#i went into this story feeling bad for tae

[stormblessed95]

Run BTS Ep 13 - 16

Who is the Spy in the Waterpark episodes 😂 These episodes (13-15) and episode 16 were filmed approximately in Jan of 2017 in the same place, called One Mount, at the same time frame probably.

Episode 13:

When deciding teams Yoongi says it'll be hyungs vs maknaes and while the hyungs are all busy complaining about that... Jimin wraps his arms around his Jungkook immediately 😂 that's his boy and teammate of course

After Jimin goes through the tubes and gets wet, we get his iconic wet slicked back hair look and JK immediately comments and giggles and calls it cool. Which we then get a camera full of Jimin making eyes at us with his beautiful hair 😅😍 ahem

Hobi and JK also enjoy that show with us lol

Jimin called JK the ace of their team for the next game, the balancing butt pushing game 😅😂 and then they whisper whispered together about who they should pick from the hyungs for his opponent (it was RM to no one's surprise lol) Tae is also on your team you guys, let him in on the huddle! 🤣

Both Tae and JK come over and hold/high five Jimins hand after he saves himself after almost falling during the butt push game. Lol they were super impressed with how cool Jimin looked (me too boys lol)

That's basically it for Jikook moments from this episode... We got this adorable photo of them holding hands from the behind photo drop from this episode. Because they can never high five/handshake without a brief handhold to go with it. We do see this moment right after JK beats RM in the butt pushing game. But anyway, there was no official behinds video for episode 13

Episode 14:

For the last game inside the waterpark, they rode down a waterslide 2 at a time and then did a charades question where all 3 team members had to make the same motion. Taekook went first down the slide, they failed the round. So vmin went second, and they matched but JK got his motion incredibly wrong and different causing them to fail again. lol Jimin laughingly smacks him for this and then they go down the slide together. I've seen a lot of theories going around from jikookers that JK did this on purpose so that he could have a chance to ride the slide with Jimin, but there is zero evidence to support this and is just wild conjecture 😂 they are cute though

Behinds:

We don't get this moment in any of the episodes or any of the behinds. Lmao we just get this little snapshot drop of the two of them having a sweet little moment together in the pool, hand on thigh. From the behind photos from ep 14

Episode 15:

Trigger warnings for ED/fat shaming for this episode. They play a game purposely meant to try and get a reaction out of the other, the confessions game. They want to jokingly upset the other person. Jin during this game takes it too far, I don't think intentionally, and at 5:14 he tells Jimin that anytime he asks if he looks like he gained weight, he wants to tell him he looks like a pig. Jimin claims not to be upset about this at all afterwards, but you can see and feel a drastic energy shift from him for awhile afterwards. He looked truly upset. Again, at 10:45, Jin reiterates and makes a bad joke that Jimin "got fat." Made in incredibly poor taste but it got laughs from everyone, except JK. Whose eyes got all wide, he chews on a finger and looks kinda anxious about the whole thing. This is obviously not okay and I don't think Jin's intention was to ever actually hurt Jimin. But that is what happened and it's long in the past. Jin took a game a little too far. I know he would never intentionally cause Jimin pain and we KNOW Jin truly cares for and loves Jimin, wanting to feed him and have him be healthy. Just important to keep in mind if this is going to be something that triggers you while watching.

Moving on to the good stuff and Jikook moments...

JK and Hobi are paired off for the confession game. Jimin looks a little upset while watching them and during Hobi sharing a story about JK seeing him naked and being in the shower. Hard to tell if it's because of that or if he is still upset from the weight comments from right before this. I'm kinda leaning towards the later option honestly. Simply because Jimin has plenty of his own stories shared about showers and the other members lol

Jimin then joins in with Hobi on complaining about JK ALWAYS going to their room. A habit which has NEVER changed. JK is still forever going and joining Jimin in his room. Which leads us to the likely and obvious conclusion, poor Hobi was annoyed simply because he was Jimins roommate 😅😂🤣 Poor JK was so caught off guard, Jimin was supposed to be on his team! 😂 And the copycat allegations will never end lol even down to the toothbrush

And towards the end, Jimin defends JK against the other members accusing him of being the spy. Which JK seems to appreciate 😂

Behinds:

We see a new angle of when Jimin is leaning on and cuddling up on Jin, trying to convince him to share the food. Lol and we see that Jimin is actually sitting on JKs lap the whole time and when he leaned over to get to Jin, JK places his hand on his waist and hip to keep him settled and steady on his lap. Cute

Episode 16:

Remember, the same park as the other 3 episodes, just on the winter side this time!

Jikook are finalists in the sledding round of the game they play. Jimin thanks us for our support. JK asks "what does that make me?" and then yells making Jimin laugh. Why? I'm not sure. Context? I don't have anymore than you. Lmfao but they are having fun and looking cute 🥰😂

JK helps Jimin wrangle his sled towards the end of the episode too. But that's all we really have as for Jikook specific moments in this episode

Behinds:

JK has the most adorable little bunny smile on his face and he is pushed into Jimin while sitting in the bucket on the ice lol

Not too many Jikook moments in these episodes and nothing super special. But still so much fun and nice 🥰

[gunsatthaphan]

"I just haven't found the right person for me."

[planetaryupscaled]

Our Little Secret

Male Reader x Eunbi

Tags: 4k, creampie, stepmom

The story is not ours; we simply alter the original story to our preferred settings.

“Oh you like that? you naughty boy.”

—

I became a new half-brother three months ago, at the age of twenty-three. Though I know this is completely normal, it still feels strange to be so much older than my sister. Even stranger that my step-mom is not much older than me. A year ago, my dad married a twenty seven year old woman. She had her child three months ago at the age of 28. It still feels strange to see them with a baby. But I'm getting used to it.

As I walked up to the door of their house, I took out my key and unlocked the door letting myself in. Walking in, I set my bag next to the staircase.

“Hello.”

“Hey Tae,” my step-mother, Eunbi, called. “In the living room.”

Walking into the living room I was a little startled as she was breastfeeding Sooyun on the couch.

“I hope you’re not offended by this,” Eunbi said looking up at me with smile. “I was just finishing giving her a snack before putting her down for bed.”

“Oh no, not at all,”

“Good,” she replied with a soft smile. “Going to put her down and let your dad watch her for a while. Though he’s taking a quick nap, had a hard day at work I guess.”

“Figures,” I said with a bit of a knowing look.

“Yep, that’s him. Always the party crasher,” Eunbi said as she walked out of the room.

As Eunbi walked by me, I caught a glimpse of one of her breasts, as she hadn't put that side of her spaghetti strap top back on. She obviously wasn’t wearing a bra and while I had noticed it before, her breasts really had grown quite a bit since her pregnancy. Probably has a lot to do with the milk stored in them now. She used to probably be something like a B cup, I never looked that hard really, she is my step-mother after all.

I was sitting on the couch with a bottle of water by the time she came back into the living room. Walking back in I looked a little more closely. At her breasts and entire body, they really had grown a considerable amount.

Eunbi was very attractive. She had pretty tanned skin and black long hair that flowed down her shoulders. Her eyes were dark brown. She was pretty much back in good shape, loosing most of all that extra pregnancy weight, which just in three months is pretty amazing. Eunbi was about 5’3” I would guess and what she was wearing only helped make her look better. Not that she really needs it.

Since it was the middle of summer, it made sense that she had on the black spaghetti strap top which she had put back into place but still no bra. She was wearing light colored jean shorts that probably went to about mid-thigh, showing off her legs nicely with a pair easy slip-on sandal.

“Would you like anything else to drink?” Eunbi asked as she noticed my bottle of water.

“No, water is just fine,” I replied with a soft smile.

“Oh being healthy tonight huh?” she teased lightly.

“Hey! I am, most of the time,” I shot back playfully.

“Well,” she replied looking at me. “With a physique like that, you must.”

“Water does help,” I replied mid laugh and with a smile. “Thanks.”

Eunbi then walked over and sat next to me on the couch as she turned on the TV, with only about four inches separating our legs. She turned down the volume enough so that we could still hear each other talking.

“So did you have a decent day?” Eunbi asked turning her head to look at me.

“Eh it wasn’t so bad,” I replied with a smile. There was a moment after I replied that we both looked into each other's eyes for a second longer than usual before we both turned our heads to look back at the TV.

“Ahh shoot,” Eunbi sighed as she stretched her legs out in front of her, stretching her muscles. “I forgot Sooyun’s bottle in the kitchen, and I am so full of milk right now. Sooyun didn’t want much earlier.”

She gently held her breasts underneath them on the bottom as she referred to how full they were. It was then that I noticed her nipples were really hard and pushing outward underneath her top. It feels kind of wrong marveling at her breasts like that, but I can’t say I don’t like them either.

“I’ll go get it for you.” As I was about to go get it, she held my hand.

“Oh no, don’t worry about it, I can do it later.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah…” she replied with a smile. As she said that she moved herself right next to me, the sides of our bodies touching and she laid her head down on my shoulder, “I’m sure.”

I wrapped my arm around her, letting my hand rest on her shoulder as I held her gently. Her hair smelled good too, she must have taken a shower a little bit before I got here. A fruity smell, maybe mango or something like that.

“I hope she turns out to be as nice and caring as you,” Eunbi said softly with her head still on my shoulder and looking forward.

“I’m sure she will and thank you for the compliment.”

With that she moved her head and looked up at me with her pretty brown eyes and said, “Of course. You fully deserve it. You’re a wonderful step son.”

I smiled back as she said that, meeting her smile. We held the gaze for a few moments looking into each other's eyes, perhaps a couple seconds too long this time. Breaking the gaze, she laid her head back on my shoulder. Looking down I noticed her nipples were still hard, maybe even harder now.

“This may sound kind of strange but I was wondering,” I started to ask looking down at her. “Do you ever...taste yourself? I’m just curious. I would think mothers would.”

Propping her head up a bit she looked back at me and asked, “You mean my milk?”

“Umm...” I started to reply as I let it sink it what she said. Realizing that what I asked could have meant something else that I didn’t mean to ask at all I quickly said, “Yes, your milk.”

“I have actually, yes... it’s kind of sweet tasting with a bit of a saltiness to it,” she said giggling a little bit as she smiled back at me obviously getting what I was realizing. “Why? Did you wonder what it tasted like?”

“Just curious, really,” I replied somewhat innocently. “Though I guess now that I think about it, yeah I did.”

“Would you like to try some? It is safe for grown people too!” she said playfully.

“Umm, I guess…” I said somewhat hesitantly. Not quite what I had in mind but this seemed o.k. “Do I need a glass or something?” dumb question to ask on my part.

“No need,” she said with a smile looking me in the eyes. “It is best if you try it from the source.”

“Eunbi...” I called out her name. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea... I know we’re not related and all but you are my step mom.”

“Its fine…” she said reassuringly. “One little suck isn’t mean anything and no one will ever know but us.”

With that, she pushed both straps of her top down her arms, over and off of her breasts. Exposing them. Her large tanned skin, luscious looking breasts were gorgeous. Her aureoles were dark pink, large, and swollen, and her nipples were hard and pushed straight out. Her breasts hung down slightly, which she pushed out by pushing her chest forward as she looked at me.

“Wow they’re gorgeous,” I whispered softly under my breath, realizing a moment later she probably heard me.

“Thanks,” she replied with a smile looking at me and gently cupping her breasts at the bottom of them. “Take your pick as to which one you want your sample from. Just be careful, they’re extra sensitive right now.”

I smiled back, looking her in her eyes before slowly lowering my head. I moved my mouth toward the one closest to me—her left one. As my mouth neared her nipple, I slowly stuck out my tongue and gently flicked the tip of her nipple. She drew in a short quick gasp as I did and I knew, even if it was wrong, that she probably wouldn’t mind if I had more than one quick suck.

As my mouth reached her nipple, I grasped it with my lips. Gently flicking it with my tongue inside my mouth, I began to softly suck on her hard nipple. Feeling milk seep out of her nipple and into my mouth I sucked a little bit harder as then her milk squirted into my mouth. It did taste somewhat sweet with a hint of saltiness. It wasn’t too bad as I swallowed it and sucked harder, getting more of her milk into my mouth.

After that larger suck I removed my mouth and ran my tongue from her nipple all the way across her other breast to her other nipple. Grasping that one in my lips just as I had the other, I began sucking on it taking her milk into my mouth. Moving my hand up I very gently pinched her other nipple as I sucked.

“Ohhh,” Eunbi sucked in a sharp gasp. “Oh Tae, I haven’t been touched like this in months. This isn’t right but… don’t stop.”

Hearing her say that only made me suck harder, taking more of her sweet warm milk into my mouth. After I had a little more of her milk, I removed my lips from her nipple and looked up at her smiling. She returned the smile and looked at me with her brown eyes which said that she clearly wanted more.

Moving my head up to be level with hers, I took a chance and leaned in and kissed her gently on her soft lips. She didn’t back away, instead she kissed me back, gently at first but soon we were kissing passionately. She had wrapped her arms around me, pressing her breasts into my chest. I had one arm around her while my other hand was pinching one of her hard nipples.

In the middle of our embrace, she abruptly stopped and pulled away. Looking back at me, “We can’t… This is wrong, what are we thinking? especially not right here and now, your dad, he’s only taking a nap. He could wake at any time.”

“Yeah...” I sighed softly as I leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. “I guess you’re right.”

“No more of that either, except this last one…” she said with a sly smile as she gave me a hard deep kiss before pulling away.

Eunbi then cupped her breasts in her hands, gently kneading them outward squirting her milk out of her nipples at me, particularly my face. I smiled at her as she did it a few times before putting her top correctly back on.

“I’m so glad you liked that,” she said gently wiping the milk off my face. “I don’t know if we can ever continue this, it is wrong, but deep inside, I definitely want to.”

“Am too,” I smiled back at her.

“Good, I am glad we understand each other,” she replied. “I'll go get dinner ready.”

With that she got up off the couch and left the living room. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Was this some kind of dream? I pinch myself, nope I guess it wasn’t. I really had just sucked milk out of my step-mothers nipples and we had both enjoyed it immensely.

The rest of the evening went by and we had our dinner, and talked about random things before saying our goodnights and heading to bed.

Getting to my room was all the way up the third floor of the house. It was somewhat of a loft because it was the only thing up here. The staircase came directly into the room after opening the door. But you didn't have to go up a ladder, so it wasn't really a loft. Getting into bed I decided to sleep naked like I normally do. It was warm enough and after a little while of dozing, I fell right asleep.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to hear the baby during the night as they were all the way down on the first floor. But sure enough I was able to as at about 2 am when she started crying. After about 30 minutes it seemed to be perfectly quiet again with no outbursts at all.

About 15 minutes later, I heard the door to my room creak open, then close again. Looking up from my bed still in a groggy sleep, I saw Eunbi standing near the door, watching me. She was wearing what looks to be a silk nightgown in a light peach shade color that goes down to her mid-thigh. Her nipples were hard again and pushing against the fabric. I smiled at her as she looked at me.

“I know I said we probably couldn’t do any of this again,” she said quietly. “But my body and mind are just begging to be touched again. I haven’t been touched like you did earlier in a long time.

“Your dad once I got close to term with Sooyun stopped wanting to be with me in this sort of way for the most part. And now after she’s born, it’s been even worse. I need, and want the attention.”

“I don’t know how anyone could pass up someone as gorgeous and sexy as you,” I replied with a smile.

As I said that, she walked over to the edge of my bed, pulled back the covers, and got in next to me, smiling. She placed herself close to mine before she leaned in and kissed me, we kissed passionately as she ran her hand down the side of my body from my shoulder down to my thigh.

“Sleeping naked huh?” she whispered with a mischievous smile. “I like that. I’m only wearing this nightgown, and I’m sure we could change that.”

“Oh?” I commented giving her soft kiss. “Well, why don't we right now?”

Eunbi smiled at me as she sat up in bed and pulled her nightgown over her head, revealing her wonderful breasts as well as her pussy. Looking down, I noticed she had some hair down there before wriggling back under the covers and pushing closer to me.

“Sorry about the hair down there,” she said looking down her body. “I have let it grow lately without doing much to it.”

“Sorry?” I replied with a bit of shock that she was apologizing. “You’re gorgeous how you are. I love it.”

“Really?” She commented excitedly with a smile and a warm kiss. “I’ll keep it then. Just for you. Our little secret.”

Gently running my hand down her soft skin on the outside of her thigh I slowly moved inside and then upward. She instinctively moved her legs apart as I reached her pussy, which was hairy, wet and warm.

“Mmmmm,” Eunbi moaned quietly as my hands ran across the slit of her pussy lips. “I need this so bad.”

“And I want this too bad.” I said.

Eunbi trying to push her pussy down more onto my hand. “You can have all of me that you want, the way you want.”

I gently slipped two fingers into her wet throbbing pussy and began pushing them in and out of her, curling them inside as she moaned quietly in pleasure. Taking my fingers out, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her body against mine, pressing my hard thick cock into her mound of pussy hair as I kissed her deeply and passionately.

She broke away a little bit and grasped my hard cock in her hand, starting to stroke it up and down with her slender fingers from its base to its head.

“Ohhh Eunbi…” I moaned as she increased her speed while stroking my hard cock. “That feels so good… don’t stop.”

As she continued to stroke my cock, I took one of her breasts in my mouth. Wrapping my lips around one of her hard nipples I began to suck on it letting her milk squirt into my mouth. I continued to suck on it, letting more and more of her sweet milk into my mouth. She stopped stroking me as intensely as she was groaning in pleasure from my sucking and pinching of her other nipple.

“Oh god Tae, yes...take all the milk you want from me,” she moaned in pleasure.

Smiling up at her after she said that, I moved to her other breast licking her big sensitive dark pink swollen aureole before grasping her nipple with my lips. Sucking in I took more large squirts of her milk into my mouth, savoring its sweet taste.

Eunbi had moved her hand back to my hard cock and was slowly stroking it up and down, playing with the head of it and any pre-cum with her thumb.

“Mmmm, oh yes,” I groaned lightly as I took my mouth off of her nipple.

“Oh do you like that Tae?” Eunbi asked playfully. “Glad you do because I can’t go any longer without your big hard thick cock inside me. I’m throbbing for it more than I knew I ever could.”

With that she threw back the covers on the bed and straddled me. Kneeling over me she pressed my cock down on my stomach with her hairy pussy and grinded gently on it. Smiling down at me she began to knead her breasts outward, squirting milk out of them toward my chest and face.

“Do you like that? Oh you naughty boy,” she said with a mischievous smile as her milk squirted out of her hard nipples over me. “I’m a mommy now. Do you want to fuck your step mommy’s pussy? You better, because I want your hard cock so bad.”

I nodded as she moved her hips up, placing the tip of my cock on the slit of her hairy pussy. She gently moved my tip of my cock along her lips, feeling her pussy hair before pushing her hips down, sliding the head of my cock inside her.

“Ohh god…” Eunbi gasped as it entered her and she continued pushing down, taking me all inside. “Oh yes...yes. Fill me up, mommy wants all your cock!”

I pushed up as she slid down my hard thick cock, pushing my entirety into my step-mom’s love hole. Her wet pussy was swishing around my cock as she began to go up and down on me.

Eunbi was bouncing up and down, lifting her hips all the way up so just the head of my cock was inside her before pushing herself right back down to the base of my cock. Her big swollen breasts were jiggling frantically up and down as she rode me. I reached up and began massaging her breasts as she bounced, making her spray her milk.

She bent down so I could take her nipple in my mouth as she continued to push herself up and down on my hard cock. I began sucking on her nipple, enjoying the flow of her milk into my mouth.

“Oh god, yes,” Eunbi moaned as I sucked on her nipple taking her milk. “Suck out mommy’s milk while you fuck me...ohhhh, god yes.”

My cock was pumping in and out of her wet pussy and I continued to suck out her milk from her nipples.

I then slid my hands down the sides of her body to her waist as Eunbi sat upright on top of me again, bouncing up and down on my hard cock. I could feel her pussy walls loosely grasping at my cock as I pushed into her. She was moaning with her head back and hair flowing down her back. Her juices were leaking out of her pussy and down my cock to my balls, making a spot on the bed.

I could feel my cock beginning to thicken inside of her as well as my balls beginning to contract as she continued to ride me. Eunbi could feel it too as she went up and down even fast and harder.

“Oh you’re going to cum soon aren’t you?” Eunbi said breathing heavily looking down at me with a smile. “You better cum deep inside of me. Mommy needs to be full of cum, maybe you get yourself another sibling.” She said with a seductive smile.

We were both moaning as my cock continued to thicken inside her as I went hard and fast in and out her wet cunt. I began to feel her pussy contract in pleasure and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Thrusting myself up deep inside of her, Eunbi slammed down on my cock and sat there grinding into me as I began to spasm inside of her. My cock was erupting inside of her, spraying my warm sticky cum deep into my step-mom’s pussy. Eunbi continued to grind on me causing her hanging breasts to sway back and forth as my cock still pushed my cum out and deep inside her.

“Oh god...fuck…yes...” Eunbi breathed out sharply as she felt my cum shoot deep inside her wanting pussy. “God that feels good, oh I needed this so bad. Oh Tae, you’ve made mommy feel so… so good!”

Looking up at her smiling, I reached up cupping her breasts and gently pinched her swollen nipples before massaging her breasts. Softly kneading them her nipples began to spray out more milk onto my chest. Eunbi then replaced her hands with mine as she lifted her hips up, removing my wet cock from her wet pussy. Laying down beside me, Eunbi massaged her breasts aiming her spraying milk at my chest and face. Licking my lips I took as much of her sweet milk as I could smiling.

“So love that you like this,” Eunbi said giggling at me with her milk on my face. “I need this from you more than just this once.”

“So I take it, mommy...is doing alright?” I said with a smile, emphasizing the word mommy.

She gave me a huge smile as I said that, leaning in and giving me a big warm kiss. She then pushed her hips toward me as we were lying on our sides, pressing her mound of pubic hair against my semi-limp wet cock. I pushed my hips forward rubbing against her hair as I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her passionately.

“Yes, oh yes,” Eunbi whispered breaking our embrace. “Only thing mommy would want now, is more of your cum in mommy’s already cum filled pussy,” she added with a warm smile.

Giving her a mischievous smile, I rolled her onto her back and got on top of her. Her legs spread apart instinctively as I climbed on top of her. My cock was now hard again; I teased her with it, gently rubbing the tip of it on her hairy pussy lips.

“Oh god… no teasing, just fuck me already, fill me up with that hard cock,” Eunbi breathed as she heaved her hips upwards.

Pushing my hips down, I slid my hard cock into her sopping wet pussy easily. Starting to move my hips up and down, I was pushing my hard thick cock as deep into her as I could go.

Her walls of her pussy were grasping at my cock, hugging it as tight as they could. Our juices had mixed together and were seeping out of her now, trickling out of her pussy down over her ass and to the bed, making a bit of a little puddle.

Thrusting my hard thick cock into here sopping wet hairy pussy, she was matching my motions by thrusting her hips up. God, she felt so good wrapping around my cock. I wish I could do this all day long but I knew that wasn’t going to happen plus I wasn’t going to be able to last that long this time.

Continuing to push my hard cock into her, I cupped one of her breasts in my hand and brought my head down toward it. Running my tongue around the dark swollen aureole I then grasped her hard nipple and sucked. Her milk squirted out, filling my mouth with her sweetness.

“Mmmmm!... Oh god yes,” Eunbi moaned bucking her hips up hard. “Take mommy’s milk in your mouth.... oh yes, like that...and her pussy, oh yes...push your hard cock deep into mommy’s pussy.”

I couldn’t take it much longer, my hard cock was thickening inside her as my balls were beginning to contract while I took one more suck from her nipple, tasting her sweet milk in my mouth over my tongue. She could tell I wasn’t going to last much longer as she pushed her hips up hard and wrapped her legs around my ass pulling me in.

Pressing my cock into her wet hairy loose pussy as deep as it could go, I began to let go. My cock started to convulse inside her tightening pussy walls, spraying my second warm sticky cum deep into her pussy. Bucking her hips into me, Eunbi moaned as my cock pushed out more of my cum into her warm pussy.

As we subsided, we collapsed in each other’s arms laying on our sides. Eunbi was pressing her big soft luscious breasts against my chest as she smiled at me.

“Oh Tae,” she said softly. “You’ve no idea how happy you’ve made me.”

“No?” I replied with a smile.

“You filled my pussy with so much cum, I hadn’t had any for so long and now all this...oh god it feels so good,” she whispered with a big smile as she wiggled her hips against me.

Eunbi then reached her hand between her legs, plunging two of her fingers deep into her pussy coating them in the mixture of our juices. Pulling them out she brought them up to her mouth and slowly sucked the juices off of them, savoring the taste.

Smiling back at me with her gorgeous brown eyes after she sucked off the last of our juices on her two fingers, I pushed my naked body against hers as we slowly drifted off to sleep.

[rivwritesiguess]

Lost and Found - Chapter 1: Lost

Chat I fell down the Task Force 141 rabbit hole a while ago and now this is here

Word Count: 8.6k Angst, like hurt no comfort angst Poly!141 x gn!omega!reader Chapter Summary: A mission goes wrong. The pack loses a member. What happens when that member isn't as lost as they though? Warnings: Character death, horrible attempts at doing European accents/dialects, probably a few plot holes, military inaccuracies Notes: It's an omegaverse fic, the 141 is a pack and they all love each other. Also reader is gender neutral, they/them pronouns. this story does not follow the Modern Warfare story whatsoever, none of the main people are gonna die (no headshots), and it will be filled with military inaccuracies because I'm just here to love hot men and babygirl-ify the men in a military propaganda video game :). As said in the title, this is chapter one, so the there will be more. The guys might be a bit out of character in this, oopsies. I might end up rewriting this in the future but for now this is it. I also made an entire sims 4 build of the pack house for this fic alone and spent way too long on it 💀 there will be smut (afab) in this fix at some point in the distant distant future Made the little banner thing with Canva and the divider with Photopea Navigation Series Masterlist (this is currently the only chapter) Also on AO3 next

  “C’mon up now and we might spare you. Make us come down there and your death will be a slow one.” It’s not good. None of this is good. It took such a turn. Everything had seemed to be going well until Kyle said that there were cars approaching the building. “Don’t be stupid. 15 versus 1 is not a fight you want to start.”

  “They think there’s just one o’ us.”

  “Could make use of that. Catch ‘em off guard.”

  “It’d be easier tae surprise them if we weren’t cornered in the damn basement.”

  “Didn’t seem like you had any better ideas.”

  “Anythin’ but a damn basement.”

“That’s enough.” John cut the conversation short with a sharp tone. It wasn’t like an actual argument, just playful bickering. Now, however, was not the time.

  John’s brain was going a mile a minute. There wasn’t much he could think to do at the moment. They were cornered. He didn’t know how this happened. The mission had gone well. It was only once they got to the safe house to rest for the night that things went wrong. 

  You were just getting ready to fall asleep with Johnny on the bed upstairs. John had taken the bed in the living room near the door. Simon was on the front porch while Kyle sat on top of the building, both keeping watch until it was their turn to sleep. You were pulling Johnny under the covers with a smile, ready for the cuddles the beta would offer you. However, then you heard the sound of Kyle coming over the radio. 

  “I’m seeing two cars coming towards us.”

  John had ordered Simon to come inside so you could all come up with a plan. It should’ve been easy, but the cars got to the house much faster than the group expected. There was no time to run, so Kyle suggested getting down into the basement to come up with a plan. With two cars, you all thought there would be at most 10 people. Not 15.

  There weren’t supposed to be any problems. No one was supposed to be anywhere near this safe house, no one was supposed to even know about it. Obviously, Laswell’s information was wrong.

  John was beginning to feel a bit anxious. It wasn’t much, but that underlying feeling that this wouldn’t be ending well was starting to set in the pit of his stomach. He looked back at you. You’d been quiet since the group moved down to the basement. 

  He never would’ve brought you on this mission if he saw this coming. It was supposed to be simple, something that wouldn’t put you in too much danger. He knew you could handle danger, but that didn’t mean he liked you being in it. But now you are. He let you come along, and now things are looking bad. You’re in danger. His pack is in danger. He needed to find a way to get you all out of it. It was not only his job as Captain, but also his job as the pack alpha.

  “Captain, if we go up there they might get overwhelmed. We’ve got a shot at takin’ them by surprise,” Johnny suggested once more.

  “A chance. It’s not guaranteed,” Kyle injected.

  “Is anythin’ ever?”

  “It’s risky.”

  “We only saw twa cars. They could be bluffin’, trying tae scare us.”

  “Not ‘us’. They only think one person is down here.”

  “They’re idiots if they can’t tell there’s more than ane person. Captain’s got blankets on the couch and Ace and ah had blankets on the bed. If they’re stupid enough to no’ notice that, it might be easy tae take them doon.” Simon shook his head.

  “Even if they’re all stupid, they’ve got weapons an’ we’ll all be coming out of a little door for them to point those weapons at. Stupid men and weapons are ne’er mix well. Even if there’s not 15, we’d still be outnumbered. People will get hit and hurt.”

  “It’s better we get hurt than stay stuck doon here waitin’ fer them tae come tae us.”

  “Or we could stay here an’ take up positions ‘round the room. They come down an’ we start firin’. It doesn’t risk someone getting hurt just ‘cause you wanted to rush in.”

  “Ah didnae say that.”

  “I never said you did.”

  “Stop it.” You were the one to speak up this time. You didn’t need a commanding tone like John. The group listened to you regardless of your tone or not. You were you. You were their omega. If you wanted something, they wanted to give it. And right now? You wanted them to stop arguing, so they’d do just that.

  The attention was directed back to John as he stood up silently. He glanced around the room, coming up with a plan. He nodded, more to himself than the rest of the group. He faced all of you, starting to talk.

  “Alright. Soap’s right. Those guys up there aren’t expecting five of us. We’ve got the chance to take ‘em by surprise. Ghost’s got a point as well. The door up there we’d walk out of probably has all their guns trained on it as we speak. They’ll shoot us down. But we can’t stay down ‘ere. It’s giving ‘em time to plan for any possibility. They might catch on that there’s more than one of us.” He took a breath. “I’ve got a plan, but it’s a bit dodgy. They think there’s only one of us, so one of us goes up. Plays at surrendering. Once those guys up there aren’t all holding their weapons at the door, the person who went up will say something to let the rest of the group down here know. Then, the four left will go out and start shooting.”

  The group was quiet. No one seemed to really like this plan, but John was right. Waiting down here only gave them time to realize what was going on, and going out as a group only gave them a large target. 

  “Ah’ll gae up,” Johnny said, starting to pull his gun out of his holster.

  “No, you stay down here. I’ll go.” Kyle put his hand on Johnny’s, stopping the other beta as he started to put his own weapons to the side.

  “Neither of you are doin’ that. I know how to handle this. I’ll be the one to go up.” Though Simon said this, he didn’t make any immediate move to disarm himself. He probably wouldn’t do so until the very last second. 

  “It was my idea. I’ll be the one to surrender,” John argued. 

  They were arguing about who would be putting themselves closer to death’s door. They didn’t want to let another member of the pack do it, not when there was no guarantee that the people upstairs would actually spare whoever went up. 

  You hated it. This argument wouldn’t end any way you wanted it to. Someone could die. That couldn’t happen. No one in your pack was going to be dying. You couldn’t let that happen.

  You quickly tried to think of something that could solve this issue. A plan better than John’s. You’d seen the blueprints of the house. The basement didn’t have an exit that would lead outside. There were, however, a bunch of weird rooms down here. There was even a small holding area with soundproof walls. There was even- 

  Wait.

  That’s it.

  “I think there might be a way out from down here. A different exit.” 

  Everyone’s head turned to you so quickly they could’ve flown off.

  “Why didnae ye say anythin’ earlier, Ace?!” Johnny asked. 

  “I- I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it till now.” 

  Lying was never something you enjoyed doing. Doing it to your pack made you feel disgusted with yourself. If you weren’t lying for a good reason, the omega inside of you might’ve been screaming and crying. But even it understood this was necessary. You had to keep your pack safe.

  John sighed.

  “It’s alright, sweetheart. Just show us where it is.”

  The focus was now on you. You turned around, walking out of the small room after making sure that the guys upstairs had stayed upstairs. Once seeing that they had, you walked quickly and quietly, occasionally glancing back to make sure all of your pack was still behind you.

  You debated if you were really going to go through with this. If your pack caught on to what you were doing, they’d stop you without hesitation. You’d have to deal with their disappointment and then have to deal with one of them going up and potentially getting themself killed. You couldn’t let one of them get killed. They were too important. Not just to you, but in their fields. To each other. You didn’t even know if this would work, but you had to try. You’d rather this than the world losing one of them. You could only hope it went how you wanted. You could only hope that your pack trusts you enough to listen.

  You got to the end of the hallway and opened the door in the left corner. It was a sitting area, but this time there were two doors on the far side of the wall. You took a deep breath before looking back at your pack, who all seemed confused.

  “That door, over there. Get in there.” You pointed to the door on the left side. You stepped out of the doorway so the rest of them could walk past you. They, however, hesitated. You sighed. “Just trust me here, okay? Please?”

  You didn’t want to exploit their trust in you, but there was no other choice right now. You had to get them into that room. 

  Another thing you had to do was control your scent. Sure, you were wearing scent blockers, but your scent was naturally pretty strong. When your emotions got too high, your scent normally pushed past the blockers. So you had to focus on keeping it suppressed right now even though you were full of fear. They wouldn’t go in first if that was the case. They wouldn’t think you were lying, but they’d want you to be closest to safety if you were feeling fear.

  “We’re following you, love.” Simon pulled the ‘love’ card. You weren’t hiding your scent well enough. He only did that when he was trying to keep you calm. They were following you to stay in between you and the danger that lurked upstairs. You needed to do better. Suppress your scent. It gives you a headache to do, but if they don’t walk into the room first, the whole plan would go up in flames.

  You couldn’t argue with them walking over now without looking suspicious. So, with a small nod, you turned and walked over to the door. You had to think. Think. Think.

  Once closer, you opened the door. It was a heavy one, which you suspected since it was supposedly soundproof. You hoped that was true. There was a small window in the door that slid open and closed from the outside. You stepped around and used your body to keep the door open, still trying to figure out a way to get them to go in without you.

  As the door was pressing against your back, you realized you could simply continue to hold the door as they walked in. That was the only way this could work. They just needed to listen to you.

  “Go on,” you said, motioning inside with your head. Johnny stepped forward, approaching your side to take the door from you.

  “Let me hold it, Bonnie.” You moved away from him slightly, stepping back and moving the door away from him as well. You shook your head.

  You saw the confusion on their faces when you did this. There was no exact reason for you to not give Johnny the door. He could hold it just fine. You had to think of something to make them not confused. Something natural. Something that said you were calm and not terrified.

  You rolled your eyes.

  “I can hold a door, Soap. Let me do one thing, won’t you?” You plastered a playful smile on your face, doing your best to get it to reach your eyes as well. You weren’t feeling playful. No, you were full of terror. Your senses had always been higher than others. Right now you could hear the people upstairs starting to pace. Their patience was running low. They’d be coming downstairs within the next few minutes.

  You couldn’t let your pack realize this. They could end up feeling cornered and decide to fight. Someone would get hurt during the fight, and that wasn’t what you needed. You couldn’t let them realize your terror either. If they did, they’d get suspicious. You shouldn’t be feeling such terror if you knew a way out. They’d realize something was off. They’d catch on. They’d never listen. They wouldn’t do what you wanted. They’d go through with John’s plan, or they’d go fight and then one of them would die and then you would lose them and you would’ve failed and then-

  “‘Right, ‘right, I get it. Ye’re independent an’ aw that,” Johnny said, hands raised in mock surrender as he smiled at you. It’s playful. You were starting to feel thankful for that one theatre class you decided to take back in school.

  You could tell the group felt a bit relieved as well. They were starting to be hesitant about your supposed ‘exit’. They were also worried you’d be panicking and doing this just to stop one of them from going up. But if you’re being playful and you’re able to joke around with them, then it’s fine. 

  Johnny walked past you and into the room with a smile in your direction. Kyle did the same. John followed behind. Simon went in last, and you seemed to follow.

  Once they went in, they realized something was wrong. The room was pretty dark, not able to properly be inspected from outside. But now that they’re in, they realize there are no more rooms attached to this one. This was a dead end. 

  John was the first one to realize this, but he was too late. He turned around to see you quickly stepping away and letting the door shut with you on the other side. He ran over, only to find that there was no handle on this side of the door.

  “Ace! What are you doing?!” He moved over slightly as Simon started to try and open the door. John looked through the little window on the door, trying to get an explanation from you. Simon had no success with the door. Johnny and Kyle were now standing behind them, confused and starting to feel a bit panicked.

  You were staring at the door with wide eyes, shaking slightly. You looked back at the exit door to the room you’d just come in from and then back to him. Your breathing picked up slightly as you pulled your bag around your front, pulling out a burner phone.

  “What are they doing? What’s gaun on?!” Johnny asked from next to John. He didn’t want to push, but he was trying to angle himself so he could see you through the window as well. He wasn’t able to, making his panic only start to increase. Meanwhile, Simon took a few steps back from the door, starting to pace through the room. 

  “Ace? C’mon, hun, talk to us, what’s going on?” Kyle asked, standing anxiously behind John. He couldn’t see you. He needed to see you. See what was going on in your head. Why the hell you’ve locked them in here. He needs to know your plan. He wants to trust you, but he needs to see you first. He has to,

  “I-... Laswell knows the safe house isn’t safe. She knows where you are. Once the people upstairs leave, then- then our people will show up to let you out. It’s- it’s gonna be fine.” Your voice was shaking. Your terror was full force now that you’d gotten them safe. The next part of your plan wasn’t a part you enjoyed, but it was a part you had to do. You glanced at the exit door of the room again.

  “Darlin’, whatever you’re doing, you need to rethink it. You need to let us out. We can’t do anything from here. Let us out. Now,” John said. It started soft, but his tone turned commanding towards the end. He might be your alpha, but he’s also your superior as well, and you weren’t listening. 

  “Look, this- this isn’t the best scenario, obviously, but it- it’s needed, and- and I know you guys won’t agree with me, but- but-”

  “Agree wi’ what?! What are ye tryin’ tae do?!” Johnny asked. 

  John saw the tears that gathered in your eyes. He was so confused. Normally, he could read you like a book. He could always tell what you were thinking and why you were thinking it. But now he had no clue what was going on in your head. What were you trying to do here?

  Simon’s thoughts were racing. There was no way out. You locked them in. Why would you do this? Why would you just lock them in here? Could you possibly be a traitor? Had you been one all this time? Were you about to call whoever was upstairs down here to turn them in? Did you tell them that the group was here?

  No. That wasn’t the case. Not only did he refuse to believe that you’d betray them due to his own bias, but there was also your scent that was in the air. When your panic slipped through the scent blockers during missions, it helped him push through the mission just to get you out of the situation. When you two were falling asleep in his bed, your scent helped ground him. It helped keep him calm. Now, your scent was anything but calm. There wasn’t any satisfaction that there would be if you were a traitor. There wasn’t any happiness. You weren’t feeling smug. No, he could smell it, you were feeling terror. Panic. Hesitation.

  And yet, underneath all of that, Simon could sense the smallest bit of relief. He was hurt at first, taking it as relief that meant you were a traitor. But with everything else on top, he was mostly confused. He couldn’t understand why you would be feeling-...

  When the realization hit him, he froze. He looked to the door where John, Kyle, and Johnny were still trying to get you to explain. 

  “Just tell us what you’re doin’, please.”

  “They’re going to risk sacrificin’ themself.” 

  The room froze once Simon had muttered the words. Johnny turned back with the same force that he’d looked back at you earlier when you mentioned a way out. That isn’t right. Simon’s wrong. You wouldn’t do that. Simon’s lying. It’s a joke. A cruel, cruel joke that was out of place and he had no right to be saying right now.

  Kyle turned around as well, looking at Simon. He needed him to take his words back. Just take it back. Why would he ever suggest that? You- you couldn’t- you wouldn’t- you wouldn’t-

  Meanwhile, John stayed facing you. He’d gone quiet the minute Simon spoke. He stared at you, trying to read your face. You stood on the other side of the door, staring back. Your eyes were sad, but your stance was set. You made no move to let them out. And that was all John needed to see to realize that Simon was right. This was your plan all along. You never knew a way out. You hadn’t brought them here with the intention of getting everyone out. You didn’t even have a way to get them all out.

  No, you’d brought them here with a different intention. You’d brought them here to save them. To trick them and keep them safe while putting yourself in the line of danger. You were having no thoughts about letting them out now, dead set on your own plan. 

  It wasn’t right. John had a plan. It would’ve kept you safe. None of them would’ve ever let you be the one to go upstairs. And John knew that you knew that. He knew that you knew if you suggested being the one to surrender yourself the others would have shot you down immediately and brushed you to the side before continuing to argue. You wanted to keep them alive, and this was your way of doing that.

  John didn’t approve of your way. Not at all. He would’ve changed the plan. Would’ve gone with Simon’s instead. Anything but this. Anything but you being the one to get hurt. He was desperate to try and get through to you, but just looking at your eyes told him you were set.

  “Don’t do this, alright? Don’t,” he tried. He knew it wouldn’t work, but he had to try. His voice was desperate. Quiet. He wanted you to listen. He’d be on his knees right now if you would still be able to see him.

  “I’m sorry,” was all you said in response to him.

  And those words were what told Johnny and Kyle that Simon was right. You were trying to risk sacrificing yourself here. Kyle couldn’t even talk. Maybe this was a bad dream. He’d had a few like this before, ones where you sacrificed yourself to save them. Maybe it’s just one of those.

  Johnny, on the other hand, no longer had the restraint that he had before. He lightly pushed John to the side, who was too busy trying to think of a way to get you to not do this to care. 

  “Bonnie, ma heart, hen, luvbug, please, dinnae dae this, ‘kay? Open this door. Ye dinnae have tae dae this for us, ye understand? This isnae what needs tae happen, what needs tae happen is ye openin’ this door, aye? Just open the door, let us oot, we can figure it oot! One of us will go up, follow through wi’ his plan, no’ this.”

  You shook your head.

  “I can’t let any of you do that. You’re all too important.”

  “No’ as important as ye! Let us oot! We can dae somethin’! Talk, come up wi’ a different plan, kick their sorry arses, an’ if we get beat then we go down kickin’ an’ screamin’ together! Anything but this. We cannae lose you. We can no’. Open this door, come on, please.”

  “Technically, I’m not. You are all more skilled than me. I offer the least amount to the team. I’m the loss that won’t cost as much compared to the rest of you.”

  “According tae who?! Nae one who actually matters thinks that way aboot ye, open the door!”

  “The people upstairs still think there’s only one person here. They are expecting someone. I’m going to make sure they don't stop thinking that it’s only someone. None of you have to go up there and get into a fight you might not walk out of.”

  “No, no. That’s not what we do. We’re a team. We’re a pack, we stick together. Ye don’t get to just decide this fer aw us! Open the damn door, Ace, please!”

  You took a few steps forward towards the door. For a second, they thought Johnny’s pleading had gotten through to you. They nearly felt relieved when you lifted your hand.

  But why would things ever go their way? Your hand kept moving up, grabbing the smaller door to the window on the door.

  “Luv, no, no please-”

  “I love you. All of you. You’ve been better to me than I ever thought any pack would be. I’m eternally thankful for the way you all welcomed me in and everything you all have done-”

  “Cut it out. Quit it, you’re not saying goodbye.” John took his place in the window again as Johnny was dealing with the fact that you were shutting them out. He nearly stumbled when John lightly pushed him to the side, mind racing.

  John was fuming. How could he not have realized this? How could he not have seen the signs? He should’ve gone over the blueprints with you. Then he never would’ve fallen for you saying that there was a way out. He shouldn’t have brought you on this mission. He should’ve kept you at home. His gut had told him to do that, didn’t it? Or was he imagining that feeling in order to give himself more of the blame? He should’ve realized. You were his omega. You were their omega. How could he not have realized?

  “I’m sorry, John. I’m sorry, Johnny. I’m sorry, Kyle. I’m sorry, Simon.” You whispered your apologies one after the other, voice soft. You never said their names on a mission. You were a bit paranoid in that regard, not wanting any enemies to potentially hear and use it to get any information. You saying it meant you had truly made up your mind. There was no swaying you.

  John felt helpless. Johnny couldn’t get through to you, and neither could he. How would this even work? If you went up there and died, how would his life be without you in it? How would he function, how would he live? How would he wake up in the morning and not be met with your happy smile when he left his room? How would he get through his day without your random short texts of encouragement? How would he go to sleep without having seen you curled up on the couch, cuddling with Johnny and Kyle? How would he eat breakfast without seeing you dragging Simon along to eat with them?

  He shook his head. He wouldn’t have to do any of that. This… This wasn’t happening. None of this was happening. You were all at home, in the pack house. You were in the living room; there was some sports game on the TV that he wasn’t paying attention to. Simon was poking fun at Johnny for his enthusiasm; Johnny was overreacting to it. Kyle was bringing over some snacks. You were leaning back on John, your back against his chest as you smiled watching the other three. He was watching you. Their omega. His omega. Safe. You were safe. You had to be safe.

  Simon stepped forward, a bit more aggressive than he meant to be when he pushed John to the side.

  “Open this door. You’re not doing this. You’re not allowed; you understand me? I am ordering you to open this bloody door.” You only shook your head. The tears that had been in your eyes were now starting to fall down your face. A growl started to form in Simon’s chest as his fist slammed on the door. “Open it!”

  “I love you, Simon. I love all of you.”

  “No, no, don’t you fucking dare, I can’t lose y-”

  You closed the window.

 Johnny moved back over, slamming his hand on the door as he called out for you. Simon let Johnny push him over, currently in a state of shock. You ignored him. You always listened to him. You always listened to him. Why didn’t you listen? Why didn’t you just fucking listen?! Why were you doing this?! You crawled your way into their hearts, into his heart. Their hearts had built new walls around you to keep you inside, and yet now you were breaking those walls down from the inside without warning. How could you?

  John was the first to do something. He stepped forward, grabbing Johnny and pulling him away from the door.

  “What the fuck, Cap-”

  “You need to be quiet. This room seems to be soundproof, but if it isn’t, then they’ll ‘ear you and come down here. They’ll catch Ace.”

  “They’re gonna catch them anyway! They could end up gettin’ themselves killed, we need tae stop them!”

  “No, no, they-” John shook his head. “They said they might show mercy. When Ace goes up, they’ll buy us time for backup to get here. They’ll get out before they get hurt. They’ll be alright.”

  John had to believe it. He had to believe it wasn’t your plan to get yourself killed. The thought of you dying made him feel like vomiting. The thought of you going up there with all those people, not even trying to fight. The thought of your body- no. No, there’d be no ‘your body’, you were going to be fine.

  “That was a goodbye. They don’t plan on coming back to us alive.” Kyle said quietly as if he’d just had the realization himself.

  “Exactly! We have tae get oot o’ here, stop them, shout at them, drag them oot of here, somethin’! We have tae-”

  Simon walked over, grabbed Johnny, and pulled him further away from the door as he put a hand over Johnny’s mouth.

  “We can’t. There’s nothin’ we can do.” Johnny struggled for a moment, muffled disagreements leaving him as he tried to get out of Simon’s grip. Simon shook his head. “We can’t do anything except shut up and wait. If we get the attention to come down here, then what they did is for nothing. They might have a chance of bein’ spared, but if the people up there figure out they’re lyin’ and hidin’ us down here, they could get pissed off and just kill them anyway.”

  Johnny managed to push Simon away, going back to the door. He wasn’t planning on listening to Simon. Not when you were still alive and he could be trying to do something.

  “We could stop them, we just-”

  “No, we can’t,” John said, his tone final. It wasn’t a realization he wanted to come to, but he had to. There wasn’t anything they could do. 

  John motioned for Simon to grab Johnny again. Simon did just that. He grabbed Johnny, pulling him and getting him against the back wall. The beta froze before crumbling to the ground, his head in his hands. He was speechless.

  John and Simon stood still, not knowing what to do next. They couldn’t look at one another. They’d failed as alphas. Their betas were suffering. You were in danger, and they hadn’t gotten you out of it. Their omega was going to get hurt and they couldn’t do anything to stop it. 

  It was quiet for a few moments before Kyle spoke up.

  “...maybe they did know a way out and we all just couldn’t go through. Maybe the plan’s to get out and draw the attention away from here. Or maybe they’ll be able to fight their way out. I mean, yeah, sure, they’re outnumbered, but they do well in training. Maybe- maybe they’re quicker than they let on and they’ll take them lot down.”

  “They are definitely cleverer than we thought. Underestimated ‘em. They managed to trick us down here without us even fully giving it a second thought,” John said with a sigh.

  “No, they didnae trick us. They didnae trick us, they just….. It wasn’t trickin’. They wouldn’t. They…” Johnny was speaking quietly, a big difference from the anger and action he had shown only moments ago. He couldn’t properly grasp this, but he knew he didn’t like the idea of you ‘tricking’ them. That made you sound like a bad person. You were not a bad person.

  Kyle walked over, sitting down next to Johnny, feeling a need to try and comfort the other beta. He put a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, nodding.

  “This… This is just a confusing situation. They’re gonna be fine. They’ll find a way ou-”

  Kyle was interrupted by the muffled sounds of gunshots echoing through the house. It went on for about five seconds before they stopped.

  The group went silent. They stayed silent for another five minutes, waiting for something. Anything. More gunshots. The sound of you fighting. Maybe it stopped because you had managed to get away. Or maybe you managed to handle the people firing at you and the gunfire would start up again with you handling more of them. Or maybe there’d be more fighting and that would be the rescue team who would have a medevac to get you out. Treat whatever wounds you received. Maybe the door would open. Maybe it’d be you, coming to let them out. You changed your mind, the gunshots upstairs were actually the group of fifteen fighting amongst each other, you were coming back to them.

  However, nothing came. No pounds of fighting. No gunshots. No door opening. Instead, there were just quiet footsteps above their heads. Footsteps that walked out of the house and never came back.

  It was about 30 minutes before the door opened. It wasn’t you.

  As they exited the basement, they saw there were discarded guns on the floor. Bullet casings on the ground. Holes in the basement door and the walls around it. Blood on the floor.

  The blood pooled right in front of the basement door. It trailed out the front door like a body had been dragged. The trail went outside, the blood mixing with dirt and grass. It stopped and gathered at a spot in the driveway as if someone had dropped a body there before throwing it into a car.

  If that blood all belonged to the same person, there’s no way that they lived.

  There was a lot the group noticed. The blood, the guns, the bullet casings, the holes in the wall and the basement door.

  The main thing they noticed was the one thing that wasn’t there. 

  You.

  You were gone. They had lost you.

  They failed.

  It’d been a year. One whole year.

  The first three months were the worst. They’d given a bunch of lies to the psychological evaluator, claiming they were fine to work. It was a lie, and everyone knew it, but taking one of the best task forces out of the playing field wasn’t a good idea, even if it was temporary. They were silent on base. They didn’t talk to anyone unless it was during training or mission related. They didn’t look at each other. They didn’t spend time in the pack building unless it was to sleep. They were silent on missions. There were no playful jokes, no joking jabs. Nothing. Dead silence aside from orders. The base watched the closest group of people there become the most distant from each other.

  It was worse behind closed doors. In their pack building, tensions were high. The air was thick with the smell of anger and hurt. When they had to be in a room alone together, it was terrible. They’d screamed and shouted at each other when it was just them, pushing the blame back and forth. It wasn’t until Laswell caught one of these screaming matches that she was able to get the team into therapy. She’d talked to John, told him that it was for the better of the pack. At first, she was understanding of the refusal. However, when she asked the third time and was met with nothing, she knew she had to take a different approach. When John tried disagreeing, she told him that the pack had no choice. Either they went through with the therapy or else they’d be put on an indefinite leave. It’d been two months since your death when they all had their first meetings.

  It was one month of therapy before pack counseling had started. All of them were against it at first, not wanting to see each other. However, each of their therapists managed to convince them eventually. When the group first got together, it was silent. The only person talking during the session was the therapist. This went on for the next few weekly sessions. That was until the therapist managed to push a button.

  “You all blame each other… isn’t the omega the one at fault?”   It had been chaos. The screaming and shouting went on for about ten minutes. It turned into them screaming at the idea of any of them being blamed for what happened. Then, the group realized that the therapist hadn’t reacted at all. 

  “You’re still a pack. You think your omega dying has torn you apart, but the way you all just jumped to defend them? To defend each other? You’re still close, you still want each other. You just need to let yourselves want that. You think there’s no way to recover, but this has the opportunity to bring you all closer together than you were before. You just have to let it.”

  The sessions changed after that one. It was still quiet in the beginning, but they ended up willing to talk to each other. Then they ended up wanting to talk to each other. They started spending time together outside of sessions, started doing more things in the pack house. About half a year after losing you, they found themselves sitting on the couch together again. Cuddling. Holding each other. Helping each other.

  They got their act together. They had to. You never would’ve wanted them to tear themselves apart. You’d given yourself up for a reason. For them. If they were to throw that away, they’d be betraying you. They couldn’t do that. Not after what you did for them. Not after the sacrifice you had done for them. You’d given your life to keep them together, and they didn’t plan to let anything come in the way between them again. Your memory kept the pack strong.

  Missions had gone back to what they once were. They were similar to how things were before you had joined, but never the same. They all felt more protective over one another. The idea of losing another member of the pack kept them on their feet. Some thought it’d be their downfall, that it would distract them. It was the opposite. It encouraged them to work even harder to return home. If they died, your sacrifice would be for nothing. 

  Their next mission had come across John’s desk a few days ago. It was one where they’d be working with someone not on the task force, something they had only done one or two times since losing you. The only information on the person was their abilities and skills. John tried to find more on the person, but there was nothing. When he asked Laswell, she had told him it was all classified information. They wouldn’t know anything up until the mission briefing the day of. So, when the group walked into the meeting room, it was safe to say their curiosity was piqued by the lone figure against the wall.

  The figure wasn’t looking at them. They weren’t looking at anyone. They had a hood up and their face down, making it impossible for them to make out their features. Along with that, they had no scent. It wasn’t that their scent was just bland, it was that it wasn’t there. Even when they’d met the rare person who didn’t have a designation, that person still had a scent. It was normally something bland and basic, but it was still there. However, this figure had absolutely nothing.

  There wasn’t much time to ask questions before the briefing started. The four of them listened, but ever since seeing the figure they had a strange feeling in their stomach. A feeling they couldn’t quite describe. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t feel bad either.

  “I’m glad all of you could make it. We’ve got some very important intel on the line here, so I need everyone to listen very, very carefully.” 

  The Colonel giving the briefing was British, but it wasn’t someone who John had met before. Laswell knew him, and when he was asking Laswell for assistance with a mission, Laswell had offered the 141. The Colonel had the scent of an alpha. He looked to be much older than John, maybe in his mid-50s. 

  “There’s an organization that is attempting to weaken the military to open up the space for a larger attack over the past five years. They’ve been attacking officers in their homes away from base, attacking actual bases, and stealing intel. We don’t know why they are doing it, but we plan to find out. There’s a safe house we’ve been watching for a while now. The organization has been using it lately as a stop between transporting illegal weapons. We’ve seen a few of their higher ups go through here. Hawk-” The Colonel motioned to the figure. “-has figured out the next time one of these higher-ups, Christopher Stone, is going to be passing through. It’s going to be today at 2200. Grabbing this higher up is the best chance we have at getting the information we need to finally bring these people down.”

  “So we’re going in and nabbing a guy?” 

  John looked over to the other side of the table. He recognized the soldiers on that side. He’d seen them around base. They were from one of the better platoons on base. The man who had spoken up was the sergeant. John could smell the alpha all over him. It was as if the man was purposefully pushing his scent out into the world, trying to establish dominance. His lieutenant sat next to him, right across from John. The sergeant was sitting across from Simon and there were two other soldiers sitting across from Kyle and Johnny. All of them seemed to be alphas. They weren’t a pack, but John knew they worked well together. Not as well as his team, of course, but well.

  “You’re not doing that. Lieutenant Evans, you, Sergeant Brown, Corporal Davies, and Corporal Walker will be leaving here at 1800. You will be sat in different lookout spots around the base. They have a routine they do every time one of the higher-ups is passing through. They clean things up, set up more lookouts, get more people on the roof of the building with weapons. You will be looking for these things to happen. If they aren’t happening by 2000, then the mission will be aborted. If they are, however, then you need to let us know. Once we have confirmation that it’s happening, Task Force 141 will head over with Hawk.”

  “Understood, Colonel.” Lieutenant Evans said with a nod. Sergeant Brown didn’t seem all too happy about his task, but he stayed quiet.

  “How are we goin’ about this once we head o’er?” Johnny asked. The Colonel nodded towards Hawk.

  “They developed a plan to get you all in and out without needing to fire a bullet.” The group looked over to where Hawk was still leaning against the wall. Their position hadn’t changed, but they did seem a bit more tense than before. Their head was moved slightly further down, something that Simon may not have even realized if he hadn’t been paying such close attention to them in the first place. It was when Johnny spoke that they changed so slightly. They’d been a still figure the entire time, up until Johnny said something.

  “Without a single bullet? How many people are going to be in this safe house?” John asked, skeptical of this plan.

  “Fifteen to twenty people. But Hawk is smart. The plan is for you all to drive about a mile away from the house. Then, three of you will get out, along with Hawk. One of you will set up a lookout spot about halfway to the house while the other two keep moving forward with Hawk. Once there, Hawk will move forward while the two of you will stay in the trees. Hawk’s going to go through an unlocked window. Hawk broke the window lock last time they snuck in. Hawk will sneak through the house to unlock the cellar door. They’ll give you a signal over the radio and you two will get to the cellar door without drawing attention. From there, Hawk will lead you through the house. Hawk will take the lead. They can get rid of any threats you come across without raising any alarms. Not only that, but they know the safe house better than any of us. They know where to hide the bodies so you won’t get caught."

"At 2300, Stone will be sleeping. Hawk will sneak into the room while you two will take guard outside the door. They’ll knock him out. One of you will need to carry Stone while the other watches their back. Hawk will be focused on moving forward and creating a clear path for you to carry him back out through the basement and through the cellar door. Once out, you will alert those who stayed behind. You will meet halfway between the house and where the lookout is set up and then you will get in the car and drive. By this point, it is expected for someone in the safe house to realize Stone is missing or to find the bodies. You all need to be in the car and driving away, no delays. Do you understand?”

  “We understand, Colonel,” John responded.

  “I asked for the 141 because Laswell speaks very highly of you. This is an incredibly important mission. It can not go wrong.” 

  It was a surprise to everyone in the 141 when a familiar alpha scent of a warm fire entered the room.

  “And I told you, it won’t.” Through the door walked Laswell. She walked around the table to stand next to the Colonel as she spoke. “The 141 has had a near 100% success rate on all missions they’ve been on.”

  “I’m allowed to be cautious, Kate Laswell.”

  “And I’m allowed to tell you you’re being overdramatic, Oliver Green.”

  The Colonel sighed, shaking his head slightly, but there was an underlying small smile on his face.

  “I told you I could handle this briefing. You didn’t have to fly out.” Colonel Green stood up, shaking Laswell’s hand as she took her spot next to him.

  “You know you’re going to need my help with this. It’s complicated.”

  “You’re the one who suggested-”

  “I know, I know. Just let me do the talking here, alright?” Laswell turned away from Colonel Green, looking to Evans, Brown, Davies, and Walker. “You four are dismissed. Take the files in front of you with you. They have everything you need to know for when you leave in four hours.” The other four stood up with a nod, saying words of acknowledgment before doing as told and leaving the room. Laswell looked back to the 141. “Been a while, hasn’t it?”

  John gave a smile.

  “‘Bout six months, I think.” He said as he stood up and leaned over the table, shaking Laswell’s hand. Laswell shook it, but she remained standing when John sat back down. There was an open chair next to Colonel Green, but they’d both been standing since Laswell walked in. Why hadn’t they sat down?

  “Six months too long. I meant to make it out here for your last mission but got held up at home. My omega seemed to be going into heat, had to stay back to make sure they were alright.”

  Kyle nodded.

  “We understand, no big deal. Your omega comes first, yeah?” Laswell smiled.

  “Thank you.”

  “Ah take it they’re doing better? It’s aw good?” Johnny asked. Laswell’s smile widened.

  “Definitely. It’d been a false heat that got triggered by pregnancy.” The group’s eyes widened. John returned Laswell’s smile.

  “That’s amazing, we’re happy for you.” Laswell nodded.

  “Thank you, again. We’re very excited.”

  Simon spoke up next, and it changed the mood in the room.

  “Why’s this mission so important that you left your omega to come here?” Simon asked. 

  No alpha would leave their omega in another country without a reason. Laswell only did it a few times during the year to come over and check up on the task force, something she didn’t technically have to do. For Laswell to have left her pregnant omega, something big had to be going on. Something huge.

   When Simon asked his question, the rest of the room seemed to realize this as well. Well, the rest of his pack. Laswell already knew this, obviously, and it seemed like Colonel Green did as well. Hawk stayed against the wall with no reaction. 

  John sat up in his chair slightly along with Johnny and Kyle. he narrowed his eyes at Laswell, suspicion setting over him.

  “Ghost makes a good point. Everything alright, Kate?” He asked, glancing between Colonel Green and Laswell as the two exchanged a glance.

  Laswell sighed. She looked back at Hawk and then back to Price.

  “This is about to get really weird. You and your team might be very upset. Enraged. I need you all to try your best to stay calm.”

  John looked at Hawk who was becoming stiffer. He glanced at the rest of his pack, meeting their eyes and seeing the same confusion reflected. He slowly looked back at Laswell.

  “...what’s going on?” He asked. He was hesitant. He looked at Hawk once more, who’d turned their head away from the group entirely. 

  Colonel Green and Laswell exchanged another look before he sighed, looking back at Hawk.

  “Come on, kid.” Hawk did not move. “Hawk.” Once again, no movement. Colonel Green turned fully. “We discussed this already. You can’t get through this mission without your partners knowing and seeing your face. Come on.”

  The pack watched as Hawk stayed completely still. Despite the Colonel’s tone of instruction, Hawk didn’t move. They didn’t even begin to move. Colonel Green sighed, looking to Laswell.

  Laswell nodded, patting Colonel Green on the shoulder before walking over to Hawk. She stopped a few feet away.

  “Come on. We’ve been getting ready for this. You have to let them see.” Laswell’s voice was soft. The only time John heard that tone of voice was when Laswell was first suggesting therapy for the pack. It was meant to reassure, to convey empathy. To convince. 

  Johnny went to say something. This person didn’t need to show them their face. Sure, it’d make things a bit weird, but Simon hid his face during missions all the time. And Simon had his reason, so this person probably has them too. Before he could say this, however, Laswell shot him a look, shaking her head. Johnny stopped and no one else said anything, beyond confused.

  “At least the hood, alright? You can keep the mask, but the hood has got to come off.” 

  Hawk was still for a moment before their shoulders slowly dropped with a quiet sigh. Laswell nodded, taking a few steps to the side so they weren’t blocking the 141’s view of Hawk. 

  Hawk’s head lifted. Through the shadow of the hood, they could see that Hawk was wearing black a surgical mask. Their eyes were shut before they took a shaky breath, lifting their hands and pulling their hood back as they fully lifted their face, letting the light hit them and revealing themself to the group.

  Half of their face is covered. There aren't many notable features that can be made out through the mask. The one thing that can be made out, however, is their eyes. Those same eyes that all four members of the 141 saw in their dreams. Those same eyes that all four members of the 141 saw in their nightmares. The same eyes that they had last seen filled with tears, pleading for forgiveness and understanding. The same eyes that had once looked at them with such adoration and joy, now filled with a deep darkness and sorrow that the boys felt sinking into their very skin. 

  The quiet sits for a moment before it’s broken by a quiet whisper of your name.

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.82)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: The first beach day of the season prompts both You and Tae to talk through some of your sadness. This time, you do something about it. "You’re so gentle. I don’t think you understand it.”

Tags: Trans! Tae, Dysphoria, talks of jealousy and love, top surgery/boob jobs, medical talk, talk of weight gain, body insecurity, body dysmorphia, crack, attempts at humor boobs, fingering, mild dirty talk, voyeurism, Talks of depression, mention of seizures but no seizures today, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, talk of marriage and wedding rings, mentions of past physical abuse, mentions of past self-harm, mentions of ptsd, scars, this is the beach episode that all anime's have,

W/c: 20.6k

A/n: wow! this is the chapter that officially pushes us up and over the 1million words mark of this story! i hope that everyone has enjoyed the ride so far, it feels so satisfying to get to the end of tae's arc after all this time <3 i really enjoyed writing this even if it took me a bit longer to get here. please tell me what you think of it and if you like it lol.

Previous part- Masterlist - First part

Summer comes, polishing its rusty claws.

It’s easy to feel daunted by the change in season, it always makes you feel like you’re running out of time. But change doesn’t always bring bad things. Scary Things? Sure. But alot of change is necessary, even if it's scary at first.

The date is June 1, and the change in weather is welcome. An early warm spell sends the pack scrambling to set up the outdoor furniture, cutting up watermelon after watermelon and strawberry over strawberry.

Jimin gifts Tae a new outdoor settee with a thick pink cushion and woven rattan back, dotted with swans and flowers. You and Tae tear through your sundress collection and keep your favorites on rotation. matching most days and color cordinating. You wear yellow on monday and pink on wednesday. Sometimes when Namjoon asks, you wear blue.

Hobi's sprouts come up on the windowsill and Yoongi makes him a set of four raised garden beds out front for green onions and parsley. the tomatoes that are green and small now will get a little out of control by the end of the summer.

Sort of like the roses. They heap over the rock wall. Wild and untamed and beautiful. Hobi can't bear the idea of cutting them back or even propping them up with a trellis.

But Picking the flowers for you and Tae however- that is something that Hobi can stomach.

Jungkook is perpetually empty from the nest from the hours of 6am to 9am. Intent on using as much sunlight as possible to take his ridiculous 12-mile runs. Sometimes when he feels like going slow, you go with him. He has this stupid dream of running a 5k with you (and you are unfortunately prone to indulging his stupid dreams). Even if he spends half of your morning walks teasing you for your slow pace.

You can only run like 50 feet without getting too out of breath to continue. But every day you go a little farther. Run a little longer. change is funny like that- it creeps up on you.

"Did Yoongi's mating mark make you like- more like a cat?"

"That's a really nice way of calling me lazy" you tease. Jungkook just grins. Both of your hands are sweaty and swinging between you. You have too many questions for him. “Why do you even like running anyway? Why do you want to run with me? Wouldn't it be faster if you went alone? You could run a marathon like tomorrow if you wanted.”

“Yeah, but it would be different if it was with you and I ran my first marathon when I was 20 before I even met Jimin and Tae. They're fun but only if you do it with a ton of people.” he looks down at your feet.

"When those wear out we should get matching sneakers."

"Can mine be pink?"

"Only if mine are purple."

"Deal."

When you do leave with Jungkook you always come home to Namjoon sitting on the front porch reclining in Tae's pink settee, reading and sipping his coffee. The curious chickadees twittering around you a gentle giant of a pack alpha.

Namjoon’s hair has started to go truly salt and pepper. Probably from the stress of the last year. You try to count them all one evening sprawled in the living room, spirited away playing on the TV, Namjoon on the floor sitting between your legs. He lets out a groan and tells you to stop when you get to 100.

“We could always dye it you know? You don’t need to go grey if you don’t want to. Jimin's pink for Christ's sake-” Jimin had perked up from the dining room chair, fresh dye dotting his hairline like the roses dot the rock wall outside. (And most of the windowsills since Hobi likes to pick the roses and bring them inside.)

"Yeah hyung, go pink with me! you're practically a blank canvas" Tae hums from behind Jimin, smiling down at him as she mixes a fresh bowl full of fuchsia.

Namjoon peers at the back of his head with the handheld mirror. He catches your love-struck look as you gently thread your fingers through his nape, your soft smile.

“No. It's okay.” He says. Contemplative. Even though you tell him that Tae dyes her hair so much that she has no idea when she’s going to go grey or if she’ll even ever really notice.

(Jin shaves Namjoon's hair later that week, going short for the heat and summer. And you and Jimin perpetually rub his spiky short hair, a bit obsessed with how sensory it is until he tells you to stop).

But this is how summer with the pack goes. Warm nights spent at your favorite spot and hamburgers and French fries. There are people to call, and things to orchestrate. Jin’s been going a little insane since quitting his job with the FBI, and the warm weather only makes him more prone to fussing. You hardly survived the post-heat spring cleaning.

More than once this spring Jin has demanded that Jungkook actually be hosed down outside after one of his runs turned him muddy and sweaty. Sometimes, Jin does the same with Hobi if he gets particularly grimy taming the garden. The veggies and the Roses. The walks and slow evenings. Life with the pack goes like this; a little lazy, a little busy chasing everyone around and keeping it together.

The garden grows. The sweet lemony lemony-smelling French doubles fill the yard with their scent and Red David Austins dot the fence in the corner like red stars. White fragrant French cups drape up and over the stone.

Hobi likes to pick them in the early morning, right as he has his first cup of coffee. Someone else is inside is getting you yours, or maybe you and Tae are changing for the pack's beach day. You both looked sleepy and draped all over each other when Hobi last saw you. Trailing after Jin who was already griping about the UV index as he and Tae led you in the direction of the dressing room to pick out your bikini for the day.

His careful fingers are mindful of thorns as he snips them free of the bush. A morning dove coos in the middle of the cul de sack, and Noodle meows from around his ankles guarding the alpha’s coffee (and occasionally sneaking sips. Especially if Hobi's used half and half). His baby blue cup rests in the grass slightly overgrown because Hobi is ever mindful of the pollinators.

He has a few blooms in his hands, mainly the pink ones. Hobi offers one to Noodle, crouching on creaky knees, letting the cat smell. Pushing his whiskers past the first row of petals. Purring loudly.

“What do you say Nu? Should we head inside and see if the girls like them?”

The door creaks and Hobi's coffee cup dangles from one pinky, empty. Three brightly colored beach bags wait by the door clogging the doorway and stopping Hobi from being able to open it all the way. They're piled high with towels, chip bags, and enough sunscreen to cover a small parking lot. Your and Tae's dresses are draped over the back of the couch, colorful and long patchwork spilling half onto the floor. A river of multi-colored floral squares.

Hobi can be forgiven for not immediately realizing what he’s watching.

You’re up on the counter and the bikini you wear is small, a bit too small. The red string at the back tied in a bow. One of Tae's hands tangle in it. Winding the red strand over her knuckles, back and forth between her fingers. Your bare back and your dimples are on display- distracting Hobi from what’s going on at your front. 

There’s just a lot of skin on display is all, and not much clothes. Hobi can handle it. Like a gentleman.  He restrains his imagination. Reminding himself that he's allowed to look, that he's not being creepy. But still- he's a little happy that Tae seems to be too busy whispering something to you from between your legs to notice Hobi's eyes trailing up your back.  

She's got one hand on your hip, digging into the alluring cleft where hip meets torso, the other concealed by your bodies.

You’d think he’d be used to it- you and Tae lounging around in little to nothing. Tae's gauzy collection of night dresses, or your spread of mini sleep shorts- but the mini bikini seems extra extra mini today. The thread-narrow straps and small red triangles do little to conceal your body and how it swells. 

Your milk had tapered off after the first few weeks of your heat but the swelling has been slow to go down.  That coupled with a little bit of post-heat indulgence and doting has left your body round and supple in a way that the alphas just devour. Hobi knows you've complained more than once about the newfound back aches and the new stretch marks and he sympathizes he really does but-

But fuck.

You sort of look like something off the cover of one of those vintage Playboy magazines that Tae pretends she likes for 'aesthetic reasons'. Not that Hobi judges. Hobi understands why tae's a little obsessed with them. Your chest is sort of a wet dream.

The whole pack is a lot obsessed with them.

Hobi thinks you're just kissing until You tip your head back and moan, and he almost trips over the corner of the carpet.

“Oh? You're-” Hobi's throat goes dry.

Tae picks her head up from where it was buried in your hair and laughs. Showing her canines, eyes bright and mischievous.

Her hand keeps moving between your thighs. When you try to close your legs, Tae's other hand grabs your knee and pushes them open. She does it like she hardly notices you squirming away or your sudden shyness.

Your scar shines silvery. Hobi hardly notices it. Eyes flicking down to it, to where tae grips your hip, fingers dimpling. Hardly catching the half-frantic glance you send over your shoulder at him. Caught.

Tae bites into the skin of your shoulder, so quick that Hobi almost misses it, directing your attention back to her with a jolt. It's a light correction, a playful one. There are other bruises and evidence of the pack's loving on your body too, a hickey under your jaw that hobi's pretty sure is from him. Others on the inside of your thighs from Jimin, And even more along the line of the bikini.

Jungkook has this funny habit of leaving bruises in the shape of a heart. Tilting his neck so that his hickeys make a pattern.

It's nothing Hobi hasn't seen before. This kind of thing is sort of routine for the pack. Yesterday he found Jungkook and Yoongi fucking in the sunroom, and the morning before that Hobi walked in on Jimin and Namjoon in the upstairs bathroom having some sort of staring match as Jin showered. Both of them hard and pretending they weren't.

And the day before that Tae had walked in on you and Hobi and Yoongi being…a little bit ridiculous on the front porch. Doing some all too public heavy petting that the pack alpha and pack omega would surely disapprove of if they found out.

It's not the first time Hobi has kept your secrets.

The last time Hobi saw Tae finger you, you were at the kitchen table (three mornings ago) but Hobi can't say it's not a welcome surprise. Your squirming is all you can do to keep the pack's pawing at bay when you're like this.

Tae grins, Drinking in Hobi's blush like it's strawberry lemonade. She doesn’t slow her pace at all. Two fingers or three? Her hand works in between your tights as you sag against her front, boneless. Giving in to the fact that you have an audience and Tae doesn't have any plans of stopping. Her wrist crooks to find the angle that makes your toes curl and Hobi sees it on your face the moment she finds that little spot that makes you clench extra hard.

Upstairs, Jungkook laughs loudly. Someone or something crashes into a door or a wall hard enough to make the windows in the kitchen rattle. Probably Jimin and Jungkook chasing each other around, zoomies that are sure to get worse when they get to the beach.

“Guys” Jin’s stressed tone sounds and Namjoon’s deep baritone says something in response. Too low to hear. Distracting the pack omega so that the pups can be pups. Who knows where Yoongi is, probably tightening down a screw or a loose nail or something.

Hobi smirks, kicking a hip up against the counter after refilling his coffee. Settling in to watch. The roses are forgotten about, discarded on the counter where they glimmer, going withy.

Hobi sips his coffee. Making eye contact with you over Tae's shoulder. And you blush furiously at the blatant way his eyes flicker from your face to your chest to between your legs.

"Do you-" you breathe heavily, cheek resting against Tae's arm, scrambling to paw at her hand when she crooks her fingers a little deeper, petting insistently in and in. Your bikini bottom is pushed to the side, leaving a little trickle of slick on the counter. The dewy and delicious parts of you are hardly hidden by Tae's wrist. A delighted growl-pur builds in Hobi's chest at the sight.

"Do you have to watch?" Your voice goes breath as Tae changes the angle of her hand and you throw your head back, but Hobi doesn't even blink.

"I'm quite enjoying my view thank you very much." He teases. "a settling?" He asks, taking in your dazed expression and the way you cling to her.

"Hole check." Tae quips, her tone vaguely endeared, like Jin's hole checks aren't the pack's favorite form of entertainment when it comes to teasing you and keeping you settled. Hobi's seen you get them just about everywhere; in the shower, bent over the arm of the couch. Or jin's favorite- sprawled over his lap in the nest before bed, usually post knotting.

You hiccup and paw at her wrist, but she just keeps going.

Tae growls, deep and pleased. There must be something with her instincts today, something setting her on edge. Maybe it's just the sight of you in that itty bitty bikini, a size too small for your new healthy body that spills out around its edges. Fuck- girls are so-

Hobi's grip goes white-knuckled on his coffee, and Tae shifts to the side so that Hobi can see. You duck forward into her chest overwhelmed nuzzling the faint fat there. You want to suck. To keep something in your mouth to keep the moans at bay.

You’d woken up a little bit soft-minded, a little bit more laconic than usual. Yoongi wrapped around your shoulders and Jungkook nuzzling somewhere around your stomach. No one was too surprised that it had been hard to wake you up.

It’s no wonder that Tae- usually more prone to being riled up by you in omegspace, had taken the way you’d trailed after her as something of an invitation.

You’re not wearing one of your bikini no- Hobi is intimately familiar with those (on account of how much you’ve both used the upstairs hot tub this spring) this red one is Tae's. Normally that wouldn’t be an issue but-

Tae's chest is not the same size as yours, especially not after your heat- whereas this bikini fits Tae perfectly- on you- it’s a little small.

Hobi can’t stop looking at your sternum, can't stop looking at you. the rest of the day is going to be torture. everything about you distracts him- the chub at the side of the red triangles, that freckle between your chest- all of it.

Tae grins at him like she knows and that's why she chose it, her cheek resting on the top of your head, smiling gently like she’s not knuckle deep in your pussy. Your bikini bottom is pushed to the side darkening to a faint maroon.

Her hand keeps moving, nudging sweet little sounds from you. Her hands are glossy to the knuckle and you know you’re leaking onto the kitchen counter (not that it hasn’t seen worse) you bury your nose in her throat, and let out these little huffs, and tae's hand slips under the side of your bikini to feel the flutter of your heart.

or just feel you up a bit. Her squeezes are appreciative and surprisingly tender.

Ah, fuck.

Hobi crosses his arms and sips at his coffee. You make eye contact with him and then shy away, hiding your moans in Tae's shoulder. Tae's bikini is dotted with small flowers, white on top and pink on the bottom.

Her chestnut hair is extra curly- Hobi doesn’t know why she bothered with the rollers when any effort that she puts into her hair will be damaged by the salt water later but still. It spills over her shoulders in pretty waves. She’s still wearing a clip at the nape of her neck, Hobi darts forward to take it out as you let out high-pitched ‘ah- ah- ah's

“Yah guys! Not in the kitchen! We eat here.” Jin already has a healthy glob of sunscreen covering both his cheeks, depositing yet another beach bag by the front with a loud and uncermous thud as he catches sight of what you and tae and now hobi are doing in the kitchen.

You can tell by the brief glance you cast over Tae's shoulder that he was planning on hassling you to get some sunscreen on too, a task now forgotten.

Tae cocks an eyebrow at Jin, and her fingering goes a little stronger, she picks up one of your legs hips splaying wider, showng jin too. "Yeah? I eat here too."

Jin huffs, half laughing. Hobi snorts into his coffee. "You're unbelievable."

“Just one sec, she’s almost there.”

You hide your face in Tae's shoulder, blushing furiously at the casual way she says it, all but pawing at her. Your fingers dig into her arm, the delicate bracelets on her wrists jingle and she crooks her fingers right there.

“You’re just gonna stand there? Your bathing suit is still upstairs?”

Tae grins at Hobi, pressing her thumb against your clit in the way that makes you squeal. All but ignoring your predicament. Hobi knows you like it when your pleasure is treated as routine, as something casual. Hardly worth mentioning or acting up over. They could make you cum over breakfast and then in the car and it would just be taking care of you. they'd decide and you'd take it. 

“And what? Miss the show?”

Jin sighs and forces you to untuck your head from her shoulder. "you have until she cums before I make you go upstairs and change baby."

"But-"

"No buts." you bite your lip to keep your moans at bay. Eyes dazed and foggy, completely small underneath their attention. “Pretty little thing,” Jin comments, eyes dark. Tae's hips shift ever so slightly. Like she’s supremely aware of the pack omega so close behind her.  And Jin’s hand crests your knee and your ankle, holding you open so that Tae can continue.

“Close your eyes pup,” You moan through it, Jin spreading a generous layer of sunscreen on your cheeks as Tae's hand works, turning your bathing suit dewy, wet, and messy.

You whine, high-pitched quiet. Jimin trips over the carpet in the main room same as Hobi, eyes flicking from Tae's hands to you then back again. “Oh, I- oh”

Hobi takes another swallow of his coffee, "yeah, oh" Hobi watches Jimin's eyes flicker from your pussy, to the wet countertop below.

Jimin's been being…a bit weird about your slick since your heat. A little bit less likely to reach out to you, to touch you. Like he’s too mindful of his own desires (or of triggering an early rut, Jimin is sort of due for one just like Hobi- he can feel it, an itch under his skin sometimes that threatens to build). But still unable to stop the almost magnetic draw to you in the evenings when the night falls and the hours grow slow.

He hasn’t exactly been obsessed with your pussy since your heat, but to say there's have barely been a 2-day span where Jimin hasn’t sought you out would be true. There's hardly been an evening that he hasn’t folded himself close in the nest and shuffled up behind you. Needy and a bit hard already at just the thought of asking. It's hard to pretend like he hasn’t sat next to you at every available opportunity. That Jimin hasn't trailed behind you and Tae or closed the door to the library room when Tae decides she needs some 'personal reenactment' for a chapter in her book.

Hobi doesn't blame Jimin for being pussy whipped. Hell- all of them are a little obsessed with it. He's heard Namjoon and Jin talking about it, late at night when they think no one is awake.

"The doctor did say that we should be careful. About her slick and us alpha's."

"Do you think they could get like- dependant on it?"

"I think it's only an issue if the pup says it is." Jin had snorted, and the sound of lips connecting had slightly woken Hobi from sleep. Wet and messy kisses getting messier by the second.

"If Minnie wants help, he'll come to us."

Hobi sort of wonders if this is like that, if Tae is like that with you, either addicted or dependent on it and that's why she's fingering you on the kitchen counter. Watching as you paw at Tae's wrist as it starts to become too much, moaning against her throat as she stalwartly continues to rub up against the spongy part of you.

Hobi could tell you the exact moment that she tips you over the edge. Fingers reaching just a bit deeper in almost a petting motion. Hobi laughs, and your squirming goes a little overstimulated, trying to pull back, gripping Tae's wrist with a choked-off moan. But Tae won't stop until you actually start to tremble.

Your body seizes and then relaxes, and you cling to her, sighing, burying your face in her neck to hide from the others who shuffle around the kitchen. Yoongi barely pauses to dot a kiss on your forehead before he gets the cut-up watermelon out of the freezer and asks Jimin to carry the cooler up from the basement. The others continue to chatter.

"Did you grab the lemonade?"

"Yes!" Jungkook bounces around the kitchen, already with so much energy even though he's had no caffeine.

"And the liquid iv?"

"Yes hyung- yes, come on- the tide is changing and I wanna make sure we have high tide for body surfing-"

"Wait Yoongi- could you check the oil in Hobi's car-" 

"I checked it two days ago." Hobi puts his empty coffee cup in the sink.

"Before or after you and the pup took it out? I know how you drive baby."

That makes Hobi blush, it’s as gentle of a scolding as Jin is capable of giving, "Hyung-"

"Go change pup."

Hobi sighs and follows the pack omega's instructions. Tae keeps her fingers inside of you until you’ve had the chance to come down all the way, until your breathing has gone heavy and you blink up at her, feeling a little hazy. She grins and kisses you on the nose. She takes her fingers out with a faint squelch, wiping them on a kitchen towel before she gently puts your bikini back in place. You whine and squirm.

Namjoon comes down the stairs, nostrils flaring, looking up at you and Tae, you’re a bit debauched, but Jin continues rubbing sunscreen onto your cheeks, switching to Tae's after a second. “Are you guys ugh- ready to go?”

Tae shuffles away with a lazy grin. You blink at her like you're half surprised that she's left you alone on the counter. She asks for it, and Jimin hands her both of your dresses, she pulls her dress over her head and sets yours on the counter.

“Hold on, one sec,” Tae fixes your bikini bottom, putting it back in place before dropping to one knee. Your hand goes into her hair, tugging and blushing furiously as she does. Trying to pull her back up as the whole pack watches her press a kiss over your pussy lips, the wet fabric of your bottom clinging to them, showing everything. Every ridge and dip.

Tae doesn't lick or nibble. She just kisses your wet spot and pops up onto her feet with a grin, hair bouncing,

“There we go, ready!”

~-~

It’s an uncommonly hot day for June. The seagulls turn slowly in a circle, like one big mobile buffered by the gentle ocean breeze. Even the screaming children feel quiet, dampened by the sound of the ocean waves roaring.

You almost bump into Jungkook as he helps unload the car, a brightly colored beach bag under either arm. Shirt already off and looking drippy and boyish in the summer sunshine, romantic looking in a way that only Jungkook can gring. He grins, his tousled hair just so before he ducks down to peck your forehead and dance around you.

You sway in the sunlight like a reed before toppling back into the passenger seat.

Hobi leans low, hands balanced on the hot metal roof of the car. Eyeing you over the rim of his dark sunglasses. A little worried. The others dart around both of you. Getting the bags, the cooler, the umbrella from the cars.

“You okay?” He asks and you fiddle with the ribbon on your sunhat, not meeting his eyes.

“Yeah,” you say after a second. You'd spent the whole car ride staring out the half-cracked window, eyelashes catching the wind. Hair going tangly until Tae leaned forward from the backseat to put it up for you in a claw clip.

The rendezvous earlier hadn't woken you up, not like they'd hoped, not at all. Hobi looks at you for another long moment before saying, “okay, I’m going to believe that until you tell me otherwise alright?”

“Alright.” You say, trying to convince yourself to smile. It’s easy when Hobi is looking at you like that. It's a nice day, you should enjoy it without worrying.

But the worry is hard to let go of.

Jin's endless chatter is the companion to your quiet. "Joonie- did we pack the watermelon? Did anyone see my SPF 70? Jungkook- do not run down the stairs, you remember what happened when you slipped and you skinned your knee? that goes the same for you too Hobi! Yoongi did you remember your sun top? Where did I put my sunglasses- thank you, baby.” Yoongi hands them over, dark hair glistening shiny, and healthy under the sun.

Tae wears a big pink sunhat and you wear a black one, sparing your shoulders from the sun, although they’ve been dotted and smeared with sunscreen too. Although the pack omega made each and every one of you line up for another layer of sunscreen and morning kisses before getting into the car you know today will leave you with tan lines no matter how many times Jin asks you to re-apply.

Especially when it comes to swimming.

The ocean hovers, stretching to the end of the world. The tide is still high but turning. A storm surge from a few days back has left even the waves aggressive at low tide. “Buddy system- Jungkook, you’re not allowed to go out on your-” Jungkook ignores Jin’s griping, dashing out into the hot sand. Jimin and Hobi and Tae hot on his heels.

The pack files down the steps, toting woven chairs and tasseled umbrellas, Yoongi’s face looks several shades lighter than normal from the sheer amount of sunscreen that he’s applied. He grumbles and hugs a big 2-gallon jug of water and lemon slices to his chest. But Jin is a professional. Each of them hold one fishing rod a peice, a small tackle box between the two of them is all that they need.

From the bottom of the steps, Namjoon waits.

He smiles up at you. You’re taking the steps slowly, one at a time in your squeaky plastic flip-flops hugging the big woven beach blanket to your chest. Jungkook Jimin and Hobi are already chasing each other across the sand, halfway to the ocean. You watch Jungkook dive, all but tackling Jimin up and over the dunes, Hobi valiantly comes to the other alpha’s rescue, but it’s no use, the three of them go rolling and tumbling. You can see the sand in Jungkook’s dark hair from here.

Namjoon smiles at you from the bottom steps, switching from holding the packs cooler with two hands to one, he offers you his hand wordlessly tugging the cooler behind him while you walk. Waiting for you to take off your flip-flops and hook them through his fingers so that you don't have to hold them.

Namjoon and you trail behind, the pack alpha going slow for you. Your hat nudges his shoulder. Yoongi and Jin walk a few paces ahead, bickering like an old married couple about the place you'll set up shop, matching rings on their fingers, bound between the two of them even if they’re both carrying too much. They still hold hands.

The rings are a new development, simple silver bands for the two of them, a tiny diamond on Jin's. You don’t know when it exactly started to come up in conversation (shortly after you'd drunkenly announced that you wanted to marry Tae maybe, although that was months ago at this point) but somewhere along the last 4 months, they've both started to wear them every day. One morning you’d woken up to Yoongi grumbling about ring sizes, that all the nitrogen from the day before was making his fingers feel too swollen for it.

You're hardly surprised.

They’re just testing it out, just making sure to see if they even like wearing them. Is it even a real marriage if they haven't filled out the paperwork and don't want to do anything like a ceremony? Does starting to wear rings even matter when Yoongi and Jin have already been semi-married in everything but paperwork for nearly all of their adult lives?

You’d known sort of from the beginning that Yoongi had always planned on marrying Jin, regardless of the mating mark. Maybe it would bother you more if you weren't fully planning on marrying Tae one day.

But with that you're going slow. Like today, you're in no rush.

Just like you plan on marrying Tae, just like you're sort of already mated to Hobi- regardless of the fact that you'll never bite him and he'll never be able to bite you. The feelings are still there.

You’d talked about it with Yoongi shortly after your heat. Alone, just the two of you cuddled up together late one night in the nesting pod after a bit of pack revelry. you can still hear everyone upstairs if you listen hard enough, spilling from the upstairs windows. The windows open to allow in a stray sun-warmed breeze. The weather shifting, the season changing and another summer is on its way.

"It feels like something I need to do before I finish the house. You know? Like it doesn't make sense to finish the house and not be married to Jin inside of it."

"This sort of feels like you're breaking up with me."

Yoongi had rushed to reassure you before he'd clocked your teasing expression. that really- you were just joking. he'd bent over you, and you'd put your foot flat to his stomach and pushed playful. A little tipsy, a little silly.

"Does that mean i can ask you out again if we're broken up?"

"Why don't you ask your husband first!"

It’s hard to believe that it’s been a full year since the pack moved in and yet, the empty champagne bottles on the floor linger gathering condensation. Tae had pushed you to celebrate it. The house is almost nearly complete too- there are only a dozen or so odd tasks that Yoongi has yet to do, picking a color for the exterior of the house being one of them.

They linger on the edge of his to-do list, so unimportant when it comes to the regular responsibilities of the pack beta. Like taking Jungkook to work, cooking dinner and doing the shopping, taking Noodle to his vet and grooming appointments, and picking Namjoon up after his night shifts (of which there are thankfully few).

And edit Tae's novel.

It’s almost complete but in need of serious serious review. She’d asked you first, but you’d read it, cried, and deemed it a complete masterpiece a welcome compliment but not exactly what she’d been looking for. Tae's sensitive heart cannot take much criticism, especially for something so close to her soul. But Yoongi and Jin are gentle enough.

Jimin, Namjoon, and Hobi had all asked to read it as well. And had whined and tried to barter when she told them that they'd need to wait to read the finished product.

You have a feeling that might have to do with the main character and the love interest. The love interest is a bit of all of them- although you confess you can’t read it without picturing Hobi or Jungkook in their slot.

But for today everything can wait. Editing books and chapters. Words and confessions. Everything can wait in the wake of a beach day. It's so rare that no one has to work, on a weekday no less. Jimin’s off from his bodyguarding, Jungkook doesn’t have another client or class scheduled until two days from now, and Namjoon’s next day of work isn’t until then either. You guess it’s just really you, Jin, Tae, and Yoongi who are regularly without anything to do these days.

Although that might be changing soon.

You’d submitted your application over a month ago, and yet, there has been nothing, no rejection or confirmation. No nothing. Although you’ve gone out and gotten the mail every morning without fail. Hobi is always reassuring you that there is still time, and that even if you don’t get in this cycle there’s always next semester.

Yeah, you’d taken his advice and applied for culinary school. You talk through it all the time, late at night on a drive, over lunch when you bring it to the flower shop after he forgets it at home again, after Jungkook's early morning walk/runs.

“As much as I hate to point it out but becoming a baker will mean that you’ll have to wake up like- really early every day. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

You’d whined and flopped down into the nest on top of Hobi, shuffling to the side to get your body all aligned up against the pack omega. Still Half-asleep, glasses askew, Yoongi already carrying three cups of coffee up the stairs, steaming good.

“I know- I know," Although the rest of the pack defaults to being encouraging, Hobi is the only one who asks questions like this. "I don’t know if I’m like- so focused on the results or that I just want to go to school in general but-"

He'd grinned at you. "You want it too bad for it to matter."

"Yeah…I think I do. Even if I don't even like do anything with it after. It would be nice to like- understand why I can't make a fucking souffle."

"You're the shame of the regimen."

"What do your superiors do with you." (Tae made you watch Pride and Prejudice again a week ago and you've been quoting it back and forth since then.)

Wanting something enough to try for it is strange for you. It feels strange to have a dream after so many years of straight survival. But the pack isn’t really hurting for money these days, what with your old penthouse sold to the highest bidder and the dizzying sum put into stocks and bonds that pay out at regular intervals.

It's more than enough to make your taxes and utilities and even have a good bit left over at the end of every month. You're not really involved with it, Jin and Yoongi handled all of it. The sale, the business with the realtor, and property in Manhattan always goes for a lot, even with a burnt-up top floor.

It's a strange thing, but you honestly don’t even have to think about money anymore. No one in the pack does.

Although that’s not what’s making you quiet.

Your slowness right now has nothing to do with your and Tae's rendezvous earlier. If anything, you might be worse if it wasn't for her. You have that vaguely disgruntled look that Jimin gets when he's overstimulated today. Like your skin isn't fitting right, or your hair is pressing in from all sides. It's not overstimulation- not exactly.

Your thoughts are still somewhere too slow for summertime. Dripping and melting slowly like ice cream. By the time you get over the hill, Hobi is wearing Tae's sunhat and Jimin is holding her flip-flops. Jungkook is walking backward several paces in front of them. Saying something that makes Jimin throw one of Tae's flip-flops at him.

Jungkook takes it and runs. Tae's pink sunhat goes fluttering in the breeze and the three of them chase after him until they drop their towels and bags in a spot that Jin and Yoongi deem alright enough and continue their pell-mell puppy tumble to the ocean, Tae's pink flipflop nearly gets taken by the sea but Jungkook dives for it.

"Help me set up the umbrella?" Yoongi asks, touching your arm gently. You nod, happy to have some shade in the bleeding sunlight. You hold it still while Jin fluffs out the beach blanket and Namjoon sets up the chairs, and when you're finished and Namjoon sits in the camping chair, Jin and Yoongi meander their way towards the shoreline, still holding hands both of them covered to the wrist.

"They look like a pair of grandmas."

Namjoon looks up at Yoongi and Jin and grins, "Yeah they do."

You plop down on the blanket just next to him and Namjoon raises an eyebrow at you. "Are you sure you don't want a chair?"

"I'm sure."

Namjoon spends a long moment looking at you, but you're not paying attention to him. You watch Jimin spin Tae in the sea spray, her dress twirling with him, she holds around his neck until he puts her down, pulling her dress over her shoulders too. Jimin runs it back to your things, grinning at you and ducking low to kiss your forehead then Joonie’s mouth.

You still watch Tae, mouth a little turned down as you watch her. taking in the way her shoulders hunch, the way she looks down at her body and then up at Jimin.

Joonie makes a noise and Jimin ruffles his buzz cut before darting back to Tae with a giggle. you watch tae straighten up before he gets back over to her. The pack alpha shakes his head. Tae has crossed her arms over her chest, but she’s still smiling at Jimin.

Tae has always been better than you are at pretending that nothing is wrong.

The ocean is speckled with people, brightly colored swimsuits, and beachballs. You’re glad you came on a weekday because there aren't too many people here. It's not crowded. From a distance, the Ferris wheel turns slow and when you listen you can almost hear the Jingle of the carousel mixing with the screech of the gulls.

You know that later there will be fried dough and milkshakes up on the pier and a walk on the boardwalk later. You should be more excited for that, you love fried dough and you’ve been meaning to try and make your own for the longest time.

Jin is quick to call Jungkook and Jimin back for more sunscreen and to take off his clothes before he gets them wet. Really he's getting a little ridiculous with it. Jungkook and Jimin strip the rest of their clothes until there's little left beyond a tiny red Speedo.

It causes more than a few groans. Your mate looks away, laughs, then looks back.  "Jungkook-" "Really Koo-"

"What? I wanted to match the pup!" That actually gets a laugh out of you. You touch his knee and Jungkook smiles down at you, winks, and bounds off in the direction of Tae and Jimin. 

Tae looks gorgeous running through the water, her hair quickly during dark from the salt water. Both of them tug your mate into the water when he dares to come too close and it's seconds before Yoongi sinks a Jungkook-shaped necklace wrapped around his shoulders to pull him to sea. Yoongi puts up a valiant fight you can hear his "yah!" from here.

Jimin isn’t far behind. Getting more than a few looks as he wets his hair and flips in back. You find it hard to look at Jimin and Tae actually. Flustered. Hobi is already 50 feet down the beach, head lowered to look for things that have washed up. Headphones barely visible at this distance. You didn’t want to walk down the beach today with him, too tired.

And it’s so hot.

You sigh, Namjoon is already flipping through his book (fiction for a change- probably one of Tae's recommendations if you had to guess from the ballgown on the front.) You watch as Hobi becomes a dot on the horizon.

You sort of wish that you’d gone with him after a few minutes. You alternate between watching him become smaller and smaller, and watching Tae, Jungkook, and Jimin roughhouse in the water while Yoongi and Jin stand in knee-high waves, keeping an eye on them and talking. Still holding hands. Mostly just making sure nothing happens.

You know the pack is always worried, always just a little bit extra watchful of Jungkook on beach days. It’s always a risk, having him go out and swim. But someone's always nearby. If anything happened, if he started having a seizure, the rest of the pack wouldn’t be that far away. He's never had a seizure in the water before but it's always a risk. Jungkook doesn't act like he's nervous whatsoever, pushing off from the bottom when the big waves come and diving where they break, cutting through the water like it's effortless.

You feel a little too tired to share in their worry today.

The pack has picked up on it of course, that there is something wrong with you today. That something is turning you quiet and a little bit grumpy. There are only so many forehead kisses and reassurances that they you can give before you sort of have to come to them for help. Tae at least had tried this morning. And while you hadn’t not enjoyed your rendezvous…

Namjoon opens up the cooler. Offering you a piece of watermelon. You decline it.

“Do you want some water?”

“No Joonie.” You cover your feet with sand. Wiggling your bright red toes up through it before covering them again.

"How about an ice cream?”

You snort. “It’s not even noon.” You find a little pink shell in the sand, sun-bleached, and you balance it on Namjoon's knee. The pack alpha watches you line it up with others you find searching through the sand. You'll show Hobi when he gets back.

“I won't tell Jin if you don't, we could walk and get some for everyone?” he offers. Folding his book to the side. Index finger keeping his place.

“They’d melt and I’m still full of breakfast.” Hobi had made French toast this morning, sticky and yummy and melty with how good it was. Your lips are stuck in a pout, and you school your expression into something neutral the second you realize.

Namjoon gets barely another paragraph under his belt before he's trying again. “Are you sure you don’t want to join the others in the water?”

“No Joonie,” You nudge his novel with your elbow, “Read your book.”

“We could get you some lemonade or something else from the boardwalk? It’s kind of hot out you know, you should be careful of heatstroke.”

“Joonie-”

“Pup.”

Namjoon folds his book in half again, raising an eyebrow at you. You know he’s asking you to tell you what’s wrong without actually doing it. An invitation if ever there was one.

The cool ocean breeze tickles your forehead comforting. “Do you wanna tell me why you’re a little grumpy this morning, or do you want me to wait until noon until I start to actually try and cheer you up?”

"You are cheering me up."

A look at your phone tells you noon is about 40 minutes away, and the temptation to wallow is there but-

You pull up the hem of your long skirt. Green and yellow and embroidered, Tae got it for you special just for today, it was wrapped in gauzy paper this morning at the end of the settee in the dressing room. One for herself already hanging in your shared closet. You like matching with Tae- you always do, but-

She looked so good in hers, and you couldn’t help but feel like it didn’t look the same on you- your legs too short and stubby, your arms, just a little too pudgy when you turn to the side. You don't pick yourself apart in the mirror nearly as bad as you used to. And it's stupid, because you know she probably thought the exact opposite about how it fit you. You’d seen it just briefly, the way that her eyes had fixated on your chest and then quickly looked away.

You don’t make Tae feel dysphoric often but you hate it when you do.

She'd noticed you noticing, and then in the best way she knew how she'd distracted you from your own feelings and let you know just how delectable she found you in your bikini and dragged you downstairs into the kitchen-

Ugh, today might be a good day if you could only get over it. You might be happy to spend it here, lounging with the pack alpha but it’s also a bad day too.

You kneed the sand with your feet. And Namjoon waits for you to speak, recognizing that you’re working through it. You bury your head in your knees, skin pressed to skin, holding around your calves tight.

"I thought I’d have more time, when the weather started to change and Tae and I started looking at bikinis. All of them were just so small and I’m so big now.”

“Pup, you’re perfect,” You can tell Namjoon means it.

“I know, I just want to feel more comfortable.” you say it like you don’t really believe it. Steamrolling past the pack alpha before he has a chance to argue with you. To pry. “I ordered a one-piece and I know that but-” you tug your knees to your chest, feet sandy, flipflops discarded. Pink. Tae's matching ones are a few sizes larger and not far, resting in the sand.

“But I also don’t want anyone to look at the scars on my back.”

A gull squawks and Jungkook giggles as he gets up on Jin's shoulders. tae is already perched on Jimin's, playing a game of chicken. An extra large wave hits them from the side and they both go tumbling. Laughing and falling into the salt water. Yoongi smiles from his spot with his fishing pole, screwing with his line and then Jin's, getting them set up. Namjoon drops his book to the side.

“Ah. So that’s what it is.”

“It doesn't bother me when you guys see them but-“

You look at the waves instead of at him. And you realize it honestly hadn’t occurred to him that that might be the reason why you’re nervous, why you’re off today. You hadn’t really realized it either, not until you caught Tae looking at them this morning and then Hobi.

You look at the ocean, and then back at Namjoon. He folds his book and puts it away. Beneath his big body, the beach chair creeks. You lay your head against the sun-bleached wood of the arm rest. His fingers naturally find themselves in your hairline, rubbing at your temple. You don’t know how he knew that you’ve got a headache but the relife is near instant.

“It’s not that I’m even that self-conscious of them.” You say after a moment. You don’t think about it at all when it’s just the pack when it’s just the eight of you. You don't feel nervous when you're walking around in a bra with Tae or in a bandeau and a pair of Jungkook’s sweats when he eventually badgers you into stretching in the sunroom. You never think about them when it's days like that.

“If anyone looks, I can tell them off for you.”

“No, you don’t need to, I just-” You watch a little kid and his friends toss a ball to each other, getting too close to the waves until it's swallowed by the seafoam, Jungkook is close to it. He gets it for them before it has a chance to get swept out for sea. They scream and crowd him. You get it- all little kids sort of love Jungkook.

“I don’t want anyone thinking that it’s you guys who did that to me, I don’t want anyone to look and wonder how it happened.”

You think of it, the scar, the sharpness of a knife, your face under Geumjae’s boot. It doesn’t bother you to remember it anymore. All the pain from it is so far away. But anger has a habit of sticking around.

“It doesn’t matter to me, if it matters to you, I understand, but I don’t care what strangers think about us, not anymore.” You feel warm at that, that the pack alpha doesn’t care about his reputation so long as you know who he is. The content of his heart and soul, or whatever.

“It matters to me just- I hate them, I hate having them.” You bury your hands in the sand to hide that they’re trembling and this time, when Namjoon passes you a slice of watermelon you take it from him.

"Come with me to get ice cream?"

"Did you only suggest it earlier because you wanted to get some?"

"Yeah," he admits, he gets up from the chair. Hand out, waiting.

You put your palm against his and he pulls you to your feet. "Okay, only if I can get mint chocolate."

His face goes sour, “pup-” you laugh and down the beach, Hobi picks his head up from looking down, pockets heavy with sea glass, listening to the sound of it on the wind and smiles.

Your hands stay like that, tangled together between the both of you. Now that you're talking about it, it's hard to stop.

“At first, I was so disgusted with myself that I’d let someone do that to me. You know I didn’t fight back until the end, not really, not until Yoongi.” Namjoon hums, and lets you vent. Let’s you talk it through as you walk up the steep steps. You know he knows all of this but you want to vent.

“I spent so long thinking I deserved it, wondering if I did, and trying to convince myself that I didn’t. I still don’t know if deserving has anything to do it. But after I stopped wondering, I just got angry.”

The sun beats down, burning the sand and bleaching the earth slowly, leaching the color out of everything, the seashells, Namjoon’s eyes, the grey strands in his hair. Everything. “I got angry at me, and then at him, and then at myself again because I couldn’t punish him.”

Your feet thump up onto the boardwalk, staccato. Namjoon pauses so you can put on your pink flip-flops. You know he doesn't want you to get splinters. “Do you still want to punish him?”

“No.”

You realize how true it is, you really, don't think you want revenge anymore. “I just want to let go of all of it and start again, I just want it to not matter anymore. I don’t care about it and I’m not ashamed of what he did to me because that’s his shame to bear now. Even though he's dead."

"But I still don’t how to let it go. I still have the scars. I don’t want to hold onto all this rage and grief and fear anymore. I woke up angry, and I'm trying to let go of it, that's why I'm grumpy.”

Namjoon’s voice is so deep, that it’s almost hard to hear over the crash of the waves. “I don’t know how you let go of it, I don’t know how to grow. Change is of course natural and you can't avoid it- but I think healing is different for each person. Some people just need love and care, and some people need a fire lit underneath them. I won’t sell you a false promise because I don’t know if it’s possible for everyone to heal. Brains aren't like bodies.”

Namjoon pauses, and he glances at you tentatively, like he’s not sure he’s supposed to say what he wants to. The second you clock the look you want to know what he’s thinking. He must guess it from your face because he soldiers on.

“But you’re so gentle. I don’t think you understand it. you don't understand how rare it is, how special you are to have gone through so much and still be gentle. Your anger doesn't take that away. Not to me."

“Oh, uhm- thanks?”

"And I think if you weren’t healing, we’d know.” Namjoon still has the tacky feeling of sunscreen- probably from spreading it on Tae's shoulders. When he touches your cheek, tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear. Eventually, you say,

“I don’t want anything about me to be violent anymore. I think I’ve earned it.”

“You have,” Namjoon says. You need it, the permission to be this way, permission to be peaceful after fighting for so long. There is no joy in this trying, there is no satisfaction in trying to get better if you can’t have peace.

So, what if life gets a little boring eventually? It's better than things being painful all the time. You have your coffee; you go to the beach with the people you love. What will the unblemished skin of your back feel like when the scars are gone?

You want to know. You realize it then, that you wish you didn't have them. That not having them would be easier. You want a new body, you want a new life, or maybe not a new one- But the same one just different, without all the pain and anguish and struggle.

When you look back at the pack, they’re nothing but dots among the ocean. Your heart pangs when you realize you can’t pick out Tae.

Namjoon squeezes your hand. “What are you worried about?”

“Tae's feeling dysphoric today, it’s kind of odd that we’re so in sync don't you think? I’m feeling like shit about my body and what’s been done to it, and she’s feeling like shit because hers won’t love her right.”

Namjoon tips his head. “I noticed. How do you think we could help?”

The pack alpha is asking you how to care for another member of your pack, and you wish you knew better how to say it. How to explain what tae needs. You feel so fragile today, you’re not sure you could help but- loving Tae is easy for you. Loving Tae has always felt like breathing.

“I don’t know. Probably just braid her hair and tell her she looks lovely. Support her. You’re good at doing that. You don’t need my help.”

Namjoon kicks at the boardwalk, “I wonder if it will ever not matter to her if she’ll ever truly reclaim her body and make it what she wants. Do you think she should stop trying? That she should stop wearing dresses, even if it never makes her feel the way she wants it to?”

“No, never, Tae should always try. I love her and I just want her to be okay.”

Namjoon takes your hand, turning it over tracing a scar on the back of your hand. It's a burn scar, one of the ones you gave yourself back when you wanted hurt because you didn’t know how to make everything stop hurting. It makes sense- in a recursive sort of way.

“Then I think you can try to let it go, and if it doesn’t work the first time or the second or the third you just try again. You can try, even if you think you’ll fail. If Tae deserves it then you deserve it too.”

“Sometimes all I want is a do-over, sometimes all I want is a new life. I've wasted so much time being sad-”

Namjoon drops your hand and then holds it out. Smiling brightly in that what that only the pack alpha can, dimples and all. His tone switches from serious to goofy so quick that it gives you whiplash “My name's Kim Namjoon, it's nice to meet you, what's yours?”

“Joonie.”

His eyes are teeming with mirth, the kind of goofiness that Namjoon only really has when he’s one-on-one. You won’t do him the disservice of thinking that he’s only this goofy with you. You know he acts this way with the others too.

But when it's all of you together Namjoon is always counting heads and bending down to tie loose shoelaces. He's not silly like this. He's your caretaker and your confidant, your pack alpha, and sort of your dad in the best kind of non-creepy way. You've learned alot from him over the last year, you've grown alot with him.

“I’m here with my pack, I think you’d really like them. Especially my girl, Tae.” He bumps his shoulder into yours and you giggle. He holds the door to the ice cream shop open for you with a faint jingle.

"Can I have your maraschino cherry?"

"Yeah. You can even eat the others too and I won't tell. I’m getting an extra sugar cone too."

"Deal." You don't end up getting mint ice cream at all, the strawberry gram cracker is too tempting for you. You're ladened with them when you're on your way back, the shop has these special little insulated cups to keep the ice cream cold, but it's still in danger of melting.

Namjoon is a little quieter, that might just be from the sheer amount of ice cream that both of you hold and the concentration it takes to avoid spilling it. You've got a strawberry milkshake for Tae, a peanut butter scoop and split for Jin, something with caramel for Yoongi that Namjoon thought he'd like, and fish-shaped samanco for Jimin and a chocolate covered banana for Jungkook. The whipped cream and cherries hardly make it off the boardwalk.

But you sense there's something more to it, that there is something more to Namjoon's quiet than simple concentration.

So, before you get back to the others you pause, sun beating down, ice-cream melting. "If you want to say something Joonie, just say it."

His eyes are heavy-lidded. "I know you doubt your progress, but you are getting better. I think with healing, it's either heal now, heal later, or heal never. And while I don't think you're wasting any time at all because healing isn't a waste, but-" Namjoon takes a deep breath, looking at you, unable to tear your eyes away,

"I'm really really glad you decided to heal now, because I get to spend a lot more time with you and I like spending time with you. I'll hash this out with you as many times as you need me too because I love you."

"Oh," you blink at him, at the sun, trying not to cry, pausing in the sand. Namjoon looks a little alarmed that you've stopped walking.

"The ice cream is melting."

You ignore him, you can’t pull him close because you’re holding too many ice creams. So you just demand "Come here." It takes a bit of juggling on his part but he leans down and kisses you. A bit of whipped cream ends up in the sand, but you'll just tell Jin that you ate his instead.

You already ate the cherry on top anyway.

"Oh! They're back!"

The pack is towling themselves off, with sandy bottoms and wet heads. You grin as Yoongi excitedly tells you that he's gotten 2 nibbles on his fishing rod, two! At this rate you'll be having fish for dinner. Even Jin has let himself be dunked, and you disseminate the ice cream to everyone with thank you side hugs and thank you kisses.

No one comments that all the cherries are missing.

Tae flops down next to you and then Jimin on the other side competing for the shade. "Oooh strawberry." "Can I try a spoonful of yours?" Jimin asks, then hums, eyeing it, "We can switch if you want Minnie." You offer before he can pout. "Oh, really? You don't care?" you shrug, you don't mind red bean. It sort of always reminds you of Yoongi and Jin since they like it so much. You trade back and forth and then.

"Hobi's back too!"

A smile stretches your face before you’ve even caught his scent in the air. When you look up Hobi has his hair held back by his sunglasses and his headphones are looped his neck. Pockets round and hands full, looking freckly already. "You didn't go far?"

"Yeah, got too hot" Hobi grins dropping to his knees on the beach blanket. "And besides I got a lot."

"Oh show!"

He dumps out his sea spoils while you lick ice cream off of your spoon and nibble at Jimin’s Samanco. Oohing and aahing over his chunks of glass and pretty shells. And he takes a nibble when you offer him one, but only a bite before he relents-

"It's so hot, I wanna go swim. You haven't been yet? Wanna come?" Your hands are sticky and your mouth goes dry. But before you can tell him no Namjoon is already taking off his shirt, jumping when Jungkook's hands get a little pinchy at the gentle chub around his waist. "Here, you can wear this-"

Oh, it's perfect. You take off your dress and you miss the heavy knowing glances between Jungkook and Jin and the hungry way Jimin's eyes flicker up from your waist to your face, the way that Tae can hardly look at you. Yoongi taps Jungkook on the shoulder when he reaches to squeeze and give you the same treatment Namjoon got, shaking his head imperceptibly. You have your back to it so you don't see.

You are this way; taken care of even when you are unaware of it and loved even when it is not seen. The pack knows that what you need today is not any more of that sort of attention. Tae gave you enough earlier. They watch, wink, and linger. Unseen by you. Does love matter any less if you don’t know it?

You put Namjoon's shirt on and it falls just below your hip. It's worn at the shoulders. A hole in the hem that Jimin hooks his finger into experimentally. Making a deep hum in his mouth around the sugar and sweet. The texture has passed your pickiest alpha's inspection. Perfect. No one asks why you feel the need to wear it or why Namjoon offers it up.

Jin immediately reaches for the tube of sunscreen and starts spreading it on Namjoon's shoulders, leaning against the pack alpha's back when he's done and resting his chin on the top of Namjoon's head.

Namjoon tilts his face up, pressing a quick kiss under Jin's jaw. Licking his lips and grimacing. "You taste like sunscreen hyung."

"I'm going to ignore that because when I'm fifty I'll be pretty and wrinkle and skin cancer free and you'll be even more grey." Namjoon turns, touches his hip fondly, and then glances to you.

“i'm sticky, I’ll come with.” Namjoon doesn't offer you the choice, he makes the decision for you and you're so thankful you don't know how to say it. You finish your ice creams and when Hobi takes your hand, you let him pull you up and into the water. You let him tug you until you're running the last few feet before you and the ocean collide. Cold, but just right, just what you need underneath the heat. Jungkook runs with you too, barreling through the waves.

Yoongi and Jin walk down to where there aren't many swimmers and more rocks, casting out their lines. Glimmering when they catch the light properly. Leures hurdling through the air to land with a plop.

The hem of Namjoon's shirt is just turning wet when he tells you. "You know, the human body and the sea have roughly the same salinity."

You don’t feel like that strong of a swimmer, at least not like Jungkook who cuts through the waves like it’s nothing. Like he's a part of the ocean, salinity or nothing. Namjoon is close behind, Hobi too, back to the waves, the red of his hair catching the sunlight. Tae comes in but goes back to the shore just as fast. Tossing her wet dark hair over her shoulder, ringing it out. And you know she’s probably going to want to do a hair mask later.  Jimin stands on the shore, watching you, waiting for Tae.

the sea foam glitters in the sun bobbing and tumbling, lost to the waves. A cold wave of water crashes against Namjoon’s back as he and Hobi lead you to deeper water until your feet just barely brush the bottom.

“Just kick pup. I've got you." You breathe, letting the water wash over you, ducking and closing your eyes, bracing yourself for it as it hits you. But Namjoon holds onto you so that when you rise up, you're still right next to him.

Something light and fast, silvery in the water slithers past you and you jump, clinging to him.

"Joonie! Joonie! Something slimy hit me! Namjoon!"

You cling to his shoulders and he laughs. His strong hand splays against your back. "It's just a fish!" Hobi calls.

"A fish! Where?" Jungkook dives, looking around under the water. Where did he even get goggles? You cling to Namjoon's front, his body warm in the cold water. "Do you wanna get out?" He asks, dimples curved.

"Yeah, just let me dunk." Namjoon holds onto you as you go under, keeping you steady. For a moment all you can feel is the pull of the ocean, the way that the tide is shifting, pulling you out to sea too. Namjoon's hands remain on your arm.

When you rise up there are fingers against your cheeks wiping away the water before it has a chance to get in your eyes. It's Hobi, holding you as you bob. You're so much shorter than them. They get to stand just before the break whereas you have to tread water.

They help you time it right but you manage to avoid getting tumbled by the next crashing wave and when you turn your back to the ocean, you spot them there.

Jimin and Tae stand by the edge of the ocean a good 20 feet from your umbrella. The roar of the waves is so loud that you can’t hear exactly what they’re saying. But you can see Tae's mouth move, the upset lilt to her smile that falters. The way Jimin’s lips are turned down as he says what he wants to say. Standing close the way that lovers do.

He says something then entwines their hands tentatively, like he’s not sure he should. His shoulders are already turning freckly under the sun, the same as Tae's. Like little bits of summer trapped there against their skin.

They have new freckles, you have new stretch marks, and Namjoon has new grey hairs. Your mouth turns down into a frown the longer you watch them.

You watch Jimin reach up and wipe at tae's cheek, watch it as he says something that makes her shoulders shake, that makes him pull her tight against his front.

Your white shirt speckled with sand. Still damp from the ocean water as you splash through the waves to get to them. Tae smiles at you before you get there, eyes glassy. She doesn't do anything to hide the fact that she's been crying just a little as you effortlessly fold yourself into her side Jimin's arm trapped under your ribs.

You watch her smile falter. She hasn't been crying too much, just a tear or two, And she leans down to peck your forehead. Her skin is hot to the touch. Warm.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she says, quiet and know, it's somewhat of a lie. Jimin looks from you to her, and you sense some special small conversation going on like whatever they were talking about before you came over has been touched on just by you being there.

Tae looks down at you, biting her lip. “Are you mad at me?”

“What? No. Why?” Your hands go hard on her waist easily, because you hardly come up to Tae's sternum. You happen to know that she likes it when you grab her waist, but something that usually makes her squirm in a good way right now has no effect.

Maybe you respond too quick for her, because Tae looks at you under her lashes. “For this morning, did you-" did you not want it, did I misinterpret? Did I give you attention that you did not want? Would you tell me if I was loving you wrong?

Jimin squeezes her shoulder and you watch Tae brace herself for what you might say, “Tae,” you smile up at her, blushing just thinking about it, scent sweeting as you remember this morning. You can tell that both of them can smell it by the way that they straighten up and adjust their stance. Alphas.

"Tae I would have told you- I’m not- I’m not like that.” Anymore you don’t say.

Her dark hair is curling against her cheek, all of her salty and soggy. Tae looks like just wearing her bikini is making her ache. Like just standing here next to you is hurting. She sighs, Jimin loops his arms around her waist with you. His voice is deep and rough. “Tell her, you know she makes it better.” He mumbles the words against her shoulder.

“Minnie and I were talking about me getting a boob job. Since my boobs aren’t growing anymore, I've been at the max dose on my estrogen for like 3 months and there's still been no change."

You perk up a little at that, eyes bright. “Oh? That’s awesome, 10/10 should, totally agree.”

But the words don't soothe Tae, if anything, her shoulders just get closer to her ears as she hunches them making herself look and feel small. “But it’s expensive and it's like- not a necessary surgery like- it’s extra? Right? I can wear a push-up bra and inserts it’s not like-”

“Tae” you cut her off, and you can tell really this is what’s been bothering her. “Do you want it?” Tae looks down at you.

“Yes.”

“Would it make you feel better? Would it make you feel more girl?”

“Yes.”

You wipe away the wetness on her lash line with a thumb. “Then it’s not too much. What you need is never too much.”

"You wouldn't be like, nervous if I did?" You can tell that nervous isn't what she means.

"Maybe for your health but-" This isn't really helping, Tae is just getting more frustrated, her words failing her such a rare thing. You sigh, taking her hand in yours and you sense a little that none of this, none of Tae's anxiousness is about your approval. Not really.

She reaches down and fusses with her bikini and Jimin looks like he wants to say something. "What's got you so worried? Tae, what's wrong?"

Tae looks up at you and then back down. “But, I’m being so not a girls girl."

"Don't care, tell me."

"But are you sure?"

"Tae"

"Fuck pup, you look so good in yours and I just look- I feel gross. I feel all wrong and I look at you and sometimes it just- comparing myself to you isn't fair to you." Tae closes her eyes turning to Jimin, “Can I wear your shirt?”

Jimin has it off before she’s even really finished her sentence. His miles and miles of skin and muscles are even more alluring under the sun. His hair shimmers like it’s burnished gold underneath it too. Jimin is always sort of golden. He's always sort of stunning.

"I don't like feeling jealous of you. It doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel right. I’ve been mad at myself all morning for it" she tells you. And it sort of makes you want to laugh but in a good way.

“Tae, I’m jealous of you all the time.”

She looks up sharply, “really?”

“Yeah like, whenever you put your hair in rollers and you do the back perfect on the first try, or when you string words together or when you get out of bed and you put on your dresses and makeup like it’s nothing. I'm jealous of how much you want it. You make being a girl look effortless when it's given me nothing but trouble. And then I wander out of the nest room and I look like Adam Sandler half the time and you guys do a good job of pretending I look cute instead of like a gremlin.”

“You do look cute. You're a cute little gremlin.” Jimin says.

“You look like your sweaters are swallowing you.” Her tone is scandalized. Like she can't even believe you're saying that about yourself.

Jimin nods, “You just like being comfy like me. I like it when you're comfy especially when you wear Joonie’s worn clothing and it's like-” Jimin shivers happily and you laugh.

"That was like- so autistic of you Minnie."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I like it when you say how you’re feeling that way I know you’re not having grumpy alpha time.”

“You don’t have to call it that.”

“Well, I could go with ‘Jimin looks so overstimulated he looks like he’s gonna punch someone’ time but 'grumpy alpha time' sounds cuter.” Jimin is looking awfully red, and you suspect it has nothing to do with a potential sunburn.

Tae shakes her head, still sort of angry with herself, This might be the closest you've ever gotten to a fight. “It’s not the same, it’s not the same as me being jealous of your body and wishing it was mine.”

“Isn’t it? I’m jealous of the rest of the pack, even the boy stuff sometimes, like- You want boobs but half the time I’m just wondering if my life would have been easier if I was born a boy omega like Jungkook. It’s not the same as you, because it’s not a gender thing but a safety thing. But I’m jealous of him too, you know I can’t even run one single mile and he goes like 5 every morning and he always has energy.”

Jimin snorts, “Everyone’s a little bit jealous of Jungkook.”

“And Jin,” Tae adds, casting a glance over to where they’re both standing, both looking absurdly model esc. They’re both unfairly pretty even for omegas. You always feel a little too grubby if you think about it too hard, but you’re getting over it. In the same way, Tae will eventually get over this too. Namjoon was right earlier when he said that healing takes time, it's going to take Tae a while to heal from being born in the wrong body.

“My point is, does my feeling jealous over it mean I love Jungkook any less? Does that mean I hate him at all?”

“No, you love Jungkook.”

You hold your hand up, splaying, letting the silence pause and the realization dawn on her. ���Then why does you wanting my boobs mean you have to feel guilty about it?” Her expression slowly crumples, and she goes from looking nervous to feeling guilty.

she's quiet for a few breathes, and when it's clear to you she's not going to say anything, you fess up.

“I ate the cherry off your ice cream earlier just so you know. I don't feel guilty about it at all and I will do it again, just fyi.”

A laugh forces its way out of Jimin's mouth, and even Tae can't resist a smile and a roll of her eyes.

Obsession and infatuation. Jealousy and love. It’s always been a bit of a tangle with you three. With you, Jimin, and Tae.

Some omegas that are a little too young- probably still in high school glance in Jimin's direction. You do not pull him closer, just pout. But Jimin only has eyes for Tae, and the way his eyes flicker down to yours tells you there’s nothing to fear.

“Oh, we know.” Jimin grins, “I think the only one who was upset about it was Kookie.”

Jungkook bounds over as if summoned by his name, looking gorgeous shaggy-haired, muscled arms rippling. “What are you guys talking about?”

“How jealous we are of you,” you say before Jimin or tae have the chance to. Tae blanches a little like she expects jungkook to be upset but Koo just shrugs.

“Big wop." He tugs on the hem of Joonie’s shirt. Almost pulling you off balance. "I wanna go body surfing again but Hyung’s say I can’t go alone- come with me?” He wraps his arms around your shoulders, dragging the last syllable and batting his eyes. It's too hard to say no to him.

You glance at Tae one final time and she sighs at you. Nods. “I’ll be alright. I just need to think more."

Bodysurfing turns out to be the most fun you've had in months, weeks, years maybe. Jungkook shows you how to do it. One second you feel like you're going to be tumbled in the wave and the next you're hurtling not through the ocean but over it. sliding across the water all the way from where they crash to the shore. Giggling and bubbling in the salt water. hair hanging lank over your face all messy.

“Did you see me!? i was going so fast!” You cry happily, picking yourself up off the wet sand, you'll probably have sand in unmentionable places later but you don't care. Yoongi is standing on his own.

Jin has disappeared somewhere no longer yoongi's shadow. both of their poles sit tip up in the sand. You hardly wait for him to respond before you're back in the water. Dashing back to where the waves are breaking.

“I did but! Be careful!”

The rest of the day passes like that. You walk down the beach with Hobi and find handfuls and handfuls of sea glass. You suntan with Tae (it's more just lounging) and ask Namjoon to read you snippets of his book while Hobi and Jungkook play volleyball. You go to the tide pools after, because Joonie wants to look for crabs.

It doesn't end all that well. It ends with your bloody finger, a fat seagull who is amazingly adept at snatching crabs out of thin air with a full belly thanks to you.

You swear you didn't mean to fling it, it just surprised you. You tell Namjoon as much as he sniffles and wraps a band-aid around your finger. Pierced through by a crab claw (it's nothing more than a paper cut). "I didn't mean to kill it, promise it just startled me."

The rest of the pack contains their snickers. And Namjoon's sniffles reignite. "It's fine, it's okay, it was a big crab anyway probably at the end of it's lifespan." 

Jin disappears, but when he comes back, he's toting several pizza boxes and a liter of soda. Jungkook shows you how to feed your crusts to the seagulls without them biting your fingers. And Jin also brings back a big big bowl of maraschino cherries from the same ice cream parlor as earlier. Red and bright like mini suns.

"I had a feeling you might want more." he teases, but you don't respond with anything more than "I do!"

Jin makes everyone grab one first, but after, he lets you have the rest.

~-~

At home, Tae gently lifts Namjoon's shirt over your head, the house is so noisy- as it often is whenever the whole pack is moving about, in the kitchen Jin and Yoongi are fixing dinner, still in their own perfect little bubble. Two fish already filleted in the sink.

Jungkook is half slumped against the wall, already in the shower. Turning wetter and wetter under the spray, groaning low, “god I love the sting when hot water hits my sunburn.” jimin pinches at that sunburn. there's alot of that going on, pinching.

“You’re such a fucking masochist.”

“Shut up”, he says with a smile. “I've never spanked you before.” He licks his lips, “soon.”

Tae huffs and pulls herself over to him, sudzing up his hair. Jungkook is the only one truly nude. Tae is still wearing her bottoms and so is minnie. You linger. Still in your bikini, a little resistant to getting wet again but working up to it. Jungkook goes to give her tan lines a pinch and you watch her brace herself.

You grab his hands before he has the option too. Your shower with them isn't sexual. Not this one. Not when you're all so sun tired from the day you had at the beach. You're gonna sleep so well later, your whole body aches from body surfing and you have a scrape on your hip that namjoon had frowned at earlier but you don't even care you had so much fun today.

your hands tangle with Jungkook's, "Be careful with her, she's delicate."

"Why? What's going on?" he glances from you to her.

“Tae wants to get a boob job and She's feeling sensitive about her body today,” Tae says nothing, looking from you to Jungkook, measuring his response.

"Oh? Sweet. thanks for letting me know." Tae makes an affronted noise in her throat.

You talk. Back and forth about it. “Are you sure you don’t just like- want it for us? Cuz dang I love boobs-" It’s a fair question, even if it does come off wrong. tae doesn't take it personally, shaking her head.

"It's not like that, i'm just tired of waking up in the morning and not having them, i just- i want to be done with the dysphoria. it's such a pain feeling like this all the time, but what if i like- don't like them? what if thats not going to fix it? and boob jobs are like- so expensive too." Jimin hardly responds with more than a hum. He's been a little bit less verbal than usual since you got home- but no one comments on it, no one prods him to speak.

Namjoon steps into the bathroom, hips swiveling. It's absurdly attractive- the way that Namjoon moves in his body. Leaning down to take off his bathing suit, he's got sand in them, but you don't mind because you also have sand in your bottoms too.

“82 percent of women express satisfaction with their boob job. I looked it up.”

Tae looks surprised then stricken, “you did?”

“Yeah, I wanted to know in case you ever asked for it.” Tae goes quiet, looking at Namjoon over your shoulder. You can feel the string of your bikini digging into your skin. The slight chub under your arms and around your middle. The place where you go soft. You reach behind your back, undoing it. jimin beats you too it, pulling at the string.

"i've got it."

“Oh Joonie- you’ve got tan lines.” He almost trips when he looks up and sees you topless, actually does stumble. He does have tan lines, rimming his hips, cutting across his hip bones. Tae giggles and traces along them. (If Namjoon's cock jumps a little at the touch, no one hassles him for it, you're all too sun tired for sex).

"Are you asking for it? A boob job? Is that something you want?"

"Yes."

“Oh!” Namjoon's eyebrows shoot up, and he glances from her face down to her chest, and then your face down to yours. Going red from ear to ear like he's imagining it. Namjoon scratches at the back of his head, you can hear the sand flop onto the tile floor. Tae takes your bikini and hangs it over the glass door where it drips. Namjoon clears his throat and Tae looks at him.

“Do you want me to make you an appointment on the same day as the pups?"

“What? Are you planning on getting a boob job too?” Tae cups your chest in her hands, and it’s not necessarily sexual, not even when you wrap your arms around her neck. and tug her close enough that your chests squish together.

“No, not that just-” You peck her lips, and she’s already starting to smell better.

“Just the scars, I want them gone. I got all in my head about it and Joonie helped me earlier.”

“Really?” Tae says, glancing from Namjoon to Jimin to Jungkook to you. the boys look a little dazed, a little love-struck as you reach for her bikini straps and paw at them. Namjoon takes it when you hand it to him and hangs it over the glass next to yours. You like it when it's like this, your warm body pressed to her body.

“Yeah- I got all in my head about it too.”

“Our boys are kind of good at fixing that, aren’t they?” You giggle and start to suds her up. Namjoon and Jimin grumble at the teasing, but join in.

~-~

Everything moves fairly quickly for Tae.

Maybe it only happens so fast because having a doctor for a pack alpha makes shit get done, or because Namjoon and Jin have sort of been planning for this for the last few months. It's been in their back pocket and they've been making measurements and taking down names of good doctors since just after Tae came out.

They’re funny like that. Always planning how to make sure the pack has everything they need. Everything that they could possibly want.

It's like that with your scars too.

The pack all insist on coming for her consultation. The room is full, Jungkook has to sit on Yoongi's lap because there isn't a seat for him. You and Tae are knit close together and you stubbornly refuse to let go of her hand with Jimin on the other side.

It had gone well, well enough that Tae had looked up at the doctor, a kind omegan woman in her 50s. All ready with pre-release forms and the final quote. She comes highly recommended, Namjoon even looked over her case files and gave her his stamp of approval.

She specializes in reconstructive surgery, and for some reason, Tae likes that. She likes the idea that she's not adding but restoring her body to what it should be. What it should have been in the first place.

(Tae doesn't believe in God, not anymore. But a small voice whispers in her head about it. About divinity and mistakes. People say God doesn't make mistakes, but if we are made in God's image, then God must also have an awkward phase. She must also make her mistakes; like cancer in children and what happened to you. Like Jungkook's seizures and women like Tae. It's okay to revise a little. To scribble out and rewrite the lines.)

“You mean I don’t have to like, prove it?”

The pack had gone still at the question, scents anxious and stressed, your hand on hers tighter. Readying yourself to whisk her out of here if the answer isn't to your standards.

“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Just getting here is enough. And besides, I believe you.”

I believe you. It’s strange how 3 words can make you feel so much. Can have such an effect on you. There is a lump in Tae's throat just thinking about it. It's on repeat in her head over and over again, I believe you, I believe you, I believe you. In this moment I exist, in this moment I am believed.

it's silly, because the pack has always believed Tae. she's had proof of that belief in the little things like the omega's putting more pink in the nest and how Yoongi made tae a whole dressing room, and the new pink plates in the kitchen. Your endless trying with her, even when you were too tired to try with everything else. Everything in the house is pink because it's Tae's favorite color. Everything is pink because it makes her happy.

But it feels different to hear it from someone new. Tae doesn’t have to talk about the dysphoria if she doesn’t want to to this doctor. She doesn't have to talk about it at all. About passing and expectations.

She only talks about it with you, only with your heads close under a big sheet. A pillow fort just for two. The light of mid-morning, or the Christmas lights above blocked out. Counting down the days with lipstick in the corner of the vanity mirror. 21 days. 17. 11.

9 days to go for her, and only 2 days to go for you.

There has been a new addition to your vanity too. Pretty delicate packages. Rose-scented tissue paper and golden ribbons, Chanel and Versace and even something called la Perla that you are incredibly unfamiliar with.

Tae always blushes and pushes them into the back of her closet, but not before taking them out of their packages.

The lingerie is Pastel pink, Deep purple, buttery orange, delicate white lace, something almost bridal. Every single color of the rainbow and then some. She's gotten one set every day since the beach day, she's pretty sure Jimin ordered the first one on the drive home.

“Jiminie- you don’t have to spend all of your money on me, and I don't even know what size I'm going to be yet. I know you don’t make as much now, it’s alright, I don’t need all of this." You’d simply clicked your tongue and leveled Tae with a look that was not to be debated or questioned.

“He’s not spending all of his money; he’s spending all of my money. And a bit of Namjoon’s. and Yoongi actually got you that one, not Jimin. I helped him pick it out. ” Yoongi's choice is so feminine it almost makes Tae cry. Pink ribbons and yellow ruffles. Matching garters and buttery soft stockings.

You've never minded being frivolous if it means making Tae happy, making Tae happy is a priceless expense. Paying for her top surgery had been a no-brainer, not something you even had to think twice about or discuss with Yoongi in any overt terms. Like the expenses for the house that come out of the account that you and Yoongi share, the account that receives the dividends from your stocks.

Huh, stocks. You never thought you'd have those.

By halfway through the month, you’re sitting in the upstairs dressing room with Namjoon, Hobi, Jimin, Jungkook, and Yoongi draped across each other and the settee in the corner by the window and the door that leads to the deck outside.

There's so much weight on the settee that the legs creek. A very large tray with Jelly silicone implants sit on the vanity. They're only samples. Tae has to return them after she decides. 

Tae is having trouble choosing. Naturally- the pack put in their two cents. It's easy to be casual about it, to talk about C cups and D cups and even double D cups.

But what started out as trying to help her decide exactly which tits to get has turned into everyone getting drunk and dumb. Has turned into the boys trying on those bras and putting the implants inside. The general ridiculousness in the room might have something to do with the 5 (yes 5) bottles of fancier-than-normal champagne discarded and empty around the room.

Namjoon puts a stop to it when Jungkook throws the largest one and hits Hobi square in the stomach. The resounding 'thwap' is almost loud enough that it makes you flinch.

“Wait, are these the ones that are modeled after yours?” Jungkook asks, Yoongi says something into your ear that makes you flush and giggle, and when Hobi tries to come close onto the settee you put your socked foot against his chest and push.

Hobi catches your ankle and fiddles with your sock, thigh high, white, knit. sliding his hand up your calf and tickling under your knee. "It's hard to believe they're like that big"

"Imagine how I feel Jungkook, it feels like carrying around mellons not lemons."

Jungkook scoots to the edge of the settee, "let me try them on." It’s stupid and you feel like a bunch of boys playing with water balloons but Tae doesn’t seem to mind at all. If anything, she's more comfortable when you're goofy about it. You're just deciding what tit's she's going to have for the rest of her life, no big deal. It's no big deal at all.

Tae is sort of freaking out about it, which is why you're drinking and trying to get her to lighten up. Emphasis on trying.

Tae had asked for implants that would give her a similar side profile and cleavage to yours. But truthfully, after she tried them on��� she's going to go with something just ever so slightly smaller and more conical.

You honestly didn’t know there were so many different types of implants or so many different shapes and feels. But this choice matters. She’ll only choose this once so she wants to make the right choice.

The ones your size simply hadn’t looked right when it came to her shoulders- made her look too wide up top.

There's one pair, your pick, that looks a little bit more perky than the ones she initially wanted to go with. And while you understand wanting a natural result…

The horny side of you is sort of winning out. But you are 4 glasses of champagne deep, your judgment is a little impaired.

“We can do back exercises! So that you won’t get rounded shoulders!” Jungkook had excitedly commented when Tae had confessed she was just a little bit worried about how much the ones modeled after yours might weigh on her back.

By midnight, the champagne is gone and Seokjin is mostly asleep. Asleep enough that Jimin’s attention is divided. Earlier there was a moment, Tae wearing them and the lingerie, standing between Jimin’s legs, his arms around her waist, eye level with the implants shoved into one of those bra’s. “Go on tell me they’re too big.”

Jimin had hummed, looking down at them then up at Tae, “will they make you happy?”

“Yes but-”

“Tae, will they make you happy? Yes or no?”

Shifting from foot to foot, eyes flicking down to them, then to the mirror. “Yes but-“

“No buts” he’d said, which had led to you and Jungkook doing a chorus of “butts butts butts!” Sing a song and ridiculous.

Namjoon did try and twerk. Emphasis on try.

“Should we take a vote?”

“It feels like we should take a vote.”

“Okay, but the pup gets two because she actually knows what it’s like to have big boobs.”

You do, your votes written out on scraps of that rose-scented tissue paper. “Jungkook- don’t you dare put down the big ones.”

“But then they’ll match-”

It feels good to do it this way. To help her make a choice that would probably make Tae's head spin, cry, and melt down over choosing the right one. She got close to having a melt down earlier but It's all goofy and silly and light like this. Maybe even the hard things are easy if you're doing them with the right people.

Tomorrow they’ll order the implants, and on Friday Tae will have to get up very very early. She will not eat breakfast, will be driven to the hospital by Jin and Namjoon, and Jimin. You’ll tag along for moral support with Yoongi in a separate car and Hobi and Jungkook will follow later because there’s no real reason why she’ll need all of you there.

The surgery will take Tae around 3 hours, by mid-day she’ll be in post-op and by evening she’ll be home. You get the ground floor bedroom all set up because Tae will be too dizzy to manage the stairs. A bright pink nest with a minimal border so that Tae can get in and out without straining her abdominal muscles too much.

You know to expect bruising, to expect her to be out of it from the anesthesia first and then the drugs. Namjoon will be the only one to sleep in the nest with Tae, although Jin won’t be far and Jimin will eventually decide to sleep on the floor around midnight. Just to make sure she doesn't have to get up for anything.

You'll be buzzing up and down the steps several times through the night to check on Tae, everyone else will too. You, Yoongi, and Jungkook are going to go to the store tomorrow to get some recovery foods to help her heal faster.

You put your slips of paper, your votes into the largest bra that Jimin's gifted Tae. You get your two votes, and everyone else gets one. Yoongi cranes his neck to see what you're writing downand you shove at his shoulder playfully.

"No peaking!”

~-~

The pleather gurney is cold beneath your knees as you gently lift yourself onto it, trying not to be nervous. Trying not to be afraid as you lie on your stomach. A breeze makes you shiver through the open back of your hospital gown, bare underneath.

You're cold everywhere, although the numbing cream has already taken effect, carefully smeared over the sensitive scared skin of your lower back by Yoongi. As gentle as ever, rough fingertips rub over skin that will burn in just a few minutes.

He wears stupid small glasses to the side now, designed to block out the light from the laser that will scrape away your scar tissue. He wears lemon yellow ones whereas Jin wears black, and to your side, Namjoon wears red ones- all to protect them as they watch over you. You'd had a good moment of laughter earlier when you'd realized just how ridiculous it made them all look. But any levity in the situation has dissipated now.

Now, you're just nervous.

“It will probably take more than one session to see the results you want, but complete and total removal is definitely possible if you're good with your aftercare.”

The doctor had warned you before you’d started, "she will be. We'll make sure of it" Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi had all promised. And you believe them, there is scar cream and a special oil and even a compression vest for later, similar to the one that Tae will wear for her surgery in 4 days' time.

You’ve spent sleepless night after sleepless night talking through it with Namjoon, with Yoongi, with Jin. They’ve all been supportive. It’s all happened relatively quickly- same as Tae's surgery. The second that you’d given Namjoon and Jin the all-clear that you wanted to go through with the plastic surgery to reduce the appearance of the scar on your back they’d expedited the process and gotten you in contact with a world-renowned plastic surgeon who works at Namjoon’s hospital.

He's not the same plastic surgeon working on Tae, no- this one is a specialist in scars, in burns, in places that have been kissed by pain in a way that no skin should ever be. You think he might understand it. The way that you tremble when you get onto the gurney. He's seen the scars, had seen them during the consultation. He had asked very very politely and as gently as possible Whether they were 'situational' wounds or self-inflicted. 

"I've been married- Widowed actually." Had been your only reply.

The doctor hadn't looked at your face, gloved fingers testing the skin around the scar to see how much it stretched. You felt a little weird about having your back end bare to another man, but with Namjoon there and Yoongi and Hobi too, it had felt a lot less nerve-wracking. You can tell from the flex of his jaw that Yoongi is about to step in when the doctor says one word. after a moment. After he's pieced together what you're implying.

"Good."

Good. This is a good thing; this is a thing that you want to do. The wrath might never leave you; you might never stop being angry about what was done to you. But you can at least keep it from your body and let the pain become a memory and not an imprint. You will not let your body become a place of pain again. All scars are temporary, you're just expediting the process.

Heal now, heal later, or heal never.

You’d woken up this morning with Hobi and Jungkook blanketing you on either side, Tae's long-manicured fingers scratching at your scalp. Stomach uncomfortably empty for a change because they’d told you to fast before your procedure. Bot that you’ll need to go under general anesthesia like Tae. But sometimes laser therapy can make people get sick.

You’d woken to the sound of them taking through it. Something like “I’m going to get her a cake anyway.”

“You should make her one Hobi, you know she likes it when things are homemade."

The hum of your best friend against your front had felt like the ripple of a river. Hobi's deep voice- the one that only comes out after he’s been in deep sleep for a while is always so soothing. “I guess I made you that boob cake with her didn’t I huh-"

They say something to each other, softer, laughter petering off. trying to be quiet and let you sleep but sort of failing. The sound of slow kissing joins the coo of mourning doves and Jungkook feeding Noodle downstairs. He's come back from his run early to make sure he can see you off.

“We can both- yeah?”

You’d been happy to doze until Yoongi’s hand had joined Tae's on your cheek, slowly picking you up off of Hobi's shoulder. Tucking your messy hair away from your face.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but it’s time.”

You’d fussed only a little. Only the pre-requisite amount to get a bit of babying (a necessary medicine, as important as the numbing cream) before allowing Tae and Yoongi to pull you out of the nest. putting on loose clothing that can easily be taken off and put back on.

You wanted to get this done before Tae and her top surgery and you want to meet the new version of her with the new version of you. It feels good that both of you are going through this change, this healing together.

Next week. Next week Tae will have boobs, next week she'll look whole and beautiful and so so pretty. She'll look exactly as she wants to look and you can hardly wait to see. To meet that version of her as the new version of you.

You still haven’t decided if there are any other scars on your body that you’d like to get rid of. Maybe the one under your chin- that's the only one that's so visible or as the one on your lower back. Or maybe the ones on the inside of your thighs. Those are so faint, too faint to matter. Too faint to hurt in a way that’s not purely psychological. Not like your back that you can feel when you turn wrong.

Your heart is in your throat as Namjoon helps you onto the gurney, wearing surgical gloves. The doctor behind him already has black-out goggles on his head. There is a pair that Namjoon hands you for you to wear. Jin and Yoongi stand back, wedding rings catching the light. Jimin is a faint presence outside the door, a shadow looming, protective instead of threatening.

“It’s going to smell pretty horrible, but the lidocaine should block most of the pain."

Namjoon does the honors of unlooping the back of your surgical gown and revealing your scars for the last time.

Worthless. But not for long. Worthless once, but not anymore.

You nod, “Okay.” You hear the clatter of the plastic machine against each the floor. The roll of the wheels on the linoleum as they wheel the machine over to you. Two technicians adjust it and the doctor clicks away at the computer before he grabs the wand and fiddles with the settings.

“The first pulse is going to come in just a second. I'll count down to three.  Are you ready?” You nod and try to relax, untensing your muscles and your body.

This pain, you can handle. This pain, you welcome.

Namjoon’s hold on your hand tightens, the doctor counts, and the light flashes.

~-~

Tae will also have scars. But not like yours. Not like stitches. They'll be like growing pains and stretch marks. Like her heart making room.

The surgeon has done a good job, but when Namjoon unwraps her gauze. You see the bloody stitches and whine. 50 of them under the edge of her generous curve, small nipples also taped over still. There's a fair amount of swelling- making them look larger but-

Yoongi's hands slip on the mirror as he holds it up for Tae, holding it at a tilt so that Tae can see. It's the next morning after her surgery, and you blink as you look at them. behind you, hobi bites on one nuckle.

“Oh my god.”

Jimin's face is flaming. He looks at the ceeling. "That bad?" tae slurs, head tipping limply to one side, her eyelashes fluttering, "Why are you all looking at me like that? How are my lemons?"

"Delicious." you say, at the same moment Jimin says, "breathtaking."

"I don't want anyone to juice them, they're mine, my lemons" tae pouts. Hobi holds his mouth trying not to laugh as yoongi chuckles. jin whipes her hair back from her sweaty forhead.

"Oh my god you are so high."

“No one can touch them.” Namjoon warns, looking at everyone in warning. "Promise me. No pawing. You cannot touch them when you're not sterile."

You let out an upset whine, “Joonie, just a kiss” Tae smiles from the bed, gently, tired. She's barely awake. It's the same bed that you and Yoongi used to share, this used to be your bedroom before you moved upstairs.

“Pup, It's non-negotiable” You pull up the straps on her billowing night dress and cuddle up next to her, sniffling and peaking at them while he wipes them down gently with gauze. Tae can't feel anything through the painkillers, but Namjoon's wipe comes away rusty and red.

You rest your head against her shoulder where bruises spread like ink as Namjoon works to clean them and her. The smell of blood doesn't bother you. You tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear and Tae murmurs quietly- eyes still closed that she could use some skincare.

Doing it for her is a reverent act, rubbing it across her cheek the bridge of her nose. When she remembers to open her eyes, she smiles dopily.

“Drugs are so so goooooood.” the pack laughs, yours jiggles the bed and Hobi shakes his head from the doorway. Tae furrows her eyebrows at Jimin.

"You're so pretty."

"I know, you were saying that in the car." Jimin is ever patient with her.

"Do you wanna like, be my boyfriend or something? I feel like we should kiss."

"Tae, we've been dating for twelve years."

"Oh! nice, I should tell Jimin."

"I am Jimin."

"No you're not. Your name's noodle cuz you're little." Jimin sighs trying to keep his smile at bay.

jin kicks hobi and jungkook out of the room for laughing too loudly and you shuffle closer to her. barely keeping your laughter hidden.

You kiss her cheek, the apple of it where her skin goes round and full and pink. “I’m sure the drugs feel amazing.” Your voice goes husky as you look at her, and when her hand tangles with yours. You notice that her nails have gone chipped. you'll fix that for her later.

Tae flutters in and out of consciousness for the first-day post-op. By noon- most of the good drugs have worn off. Movement means pain, but there is always someone there to help her move, change her clothes, or help her to the bathroom (even if that part is significantly unglamorous). Noodle rests in the crook of her knee, purring loudly.

There is cool water directed to her lips, guiding her to sip, then a soft kiss. When she asks for a pen and paper the pack calembour gives it to her. To brush her hair, to pat her skin dry, to praise her, and tell her how well she did. Apparently, she was a stellar patient. She's not sure why Namjoon says it like that. Like it took more energy to just lie there than actually doing the surgery but-

Tae's hand moves sloppy, and her words are half unintelligible but this is what she writes on the paper:

Cage or no cage. We are both birds. Wingless or not. Me a chicken, you a penguin looking at the sky no longer flightless when we close our eyes.

Jimin’s scent blooms close, happy and vanilla goodness. The smell of reading old books at nighttime is comforting and familiar. Tae's heart beats a little faster. Namjoon huffs with his stethoscope and listens some more- laughing lightly when Tae opens her eyes and looks up at him, heart pumping quicker. He zips up her compression vest, to help with the swelling and buttons up her shirt, one of Yoongi's warm flannels. The same one that the pack trades back and forth.

She closes her eyes and you take the notebook and pencil from her before it can clatter onto the floor. Jimin kisses one eyelid and then the other. Murmuring something softly to you at her elbow. Kissing you too- judging from the way that the bed dips as he leans over. The light is turned low and honey.

Tae doesn’t really feel it, the weight or the pain of the incisions or anything really, just a bit of nausea when Namjoon asks and she thinks about it. She turns down the crackers and the toast that Jin offers.

She breathes in, feeling her body move with air. There is no weight to them, the lump of her chest. Compressed close to her body by a surgical vest to minimize inflammation. Honestly, she feels a little lighter if anything. Something like a string poised to snap that is no longer wound around her ribcage and aching heart. No longer suffocating.

She hasn’t even seen them yet; she shouldn’t be able to feel a difference already. But somehow when she closes her eyes, she can tell it’s different. That she’s different. A good sort of change.

It’s a slow healing process, Tae can’t get up or get out of bed for a few days, can do little more but sleep and eat and listen to Namjoon read her favorite books to her in his deep voice when she gets too dizzy to read on her own. Watching bad television and every single Studio Ghibli movie that ever did exist.

She can’t even do so much as put on her own shirts- although the pack is there to help with literally all of it. Buttoning a shirt over her fresh bandages, Jin kisses up her midline the same way she seen him do to you. Namjoon cleans her drains and Tae asks for perfume for once. Her Rosey cinnamon scent has stayed foggy with sickness and stress. Almost dewy damp.

You understand, the skin on your lower back is pealing and smells so ewey. You still can't sleep on your back.

It takes her 3 days before she can lift her arms above her head without pulling her stitches and manages to convince Namjoon and Jimin that she’s well enough to eat dinner like normal at the dining room table.

She sits with you on the outdoor furniture in the morning and eats watermelon. There’s only so much editing and staying yes to the dress that she can handle. The others herd her back to bed any time she looks the least bit uncomfortable or in pain.

Everyone is good, everyone is perfectly well-behaved, you don’t get handsy you don’t even paw at her to look when Namjoon undoes the compression vest. Although there is a moment when Namjoon stands back with the surgical gloves and blushes from his collar bones to his ear. "You need to wear this for the next three weeks, you can only take it off when you shower okay? And be gentle, the skin is so tender."

By day five she can dress herself, and she can't sleep any longer that to 5am when jungkook starts moving around for his walk, rousing you gently. She’s going stir crazy enough that you’re very very happy to take her with you on your morning walk.

Going extra extra slow. By the time you’re home the rest of the pack is in a bit of a tizzy trying to find her, Jimin wrenches open the door at the sound of your steps on the stairs.

Both you and Tae chagrined, Jungkook smiling a little too wide at Jimin’s generally disheveled appearance. Hair all a mess, scent acrid with panic.

“We went on a walk.”

Jimin’s eyes narrow, “where?”

“Around the block. Tae woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep.”

“You have fun?” "Yes." "Are your stitches torn?" "No" "You're not bleeding anywhere?" "No."

He wipes down his hair, behind him. Yoongi looks similarly off-kilter, buttons mismatched on his flannel. Rubbing his eyes. “Hobi's making breakfast.”

"Oh? Pancakes?"

"Boob-shaped ones!" He calls from inside.

Everyone is a little protective of Tae, a little possessive too.

By Wednesday of the next week, Namjoon goes to work and you drag Yoongi and Jin out for a little bit of shopping for nesting materials. Jimin has to go back to work too. She'll be fine on her own for a few hours. She can get dressed all right by herself. But Namjoon and Jimin have their ringers on and she's got a day's worth of snacks already pre-wrapped in the fridge.

Jimin and Tae had a moment earlier, helping her get dressed, smiling, looking up at her face and then back down, cheeks slowly going red. "hey my eyes are up here."

"I know," his fingers are gentle as they stroke down her midline. looking at them.

"They suit you, they look so nice and soft. They look so- you." Jimin's voice is rough and Tae's is too, but there are kisses and soft words.

"I'm so glad you told me, you're so brave. I'll never not be proud of you. I'm so glad you tried to be you. I'll never not be thankful that I got to meet the real version of you and got to fall in love all over again."

there's more, but i'll save that for them. Their little secret. Tae is sort of crying when Jimin's done, but he just wipes her tears away gently and lets her cry. The last of it goes away with that. The last of the tension. The dysphoria that will become a distant memory.

Tae hasn't really seen them yet. They're covered with the compression vest almost all the time. She's been sitting too much. Reading and editing and writing because she can at least use her hands. The brief glance she'd gotten at the bloody stitches had sort of freaked her out. But everyone has been so appreciative. You especially.

Hobi has another wedding to do the flowers for and Jungkook has his Wednesday kickboxing classes. The house is quiet and Noodle naps in a puddle of sunlight in the living room. The air conditioning hums and Tae is home, alone, for the first time.

She spent the morning waking up slowly, forehead kissed, waist held, but when the house gets silent, she steals away upstairs. Take the steps slowly, one at a time. going as fast as she's able. Aiming for the dressing room.

Her body is still a bit sore. A little tender, it's only been a week- and it's going to take her another week before she can really move around like she used to. But Namjoon took her stitches out at the kitchen table last night. And the slide of thread through the skin was only a little bit gross, a little bit nauseating.

The weight of her chest is welcome, but hard to get used too- she feels like she’s a little off balance as she teeters up the stairs. but she was warned about this, she knows to take it slow and adjust to her new center of gravity. Going up the stairs one at a time. patiently waiting for her body to stop hurting.

Tae steals away to the side of the room that contains your dresses and a spilling over set of drawers that hold your and Tae's lingerie collection (let's be honest, most of it belongs to Tae.)

Somehow, most of Jimin's gifts had actually been in the right size. It's soulmate magic maybe, or perhaps just good intuition that had him picking out the right cup and band size. Most of them are unlined anyways.

A lot of them are new and hers but a few of them are yours and old, your workout bras and old bralettes. If she’s not careful she still catches you wearing the same bras and underwear greying with age. The type of thing that's gone worn and brings back affectionate memories of the first time you and her ever did your makeup in the library room downstairs.

The little book box of makeup that once held her soul and kept it hidden away now sits open on the top shelf just above her head. The inside of it is filled with costume jewelry, fake pearls, and glittering Swarovski chokers.

Tae gets a stool so she can reach for it.

What Tae reaches for isn’t anything that you or Jimin have bought. It's small enough that she had almost forgotten about it (and you’ve probably forgotten about it too). But the bralette is thin and flimsy at the bottom of the book box. Made of cheap plastic fabric, white and gauzy mesh dotted with small yellow daisies. The first bra she ever bought and the only one she ever bought for herself.

It's not even really a bra, but a bralette.

Tae unzips her compression vest with shaky fingers.

Tae remembers you looking at it the first time you ever did your makeup together, the crinkle of the plastic as you touched it. A realization dawning on your face that you hadn't voiced. But you'd used 'she' pronouns for her pretty soon after that. And Tae had always know, that seeing this was the moment you realized, that was the moment it started to feel real for her too. Not just some stupid dream.

Tae puts it on quickly, hissing when she feels her sensitive new skin touched. The band digs into her skin uncomfortable, the fabric brushing over her sensitive nipples.

It will take some getting used to. She’s careful to close her eyes before she sees herself in the mirror, careful not to spoil it for herself. She wanted her real first look to be like this, alone. Just herself and her body.

It might be a little too early to wear this and yet, she keeps her eyes closed as she maneuvers herself in the direction of the floor-to-ceiling mirror over by the settee. Almost tripping over your pj's discarded on the floor as she goes. Her eyes are still closed when her fingers touch the cold glass, and she stands in front of it properly, gripping either side so hard that the gold filigree edge digs into her skin.

later tonight there will be dress up and dress down. it will feel like the most natural thing in the world and tae will realize that although they're new to her, her boobs have always felt like they were there. There will be no more dysphoria, no more clawing at her throat when she takes off her shirt or puts on a dress.

Your hands will hold around her waist as she tries on each and every one of her dresses to see how she looks in them now. The blue dress from the first day at the thrift store, the one you wore for your first date, every dress, even the ones with the puffy skirts that Jimin got for her after she came out. The ballgowns and corsets and lingerie.

Tae is going to try on all of it. You're going to do her makeup and when you're finished, both of you will be covered in kiss marks from your belly button up. It won't even be sexual it will just feel like love.

You're going to take so many photos that you'll fill up your camera roll and ask for yoongi's phone instead. They'll be half boudoir and half not. Pictures of the two of you in each and every one of those new bras and underwear, photos of tae in this pose and that pose. Kisses on her cleavage and even lower.

She's going to not be able to take her eyes off of them in the mirror but the feeling of them squishing into your front when you hug will be something else entirely. You might have a second photoshoot just for you- a gift maybe for the rest of the pack, you and Tae bare. One chest pressed to another, nothing between the two of you.

Tae will be a bit obsessed with them, will be a little bit proud of them. they'll be perfect.

She's perfect.

But that's for later. Right now, Tae takes a deep breath and opens her eyes.

~-~

Notes:

-sometimes i worry that i'm starting every chapter of bily the same way and while i know i started the letter to my dead cat this way, i hope this is the fist chapter of bily i've started with the line of summer polishing it's rusty claws. Because thats what i'm refrencing, my old cat, i miss her every day. Barely a day goes by that i don't miss her. we're planting cat nip over her grave this summer. i think hobi probably does the same when noodle dies.

-90% certain that namjoon is reading one of the Bridgerton books when they’re at the beach, I love the idea of him being like “don’t fall for it Penelope, make him work for it” when it comes to pollin you know? Like namjoon would be so cute and so so into it.

-Okay but??? I actually got emotional thinking about noodle and Hobi smelling flowers together. You’re telling me noodle went from living in a 2 x 2 cage to having his own garden and 8 humans that love him 🥺 stop I just know he’s so happy. I’ve also decided that noodle is 8 years old. I think that feels like the right age for him.-

-Not to be unintentionally soft but I think the act of putting on sunscreen for someone else might but the most drawn out act of loving there is, when jin does it he’s taking care of the packs future health, a sort of daily effort that shows the investment and that he’s invested in their health for a long time :( I personally think it’s a very soft way of loving.

-i feel like at one point in the future hobi and the m/c actually do try doing oral sex on each other but it's way way too much of a trigger for both of them- hobi especially with pussy, that he tries it once and decides he doesn't want too do it for trauma reasons and both of them are so very cool with it. especially because all of the other alpha's do eat her out fairly regularly and jungkook loves sucking cock so- one thing i like about the bily pack is that they're all so sexually active that everyone gets what they need without hose needs imposing on any of the other packmates.

-the part where hobi and the m/c are like "you're the shame of the regimine.", "what do your suprieriors do with you." is a quote from the 1996 pride and prejudice movie, in my mind i think it's one of their inside jokes with tae too! hopefully people get it.

-yoongi is so cute telling her that he got a nibble on his bait like- i can just picture him being so excited and gummy smiling at her when he sees her. i feel like yoongi might be a tiny bit unaware that she's having a bad day, but their relationship is more equal this way when he's not like- hingeing his entire self worth on weather or not she's okay. i think about them post and pre moonbyul and i think this is one of their diffrences post moonbyul

-i think that the conversation that tae and jimin where having before the m/c walked up went something like this. "i feel like this morning, she might not have wanted it but she didn't tell me." "you should ask her before you ruminate on it any more." "i know i know, it's just hard." "thats not what has you upset today though, you're blaming yourself for that for a reason." "don't tell on me," "i'm not, i just know you." "i don't look good today and it's stupid, it's stupid to be upset about it when the pup- when jungkook- it's stupid to worry about how i look when there's so much going on." "it's not stupid, not when it's you." "i feel like if i hadn't been jealous this morning, i might have noticed that she wasn't into it." "tae, you still don't know if she was even upset." or something like that.

-i know it's silly, but i absolutely love the part where the m/c tells tae she ate her cherry and she's remorseless about it. like thats so /her/ she has such a personality to her you know? i don't think she'll ever be a true reader insert.

-I did not mention namjoon's dick in the shower scene because i knew i would get side tracked if i did.

-the line of 'i believe you' is because clover told me that this last time she visited and honestly, i don't think anyone's ever believed me before. it was the first time anyone told me that they belived me. like- someone /belives/ me??? how wild is that???? i know she loves bily more than anyone and i wanted to make sure i put bits of her in this story too. i haven't told her it will be in here but i hope she reads it and knows its from her without even having to read the notes. i sorta wanted to send her this chapter of bily early because she was sick but i also! wanted it to be perfect and a good surprise <3

-this might be an unpopular opinion but i think tae looks the best in yellow.

-i helped a trans friend of mine remove their boobs in 2020 so i'm hoping that getting a boob job is a similar process/recovery time. they told us the surgery would only last 2-3 hours but we where there for 18 because of pre and post op.

-the drug section where tae is being dumb was a last minute addition- i hope people think it's funny as opposed to thinking it's stupid.

-i actually got really emotional writing that ending i hope...i hope one day being trans won't be so scary. i hope each and every trans person gets a moment like tae's a moment where they love their body and love themselves as much as they love the people around them. i hope your body loves you back. i hope you never stop trying or dreaming.

[chantiepie]

💞ESPRESSO💞 Yoongi +18

Yoongi x Reader

Synopsis: You are the complete opposite of Yoongi... And he can't get you out of his head.

Warnings: Unprotected sex, masturbation.

Words: 5k.

ko-fi ☕

Now he's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh Is it that sweet? I guess so

You liked pink, feeling the morning sun caress your skin as you went for your morning run. Your favorite coffee was with milk, you enjoyed pop music, your shoes were always soft and colorful, perfectly matching the delicate bows adorning your wavy hair.

Yoongi was the complete opposite. He preferred black. At night, he went out to drink whiskey, finding comfort in the smooth burn of the drink. In the mornings, it was pure coffee, without the addition of milk or sugar, just the invigorating bitterness to awaken his senses. Ink stained his skin, almost covering it completely, each drawing telling a story he kept to himself.

He couldn't understand where that attraction to You came from. He spent hours thinking about pink bows, something he had never done before. It all started three months ago, when you walked into the bar accompanied by some people he already knew. The moment your eyes met his, it was as if a magnet drew him to you. Throughout the night, even as he tried to disguise it, it was difficult for Yoongi to look away.

He mentally thanked his friend when he called his group to join them, even though there was no direct interaction between you.

After 10 minutes, he watched you, laughing at everything that was happening, engaging in lively conversations with the group.

After that encounter, things went from bad to worse for Yoongi. He was never one to get emotionally involved with anyone, preferring casual or no-strings-attached relationships. However, your presence stirred something within him in a way he couldn't understand. You were everything he avoided: outgoing, funny, sweet, the type of girl who seemed destined for a conventional life, marrying some heir who majored in business at Harvard and now works at a major Wall Street investment firm.

In that regard, he wasn't wrong. Yoongi, after that night, didn't make any advances since he discovered during the conversation that you were committed and that your boyfriend couldn't attend because he was tired, having recently been promoted. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but think about you, even when he tried to keep his distance.

Say you can't sleep, baby, I know That's that me, espresso

The second time you guys met, during a game night, or as they call it when the real goal is just to drink, Taehyung asks about your boyfriend. Yoongi continues to pour whiskey pretending not to hear..You respond that he's not coming because he's been really busy lately and quickly try to change the subject by letting out your classic laughs. 'What a surprise,' Tae whispers while sending only an eye roll. You listen, ignoring afterwards. However, Yoongi realizes that something isn't right in your reaction.

During the small party, as he scans the room, most people are standing around smoking or chatting, and the lights are partially dimmed, emitting only a kind of light that slowly changes colors. He notices two shadows in a corner near the kitchen and quickly realizes it's you and Jimin talking. From the movements and body language, he can see your expression of disappointment, with a look of indignation that he can't ignore. It's not sadness, but rather a clear disappointment that hangs over you.

Min rises from the couch, deliberately ignoring the tempting gestures of the redhead seeking his attention. With determined steps, he crosses the room, passing by everyone without exchanging a word, and ascends the stairs towards the balcony on the upper floor of the house. His steps echo softly through the hallway as he approaches the open area of the balcony, where the night breeze welcomes him.

Upon reaching the balcony, Min takes a deep breath of the cool night air before reaching for his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He eagerly seeks nicotine, longing to find brief relief from the tensions surrounding him.

The glass door is open, inviting him to enter. He settles into one of the chairs, immersing himself in his own thoughts, when he notices someone approaching and sitting beside him. He recognizes the presence without needing to check.

"Can I have one?" The question is simple but loaded with meaning. Min needs no more than that to understand. Without uttering a word, he extends the cigarette along with the lighter, sharing the gesture in silent understanding

"Someone asked about you yesterday," Jungkook, a guy who recently started working at the same bar as Yoongi, said casually as the two of them organized the glasses to open the establishment.

Jungkook, the youngest among the staff, was still attending university, carving out his path for the future. The guy had moved to the capital in a rush, without having had time to plan properly. Now, he found himself dependent on his parents for expenses, which made him feel like a burden on his shoulders. Determined to become more independent and relieve the financial burden on his family, Jungkook began looking for part-time jobs or ones that were only on weekends, which led him to Hoseok, who introduced him to the opportunity to work at the bar.

The next morning was just another ordinary workday for Yoongi. As he organized the glasses, his mind wandered among the bar's tasks.

"Someone asked about me?" Yoongi asked, trying to disguise his interest, but his curiosity was evident in his tone of voice.

"Yes, it was a girl," Jungkook replied, grabbing more glasses to organize. "She seemed interested in getting to know you better."

A shiver ran down Yoongi's spine. Was it her? Was she finally showing some interest? He couldn't help but feel a mixture of hope and anxiety.

"Do you know her name?" Yoongi asked, trying to sound casual.

Jungkook thought for a moment before responding. "I think it was... Yuna? Yeah, I think that was it."

The excitement on his face quickly faded, turning into a bored expression. He remembered her, the redhead, she was very pretty, but his mind was already made up.

Jungkook noticed, but chose to stay silent about it, quickly changing the subject and focusing on Hoseok's birthday that would take place at the bar in a month.

I can't relate to desperation My "give a fucks" are on vacation And I got this one boy and he won't stop calling When they act this way, I know I got 'em

The third time he saw you... Well... He wasn't sure if he really saw you or if it was just his mind conjuring up your image. It was late at night, during his off-duty hours, and Yoongi was outside a liquor store, along with some customers who had become closer to him. The night was too hot to stay indoors, so he decided to accept one of their invitations to hang out. Let's just say it was just for drinking and smoking outside some liquor store downtown.

After many bottles, including one being accidentally dropped on the ground, he looked at a corner and there you were, or at least he thought it was you. You were wearing a blue dress that reached mid-thigh, adorned with a large bow of the same color adorning your hair from behind.

Suddenly, everything flooded back into his mind, as if a wave of memories hit him, turning into a tangled mess of soft colors, filled with smiles and shared moments, as if he were reliving a scene from a romantic movie. Among the flashes of memory, images of cute teddy bears and affectionate gestures emerged.

It seemed incredibly real, but it all happened so fast. He began to doubt his own sanity, something he had been doing for some time, and the idea of ​​going after to find out who that person was came to his mind. Under the influence of the adrenaline that alcohol provided, he began to seriously consider the possibility of acting, taking advantage of the fact that nobody he was with knew you. This propelled him to overcome his shyness and hesitation, especially in front of the common circle of friends you shared.

One of the friends, probably taller and louder, nudged him on the shoulder with a wide smile. "Hey, Min! What are you staring at so intently? If you keep frowning like that, you'll get more wrinkles."

Yoongi shook his head, trying to play it off. "No, it's nothing. Just... I think I saw someone familiar over there on the corner."

The friend laughed, patting the pale man's back. "Ah, okay, we get it. Let's focus on the bottles, alright?"

Yoongi just nodded, but deep down, the glimpse he had of the figure on the corner continued to echo in his mind, like a soft melody he couldn't forget.

Walked in and dream came trued it for ya Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya

"Please, Madonna is a queen," you declare to Jimin with conviction as you both enter the venue, amidst a lively debate about pop divas worthy of a Twitter thread.

"Not just a queen, she's a goddess, along with Cher, baby," Jimin backs up his argument.

The bar belonged to Yoongi, and it was a cozy yet stylish establishment tucked away in a trendy corner of the city. The entrance greeted patrons with a neon sign flickering with warm hues, drawing them into a world where music and conversation flowed freely. Inside, dim lighting cast a soft glow over plush velvet couches and rustic wooden tables, creating an atmosphere that was both inviting and intimate. The walls were adorned with vintage posters of iconic musicians and artists, adding a touch of nostalgia to the modern ambiance. Behind the sleek bar counter, shelves lined with an impressive array of spirits and liquors glimmered under the spotlights, inviting guests to indulge in their favorite drinks. As you and Jimin settled into your seats, the sound of laughter and the clinking of glasses filled the air.

The noise of the music in the bar was loud, but not loud enough to prevent Yoongi from hearing your voice as you entered the establishment. His eyes locked onto you, dressed in a pink dress that hugged your curves irresistibly, outlining each contour with elegance. The suggestive neckline added a touch of boldness, leaving anyone who looked at you drooling with admiration. Your hair cascaded over your shoulders, framing a delicately made-up face that exuded confidence and charm. You seemed like a vision of pure sophistication and sensuality, and a subtle hint of jealousy struck Yoongi, though it was something he would never admit out loud.

Finally, it was Hoseok's birthday party, and the bar was packed, considering he was so sociable, seemingly friends with half the city. Yoongi didn't know even 20% of the people there, but he had let his friend invite whoever he wanted as a gift.

As a way to not make it too obvious that he had a crush on you, Yoongi kept himself busy with party duties. He served drinks, helped set up with Jungkook and Taehyung, who, by some miracles, actually started to pitch in... More often than not, they ended up hindering rather than helping.

As they worked on the preparations, Yoongi occasionally cast furtive glances in your direction, observing your movements and conversations with the other guests.

He found himself looking at you again, chatting animatedly with Jimin. You whispered to each other and glanced around, seemingly engaged in a private conversation that no one else could hear. His attention was soon taken when the music stopped, and he saw the guest of honor for the night on the small stage used for live music nights.

"I'm glad everyone's here and I want to thank you all, but especially Yoongi," Hoseok pointed to the dark corner of the bar where his friend was busy making drinks. When Yoongi realized that all eyes were on him, he felt a warmth creeping up his cheeks. But what really embarrassed him was noticing that you were watching him with your big eyes and a smile that made your face glow. "He provided this exclusive space for us. This party would have been impossible without you, brother."

He definitely wasn't used to being the center of attention, and the sensation made him uncomfortable.

As the party was in full swing, a sweet pop song started playing, and that's when he noticed the commotion around him. You were closer to him, and he didn't know how that happened, but something slipped from your lips as you stared into his eyes:

"Oh, he looks so cute wrapped 'round my finger."

You put the straw to your lips and gave him a slight smile. Before he realized it, you had vanished into the crowd.

But this empty space didn't remain so for long. Jimin, the guy he always saw you with everywhere. Something Yoongi suspected at first until he realized, through social media, that besides you being really friends, the guy with the big lips and cute smile had a girlfriend who strangely looked a lot like him. Jimin also got closer to Yoongi a bit before you showed up. He was friendly, not always, but had an aura of a playful boy.

"You got the message, right?" Jimin stopped in front of Yoongi and said this with a somewhat arrogant smile on his face as he nodded toward the upstairs, which not ironically was where Yoongi kept a second home when he wanted to escape from the world or felt too tired to go to his luxury apartment. The older man returned the smile, not wanting to show that he was lost.

"What are you two up to?"

"Why would we be up to anything?"

"You know you're always involved in something, right?" Yoongi raised his left eyebrow slightly as he questioned.

"Are we communicating in questions now?" Jimin repeated the act.

Yoongi remained silent, just waiting for the next response.

"Uh, I'm just getting things done here," he spoke again, pointing to Yoongi's house with his head. Jimin was already pushing him towards the stairs, not allowing Yoongi to think things through. "I need you to grab JK's bag, he left it there."

"Why is his bag in my house?"

"I don't know, just go already."

Yoongi climbed the stairs, trying to go unnoticed, a bit suspicious about what was going on. As he entered through the wooden door, he found the place completely silent and everything in place, the small living room and kitchen were in perfect order, with no sign of anything suspicious. He decided to turn back and return, but before he could do that, a loud noise coming from the bathroom made him freeze in place.

"That's a heavy door," the unmistakable female voice reached his ears, and in seconds, he understood all the strangeness that had occurred downstairs. You appeared in the hallway leading to the bedroom, perfect as always, but stumbling a bit with your tall white boots, most likely due to the force of the door.

Yoongi quickly turned around trying to leave the place unnoticed, but when he tried to open the door, it was locked from the outside. He mentally cursed Jimin for whatever the hell he was trying to do. He turned his gaze to you.

"Uh," he cleared his throat, trying to get your attention. Your surprised expression gave away that something was wrong, but he could see a hint of shyness glimmering in your eyes.

"Yoo-o-ngi?" You cleared your throat, still a bit incredulous. "Is something wrong? I needed to wash my hands. You know? Drinks, dancing, spilled... Jungkook told Jimin and that you authorized me to come here because of the bathroom line... Um, that's it, I guess?" It was like a meltdown, you spoke hurriedly in seconds, Yoongi barely caught on. That nervousness had an explanation.

What Yoongi didn't know was that you were enchanted by his figure, the way he remained mysterious, his large and firm hands holding the whiskey glass... Yoongi was far from the type of guy you were used to dating and attracting, but people like him were your ideal type of guy, the one you imagined before falling asleep or when watching a romantic comedy. It wasn't just a crush, you genuinely had developed an admiration for him in this short period of time. His organization and the way he fought for his goals were like a moment of silence in the daily chaos.

It was difficult for you to find a moment to talk to him because it seemed like the only thing he knew how to do was work. Besides, it would be strange to show up alone at his bar, right?

But it was becoming complicated to hide when you two met. Most of your friends had already noticed your glances, you weren't someone who could pretend. Now, in front of him, alone in a place illuminated only by the moonlight, it was difficult to hide.

"Jungkook didn't warn you, did he? I'm sorry, I-I..."

"Y/N," Yoongi's voice echoed through the hallway, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes met in the dim light, sparking with palpable tension. You held your breath, feeling a wave of desire course through your body. Yoongi's intense gaze pinned you in place, as if you were ensnared in a spell. You could feel the electricity in the air, the attraction pulsing between them like an invisible current. Your lips parted, ready to form words that were never spoken, but the sound died in your throat. You couldn't decipher what he was feeling.

"Just shut up," that wasn't what you expected. "I think I know exactly what's going on."

The tone of voice used left you feeling flushed, it was embarrassing. You tried to ignore all the reactions of your body and began to think about the events. And when you realized the plot, all your eyebrows raised and your cheeks violently reddened in understanding.

Jimin had convinced you to make a move today.

"The plan is easy." He spoke with calculated confidence, as if conducting a masterclass. The images on the TV screen flickered, displaying a variety of suggestive outfits. "You throw him some charm, something subtle but not too subtle, it needs to be teasing but not overly, something like a discreet invitation," Jimin explained, sliding the slides skillfully.

"I'll choose the clothes that please me," you retorted, with a tone of disapproval.

"Your clothes already have a vibe of another reserved, so it's all right," he replied with a mischievous smile. "Continuing, second step: you'll touch up your makeup in the bathroom upstairs. You know how it is, at these parties the main bathroom always gets crowded. Are you understanding?"

"Yes, Professor Park," you replied, feeling somewhat frustrated. "But why do I need to touch up my makeup?"

"Think with me, Y/N," Jimin said, adopting a persuasive tone. "That will probably happen after a while. I want to make sure that, by the time he sees you and you talk, you look absolutely stunning." You trusted Jimin's guidance, even if the reasoning behind it didn't make much sense.

"So, I'll lead the conversation with him and keep him around. When you come back, you'll be ready. You'll throw the charm, disappear, and then come back triumphant," Jimin concluded, outlining the plan with unwavering confidence.

Your hand automatically hits your forehead. You felt a little humiliated, especially considering his strange reaction.

"Yoongi, what did he tell you to come up here?" You don't look at him, avoiding any proximity.

"Does that really matter?" He was in front of you, making it impossible to look away. He saw you biting your lips in a moment of pure impulsivity, and that aroused him to the true Yoongi, the guy who doesn't need to woo someone, he fucks without a care.

He leans towards you, his lips meeting yours. His lips were soft, but you could hardly feel them, due to the force with which he grabbed your waist with one hand and the other behind your head, pulling your hair slightly. Their bodies pressed against each other, seeking relief for the tension that had built up between them.

You moaned in the form of a sigh, and he let out a arrogant chuckle in the middle of the kiss.

"Y/N... We haven't even started and you're already moaning like this?" Yoongi didn't want an answer, but he leaned back slightly from your face, pulling your hair again, this time with force, forcing you to look at him. He took advantage of your stretched neck to lick it up to your ear.

"So needy," he put his tongue back into your mouth.

Suddenly, Yoongi returned to what he was before he met you. The arrogance was in the air. You could only moan and murmur.

When one of his hands slipped between your legs, you choked in the middle of the kiss, stopping in alarm, but that didn't discourage Yoongi, who continued to move his fingers lightly over your panties.

Your mouths were close to each other, but remained separated, so close that Yoongi could feel your breath hitting his lips. Some strands of saliva still connected you. The older man's movements began to get faster, his reactions were making you embarrassed, you were about to climax without him even having touched you properly. A finger slipped into your wet hole.

"Yoongi," you were in ecstasy, broken, looking at his face, eyebrows furrowed, eyes closed, and mouth slightly open. You felt his breath close to yours, sighing, but without touching, it was a tease. Yoongi's hand slid to your jaw and held it firmly. He knew you were close by the pulsation of your pussy and the grip on his fingers.

"Yoongi... I'm going to cum, please don't stop, please," you whimpered as the tingling began from inside your belly, he kept up the pace; it was so wet there.

"Yes, fuck, cum on my fingers," that was enough.

And so you did, in small gasps and with tightly closed eyes, you melted over him, almost falling to the ground.

You barely noticed when he put you on top of the kitchen table and, with a gentle push, laid you down, pulling up your dress to your waist. Yoongi's large rings made contact with the warm skin of your belly, bringing more sighs.

Yoongi looked into your eyes asking for permission, receiving only a pleading look to continue. You threw your head back, completely lying down. It was only possible to hear the metallic sound of the belt being opened and a light sound of his pants falling to his ankles. Peeking, you came across the most promiscuous scene you had ever seen. Yoongi looking directly at your pussy still covered by panties, with his lips between his teeth, while he masturbated lightly. He grunted like an animal before approaching.

He pushes the panties aside and slowly slides into you, earning a dragged moan from you. He takes advantage of his position and, running his hand over the outside of your thighs, he pulls you closer, returning to vigorously swinging his hips towards you.

His breathing becomes heavier as Yoongi's gaze fixates on the action that is taking place. He is ignoring everything as if that were the only thing that mattered, just listening to the sound of their skins colliding.

"Don't stop," your voice comes out in a whisper, knowing that he is close to climaxing. The movements accelerate more than possible, and Yoongi's voice becomes a tangle of grunts and sighs until he buries himself deep inside you.

You feel every movement of his, every part of him inside you, an overwhelming sensation that makes your whole body tremble. Your breathing becomes heavy, your heart beats irregularly, and the heat between you is palpable, enveloping you in an intense aura of desire and passion.

The last thing you remember is him with you in the shower, bathing you while you played around like two idiots. The hot water running down your naked bodies, the laughter echoing in the small space of the bathroom. Shortly after, without even bothering to dry off, you both fall onto the bed, your bodies still wet, but your hearts filled with an intense and profound connection.

Jimin would be punished for lying.

Is it that sweet? I guess so That's that me, espresso

Two men were inside a large black car parked in front of the bar across the street. The party had ended an hour ago, nearly 7 a.m., but they remained there for an important reason.

"Did it work?" The man with large eyes asks.

"Believe me, I don't give it five months for Y/N to show up with a grumpy mini-Min ready to cry on my shoulder," he says, taking another sip from the cold beer can, taken from Yoongi's special stock, but he knew he deserved it, as they had taken care of the place and closed after the party.

"Anyway, I hadn't even noticed... This... um... thing they have... Jimin, when you wanted to talk to me, I thought it was about Yuna," the other comments.

"Haha, that was a lie. She's obviously attractive. I just wanted to test him a little before leaving my best friend in his hands," Jimin says naturally, gesturing with his hand to support his own plan.

"Lie?" Jungkook turns his body fully towards Jimin, with his eyebrows deeply furrowed and his arms open in indignation.

Jimin puts his hand on his shoulder and follows his gaze to the second floor of the establishment.

"You know, a good cupid needs to ensure all possibilities." Jimin checks his phone one last time before leaving, and only one notification catches his attention.

"Your NETFLIX login is no longer available. Would you like to sign in with another account?"

A scream was heard throughout the neighborhood.

Hello everyone. Just popping in to let you know that next week I'll be posting the second chapter of Get This Man <3.

[pruneunfair]

Hae Soo is a boring character: Revised edition.

I looked back on my old Tears on a withered flower analysis about why I thought Hae Soo was dull female lead to follow a long time ago and yeesh! It was not one of my best analysis' probably even one of my worst. I got a lot of things wrong such as Tae Ha making a plush toy in Hae Soo's likeness was just apart of some weird promotional art and not canon in the story, and I focused too much on her body instead of actual reasons that made her boring.

I still find her boring, even more so then I did back when the original analysis was made, but just because I don't like her character doesn't mean I'm going to let a poorly made statement about her sit and act like it was correct.

So allow me to make up for that with this list with more reasons formed from by her personality instead of character design.

1: Her likability relies on how much the audience can pity her 80% of the time.

Hae Soo is definitely not UNLIKABLE, she is written to be a soft spoken woman who works hard, is generally kind but for most of the series up until recently, she is also submissive and doesn't know how to stand up for herself.

But that personality practically means nothing when we aren't really shown what makes Hae Soo a strong character. In almost every scene that she's in that isn't a romantic moment with Tae Ha, she is being bullied by someone else. Mincheol is abusing her, Hwa Jung is making fun of her for being old, her parents are implied to have been beating/neglecting her, she's getting bullied at school during flashbacks, and generally a good 80% of the scenes she's in that don't involve her romantic relationship is of her being mistreated and bullied so we can feel bad for her or so we can watch Tae Ha hurt them to defend his kitten.

Obviously, that alone isn't what makes Hae Soo boring, a lot of women irl unfortunately have to suffer like just for being above 30 but those real women also have other reasons that make them human, they have interesting hobbies, friends outside of their spouse, personality traits that help them survive the mental anguish of going to work just to be yelled at by their customer, boss, etc. What I'm trying to say is that they're still people because people are a lot more than their trauma.

Its hard to properly explain but the easiest way to describe is that while many horrible things will happen to a female lead, those things happen to tell an actual compelling story about her but in Hae Soo's case, its just there to be like "Awwww... Our baby Hae Soo is being bullied again 😢 Let's hope that Tae Ha will show those meanies what for!" And thats it... Hae Soo just gets verbally, physically, and even sexually harrassed and it never ends up being about HER, its about how Tae Ha will react to his baby girl getting hurt and what he will do to the perpetrators while Hae Soo basically gets the crumbs, said crumbs being pity points since her lack of agency as a compelling character is "made up" with her having the character of an abandoned quadruple amputee kitten left in the rain.

I will give this to Tears on a withered flower: The author, Gae Nim, might not be my favorite manhwa creator, but they aren't a terrible writer, they can definitely write some pretty good scenarios and ideas, such as realistic approaches to new relationships after getting away from an abusive spouse. This does prove that at least 20% of Hae Soo's trauma isn't just there for Tae Ha to come in and prove how much better of a boyfriend he is and how he can save with her with money and his dick alone, because what she went through, it kept Hae Soo away from rushing into a genuine relationship with Tae Ha for so long, the downside is that it also acts as a double edged sword in the end because Tae Ha once again takes most of the main character traits that Hae Soo should have and instead of letting Hae Soo recover from her trauma and letting her have a few months at the very least to have some time for her to take agency over her own life, it ends up being about how Tae Ha continues to do all these wonderful things for Hae Soo (Basically lovebombing her) so she can rush through the recover process and throw herself wholeheartedly to Tae Ha.

2: Despite her being a supposedly mature older woman with more life experience than others, she is consistently infantalized.

Okay, I know I said I wasn't going to make this about all her body, and that is why this is the only time at all during this analysis that I will bring up Hae Soos bodytype: it is the perfect symbolism of what kind of character she's trying to be: On one hand, she has the body type of a mature, grown woman but on the other hand, her face is drawn to somehow look youthful and in the iconic confused "👁 👄 👁 " expression most of the time.

Hae Soo is on the older side, being 33, and at many times, the narrative will prove that with her referring to Tae Ha as "Kid" multiple times, seeing him more like a broken child (Not in the pedophile way, its just common for older people to see people in their early 20s as naive and inexperienced.) And at some point, I think she even tells him that she'll scold him. Her continuing to work hard at her many jobs even after breaking it off with Mincheol once and for all proves that she knows that she still has a long way to go to reach the end of the tunnel.

That being said, she also has very little agency for her own life, and I'm not talking about scenarios that she couldn't easily escape like Mincheol. I'm talking about the little agency over basic decisions she is given by the narrative itself. She does make the active decision to break it off with Mincheol after catching him with Ari but after that, Tae Ha is the one making decisions for her, a few times without her even knowing it. He blocks Mincheol for her while she's asleep, sets up an arranged scene in their old apartment so he can rile Mincheol to by pretending that he just finished up having sex with Hae Soo, and generally is treated like a delicate little flower who needs to have her hand held everywhere. With justifications for these poor writing decisions being, once again, her sad backstories that basically infantalize trauma victims as scared wittle kittens that need to be given the utmost "UwU, cinnamon roll" treatment, instead of, you know, treating them like actual people instead of helpless infants?

This characterization just really bugs me because I don't know how I'm supposed to perceive her. If the narrative really wanted to intentionally portray her as a innocent cinnamon roll who needs protection then as much as I would have been annoyed, I would have at least had an easier time knowing how to perceive her. Tears on a withered flower wants to have its cake and eat it too, it wants the readers to see Hae Soo as this broken down woman who has become a husk of her former self and whose experiences have hardened her into the hard working serious woman we were introduced to, while also wanting her to act all quirky and innocent where all she needs is a few more chapters of lovebombing and boom! She's ready to love Tae Ha wholeheartedly before she realizes that she doesn't even know what kind of job he has.

Is she supposed to be a wary woman who needs time to adjust before trusting someone? Or is she just a shy bby who needs to be carried from place to place? Pick a lane and stick with it! The whiplash is killing me.

3: SO MUCH ATTENTION ENDS UP GOING TO TAE HA!

I don't like this guy the way the author wants me too. One problem I had with Tae Ha was that he also had little to say about him outside of Hae Soo and the author did actually fix that, he is now not so boring and even interesting to follow thanks to his family lore getting dropped.

The downside? Tae Ha is pretty much the new main character and Hae Soo might as well just be nothing more than the hot piece of ass who exists solely as an accomplishment for the main protagonist to achieve.

Sure, we still don't know EXACTLY why he started obessesing over some woman he hardly knew, but he at least now has more interesting traits that make him feel like a person written with actual care in mind. Hae Soo's entire life on the other hand is barley passing something as basic as the Bechdel test by the skin of its teeth.

You know how the first half of sleeping beauty was Aurora dreaming of nothing other than finding true love and the rest of the time she's on screen, shes asleep and she doesn't even have anymore lines while Philip does everything else? That's basically Tae Ha and Hae Soo except her version of dreaming about love before meeting the man doesn't even exist so there's even less for her to work with.

Not trying to talk shit about sleeping beauty, there is nothing wrong about girls who's goal in life is to find a loving spouse and if your goal in life is to find a husband you love and raise kids together, then I completely support you and I wish you for the absolute best, I'm just using examples of shallowness in characters because trad wives are still their own people. Sleeping beauty, as shallow as its characters are, is still not an absolutely terrible Disney princess movie and theres still a lot that can be found to enjoy about it if you aren't fond of how Aurora is characterized, such as the subplots with the fairies. Tears on a withered flower on the other hand completely REVOLVES around the romance between Hae Soo and Tae Ha, with all the subplots being extensions of that love story, and not just minor extensions, but major plot points that will contribute to Hae Soo and Tae Ha's love story. So if the main event is going to be all about a love story, then you're going to want to put in the extra effort for your female lead if your goal is to convince the audience to come back to see what happens in her story next.

4: Her, and almost every other female character in this story, personalities are tailored around the male characters.

First off: We see plenty of minor characters in this story, but every single minor character who is female is either talking to eachother about how handsome Tae Ha or Tae Hee are, or they are getting railed by another male character, or they exist to chase after the men in Hae Soo's life and therefore, are nasty "pick me" bitches that Tae Ha needs to put in their place.

Ari's character is like a exaggerated version of Hae Soo if she had a stable financial background. While to be fair, there is a chance that Ari will be utilized in the future, I don't have much hope on it anymore since she sort of just exists to be young and dumb so we can see Mincheol at his worst when he abuses her.

Hwa Jung is made to be jealous of Hae Soo for being beautiful and gentle enough to attract all the attention away from her and is the embodiment of that one trope where all flat cheated women are secretly jealous of the big tittied fmc who doesn't realize that she's gorgeous.

Heeji has only appeared around 3-4 times and all we know about her is that she has a crush on Tae Ha and that's it, there's literally nothing about her that we know of and all we can hope for is that she is not turned into a love rival.

And we already talked about how Hae Soo is characterized.

The only female character that has shown up more than once so far who isn't written as a jealous wench against Hae Soo is her barbecue co worker, (Neaul I think her name was?) But thats one character who, unlike characters like Ari and Hwa Jung, hasn't really been doing anything outside of cheering Hae Soo on a couple of times.

Right now, we were just recently introduced to what I am assuming is Tae Joo's wife but so many people are speculating that she's going to be the evil mother in law trope so cross your fingers.

Conclusion:

Hae Soo's character writing has honestly gotten even worse now. Its been over 60 chapters and the excuses are running out, I don't know how I'm supposed to see Hae Soo as this complex individual when her entire life has been centered around a man, whenever it be Mincheol or Tae Ha, it's always about a man.

[atlas-of-the-sea]

An Eventful 1st of July.

We are 7 months deep into 2025.

What's going on? I'm still in March.

My morning started pretty well if someone were to ask me. 😌

I got a notification from Jimin's IG, and without seeing it, I was already smiling because he posted something. Wow! This boy is so active now, I am loving this era so much! Will it last? 🫢

He is in his element, and it makes me so happy to see him shine like that. Truly! 🥹

I was working when I saw a weverse notification on my phone. I didn't see it right away, unfortunately. I went to see who it was from. I clicked on it, and I saw this picture.

(That face! Ahhh the cheeks, the small eyes 😍!!!! Also, JK with his big smile is cute)

If I could explain the way my whole face sparkled! OMG! He is so freaking cute! I was excited to see it was a full BTS live.

I was smiling and with a sense of happiness to see them all there, and I could feel how happy Jimin was.

And then he said this:

(GIF from @jung-koook)

And I think this is why I was that happy, I truly felt like I could feel his happiness through the screen.

(I had 3 coworkers asking, "Who was making me smile like that?" And "is that a man that's making you smile on the phone?" The joke runs deep in my job lol, my relationship status is very much of interest to my team, but that's an irrelevant story here, lol, but yes, team, it was a man that had me smiling at my phone 😂)

HE IS THE LIFE OF THE PARTY!

[Did you see what I did there? 😜]

Seriously, just looking at the members around him, doting on him, laughing because of him. Especially Hobi. It was so endearing.

I know this sounds very biased, but Jimin really is the heart of BTS, and nobody can deny that. Whoever does, they don't know sh*t!

They had him seating in the middle, (he even said that lol). Tae was about to eat him for dessert 🍨 LOL, it was so lovely. I love seeing people loving him. I want to see him protected from the bad of this world and happy.

I was also happy to see Suga. There was something in his aura today. I felt like he felt safe and full of love with his members. 💜

-

Jimin is fighting with that short hair 🤣

Every time he removes his hair from his forehead with his fingers like that, it triggers the cute side of me. ☺️

-

He pretty much alluded that his focus will be on BTS next album and I am excited about that because I really hope he is very involved with it, the music Jimin has touched from BTS have been pure art. In addition to his solo career, the man is the epitome of success. I also like this because I want him to have time to focus on his solo career, so I think it's great if he does this after BTS is done with their comeback or while he is working on their album. However, in my opinion, Jimin is the type of artist who likes to have his sole focus in one album project at a time. He creates out of his feelings a lot from what I heard him saying so far. So I think that he won't work on PJM3 a lot, if anything, while he is working for the group's album. Nonetheless, we shall see. ☺️

I also saw the news about Scooter B. And it seems to be good news. I am not sure yet. I just want that man 1000 kilometers deep in the sea away from Jimin. That's all. If BTS wants to work with him, I have no opinions. I just want him to stay away from Jimin and his solo career! That man is evil, and everything he touches ends up de💀d.

[sirensoul-min]

https://x.com/thvdiaries/status/1948976713947308457?t=1_fcNGA28ojPpJmuOeXkLA&s=19

Notice how it's just Jimin doing this. Even though he rarely posts anything he still managed to do this several times. Taehyung loves posting all the time (he even posted a b-side from a bp member) but I don't think he has a single post about Jimin and the two times Jimin released an album he acted like it didn't happen even though he was online doing other stuff. Like at this point does Taehyung even know Jimin makes music? Can he even name five Jimin songs?

During Face's release he said absolutely nothing about it and never went to see Jimin perform (which Hobi and Yoongi did even though they were busy finishing their albums while Taehyung was doing a whole lot of nothing) but when Layover released Jimin of course made multiple posts about it and actually physically went to support Taehyung during one of his performances (the only member to do so btw). Only then did Taehyung show any care for Jimin by inviting him to his fanmeet since it was Jimin's birthday and there they sang the song only Jimin wrote and produced and initially had nothing to do with Taehyung until a producer said it should be made into a subunit.

Remember when Muse was released and Taehyung completely ignored it and instead posted pictures of a trip he had with Jungkook? And those pictures were already over a year old and he could've posted them at any point during that one year but he only decided do it when Jimin's travel show with Jungkook was being announced, almost as if to say "Hey I traveled with Jungkook too". Then we found out he went as far as to invite himself to said travel show and had the audacity to tell Jimin he was upset that Jimin hadn't invited him to the trip (when I doubt he invited Jimin to his trip with Jungkook) while saying nothing of how Jungkook didn't invite him either. And mind you, for most of the trip he was on his phone and even left at one point to go play golf with his other friends.

All this and his fans are still crying to this day about how mean Jimin is for calling Taehyung a guest (which he was) and trying to paint him as a bad friend when Taehyung himself has already admitted that he has always been the one on the receiving end when it comes to his friendship with Jimin (who is the one putting in all the effort and always supporting Taehyung).

Anyway. Taehyung, name five Jimin songs in five minutes challenge. Rules: BTS solo songs don't count and searching on Google is not allowed (sorry I know you fans love doing that). The timer starts now ⏳ GO!

anon 2:

anon 3: (sent almost two weeks ago in response to this post)

[THIS IS A VERY LONG POST]

first anon, the post you sent got tae dragged, so the op was jumped by kths. it was deleted now, but i think this was the post you're referring to:

.......yep. what do we know.

this soulmate thing has been a hot topic nowadays, and it'll keep being one as long as jimin stays unapologetically supportive, all the while, tae is not matching his efforts.

i could just outright agree with the sentiments from the asks above, especially since most of them are valid, and again, kths were also unreasonably dragging jimin. however, it's best to address and weigh this topic with as much as the available facts backing us. i'd rather do it this way, unlike many kths, who make shit up instead of facing reality.

disclaimer: this post is a product of my memory and a time-constrained online digging. i might miss something, so feel free to add to this or correct me. my opinion and interpretation relies mainly on these events. you can and may disagree with me.

------------------

did taehyung ever posted about jimin's FACE and MUSE on social media?

no. there is no record of tae ever making any posts or stories on IG or Weverse acknowledging FACE or MUSE. tae did not make one; not even to congratulate jimin on his debut and achievements.

but did tae ever hint on social media that he supports jimin's music? did he like any music-related posts, or make any comments? what about jimin's collab/s?

yes, tae liked some of jimin's posts on IG and Weverse related to FACE, but none for MUSE. he replied to a fan in Weverse who was excited about the release of Set Me Free, Pt. 2, and said that his heart is also "pounding fast". when jimin posted on WV (Mar 17 2023) stating that he hoped fans enjoy [the release of SMFP2], tae replied with a "yes, i'm enjoying it~".

when jimin's collab with taeyang, Vibe, in 2023 was released, tae liked posts related to it. he also made an IG story about it. (later on, jk also shared during one of his wvlives that he and tae had listened to Vibe (not sure if together or not), and both misheard taeyang singing "dim sum", instead of "theme song".)

👇 zoom in

full transparency: i got this photo collage from a kth on twt, so i'm not gonna drop the @. had to use it since i can only include 10 images max per post, as per tumblr rule. i could create mine, but it would include the same content anyway, so. dw, all that's included did happen; i checked them, and remembered some of them. you can also verify them from various sources.

okay, what about outside of social media? did tae publicly support jimin? did he attend any of jimin's promo, events, or rehearsals?

yes and no.

tae didn't visit or attend any of jimin's actual promos and events (as limited as they may be).

he, however, paid jimin a surprise visit while filming his dance cover for Closer Than This, as a part of #ThisIsJimin dance series (it was uploaded on BTS' official accounts before they enlisted). tae asked jimin on the spot if he could appear in the reel, and jimin agreed. hence, tae did so in the latter part of the video with jimin, when they posed along the mirror filled with jimin's doodles.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by BTS official (@bts.bighitofficial)

i believe they filmed this reel the same day they filmed the rm-jimin-tae-jk wvlive, because tae was wearing the same outfit. he also prerecorded a birthday video wearing the same outfit in what seemed to be the same practice room. so, this visit seems very convenient, if not coincidental, for tae.

this visit was recorded on the bangtan bomb of #ThisIsJimin's behind-the-scenes.

was there any recorded example of tae talking about jimin's music?

yes.

in one of the episodes of Are You Sure?! in jeju, tae and jimin listened to 'Alone' while on a car ride. during this, tae mentioned that "anyone who liked this song the most" from jimin's album is "similar" to him.

----------------------------------------

my take:

you can draw your own conclusions about all this. however, personally, one of the things that becomes highlighted from these is that tae did show support towards jimin's music in his own ways—but didn't, and still doesn't, match with jimin's in terms of loudness, frequency, and effort.

because, these alone, are jimin's support for tae's music: (kindly ignore that rainy day pic from in the soop)

^jimin posted for tae's music multiple times—during layover's release and until recently. he also physically showed up for him on KBS music bank and vicnic fan meeting, and sang 'Slow Dancing' on AYS?! multiple times.

jimin always shows up. he does things loud and proud. he's always initiating, and i bet he does these things mostly unprompted. he has also supported kth1 before it was even complete.

obviously, jimin is referring to songs that were written by tae and were initially meant for kth1/layover (tae has no writing credits for layover), but still.

mind you, all the support and care jimin has given tae all over the years are not even included here. it'll take us forever, and tumblr wouldn't let me post all the receipts.

Tae's *public* support for jimin's solo music seemed reluctant.

if i were to sum up tae's support in a few words, it's this: subtle, indirect, private, and reluctant. almost nonexistent, even.

you would think that since tae was unable to support jimin physically on his promos, then he would at least compensate by dedicating something for him using social media. but nada.

and that doesn't make sense. because if tae could hype up his other friends and other artists thru socmed (like him doing one for a bp member and a WV post last year mentioning Neva Play), there should be no issue for him to do the same for jimin's solo releases (esp to Muse).

yes, support doesn't always have to be made publicly and tae could have been supporting jimin privately, but don't those also seem illogical? why can't tae just be loud and proud for his cherished friend's solo music at least once? why can't he have the time and initiative for jimin when he was chronically online, and was able to update oftenly during MS?

why wasn't tae able to do it, when this was him (july 21) last year, just two days after Muse was released (july 19)?

tae made several posts and shared stories (including these two pics) on IG on july 21.

why did tae, among the members who often post, the only one who ignored jimin's music, and instead shared IG stories of his trip to hawaii with jk?

the other members cheered for Muse via IG stories and weverse (jin), along with jimin's own story.

link

i don't think people even expect or root that much for tae to make an IG post for jimin's solo music, because jimin's the only one doing that among the members. the rest mostly resort to sharing support through their ig stories, and that's fine. tae could just do the same. yet, tae failed to do both.

this is why i can't blame fans, especially pjms, to interpret tae's lack of direct acknowledgment for jimin's music (especially during the release week) as suspicious. no one can blame pjms for going "hmm?" when there is clearly a little reciprocity on tae's behalf. there seems to be something stopping or pulling him back, and we could only speculate.

Tae doesn't seem to go out of his way for jimin.

tae doesn't seem to be the kind of friend to jimin who goes out of his way and makes grand gestures. he seems to go with the flow and waits for someone to initiates or start something for him.

to me, that surprise visit he did for jimin during CTT filming seemed easy and convenient for him to do.

In their friendship, one receives and takes more than the other—and this doesn't seem to have changed to this day.

both tae and jimin are aware that in their friendship, one used to receive more than the other. tae has addressed this when he wrote and read jimin a letter.

tae expressed his regret "for always being on the receiving end", and was grateful to jimin for staying with him even though he's "lacking". yet, it seems like the same thing persists to this day.

maybe both of them had made peace with such a relationship. maybe this bothers them too, and they (tae) were actively trying to do better.

What's the point?

i'm not trying to prove to or convince anyone that tae hates jimin, because even i don't believe it. i don't believe friendship is a competition either—rather, it's supposed to be a give-and-take relationship.

us questioning tae being silent when it comes to jimin doesn't mean we're begging tae to pay attention to jimin, or that jimin needs to beg tae for attention. (i've seen some kths twist it that way, but no). jimin is entitled to it, actually. jimin deserves it the moment they acknowledge that they're close friends. jimin deserves it bc of the relentless support that he has been giving tae all this time, w/c both of them are aware of. jimin has a right to expect it the moment tae acknowledged that he's lacking and said all those things to jimin.

the burden falls to tae for not being as present to jimin as a close friend would. this has more to do with what kind of friend tae is, rather than what jimin demands.

Last Points/ Bottom Line

their friendship is not perfect, and tae was just never able to give the energy back to jimin. these could be clearest conclusions many of us could reach from what have been discussed. as fans, i believe we must accept this fact. but i also understand that we cannot help but be curious and comment because this is our faves' public lives, hence the discussion. keep in mind that we don't know what goes behind the scenes, though, so it's best to be open-minded.

with that, it's unnecessary for kths to drag jimin when he's nothing like they accuse him of. i get that they won't stop at nothing, but i hope that at least some of them won't meddle much if they just going to ignore actual events.

as for pjms/jiminettes, i hope this could help clear any confusion regarding tae's support for jimin's music over the past years. he did show some, just mostly indirect, not quite there, and not up to par with how many of us would have expected from him.

--------

P.S.

those who have been speculating that tae posting those one-year-old hawaii trip pics was 1) him having bad timing, 2) was he feeding his ship, and 3) was he purposely ignoring jimin's music, may or may not be onto something. refer to this timeline:

july 2023: AYS's start of filming in connecticut (after jk's GMA performance)

sept 2023: AYS filming in jeju - vminkook

july 04 2024: AYS show announcement (tae as a guest to jeju wasn't announced yet)

july 19 2024: Muse's release

july 21 2024: tae's hawaii trip IG posts and stories

july 22 2024: AYS teaser trailer release on YT (already includes clips from jeju trip, but tae wasn't shown yet)

aug 08 2024: AYS premiere - ep 1 & 2 in america release

aug 9 2024: announcement that tae will appear on AYS' jeju trip; a preview clip was released

aug 15, 22, & 29 2024: AYS ep 3, 4, & 5 in jeju release

vminkook has finished filming their jeju island trip as early as sept 2023. then, AYS was announced on july 4, 2024; followed by muse's release, and then tae posting to IG.

with this in mind, it's possible that tae decided to post those hawaii pics with jk, two weeks after the AYS announcement, bc he was triggered by it. he was probably already alluding to that jeju trip that he joined in (even though that fact wasn't revealed to the fans yet). and since jimin did not travel with them to hawaii, he obvs was not included on tae's pics.

but why tae decided to not post anything related to jimin (and instead droned on about jk), despite Muse being released just two days before tae went online, is telling. he just didn't want to, or did not seem to see the need. he had the time and the opportunity, but did not seize them—and that's a fact.

[charmed-quill]

All that Grows// J.F x Reader ch 2

Authors note at end.

Summary: You were just children when you planted the cherry pit behind the stables, a secret garden, a quiet promise, a someday vow spoken with muddy hands and hearts still learning what love meant.

Years passed. Seasons shifted. Letters slowed. And the tree, like everything else, kept growing.

Now the war is over, and Jamie has come home. Changed. Older. Carrying things he doesn’t say out loud. He asks you to walk with him again, like you used to.

But time has not been kind. The garden is not the same. And neither are you.

The cherry tree has finally bloomed.

But so much has happened in the years it took.

word count: 3.3k

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March 3rd, 1734 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Jamie (mo leòmhann beag), Jenny says you’ll come back with sheep in your hair. I went to check the garden and our spot’s still there. The dirt’s frozen but the tree’s not dead. I kicked the fence to see if it’d fall but it didn’t. Mam made me scrub the floors ‘cause I tracked mud in again. It was from the coop. The hen with the mean eye bit me this time. I think she’s evil. Da said I should write neater. Are the stables there smellier than ours? Come visit soon. I’ve got stories. And I saved a bit of honeybread in a tin so Jenny wouldn’t nick it. — Y/N (sheillean) P.S. I still talk to the tree. You better be talkin’ to somethin’ too or that’s not fair.

March 14th, 1734 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo sheillean, The stables here smell like six cows and a dead boot. I nearly stepped in something I don’t want to name. Dougal says I’ve got tae toughen up. So now I lift hay bales and pretend I’m a soldier. It’s not bad, but my arms feel like jelly. Ross is alright. He let me ride his pony once but it bit me. So now I just look at it from far away. I miss Lallybroch. I miss ye too, but don’t tell anyone. I’ve not got anything good to eat. If ye don’t save that honeybread, I’ll never speak to ye again (lie). Tell Jenny she better not be messin’ with our tree or I’ll send her a letter full of cow smell. — Jamie (leòmhann beag) P.S. I yelled at a rock yesterday. Felt better after.

April 8th, 1734 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Jamie, The hens are worse. The one that bit me last time chased me this morning. Mam said not to run but I did anyway and then fell in the mud. Again. Jenny told me she’s gonna cut off the tree’s new leaves and feed them to the goats. She’s a menace. I stuck a twig in her braid when she wasn’t lookin’. I keep forgettin’ ye aren’t just round the corner. I thought I saw ye yesterday near the fence, but it was just a coat hangin’ on the gate. You better write back faster. Miss you, mo leòmhann beag. But only a bit. — Y/N

July 2nd, 1734 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo sheillean, The days are long here. I rise before dawn and labour until my arms ache. There is sweat and honour in this kind of work. I have begun to reflect deeply on what it means to become a man. I read that in a book. I also fell into a water trough this morning while carryin’ a sack of oats. Ross says I’m cursed but I think the cow did it on purpose. Do ye think the tree has grown? I keep thinkin’ about it. And about you, sometimes. Not weirdly. Just like… you always talk too much and now I miss the noise. — Jamie (mo leòmhann beag) P.S. Don’t tell Jenny anything. If she hears I fell again I’ll never live it down.

July 15th, 1734 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Dear Sir Fraser of Water-Trough Falls, “There is sweat and honour in this kind of work” — who ARE you?? Did ye swallow a poet? Do I need tae send help? I had tae read that bit out loud to the hens. They didn’t understand it either. One of them pecked the paper. I did check the tree. It’s taller. A goat tried tae nibble a leaf and I smacked its nose and told it, “this is Fraser property.” So technically I defended your land. The patch is gettin’ overgrown. I’ll clear it before Jenny turns it into a pig pen. She says if you don’t come home before harvest, she’s makin’ it a laundry line. I do talk too much. But ye like it. Admit it. — Y/N (mo sheillean) P.S. I’m still saving that honeybread, but it’s very hard now. Might be a weapon.

September 10th, 1734 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo Sheillean, I’ve started growin’ taller. Dougal says I’ll be “a proper Highland lad” if I keep up with the work. My boots don’t fit right anymore. I trip a lot. Still. I miss your voice. Not in a mushy way, but in the way it fills a space. It’s too quiet here. There’s this hill behind the field and I like to sit there after chores. Makes me think of Lallybroch. I keep thinkin’ about the way we used tae lie in the grass and argue about clouds. I dunno. It’s just weird not seein’ you every day. Anyway. I am strong now. Mighty. Fear me. — Jamie (still leòmhann beag) P.S. I miss the honeybread. Please don’t use it as a weapon. Send it to me as a brick, if nothing else.

January 12th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Mo leòmhann beag, It snowed last night — proper thick, the kind that makes everything quiet. I went out and made a snow creature with two heads and named it Jamie. Jenny said it looked more like a turnip. Da’s been havin’ talks with Mam. You know the kind. The ones where they glance at you and pretend you don’t notice. There’s been mention of visiting families. I think they mean the Campbells. I told Jenny if they try to marry me off I’ll fake a goat illness and live in the barn. It’s daft anyway. I’m thirteen, not a crone. I miss the hill. I miss the tree. I miss you yellin’ at clouds. — Y/N (sheillean)

January 25th, 1735 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo Sheillean, A snow creature with two heads? That’s just accurate. I’ve always said I think with my stomach too much. Campbells? That can’t be real. They’re all forty years old and smell. I bet they’ve got no knees. You canna marry someone with no knees. That’s just bad planning. But if you do get stuck, I’ll come rescue you. I’ll ride in on Ross’s pony (the mean one) and throw cabbages at the reception. You aren’t a crone. You’re just barely not small. I’ll write more soon. We’ve started learning sword drills and my arms feel like boiled carrots. — Jamie (still leòmhann beag, but slightly taller) P.S. Tell the tree tae slow down. It’s got years left before anything important happens.

February 20th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Jamie, I told Mam I wasn’t ready to “entertain suitors.” She said I’d “feel different soon.” I said I’d rather fall in a ditch. She said that could still happen after marriage. I nearly choked. I told the tree about it. I think it’s on my side. It looked judgy. I did find one of the Campbells tryin’ to talk to me last market day. I told him I had a pig to wash and he left. I wish you were here. Not just ‘cause it’d be more fun, but ‘cause you always know what to say when I feel like I’m bein’ pushed into something too big. Anyway, if I vanish, check the barn. — sheillean

March 9th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Mo leòmhann beag, You’ll never guess what the Campbells sent this week. A basket of apples. And not even the good kind — those mealy ones that taste like wood. Mam said it was “a thoughtful gesture.” Jenny said it was “a test.” I said it was a waste of perfectly good goats’ food. I told Da I still talk to trees and throw rocks at boys. He laughed and said I’d grow out of it. I don’t think I will. Anyway, the tree has three new buds. I check every morning. I think it’s showin’ off now. I tried to picture myself in one of those fancy wife gowns and nearly choked on my porridge. Missin’ you something awful this week. — sheillean

March 27th, 1735 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo Sheillean, I dinna like the sound of them sendin’ baskets. It sounds… too much like a start. I know you’re jokin’ about the apples and the gowns but it’s got me thinkin’. If you did get married, would they take you away from Lallybroch? Would you still write me? Would ye still go talk to our tree? I don’t like picturin’ you belongin’ to someone who never even saw the saplin’. Maybe I’m bein’ stupid. But I keep hearin’ the lads here talk about courtin’ girls, and I don’t like how they talk. They don’t talk like you’re real. If you ever did marry someone, I hope it’d be someone who already knew the worst bits of you and liked you anyway. I hope it’d be me. — Jamie (leòmhann beag) P.S. I hope Jenny didn’t read that last part. Burn this.

April 11th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Jamie, I didn’t burn your letter. I’ve read it three times and hid it in my boot. If it smells like goat when you get it back one day, that’s why. I hadn’t really thought about what would happen if I did get married. I guess I figured… I wouldn’t. Or not yet. Or not to someone else. That part got real all of a sudden. I told Mam I’m not ready. She said no one ever is. I wanted to scream. You said you hope it’s you. I hope it is too. But don’t go sayin’ it again in letters. You’ll make me cry like a girl in a book and I’ll have to throw something. — sheillean P.S. The tree has five buds now.

April 28th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Mo leòmhann beag, Do you remember what you said when we planted the tree? About askin’? About when it blooms? I think about it sometimes when I’m sittin’ there. The tree’s taller than me now. Not by much, but enough to make me feel small again. Everything’s changin’. Jenny’s been talkin’ about dowries and banns and whose cow went dry and whose son’s lookin’ for a wife. They talk about it like I’m a basket of eggs to be traded. I ken I was wee when we made that promise. Maybe you don’t even remember sayin’ it. But if you do… will you still ask me? Proper, I mean. I’d like to be asked by someone who knows how many freckles I’ve got across my nose and how bad I am at mendin’ stockings. I’d like it to be you. — sheillean P.S. One of the buds bloomed early. It’s tiny, but it’s there.

May 14th, 1735 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo Sheillean, I remember. I remember your hands were dirty from diggin’ and I said ye was manky for puttin’ seeds in ye boots. I remember thinkin’ that you looked like you were part of the field — like you were born out of it, same as the tree. I remember sayin’ if it bloomed, I’d ask ye. And I will. I don’t care if they talk about cows and sons and banns and the rest of it. I’ll stand in front of them all and say it proper if you want. I’d rather ask you by the tree, though. When I get back — I’ll ask. — Jamie (always your leòmhann beag) P.S. Tell the tree to wait for me. I want to see the blooms myself.

June 8th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Jamie, Mam says I’ve gotten taller. Jenny says it’s just my head gettin’ bigger with all the nonsense I spout. The weather’s been hot. The garden’s half wilted and the hens keep hidin’ in the shade like they’re fancy ladies avoidin’ the sun. I started helpin’ Mam with the washing this week. My hands got all wrinkly and sore, but I got to splash Jenny with a whole bucket so it was worth it. The tree’s got more leaves now. No new flowers yet. But it looks… stronger. I hope you’re not gettin’ too grown-up to come back and fall into the mud again. Someone’s got to keep the dirt company. — Y/N (sheillean) P.S. The honeybread finally crumbled. Jenny fed it to a goat. It survived.

July 2nd, 1735 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo Sheillean, I’m still clumsy, dinna worry. Fell off a wall last week tryin’ to impress the lads. Landed in a nettle patch. Have not impressed anyone since. It’s hot here too. The fields stink somethin’ awful when the sun’s up. If I come back smellin’ like a cow’s backside, you’re not allowed to laugh. They’ve started talkin’ about sendin’ me tae France. Nothin’ certain yet. Dougal says it’s a good idea. I dinna ken if I think so. I miss you. Even if ye do call me manky and threaten me with goats. Write soon if ye can. — Jamie (leòmhann beag) P.S. Tell the tree I’m not forgivin’ it if it blooms without me.

August 30th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Jamie, Sorry it took so long. Things have been busy. Harvest’s comin’ and Da’s been shoutin’ about sheep like they’re planning a rebellion. I’m tryin’ to learn how to make bread without burnin’ it. I failed three times. Jenny says I’m better off diggin’ holes. I think she’s right. I went out to the tree last week. Sat under it for a bit. Brought an apple and a book. It’s quiet there now. Not bad. Just quiet. I hope France isn’t real. Or if it is, that it’s boring and ugly so you won’t want to stay. Send a letter soon. If you can. — Y/N

October 18th, 1735 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Mo leòmhann beag, Jenny says the leaves are changin’ late this year. The whole orchard’s still green, stubborn as anything. The tree’s lost a few leaves but it’s still hangin’ on. Mam’s been sayin’ it’s gonna be a hard winter. I told her I’ll just hibernate like the bears. She didn’t laugh. Da said you’re to stay on longer at Beannachd. Fancy lad now, doin’ estate work and riding circuits. Don’t let Dougal turn you into one of those stiff men who bow at their own boots. Come back still bein’ you, aye? I’ll save you some burnt bread. For old times’ sake. — sheillean P.S. If you meet any lasses up that way, tell them you’re already spoken for —

November 3rd, 1735 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo Sheillean, Still here. Dougal’s been sendin’ me out across tenant lands. Ridin’ the hills, collectin’ rents. Feels like they want me to grow up faster than my boots can keep up. I miss real food that’s not cold by the time it’s served. Dougal’s sharp as a hawk. Ye canna fool him. I think about the tree a lot. Wonder if it misses us — or if it likes the quiet better. Nobody here calls me mo leòmhann beag. I don’t think they ever would. Write when ye can. Even if it’s just to tell me Jenny sat in the mud again. — Jamie

January 18th, 1736 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Jamie, Sorry it took so long. Winter’s been rough. The roof’s leakin’ in the second barn and Da’s been cursin’ every beam and nail. I miss how simple it was when the biggest problem was you fallin’ into puddles. The tree’s still holdin’ on. Bit battered, but stubborn. Like someone else I ken. Jenny says you’ll come back a knight or a king or somethin’. I said you’ll come back still forgettin’ your belt half the time. I hope you’re alright there. Hope they’re feedin’ you well. Hope you don’t forget how to climb trees and throw rotten apples at goats. Write soon, if you can. — Y/N (sheillean)

March 26th, 1736 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo Sheillean, I’m no good at sayin’ things plain, so I’ll just say it: They’re keepin’ me here longer. Dougal says I’ve a head for land and men, so he means to teach me more — contracts, rents, politics. He says I’ll need it someday. Sometimes it feels like I’ll never get back to Lallybroch. I think about the tree when the hills get too quiet. Think about you runnin' downhill and swearin' at hens. I’m scared by the time I come back, everythin' will be different. I dinna want you to wait if you don’t want to. But I want you to ken — I never forgot. I still won’t forget. — Jamie (always your leòmhann beag)

November 24th, 1736 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo sheillean, I ken it's been a long while since I last wrote. I’m sorry. They keep me so busy here, it's like they think if they stop movin’ me, I’ll forget where I belong. I’m safe. Just tired. It’s not what I thought it would be. The halls are bigger, the rooms colder. Everybody’s talkin’ about alliances and rents and who owes what. Not a soul talks about the burn after rain, or the smell of fields at sunset. I miss bread that’s burnt on the bottom and meat with more bone than flesh. I miss you shoutin’ at me for trackin’ mud into the kitchens. I’ve been learnin’ — fightin’, ridin’, accountin’. But most days, I'd rather be clamberin' over the stone fences behind Lallybroch, tryin' to catch frogs wi' ye. Sometimes I worry I’ll come back and not find you there. Sometimes I worry you won’t know me anymore. I’m tryin’, Y/N. Tryin’ tae be someone worth waitin’ for. I’m still me. Still the same lad who made you a crooked ring and swore under a tree that he'd ask ye proper someday. Tell the tree to grow slow. Tell it to wait for me. Always, your leòmhann beag

December 29th, 1736 — Lallybroch From Y/N

Mo leòmhann beag, It’s cold here. The kind of cold that makes your teeth hurt when you breathe. The burn’s frozen over. The hens are all tucked up like grumpy old ladies. Da’s been poorly. Coughin’ worse. He’s not gettin’ better, no matter what Mam says. We’re workin’ harder. Stretchin’ everything thinner. I still go sit by the tree. It’s bare now. Just a thin dark line against the grey sky. I don’t tell it much anymore. Feels selfish, wishin’ for things. I hope you’re alright. Hope you’re still laughin’ sometimes. Write when you can. But if you can’t… It’s alright. Always, your sheillean

January 16th, 1737 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo sheillean, I hope this finds ye well. I keep imaginin’ winter at Lallybroch — the smoke from the chimneys, the burn iced over, you wrapped up in shawls and still claimin’ you're not cold. I ken it's harder now. I heard whispers about bad harvests up north. I wish I could help. I wish a lot of things. Write if you can, aye? Even if it’s just your name. — Jamie

(No reply)

March 3rd, 1737 — Beannachd From Jamie

Y/N, It’s near spring here. The lambs are comin’ early and the days are gettin’ longer. I hope the tree made it through the frost. I hope you did too. I don’t ken why you haven’t written. Maybe it's the post. Maybe it's somethin’ else. I just — I miss you. I sit by the river here sometimes and think of the day ye pelted me wi’ wet pebbles and called it a blessin'. If you can, write. If you can’t — I’ll still be here. — Jamie

(No reply)

May 14th, 1737 — Beannachd From Jamie

Mo sheillean, I ken maybe you can’t answer. Or maybe you've had to move on. I'd not blame ye. I just wanted tae say: I meant it. What we said. What we promised. I’ll come back. If you still want me when I do. I’ll come back for you.

(No reply)

June 4th, 1737 — Beannachd I’ll ask when I come back. Please wait for me. Always, your leòmhann beag

(No reply)

a/n: When i started writing this series I was like "Yeah let me write a cute little childhood friends to lovers fic" But now its angsty and that's not my fault I fear. also my requests are open if any of y'all wanna request something !! also Y/n's nick name for jamie means little lion and jamies nick name for y/n means bee

[dearweirdme]

https://twitter.com/taekookfolder/status/1947504491231907850?t=6L41vOX4RqjTZr3Ti8wQfw&s=19

What's your opinion on this thread?

Rant incoming lol- I honestly find it embarrassing. Like.. could it be true? Sure. But it's just the fact they come out with the story after the vminkook outing. They could've posted about it when it happened, but they didn't. Coming out with it now just feels like they're trying to push a narrative. And I know it's technically not a big deal, but I'm just so tired of jkkrs talking down on us like we make up imaginary scenarios and are delulu. 😮‍💨 I guess I just don't see the point in sharing it and saying taekook went there together and then decided to bring jimin. I just feel like both sides are making this vminkook dinner a bigger thing than it even is. And idk if it's just me, but I feel like this whole jkk and tkk rivalry has gotten out of hand. I don't remember it being this bad before. The things I see jkkrs say about tae after this whole dinner thing has my blood boiling, and I feel like tkkrs with posts like the one I linked just make it worse.

Hi anon!

I mean, I much rather have someone post way after it happens and without pictures taken without members’ consent than at the actual moment. I just saw an account on Tiktok describing them being at the restaurant when vminkook was there and it’s honestly just out of enthusiasm of seeing their favorite artists in real life. They also mentioned how Jm was very politely greeting army who were there, which makes me feel a bit better about sightings being spilled perhaps. The issue remains though, that if this is a restaurant they like to frequent while there.. they now no longer can do so in peace, because fans will flick there. We also already had a person film Namjoon and Tae at a gym. It’s just not safe (though thankfully they’re always with staff… probably for this reason). I fear while in LA members cannot really go out on their own, which is a huge imposition on their freedom. To me.. that is the issue.

If the person made the whole thing up that’s obviously useless and insane. I tend to think it actually happened, though in this fandom you never know. I personally don’t value twitter as the place of all that’s true at all. I don’t agree though that the way Jkkrs behave should dictate how we act and talk. I definitely prefer our side not behaving like Jkkrs do. So yeah definitely don’t make stuff up and don’t use moments as some sort of weapon to slay the other side. But we can certainly talk about Tkk moments when they happen. Jkkrs are always insane. It took one ten minute long car video for all of them to spiral… that’s on them, not on us enjoying Tae and Jk together. In my opinion the best thing tkkrs can do is stop spiraling themselves whenever Jk and Jm are seen together. Normalizing them will annoy Jkkrs more than you think it will.

[not-goldy]

People might disagree but I think the difference between Jk “feeding” Tkkers and Tae feeding Tkkers is quite different.

JK

Has like/commented on TikTok’s of all members not just Tae

Has left his US schedule because he wanted to fly back to see Hobi off to the military. I don’t think he flew to Hawaii because he missed Tae but whatever we may never know.

Went ice skating and snowboarding with Jm (alone) and didn’t just going skiing with Tae

Went to the movies with Jimin (and someone else who I can’t remember). Talked about the premiere but didn’t go into detail because I don’t think it was that important to him.

Did a livestreams dedicated to Jm

He cropped himself out of that photo and only posted Tae for his birthday post

Tae talked about boxing and Jk was like “nah you wasn’t serious” so he is happy he can box with Jm

Goes live for longer periods of time and mentions a lot of members and not just Tae.

There is probably more but I will stop here. I see what jk doing as “I’m talking about one of my members”. He is not secluding Tae. You saw how Tae talked about things but Jk being quick to tell what actually happened. For Tae, it’s a different story.

Tae

During his album promo, he made it seem like Jk had a big role in his album, when in reality JK’s role was very minimum.

Said he was going to get his tattoo with jk. Jk posted his and Tae posted his fake one. This wouldn’t be bad and would’ve been a funny prank if he hadn’t made that statement about get his tattoo with Jk.

Went like for a few minutes, said he missed Army, dropped JK’s name and then left.

Went live from JK’s house without his permission

I don’t remember about this but apparently posted a goodbye enlisting thing for Jk but not Tae

Barely showed any support towards Jm during his solo debut

He posted the full photo of the photo jk posted for his birthday, knowing that if Jk wanted to post the full photo he would’ve just done that

Took it among himself to go into detail about what they did after the movie premiere

Posted that photo from Hawaii now and not last year

When Tae does things he does things only related to Jk or his wooga friends. He intentionally does not tell the full story and only tell half or exaggerate things to make stuff seem different then what they actually are.

I feel like it’s only feeding when only one half is doing it. Jk liking/commenting on TikTok’s of ALL members is not feeding. Tae making it seem like Jk is the only member in the group (to me is feeding). Jk talking about him going skiing and simultaneously shooting done TKK is not the same thing as Tae over exaggerating Jk role in his album.

Well you said it

[stormblessed95]

Hey storm I’ve just realised I’ve never seen you mention your pronouns would you be able to tell me.

But that’s not why I’m writing, whenever you post you always approach things so sensibly and with a firm ot7 mindset and so I do most time. But I wanted to ask do you think itd be inappropriate to assume that in this moment tae is posting jk to get attention or some type of reaction? ive always believed that some jkkrs were always just making such a big deal about things with tae and his posts about jk. but this time i got to pondering a little bit because that trip is over a year old, its a day before the travel vlog trailer, he seems to be the only member active and not posting/supporting jms album which i totally understand we dk everything behind closed doors but couldn’t he do both? it seems like he’s tryna boast and hell so would i and i guess for u to ask smn to travel across the world bc u miss them and they do it is alot or maybe we’re making it out to be a bigger deal than it is. i would do it for my bsf and especially if i had that kind of time and money. i guess what makes it such a talked about thing is the texts he put on firstly regarding the compliment and secondly the way he phrased the gesture to seem.

My pronouns are she/her 💜

Now that the first tracking week is over and because you asked fairly nicely, I'm willing to talk about this very briefly.

His photo book Type 1 was dropping for preorder in the next few days when he posted this. These are all photos from when he was filming/doing photoshoots FOR THAT. He was clearly doing a photo dump on insta as slight promotion and posting photos FROM that time from his phone gallery. JK was all of two photo and only even posted to his stories and it's from when they went skydiving together DURING that same time frame as the rest, which is sooo cool and absolutely worth sharing about.

I don't think this was anything other than a "I have some time on my phone, I have this thing coming out, let me scroll back through those memories and do a little photo dump from that time" and that's all. People can feel however they are going to feel about him not posting for Muse, I get it. But I will never understand the taekook hate. And I'm positive that the reason people are always so fired up about it is because of how vile and awful tkkrs are to deal with. And they want it to be Tae's problem so bad. When it's not and never will be. But that's a different problem. Not only that, but clearly he had his other friends there too. He was clearly making this a fun trip for himself before military service as well as shooting for Type 1. Good for him! I'm glad he had fun with people he cares about and it wasn't ALL work!

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Soobin and Taehyun Dynamic Reading

Now, on to these two. I honestly don't really think of this bond too much, so I am highly fascinated in what I will get here. This bond seems pretty chill and subtle to me. I feel these two understand each other a lot, but they don't seem as open as a duo as the others, but I do feel all are pretty close. I just don't see strong interactions from these two compared to the others, doesn't mean they aren't close. I just see them having better interactions with other members, but I am curious what they will show me in the cards.

Oh, this dynamic look intense and not in a great way, this seems messy. They don't seem close right now, looks to be some animosity on both sides right now, this is wild.

Overall energy: We start with the House 8, I believe Soobin got this with Beomgyu as well. I am hearing some healing needs to be done, so okay, that may be the case. But this card indicates letting go of negativity or removing parts of this dynamic that no longer serve them. I feel these two may trigger something in one another and this may be a lesson for them.

We also got the Justice card. I am not sure what this could mean. With the energy they are both showing me, not sure how to take this card, is someone mediating between the two? They both seem to look at things in a matter-of-fact way or in a black and white sense, which may cause friction. I just see them both having their opinions and having their grievances and maybe not seeing eye to eye.

Soobin's energy: He has the Victim card and the Avenger card, this card kind of goes along with his own energy and his Career Reading energy. Is Tae the one he disagreed with!? Is he the person he went after and had the fight with? There is a sense of Justice Soobin wants, maybe from Tae. He may feel like a victim in a sense, or he is victimizing himself. But he may have felt he was done wrong by Tae, not saying Tae is a bad person, this is his point of view.

Now, he has the Queen of Swords, this is someone who is very observant, quiet and only speaks when need be. It seems he observes him a lot and listen to what Tae has to say. I see this card and I am just getting that he watches him and is thinking, oh I see how you move. I see how you work. It is like he knows there is more to the story with him. I am sorry but this is confusing, he goes to the Queen of Swords, a calm, levelheaded presence to the knight of wands, a spitfire, very energetic and carefree energy in one spread, confuses the heck out of me. On one end he is calm, cool and collective, but on the other end, he can be wild and carefree around him, that is what I am seeing. Knight of Wands can also be someone who acts on instincts and can have a temper, so there is that.

Now, with the Ace of Cups rv, there is some coldness here. It is like he is removing his emotions from him. Like, he doesn't have much love or openness to him right now. This is wild. Because on camera they seem cool, even Tae was talking about his conversation with him, so why am I getting this animosity and coldness from them, unless these dudes are crazy good at faking it, which can be the case. This energy seems wild to me. I am not sure I believe what I am getting, but I go with what I am getting. I don't have to believe it or not.

Now, with the 8 of Wands, Soobin's energy is all over the place when it comes to this dynamic, which may create fights and animosity. He could probably go from 0 to 100 around him lol I feel because Soobin is unstable. I feel Tae may poke the bear a little, or find ways to trigger him, it may not be intentional, but I don't know their energies may not match well, which creates problems at times.

So, his guidance is Lion Spirit, okay this may be telling him to be a bit humbler and graceful. I see Soobin as lacking appreciation for what others do for him and what he has. So, maybe he felt Tae should have done more and shows resentment there, maybe that is where the animosity is. He also has a strong sense of pride and finds it hard to look at the other person's point of view. I also see him having low self-esteem, so maybe Tae's confidence triggers him, or maybe what he assumed he took from him was his assumption of the situation. It is hard for Soobin to bow down to others or maybe even apologize or see his faults in things. This card may be urging him to be bold and confident, but don't act with aggression and bruteness, rather learn to be open to communicate diplomatically and see the other side of the situation.

Taehyun's energy: Now, with this Thief card, he seems to take what he wants and desires, so did he take something from Soobin and that is why he feels some sort of a need for vengeance. That is the only way I can take this thief card. Taehyun seems like a competitive person. He seems to show a strong appearance. I am not sure why they are giving me this card of Athlete and how this connects with their dynamic, but he tends to kind of overpower Soobin in a sense. I feel like he may be competitive with Soobin and likes to show his power and strength, this is weird.

Now, he got mostly wands in his spread, so there is a lot of passion and intensity from his end in this bond. He seems to keep a barrier and shield when it comes to Soobin, like he wants to protect his energy, and he may feel he needs to defend himself around him. This Ace of Wands shows me Soobin ignites something in him, now it could be creative energy and inspiration, but with this spread, he could frustrate him or anger him at times, because the ace of wands can be aggression to me as well.

Now, with this 3 of Wands, I am getting he waits for him to react, not sure what that means, like he won't make the first move, Soobin does, or he waits for him to do so. I don't understand what that means though, like make it make sense. I get annoyed when they don't clarify things. And I get too impatient to find out.

Lastly, this Scorpio energy, yikes, he seems jealous and competitive when it comes to Soobin. I can see resentment as well. I don't know, but he triggers something in him. He is also very cautious of Soobin. I don't understand the jealousy from his end though, like where is that coming from and maybe he isn't aware of it, or maybe he is just competitive and resentful, the keyword on the card moody also stands out, so he isn't as emotional stable when it comes to Soobin as well.

So, his guidance is Deer Spirit, which means bring a gentle touch, this may be telling him to be gentler, patient and wait things out more before acting. He might need to learn to be more cautious around him. I don't know from his energy he seems to do that though, so what else are you trying to say here. Okay, this is telling him to be more diplomatic when it comes to Soobin. To act with tact, instead of being spiteful and hurtful. I will say Soobin can be the same way, so this is telling him to not match his energy and to step back. I know that is hard, believe me, just going with the message here lol

I am going to say this. I am not picking sides here, both seem to need some healing work. I see these two as a bit broken on a personal/spiritual level, which is why they could trigger one another. Until these boys fix themselves. They will probably struggle energetically. When two broken people come together that is a bad combination, so healing work is needed on both ends. I feel both these energies are messy, but I will say Tae seems a bit messier from what I got here. I will say was not expecting this drama here. Man, this took me so long to do, so hard to grasp the energy here.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP, oh my god, the MHJ New Jean's news?? Do you have any thoughts? That's actually insane! What do you think is going to end up happening with New Jean's?

*

Ask 2:

Have you read about what’s happening with Ador and Hybe? What do you think?

*

Ask 3:

The TEA today about Ador Ceo was sad but not surprising. BTS is the story of betrayal by outsiders.

I was surprised when Tae worked with HER for his album. I didn't see that collaboration coming.

I have to wonder if she purposefully misled Tae into a "mid" album. Look, Layover isn't a bad album but its not a masterpiece regardless of what Tae solos believe.

The results are so different between albums like JITB, Astronaut, DDAY, Indigo, Face and Layover its crazy. The depth/personal experience reflected in those albums is undeniable while Tae's was all surface.

Golden is departure and its own thing. JK went for global popstar and achieved/ate!! His choreo reflected his status as part of 3J and his vocals were on display. Gorgeous!!! (Had to add that in because in this house we don't leave out members)

I feel bad for Tae today realizing he worked with a traitor. I will always wonder what he could have released if he had just worked with the Bighit team instead of Ador Ceo.

Maybe you have more insight into all this?

*

Ask 4:

Sooo... what are you thinking about this inter-hybe conflict between belift and ador? I know you're a nj fan but I think I've also heard you say that people are too quick to call things a nj copy, so I'm curious what you think about mhj's claims. I'll be honest that I thought that what I've seen so far seemed kind of unhinged-main-character syndrome to me but I also don't follow these groups and don't know how deep this goes. Certainly, I think mhj has been very deliberate and successful in building nj's brand, but I found this public argument unnecessary and potentially damaging to both groups. What kind of fallout do you expect?

*

Ask 5:

Bpp! Thoughts on the Min Heejin Hybe mess? I thought we were done with the corporate drama but tuns out no!

***

There's really nothing to say... yet.

News leaked that HYBE has leveled some allegations and accusations at ADOR, most likely based on a tip off, and launched an audit to ascertain if these allegations are true - in HYBE's statement confirming the audit, they don't name the people accused, but the news leak makes a point to name Min Heejin specifically, keeping the name of the VP who is accused of committing the acts unknown.

Min Heejin has responded in an exclusive interview and statement by ADOR, that she's innocent of most of the accusations and that this dispute started because HYBE has refused to curb inter-label plagiarism of her ideas with NewJeans. She refers specifically to Be:lift's new girl group Illit, noting how everything from choreography to visuals to styling to sound is based on her ideas, without proper attribution to her from Belift, nor an apology for what she calls blatant theft of concepts she's developing at ADOR. She accuses Bang PD of being complicit and prioritizing short-term profit over long-term viability of the new groups he's pushing out.

There are reports (unconfirmed) that HYBE has called for Min Heejin to resign. If ADOR doesn't call for a shareholder meeting by tomorrow, HYBE has indicated they might sue. The fact the meeting is being called before the audit is concluded, has all the hallmarks of a textbook corporate power play move, and implies to me something else than what I'm seeing most people here allude to. But still...

--

...there's nothing to say because what we're seeing is the middle innings of a power play game. There's simply too little info to make any decisive statements.

I immediately get a headache whenever things like this happen in k-pop because, even for more innocuous subjects, there's nobody more mind rotted than the average k-pop stan. And before long we'll have people whose only experience with executive/corporate power struggles is watching Succession, giving us endless takes in endless discourse. And this particular discourse is going to be more annoying because (1) Min Heejin is a woman who is already widely disliked, (2) There's an overwhelming amount of intersectional motives and interests both within and outside HYBE given the nature of the dispute, which typically leads to people infusing moral language into the discussion. It's going to be the HYBE-Kakao-SM discourse on steroids (and even in the HYBE vs SM drama, we had far more information to go on that what's available in this case).

I mean... Anon 3, you're already convinced this is a story of "betrayal", and claiming she is a "traitor", and you're tying a corporate power struggle to BTS. Not like I'd expect to see anything less from most other people to be honest.

This is really a dispute between Min Heejin and Kim Taeho (Belift's CEO), with increased grievance due to Taeho supposedly enjoying Bang PD and Park Jiwon's support and Heejin, supposedly, not.

The fallout, predictably, is going to be nasty. Given all the above. NewJeans is slated to have a comeback next month, Illit is only just ramping down debut activities while ENHYPEN is just starting the final leg of their FATE+ tour. If HYBE is indeed demanding MHJ resign, it's likely they only mean for her to resign from the CEO role but remain as the Creative Director of NewJeans - because the reality is that if there is no MHJ, there is no NewJeans. And it's that reality that in my view, is the primary leverage MHJ has. And she doesn't strike me as the sort to bluff. The worst case scenario is she leaves HYBE completely and NewJeans is put on hiatus, or the members sue to break their contracts with HYBE to follow her while she courts outside investors, similar to the Fifty Fifty situation.

Inter-label competition and drama is expected in a company like HYBE, it's wonderful because it can yield truly incredible results and unique approaches, but also potentally horrible because it can result in cases like MHJ's vs HYBE. There are ways to properly manage this competition to prevent the latter case, but I can't say I've seen any indication that with Jiwon nor Bang have done so. I said above that MHJ leaving HYBE completely is the worst case scenario for NewJeans, but it looks like the scenario most preferable for certain parties given it's one of the only viable outcomes from having this news broken this way. And so, most likely to happen. Unless Bang PD develops some hitherto unseen business acumen... so yeah I'm not holding my breath.

I have nothing insightful to add. My opinions about the suits at HYBE and Bang PD's business decisions for the last 2 years have skewed mostly negative, and that's not changed in this case. I'd rather not share my full opinions because I feel they run contrary to the dominant talking points here, and partly because they're not fully formed and nobody here is paying me to fully develop a view. I'm really not going to do that work for free.

We're all just going to have to wait and see.

What I will say though and something I find particularly interesting, is that HYBE has been accused of what Min Heejin is alleging, since at least the start of last year. Also, Belift in particular has been accused of plagiarism since the start of the year, twice, on issues unrelated to NewJeans. The first was when 'mobiius_music', an indie music producer on Instagram, accused them of lifting his music almost bar for bar for ENHYPEN's 2023 GDA dance break. The second was when Kelley Sweeney, an American choreographer who shares her routines on Instagram and tiktok, accused Belift of using her choreography for Illit's pre-debut practice without credit. Both times it was for low-level offences as it wasn't related to official music releases or album content, and so in that way Belift is better than bigger and more known agencies, but it still reflects a lax vetting process in the best case and unethical creative practices in the worst.

Anyway, my concern is for the artists involved while the suits try to play god with their careers. I can only hope that whatever happens is only the best possible outcome for all involved.

[hollyhomburg]

Hi Li🥰

I've been keeping up with bily since chapter 7 (I think🤔) I just finished chapter 14 of prey animals on ao3 and I just wanted to gush about how much I love this story and your writing!! I've re read bily a couple times its genuinely one of the best things I've read🥺 It's become one of my little comforts, re reading some chapters when my brain wants a mini break from life. The excitement I feel when I see a new chapter is coming, or realize I'm a little behind and have a couple chapters to catch up on is something I haven't felt for a story before🥺The way you've built the world, described the settings, made the characters feel real and let me empathize with them through everything that happens in the story is incredible! Every plot twist and secret reveal had me gasping and clutching my imaginary pearls, then seeing the little hints sprinkled thru the earlier chapters when re reading was soo fun!! I absolutely love the relationship building/dynamics especially Tae/MC and Hobi/MC (that burn was slow but soo worth it😭) and of course theres the relationship with yoongi which was so comforting, I love the way you're building it in prey animals! OG Bily is forever iconic but during re reads the relationship start did feel a little fast, which isnt bad at all but the pacing now feels right and their backstory is a lot more fleshed out. Watching them fall in love was beautiful but also kinda ouch because I know what they're about to go thru together in the next few chapters😭 I'm a little sad the official ending chapters are coming up, but I am so stoked for the finished re write/book (if it happens i will buy several copies🫡😌) I was here when the community was a little bigger and the secrets weren't out yet, I wish I were more active on here back then so I wouldn't be word vom ing my love for the series rn (I'm almost done I swear😅) There were a couple other popular bts fics i started at the same time as bily that had similar upload schedules and youre the only one thats stayed pretty consistent with your uploads(the others do too but like a couple times a year?) and I think thats so cool, you're so passionate about your works and I admire that so much. After ch 30smth of bily I went thru the masterlist i realized you wrote a couple of my faves!!(alpha goes first +the hybrid series) I think what I'm trying to say now is I'm a fan of your writing and while bily will always be with me I'm excited for your future works as well!!! This was so long I'm so sorry I've been wanting to say something since ch60 ish but i kept chickening out😅 Ily and your work and I'll always cheer for you!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

ahhhh this was so sweet to read! i read this late last night when i woke up having a panic attack. ahhhh i'm always stunned when people tell me that they've re-read bily a bunch of times because it takes so long! i hope there are moments in it that you come back too when you need them!

ahhhh i'm glad the slow burn was worth it- i was writing some of their smutt in the next chapter and 😵‍💫 hopefully it's a satisfying conclusion to their love story (we still have to see them get matching tattoo's so it's not quite the whole conclusion but still!)

i'm glad you like how i expanded upon the m/c and yoongi's story! honestly- i think it reads totally different and like- totally changes how the rest of it goes and gives you a different view on it, there's so much more rawness in the new version, i know i'll probably hear that people like it alot less but i'm still very excited for it!

please don't chicken out! i hope people know that if i don't respond it's not because i'm offended/don't value your ask its just that sometimes words are hard for me and even small responses can take a bit out of me. my brain feels like bad soup someitmes and its hard to pick the words out.

thank you for finally telling me though! it's hard to belive that i would never have known that the series was so loved or smiled so much last night while reading it if you'd never have told me! i don't think i'll ever know quite how many people love bily because i know there are silent readers. it's dishartening but! i will do my best to overcome it and continue to give you more!