#i need to know if this is sick brain thinking

[phantalgia]

This shit is the fucking worse. I swear. I’m self concious and insecure as is. And my Doctor is making out my suffering to not be that bad. With this whole hyperventilating thing reductionism. Literally good days, good weeks, good months. But sometimes. Bad hours, sometimes bad days. It makes me doubt I suffer.

I havent been able to stop thinking about all the signs that something wasnt right. That this isnt just anxiety. There's a bigger picture here I’m not being told. And I keep getting that help and ability to form that picture taken from.

It doesnt help that my therapist (although he does his best) is also reductionist in the anxiety realm. Like I wish they all would just say yeah you’re complicated and valid. I feel shut off from everything. It's all up to me now.

And because I have to essentially semi self diagnose. It makes it less real or authentic to others. Or that it's "all in my head". Literally sick of "just anxiety". There is no "just anxiety" even if it was it's still just as physical. That is so much strain on the body it becomes crippling when it's chronic or all you know.

Oh but I guess that just means I’m "weak" and need to take responsibility for myself. Whatever gets their inspiration porn addiction going. When I HAVE been taking responsibility. Trying to reach out and getting slapped in the face and told "you’re just anxious". Fuck man. You cant please these fuckers.

And I love my doctor. He could be worse but even he's not immune to the whole thing. I don’t know what kind of culture the medical field cultivates. I can only make guesses based on "capital and co" and heirarchy as the foundation. But it's a real pain LITERALLY going through this shit.

Every week I complain about physical symptoms "just breathe into a bag". But it's like no no no. This shit is just happening passively. Yes there are triggers. Yes I know I’m anxious and highly sensitive. Which NONE OF YOU ABLE BODIED FUCKERS UNDERSTAND.

"Just anxiety" is just the most painful thing to hear. Even people with chronic anxiety or occasional anxiety just say it to others. Anxiety-realism. Literally. Anxiety has been sterilized and become meaningless as a word to describe a sensation unique to each person yet chronic in a collective so high on "the grind" that when some people fall down. And fall down in complex ways. Theyre seen as weak. They have been afflicted with the "anxiety" psychosomatic bug. It's in their brain and cant possibly be seen as an interwoven complex issues of a culture hellbent on extracting every ounce of your money, time, soul, mental health, physical health. EVEN JUST BEFORE YOURE BORN.

It's painful. The strides I've been making in my reach for authenticity, honesty, and transformation. It's often seen as an exaggeration. That going out of the house while second nature to most had been anxiety and stress inducing to me till the point my body couldnt take it anymore along with covid and surgery. That regardless I’m fighting for a life i want given these curses which have at the same time brought me the gift of seeing life differently in more holistic ways. Outside of binary positive/negative norms that people just don’t understand.

I’m fighting hard and the celebration is quieter than a whisper. I’m grateful to be able to celebrate and mourn my body and strides. And maybe the quiet isnt so bad. I can put on my own music. Move and groove at my own pace.

But it is painful. It's painful having been the one lost to time all your life. The after thought to everything. My celebrations go quiet because it's all just me and my Dad's twilight years. To not be sure where to go next. To find connection with likeminded, similar minded creatures. That one day you just "woke up" but it was a build up to that moment for sure. But you just woke up one day. And now you’re confused. Where do you go next?

I want to do more for my communities. But it can be hard. It can even be hard to find a sense of it. When you need help. When I need help getting through a scary episode...who will be there?

It's not hard to imagine a world where we have that culture. But the culture is too realist or worse chronically pessemistic that it becomes narcissistic.

Invisible disabilities are strange. They can put you in the inbetween world. Where nothing is consistent. And people don’t like inconsistency. It makes them uncomfortable. When it's just a reality. It's liminal. I remember saying how last year every day felt like groundhog day. It was the same day over and over and over again. It still is in a lot of ways.

There's a battle of identity insecurity that goes on. To conform to able bodied standards but to also conform to disabled body standards. You cant win in this world. If you’re better it must mean you’re fine. But if not. You must be sick. But if it keeps oscillating between the two. Then you must be "delusional" or "just anxious".

You scream and bang on the door begging them to please look at this. I said that my symptoms were unprecedented to my doctor. And all I got was a "well no theyre not, anyone can have these symptoms given hyperventilating". The curiosity ends there, hit a brick wall. Nothing moves forward.

It's my own little space of hell for me. I thought that the physical stuff was the hell. It really is the least of it. I know what I need and what to do when they happen. What is really hell is other people.

being chronically ill with fluctuating symptoms is so annoying because when it's at it's worst im like "okay i desperately need some type of mobility aid right now, i haven't been able to leave my house in days" but then i'm able to go for a walk one day and suddenly i feel like im exaggerating my symptoms and that i actually can walk fine and it would just be embarrassing and pointless to ask for a mobility aid assessment

but like ... not struggling as much one day doesn't take away from the days that i struggle the most

our pain is valid even when it's not at it's worst and we deserve the accommodations we need even if we don't always need them at all times

[nezuswritingdesk]

In front of the altar (sylus x gen!reader)

A/n : I may or may not have been inspired to write this scene from the new banner. I dont know what possessed me to stop my other work immediately just to do this. Will be word-vomiting.

Tags: sylus being love sick, you also being as equally love sick, can be interpreted as either mc or reader and is gender neutral but is called mrs qin (at the end ) not proofread im just brain dumping. Ooc sylus, I wrote this instead of sleeping so none of this makes sense I think just let me word vomit in peace!!

Wc: 996 words

Sylus never imagined a day he would walk down the altar.

The life of being the leader of Onychinus, the strongest man in the N109 zone, was in short, difficult, and fleeting. He watched how men trembled before him, how he built an entire empire from the ground up with own bare fists stained with blood— he was never the man that deserved to be waited for at the end of an altar.

Until you came along.

It was strange at first, how Sylus seemingly found himself so mesmerized by you, how his eyes followed you across the rooms you'd enter, how he felt his facial muscles soften and twitch when you smiled brightly like the sun itself, how your voice brought comfort to his troubled and lonely soul.

It was strange at first, yes, but it blossomed into something pure and wholeheartedly made with utmost love and devotion. One that you and Sylus tended to, watching your love take root into your hearts and the day-to-day lives you had, how the flowers bloomed brightly in the spring, and how your touch reminded him of what heaven felt like.

When he proposed, you didnt give a moments hesitation. Despite your tears, you nodded vigorously, repeating yesses over and over again as the cool metal slips against your ring finger. You kissed his lips like his was oxygen and you needed another moment to breathe.

The months leading up to the wedding were hectic. Sylus had to make sure that your safety was of the highest priority. He scouted venues, contacted individuals for gown commissions, and helped you plan everything for the day. He made sure to get the gown you wanted, to call the florist that you wanted Daturas, and even got a small wedding cake for the both of you to share.

The day you married Sylus was a quiet day. It was as if the world held its breath as you and he drove to the destination together. You both opted for a private ceremony, with only the both of yourselves as a witness to a love only for yours to adore. The paperwork has been settled, the place cleaned , and yourselves ready.

But even with all the preparation, knots tied in your stomach. The closer you got to old cathedral that Sylus bought for the occassion itself, you began to wonder if you were doing the right thing.

Afterall, you aren't just marrying Sylus. You are marrying into the life he had built for himself, which will soon be shared with you. A life that was fast-pasted and intense, filled with business deals and other matters.

As you continued to spiral, you felt a hand grasp yours.

"We'll be okay," Sylus said softly, lowering the radio, "We'll figure it out together, my love."

You nodded slowly. He smiled, stopped by the side of the road and kissed the crown of your veil. You knew it was tradition that a groom should never see his bride before they get married, but tradition never mattered for you and Sylus.

As the drive reached its end, you find both of yourselves in front of the old cathedral. Its tall, imposing structure battled against the growing moss and vines. Red Daturas bloomed around the steps that lead inside the chapel.

Sylus offered his hand.

You took his and went inside.

The interior looked younger than the exterior. Old wooden pews became overgrown with plants, the window stains hummed an old melody of years long passed. Datura flowers popped against its dullness.

Sylus held your hand tighter, and you both made your way to the altar, the lace of your fingerless gloves intertwined with his flesh.

You glanced at him, seeing his softer features. The same ones he showed to you freely and with no restraint. He smiled, cupping the side of your face with his hand and took both of your hands, raising it up close to his chest.

He took a deep breath and said,

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He said, his voice filled with reverence, his eyes slowly began to mist, "I want to create memories with you to last lifetimes."

The quiet and comfortable silence filled the altar, your dress seemingly glowing against the moonlight. Heartbeats rung loud as bated breaths await whats next.

"I want the same things to," You tell Sylus, your voice breaking, "I want to stand beside you and be the light amidst the darkness you've only known."

Sylus smiled. He lets go for a moment, and reached for his pockets, presenting a pair of wedding bands. Silver with red spinels. His hands shook slightly, his voice wavering as he began to slip the ring onto your finger,

"I, Qin Che..." He says slowly, his voice firm yet soft, "Take you to be my wedded spouse. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till doomsday descends and death parts us."

You teared up even more, shaking from emotions. You took a deep breath, and repeated the same words, slowly placing the ring on his finger,

"I, take you, Qin Che..." You said in between tears, trying your best not to ruin the makeup you had worked hard for, "to be my wedded husband. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till doomsday descends and death parts us."

A comfortable silence filled the room once more, your tears ran down your cheeks as Sylus wiped them away. He pulled you close, slowly lifting the veil.

Oh.

oh.

"May I kiss you?" He asked.

"Yes..." you answered. He pulled you even closer, sweeping you off your feet, your lips pressed against each other like perfect pieces meant to stay alongside each other. It lasted for a few seconds before you pulled away to gasped for air before kissing him again once more.

"Mr. Qin..." You said softly.

Sylus smiled, "Mrs. Qin..."

[zozo-01]

in which you know the end is coming and all you can do is hold him close and pray you do not bring him more pain then he has endured <3

"He's coming into his own as the Deliverer."

A calm voice with a robotic tinge spoke up from behind you, taking your eyes away from Phainon playing with the kids around him.

"Yes, I suppose he is," you say with skepticism in his voice. There was always this feeling of distrust towards Lygus, and you have never been able to put your finger on it. Perhaps it was his pragmatic view of the world, or the way he's invested in the success of the Flame-Chase, despite doing nothing to help the Heirs. Maybe you're just extremely paranoid and he's just a kind person- robot?

"Phainon is so close to completing his transformation. I wonder if you're ready for it as well." Lygus looks at you with a tilted head. Unease starts to fill your body. You don't know what he's trying to imply, but the fact that there was an implication made you sick.

"Of course, as is the duties of all the Heirs, I shall stand by him into the Era Nova." You don't mention the dreams you've had. Nightmares so vivid, you're convinced that they are your memories somehow. The bodies of your friends all bloodied and laid out across the land. Your eyes a blood red and an animalistic rage taking over. Phainon standing over you with blood on his sword.

Your golden blood.

You haven't mention this to anyone, fearing that you might cause panic while being so close to your goals. You don't remember Lady Tribbie mentioning that anyone else can receive Janus's blessing. Not that this is a prophecy, they're dreams. Manifestations of your fear and uncertainty over the future. Not an omen of what will come next.

(You don't know this yet, but your dreams were sent to you from beyond the stars. They always knew when the end were to come. It would be kind of them to send their child signs of your doom, even if they sent the same warning over and over again.)

"Are you alright? You seem lost in your thoughts." Lygus didn't sound sympathetic or even pitiful, just curious. "Would you like to confide in me?"

"No," you say sharply. You weren't about to spill this secret to someone you didn't even trust. "I'm fine, Lygus. I've just had issues with sleep."

A self-satisfied smile appeared on his lips. You gave him all the information he needed, even if you didn't say anything specific.

"You are starting to remember, Emanator?"

"What are you talking about?" You hiss under your breath, not wanting to ruin the precious scene in front of you.

"Your kind has always meddled in Ravagers' business, despite Terminus and Nanook being more alike then you think." He starting to walk back to the Demigod Council. He looks back with what you think is a amused stare. You could never tell with the fabric covering his eyes.

"I will wait for you at the start of the new cycle, once the Deliverer completes his final trial." With that, he walks away, like he hasn't upended your entire world view.

Your head blazed with pain, agony seeping into every muscle and bone of your body. Somehow, Lygus triggered the Black Tide within you, it's dark thoughts making you want to destroy everything in sight. How did he know about this little secret of yours? Aglaea had swore that no one would every find out, especially your sunshine in hero form.

Panic and fear flooded your brain and just about when you felt like you were going to burst-

"Starlight! There you are!"

His voice soothes your through your pain, a powerful balm against the Black Tide. It helps you regain your thoughts, feeling like a normal person again. Or at least as normal as you could be.

His arms wrap around you to lift you up in the air. If there was one thing about Phainon, it's that he will never shy away from showing your love for you. In his words, he fought so hard to be worthy of your hand, why shouldn't he show it off any change he gets?

By the Titans, you adore this overgrown puppy, If it were up to you, you would make him forsake the prophecy and live your final days in peace. Just you and him. That would be the Era Nova of your dreams.

"I saw Lygus talking to you earlier, is everything okay?" He tilts his head with enough concern in his eyes to make your heart ache.

"No, everything is fine." You held his face in your hand, staring into the sky blue eyes you have grown to love. "Everything is exactly as it should be."

He beams that bright smile of his and leans down to kiss you. You almost forget about Lygus' words and melt into the arms of your lover. If only you could pretend that your days were not numbered, and that you could spend the rest of your life like this. You hold him tighter, pleaing to whoever is out there to keep him safe, keep him with you.

But nothing lasts forever, and the end comes for everyone. You just hope that it will spare you the pain of losing everything again.

(All things come to an end, that is the philosophy of the Destruction and Finality. It will be interesting how you change once you remember your past and Phainon ascends to his duties.)

so............ his new trailer has me feeling things.......... i want him to be happy ok :'3 also, i don't know if i've mentioned this, but all of these little drabbles are of the same reader and is (kind of) connected to this huge fic i have for phainon and a secret reader hehehehe

or: take this as my offering to get good pulls for phainon <3333 may all phainon wanters be phainon havers!!!!

bonus: my crack theory rn is that phainon's real name is Khaos (aka the last cycles kephale holder) and he just keeps the same name no matter what hehehe

[drsheperd-bartley18]

I got a lot of ideas so I decided to add them all into one part. Hope you like it!

Asks: This is more like Covid kinda but their around azzis family and the nicknames slip out / Azzi is sick and only wants Paige to take care of her, azzi starts crying cause of how sick she is and like Paige kisses her tears / they are having team movie night with their teammates and their extra clingy causing their teammates to be suspicious but they say their just really close

————————————————————————

“Best Friends” Part 3

1.

It was a month into Paige’s stay at the Fudd household and they were officially bored. After having to hear the kids complain about having nothing to do Tim had finally had enough. So here they were all gathered in the living room UNO cards already dealt, half-eaten snacks, and ice melting in their cups of soda. 

Azzi was sitting with feet in Paige's lap on the floor with Jon and Jose sitting around the table while her parents sat on the couch.

It was Azzi’s turn and she was trying to figure out which card to put down and people were starting to get annoyed.

“Any day now, Mama”  Paige said like it was nothing.

“Paige,” Azzi said sharply softly, kicking her in the stomach. “What’d I do?” Paige says confused.

She didn't even notice what she had said until she looked up from her cards and saw Tim and Katie staring at her like she had grown three heads.

“I think she is referring to the fact that you just called her Mama, Paige,” Katie says sarcastically.

“Yeah, Paige is there something you guys meant to tell us” Tim said sounding the most serious he has ever sounded.

“No sir, I call all my friends that,” Paige said desperately shaking her head.

At that Azzi turned to her and stared her down “You do?” she said, taking her legs off Paige's lap and crossing her arms.

“No… I mean yes. It was just a joke” 

Taking pity on her floundering friend Azzi said “ Yea… It's just an inside joke” 

“You know it's fine if you're not just friends right” Katie says softly.

“Yeah, I mean we coach girls’ basketball. We love gay people”. Tim says back to his normal joking self.

“We’re just friends… best friends I swear… It's not weird to call your best friend nicknames” Paige says still trying to defend herself.

“Yeah, I definitely call my best friend Papa. Hundred percent, Paige you're totally normal.” Jose says laughing.

———————————————-

2.

Azzi was always slightly sick. At least that’s what it seemed like she always had a cough and her throat was always a little sore, but this was something way worse than that. 

Like full-body shivers, a running nose, and a thick body-shaking cough. She felt horrible. The most she has moved all day was to her closet to grab one of her best friend’s hoodies because she wanted or more like needed one person.

Paige.

That's it. But unfortunately, she couldn't have her. Paige was in a lecture she couldn't miss. She said something about a test coming up but to Azzi’s sick brain Paige was too busy for her.

She was in the middle of this overthinking when her door creaked open. 

“Mama, are you okay?” Paige says worriedly.

She’s here. Walking up to her with food in one hand and flowers in the other. 

Azzi bursts into tears. Truly overcome with emotions.

“Azzi baby, what’s wrong? What hurts?” the blonde says rushing over after placing everything in her hands onto the side table. Before climbing onto the bed next to her.

“I just feel so gross, and you're so nice, and loving, and I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you,” She says with tears rolling down her face.

“Oh… Princess just being yourself” Paige says as she pulls Azzi into her lap.

Azzi pushed her head into Paige’s neck still crying but softer now.

“I gotchu, Ma. Always” Paige says rubbing her hands up and down her friend's back.

Paige let her cry. Like she always did. She never pressured her to get it together or made her feel like she was doing too much for having feelings. God, Azzi loved her. She always just pulled her into her arms and held her.

“Mama,” Paige says pushing her hair out of her face. “Look at me, Baby”

So Azzi did, eyes red, face wet with tears, and nose sniffling.

It was so unfair how even sick, tired, and crying Azzi still looked so beautiful Paige thought. Unable to stop herself the blonde leaned down and placed a kiss on the curly-haired girl’s cheek. Then another to the tear under her eye. Then one on her jaw. And another. And another. With every kiss, Paige said a prayer to god to take her best friend's sickness away.

Azzi didn't say anything and she didn't have to. They both knew. They both felt it.

Love.

———————————-

3.

It was the weekly team movie night. 

After a week of getting yelled at by Geno in practice and blowing teams out in games. The UCONN team was ready to finally relax.

KK grabbed the snacks. Ice brought the blankets. Jana and Sarah were on drinks and Paige got to pick the movie. Azzi tried but the team said something about not wanting to watch Frozen for the thousandth time so she was ruled out. 

Everyone was everywhere. The floor was covered in pillows and covers. Long bodies lie out on them. The couch was full but that didn't matter to Azzi because her spot was never taken. Her spot of course being Paige.

Climbing into Paige’s lap Azzi laid down facing the TV. Without saying a word Paige wrapped her arms around her under her hoodie and placed a kiss on her forehead without even thinking about it.

30 minutes in the rest of the team stopped looking at the movie.

“So, like are we supposed to just pretend they don't act like they’re married with three kids? All. The. Time”, Morgan whispered to Aubrey.

“Yeah, they’ve always been like this,” Aubrey says turning back to the TV.

“Yup, Paigey calls her Mama and everything,” KK says laughing.

“And Azzi always talking bout baby this and baby that,” Ice says shaking her head and laughing.

Unfortunately for them Azzi noticed.

“What are you guys whispering about?” Azzi said raising her eyebrow.

“Oh, nothing… Just you guys seem real close” Kaitlyn says sarcastically.

That gains Paige’s attention who says blushing “We’re just really close“. She then tightens her hold on Azzi hiding her red cheeks in Azzi's pink bonnet.

“Yeah, we’ve literally known each other forever” Azzi says nodding.

“We’ve always cuddled. That's what friends do” Paige said.

“So if I… I don't know… walked over to you after practice and sat in your lap you would let me, Azzi?” Caroline says smirking.

“We aren't friends like that though. It's different” Azzi nervously says looking back at the TV avoiding her friend.

“But I've literally known you longer,” Caro says looking at her like she's crazy.

“It's just different. Shut up” Azzi says getting annoyed.

She wasn't used to being called out. Especially not about this. She knew she treated Paige differently but she didn't want to think about why. She refused to.

The team eventually realized they weren't gonna get anything more from them and turned their attention back to the movie.

An hour in Azzi turned over in Paige’s arms stuck her hand into her hoodie and placed two kisses to the blonde's cheek and rested her head on her chest before falling asleep. As if it were a routine Paige placed two kisses on Azzi's forehead and fell asleep as while.

And Ice recorded it all. The group chat was gonna go crazy in the morning.

[withluvvenus]

　

　　　　　　𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝓣𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐑　☆ 　　　　　　　　　　　𝒾nt͟r͟o͟ ͟.͟

　

" soooo you're like an assistant teacher ? " " why would you waste your youth for a job like that ? " " modeling agencies would love to have you , especially the big city ones " " why spend your life with these kids ? " " third grade doesn't even matter that much "

　　venus would disagree on the fact that third grade doesn't matter , because for her ? that was the year that changed her brain chemistry . that year in the midst of elementary was when she realized that her first ever friends don't have to stick by her side forever , the toxic double face of the social hierarchy , and slime . for her , third grade was when her first ever ' best friend ' had left her for the popular girls of the grade , leaving her in the snap of her fingers . it was funny when she looked back into the past , took a glimpse of the place she came from . it didn't matter much , everything that she had to go through . the friendship clashes , the silly crushes , and the addiction to finding the best way to make slime without buying the right ingredients .

　　essentially from the heart of illinois , now she lives somewhere in the middle of a small town in oregon . this town hardly receives tourists , but it isn't so far from cannon beach . everyone knows each other , you will always be addressed as your first name when entering a cafe or a library . your business is your neighbor's business , and a date is never private if it's at a ' fancy ' restaurant . this small town however is a dream place for someone who lives the quiet lifestyle . and that's just why venus moved here .

　　twenty five and sick of being prompted on why she wants to be a teacher , especially an elementary school teacher , she finally bid her supportive family bye and took a roadtrip to her new home . . . with her five pets . her pets are the only friends she had when she arrived to the house she bought from this couple who would move away soon . it was amazing , the house at least . from the outside , it looked perfect . from the inside , it was like it was made for venus herself . ever the girl for aesthetics , she would go out of her way to revamp some of the rooms though .

　　no , she's not exactly a teacher . she's the para teacher ! or also known as the assistant teacher . they accepted her at willow creek elementary school , told her one of the teachers needed an assistant . that's when she was introduced to matt in the middle of october .

　

" you color coded your markers ? " " do you think these sharpies are okay ? " " how do you take your coffee ? " " can i ask you out ? " " can i be your husband ? "

　　a man of questions , it's hard for anyone not to fall in love with his mind when they first meet him . he's just so understanding and his voice is like sunshine on a rainy day . those were venus's exact thoughts when she met him , when she saw him walk through the door with the graded papers from a previous spelling quiz in his hand . his eyes flicked to her instantly , an intruder in his classroom . she was standing by her desk that the principal had made constructed for her . it was right across from matt's . he interrogated her , not ready to share the classroom yet . she answered every question thoughtfully , ready to share the classroom with him . before he could continue , the bell rang and the third graders came tumbling into the classroom . each of them stopped and gasped seeing her , a new teacher . a new face . almost all of them were excited , and that just boosted matt's competitive side .

　　funny thing is matt's competitive side didn't even survive till recess . he had kept an eye on her and how she treated the kids . noted , she treated them like they were her friends rather than her students . all of his boundaries and walls fell , he wasn't competitive to be the best teacher , he just wanted what was best for his kids .

　　　　　　　　　　　　　 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗹𝘂𝘃 ✶ 𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘂𝘀

[serve-cunt]

|˶˙ᵕ˙ )ﾉﾞ 60.Truth Serum/spell or 4.mind reading for the prompt game

thank you for not giving me a pairing for this, v low stress prompt I just let it sit until inspiration struck.. the inspiration in question?? listened to Sue Me by audrey hobert until my brain melted

— —

sue me I want to be wanted (galex, truth serum)

It’s a bad idea, but it's been a bad weekend and Alex is sick of being careful. George is across the room at the bar, squinting at a bill. Alex thinks fuck it and makes his way over.

Halfway there somebody he’s pretty sure he recognizes hands him one of the two drinks she's holding, clinking her own glass to Alex's and shouting something Alex can't hear over the music. “Thanks,” Alex shouts back, hoping that it’s appropriate or, alternatively, inaudible, and shoots it back in one swallow. Then he hands the glass back empty, claps her on the shoulder, and keeps walking. 

“Hi Georgie,” he says directly into George's ear when he's behind him. George jumps, and his signature skids off the receipt slip with his pen. “Saw you and realized I didn't want to talk to anybody else.”

It isn’t what Alex had been planning to say; he hadn't worked out what exactly he was going to say but he'd been leaning towards something more casual. He and George haven't spoken properly since—well, in a while. George doesn't respond immediately, his eyes skittering over Alex’s face. “Well,” he says finally, “Here I am.” 

“Heading out?” Alex asks, nodding at the bill.

George hesitates. “No,” he says, and Alex laughs. Trust George to pay for his round immediately instead of starting a tab and forgetting his card at the bar when he left like a normal person. 

“You look good tonight, George.” Huh. Also not what he had been planning to say. He had been going to make fun of George's outfit: grey and unadorned. The outfit, unfortunately, does look very good. Alex is more drunk than he thought. 

George's hand goes spasmodically to his collar, then to his drink. His fingers are long; they wrap around the glass and George takes a sip, glancing at Alex and then away. Alex smiles. Sometimes when he's sober he feels badly about this: how much he likes being wanted by George. How easily he can soak this up—this, what can he even call it? attention? affection?—without intending to let it go any further. 

“Where's Lily?” George asks, and Alex answers breezily: “She left. We had a row, actually, I think it might have been a bad one.” Then he blinks. He really hadn't intended to say that. God. He must be loads more drunk than he thought. But he didn't feel it; he was still walking. Felt clear-headed. Didn't need to be sick, et cetera. 

George frowns. “Why are you still here, mate? Go talk to her.”

“Need the ego boost,” Alex says. “I figure if you’re still giving me fuck-me eyes I can't be a total troll.” 

What the fuck. George goes bright red, visible even in the dim light. Alex has a moment of panic. They've never, ever talked about it. Alex doesn't care that George is gay. He's flattered that George has—whatever, a crush on him, or something. He knows that he shouldn't let it go too far—probably shouldn't let George jerk him off anymore, for example. One time was probably too many times, to be honest. Three times would be inexcusable. 

“Sorry,” Alex says, stupidly, and tries to think how to rescue the situation. “It's okay that you're in love with me, or whatever. I like it. It makes me feel good.”

Alex needs to shut up, what the fucking fuck, what the fuck is wrong with him? He puts his hand over his mouth, and laughs a panicked laugh. “I didn't mean to say that,” he says. “God, I’m sorry—I don't know what's wrong with me—George—”

But George has put his drink down on the bar with a clatter and turned away. He heads for the door, head down and shoulders tight. Alex looks after him, heart pounding. The drink he’d been handed a few minutes ago is still coating his throat, sickly sweet and medicinal, unlike anything he's ever tasted before. 

[kellykadesperate]

#27 please

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” 

The reservation is for five for a reason. Robert hasn’t said anything to Aaron for a reason. He doesn’t want to point out the fact that it’s the time he’s been have tea for the last six years and he isn’t too keen on changing things. 

It all goes wrong when the restaurant says they’ve had to push their booking back until six instead. Aaron says it so casually. He smiles and says they can go and grab a drink somewhere beforehand but Robert feels like his brain just sort of shuts off.

Six is too late. It means they’ll finish eating at around eight. He needs to be home and safe by nine. He knows Aaron though, he’ll want to stroll around and look at the high street for somewhere to get dessert. He’ll offer that. Aaron will be being thoughtful, thinking of Robert’s sweet tooth. 

“Aaron I –” Robert gulps thickly. “I actually don’t feel too great.” He lies. It comes so easily that he feels sick.

Aaron instantly has a hand on Robert’s stomach, another on his side. He runs small circles and Robert feels a little dizzy over the tenderness Aaron can show him so easily now.

“OK, we can go back to mine or – are you going to Vic’s?” Aaron asks. 

There’s too many questions. 

“You can come to mine.” Aaron says easily.

His. The Mill flat. 

Not theirs. That was before this. It was before prison kicked everthing good out of him. 

“We can order something later if you’re up to it. I’ve got painkillers and –”

There’s this fizzy sensation in his head and it won’t stop.

“Just – just leave it Aaron.” Robert pushes Aaron away, his hand goes right into the center of Aaron’s chest and he can’t quite believe what his body is doing but suddenly there’s this space between them.

Aaron looks devastated.

“I’m just trying to –” Robert doesn’t give Aaron the chance to say anything. He can’t hear the fact that Aaron is doing everything he can to make them better, whole and good again. Slower and more perfected this time. 

Robert has trampled all over it.

Later, it’s half seven at night and Vic is still working. Robert has the place to himself and it’s so eerily quiet. 

He hasn’t been alone in a while. Aaron won’t let him. It’s either Aaron draped over him, or Harry knocking his tablet near Robert’s face or Vic talking about The Hide or Matty and Mack talking about the farm.

It’s been a constant. It’s been too much. It’s been everything he’s wanted for years and yet something he is completely unworthy of indulging in like a normal person.

The door goes and it’s Aaron. Robert feels it deep down in his bones.

Aaron always looks a little nervous when there’s silence between them now. He has that same expression on his face when Robert opens the door to him. Robert’s brain suddenly kicks back to all those years ago, Aaron standing there in the dead of night telling him to come home with him. 

The thought makes Robert a little unsteady on his feet.

“I’m sorry.” Robert whispers.

Aaron isn’t angry. That’s another new thing. “How are you feeling?”

“I wasn’t ill.” Robert decides to say. Aaron frowns a little. “I –” He feels like an idiot.

“You can tell me anything.” Aaron says, and yes, Robert knows that’s true in theory. Aaron is everything. He deserves to know everything. It doesn’t make any of this harder though.

When they decided to do this properly, together forever sort of thing now that John was gone and Aaron was in a better place, they agreed that they’d be honest even if it hurt.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” Robert says quietly, one last push. He can’t fucking help himself.

Aaron completely ignores the question and storms into the cottage, then he plants himself on the sofa and waits until Robert is in the same room before he looks right at him.

“I love you.” Aaron says.

It takes Robet by surprise. They’ve said it plenty of times since being together again but this feels like telling Robert a certainty he can’t argue against. 

“What happened tonight?” Aaron asks.

Robert sits next to Aaron. “I um. I freaked out.”

“I gathered.”

“The reservation should be for five. We said five. I wanted it to be five.” Robert tries to explain and realises he sounds mad.

Aaron pulls a hand over Robert’s knee. “Oh.” He whispers and Robert watches him understand. He sees the flicker of pain race across Aaron’s face. “That’s – that’s routine right. Prison routine?”

Robert gulps hard. He’s been keeping it up since he got back. It’s not been a big deal until right now.

“I don’t want it to be.” Robert hears the pleading in his voice. “I promise I’m not trying to be difficult.”

Aaron wipes tears from his face and suddenly holds Robert’s face in his hands. He looks sad and yet determined at the same time. “I know that idiot.” He says gently. Then his hands start stroking the sides of Robert’s face.

“Can I try to cook for you tomorrow?” Aaron suddenly asks.

Robert frowns. “I thought you were trying to make me feel better not worse?”

Aaron slaps Robert’s cheek playfully and then pulls his hands over Robert’s. He keeps doing that, Robert has noticed. Aaron can’t stand not holding on to Robert lately. A shed load of denial and longing would do that, Robert suppposes.

“I’d love that.” Robert whispers.

Aaron smiles gently. He looks so beautiful. “Then every night, we can … well we can push it back a bit. See how you do.”

Robert tenses just slightly. 

“It’ll feel weird at first but it’ll be OK.” Aaron insists, starts pawing at Robert's arm and shoulder a little as he speaks.

Robert knows it will be, Aaron’s here with him.

[hyperfixiation-station]

Hi there🐌

I absolutely love your work!

Im in a state where a snow storm just left, but I had to go get fire wood and kept falling

As I fell I thought about how Simon would go first in the snow so you would be able to step on his footprints

Would you be able to write something like this please 😅😅

Omg omg omg omg! I actually do this at school, step in big footprints so I don't get snow in my socks XD

I'm writing this while sick and I don't think it flows very well, but I have got to start getting through requests(sorry for the long wait)😭😅 if I ever end up not having brain fog(which i will at some point, I'm just being dramatic) I'll rewrite it

"Y' don' have t' come with me." Simon murmurs, standing by the door as you shrug your coat on.

"Its my turn to get firewood, Si." You remind him, "you're the one insisting on coming." Your husband just shakes his head.

"Le's go luv." The door swings open, the bitter cold smacking you in the face. You can feel your nose already starting to burn, but you don’t care. You giggle softly, poking Simon in the stomach as you pass under his arm. He's put on some weight this time around, home long enough for your cooking to sink in for once.

"Watch it missy." He growls, reaching for your side as the door swings shut behind him.

"Simon don't- Simon!" Your laughter turns into a shriek as your food slides out from underneath you, an icy atch that would have sent you down the stairs, if not for your attentive husband, who has you in his arms before you can hit the ground.

"Told y' t'stay put, luv." Your face flushes as he croons in your ear, setting you down carefully on the bottom step, "yer not built fer this weather. Not steady 'nough. To delicate." Trust your husband to be insulting and charming in the same sentence.

He steps off the stairs and you follow suit, heading towards the wood pile at the back of the house. The snow is deep, and you struggle to push your way through it, the freezing cold slush falling into your boots as you step through the drifts.

Simon glances back, notcing amd sulently laughing at your struggle. But he slows down, taking smaller steps so that he can match your strides.

"Step after me, luv." He forges the way, carving a path through the snow for you to follow. You follow along behind him, eyes glued to his perfectly sculpted ass. With the way he's walking, you know he's doing it on purpose.

You reach the wood pile, and he grabs all the wood you need for the night. You didn't really need to come with him, it's not like he needs your help, but you'll do Anything to watch your husband use his sculpted muscles.

You get back, eager for a fire. Your fingers and toes are freezing, your socks damp and your cheeks rosy. Simon directs you to the couch, wrapping you up and starting the fire before settling down next to you.

"Simon?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"Luv y' too, darlin."

[stellargh0ul]

hi hello, uh, ive never requested anything of the sort to anyone ever before- but I really do enjoy your work :)

if you are willing, could you do a sick reader x copia one? I dont really know why, but reading about being cared for makes me very comforted

thank you!!

sick fics are always fun, dove. it makes sense to me that you find them comforting- I do too.

-

the weird thing about fevers is that sometimes, they make you see things that aren’t there. it isn’t an experience you’ve had in your life before, but you’re very sure you’re hallucinating: Frater Imperator is at your bedside with medication and a cool, wet towel.

and there’s no way in hell that what you’re seeing can be real.

you laugh a little at your imagination as the Phantom-Copia sits down in a chair he’s pulled up to your bed, setting the bottle of cold medication on the dresser. he looks at you a little funny, perhaps wondering what had made you laugh, before he leans over you.

you have a great view of the inside of his shirt, the button-up gaping a little to show you his pecs. giving a little wolf whistle, you congratulate your brain on conjuring probably the only vision that could have made you smile in that moment.

“well, if you’re well enough to ogle me, you’re certainly well enough that I needn’t have bothered coming to check on my secretary.”

“oh, don’t be like that, Frater,” you mumble, theatrically tossing an arm across your head to cover your eyes. “you know I never get the chance to check you out. my brain’s just giving me a treat.”

“…your brain?”

“yeah,” you nod. “you know you’re a hallucination, right? you’re not really here. i’m just seeing things because I have a fever. maybe because I took too much cold medicine.”

“…right.”

his face pinches, like he’s thinking hard about something, but then Copia relaxes with a sigh.

“I’m not even going to try and argue with you about what you just said.”

his hand comes down on where your arm is thrown across your head and you move it at his insistence. in it’s place, he lays the wet towel across your brow. you sigh as you feel the chill spread through your body.

“that’s nice. when you disappear, i’ll text someone to bring me a real towel if that’s how good it’ll feel.”

“you should probably be in the infirmary, dear, with how bad this cold is hitting you.”

he purses his lips again.

“especially if you’re seeing things.”

“only thing i’m seeing is you, Frater, and those gorgeous tits of yours.”

Copia sputters, arms automatically crossing over his chest as if to hide it from you. you have to hand it to your brain- it’s doing a great impression of what you think Frater Imperator would be like if you were really flirting with him in real life.

“you’re absolutely incorrigible.”

“that’s too big of a word for me right now.” you relax back against the pillows, closing your eyes. the hallucination is probably right- you definitely need to at least see a doctor, but the room’s spinning a bit and you aren’t sure you can summon the wherewithal to call someone right now.

“…i’m going to make some calls. stay here.”

“as if i’m going anywhere,” you mumble to Copia, and you hear him bustle out of the room. maybe your hallucination is calling the doctor for you.

[dustcrumbs]

New human au cooking in my brain where the MTT meet in a juvenile correctional facility.

Nightmare and Dream run the correctional facility together (it’s mostly influenced by Dream). He loves kids and due to his brother’s bullying and shit he wants to make a difference in the lives of juveniles and y’know hopefully make shit better. He wanted Nightmare to do it with him because duh he can relate bc that dude has committed crimes before we know this.

Killer (15 yr) has just kind of a lot of charges from a lot of fights he’s been involved in. He was showing psychotic tendencies and also got an animal cruelty charge or two. He has originally been in a mental hospital once or twice because of the fucked up and randomly morbidly shit he would say that concerned his teachers and like everyone but then the hospital was like “ehhh I don’t think we want him but low-key he’s got BPD or a system of sorts good luck.” So yeah ultimately he was placed in the correctional facility to hopefully help with his behaviors and then get him in some form of therapy

Horror (16 yr) has numerous accounts of theft and shoplifting with occasional assault and battery charges from fights. He comes from a low income household and he is unable to work a job due to his medical issues so he would resort to stealing food to get food on the table for his family but like whoops that’s illegal. During his case and his eventual sentence to the correctional facility, they had to basically investigate the home and due to the unsuitable living conditions, Spooks (bc I like naming him that and papyrus is reserved for the dusty boy) was removed from their parents care by CPS and horror has been Freaking The Fuck Out ever since he heard like constant paranoia because he doesn’t want his brother to go through the system or be separated from him.

Dust (15 yr) is just oh dear oh god. He has a few murder charges, however the only reason he wasn’t tried as an adult was because he was classified as insane and went to a mental hospital where he recently was transferred to the correctional facility after he was actually okay enough to be around more than 3 people again. He killed his family and a few random people before he was finally detained. He kinda just went insane after losing his brother to sickness and bro does not know how to cope with it all

Cross (14 yr) is related somehow, idk yet. Gaster (his dad) is a priest at a church somewhere nearby. All I know is that Cross is Christian Perhaps his dad would come to the facility to like, do church things bc I know some facilities do that and cross would come along bc he need to be involved

Ink would be an art therapist. Swap is in charge of physical education because I said so yeah. Sci is their science teachers bc they get schooling in there. I feel like error would be a math teacher who hates math. I got the idea of fresh teaching history. Geno is a nurse and his male wife (Reaper) is the English teacher.

Horrordust is canon bc I said so.

Fresh and error are married just for shits and giggles. Mostly giggles

Tumblr just deleted my long response and even add-ons..

so uh

IM SORRY

[devinescribe]

The Kinda Guy to…

Tuffnut Thorston edition

- Always trying to make you laugh. It's his favorite part of you!!

- Needs someone down with the chaos but willing to reel him back in. Ruffnut encourages his idiocy, so if you're like... "Yeah but I like my boyfriend alive..." he's like "oh yeah wait.."

- You need to like Chicken. She's his baby. If you are together, that's your baby now too. "Babe babe babe hold-"

You're ready holding her and cooing at her with a smile.

He's even more in love.

- Knows 4 other languages besides Norse...(5 if you count post lightning Snotlout) says he loves you in all of them, and teaches you. Says it's to help for extra communication during missions and patrol but it's his way of spending extra time with you.

- Falls for you when he sees you (accidentally) blow something up during a dragon raid back when they were still fighting dragons. The building was already so damaged, there were dragons in it... kaboom was easier.

- prefers someone who can keep up with him in terms of like energy. Always willing and waiting to just hop up and go.

- Yall remember in RTTE when the twins found a rock that said they were the owners of the edge? Yeah makes you the exception to the rules because "you're basically a Thorston already... Y/N Thorston-"

- If you don't have your own dragon, he's like "well they have a back just hop on" wonders if they can grow more than two heads. He's determined.

- When they first move out to the edge, he's so sad cuz he didn't bring you along (in the universe you don't have a dragon) and Ruff can handle his whining to the point she's sleeping outside. One day you appear outside their door and Snotlout is just grumbling about "and don't ever say I don't do anything nice for you"

- (think adults) Yall know that scene in Hotel Transylvania when Johnny is like "OH YEAH DID YOU SEE THAT THATS MY GIRLFRIEND!" Yeah it goes a little something like this

"OH YEAH DID YOU SEE THAT?! THATS mY GIRLFRIEND!"

"I'm your wife, Tuff."

"OH YEAH MY WIFE!! even better-"

- Would be a good boyfriend cuz... he has a sister. Even if Ruff is... well Ruff, still!

- As much as they bicker, it is imperative that you and Ruff like each other. She's his twin, he NEEDS you two to get along. (You do. She jokes about stealing you from him.)

- The tears episode. Oh boy... you're the only one that doesn't say tears. He watched you turn Hookfang on Snotlout for saying it. It was funny. He regrets bringing you to this island.

- If you're ever in trouble?? Oh yeah, he does now thinks later. That's how he is, especially when you're in trouble. Like... he just flies off to get you.

- That often ends with him being tied up next to you. Well… at least you’re together? How did he fly Barf and Belch without Ruff? He didn’t. She’s there too.

- The only time you have actively stood up to Astrid was when she kept saying tears😭 he’s so moved it’s… it’s just… he cries for an hour.

- Loves when you indulge his crazy. Like, yes, please encourage him to blow up that building as the plan.

- Hiccup could make a totally sane plan, and he’s like… eh. So, the gang tells you to tell him your plan. (It’s just Hiccup’s plan) He agrees right away.

- Do you have fire resistant clothes? No? You should get some.

- He is a physical touch guy. Like… just piles on top of you. Actually, you should flop onto him. He likes the pressure.

- Vocal stims. So many. He just says what’s on his mind always.

- One time you do the grueling process of… combing out one of his dreads… why? He saw the lil braids Hiccup has and said he wanted one. And you indulge him.

- Pouts when he doesn’t get a kiss and he asks for one. That is the ultimate betrayal.

“Y/N can I have a kisssss?”

“Tuff, I would love kiss you but I’m sick…”

“…so you hate me and want me to die.”

…

News flash, he gets sick. You’ll never guess why.

- Brags about you. Calls you his brain. Cuz you can obviously think things through before doing them. He can’t.

- Prime example? How he asked you out. It’s the second day of the Trial of Flame, and he’s telling you (after almost dying) how much he likes you and wants to go out with you. Bad timing. But the best intentions.

- If you have a dragon, he’s often amazed by what you do with said dragon. How in sync you are, how you do stuff with such ease, like you were born to be a dragon rider.

- He loves your dragon extra if it’s a destructive, deadly breed.

- Don’t leave him with your dragon if it is. Because any explosion you hear after… it’s them.

- Remember when Hiccup said “Where there’s smoke there’s the twins?” Yeah that got updated. “Where there’s smoke there’s the twins. And Y/N. We will figure out whether voluntary or involuntary.

[cercess]

An HSR Himeko x S/O Reader angst request please. One day the Astral Express crew finally works up the courage to ask Himeko why she always makes her coffee the same way even if they refrain from drinking it.

She admits that there’s a reason behind it and she reveals that she once had an S/O before her journey on the Astral Express. Like her they shared the dream of witnessing the wast starry sky. The two had a lucky break upon discovering the Astral Express, but unluckily the reader got sick while fixing it and passed away.

Himeko then goes on explain that the reason why her coffee remains the exact same is because it’s how the reader made it. She admits herself that she didn’t like it but grew to enjoy it not for its taste but for the feeling it gives her. It makes her feel that in some kind of way even if small that her S/O is still with her. Essentially it serves as a means for the reader to still be a part of her journey just like they always talked about.

Here you go, anon! I absolutely LOVED this idea. Himeko is actually everything to me. I built her a while back, and she will remain built until I die; I don't care if she's not meta. I hope you enjoy what I came up with!

☕︎ Tags: Fluff and angst ☕︎ Rating: General ☕︎ Word Count: 561

“Do you actually enjoy that stuff,” Stelle asks as she watches Himeko sip her offence to the very concept of coffee. 

“It has an acquired taste,” the navigator laughs. No one ever had the courage to ask her before, although she’s well aware the rest of the crew wonders the same thing. She particularly enjoys watching Dan Heng attempt to find a polite way to turn down her offers without offending her. 

Their newest addition crinkles her nose at the overwhelming aroma, “and it’s a taste you like?”

“Someone I used to know made coffee this way. I’ve gotten used to it.” 

Himeko closes her eyes as she drinks from the cup, allowing the bitter flavour to transport her to a happier time. She’s back in your apartment, inspecting the brand-new French press that’s been laid out on the counter. The sleek metal shines under the kitchen’s fluorescents, giving it the allure of a priceless showroom appliance. You stand proudly before the device, shooing Himeko’s hands away when she tries to inspect it herself. “You’ll get fingerprints on the metal.”

“Where did you find this? Don’t you already have a coffee maker?” She eyes the abandoned machine that sits forlornly in the corner. 

“I bought it from some antique dealer. He said it brings out the flavour of the beans. Let me make you some!” The desire to tell you it was probably just a sales pitch dies as you eagerly grab a bag of instant coffee from the pantry. “Get us some cups.” 

Himeko doesn’t fight the smile that pulls at her lips as she watches you pour the grounds into the press. The logical side of her brain is turned to mush when you’re around, and for once she forgets about her grand ambitions. There is so much she wants to discover, but your presence reminds her that there is brilliance in what she already knows. She wraps her arms around your waist, and rests her chin on your shoulder while you press down the contraption. 

Steam rises from the cups when you pour the freshly brewed coffee. The smell is not what Himeko was expecting from a supposedly high-quality French press. It’s almost like the grounds had also been thrown in a fire and burnt to a crisp. You don’t allow her to add any cream or sugar, wanting the integrity of the flavour to remain intact.

What integrity, Himeko thinks as her taste buds are assaulted by the overbearing drink. She considers it a triumph when she doesn’t run to the sink and spit it out; this was one discovery she never needed to make. 

You’re looking at her with an expectant look, and she can’t bear to shatter the hope in your eyes. “I love it."

Since then, Himeko follows your exact steps whenever she makes coffee, even going so far as to use the French press you left behind. The flavour has not only grown on her, but remains one of the few anchors that ground her to your memory. The bitterness fits the longing she feels, but there is also a sweetness to the drink that she never noticed when you were alive. She likes to think it’s a message you’ve sent from the next life; a way you still love her, even now that no force in the universe can bring you back. 

[starrysnowdrop]

Patch 7.3 Post-Live Letter MSQ Speculations

AKA: Thinking too hard about Calyx and the Ending of Dawntrail

So we got a brief look at the 7.3 MSQ in the latest live letter, and eventually though we will get more in the next live letter, including the trailer, I wanted to blab about my thoughts on it all in the context of Calyx and how it will affect the ending of Dawntrail.

First, I NEED to comment on this picture in particular. Look at this cheeky bastard with his twirling pen skills! I love him so much it’s getting to ridiculous levels. But seriously I do hope he just gets to be evil in 7.3, because that’ll be fun.

So let’s get into the details shall we?

Anyways, 7.3’s dungeon has been revealed as “The Meso Terminal”, which I am assuming that means that we will be going into the computer directly again, just like we did at the end of 7.0. I’m hoping that we will not be seeing into Sphene’s memories again like in the Alexandria dungeon, because I think that’ll just be redundant. I’m going on the theory that we will be seeing into Calyx’s memories. And the next pictures I believe show it.

So here we see what appears to be hospital beds and medical equipment lining the walls, which is where I hope to see Calyx trying to treat the patients with levin sickness, and perhaps see him suffering with his illness as well? I hope this ultimately helps us to understand Calyx as a person and why he’s become obsessed with evolving humanity.

In this picture, we are getting an outdoor shot of what looks like Alexandria before the dome is constructed perhaps, and maybe this will show how Calyx will get the idea to construct Everkeep and the dome around Alexandria.

And last of the pictures is announcing that we of course will be getting a trial, but we know nothing about it yet. I’m wondering if we are getting a FFXIV version of Necron, because I think that’d be badass and a great nod to FFIX.

Alrighty, let’s get to my theorycrafting. Or… maybe just my overall thoughts about Calyx and how Dawntrail will end.

As much as I want Calyx to live on in some form after 7.3, it’s highly likely that he will die in 7.3, and if I try my best to be objective about it all, I still hope that he has some sort of major impact on the overall story going forward to 8.0 and beyond. Maybe whatever thing he creates will end up being the big bad. Or perhaps something that was ultimately his actions is what the big threat will be going forward. If that’s the case, then I will be happy, regardless of how Calyx’s death will impact my ship. If not, then I fear that everything in DT will be pointless, and I’d be really upset about that.

I am curious about how this will change Alexandria and how Alexandria will interact with the people of the Source going forward. Certainly the soul system and regulators will have to go away, but I really am curious how they will get rid of them, and how the culture surrounding the regulators and souls will change. Perhaps whatever Calyx does in 7.3 is so bad that everyone just chucks their regulators in the trash, but I don’t know. I fear that they will get rid of the regulators and the usage of souls too quickly, as if a switch is flipped and there isn’t a natural process of letting go of their fear of death. Because there has already been a lot of hand waving away problems in the MSQ, and especially in DT.

Well, I’m going to stop here, because my brain refuses to brain anymore. Maybe I’ll add on to this when we get the 7.3 trailer, or maybe I’ll elaborate on this at a later date when I have something else to discuss. Anyways, if you have any thoughts on 7.3 or Calyx or whatever, feel free to comment below or message me! Thanks so much for taking the time to read all this!

[canary-clan]

Important decisions to be made regarding Canary-Clan (very long sorry rambling)(poll is at the bottom)

Ok so I've had a lot of fun doing this truly I have loved this, I didnt expect to actually continue this I thought like most things I'd burn through my enjoyment and the interest would fizzle out but it hasn't

Which brings me to this post, since I didn't really expect to like doing this, I also didnt really take down notes very well (I was also a bit sick during half of the gameplay) I wasn't paying as close of attention as I should and so my notes are sparce and small. I would like to change that. I would like to try reading all the game gives instead of scrambling around trying to figure out what caused what.

So! I had been thinking. Do I continue with the notes I have (up to moon 25) OR do I do a 'reboot' of the comic with more notes for charaters...

What would change? Well more small events would be given attention (ie training patrol etc) but the comic would take more time to create, I want to push myself to try something new (actually make backgrounds)(maybe a little backstory stuff)(try to learn how to write dialogue) I will keep some key events the same but shuffle them around.

DoveFur(who likely would still be going by Quartzpaw) taking one of Canarys lifes and his own death are moved to being the prologue/backstory, Serpent is moved to being one of the founders (she basically already was one) (and Finchkit will also be there)

Minor redesigns (cough cough HarpySwoop cough)(Designs fine just hard to draw)

THE PREVIOUS MOONS ARE STILL GOING TO BE HERE im not getting rid of them just considering them draft 1

[ganondoodle]

game dev is such an alluring thing to try to do bc its a kind of media that allows for such an active and direct way to interact with others like most things just dont

im still dreaming of trying it every now and again but, among my other problems, i run into the more unique problem of .. not knowing or not wanting to start bc i cant find tutorials that teach me about how i structure code, where do i begin, where does a script go, what makes sense to seperate into its own piece of code and what should stay together, what do i do first?? i have found ones that teach you about single things but never really how to structure it all, how it should look like as a whole, and idk what mental wall i run into but i need to know before i can even try!! its the not knowing where to start that keeps blocking me bc i dont want to make a mess, i am very chaotic and code is something hard to get right and hard to untangle so i dont want to just .. do stuff that wont work

[moeblob]