#i went through cc again and felt even better

[bewitchingbloom]

Been feeling kind of in a rut in general lately, but especially where fandom has been concerned. Decided to open WOTR tonight, since the last time I did so was on April 1st. Turns out I should not go three months without opening my favorite game, turns out the patient will die if she doesn't experience her favorite game periodically.

[pynkhues]

Doxxing like that feels like something people should be arrested for. You're endangering people's safety as well as just terrorizing and embarrassing them.

Agreed, anon, and countries are moving towards it - Singapore and South Korea both criminalised it in 2023, and Australia actually criminalised it in December last year as a part of new ongoing data privacy legislation which is why I was able to file a report with the federal government's eSafety Commissioner - and why I spoke to a lawyer - when it happeened to me again back in Jan/Feb of this year. It's really tricky with international law, but I was advised by the lawyer I spoke to to keep track of it for a reason, hence I do have a folder on it. But yeah, it's just a really insidious form of harassment, and to be doing it over fandom drama - a hobby that's supposed to be fun - of all things is on another level.

[caitified]

Hihi really love your fics. Its my first ask haha. Was maybe thinking if you could do a fic of CC and a teammate, teammate can be either a rookie/vet but is kinda cold to CC (really just kinda awkward with new people). When CC gets shoved roughly on court, reader gets all up in the opps face and protects CC and their relationship deepens from there?

Thank you!

rookie season

caitlin clark x reader

warnings:none, i got carried away so you’re getting their entire backstory sorry 🙊

the first time you and caitlin clark really crossed paths was in the championship game during your senior year at lsu. she was the face of iowa basketball, and you could tell from the moment you saw her on the court that she had something special. she was confident, fierce, and competitive—just like you. but in the end, your team pulled ahead, winning the title in front of a packed crowd.

as the final buzzer sounded, you couldn’t help but catch her eye. there was a mutual respect, but there was also that playful rivalry. on the court, you were opponents, but off it, you could tell you had a little bit of a thing for each other. you knew that fire in her eyes. it mirrored your own.

after the game, you shot her a quick text. “close, but not close enough. see you soon clark,” you wrote, the taunting light in your words meant to sting just a little. but it was all in good fun.

caitlin stared at the message for a long time, a frown tugging at her lips. she was already upset about the loss, but this—this was a challenge, and she couldn’t ignore it. she hated losing, but she hated being underestimated more. her fingers hovered over the screen for a few seconds before typing out a response. “i’ll get you next time. count on it.”

the rivalry continued through the years, even as you went your separate ways. after graduation, you entered the wnba, getting drafted to the indiana fever, and had an incredible rookie season. caitlin, meanwhile, went on to dominate her final year at iowa. but despite her skill and talent, she couldn’t overcome south carolina in the national championship. when she lost, you couldn’t resist—sending her a cheeky text. “looks like you came up short again. better luck next time.”

you expected her to get a laugh out of it. it was playful, just like before. but caitlin’s reaction wasn’t what you expected. she stared at the message, hurt more than she’d care to admit. the loss had stung, and your words felt like salt in the wound. still, she didn’t reply. she couldn’t. not yet.

then came the 2024 wnba draft. when caitlin’s name was called and the indiana fever picked her, now you were on the same team. and things only got more awkward from there.

every time caitlin interacted with other players, like katie lou or aliyah, she noticed something. you were always friendly, always smiling, always making an effort to bond with them. it was easy. natural. but with her, it was different. you barely spoke to her beyond the bare minimum, and every time she tried to start a conversation, you gave short, one-word responses. it confused her.

“why doesn’t she like me?” caitlin thought, watching you laugh with katie lou as the team played cards in the lounge after practice. “i don’t get it.”

every time you teased or joked around with your other teammates, caitlin felt the sting of your coldness. it was like she was invisible to you, even though you were teammates now. it made her question herself. was it because she lost that championship? because of how things had gone down in college? did you still think of her as just an opponent? the thought ate at her.

then came the game against one of the toughest teams in the league. caitlin had been getting pushed around, more than once, and the tension on the court was palpable. you could see her jaw clench, her shoulders stiffen. when the opposing player—a notoriously aggressive forward—got in caitlin’s face, pushing her and swearing, caitlin didn’t back down. but it was obvious she was starting to lose control.

you didn’t even think about it. you just reacted. before anyone could stop you, you were between them, your body protecting hers. you stood tall, staring the other player down, your voice cold but firm. “you don’t get to do that to her,” you said, the words leaving no room for argument.

caitlin stood behind you, a mixture of shock and gratitude on her face. she didn’t expect you to step in. she’d always been the one to fight her battles, but something in the way you had defended her made her heart race. it was different. personal. and for the first time, she realized just how much she needed that support from you.

after the game, when everything had calmed down, caitlin found herself alone in the locker room, her thoughts swirling. she hadn’t expected you to protect her like that. it made her feel something deep, something she couldn’t put into words. and she wanted to know more. wanted to understand why you acted the way you did around her, why you kept your distance.

you were sitting by your locker, wiping down your sneakers when she walked up to you. the silence between you two was thick.

“why didn’t you say anything before?” caitlin asked, her voice soft but edged with curiosity. “you’ve been so… cold with me. i don’t get it. i mean, you’re nice to everyone else, but with me… you act like i’m invisible. i just wanted to know why.”

you looked up at her, meeting her eyes for the first time with something softer in your gaze. the rivalry between you two wasn’t there anymore. not really. “i didn’t know how to be around you,” you admitted, your voice quieter than you intended. “in college, you were the one i had to beat. and then you got drafted here, and… it felt weird. like i didn’t know how to treat you.”

caitlin blinked, processing your words. “you didn’t know how to treat me?” she repeated, her voice catching slightly. she had hoped for something else, but hearing you say it made her understand. maybe she had been too focused on trying to prove herself to you. “so, you’re not… mad at me?” she asked, her heart pounding in her chest.

“no,” you said with a small smile. “not mad. just… confused. i didn’t know if we could be something else after everything. i guess i wasn’t ready to let go of the rivalry.”

caitlin let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, her shoulders relaxing. she smiled, a genuine one this time. “maybe it’s time we let it go.”

from that moment on, things changed. you and caitlin started to talk more, really talk. you found common ground, sharing laughs, teasing each other, and slowly, the barriers you had built up started to crumble. the more you got to know her, the more you realized there was more to her than the fiery competitor you once knew. and maybe there was a lot more between you two than you had ever expected.

not me lying and saying i was gonna post a few days ago. i’m so sorry i’ve been so busy. enjoy. REQUESTS R OPEN

part two? let me know

[dabeth-is-dead]

Maybe Scully would have had better luck trying to reach Mulder regarding Diana if she hadn't gotten erratic about it in front of the Gunmen. Mulder likely felt embarrassed and the Gunmen looked entirely nervous, like children watching their parents argue.

Mulder also likely carried some bitterness from the early season when Scully humiliated him in front of the committee after Fight the Future events. And now it happens again but with an audience whose opinion Mulder actually cares about.

I definitely think that that argument (and a lot of their growing tension (negative) through season six) is a direct result of Scully refusing to say "Aliens" at the hearing. In a very real way that refusal lost them the x files, but I think Mulder could've forgiven that if he didn't feel like she was lying to herself about it. I've talked about this before, but the fact that CC put such a strong restriction on both of their abilities to grow or mature in any way that could change the Believer-Skeptic dynamic, outside of just swapping for an episode, means that as the mytharc gets more complex, Scully appears less and less rational. And at the beginning of season six when, despite all of the actual scientific evidence that she witnessed and gathered that indicated at the very least that there existed a previously unknown parasite that killed human hosts, she testifies that it can't be aliens in the basis that the virus has recognizable proteins. This is despite the fact that the whole Gibson Praise thing had her concluding that everyone has dormant ancestral DNA which could be alien in nature (her dismissal also ignores the fact that there's no reason to believe alien life couldn't form out of the same proteins that were successful here, unlike hypothetical unknown alternatives we know those ones work). So I think on that particular grievance, given their ongoing emphasis on mutual trust, respect, and dedication to the cause, Mulder feels like Scully betrayed him and their work by ignoring evidence to avoid an uncomfortable truth, particularly as her conclusion requires her to completely discount his entire eyewitness experience (seeing as she offers No alternative explanation for why he saw what he thought he saw) rather than simply disagreeing with his conclusion as she normally does. And I think the longer they're not in the x files his resentment builds, even as he's trying to get their place back, and Diana is there telling him she believes him and she's trying to find the truth too while he's being barred from the search, which is exactly what he wants to hear. And Mulder, despite what he might like to believe, is quick to trust and easy trick as a result. He's clearly experiencing some pretty significant depression during their absence from the files and is even more desperate to latch into anything that gives him hope for his quest, and Diana is oh so willing to provide just that.

As to the Lone Gunmen, I hadn't considered how their part in that fight might've influenced Mulder's decision to lash out that way, but I think you're right. Specifically, I think it creates yet another breach in their trust when she asks them to look into Diana. By One Son Mulder has become increasingly agitated and paranoid, and Scully conspiring with the Gunmen to go behind his back to investigate one of the only other people on his trust list feels like betrayal from multiple fronts and he goes on the defensive as a result. And given the way that he immediately goes to check and see if Diana really is sketch, it's not that he doesn't care about their concerns, but in the moment especially, he cared more about the implication that his judgement was questionable than his actual attachment to Diana's trustworthiness. And maybe that's another reason he went with the "personal" accusation, because if Scully's motivation was jealousy, then Mulder's professional assessment of the situation wasn't under fire. Which would be one hell of a deflection, especially because for them, the professional is and has been personal the whole time.

Thank you for bringing up this new layer to that fight that I totally forgot about :)

[asharkapologist]

Is there a character you wished got more time to be shown in CC? Like, given more of a personality or being a bit relevant?

Oh, absolutely. There are MANY characters I wish got more screentime/had more relevance/had more of a personality! In fact, I'll list one character per game that falls into this category (limiting myself to just one, otherwise this would be a LONG list!)

Season 1: Grimsborough, Morgan Goodwin

CC so rarely explores the effects of being related to a murderer, especially a serial killer, so it was super fascinating to see Tess' younger sister, her relationship with Tess, and the consequences of Tess' actions on Morgan, because it is absolutely true that families of murderers/serial killers get harassed, like Morgan and her family were experiencing. I would've loved to see Morgan in her normal life, explore her complex relationship with her sister, who, despite her crimes, I do think cared for Morgan. Wished Morgan appeared in The Conspiracy.

Season 2: Pacific Bay, Heather Valentine

Why on earth does she appear so little? She has an awesome design, a lovely relationship with Hannah, and also disappears halfway through the game, not even being mentioned after White Peaks. What was all that build up for? Heather is introduced and seems to have relevance/build up to being an important character, but abruptly gets kicked out the game. A shame that happened to one of the members of the franchise's first main, queer couple. She should've been a recurring character.

Season 3: Save the World, Michelle Zuria

I'll be honest, s3 is my least favorite game in the series, but even I am supremely irritated by how stupid her death is. She gets, generously, three districts to shine, then she's killed by a suspect who's never appeared before (hate it when that happens in a district finale, it seems like such a cop-out), because this intelligent and cunning woman decided to wander off on her own in the birthplace of SOMBRA, with no backup, without telling anyone...and if I remember correctly, we don't even learn why she went off on her own! Screw that. If you're going to kill off a character, you should NEVER make them stupid to contrive the narrative to fit killing them off. That's a huge pet peeve of mine. Michelle deserved better.

Season 4: Mysteries of the Past, Veronica Rochester

I was originally going to put Clarissa Rochester here, but stopped, because I still felt like we learned a fair bit about her in her case. Same with Lissa Avery, another person I considered (Lissa, feel free to direct Samson's calls to me...). But I ultimately decided on Veronica, because it fells like we know nothing about her! There's a lot of interesting potential to her. She was only 19 when she gave birth to Archie, and she lives in a place with lots of factory fumes that wouldn't be good for an asthmatic, and doesn't seem to be very involved in her son's life. She says in Civil Blood that Archie's studying to take over her business, but that doesn't seem to be true, even if he briefly worked with her when she returned. Was she lying? Unaware he was getting a law degree? She initially appears apathetic and controlled, but that mask can easily skip into anger, irritation, frustration. Did she know her husband cheated on her and was violent to their son? Did she care? And most of all, where did she go?! Did she ever learn of Archie's death? Is she dead? Did Malcolm or Horatio kill her? If so, why? Did she stage her own disappearance? How? Why? All answers I wish we had gotten.

Season 5: The Conspiracy, Julia Brine

This is probably the most obvious pick. I won't go into too much detail as I made a post about this a while ago here, but she's the only Ad Astra member not considered a recurring character. When you have such little content the only thing I remember about you is you're a germaphobe, CEO, tried to spread evil corn, gassed a kid and his dad, has a crush on a violent misogynist, took a grenade to the face after agreeing to fight against a greater evil (without being directly talked to, unlike Joe and Rozetta), and, when I showed a picture of her using her power to a friend of mine not in CC and they said it looked like she was ripping the biggest fart...there's something wrong, especially for someone meant to be one of the main antagonists of the game.

Season 6: Travel in Time, Nebet

Now, this might be a surprise, since Nebet is by far the best and most developed character in the game. But that's the thing. She so blows everyone else out of the water to the point that I don't care about anyone else, I want to know more about her. More specifically, a detailed breakdown of what happened when she was in exile that made her realize how wrong her family was, how they, including her, needed to be stopped, lethally so, how she was at her happiest when she was with the main characters. I'd read a book just about her in exile.

Season 7: Supernatural Investigations, Luke Fernandez

Out of all of the main characters in this game, I always felt like he was the least developed. All the other main characters either have several cases/have an arc dedicated to them (ex: Gwen and her family, Hope and her guardian, plus the entire end of the game, Priya has an adorable, game-long romance with Zander, etc). But Luke doesn't have as strong of a backstory/detailed backstory as the others, doesn't have a lot of relevance to the story/game, and doesn't have an interesting/compelling relationship with any other characters. Luke is just kinda...there, which is a shame, because with one exception, I actually like all the main characters in s7.

Season 8: City of Romance, Lea Bonnet

I was originally going to say Cody James since he's severely underutilized after his interesting story in the first district (and okay story in the second), but I picked Lea because I defy anyone to name a single thing she ever did in the game

That was super fun to write, thank you for the ask!

[adagger-adagger-fetchmeadagger]

Hi I bring you context

Some people on Twitter dug up 7-8 year old(?) stuff abt Forever talking/flirting w underaged girls

There were 900+ tweets deleted by him to avoid him looking worse (or in his words "so they can't be misconstrued further")

The stuff came from a third party who wasn't acting on the victim's behalf (was allegedly just digging through his acc for shit bc they thought he was "sus") and a lot of tweets were translated in bad faith. Plus a lot of "USA culture is not everywhere culture" bs was being brought into the situation bc there are major differing cultural norms between places like the US and Brazil when it comes to this sorta thing. Overall a lot of the situation felt like someone just looking to be malicious towards Forever was pulling some shit.

All this in mind, I'd been under the "there's not enough credible non-malicious sourced info available" train and wanted to think better of Forever. And Twitter is notorious for dragging up old cc controversy when they start a new project, which Forever recently planned on doing. When QSMP started Cellbit experienced a similar Someone Digs Up Old Drama From The Grave thing and it was cleared up and he's since moved on

However, now we've seen that 9 ccs total (and counting?), half of which are qsmp members, have unfollowed Forever and Phil even crossbanned him (meaning banned him from every chat he mods in ie Tubbo, Tommy, etc). One of the other 9 ccs was Brunim, another Brazilian cc who as far as most qsmp enjoyers know is his best friend. With how tightly knit the qsmp members are, esp after meeting up irl so much (in fact, at least 7 are/were meeting irl within the last 2 days), I have no doubts they would not and did not make the decision to do this lightly. He was a cherished friend of theirs.

And with *that* in mind because I trust Phil's judgement, I'm no longer going to be defending or supporting Forever personally. But if more information clearing his name comes out, I'll gladly reconsider again. But knowing that 9 ccs have publicly unfollowed and/or banned Forever speaks volumes to me. We NEVER see ccs cut each other off publicly like this. And all the ccs we've seen do so are all generally trustworthy people known for not getting involved with discourse whatsoever (ie Phil and Aimsey).

holy shit man I didn't know it was that bad.

I went through the forever situation tag but most of it was just talking about the fact that Phil and other ccs unfollowed/banned him and I didn't get the full context so thanks very much for this. I haven't kept with mcyt content creators (outside of hermitcraft/life series and ranboo) so all I know about the qsmp comes from mainly your posts lol.

but yeah I agree about Phil. he's never been one to insert himself into online Twitter drama unless it was because the accusations were real and serious. and if PHIL banned forver on the chats he mods in then it's pretty damn telling that this isn't something to be ignored.

[rannadylin]

Veilguard: Ranna's Rook intros!

Waaaay back in November, I might have posted a time or two about my first Rook? Since then I've been a bit distracted from Tumblr by, uh, playing three more of them. XD I just started the fifth playthrough so I'd better pop in and show some Rooks off before I get too far into this one and forget how to blog again!

Possibly mild spoilers to follow along with pretty pictures and very brief summaries beneath the cut...

Caeda Mercar, Shadow Dragon rogue who romanced Lucanis (alas, yes, she saved Treviso at the expense of her home Minrathous! worth it. She did also flirt a bit with Davrin early on when Lucanis was still being shy about it, but basically I started the game thinking I'd probably romance Emmrich and then Lucanis spited right out of that Ossuary cell and through a gaggle of Venatori in five seconds flat and Caeda went all heart eyes and set her cap for him irrevocably.) Started out more of an archer rogue (usually one of my favorite DA playstyles) but halfway through she started leaning more toward daggers. We'll assume that was her favorite Crow's influence. (Or that Ranna was figuring out how to play XD)

After Caeda I jumped straight back into CC to make...

Veryl Ingellvar, Mourn Watch mage who romanced Emmrich. Whereas Caeda had the first-playthrough honor of just picking whatever dialogue options I felt like at the time, so she had a pretty broadly mixed personality, this one specialized in what, in ages past, we would've called Blue Hawke personality. :-D Very golden-retriever, Miss Positivity, etc. (She reminded me of Violet Itzli sometimes. :-D) I thought she'd be a staff mage but then I fell in love with orb & dagger so she did a lot of that too, though not as much as the yet to come 4th playthrough would...

Next up we have:

Akish Thorne, Grey Warden Warrior who started out sword & board (throwing shields is fun!) and switched to mostly two-hander (when I realized you can still throw the shield even when you're not apparently holding one!). He romanced Bellara (who reminded me of Yolotli Itzli from the moment I met her :-D ...Akish is not exactly Anselm though), and if Veryl was a Blue Hawke Rook, Akish was mostly Red Hawke, except for being a big softie whenever it came to Bel. (Also, for his endgame I played through once with Neve doing the wards on Tearstone and then again with Bellara and...I like that second one better. Oh the narrative parallels between him being a blighted Warden and then seeing Bellara get blighted but survive it too! Also I like Bel better for that part of endgame in general; it's a bit of character development - her moving from seeming more of an innocent to someone who has survived something pretty massive and draws strength from it to save the day in the end! - that she just needs more than Neve does.)

Other than Bellara, Akish's favorite thing in the world is griffons. :-D Also his eyes are supposedly violet though the screenshots make it hard to tell.

I had plans to play an Adaar Inquisitor in DAI but never got around to that playthrough before burnout hit so Akish is my first Qunari OC and I had such fun with him!

Next up: I just finished playing Rook Number Four:

Arucari "Rook" De Riva. Yes, Rook is short for Arucari. :-D She romanced Lucanis because, um, it appears that he is my Daeran for this game (i.e. I played WOTR 7 times through one summer and romanced Daeran for three of them. Guess I've got at least one more Lucanis romance to go this time around. XD) She is a mage because I missed playing as a spellblade, and a Crow because it is technically the Crow Spellblade specialization, and because I wanted to see how romancing Lucanis with another Crow went. (Conclusion: It went spectacularly! She was such fun.) She was my Purple Hawke girl, always teasing and deflecting with humor anytime things are awkward, but also generally positive beneath that. Also she got extra-large eyes in homage to DA2 elves. :-D Here is a better view of them:

She is an excellent Crow. No one ever expects assassination from anything this cute.

And last but not least...

Linza Laidir is my 5th playthrough, just barely begun! Go Team Dwarf. :-D (Team Dwarven Rogues, to be specific! We gained a Neve just after this screenshot and dear Neve has never looked so tall, being surrounded by Children of the Stone.) Don't know yet if she will be more of an archer rogue or a daggers rogue, whichever lends itself more to Gold and Glory, of course! Not sure yet about her personality (probably swinging between Blue and Red Hawke types? She did beat up everyone in the bar to get Neve Gallus' location, whereas most of my Rooks have talked the bartender down. But I think despite a knack for highly effective violence she's also a sweet little Team Mom who will be teaming up with Lucanis and Bellara for the cooking. And probably romancing Davrin. (Was I inspired by Antoine & Evka's elf/dwarf dynamic? No comment.)

So clearly I'm enjoying Veilguard overall, and from the factions & romances I've played so far, I rank them as follows:

Grey Warden

Crow

Shadow Dragon

Mourn Watcher

And...

Lucanis <3

Bellara

Emmrich

Which. Considering I went into the first playthrough expecting to fall for Emmrich, is interesting to see how it actually played out so far! Also, clearly I need to play a Warden for my third Lucanis romance, right? :-D

[b0oker18]

Some thoughts on Claudia Grays ‘The X files: Perihelion’

**Spoilers ahead**

First off I need to say that I am a certified, card carrying disliker of The X Files Revival, so some of my thoughts on this book may have some negative bias. Canon for me either ends at season 8 or IWTB (depending on the day lol) so I'm just here for the ride and I'm not going to take anything in this novel or in future novels too seriously!

Secondly, I am not a writer. Some of my thoughts may be incoherent and I apologize for that up front, but I feel the need to write down my thoughts so they do not constantly overwhelm my brain….

Hope you enjoy!! 

Likes: 

Claudia Gray overall does a good job with writing Mulder and Scully, you can tell she loved these characters as much as we do. It was easy for me to hear their voices in my head while reading.

I thought the novel flowed quite nicely. Oftentimes it went from a chapter mostly about the casefile, then to MSR, then to a chapter about the new villain (Brighteyes or Robin Vane), etc. It kept me wanting more, mostly for the MSR but a little for the casefile as well.

I really liked some of the MSR in this novel. Gray did the absolute best job she could do given the shit show she inherited from CC. I tip my cap to her!

My favorite MSR scene in particular was at the end of the book in chapter 39. To keep it brief Mulder and scully talk about WIlliam as THEIR SON once again, and how even though he may not be theirs via natural conception, he is still THEIR SON…. See CC it really isn't that hard is it? The Convo is played as Scully apologizing to Mulder for not wanting to talk about William, but in reality it's an apology to Mulder AND herself for her treatment of William. I mean this is a convo that they should have had years ago, but better late than never I suppose…. I’ll say again Cladia Grey was giving a bag of shit but she made some decent stew out of it.

I actually liked Robin Vane as a “Baddie” although I don't think he is a bad guy. He's morally gray and I will get to take in some of my predictions.

I kinda liked how CSM came back. It's different and unexpected, but I’d rather we no longer hear from him ever again.

Dislikes:

X men plot line, I hate it…. I don't really have anything else to say on this.

Scully's electrical powers. Thats gonna be a no for me dawg

The inheritors, their evil plot for world domination makes no sense. I mean do they even want world domination? I found it all so confusing… So they know that this alien virus is making people into literal X Men yet their plan is, “Hey, they are just going to bend to our will and… make us money or something”... maybe I'm missing something, but this plot felt intentionally vague in order to set up future novels. We will see I guess. 

I really hated the “explanation” for Scully's pregnancy. Why does everything need to be Spooky Science ™ …. I guess I wanted this pregnancy to be Mulder and Scully's proof of a higher power, something that can not be explained by science. That to me is FAR more interesting than spooky science ™ ….

I don't want this to sound like a nitpick but I guess it kinda is. I don't like Mulder and Scully living in a townhouse. I like the unremarkable house, it suits them way better. Oh well…

Why for the love of God are they sleeping in separate beds, they do everything a couple is supposed to do yet they can't share a bed? I mean I guess this was done to create a little bit of tension to keep the reader turning the pages, and it worked on me but still, I think at this point we should drop the relationship drama and move on to something else.

Some predictions:

Mulder and Scully will form an uneasy alliance with Robin Vane and Cherish Craddock. This will drive a bit of a wedge between Mulder and Scully, but like everything they will see it through.

The X Men plot line will be resolved at the end of the next novel.

Mulder and Scully's child will be named Rebecca. I don't remember where I read this but apparently Cludia Gray used to write XF fanfic and she wrote a piece in which Mulder and Scullys child was named Rebecca (Pretty name btw.. I like it.)

The child will NOT have supernatural powers (Im probably wrong on this one)

William AND Gibson will show up at some point and help save the day. William will become, at least in part, part of Mulder and Scullys lives. 

Skinner will play a pivotal role in the next novel, but he will die at some point… When the stakes are this high someones gotta die. Sorry Skin man… 

Final Thoughts:

I've read a few reviews on various websites about this novel and to be honest they are done much better than what I have written down, but I felt compelled to write down my unedited thoughts so I can move on with my life XD.

Overall, I came in expecting I would stop reading a few chapters in but I didn't! I read the whole thing in about 5 sittings. Claudia Gray did the best she could with what she had and I have to give her props! I think this novel is pretty fun! A solid 7/10…  Like I said in the beginning, I don't see this or any other future novel as “canon” so I'm just here for the ride, and I think it's going to be an interesting one!

[holly-louisexox]

Ribcage X Andy Biersack- Part 18

Masterlist

"There's one thing you should know about me Delia Vincent, I don't date. Got no heart to break and emptiness is safe, keep it that way."

He was adamant in his choices…

…But then things changed.

"Okay, earpiece test in 3, 2, 1." Delia states before sending the earpiece noise through to the guys who all give her a thumbs up in response; Andy does so without looking in her direction. "Okay great, if you could go ahead and start with Wake Up so I can get the mix correct then we'll move onto Faithless to test the backing of the bell."

Just as the band started playing, that's when Shevy walks into the sound tech studio and takes a seat next to Delia, a look of concern on the girl's face.

"How are you feeling today D?" Shevy asks "And please don't lie, I saw the tears you were fighting last night."

"Does it matter how I feel Shevy? Andy made his feelings very clear last night and even then I knew deep down it would never work between us anyway." Delia sighs. "Forgetting how cruel and unkind he can be, Andy will go back to Los Angeles and I'll return to Ohio, we'll be miles apart anyway."

"You know Andy is originally from Ohio, right? He's always going back to visit there." Shevy states.

"Shevy, I honestly don't care anymore, I'm done with him. I'm not going to keep torturing myself. I'm an idiot for even sleeping with the guy, whatever I'm feeling towards him I need to forget about it."

"You like him don't you?" Shevy smiles lightly.

"I do, I really do, and I know I shouldn't. Every single cell in my brain is screaming at me to let him go, but every fibre of my body almost begs for him to touch me again, not even for just sex. He makes out to be this guy who doesn't care for people and who doesn't believe in love, but sex with him he's so gentle and almost loving and that's what truly confuses me." Delia sighs turning back to look at the soundboard.

"Okay, I'm not going to ask more about the situation because you're starting to look upset and the last thing I want to do is make you cry. All I'm going to say though is just see what happens, maybe give him a chance to come to his senses. This tour he seems to be more willing and open with his emotions, something I haven't seen in a while, I like to think it's because of you." Shevy explains "If you need me I'll be backstage okay hun?"

"Okay, see you soon Shevy."

----------------------

"So what's the plan after Seattle then boys?" CC asks "Are we getting drinks to celebrate the tour like always?"

"Is that such a good idea CC?" Lonny asks "With what's been going on in Seattle I'm not sure that's such a great idea."

"Nonsense, it'll be fine. We'll have security with us, plus if we stick together everything will be fine." CC tries to reassure the youngest member of the band.

Soundcheck finished about 10 minutes ago so everyone was just relaxing backstage before VIP started in 2 hours. Despite the conversations that had been happening in the room, the tension was still there; Andy's outburst yesterday made the group feel very awkward in the presence of both Andy and Delia, Shevy and Lonny feeling nothing but sorrow for their new friend whilst Jake, Jinxx and CC had guesses of what went down.

"I agree with Lonny, I'm not sure I'm fond of that idea CC." Shevy agrees with Lonny.

"Could we maybe talk about something other than Seattle please?" Delia speaks up whilst staring into space. All she could feel was Andy's eyes on her and she was trying desperately to ignore his gaze, if she looked at him she knew she'd crack.

"We better move from the conversation in case Delia faints again, I can't guarantee I'll be able to catch her this time." Andy mumbles loud enough for everyone to hear; Delia felt her heart shatter more. Why was he being like this? Was this all part of his game? To make Delia feel like she could love him only for him to rip the platform from underneath her and leave her hanging for her life?

"I'll be back, I just remembered I need to make a call quickly." Delia stutters slightly before rushing out of the room, Andy's eyes of course following her whilst the rest of the band look at Andy in confusion. They were pleasantly surprised with hope to think that he was changing back to his old self, sadly it seemed that they were all wrong.

-----------

"Delia honey, I thought you had a show today?" The voice of Delia's mum comes through the phone in shock and happiness.

"Yeah, we do." Delia smiles sadly as she speaks through the phone. "Mum, I think I've made a mistake." It's then Delia feels the tears start to roll down her cheeks; Delia has always been close to her mum, she would always talk gossip and men with her. Her favourite memory is how her mum would always make her a hot drink they would both share biscuits whilst sharing the news that had occurred, her mum was always the best at giving advice.

"Oh Petal, what's happened? I'm sure you've done nothing wrong." Her mum coos over the phone; this would be when her mum would wrap her up into a hug if they were together in person.

"I slept with the lead singer and... I think I've grown to like him." Delia admits letting out a broken sigh.

"Oh petal, I wouldn't call that a mistake." Delia's mum was always an optimist in situations like this "Trust me when I say that most people who sleep together end up catching feelings for one another, chances are he probably feels the same."

"But he doesn't mum." Delia whimpers as she feels more tears fall down her cheeks "I feel like an idiot, I knew he didn't do commitment yet I put myself in that position."

"How many times has it been Delia?" Her mum was never one where things were too much information, Delia had always been able to share things from the first time she had her period to when she lost her virginity and panicked about contraception and safe sex.

"Twice." Delia admits.

"Okay, well I would advise on not sleeping with him again and let him make the next move. But most men who are non-committable don't often sleep with the same person more than once." Delia's mum always was a voice of reason, always trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"It hurts mum, he's said some really hurtful things and it's hard to hide that I'm not affected when really I am." Delia cries before telling her mum about yesterday's outburst.

"Do you want the truth Delia?" her mum asks her, her silence confirming to her mum that she in fact did want the truth. "I think he's damaged Petal and people do weird things when they are damaged. From what you've told me it seems that he holds an interest in you, but he's likely battling with his head." 

"What do I do mum?" Delia asks.

"Don't overthink it. Let him come to you. If he truly does hold interest, which I believe he does, he needs time to win the battle in his head. Sometimes our mind can be our own biggest enemy." Delia's mum states.

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Delia nods even though she knew that her mum could not see such a gesture. "I erm, I should head back. The VIP starts soon then we have the show."

"Yes, of course, good luck dear. I'll see you next week when you're home." 

"I'll see you next week mum." 

Time is what we want most but what we use worst. Life teaches us to make good use of time while time teaches us of the value of life.

[kedamo-nogetoffthetable]

A collection of poems I've posted on Sky: CoTL through shared messages over the months

I beg y'all, if you recognize any of these PLEASE tell me that you've seen them

"Somedays it feels like you ripped my heart out instead. -S." Placed in the Wasteland Battlefield, near the Lookout spirit

"You put your greed above the safety of your people. You let it fester and rot you from within. Why must my siblings and I - mere children - fix your mistakes?" Can't remember. Very old poem, I think it was in Home or Forest.

"How much longer must I have to wait to feel your warmth again? -S." I believe was in the first Wasteland area, right after the social space.

"There was a day I looked up to you with wonder, and in return you inspired me. That day is far in the past. Now I fear you for the monsters you truly are." ....forest???

"When I looked into your eyes, so dark and full of hatred, I knew I had lost you. -S." Hey Shin. I love you, i love writing about OC x CC but why did I have to post so many grief poems that I don't remember where i placed them, wtf.

"I've loved you since the night we fell. How could I go on without you now, when I need you most? -S." DAMMIT SHIN.

"You used to hold me so softly. I knew i was safe when your arms were around me. Now as you tear me open, piece by piece, I wonder where those gentle hands went. -s." I swear to god you better have been in the wasteland temple you painful poem

"I've been finding it hard to sleep at night. My work has been used against me and those it was meant to help. I feel as though I'm to blame. Can anything I do really make up for what I let happen? -A." Placed directly infront of the Prairie Temple

As of late, I've felt rather useless. A soldier who cannot fight? What is there when I cannot even carry out my duty? I have a family bacm home, waiting for me. But I can feel my strength ebb away each day that passes in this tent. I hope I'm remembered." Wasteland Battlefield

"I am barely old enough to tie my own sandals, yet they seek my counsel. Every day, it's endless questions. How could I know better? I am but a child! They have ruled their realms far longer than I've been alive. Why can't the adults fix their own problems. -A." Isle of Dawn, just behind the spawn point

"I wish you would put yourself first. I have always admired your bravery, but it scares me to know I might lose my only family because you think you have to shoulder the blame. -t." Orbit, a few steps behind the valley twins

"A cavern that reeks of suffering and regret, home to a deadbeat who can't break the cycle of pain and relapse... I think I'd fit in just fine here." Slouching Soldier's funky ass giant bottle

"Let's suffer together, Soldier. We can sit in the inescapable dread of silence, recounting how everything went wrong. We'll wallow in our thoughts, convincing our withering bodies that we can't fix anything. Lets be alone together." Placed in the comments of the poem above.

"My memories sing of warm, golden sands. They do not recall this cold, green desert. What has become of our home?" Golden Wasteland, right before the temple w/ first krill

"Eden was the heart of our civilization, and the Vault was our mind. They are both broken beyond repair. What does that say about us? We built this kingdom, and in the same breath we destroyed it." Vault box area. Really wish I said 'with the same hands' not breath

"The touch of your hands is seared into my flesh. Every scar on my body is testament to the pain I was subjected to in your rage. I trace each mark and weep, mourning the person you once were. -s" SHIINNNNN.... I think all of their grief was in wasteland.

"I miss when we could dance in the rain without a care in the world. -s." Forest Brook, Underneath the bridge

"The stars are especially bright tonight. Are you watching me, Mother? -....." Valley of Triumph Hot Spring

^ there was another poem similar to this, in the same spot.

"I remember playing in the rain as a child. Now these memories bringg me pain, with the knowledge that my children will never experience that."

"I wish the skies were still full of light creatures. Every day I am forced to bear hearing the mantas, crying from their cages... The Elders must be cruel and heartless to do this without guilt." Valley of Triumph Hot Spring

note:

"Sweet child of the lilac dawn. I can't help but wonder of your pain. How had you felt, when your mother held you for the last time? When you could no longer recognize the child in the mirror? As your kingdom lay dying, did you blame yourself, too?" Home, right infront of Eden.

Most if not all of these are intended to be letters from OCs, canon Elders (including Resh/Alef), or ambiguous/unnamed ancestors and sky kids.

Close to nothing on here was a vent or my personal feelings. I feel like I have to put this note because a LOT of people would comment on my poems hoping for me to get better.

On my letter from Ayin, I got a comment telling me to praise god and he'll save me, and a multitude of "i hope you feel better :("

Thank you, but seriously??? 😭

And some poems may be paraphrased. A lot of these were written in a notebook, and had to be shortened when I posted them in Sky.

Will have poems added in the future, I think.

[im-out-of-it]

CHRISTOPHER LIGHTWOOD DESERVED BETTER

weekly rant about my fav family and the atrocious writing:

I’m rereading chain of thorns and I’m at that part. y’all know the part. where a certain someone should not have died and how unnecessary it was. I like how grace is all like “you can stop this lucie.” bitchhhhh, couldn’t you have said that- hmmm, I don’t know maybe before Tatiana came out? like it’s so unnecessary and I am not here for CC hating the lightwoods and making sure each one from every generation dies.

Max- like what was he, an eleven year old? GONE. poor little boy 😭😭😭

Benedict- ok dude had it coming but he’s still a Lightwood and he died. plus Will makes a joke about it to Gabriel as if it’s not Gabriel’s trauma? the fuck. gabriel deserves better plus he needed more page time!!!! Gabriel and Gideon lost a father but yes, let’s make jests about it.

Kit- poor, sweet Kit. did not deserve to die like that. but of course, she’s not going to kill off any herondales because my god, we couldn’t survive that. can’t have our golden eyed and insufferable boys die. what vexed me most about this is the way CC went about it. I get they’re in this war but someone who is family and is practically family to y’all just died!!! but ok let’s grieve James and Matthew who are very much alive. wouldn’t be a CC book if we didn’t focus on the herondales.

tatiana- deserved it but I did not like how it was Cordelia. it should not have been her who killed her. Gabriel loses a son because of her, Gideon loses a daughter, Anna, Thomas, little Alexander, and Eugenia lose their brother, sister, cousin. literally Thomas loses his best friend who is basically his parabatai and his sister within the same year ish. I’m not sorry because it should not have been Cordelia to kill this wench.

Barbara- poor Barbara 😭 just wanted to marry Oliver but no, guess she’s got to go too. I would have liked to see more of her.

I swear that I do not want Magnus and Alec go adopt another kid if CC is going to kill them off. I know she holds herondales to this high degree but STOP HURTING THE LIGHTWOODS. yes, they are the best characters. without them, the world would probably be doomed. (looking at you jace lol we know you would’ve died without Alec or Izzy.)

adding Robert. he gone too. she even kills all the lightwoods in Thule like what is her obsession with hating this wonderful family? this is why I would rather she stop with the series. these are some of my fav characters but her carelessness and her desire to put one family above everyone else and simply act like nobody else matters is exhausting. as you know, I adore the lightwoods but it’s so draining to see them being treated like this. the only ones who I was glad to see gone was Tatiana and Benedict. you’ll never see her kill off a herondale. Stephen does not count because he wasn’t really introduced, and the other members were barely in stories, just mentioned.

and it’s fine if she has a preference. I love the lightwoods so much but there’s a different with you killing off multiple members of a family and writing out your fav family as untouchable. ahhhh, poor kit. he died and only Thomas and Anna had emotions through it all. we don’t even get to see Gabriel’s or cecilys reaction. what the fuck. I don’t know what CC was feeling writing this but I would have honestly rather she waited until she felt like writing it. it’s not fair what happened to Kit or the family over and over again. I wish she would do better but that’s too high of a hope for CC.

[meimi-haneoka]

Hiya~ Dimensional-bitch is my side blog, and I guess I cannot send mail from it!

Anyhow, I saw your reblog and wanted to send you a note personally because...damn. I get it. I've been seeing the same...stuff around. And my extraocular muscles have been getting an EXCELLENT work-out from all the eye rolling.

So many temper tantrums. Half of them whining that CLAMP worked on something other than their preferred manga for a few years, half of them mad about...whatever exacting expectation they had for Clear Card that wasn't met.

And honestly? THESE ARE THE SAME TANTRUMS MY 3 YEAR OLD HAS.

If I dare to do something other than take her to the park we went to yesterday? Instant fit! Worst Mommy EVER!

If she gets the milk she wants in a blue cup instead of pink? DAY RUINED. She can't enjoy milk again, EVER.

I am old enough now to realize that every time a CLAMP manga ends we are going to get this same round of preschooler "BUT IT ISN'T WHAT I WANTED!" foot-stomping. And it's...fine. Whatever. But even though I expect it now I am still. so. tired. And salty. I could salt the seven seas.

So THANK YOU for taking the time to look at and put together something that really gets into what Clear Card IS and DOES. (I am looking through your blog now and I am sad I didn't find it sooner - you've got lots of great stuff here! Especially about Kaito - I do NOT understand the fandom hate??? He's obviously a tortured but ultimately good soul????) There are so many good (and fun! - I've been reading this with my 8-year-old son and he is totally into the magic of it all, even if some of the symbolism flies over his head for now) things about it that get buried under the tantrums. And I am so happy to see them discussed like this!

Best wishes! <3

WAAAAAIT WAIT I HAVE TO REPLY TO THIS ONE BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE BECAUSE I feel like I'm about to cry...

You know the feeling when.....you feel *seen*? You feel understood? This is what I felt when I received your ask, Dandelion! (Is it ok if I use this name?) Omg yes. a thousand times yes....you summarized pretty well what I've seen and what I think about this whole situation too. (BTW I'm a mom too and I know what you mean! 😂)

I am old enough now to realize that every time a CLAMP manga ends we are going to get this same round of preschooler "BUT IT ISN'T WHAT I WANTED!" foot-stomping.

Ever since I got on the internet, I was able only to witness the endings in "real time" of Tsubasa, Holic and Kobato, and while I don't remember much for Kobato (probably because it's so underrated and no one was reading it), I DO remember especially the uncomfortable "atmosphere" in the fandom that accompanied the last chapters of Tsubasa's serialization. I remember all the negativity, and all the exact same complaints of today with Clear Card, "it's too complex!" "this has dragged too long please END IT". It was so overwhelming that I got dragged into it too. I COMPLETELY understand what you mean. I didn't expect I'd see it again with Clear Card, but hey people can always surprise you for the worst, isn't it? So I had decided, towards the end of Clear Card, that I wouldn't let ANYONE make me go through what I went through when Tsubasa ended, and I've set limits and lines to not be crossed with everyone, even close friends. I wanted to enjoy this story in peace to be able to write about what I TRULY feel.

I am SO GLAD that you're checking the rest of my blog and that you find my posts interesting. Most of the time, especially when I talk about Kaito and Akiho in the desperate attempt to make people understand those characters a bit better, it's a bit like shouting in the wind.....but I won't stop doing it. I love those characters, and I thank CLAMP everyday for creating them, they brought so much depth and enriched CCS in a special way.

Thank you so much for this ask!! 🙏❤️

[m39]

My retrospective on 007: Licence to Spell DooM

You know what? After playing through 007: Licence to Spell DooM, I think I’m starting to see ["Ni'mRoD - IXNAY on the HOMBRE"] in a better light. I’m serious. “Nimrod” doesn’t feel as annoying as this WAD. Hell, even other more story-focused WADs felt less annoying than this one, even “Assault on Tei Tenga” (and it had moments). Playing this WAD felt really horrible, to the point that it might be one of the worst experiences related to WADs from 2002.

Without counting a couple of words before writing the paragraph above, that was how far I went in writing after my blind playthrough of the aforementioned 007 WAD, quite possibly my least favorite WAD of all time.

But let’s not go too far now. As I mentioned in my previous post, this won’t be a review of this WAD, but more of a retrospective of it. Trying to remember what I experienced… And no, it wasn’t mostly pleasant memories.

This WAD was made by Stephen Clark AKA The Ultimate DooMer. Aside from 007 WAD, I played his contributions to the two first Community Chest installments, where the maps in the first one were both alright and had interesting concepts (and unnecessary voodoo dolls) and the map in the second CC was really fun. I also tried to play Super Sonic Doom but it required such a specific version of ZDoom, that it always froze/crashed on the second map on GZDoom. Maybe one day we will finally get a compatible remaster but hearing about GZD 4.14 making older ZDoom-based WADs even less compatible, I highly doubt we will get it.

And as for the plot summary of this WAD… how do I put it in a shitty, Sean Connery-like Scottish accent?

Uhh- Me name’sh Bond. Jeamesh Bond.

cricket noises

Okay, look, all I could get/witnessed was basically some diet James Bond schlock, that probably had all of the spy movie tropes and cliches that didn’t even try to make fun of them. MassMouth 2 at least tried to make fun of its Bond-like villainous John Romero, even if I didn’t find it that funny to begin with. The fact that it was all shoved down my throat with unskippable cutscenes that were going on and on, didn’t help (and I felt like at least 2/3rd of the WAD had these).

If there is one good thing about this WAD is how the levels look. For the 2002 standards, the maps look great; despite being mostly techbase themed, I felt like there was something else on each map, like the underground base, Half-Life-inspired railway system, forest at the beginning of E4M6, probably the entirety of E4M3, etc.

So, yeah. Nothing else to say here… Except that it all goes downhill from there.

You might be wondering if there is actual music behind the barrage of loud, ambient noises? Spoilers – there is no music. I don’t particularly complain about it since I would easily choose no music over listening to stock Doom tracks yet again.

And besides, I don’t think I would hear anything due to the aforementioned new sound effects. Most of them were obnoxious from what I can remember, with the megaphone rambling being the worst (it constantly repeats itself every minute on E4M3). Tell me if I’m wrong, but I can also remember this WAD as another one that switches the rocket launcher’s sound effects with the ones from flak cannon; it fits as well as a fist to the face.

If you can imagine the typical early ZDoom WAD that aged up like milk, this is the biggest case. 007 WAD feels less like a WAD and more like a testing ground, stitching every feature that ZDoom had at that time without realizing that it would hinder the fun itself.

I’ve already mentioned the unskippable cutscenes where most of them are filled with an unaware slop of a plot, but there are also moments where you can get soft-locked. And not in a way of jumping somewhere you shouldn’t do that; the soft-locks are PROGRAMMED INTO THE WAD ITSELF! The Ultimate DooMer took his time to actually punish you for not knowing what to do to force you to play the map from the beginning. Isn’t it fun, kids?!

And if that’s not enough obnoxiousness for you, how about putting a time limit in at least half of the WAD? Because fuck you.

Also, the final part of the sixth map takes place in completely dark areas, as in you can’t see anything anymore except for a couple of light rays from the base entrance. And TUD still wants you to fight enemies while desperately looking for the exit.

Speaking of enemies, I don’t remember how hard this WAD is. I think it wasn’t that challenging or something close to it. But what I do remember is how this WAD tries to be harder in the worst ways possible.

Do you like stealth shitlings? No? Me neither. But this WAD not only introduces this crap in the second half of it, but it even has DEDICATED CUTSCENE TO THEM! It’s like this WAD was indulging in itself, thinking that it’s some le vision artistique de la décennie when it’s nothing more but an overly dated hunk of junk.

Here, have some more obnoxiousness – now you can carry around 70% of the original ammo amount. Here is a reason for it written on paper… Oh wait, it’s just a blank page.

How about some damage sponges? ‘Cause it fits perfectly with the smaller ammo pool, right?! Here! Have a green demon; it’s a tougher Pinky. Also, we have lost souls turned into damage sponges. Because what we need in a Doom WAD is an annoying enemy being even more annoying.

And at the very end – mister big baddy himself. Some diet-Dr. Evil marine dressed in black, shooting everything everywhere while throwing a massive tantrum because you killed his siege cow or two.

…

phew

I kind of went apeshit here. Give me a minute…

…

Okay… let’s talk about bugs.

Surprisingly, I don’t remember encountering any of these… Unless I count the moment when I was attacked by an imp or two during a cutscene and couldn’t do shit, and almost died because of that…

…

Excuse me for a moment. I think I need to break some stuff.

20 minutes later

You come back with bloodied, bruised hands.

…

…

...

You know, I played some really annoying WADs. WADs that are overly cryptic. WADs that are leaking of cheapness in difficulty. WADs that mock you for not knowing where to go next. Stuff like Eternal Doom, Herian 2, Daedalus: Alien Defense, Operation Overlord, Cheogsh 2, and Happy Time Circus II. And yet, despite all of these WADs among others I didn’t mention, none of them unintentionally boiled my blood more, than 007: Licence to Spell DooM. HTCII might be the closest to the top podium of being the most annoying WAD I have ever played, but it’s the 007 WAD that represents everything wrong with the early ZDoom WADs; wanting to be the next Half-life when it’s just another Quarter-Death.

I can only hope that I will never touch this WAD in my life ever again… and yet, a small part of me would be happy for the remaster of this WAD. Think about it for a second – a James Bond spoof in the form of a WAD, without unskippable cutscenes, coded-in soft-locks, damage sponges, stealth enemies, time limits, and other annoying crap that plagues this WAD.

Oh well, I can only dream about it.

So I guess all that is left for me before tackling the 2010 Cacowards are both Heretic and Hexen since there are WADs mentioned in that roster that require these games to be properly played… but before that, why not mock those pretentious WADs of the past for the final time?

See you in the near future.

[lifeofagirlnameddan]

This Life (Prt 4)

August came and we both enrolled for a volleyball camp in school. On the end of the first day, he and I were waiting for my ride home. He'll be visiting my house for the first time. He ate lunch with us here at home, and we built some gundams (He bought it for me but I had no clue on how to build it) Soon he had to leave, so I walked him down the stairs... We stopped at the middle of the stairway, I gave him a hug as I said goodbye, I'll see him after the next day, and right before that... he leans us against the wall, inches apart... closing the gap.... for only a split second! That was my first kiss! And I honestly loved it... It was so soft...so quick and the feeling was electrifying. I walked him out the gate unable to look him in the eyes, for every time we looked at each other our faces plastered with two huge goofy ass grins. He left and I ran back to my room squealing. Right after that the next time I saw him, kisses were now unlocked and that move is clearly a favorite. After August, school was starting once again. But there was an event, a school anniversary fair, so I invited him and we attended it on a weekend. It was fun, we ate, saw friends, and we did...kiss a lot more too, and we went out to eat ramen. He and I were having a blast, but for some reason a pang of guilt hit me as I never told my family about this... Knowing my mothers refusal to any relationship, I told S about my concerns, deciding if we were to break it off amidst the happiness. I was going to...but then I stopped, I didn't go through with it because I wanted to be happy with him and I deluded that perhaps mom will understand and let me have this? Besides it was his birthday the next week so it would be cruel to do that to him! By his birthday we went out with his friends, I only came for a moment but it was worth it while it lasted. I met his mother, I fumbled a bit since I wasn't wearing my glasses I didn't recognize her face so it may have seemed like I was ignoring her. I wanted to clear that up so badly. Eventually October and November came, and we would meet through hangouts with our other friends, go on double dates with his best friend and his gf. By a week before Christmas I invited S and another friend of mine (CC) to bake cookies together. Oh it was fun, being a little sneaky with S in my home, hiding away from my little sister and little cousins. And it was all fun and games really, we played Monopoly and had a lightsaber battle. CC left early and S stayed until 11pm. Often times, when he's free or around the area, S would come to visit my house and bring me gifts. Honestly he is so sweet. I gave him a jacket, pins, stickers, a sword, a plushie, and other hand crafted things. He'd bring me candies and snacks when I least expect it. He'd visit me in school as well, although I have to race down against his group of friends. Honestly dating him was like sharing him with the boys HAHAH. His friends are amazing, they've got genuine personality, deranged, insane, fun and drama-free. I find myself naturally accepted by them, me and all our friends combined makes just a big group of people who like and share similar interests, love of food, and harmonized interactions. I was so lucky to have met S, so lucky that I haven't felt depressed in so long, I learned to love without being so needy and I learned to put myself first and make boundaries even in a relationship. S helped me love my country, love my life and wanted to work hard for my future. And S told me that being with me brought back the light in his eyes, and his friends would say he's become a better person ever since then and I honestly have fallen in love with him...

January came, I didn't think we'd see each other at the start of 2024. But he showed up January 3, at my house to greet me. Honestly how dedicated are you???? We went on a date a few days after. I had my school sports fest at an arena far off, at first I didn't want to join but I heard S was going (Why? Even if he's no longer a student, it has perks to have a younger brother who is still in the same school as me) So when I heard he was attending, I showed up last minute to surprise him. Honestly I thought he was mad at me! He refused to look at me and talk to me after I surprised him, I became salty...Turns out he was just trying to contain his excitement...

February, my birthday, He showed up a week before to see me. Then my plans for my 18th birthday was to go on a trip with friends, an overnight at a mountain resort. It was an amazing experience, he was amazing, and it was so fun. We went on a sky bike together, crossed a bridge, went swimming, went on a sky swing together... Then we played video games, card games, ate lots of food, and his mom and dad treated me to dinner. (The only thing I wish didn't happen that time was me falling off a roof as the first time for me to meet his dad...) The day was so fun...and at night... well we'll skip that blissful night's details... By the next day we had one last activity before we leave, I rode in his van apart from my family, I fell asleep on him.. ehe...

March and April consisted of movie and mall dates, it was getting harder since our school requirements were piling up....

May 2, 2024

I went out to meet S in a cafe, it was a quick meet just wanting to catch up... We had a date set for the next day... As I left he gave me a kiss and kissed my cheek goodbye, something felt off this month...

May 3, 2024

I knew it, my mother found out about us and told me to come home. I'm not allowed to go out or commute anymore, and she'll be driving me in and out of school again... She spoke to me about it, she's not against S himself, she just said it wasn't the right time... She told me he was a good person and that I should keep him as a friend, but I should stop the relationship. Oh how I cried... I miss him... I love him, how can I break his heart like this? I followed her either way, and S understood... it took us a day of crying to talk again, he said we'll stay friends and that he doesn't resent me for this and that he's willing to wait. I love him for that, I'll wait for him as well. Up until now we have still been talking to each other daily, the only thing that every stopped was the affectionate words, physical touch and random gifts.

May 23, 2024

My my, it the present already... It's been my finals week and I have been stressing out my life, but S has still been there all this time. I'll see him tomorrow, we're going out with our friends for the first time in so long now to watch the Haikyuu: Dumpster Battle at the cinemas. This loop in life... is it different now? Is S the path going straightforward? I'm not just going in circles am I?

this is the update of the life of a girl named dan...

[k00297602]

Painting - Final Statement

And so, the end of the painting elective and my first year itself is here. I've attached a video of my work created during this self-portrait project, making these videos has become a habit I picked up earlier in the year.

What I'm proud of

Overall, I'm very happy with the quality of my work. I've seen clear improvement with anatomy, proportions, colour mixing and composition in the paintings I have made during this project.

I've gone outside my comfort zone yet again. Prior to the painting elective, I've never painted so much, worked with such large scale, using media I've never used or was previously not comfortable with.

My personal take on self-portraiture. I thoroughly enjoyed exploring creating self-portraits through non-convention means. I researched hard and thought deeply of how to depict myself and my point of view, and discovered focusing on the deeply personal and almost taboo topic of my personal finances, spendings and possessions felt right to me.

and lastly, I'm excited about all I have learnt. Eoin and Sylvia have been amazing tutors and have taught me lots and shown me different ways of thinking and seeing, such as colour, concepts, media, tools and artists. The library and the exercises I attended have been amazing assets for every step of the way.

I love the work I have created during this time and I'm glad I chose the painting elective.

What I would have done differently.

Right off the bat, I would have tried to balance quantity and quality better. I felt as if I made less pieces than my previous projects as I spent my time focusing on the quality. While I love what I've made I wish I'd have created more.

Experimented with texture and form. I unconsciously worked quite flat. I wish I'd have changed things up and tried out painting on 3D such as on clay or sculpted pieces or perhaps even brought different textures into my works, such as impasto or working on different surfaces. I noticed this flat pattern and towards the end incorporated layered paintings with collage into the book I made.

And last but not least, I'd have researched more artists. The five weeks went by quick and between finishing up my CCS notebook and painting, I carried out less research into artists than I would have liked, I still did research three separate artists and carried over inspiration from previously researched artists but I'd have liked to have done more.

So long first year! New adventures await!

[itsladymana]

The year is coming to a close and it's time to check in on these goals again!

TikTok posting wasn't super consistent through the year but I did finally start put out a fair bit of TikTok content with my rebrand stuff finally!

Didn't invest in the VOD editing BUT I did finally catch up on actually publishing VODs! They're just raw, and I recently added CC into my overlay so I don't have to worry about CC on future upload which was a huge piece of wanting the software!

I definitely streamed more, had more events on the weekend, had lots of streams that went late and it felt really good!

I am 2D again! And I am LOVING it with a full body, a pip-squeak, a "manamallow" and a mello-jello! Funny how that went from just get a 2D, to having 4 in one year 🤔

I have put out three song covers and have a mini cover to release on the back burner! I'm also in the middle of coordinating 2 more 😱

Then to even address the reblog before that,

I got the cardboard cut out!

I made temporary signs but they worked GREAT and will definitely be worth investing in

And got a mini LED logo sign for the table too!

I even have a new dedicated laptop for these on the go projects as my old one could no longer handle it being 7 years old or so... 😅

It was my most successful event yet and I even earned tips for the first time to help value my tarot readings going forward! People also loved my VODs which is what really kicked my butt to do it. I did some great networking with local artists and was even able to pull off a favor for the venue by getting a last minute fill in! Felt really good.

Twitchcon really made the end of the year come quicker than I imagined and has really thrown a wrench into paying any attention to this platform. I'm not sure I can promise being better but I appreciate those of you here for the ride, but also just really appreciate this platform for always being a little reminder to stay on top of my goals like this.

I look forward to reblogging this one again soon with the 2024 goals I'll have to build upon what I've done so far!

I wanted to bring this post over here for my archive so I don’t lose track of it. I’ve already started working on two of these! 😄 I can’t wait to share what when they’re a little more solidified and not so in progress.