#i will be happy with this decision just because i am a child does NOT mean i don't know things about me

[feathersandblue]

So, full disclosure, I haven't been a Solas fan before.

I am now.

And that's because of Veilguard and the many, many ways in which I felt let down by this game.

The aspect that bothers me most is the reduction of nuance and complexity.

Rook's hero's cakewalk (because “journey” really isn't the right word) is a ready-made path that offers no deviation at all and never challenges the player in any meaningful way.

Sure, you can spend some time pondering the pros and cons of saving Treviso or Minrathous. Ultimately, it makes no difference. Rook does their best, they just can’t be in two places at once.

Same with the companion character arcs. What does it mean if you decide to you turn Emmrich into a lich? For the most part, it's idle musing. Indulgence. He’ll be happy either way, there are no real stakes. Yeah, your actions do have consequences, just not the sort of consequences that make a substantial difference. It’s the illusion of choice – reduced to cosmetics.

The problems with decisions that cost nothing is that they don’t feel like an accomplishment. They also don’t allow for character growth. Rook doesn’t change, they remain static. Even the section in the Fade where Rooks faces their regrets is easy and comparatively lightweight. Varric was killed by Solas, Harding resp. Davrin died in combat and either Bellara or Neve was abducted by Elgar’nan. It’s not like Rook’s decisions actually caused these events, it’s not like Rook actually failed through a choice they had to make that turned out to be the wrong one. Everyone was there willingly and volunteered to fight the good fight. Rook’s regrets are not about real guilt, they are about feeling sad and guilty. And that – it needs to be said – is not the same thing. At all.

At the same time, the story carefully avoids any kind of true ethical dilemma.

It's not even about the lack of mean or edgy dialogue options; that’s just a symptom. The cause is the writers’ unwillingness to let realism intrude in Rook’s fairytale – the lack of anything that would require Rook to compromise on morals, or fight temptation. Rook is never faced with any sort of moral conundrum, or allowed to act out any kind of vice that realistic characters have. In its straight-path simplicity, Rook's story is apparently written for children and people who remain child-like in their yearning for simple, uncontested truths.

Of all the sorts of conflicts that a story can offer, Veilguard carefully avoids the most realistic and (in my opinion) interesting ones: Character vs. self and character vs. society, aka, politics. The game firmly refuses to go there. To the point where it creates a completely unrealistic consensus on all sides that eliminates yet another sort of conflict: character vs. character.

If Rook and their companions would talk politics, they’d all be on the exact same side. In a two party state, they’d all cast the same vote.

I am sure that there are many players who feel comforted and reassured by that fact, who sincerely believe that this is how stories should be written. That stories should reflect the world not as it is but as they think it should be. But for everyone who likes their stories a little more realistic, that lack of meaningful interpersonal conflict, that lack of real diversity which comes not from appearance but from different cultures and opposing viewpoints amounts to a frankly cringe-worthy, artificial and juvenile surface-level interaction between characters. Or, to phrase it differently: the diversity remains skin-deep and doesn’t extend to the philosophical, and even in the few instances where it does, it shies away from the political.

Which means that the only conflicts that remain are the most boring and stereotypical ones: character vs. monsters resp. the supernatural, where all foes are evil in the blandest way (Supremacist Venatori! Fascist renegade qunari! Power-hungry necromancers!). These conflicts are resolved through exploring maps and endless, repetitive combat.

The only thing that brings a bit of nuance to the game is Solas’s story. And there is an element of character vs. character in Rook’s and Solas’s relationship, but the sad truth is that what could have been a fascinating mirrored character journey falls flat for all the reasons already explained – because where Solas is a character as layered and controversial as it gets, Rook is anything but.

Solas’s story shows how even people with the best intentions and the greatest integrity are ultimately broken by what life throws at them, both by the decisions that are forced upon them and the choices they make on their own. It shows how a prolonged war is always a sunk cost fallacy: I’ve gone this far, if I stop now, it was all for nothing.

Rook’s victories, on the other hand, come without a cost – both in terms of moral corruption and in accountability. The guilt Solas bears is real. The fight against the titans, followed by his war against the Evanuris, requires compromising his own morals, one day at a time, one century after another, he’s trying to save the world yet doomed to fail. Sacrificing the spirits to win a battle after the war has gone this far? Every single war leader around the globe would make the same decision. In fact, all of them do: They do sacrifice the lives of others if it will help them win, they do send soldies into the trenches to die, whether these soldiers want to or not, and they are rarely, if ever, truthful about the reasons why.

In a certain way, the story of the spirit of wisdom turned flesh is reminiscent of the biblical Fall of Man: the original sin. Solas has fallen, and he’s broken. In trying to heal the world, he’s trying to heal himself. The burden is too heavy, the responsibility to great, the knowledge that he is responsible for all of it too devastating. Solas’s greatest conflict is character vs. self. It has the potential to be great. In a way, it is. It’s the single redeeming quality that, depending on your interpretation of what went on behind the scenes, the writers managed to salvage from the original concept of Dreadwolf or the lone pillar that withstood all their attempts to bring it down.

Only sadly, infuriatingly, in the end, that fallen hero’s ending is put into the hands of a protagonist who judges him from the perspective of someone who has never even stumbled – not because they are wiser, braver, or kinder. No, just because the writers were gracious – or cowardly? – enough to never let them fail.

The game gives Rook a moral high ground which isn’t earned in the slightest because Rook never had to walk even a quarter of a mile in Solas’s shoes. They don’t know what they would have done in his stead, they have no idea what it actually means to see the sorry shape the world is in and know that it was your hands that shaped it. And even where Rook might actually be culpable – the interruption of Solas’s ritual that freed the remaining Evanuris – anyone is quick to assure Rook that it wasn’t their fault.

Whatever regrets Rook carries, they’re born from self-doubt and trauma response. Survivor’s guilt, mostly. When compared to Solas’s immense guilt, Rook’s regrets are, for lack of a better term, insignificant. That Rook manages to face them doesn’t mean that they are more truthful or emotionally mature, it just means that Rook’s story is a tale for children and Solas’s is not.

It’s not that I’m necessarily opposed to the idea that the player decides Solas’s fate through their actions. It’s the injustice of it all that bothers me: The player is led through a game that provides a safe space for their character, one that is devoid of any interpersonal conflict and any ethical quandary. Rooks succeeds through kindness and heroism and taking their companions on team bonding exercises.

As if Solas could have won the war against the Evanuris if he’d taken the time to take his companions on coffee dates.

The juxtaposition – Rook vs. Solas – fails, simply because of this deep divide. Rook’s story is detached from reality and yet Rook gets to be Solas’s judge, jury, and executioner. On what grounds?

As I said, right in the beginning, I haven’t been a Solas fan before. But by the end of Veilguard, I was firmly, irrevocably, Team Solas, just because I was so annoyed that the narrative put Rook in a position of moral superiority. I detested my own character. Jesus, what a goody two-shoes! I was rooting for Solas simply because his story was so much more: a genuine tragedy, a study in complexity. Rook, on the other hand, remains bland, snotty, unchanged. Untried.

The thing is, I don’t believe that my reaction was one the writers had intended. I strongly feel that they didn’t mean for me to pick up on their double standard, that they expected me to walk away fully satisfied, convinced that Rook and The Team were the Good Guys because they went on picnics and petted the griffon, their final victory well-earned and just. If only Solas had had a Team and taken care of their emotional needs – he could have taken down the Evanuris with nary a scratch!

It’s all so very disingenuous.

Rook and, by extension, the player exist in a bubble of sanitized content. That is clearly deliberate. The player is meant to like it there. (In that sense, it’s only logical that they changed the title from Dreadwolf to Veilguard.) And clearly, it does resonate with a certain kind of their player base: mostly with people, I think, who would like their real life to be a bubble too and whose only experience with moral corruption is when they find it in others.

[really-fanny-longbottom]

never yours

azriel x reader, azriel x elain, lucien x reader | azriel never regretted his decisions so much like he does right now. warnings: angst (like a lot), fluff (also a lot because we need a balance) words: 6k

masterlist

you were born in day court during the longest and the warmest day of the year — summer solstice.

even though it's not a custom to exchange gifts on that holiday, your parents always told you that you were their greatest gift and that the sun shined brighter that day like he knew that you would be entering this world very soon. 

your father was helion's best and longest friend, and he had a place in his court as his second in command and advisor. 

your mother was the lead healer of the court. she was one of the most powerful and talented healers of prythian, being a very close second to madja. 

due to your parents' jobs, you grew up in the day court palace and close to helion, who didn't just happen to be your high lord but also your godfather. 

your parents reconsider that maybe making helion your godfather had been a mistake because of how much he spoiled you.

on your 4th birthday, he gave you a black baby pegasus as a present, which you decided to name him blackjack.

when he discovered that you liked reading, he had a private library built in your room with all kinds of books.

when you were seven and heard an old male saying that females should only wear dresses, you only wore pants for the next three months and of course, helion made sure you had every type of pants at your disposal. 

when your parents tried to scold him, he just scoffed with his only response being, 'she's my goddaughter. what else am i supposed to do?' with a big grin plastered in his face.

you weren't helion's child, but he always treated you like one, and that never changed, especially after your parents' death. 

your favorite thing about your parents was their mating bond. after you learned that mates are rare and a blessing, it made every single thing about your parents' love even more unique and pure.

you saw first hand what true love is really like. you saw how much they loved, cared, supported, and protected each other.

you saw loyalty and honesty in their deepest forms. seeing your parents' mating bond made you wish to the stars for a mate, and that one day, you would be blessed enough to find him. 

but you also saw how deep a mating bond could go — you saw it first hand, too.

you saw it when your mother died after getting infected by a rare disease while trying to help her patients.

her death destroyed your father. the pain and the grief of losing your mother — his mate, and the love of his life were so big that your father followed her into the next life a few days later, so they could start their next journey together.

before he died, your father made helion promise him that he would take care of you, which he agreed without hesitation.

he became more protective of you. he couldn't stop thinking how unfair it was for you to lose your parents at such a young age, only eleven years old, when helion had them for centuries.

your godfather made sure to provide you with anything you needed from the best education to the best clothes, and when your healing powers start manifesting and you decide to follow your mother's steps, helion called in a favor to thesan to see if he could teach you himself.

the high lord of dawn was happy to accept, and so were you at the thought of having him as your teacher.

you moved to dawn court for a year where you learned everything about being a healer, not only with the high lord himself but also with his best healers. 

you became one of the best — talented, powerful, gifted, and wise. just like your mother.

madja was looking for an apprentice at the time you returned to day, and when she heard about your skills, she asked for you.

rhysand reached out to helion with madja's offer — you would be her apprentice, work in the clinic with her but you would also assist her if she ever needed to go to a patient's residence, and would learn everything she could teach you. 

it wasn't needed to convince you to agree. you had heard about madja and her healing, after thesan, she was the healer you wanted to work with the most, so of course you were more than happy to have a chance to have her as your mentor.

rhysand added that you would be welcome to stay in one of his personal residences, the house of wind, during your stay in velaris.

you were only supposed to stay in the night court for a year, but that was before you met the shadowsinger. 

however, despite wanting the apprenticeship more than anything, if you had known what would happen when you agreed to go to the night court, you would never have accepted the offer.

•••

azriel couldn't sleep.

no matter how much he tried, he couldn't. not with tomorrow so close, not when he knew what was waiting for him in the morning. 

the past was haunting him tonight, his thoughts hadn't stopped since he had been informed earlier of tomorrow's meeting.

so now, here he was, trying to keep his eyes open even though his body was protesting for him to do the opposite.

but he was fighting that need because every time he closed his eyes, you were all he saw.

your beautiful face with your sparkling eyes, your smooth hair, your pointy ears, your sweet voice, and your soft laughter.

you were haunting his thoughts like a punishment for all those years ago. 

so all he could do now was to sit on the edge of his balcony with his legs hanging off while waiting for the sun to be born, and remember how things used to be before he destroyed everything.

 •••

everything was perfect in the beginning.

velaris was beautiful, the people were kind, and the pastries were absolutely delicious. 

the only thing you actually missed, besides helion, was the warmth of the sun like no other court had but the day court — that was just the day citizen in you talking.

your apprenticeship was going amazing. you and madja had instantly connected, and you were learning so much.

two weeks later, you were already attending your own patients without supervision.

you really had a gift, and every time madja complimented your powers, you gave all the credits to your genes — to your mom.

it warmed your heart knowing that the mother had blessed you with this part of her. In this way, it felt like she was always with you.

the house of wind felt just like home, and you adjusted perfectly.

the inner circle had welcomed you with open arms, and you got along with everyone. they thought you and mor would be the closest of all, but they got a big surprise when it turned out to be you and azriel.

the shadowsinger was different from everyone you ever met.

everyone in day was so loud, extroverted and open.

but not him.

he was calm, reserved, and difficult to read, but with time, you ended up finding out that the two of you were more alike than you thought. you were able to go through the shell that azriel had so perfectly built around him over the centuries. 

a friendship was born.

every day, qzriel would fly you to the clinic and then back to the house. you explored velaris together and made your personal mission to try every single restaurant and bakery from the city of starlight. 

you walked along the sidra and even stopped once in a while to dance along the melodies that the musicians were playing. you would read together whether that was in the library, in your room, or in his. you even started training with him and sometimes, cassian.

you became each other's person. 

when a day at the clinic was hard or you would lose a patient, he was there to hug and comfort you, and you found yourself doing the same for him about his missions.

so you decided to take the next step and spoke about your parents' death, how much still affected you losing them.

and in that moment, azriel realized how much trust you put in him, so he decided to return it and opened about his past, his family, and his hands. you listened to every word, cleaned every tear, and held him for as long as he needed.

tou found yourself falling in love with him a little more day by day, and it only took you a few months to realize that you were completely in love.

the day the bond snapped was one of the happiest days of your life.

it happened during the most beautiful celebration in the night court — starfall.

your hair was tied in a long braid that reached down to your waist, decorating the braid were small yellow daylilies.

you were wearing a golden dress that fit perfectly against your sun-kissed skin. the dress had a slit on the left side that went up to the top of your thigh, a single strap held the dress on your right shoulder and when you turned around, whoever was behind you could have a perfect view of your naked back.

golden jewels rested on your ears and neck. 

you looked like a goddess — one blessed by the sun itself.

you were shining just like a day court citizen should.

azriel standed next to you in the balcony while gazing at the spirits passing.

both of your hands rested on the stone of the balcony, and when you went to adjust your hand, it brushed against azriel's.

at the new feeling, you looked up to find his eyes, only to see the shadowsinger already looking at you.

in that moment, with the touching of your hands and the meeting of your eyes, the world stopped.

your hands start interviewing, and everything else just disappeared.

it was just the two of you and the sound of your heartbeats. and then, a golden thread appeared and started tying your hearts and souls.

azriel held your free hand and pressed it against his own chest, right where his heart laid.

you followed his action, freeing your intertwined hands and putting his hand on your chest, above your heart. 

with the final loop of the golden thread around your hearts, azriel bent down and kissed you. 

that moment couldn't be more beautiful and magical even if you tried.

you had finally found the mate that you had wished to the stars all those years ago. 

everything was perfect.

you had everything you wanted and more.

you lived in a beautiful city that you learned to love and were starting to call it home. 

you had the job of your life, working alongside one of your idols. 

amazing friends that made you feel welcomed and part of a little family.

and finally, your mate, the male you were in love with, long before that beautiful and sacred golden thread.

everything was perfect.

but of course, nothing lasts forever.

and all of that disappeared when elain archeron came into the picture.

•••

ten years.

he couldn't believe that much time had passed. all those years without you.

it had been ten years since the last time he saw you.

ten years since he had heard something regarding you.

ten years since he had broken your heart.

and ten years since he had made the biggest mistake of his entire existence.

you had moved back to day court after that day, after what happened and after what he did. 

the high lord of day had forbidden azriel from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

and months later, when the rumors of a certain shadowsinger flying above the palace in hopes to get a glimpse of you reached his ears, helion banned him from his court.

helion had always been a very charismatic and loving person.

he's kind, generous, and a very good friend. He gets along with almost everyone, always joking around and laughing. 

some people may say that he's the nicest and kindest high lord that prythian has ever seen. 

when problems arise, he always tries to find a solution to solve them or if a solution is not possible, a way to improve them.

but not this time.

not when it comes to you and his son — Lucien.

because your heart wasn't the only one to be shattered that day.

no.

lucien's heart was a victim, too.

so, from that moment, everything that helion did was to protect you and lucien.

to make sure that you felt safe, that you had space and time to heal.

azriel's banishment wasn't the only consequence from the events of that day.

that day also cost the alliance between the day court and the night court, and when the alliance fell apart, so did helion and rhysand's friendship.

but azriel wasn't the only one to blame for all of this.

elain archeron was guilty, too.

she, too, was banished from the day court and forbidden to contact lucien in any way.

but unlike azriel, elain's actions cause far more consequences than his. 

the autumn court followed the same decisions as the day court.

the banishment of azriel and elain and the prohibition of any kind of contact with lucien.

eris, now the new high lord of the autumn court after beron's death, didn't take lightly to what happened to his little brother. 

the two of them had reconnected after eris became high lord.

they talked through everything that had happened in the last centuries, made peace with their past, and decided to move forward together.

now, the brothers were inseparable and had the kind of relationship they had always wanted since they were younger.

so when eris heard what had happened, he considered those actions as a personal attack. 

he went as far as to offer lucien the opportunity to choose the blood duel, which his little brother refused, saying that all of this had already caused enough pain.

eris wasn't angry just because of lucien.

he was angry because of you, too.

you were the first person to give him the benefit of the doubt, the first one to not judge him and unlike the others you tried to get to know him, to be his friend and he let you. 

6ou were the first one to know the real eris, to know what he hid behind the mask.

therefore, you had a special place in his heart. even if you didn't share the same blood, you were part of his family.

but that didn't stop with day and autumn. spring joined them, too. 

despite everything that happened and the fact that they were still working on their friendship, tamlin's loyalty remained with lucien.

spring had been lucien's home for decades, and with that came a brotherhood between the two of them. 

needless to mention that jurian and vassa's loyalties also remained with lucien.

to everyone outside the situation, all of this may seem overreacted and exaggerated.

but to everyone involved, it's not.

after all, you and lucien almost died.

that's what happens when a mating bond is rejected.

•••

azriel couldn't believe things had turned out this way.

he was so sure that the cauldron was wrong, that he belonged with Elain.

three sisters for three brothers.

how more poetic could it be?

there were signals everywhere.

feyre with rhysand.

nesta with cassian.

elain with him.

elain wouldn't go close to lucien or talk to him, but she would sit next to him whether during dinners or on the couch, she would talk to him, and requested his company when she went to the garden or to the city.

even his shadows disappeared every time he was with her.

weren't those signals clear enough?

they were meant to be.

the cauldron was wrong. 

so azriel did what he thought was right.

he rejected the mating bond with you, and elain did the same with lucien. 

he never thought that the rejection of the bond would've almost cost your life.

that memory still gave him nightmares to this day.

how pale you turned, how you sank to your knees with your hand pressed against your chest, tears running free down your cheeks and muffled screams leaving your lips.

how much pain you had suffered and how he had been the cause of it.

how once, not that long ago, he had been the reason for your smiles, laughs, and giggles.

but that memory wasn't his.

it was rhysand's.

rhys, who had to go through your mind shields, and knock you unconscious so the pain would stop and that memory led him to another memory. 

the memory of that day and the things that had followed after he shattered your heart.

•••

azriel wasn't there the moment it happened.

no, he was too busy kissing elain after admitting how much they craved each other. 

and while he kissed elain, he felt that golden thread tying the two of you breaking and start slowly to disappear.

nothing could have prepared him for that last memory of you when he and elain were summoned to the river house a few hours later.

rhys had shown him not as a courtesy but as a lesson of how much his actions can affect others.

but you weren't just some other.

you were his mate — former mate.

azriel made a move to go find you.

he needed to explain it to you, and he needed you to understand, but you were already gone.

rhys told him that after you regained consciousness, lucien took you with him back to day court. 

lucien.

who you had become instantly friends with since the male's arrival in velaris.

you had treated him just like you were when you moved to the night court.

you showed him the city, the good restaurants and the best pastries, and also told him about Helion, now that he knew the high lord was his father and he was his heir.

you wanted him to feel like home, just like you did. 

when Azriel made his intentions clear to go to day and find you, rhys showed him the letter helion had sent.

the one that forbidden him from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

the one that also had the same indications to elain regarding lucien.

and that if any of them tried to disobey his orders, there would be consequences.

azriel knew of protective the male was of you and that he would do anything to protect his family, so for a split second, azriel found himself fearing the high lord. 

rhysand also ordered them to stay away from the two of you, stating that they had already created enough problems and the night court could not afford a war with day. 

after they left his office, rhys sat down on his chair, trying to think how he was gonna solve this.

his mind kept going back to you and lucien. 

he was there when lucien came for you.

the red headed male was also pale and every few minutes, his hand would press to his chest in pain, his eyes were still red, probably from the tears he had shed.

rhys knew that Helion's letter wouldn't be the only one he would receive that day.

and like he was right, three more letters arrived during it.

first from autumn, then spring and the last one from the band of exiles. 

rhys passed a hand through his black hair and released a long sigh.

azriel and elain actions had just cost four allies to the night court.

•••

when you and lucien arrived in day, helion almost fell to his knees at your sight.

you were in lucien's arms, your eyes half open with tears still following down your cheeks.

one of your hands was against your chest, rubbing small circles in a way of trying to get rid of the pain.

lucien wasn't much better.

helion headed towards you and started examining you for injuries, but he found nothing.

when confusion made his way to his features, Lucien told him everything.

the confusion was replaced by anger, but the anger wasn't just directed towards the shadowsinger and the middle archeron sister.

some of it was towards himself. 

towards himself, because seeing you like that, helion felt that he had broken the promise he made to your dad and that this was his fault.

without giving time for any more thoughts to fill his mind, helion led lucien to your room, where the heir laid you on the bed.

you had fallen asleep in his arms with your cheeks still stained. 

lucien sat on the chair by your desk that was placed in front of your bed and said to Helion that he would stay with you.

helion gave him a firm nod, remembering that lucien didn't have a room yet in his palace, but he was about to fix that.

helion didn't waste any time after making sure that the two of you were okay for now. 

he called two of his servants to prepare a room for the young heir and went straight to his office where he wrote the letter and sent it to rhysand.

the next week's were a complicated ones but showed that time was the best healer. 

you no longer spend the days locked in your room alone.

you started to eat properly again and went back to work.

day by day, you were smiling more, sometimes making jokes.

lucien improved as well.

he decided to live in the day court for the time being and took his place as helion's second in command.

his relationship with helion was also getting stronger over time.

they were making up for the lost time.

but that wasn't the only thing that changed. your relationship with lucien also changed.

you got closer than ever, due to the fact you were the only ones who knew what the other was going through.

you found comfort in each other's presence and started spending more time together to the point where you became each other's favorite person. 

little by little, you start helping each other heal.

you started putting back together the pieces that had been broken, and the pain started slowly fading until the day that it didn't hurt anymore.

you two mended your hearts and souls, and for the first time, in a long time, you were full again.

your friendship grew, and so did your feelings for each other.

•••

azriel couldn't believe how wrong he had been.

because the cauldron wasn't wrong, it had never been wrong. 

he was the one who was wrong — right from the beginning.

he and elain had tried a relationship after yours and lucien's departure.

it worked for six months until it didn't.

azriel questioned himself why the relationship was starting to fail and why being with elain was starting to feel wrong.

it didn't take him too long to understand the reason. It was because she wasn't you.

he found out that the reason his shadows disappear every time he was with elain wasn't because they were destined but because they were with you. 

his shadows would leave him and elain to go find you, like they were stating that they wouldn't betray you, that they chose you.

on the day he broke up with elain, he found his shadows in your old room, which once was filled with colors, books, paintings, and light, and now was empty, dusty, and dark.

the shadows were swimming around your starfall dress — the one you wore on the day your bond had snapped.

the sight of the dress was painful, and he understood why it had been left behind.

azriel had tried to apologize.

he flew to day court and around the palace trying to find you but he never did and the next day helion sent a letter with his and elain's banishment, making autumn and spring to make the same decision. 

he understood why.

they were trying to protect you and lucien, and even though he didn't have the right, he just wanted to know if you were okay.

he asked rhys several times if he knew something about you, and thys revealed to him that you weren't talking to him or the other members of the inner circle either.

you had stated that it was too early and still very painful. 

so they respected your decision and kept their distance. 

that had caused azriel's guilt to grow even more.

how he wished for nesta to still have her powers so he could go back in time and repair all of this.

the light of the sun broke his thoughts.

the sun was finally making its appearance in the orange and yellow sky. 

azriel released a long breath and looked at the clock perched on his bedroom wall. 

the morning was here, and he was only two hours away from seeing you.

•••

the inner circle stood at the entrance of the day court palace. 

helion had lifted the banishment for this meeting with yours and lucien consent.

both of you said that it had been a long time and that the past should stay in the past, but that didn't mean you would be accepting any apologies today.

koschei was on the rise again, and prythian needed to come together once more.

right now, your past didn't matter.

the doors swung open, and the inner circle made their way inside.

a servant led them to the conference room located in the same hallway as helion's office on the first floor of the palace.

they sat at the marble table while the servant informed them, "the high lord will be here in a few minutes."

receiving a nod and a 'thank you' from rhysand, the servant left.

rhys started, "y/n and lucien will also be in this meeting. now, helion was nice enough to allow the two of you back here, so do not ruin this."

he finished while looking at azriel and elain, making them both nod their heads.

helion entered the room, and the inner circle raised from their seats.

the high lord of the day court made his way to the head of the table.

he turned to the side where rhys and his inner circle stood, offering his hand to rhys to shake it.

taken by surprise, rhys needed a few seconds to process what was happening before accepting his hand.

once they had shaken hands, everyone returned to their seats, but not before helion sent a disapproving look in azriel's and elain's direction.

a few minutes into the meeting, the door to the conference room opened again.

and there you were. 

you were dressed in day attire. a beautiful white dress that hugged your body, with your hair loosen and golden jewelry adorned your neck and ears.

lucien was by your side also wearing day attire, one that matched helion's, with your hand in his.

the inner circle held their breaths at your sight.

it had been ten years, but all the memories came flashing back to them. 

you looked the same, but when you two approached the table, that's when they saw it and shock spread all over their faces.

azriel couldn't believe what he was seeing.

he didn't know what he was expecting to see at this meeting, but it wasn't this.

it wasn't the golden ring that you and lucien had matching on your left hands informing him that you were married that shocked him.

it was the small and round belly that your free hand was resting on and the sweet vanilla scent that was filling the air — the scent of yours and lucien's baby. 

"apologies for our delay," lucien started, then looking in your direction with a smile continued "someone had a big appetite this morning," he ended with a laugh.

you looked at his gaze, a genuine smile on your lips "shut up," you whispered.

lucien grabs the back of your chair, pulling it to give you enough space to sit. "thank you, my love."

you said while watching him take the seat at your right, making you stay seated between him and Helion.

for the first time since you entered the room, you looked at the people in front of you. "night court," you greeted with a small smile. 

feyre was the first to say, "congratulations, y/n and lucien." 

lucien spoke this time. "thank you, feyre." he rested his hand on your belly.

"how far long are you?" rhysand's voice reached your ears.

looking in his direction, you answered, "23 weeks. lucien thinks it's a girl, but i think it's a boy," you added, making rhys smile.

"i always took you for a boy mom." amren's voice surprised you and couldn't help but smile at her words.

"congratulations to you two. the mother knows you deserve it." she finished with a genuine smile.

lucien looked at azriel and elain before directing his eyes to the ancient one "yes, we do. thank you, amren."

lucien paused for a second before turning in helion's direction and continuing. “let's not keep holding on to the meeting. please go on, father." 

helion proceeded with the meeting, but azriel didn't listen to a word that was said.

he couldn't tear his eyes from you and lucien. 

there was no doubt of the love you two shared, not when it was written in both of your eyes.

he didn't miss Lucien caresing your belly and pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, passing his thumb over your jaw, and kissing your cheek after.

or how you rested your right hand on top of his on your belly while your left passed through his long red hair before resting around his shoulders and your smile while doing it.

what bigger proof did he need of your love if not for the baby you were carrying?

lucien's baby, he kept telling himself.

not his.

lucien's.

jealousy invaded his body, but there was nothing he could do.

he made his decision ten years ago, and now he had to live with it.

lost in his thoughts, he only realized the meeting was over when everyone started standing.

rhys and helion were finishing talking, and when the doors opened one more time, eris vanserra walked in with a little ginger boy in his arms.

he couldn't be more than five years old.

he looked exactly like lucien, except for his eyes — those were yours. 

azriel's heart sank, and it sank even more a few seconds later, when the little boy spotted you and lucien.

you already had a baby and you were about to have your second.

with a big smile appearing on his sweet face, the little boy almost shouted, "mommy! daddy!"

the boy jumped from his uncle's arms and ran to you.

you bend down and gather the happy boy in your arms before standing again and passing a hand through his ginger curls and saying, "hi, baby."

you peppered his face with kisses, making him laugh even more. "i thought you were having fun with your uncle," you said, looking at your brother in law.

your son pouted “uncle eris doesn't know how to play. he only wants to do the boring stuff, mommy.”

everyone in the room chuckled. eris gasped with fake hurt “excuse me?”

“elijah.” lucien chuckled and said to your son after joining your side “don't be rude to your uncle.” 

“but it’s the truth, daddy.” elijah hid his face on your neck. 

eris approached the little family with a smile directed to his nephew. "sorry. i tried to keep him entertained, but he just kept asking about you two." 

lucien noticed his older brother had paint and glitter on his white shirt and laughed at the thought of his son giving him a hard time before exclaiming, "it's alright, brother. we were about to leave anyway." 

the little boy settled in your arms and rested his head against yours, lucien started rubbing his back.

when the little boy caught the sight of his grandfather, he asked before anyone could stop him "grandpa, how was the meeting with the idiots from the night court?" 

the room went quiet, and a few gasps escaped.

at your son's words, you turned to look at Helion, now on mom's mood. "helion! how many times do we have to tell you not to speak like that in front of him?" 

the room erupted in laughter at your statement. 

the air became lighter, and helion put his hands in surrender, promising you that it wouldn't happen again. 

you gave him an incredulous look, saying that you didn't believe him.

your son wrapped his tiny arms around your neck and rested his head on your shoulder with a yawn leaving his lips. 

you rubbed your son's back while speaking to him. "C'mon, elijah. let's leave before your grandfather comes up with a new bad word for you to learn." 

“bad grandpa” your son agreed with you while earning new chuckles from the night court. 

even though he was trying to hold his smile, azriel failed. your son was too adorable.

you turned your gaze to the inner circle and gave them a smile. "it was good to see you all." 

"you too, y/n. i missed you." cassian replied.

your smile stretched before telling him, "i missed you too, cass." 

the nickname made his heart ache — maybe there's still a chance for you to reconnect.

you turned to look behind you, meeting your husband's eyes "you're coming, lu?" 

a pink blush made its way to lucien's cheeks "of course, my love."

the heir looked at his father, "we'll see you at dinner, father. night court." he said, giving the inner circle a small nod before joining you and wrapping his arm around your waist and giving a kiss to your now sleeping son.

amren spoke again “see i told you were a boy mom.”

“you're right. if this baby happens to be a boy as well, i'm gonna be in trouble.” you replied with an arm holding your son and while the other made its way to your belly.

“no, you're not. you're gonna be great.” nesta spoke, a genuine smile on her lips “we already can see you are.” she gestured to the little boy sleeping in your arms. 

“thank you, nes.” you were grateful for her words.

on your way out, you met azriel's eyes, but you couldn't find the words, so you simply gave him a nod with a small smile, and azriel returned the gesture.

when the door closed, amren was the first to break the silence "well, the mother has a sense of humor." 

everyone turned to look at her, but she focused her gaze on azriel and elain.

"you rejected them because you believed you belonged with one another only for your relationship to fail six months later. and now," she released a laugh, "your former mates found their way towards each other. fell in love, got married, have a son, and have another baby on the way. ironic isn't it?" she said with the feline smile returning to her lips. 

it was helion who spoke next, amusement all over his face, "indeed. i guess karma is a bitch."

he sent a disapproving look one more time in the direction of the two people who almost cost him his family before exiting the room.

amren's and Helion's words stung, but azriel knew it was nothing but the truth. He realized in that moment that despite your life now and how things turned out, you would never forgive him.

he had lost you forever, and now he had to live with regret for the rest of his life.

after all, you were no longer his. 

a/n: thank you for reading! i'm thinking in making a general taglist so if you wish to be added let me know.

dividers by @cafekitsune

[drippingyellow]

Normal people

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader (no outbreak/au)

Summary: Your car won't start after a long workday, and Joel comes to the rescue. At home, you shower him with love and appreciation for everything he does, easing the weight he quietly carries. The night ends in warmth, love, and the comfort of your little family.

Word Count: 3.1 K

Warnings: no outbreak, no y/n used, no reader description, no real warnings, just domestic fluff, established relationship, happy Joel, soft Joel, Joel getting the love and care he deserves, Sarah is thriving, Ellie is briefly mentioned, slight age gap, I imagined game Joel and Sarah, but you can imagine whatever you want since I kept physical descriptions to a minimum, love all around

A/N: Hello, kind people! :) This is the first fic I ever wrote, so treat her gently, for she is my baby. I played the games and watched the series, and I am the biggest Joel Miller apologist. I love that man with all my heart. I just want him to be happy and at peace, so I wrote this piece with that in mind. In my universe, nothing bad happened to him and Sarah. Joel is getting back the same love, attention, and care he gives to the people he loves dearly. Also, I had to squeeze Ellie in even for just a second. There is a slight age gap. I personally imagined reader having 28, Jole 35, and Sarah 6, but you can imagine whatever you want. :) That being said, I do hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Dividers credit: @/saradika-graphics

Of course it has to happen today and of course it has to happen to you. Today has been the longest day of your life and all you want is to get home. 

You are currently sitting in your car in a parking lot in front of a grocery store where you just finished your shift. It’s only a part-time job since you are in your third year of college and you simply don’t have time to work full time. It bothers you that you are not contributing more financially to the household and most of it falls on Joel. Sometimes you get mad at yourself because – what were you thinking starting college at twenty-five?

Today is no different and you curse yourself while putting the key in the ignition and turning it to start the car. Instead of the loud sound of your engine roaring to life you are met with the scraping and coughing sound it makes while it struggles to turn on. 

“No, no, no, no please don’t do that to me, not now please,” you plead on the verge of tears.

You try to turn it on a few more times before giving up and slapping the steering wheel with all your frustrations. Exhaling deeply to calm yourself down you lean your head onto the steering wheel. 

God, you just want to get home to Joel and Sarah. You haven’t seen her properly in the past four days – you leave the house before she even wakes up and come back well past her bedtime. You miss your baby. Joel and you met and started dating when she was only two years old and you bonded instantly. She looked like a mini version of him, only blonde and blue-eyed. 

Your parents were so mad at you. They called you insane for dating a man with a child, saying that he was only looking for a babysitter and that you are too young to ruin your life like that. Their reaction didn’t surprise you, seeing that they always judged your every decision that didn’t fit their perfect little vision of what your life should look like. That was four years ago. Since then you have been nothing but happy. Joel made you happy, your little family made you happy. Your parents still haven't fully come around but you stopped caring a long time ago. 

After calming down, you fish out your phone from your favourite tote bag – the one with big messy flowers that Sarah painted for you in kindergarten last year. Scrolling through your contacts you land on Joel's number. Your thumb hovers for just a second before you press call and raise the phone to your ear to hear it ring.

You hate that you have to bother him because he too had a long damn day. You only briefly texted each other on his lunch break and he said he was “beat like a rug on wash day”. You know that he is tired from always pulling overtime and he is trying not to show it, but you see it in the way he grunts when he sits down or the way he holds his lower back when he is standing up. You blame yourself for it because if you hadn’t started college he wouldn’t need to stress himself that much over work and bills, but he always tells you that education is important and doing what makes you happy is important. You hope you can repay him someday when you finish nursing school and start working full time again. 

The phone only rings three times before he picks up.

“Darlin’? Are you okay? Where are you? What happened?” he says, panicky with the sleep still clinging to his voice.

God you woke him up, great, you think. 

“I’m sorry that I woke you up Joel. I’m okay, my shift just finished and I was about to leave but the stupid car won’t start and I tried to turn it on a couple of times and it just sounds worse and worse and I-”

“Honey calm down, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay. I’ll come and getcha,” he cuts off your anxious rambling. 

You take another deep breath, “Okay.”

“Alright. I’ll be over there in 10. Lock yo’self in your car and wait for me, it’s late,” he says to you while grabbing the keys of his truck and heading towards the door. 

“What about Sarah? Ellie already left,” you suddenly remember that the next door teen who likes to babysit Sarah for some extra allowance left home hours ago. 

You hear Joel's steps slow down but then he answers after a short pause, “Don’t worry about it. She is sleeping and we’ll be back in no time. I locked the door.”

You feel even more guilty now but nod anyway and say your goodbyes.

You slump back in your seat and wait. True to his word, 10 minutes later you hear Joel's truck before you see it. He parks next to you, exits the truck and comes to your side just as you unlock the doors for him to open them.

“Hi,” you breathe out as he leans down to kiss your forehead.

“Hello darlin’,” Joel says as he stretches out his hand to help you out of the car, “let’s get us home.”

“Yes please,” you smile tiredly as you get out and drape your arms around him. 

“Tommy and I will take care of the car tomorrow morning. Grab all your stuff and put it in the backseat of the truck while I take just a quick look under the hood,” he says, hugging you back and running his hand affectionately up and down your back.

You move away from him and work quickly to transfer everything you had in your car over to his truck while he grumbles looking over the engine. 

Just as you put your last bag in the back and closed the door he slams the hood of your car down and shakes his head.

“That bad, huh?” you question while giving a dry chuckle.

“It ain’t all bad but it ain't good either,” he walks towards you, “You are free tomorrow, right? No classes and work?” 

You both get inside the truck when you answer, “No, thank god.”

Jole nods and looks at you giving you a small smile when you yawn. Your yawn triggers his own and then you both laugh. Joel starts his truck and pulls out of the parking lot onto a nearly empty street. You turn on the radio and some soft country song starts playing and Joel instantly hums along with it. 

You smile and turn your head towards the window looking out and drinking in the beautiful colours of the street lamps against the dark. You feel your body relax and your eyelids begin to feel so heavy, you try to fight it because Joel asks you something but the warmth of the truck takes you under. 

Next time when you open your eyes you are in your driveway, your car door is opened and Joel is pressing soft kisses all over your head and face while murmuring sweet nothings to wake you up. 

“Honey I’m so sorry to wake you up but I can’t carry you inside today. I pulled my back pretty bad on the job and I can barely carry myself,” his hazel eyes filled with regret bore into yours. 

“No, it’s alright baby, you know I hate when you exert yourself. Besides I am a big girl and I can do it myself,” you said mimicking Sarah's voice and stance.

“Oh so that's where she's getting it from,” he laughs, closing the door after you get out and walks behind you as you unlock the front door.

You grin at him once you get inside and lock behind yourselves, “No idea what you are getting at.”

Joel chuckles and shakes his head, “You shower and I will make my famous microwave lasagna.”

“Mmmm my favourite,” you laugh, “and after dinner I’m giving you my famous back massage.” You hear him hum back in response while you climb upstairs to your bedroom to get some clean clothes. After grabbing some clean underwear and Joel's shirt you claimed as your sleep shirt you stop at Sarah’s bedroom. Quietly you step inside and sit on her bed. 

You softly speak to her while bruising stray strands of hair from her face, “I hope you had a good day at school today. Daddy and I are so proud of you. You are our big and brave girl. I love you so much.”

Kissing her forehead you softly stand up from bed and tiptoe out of her room closing her bedroom doors behind you. Slowly you make it to the bathroom and quickly take off your clothes and get into the shower. A relieved sigh leaves your lips as the warm water cascaded down your body. You quickly wash and dry yourself and head downstairs to see Joel already sitting at the table waiting for you.

God I love this man, you think to yourself.

As you get closer to the table he looks up and motions for you to sit. You don’t need to be told twice because you are starving. You sit opposite of him at the table and you both dive straight into lukewarm lasagna. You don’t speak but you occasionally look at each other over your forks.

Once you finish eating Joel moves to stand up and take the plates to the dishwasher but you get up first and gently push his hands away, “Now you go shower and I will do the closing shift in the kitchen.” 

Joel's eyes soften when he looks up at you and he just silently nods. That’s when you know that his back was really killing him because on any other day he would fight you on that and say that you need to rest and study or not to worry because he's got it covered.

That's what he always does, he always puts the needs of others before his own. You love that he is caring, you just wish that he would redirect some of that care to himself. You know that will never happen and that's exactly why you always want to do everything in your power to make his life a little easier. You hear the shower go off and that snaps you out of your thoughts. With newfound lasagna-powered energy you make quick work of cleaning the kitchen and loading the dishwasher before turning it on.

Turning off all the lights downstairs and checking the door once more you climb up the stairs to your bedroom. Just as you sit on the bed Joel comes into the room still slightly wet, hair slicked back and with a towel hanging around his waist. 

“You look so delicious like that,” you smirk while tapping his side of the bed, motioning for him to sit down.

Joel laughs and sits on the bed reaching for your face to pull you into the kiss, “Now darlin’, don’t start something you can’t finish.”

“Right back at you, mister Miller,” you say before closing the distance and kissing him.

You both sigh into the kiss – your first one of the day – and the clock reads 11:40 pm. Days like this are the worst but thankfully tomorrow is Saturday so you both can recharge and relax. 

You pull away first and softly guide him to lay down on the bed. Joel cocks his eyebrows at you and you playfully roll your eyes, “Don’t get it twisted, didn’t you say your back was killing you?”

“I never said it’s that ba-” he cuts himself off with a groan as he fully lies down. 

“Mhm, right. Turn on your front while I get massage oil. Do you want lavender or eucalyptus?” you ask, standing up and rummaging through your drawer.

“Whatever you want,” he mumbles while turning himself to lay on his stomach.

“Lavander it is then,” you say as you settle back on the bed. 

“Honey you don’t have to do this, I know you are tired as well and-“ you kiss his shoulder and say, “I know I don't have to but I want to. I love you and I want to ease your pain just as much as you want to do the same for me.”

He looks at you and relaxes under your gaze, “I love you too”.

You kiss his shoulder once again and move to straddle his thighs. Having settled over his towel-covered thighs you open the oil bottle and pour some in your hand to warm it up. 

At the first contact of your hand and his lower back Joel hisses like you just burned him. “If it is too painful I will stop,” you still your movements. 

“No, it's alright, I can take it. I think it just needs to be worked out,” his voice was half-muffled by the pillow beneath him. 

“Yes it does, but tell me if it becomes too much,” you reply as you start moving your hand in firm circular motions on his lower back.

He hisses and grumbles some curses you can’t make out but eventually as you move up his back the sighs and moans of pleasure slip past his lips. 

You are tired but you love this. You love him, love touching him, making his life a little easier. 

As you massage his shoulder blades, you lean down and kiss right between them. You pepper his spine with small kisses and then you move up to his neck and head. Laying kisses everywhere you can reach and you feel him melt underneath you.

Joel is never the kind of guy to ask for anything but you know what he craves - attention and care, your attention and care.  

“You are the best man I ever met Joel,” you say between the kisses.

“You are so selfless, so caring, such a good dad and a great partner,” your hands, now mostly dry, move to massage his head and lightly scratch his scalp.

“You take such great care of us. I appreciate everything you do. I appreciate you showing up and being present, you being our protector and provider. I appreciate you being you and I don't say that enough.“

“I love you with all my heart and I can’t imagine my life without you and our little girl. I hope one day we will have a chance to make our family even bigger because the world needs more of you Joel,” you stop massaging him and move to get off of him but he turns on his back, catches your wrist and pulls you down to sit on his lap. 

Joel sits up and puts his hardworking muscly arms around you and crushes his lips so hard against yours that all the air escapes your lungs. You quickly regain your senses and pull your body flush against his as your hands find their way back to his head. 

You both pull away gasping for air and when you look at him his eyes are a little glossy. “Thank you,” he says and you nod because you know what he means.

You go in to kiss him again but he speaks before you can get to his plush lips, “I don’t want you to work anymore,” he says while looking over your face. 

You sigh and drop your head because this isn't the first time he has suggested that. It's not that you don't want to quit, god knows you do, but you just don't want to be a burden. 

“It would be good for you and you could spend more time with Sarah and all you would need to do is study,” he says after you were quiet for a moment too long.

“How about we talk about that in the morning?” you say, before giving his lips a soft kiss. 

“Yeah we can do that baby,” he replies, returning your kiss.

“Do you feel better now?” you ask as you get off of him so he can dress himself in his sleep shirt and boxers. 

“I really do, you have magic hands,” he says, winking at you while he gets under the cover.

You giggle as you stand up and go to the bathroom to brush your teeth. Soon after you join him under your blanket. You both lie on your sides staring quietly at each other. He reaches for your face again and kisses you once more. Returning the kiss happily you drape your leg over his hips and begin pulling yourself closer to him but just at that moment you hear the door to Sarah's room open and soft footsteps come your way. 

Pulling away from each other you both look at the doorway where Sarah stands, all sleepy clutching her giraffe plushie. 

She squints at the only light in the room, a lamp on Joel's bedside table, and steps further into the room until the light no longer bothers her.  

“What’s wrong honey?” Joel asks.

“I had a bad and ugly dream. The monsters were chasing me and I was too slow and- Can I sleep with you and mom?”

“Of course you can baby, hop in,” you say, pulling the covers back. 

She climbs over you and settles in between the two of you. You both cuddle her until she calms down and begins to feel sleepy again. 

“Tomorrow I’ll guard the room so you can sleep in your big girl bed once again, okay babygirl? You know what we talked about, you need your sleep and mommy and I need ours.” Joel gently explains to her.

Sarah agrees sleepily. She turns and curls up into your side and you half-whisper to her, “Can I join you in your big girl bed if daddy starts snoring like a tractor again?” 

She giggles and nods her head while Joel dramatically puts a hand over his chest, “I do not snore that loud.”

“You do,” both Sarah and you reply at the same time which results in more giggles while Joel still pretends to be hurt by this whole exchange.

“You girls are always teaming up and bullying me,” he says, turning to switch off the lamp next to him. 

”No, we love you daddy,” Sarah says before falling asleep like a light. 

You and Joel just look at each other and smile softly before looking down at the small girl between you.

You both kiss her head and then each other. You put your foot between his legs and hug the small girl closer to your chest, wishing Joel a goodnight. 

“Goodnight honey,” Joel says with a small smile on his lips. He closes his eyes and thinks to himself, Yeah, I’m the luckiest man in the world.

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Serendipity

❥Yandere Park Seonghwa x fem reader

➯a/n: happy seonghwa day ! drumroll please 🥁🥁🥁 this is the beginning of hwa and his baby's story !! holy shit am i excited to share this, this is the plot that i had in my head the whole time writing the first fics of this au and i knew i wanted to write it but i was just never satisfied until now. this has been in my head for two years, enjoy the ride !

Baby Series (this is the first part chronologically)

✃... "I didn't feel anything. Not a thing. Because he had it coming. He hurt My Baby." ... ✃

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: yandere (lowkey a romance turned horror)

✫彡wordcount: 12k

♫"You're my baby, say it to me." Mitski, I Bet on Losing Dogs

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: hwa is CRAZY FFR, slow burn that kicks into overdrive, reader is an age regressor, ignoring red flags, they smooch, enjoy before it goes downhill 😭 panic attacks, insinuated sh(not reader), past abusive relationship, drugging, detailed recount of murder. only briefly proof read

✩index: little space- a regressed state of mind where someone feels like a child. little / age regressor - a person with a little space. caregiver - someone who cares for a little, usually their significant other. hyung - a close male friend older than you, used by other males.

♫"Since the creation of the universe, everything was destined. Just let me love you." Jimin, Serendipity

➯disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and does NOT represent a healthy little and caregiver relationship, or a healthy relationship of any kind.

MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

It was most likely a mistake on Seonghwa's part to be here. If there was a single photo with his face in it, it would most probably mean the end of his career. But he couldn't help himself. It was something he was always interested in.

    His members say he has a natural caring aura about him, and they aren't wrong. Something in his brain tells him to care for everyone and everything, especially things he finds adorable.

It's still considered taboo in Korea, but even taboo things have their place in the world.

With a mask over his face, thick rimmed glasses, and a cap; he bit the bullet and entered the convention. He saw a post about it online, urging littles and their caregivers to come and support small businesses that made things within the community.

Although he had no use for these things, no little of his own, he figured it would be a good place to get a feel for the community.

It was surprisingly busy for how much stigma was around the entire idea. People were polite to one another, treating everyone like a good friend. It was different from the rest of Korea; where people kept to themselves for the most part.

He was simply admiring the different variations of bottles made to fit in a bigger hand when he saw it —

    When he saw... you.

    At the booth next to him, biting your nail as you looked down at the array of pacifiers with a look on your face that would make anyone think you were making the most important decision of your life.

    You were... you are breathtaking.

    Against his best judgment, his promise to himself to stay under the radar, he speaks up, "big decision?" 

     You jump up a little bit, placing a hand against your colorfully striped t-shirt. You look him up and down.

    "Sorry," he gives you a bow as he steps closer, looking down at the display with you.

    "Ah, it's okay," you smile, shifting on your feet, "yeah, I'm having some trouble. I promised myself I would only get one but they're all calling my name."

   The little laugh in your voice has his heart thudding wildly, and he passes off his deep calming breath like he's thinking over it as well; bending to get a better look.

    "Do you," he clears his throat, "maybe you could ask your caregiver?" Please, say you don't have one. Please, say you don't have one. Please, say you don't have one. Pl-

    "Oh, I don't have one," you give him a half-smile, looking him up and down once more. He looks well put together and something about him draws you in. He smells like the Earth after it rains. You want to talk to him more. "Your little must be missing you." Please, say you don't have one. Please, say you don't have one. Please, say you don't have-

    "I don't have a little." He pauses before shaking his hands, "not that I'm here to try and find one! That would probably be weird, I'm just curious! No- not curious, I know I want to be a caregiver but-"

    Your precious laugh cuts his rambling off, "hey, it's okay, no judgment here," you gesture around, "clearly."

    "Ah," he nods; thankful that his mask is hiding his embarrassed blush, "it's my first time at one of these things... could you tell?"

    "Oh, yeah, immediately," you look down with a smile on your lips.

    "That obvious, huh?"

    "You stick out like a sore thumb, man."

    He laughs along with you, resting his elbows on the glass display case. "You fit in pretty well, though. Can I ask, how long have you been... been little?"

    "Hmm," you have a thoughtful pout as you look away from the case and at the lanyards on the sides of the pop up walls. "Four- eh, five years soon. How long have you known you want to be a caregiver?"

    He's happy that the conversation flows naturally, maybe it's your bubbly aura or your sweet personality. "Long time," he thinks to the first time he ever accidentally cooed at one of his sleeping members, "seven years maybe? I've always been drawn to taking care of people."

    "That's what makes a good caregiver. Always putting others first," you giggle, tapping your baby blue nails on the glass, "eh, if I can't decide by now I probably shouldn't buy one." 

    "Do you have one already?" The question slips before he can think over his words, making his heart drop at the thought that that's probably too intense of a question. But thankfully you don't think anything of it.

   "Yeah, but it's about time to replace it. They get worn down even if you take good care of them," you explain for him, resting your cheek in your palm as you meet his gaze. "How much do you know about this stuff?"

    "Oh, well," he whispers, looking away from your intense eye contact, "not much, admittedly..." He'd only read a few articles and followed a few pages, and he didn't think he'd be in a relationship with a little anytime soon so he hadn't invested time to deep diving.

    "Do you want to walk with me? I can tell you about it, if you like."

     "Really?" His head pops up quickly, and he sees you holding back a laugh at his eagerness.

    "Yeah!" You nod, giving a last peek towards a light pink pacifier before turning away, "can't have you wondering around here lost, right?"

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

"So you don't?" Seonghwa tilts his head as he looks at the large onsies on display, the cute patterns making him smile under his mask.

"No, my little age is a liiiiittle too big for onsies," you laugh, "see what I did there? Ah, I'm hilarious." You look around, spotting a sign for one of the small businesses you know. You jump, quickly running over.

Seonghwa blinks in confusion for a moment before running after you, his long legs catching up with you easily.

"Miss Lee?" You peek around the stand, flinching back into Seonghwa's chest as the older woman pops into view, picking up a receipt she had dropped. "Ah!"

He quickly wraps his arms around your shoulders, similarly startled. When he notices, he quickly steps back and pats your shoulder instead.

"Oh, (Y/n)! Good to see you!"

"Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack," you joke, thankfully not noticing or caring enough about Seonghwas semi-hug to say anything. You slide into the make shift store, giving her a warm hug. "I didn't know you would be here."

"Last minute decision," she pats your back as she lets go of you, looking towards the man, "who's this?"

"Oh," you smile as you remember his presence, "this is Hwa. He's new to the whole thing, I was showing him around, answering some questions."

"Hello," he bows to the older woman, and she leans forward with a questioning expression.

"Why you wearing that? You a serial killer or something?"

You freeze at the old timers suspicion. It hadn't even crossed your mind.

"No, no, no," he shakes his head quickly at your weary face, "God, no!" He laughs nervously, looking around. Thankfully, Miss Lee's booth is in a further off corner because of her last minute attendance. And he doesn't know why, but he doesn't want his time with you to end.

So, he pulls down his mask. "Not a serial killer, I promise. I'm just... shy about this."

You smile lightly as you take in his features for the first time. Miss Lee tuts her tongue and waves her hand, "no reason to be shy, you're a pretty boy."

He pulls it back up quickly after giving you a smile which makes your heart melt.

"(Y/n), I have something for you! I was going to drop it off at your apartment if I didn't run into you," she's oblivious to your small flirting moment as she quickly changes the subject, opening up a box.

"Ah, I didn't order anything," you shake your head, helping the woman lift the heavy container onto the chair.

"I know, but the person who did cancelled on me, and I immediately thought of you. Their measurements are a bit bigger than you, but I know you like things baggy anyway, angel."

Seonghwa rests his arms on the pink dresser she has at the front, looking on with curiosity and smiling at the woman's kind words to you.

"Are you sure you couldn't sell it-"

"I want you to have it- ah, here it is!" She sets a folded up sweater into your arms. It's a pastel purple fabric that even looks soft to the touch, and he can tell it is by the way you rub your finger tips over it with a happy sigh. As you unfold it, you see her delicate embroidery on the front in a thin cursive. 'Baby', it says, the y at the end curling into a heart.

You pull it over your head without another moment of hesitation and hug the woman again.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

You lead Seonghwa with a new hop in your step, the large sweater bouncing with each of your excited moves. He can see why you like it, it makes you look adorable. He can tell it makes you feel that way, as well.

Your naturally happy personality is doubled by something as simple as a big, soft, sweater. It's fascinating. The psychologically behind all of this is intriguing to him.

"What about those?" He points to some plates with little separated areas, different cartoons and patterns on them.

"Hm?" You halt and come back to his side, "ah, lots of littles have sensory issues — just like kids do. When the food touches a different food it gets all icky." Your nose scrunches up at the thought, so he asks.

"Do you use them?"

"Oh, yeah. If my foods touch it's like they're contaminated. I know it's silly, b-"

"I don't think it's silly."

You look up at him, a soft smile gracing your face. "No?"

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

He sits facing the wall, thankful to let his face get some fresh air without the fear of anyone seeing him. Especially now that he's with you.

There's a cafe across the street that you suggested after showing him almost everything to see; neither of you ready to part ways just yet.

"Tada~" You slide into the seat across from him, offering him his drink that you kindly paid for even though he insisted he could do so.

"Thanks," he smiles, happy that you can finally see his expressions when you smile back wider than before.

"No problem!" You watch as he takes a sip and chews on the boba with a pout on his lips. "Good?"

"Mhm! You were right," he quickly goes for another, making you chuckle as you sip on your own drink.

"So," he leans forward, "besides all of... that," he gestures to the busy gathering across the road, "what do you do?"

"I work for a law firm." His eyes widen, making you laugh loudly; he clearly wasn't expecting that. "In the filing room," you clarify, pushing up the long sleeves of the sweater and groaning when they fall back down.

"Ah, okay, sorry! I didn't meant to seem so shocked," he sets his drink down, motioning for you to bring your arm forward, "may I?"

"Thanks," you lift your arm out across the table, watching his fingers closely as he rolls up the fabric neatly, "uhm, what about you?" He pauses, and bites his lip as he reaches for your other arm. "Wait, you aren't actually a killer, are you?"

He huffs a laugh, shaking his head as he makes the sleeves even, "I'm uh... I'm in the entertainment industry."

"Oh, why are you so-"

"I'm an idol." He finally blurts out.

You stare at each other for a long moment, your arms dropping to the table with a thunk. "Huh?"

"I'm an idol. My name is Seonghwa, not just Hwa. I'm in a group called ATEEZ and I don't know why I'm telling you all this but I can't get my mouth to stop!" He slaps a hand over his mouth with a groan, thanking his lucky stars that nobody else is in the cafe and the worker has their headphones on.

You tilt your head, eyebrows pushing together. "No, you aren't," you shake your head, "no way! I see ads for that group everywhere, I would recognized y...ooooh." Your jaw drops as he holds up his phone, a picture of their latest promotional poster on the screen. Sure enough, there he is. And here he is, too, in front of you. "Shiiiit, damn!" You thud your head onto the table. "I thought I actually had a chance with you." It's your turn to blurt something out.

"... What?"

"What?" You parrot him, suddenly realizing what you said and sitting up stalk straight. "Wow, that was really inappropriate of me-"

"Can I take you on a date?"

You blink in surprise, daring to look him in the eyes. He looks as sincere as anyone ever has, his eyes glimmering with hope. You take a long sip of your drink before throwing your head back dramatically, "ugh! How could I say no to that?!"

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

A couple of days later, your phone pings at work. With nothing to do, you bring it out from your pocket.

    HWA SENT TWO MESSAGES.

   You smile down at the device as you open them up.

    7:47AM. HWA SENT A MESSAGE. Okay, have a good day at work!

    9:16AM. HWA SENT A MESSAGE. Do you have plans tonight? My schedule opened up, I was wondering if I could give you that date?

   You tap your nails against the back of your phone as you think.

    9:18AM. YOU SENT A MESSAGE. i'm free after work ! what time were you thinking ?

    As soon as you sat it down, it buzzed again. "This guy," you laugh to yourself.

    9:20AM. HWA SENT A MESSAGE. I was thinking we could eat dinner together. What time do you usually eat?

  

   9:21AM. YOU SENT A MESSAGE. usually around 7, how does that sound ?

   9:23AM. HWA SENT A MESSAGE. That sounds good. Is it okay if I come to your place? I can bring whatever you like.

    You hesitate for a moment, biting your thumb. You don't know him that well. Inviting a stranger, a strange man, into your home was usually always asking for trouble.

    9:25AM. HWA SENT A MESSAGE. Sorry, that probably was weird of me to ask. We can find somewhere!

    Your anxiety is replaced by a smile as you type back quickly.

    9:25AM. YOU SENT A MESSAGE. no, that sounds good ! it would probably be hard to find a quiet place on a friday. i'll send my address to you in a bit !

    You slam the phone down and ignore the buzz as he texts you back after a few moments; staring ahead with wide eyes as you realize you just invented a man over to your home. You doubted he would try to take things further than a cheek kiss; even that was a big maybe. But it was still nerve wracking.

   But then... you think of the gentle way he rolled your sleeves, and the way he blurted out the truth to you against his better judgement. His smile, his pretty eyes.

    "Ugh!" You slam your head onto the desk. "I almost wish he was a serial killer."

    "What?!" Your coworker yells from the corner.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

    "A date!" Your best friend, Yejin, repeats for the third time in thirty minutes as you both rush around to pick up any mess in your apartment. 

    "Yes," you roll your eyes as you toss the broom at her.

     "A daaaate?" She laughs at your exhausted face, tired of her teasing.

   "Yup," you turn back around quickly, fixing up the pillows on your little sofa. "I'm already nervous, okay?"

    "Why didn't you go to a restaurant? I really didn't expect to go from not knowing this guy existed to cleaning your house so he can come over!"

    "Don't worry about it," you tut your tongue, rushing to pick up your coloring books and shove them into the box in the corner.

    "Does he know-"

    "Yes, he knows I'm an age regressor."

    She nods, suddenly having a more serious look about her.

    "What?"

    "I was going to ask does he know about Namsun..."

     You throw the last book with a sigh, sitting on the floor. She knows it's a sensitive subject, but she doesn't know how much this guy actually knows about you. She really didn't know you were even talking to someone until a few hours ago. But apparently he was trustworthy enough to invite over. "No..."

    "Are you sure it's a good idea to have him over so soon, Babe?" She crouches next to you, looking at you intently, "what do you even know about this guy?"

    "A lot..." I watched some of his videos, you want to say.

     She sighs, patting your shoulder as she glances at her watch. "It's almost seven, you should get ready." She knows there's no stopping you.

    There's no stopping destiny.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

      Seonghwa sets out the multiple styrofoam boxes on your short coffee table, sitting cross legged on a pillow you offered him. "Sorry, again," you say as you come back from the kitchen, handing him his choice of drinks after you'd called them out to him. "My dining table got broke like a year ago and I haven't had the time to replace it."

    "It's okay," he smiles, any time spent with you will be perfect, he wants to say. Way too soon for that, he knows. Instead, "thanks for agreeing to eat here. We can just relax, not worry about others."

    "Yeah, I get it! It must be hard to just do normal things when you're a celebrity." You hum as you hand him a plate, setting one infront of you as well.

    "Celebrity," he snorts a laugh, covering his mouth quickly, "sorry..."

    You laugh, shaking your head, "what? That was cute." You suck your lips in as you realize what you said, similarly looking down shyly. "Anyway! Let's eat, where's this from?"

    He takes a sip of his drink to calm himself before looking up and responding as he watches you open the boxes. "It's from a place called Lin's Express, I go there a lot with- hey, won't that bother you?" He pauses as he sees the flat plate infront of you, remembering the way your face scrunched up at the thought of food touching each other.

    You look down, blinking at the dish for a second before clarity hits you. "Oh, I forgot you know about that! I usually just deal with it when I eat with others."

    The thought makes him a bit sad. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable just for the satisfaction or ease of others who don't understand. "No," he shakes his head, picking it up and placing it in your confused hands, "I want you to be comfortable. You should use one of your plates."

    You tilt your head as you look up from the plate, meeting his eyes. "Really? I mean- that won't make you feel like you're eating with a kid?"

    He shakes his head, quick to reassure you, "I know you're really an adult. I'm in your apartment, why would I think you're a kid if you eat from a divided plate?"

    "Yeah, I guess you're right," you smile, quickly going to the kitchen and exchanging your dish. He takes the moment to look around, taking in your style and the various pictures on your walls. From his spot on the floor, he can't make out a lot of them; but they seem to be different sceneries and some family photos.

     One of them catches his eye more than the others, it's of you and another woman your age on your left. The person on your right has been torn away and replaced by another photo; one of a beautiful sunrise taken high up. You were clearly trying to remove the person from the photo. But their hand is on your hip.

     "Better," you sit with a little sigh, not noticing his gaze on the photo as you finish opening up the few boxes.

    He looks away quickly when he feels you look at him, smiling over at you. "Good," he hums, picking up the chopsticks you provided him, "I want you to be comfortable with me!"

    "Thanks, Hwa," you mirror him, gathering some noodles onto a section of your plate, "Lin's Express, you said? Smells good!"

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

      "You did?"

    You both lay on your backs on your living room floor, stomachs full and hearts content as you tilt your heads to look at each other.

    "I did! It was terrifying," you chuckle as you recount the day that you and Yejin swam with sharks, "I can't believe I let her convince me to do that! I mean... they were basking sharks, totally harmless, but still!"

    He laughs with you, "I would have freaked out the second I saw them. It's in our nature to be scared of things that can kill us!"

    "That's," you slap his shoulder playfully, "exactly! Exactly what I said! But she said it would be good for me to do something thrilling to feel empowered."

    "She sounds like a good friend," he thinks back to the picture, his eyes flitting to it, "is that her?"

    "Uh?" You follow his eyes, "yeah that's her! We've been friends for like... nine years now? Going on a decade."

    "Can I ask," he hesitates, "what happened to the rest of the picture?"

    "Oh," you roll over onto your stomach, folding your arms and resting your chin on them. "I guess that is kind of a weird thing to see hanging in someone's house..."

    He sees your mood faltering, so he places a hand on your arm gently, "you don't have to tell me. It can be a story for another day."

     "Thanks, it's definitely a 'another day' type of story," you lean and kiss his knuckle before sitting up. You don't notice the blush on his cheeks or the way he holds his kissed hand to his chest. You stretch your arms over your head and look at the ticking clock. "Woah, we've been talking for four hours!"

    "What?!" He sits up quickly and surely enough — the clock reads fifteen past ten. "Oh, shit," he scrambles for his phone, left face down on the table, "sorry, I promised my members I'd check in every so often."

   "Oh, crap! I told Yejin the same!" You dive for the couch, and aren't surprised to see a barrage of messages and missed calls from your friend. The most recent of which reading:

    9:45PM. JINAH SENT A MESSAGE. OKAY THATS IT IM CHECKING YOUR BLINK TO MAKE AURE HE DIDNT DRAG YOUR BODY OUT

    9:51PM. JINAH SENT A MESSAGE. dude, if you're getting laid right now and not DEAD IN A DITCH I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF

    10PM. JINAH SENT A MESSAGE. please don't be dead in a ditch

     You quickly reply to tell her that you're in fact alive, chuckling as you see her go back and forth with herself trying to figure out if you're dead or just 'getting the pipe' as she put it.

     Seonghwas voice pulls you from your phone, "Dude! Would you stop face-timing me while I'm trying to type?" He frowns at his phone before looking up and giving you an apologetic look.

     "Dude!" The man over the device mocks him, "would you answer the fucking phone so we know you're not being help captive?! You asshole, what were you doing for four hours?"

    "We were just-"

    "Holy shit..." The tone of his voice makes Seonghwa try to stop him before he can say something embarrassing.

     "No! No, no, Wooyoung-" Try, that is.

    "Yah, guys! He was just getting laid!"

     Seonghwa drops the phone, hiding in his hands.

     You burst into laughter, your head tilted back with the force of it. He looks up, watching with a fond glint in his eyes as you cover your mouth with your arm, sound still managing to escape.

     "Oh," the man on the phone whispers like he isn't being projected through a speaker, "oh, fuck, Hyung... can she hear me?"

    "Bye, Wooyoung!"

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡ 

     The next date is a week later, and he says he's more than happy to host you as it would be nearly impossible to find a quiet place where you wouldn't be noticed on a Saturday.

    He opens the door with a big smile, relief flooding him as he sees you.

    "Hey, Hwa," you smile up at him, shifting your weight on your feet.

    "You look adorable." He says it before he even realizes it, but he doesn't regret it one bit.

    To the untrained eye, you're just in a girly outfit with your hair moved out of your face to fight off the heat.

    But Seonghwa has been reading up on everything to do with age regression, even more than before now that he's talking with you. Much more. Anything remotely little space related, he would bookmark.

    One thing he remembers most clearly is about how littles can try to comfort themselves in public. With things that could be passed off as something else if they were questioned about it. Things like coloring or drawing and saying it's meditative. Or fidget toys, you could easily say help with anxiety. Or like right now, you're wearing more 'childish' clothes that could be passed off as your style or vibe.

     "Oh, really?" You look down at your outfit shyly. You wanted a little bit of extra comfort in a new place, so you made yourself feel small with your choices. "Thank you."

    "Yeah," he sounds almost breathless as he looks you up and down for the umpteenth time.

    "Who's at the door?" Someone yells from within, breaking his trance.

    "Sorry, come in, come in." He quickly ushers you inside, "you can just put your shoes over with ours, here." He takes them for you, placing them on the racks with multiple other pairs.

    "Thanks, Hwa," you look around the apartment, unaware of how the nickname makes his heart flutter. You never stopped calling him that even after he told you his full name. "What did you have plan-"

    "Ah!" Someone yells as they exit the hallway, their eyes immediately on your unfamiliar face, "who is this?!"

    Seonghwa's body reacts before his mind again, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and holding you to himself as you both get startled; just like the first day you met. "Jesus, Wooyoung!" He scolds the other man, letting out a sigh. "What are you doing? You scared the crap out of me," he rubs your shoulders briefly before he lets go of you, "you don't even live here."

    "Me scared you? You're the one who brought a girl over unannounced! What if I was naked?!"

    You cover your mouth as your giggles threaten to come up, looking between them as they go back and forth.

    "I told the people who actually live with me, that-"

    "Well, I didn't hear about this!"

     "Because you don't live in this apartment, Young-ie! And why would you be naked?!"

    "I'm-"

    "Will you-"

     "Hey, you must be (Y/n)," another man greets much more politely as he comes out behind Wooyoung, giving you a bow which you quickly return.

    "(Y/n)? Like first date was five hours long (Y/n)?" Wooyoung gets slapped with realization, "oooooh! Sorry, sorry," he nods quickly, smiling your way. 

    "Yeah, Hyung told me and Mingi she would be coming over." Seonghwa gives Wooyoung a look that screams 'told you.'

     "Nice to meet you," you bow again, standing by his side like you're afraid to move away.

    He's internally freaking the fuck out at the fact you're really here, even more so that you're being so nice to his members even though one of them just jump scared you and only a week ago insinuated that you slept with him.

    "Sorry about-" Wooyoung clears his throat, "yeah, sorry."

    "Are you thirsty," Seonghwa ignores the two of them and looks down at you, "I saw that you walked here, it's a pretty long way."

    You have butterflies in your stomach at the thought of him watching your location, making sure you found your way to him safely. "Uhm, a little bit."

    "Come on," he grabs your hand gently and leads you, "sorry about them. I diiid warn you."

    Wooyoung and San watch you disappear into the kitchen, the younger tilting his head. "I didn't know Hyung was into girly girls. Ow! What was that for?"

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

"Do you see this piece?"

His floor is covered in an array of Lego pieces, he sits cross legged on one side of the pile and you're laid on your stomach on the other.

You turn your instruction packet to face him, still searching.

You're making a bouquet of flowers, and he's making a vase for them to go in; talking about random things that come up as you go.

It been about two hours and you're both on your final pieces. But you can't find one of the long green sticks that the bodies of your flowers go on.

"Uhm," he looks around the few remaining pieces, pouting, "no, I don't."

"Dang," you close the book with a small huff, then a shrug, "we're missing one of the stems! One, two, three..." You count the ones in your hand again.

"Hmmm," he looks over the flowers you made and picks one up carefully. A black dahlia. "Maybe, I can keep this one? And you can put the rest on the stems?"

You slide up to sit on your knees and think for a second. "Smart! I was just going to use a straw or something, that probably wouldn't have gone too well," you laugh, gently putting the remaining flowers onto the sticks while he carefully sets the dahlia on his desk.

"Creative, I like it," he smiles as he watches over you for a moment. You move the plastic flowers into different places in your hand, trying to figure out how to arrange them.

You're doing something so simple, mundane.

But Seonghwa thinks you're the most beautiful girl in the world in that moment.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

"Food!" Comes a muffled yell from somewhere in the apartment.

You and Seonghwa were laid side by side on his bed, his fingers tracing yours as he listens intently to your stories and shares his own.

"Uh?" He picks up his phone and looks at the time, his eyes widening, "oh, the time got away from us again," he chuckles as he shows you. It's already 8 in the evening, when you had arrived sometime around 3 in the afternoon.

It feels like time doesn't exist when he's with you. Nothing does.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry," you sit up quickly, and he comes with you.

"There's nothing to apologize for," he reassures as he sets a hand on your back softly, "uhm, since you're here, if you want to, why don't you eat with us?"

"That's sweet, but I'd feel like I'm intruding." You pick up your bag where he hung it off the back of his chair, straightening out your clothes. "I had a really good time-"

"Come on, Baby. You have to eat, don't feel like you're intruding."

You stop in your tracks, bag half on your shoulder. "...what?"

He swings his legs off the edge of the bed quickly, looking at you closely. Did he say something wrong? Did he push your boundaries? Fuck fuck fuck fuck, fix this!

"Sorry, I just meant that we'd be more than glad to have you eat here! It isn't a problem at all, I-"

"Baby?"

He slaps a hand over his mouth as he recalls his words, quickly standing and bowing to you over and over as you stand there star-struck. "I'm sorry, (Y/n), I didn't mean to call you that, it just slipped out! Please, forgive me."

He pauses when he feels your hand on his shoulder. He's scared to look up, but he does anyway.

And he's immediately relieved.

You're smiling down at him, "it's okay, Hwa. I can be your Baby." You lean and give him a modest kiss to his cheek before pulling away all too quickly and putting your bag back on the chair. "Let's eat, yeah?"

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

The table has a comfortable atmosphere around it as you all eat and talk together.

You hear all kinds of stories about the man you're now officially dating, ranging from hilarious to heartwarming.

He sits beside you, chin in his hand as he watches you talking with his members; a smile stuck on his face.

San and Mingi, his roommates, tell you jokingly to be careful about messes because their Hyung is a neat-freak. Wooyoung apologizes for his behavior and then immediately gets his hand smacked with San's chopsticks as he tries to sneak a piece of meat from his plate. Yeosang, who only came over to get a charger, ended up staying when you and him clicked.

"You seriously don't know any of our songs? You didn't look us up? I find that hard to believe," Yeosang eyes you kiddingly, "in this day and age? I bet Seonghwa Hyung looked you up. Am I right?"

Seonghwa tears his eyes from you and looks up at the ceiling, "uhhhm, no! Nope." His voice is high and clearly he's lying, so you shove his shoulder lightly.

"Yah, no way! Psh, jokes on you. There's much more information about you online than there is about me."

"So, you did Google him?" Wooyoung smirks from across the table, leaning over it.

"Well-" Your mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish out of water before they start laughing. "Can you blame me?! I mean, c'mon! Look at him, I had to know if I stood a chance!" You groan, covering your face with your hand.

Seonghwa places a hand on your head as he leans towards you in his laughter, his eyes shut as he presses his forehead to your shoulder. Mingi is about to fall off his chair at the look on your face as you got caught red handed. Yeosang punches your other shoulder gently, "I knew it!"

"Okay, okay! I did look him up but I didn't full on stalk him! Just like... the basics. Like what he probably saw about me when he was doing the same thing!" You laugh with them, leaning back in your chair.

"Ah," he sighs, wiping his eyes as he leans back into his own space, "so we're on an even playing field, you think?"

"I know how to tell!" Wooyoung jumps up, slamming his hands on the table.

A few minutes later, you and Seonghwa sit side by side on the couch, a piece of paper and a pen for each of you curtesy of Mingi.

It's starting to rumble with thunder outside, so you figured you'd stay and wait out the storm. April showers. That's all it is, it should pass within the hour. Plus; you're having a good time.

"So, we're writing down the answer for each other, right?" You question, twirling the pen in your fingers, "so if you say, like, 'favorite movie' I would write what I think his favorite movie is?"

"Yup! Ready? Birthday?!" He starts slamming you both with questions, San and Mingi chuckling as Yeosang watches with his cheek in his palm; curled up in an armchair.

Birthday, zodiac sign, favorite movie (because of course he stole your question), favorite weather, parents names, the list went on until you both ran out of space on the papers.

He switches your papers, and tells you to grade each other.

Seonghwa smiles as he sees that you know the answer to almost every question besides the more obscure or personal ones.

Your eyes widen as you put check mark after check mark to his answers. Do you really talk that much? Did you really tell him your mother's name? You have been talking almost nonstop for a month, whenever you both were free almost all of your free time went to texting or calling. But did you already mention your love language or was he just that observant? When had you talked about your fear of the dark?

"Hwa..." You whisper, calling their attention, you feel a bit of a shiver down your spine but you attribute it to the air conditioning. "Are you sure you aren't a serial killer? How do you know I'm afraid of the dark?" You force a little huff of a laugh, peeking at him. The others look at him curiously.

"Hm?" He looks at the paper and blushes a bit. "Oh, I uh... I admittedly had a look at your Instagram, I saw that a lot of your pictures were taken in a light night, so I guessed..."

It's quiet for a second.

"Wow, you're a creep, Hyung!" Wooyoungs outburst breaks the thickness in the air, making it comfortable once again.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

"It doesn't seem like it's going to clear up," Seonghwa sighs as he clicks off the weather channel, looking over to where you stand at the windows, watching the storm crash down on the city.

It was just you and him in the living room, Yeosang and Wooyoung returned to their own apartments and San and Mingi retired to bed.

"Ah, I should call Yejin and have her pick me up so you can get some rest." Before you can go to retrieve your phone from the table, he stands up.

"You don't have to do that, Baby," he hums, rubbing your arm gently as he sees the worried look on your adorable face, "nobody should be driving in this, it's too dangerous. You can sleep here, take the bed; I'll sleep on the couch-"

"No, no," you shake your head, looking down, "I can't possibly do that. I've already-"

"I promise it's okay." He stops you, looking down at you sincerely, "we could call it a sleep over." He cracks as smile as you giggle, gesturing with his head down the hall, "come on, you can wear something of mine to sleep in."

You thank him again and again as he gathers you something that will fit, even give him another kiss on the cheek before you close the door to the bathroom to change.

He changes while you're in the bathroom and then sits down on the edge of his bed with wide eyes. He can't believe he got you to stay. He can't believe you're going to sleep in his bed. He can't believe you've kissed his cheek... twice. He can't believe you believed his bullshit lie about Instagram.

Truth be told, the first time you hung out; he snooped. He 'accidentally' opened the door to your bedroom instead of the bathroom. He learned as much as he could in as little time as possible.

When you come back to his room, his heart feels like it simultaneously stops and beats a million miles per hour.

The sleep pants he lent you fit a little awkwardly but you look comfortable. The sweater you had brought with you just in case hides your hands as you fidget with them nervously.

His back straightens as he looks you up and down. "Wow..."

Just like before. It's something mundane. Domestic. And —

"You look so beautiful."

He only realizes that he said it out loud because your eyes widen. Then his do. It's a staring contest of sorts.

"Sorry." He blurts out. "Actually," he takes it back, "I'm not sorry. I mean it. You're beautiful."

Your ears feel red hot, "s-shut up," you laugh lightly as you set your folded up clothes with your bag.

When you turn around, he's right behind you. "Oh my!" He snuck up on you in what seems like a millisecond, quiet as a mouse. But he's looking down at you like a hawk. "Hwa, is-"

"Can I kiss you?"

The question comes seemingly out of nowhere. But it's been on his mind since the second you entered his room for the first time.

You feel sunburnt everywhere as your blood rushes, licking your lips when your eyes copy his and look at his plump lips as he looks at yours. "Ye-"

His lips crash into yours, his hands hesitating before he brings them up. His finger tips graze your cheeks softly before his palms slowly cradle them, holding you tenderly as your lips move together without hurry.

He leads you to the bed, falling on his back and letting you crash onto him as your lips refuse to part from each other.

Your hands find purchase on either side of his head, and his find their way to your hips.

Your entire body is on fire. His entire being is set ablaze.

Your bodies start to move against each other in tandem with your lips as your mouths part, allowing one another to get your first taste of each other.

He's already addicted.

So he's thankful when you pull back, panting, and whisper, "stay with me."

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

April is gone and in comes May. You've been dating Park Seonghwa for just over four weeks when he shows up at your door on a random Tuesday.

A random Tuesday that you just so happen to be home sick on.

"Hwa," you whine as you open the door, "I told you not to come over. I don't want to get you sick."

He simply smiles and lifts up a plastic bag on his fingers, "Lin's Express?"

You immediately turn around and head back inside, "come in, then."

"I thought so," he laughs airily, closing the door behind him, "have you taken any medicine, Baby?"

"Uhhhh," you groan on as you fall back into the couch were you've set yourself up, "couple of hours ago, but I ran out-"

"Wham!" He grins widely as he places a bottle of cold medicine on the coffee table, from the bag that had been in his other hand.

"H- wha-" You stutter, "how in the world do you know me so well?"

He shrugs playfully, taking off the seal before handing it to you, "here you go."

"Thanks, Hwa," you down some quickly before falling back across the couch, watching as he sets out the food. "Why aren't you at work?"

"I know you haven't felt good for a few days so I asked to record my lines first, so I could come take care of you as early as I could."

The words, you don't know why, they make you tear up. When you sniffle, he looks up quickly.

"Baby?"

"You're so sweet," you wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, "I think I'm still in denial."

"Denial?" He asks quietly as he shuffles to the couch on his knees, rubbing your side softly. "Denial of what?"

"That you chose me to be with. You could have anyone you want, and you're here. You- you're here. Taking care of me when I'm sick."

He pouts, leaning his head down on the armrest to mirror yours. "I don't want anyone else."

Your brows push together. He sounds so serious.

"I don't want to be anywhere else. With anyone else. I only want to be with you. You make me feel... peace. Peace that I haven't felt in- in... ever." He won't tell you this, but after the first night you spent at his apartment; he took a walk to the river the next day and threw his razor blades in the rushing water. You gave him the relief that they used to provide. And you did it so softly. "I don't want anyone else. I want you. I chose you."

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

You don't know how it happened, but after that, you found yourself falling into your little space.

    Maybe it was a mix of his loving words and soft touches as he helped you sit up and eat. A mix of exhaustion and emotions pushing you to go to your safe space.

    You never went there with him before. But no matter how hard you fought it, you still found yourself feeling tiny.

   You've both talked about it a lot, about what you did and how you felt and what you wanted. But you were still scared to let someone in after what happened last time.

    He notices you biting your lip, deep in thought as he rinses the dishes. "Everything okay, Baby?"

    Damn his favorite nickname for you, making you shrink even more. "I think, uhm," you look around, picking at your gingham pajama shorts. They're too rough for your increasingly fragile state. "Oh, I'm having a panic attack." You realize, stating it nonchalantly.

    "What?" He quickly turns off the faucet, drying his hands on the way to you, worry clear on his face. He stops a few steps away, wanting nothing more than to embrace you as he watches your breathing get shallow and sharp, but he knows better than to crowd someone having a panic attack from his experiences with his members and himself. He crouches and tries to meet your gaze, but your eyes are going too fast from place to place. "Baby, look at me, please?"

    Your eyes stop their incessant scanning of the rooms, landing on him with tears pressing against your waterline.

    "What can I do to help you, right now?" Clear and soft questions. He doesn't want to make you go deeper into your panic.

    "I n-" You heave, fingers still picking at the rough fabric of your shorts, "I need to change." You settle on, abruptly standing up — only to get dizzy and fall back down, Seonghwa's hands outreached; having been ready to catch you.

     "Okay, okay, can I pick you up? Is that okay? You're not in a place to walk," he approaches gradually, keeping his hands visible.

    You nod without a second thought. The panic attack you forced yourself into in the midst of fighting yourself officially put your mind into little space.

    You hold onto him tightly as he gently and slowly wraps his arms around you and lifts you up. Your arms lock around his neck and your legs around his waist.

     He makes the trip to your room quickly, even though he wants to revel in the feeling of you clinging to him; he knows it's not the time.

    You hesitate to let go of him when he sets you on your bed, a small whine leaving you that makes his heart tug as he lets go of you.

    "Which drawer, Baby?"

      You point. The one on the bottom.

    When he opens it, he starts putting the dots together on what made you freak out. This drawer seems to be dedicated to childish looking clothes of all kinds. He was making you fall into your regression.

    He bites back a smile as he moves to the side and lets you point again. He knew it was only a matter of time, especially with the way you froze when he first called you Baby. Especially with the way he was purposefully being extra caring while you were sick; having read that age regressors often went to their safe place when sick or stressed. 

    He successfully gathers what you wordlessly ask for, and sets the clothes on the bed next to you, "do you need help, Baby?" Another whine leaves you, and you struggle with yourself for a moment before nodding.

     Finally, he thinks as he helps you into the Tinkerbell themed pajamas.

    Finally.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

   When you manage to calm yourself down with the help of Seonghwa's soft humming, he finally asks (though he already knows the answer), "do you want to tell me what happened?"

You're feeling so nice and fuzzy-headed when you finally stop fighting yourself, you almost don't know what he's talking about. "Oh... I was scared." You decided on a simple answer until you're prompted more.

And prompt he does, "what were you scared of, angel?"

You melt into the way he's holding you as he lets slip another sweet nickname. You don't want to think about that, but the logic in the back of your brain says that he deserves to know.

He waits for your brain to catch up and find your words, rubbing your back slowly and looking at you intently.

"I was scared that you would be like... like a bad daddy," you sigh, playing with the fur on one of your stuffed animals. "But you aren't. He was a butthole."

The way he chuckles makes you move from your place on his chest, and you giggle at the feeling. "A butthole?"

"Yeah!" You sit up, groaning as your sick body protests. You look down at him, and he can see the change in your mindset. Your eyes are a window to your soul; and right now your soul is small and putting all of your trust in him not to squish you. "But you aren't. You're... the best."

"Are you feeling small, Baby?"

You bite your lip. He notices you do that a lot in little space, even in the short amount of time it's been. "Yeah..."

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Please say yes. Please say yes. Please let me stay. Please say-

"Yes. If you want to?" Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please don't leave me-

"Of course I want to."

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

    It's beautiful outside about a week later. The park has people few and far between because it's a weekday, you used a vacation day to spend it with Seonghwa.

    His job made things harder to work around, but you were more than willing to hop around weird schedules and hidden dates.

    The sun is beginning to set on the horizon. It paints the sky pink and orange. Birds are flocking together. The leaves and flowers blow with the gentle breeze. You're sitting on some cement steps next to a large tree.

    "Are you one of those people who bruise easily?" He asks out of nowhere.

   "What?" You look over at him with wide eyes. Lately, if something he says even has a hint of anything strange in it out of context; your body goes into fight or flight. You blame it on your trust issues, getting used to being in a relationship again.

    "Do you bruise easily?" He repeats himself as he gestures to the mark on your arm.

    "Oh," you sigh a laugh, rubbing over the bruise, "I guess I am. I hit it on a filing cabinet yesterday."

    "Awe," he leans and kisses it softly, "My Baby needs to be careful."

    "I'll be careful," you smile as you rest your forehead on his.

    These past two months have been beautiful. You're starting to think you've met 'the one'. Besides the little overbearing things here and there, or the strange look in his eye when you get too casual with Yeosang, Seonghwa is the man of your dreams.

    He even suggested that you called him 'Mommy' while in little space so that you never connect him with the 'Daddy' who mistreated you. He says he likes it better that way, anyway. He always been more traditionally 'motherly' when caring for others.

   You can't argue with that. He really is. Soft, and nurturing, and beyond attentive. And his eyes light up when you say it.

    "Give me a kiss," you implore him, fingers dragging through his grown out hair gingerly. You'll be sad when he has to cut it. He lets you put it in pigtails and braids. He lets you play with it until you both fall asleep whenever you spend the night together. It's only been a few times, but it's the best sleep he's ever gotten. He finds it hard to sleep without you most nights, now.

    "Can't say no to that," he rejoices as he cups one of your cheeks, bringing you in close and kissing you just the way that makes you putty in hands.

    You sigh into the kiss; leaning to follow him as he pulls away, making him chuckle, "we're in public, Baby."

    "Mh, let's go to my place."

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

    You get a message from him during the work day the day after that. He should be busy. You are busy.

    You get another. Your phone is lying face down on your desk as you make copies.

    It goes off quite a few times.

    When you finally sit down, your eyes widen.

    HWA<3 SENT SIX MESSAGES.

    TWO MISSED CALLS FROM HWA<3.

    You open them up quickly.

   1:32PM. HWA <3 SENT A MESSAGE. Baby, don't freak out

   1:32PM. HWA <3 SENT A MESSAGE. Just promise you'll stay calm, okay?

   1:33PM. HWA <3 SENT A MESSAGE. I swear to God, I'll take care of this

   1:35PM. HWA <3 SENT A MESSAGE. You're busy at work? I hope so

   1:35PM. HWA <3 SENT A MESSAGE. Don't look online. Don't read any of it, okay?

   1:37PM. HWA <3 SENT A MESSAGE. I'll meet you at your place

   "What..." You look at the time. 1:52. There was still hours until the work day ended.

    Against his text, you open up Google. You pause for a moment. He didn't even say what happened.

    You type in his name, and go to the news section. Your eyes fill with tears immediately.

    All of the latest news articles are about his girlfriend. About you. Thankfully your name isn't on any of them. Thankfully your face is blocked by his in the picture of you sharing a kiss.

    No. No. No. No. No. No.

    You almost forgotten that this was a possibility. You were so wrapped up in his love that you forgot that his entire life is public.

    Against your better judgment, you click on the comments under one of the articles. Some say how cute you look together. Some speculate if you work in the industry. Some are mean.

      You shut off your phone and walk right out of your office building.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

     "She doesn't want to talk to you yet."

    Seonghwa jumps up from his spot sitting leaning against your apartment door. He'd been there for hours. He knocked for a long time. But he didn't get any answer. Your phone went straight to voicemail for a while.

    He comes face to face with the woman who was in the torn picture with you. A few years older, sure, but that's her. "Yejin, right?! Oh my god, is she okay? Did you talk to her? Please-"

    "She's not. She called me to come over and help her with figuring things out."

    "Figure-" He stutters, "what? I'm her boyfriend, I'm the one she should be 'figuring things out' with!"

   "Look, you seem like a good guy. But she isn't used to being in the spotlight. If I had known you were an idol, I'd have smacked her silly for even thinking about dating you."

    He's frozen in his spot, eyes sad and posture slumped.

    "But... she's been really happy with you. I think she just needs some time to, uhm, process. After everything she's been through with Namsun, at least give her that." She seems to notice the confused look in his eyes. "Oh, shit, she hasn't told you..."

    Her phone pings.

    "Is that her?" He jumps, "please, tell her to answer me-"

     "Give me your number."

    "What?" He's more confused than before, but he types it into her phone as she swipes the spare key from the top of the door frame.

    "I'll text you when we're done talking. She really likes you, so you deserve a chance. I'll tell you what she says. But for the love of God," she unlocks the door and steps in, "give her some space."

    

     He only catches a glimpse of you in the living room as she retrieves her phone —

    Before the door is slammed in his face.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

    Time passes. Agonizingly slow.

   Seonghwa got a text from Yejin that said you were still trying to sort your thoughts. And that was all he got.

    Ever since you met, you hadn't gone a day without speaking.

    Now it was bordering on 48 hours.

   He was sitting on the couch with Mingi and Hongjoong, his best friend trying to console him as all he did was stare at whatever was on the television. He hadn't eaten, and he certainly hadn't slept. He'd barely moved.

   Just stared at his phone and waited.

  When his phone pings with a soft and bright tone that he set specifically to you, he throws himself off of the couch. The sudden movement makes the others flinch. He hadn't even lifted a finger in the past two hours.

     He falls to his knees as he grabs his phone, reading the message immediately.

    No...

   The words can't be real, they can't be.

   You tell him that you enjoyed every second with him, that you think he's the best person you've ever been with. But you can't be with him. Not right now. You aren't meant for the spotlight. He is, though. And he should enjoy it. But you can't be with him and have a clear conscience when you know that your very presence in his life causes issues in his career. And you certainly can't deal with the pressure of always being under a microscope. He's strong for being able to handle it, you say. You tell him that maybe in the future you can be together again, or in a different timeline. And at the very end —

    love, your baby

    He loses his fucking mind.

    His phone, which has been being squeezed progressively tighter; finally shatters in his hand. "Hyung!" Hongjoong yelps, stepping forward to make sure he's okay, "what-"

     A scream of pure heartache rips through the apartment. The building. The entire street.

    Mingi slams his hands over his ears and grimaces, looking at Seonghwa with a mixture of sadness and fear.

    He's had episodes like this before. Fits of emotion that couldn't be contained. They usually ended in destruction, but they didn't usually start with it. They didn't start this fast. It was always a slow build of moments when he would become snappy, irritable. They'd grow closer and closer together until one day he just lost it; he couldn't hold himself back anymore. And then destruction would begin.

   But he skipped all of that. A few minutes ago, he was staring blankly at nothing in particular — now he's smashing his fist against his broken phone, yelling.

   Not a lot of words manage to form on his tongue, just shouts and yells of "no" that tell Hongjoong and Mingi to back up because things are about to get uglier.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

     You manage to drag yourself to and from work the following two days after you officially broke things off with Seonghwa. Thankfully, since your face wasn't visible in any of the photos, life continued as it did before you met him.

    You kept looking at your phone, expecting to see a message from him. You don't know what you expect it to say - what you expect him to say.

    But you guess he's just as heart broken as you are.

    It's a classic case of right person, wrong time. That's what you tell yourself over and over. Wrong time. Wrong time. Wrong time.

     On your way out of work on the third day, you get a text from Yejin canceling your movie night plans last minute. She's been your rock through it all, so you can't fault her for missing one night of plans.

    Instead, you take a long walk. A long walk. The sky becomes dark and the streetlights flick on overhead as you walk back the way you came hours before.

    You're listening to his groups music on your headphones. You weren't lying when you told them you never heard them. And it was probably a mistake to start now — because his voice does just as much to soothe the ache in your heart as it does to break it. It leaves you somewhere in the middle. But it solidifies the fact that he's born to be an idol. And idols don't date without drama. And you don't want any part of it.

    Most of the lights in your apartment building are off. The sensor light flicks on as you enter your floor, a sigh leaving your lips as you let your fingers relax around your keys.

     The lock doesn't turn when you unlock it. It's already undone. You've been a bit frazzled lately.

     "Damn it, (Y/n)," you mumble to yourself as you hang your keys, flicking the light on as you kick your shoes off. When you turn around, you scream.

    Seonghwa is there. Sitting on your couch with something sad in his eyes, mixed with something... darker.

    "Sweet Mary!" You yell, dropping your phone and bag to the floor. "Hwa?"

    "Hey."

  "H-hey?! What do you mean 'hey'?What are you doing in my apartment?!"

    He gestures to the food on your table infront of him, "Lin's Express."

    "Hwa, please... Don't make me say it again."

    "Please," he stands up quickly, tears in his eyes, "please! Can we just talk? Face to face? I need... I need to know..."

    You suck your lips in, scratching your head as you take in his appearance. He looks... well, wrecked. Like he hasn't slept a wink and he's been crying.

    You already know that you won't change your mind. But you suppose that your text message wasn't the best way to end things. You suppose it's fitting to end things where they started.

    "Fine, we can talk."

   He falls to his knees and bows to you, his forehead on the floor. "Oh, thank you, Baby, thank you, thank you."

    It's silent for a while as you eat, and you can tell he wants to say something; wants to say a lot of things.

    He waits until you're both done eating to do so.

    "I met with Yejin earlier." He says quickly. "I told her I needed closure. To know why you broke up with me."

     "What?" That must be why she canceled your plans.

    "I met her at her office. She told me about Namsun. Told me how he fucked you up so bad that you didn't even trust her for a while. Said that you were probably just relapsing with your trust issues." He speaks slowly, you can barely hear him over the thudding of your heart.

   His figure is starting to get blurry. From your tears and from... something else. Something making your limbs heavy as well. "I don't blame you for not telling me, Baby. I wish you had, but I can see why you didn't. My poor Baby had to deal with such an evil caregiver-"

    "Hwa-"

    "Yejin told me a lot, actually. She opened up like a book. I don't think she's told a lot of people, cause she went on and on. She told me how you met him in school and fell in love and let him into your safe space... your little space. And he corrupted it. Took away your comfort items when you did the smallest thing wrong. Didn't encourage you to be childish. Did nasty things to you..."

    "Hey-"

  "She told me how many times she had to patch up your wounds and help you cover bruises. She told me everything, Baby. She told me about the night you finally ended it with him. How he threw you through the kitchen table and left you for dead. She was so angry, she really cares about you. She was so angry that she cursed his full name and prayed that God burn down his place of work."

    "Why are-"

   "I went there. I went to the restaurant he works at. I got a table. And I waited. I waited until he finally clocked in. Then I sat there and watched him. When they closed, I followed him out. I followed him for a long time. I didn't know what I was going to do, I just knew it was something. He stopped at the edge of the river to smoke a cigarette. And I came up to him. He was an asshole, immediately. I asked him if he knew (Y/n). He said 'I fucked that bitch up good.' And then... I stabbed him in the throat. Again and again and again. When he finally fell over, I got ontop of him and did it more. How dare he speak about you like that, that's all I could think. I wanted to destroy him. And I... I did! I stabbed that bastards neck so many times that his head came off. There was blood everywhere. It was horrible. But the funny thing is, I didn't feel anything. Not a thing. Because he had it coming. He hurt My Baby. So I cut his fucking head off and shoved his useless ass in the river. I'm telling you the truth. I killed that worthless fuck. And I don't regret anything."

He looks you in the eyes the entire time he speaks, holding your head still by cupping your cheeks as you try to look away. He doesn't look away as you begin sobbing and hyperventilating. He doesn't look away. "Don't you get it? You told me that you believe in destiny! This is destiny. Let me love you."

You gasp for air, turning your head back and forth to shake the murders hands away from you. "Oh, god!"

"Shhhh," he kisses your forehead, squishes your cheeks gently. His hands are clean, but you know that they'll always be stained with blood.

     "Do-don't touch me!" You stand up hastily, and the world spins around you.

    "Careful, Baby. Those pills I slipped into your food can make you dizzy-"

    You fall to the floor with a thud before he can reach you. You yell and push at him increasingly weakly as your body gets heavier by the second.

    This has to be some sort of fucked up nightmare. This can't be real. This can't be happening. He can't be doing this-

    But it is. He is.

    He drags your limp figure to the couch and lays you down, wiping your tears with his thumb. "Don't worry, Baby. It's just enough to knock you out."

    "Wh-at the fuck, Hwa?" You whimper as fear finally hits you full force. Primal, bone chilling fear as your body stops listening to your commands. Your vision is spiraling and steadily becoming blurrier and darker.

    "Don't worry, Baby," he repeats himself, leaning over you. His face is the last thing you see before sleep takes you, his voice ringing in your ears —

    "I'll take care of you. Just like I promised."

❝Serendipity❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

[lohotine]

``Drunk? Not Me!``

□ Ie: What they're like when they're drunk □

▪︎ Multiple x GN! Reader ▪︎

Ft: Shadow Milk, Stardust, Black Sapphire

CW: Drunk (character), Stardust calls reader pretty but it's still GN, slight suggestive themes in Black Sapphire's, but still SFW.

-Lightly proofread

Shadow Milk

Okay. So realistically he's probably the quiet drunk that contemplates his life decisions, but I'm not trying to write someone having an existential crisis rn, so you can have the talkative one instead. That's probably better reading material anyway, right?

"Hey... 'm not even that drunk... just one kiss?" He shifts closer to you on the bed, hands snaking around your waist as your back is pushed against his chest.

"You told me not to let you kiss me because you'd be 'out drinking ambroisia with the other beasts'." You crossed your arms, not turning to face him. Was it petty? Perhaps...

To be fair; he also said he wouldn't drink that much, yet here he is, clinging to you like some lost child.

He whined and pressed his head into the crook of your neck. "Dumb mortals... Can't even taste ambrosia without dying.. so stupid."

You sighed. He really is such a loser sometimes.

Suddenly, he would perk up and place his chin on your shoulder. "Go get me water."

Rude.

"What happened to please and thank you?"

"Go get me water. Thank you."

This guy...

You ended up getting his water anyway. (He'd only get more cranky without it.)

"Here's your water." You held it out for him, to which he accepted.

"Much better." He placed the cup down on a nearby table after drinking it, a small clink sounding in the room when he does so.

"You know," he began to say, watching you sit back down on the bed, "it was pretty fun. Mystic Flour kept swearing, and Eternal Sugar passed out halfway through." He would grin at the thought. "Lightweights! Am I right?"

You nodded half-mindedly before he laid his head in your lap, closing his eyes.

It was odd, to say the least. Usually, he isn't one to initiate moments like these... being as emotionally stubborn as he is.

You'd gently run your fingers through his hair. "I'm glad you had fun," you'd say.

The both of you would remain there for a while, a silence overcoming you both. It was nice. In that moment, words weren't needed.

He then slowly opened his eyes, just gazing at you softly. He pushed himself off of your lap and gently cupped your face with his hands. "I want you to kiss me. Why won't you kiss me?" He whined once more.

"Because you were drinking ambrosia. You know, you could have just drank regular alcohol..." you mumbled, pushing his face away from yours.

He frowned at the statement. "You're so mean t'me... you know that? Burning Spice would never let me hear the end of it. Do you know how embarrassing it would be for me to drink regular wine?"

Of course that's what he's worried about.

You begin to coat his face in feathery light kisses. One here, one there. Just to hopefully get him to shut up. "Better?"

You don't miss how his gaze falls elsewhere. Or how his breath hitches slightly when you pull away. "No," he mumbles.

Liar...

Stardust

Very much a lightweight... but at least he's happy, right? He's legit so in love with you- I kinda headcanon that he makes bird noises when he's happy because his other form looks kind of like a bird- sorry, am I being weird?

"You're so pretty..." he would murmer against your ear, his stary cape swaying before wrapping itself around the both of you.

You're sure he was during it subconsciously, and it would be nice... if it weren't for the fact that he runs so cold.

"Stardust, you're freezing..."

He gives a small hum in a response, then a small sorry that's barely audible. He rests his head on your shoulder, and you can't resist the small smile that appears on your face.

Black Sapphire

You gently scratch the bottom of his chin, earning a coo from him.

"I love you," he'd say mindlessly. "do you love me too?"

The question makes you chuckle. "Of course..."

Stardust would gently tilt your chin up with his index finger. "I wanna hear you say it.."

You intertwined your pinky with his; then your entire hand, before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. You can still taste the feint residue of wine on them before pulling away.

"I love you," you'd say.

He just continues staring into your eyes, almost breathless. Your eyes seemed as though they held the entire universe in them. (Oh dear... was that too cheesy of him?)

(It was true though. At least to him.)

"I love you too..." he repeated once more. Stardust wasn't sure how many times he'd repeat that exact sentence throughout the night...

Though rest assured, him saying it in abundance doesn't make it any less true.

Tell me this man can't keep his hands off of you. He's legit so down bad. (SIMP) It's okay, me too <333

Your fingers worked to slowly remove his tie, his wings fluttering behind him at the action.

It was cute, really. How you could tell exactly what he was thinking because of them.

"Your hands always feel so good.." he'd mumble mindlessly.

"Mmmm, is that so?"

He presses a kiss to your temple, giving a small hum in response. "You should've been there..." his kisses began to trail down your neck. "-missed you."

You eye him.

"Well, someone had to stay sober to take care of you. You're such a sloppy drunk, you know..."

You could feel his grin against your neck. "I can't help it when 'm with you." One of his hands moved to grab your chin, adjusting your head so he had a better view of your neck.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" You ask acusingly.

"Just giving my significant other some well-deserved love for taking such good care of me," he'd coo. The statement earned a glare from you.

"I don't think so. Not when you're this drunk." Seriously, where was his shame? He was normally much more of a gentleman!

He released your chin shortly after that before staring at you with eyes that held very little thought behind them, though his grin remained. "Suit yourself."

He managed to behave himself for a total of seven seconds before folding once more.

"But don't you think it's a bit cruel to deprive me of any kisses? I work very hard, don't I?" He leaned in closer towards you, his nose brushing against yours.

"I suppose, but what does that have anything to do with me kissing you?"

He places his hands on your hips, sighing at the statement, "You're heartless, denying an intoxicated man of his pleasure... This'll keep me up until daybreak, you know."

You rolled your eyes. He was being dramatic again. His nagging would continue all night if you didn't give him what he wanted.

So, to much of your dismay, (but to much of his pleasure!) you ended up giving this needy man his kiss.

(He quickly stole another one from you as well, but you decided not to scold him for it.)

His wings flitted for the second time that night, and he smiled contently. "Sweet... I could get drunk off your lips instead."

"Yeah yeah," you'd mumble before finnally pulling him into bed. "Can we sleep now?"

He rested his chin on the top of your head. "I suppose..."

You closed your eyes and felt the fuzziness of sleep take over you pretty quickly. You'd never admit it to him, but you also ended up missing him quite a bit...

[silverryuan]

TWST with an Ubuyashiki Child reader (Part 3)

Warnings: Suicide, Angst

"Thy soul... Is empty."

"WHAT?!"

{NRC – Mirror Chamber}

• What did the mirror say? Empty? What does that mean? Everyone seemed alarmed, especially that Crow Demon. What could it mean?

Crowley: "Empty? What do you mean empty?!"

Dark Mirror: "Despite their soul's sharp and clear shape, it is trapped and lacks motion and color. It does not contain anything else. Therefore, it is empty."

Crowley: "B-but...! But the carriage! They brought them here...!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "I have told you already, Mr. Crowley. I was brought here by mistake."

Crowley: "Impossible! Not even in my years of teaching have I encountered a problem such as this... Oh, whatever shall I do?"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Escort me back. As simple as that."

Grim: "Ff...Fuwahh!!... If they ain't got no magic, then lemme enroll instead! I got magic! Powerful magic too! Just watch this!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Everyone, take cover!"

• As the beast breathed in a large amount of air, your instincts immediately alerted you to protect yourself. Not everyone reacted fast enough from your shout, some students' robes became singed on the outfit's edges. A tanned boy with silver hair received the most burns as he still has his rear on fire. You took off your robe (surprisingly your kimono is still intact) and ran to the boy to use it put out the fire. He thanked you with a relieved smile that reminded you of...

• .... The boy with hanafuda earrings.

?????: "Woah... thanks for... fire.....

.

.

.

{Demon Slayer Corp – Ubuyashiki Estate}

• Suddenly, you remembered the last things your father said to you. In the estate, he called you and your siblings to listen to his final orders. You could still remember his smile...

Kagaya: "I need all of you... to listen to my instructions clearly... my children..."

Hinaki: "Yes, father."

Nichika: "Yes, father."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Yes, father."

Kiriya: "Yes, father."

Kuina: "Yes, father."

Kanata: "Yes, father."

Kagaya: "That boy with the hanafuda earrings... Tanjiro Kamado... and the demon girl, Nezuko... The Hashiras... Everyone... Together, we can... Put an end to Muzan Kibutsuji. Never tell the others this... I will sacrifice myself as bait... The time is near when he will coming here himself... He is after me... Go far... Hide and be safe..."

• Your father has become weak. He can barely form a sentence without rasping and coughing. Your mother held his hand in a firm but gentle grip. She did the best she could to help him live this long, it was all because of her and your siblings' help that he will see the day that he can finally kill him. Your dear sisters and brother have tears welled up in their eyes, threatening to drop. Your mother was no different. Neither were you.

Amane: "... I will stay here with you, Master Kagaya."

Hinaki: "Me too, mother."

Nichika: "Me as well."

Kiriya: "Father, we want to stay with you."

Kuina: "We'll be here with you."

Kanata: "W-We won't leave you."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Please let us join you, father."

Amane: "Children..."

• All of your siblings gathered around and held his arms delicately, desperate to be by their parents' side even in death. The sickly man smiled and opened his bloodshot eyes. You knew that look in his eye. His final decision was made. Your tears did nothing to let him make you stay. For even if you stayed, he will face an early death either way.

Kagaya: "... You're all very kind to me... If I could hug all of you one last time... I'll die with happiness... I am sorry..."

Kiriya: "Then please let us stay with you--"

Kagaya: "No, my son... I'm afraid you mustn't... For my final orders... I need you to be a good brother... Protect your sisters... Get as far away from here as you can... I need you to be a leader... To lead Tanjiro and the Hashiras to victory... Only then we can be safe from his grasp..."

Kiriya: "B-but what if I... F-fail?... I'm... I'm cowardly... I know nothing about being leader...!"

Kagaya: "Please... Kiriya... I know how difficult of a responsibility... and heavy the weight... Of the title of leader will be... but I can no longer lead... To this day... You are the Corp's only hope... To continue guiding them... In my place..."

Kiriya: "..... I... I will do my best, father."

Kagaya: "... Thank... you.... My daughters, Kuina and Kanata... Please help your brother...Love and protect one another..."

Kuina: "... We will, father."

Kanata: "... sob... We'll do our best to help."

• Your poor brother Kiriya. Barely called a boy, much less a man. He was only a child who was not ready for the task but he is still willing to try and win. Just like him, you thought that your older sisters were more suitable for being the heads of the Ubuyashiki clan and managing the demon corp. But you thought wrong.

Kagaya: "Listen... Only me... And your mother... Shall stay here... And detonate ourselves and this estate... Everything will be destroyed... For an explosion will not be enough to kill him... But it'll slow down... His regeneration speed... Enough for the Hashiras to catch him..."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "If that's how it is... then I insist to stay by your side as an additional distraction..."

Amane: "Ubuyashiki! Child...!"

Hinaki: "Yes. Since we are the older ones, we will sacrifice ourselves as well."

Kuina: "... Sister...."

Kanata: "...sob...sob...."

Nichika: "Right. Muzan will think that it's only us unguarded. He will not think that you're willing to sacrifice us children."

Kiriya: ".........Father? Mother?"

Kagaya: ".........."

Amane: "...His vulnerability will increase if he thinks that it's our entire bloodline he will kill... Master?"

• For a split second, you can almost see your father's smile falter. You knew your father more than on the surface. He secretly had an unquenchable bloodlust that rooted from the king of demons that he hid with skill. The goal of beheading that man became his entire life after witnessing the horrible deaths of his parents and brothers. But even so, he refused to involve innocent people and preferred to live humbly. If there's a chance that comes into his life to make his plan take effect on Muzan instantly, he will grab that chance. But as a father, he hesitated...

Kagaya: ".... I can never bring myself to ask you... It greatly pains me to make this choice... I had hoped that you choose to remain safe..."

Amane: "... I deeply apologize for this as your mother, Hinaki, Nichika... Ubuyashiki ! Child... Are you sure?"

Hinaki: "We live with you. We'll die with you."

Nichika: "So you and mother won't be scared."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Yes."

Amane: ".... They are willing to stay and perish with us, Master..."

Kagaya: "... Very well then... Thank you all... My children... Remember... To never tell anyone... For the sake of me... That is my final wish... Beheading Muzan is our top priority..."

Kiriya: "Y-yes... we promise you... we will avenge you...."

Kagaya: "... Don't cry, my child... We will always be with you... Even in the afterlife... But for now... You must endure... We will see each other again... I'm glad to have all of you as my family... We love you..."

Amane: "Be strong and save the tears after victory, my dear. Please live on for us. We love you all... Very much. Farewell..."

• And with that, your younger siblings gave you a final hug and fled the estate. You, your sisters, and parents are left alone to prepare yourselves for your final moment. Your father told you to play with your sisters to face death without fear. To not mind the man who will be intruding. To spend the rest of your time in the joy of a missing childhood experience.

.

.

"..ey!.....h.....!"

.

"HEY!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "!"

?????: " Hey,watch out!"

• The same boy with the used-to-be flaming rear snapped you back to reality by quickly dragging you to the side just before the monster breathed out another wave of flames. It seems that Grim rampage is still ongoing, no one's stopping him.

?????: "Are you okay? Your sleeve's been burnt!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "I'm fine, thank you."

Kalim: "That's good to hear. I'm Kalim by the way!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Nice to meet you, Mr. Kalim. I'm sorry if this is rude but are you perhaps... human?"

Kalim: "Uh, yeah. Why?"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "I--"

Crowley: "WHY IS NO ONE STOPPING HIM?!!"

Azul: "Do not worry, headmaster. I will take care of the beast myself since no one here has the heart to capture it. Of course, I won't hurt the poor thing, that would be very cruel of me."

Floating Tablet: "That's Azul for you. Always reaping the points and showing off whenever there's a chance."

??????: "I shall also assist in handling the situation."

• A man with glasses and a short man equipped what looks like a... pen? And all of a sudden a collar appeared around the monster's neck.

??????: "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

• The beast stopped blowing out fire in an instant when it felt the weight of the collar and the tightness around its neck.

Grim: "Fnyaagh?! W-what's with this collar!... Fnyagh...! It won't let me do magic!"

??????: "That collar is my own unique magic. You can't do magic unless I release you from it. With this collar, you are simply as helpless as a housecat."

Grim: "Fnyagh?!"

Azul: "My, my. That's Riddle's unique magic for you. Very handy... I want it... but I don't want it to work on me..."

• ... ?

Grim: "Fnyaaagh! Take it off! I ain't nobody's pet!"

Riddle: "No. But don't worry, I won't keep you. It'll be a violation against the rules and your behavior is erratic."

Grim: "Fnyagh..."

[smilesatdawnmain]

Was one of the celestial enemies that attacked while Wukong was pregnant with Xue in big family Erlang?

What is Erlang doing in big family? Does he have the same "feelings" towards Macaque as he does in Taken? If so, is he super jealous of the massive happy family the monkeys have?

It was not Erlang, No. He ain't a villain in this particular AU. He also doesn't have feelings for Macaque in this one either but is still kind of jealous of Wukong and Macaque's happy family.

Mostly because he is lonely and has yet to find himself a partner. He often feels alone and longing for a family.

One day, after hearing of the many different ways Macaque and Wukong have had their children, he- in a drunken state of strong alcohol, lonely thoughts, and bad decisions, threw himself into "creating" a child too.

.....He succeeded, waking up the next morning to a sobbing infant and PANICS.

Mostly because, while he used most of his own power, he had fumbled around to his trove of ancient relics that he had confiscated over the years. Prizes and stolen treasures from people he has either defeated, told to track down by the Jade Emperor, or just won in poker games.

Essentially his own hoarding room like Wukong has.

In this room, he grabbed the first thing that would have enough power/energy stored up.

..... Macaque's Lantern.

Now, to be clear, this was not made by Macaque, but helped to amplify his powers, so he used it a lot. Erlang had gotten a hold of this lantern long ago when dragging Wukong to The celestial realm the first time- not even knowing who Macaque and Wukong really were.

Even later, Erlang chuckled that he'd give Macaque back his lantern if Macaque could ever beat him in Poker. Macaque has yet to beat him and never got his lantern back. He didn't really care for this as he had his family to raise.

So while it was just a connection to shadow magic, it still held A LOT of Macaque's energy in it from years of use.

Thus, this baby was born~

Que a freaking out Erlang who knows RIGHT AWAY, that he messed up. In the worst way. While yes the child holds so much of his own energy, it is so obvious that there is a certain Moon Monkey mixed in as well!!!

Not really planning to be a Father right this instant, but absolutely adores the child anyway, Erlang goes into a sort of hiding for a few months.

He knows this sort of situation will cause an uproar amongst the Celestial Realm- who will feel some sort of entitled claim to the child, he knows, as well as- well, Macaque.

...And Wukong.

Oh nooo Wukong.

Erlang knows that Monkey King would kill him if he learns he accidentally used his mate's energy to make a secret child. But Erlang has no idea what he is doing, and needs help

Erlang: 5 months have already come and gone. I know I cannot keep you locked in my domain behind closed doors forever. And yet... I know if I do, I will have to share you. As precious as you are, the world would fall in love so quickly, I know.

The child currently doesn't have a name or gender. I am open to suggestions~

[snugglebug-mj]

The daughter who wasn't wanted (Remake)

~part 1~

15 years ago

Y/n Sully is the oldest daughter/ child of the sullys, meaning she was neytums twin sister.

Even though y/n was a na'vi she came out smaller and her skin was a sky demon tan color with blue stripes. She was given away an hour after birth.

After 15 years the Sully's reunited with y/n but y/n has a new family, she is loved by her new family and Mo'at.

How will the sullys react?

~15 years ago~

It had been one year since the battle had ended with hells gates when the sound of new born baby cries filled the area,

Neytiri had given birth to twins, a baby girl and a baby boy. The girl came out much smaller than a normal na'vi newborn she was human newborn size, her skin was a light blue with blue strips, she had five fingers and toes, na'vi ears, nose, kuru, and tail. While the boy came out perfect.

Neytiri held the small new born looking up at Jake with unsure "Ma Jake this isn't right. She looks wrong." she started Jake shock his head "don't worry my love." he replied.

Mo'at and the other elders were very happy about the babies little y/n and little Neteyam

~Later~

Mo'at stared at Neytiri and Jake Sully in disappointment while holding her granddaughter in her arms before speaking clearly

"Daughter, Jake Sully, If you go through with handing your oldest daughter away this cannot be fixed." Mo'at said with clear disappointment

"Mother we are doing this for the clans safety and the alliances. she looks wrong the other clans might try to harm her." Neytiri said not looking at her mother

"We're doing this for our family" Jake Sully spoke making Mo'at hiss

"She Is Family Jake Sully! And in the way for ewya you do not abandoned family" Mo'at yelled at the two na'vis Infront of her, making them jump

"Listen mo'at we are sorry but we are giving her up she can not and will not stay here. I am the Olo'eyktan and my word is final" Jake said standing up

"Heed my words my daughter, Jake Sully" Mo'at growled as she stood up cradling the newborn "if you give up your daughter, the other clans will not praise you, they will shame you"

Neytiri ears dropped before looking away and cradled her son. Jake spoke again "Mo'at our decision is final now give her to me so I can-" Jake started but Mo'at shook her head

"I am still tshaik and an elder I out rule the both of you. I will take y/n away from here, she will group up in peace and she will be loved" Mo'at said as she began to walk away

"Wait mother take her song cord so can she remember her family loves her " neytiri said following after mo'at

"The family that gave her up? No but she will remember everyone and everything. You disappoint me daughter, your father and sister would be ashamed" Mo'at said walking out of the room.

Neteyam and Y/n started to cry as they felt one another being taken away from each other.

Neytiri and Jake held each other while mo'at disappeared from view.

~later~

After a few hours Mo'at finally came to her destination, the village of the Dushnikh clan a terrifying, strong, green orcish, but caring clan of Navis located in the swampy area of Pandora.

Mo'at was welcomed with open arms before they sent her to the tsahík tent, where she sat in front of another tsahík, the tsahíks daughter, and grandson

"Mo'at my old friend, it's nice to see you but what's brought you to our home without notice?" The elder in front Mo'at asked

"Leyra my old friend, my daughter had just given birth a few hours ago and she has given up on the child because she looks different." Mo'at said as she opened the baby carrier on her chest revealing a very small light blue Navi.

The elder na'vi and her daughter gasped "These young ones always think they know what's best. Did you talk to her about her fate if she does this?" Leyra said as she looked at the small child staring back at her with an incorrect newborn toothless smile.

Mo'at nodded as she looked down at the few hours old infant "yes but my daughter and her husband didn't listen.. they said they know what's best for their family."

Leyra and Mo'at stopped talking when the toddler had walked up beside Mo'at staring down at the new born who giggled up at him.

"sister" At'ok said as he giggled when the baby grabbed his finger

Zo'ile huffed "neytiri mated with a dream walker, but as soon as the baby looks different she wants to *growl*" Zo'ile froze before taking a breather

"Mo'at, mother. Let me raise the baby." Zo'ile said sitting straight up and reaching out for the baby.

Mo'at and Leyra froze before smiling "Leyra you're daughter is a true daughter of ewya" Mo'at said Leyra smiled and nodded

"That she is Mo'at" Leyra smiled at her daughter.

Mo'at gently gave the baby to Zo'ile. The baby looked so small in her hands.

Zo'ile started down at the baby with nothing but love and care for the child and At'ok was excited about the baby as well.

" her name is y/n" Mo'at said

Zo'ile and Leyra repeated the name and At'ok tried but miss pronounced it making y/n giggle even more.

"Mo'at I promise she will be protected and loved by the people, and you will be recognized as her grandmother as well" Zo'ile said as At'ok climbed into his mother's arms holding y/n as he curled around her into his mother's chest slowly falling asleep.

Mo'at smiled sadly "thank you Leyra, Zo'il." Mo'at said standing up

Leyra followed "of course my friend. You are welcome anytime."

Mo'at and Leyra hugged before Mo'at left.

Zo'ile told her mother good night before walking to her hut.

Once she got inside her hut she bumped into her mates chest

"Ma Zo'ile are you and At'ok alright what took so long?" Nawmrui asked before his eyes widden at the sight of the smaller light blue na'vi in his mate and childs arms.

"Ma Nawmrui, Mo'at had came by for a visit and she brought her granddaughter. Neytiri and her mate didn't want the baby, when I laid eyes on her I felt the great mother telling me to take her in as my own." Zo'ile said holding the baby's close

Nawmrui slowly got down on his knees to see the baby clearly, y/n had opened her sleepy eyes before giggle and reaching ot for nawmrui gently placing her hand on his nose.

Nawmrui smiled "Oh great mother has blessed us with not one amazing child but now two. I am blessed" Nawmrui said as he got up and gently hugged his wife and his two children.

The next morning y/n had been introduced to the clan and they watched as y/ns kuru was connected to their spirit tree. The tree grew brighter and the clan was overjoyed to see the newest member of the Dushnikh clan.

Nawmrui and zo'ile stared at their two children with nothing but love and care.

If the Sully's didn't want y/n the Dushnikh clan definitely did.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 30 - Surreal

@wolfstarmicrofic June 30, word count 405

Previous part First part

It felt surreal sitting around the family table with his parents and Sir Sirius. His mother had found bread and cheese and set them out for them with a cup of ale each. He felt almost embarrassed having Sir Sirius see his family's poor house. He’d always been more than happy there. His parents ensured he never went hungry, and the house was always warm in the winter.   

“You look well, son,” Lyall said, trying to break the awkward silence. 

“I look like shit, dad,” Remus answered. “Sir Sirius ordered a bath for me last night, and that’s the only reason you can recognise me.” He’d caught sight of his reflection in the bath water before he got in. He hadn’t even recognised himself. 

“I would recognise you even if I were blind, Remus,” Hope said forcefully, and Remus didn’t doubt her for a second. 

“Yes, Mum,” he said, reaching over and squeezing her hand. 

“I wish to thank you, M’Lord, for saving my dear son,” Hope turned her attention to Sir Sirius. Sir Sirius shook his head, a kind smile curling his lips. 

“Call me Sirius, please,” he said kindly. “He saved himself. I made the offer, but it was his decision to accept. I would not have been able to force him into it. So far, I am glad he accepted, as he is incredibly easy to tease.”

“Oh, he is,” Hope laughed. Remus had missed that laugh. “Ever since he was a child, he was so easy to mess with. I once convinced him that a fairy had visited because his stool had shrunk. I had Lyall make me a miniature stool. Hang on, I’ve still got it,” Hope excused herself and went over to the mantel. She opened the little box she kept on it, and lifted out the stool.

It fit in her palm perfectly. “He showed just about everyone in the village his fairy stool. He was the sweetest boy,” Hope stared lovingly at Remus, who had a beet-red face. 

“Thanks, Mum,” he winced and prayed she wouldn’t tell any more embarrassing stories from his childhood. 

“I take it he’s explained to you the reason he does not live in the village with us?” Lyall said to Sir Sirius, changing the mood of the room instantly. 

“He did,” Sirius affirmed. “And that is why we are about to embark on this quest. We are going to clear Remus’s name." 

[kelperine]

“If Jimmy was never there everyone would be fine and Curly would have a happy birthday 🎊 “ WRONG!

Yes Jimmy is a highly reactive catalyst, though switch him for any other man lacking emotional intelligence and we would have gotten the same result in due time.

Curly failed Anya because he can’t make any decisions to save his own crew due to his non confrontational nature. We can say curly loves Anya but it is clear he prioritizes Jimmy over her. He claims to be there for her and then dips the minute it goes against his idea of Jimmy. I love curly, he is my favorite, but I cannot deny that he is a silent enabler.

They were all doomed from the start. Anya is NOT a medic. Her license applies to pony express only and her job was only meant to be the occasional band aid and psych evaluation. A year is way to long to go without a proper doctor. I am in no way blaming her for anything, my poor girl did what she could with the tools she was given. “Anya would curl up with curly on his bed to comfort him after the crash” No she would not, she would sit on the floor and be heartbroken that he did not stick up for her. Let’s keep in mind that she is the only girl on this ship.

Daisuke is the only one to take responsibility, he might be the youngest but he does absolutely everything in his power to make this easier for everyone. I don’t think he has the intention of fixing everything but through being a silly little guy he makes life so much more tolerable. That’s why he dresses silly, that’s why he tries to fix the vents, that’s why he goes ham at game night to cheer Anya up because he knows that she is sad. They might be small acts but it is all that he can do and that is what matters. The whole point of it is that doing something matters.

I don’t blame Swansea for looking after Daisuke first, after all he is his apprentice and he sees him as a kid, making him feel responsible. I like to think that if given more info and time that he would have been there for Anya too.

Just saying “fuck jimbo” let’s the entire game go over your head. Jimmy is no doubt the main problem child here and he is a horrible person for what he did to Anya firstly and everything else. His redemption means nothing. He does not care about Anya. He only cares about the pregnancy because there is now a tangible reminder of what he has done. I’ve seen people say that Jimmy just didn’t want to be a dad when that is not the issue. He does not care that it is a baby. The baby being a baby does not matter, to Jimmy it is just evidence. All he does is run and we can see that by his final usage of the gun.

TLDR: Mouthwash kills 99% of germs but that 1% sure does fuck everything else up.

Don’t get me wrong I love seeing the happy art of everyone but I just wanted to deep dive into the nitty gritty

[anamericangirl]

I was raised in the church but spent my whole life feeling like a stranger in my body.

I had no knowledge of transgenderism until my early 20s.

I was suicidal and repressing who I was inside, growing a beard and a mullet and acting tough.

My faux manliness got me injured on multiple occasions. My need to assert myself into dangerous situations to prove I was a man resulted in significant loss of blood.

One day, I just couldn't take it anymore and I chopped all my hair off and shaved my face. I dyed what remained pink. I finally stopped trying to fit into a form that society demanded. As a result, I was fired from the restaurant I had dedicated 6 years of my life too.

I started to feel happy. The thoughts of suicide vanished. 5 years later in my 30s I started HRT, it was the best decision of my life.

Nobody groomed me. Nobody forced me to be this way.

Instead I was forced into a box I could never fit in.

And the worst thing is, people like you want to force everybody into one of 2 boxes, labeled penis and vagina with no regard for individualism or humanity. And you call this demand to conformity liberty and freedom.

But so long as you dictate gender expression and force people into roles that don't fit them, you will only cause pain and encourage suicide.

And also notice you were an adult when you made that decision and not a child.

You have got this all backwards, though. How am I dictating gender expressions and forcing people into roles that don’t fit them when you and the rest of the left are the ones thinking and preaching that if you don’t fit the stereotypical male that means you’re not actually a man?

I’m all about individualism and humanity. That’s why I think if you’re born male you’re a male regardless of what your personality is. You don’t have to be “manly” or macho or prove your manliness. I have never said you have to be as a male stereotype to be a man. I have never pushed what you must behave like or have interests in to be a man.

It sounds like the only one who was trying to force you into a box you didn’t fit in was you. You had this idea of what you thought was the one way a man was supposed to be and when you didn’t fit that picture you decided that must mean you were not a man.

The left is pushing that because the left is telling if you don’t fit that image you’re not a man. But that is a lie. And it is a lie that you have bought into. Because if you and the left aren’t the ones dictating gender expressions and forcing people into boxes why can’t you dye your hair pink, chop it off, shave your face and all that and not go through HRT? Why does not feeling like you fit society’s expectation of what a man is mean you have to transition to a woman? That is reinforcing stereotypes, not ending them.

As an adult you are free to make whatever choices you want but don’t pretend I’m the one causing people like you to think you’re not a man if you’re not super masculine. Don’t pretend I’m the one causing that depression when I’m saying you can be whatever kind of man or woman you want without medically altering your body because you bought into the lie that you’re not a boy because you like pink or whatever.

That lie is hurting people. It hurt you because it made you believe in order to be yourself you needed to transition to a woman when that wasn’t true and it hurts children who are made to think if they have different interests than are typical for kids of their respective genders then they’re born in the wrong body. And there are testimonies from people who have irreversible damage to their bodies because of this dangerous lie.

You say I want to force people into two boxes but you do too (it’s not force, btw, because only two boxes exist) because if you didn’t believe there were only two boxes and people have to be one or the other then you would never have needed HRT to be happy. That reinforces the idea that there are indeed only two genders. You can express yourself however you want but thinking you need to medically transition is a sign of a much deeper issue.

Don’t tell me I’m causing pain and am encouraging suicide because that’s not true and I resent that. I’m glad you are feeling better right now but 5 years isn’t that long and not really long enough to determine how you will feel about this decision long term.

And the pain and suicide you speak of is at its highest rate after transition. If I’m the cause of it, we should see the numbers higher before transition and lower after transition, but that’s not what they show. So I would suggest you start seriously questioning everything you believe about gender because some things are not adding up here.

[pxstelmxsings]

Excuse you, i need more girl dad Daryl headcanons.

Lol I need to write for TWD content as a whole. Also, as a general note here, I am using AFAB language, pronouns, and soical norms.

Girl dad Daryl Dixon headcanons coming right up!

1. Look me in the eyes and tell me Daryl wouldn't be hoping for a daughter. You can't because you would be lying to everyone. He wants his child to be a mini version of his S/O.

I also feel like he would be scared of having a son, but that's a whole other decision.

2. He tries his best to find lots of cute little girl outfits, toys, decor items, really anything he can when on supply runs. Despite it being the apocalypse, he will make sure to spoil his daughter.

3. This one applies to any sex or gender of his child; He will always aim for them to have a better childhood than he did. That is a promise he makes to his child when they are born or adopted.

4. Just like Judith, his daughter gets a nickname.I like something along the lines of little shins buster or head bunker. The whole world needs to know she is a Dixon and will beat your ass.

Tbt I think Daryl would give his daughter a bunch of different nicknames based on things she does, says, or eats. If she eats a little blueberries, then blue bear, nicknames like that.

5. Oh, he cries when she first says dada or daddy. Full-blown, happy tears.

6. You best believe he finds a hair guide book and learns all the cute hair styles. I think he would be especially good at putting ribbons into braids.

He picks buns and tight to head braids styles the most often because they are the safest styles to have with walkers and other dangerous people around.

7. This man does not understand dressing up or playing with dolls at all. The joy of it goes right over his head. But you best believe he tries his best to play along to make his daughter happy.

8. She learns weapon safety from a very young age. Even if there were no walkers, Daryl would be teaching her these skills.

9. A protective father 👏 No harm will come to his little girl for as long as he lives.

10. He learns traditionally feminine tasks right alongside his daughter to make things less stressful or scary. It actually becomes quite common to see them fixing shirts or canning vegetables together.

11. Just...in genreal, he gets more relaxed and emotionally more available because of his daughter. She wiggles him out his shell in a way no one else has been able to.

[spacerockfloater]

hi! i noticed you learnt about what ryan condal said regarding blood and cheese. it was…something. i would like to know your thoughts on the matter. though it would be completely understandable if you need sometime to gather them together or if you would rather not at all! thank you and bye!

Hello beloved, thank you so much for asking me! I’d love to share my opinion!

If anyone’s wondering, @rhaenelle is referring to this interview where Ryan Condal essentially says he believes that Blood & Cheese’s brutality and heinousness was exaggerated by the Greens in a propagandistic attempt to convince their subjects that Rhaenyra and Daemon are the worst villains ever born, hence why he toned the event down; to show us what he thinks is the accurate version of Jaehaerys’ murder.

Now, I am aware that Condal had already warned us that HOTD was going to be a feminist retelling of the events of F&B, which practically means that his plan has always been to whitewash the everlasting fuck out of Rhaenyra. So what do I think about this?

Well, for starters, I think that Ryan Condal is an excellent businessman. He knows what kind of tropes are going to make the audience engage with his show. He understands that people need a hero to cheer for and a villain to hate, therefore he removed the moral ambiguity from all of the characters and divided them into two categories: the Blacks, enlightened revolutionaries full of passion, deserving of admiration and correct in everything they do, and the Greens, pious fools with a moral superiority complex who are stack in the ways of the past and commit despicable crimes. The average viewer does not possess the intelligence to comprehend that both parties have their good and bad moments, and that they’re both correct in fighting for what each believes is rightfully theirs. Simultaneously, he benefits from the modern trends that want women in media to take revenge when they are wronged and emerge as triumphant girlbosses, because of course a white upper class woman’s suffering in a western world (or Westeros) society has everything to do with her gender and nothing to do with her personality or decisions (even if this works solely for Rhaenyra, because Alicent seems to be held accountable for every single one of her actions). Finally, it is obvious that Condal is trying to appease disgruntled Daenerys fans, so he has rebuilt Rhaenyra into this tortured martyr that wishes to change the world for the better in an attempt to make her resemble her great granddaughter six times removed.

For all of these reasons, I find it very logical that he is going out of his way to minimise the tragedy the Greens experience. It just doesn’t make Rhaenyra look good and honestly, who wants that? The producers saw how unhappy Danny’s stans were when they made her lose her shit; they’re not going to make the same mistake twice. They don’t want their show to tank like the last season of GOT did, so they’ll do everything in their power to keep the audience happy. And it’s working! What’s the last thing Condal says in this clip? “You kinda start rooting for [Blood and Cheese]!” and boy oh boy, the TB stans sure do! Literally hundreds of memes that rejoiced at Jaehaerys’ death were posted on X this week, with tens of thousands of likes. But when Lucerys died, it was presented as the most foul thing to ever happen in the ASOIAF universe. It is the TB supporters that dictate which child murder is good and which is bad, and that decision usually depends on which child came out Rhaenyra’s womb, not let’s say, the fact that one kid was a toddler that could barely walk, while the other was a teenager that laughed at the disabled person he mutilated himself.

It’s all just marketing

That being said, I want to clarify that I understand why Condal and the HOTD producers do what they do, but being a good entrepreneur does not necessarily make you a literary genius. Now, I’m not gonna explain why stripping Rhaenyra off of every character trait that made her interesting is a bad decision and that in their attempt to remove the blame from her so that they can elevate her as this righteous patron of feminism, they’re accidentally removing all of her agency and turning her simply into a victim, because I have a whole blog dedicated to that. But let’s just say that presenting Rhaenyra as this sexually liberated idol that’s incapable of evil, when in fact she’s an entitled aristocrat who’s completely at the mercy of men around her, from her father to her husbuncle, is the most performative activism move ever pulled in recent TV history, as well as pushing the narrative that Alicent suffers from internalised misogyny because duh, a woman can only be good and a feminist if she supports Rhaenyra, not when she pursues her own interests.

Ultimately, I think we just have to accept that this show is not meant for TG fans. We are not going to find any satisfaction in it. Everything that was unique and admirable about the Greens in the book has vanished. Their family dynamic is fucked up, Alicent’s children hate her, Aegon and Halaena cannot stand one another, Alicent is constantly a victim and never someone that chases her own ambitions, Halaena is very vague, Aemond appears to be more angsty than angry, Aegon is a stupid rapist, Jaehaerys’ death was turned into a mockery, Alicole was weaponised in order to make us shit on Alicent and Criston even more and so on. This show barely caters to us because we’re not making them any money.

The reason that there are more TB than TG stans is because (I’m gonna get so much fucking hate for this) most people who watch TV are fucking morons. I swear, when F&B came out 6 years ago, no one gave a flying fuck about Rhaenyra, because we all understood that everyone involved in the Dance of the Dragons was fucked up in their own way and that the message of this story, just like the general message of ASOIAF, is that nobody deserves to sit on that fucking throne. We were all in agreement about that. But then this fucking show came along and all the oblivious simpletons that swallowed whatever the producers shoved down their throats, grabbed the book and decided that “Woah, this book is obviously a critique on patriarchy and Rhaenyra is obviously the victim of the story”! As if GRRM, the man who said that he doesn’t sit down and think “Oh, I’m going to write a woman now” but instead he believes women to be people just like men, with complex personalities, would ever do that. And they just can’t believe that it is possible for book!Rhaenyra to be an evil racist classist full of entitlement! Surely it must be because the Greens are rewriting history! There’s no way GRRM, the man that created Cersei fucking Lannister, would ever make a female character that’s vicious and crazy just because she feels like it! Y’all need to sit down for a moment. I say this as a radical feminist that supports the 4B movement: you’re projecting your own ideas onto George’s work. Not all the media we consume has to reflect our ideologies, but if you think that it has to, then this book isn’t the anti misogynistic masterpiece you wish it was.

Like, when it comes to F&B, I am firmly anti Targaryen and did not wish for any side to win. I wanted them all wiped out to be honest. But when it comes to HOTD, I’m TG basically out of spite at this point.

All in all, I just think that things are going to go downhill for us from this point on. They’ll just keep glorifying the Blacks until the very end.

[youareatragedy]

What‘s scary about the death pact is that Feyre will never in her entirety of life be able to separate herself from Rhys. The mating bond made it already difficult as it was, now the death pact seals the deal completely. Imagine, sometime in the future Feyre finally faces reality. What is she gonna do then? How will she leave him. She‘s forever bound to him. Ä

Her soul, her future, her past, her whole damn mind and now her death belongs to Rhys. Someone might argue that Rhys doesn’t have anything of his own anymore too (except he does smh), but the difference is that Rhys already had lived his own life while Feyre barely got the time to discover herself in her life of 20 years.

I‘m watching Steven Universe again and Garnet tells Steven „your soulmate is your complement, not your missing piece“. Made me think of Feysand and how Feyre treats Rhys as her whole ahh missing puzzle.

Hi Anon, you are so right. Ever since I read that they made a death pact, I lost the little respect I had left for SJM and Rhysand became completely irredeemable for me. It wasn’t "we've experienced each other's death and can't live without each other so we chose this" that made me want to scream at SJM's face. It was the fact that the supposedly highest ranking leaders in the Night Court thought it was their right to do that when they owed their people their lives as High Lord and "High Lady".

And you are absolutely correct that Feyre was also a victim in this because she was a character who was too young, too traumatized and too desperate to belong. So when her much MUCH older husband took over her life, she just said yes. It’s the fact that they had a death pact and consciously made the decision to have a child. That death pact was not romantic in any shape or form. If there had been a way for them to renounce their titles and fuck off into the sunset together, it would have been different and I would say fine, go retire and make that death pact. But this wasn’t that. That death pact doomed Feyre, doomed the NC, and doomed an innocent baby who didn’t ask to be born but was forced to by his selfish parents.

Rhys is such a villain and not even in a hot way. He manipulates Feyre, manipulates his ic and manipulates the entire fate of Nyx’s life. I am always so mad at the Feysand plot in ACOSF because I don’t even understand how SJM could make Feyre so tragic when she was supposedly in her happy ending phase. I am so mad at SJM for wanting us to think it’s understandable for a barely two decades old Feyre to tie her life to a man who has lived almost a millennium just because it’s rOManTiC especially when they will face war. SJM really really needs to go to therapy.

I’m sorry, I’m rambling that my answer is unnecessarily long. The death pact and Feysand pregnancy always make me angry tbh.

[animeyanderelover]

Confession

Hey, everyone. I have something to tell you which has been on my mind since over 4 years now and which I feel like I have to get out of my chest now. I don't want to write for character x male reader anymore. There are lots of reasons and thoughts behind this decision that have accumulated over many years and now I have finally made the decision to stop writing for the x male reader entirely.

The first reason for me is that I was born a woman and that I 100% identify as one. I started this blog mainly because I wanted to write my own fanfics about characters that I love and that is why I started in November 2020 my own blog on this side. However, I wanted to be inclusive which is why I decided to add the option to ask for an x male reader as well. However, I have figured out over the years that I experience less joy writing for requests asking for a male character because deep down this never was what I wanted to write for but I denied those thoughts because I was afraid that people would think that I hate people who identify as men in fanfiction. Part of me also always thought that maybe I would be a hypocrite. I feared to open a pandora box.

After all if I write about a character who is in a happy relationship, married and has a child in canon does that make me a homewrecker? I write about characters who are still teenagers and find myself writing Nsfw about them too so does that make me a pedophile? If I write about a female character x female reader despite the character never having been indicated to have any romantic interest in another woman am I just making everything lesbian to satisfy my own desires? There are women who write about male characters who are gay in canon with a female reader and I admit to having read some of those works too so does that make me homophobic? If I were to write about something like that too because I feel attracted to those characters does that make me a terrible person? Such doubts and worries constantly held me back from getting rid of that option but now I do not have those doubts anymore.

I had a bad start in the anime community by getting involved with some weird fujoshis and their fanart. That has already led me to the decision that I won't write any Nsfw posts with a male character x male reader and with my own consciousness I could never accept to write anything Nsfw related with a female character x male reader. The truth is because I’m an afab writer I could have never inserted myself in a reader with a dick.

Fujoshis and my own preferences are only two reasons though. The last reason for me is because I have had experiences with actual men on this side who pestered me via chat that they wanted me to write for an x male reader and even though I was not comfortable with it they continued anyways. Those experiences are rare but they added to my overall conflict nevertheless. A while ago I had the "pleasure" of being graced with such a person who really wanted me to write about the women of Arcane with a male reader, a phenomenon that I know has been not uncommon in the x reader community of the series on this app. He was awfully entitled and kept whining about the fact that no one seems to be willing to write about the x male reader for characters like Jinx or Vi and that he considers my writing to be good and that I was his last hope. I have blocked him together with the few others who asked the same of him before in that arrogant and pushy way.

None of those three reasons that I have named are the sole reason for that decision, it is more the accumulation of all of those reasons over the last years that have finally led to this post. So here is my final decision:

I won't write for the x male reader anymore.

I am sorry for all those who do not belong to the entitled male reader community and still felt included in my blog but I cannot write about something I do not feel motivated about and feel no joy in writing either. To all those arrogant male readers who my read this and feel insulted, here is my own opinion. Fanfiction is fanfiction. I do not have the right to call you out for writing about male readers with female characters who are gay because I have found myself guilty on the other side by thirsting about male characters who are gay and I might one day find myself writing about them with a female reader as well.

I don't mind shippers either as long as everything is kept within a legal range because if you come up to me and confess to shipping some brainrot vomit like Sebastian x Ciel (Black Butler), Toji x Megumi (Jjk) or All Might x Deku (My Hero Academia) I will not let you anywhere close to me. And yes, those are ships that people actually support and write about!! I personally just don't care about a ship unless the series is a romance but if you just keep it normal with the gay ships I don't care if you ship something like Gojo x Geto or Jayce x Viktor. Just don't be weird and then get all offended and mad when others, including the author of the work (!!!) doesn't ship them.

However, if male readers want fanfics then you just have to build your own fandom community and do it yourself. The fujoshis have done it, the whole x female reader community has done it. You have to do the same. No one of the writers on this app has started in here with any previous experience. I for example didn't write any world-changing book series before I started my blog and I guarantee you, none of the other writers have done that either. Just don't be a fucking whiny bitch about it and get all offended about it with writers who only write x female reader.

Listen, all of us have some weird fantasies here. I myself take even the most sunshine characters and turn them into obsessive freaks who abduct the reader and kill for them. I write for dub-con and non-con which is ultimately just a euphemism for fantasising about a fictional character r*ping me. I fantasise about male characters baby-trapping me sometimes but if any man in real life were to say something to me like I have written fictional characters say to the reader I will scream, bite and get a restraining order. Does that mean that I support everything that I see online? Fuck, no. Let's be real, who does? There are people who are weird and then there are people who are just gross and I usually stay away from those communities because arguing with them will only cost you your sanity because they clearly have none. On Tumblr I usually resort to swiftly blocking such people the moment I read their content and you are free to do the same to me if you don't support my writing.

Heck, I’ve even blocked people who ranted in the tags about Yandere or dub-con/non-con content and claimed that everyone who writes and reads such posts sick in the head because I believe I did them the favor of sparing them to come across my works. Speaking from experience, such people usually don’t avoid but feel the need to insult and lecture so I probably did them a favor by doing what they don’t want to do because they thrive on being on what they view as the morally high ground. The block button is there for a reason and not just for fancy decoration after all.

It's been more than 4 years on this app for me and I have grown as a person in real life and strive to do so as I continue each year which is why I have decided to not be a pure people pleaser anymore and only write what I can accept within my own consciousness and what I want to write about. It's my blog, it's my rules and if I can be proud with what I write and accomplish on here then this is how I should continue. To anyone who has requested something with a male reader and is still waiting for it to be answered, I cannot promise you that I will still answer it so you should be prepared that it's going to be most likely deleted. I am unfortunately not the right blog to write what you want but I hope that you can find one who will fill the role that I can't anymore.

[lakesbian]

you know what. im going to follow my heart so we can move on with the wormread and just copy-paste what i said about danny in chapter 6.9 on discord with some minimal editing because it's not pretty but the general thesis is there and i don't feel like making it into proper paragraph form

okay so the thing thats fucking killing me abotu 6.9 is that danny is literally like. he tries to call taylor a nickname only her mom called her once he realizes he's fucked up bad and is trying to recover whichi s insane [because it's obviously going to be upsetting to her by reminding her of her mom being gone, and it also indicates that his fall-back for something going wrong w/ taylor is to try to appeal to her by poorly copying someone else's parenting style] and he also randomly tells her about how her mom wanted to move her a grade ahead but he wanted her to stay in school with emma to make her happy. and he's been Stewing On That despite knowing it's objectively not his fault (and i am reminded of how in his interlude he spends time Stewing about how he wishes annette were there to give advice) and he also cops up to the fact that that the whole thing about "being her parent and not her ally" (<- demented thing to say for obvious reasons) wherein he locks her in a room and demands emotional vulnerability from her even as she's becoming visibly upset & compares his actions to emma's was her grandmother's idea and then. here's the real kicker. once lisa shows up and prepares to take taylor away there are any number of actions a parent confident that they're doing the right thing for their child would normally do in response--not, like, Good actions, but things that a parent would be likely to pull. threatening to call the cops bc blah blah you're my daughter, wanting to speak to lisa's parents, any form of power move pulled over these two teenage girls but instead he speaks to lisa like she's an equal authority over taylor and seriously asks if she's "okay with this" (i should remind you of the concussion chapter where lisa is doing some insane power move shit over taylors dad covertly establishing herself as more competent at caring 4 her than him lmao) which is just like. it's so glaringly wildly obvious how this guy has Zero confidence in himself as a parent so he generally does nothing and then while he's doing nothing he oscillates btwn rationalizing it to himself as allowing her privacy/dignity, getting angry at himself/calling himself a coward, or getting mad at TAYLOR and blaming HER for not being the one to take initiation to be vulnerable with him and, like. he literally does make functional decisions prior to this for a bit! he's good and supportive at the meeting with the school board about the bullying!!! but it doesn't immediately solve literal years of distance between them that have led to taylor having to take decisionmaking for her wellbeing entirely into her own hands w/o being able to tell him about it [& having literally no route for human connection or support other than the undersiders] so he just completely crumbles on his own calls and seeks out/takes completely shit advice from taylor's grandma instead so i very much think what's insinuated here is like. especially given that he knows he has anger issues and never wants to Be Scary with them. he might have frequently leaned on annette for parenting decisions before she died and/or is really fucking haunted by the time(s) he didn't listen to her and it went wrong and now that she's gone he's just kinda floundering and trying to toss the baton for parental decisionmaking onto anyone else, including, at one point, the literal teenage girl who shows up to help taylor run away from his house. insane ! also. thinking about how taylor says her grandma (maternal) never liked her dad. that man would literally rather talk to the mother of his dead wife, who hates him, and take her advice than go 'yeah ithink im gonna keep using my own judgement for compassion towards my daughter' fucking worst anyones ever done it this guy has the spine of a twizzler it's great

...and then doing All That & severely triggering taylor's trauma from the bullying in the process completely shatters any trust he had built with her, catalyzing her realization that she wants to be able to have meaningful relationships with the undersiders & leading to her running away to leave with them! i don't think anyone can say for sure whether or not danny Not doing this would have led to taylor turning the undersiders in before realizing that she would regret it, but oh fucking boy does he make SURE she doesn't go thru with it. and it would be bad to call the cops on a bunch of systematically neglected traumatized teenagers regardless of how much crime they're doing so you know what maybe we should actually thank danny for his Shit Parenting stopping taylor from being a narc