#i need to remember this forever and ever
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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Can you perhaps elaborate on the "Ganondorf should get to pummel Rauru"
As far as I'm recalling, we don't actually get that much of their issues in totk? We see leaders clashing, and then essentially Ganondorf kills Sonia and steals the secret stone, kicking off the imprisoning war. It's been a minute since I looked at the lore of totk (No Urbosa, so I'm nowhere near as invested as I am in botw) so I wouldn't be surprised if there's something big I missed, or even subtext I never picked up on
Sure! It's always very funny to me to receive the occasional ask like this, since I have been Renowned as a Rauru hater since release, but to briefly recap my perspective: I think Rauru was one self-conscious writing decision away from being the most compelling morally gray character in all of the Zelda canon, but unfortunately is heralded as being a near-perfect ruler (though even his imperfection is an extremely unclear and unexamined flaw that no character ever hold him accountable for --except for Ganondorf, and even what Ganondorf does call him out on is also unclear and also depends on translation because it wouldn't be a Zelda game otherwise) even though Rauru is mostly responsible, not only for his own problems, but also for everybody else's --including, crucially, Zelda's.
In a few words, he cannot be excused (like Zelda or Rhoam) by having to bear the weight of a kingdom for his poor decisions since, you know, he invented the damn thing (then of course maybe he would have to uphold the zonai legacy or something, and this is his motivation, but we don't know, since the game isn't interested in giving us this kind of information). His repeated invitations to the gerudos (and others but the gerudos are the only one not drinking the kool aid? which should be completely ok), being this new ruler of a brand new kingdom that didn't exist 5 minutes prior and yet feeling like he is somehow owed extreme levels of loyalty and devotion from everyone around him, being considered reasonable by the writing, is really baffling to me. Him dismissing Zelda's warnings (as tame as they are, which is just incomprehensible writing contrivences) even though he accepts that she does indeed come from the future, from a Hyrule ravaged by war, is crazy. Him running off to hunt and leave his priestess-wife in charge of the kingdom he founded on her lands while still speaking over her politically is.... sure a choice that was made in the writing. Him then choosing to warn Ganondorf that Link is a guy that exists and will kick his ass, is literally the reason why Link doesn't get the advantage and gets his arm destroyed. And then, in spite of all that, in spite of having the full picture, Rauru is vague and utterly unhelpful as a spirit while Link recovers, pondering that it's so sad that Constructs have to toil for all eternity for no purpose... :(
And like, yes Rauru, indeed Rauru, but maybe, just maybe, that should tell us something about how incredibly self-centered this goat-dragon-dude is --not realizing what he was imposing to his servants and people for his own leisure, in the name of his peace. I don't think he is evil, as in: he's not a cackling unsubtle and vapid caricature like Ganondorf is, but wow is this guy the most self-unaware and entitled character accidentally written in a game that fails to realize the absolute metric ton of red flags inserted in every single one of his scenes that I've... ever seen.
Again, if all of this was intentional, he would have been a masterful character. Maybe my favorite guy.
But the game destroying all other characters' interiority (and botw's worlbduilding) to tell this incredibly uncompelling tragedy about this super-cool perfect king and his series of completely avoidable failures... yeah, that really did not sit well with me at all.
Other posts about the topic that I've written previously:
A post about imperialism themes and aesthetics in TotK (I think it probably deserves an update with more specific historical examples)
A post about intent VS execution (especially re: good rulers and good kingdoms, and why this trope needs to be earned --contrasting TotK and EoW)
So yeah! Rauru. Weirdo guy. Compelling weirdo guy I think, but in a way the fandom really uhh disagrees with overall haha
#asks#rauru#totk critical#thanks for the ask!#so why should Ganondorf get to pummel him? because this guy wanted to just. absorb his kingdom. for no reason.#and wanted Ganondorf to be nice about it too somehow#(even tho totk masterworks --from what I've seen/remember/not fully canon-- claims the gerudo civilization was peaking back then)#I don't like Ganondorf's writing because imo it's cowardly writing#so flat and uncommited to any exploration it murders any theme any character arc and any tension#but *conceptually* I think Rauru just. deserves some uhhhh well-needed perspective. let's say#and tbh I think both Ganon and Zelda (and maybe even Sonia) should get to punch the goat-man for a bit#because wow did he ruin all of their lives (and more importantly: writing) for no discernable reason#a lot of it is just totk's writing being incredibly bad#but he is kind of the event horizon of it all#making everything else warp around him so much that both Zelda and Link become completely passive in the conflict of their own story#everybody sacrificing themselves for this guy's shitty kingdom and then re-establishing it forever and ever#and aren't we glad that happened
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being subjected to the things dan and phil tweeted at/about each other back in the early days feels like having to witness that one couple in high school that was full making out in the hallways at 8 am while you were running on two hours of sleep and half a ham sandwich for the next six hours.
#dnp#dan and phil#phan#<- for the phandometrics but this time it's actually about phan ! fun.#phun even.#i say dan and phil but i really just mean dan#he did NOT need to do all that. we GET it you're gonna be in love forever and ever i promise nobody's stealing your man but PLEASE#I BEG.#pity future dolokhoded who's randomly going to remember those words were said publicly on the internet at 3 am and have to stare at the#ceiling for a few hours#somebody contain him. get him off twitter ban him
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can i ask why ur getting the surgery? /gen curious /no hate
i am getting a bi(lateral)salp(ingectomy) bc i never want to be pregnant or be a parent!
Even if i do change my mind later about the parent thing (not super likely but things can change, sure) theres noooo shortage of single parents lmao
And even if I never End Up In The Circumstance(s) Where I COULD Become Pregnant in my life, I'd want the peace of mind anyway...
I've always felt disgusted that this is something my body is capable of. I want it to be MY body and not a site and vessel for potential tragedy in any direction. And I want it to be something permanent and not dependent on access to services/medicines or even laws!!! Dis is a gender affirming surgery for me honestly...
#anonymous#skunk mail#in the past ive always thot about how id obvs immediately get an abortion if anything happened#but along with living in texas idk#like. id obvs get it but just the thought of ever being pregnant in my life for even a little bit makes me feel sick.#idk what id do. what a betrayal by the shell im in that would be.#my mind wld be frayed forever. ive had nightmares abt it. i dont think i cld ever Enjoy Anything if i was always worried about BC failure.#pregnancy is so unnerving to me i dont even like seeing or being around pregnant animals especially when ppl start calling them Mommy or#Mama it just makes me extremely uncomfortable.#my life was destined to be tragedy as soon as I was born in this body‚ i might as well do one of the only things I can do to ease the horro#of it#ive literally had my day ruined by just remembering its something my body can do. it makes me so miserable#it feels so disgusting etc#without the surgery my life would continue to feel like its counting down to inevitable tragedy#whether it be by Scare or Assault#and why wld i continue to live my life like that if its always going to be unwanted!!!!! need permanent solution and not just a bandaid#its not like the opportunities come up often but honestly ive even been avoiding sex bc of this. id rather just not ever do it at all#than risk anything
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mister laios dungeon meshi…. as an autistic person, i dont think ive ever related more to a character before.
like laios being so disinterested by the human world around him, unable to understand it and growing bitter towards humans because of how much and how easily they hurt. with monsters theres a Reason for what they do — its all survival, and that makes sense. humans, however, hurt just to hurt. all the suffering that he and falin went through have been because of humans. why would he like them? why would he ever be interested in them? he and falin have Never been afforded being seen as humans.
i feel like, with laios, he likes who he likes, and he doesnt really think about people he doesnt like. sure they exist, and he knows and acknowledges this, but theyre not his. the only humans that really matter to him are the ones that hes grown attached to. hes very compassionate but thats because its in his nature. if he wasnt a kind person at heart, i dont think he’d bother with people at all. that kindness is such a core part of him.
if he were in the modern world i just KNOW that guy wouldnt care about a career or school or even all these supposedly human aspirations that people have-- these long term goals, these big lofty ideals. he would just care about the day to day. working to ensure theres a roof over his head and food on the table. reading about monsters. having dinner with his friends. making sure his loved ones are all doing okay. and i can just imagine people being like "but dont you want... more?" and laios being so confused. why WOULD you ever want more? why would he ever want to give himself to the rat race? be exhausted constantly? work towards a goal that only other people view as worthy? why, when what he has right here is exactly what he wanted!! laios doesnt have these "human" desires and thats a core part of why he feels so alienated from other people. so different. like a monster himself. and as someone who is autistic, let me just say.….. me too buddy.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#sorry this was in rhe drafts while reading andi just#as an autistic person i relate really hard to him#this is just how i view and read him btw which doesn’t need to be said but#im saying it anyways HEHE#i just. biting him#hes so compassionate like its in his nature but yet hes so disinterested#and its not out of a lack of caring bc like i said he cares very deeply in his core#its just. anything outside of his immediate bubble barely exists#he literally cant remember kabrus name bc kabru never made that deep impression on him#like what he did impart is very surface level and laios may not comprehend that on rhe surface but yet he still Knows it and Sees it#i want to talk more ab him. forever and ever#dunmeshi#dunmeshi spoilers#laois touden#tagging so more laios fans come to me. i need people to talk ab him with
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maría for the ad astra zine! lc u will be missed T_T
#lalin's curse#maria lalins curse#maria navarro becerra#OUUAHHHHGHGGGGG#Stop i miss lalins curse so bad. ough.#sorry i hsve many thoughts do not look at these tags theyrre long#i always had a feeling it wouldn't come back but i'm still so sad like thats my daughter........ my kids.... for reals...... i was#around their age when i started reading and now i'm like 19 they shouldve grown up with us FUCKKKKK i miss rhem so bad. timeskip davias.#i think i spent like an entire year with the lc/delete worms it's one of the smaller fandoms#that ive been in so i'm surprised but also there was SO much going on in thzt damn comic. hwhere is church boy WHY VALOR THE BUS DRIVER#i remember getting ownership of the fandom wiki and spending an insane amount of time on the home page and fixing it all jusr for fandom t#COMPLETELY CHANGE THEOR LAYOUT i think that killed the vibe for me tbh. fanodmwiki alwyas at the scene of the crime#Whahteverrrrrrrrrrr#what ever man.#seeing it go is so sad like ik it'll be revived eventually but OUGH the comic was so well done. i still recommend it so bad even though its#a terrible cliffhanger (itd ok we know what happens)(Lie)#i still need to own delete one day. Ill learn spanishtrust me. idk isaky art changed my life so much i'm so glad she won snowmiku and got s#many insane opportunities I hope she always wins forever. rhe four other laliners that follow me i hope you are still here. hiiiiiii#putting this zine together with all my lc oomfs was so nice and it's such a nice farewell to the comic AUHH go check outthe others plz#okau over. Lc changedmy life sorru#art tag
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finished veilguard. i enjoyed it but it was also real bad. the highs were really high the lows extremely low. the only people they really made this game for was solavellans and it should've stayed as an ao3 fic
#sigh. anyway#to the fix its i go#honestly i think i wouldnt have had as much of a problem as i did if i was obsessed with some other faction that wasnt the crows#but they absolutely butchered them#lukas kristjanson.... why do u poison everything u touch.....#still LOVED lucanis and teia and viago tho and their potential will forever keep me up at night#+ i got lucky because i went into veilguard wanting to make a really purple rook so their characterization was real good to me#i will give the game a couple more runs probably#esp because. davrin's romance. duh.#AND i need to play as elio's twin to see what emmrich's romance is like#++ that ''secret ending''........................... what is it. it intrigues me#has anyone actually seen it?? the gaming guides i saw for getting it refuse to speak of it and i think it might be the achievement on steam#0% of players have gotten#sigh. whatever. im gonna go read eight little talons and the wigmakers job. maybe even replay origins to remember exactly what zevran#says abt the crows so i can make up my own thing from that#AND i will def be replaying inquisition. i better never hear anybody disrespect my girl like that ever again after this
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light fires at night (to fill the void) by inthesea is required reading for andreillers
#HOLD UP ✋ it's not on ao3. and if you want to read it... well i can get it to you.#BUT THE LINES IN THERE ARE INSANE. neil literally says you are a gun pointed at my head forever i cant run i cant dodge i chose this i chose#YOU#and there's so much to it. i literally keep that line in my mind at all times#its the type of line that makes you freeze up when you're in the middle of a task#the kind of line that forces you into manual mode and you have to remember how to move your body#guy who has spent his entire life dodging bullets chooses not to duck this one#and andrew also says that neil is a knife pressed against his throat#like. these guys will literally be like love is violence and then do the softest shit youve ever seen. and it is. love is violence#sigh.#do i need to sell you on it more or will you read it now.#also the fic is extraordinarily soft. its a 5+1 situation. andrew wants to say i love you to neil and he spends multiple years figuring out#how to form the words#and it's extremely in character. its the literal magnum opus of all aftg fanfic. nothing compares and nothing will ever compare#like theres fanfiction and then theres light fires at night#in my brain its fully canon. like to me this fic is literally what happens after the books.#you can find it yourself if youd like but i think it might be a little hard WHOS TO SAY. anyway#everybody NEEDS to read this fic i dont care. if i could beam it into everyones brains i would
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Diomedes: maybe odysseus will be merciful enough to wait until I'm over my hangover before involving me in his crimes
Diomedes: remembers this is odysseus he's talking about: nevermind please let his plans rely on me being this drunk. That way I'll have plausible deniability
#Swinger! Con artist! Odypen au#Diomedes#Diomedes thoughts upon meeting odysseus again#Diomedes: fuckkkkk I willingly got in his car he's kidnapped me he won't let go until I help him with whatever shit he's trying to pull now#Diomedes: maybe he'll be merciful? Maybe he'll let me sober up and stop being hungover first?#Diomedes: remembering the war crimes odysseus had him do#Diomedes: never fucking mind please let him need me black out drunk I cannot get introuble right after my dad did a cannibalism on live tv#Yall ever heard of the e4 mafia?#It's where a co sends e4s and under to go procure supplies for their unit by stealing it from other units on base#(I think I am only tangentially military so please take that with a pound of salt. )#Know that odysseus had his underlings do this all the fucking time he absolutely was pocketing the supplies budget money and#Had his troops steal everything they needed#The other day my dad compared odysseus to Sherman#And yah that's such a perfect description of him it's going to stick in my brain forever
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not just a snack but the entire five-course meal plus coffee and dessert. I'll have mine in my room
#just when i think i've screencapped every second of this movie i find another tiny detail to capture#FOR EXAMPLE this one#i am frothing at the mouth throwing myself against the bars of my enclosure#WAKE UP KIDS DAD IS HOME#are ya'll seeing this????? are you all seeing this??#the arms??? the muscle definition??#the way his tunic fits over his chest GOD BLESS YOU JANTY YATES#she put my man in a costume that shows off every line of his perfect body and i for one am SO grateful#never ever gonna argue with a man who has shoulders like a freaking mountain#whatever you say gorgeous#he's SO FINE HE'S SO FINE HE'S SO F#begging him to lift me onto that table and show me the meaning of the word powerful#only word i'll be remembering is his name but that's the only one i'll need#anything he wants literally ANYTHING he wants#no deep thoughts or observations on this one just thirsting#call me cream because i am WHIPPED for this man#forever fantasizing about making sweet love with him in the intimacy of some quiet place YOU KNOW????#i just need that#i need him to know how much i adore him and i need to be able to demonstrate it physically#falling on my knees begging him to just like. grab the back of my neck and put me right where he wants me#sorry for all the insanity everyone#i'm a bit unhinged for him today#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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good angel turns 7 goddamn years old on the 22nd I'm going to lose my head. did you know bad end is 6.5 years old. Did you know Angel radio is 8.5. Did you know I'm 27. did you know time continues ceaselessly forward and so do i
#do i need a writing tag#man. one day I'll do a video about being an author. a young author#not to sound too fanciful it's not a bragging point it's a 'I want to get out of here I want to matter if I just have a book I finally will#and then the follow up of oh wait. no. reality. time. time forever.#I think if I ever do reread AR I will crumble into dust and remember something forbidden like. it's that old#I hope GA/BE holds up. I loved it so much. I loved it a lot and hoped other people would as well. that's all faded but I hope it holds up#I am back on my sincerity BS with suncrab thank god but I really lost it a while ago. see: all my books are close in age#sincerity in a real.... “I love this I think it's good I hope you'll love it” genuine excitement I Want To Share way#whereas now I guess I'm still more afraid
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by the way i just wanna make sure it's clear that i would 100% rather have my RSD triggered than have someone let me make them uncomfortable to protect my feelings. my disproportionate emotional response is not your responsibility. i dont want people to feel uncomfortable or upset because of me. me having ADHD and being sensitive is not an excuse for me to hurt you
#this isnt about anything in particular#i just remembered a post i saw recently where someone was talking about people using rsd as an excuse to make people let them do whatever#i wanna make sure it's clear that when i mention rsd#it's from a place of 'i would appreciate if you clarify that you dont hate me for doing something that annoyed you/upset you/made you mad'#and not 'never ever tell me to knock it off and never ever be visibly annoyed by me'#i can handle people being mad or annoyed at me#sometimes i just need to hear that like. i didnt ruin a friendship/it isnt forever/they dont hate me now#and id much rather be temporarily upset than lose a friend because they felt like they couldnt tell me i was doing something wrong#and then got fed up with me continuing to do the thing yknow
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you know what else i haven't posted about on main? alucren and her pronouns after going through the worst shit of his life (kotxx). that's a thing i need to talk about. like, yeah he gets astronomically worse before she gets so much better and does it in heels tall enough to kill a man. because the urge to be tall enough to annoy tyr deckard to his handsome face is eternal. <3
is it only a 4 inch height difference? yes. is it important? yes.
#dot talk#ch: alucren#okay so it's like kotxx and change it takes him a while to figure out he kinda loathes trying to achieve the masculinity#that he's been pushed to embrace for as long as he can remember as the only son in a fairly well-enough off imperial family#but it's not enough that she wants to get rid of everything and the kitchen sink y'know?#but then she figures out there's actually no rules and he can do whatever he wants about this for forever basically#and she's frankly never served better in pretty dresses before that point. he loves that shit#which also reminds me have i ever publicly said he has three older sisters? idr if i did#i have to dig up their names again but anyway they adore this for her#alucren's sisters are kinda like the best family he has and that's not credited enough (dot you're the author yes i know i need to fix it)
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the toxic yuri going on between emma/li-sar. genuinely crazy.
#you know what sera youre right we DO need a yandere in here#ngl i keep being like. on god im doing bad bi rep by having fem li-sar w emma but then i remember i can do whatever i want#forever and ever <3#tunes talks wayhaven#wayhaven spoilers
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many things i have been keeping under wraps at work, such as pronouns, but also, very critically, age. bc i got that ageless mixed race asian swag where i am very clearly not an undergrad but also??? they just don't know. and it WHIPS and it is so funny to ME because all the managers and shift supervisors are like damn this girl in her mid-twenties is so easy to talk to, it's like talking to a peer. surprise bitch i'm older than you. and maybe this means i'm performing psychological experiments on cis men, but i am ngl if i hand you a two page resume that you don't read, it is simply none of MY business if you think i am in my mid-20s. they are going to be so mad when they find out lmao
#mild work crush i fear....his undefinable possibly autistic certainly overworked jock swag has captured the nation#i can't remember if he was the one who jumpscared the managers by just randomly showing up with a wife and baby one day#when they thought he was a confirmed bachelor#it might have been the other shift supervisor who hates talking to people#it def wasn't the business school supervisor bc that guy is tasing himself recreationally while getting an mba. idiot <3#i love my job it is so boring and so entertaining at the same time. it's like the perfect balance of annoying and enriching#i wrote an entire fic at work once. and was still able to do everything i needed to do. and heard an absolutely bananas story#from the housekeeper about suing the city#i love the housekeeper every 3rd word out of her mouth i'm like ma'am are we allowed to say that in 2025 😭#i wish i could work there forever but i cannot. and when i quit the fic and/or zine i write/make about is going to go CRAZYYYYY#i think i text like 5-8 different people at least once a week about stupid shit i witnessed at work and the hot guys also#cannot forget the hot guys. so many hot guys. and they are all so stupid and annoying and sometimes charming also#i wish i could wear shorts to work bc my ass looks great rn from strength training#unfortunately my uniform is athleisure wear that doesn't fit and a free flyers sweatshirt that also doesn't fit lmao#when i learn to dress myself. it's over for you hoes#was talking to my strength trainer this week bc they asked if they could use me as a case study for trauma informed something#i kind of wasn't listening bc i just started talking immediately about the emotional effects of not having severe chronic back pain#and now being stronger has made me at its very base just more confident and kind to myself (inasmuch as i'll ever be)#bc i know my body better and i'm not scared of it and i can predict how it moves and i can trust it in ways i could not before#just from not knowing it? like even beyond the chronic pain i just did not know how my body moved and what it was capable of#& how one thing that is so silly but so nice is the feeling of being attractive as MYSELF for the first time in my life and not just#a vehicle for everyone to project whatever weird mpdg stuff on. and it's NICE and it's FUN that i know how my body moves as itself!!#like idk is finding confidence in my body the poetry. the strength training. the being in my 30s. the being too tired to care anymore#WHO KNOWS. none of my business#in conclusion. i would love to say i haven't been having a five stage mental breakdown all week but i have but i think it finally resolved#and now i have a new bed courtesy of sierra and kelly!!!!#and after i find out how much i owe in 1st/last month's rent? it's cricut time#ok good night#fresno oilers.txt
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