#i think this is funnier without context so its on it own

[raystimeatportia]

[plasmara]

ok but seriously. dr s3 was not a season it was a fic generator in disguise. LIKE THEY GAVE US SOOOO MUCH. and now I’m drowning in fic ideas with zero ability to commit to just one so here’s a brain dump (but jay edition because i wrote them all out and accidentally hit one thousand million words):

so. the obvious one is jaya. Duhhhhh. just jaya in general. jaya angst. They r so tragic now and i want it all. the absolute disaster of it. i want every version

give me nya trying to flirt her way back in like “hey, remember me? your girlfriend? the love of your life? jay. jay. JAY.” and jay’s like “okay first of all i barely remember ur name.” he’s being stubborn about not catching feelings, and she’s being even worse about refusing to take the hint coz if she can’t win him back with love she is Absolutely going to do it with sheer persistence and mild emotional terrorism

and kai keeps trying to give her advice but fumbling bad bitches is a genetic trait and they’re both diseased

OKAY AND JAY. IN GENERAL. OBVIOUSLY

i need his pov through the whole season. the fallout after what happened w ras and how he was well and truly Abandoned with a capital a HE HAD NO ONE . him trying to piece himself together without his memories. and how he rediscovers like the little things that made him HIM. the inventing. the way he starts tinkering with stuff without even thinking. the terrible jokes and the way he needs to lighten the mood even when everything’s falling apart. HOW HE MAKES A NAME FOR HIMSELF and is just really his own person. i loveeeeeee how they didn’t just brush it off like yea he’s doing his own thing now whateverrrr. like they went into specifics (ish) and i feel like it rlly added to his personality

AND THEN him trying to trust this group of strangers who keep looking at him like he MATTERS. like they KNOW him. and he’s just like “ok cool cool cool i don’t Know any of u but sure.”

he keeps saying he’s fine when he’s literally NOT. cracking jokes like it’s instinct but they don’t land right. he laughs and then immediately wants to curl into a corner and disappear. BUT HE CANT CONFIDENIN ANY OF THEKNBECAUSE HE DOESNT KNOWNTHEM!!!!!! side note he clearly knows a LOT (based off how he knew about arin’s parents instantly) BUT HE DIDNT VOLUNTEER THAT INFO UNTIL RIGHT AT THE END AND HE KEPT IT ALL TO HIMSELF FOR SO LONG. HE DOESJT TALK ANYMORE!!!!! HES NOT USED TO TALKING WITH ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHINGN AND HES PROBABLY GOT SONMUCH REPRESSED AND KEPT LOCKED UP AND AGHHHHHH!!!! omg someone take this boy to therapy

AND THEN GIVE ME A WHOLSE SEPARATE FIC ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH TOUCH NOW. because this kid was THE most touchy out of the team. he was always throwing himself at people BUT .now. Now he flinches whenever anyone moves too quickly towards him and they all have to keep reminding themselves of it. FUCK!!!!!!

and specifically cole because let’s be honest bruise’s love language is physical touch and it’s killing cole not to be able to be near him. AND ACTUALLY BECAUSE COLE ISNSO TOUCHY jay avoids him the most and it’s like. That’s ur best friend………. WHAT R U DOING. and everyone thought just FINDING jay would be the hardest part but actually this is and they don’t know what to do

okay and. Well. plasma. Like sorry u all knew this was coming. i have to live up to the plasmara name after all its in the contract. and i Love them but I don’t want to write angst for them in this context I just think it would be so funny to have kai hardcore crushing on his sister’s ex fiancée and even funnier to have jay somehow like him back. Like he just takes whatever kai tells him at face value and thinks yup.. this is the one i Trust. just hears kai say “yeah you were totally into me” ONE TIME as a joke or in a moment of panic and he fully believes it cos he’s got the memory of a damp sponge. Like. “oh. yeah. that checks out. i must have been with you. makes sense. ur hot” And after kai finishes freaking out he decides yup THIS IS MY CHANCE!! nya u had him for years. It’s MY turn now

and he is now committed to the bit with his whole chest. takes every opportunity to “remind” jay how deeply in love he was.

“you used to call me hot stuff.”

“no i didn’t.”

“you don’t remember, jay.”

And worst part is it works because jay is just like… “well he seems to have a good balance between nice and pathetically obsessed and my standards are a mystery to me so sure???”

[puella-ae]

———2025-05-29 11:01——— ... I want to say something Controversial but I'm not entirely sure what it is yet that sentence is so much funnier in context than I intended. I was reminded of a post I reblogged a little bit ago and I have half a thought about it but it feels kind of dangerous to get wrong And I'm not really in a #ramble mood yet

———13:31——— The spirits are telling me to so here we go

[[ITT: thinking too hard about these six words.]]

Online "littlespace" [age regression in general] is heavily dependent on its signifiers—diapers and pacifiers, cribs and nurseries and playrooms, and especially brands catering to infants and toddlers There's a lot of littlespace, so to speak, because it's easy to depict distinguished from adulthood Yes, there are feelings associated with it—simple comforts, thoughtless pleasure—but to a certain extent you can just sort of throw up those signifiers on a moodboard and viewers will add those feelings in themselves

I don't think middlespace [as in regression to later childhood, "tweenhood"] has those signifiers. Because that age is around the time where you start opting in to mainstream society, casting off those earlier attachments ["I don't like Elmo, that's for babies"] and looking for something new to call your own Media-wise, you start listening to music on the radio or getting songs from your friends, you start choosing what to watch on TV or whatever personal device you may have rather than sitting down and staring dead-eyed at whatever got put in front of you, you have the physical and mental capacity to play games or draw or write and interact with the world in doing so Socially/psychologically, you're developing an identity distinct from your parents[' image of you], taking cues from peers and role models, trying things on and going through phases

Late childhood/early adolescence is very much defined by [insufficiently] imitating adulthood Signifiers of middlespace are (signifiers of signifiers of adulthood)—which, done right [done wrong?], are just signifiers of adulthood in themselves, hard to distinguish from regular online behavior I posted this because this feels like middlespace. Tagging along on errands with your parents and feeling like you (could|should) be part of their world but you're just... not? That's tween-coded It's just not sold as such because so many people have that experience without being able to put the words to it

I think the best you can do is this art style/movement, and even then this really calls back to a specific moment in [cyber]space and time Middlespace looks+feels like kids playing at being mature, (pretending|assuming) they [we] know what they're doing, and making+being something special by having a foot in both camps This account gets that right. I think the difficulty is that getting that right means really digging into how you interact with your signifiers, what exactly they make you think and feel, not just the images or objects themselves

art is hard.

On this [[middlespace signifiers]], because it just popped into my mind: doesn't help that our world [that is, online American-adjacent secular society] doesn't really have visually-apparent rites of passage for childhood > adolescence the way it does for infancy > childhood and adolescence > early adulthood ABs and littles can make a lot of noise about nursing > potty-training > learning letters and numbers, and I'm sure better essays have been written on the societal fixation on learning to drive > senior year [prom especially] >= losing one's virginity I don't think people talk as much about, like, starting puberty [and/because I think people look at you kind of weirdly if you do.]

The exception there seems to be trans people starting HRT and embracing the idea of "second puberty" [even then, I don't know how common that is], and that obviously doesn't carry the same connotations even if the process is similar enough that you could imagine a lot of middlespace indulgence stemming from it …actually, wait, I think I mixed two different points there

I think, if the component feelings and experiences of puberty are taken as signifiers of tweenhood, then trans second-puberty could be another instance of (middlespace not recognized as such) [or at least the art and commentary surrounding it could make for good middlespace-posting.]

[tacticaldivine]

Hi, forgive me if you've already posted about this, but could you elaborate on the distinction between Daccapri and Abernathy? I've gleaned that they're both names used by the same individual, with different associated fashion and hair styles, but I'd love more context.

do not worry the dinero yaoi is a recent development

TL:DR Abernathy was made more so as a visual distinction for everyone else. When it’s all white it’s Bayonetta stuff but when the black and red come out it’s DMC stuff. At least that was the original intent

But for a more in depth look:

I decided its funnier for Daccapri to be well documented in in-universe demonology. She's the devil from the bible. Heir to a well known corporation. Pet Science Experiment to one of the world's leading conglomerations. As such, she regularly disguises herself to avoid detection. Abernathy is her current civilian form.

Abernathy was her ticket into weaseling into the DMC office, as Abernathy she poses as an occult specialist. In order to sell the idea that she really is a human. Daccapri seals her own power away in her weapon, Maiden Heaven, and never goes anywhere without it.

Because of this Abernathy's personality is very different from Daccapri. Pretending to be weak and hide behind more human qualities in order to keep everyone around him from feeling threatened by him. His perceived weakness makes other's feel the need to protect him or call him a nuisance. He doesn't mind too much.

think like Adrian Seidelman/Cybersix and Vash the Stampede personality wise.

You could think of it like an alter-ego in a sense. A lot like what V is, one might even say.

[lieutenantselnia]

I'm so sorry to all non German speakers because this probably doesn't make any sense to you, but I just remembered this parody and still find it hilarious😂 I'm not a speaker of Swabian dialect myself, but I really like the sound of it. It tends to sound quite funny and works well being used in comedic scenarios like this, but I genuinely also think it's a really sweet dialect and pleasant to listen to!

The storyline of the video is basically that they're holding a marketing meeting, and Tarkin wants to go into viral marketing while the others want to stick to more traditional strategies. There isn't really a bigger context, but I still find it hilarious (I wish there was more, I love parody fandubs in general but when they're done in dialect it's often even funnier).

English translation below (I tried, sometimes I took a bit of liberty with literal translations to hopefully convey the tone better):

Star Destroyer transmission: Space control, requesting permission to land on Death Star Stuttgart!

Death star transmission: Landing permission granted, but don't stand in the no-parking zone, otherwise the janitor will freak out again!

---

Tagge: We don't even have to beat around the bush, if we don't change anything marketing-wise anytime soon, our leadership position will be screwed before you even know it.

Motti: I think you're overreacting a bit there, dear colleague, our branding is as excellent as ever.

Tagge: I'm saying that without a proper print or TV campaign-

Tarkin: There is no longer any question of print or TV here, we aren't living in the dark ages anymore, are we? Nowadays completely new marketing tools have emerged, which is also the reason I summoned this meeting, so we can talk all this through.

Tagge: With all due respect, but what else are we supposed to do except for print or TV?

Tarking: My esteemed fellow board directors, from now on we're going to pursue entirely new avenues in marketing. (dramatic pause) Viral marketing is the big magic word! A completely new field!

Tagge: Viral marketing something new, I'm really about to piss myself right now, that's even in the Bild* newspaper nowadays! That isn't anything special anymore, literally every small craftsman (more likely referring to a small craft business) uses that!

Vader: The difference is though that we have more bucks than the small craftsman.

Motti: All budget that we're wasting away is just thrown out the window, I don't understand at all how you can fall for something like that! With some bullshit like that you won't be triggering even a single purchase decision! I'd rather just save the money. (note I didn't fully understand what he was saying here in the first part so I'm unsure about the translation, I just know he was not amused about the idea)

Vader: If I were in your spot, I'd rather not rest my fat ass on my laurels. Viral marketing is an extremely powerful advertising tool that you don't know anything about!

Motti: No surprise that you have to come about with your know-it-all attitude again, Mr Vader. It's unbelievable that you still think that you and your black promotional suit (probably more meant like a mascot suit?) will draw anybody from the woodwork! Only thing missing is that you start wearing a black turtleneck pullover too- (gets choked)

Vader: Can you repeat that?

Tarkin: That's enough! Mr Vader, leave the man alone!

Vader: If I really have too ...

Tarkin: You quarrelsome idiot!

Tarkin: I see myself unable to leave anymore space for this stupid arguing, so I'll make the final decision on my own now. Our entire advertising budget will all go into viral marketing from now on!

Unspecified board member: Can't we just go back to handing out leaflets again?

*Bild = German tabloid newspaper, known for sensationalism and bad/dubious research on its articles. Often used as a meme or kind of an insult (someone who reads the Bild is often considered as someone who's naive/misinformed and believes everything they're told).

[liketwoswansinbalance]

Round VII of Excerpts from The One True School Master of Vault 41

Someone has “revenge” on the brain. I thought the first excerpt might be funny and could stand on its own out of context. The actual context makes it funnier, in my opinion, but I unfortunately can’t spoil it because it involves possibly the most insane shock in the entire fic.

Admittedly, I’m slightly proud of myself for managing to not burst and to hold back on revealing the plot twists, particularly with major events #2, #3, and #4. Otherwise, there'd likely be zero surprises left.

Though, plot twist #1 is sort of foundational to the premise, so I gave it away! (Sophie is nominated for the position of School Master.)

Also, a strange observation about my own plot occurred to me: contrary to what I or others might think, the plot is actually quite simple. Or, at least, from my view at the moment, it is. I’d originally thought it was complicated, but no. Actually, it’s simple masquerading as complex because there are complications thrown into the story, like wrenches, via a few different elements/events. So, that’s something, I guess?

If I could summarize the plot in one sentence, it would be: three souls enter a crystal ball, and some of them emerged scathed, changed, or both at once.

That’s probably the easiest way to put it, without spoilers.

Anyway, here are the excerpts (from two entirely different sections of the fic):

⸻

That was it. To say it irked her was to put it mildly.

Assuming they were both alive by the end of it, the first moment she got after all these crises were over with, she was taking him for a haircut, whether he liked it or not!

She would march him directly over to the finest salon she could find in the Woods, posthaste, like a prisoner if he resisted—all for the sake of a nice, neat trim.

So be it if it ended up botched. His Doom Room had done the same to her. So what did it matter?

⸻

Rafal glared at Agatha as if to signal: don’t let on that you’re hurt.

“Why are you both limping?”

Agatha stole a quick glance at Rafal who found himself turning to stare intently at a Stymph on high.

He shook his head with the slightest motion. She couldn’t know what it had cost them, or she would intervene.

The movement caught Sophie’s eye, and she turned her attention to Agatha for the truth.

Agatha shrugged wordlessly.

Sophie narrowed her eyes. “Well, it certainly wasn’t bird-watching, that much I can gather.”

Agatha shuffled, and Rafal observed her shove one foot behind her other ankle, but in her gaping, oversized clumps, one sock slid down to reveal an inflamed, red welt.

Unfortunately, Sophie traced his sightline to Agatha's foot. “Agatha? What happened?”

[popfizzles]

"Mugman bit me yesterday while I was taking his head apart" is certainly a sentence to say out loud in front of god and everyone ASDFGHJL it's funnier without context but what on earth happened

Okay well

Long story, Yootooz has? Had? A run of Cuphead Show plushies!!

I bought Cuphead and Mugman; Cup arrived a few months ago and Mugman got here yesterday!

This is them on my bookshelf, they're decently sized and probably the cutest Cup and Mug plushies I own so far <:)

However, I ALSO ordered. A second Mugman. For nefarious reasons.

The reasons were that I wanted to take him apart and copy the pattern to see if I can make my own. I'm basically the "You Wouldn't Download a Car" meme but for a Mugman Plush

Its my first time ever using a seam ripper and I wasn't convinced I knew what I was doing, so I did some googling about it.

One of the tips I found was to Not underestimate and disrespect the seam ripper. Because it's sharp as hell and it WILL slice you open and make you bleed everywhere. And I don't know if you've seen what a seam ripper looks like but it is the most innocuous looking tool I've seen. It's a little hook on a handle basically, the pointed end isn't even that sharp!! I poked my finger with it multiple times while working!

However... the point of the hook is not Supposed to be the sharp part. The inner crook... is the sharp part. And I found that out the hard way. <:) I was lucky I caught it before I bled all over everything.

And that's how Mugman bit me while I was taking his head apart.

Here's some extra photos of me dismantling Mugman because I think it's hilarious

[justjasper]

i love your E rated/smut writing. do you have any tips for writing smut?

most of these are about reality/modern-based sex writing rather than fantasy stuff where all the bets can be off!

there is literally no god word to use for balls/testicles, it's fine

USE CHARACTER NAMES. no "younger/older" woman, "darker/paler" man, just use their names especially during a sex scene

do learn some basic anatomy, please look up where the prostate is, where the g-spot is

but fanfic sex doesn't need to be instructional, you are not teaching people how to have sex. it very much shows when you write like this

fanfic is also not consent 101. it's fine to just let your reader assume they're 100% into what they're doing, and i think "unnegotiated kink" should be reserved for scenarios where the kink is spur of the moment, not just "involves kink but no explicit discussion of it" (unless they're not meant to be, which one assumes would be made clear in tags or descriptions!!)

that said, writing about discussing consent can be really fun, doesn't mean you can never do it. you just have to vibe out whether it's adding to the fic or not

talking really helps break up sex scenes, so write at least one character who's chatty lol

plan out your sex scene so you don't get stuck with what's happening next. remember you can go back to it to flesh it out/work on the pacing. honestly most of my sex scenes start on the page as a list that goes: LICK LICK CIRCLE CHAT SUCK SUCK STROKE LICK SUCK GAG SUCK TALK BIG CUM

speaking of going back to pacing, literally invoking time can help make a sex scene seem longer without saying "they fucked for seven and a half minutes". "a long moment later" "by the time X, the sun had begun to rise/fall", "long into the night"

lube is preferable but optional, even for butt stuff. sex without lube doesn't mean it's painful or dangerous, especially for experienced butt stuff doers.

spit as lube is not a cardinal sin and is miles better than things that are actually dangerous (engine oil? things w sugar like honey? baby dont give your chars a yeast infection)

olive oil is fine but it's messy and it doesn't play w condoms, but fine if you're going historical

speaking of which, from my experience people in established relationships forego condoms way quick. and in general people forget to use them all the time. again, this isn't Safe Sex 101, it's fanfic.

but on the flip side, its sexy/funny when characters have lube and condoms to hand. there is no funnier environmental storytelling than there being a bottle of water based lube in the kitchen cupboard with the peanut butter.

simultanious orgasms are a pain to time and sure they're romantic but there's other fun climax dynamics. maybe one character feels duty/honour bound to always make sure their partner comes first

come/cum? it doesn't matter, just keep it consistant per fic

similar, be consistant with your body part names, even if you use a few. e.g. you use "cunt" in narration, but character A uses "pussy", keep that consistant.

you can still euphamise genitals without it sounding like you're afraid of them - sometimes six instances of "cock" in a row doesn't flow, that's when you should be utilising your "hardness" and "shaft" and "length"

the brain is a sex organ, and all the senses are engaged during sex. you can bulk out yor sex scenes and give great insight into the character experiences by describing what they're experiences with non-touch senses (or the lack of them, e.g. when blindfolds are in the mix)

even in pwp works, you're saying something about the characters who are fucking. you can give context and inferred complexity without plot. are they familiar with each other's bodies? is this new? are they confident, or nervous.

write for you! if you are a person who experiences sexual response to erotic fiction, then a good measure of your own work is if it makes you horny to write/re-read it. there's absolutely no shame about being aroused during the process. there's no harm in taking a wank break.

[edenfenixblogs]

Palm tree, daffodil, and cactus for the Ask Game!

(The villain question, the sibling question, and the “what are you currently learning about” question)

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

Oh boy. Not technically fictional, but in his fictional representation — Ecbert from Vikings. He’s so compelling and his motivations and intensity is like that of a Shakespearean villain. I mean, just look at his monologue to Jesus in the church. It takes my breath away every time. Even without context.

I also find the real actual story of the real actual man to be fascinating. In general, I find early Anglo-Saxon era British history fascinating.

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

I do! But none by blood. @will-write-for-food is my sister, who I met in high school. I also have a friend (it feels weird calling her a friend tbh. She’s just my sister) who I’ve had since I was 4 and she was five. She’s also biologically an “only child,” but that made our bond even stronger. Nobody but an only child understands how fucking boring summers are if you’re an only child like another only child. Several years in a row we lived together by force. I would sleep over at her house until her mom needed a break and then she would send us both back and to my parents and on and on we’d go. I was maid of honor at her wedding. I’m aunt to her children.

As for similarities: both my sisters and I are motivated by love and family and kindness and are naturally rebellious in a dangerous way. We can all be snarky and we are all funny as fuck. But we never wanted to do drugs or go out and do any of the dangerous things you saw teens do in movies. We all care deeply about making the world better and believe in the value of choosing kindness and love any time you have the chance—even if it means gritting your teeth and clenching your fist while doing so. But also, we would all fear the fucking world apart if you hurt anyone we love. We also never abandon our friends to prioritize romance. We all value friendship as its own distinct type of love and relationship that isn’t less important than anything else.

For my Since-Pre-k sister, we are really quite different people. She leans more conservative (not in a terrible way though) whereas I’m very leftist. She is extremely romance driven in a way that @will-write-for-food and I are not. Over all, I think she’s a lot more traditional and normative in her life choices than we are, but not in a judgmental way. It’s just how she is. And it doesn’t change any of the things that matter about any of us. @will-write-for-food and I are also much more intellectually motivated than she is. She isn’t dumb though! She’s very smart! She just doesn’t learn things for fun like we do. She goes out and does stuff instead. I value that about her. Whenever I get too in my head she is amazing at shaking me out of it. She’s also not super into politics. She’s very practical.

As for @will-write-for-food and I? Ooooooh boy. There is no way to fully disentangle this. She’s my other half. We are basically the same person. I’m much more optimistic than she is in general. And I’m also soooooooo much more humble. (😉😘) But she is so strong in a way that inspires me. She can keep her head down and keep moving forward in a way that is incomprehensible to me. I’m glad she’s learned to reach out more over the years and know that she doesn’t HAVE TO operate like a one woman emergency crew. But the fact that, when the chips are down, she *CAN?* It’s astounding to witness. She’s also funnier than me. Or anyone. She’s the funniest fucking person in the world. And if you think *I’M* patient?????????? You have all seen NOTHING. You don’t know the meaning of the word patience. None of us do. The word belongs to her.

As for a way I’m different than both of them? Aside from what was already mentioned, I think it’s pretty funny that they are both Irish Catholic with a big, loud Jewish found family.

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

Interior design. (I got this ask a lot and will give a diff answer every time because I’m always learning a million things)

[overplannedbutunnamednpc]

Clover: 1, 50

Jesse: 8, 19

Kez (this one is for me 🙈): 9, 23

Leg: 11, 41

Clover:

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

"Not a couple!" which is SO much funnier to me in the context of has been wearing a wedding ring for him for two years without telling him. Truly I am taking Clover's face in my hands constantly and asking them to explain themself. And they always do, and it's always so much weirder than I was expecting. I'm going into this like "la de da de da I mean I pretty much get Clover" and then Clover says to me "when I made my vows to Honey I also started to consider myself married to him, which I acted upon by starting to wear the ring that I intended to use to propose to him, but in secret". and I WHIP around to look at them. And they continue on their life as if that was some normal shit they just said. I do genuinely find it very interesting as a character trait to have them go “and I’m Always Right” while knowing. “Girl…… no……….”

Again, but they do think this is a joke:

50. What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

I truly don't think you can love someone without also liking them. Clover doesn’t NOT like honey, to be fair—they think he’s fun and they genuinely get along with him most of the time, and even their bickering is more or less always in good fun. But like. Their perception of him is Colored. Which I genuinely don’t think works if you want to actually truly be in love with someone. Clover thinks they’ve got no choice, that that’s just how they feel and therefore they’ll be feeling it forever, which just. Isn’t true, to me. Girl you can leave him. Idk. You’ve done it before and it worked.

Jesse:

8. How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

I don’t think he’s ever said it in game, which tells me he has to mean it! You’d feel like he’d be pretty liberal with it, which doesn’t seem to be true. He likes plenty of people! And he’ll go a very long way for people he likes! But love is its own thing—maybe not something Earned, exactly (up god knows he loves people who haven’t earned it) but certainly something that takes a little more than “accidentally blow up a factory together”. If he felt it, he may or may not say so. But if he says it, he feels it.

19. What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

Currently he’s avoiding Mag. Which… well, he’d have to have a conversation with her. Very sad. He doesn’t WANT to admit to her that he’s got second thoughts or that he’s very wary of his own new brain. He’s too loyal to want to leave or even really change things, and more than that, he knows that she doesn’t want things to change. It’s not that hard to see that Mag resents losing her glorified handbag, and Jesse’s got some conflicting opinions on actually being that handbag. But why would he tell Mag that! She doesn’t really care, and even if he did tell her she couldn’t materially help unless Jesse submitted himself for a VERY invasive use of her powers that he is genuinely pretty aware that she would probably abuse. So! From the bottom of his heart: 🙈

Kez:

9. Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

Kez is gentle, I think! This is because they’re genuinely pretty easygoing, and also probably because they’re aware that they’re almost always the pot calling the kettle black when someone fucks up. From Kez, you’re probably more likely to get a, “Is that really how you feel?” or a “Maybe not your best moment.” Something that’s more like “I know you know you’ve fucked up already, so let’s drop the bullshit”. Sure, he can get pissed, and he can get mean if he really wants to, but I wouldn’t call that tough love, because it’s more likely to be defensiveness rather than proactive. (Guy who has been thinking about reactions to Day’s promised evil monologue.)

(added after the monologue) GUY WHO CASTS SPELLS ABOUT IT LMAOOOOOO. but to be fair the spell was hold monster. because day was actively walking out. So. I’d call that. Gentler? than (consults notes) chain lightning and prismatic wall? ALSO this is a special case fksdkfjsd

They definitely prefer to receive gentle love? But I think by virtue of again. Being who they are (massive fuckup) they’re actually alright at receiving tough love by this point. And she’s so avoidant that I do think it’s the thing that “works”. When you threaten to never let him see his nephew again if he doesn’t clean up his act, he cleans up his act. You know?

23. What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?

(You just want evil Kez au. I see you, villain. But she ISN'T evil she ISN'T)

Kez only just got good at holding babies and now Teddy was too big for them to pick up.

Didn’t mean that much. Kez was hardly a fitness nut, and even he had to admit that he’d only gotten worse over the past couple years that he hadn’t been running for his life. Fighting gods toned some muscle in a way that peace just didn’t. And. Well. Drugs and parties burned fat and muscle with very little prejudice.

Luckily, the kid was good at toddling around by now, and surprisingly fast about it, too. Which was its own set of problems.

Mental note: Make sure not to be hungover next time Teddy’s dropped off, Kez thought, blinking blearily at the blue-tinged glare of the museum’s lamps through their sunglasses.

“Hey, stuffie, stay near me,” they reminded the little guy for the fifth time in as many minutes.

Teddy, bless him, slowed, but being a toddler didn’t stop. Kez’d take it. Teddy’s understanding of the world was such that he actually kind of knew what he was looking at when they went places, and his eyes were wide like an owl’s. Big and brown got his little ass a lot of old lady cooing. They were also very effective on Kez herself. He just put a little more skip in his own step to keep following.

Aoterra's Museum of Heroics was as legendary as the Sunyth citizens' likenesses it held, and it looked the part. Large halls and marble and glass cases that somehow made even the rusty old shit look just as grand as the gleaming stuff.

Teddy was mostly interested in the swords room when they came here, so Kez took him often. Free tickets - they donated one of their old spellbooks a couple months ago so they pretty much just had to flash a smile and drop a name to get through the doors.

This is where things got complicated for Kezzie. They couldn't pick Teddy up, nor was Teddy tall enough to really see what he was looking at without assistance.

Teddy made a beeline for the biggest swords in the room - the ones that were wielded by giants back when dragons were a much more widespread problem than they were these days. "These things are wider than you are tall, kiddo," they told him. "Why do you like them so much?"

"Big," Teddy answered. "It's big swords."

"So true," Kez replied. "What else? Do you like them because they’re shiny?”

Teddy didn't answer that question, distracted. Kez let it go, resting a hand on the top of his head instead so she could close her eyes for a second while he stared.

This was one of the better ways they found to do this - Teddy was well-behaved, but he wandered some, and Kez would quite literally rather die than ever have to look Callie in the eye and tell her that he lost her kid. But when Kez was hungover, the lights were brutal, especially glinting off all the metal in here.

"There," Teddy announced, his head moving some other direction under Kez's hand. Kez reluctantly opened his eyes - not a good look to use your nephew as a seeing-eye dog just to rest your eyes.

She let him lead her around in much the same manner for the next few exhibits, asking him about the exhibits like a good uncle should. Teddy was happy to talk and just as happy to not answer when he got too into an exhibit, but he was easy, blessedly so, today.

At least, up until he tugged on them and said "That's Daddy's," with such urgency that Kez's ears flicked.

"Huh? Say that again, baby," they told him.

Teddy just pointed, over to a newly-opened room. Kez blinked.

RECENT HEROICS, it proclaims, in paint so red it could still be fresh. Through it? Oh, that's Daddy's alright. Kez can see Arthur's sword through the glass doors - presumably a replica - as well as a morningstar that makes his chest ache a little more than it had any right to.

“Oh,” she said. “It’s not actually Daddy’s, Teddy bear. They made a new one that looks like Daddy’s sword. It isn’t the same one.”

Teddy started towards the doors. Kez, though he felt rooted in place that same way he always did when he wasn’t ready to deal with all the hero stuff, got tugged along as if Teddy was physically doing it.

She snapped out of it when someone came out, clocking and holding the door open for her nephew, and she saw the large diagram on the wall of the planar system.

Well. Planar-system-that-was.

Kez realized quickly that inside was gonna be a whole thing about the separation and who did it and who held it together and got hit with a wave of no fucking thank you so strong that they grabbed Teddy by the shoulder before he got through the doors.

“We don’t have time, Teds,” they told him. “We gotta get going. Maybe next time, okay?”

Next time, when he knew what he was getting into. He didn’t have any problems with people telling the story, he just needed to know when he’d be hearing it. Semblance of control, or whatever.

Teddy, who was probably pretty used to being directed around, did stop at the hand on him, but complained, “I want to see.”

“Not this time,” Kez said. “Next time you visit. That’s, like, a week. You can wait a week.”

“But—”

“Teddy, I said no,” Kez snapped, and her voice was so sharp that she surprised herself.

They’re not all that surprised when Teddy started crying. Gods damn it.

Immediate guilt rushed him, both for making the kid cry and the fact that they couldn’t effectively pick him up to make it better. The best they could do was drop to a knee to give him a hug—one he accepted, which was good, he was always a touchy little attention sponge—and an apology.

“Oh, no, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. You didn’t do anything.”

They rested their chin on his head, looked past him to the exhibit and decided they weren’t gonna offer ‘let’s go in’ as a fix to the crying. Not their circus right now. “You’re okay, baby. I’m not mad at you. That was an accident. Calm down, I’ve got you.”

Kez rubbed a hand over their face and then dropped it to Teddy’s hair. He was calming, a little. He was a happy kid, like that. The tears were more surprised than sad, Kez was pretty sure.

The woman who had held the door open had let it shut by now, and Kez did her level best not to look up to meet the judgement that she’d made Teddy cry. Yeah, lady, she knew already. You try saving the world sometime and being reminded of it even when you’re not asking for it.

“How about we go get some ice cream?” Kez offered the little guy still in their arms.

The offer was twofold, because it meant that the second Teddy nodded his head, Kez could press his head against their chest so that he wasn’t disoriented when they cast teleport. Boom, distraction. Totally different place, totally absent of problems.

“There we go,” he told him. “We’re back at my tower. We can go to the place you like down the street. You okay, buddy?”

Teddy, though he was still a little wet—apparently children were, often—nodded. Kez wiped away the tears on his cheeks and then wiggled her fingers to clean up the snot, a process that made Teddy sneeze and her smile.

“There you go. All better. C’mon, buddy, let’s get you a treat.”

Legacy:

11. If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

I think it slightly depends on how well the impersonator knew her. What I think would be a decent tell is how she’d react to GD telling a joke during a serious conversation. I feel like usually, Legacy plays into that—she’s not very serious, despite her 20 strength and charisma and her 19 AC. I think someone very much could see her look and her resume (killing vampires, demons, cultists, etc.) and assume she takes a lot more seriously than she actually does. I think that could definitely trip up an impersonator.

41. What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

It came up in game a few times, but Legacy’s favorite comforting touch is playing with people’s hair! It came direct from Baba, braiding her hair while they chatted and Legacy polished her sword or worked on her knitting. Legacy always found fingers in her hair comforting, so she uses it on others, too. She doesn’t know how to braid, but playing with it is almost as good, so hair it is.

[rarepairnation]

1, 10, 23 for the ask game

heyyy long time no see 2 u as well...i hope u are doing well<3

1. the character everyone gets wrong

well one might be able to guess who i will say here. keep your hands and feet inside the rant at all times. denethor my dearly beloved...my prince of nuance...my darling victim of the narrative....i mean one thing i CAN say for peter jackson is that he did succeed at creating a laughingstock of a villain because most of the particularly egregious shit (tomato scene/flaming run/gandalf staff bonk) IS like. jesus christ i hate to admit it but it is funny. you hear about it for the first time and you HAVE to laugh. unfortunately i have developed the opposite of a sense of humour whenever im faced with denethor jokes. i am physically incapable of finding any of it funny anymore. i just get mad. its all just jesus christ the same yesterday today and forever. you all are smart enough to be funnier than this. its almost like sometimes your emotions towards other people are complicated and sometimes they are even contradictory. and sometimes EVEN you can fail to express either side of the coin in an easily understandable way. like i really understand not liking him after like considering how his crazy brain processes his relationship with his sons. like it is. well it is not objectively insane it is totally rational but rather perhaps an insane thing TO DO. but i simply think that some people are not willing to put in the work of thinking and resort to inanity and the same three overused gags to dismiss an incredibly complicated complex character to nothing more than a caricature. obviously i have more opinions but i've written thousands of words about those already. fucking. goodnight

10. worst part of fanon

i dont even know if i should say anything otherwise ill write another 500 words. um. sad little faramir i guess. its so common in fic portrayal and im tired of it. and then faramir's restraint gave way dot mp4. he did NOT blame boromir's death on his own father for this shit!

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

oh man this one might be controversial but actually i AM going to say farawyn. not in the way that i didn't like them before but just that i was totally indifferent bc i didn't Understand. without like. i didnt have the context of his mother's mantle about her shoulders and he kissed her on the walls in the sight of many and very well as i am not a king and to make ithilien a garden where things shall only grow.......I Didn't Understand. i get it now.

[ere-the-sun-rises]

Okay, I'm sorry again Medieval and Biblical Latinists, but this post popped up in my notifs again and the more I look at it, the more revolted I become. Wheelock's love for Republican and legible Latin is possessing me from beyond the grave, so let's go.

"Pro Jupiter, puer, ecce bibendum!" Where the fuck do I even start. The sentence is straight up an incoherent collection of words. The literal translation is "Before Jupiter, boy, lo! about to be drank." What the fuck were you even trying to type??? Were YOU drunk doing this? I thought the Vatican was supposed to be full of monks with nothing better to do. You're shaming your 9th century copyist predecessors.

"Pro" is used wrong. It usually takes an ablative, because "before" is temporal, not spacial - it doesn't usually mean "in front of [object]" so much it means "[in the period of time] before [event]". If you're looking to say something like "by god", then a more natural invocation would in vocative or ablative of agent - "O Jupiter" or ""Ab Jove".

"Ecce" is bizarrely out of place. It should be at the beginning of a sentence because it's not actually a word, it's an exclamation. You wouldn't place "behold!" or "huzzah!" in the middle of a sentence, you heathen.

"Bibendum"? Bibendum??? You can't have a participle in a complete sentence without a normal verb. Participles can't ever stand on their own. If you're using this as a substantive ... why??? Just use the word for whatever this liquid is. Even as a substantive it barely makes sense. It's the equivalent of holding out a cup and saying "liquid" with no further context. Why are you making this so hard and ugly to read???

I don't think the sentence is even salvagable because I cannot figure out what the fuck it was even trying to say. If I had a gun with one bullet in it, I would use it to shoot this sentence. Hang the translator by the nipples unless they're into that.

I can't read most of the second panel, but the last phrase "dubito quin sciat" is clearly meant to stand on its own by the way the punctuation is placed. And that is a damn shame because it's horrific. It reads "I doubt why he would know."

Students, please note that "quin" is an interrogative adverb meaning "why?" The question mark is non-optional. It's literally only a question word - why is it in a passage that does not contain a question???

"Sciat" is weird here. Subjunctives can be used as a clause verb, but scio in particular usually takes an accusative noun to make sense. The word means "to perceive with the senses" but can also be used as shorthand for "to see/to know/to understand".

The sentence would read better as "dubito ut illum sciret" or "I doubt that [he] would see this [thing]."

0/10, broke ass original construction. Lock the translator in a basement with Wheelock's textbook until one or the other breaks.

"Heu, Timothee, mater tua delapsa est ob cutem arienae et P. S. mortua est." Fine, this one isn't technically wrong, but it is brutally literal in a frankly uninspired way.

"Delapsa est"?? Have you no imagination? No creativity? No sense of good Latin prose? Delabor does mean "to fall/to descend" but it also means "to fall to ruin/to be destroyed". A much better (and funnier) word would have been "cado", which means "to fall [down]" too, but crucially also means "to be cut down/to be slaughtered/to die". It would be a way better play on words with the "mortua est" following after.

His name needs to be Romanized. Do you think the Romans had names like Vergilius for fun?? No! It was so the fucking thing could be declined. Fix Timothee's name.

I don't like "ob". It feels wrong, like a skinwalker. It's not meant to be here. It can technically mean "on account of", but it's more prominent meaning is "toward". It should probably be replaced by a dative or ablative of agent/means here instead.

"Cutem" should be cuto, to be dat./abl. of agent/means. An accusative doesn't look right when the sentence's main verbs are passive, since passives are reflexive.

"et P. S. mortua est." Ugly, disfiguring little addendum. Why is it in the same past tense as delapsa? Repetitio is only fashionable in poetry. This is prose - you need variatio. Cicero and I hate it here.

It would read better as "Tua mater, Timotheius, cuto arienae casura est, cepitque morti." - "Your mother, Timothee, fell [by means of] the skin of a banana, and [she] was seized by death."

These panels only get more offensive to the Latin language the longer I look at them. This translator would get roasted alive by any ancient or Medieval scholiast who read this and they would deserve it. Even poets would vomit.

today i found out that if you have library access through ur school, you almost definitely have a copy of the vatican’s latin translation of diary of a wimpy kid and i am currently reading Commentarii de Inepto Puero thank you

[annotatedamblings]

annotatedAmblings's Homestuck Reread Liveblog: Act 2 (part 3, pages 533-634)

Although liveblog posts will contain analysis due to how we like to engage with media, liveblogs are primarily a collection of whatever thoughts came to mind during our reading. Liveblog posts are constructed with each mod drafting their own live reactions separately before combining them, so some sentiments may be repeated due to both mods noting it down. Any analysis within a liveblog post should not be assumed to be our complete thoughts on the subject.

Blue = Mod Aluria Pink = Mod Jasper Arrows (>>>) are used to indicate commentary on each other's commentary.

Page 535:

BATHTUB ATTACK Wheeeeeeee

Page 537:

Dave is going through it.

Page 539: There is no circumstance in which John going into his father's room for the first time in his entire life isn't significant. Even if it's exactly what he expected, he's not going to look at his father the same after. >He doesn't know anything about his father, and this would be a pretty big look at what Dad is actually like.

Page 542: "From now on it will probably go without saying that you'll nab any grist lying around without making a big fuss over it." About time.

Page 545: Baby pictures! Genuinely, though, this did not ever click with me the first time around. I forgot about it. >Same! Oh hey, news coverage of John's birth meteor.

Page 546: Aluria mentioned to me once that Dad Egbert was very supportive of his kids in a very gendered way and I- yeah. Yeah. This is really gendered. >Further context: I was discussing in the context of a (now-discontinued) AU of mine, and how Dad's parenting affected an unrealized and later closeted June, however the characterization of Dad Egbert in that AU was intended to feel true to canon. I had noted the existence of instances like this - the repeated emphasis of this idea "you are my son and you are growing up into a man." On a different note: I think it's interesting how this safe implies that Dad Egbert was planning to tell John about his origins someday.

Page 547: You know how I keep harping on about the suburbian value of things (and people) exclusively serving the purpose that they were meant for, and of things to remain eternally stagnant and the same because the way they are is the way they're "supposed to be"? SBURB turns that on its head. You're supposed to lift the safe, find the code, open the safe. The safe is broken. The code is useless.

Page 549:

That didn't just fly out of John's sylladex. It went hurtling through the air at a kajillion miles an hour.

Page 552:

NYOOM.

Page 557: "TAFT-JAMMER" the echeladder rung names are all good but this one made me laugh out loud because we JUST covered that in history class. >I didn't notice that lol. This is funnier now than it would've been when I first read Homestuck because now I... *checks notes* know who the fuck that is. >>The benefits of rereading Homestuck after taking US history.

Page 560: This isn't rocket surgery, John. it's not that hard to walk up narrow stairs. You literally just have to turn sideways. >Do it yourself, smartass. >>I feel like at this point you're just asking me to play SBURB with you. I won't fall for your tricks. >>>Oh fuck no. I'm not playing SBURB with you. I'm also not playing SVURB with you. I'm not playing any SBURBlikes because I'm not stupid. I'm just asking you to climb a staircase that narrow yourself. I think it's doable but hell. >>>>I used to live in England, and we were subscribed to the organization that lets you visit all the centuries old castles at a discount. I've climbed stairs almost that narrow. >>>>>Comment rescinded. Nice.

Page 562: "You know this drill all too well. Trouble's a brewin'." Say it with me folks, "I'm used to it" are the four most bone-chilling words in the English language. >Oh, Dave...

Page 565: Reminds me of that one Winnie the Pooh comic. I don't know what it's called but you're on Tumblr right now, reader. You know of what I speak. >What the fuck are you talking about. (forgot) >>I wouldn't even know where to start looking for it but they fucking. Shot Piglet or something. >>>What the fuck. A fucking Billy the Puppet version of Kermit. I don't remember if I got the reference on my first reading, but. lol(???)

Page 567:

Billy the Puppet is weirdly prevalent among Bro's collection for how irrelevant the actual puppet is to those movies (at least, as far as I've watched). >I've watched a bit more of them, and he isn't really that relevant, but he's very notable iconography. However. Could you fucking imagine if Bro had a puppet of John "bisexual" "Jigsaw" Kramer. Or Amanda Young. Or Adam fucking Faulkner-Stanheight? Hm. Saw character puppets. Recreating Saw with puppets. Muppets Saw. My thought process is so very normal. Who is the obligatory single human actor. >>Amanda. >>>MANDYYYYYYYY also somehow while I was typing that I forgot the earlier Billy Kermit with the Muppets riffing anyway AMANDA YOUNG I LOVE YOU

Page 570:

Wretched. Get out of there. Also, there's literally no excuse for Bro here because those cameras are hidden. It's literally just him and Dave and I guess Lil Cal in this apartment. If a camera is hidden, it's being hidden from Dave. >Oh god that's an excellent point. Get him out of there.

Page 574:

Do I even need to say it? GET HIM OUT OF THERE.

Page 577:

Sylladices are not real and yet when I read pages like this my kneejerk reaction is to go "yeah, that's being written realistically" because this is the type of bullshit that would happen if we had to equip stuff! >Sylladices are not real but people are!

Page 582: The last few pages have been sylladex bullshit. I love sylladex bullshit.

Page 583:

No, no, Dave, please elaborate on where you store your gaming abstraction. I'm sure that won't make my head hurt.

Page 589:

Remember when I said I love this stupid fucking modus? This is why.

Page 591:

Oh hey, more fun with syl- BRO STRIDER JUMPSCARE.

Page 593: Quick meta update, you can tell Homestuck was really starting to get big, because Hussie actually posted a link to a fanmade COMPLETE BULLSHIT site on the newspage and Homestucks flooded the server so badly it crashed. >Damn. I am not surprised considering how this fucking fandom crashed THREE sites when "[S] Cascade." released.

Page 595:

Frowned. How the fuck did I gloss over this on my first reading.

Page 597:

The way he just. Fucking stands there. It's getting me.

Page 603:

This is terrible for the pipes. Think of the pipes, Dave.

Page 604:

This is such a funny gif. Click on me and look at my thought bubble while I'm still hyperfixated on Saw and it'll be this inside. >You're bouncing him around in there.

Page 605:

Ohhh. That's why. Slaps page 567 me over the head. You (Dave) have no taste. >I feel like I can pardon his lack of taste in this instance because Dave basically lives IN a Saw trap and I think that would turn me off of those movies too. >>OH. YEAH THAT'S A GOOD POINT. "Hello Dave, you must attempt to beat the shit out of me and do one billion flippy tricks or you are going to be grievously injured."

Page 609:

The fact that it happens in slow motion...

Page 612:

One, haha nice, 6/12. Two, more Dave Anguish. Three, why and how does Broseph fucking Strider own functioning batarangs. >It's Bro fucking Strider are you surprised? >>Fair enough.

Page 613:

Poetic justice.

Page 615: I wonder if John and Dave's urge to build pillow forts is exile related. I don't remember where I first saw the commentary that this is consistently a thing that carapacians do, so credit to whoever pointed it out, but carapacians are in the habit of building little forts.

Page 618:

God, alchemizing used to be so tedious.

Page 625: First appearance of the rocketpack.

Page 629: The center picture that just has the caption "Harry and I never speak anymore" is getting me.

Page 630: The book giving John the idea for AND combination is genius tbh.

Page 633: Why DID Rose make a bunch of hammers? I know she's a fuck around and find out person but this really cannot be accomplishing anything. >Possibly by accident?

Page 634:

The iconic and beautiful pogohammer <3 POGOHAMMER ACQUIRED!

[raveneira]

Pffffft I didnt know sitting the same way and blushing was a parallel lol apparently some ppl arent aware Ikemoto suffers from same expression/same pose syndrome.

If your not aware then just think of same face syndrome, same concept just with expressions and poses instead.

But since we wanna talk about parallel lets look at the context.

In one case Sarada hasnt seen Boruto, her childhood friend thats been framed as a criminal, for 3 years never knowing if he was safe or not, so when she finally saw him she was relieved and hugged him, then felt embarrassed since she did it in the heat of the moment.

Matsuri is blushing because she has Moegi's feelings for Konohamaru and doesnt understand them, this is her first time seeing Konohamaru up close and she doesnt understand what shes feeling or why, as for Konohamaru hes awkward because she holds his best friends life in her hands but has to play it cool to catch her off guard.

In what way is Sarada paralleled to Matsuri? Matsuri is blushing and awkward because she does like Konohamaru but doesnt understand those feelings because shes a newborn shinju still learning about emotions.

But Sarada isnt awkward because shes confused about what she feels for Boruto, shes awkward because she hugged him in the heat of the moment without thinking and felt embarrassed afterwards.

This is why you cant trust half the ppl that call something a 'parallel' because often times its just characters being in a similar pose or making the same face with completely different contexts but ppl will call it a parallel 😭

You wanna know what even funnier about this? its that this scene more accurately parallels Ada, not Sarada.

The recent chapter literally has Ada watching and understanding how Matsuri feels.

But its Sarada and Matsuri who were paralleled lol

Its funny too because Ada has been compared to and sympathized with several ppl who are legitimately inlove, but not a single time has she been compared to Sarada, and Matsuri definitely isnt a stand in for Sarada. In every instance regarding romantic love its never paired with Sarada, you always see it paired with Sumire, Ada, Mitsuki, Matsuri, now Araya/possibly Yodo [unless its a red herring]

So its funny that anyone would actually think Sarada and Matsuri have any connection, especially when Matsuri is a full on yandere but I've seen enough 'Sarada will kill Kawaki for hurting Boruto' theories to know alot of them genuinely do believe Sarada is borderline yandere for Boruto, even though its really Mitsuki who fits that trope but thats a convo for another day.

Point is ppl will just call anything a parallel these days, either to try and call the other side delusional, or to push their own agendas, either way the same way 'peak' and 'goated' has lost all meaning from ppl literally throwing the term at everything, so has parallels.

[elecman108]

This is incredibly cursed for even just a line drawing/sketch (I genuinely did not have the brain to finish its clean lines so I still have some sketch level without the underlying layout bones on this) so it's ALL going under the cut.

Context: Unprompted genuine conversation regarding the logistics of how much of F.A.N.G's bodily fluids are poison, entirely on the assumption that the poison on his hands is something he secretes on his own terms like a poison dart frog or something.

I continue to be the main person cursing myself with terrible brain thoughts, but my Sister (love her a lot) is a close second.

The fact that I ran out of lineart energy RIGHT after drawing FANG's, uh... 'venomous snake' makes me laugh because I had the energy to half-ass a conversation between myself and my sister in the bottom left corner but not enough to draw a shitty Ghost Rider or finish the over-the-shoulder look from FANG himself.

FANG lovers help, does your man cum poison? I deadass never answered the question and just responded "Well he pees poison like Ghost Rider pees fire probably. Bison has to get antibiotics for his pee problems though." which is honestly funnier but also like I don't want to think about this man cumming acid out of his 'ween if I can help it.

I cannot help it so it will now haunt me. Alas.

The alt text is a joke on the Bison-piss image.

[hugtheteadrinkthekitten]

"this song is about the guy giving her excuses to do what she wants to do but doesn't think she can get away with" and "the lyrics themselves, without the surrounding 1950s context that they had when written, come across kinda creepy in 2024" can both be true fwiw

If you want a cover with more modern lyrics, I recommend this one by Lydia Liza and Josiah Lemanski. It includes "I really can't stay / Baby I'm fine with that" and "My mother will start to worry / Call her so she knows that you're coming".

It's funny on its own, but it's even funnier if you imagine this song in the 1950s context

"oh no, I really must go!"

"of course, no problem, let's get you going!"

"if I stay, there will be gossip!"

"better get you on your way then!"

(gritted teeth) "if only I had a reason to stay..."

"yeah, what a pity, anyway bye!"

your yearly reminder that Baby It’s Cold Outside is a song about a woman having CONSENSUAL sex, at a time when premarital sex was frowned upon. The female singer is offering up the token demurrals society expects her to, because it’s expected, not bc she doesn’t fully intend to stay and have awesome sex with a dude she’s into. The male singer knows this, and is in turn offering her an excuse to give to the neighbors in the morning (“it was too cold for me to go home, the only responsible thing to do was spend the night at his place. because of the weather, get your minds out of the gutter”). A 1950s audience would have understood all this, but the nuance gets lost in a modern age where women are actually allowed to say yes when they mean it.  

Also the “hey what’s in this drink” thing was a common joke at the time, where the punchline was that there was in fact nothing in the drink. the woman’s making a joke that she wouldn’t do this if she was sober, oh goodness no! it’s only a joke bc both she and the man are in on the punchline: she is sober, and is only staying bc she wants to