have said it with more confidence, said it with her whole chest.

The fear of messing up and saying the wrong thing never crosses her mind when they're joking with one another. Nights where they're just venting and bitching about the world, it's easy to say whatever is on your mind. Telling him that she loves him and that she's always going to be there? Easy.

But actual advice? Suggesting something and having it blow up in his face? She'd never forgive herself for hurting him like that. But whatever Michael said to him had such an effect that he was willing to step out of that comfort zone. He was willing to take the steps to be better. So maybe she could do that too. Be that person for him right now.

"Yeah...maybe." He trails off again letting the song Jean's working on hang in the air. "But you were saying?"

"Oh, fuck right! Yeah uh... Wendy tried to save me in Physics today, so I told her I owed her one. She cashed in all the I.O.U’s and made me agree to go to their counseling thing. Did ya know Heidi was a part of it?"

"Yeah, Kyle told me."

"Good for her, she's a sweetheart man. Talkin' to her is like talkin' to an angel I just know it." Finally, a smile comes back up to her face. The lighthearted gossip leaves room for one.

"Sure. I wouldn't really know; we don't interact much." Stan chuckles. "So, you're going?"

"Yeah. I promised. I don't hand I.O.Us out and then back out on 'em. They mean somethin'. One day with her, Heidi, and then Kyle."

He looks at her with a little smirk on his lips, "Kyle huh?"

"Don't." She points a finger at him, pursing her lips slightly. As intimidating as she tries to be, it falls flat when Stan's smirk only widens. Any attempt to keep the blush creeping up her neck crumbles alongside it.

"No, no....not saying anything. Just uh... prepared to get an earful. You know he's going to try and push you to go to some community college or something." He holds his hands up defensively as if the finger were a loaded weapon.

"I can't wait to tell him that I learned something from him and go on a rant back." She giggles and props her feet up on the dashboard of his truck, the position was starting to get old, and the talk was making her fidgety.

"Give him a taste of his own medicine is a weird way to tell the guy you like him." Stan mutters into the can of beer as he tips it back.

The comment earns him a punch on his shoulder, almost making the liquid spill out of his mouth as he tries to swallow it and the laughter "I do not like him! Not like that! I like Kyle as a friend! He's like...a dude. A guy bro."

"Uh-huh. Right. That's why you told us you were sick last time we were supposed to have our movie-slash-sleepover night."

"I was! Headaches are a real sickness dude, and my brain...she was ackey. You know normally because my brain is so smooth headaches bounce off them, so you should know that this one was bad because it took hold."

"Right. And when we were supposed to all go out and do our midnight diner run? You couldn't get in his car because..." Stan trails off waiting for her to finish the sentence with some weak excuse.

"I have a life outside you fucks! I have other friends! I was meeting Nichole and Red there! What, you want me to just leave two people hanging to jump into the car with you guys?! That's rude Stanley." She throws her hands in the air with an annoyed huff.

Laughter rings out from Stan's lips, and try as she might to fight it, Jean follows suit. The two devolve into fits of giggles and side ache. Little beads of tears prickle at the corner of Jean's eyes. The past hour was an emotional roller-coaster for the both of them, feeling every high and low possible. The alcohol pumps through her body down to her legs, the warmth of it is nothing compared to the warmth between the two.

After taking a second to catch his breath, Stan rests his hand on his stomach. "You ever gonna tell him?"

Jean smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes like the laughter did. She looks over at the man and shakes her head. "Nah. It's better off this way. I keep him at a distance, and we just continue being friends."

Stan's brows furrow at her answer. Now it's his turn to try and figure out the puzzle behind that comment. "What do you mean?" Asking was easier.

"Look, I don't really get...my feelings? I know I like him, as a friend I mean, I like being around him. I like the way he makes me feel when we do talk, and I crave that constantly... but I also like what we have right now, and I don't wanna ruin that." She looks over at him but the faraway look in her eyes tells Stan she's not really. The way she pulls her bottom lip back and knocks her tongue against her lip rings. "He's got big dreams...plans to go places and do things. I'll only end up dragging him down. Trust me man, it's better for the both of us if it just stays this way."

He doesn't know what to say to that. So, he doesn't say anything, he sits there and nods along to her words. He's never been one to have the answers for things like this, normally talks like this make him feel awkward. It was just supposed to be something to tease his friend about, but now it feels off.

"Why don't you date him?" Then Jean snaps him out of his train of thought with that.

"H u h?!"

His tone makes her laugh, she falls back against the door again and cackles. It's not even cute the way her voice pitches, but it comes from the gut. "I said...I said why don't you date him? You guys are close! I mean he's your super best friend."

Stan scoffs at her tone and rolls his eyes, "I don't think that's going to work with the whole, 'Breaking up with Wendy so I can work on myself' plan."

"True. But have you ever thought of it?" She takes a sip of her beer now looking at him intently.

"Why the sudden interest in my love life?"

"Why the sudden interest in mine?"

Touché.

"I mean...I guess? Yeah? There's been a few times I thought maybe?" Stan can feel the heat of his cheeks contrast against the chill of the car. He reaches over to the console of the truck and grabs her pack of cigarettes, slotting another one in his mouth.

"What stopped ya?"

"I dunno, it just...never was a good time and I didn't put a lot of thought into it."

"Fair, what friend doesn't think about crossing that line sometimes." Jean chuckles and begins lazily moving her foot back and forth. "Except you. I don't think I've ever thought about dating you."

He scrunches up his nose at that, the very thought pulling such a physical reaction out of him. "Yeah no. That's-"

"Gross." She finishes his thought with a click of her tongue. "Nah Marsh, you and I have a type. Strong willed, down to fight, super smart, better than we deserve, pretty people."

Stan groans and falls back in his seat again just as Jean picks a different song to play. Choosing to play something face paced with a stronger tempo. She doesn't fumble with this song like the last one. The smirk on her face is either because of that or the fact that she's right.

Either way, they can both feel something change in them. Something about the conversation struck a chord in a way they could never with the cherry red guitar. Blue and brown eyes hide behind heavy lids as they choose to spend the rest of their time enjoying the music. They'll do that until things make sense or at least until the sun sets.

Prologue | 1 | 2

[risathefairyofshampoo]

Goals for 2024

So this year started, and the first month almost passed, and I've been thinking about my goals for this year. I do have some personal goals that I want to achieve, but for the last two weeks, I've been thinking about my blog and if I want to make any goals for this year (to improve, make things easier for myself, etc.). So here are some goals I want to achieve, or well, work on:

1. Stick to a certain aesthetic

I've been looking back at the readings I've done, and tbh I think they are really ugly. Of course, the quality - so the reading - is the most important but also the way I present it and how I word myself. I just don't like them anymore. I deleted a lot of them and from now on I want to make them more pretty. I'm a big perfectionist so yeah... Maybe you noticed a little change and if you didn't, well now you know ;)

2. Improve your online time / post more

Okay so. What I mean by it is that I want to be more active but also take care of my privat life. I want to find a balance and make both things work. I get a lot of requests and I would like to answer them but I don't have the time, or make the time for it. I'm badly structured and I would like to improve that.

3. Care more about your interests when it comes to readings

Like I said, I do get a lot of requests and I sometimes pressure myself into doing them even though I'm not interested. Therefore I feel like I don't give it my all and make myself feel 'bad' while doing them and thus I don't like to do them and it feels like something I have to do (like it's my job and not hobby).

4. Finish one 'board' for an artist

Okay this seems to be a little extreme but I would really like to just finish one board with 'basic' readings for every member of one group (Ideal type, X as a bf/gf, X as a friend, ideal life, ideal/dream job, personality reading, how does the Kpop-industry view x). And maybe for a soloist but a group seems to be a good goal!

5. Not only post readings but also talk about something you like

This is my blog and I mean yeah I do mainly/only post readings but I would like to talk about things I like and that maybe aren't a part of tarot or kpop.

6. Learn more about tarot and find a better way to meditate

So I'm a huge fan of 'learning by doing' and I mean tarot is done in many different ways and I want to improve my 'technique' (If I can call it a technique) and meditation. I think it's very important to meditate especially if you work with energies, so I want to do it more often and for maybe a longer time (?). I'm not quite sure about it but what I know is that I want to do it more often. And yeah as for tarot I kinda like the way I do it now so maybe if I get better with my current technique, that would be great!

These are my goals and I hope things will improve on this blog and I'm always open for (good!!) criticism and ideas. 🫶

[thevirgodoll]

Hi dear, I hope that you are having a beautiful day.

I really want to get your side on this; so I'm depressed and I'm also an overachiver. I've had depression for about 2 years but it has only crossed the boundaries of my head about three months ago when I got rejected from my dream uni and since then my grades have gone downhill and so have both my mental and physical health. I'm lost (because I missed a goal I had been preparing for for almost a decade lmao) but at the same time the I'm getting so close to hitting rock bottom that I'm relived to have a new and healthier beginning.

For the last few years I've dedicated all my time, efforts and headspace to school. It's my senior year yet I barely have friends, non school related job experience, I even lost the ability to sleep at some point. It's been ages since I've bought clothes, I look extra sloppy all the time and I never go out.

I've learnt a lot through this experience but since it's not going my way, I need to keep moving.

Any advice?

Love you and your blog <333

Navigating Depression while in College

This won't be a Doll Diaries for now but I will create one later.

I appreciate you sharing this with me and want to commend you on still trying and even recognizing that something needs to change. I also want to say that something like this isn't your fault and is a completely normal experience. I think a lot of people overlook the mishaps that can happen in college if depression isn't handled...because we are all so goal oriented, the ugly side of it gets pushed down and creates a loop of inadequacy.

Rejection is a typical part of your 20s...I'm still learning how to deal with it myself. I don't know everything, I'm still in my 20s as well.

I do believe, though, that everything happens for a reason and that something I wanted that I didn't get isn't a rejection but a redirection to something greater.

I completely relate to being in a rut and having health issues impact your college career. I have multiple chronic illnesses. I also have severe depressive episodes and ADHD. I've also had times where I wasn't able to make the best grades in the world.

What got me together was:

going to see a therapist (my school offers it for free)

learning that meds was a good option for me (it isn't for everyone, but it was for me)

getting diagnosed with mental disorders (helped me understand myself better and give validation to what was going on)

developing a consistent routine in all areas (easier said than done)

learning how to love myself as I am while also knowing things must change and taking accountability

having days where I let myself go and relax instead of being productive 24/7

I'm also in my senior year after losing years my experience due to my health. I had to medically withdraw twice so trust me I get it.

While I've lost time due to my health, I realized I can only control right now. My health problems were a sign to slow down.

Why worry on what could've happened? Thinking anything of that nature is a disservice. Introspection is good, but introspection can become rumination after a while. Learn to have a limit.

I do recommend treating yourself and getting out and doing things. Figure out what style of clothes you want to wear, what hair, etc since that's important to you.

Relearn yourself...ask yourself who you are outside of academia because a lot of people lose themselves in it and then have nowhere to turn once it's beginning to end. Find some professor that you can reach out to and confide in to help you, and if not, there's plenty of resources at your school for your program.

Congratulations on reaching your senior year. Focus on yourself, graduation, and becoming the person you want to be. Everything will happen in its due time, and months from now, you will realize that staying in the moment was all you ever needed to enjoy yourself.

Hope this helps ❤️

[500days-of-autumn]

28th of august ‘22

I was browsing over one of my favorite artists’ newly released album and I stumbled upon this. It has been a week and I am still as obsessed as ever with her song ‘Backburner’.

To be honest, I never really knew about the word backburner until I encountered it in her album. I searched it on Google, and it said:

“If something is on the back burner, it is temporarily not being dealt with or considered, especially because it is not urgent or important: We've all had to put our plans on the back burner for a while.”

I couldn’t imagine being on someone’s backburner, or their second (or maybe even third) choice, or being put to last because you’re not the priority. But actually, it’s not being someone’s least priority that made the song devastating to me.

For me, it’s how we still feel joy and settle for the less despite them treating us like that.

I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling

You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling

And for once, I don't care about what you want

As long as we keep talking (as long as we're talking)

If the old version of myself learned about this song then, I know she would bawl her eyes out for a night. And then, after that night, I know she would still choose to go back to someone.

Actually, if someone were to read this, especially when they knew me before, they would think that I’m being too cheesy about a moment in my life that happened 5 years ago. I don’t know, I feel that people won’t actually get where you’re coming from because they didn’t experience it themselves. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) blame them though. It’s my choice and my experience to begin with.

It's pathetic, but at least you are, too

I don't know what to do

I don't like anyone except sometimes you

Oh how I love to be self-aware (that we’re pathetic.) Yet, despite knowing, we still make ugly decisions, right? Is this in our nature as humans or what.

After everything you put me through

I somehow still believe in you

Just why are we settling for less… really.

Someone Great (2019)

I watched Someone Great for the third time 3 days ago. I was crying at 2 AM as Jenny read her letter-slash-monologue directed to her boyfriend of nine years.

Nine years.

Imagine knowing someone head-to-toe to the point that you’re able to recognize their side burns, the length of their legs, or their nape. Created memories with them that every street and sidewalk you’ll pass by has a corresponding moment of you and them together. Nine years was a lot for two people.

I was reminded of Backburner as I was watching Someone Great. The odd thing about it is that they’re not actually related to each other at all. Jenny was not on Nate’s backburner, neither is Nate was on Jenny’s. They were always each other’s priority. Again, for nine years.

But I guess what makes this heartbreaking is that despite picking each other and being their own first choices in those years, they still aren’t made to be together.

Now the question is: Would you choose to be someone’s then-priority or to be on their backburner?

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried

'Cause maybe you'll finally choose me after you've had more time

I thought I was a fast learner

But guess I won't ever mind, guess I won't ever mind

The common thing about the two is we are all being faced with possible choices, right? But honestly, what’s the better choice between the two—or better yet, what’s the less devastating decision?

Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride

Maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes

(It's their fault that) I'll always be in your corner

'Cause I don't feel alive 'til I'm burnin' on your backburner

Niki’s Backburner also mentioned something related to her (although I don’t want to assume) parents’ relationship. For me, it posed how her settling for the bare minimum is related to how her mother did. And yes, this is why some people stay with someone who gives them the least amount of effort; because even if we are not the priority, this is, by far, the most amount of love we have ever gotten. It reminded me of a quote from a movie that I love:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

The song ends with the word backburner being repeatedly said. Like it’s haunting us… backburner, backburner.

I hope one day we’ll all realize how we all deserve the better things in life. Even if we think we don’t deserve it, but honestly, we do.

[considernature]

Hello everyone! Damn, the paddlefish article has really brought a lot of new folks to this blog! Welcome everyone, and thank you so much for joining this lovely little project of mine--I am so grateful that so many people have taken an interest in my work and in the species I want to help protect.

Since there are so many new folks here, I wanted to give a brief rundown on the articles I've written so far. In the last year and a half of this project, I've been able to write about seventeen awesome and unique species that are in need of further conservation attention. Here are some links to learn more about them:

Olm (Proteus anguinus): the OG and mascot for the site, this eyeless salamander manages to survive in its pitch-dark cave biome through incredible sensory abilities and supernatural patience.

Indian Purple Frog (Nasikabatrachus sahyadrensis): this comically-ugly creature is also incredibly mysterious, spending its entire life underground and only emerging for a single day each year.

Pygmy Hippo (Choeropsis liberiensis): this secretive, pig-sized mammal is the only surviving relative of the mighty river hippo, but lives a completely different lifestyle from its much more famous cousin.

Scaly-Foot Snail (Chrysomallon squamiferum): one of the weirdest animals on the planet, this snail grows a shell reinforced with iron and lives around hydrothermal vents deep beneath the surface of the Indian ocean.

Kaua'i Cave Wolf Spider (Adelocosa anops): this blind cave spider is one of the rarest arthropods on Earth, and lives in tunnels carved by lava flows beneath the surface of the Hawaiian Island of Kaua'i.

Shoebill (Balaeniceps rex): this huge African water bird uses its tremendous beak like a guillotine to smash and decapitate its prey.

Largetooth Sawfish (Pristis pristis): this relative of sharks and rays has a tremendous nose lined with teeth which it uses to dig up and swipe at prey, but that's not the only thing its nose is good for.

Takin (Budorcas taxicolor): this large goat relative is quite possibly the most mysterious large land mammal on Earth, as it lives deep in the forested mountains of China, India, and Bhutan.

Zacatuche (Romerolagus diazi): also known as the "volcano rabbit", this adorable little fellow is an excellent gateway into understanding the benefits of grasslands to ecosystems and human settlements alike. Done in collaboration with Mexico'a CONANP.

(tambien en español)

Secretarybird (Sagittarius serpentarius): this badass raptor stalks the African savannah, using its powerful legs to deliver one of the fastest and most accurate kicks in the animal kingdom (and yes it's also the bird from Aggretsuko).

Manchineel (Hippomane mancinella): the first plant written about on Consider Nature (though certainly not the last), the manchineel is quite possibly the most toxic tree in the world, with every part of its anatomy steeped with a variety of noxious substances.

Gharial (Gavialis gangeticus): this crocodilian is a fish specialist, using its long, slender snout like a rapier to cut through the water and snag its prey.

Vaquita (Phocoena sinus): the most-endangered mammal on the face of the Earth, the Vaquita is a tiny porpoise that has gotten caught up in the black market trade of an extremely valuable fish bladder. Done in collaboration with Sea Shepherd International.

Pekapeka (Mystacina tuberculata): this tiny bat species is one of only 2 mammals native to New Zealand and spends more time on the ground than any other bat species in the world, despite being able to fly.

Angular Roughshark (Oxynotus centrina): this shark is native to the coasts of Western Europe and Africa, where it lives over a thousand feet beneath the waves and is rarely seen by people.

Marine Iguana (Amblyrhynchus cristatus): these iguanas are the only seafaring lizards in the world, and have developed a variety of remarkable adaptations to survive the extreme conditions of the Galapagos Islands.

And as always, if you have any suggestions, questions, or just want to say hi, you can DM me here or email me at considernatureblog@gmail.com. Welcome, and thank you for your support.

[devilsainz]

Tagged by @watercolor-hearts, I'm actually surprised someone remembers my @ to tag me in these! quite heartwarming tbh, thank you lovely, hope you have a nice day/evening/morning 🤗💙

Name: my true name starts with a. m. but since i'm a person on the verge of mixing reality w/ virtual i rather be just called goggles lmao (not to be too vague, my second one is miguel, a quite common latino name, but the first one is quite unusual and it feels too real to be called like that so im hiding it lol)

Sign: Leo (i copied from the op who tagged me and yes this is my sign as well)

Time: 19:16 (i definetely spent too much time elaborating and correcting my own answers lmao)

Favourite band/artist: the short version or the long one? cause honestly im kind of into music as a whole, but to select just a few, i'd say Fiona Apple, Joanna Newsom, Beyoncé and Björk. yep, all ladies, dont ask me why but i just connect with female vocalists more

Last movie: ooh.. this one is quite been some time actually... i think it was Knives Out: Glass Onion! just a little bit of silly fun entertainment and cause i was honestly curious cause i liked watching the 1st knives out.

Last show: Drive to survive 🤷‍♂️ im not a very series person tbh (even dts i only watched the eps i actually was curious about lmao)

When I created this blog: this kind of has 2 answers idk. because this used to be a ziam - yes you read that right - a ziam blog lmao but i didnt put much thought into it tho. then i just stopped using for years, and i just came 2 months ago back to delete it and replace with this actual blog cause i discovered the charlos side of tumblr and wanted to interact w the blogs i discoveeed, reblog and all that jazz.

Other blogs: other than the one i deleted, no, i just have this active blog.

Do I get asks: no i turned them off lol but i dont mind actually i get kind of peaceful thinking im just a dot in this vast virtual world of internet, at least here

Followers: 125 accs (i guess, i dont check bots but i dont think there are too much of them)

Average hours of sleep: i guess it varies on 6-8? there are days a sleep a little bit later but tbh i dont keep track of these lol but i can tell i've been pretty okay with my schedule lately, at least my insomnia stopped

Instruments: nope. i have a shitty keyboard but i just gave up on learning, but i do plan on trying again, just dont know when

What I am wearing: green shorts and an ugly printed but comfortable t shirt

Dream job: i mean, it says dream job... so i might go full in... singer/songwriter 🤓

Dream trip: actually i'm not really obsessed about trips anymore... but if i had to pick one i'm just saying Madrid cause its where carlos jr was born 🤓 (i still want to go there and investigate in person to find his official time of birth btw, so yep im picking madrid)

Favorite song atm: i have a lot of songs being my faves simultaneously and it changes fast depending on the moments/moods but im going with In California by Joanna Newsom cause the chorus when she sings "cuckoo cuckoo" its freaking amazing tbh. for my more upbeat side tho i'm picking Those Eyes, That Mouth by cocteau twins.

Tagging:@leclercsbf and @leoramage (tagging you two cause you were the ones to start a conversation w me so i think it wouldn't be too awkward lol but hey, feel free to ignore if you dont want to or dont like these, no hard feelings, were just dots in a virtual space)

(ps: i was actually very defensive about these kind of posts but i tried this one for fun and hey it is fun! it was kind of cool to talk about myself freely without my face or name plastered on it so thanks for that, person who tagged me)

[alltimefail-sims]

I was tagged by @silentsundown! Thank you for tagging me!! ❤ I put my responses under "read more" because you already know I ramble lol

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Gotta go with a classic... the cowplant death. I really like cowplants!

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? I'm maxis mix, but hair must be maxis match.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Nope. I can't think of a reason I would ever need to!

4. Do you use move objects? Yes, but I use the T.O.O.L. mod more (for really accurate placement).

5. Favorite mod? UI Cheats or MCCommand are obviously necessary, but I could not play the game without Lumpinou's mods or custom recipes (Granny's Cookbook is my favorite).

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? Get to Work, luxury party, and camping GP (outdoor retreat I think? It came in a bundle).

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Honest to God I go back and forth on this. Depending on the context I have used both! (I pondered this question for a few minutes but it hurt my poor little dyslexic brain. I just kept going back and forth until I was too confused lmao.)

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? I really don't have a favorite child. Erwin is probably my favorite townie makeover, but I will always have a special place in my heart for my Carter family OCs.

9. Have you made a simself? Yes, but I don't play my simself in game.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? High maintenance, creative, family-oriented (+ music lover and moody)

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Probably the true black tbh (but I use the last red hair swatch a LOT for some reason lol).

12. Favorite EA hair? I like all the hairs that came with Growing Together and I like the braided updo from Jungle Adventure.

13. Favorite life stage? Teens or YA probably as these stages have the most enjoyable gameplay features.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Gameplay - telling stories is the heart of why I play the Sims in the first place. I do love building, but I have to be in the mood.

15. Are you a CC creator? I wish, because I have some very stupid desires lmao. Maybe one day!

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? I wouldn't say I have a simblr squad, but I've met some amazing people on here who I would consider friends!!! ❤ Even if we don't talk often, I really care about my mutuals.

17. What’s your favorite game? Outside of the Sims, I don't play a ton of games. Probably Animal Crossing!

18. Do you have any sims merch? No!

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Not yet, but that is a long term goal!

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? Back when TS4 first dropped I used alpha cc, no custom sliders, no skin overlays, and my sims were very ugly tbh lol. Then I shifted to a hyper cartoon look once I discovered simblr. But now I think I have my own distinctive style that I'm really proud of!

21. What’s your Origin ID? alltimefail01 (I think)

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? I like so many different creators, but I have everything @pralinesims has ever made in my game. I also love @simstrouble, @daylifesims, and @okruee hairs. For build stuff, probably @awingedllama!

23. How long have you had a simblr? A little over a year!

24. How do you edit your pictures? I mostly resize, crop, adjust the exposure and contrast as I see fit, then sharpen the image. I do have a new method for gameplay pics that I learned a few days ago that looks really clean and smooth that I'm excited about too!!! My whole process is pretty low effort as I'm not into that part of the process at all.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Strangerville (obviously) and Get Together, the underrated queen!!! The townies are so good and the world is amazing. But really I like any packs that add gameplay (especially family/legacy-centered gameplay).

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? Not a whole pack dedicated to horses that's for sure lmao 😅. I really want another city world, or at least a world that has apartments. More hobbies and skills would be phenomenal, like a whole skill game pack or EP dedicated to hobbies and personal passions (reminiscent of TS2 Freetime). More diversity of personality and skills in the game, more careers (not all playable ones like GTW, but I wouldn't object to a few). A skills/hobby pack would be a great pack to include bands and additional instruments. I would like more non-American-based worlds as well.

I'm gonna tag @xhannahsimssx, @wrixie, @crsentfairy, @retro-plasma, @acuar-io, @yooniesim, and anyone else who wants to do this 👍

[echidna-auxiliatrix]

My personal rankings of the 90s Sailor Moon seasons. These are my personal thoughts, you don't have to agree. Respectfully, this anime is over twenty goddamn years old, so I will not be tagging spoilers. Without further ado:

1. Sailor Moon S

This season has the outer senshi in almost every episode! I find Setsuna, Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru more compelling as individual characters than I do most of the rest of the main cast. Also, there are lesbians! Utena and Anthy were inspired by Haruka and Michiru, and it's obvious in the best way. Though I think Haruka is more similar to Utena in Adolescence of Utena than she is to Utena in the anime proper.

No filler in any sense of the word, every episode is exciting and progresses things beyond the monster of the week formula. The Witches 5 are wonderful mid-tier villains, especially Kaolinite, Eudial, and Mimete (BPD queen). Hotaru is one of my favorites and watching Chibiusa learn to be a senshi is a treat. For all these reasons, this is the season that turned me into a Moonhead (read: made me acquire a new special interest).

2. Sailor Stars

The Sailor Starlights are better characters than I expected. You can very logically read them as transgender girls. They're girls who have to live as boys for their own safety -- and they transform back into girls, their true selves, in their sailor forms. The Animamates are also entertaining as mid-tier villains. I also adore Sailor Chibi Chibi! She's not much of a character, but she's cute and sweet.

There are a few things dragging this season down, however: the disappearance of "Moonlight Densetsu," no Chibiusa, the outer senshi only appearing every few episodes, and the fact that they spend the first few episodes wrapping up last season's arc for some reason. Also, the Starlights' sailor outfits are hideous. Same with Usagi's eternal fuku, it's over designed to hell. This season also just straight up looks like ass for a significant amount of the episodes. The finale drags a bit and seeing all that death and hardship becomes monotonous. I also wasn't a fan of Uranus and Neptune voluntarily turning evil. They've always been morally gray, but in S their thing was "the (good) ends justify the (ugly, complicated, violent) means, even if we have to be separated from each other." Not "let's turn evil to stay together!" Despite that, it's still probably the best ending to any Sailor Moon season. It was also so exciting to hear "Moonlight Densetsu" at the end of the last episode! I found it to be a virtually perfect ending for the show, despite my earlier criticisms.

3. Sailor Moon

It's classic. It's simple. It's cute. It's fun! I so adore the introduction episodes for the inner senshi -- and their deaths in the finale are fitting yet sad. The season is very neatly written, not really any loose ends (unless you count the one true filler episode). It's very self-contained, even more so than the other seasons. Naoko intended for this to be all there was to Sailor Moon, and it shows in both good and bad ways. Unfortunately, this season just feels underwhelming compared to S and Stars. There's also one of the two true filler episodes in this season, which brings it down a bit. Also, the Naru-Nephrite romance is just plain uncomfortable. There's a lot to be said about romance in Sailor Moon more generally, but this ain't the post for that. Point being is that Naru is fourteen and Nephrite has got to be at least ten years her senior.

4. Sailor Moon R

I've felt for a while that this season is weak. I think it's because of the Hell Tree arc -- though I love Ail and An as villains, this arc just feels half-assed at times. It also introduces attacks for the senshi that they don't keep after the conclusion of the arc. As for other weakening factors: I'm not crazy about the Specter Sisters. They're not very entertaining, and so I don't really care about them being redeemed. The finale of this season is also a bit difficult to follow; I found it somewhat convoluted. This season also has the second and last true filler episode.

Contrary to most people's opinions, I love Chibiusa in this season. She's a good complement to Usagi, and her antics are fun. This season also introduces Sailor Pluto, whom I love! I'm so fond of the fact that Luna P has her voice.

5. Sailor Moon SuperS

Where to begin. Well, first I'll give this season three massive compliments. One, it's by far the best looking season of Sailor Moon. Two, it has the best ending ("Rashiku Ikimasho") next to "Otome no Policy" from Sailor Moon R. Finally, the Amazon Trio are probably my favorite mid-tier villains in the series. They're bitchy, they're friends, they find each other annoying, they clown on each other, they're sore losers, they're all so damn dumb. It's hilarious.

HOWEVER. During the first bit of the season, there's some bizarre sexual overtones. We have these scenes of the trio at a bar, looking at polariods and commenting on women's (and sometimes men's) looks in skeevy ways. There's also the fact that they restrain their victims and look into their dream mirrors against their will while they scream their heads off. The strategy they employ is seduction, and believe me when I say that this isn't subtext. This all makes these episodes an uncomfortable watch.

The treatment of Fish's Eye in particular is concerning. He's a feminine gay man who typically chooses boys (in one episode he tries to seduce an elementary schooler) instead of men. Sailor Moon's treatment of MLM is frankly not great, but the way Fish's Eye is written smacks of homophobia and even transmisogyny at times. "He's a villain!" You say. Sure, but the only non-villain MLM in Sailor Moon is Mamoru (if you count the R movie as canon), who spends the entire series in relationships with girls. It's...uncomfortable.

The mid-tier villains that follow the trio are the Amazon Quartet, who are just straight up boring, save for PallaPalla.

Chibiusa is supposed to be the main character in this season, and she certainly has more spotlight than in S and R, but the writers can't decide if they want her to be the protagonist or if they want her to split that role with Usagi. There's also a lot of episodes that focus solely on her, Usagi, and Mamoru. Which I find terribly boring, because in these episodes the writers lean into Usagi and Chibiusa's similarities and make them virtually the same character...which they're not. Chibiusa ordinarily has a lot of early season 1 Mamoru's snark and wit, but in these episodes those traits disappear. Additionally, Usagi and Chibiusa always transform and attack together, which gets tedious and begins to feel too convenient, even for Sailor Moon.

Chibiusa is also given a love interest in Pegasus, who's actually a 12 year old boy and not an alicorn. Chibiusa is in the lower end of elementary school; she doesn't need a love interest. She's perfectly capable of carrying a season as the protagonist without this. I just find this writing lazy and problematic.

Oh, and the outer senshi are completely absent from this season, which sucks. They're in the manga, though! The idea the anime staff had for this season was to appeal to a younger audience and get back to the basics of Sailor Moon, but this just ain't it. The charm of the first season isn't there. The younger audience bit is also just bizarre when you consider what I discussed about the Amazon Trio earlier. I sense that there was a power struggle behind the scenes between Ikuhara and...someone, idk.

[hushedstars]

15 people, 15 questions

Thank you for tagging me @xceanlynx ^^

1. are you named after anyone?

Nope (at least not to my knowledge).

2. when was the last time you cried?

Hmmm got teary-eyed today (it's 1am so yesterday, I guess)? Twice. Full on crying I'm not sure (I have terrible memory.)

3. do you have kids?

Nope. And probably never will.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

uhhh nothing outside of mandatory stuff. The one I played the most during school/uni PE would be volleyball.

5. do you use sarcasm?

Yep. (But sometimes people don't get it. And vice versa xD)

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

My terrible memory is like: I don't remember. Their hair? Sth that catches my eye (like a pattern, clothing, the way they behave - for example how they arrive as in are they confident/gentle/loud/dismissive etc.)? Or voice yeah. (I'm seriously not sure but I would place my bet on hair or the behaviour/"vibe".)

7. what’s your eye color?

Hazel. Like hmm ugly, boring, darkish gray with brownish middle (just checked in the mirror; google shows me it's hazel with gold flecks? And I think this is a first time I learned that hazel eyes are quite uncommon? I was under the impression that they are just boring, plain and 'just there' while others have nice one full colour... Kinda perplexing news. Still meh tho.).

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings.

9. any talents?

Not really.

10. where were you born?

Poland.

11. what are your hobbies

uhh I'm the "want to do so much but somehow mostly do nothing/somehow stop (like with drawing, baking - done only for parties sometimes now -, sewing...)" So typical stuff like reading (tho I suck at reading books for many years now. Wish I read more.), listening to music. I have a writing phase now, I guess? (wrote a lot as a kid)

12. do you have any pets?

Not anymore (used to have hamsters as a kid; a dog - Chaps, named after the Lady and the Tramp son).

13. how tall are you?

176 cm = 5'9 (I think the last time I was told my height was in middle school, over ten years ago.)

14. favorite subject in school?

The constant one I think was: English (foreign language)

15. dream job

This is the worst for me because I want to be sooo many things. A baker, an actress, a singer, a lawyer, a florist, a fancy glass maker, a tea shop/bookshop/craft corner owner... just show me a TV show/movie/post/etc. with some job and my brain will be like: uuuu shiny. But overall I would like to just have a stable income and no job (as in somehow I have always enough money to live and can just do whatever I want at any given moment without fear of failure/getting bored/life in general.)

Tagging: @wastelandbaby7 @yashihimi @bythebyandbithebi @ripmacbeth @yupkook