#i love jon but...

[everwalldigan]

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.

[sam-spooky]

the fact jon sims is an orphan isnt dwelled on at ALL cus of how much shit he goes through in the series will never not be funny to me. like yeah ok both your parents are dead get back to the Horrors gay boy

[occudo]

A fish out of water story I just remembered last year I did some siren!jon and selkie!martin, so here is some more of them, for the end of May

[reineydraws]

pov ur kids just caught u making out with superman

there's this shot in dunmeshi's living armor episode where the party is peeking between slightly open doors into a room, and it pans from tall man laios all the way down to half-foot chilchuck. i thought it'd be fun to do it with the batkids, and then recreate the panning by making u scroll all the way to damian. :')

[kedrthetree]

aand another bunch of doodles

[ambar-telumendil]

oh fucc...

[boomposhpow]

i finished the series a couple days ago

[raynewolferune]

Batmobile Conversations as Heard by a Fast-food Drive Thru Cashier

Batman: "No."

Red Robin: "But what if -"

Batman: "No."

Red Robin: "But I could -"

Batman: "No."

Red Robin: "What if I -"

Robin: "Cease this Neanderthal behavior at once! You cannot be a Red if you are dressed entirely in Green!"

~*~*~

Red Hood: "You're not my fucking father!"

Batman: "The paperwork says otherwise."

Red Hood: "Fucking where, Bitch! I'll burn them!"

Batman: "You'd still be grounded and for even longer if you did."

~*~*~

Batman: "Please tell me you have a Signal action figure now?"

Drive Thru Cashier: "I'm afraid Riddler high jacked the truck they were supposed to be on. We haven't got any in yet."

Batmn: *long heavy sigh* " Of course he did."

~*~*~

Red Hood, driving the batmobile for some reason: "I need 10,000 of one of literally anything you carry other than the Night Wings. I literally don't carry what it is."

Signal: "And one order of Robin Nuggets."

Red Hood: "And one order of Robin Nuggets. We Are Robin limited edition version if you have it."

~*~*~

Nightwing, driving the batmobile for some reason: "I need 6 orders of Night Wings, please."

Red Robin: "There are only two of us? And I don't want Night Wings?"

Nightwing: "Nah, that just cause Hood's trying to steal my lead. I'll get you anything you want other than the Caped Crusader Sandwhich though."

~*~*~

Batman: "No, you may not borrow the Batmobile."

Robin: "It's a right of passage!"

Batman: "You are too young to have earned that right yet."

Spoiler: "Ha! He called you a baby!"

~*~*~

Spoiler, driving the batmobile for some reason: "Do you guys have any glitter?"

Drive Thru Cashier: "Ma'am, this is a fast food restaurant."

Spoiler:

Spoiler: "How many packets of ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise can you legally give me?"

Drive Thru Cashier:

Drive Thru Cashier after checking with the manager: "50 packets of each."

Spoiler: "I'll take them!"

~*~*~

Robin, driving the batmobile clearly without permission: "I require 2 Robin Meals. One vegan."

Superboy the 2nd: "Oh! I want a Red Hood toy!"

Robin: "What?! Absolutely not! We will take the current Robin toy! A Nightwing if that's not available!"

Superboy the 2nd: "NOOO! I WANT RED HOOD!"

Red Hood, apparently in the back seat of the batmobile: "Dear God. MAKE IT 4 ROBIN MEALS, PLEASE, ANS GIVE THEM BOTH WHAT THEY WANT SO THEY SHUT UP."

Superboy the 2nd happily: "As long as I get my Red Hood."

Robin grumbling: "Ridiculous. Stop acting so thirsty for it."

Red Hood: *strangled, choking noises*

Superboy the 2nd: *mortified squeal* "ROBIN! That is NOT what that MEANS!"

[themaidenofwords]

Jon: Wow look at all of these Freaks and Weirdos in these statements. Good thing that I'm unlike them and always logical and intelligent.

Also Jon: Supplemental-- I am in the walls.

[gosuckmydickgrayson]

Jon/Injustice!Damian brainrot is real 😮‍💨

[shrews-art]

It is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central London, pt 2

[sparrows4bats]

Damian definitely buys an isolated farm, not because he wants to be a farmer but because of the ever increasing number of animals he ends up adopting. They also get bigger over time.

Damian has Cows, sheep, horses, goats, and Jerry the Turkey.

Jon buys him chickens for eggs because, at this point, he may as well contribute to the problem if he can't solve it.

He starts a trend.

Talia gifts Damian Tigers and Panthers that can no longer be released to the wild.

Dick rescues three elephants from an animal trafficking ring and, after realising how damaged their feet are, brings them to the farm where they will be safe. They remind him so much of his childhood.

Tim arrives with a phoenix, and he does not explain where he got it but does start designing a new costume.

Jason visits with a bear one day, he names it Darcy.

Cass loves the deer herd that have taken up residence in the forest.

Stephanie finds three peacocks in a Gotham warehouse so she knows exactly where to bring them.

Signal busts a man using large snakes to smuggle drugs, so they have a reptile house now.

The farm has its own bat cave, complete with hundreds of bats.

There's an armada of cats, birds, and dogs.

Batman starts losing his mind after the rabbits.

Damian collects so many mythical creatures that Constantine starts to drop off any he finds that need a good home. (He is an enabler, and Bruce hates him after that thing with the unicorn. Bruce is more upset with himself because he let Damian keep it)

Goliath and Wiggles keep them in line even if that involves adventures to Hell and Dream.

Jon brings over extraterrestrial animals every once in a while as well. Clark helps, but no one can tell Bruce.

Aquaman installs an insane fish pond that hold very happy fish after Batman annoys him.

Diana somehow gave Damian a cerberus puppy for his birthday. (Bruce tries so hard to stop this but fails spectacularly.)

Damian keeps large portions of the land wild to encourage biodiversity and insect populations. He holds firefly parties in the summer with the Teen Titans.

Swamp thing and Poison Ivy love the place. Harley gives Damian the cheetah cub (it only has three legs!) she found after beating up a sleazy club owner.

The Wayne Farm is out of control and every superheroes' favourite place. They start to try to convince Batman to hold meetings there instead of the Watchtower.

Bruce is so glad to see his children so happy, but for the love of God, put the dinosaur back where you found it! Please! (He is a weak man in the face of puppy dog eyes)

It only gets worse when Damian gets older, and it is very clear that his adoption problem extends to children.

[artemisyates]

Jon Sims the character that you are, you've got me painting memes now XD

[chaoticloud0]

Fun office comedy yes

[thedispatch]

Jon+Daisy cuddles ft. Separation anxiety of one traumatized hunter and an equally traumatized and understanding archivist getting in a light snack

(They are personally one of my favorite friendships in the show also can you tell who I like drawing based on all my posts?? 😭)

[ambar-telumendil]

Now I'm also thinking about Selkie!Martin and Captain!Jon. Just wait until I des them :3