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yeonchi · 10 months ago

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Koei Warriors Retrospective Part 10: Samurai Warriors 2 Spinoffs (Empires/Katana)

Samurai Warriors 2 Empires (戦国無双2 Empires) Platforms: PlayStation 2, Xbox 360 Release dates: Japan: 16 November 2006 (PS2) USA: 27 February 2007 (PS2/Xbox 360) Europe: 16 March 2007 (PS2/Xbox 360)

So as I stated in the last instalment, Samurai Warriors 2 Empires was released before the Xtreme Legends expansion 9 months after the vanilla game. This game also begins a new tradition of games not receiving Xbox releases in Japan. Yeah, Japanese gaming companies favour Sony and Nintendo more, yet they neglected to release Dynasty Warriors 5 Special in the West before continuing to cater to Xbox gamers in the West. Someone tell me how Japan is xenophobic towards foreigners again? Let's just get on with it.

Samurai Warriors 2 Empires

Samurai Warriors 2 marks the first time that an Empires spinoff was made and honestly, I can see why. A lot of regional warlords didn't make their debut until SW2 and if Koei made an Empires game for SW1, it'd just be the warriors of Honshū against regional generics.

Interestingly, this game has unique cover art for Japan, the USA and Europe, so I've included them all at the top of this post. (Late addition but I've also done the same for the main game as well.)

If you've already played Dynasty Warriors 4 or 5 Empires, particularly the latter, then I won't bore you with how this game works. At its heart, the game's concept, along with strategies and policies, are similar to that of DW5E, so familiarity and all that.

Thanks to being able to play as any officer, even generic officers, Kojirō Sasaki and Katsuie Shibata have been made playable in this game. Kojirō's moveset takes cues from Kenshin, Mitsuhide and the edit sword moveset (while also being able to summon a horse), while Katsuie's moveset takes cues from Keiji, Tadakatsu and Yukimura. Yoshimoto is still unplayable in this game, with the earliest campaign in Empire Mode being set in 1561, the year after his death at Okehazama.

In Empire Mode, there are five scenarios covering the whole of Japan; aside from the fictionally open Divided Land scenario, there are four historical scenarios based around the Battle of Kawanakajima, the Battle of Anegawa, the Honnōji Incident and the Battle of Sekigahara. All four scenarios have their own event battles that happen right after your first turn if you don't do anything that breaks the requirements needed for the event battle to trigger.

There is also a fifth event battle, the Ōsaka Campaign, that happens in the Sekigahara scenario from 1615 when you play as Hideyori Toyotomi's kingdom with Yukimura Sanada as one of your officers, then just defend your territories and help your allies until the time comes. If you play the battle on the Tokugawa side like Xaldin007 did, it'll be harder to trigger because you can't let any Toyotomi territory change, which is easy for the western forces (when you play as the Toyotomi) but harder for the eastern forces because they'll probably attack them the first chance they get. You can make alliances with the Toyotomi while you wait until 1615 and fend off your side's clans, or you can break alliances with some of them and surround the Toyotomi's territories. Once you win the Ōsaka Campaign, the other western clans will surrender to you and you will have united the land under the Tokugawa.

Regional unification scenarios are also available in Empire Mode, which serve as miniature versions of the main scenarios. After unifying your region, you can move onto the Anegawa, Honnōji or Sekigahara scenarios depending on what year you clear the scenario, but let's face it, you're not going to play those scenarios long enough to play Honnōji or Sekigahara. You might as well choose that from the start if you want to play it. Interestingly, if you play the Unification of Chūbu scenario, you can still play the Battle of Kawanakajima if you play as the Takeda or Uesugi clans.

Formations have been introduced as a battle mechanic, which can be gained after battles or through policies. The formation system is a rock-paper-scissors system that enhances the attack, speed or defence of the side that wins (in that order). There are three levels to each formation and having a higher level of the same formation can cancel one of a lower level. Even if the enemy uses a level 2 (maybe even 3, but I'm not sure) defence formation, you can nullify it with a level 1 speed formation. Using formations costs points and you have 120 points (out of a maximum 180) at the start of each battle, otherwise you'll have to wait until you get enough points to switch formations. Each side needs more than two officers on the battlefield in order to be able to use formations.

When you have 2-4 officers that have high friendship with each other and they're all on the battlefield while you're playing as one of them, you can execute a Multi-Musou Attack with up to all four of them, increasing the power of the attack and adding the Lightning, Ice or Wind elements to it. Familial relations and clan guardians can also execute Multi-Musou Attacks.

If an officer has served with you for at least 21 turns and you have adopted their suggested policies a certain amount of times, there is a chance that they can become a strategist or a guardian (once you have another three officers with similar conditions). Strategists can use any war ability when you're not playing as them, while guardians have double the amount of respawns plus their movement speed is doubled during a Multi-Musou Attack. Similar mechanics do exist in DW4E and DW5E, I just didn't mention them because they probably weren't prominent enough for them to be relevant to me.

At the start of a battle, an enemy officer may express an interest in defecting to your side. A mission will then pop up, which can involve something like achieving a certain number of KOs or occupying a certain number of enemy bases within a time limit. Completing that mission will allow the enemy officer to defect to your side.

Sometimes, peasant uprisings can happen and you can send an officer to suppress it or pay them money to make the problem go away. If you decide to send an officer to suppress it, you will need to complete a mission, which usually involves defeating a certain amount of enemies in a certain amount of time.

The shop is also available to be used like in the vanilla game, but it's only available in Empire Mode when you have a territory that has it, plus it costs 100 gold, a turn and you can only send one officer at a time. You can buy skills (for the officer you selected), hire free officers and buy and sell horses. Like in DW5E, weapons are enhanced with the attributes given at the end of each battle and higher level weapons are obtained by increasing weaponsmithing levels.

New Officer Mode returns, as is standard for Empires games. You can select between 13 models based on bodyguards or generic officers, with the model determining the gender of your character. Aside from the sword, spear and naginata, you can also choose from a limited number of character movesets to emulate, some which are exclusive to either gender (also if your character resembles a generic officer or Spin/Wind Ninja, you can't pick Ranmaru's moveset). If you have an edit character moveset, you can then choose what set of Special Skills to use (including one that allows you to summon your horse). Finally, you pick your voice, ability type, war ability and Self Skill, along with your crest and Musou kanji. Now, I understand not being able to change your moveset or model after you've saved your character, but couldn't you let us change the colour of the model? You allowed that in DW5E.

Unlike the vanilla game (or Xtreme Legends), officers can only go up to level 20, but if you achieve 1000 KOs in a battle, the officer you played with can get a badge, allowing you to potentially max out their stats instead of leaving them on their upper limits of the 200-300s. (Also, according to a Japanese wiki, if an officer gets the 1000 KO badge before their fourth weapon, particularly in Free Mode, they can get their fourth weapon by having that officer in their kingdom and increasing their weaponsmithing to level 4 without needing to get 500 KOs in battle. I can't be sure of this, but I just thought I might mention it, so if I'm wrong about this I'll delete this sidenote.)

Also, in the Japanese version, I couldn't name my character Hisatora Ei (頴娃久虎) because the first (and maybe second?) kanjis were missing, however I was able to do that on SW1XL. What the hell, Koei?

Samurai Warriors 2 Empires HD Edition (Sengoku Musou 2 Empires HD Ver.)

Samurai Warriors 2 Empires HD Edition (戦国無双2 Empires HD Ver.) Platforms: PlayStation 3, PlayStation Vita Release dates: Japan: 24 October 2013

So as I stated in the previous instalment, SW2E was rereleased alongside SW2XL in an HD Edition for the PS3 and PS Vita, either separately or bundled into a single package.

Aside from the improved graphics and apparent use of SW3's AI engine (along with ad-hoc multiplayer on Vita), 11 edit character models from SW3 have been added to the 13 from the original game, meaning that you can finally create an edit character that doesn't resemble a generic officer. I would have liked them to add in more character spots to accommodate at least one of each character model, but when a significant portion of the models are generic officers, I don't think fans will miss much.

I would also have liked to see this game updated to be in line with SW2XL, namely the inclusion of Toshiie, Motochika, Gracia and Yoshimoto, the unique weapons for Kojirō and Katsuie along with the C5s and C9s for all characters. The omission of these features creates a bit of a discrepancy between the two games, particularly for those who bought the single package version. And if you're worried about how they're going to record new voices, I should point out that Samurai Warriors 3 Empires was released two years before this so they can just use the voices from that, otherwise rest assured that Koei always seems to have Aoni Production on call so they can do anything for their Japanese fans.

Samurai Warriors Katana

Samurai Warriors Katana (戦国無双 KATANA) Platforms: Nintendo Wii Release dates: Japan: 20 September 2007 USA: 16 January 2008 Europe: 22 February 2008

Back in primary school, I once said to my friend, "Wouldn't it be cool if there was a Dynasty Warriors game for the Wii?" We both agreed that it would be epic. Later on, the closest thing I would play to a Warriors game on the Wii was the Swordplay games on Wii Sports Resort, which made use of the Wii MotionPlus for enhanced motion interpretation. This game was released before that and Koei haven't released any other games that would make use of the Wii MotionPlus, nor would they make use of any platform with motion controls, such as the PlayStation Move or Xbox Kinect. Even to this day, I haven't heard anything about them making a VR game, but I suppose investing in it would be too expensive for Japanese game companies like Koei Tecmo.

Samurai Warriors Katana was released in 2007 for the Nintendo Wii. The game makes use of the Wii Remote and Nunchuk; Normal Attacks with your melee weapon are performed by pointing and pressing A, while Charge Attacks are performed by flicking the Nunchuk then swinging the Wii Remote in all directions. Normal and Charge Attacks can be combined like in the other games. Blocking is done by pressing Z while timing it right enables you to perform a Power Block. When you get a ranged weapon, you can use it by pointing and pressing B, taking care to reload when you run out of ammo.

The melee weapons you can use include the katana, hammer, spear and spinning blade, while ranged weapons include the bow, rifle, cannon and boomerang. You can keep up to four of each weapon and fourth weapons can be unlocked, unbelievably enough.

Between battles, the shop can be accessed, which will allow you to upgrade your character or your weapon and purchase (upgradable) skills and items. You can have up to four items mapped to each button on the d-pad, while you start off with two skill slots which are expandable to five when you max out each stat level in three stories.

There are five Musou stories in this game with a focus character/clan for each of them - Ascendancy (Nobunaga), Swordsman (Musashi), Stealth (Kotarō), Savior (Magoichi) and the final scenario, Unification (featuring you as a ruler and is unlocked by achieving at least a B average/silver "Clear" on the other stories). In each story, you play as an unnamed character whose role varies depending on the story. Each story has five chapters and each chapter has 3-5 battles, requiring at least three hours to play.

Two other modes exist, namely the arcade-like Trial mode and the two-player VS mode. In Trial, you can enter a room of 5-12 timed challenges, the lowest tier being free and the highest costing you 2000 gold to enter. VS mode has two players play as their Miis in different race-based challenges. I can only describe briefly because nobody has cared enough to post gameplays of those modes.

This game was originally revealed at E3 in 2006 as Sengoku Action, which was intended to be a launch title for the Wii, however it ended up being delayed to its current release dates. During development, the name of this game has changed to Zan Sengoku Musou (斬・戦国無双), Samurai Warriors Wave and Samurai Warriors Slash before settling on Samurai Warriors Katana.

I haven't actually played this game myself and I won't be going to the effort of setting up another emulator to do so. From the gameplay videos I've seen however, the game does look fun even if challenging.

The characters from Samurai Warriors 2 (vanilla) are used in this game, but with Goemon Ishikawa and Yoshimoto Imagawa added, appearing in their designs from SW1 as they did in Warriors Orochi.

Unlike the rest of the SW2 series, this game is dubbed by Voicegroup, who recently dubbed Warriors Orochi and as such, most characters' voice actors are carried over to this game. Not all lines in this game are voiced (whether in Japanese or English), with some lines voiced over by a generic line. The narrators are Yukari Hikida (疋田由香里) for the Japanese dub and Karen Strassman for the English dub.

Samurai Warriors Katana is yet another one of Koei's experiments on a new and innovative console, something that would come back to bite them in the next Samurai Warriors game. But before that, it's time to bring the worlds of Dynasty and Samurai Warriors together for the first two games of the crossover spinoff series, Warriors Orochi.

#samurai warriors #samurai warriors 2 #samurai warriors 2 empires #koei tecmo #koei warriors #koei warriors retrospective #koei warriors retrospective main

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kerink · 3 years ago

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in light of people's confusion over cecil's longevity in @sexymanotd i wanted to document a bit of his history for those unfamiliar or nostalgic

welcome to night vale is a podcast written by joseph fink and jeffrey cranor. cecil gerschwin palmer is the main character and voiced by cecil baldwin.

it debuted on june 15, 2012 it reached its peak in popularity in 2013-2014

despite this, wtnv has been one of tumblr's top fandoms since staff started tracking fandom-related data in 2014

for the longest time the only thing we knew about cecil's appearance was: "He is wearing a tie. He is not tall or short. Not thin or fat." and that wasn't until episode 19 which aired march 15, 2013. for almost a full year we had no idea what cecil looked like. so tumblr's collective unconscious kicked into high gear and we did what we do best

we created a tumblr sexyman

from know your meme: "Defining traits of the archetype include skinny body type, trickster or villain role and dapper clothing."

know your meme identifies wheatley (portal 2, 2011) and the onceler (the lorax, 2012) as being likely tumblr's first sexymen. and the onceler fandom was at its peak in 2012-2013, the same time as wtnv. in addition to this, the hannibal fandom has been cited as one of the contributing factors to wtnv's success on tumblr.

so tumblr had created an archetype that worked and the wtnv fandom was made up of mostly hannibal fans - the foundation for putting cecil in a suit was there. and honestly? cecil's at work in the show, why wouldn't he be well dressed?

however, while this explains his attire it doesn't explain some of cecil's more unique sexyman features, namely the tentacles. for this we have to return to the 2014 fandom review analysis where you can see the most popular fandom at the time: homestuck

haven't you ever wondered why almost a quarter (189/923 at time of writing) of E rated wtnv fics on ao3 are tagged tentacles or tentacle sex? why cecil having tentacles for a dick is such a seemingly popular headcanon? well look no further then homestuck cultural hold over.

throughout all of this, the development of the sexyman archetype on tumblr and the rise of homestuck, one creator really stands out: kinomatika

kino was one of the most popular homestuck artists on tumblr at the time, popular for their eridan fanart. if you google image search "welcome to night vale" kino's art is still one of the first results you'll get

their design was so popular in fact it was featured in wtnv related articles from the time

and yes there were absolutely other artists giving cecil tentacles and moving tattoos at the time, but it can't be understated the reach kino had and the influence their homestuck roots had on their design choices

i recommend going through the archive of @nightvaleartclub to see how cecil used to be portrayed back in the early days. unfortunately the earliest fanart i've been able to find is july 2013 and i find it hard to believe it took tumblr a year to draw him. although, i started listening at episode 5 and didn't start drawing him until then myself so who knows...

cecil has had tumblr's heart in a vice grip since episode 1, with "20,000 posts, 183,000 blogs and 680,000 notes using the #Night Vale tag" during its first week. tumblr's love for wtnv has always been fairly genuine, from the impact the writing has had on tumblr humor and future story telling, to how wtnv paved the way for lgbt+ representation in indi media, to how it popularized podcasts as a medium for story telling, to the little comforts some of cecil's quotes still bring people today

cecil is not only a founding father of tumblr culture, but also a blorbo of the people. cecil the character in canon has a tumblr account where he posts his art and slash fanfiction.

although cecil's character has developed over time and we've come to see what a ditzy, eccentric, brat he really is, changing his status from sexyman to babygirl, cecil is absolutely a character you should embrace. and you know what... despite what i've said in the past

#cecilsweep

[ID: Images one and two are Google analytic graphs for the search terms "welcome to night vale" and "wtnv" between June 15, 2015 and January 27, 2023. They both depict very sharp spikes around 2013-2014 until the lines decrease greatly over time.

Image three is a drawing of Cecil from Welcome To Nightvale. He is white, with white hair, glasses, a third eye on his forehead, and he is wearing a suit. In the background is the silhouette of a neighborhood from the WTNV official art, a galaxy, and a moon. It is tinted purple. Image four is the always has been meme. Instead of the earth is the tumblr logo, and the text is: “a wtnv fansite?” “Always has been”. End ID] id thanks to @princess-of-purple-prose

#wtnv #welcome to night vale #sexymanotd #cecilsweep

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scalpelsister · 3 years ago

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#dude the health care system where i live for mental illness is a joke #the behavioral health center is so booked out (until december at the EARLIEST but likely march!!!!) that the nurse said my best bet was to #psych ward myself or go to my NORMAL DOCTOR to have a therapy session with her #because its THAT BOOKED OUT #by normal doctor i mean primary care like. ur normal non therapist doctor #bc she was like. not mental health professional will be able to see you in many many months so I want to make sure you can at least come in #and talk to someone who can assess your needs and make sure you get some help until then #like HUH?#i feel genuinely bad like. my dr is good with mental health but shes still a family doctor like #she has prescribed meds in the past that worked for a bit but its just like. outside of being the one to refer me to behavioral health and #generally monitoring meds she really should not be dealing with this #if i wasnt so crazy myself id want to get into behavioral health to help them out lmao #my post

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chirpsythismorning · 2 years ago

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just correcting a small detail but Finn is already 20, his 21st birthday is in December of 2023 not 2024! i personally don't want a release date that's too soon bc i'm actually hoping for good production and Love the time leading up to season releases just as much as the seasons themselves. but just technically speaking Finn would be able to drink at any premiere by the end of this year already (even though i don't think we're seeing s5 until autumn of 2024 at the absolute Earliest, 2025 is still pretty likely to me tbh)

YOURE RIGHT!

JESUS I am on the opposite of a roll today.

Why did I think it was already 2024 for some reason 😭

And I do agree! Hiatus is arguably the best time for fandom hijinks. It sucks rn bc it’s so early in hiatus and so there’s basically no content to dissect.

But once filming starts, promotion will start rolling out slowly but surely. Then once filming finishes they’ll be in post-production and promotion will really start picking up within the year leading up to the premiere, and then as we get closer to like 3 months and then mere weeks leading up to, it’ll grow exponentially.

I am hoping for either a fall 2024 release, like around the time of Will’s disappearance in November maybe? Either that or early 2025, maybe March around Will’s birthday..?

I would be a little disappointed if they waited until summer 2025, but we know how much they love summers so I am scared of that but, that would be the absolute worst scenario considering the possibility of potential delays. No later than that though!

#byler #stranger things #st5 predictions #st5 filming #st5 promo #st5 production

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swanimagines · 3 years ago

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Hi, it's me again! If it's ok, can I ask for D11 + Pin for the Freddy Carter event, please? And if you don't mind, can it be platonic, please? I always have a soft spot for platonic fics (I think you noticed this by now...) and I love how you write those!

FREDDY EVENT, send in requests for any of Freddy Carter's characters (NOT the man himself (= no Freddy Carter (the real person) x readers), only his characters)!! The event will be on for an indefinite time, if you're unsure, see if the event post is pinned. If it is, then it's still on. (Other requests are open too, but they go to my normal to-do list which I'm not able to start doing til March at earliest)

I bought 16 books at the start of the year so it's a relevant topic XD My head pounded as empty though when I tried to start this so this might feel a bit random, but I hope you like it anyway! It wasn't all about books in the end anyway, my first idea was them being in a bookshop together and Y/N buying a big pile of books but it didn't carry.

Prompt: D11. Books

Word count: 818

Your favorite way to past time, beside horses, had always been reading. You'd found a book in the library you had been drooling for months, but it had been sold out everywhere, and now you were quick into devouring it. You snuggled up at the hay shelter with a blanket as you read a few chapters more. At least you meant for it to be just a few chapters, but you suddenly snapped into reality when you realized that sun had already almost set and that you should have probably headed back to Pin's house hours ago. You hoped that his father wouldn't be mad at you, after all, he had kindly took you in when you came to visit the island from the mainland, despite not seeing you since you were no taller than a fire extinguisher. You and Pin had been best friends until you had to move to the mainland, but you had come back to visit once you saw the picture of the new Duke of the island and recognized the name.

Your stomach let out a loud growl in protest of not eating anything since lunch, and you groaned, climbing down from the hay pile.

"Y/N? What are you doing here this late? We thought you went home, almost everyone else did too," you heard a voice say from the left and you turned to see Pin. You smiled sheepishly.

"Got lost into a book again..." you replied, waving the said book in front of him. "I just get so invested in them, I didn't look at the time, and now I'm hungry. I know missed dinner, sorry."

He chuckled. "Don't worry about it, we all know how it is. I think there's some snacks in the fridge in the tack room, you'll manage with them until the morning. Come on."

You followed him to the tack room, and soon you had a sandwich in your hand and a bottle of fresh juice in the other, gratefully munching away and sipping the cold drink. Pin waited around until you had finished eating, making notes of all the work the team had done that day and after that, you mounted your horses and began riding towards Pin's castle.

"So... any exciting stuff in your book?" Pin asked after riding for a while and you snorted.

"If you keep asking for spoilers, you have soon read the book without reading it. You have to read the book, I refuse from giving away any more."

"Fair enough then," he chuckled.

The sun was setting by the time you reached the castle and you dismounted your horse and led her to the stable, taking off her equipment and giving her some hay and fresh water, before you kissed her goodnight. Pin waited you outside the stall, already having done it with Elvis. You yawned and stretched, trying to find the energy to go upstairs, change into your pajamas and brush your teeth. The thought of that all felt very unpleasant while being so tired. At this point, you weren't so sure anymore if you had been the hero in the story instead of the protagonist, at least she had done a lot during those chapters you had read.

Pin looked amused when he saw how tired you were. "Do you need me to carry you?"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "Oh stop it, I'm perfectly capable of going upstairs by myself."

He grinned and nodded towards the front door, where Arthur was already waiting for you. He gave you a friendly smile as you passed him, and you went straight to your room, brushing your teeth and changing into your nightwear. You went to bed and closed your eyes - but suddenly you weren't sleepy anymore. Your eyes automatically drifted to the book peeking out from your bag, and you sighed.

No. You're sleeping. You are not picking up the book, you'll read the whole night again. You nodded at yourself determinedly, pursing your lips and rolled over to forget about the book.

But like many mornings before, when Arthur came to wake you up for breakfast, he found you with your book lying beside your pillow, you having fallen to sleep while reading your book. So he closed the door, deciding to let you sleep for a while longer, already knowing that Pin would agree on that too. They all knew about your severe case of bookwormness, but it wasn't a bad thing. Pin liked hearing you rambling about your favorite characters, and everyone else at the stables had so gotten used to you sitting somewhere quiet with your book that it would feel weird not seeing you like that for longer than a week.

You just were part of their days, even when you hadn't been on the island for a long time now, but you had quickly grown to be one of them.

Pin taglist for Freddy event: @scandalous-chaos @brekkers-desigirl @mentallynotstableghost // send in an ask to be added, and specify which of Freddy's characters do you want to be tagged on! (This taglist is for Freddy event only, I won't take character taglists for anyone else than Freddy's characters)

#pin hawthorne x reader #pin hawthorne #pin hawthorne imagine #free rein x reader #free rein #imagine #imagines #my works #reader insert #drabble #freddy event #platonic #gn reader #pin hawthorne drabble

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scotianostra · 4 years ago

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23rd August 1305 saw the trial and execution in London of Sir William Wallace, one time Guardian of Scotland.

I posted yesterday stating the trial happened then, it came u in a source I was reading about Wallace, sometimes the historians can get it wrong, but the post yesterday served as more of prelude and a taster of todays more detailed one. Wallace is said to have accepted his execution without resistance and a brave heart. He even made a final confession to a priest and read from the book of Psalms before his punishment.

Types of execution at The Elms ranged from burning at the stake (for heretics) to the tried and tested hanged-drawn-and-quartered method for those convicted of high treason. For those unfamiliar with this method, it involves being dragged by a horse to the place of execution, hanged until almost dead, then disembowelled whilst still conscious, beheaded, and finally being chopped into four pieces (i.e. ‘quartered) and subsequently having these pieces put on display across the city, or in Sir William Wallace’s case, the country.

I think it only right to give a background post about Sir William Wallace so hang on to your hats, there’ll be no mention of French Princess’s, Blue painted Australians or the like.

Much of what we know about Wallace comes from Blind Harry, also known as Harry, Hary or Henry the Minstrel, is renowned as the author of The Actes and Deidis of the Illustre and Vallyeant Campioun Schir William Wallace, more commonly known as The Wallace. The trouble is how reliable can Blind Harry’s account be, it was written over 150 years after Wallace's grisly demise, the stories about oor erstwhile hero would have been handed down through word of mouth, possibly even in song.

Harty claims that Wallace's father was named Malcolm, and on this basis Wallace has traditionally been identified as Sir Malcolm Wallace, a minor landowner from Renfrewshire. Sir Malcolm was a descendant of Richard Wallace, a native of the lordship of Oswestry on the Welsh border, (Wallace itself meaning Welshman), who first came to Scotland in the twelfth-century in the service of Walter Fitz Alan, first High Steward of Scotland. This Stewart connection has also been used by historians to explain Wallace's place in the 'patriotic' struggle of the 1290s.

But Harry’s story has some flaws, now I’m not decrying the story, just some details like his age.

No reliable evidence exists to gives us an estimate of his age. Harry claims that Wallace was 'forty and five [years] of age' when he was executed, but also states that he was 'bot eighteen yer auld' shortly before the Battle of Stirling Bridge, which would place the year of his birth around 1278/9.

It shows how difficult it is to build a picture of Sir William.

The contemporary English chronicler William Rishanger implies that Wallace was a young man when he emerged as the leader of armed resistance to the English in southern Scotland in 1297, but this does little to narrow things down. According to Hary, Wallace was raised by his two uncles - both clerics - who saw to his education after his father was killed by an English knight named Fenwick

One of his uncles was from Dunipace, a wee town not far from my home in Falkirk, it is through this uncle we get an oft quoted phrase “This is the truth I tell you: of all things freedom’s most fine. Never submit to live, my son, in the bonds of slavery entwined.” The second pic shows part of the quote, it is on a paving stone on Falkirk High Street that I often walk past.

He does seem to have had two brothers, Malcolm - who would provide Wallace with much-needed support in the later part of his career - and John - who would later be executed for supporting Robert Bruce after 1306. His activities before 1297 are also uncertain, but they may have been less than wholesome. Contemporary English accounts describe him as a 'brigand' and a 'thief', suggesting he may have lived outside the law even before the English invaded. Of course, these may simply be attempts by hostile writers to blacken his reputation. However, a legal document of August 1296 mentions 'a thief, one William le Waleys' as an accomplice of a cleric named Matthew of York who had in June of that year been convicted of robbery at Perth. This could well be our William.

Again I am not trying to blacken his character, I am merely pointing out the difficult job that historians have when piecing together his life.

Whatever the details of his early life, following the English invasion of 1296 that Wallace first emerged into the mainstream of Scottish affairs in a big way. The death of King Alexander III in 1286, followed by the death of his granddaughter Margaret of Norway in 1290, had provoked a major succession crisis in Scotland. Efforts to settle the ongoing dispute between the competing Balliol and Bruce factions had led to increasing English interference in the governance of Scotland, culminating in a full-scale invasion of the kingdom in 1296. I’ve covered all this in posts regarding King John Balliol, the sacking of Berwick and the first Battle of Dunbar all in 1296.

One of Wallace’s first encounters with the English is told in typically dramatic form by Blind Harry, the story goes that William was fishing when he is accosted by five soldiers in the service of 'lorde Persye' Henry Percy, 1st Baron Percy who was the warden of Galloway and Ayrshire . The honest, unsuspecting Wallace offers them some of his fish so long as they leave the rest for his uncle - 'ane agyt knycht' - Wallace hopes to feed, but the soldiers demand all of his fish and attack him when he refuses them. Remarkably, Wallace disarms the first attacker using only a 'poutstaff' ('fishing pole'), seizes the discarded sword, kills two of the soldiers, severs the hand of another, and chases the survivors off!

The earliest confirmed encounter between Wallace and the English administration occurred in May 1297, when Wallace and a small band of supporters killed William Heselrig, the English sheriff of Lanark, shortly before an assize was due to be held in the town. According to the indictment against him in 1305, Wallace and his men also dismembered Helelrig's corpse. Famously, Hary claims that Wallace's attack on Heselrig was in retribution for the killing of Wallace's wife - Marion Braidfute, as Harry identifies her.

It is apparent from contemporary English accounts of the incident at Lanark that it proved to be a powerful recruiting tool for Wallace's rebellion. As Walter Guisborough put it, 'the common folk of the land followed him as their leader and ruler; the retainers of the great lords adhered to him; and even though the lords themselves were present with the English king in body, at heart they were on the opposite side'.

What I find remarkable is that the killing of the soldiers and then Heselrig kickstarted, the uprising against Edwards army and around 4 months Wallace and Andrew de Moray had assembled a combined army of over 6 thousand troops that ambushed the English as they crossed the Forth at Stirling.

Before Stirling we also had the capitulation of the Nobility at Irvine, I have also covered this in a previous post.

In the wake of the Scottish victory at Stirling Bridge, the English administration in Scotland all but collapsed. The Scots were once again able to form a government of their own, and at its head - now as Guardians of Scotland - were Wallace and Murray, although Murray's tenure was cut short when he died - probably of wounds sustained at Stirling Bridge - in November.

This was the zenith of Wallace's career. He had emerged from obscurity to the very summit of Scottish society, all in the space of a year. It also meant he had a price on his head and was the most wanted man in Scotland.

Edward I returned from the Continent in March 1298 and set his sights on Scotland, he marched with an army North in late June and quickly discovered that Wallace's response to the threat had been to devastate southern Scotland and withdraw with his army out of reach of the English. A bitter and frustrating campaign followed, with Edward almost abandoning the chase altogether. However, in late July Edward got wind that the Scots had been sighted near Falkirk, and hurriedly moved his army to meet them.

Precisely why the confrontation at Falkirk happened is, as with so much of Wallace's career, uncertain. Until this point in the campaign Wallace had carefully avoided the English army, a prudent strategy that would later pay off for the Scots under Bruce. Guisborough claims that Wallace had learned that Edward planned to withdraw and hoped to attack the English in the rear. This would at least explain why Wallace so suddenly abandoned his previously cautious strategy. However, given the potential challenges he was facing from the nobility of Scotland it may equally have been the case that Wallace felt compelled to face the English in open battle sooner or later and prove that his success at Stirling Bridge - which was after all arguably at least as much Murray's as it was Wallace's - was not just a lucky accident.

Whatever the case, the battle that followed was an utter catastrophe for the guardian. Abandoned by the cavalry, who may have lost their nerve as they had at Irvine or - as claimed by subsequent Scottish chroniclers - betrayed Wallace, Wallace's schiltrons - tightly-packed bodies of infantry armed with long spearmen - repelled the English cavalry but fell prey to English archery, which broke up their formations and left them vulnerable to a renewed assault by the cavalry. Wallace escaped the battle with his life, but his position as guardian had been irrevocably damaged. It is not entirely clear precisely when or where he resigned the guardianship, but by the end of 1298 Robert Bruce, earl of Carrick (the future king), and John Comyn, lord of Badenoch, were jointly exercising the office of guardian.

Wallace's time as guardian may have been decisively ended, but he remained an active opponent of the English in Scotland. The resistance he offered to the English in this period was not always in keeping with the wishes of the guardians. For instance, in August 1299 an altercation took place at a council at Peebles at which Wallace's plan to travel to France was condemned by Sir David Graham as being 'without the leave or approval of the Guardians'. Wallace's plans were defended by his brother Malcolm, who argued that they were at least 'for the good of the kingdom'

Wallace did indeed leave for France in 1299, apparently on a diplomatic mission to seek the support of King Philip IV against Edward I. Wallace's reception in France was initially hostile, since at the time Philip was himself seeking peaceful relations with Edward I, and Wallace was briefly incarcerated by the French king. However, in November 1300 Philip was writing to his envoys to the pope asking them to promote Wallace's case at the papal court. It is possible that Wallace himself visited to Rome assist in making the Scottish case to the pope in person, and the fact that when he was eventually he reportedly had on his person a safe-conduct from King Hakon V of Norway may suggest he also travelled to Norway on diplomatic business (although he may simply have planned to do so at some point). By 1303 - possibly earlier - he was back in Scotland and again involved in armed resistance to the English

By this point the tide in the war was slowly turning against the Scots. The French were once again pursuing a peaceful policy towards the English following their own military reversal at Courtrai in 1302. Scottish nobles were gradually making their peace with the English, and the surrender of Stirling Castle marked the effective end to organised Scottish resistance on a large scale. In light of his increasing success, Edward I was generally willing to be fairly accommodating towards those Scots who were willing to submit to him, but this was not so with Wallace. Indeed, in the general amnesty offered to the Scots by the English, Wallace might at best 'render himself up to the will and mercy of our sovereign lord the king, if it shall seem good to him' - hardly an encouraging prospect. When Wallace's long-standing cohort Simon Fraser submitted to Edward in July 1304, he was welcomed into the king's peace only on the understanding that he would assist in the ever-intensifying hunt for the fugitive Wallace. Nevertheless, Wallace remained at large until 3rd August 1305, when he was seized near Glasgow by men in the service of Sir John Menteith, keeper of Dumbarton Castle on behalf of King Edward. Menteith - identified as Wallace's 'gossop' ('godfather') by Harry.

Having finally captured Wallace, Edward I refused even to see him. Instead, Wallace was taken to London for what for want of a better word might be called a trial.

Sir Peter Malory, one of the king's justices, presided over the proceedings, which were little more than a formality. The charges were considerable. Wallace had, according his accusers, been a traitor to King Edward, perpetrated armed resistance against him and slain the king's officers (William Heselrig was mentioned by name), assumed the authority of 'a superior' of Scotland, submitted 'to the fealty and lordship of the lord king of France and [gave] him help to the destruction of the kingdom of England', made war on the northern counties of England, 'feloniously and seditiously assaulted, burned and devastated religious men and nuns...[and] inflicted [upon] all, old and young, wives and widows, children and babes the worst death which he could devise', and 'harmoniously and eagerly...refused to submit himself to the lord king's peace' even after being defeated at Falkirk. According to the Annals of London, he 'answered that he had never been a traitor to the king of England, but granted the other crimes charged against him'.

In the eyes of the English as an outlaw, Wallace had no recourse to a defence. Instead, he was summarily sentenced to be executed in the manner reserved for traitors. Wallace was thus 'dispolyeid of his weid' as Hary puts it and dragged naked on a hurdle through the streets of London. At Smithfield he was hanged by the neck 'for the robberies, homicides and felonies which he carried out in the kingdom of England and the land of Scotland'

Before he could suffocate he was taken down and emasculated and disembowelled 'for the dreadful wickedness which he did to the church'. His 'heart, liver and lungs and all the bowels...from which such perverse thoughts proceeded' were then burned. Presumably now dead, Wallace was beheaded - the punishment for outlawry - and his body was divided into four parts. His head was to be displayed on London Bridge (where it remained until at least September the following year, when it was joined by that of his former comrade Simon Fraser). The remaining quarters were to be displayed on gibbets at Newcastle-upon-Tyne, Berwick-upon-Tweed, Stirling and Perth, 'to put dread in and to warn all by-passers and observers'.

The savagery with which Wallace was dispatched contrasts sharply with Edward I's attitude toward the Scots in general, but let’s not forget it was the usual punishment for any person deemed to be a traitor.

However it appeared that Longshanks earlier experiences with the Scots had convinced the ageing English king that a more conciliatory approach to establishing a lasting English administration in the kingdom. Edward's new plan for the settlement of Scotland envisaged a ruling council composed primarily of Scots - including the likes of Bruce and Comyn - which would advise an English lieutenant who would retain overall authority. Scots law and custom was to be respected, at least in the short term, and it may have seemed to many at the time that the objections that had fuelled Wallace's original rebellion in 1297 had been addressed.

As we know, the matter would be rendered moot less than six months after Wallace's death when Robert Bruce killed Comyn, forcing him to make public his ambition to become King of Scots. In many senses Bruce's struggle was quite unlike Wallace's, being primarily motivated by his own ambitions and perception of his rights. That being said, if Wallace had not maintained the momentum behind Scottish resistance to the English, particularly in the crucial year of 1297, then Bruce may never have had his opportunity to make his successful bid for power.

Pics are statues of Sir William Wallace around Scotland in order, Bemersyde near Dryburgh, Aberdeen, opposite His Majesty's Theatre, Edinburgh Castle, Newmarket Street Ayr, St Nicholas Church, Lanark, Stirling Town Centre, The National Wallace Monument Abbey Craig, Stirling, showing it before and after it’s recent restoration, Scottish National Portrait Gallery, Edinburgh and his memorial at Smithfield, London. There are others around the world that remember the Scots Patriot who so bravely stood up to fight for his country.

#Scotland #scottish #Sir William Wallace #medieval history #judicial murder #execution #history

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katblu42 · 4 years ago

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I have tossed up whether or not to post this, but I've decided to just go ahead and see how it lands. It is very personal to me, and I'm posting it because today is 2 years since I had to say goodbye.

This is basically a rambling vent that came out after the most traumatic period of my life so far. I needed to write it all down, chronicle it and get it out of my head, and the original destination for it was (my other) fandom.

It is more detailed than the story I posted earlier in the week, but it requires all the same warnings for some pretty unpleasant stuff. Please take heed before continuing.

Warnings for Death Illness Hospital Cancer (Medical) Drugs Medical Procedures CPR

Deep breath Late in 2018 my husband, S, began complaining of a sore throat. He's the kind of male who won't go to the doctor unless he is literally dying. He finally went to his GP in January and was told there was an issue that needed more investigating. He was supposed to go back to the GP in 2 weeks, but we were on holidays then, so he ended up not going back until mid March. GP sent him to a specialist, but the earliest appointment was early April. Consultation, camera down the throat and $400 later the specialist says Cancer - two of them, one in the mouth, one in the throat. Next appointment is the biopsy. By now S has lost almost 20kg because he struggles to eat (and because apparently Cancer can do that to a person anyway). Now there are appointments at the local hospital with the Radiation Therapy Dr, the specialist in Chemotherapy and a dental team (who wanted to take all his back teeth out at first, but changed their minds when they saw where the mouth cancer was, and how hard it was for S to open his mouth wide). During all this I'm still juggling work commitments as we are building up to one of our busiest periods, which covers pretty much the entire month of May. I'm sharing appointment chauffeuring duties with his Dad. It is decided that due to S's weight loss and difficulty eating it is advisable to put a feeding tube (that they call a peg) in his stomach. This is basically a precaution in case he can no longer swallow anything at some point during early treatment. Surgery after Chemotherapy begins will be difficult to recover from. As it turns out the peg is never actually used for feeding S. The first cycle of Chemotherapy begins on Wednesday 8th May. The plan was to do at least 2, probably 3 cycles of Chemo and then begin combination Radiotherapy/Chemo. At first things seem to be going okay. Three medications are administered as part of the Chemo - 2 are done on the Wednesday at the Cancer Clinic, and the third he has to carry around with him for 5 days, returning on Sunday to have the rig removed once that one is done. The peg starts leaking during these 5 days. He is given advice over the phone not to worry about the leak - but I wonder about that advice. I can't be with S all day - work is busy, and he's a grown up who can ask for help if he needs it. Only he's the kind of male who will not make a fuss if he's feeling "not okay". By Tuesday (14th May) S is not feeling much like "eating" - which consists of swallowing soft stuff like milkshakes, jelly (jello), custard and the like - and I basically have to force him to go for a walk around the block with me, just to keep him from lying on the couch all day. (Tuesday is my regular day off). He seems okay, in the "so-so" sense rather than the "fine" sense. He's not particularly nauseous, just a bit Blah. Wednesday - while I'm at work - S stays home all day, which is unusual for him. He is a social butterfly who can't resist going across the road to the Bowling Club just to sit with his mates for a bit. The peg is still leaking, and he feels tired and a bit yuck. By now I have asked him a few times if I should be calling the hospital for advice and he says no - doesn't want to make a fuss. I don't stress too much because he has an appointment at the hospital on Thursday - it's with a Social Worker, but I know that he will be at the hospital, where they will ask him how he's feeling, and if they think he needs something they will take care of him. Thursday comes and he doesn't want to get out of bed. I go to work, telling him to make sure he gets to his appointment, even if he doesn't feel like going. His Dad calls me at lunch time and tells me S didn't go to the appointment. He got in the car, they got down the road, then S told his Dad to just take him home. His Dad tells me S doesn't look good, he thinks S should be in hospital and I wonder why he didn't take S straight there if he was that worried. I get home just after 5pm and S is in bed feeling miserable. I don't get much of a good look at him - the room is dark - but he talks

to me. He's not feeling nauseous, not throwing up, but also not eating or moving much. Over the next few hours he's up and down to the toilet at least once an hour. I ask if he has diarrhoea, because if he does I should take him to hospital. He says no, "not much is coming out". It's after 10pm, Thursday 16th May, when he calls out to me from the bathroom. Something about the way he calls out makes me get straight up to see what's wrong - normally I yell back "what's wrong?" or "just a minute", but this time I think I had an instinct that said something was wrong. I find him sitting on the toilet, slumped forward with his head between his knees. He can talk to me at this point, but I have to help him sit up - he really can't move - and his skin is quite yellow (which alarms me). By the time I have him sitting upright he's not talking to me any more, his eyes are only half open and not blinking and he can't squeeze my hand. I run and get my phone and call an ambulance. Now his breathing is laboured, and as the emergency call taker is asking me to "say now every time he takes a breath" his gasps are getting further apart. I have to get him clumsily onto the floor of our tiny, narrow bathroom and give him chest compressions. 2 ambulances are on their way. Minutes later I have 4 ambulance crew members working on my husband in our tiny bathroom, and I have no idea what is going on. By midnight S is in emergency at the local hospital, and I'm in a private waiting room, alone. I call my Mum - I've already called his Dad on my way to the hospital in my car (they didn't take me in the ambulance). It's about 12:30 when a doctor comes to talk to me. Infection. Kidneys and liver struggling. Blood pressure through the floor. No white blood cells. This is by no means good. By the time I get to see him in Emergency I have my Mum and his Dad with me. S is basically in an induced coma and about to be moved up to ICU. It's about 1:30am. Once he's moved to ICU we wait in another waiting room for more news. A surgical consultant comes and sees us - I think it's nearly 3am - she says surgery is not an option. The infection is in his digestive system. There is no clear area to surgically remove, and his system is so weak it would not take well to surgery anyway. S's Dad leaves soon after that. This is hard for him. It was only 3 years ago that he was here in this very ward with his wife. This is where she passed away after an infection she just could not fight. He tells me "don't let them put him down" - I guess because he had to make that decision for his wife/S's Mum. I think it's after 6:30am when I decide to go to the intercom and buzz the nurses station to find out what's going on. They let us in to see him. All they can tell us is that they are throwing every kind of medical support they can at him in the hope they can help him fight off the infection - blood products, meds to raise the blood pressure, antibiotics. He's been ventilated through a tube in his mouth since the ambulance. They have to run a heating vent to raise his body temperature. They let me into the room, but I see no point in holding his hand or anything - he is unconscious, he won't know I'm there. We go home. I had about 3 hours sleep. By the time I could crawl into bed it was about 8am. By 11am people are starting to text me asking what's going on, checking if I'm okay. I had managed to text my boss about needing to call an ambulance while I was in the emergency waiting room. He's now replied to say I don't need to be at work today, but in the back of my mind is the fact that I have a show to work on, starting on Sunday - we are so busy that there will be no one else who can replace me on this show. (And we had a Federal Election on Saturday as well, so I was going to have to fit voting in around visiting S). At some point on this day a doctor calls me to get permission to administer a drug to S. This drug is not approved for use in Australia, but it is approved in the US. As a result they will have to ship it in from interstate, because there is not much

stock in the country, and I have to sign my permission for them to use it. It is a reversal drug for the 5 day chemo medication. It works best if administered soon after the chemo treatment - we are already past the ideal timeframe, but it is our best shot at helping S. S is unconscious and fighting for the next couple of days, and I'm half dreading that call that says things have taken a turn for the worse, come now! Instead, I see him for a short period each day, but he doesn't know I'm there. And I keep doing the work I have to do - at least this show is close to home for me, and close to the hospital. He is being supported by the blood pressure medication (Noradrenaline) which they are slowly able to reduce in dose, his temperature is stabilising, and the chemo reversal drug has had some positive effect. His white cell count is coming up - probably with the help of the blood products he's been given. By Tuesday 21st May S is awake and aware, and they have been able to remove the ventilator tube. The Physio is concerned about how weak he is - movement in his arms and legs is limited. He is breathing on his own, but it's hard work because his muscles are weak. His lips and mouth have been bleeding a bit around where the tube was. Still, we are seeing slow, small improvements and hoping for the best. On Friday they have to re-insert the breathing tube - he is too weak to maintain his breathing without assistance. This is a set-back, and comes with a warning that the breathing tube can't stay in his mouth/throat for too long, because it can cause all kinds of complications, especially in his compromised state. They tell me that without marked improvement soon they may have to perform a tracheotomy and insert the ventilator there. By this stage they have moved from nasogastric feeding to Parenteral nutrition (intravenously). The peg is still leaking. I'm now getting into a rhythm visiting S when I can for as long as I can around my work hours, and answering enquiries about his health and well wishes from family and friends on both my phone and his. I no longer have rehearsals every night, and the weekend's performances go pretty well. I know he's still critical, but he's stable and despite the set back S seems to be on a path of slight improvement again. The next set-back comes in the form of a flare up of the infection. The gut is still very inflamed - particularly the bowel. More blood products, more antibiotics, Noradrenaline dosage increased again. There is a mention that he probably has a slow internal bleed somewhere. Clotting is a problem - the bleeding in his lips and mouth is evidence of this too. Before I go to my Friday show I have to sign the permission for them to perform the tracheotomy - they've decided it needs to be done, and an emergency surgical team will do it but it could be a day or two before the operation actually goes ahead. Through this entire week S has been awake and aware, communicating with me as best he can around the breathing tube and the bleeding lips, which are scabby and sore. He is still very much alive mentally, still able to laugh at our corny jokes and request the music be turned up! Being in ICU he's not allowed flowers of gifts or anything, but they did allow me to take in a little blue tooth speaker so he could have the radio on all day. I see him as early as visiting hours allow on Saturday 1st June - his 42nd birthday. I have 2 shows on this day, and won't be able to see him again until Sunday. I leave the hospital soon after his Dad and brother arrive for a visit, around 11:30. Around 12:30, while I'm running sound checks for the matinee show, I get a phone call asking me for permission to do the tracheotomy. At first this confuses me - they have permission already. Apparently they are now doing it in ICU, not in the emergency theatre or wherever. He was more drowsy on the Sunday, after the tracheotomy, but still essentially in the same condition - stable. I cried off sick for work on Monday and spent a bit more time with him - I knew I had to be at work on

Tuesday for a morning staff meeting. The hospital social worker called me before I went to visit S, wanting to arrange a "family meeting" for this week some time. At first we settled on Friday morning, but later they asked me if we could arrange a time earlier in the week. After re-arranging my work schedule we agreed on 3pm Tuesday, even though S's Dad would not be able to be there anymore. Then I arrived for my Monday visit with S. We had the radio on - S likes to have music playing, even when he's falling asleep - and the announcers were talking about the State of Origin (a Rugby League series of 3 matches between rival state teams, New South Wales and Queensland). I told him I'd make sure we put the radio on the right station on Wednesday night so he could listen. Suddenly the most important thing in the world for him was finding a way to be able watch the game! I told him I'd find a way. Tuesday comes and I get through my staff meeting and a few other things on my now half day before running back to the hospital for this family meeting. It turns out this is just me, S, his ICU team, his oncology team and the social working re-capping what S has been through so far, and then scaring me (and more so S) by saying out loud the words "Palliative care". Essentially they are telling us we are out of further options. He is being given everything possible to assist recovery - the blood pressure meds are now at a low dose, but they still have to support his blood pressure, he is still on a ventilator to assist his breathing, the infection is still not improving, but it has not got worse, they have run out of different antibiotics to throw at the infection, it still seems the bleed is present, the scabs on his lips are still apt to bleed more than they should if they are disturbed. If his organs start to fail there will be nothing they can do - surgery will more than likely not be an option, and one failure will lead to another until his heart, then brain will go and that will be it. So, if we start to see organ failure palliative care becomes the only option. This is the point at which I am in disbelief. He can't be that bad. He is still totally alive mentally. How can we be discussing "making him comfortable until he dies"? And S is even more disbelieving and scared than me at those words. Yes S has looked better, yes he has spent over 2 and a half weeks in ICU, yes he has a lot more hard fighting to do if he's ever going to beat this, but his brain is fine, he is completely aware of where he is and what's going on around him - just a bit inclined to tire quickly. I stay with him longer than I intend to that night because he starts to complain of stomach pain. It gets worse. Really bad. They give him morphine. He says it doesn't help. His breaths start hitching, like something is stabbing him or something. He finally gives me the description "like hiccoughs, but sore". I can see how swollen his stomach is - fluid retention. And he is also complaining that he wants to lie on his side. We have to wait ages for the right number of people to be available to turn him on his side, to a more comfortable position. But his stomach is still giving him intense pain and whatever spasms are causing the breath hitches and grimaces. I have to leave him like that - in pain, but with the nurse on duty doing whatever he can to ease the discomfort, administering Morphine whenever possible - visiting hours are over and I'm asked to leave. On my way to work on Wednesday morning (5th June) I get a call from the head doctor in S's ICU team. He wants to know what time I can be there today - S has had major abdominal pain since last night (I know, I was there!), and they are investigating the cause, but it looks like the kidneys are failing. He tells me he will update me via text when he knows more, I tell him I will get there as soon as I can after work. I get no texts all day. I get to the hospital around 4:45pm - armed with the all important iPad mini for him to watch the State of Origin game on (yes, that is still a priority for S! God

love him!!). I'm told S has been taken for a scan and I need to come back in about an hour. So, when I return and he's back from the scan, I get the iPad hooked in to the Wifi and open the app he needs. Then I have to have the conference with the doctor. His kidneys have failed. Fluid is building up in his stomach. They want my permission to put a drain directly in his belly to ease the pressure. I give it. I have to wait outside while they get this done. There is a brief discussion about surgery - but that would literally be futile. Again we have the conversation about palliative care. This is the beginning of the end. His body is shutting down. S can't fathom this. He says the words that still break my heart, pointing to his head to indicate his mind he mouths "I'm still alive". He has so much to say, but we can't understand him through the scabs on his lips and his inability to make any real sounds. We try to get him to write things down, but his hands are really too weak. The doctor has asked if he wants to have the pain medication increased so he can slip away peacefully. The sentence he writes is "I just want to see how I go" - he wants so badly to keep fighting. He doesn't want to die. Once the doctor is sure he is comfortable for now he leaves us to watch the game - no S has not forgotten the game! He does not administer the pain medication, but he gives the authorisation for its use once S requests it. And although I had not planned to stay and watch the game (which starts around the time visiting hours end), I do. They let me stay. He nods off a bit during the second half, but I know how much seeing it means to him, so I rouse him for the good bits, and make sure he sees the end - a good result for him, a come-from-behind win for his team. I say my goodnight and leave S to get some sleep. I have told my boss how dire things are, and he has told me I have leave starting now for as long as I need. I get a call around 9:30 on Thursday morning asking me what time I will be getting to the hospital. Apparently S has been asking for me. I had a couple of things to do before I could get there, so I arrive just after 11:30am. S is not as awake and aware as he was last night. They have started giving him the pain medication (Fentanyl) the doctor was talking about, and it has affected S's ability to focus, and therefore communicate. He has apparently been asking what's going on - last night he knew the story, now he's unclear. I wish they had held off on administering the drug. I would have liked to speak to my clear headed husband today. His kidneys have failed, the liver is failing. We are out of options. His Dad and brother are in and out today - we are kind of rotating our breaks until early afternoon. A Palliative Care consultant, and the social worker and the nurse looking after S want to have a meeting with me, and it takes me longer than it should to realise that this meeting is for me to give the final word on the beginning of the end. They are focusing on making sure I am okay with what's about to happen. Making sure I know that I have the final say, and once I give the go ahead they will stop all meds that aren't making him comfortable - the Fentanyl dose will increase, but the feeding, the antibiotics and finally the Noradrenaline will be stopped. It will then be a matter of minutes or hours before he is gone. I know they are trying to be helpful, but having them ask if I'm okay, having them tell me how strong I have been for him and how much of an advocate for him I have been is only making my heart break more. That afternoon, his brother, sister-in-law and their 4 kids, my brother and sister-in-law and 2 of their kids all come in to say their farewells. The Fentanyl dose has already been increased, so S knows they are there, but he is so drowsy it's hard for him to open his eyes. His sister-in-law wants to stay with me. She doesn't seem to understand I need to be alone with S for this. But, at last she gives me space. I'm the one who has to give the green light. It's really hard to do, but I know we

are out of options. As soon as they stop the blood pressure medication (Noradrenaline), S opens his eyes and looks at me. He is as focused as I have seen him all day, his grip on my hand is desperately strong, and I explain to him one final time what is happening, tell him I love him, tell him I'm sorry things turned out this way, sorry for all the things we had planned that we won't get to do together, and tell him it's time to stop fighting and just let go. I try to tell him not to worry about anything or anyone, that it's okay to go. I hope he understands. It must be about 40 minutes before he is unconscious. They stop the ventilator. I turn off the radio - he can't hear it anymore, and he and I have different taste in music! I know he can't feel it anymore, but I won't let go of his hand until he's gone. He holds on for over an hour without the ventilator. Then there are no more breaths. I know he's gone. His hand is already much cooler than it was an hour or so ago. I am a widow. It has happened so fast. It feels strange, but I don't think the full weight has hit me yet. I am bursting into tears at random moments. I am thinking of stupid things like "what am I going to do with all these Fruit Loops - he eats those, not me!", instead of dwelling on the hard things like having a funeral to arrange, and dealing with all the people who keep wanting to do things for me, or stay with me.

That was two years ago now. In excess of 300 people came to his funeral service - a testament to how many friends he made, how many lives he brightened just that little bit with his generous spirit and ever-present smile. Of course, I still miss him. I still have my teary moments. I still struggle with guilt. But I remember his smile, his laugh, the way he would sing along to the music and make up his own words (often to make the song about us), his spontaneous dancing and all the love!

#grief/mourning #death tw #cancer tw #hospital #illness tw #medical procedure #medical drugs #tw cpr

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3pirouette · 4 years ago

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Fic: Six Dates, Times, and Places (1/1)

Title: Six Dates, Times, and Places By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Spoilers: Endgame Disclaimer: They're not mine. Word Count: 3488 Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: The night before Steve leaves to return the stones, Bucky gives him one last mission.

A/N: Check out THIS POST for links to a guy on Tik Tok who says it about Steve and Bucky better than I ever could. This was inspired by his posts, and this satisfies the “Bucky Barnes” square on my Steggy Bingo Bash card.

~*~ The Night Before

Bucky sat across from him, quiet. Steve was waiting him out, and Bucky was thankful, for the millionth time, for his best friend. He scratched his head, eyes squeezed shut. “I just… I don’t know how to say it, exactly.”

Steve kicked his feet up on the coffee table between them, “If it’s about me going tomorrow- it’ll be quick. Five seconds for you, not even.” Steve smiled and laughed lightly, trying to reassure his friend. “Doubt you could even finish taking a piss in the time I’m gone.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, his eyes still shut tight. “Yeah, yeah, I guess.”

“I’m not worried. We did it before…” Bucky opened his eyes, watching Steve cross his arms. Bucky knew his friend was harboring at least a little anxiety even if he didn’t want to admit it. He could see it in the set of his shoulders.

Bucky couldn’t keep the smile off his face, but it was more from nerves and the gnawing feeling in his stomach that what he was about to do would somehow screw it all up. “Yeah, see, that’s the thing. It won’t be ten seconds for you.��

“A few hours—”

“Years.”

Steve tilted his head at Bucky’s correction, but didn’t say anything.

“You see, I thought I was going nuts, when they first got all that programming out of me. When Shuri insisted I could trust my memories, because they were…” Bucky stopped shaking his head. He’d told Steve some of it. His best friend knew what nightmares haunted him.

“But there were a few times…” he started again, leaning forward and running his hand through his hair, “There was this one memory that I just could not get to make any sense. And now?” He laughed, lightly at first, but it grew. It grew until he was actually smiling and he looked up at Steve with joy in his eyes. “Now I know it’s real, because time travel is fucking real.”

Bucky’s grin was contagious, and Steve couldn’t help but smile a little. “I don’t understand.”

Bucky nodded, his voice still light and anxious. “I know you don’t. But I don’t know if I should tell you, either. Won’t it like- mess up the space-time continuum or something?”

Steve shrugged. “Bruce and Strange say anything we do- did- in the past will be fixed when I put the stones back.” He leaned forward, kicking his feet back down and placing his elbows on his knees. “I don’t claim to really understand it, but Strange assured me that it will work out. That the things that have happened, that will happen, are supposed to and…” Steve spayed his hands, shaking his head. “I gotta trust these guys know more about it than I do.”

Bucky sat quietly for a minute, his hands interlaced, his flesh fingers playing over the ridges in his vibranium hand. He stood, pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Steve. He didn’t let the man take it, though, just held his hand in both of his, the paper between them, and looked down at him. His voice was low when he finally spoke, serious. Melodious Russian fell from his lips. “Now you,” he nodded down at Steve.

Steve was confused, but he tried to repeat it back, stumbling over the sounds.

Bucky pursed his lips and shook his head, still holding Steve’s hand tight. “You have to say it exactly as I say it, and you have to promise me you’re never going to forget it, ok?”

“Buck- what—”

Bucky’s dark look stopped Steve’s words. “Promise me.”

“I promise.” Steve’s reply was without hesitation.

They repeated the call and response a dozen times until Steve’s words sounded exactly like Bucky’s.

Bucky let go of Steve’s hand, satisfied. Steve unfurled the small folded paper, his brows furrowing as he looked back up. Bucky’s shoulders slumped, a memory he wasn’t ready to share taking over. “You’ll know,” he mumbled as he walked away, “you’ll know.”

~*~ 1948

Steve tried to keep a low profile as he moved down the path. It was a long and winding path along the riverfront, and he didn’t know what he was looking for, which made things worse.

Date, time, place. Six neat rows in Bucky’s blocky handwriting on a scrap of paper. He didn’t know for sure what they were, but he had guesses.

He knew the nightmares that haunted Bucky. He knew about some of the things he’d done. Steve wanted to help, he did, but he only had enough Pym Particles for one more trip. He picked the earliest date on the list and prayed he could find Bucky and stop him, find a way to save him, before anything else happened.

He prayed he figured it out this time, because in his heart he knew he’d use those particles to go to the next date on the list if he didn’t, and end up taking the long way back to his friends.

He wasn’t abandoning Bucky, not when he’d so clearly asked him for help.

It was the only thing that had made sense. Steve couldn’t quite tease out why the Russian phrase was so important, but he’d spent the night awake, lying in bed, repeating it over and over. Buck had asked for help without saying it, had given him the choice and the opportunity, knowing they were giving him a few more Pym Particles than he needed, just in case. He was going to overpower Bucky and… and help him. It was the only option he had.

He knew he couldn’t take Bucky back with him for multiple reasons, but maybe he could get him to someone that could help. It would be too early for Fury, but Howard, maybe, or Phillips…

The walk along the Potomac was buzzing with people, the crisp Spring air of ’48 a draw, the cherry trees in full bloom around them. It would have been a nice night for a stroll if he wasn’t so anxious. The cheap windbreaker he bought only barely covered the shape of the shield on his back, but it kept the chill of the wind off the water away. It would have been a beautiful place for a walk if he wasn’t so intently looking for any sign of the Winter Soldier…

He stopped in his tracks, eyes glued across the way. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

There she was, just sitting under one of the cherry trees in a little nook away from the water, legs crossed, a cup of coffee in one hand and eyes on the folder in her other hand.

He watched for what felt like forever, his eyes glued to the way she sipped the coffee, the attention she was giving the file, the way she bounced her top leg and wiggled her toes to keep her shoe on just right.

He’d been afraid of this.

He’d been afraid of coming here and seeing her.

Peggy Carter. Alive. Breathing. Young and beautiful and within a few yards of him.

He almost hadn’t made it out of Lehigh last time. Tony never knew he’d seen her, never knew that he almost gave it all up for a chance to hear her voice say his name again.

He’d asked Tony to put it all on the line, and he’d been ready to throw the future of the masses away just to hear his name on her lips.

She was so much younger here. Still in the SSR. Still making a name for herself. Still working to build Shield.

Still two years away from a marriage to a man whose name he didn’t know, and didn’t think he wanted to know. He’d never asked her, and she’d never said. He was happy she moved on. Proud that she’d been able to do so much professionally and personally.

But as he stood, the cherry blossom petals falling around her, making her look like a princess out of some fantasy movie, he wanted nothing more than to march up to her and fall to his knees and tell her everything.

He wanted to rest his weary head in her lap and feel her red nails scrape through his hair and lull him to calm.

He wanted to hear the soft English accent tell him that he was alright. That he’d made the right choices.

He wanted her to know that he loved her, deeply, and he had never and would never stop loving her even seventy years from now.

His heart was pounding in his chest, the effort to keep his feet where they were monumental when he saw it: the tiniest reflection of light along her shoulder.

His stomach clenched and his mind raced. He knew that glint, he’d seen it far too often on the battlefield a lifetime ago. He’d never forget the way the light reflected off Bucky’s sharpshooter rifle as he adjusted it to get his man in his sights. He’d seen it too many times.

Steve was yelling and moving before he could think.

She looked up at him, already wide eyes growing comically wider as she saw him, but listened as he shouted for her to hit the ground. Her papers scattered as she dove to the concrete, tucking and rolling with him as he covered her and pulled her behind the bench as two silenced bullets put holes in the concrete in front of them.

He pulled her to her knees behind the bench. He shed the jacket he was wearing and pulled out the shield from his back, hiding her behind it. Her breaths were shaky, jaw bouncing as she looked at him, unable to form words. She reached up, a hand going to his cheek, disbelieving.

She was about to speak when another bullet ricocheted off the vibranium, the sound telling them both the shooter was closer than they’d thought. She scrambled, pulling up the side of her skirt and pulling a gun from her garter. “I expect answers,” she told him shakily as she turned towards the bench.

He nodded, refocusing. “Stay here I’ll—”

“Bloody unlikely!”

Another shot against the shield startled them, this one even closer. Steve didn’t give her a choice as he stood. “Cover me!”

He jumped over the concrete bench and dropped the shield just in time to raise it again and ward off another shot. He tried to stay calm, tried to think of him as the Winter Soldier, but all he could see was Bucky in his full tactical gear, face covered, mentally broken and twisted and aiming at Peggy with a chilling, myopic gaze.

Steve threw himself forward, knocking Bucky off his feet. The men grappled on the concrete as the people around them scattered, yelling. He could hear Peggy behind him, but he tried his best to keep his focus. Bucky had always been good in a fight, but Hydra and the Russians had trained him well. Steve managed to get the gun out of his hands, kicking it away toward Peggy for safe keeping as Bucky managed to get to his feet and ran at him again, this time a knife in his hand.

It was like deja vu, the way Bucky fought. The blows and parries were almost identical to the fight he put up years ago when Steve met Bucky as the Winter Soldier for the first time, fighting under the interstate. Steve was on the defensive as soon as they were up on their feet again, thankful for the shield he was able to keep between them. The crack of a gunshot filled the air and Bucky’s right knee collapsed for a moment, enough for him to lose focus as he looked back at Peggy.

Steve took the opening. He managed a spin, taking Bucky off guard and knocking him to the pavement, already off balance from the bullet wound. The victory was momentary: Bucky kicked himself back to his feet and pounced at Steve, despite the limp in his step.

After a frenzied moment of pushing, pulling and punching, Steve growled, pushed hard, and hit Bucky in the side of the head with his shield. “Bucky, stop!”

Bucky stepped back, pulling a small handgun from the back of his belt as he shook his head. His eyes cleared for a moment before the cloud of the Winter Soldier took them back over. “You are not my mission,” he growled out in English, the mask over his face slurring the words as he lifted the gun and leveled it over Steve’s shoulder.

“Steve, I don’t have a shot!” Peggy shouted from behind him.

It felt like time was standing still. Like he could step out of his body and see it all. In that moment, he understood exactly what Bucky had wanted, what Bucky had been trying to tell him.

Years, Bucky had said. But he’d said it with a smile.

Six dates, times, and places.

Not times and places where Steve could stop him.

Six times and places where Steve already did stop him.

Six dates, times, and places where the Winter Soldier would try to assassinate the head of Shield, Margaret Carter.

He charged forward, jumping and catching Bucky around the waist with his legs, forcing his shot to go wild up in the air as he dropped the shield and locked his arms around Bucky’s neck. They both groaned, hard, as they hit the ground, but Steve didn’t let up his hold. He waited just long enough for him to slow his struggle, and he said it. Loud and clear, Steve repeated the Russian phrase Bucky had taught him, and the Winter Soldier went limp in his arms.

Bucky stopped struggling, his eyes clouded and unfocused. Slowly, Steve untangled himself, letting the man stand. He grabbed his shield as Peggy slowly got closer, gun drawn high. The Winter Soldier looked at them both, looked around, and without a word disappeared back in to the outcrop of bushes he’d come from.

Steve and Peggy followed wordlessly, but by the time they’d beat their way through the underbrush to the edge of the river, he was gone. Not a footprint, not a broken branch, nothing to give them a hint of the direction he went.

Peggy stopped a few feet away from Steve, staring at him in the setting sun, her gun still in her hand and only a second from being expertly aimed at him if need be. “That man was sent to kill me.”

Steve nodded, shield hanging limply from his hand, heart pounding. “Yes.”

He could see the shake starting in her hands. “And you stopped it.”

“Yes,” he nodded again, afraid to step closer.

She closed the distance, jaw clenched tight, stopping only inches from him. Her eyes roamed his face, looking for something that he didn’t know how to give. “Are you working for them, now?” Peggy asked cautiously.

“Them?” He tried to slow down his breathing, but found it was near impossible now that he could smell her perfume.

“The Russians,” she supplied, pursing her lips tight as she inched closer. “What you said to him…” She took a deep breath, “Though I suppose if I have to tell you…” Her smile was tentative. “You never were a good liar.”

He slipped the shield on his back slowly, never taking his eyes from hers, his voice soft but stern. “I’m not working with the Russians.”

Peggy’s hand reached out, slowly coming to rest on his chest. Her smile grew as she felt him, firm and real, under her fingers. “Where have you been, Steve? I thought you were dead.”

His hand covered hers, gently. “It’s…” He faltered. He’d never imagined actually talking to her, actually being forced to say all that had happened, all that would happen. He didn’t know how to get her to believe him, to trust him. He swallowed, hard, and took Peggy’s hand in both of his. “It’s a long story, and I’ll tell you as much as you’re willing to listen to.” He cleared his throat, emotion welling up. “First, I think I should apologize for missing our date.”

Her hand tightened her hold on his, but her eyes stayed sharp. “Copacabana Club at 9 in the evening.”

Steve smiled and shook his head, knowing she’d need to hear it from his lips. “Stork Club. Eight on the dot. I was gonna have them play something slow.”

“So you won’t step on my…” She let the sentence fall away and nodded, satisfied. Her smile was blinding, even though tears were welling in her eyes. “You’re late.”

He let his hand fall over her cheek and pushed the hair away from her face. “I won��t be ever again. I promise.”

~*~ Immediately After

Bucky waited until Sam stepped back, bag with the shield in it slung over his shoulder, to approach him. “Was I right or was I right?”

Bucky saw Steve’s shoulders shake with laughter. He wanted to say he looked frail, but he could tell despite the wrinkles around his eyes and the larger clothes designed to hide his frame that he was still strong and sharp.

Steve looked up at Bucky, smiling as he sat next to him. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Thought I might mess things up.” Bucky shrugged his shoulders, hands still stuffed in his pockets. “Wasn’t sure if I was supposed to or not, or even if my own brain was fucking with me, so I figured a few hints and your smart ass would figure it out.”

Steve nodded, his eyes tearing over. “We tried, Buck.”

Bucky lifted his right hand, pressing it to Steve’s shoulder. “I know you did.” He looked his friend in the eyes, and could see past the wrinkles and the grey hair to his best friend that he shared sleepovers with in the floor of his Brooklyn bedroom. “You guys tried really hard to get me out of it. And I’m convinced, now more than ever, it’s all gone exactly the way it was supposed to go.”

Steve nodded, looking away over the horizon. “I’m still sorry about it.”

“Don’t be,” Bucky moved his hand back to his lap, lacing his flesh fingers with his vibranium ones. “You got me out eventually. You stopped me when it counted.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, “Not every time.”

“Enough times.” Bucky was adamant, his voice sharp and brokering no arguments. “You know that if I had—" Bucky couldn’t say it, didn’t want to say it. Howard’s death was already heavy on his conscious, but if he’d managed to kill Peggy, too? He didn’t know how he’d be looking Steve in the eyes right now.

Steve softened, “I know.”

The comfortable silence between them was filled by the sound of a flock of birds taking flight, and he and Steve watched for long moments until the birds were gone and it was quiet again.

Bucky asked a question he’d been waiting years to know the answer to, “Who was that guy in ’86?”

Steve chuckled. “The one that kicked your ass?” Bucky nodded, amused by Steve’s mirth. “That was our son.”

“No shit!” Bucky smiled, clapping Steve on the back. “I guess we have a lot to catch up on.”

Steve nodded, reaching a hand out. “Help an old man up.” Bucky stood and pulled him up, and Steve finally asked what he wanted to know for so long. “What did those words do?”

“You never found out?” Bucky asked, his brow furrowed. He could See Sam and Bruce starting to come closer. He knew their time alone was drawing to an end, at least for now. Steve shook his head, and Bucky licked his lips, looking away. “Random string of words that formed a deactivation code. A failsafe one of my earliest handlers built into whatever they did to my brain. It effectively erased the last mission and sent me back to my handler. Always managed to screw me up so bad they had to scrap whatever they were doing. It was meant to keep them safe if I ever went off on them.”

Steve looked at him, eyes sad. “Did it?”

Bucky looked away, not wanting Steve to see the darkness in him. “I never gave them enough time to say it.” He looked back, shaking his head. “There was always some part of me that knew you, though. That gave you enough time to get it out.”

Steve reached out and hugged his friend, and Bucky let himself melt into the embrace. Steve had saved him, more times than he could count now, and he knew that those memories he thought had to be hallucinations were real.

Six dates, times, and places where Captain America had stopped the Winter Soldier, and six dates, times, and places where Steve Rogers gave Bucky Barnes hope.

~*~

A/N- So, this was conceived as a singular story, but now that I’ve written it I KNOW that if I were a reader I’d want to know about those other 5 dates. I don’t have anything planned for them AT THIS TIME, but I will leave this open to potentially being a series, and I’ll fill in those dates as I come up with compelling ideas.

#Steggy Bingo Bash #Steggy Fic #3P's Fic

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famedroleplayarchive · 4 years ago

Photo

Today, I’m seeking member opinion on two potential changes. Please see below the cut for the explanation of these potential changes, as well as for the link to the survey to provide your opinion!

Changing the activity check requirements

I’m planning on a little bit of cleaning up of the activity rules around our fourth anniversary, so we can enter our fifth year with those in place. Most of these changes would serve to tighten requirements up to close loopholes and hopefully lessen the possibility of the system being abused. The change I’m looking for member opinion on here is probably the biggest direct change to the established system, so I wanted to get member opinion on it before finalizing putting it into place.

This change would involve changing the requirement to fully pass activity check (and earn two points) from one thread reply/starter or headcanon/solo in the past four days to two qualifying posts in the past week. At least one of these posts would be required to be a thread reply or starter, though in the survey I’ve given the option between the requirement being one thread starter/reply and one thread starter/reply or headcanon/solo or the activity check taking only thread replies and starters into account. Posting a reply/headcanon/solo, but not meeting the minimum requirement would result in a warning, while zero qualifying posts over the past week would result in removal. This means that, on a weekly basis, no one would be removed that wouldn’t be removed under the current activity requirements, but it would take a little more activity to be rewarded with points.

This is essentially what the current activity rule was supposed to encourage, but was made to be judged on the past four days to make it easier to conduct activity check. Unfortunately, as the rule is, it allows a lower level of activity than really intended and I’m not sure the minimum level of activity currently allows a member to feel engaged in the roleplay or makes sense for someone to be able to earn up to ten points over the course of a month for one short post a week.

This change would also mean the two posts could be done any time in the week instead of having to be in the last few days leading up to activity check, which I hope would even out activity across the week more since there’s currently really no points motivator to be active at all from Friday to Monday.

If voted for, the earliest this change could take effect would be for the activity check on March 19, but it’s possible it might not be put into place until around our fourth anniversary in early April with a transition period of a few weeks to get used to it.

Changing monthly schedules to quarterly schedules

This change would mean each company schedule post would cover three months instead of just one. The same total points would still be present, as muses would then be permitted to complete three schedule threads and three solos over that time period. The intention of changing it would be to offer a more long-term picture of a muse’s schedules. My hope would also be that the extended time to complete posts relating to the schedule would encourage more participation.

If voted for, this would begin with 2021 Q2 (April-June) and would be considered in a trial period until it can be seen for sure that it has a positive impact as opposed to a negative one.

Some comeback dates might be slightly adjusted to better fit within a quarter schedule system if this is voted for, but I don’t intend on any major release date changes being made to dates already on the comebacks schedule page!

Please let me know your opinion on these matters here. The survey will be open until next Thursday.

Note: I know some of you are waiting for some updates and reminders to be touched on in an admin post, and those are still slated for an upcoming admin post! I wanted to get this survey up now so that I could collect member opinion before collecting all updates and important notices in one place!

#fmdadmin

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earisu1 · 4 years ago

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Document-based Time-line: Before Jennifer Arrived at the Orphanage

Original date of the post: 23 of October, 2007.

Disclaimer: not my words, not my ideas, just reposting to spread and preserve.

“ This is an arrangement of the dated documents of Rule of Rose as a time-line, from the earliest document to the ones just prior to Jennifer’s arrival at the orphanage.

This is the time period between 25 April 1929 and 2 March 1930.

The GamesSpot/GameFAQs gamescript faq incorrectly claims that the letter exchange between Jennifer and Wendy began in 1928 (and declares, based on this incorrect date, that the “Joshua” of Gregory’s diary entries must be Jennifer). Although the dates on the letters exchanged between Jennifer and Wendy don’t mention the year, these letters could not possibly date from 1928 as Jennifer was living in the cellar of Gregory’s house when the correspondence began, but the airship that Jennifer flew on, and that crashed, killing Jennifer’s parents and resulting in Jennifer being rescued by Gregory, didn’t take flight until 1929. Therefore, Jennifer was not at Gregory’s house in 1928 and Jennifer was not exchanging letters with Wendy in 1928.

The first document of the time-line, by the way, is one that was overlooked in the GameSpot/GameFAQs game-script faq.

If I have made any errors, or have left out a document that should be here, please let me know in the “comments”.

TIME-LINE:

“25 April 1929

The World’s Largest Airship to Take Flight

In anticipation of the coming era of airship travel, Britain announced the completion of the world’s largest airship. In its long awaited first flight, it will lift off at Cardington and fly to India by way of London. All of Britain eagerly awaits the inaugural ceremony. Along with the Mayor and the Countess, children from the local orphanage will participate in the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

(“Unlucky Clover Field”, Smoking room, newspaper)

~~~

Sunday, June 1

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Monday, June 2

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Tuesday, June 3

Cloudy. Weeding again. Tomorrow, I’m thinking of taking my son Joshua with me out to the fields.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Wednesday, June 4

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Thursday, June 5

Rain in the afternoon. Weeded the field again. Joshua isn’t feeling well, so I worked in the fields alone, as always.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Friday, June 6

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Saturday, June 7

Rainy. Weeding again. Tomorrow morning, I’ll go into town to sell peas, so tonight I must make preparations. It is a busy day indeed.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Sunday, June 8

Clear skies. I went to market and sold peas and carrots. I had hoped to be able to feed Joshua something nutritious, but sales were not good, so I was not able to buy much.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Monday, June 9

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Tuesday, June 10

Clear skies. Joshua has been misbehaving. He went and ate sweets out of the cupboard without permission.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Wednesday, June 11

Cloudy. Weeding the fields again. It was chilly today. I’ll have to give Joshua a blanket so he won’t catch a cold.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Thursday, June 12

Cloudy. Joshua is under the weather. He has a slight fever, so I fed him some hot pea soup.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Friday, June 13

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Saturday, June 14

Cloudy. Planted peas in the ground.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Sunday, June 15

Rainy. I spent the day in my room drawing a picture book for Joshua. I’m sure he’ll enjoy this one.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Monday, June 16

Cloudy. Today, I cleaned out the barn. Joshua told me he liked my latest story. Nothing pleases me more that to see my son happy.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Tuesday, June 17

Cloudy. Barn cleaning again. I’ve been neglecting the fields, so they’re in a bit of a mess. I must drive the insects and mice away.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Wednesday, June 18

Clear skies. I did weeding today. The weather was beautiful. A great day to work in the fields.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Thursday, June 19

Clear skies. More weeding. I wanted to take Joshua out with me to the fields, but his coughs were getting worse, so I had him stay in bed.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Friday, June 20

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“21 June 1929

Another Unexplained Disappearance

There has been another mysterious disappearance of a child recently. Following missing children reports on the 7th and 14th, police are now investigating this case as both a possible kidnapping and a missing person.

Local residents are advised not to allow children outside unsupervised and to take caution around any suspicious individuals.”

(“Gingerbread House”, boarded-off room with sky wall paper, newspaper on floor by the chair)

~~~

“Saturday, June 21

Clear skies. Planted peas in the ground.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Sunday, June 22

Cloudy. I thought of a good idea for a story. I’m going to take a day off from the fields and concentrate on refining it.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“23 June 1929

Luxury Airship Missing!

England’s largest luxury airship, which just set sail on its virgin flight—a flight celebrated across the country with great fanfare—was reported today to have gone off course and is currently missing.

It is speculated that the vessel diverted from its course to avoid a low pressure system approaching from the south, but its whereabouts are still unknown.

Due to the heavy thunder and rain that have blanketed the area since yesterday, the search for the airship has faced many difficulties.

(“Gingerbread House” Cellar Bedroom, newspaper clipping pinned up on wall)

~~~

“Monday, June 23

Clear skies. I did weeding today. Joshua told me he liked my latest story. There’s nothing I love more than seeing his beaming, happy face.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Tuesday, June 24

Clear skies. Weeding again. It feels great to work the fields on such a fine day.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Wednesday, June 25

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Thursday, June 26

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

“Friday, June 27

Clear skies. Today, I weeded the fields. Work went well.”

(“Gingerbread House”, Study, Gregory’s diary)

~~~

Gregory’s June 1929 calendar

1 (sun) Sunday

2 (sun) Monday

3 (cloud) Tuesday

4 (sun) Wednesday

5 (rain cloud) Thursday

6 (sun) Friday

7 (rain cloud) Saturday

8 (sun) Sunday

9 (sun) Monday

10 (sun) Tuesday

11 (cloud) Wednesday

12 (cloud) Thursday

13 (sun) Friday

14 (cloud) Saturday

15 (cloud) Sunday

16 (cloud) Monday

17 (cloud) Tuesday

18 (sun) Wednesday

19 (sun) Thursday

20 (sun) Friday

21 (sun) Saturday

22 (cloud) Sunday

23 (sun) Monday

24 (sun) Tuesday

25 (sun) Wednesday

26 (sun) Thursday

27 (sun) Friday

28 (unmarked) Saturday

29 (unmarked) Sunday

30 (unmarked) Monday

~~~

10 November

To Mr. Joshua, the bear in distress,

My name is Wendy. I always watch you from the sky. Mr. Joshua, why are you trapped down there?

(“Gingerbread House”, Cellar Bedroom, cradle?)

~~~

16 November

Dear Wendy, my visitor in the window,

Thank you so much for writing to me. The man calls me Joshua, but my name is Jennifer. I’ve been in this room ever since he saved me. He’s a nice person… but he won’t let me leave.

(“Once Upon a Time”, Sickroom, by the lamp)

~~~

27 November

From W to J

My Prince in need of rescue,

It was a pleasure to meet you, my dear Prince. What a wonderful encounter! Yes… I only wish there was a world for just you and I: The Prince and Princess…

Don’t worry. I’ll set you free.

(“Gingerbread House” Cellar Bedroom, cradle?)

~~~

10 December

From J to W

Thank you Wendy.

I want to fly away from this room and run with you in the fields…

But the man is so lonely, so sad. I can’t just leave him alone.

(“Once Upon a Time”, Sickroom, by the lamp)

~~~

9 January

From W to J

…Oh my poor kind prince.

You’re worried because that man sometimes seems crazy, right? Well don’t worry. I know where he hides that awful thing of his. So let’s run away together. You can leave it all to me. Everything will be all right.

(“Gingerbread House” Cellar Bedroom, cradle?)

~~~

14 January

From J to W

Thank you Wendy, my kind and fair Princess. Is there something that I can do for you?

(“Once Upon a Time”, Sickroom, by the lamp)

~~~

20 January

From W to J

My Prince, Please don’t worry. I’ll do anything for you. Just… pledge your love for me. That’s all I ask.

(“Gingerbread House” Cellar Bedroom, cradle?)

~~~

24 January

From J to W

I, Jennifer, pledge to the fair Princess Wendy:

Everlasting

True love

I am yours

(“Once Upon a Time”, Sickroom, by the lamp)

~~~

27 January

From W to J

Tomorrow night, I shall unlock your shackles. Let us live together forever.

everlasting

true love

i am yours

(“Gingerbread House” Cellar Bedroom, cradle?)

~~~

“March 2, 1930

Recently, the children have been engaging in odd activities and spreading disturbing rumors—rumors about creatures that come after children who don’t clean up and stray dogs that kidnap small tots… It’s all very bizarre.”

(“The Little Princess”, Headmaster’s room, desk, Hoffman’s diary)

(“Once Upon a Time”, Headmaster’s room, desk, Hoffman’s diary)

~~~

“Sunday, March 2

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Was it something I did? Last month I failed. What will happen to me this month? Mr. Hoffman said that a new girl is coming soon. Will I even lose to her and be all miserable? I’m scared. I hate to think what’s in store for me.”

(“Rag Princess Sews”, Working Class Luggage, Amanda’s diary)”

Notes: this is really awesome if you want to get into the story but you forgot certain files while playing, or maybe if the let’s player you’re watching isn’t much into reading stuff in games.

#rule of rose #rule of rose mysteries #rule of rose theories #not showing in the taaags

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tsukikoayanosuke · 5 years ago

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The Captain’s Rambling - How TW:OPT was written

Well, today (it's already the 29th of September in my timezone) is a special day and I just uploaded the newest chapter with interesting things going on in there. I did promise that I will tell you how Twisted-Wonderland: Our Precious Treasure was written, right? Well, gather around children. The captain has a story to tell.

I think it was around March of this year and I think it was the early stage of quarantine in my country. I was like relaxing, watching YouTube while having an online class at the same time (please, don't do this at home). Around that time my autoplay got me some Black Butler amv and being that girl who never watches popular anime, I only have the vaguest idea about Black Butler except everyone seems thirsty over Sebastian. But the concept of master & servant always interests me. So, I tried actively search for some Black Butler AMV until finally, I came across a thumbnail of 'Ciel'. However, I soon found out that it was not a Black Butler AMV, but instead, it was the Twisted Wonderland opening song.

youtube

My first thought was: "Oh no. Is Disney making another Kingdom Hearts series?"

After a quick search in Wikipedia, I decided to cruise through Tumblr, seeing some cute stuff, and then, just out of curiosity, I check whether there was any fanfiction of this game. Lo and behold, Archive of Our Own has a section already. So, of course, I wanted to read some fics, because that's apparently my job. While very early there are some Canon Characters/Reader fics, I tend to avoid it for now, I found a fic titled 'Beyond the Looking-Glass' and it's also a crossover with Kingdom Hearts. So, I was like: "Okay. Let's give it a try." A few sentences later I found a familiar name: 'Hikari'. My brain was a bit slow at that time so I scrolled back up and looked at the author and then it suddenly clicked and I got a surprise. Ah... No wonder that name sounded familiar...

A quick visit back to Tumblr and I found out that, yes, it was the same Hikari KH OC that. Apparently, wingbladeweaver1357 also plays Twisted Wonderland? Okay...

That somehow convinced me to give this game a try.

Reading the fanfic wasn't enough so I watched Ami Yoshiko Twisted Wonderland videos and then Shel_BB's translation to understand the plot so I can follow the fanfic too. Slowly but surely, I started to fell in love with the game.

However, it wasn't enough for me.

So, I was reading the translation for Episode 3 and I reached the part where MC signed the contract with Azul. And I remember thinking: "A very miss opportunity to make it a 'Poor Unfortunate Soul' musical segment." And it gave me an idea: what if I write a songfic just for that scene?

However, there was a problem. Because the MC/Yuu is basically our self-insert, many people, including me, have their own interpretation. So, if I write a (Y/N) fic with my interpretation of the MC/Yuu, it would probably only appeal to a small audience.

So, I decided to make my own MC. And thus, Jonah Argentum was born. But his creation story is a story for another time.

With my MC/OC created, I can actually start writing. However, another problem started. How do I introduce my MC/OC into this songfic? Would the reader able to connect with him in his first debut?

And then, I got a crazy idea. What if I basically adapt the whole game with my MC/OC?

Around that time, the fanfictions weren't as many as now and more of them are Canon Characters/Readers or Original Female Character(s). Nothing wrong with that, but I sort of wish that we have more Original Male Character(s) just for variety. Most of the fanfics that were following the canon plot hadn't even passed the Prologue. So... Why not? I think I'm part of the earliest fic posted in AO3's Twisted Wonderland fandom. I'm not the first one to do this adaptation, but I think I'm the first one with male MC/OC.

After reading some translation and imagining the whole this as an anime, on 15 April 2020, the first two chapters of Twisted-Wonderland: Our Precious Treasure was posted.

Throughout April, I managed to finish adapting Welcome to the Villains' World, and on May 4th (because Star Wars day) I posted the first chapter of The Crimson Tyrant and I think I was the first one to start with the Heartslabyul adaptation.

On the first update, I decided to make a Tumblr account to write my notes for each chapter, because I have some references and trivia I want to write and I'm afraid that I would be too much if I post it on the note section of AO3. And thus, officially started the Behind the Fic - TW:OPT.

By the time the fic reached 100 kudos, I decided to write something to celebrate. Now that at least I have some readers who are familiar with Jonah, I felt like it would be okay if I write that Poor Unfortunate Soul songfic. It became the first fic in the Twisted-Wonderland: Our Precious Treasure - Gaiden.

Around June, I suddenly had an idea to maybe branched out to Wattpad, because of course that site has a Twisted Wonderland fandom. And thus, around 6 June 2020, Twisted-Wonderland: Our Precious Treasure was re-posted on Wattpad.

And in August I found out that FanFiction.net finally has its own page for Twisted Wonderland. So, of course, I wanted to post it there too, because it's basically going back to my roots. I started in FF.net, of course, I would eventually come back to that site. Thus, starting 25 August 2020, Twisted-Wonderland: Our Precious Treasure is available on FanFiction.net

Do you think I went overboard with the re-post? Probably yes.

The fanfic is still going strong even though the update wasn't as frequent as it usually did once, but even until now I still enjoy writing it. It's strange on itself. I usually got bored by Chapter 10, but with TW:OPT we're only 11 chapters away from hitting the 100th Chapter Mark. Today's chapter is the adaptation of the original idea to make it a songfic, and thus I feel like it would be a perfect time to tell the origin story.

Another thing that today is my birthday, so I decided to give you guys something other than the update.

Thank you so much for those who had been sticking around for this small fic (I guess I can't call it small anymore, huh?) whether you were there since the beginning or finding it through Tumblr or just finding it now. Thank you for giving this fic a chance. I tried my best to reply to all the comments posted there to show that I appreciate the responses, kudos, and bookmarks. Thank you as well for those who had been sticking around Tumblr. I hope you don't mind my notes.

A special thanks to @wingbladeweaver1357 for being my inspiration to write this fic as well.

Well, then. If you want to ask anything, my DM and Ask Box is always open.

And I guess I should say this...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland fanfiction #twisted wonderland fanfic #twst fanfic #twisted wonderland fic #twst fic #twisted-wonderland: our precious treasure

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solarsmith49 · 5 years ago

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First Entry

So I figured I should have a preface/background post before I jump into sharing my writing lol, be warned this is kinda sappy but necessary haha. I’m going to focus on writing for Creatus Annus; I got back into watching Mark’s channel during the initial March lockdowns after being away for a couple years, and from there into Ethan’s channel and Unus Annus. I relate so much to Ethan in the brutally honest video talking about how he’s felt aimless and drifting the last few years, because that’s exactly how I felt for a long time- I started 2020 unemployed, no money, no direction, with seemingly no passion or drive to really get out and /live/ instead of just existing. In April I had a breakdown, and I realized I had to get myself and my life together while I still could because it really did seem like the world was burning down (thanks covid!) and if I didn’t do it now then there wouldn’t be another chance. I was able to mentally get myself together, and I did find another job in May (which has been a godsend). And at about the same time as I got hired, I found Mark’s vlog talking about his surgeries and the post-op pain medicine screwup that almost killed him. I closed my laptop and cried after that, because it was exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it, by the right person I needed to hear it from. Because I realized it described me perfectly, not acting on my potential and (even worse) not feeling the /need/ to do so. So I took a long look at myself, and this essay below is the first thing I wrote after watching the video, exploring my complete love of space and /why/ it drives me in the way it does. I think it fits the whole message of Unus Annus, and what we’re trying to do here with Creatus Annus, trying to give our own answers to why our lives and our art matters. Space colors all of my poems (as you’ll see later haha), as well as the creative tension I have from my religious and spiritual background (I was raised Catholic, and still am to a degree, but my personal beliefs range all over the place and the relationship and dialogue I have with God/the Divine and what it means to Create Things is a major theme with space). So, here’s my first entry for the project; I’m going to write my general ideas for specifically what I want to do in the ideas thread later, but enjoy the essay - I think you guys will like it.

Even until just a few days ago, I didn’t think I had any life passions, or at least, any passions that mattered. I have hobbies, sure - gaming, crafting, reading, general learning - but I never thought much of them because I didn’t see how I could use them or even if I should bother trying to make anything of them. Certainly I didn’t think I had any interest that moved me enough to devote a life’s pursuit ot it - but that was another self life, perhaps the greatest, one born from a mix of complacency, lack of faith in myself, and a fear of really facing what truly honestly drives me and the action that that would demand. The change that that would demand. Because I do have a passion, and I love it in a general sense, learning about it and following it casually. But it's also something I turn to in dark hours, something that resparks me when I’m tired, that keeps me going and holds my faith and sustains me when everything else fails - family, friends, my job prospects, failing health, chaos in the larger world, evil in the larger world, even when my belief in the Church burns down and God as seen through the “Catholic” lens seems distant and irrelevant. Something that I adore with every fiber of my being and in the core of my very soul. That something is space: the stars and galaxies and their natural functions and processes, but also in particular the space program and what it says about human nature and our relation to the wider universe and ultimately to God himself.

I believe the human endeavour to get to space and the various space programs throughout the world showcase the pinnacle of what our species can do, the best of humanity in terms of technology and cooperation and curiosity, and one of the most fundamental drives we have as humans - the drive to be remembered. Every single human being, from the greatest to the worst of us, is the end product of 13.6 billion years of cosmic cycles, stars being formed, exploding, sending out dust that forms new stars. Every single atom and primal element in our bodies, our carbon, iron, calcium, magnesium, everything was forged in the nuclear fusion reactor in the core of a star, untold eons ago and untold millions of lightyears away. Probably more than once as the dust clouds combine, are forged, and then scattered by the shockwaves of supernovas across time and space. Over and over and over again, until 4.6 billion years ago when our Sun grew from dust and the planets grew from the leftovers. And the Earth - the Earth! - undergoing the same process in microcosm, plates shifting and rock melting and gas expanding and water sifting until the Earth was made solid, and then! In the process, as a by-product, a side effect! The right combination of star forged elements and electricity and chemical reactions was struck and gave the collections of dust atoms Life and Breath! Living, self sustaining action on its own accord, independent of outside forces, movement greater than the stars because it happens on its own! And THEN - a more focused microcosm of the star forge, as 4.5 billion years of evolution refine Life, uncounted species live and die and refine their genes and physical makeup and brain processes and living interactions with the inert world around them; the decay of their bodies feeding plants which feed animals which lets them reproduce and keep the cycle going, echoing the ancient and unaware supernovas, until at last! 100,000 years ago the human species was fully evolved, and, miraculously, became self aware.

Think about that for a minute. As wonderful as Life is, we could have been just another species of animal, but for the greatest innovation and combination of stardust the universe has ever seen. We were cavemen, we knew next to nothing about the stars or the wide earth or about our potential, but for the first time Life had gained the capacity to know. For the first time in 13.6 billion years, dust atoms had gained the capability to learn their origins and how they were made and ultimately to define why they were made. So, what is almost the very first thing we do with this capacity of thought as an infant species, newly self aware? We make art. We make, preserved by some quirk of fate in a French cave, handprints on a rock wall. We - living stardust - take inert ochre and pigment and stamp an outline on the wall, and those outlines survive intact for 50,000 years. In this scribbling of an infant species we can already recognize the drive still present in ourselves - the need to say “we were here once, and our existence mattered”. Humanity for the first time, living relics of ancient stars, giving voice for the first time to those stars, saying in art and words what stars declared in the mute atoms and elements and light they left behind: “we existed once, and that existence mattered.”

Humanity is the universe made self aware. And just as galaxies are made of millions of individual stars, so too do we as individuals make up Humanity as a collective. Every single one of us is the universe learning about and defining itself. And the impulse behind our earliest achievements of cave art is present in everything throughout our history, our collective achievements, our art, our architecture, literature, science, theology, our empires, our struggles, our failures, our compassion for each other. It's present in all of us as individuals, for which of us doesn’t want our life, our memory to be remembered when we are gone? We as a species are capable of such great things, great destruction and great good. And throughout our entire history as a species, we’ve never stopped looking up at the moon and the stars, admiring them, fascinated by them, studying them, unaware at times of our origin among them but always drawn to their light, their unspoken promise. Until finally in the 20th century, the culmination of thousands of years of research and science and engineering, the best efforts of the best we humans have to offer - we unlock the sky we’ve dreamed of for so long and we build machines to take us to the Moon. We build the Saturn V, the Apollo capsules, we push ourselves from the cradle and beyond our ancient limits and we - fragile, living mortals - walk upon the Moon itself. We leave our handprints, after all this time, in the purest form of star dust we will likely ever physically encounter, the living imprinting its shape into the inert, like a brother finally coming home.

But we don’t stop there. We build satellites and the Hubble Telescope, the International Space Station and satellites and rovers and probes to pave the way for us, our reunion with the stars. We take more stardust and primal elements and fashion them in our image, to go to other worlds and scout the cosmos for us. We name them after the best of ourselves: Pioneer, Perseverance, Curiosity, Sojourner, Spirit, that they may represent us well to the cosmos and whatever it may contain. We build Voyager 1 and Voyager 2, currently the furthest of our creations from the Earth in the cold vastness of interstellar space, and in Voyager 2 we place the Golden Record. A disk of pure gold upon which we recorded the sounds and voice of Earth - water running, leaves falling in the wind, ocean waves, volcanoes bursting, birds singing, and us - human voices, human laughter, human crying, greetings in every language, our music, a baby crying, a heart beating. We took inert stardust and imprinted ourselves, living dust, upon it, and sent it out into interstellar space to be our witness and our message. That we, the universe living and self ware, see the stars we came from and that we understand; we say through the pinnacle of our innovation and with the same depth of expression as those first handprints, “We, the living dust, give this record back to you and for ourselves, that we existed once, and that it mattered.” We sent it as a testimony, as an offering, as a prayer, and as a vow: that we aren’t done yet, that as long as Humanity lives we will never be done, and if we do eventually end that there will have been a time, if only briefly, that the stars knew and understood themselves, and that despite or even because of its brevity, it will have mattered.

#creatus annus

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annazverina · 5 years ago

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2020 Letter to the World

In 2015, I began writing annual Letters to the World to reflect on what I learned during the year. I shared my first one publicly in 2018, and since then I discuss certain topics that were relevant during the year and what they taught me. Enjoy.

***

I typically don’t start writing my annual Letter to the World until October or November at the earliest, but this year has already been a huge whirlwind for the entire world. I started writing this in April and edited it until the day it was posted. At that point, we had been in isolation for a month. A few weeks later, yet another revolution sparked within the United States. As soon as the riots and protests started, I knew this would be the hardest letter I’ve ever written.

This year I will discuss coronavirus, racism, social media, and the importance of face to face communication.

Around the time I finished writing last year’s letter, a new illness was taking over Wuhan, China. This new, mysterious strain of coronavirus was infecting people left and right. But like any other American, I didn’t worry about it, though I kept track of it on Twitter. I remember the time when there were only 600 cases, and it hadn’t spread outside of Wuhan yet. Man, those were the days. It’s amazing how much the world changed within a month, a week, and a few days.

A month before isolation, my friends and I drove down to San Antonio for the TMEA convention. Tens of thousands of music educators in the same building. At that same time, San Antonio had its first cases of COVID-19. Less than a month later, SXSW was cancelled. That’s when I realized that this was becoming a big deal. The same day the WHO declared the pandemic, my university announced it was moving to online instruction for what would eventually be the rest 2020. My first day of quarantine was 14 March. I began vlogging occasionally to document the experience.

I barely left the house during quarantine. For the first five months, the only reasons I left were to go walking, move out of the dorm, or to pick up food. My family took a trip to Colorado right before I left for school, which was our first time eating at a restaurant in 150 days. None of my family or our friends officially tested positive. At school, my roommate did, which led to a two week isolation for me. It really bothered me that those who could stay home weren’t. I get that the United States was founded with freedom in mind (even though we’re not free yet), but I don’t understand why people weren’t willing to give up a little bit of freedom and wear a piece of cloth on their face. Sometimes, you have to give up freedom for the sake of the big picture. I learned that many Americans don’t understand that. The United States shut down too late and reopened too early. Those above us care too much about money. The economy is important, but so are people. Human lives matter, including Black lives.

We all know what happened.

Every January in elementary school, we learned about the Civil Rights Movement. However, they did not mention that racism was still an ongoing problem. They implied that it was a thing of the past. God, I wish it was. I don’t think it ever will be, but the things we can do to eliminate it as much as possible are promoting anti-racism and teaching those who come after us that no matter where someone comes from, they can’t form any opinions about them until they know what’s in their heart.

That entire week after the murder was very overwhelming. It made me wonder what kind of families racist people grew up in to think that it’s okay to not be good to everyone. I live my life with one thing in mind all the time: be good to myself and others. And I think everyone else, regardless of socioeconomic background, race, religion, whatever, should do the same. And we must teach those who come after to follow those footsteps.

There was never a class in school dedicated to being good citizens. They just yelled at the students doing bad things to stop, but never explained why it was bad, nor did they tell them how to be better. Common human decency is something that should be taught K-12, and I honestly think it’s more important than STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math). We cannot force the students to rely on their parents for something like this, because some parents are uneducated, some are not good people, some suck at parenting, and way too many children in the world don’t even have parents. Schools are the ones that need to teach kids how to be good… all the way through.

WE MUST BE THE CHANGE. Those currently in power appear to not be doing anything, so those who want change must RISE UP. For us civilians, signing petitions and donating is great, and being good, like I mentioned above, is also something we should do. We must change our behavior for the better. We cannot rely on other people to do stuff for us. We must do it ourselves. Change is not a process that can happen over night. So far it’s taken decades/centuries of work, but someday we will be there. Even if we don’t live to see it, the work we do now will help our future descendants.

After George Floyd’s murder and the explosion of social media, I was super overwhelmed with everything I was reading. I decided to take the month of June off of Twitter, and man, I’m glad I did. Social media in general is a toxic place to be, and cutting out Twitter and Facebook was healthy for me. In terms of toxicity, Twitter and Facebook, in my opinion, are the worst platforms. On Twitter, it’s hard to control what you see in your feed. Most of the tweets in my feed are from people I don’t follow. They’re tweets I never signed up to see, and they flood my feed with posts that sometimes feel like propaganda. Sometimes I feel like celebrities are worshipped like a deity. I often feel like I’m not allowed to have my own personal beliefs on Twitter, rather I have to conform to what the loudmouthed users believe. If I don’t, I’m racist, misogynistic, homophobic, etc. Facebook is similar, but most of the people I follow are my friends or family, so I can’t unfollow them.

Surprisingly, I like Instagram. Reposting is very uncommon, and posting more than once a day is unofficially considered spam, therefore people have to put all their politics into one single post, which I can scroll past and never see again. You never see posts from people you don’t follow, (except for the occasional advert) and overall I think people use it mostly to share photos of their lives. Most of the flaws that come from Instagram are the people who use it, but it’s easy to avoid them.

My brother shared some statistics with me recently. Only about 10 percent of Twitter users tweet on a normal basis. About 40 percent of people in the United States have a Twitter account. With that in mind, theoretically, the loud mouthed Twitter users only make up about 4 percent of the U.S. population. Or… something like that. I don’t know how accurate these statistics are, nor do I know where my brother got them from. Regardless, social media does not represent everyone in the world. Not even close.

The nice thing about living in a world of social media is being able to keep in touch with friends and family while quarantined. This whole quarantine process made me ever so grateful for face to face meetings. Some people believe no one will ever want to work again once everything ends. That’s not true. I think most people like working. Being able to leave the house every day and do something, even if it’s something you don’t like, is what keeps us sane. When it came time to return to school, I was initially really mad due to COVID. I ended up being okay with it. My school did a fantastic job at keeping COVID cases down for the entire semester (we only had an average of 20 cases a week, compared to some schools who had hundreds). Not only that, but I was able to see my family away from home again. Even though we wore masks and social distanced most of the time, things felt somewhat normal.

If you are the kind of person who could care less if you see your friends and coworkers in person, don’t forget that most people don’t feel that way. It’s hard to have group conversations on Zoom. You certainly can’t have a party where multiple conversations happen. Don’t assume everyone feels the same way about something. Let people have their social gatherings when it’s acceptable again, and don’t belittle people who feel different from you.

Everyone must do the right thing… all the time. Even when no one is watching. It’s our job to develop the habit of being good to ourselves and to others regardless. If we do that, we’ll be able to go back to a normal-ish life sooner. Lin-Manuel Miranda called America a “great unfinished symphony” in Hamilton. America, you great unfinished symphony, we still have unfinished business to take care of. The change we need won’t come tomorrow. The amount of work we have before we reach the double bar line will take generations to get to. We cannot allow a repeat sign. We must start today. May 2021 be a year of healing.

#2020 #just reflecting #reflections #fandom #lams #destiel #phan #johnlock #important #healing #beautiful #covid #fuck covid #blacklivesmatter #acceptance #respect #quarantine #zoom #2021

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