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jebazzled · 5 years ago

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it ain’t your muse! (shut up & write, ft. rihanna)

You nerds are always talking about your muse. My muse this, my muse that, I have no muse, my muse went the way of the dinosaurs, if my muse comes out of its burrow and sees its shadow I won’t be able to write for six weeks.

Shut up about your fucking muse!

It is true that you might go through periods where it is hard to find time and energy to write, or negative experiences in a writing community might leave you with anxiety surrounding writing. But by and large, writers block is something you can overcome!

Please, for the love of god, let me help you.

Writing is a muscle, and you’ve got to exercise it if you don’t want it to atrophy.

This tutorial is a bit of tough love about y’all and y’all’s diddly-darn muses, and some advice for snapping yourself out of it!

So here’s the thing about writing, my loves. You have to actually do it.

TERRIBLY inconvenient, I know.

I’m not here to tell you how to manage your work-life balance or how to manage your time. If you’re not writing much because you straight up don’t have time to write much, my advice is simple: pare down on your characters, focus on the plots that matter most to you, and spend some mental health juice on reminding yourself that there isn’t an RP Prom Queen, and even if there were, it’s better not to live or die by that bizarro crown.

But if you’re having trouble writing because of Your Muse... I’m cracking my knuckles.

We’ve all written with folks before - or been that folk before - who need a very specific set of circumstances if they’re going to write: they need time to Pinterest, need to listen to a specific playlist, need to get in the mindset, need the thread to scratch a very specific itch and need all of it to come together before the moon passes out of a waxing gibbous. As a fellow dev ho, I understand the appeal of writing to suit a mood, of vibing to a playlist, of prioritizing the stuff you’re going fucking feral for, of having the stars align while you do the thing. But if you’re like this when you’re writing for other people -

well, you’re making things difficult for both you and your writing partners! We can’t control the external constraints on our time, e.g. work and school, and we can’t always control the nonsense our psychology spins to keep us from writing. But some things are within our control, and by god, if there is any control to be had in the year of Mother Sappho 2021, don’t you want it?

At least some of your writers block is probably dumb as hell. So let’s beat the shit out of that part.

Anyway, if you’re yakking on and on about how your muse demands a bottle of red wine and a scented candle and fairy lights and soft socks and the blood of the servant, willfully given in order to spit out 200 words, or whatever...

it’s not that fucking deep.

Writing is a muscle. It’s like any other muscle: you need to exercise it.

If you’re training for a 5k, you don’t sit on your couch listening to “Eye of the Tiger” until race day. You get your ass off the cushion and pound the pavement. You probably start by alternating walks with short bursts of running. You probably don’t work your way up to actually running 5k at a time for a few weeks. And once you’ve run that first 5k, you don’t go sit on your couch to listen to “Eye of the Tiger” until the next race. You keep running to stay in shape for the next race.

Writing is like that.

What you write does not have to be perfect.

You can work on the post for six weeks and there will still be things you could change. You know what change your writing partner would have appreciated most? If you’d posted it for them three weeks ago. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.

Cut yourself the same slack you cut for your writing partners. Do you yearn to keelhaul them if their reply isn’t worth a National Book Award? No, because you’re not an asshole. They’re also not an asshole. Everyone is reasonable here. Write something that responds to what they gave you and that gives them something to work with. Not every single post has to be capital-I Inspired. ✨

What you write does not have to be a vibe ready for the Goop newsletter.

I was a creative writing major in college, and I was always having to turn stuff in for class that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to work on: a short story set in another country when I just wanted to write a play with puppets, an essay about food when I would rather write one about a weekend drive, etc.

Sometimes, you write what you write when you write it not because it’s getting you hot and bothered but because you’ve owed a reply for A While and you feel bad about keeping someone waiting. It will still be fun, because you chose to do that thread with your character and someone else’s character for a reason, and that reason stands, even if your monkey brain is yearning to play with that slime that makes fart noises when you put it away.

(Pro tip, here: don’t do threads you don’t actually have any interest in writing! It is less awkward to tell someone, “I am not interested in my character weed whacking your character’s lawn” than to waste their time with 10 posts of it before telling them, “I am not interested in my character weed whacking your character’s lawn.”)

The more you write, the easier it is.

Let’s talk about running again. A couple of years ago, I went on a bit of a kick with the running. I ran at least three times a week. I would bring my running shit with me to work so I could run in the park near my office. I would make running dates with friends. I would reward myself with a bagel from my favorite cafe if I did a run. And you know what? Once I got myself past the hurdle of pulling on my running clothes and lacing up my shoes, I enjoyed myself. When I ran 5k without slowing to a walk, I was proud of myself. When I told myself, “let’s do another loop at the park!” and stopped to take a photo of the sunset, I enjoyed myself. I would not have enjoyed myself if I hadn’t hit the goddamn pavement.

Put your ass in your fucking chair. I don’t care if you don’t have the right scented candle. Write 50 words. Right fucking now. I’ll wait.

Write another 50.

Now write another 100.

How long did that take you? Some days, it might take you 90 minutes to write 200 words. But that’s 200 more words than you would have written in 90 minutes of browsing Pinterest waiting for an angel to come down from heaven and write this post for you.

All that bullshit you do to Feed Your Muse? It’s stalling, you idiot.

The more you make yourself write instead of just thinking about writing, the easier it will be to actually fucking write.

I used to sit and stare at posts for hours and hours and hours before submitting them, so worried about the post being good enough. When I moved to a neighborhood with an aboveground train line, I was able to write on my morning commute, and writing every morning - even if only the 200 words I could crank out on mobile in 30 minutes before work - got me out of my weird writers block crutches and security blankets. It didn’t take as much effort to write, anymore. I wrote over 200,000 words in 2019, and over 300,000 words in 2020, when I had barely any commute at all to use on writing. I didn’t magically have endless hours of free time. I just wasn’t wasting my free time pretending that being on Tumblr counted as writing.

Tough love: doled out. And now:

TIPS & TRICKS FOR BEATING “””Writers Block”””

Stop acting like Writers Block is real. It’s not that it’s not real, but by telling yourself that you have Writers Block, you’re making it worse for yourself. You’re making excuses for yourself. I used Writers Block to stall writing my Topics in Creative Writing: Folktales portfolio for 3 months, and you know what happened? I still had to turn in the fucking portfolio, because the person I was writing for didn’t fucking care about my fucking Writers Block. And you know who had to sit her ass in a chair and write 30 pages of folktales in a 24 hour period? Me. It’s almost like my Writers Block was just PROCRASTINATION.

Set a timer. If you’re looking at your list of replies owed and you’re feeling like it might be easier to “do character dev” and “build a playlist” than to write your posts, break the task into smaller pieces. If your server has a sprint bot, use it. If not, set your own timer. Organize your list of threads with the ones you’ve owed replies on the longest at the top. Set your timer for 20 minutes and see how much you can write for the oldest post you owe. Not done? Set the timer for another 20 minutes. Keep setting that timer until that post is done and you can drop it in the tags channel. Now do the same for the second oldest. CRANK! THEM! OUT! If you find that it’s depleting your creative energy, that’s not unusual! When I get to this point in my own posting habits, my oldest replies owed are usually for Albus Dumbledore, a character I write specifically because I hate him. It is often easier to knock out all his posts in one chunk rather than shift voice, so this ends up working out nicely.

Don’t indulge your stupid stalling tactics. Do you typically get sidetracked by Pinterest? Put your phone away and close that tab. Do you get absorbed in lining up the perfect music for writing a post? Write in silence, asshole. Do you need to be in your favorite chair with the right lighting? Go sit on a park bench and write on mobile. It’s nice to write in idealized environments. I rented a treehouse last summer to write 10k on a novel! I get it! But you absolutely can write in other environments, if you have to. And if you can get yourself to write on a dark skin on your iPad at an airport in the Midwest while waiting for a flight - well, shit, think of how much you’ll be able to write on a laptop when your diva ass demands are properly met!

Don’t take on shit you don’t want to write. I fully admit that these tactics feel a bit like homework/chores/a to-do list for what is of course a fun hobby. You know how they say “love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life?” If you don’t take on plots, characters, and threads that don’t have a lick of interest or excitement for you, this shit won’t feel like a hassle.

Hope this whips all you little miscreants (myself included) into shape! Now quit your yapping and start writing.

#rp guides #resources #writing resources #on writing #stop trying to make writers block happen. it's not going to happen.

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jam-is-my-food · 4 years ago

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writing asks. all of them. ( for 50 uhh just write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you </3 )

fUCK YOU NESSIE

THAT’S IT IM DOING IT JUST TO SPITE YOU

this is gonna be long asf click keep reading at risk of death or boredom

1. Do you listen to music when you write?

not usually, it's distracting

2. Are you a pantser or plotter?

naturally pantser but if i wanna actually finish smth i gotta plot it hh

3. Computer or pen and paper?

computer i'm not a boOmer /j i so am

4. Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

bitch i wiSh

actually technically i was published in this anthology thing once? and i think i have a piece in a magazine somewhere on the internet i forget those are cool

but yeah bye getting a novel published is my d r e a m (gotta write a novel first tho lawl)

5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

n o t m u c h

unless i get one of my bUrsts aka finishing a 2.3K almoons chapter before 8am the other week after procrastinating it for like two months

but yeah jdsghliuedskj it um depends often none

6. Single or multiple POV?

i answered that for kiri so i'll just copy paste it over loll

mmm it depends. usually i do single? but i do do multiple occasionally. i almost never do alternating chapters, though, it’s usually more like part one is narrated by person a, part two person b etc.

7. Standalone or series?

baha like i could ever write a series (please, please be jinxing yourself rn refster) aside from that one trilogy when i was 7 but uh yeah atm just standalones but a series would be so cool in future

8. Oldest WIP

the aforementioned trilogy. chronicles of clara. it is incREDIBLE. 10/10. so good. so, so good.

9. Current WIP

i haven't actually mentioned it on tumblr yet but hehehe it's called the wordweaver's apprentice it's fantasy and i'm v excited about it :DD that was ooc but :DD

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

(also answered for kiri, copy-pasting over)

hahahahhahahuhdkjashdglauhsdaugediuskjlkehdsgihkdskhgdkjx

i? try?

it does not go well?

but then i never finish my projects?

send help pls im dying

11. Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

lmao the list is too long

12. Describe your perfect writing space

somewhere w/o distractions

13. Describe your writing process from idea to polished

hm. idea. that's cool. that's cool. write it down. hype myself up. forget about it within a week.

el em mayo

but like

f r LMAO

okay but fr fr idk i don't usually finish stuff but it'd be idea, brainstorm, plot (sort of), write, agonize, write, finish, throw in the other direction and never touch again bc revision whos she

14. How do you deal with self-doubts?

cry and spam my friends

15. How do you deal with writer’s block?

i don’t - mm. i don’t tend to get writer’s block? or like - idk what to classify as writer’s block? bc sometimes i get blocked for a certain story, but then i get really into like poetry or sum for a week so it’s fine idk

16. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

o n e as i said i don't - revision is a no

17. What writing habits or rituals do you have?

uHhHhhhhh idk???

18. If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

*laughs in gfc*

19. How do you keep yourself motivated?

i don't. if you have any ideas please hmu i need it.

20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

m a n y.

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

mmmmmmmmm i love cass i haven't written her in too long but i think she's probably my most well-done character to date and i'm so proud of her badkghewiludkjs

22. Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

c y i l l

though possible imeini (ship name needs revision) in future we shall see (from twa) (the aforementioned newish wip)

23. Favourite author

there are Many

24. Favourite genre to write and read

fantasy maybe? ooh dystopia is fun

25. Favourite part of writing

everything about it when i'm motivated hh, my problem is getting more motivation

26. Favourite writing program

oh idk huh?

27. Favourite line/scene

idk?

28. Favourite side character

j o o s t

29. Favourite villain

i def have one but i forget

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

too many

31. Least favourite part of writing

motivating myself :/

32. Most difficult character to write

mmmm i'm not really in the throes of a wip atm so idk

33. Have you ever killed a main character?

yessir

34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

drunk will was surprisingly difficult in a fun way. def not the hardest but yeah

35. What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

god idk

36. Last sentence you wrote

And then Mei was gone, and in the space that she'd filled, Imani whispered, "I wish I was like you."

37. First sentence or your current WIP

It is said that when we came to this stretch of Tatys land, it was empty.

38. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

mm there was one about anthropomorphic chickens battling sentient fruits, the fruits in question also being six-year olds

39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

s e e a b o v e

40. Share some backstory for one of your characters

cass's mom used to have a drug problem & she would leave her alone for long stretches of time, she went to rehab and is now sober but it's where cass gets her abandonment issues from

41. Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

just write! no one taught me how to do anything, and there's no rules per se, aside from basic grammatical stuff. do what you wanna do, don't worry about others' reactions. this is cliche asf but true.

42. How do you feel about love triangles?

mostly gross, but they can be good.

43. What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

adapt. i g o w i t h t h e f l o w.

44. How much research do you do?

not much usually, depends on the genre of story. i do as much as i feel i need to. and ofc i have the random writer search history.

45. How much world building do you do?

in the past, not much. twa (once again my new wip) is fantasy, though, so i' m attempting to remedy that.

46. Do you reread your own stories?

i do! it's fun to look back at them after a few years and see how much i've improved.

47. Best way to procrastinate

random character headcanons/doodle writey spurt thingies

48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

bAHA this one scene in the cHrOniCLeS of cLaRa book two when this girl lisa who was 100% self-insert got annoyed at her little sister daisy (sister-insert) for chewing too loudly and then proceeded to use her wAtEr pOwErs to like flood the house. that part was less self-insert.

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

bye that's so hard. c a d m u s & l a u r e n t tho cinnamon rolls are liFE.

50. Write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you

i don't gotta write my own bitch i have everything i need to plagiarize from right here

"Raver-Lampman’s enthusiasm is contagious. So is her laugh. It comes from deep inside, just like her voice, and it rings out — ricocheting off furniture and walls. Her head is shaved, all except for a distinctive swath of tight curls on the top and left side of her head. She has the tiniest septum ring in her nose, and a tattoo of what looks like a musical note behind her right ear."

- the clearly gay jessica belt

thank you for the ASKS darLING and thank you if you read this idk why or whether you're okay but yup

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thesunnyshow · 5 years ago

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Name: Juliet

Writing Blog URL(s): @wonderlustlucas

Nationality: American

Languages: English, beginner level French, teeny tiny bit of Korean

Star Sign: Virgo

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Favorite color: Pastel yellow

Favorite food: My mom’s Sunday gravy

Favorite movie: Howl’s Moving Castle (The Lion King is a close second though)

Favorite ice cream flavor: Specifically Turkey Hill’s Double Dunker (get it— it’s so good)

Favorite animal: Humpback whale

Go-to karaoke song: She’s Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds of Summer

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Neurosurgeon! Or a Twitch streamer HAHA

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? Ahhh probably coffee, I love tea but I need my coffee </3

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? Shapeshifting! Clearly the superior superpower I don’t take constructive criticism.

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? This is weirdly specific, but I would love to be in Scotland during the 1700’s. Alternatively, the 1980’s.

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 100%. I know everything happens for a reason but getting a redo and being able to fix all the big mistakes I made would be pretty nice.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? One horse-sized chicken! 100 tiny horses would be crazy tiring.

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? I would probably be the gay side character that gives good emotional advice but is hella lonely LMAO

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? Yes, both!

What are some small things that make your day better? Driving with the windows down and music blasting, picking up coffee, playing video games, & talking to my internet friends on Discord.

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? I discovered my love for writing through Warrior Cats roleplay😭

What fandom(s) do you write for? Right now, only Kpop, but I wouldn’t mind writing for 5SOS or some of my other fandoms!

When did you post your first piece? On WattPad, December 2015. On Tumblr, April 2018 :)

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? I write everything! Fluff/smut/crack is my favorite and slight angst (usually just slow burn though cus I’m soft).

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? Again, I write anything and everything! Currently, second or third person reader inserts are my main style, but I also do ships and would love to write more OCs.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? Before Tumblr, I was on WattPad for different fandoms but eventually fell off. Then, when I got into Kpop in 2017, I found that urge to write again and decided to move to Tumblr since WattPad was becoming… weird. Plus Tumblr was a better fit for me!

What inspires you to write? To be completely honest, it’s the little things throughout the day that inspire me. For example, “Honey” was inspired by me not being able to open my locker in high school. “I Hemoglobin You” was based off my friend giving me a head rub while I was donating blood. Kpop idols just so happen to be my muses that I like to put into random moments of inspiration!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? High school or college AUs are my favorite, along with some good ol’ friends to lovers slow burn. Angst isn’t my forte so I usually just stick to fluff, smut, and some crack. I haven’t written any but fantasy AUs are some of my favorites too! (RIP to my League of Legends AU that I started and haven’t touched in months.)

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? Just like other fanfiction authors inspire me, I hope some of my work inspires others. Considering fanfiction is free, there is so much out there to read and when I find a good story that inspires ME to write better, I’d love for my writing to do the same.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? 3 options: 1) Skip that scene and jump ahead to one I’m excited to write; 2) Erase what part I’m on and completely redo it; or 3) Drop it. The majority of my works usually take a few months to write as I will completely stop working on it until I find the right inspiration again.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? “Four” is definitely my favorite work. It’s one of my longer pieces and there was a lot of raw emotion in there on my end. I love the relationship between Hyunjin and the reader and especially love the ending. “Greatest Gift” for Chanyeol is my most successful, and one of my other favorites!

Who is your favorite person to write about? Easily Hwang Hyunjin. It’s so easy to place him in any of my works, and sometimes it’s a struggle to NOT write him. It sounds stupid but sometimes I really feel like I “know” him so being able to describe him physically and mentally is easy for me.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? Yes and no. Yes, because most of the time, fanfiction is totally original as well and requires just as much thought as a 400,000 word novel. No, because fanfiction uses a specific person as a muse.

What do you think makes a good story? Detail and realistic dialogue! Of course, everyone has their own style of writing, but detail is especially important to me. Sure, you can have a great plot, but having concise, detailed writing to get immersed into makes a story so much better. I also find realistic dialogue to be a big deal— I hate when teenage characters are speaking in deep analogies because, if we’re being honest, my daily language is 95% just “Bruh.” If you’re like me, I’d actually prefer realistic dialogue over anything else.

What is your writing process like? Process… yikes. Sometimes… I have a random thought and then I’m like… hell yeah let’s write that. I actually have no process. I don’t outline, I just start writing and keep writing until I’m finished. Then I’ll read it all over to make edits, then I’ll use the Read Aloud feature to catch any mistakes I missed, then I’ll run it through Grammarly before posting!

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? Hm, maybe? In the future, possibly, but as of right now I wouldn’t use any of my fics to do so.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? Oh, gosh, tropes. Gotta love them. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, stuck together (AKA forced to share a bed), and fake relationships are my favorites. They may be corny, but I also love truth or dare or 7 minutes in heaven games in fics cus… they’re just classics. Also love fics with a popular x shy pairing. I can’t say I dislike many tropes, but I definitely have a love/hate relationship with vampire and werewolf tropes because of how romanticized they are.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? Hm, to be completely honest, only a little bit? I mainly write for myself, it’s like a guilty pleasure to just get all my thoughts and desires out, and then I just so happen to make it public on Tumblr. Nevertheless, receiving comments and asks actually make my day, and sometimes I still struggle to wrap my mind around people enjoying my writing! So, thank you to everyone who has ever left me a kind message, I truly appreciate it ♥

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? Getting involved! I think one of the best ways to grow is to join networks, which not only gives you the opportunity to share your work on a greater scale, but also allows you to make connections. Like real life, making connections and making friendships with other writers can play a huge role in growing as a writer and growing your account.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? Yes :( As someone who’s involved with other fandoms, I’ve heard the way some people think of fanfiction and it’s really sad. People do not know how much goes into writing and just see it as cringey and disgusting when it’s just… not.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? Yes! In all its forms, art is something a creator can use to influence their audience (in a good way, hopefully).

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? Like I said in #40, I mainly write for myself. Even when I’m writing a request, chances are if I like the request enough I’m going to create a story out of it that fits my personal desires the most.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? No! However, I’d still consider myself a small account and do not have TOO many works posted. But so far, I don’t think I’ve faced this problem :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? Only a few! My best friend Maggie is on Tumblr with me and only 2 of my other pals know I write fanfiction.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? How much I love each and every one of them for supporting me and sticking around even when I won’t post for months🥺❤️

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? Don’t psych yourself out! In the time I’ve spent on Tumblr, I’ve never received any substantial hate. My main advice is don’t write fanfiction to get popular on the app, write fanfiction because you love to write and love your muses!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? No, as much as Tumblr can be annoying at times, I love the people I’ve met and the content I’ve found and wouldn’t have wanted to use any other platform.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? @pinktea99 — Mo, you’ve been around since the beginning honestly, and without you I wouldn’t have been able to come out of my shell! Thank you for all your love & support & for being my SF9 buddy❤️

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

“Like mate, stop procrastinating.” — 3RACHA

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #326

“life by life / waste to waste / i'm the harbinger: the master of decay”

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? Probably the venue. Or possibly the photographer. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? Not very. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Very much so. Do you own anything that is special edition? Yeah, things like DVDs. Do you have any funky bookmarks? I have this one meerkat bookmark where the image moves when you tilt it. Did you ever watch Pokemon? Hell yeah I did. Are there more females or males in your family? Females. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mom does due to having gerd. Dad did too when I actually lived with him. I wouldn't know nowadays. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? No. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. Any essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Similar interests, like being a metal fan and gamer especially, as well as a serious animal lover for sure. Any romantic gestures you really like? Okay if someone did that little bow thing while reaching out for my hand to dance, I'd melt, lol. I also appreciate love interests holding open doors, SHOWING INTEREST IN HOW I FCKN FEEL, asking permission before doing anything in sexual exploration, stuff like that. Any sexual fantasies? Are you daring enough to share one? Yep, not sharing those lmfao. Have you ever been in love? Twice. What is your favorite/least favorite word? My favorite is "serendipity/serendipitous," and my least favorite is "retarded." Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. If I actually had a body I was confident in, I probably would in privacy tho at night lmao. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Oh yeah. What is your favorite thing to do? Probably RPing with my favorite OCs when I'm in a really creative mood and during a great scene. Did you go to your senior prom? Yeah, I did. Prom's honestly pretty damn overrated, but I did it and his senior prom anyway. It's the picking out a beautiful dress and taking pictures that I loved. What did you do after graduation? I don't remember. We probably went out to eat or something. Favorite home cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? Nothing, really. Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? No. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. Uhhhhh idk. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I hate the texture of whipped cream. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? Sometimes if I want a snack but am trying to be healthy-ish, I'll eat just a scoop. What was the last pill you took for? Pain. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? Loose, 100%. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Meerkats grooming. I did it in high school on a large piece of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Take It Like a Woman" by Alice Cooper, for one. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Very smart, sweet, friendly, and nice. Game you were best at in PE/gym? Pf, none. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Pokemon. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's talk about deep stuff regarding the world or about how awesome animals are. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh boy. There are just way too many. I'll try to name a few: 1.) the "I can't find my berries" saga guy; 2.) *in drive-thru, asked what he would like to order* "I wanna FUCKIN DIE"; 2.) "i cOUldA DROPpeD my CroISSAnt"; 3.) "it's Wednesday, m'dudes"; 4.) "a d a m"; 5.) "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH." God, I miss Vine. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Holy cow, I have no idea. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite tradition? Dressing up for Halloween, even though I don't do it anymore... Talent you’re proud of having? Writing. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz was unbeatable. I was obsessed. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Favorite potato food? French fries. Tell me the color of your eyes, without using the name of a color: Uhhhh a cloudy sky right before rain? Ever been through a goth phase? Goth is my fucking AESTHETIC. I wish I could afford a truly gothic wardrobe, because you bet your sweet ass it's all I'd wear out. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I think so? It was a Blueberry, I believe. Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? Obviously the Cheshire cat. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? Lately, it's been tarantula and snake channels/pet YouTubers. I still think my overall favorites are let's plays, but right now it's just stepping back a bit. What’s the next project you are excited to start? I have this pretty cool drawing I wanna do of a morbid meerkat doing a big toothy smile, doing a peace sign (but his fingers are syringes) with a crown blinking over his head. Inspired by the "Professional Griefers" lyric of "lab rat king." I just really wanna make it perfect and am procrastinating in fear of failing... Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think I believe in miracles. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, Justine, and Chloe, to name a few. Which did you like better: high school or college? High school, at least in most ways. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. My interests just kinda threw up everywhere, haha. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. Were you raised religious? Yes. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't have to do taxes yet. What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? Venus was the first big thing, I think. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament: I don't know what that would be, honestly. We have so very many. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Dad's always been a mailman, and he also had a second job as a carpenter for a while. Mom worked with special needs children at my elementary school as a teacher assistant. She also worked at the hospital at one point, doing some computer work. I don't remember her actual position. Are you taller than your mom? We're the same height. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Sure, that's not a big deal to me. Last reason you went to the ER? For myself, a suicide attempt/overdose. What was the last word document you typed? This survey, actually, so I could save progress as I combine them. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? Global warming. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple. I wanted apple slices with peanut butter. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? Holy SHIT that is impossible. Maybe the devil cakes, but I really don't know. I love most of them. Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? Bagged. White, wheat or other? Mom buys white bread, but my favorite is pumpernickel. What was the last non-fiction book you’ve read? (Not a school textbook!): I ain't got a clue. I don't really read non-fiction. What color are your headphones/earbuds? These are blue. Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Yep. Thankfully, I don't snore. Do you feel guilty about killing bugs? Yep. How do you feel about coconut? Not a fan. ^ Ever cracked one open? Ha, I've always wanted to. Who did you last worry about and why? My mom. She's getting a CT scan ASAP due to chronic headaches and stomach pain, so I'm worried her cancer might be re-emerging. When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I don't know; I struggle to do this. If I don't like something, my face shows it. I can't help it. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of? No. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? N/A If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? I don't know. Real talk, I find most luxury brands to sell pretty ugly stuff... Do you like candy canes? Yeah. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yes; one is my landlord. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? It was black. Ever go to another school’s prom? No. Do you like burning candles or incense? I love incense. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? When I used to live in the woods, I did every now and then to take pictures. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? Single, but that would be so romantic. /swoons How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was this emo/metalhead/goth creature. What is the best present you have ever received? My dog Teddy. <3 What is the best present you have ever given? I put the most effort into a scrapbook thing of well over a hundred reasons I loved my then-boyfriend Jason. Even though we're done, I honestly hope he still has it, just to remember. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Sara's parents paying for a flight up there to be with Sara for her birthday. Have you ever been robbed? No, thankfully. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? Definitely a nope. Ever give someone a wrong phone number on purpose? No. What’s the strangest thing you have ever witnessed firsthand? I have no idea. It's... very morbid, but possibly dogs twitching after being euthanized. Seeing Teddy do it was such a strange, painful experience. Like there was still life in there... even though I know it was just his nerves doing their final hoorah and he was already dead. Ever seen a psychiatric ward? I've been in a mental hospital five or six times, so I'm uncomfortably familiar with them. What is the last thing you did that you didn’t want to do? Group therapy. I'm really burning out on it. Thankfully, I don't have it on the weekends. What is the last thing you convinced someone else to do? I dunno. If you could live in a different time, would you? When? Nah. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? Sleeping alone is more comfortably physically, but I usually prefer sleeping with a partner because there's this amazing feeling of safety, love, and companionship. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Do you prefer cold air and blankets, or warm air and no blankets? Cold air and blankets by ten miles. I can't sleep if I'm even remotely hot. How often do you dust? Sigh, not as much as I need to. What is the most "extreme" activity you have ever done? I haven't done very much that fits that description... so idk. Dr. Pepper or root beer? Dr. Pepper. I hate root beer. Last room you cleaned? Mine. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? Checked into the doctor's office by myself, haha... Talk about sad. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? It's not my business to actually share those pictures, but I can describe them. I fucking ADORE this candid photograph I took of my mom laughing; I will forever cherish it. It's morbid to think about, but it's absolutely a picture I'll frame of her once she's passed away. I don't have many pictures of Dad, but I do really like this picture we took together at Red Lobster once. Are you subscribed to anything (Magazines, monthly boxes, streaming sites, etc.)? Mom pays an Adobe Creative Cloud photography bundle subscription for me, but that's it. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. It was a rewatch for me, but she'd never seen it. What’s something exciting that’s happened to one of your friends recently? A childhood friend got engaged a few days back. Do you have any board games? If so, where do you keep them? We have a few somewhere. What were the last things you glued together? I don’t recall. What are your friends’ pets’ names? I'll just use Sara here since she's my best friend. She has two family dogs, Buster and Beesly, a cat named Winter, four ball pythons named Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, and Jane Marie, and Doris, a bearded dragon that I personally adore most. :') What all did you do today? I played World of Warcraft early this morning, but not for very long. I've been in a phase of being very uninterested in it lately. I've mostly just done surveys... lots of surveys. I'm just in the mood to. I've also been listening to music and watching John Wolfe play Amnesia: Rebirth periodically. If you live in a house, how many floors does it have? If you live in an apartment building, how many units does it have? It's just one floor. Would you like to live in a world with mythical creatures, even if they turned out to be evil or dangerous? Honestly... I probably would, haha. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? Never, I think and hope. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? Eggs or oatmeal. Not really. What do you think of people who purposefully train their dogs to fight or to be aggressive? They're fucking garbage human beings. If you suffer/have suffered with acne, do you squeeze your spots or do your best to just leave them be? Ugh, I was so bad (and still am if something pops up) about picking at it. Does your father have any hobbies? What are they? Sure. He loves sports, fishing, idk if he still plays video games, fantasy football... and I can't forget playing with his grandkids. It's hard for me to know all of them when I don't live with him and see him rarely. What did the last face mask you wore look like? It was just a white cotton one. Is there a specific song that you always request at parties? What is it? I don't go to parties. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write it. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? I've had infected piercings as well as a badly infected pilonidal cyst. Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? Aaaaand now I'm hooked on "NIHIL" by 3TEETH. Are you currently texting anyone right now? No. When was the last time you played jump rope? Yikes, probably not since I was a kid. I used to love it. Who was the last person you offended? I dunno. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? Not early. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I know trans people who have, yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support and survived? No. At least, I don't believe so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced, and Mom at least can't stand him. Dad doesn't really care. Do you ever feel like you’re sharing too much about yourself online? Oh, I absolutely used to. I still might, idk. I've tried to reel it back some. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Eight, but they're just small, vertical rectangles stacked together, so it's not as revealing as it sounds. What was the last necklace you wore? My spiked choker, I think, for pictures. Or maybe the one I have with a bunch of big silver skulls. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I don't think so, no. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? My half-sister on Dad's side that I've never met. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? A shack, yeah. Do you like art? I positively adore it. I could NOT imagine life without it. How about theatre? I don't care for it. Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes, for Sara. Do you talk to your crush? If you have one. Yeah, she's my best fren. If yes, what do you usually talk about? Nowadays I ask her almost daily how she's doing in regards to her progress of recovering from both serious physical and mental stressors. I try to always be an available ear if she ever wants to vent. Would you rather read or watch a video about something? Watch a video. In what ways have you fulfilled some of the hopes and dreams you had as a teenager? I've fulfilled none of those. What’s one stressful thing you’ve been trying to deal with lately? How have you been dealing with it? Inexplicable, chronic boredom/serious anhedonia. I've just... put up with it. I get pleasure out of essentially nothing most days, and it sucks big time. I just try to distract myself and force myself to do things I usually love, though I've been bad about actually succeeding in making me do said stuff... Is there a regional chain of store/restaurant/etc. in your area that you feel very loyal to? MOTHERFUCKIN BOJANGLE'S, BITCH. You think YOU have good fries somewhere? Oh hunny, sit down. Oftentimes, people warn us against getting tattoos or body modifications or dying our hair unnatural colors because we could be judged poorly for them. But has a more “alternative” look ever worked out in your favor? Well, I like myself better with my piercings and tattoos, and that's all that really matters to me. Do you have any daily routine/habit of that you’re really proud of keeping up? No. .-. Pick one of the following activities to do in a forest (assume you would be equally good at each one of these): Foraging for mushrooms, identifying trees, searching for specific types of bugs, trying to build something out of fallen branches and logs. Searching for bugs w/ my camera!!! But that all sounds fun. What’s the hardest class you’ve ever taken? My most recent math course that I failed horribly.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''master of decay'' by 3teeth

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mysticsparklewings · 5 years ago

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On The Edge

It feels like it's been quite some time since I sat down and got to work on a more involved mixed-media project. And in plenty of ways it has, but I have been working on other artsy projects behind the scenes, which I should be posting sometime soon, I hope. Anyway, this artwork had to be moved to the top of my priority list and also my upload schedule (some of those other projects are already finished, just back-logged) because this is my entry into the Arteza Awards hosted by, shocker, Arteza, and the deadline to enter was the 24th. I actually started working on this piece a week or two early, but me being me, I procrastinated and only just barely got it posted to Instagram with the appropriate tags (per the contest rules) with about 20 minutes to spare. Then again, maybe that's a good thing because I've been known in the past to pull some of my better work out of thin air at the last minute. If that proves the case this time, it would certainly be to my advantage. Anyway. There was no set theme for the contest. The main rules were that you had to use Arteza supplies and they needed to be visible in the image posted to Instagram. I understand why, but I normally don't photograph my art with the supplies because I can usually get more accurate colors and proportions with a scan, and you can pretty much always see the details way better on a scan. But considering the prizes on offer, I wasn't about to let that stop me. I figured I'd just post the supply image first, then add the scan so you could swipe to see it. That way I could have my nice scanned version and still follow the rules. (Also, since they specify Instagram is the main platform for the contest, I'm assuming it doesn't matter if I don't post the supply picture everywhere else. If it does...whoops :P ) For reasons I don't think I should get into here, I knew I needed to go for something kind of high-impact when you first glance at it. But it also needed to not be too involved, lest I be working on it well after the entry window closed and my efforts become somewhat less valuable. I'm not exactly sure how, but this led me around to a concept I've had floating around in my head for a while: A girl (because I am one and know I can draw them better) standing on a mountain top, that looks as if she's one step from free-falling. Originally, I dreamed up this idea hoping to make it into an acrylic painting, but (aside from that fact that I didn't get around to executing the idea until now) I do not own Arteza'a acrylic paints (though I have wanted them for quite some time--It just hasn't happened yet) and also acrylics are not my strongest suit, so now did not seem like the time for an impulse-purchase that could compromise the integrity of my work and therefore my chances in the contest. Although for the day I do get my hands on their acrylics, I now have a solid idea to use to test them out. ;) The Arteza supplies I do have at my disposal are their tube watercolors, woodless watercolor pencils, and 72 expert colored pencils. Which as I learned the last time entered a contest hosted by Arteza, is a fairly limited variety as to what I can actually do. The watercolors by far as the most versatile and my personal favorite of the three though, so they're what I used the most of here. Also, somewhere between deciding to run with my standing-on-the-edge idea and actually doing it, I also decided to add-in the wings in this constellation style I've used somewhere infrequently but am very fond of. As a result, the whole concept has a very similar feel to me as this artwork that I found here on dA years ago and fell so in love with that it spent a good few months as my desktop wallpaper. Obviously, the two images are very different, but to me the idea of the wings is similar: Their structural integrity to fly is questionable, as the wings in the original image appear to be made of glass. Maybe it matters, maybe not. Same thing here: Maybe the wings are really there and just look like a constellation, or maybe this girl just stood in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time. Is the girl even there? Is she real? Can she die? Does it matter if she falls? Would she choose to fly at all, whether the wings work or not? It's sort of a Schrodinger's Cat situation, and something about that is really intriguing to me. Anyway. I started out with a digital sketch this time, mostly to iron out the kinks with...well, everything. I knew getting the right pose would be difficult, and I actually had a pretty different one of her looking out over the edge, maybe clutching her chest or something, originally, but I just couldn't get it to work the way I wanted to and I really struggled to find references for it, so I went with the pose you see here, that I found references for by accident while looking for the other one. I have to admit, seeing the final product I think this pose might actually have been the better choice anyway. The mountain/cliff/whatever I was also having a hard time finding references for, at least for exactly what I wanted, so in the end I had to mostly wing it. I think it turned out okay, though. The wings were probably the most challenging part to plan because I wanted something between traditional butterfly/fairy wings and something that stretches out farther like bird or bat wings. I toyed with the lines for a long time until I got something I was happy with, and then I actually went in and did the constellation lines for both sides by hand instead of doing one side and making a flipped copy, because I wanted to make sure I kept the overall shape of the wing on the (our)right (her left), as after all the warping I did to get the original lines, I wasn't sure I could replicate the process again. I also drew 2 or 3 versions of a simple dress over the figure before giving up because I wasn't happy with how any of them were turning out and decided that I would instead preserve her modesty with magically misty cloud-things. Although, it's kind of a shame because that ended up mostly hiding the one piece of hair clinging over her left (our right) shoulder. :P But once the digital sketch was done so I had some idea of what I was doing, it was time to move on to the traditional, actual artwork. I cut a piece of my 100% cotton paper down to size (nice paper because I didn't want to be held back in that regard--go big or go home, as they say) and then held it up to me screen to trace my cliff lines into place, and some vague markers for the figure and her wings. My idea from the very beginning was to make the galaxy largely with watercolor in such a way that it gives the wings color and focus, without having to actually color all the individual segments. This means lighter colors towards the main area of the wings, and getting darker as I moved out/away from them. Now, because it has been a while since I was painting with watercolors regularly, I did set aside a smaller piece of the same paper and busted out a practice baby galaxy before diving into the final. I learned very quickly I was going to have to be extremely careful with my placement of this orangey color and black, less either of them ends up mixing with colors they weren't supposed to and leaving me with a big muddy mess. (The practice piece did survive though and I'll be posting it some other time.) Before I could get to the fun part [the galaxy] though, I painted the mountain with a mixture of black and blue, which actually went a lot smoother than I thought it would. It took several light layers of blending out the paint built up slowly, but ultimately I'm pretty happy with how the color for it turned out...Even if it's still kind of up for debate how much it looks like a "mountain" or "cliff-edge" or not. With that out of the way, I cut some paper to act as a mask for that section and then spent far too long going back and forth, putting down layers of color and blending them out, dabbing color on and waiting for it to dry, rinse, repeat, trying to get the Galaxy portion just right. I was actually having a fair amount of trouble getting the right color balance, and as sometimes happens with these things, I was pretty worried about how it was looking before I went to bed that night. (I had procrastinated just long enough that I had 2 nights to do this is; the bulk of the painting took place on night 2) But the next day, once it was fully dry, it didn't look so bad. It did need just a few more touches before I went in and added the splatter/stars, though. So I broke out the colored pencils, which I really should have done sooner because they were much easier to blend out and had a bit more covering power over the watercolor than...more watercolor because watercolor is often transparent and there it can be hard to cover with it. Admittedly, I still had more worries about the "naked" galaxy, but then I went to splatter town with the white, added a few pointed stars, and as it usually does, that really brought everything together and made it look a lot better. Never underestimate the power of a good splatter-fest! ;) I must say though, I underestimated the combination of the white watercolor and white colored pencil together when I moved on to the figure and wings. I was trying very hard to not use my white gel pen (because the rules for the contest didn't say if it was okay to use non-Arteza supplies in conjunction with Arteza supplies or not) and so I was sort of bending over backward to find another way with my limited resources. (Although I assumed using a lightbox to see the lines underneath the paint, as is a normal practice for me, wouldn't really matter because it's not like you can really tell from the final product anyway.) Still, even though a mixture of paint lifting, the white colored pencil, and the white watercolor were better than I expected, I still ended up having to punch the lines up a bit digitally to get them to pop the way I wanted them to. But oh well, at least it made a nice glowing effect and mostly worked for the cloud-mist covering. :P Overall though, I do really like how it turned out. If it weren't a little on the small side I might actually consider using it as my new wallpaper/banner art everywhere. Maybe that's a conversion project of some kind for another day? Point being, I'm pleased. I probably won't place in the contest because I'm just too small of a fish in this pond, but I made some pretty art and it was mostly fun, so no harm done. :) Actually, if this could maybe be the excuse my brain needs to get back into posting regularly, that would actually be really great. I miss it, despite what my most recent journal entry and my spotty activity levels might lead one to believe. If it is, I hope you guys don't mind seeing some crafty things thrown into the mix! :D ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings

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shiny-blue-star-sticker · 6 years ago

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18/09/2019: I downloaded tumblr on my iPad to make this then got distracted with replying to a different post

Okay so. Rant Time!

Bit of a personal one today.

Obviously, as you probably know if you know me at all, I’m undiagnosed for ADHD rn. Still not even sure I have it tbh but I remember the first time I watched a How To ADHD YouTube video and going ‘oh shit dat me’ so... meh?

(Oh yeah in case you’re wondering i like to bold things to make them easier to read coz big chunks of text? Ew. You can thank me later).

Okay so anyways.

Here’s my frustrations, in no particular order or organisation:

1. I don’t want to do anything. Well... sort of?

I want to want to do the homework (if that makes sense) but I just... can’t bring myself to do it.

I want to be able to understand that yes those exams in 6 months have a lot of consequence if you don’t start revising now, but they seem so far away and I just can’t seem to think of them as holding any weight until ‘oh shit they’re tomorrow and I haven’t revised!’

My girlfriend gets upset because I somehow manage to bullshit my way to a C while she revises for hours on end to get the same result (and I feel bad about that tbh coz I really don’t deserve that C when she’s worked so hard to get to it) but I also am unable to actually sit down and revise. It’s always ‘oh I’ll do it later’ with me and I absolutely hate it.

I sometimes manage to get As and A*s and that’s an amazing day but I’m never able to get it again so it’s always a fluke. Whenever I do get said amazing grades, I never feel like that’s celebrated very much at home. I used to get things like chocolate for doing great but now I (sometimes) get a high-five and like... yeah... that’s cool I guess but having something tangible to hold and know that’s what its for is also great.

At the end of my 11+, for example, I was given a bracelet. I never really wore the bracelet and its kind of broken now but I will never forget that thrill of pride when I was given it, when I was told ‘no matter what the result, you deserve this’. Now, I struggle to motivate myself and I don’t really know how I’m making it through this year.

Everyone tells me I’m capable of getting high grades but I’m not sure I believe it anymore. They also say I’ll need to knuckle down and actually do some revision but I... can’t?? Maybe it is just laziness, maybe I’m not trying hard enough to actually get myself to do some work. But, when I’m sitting in my room, sprawled on my bed, a unrelenting, restless energy refusing to leave me be and yet I have no way to defuse it so I end up flicking through YouTube until 22:30 at night and I can go to bed, I just want to cry. I could have piles of homework sitting on the floor next to me, a stack of revision watching me and yet I can’t even look at them?

The truth is: I don’t think I can do it

And I’m scared because i want to go to uni next year but that’s pretty much independent work and I’m still not 100% sure I’ve chosen the course for me and not because my parents want me to, and I’m scared I’m going to drop out and fail and not achieve what I want to achieve in life because I know myself.

Everyone always says ‘you’ve done your best, there’s nothing more you could do’ but if I’m getting Bs instead of As, if I know I procrastinated doing that revision, then clearly there is more i could have been doing and it’s not my best.

2. This brings me somewhat onto my next point: revision.

Teachers, parents, even friends sometimes, tell me I need to revise. What does that mean? Maybe I would if a) it was even remotely fun and b) I actually knew how to do it.

I mean...

You have to choose the how

The when

The what

The how long

Plus there’s very little payoff. There’s no real ‘done’ point. Homework at least has a clear finishing line. With revision, I could go through all the topics we’ve done and it’s still not enough.

I don’t know how to do it, when to do it, or even what to do it on. Plus I don’t even know how to start something like that. And it takes. So. Long! I did one subtopic in psychology once and it took me 2 hours. And I was just skimming through it!!

Like... how do you even do that? How do you make yourself commit to that?

3. On a related note, I would really love some support in school but between my fear of rejection if I talk about it, and my parents being adamantly against it, I don’t know how to get it.

My teacher wrote on my practice question the other day: try organising your thoughts more and honestly? I don’t even know how to begin that. To me, things link too easily. I thought it was organised but apparently not.

Anyways, I need to go now but there’s a piece of my mind.

#swearing #rant #adhd #school #revision #exams #difficulty

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doctormage · 6 years ago

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hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!!

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

#p #this is literally like an essay #on why im a piece of shit lmao #ignore me!!!!!!

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tannie-bell · 6 years ago

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100 Questions!

thanks to the lovely @chioo92 for sending this my way~! 💕💕💕

edit: putting this under read more bc it’s looooong 😂😂

1. What is you middle name?

Elizabeth

2. How old are you?

3. What is your birthday?

october 16

4. What is your zodiac sign?

libra

5. What is your favorite color?

in general black, but i do really like teal and deep greens

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don't really have one, but i like 13 and 16 and 3116

7. Do you have any pets?

yep! two dogs~

8. Where are you from?

a little italian town in the lower half of illinois

9. How tall are you?

technically 5' 1&¾". please feel free to round up to 5'2"

10. What shoe size are you?

depends on the brand, mostly between 8 and 9 u.s. sizes—they have to be wide though, or i have to get bigger sizes and just deal with the looseness 😅

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i think 8?? but i only actually wear like 4

12. What was your last dream about?

in the last dream i *actually* remember, i was a character from my wip and she was with her husband in like this cozy, dim-lit room filled with furs and ancient pieces and neat stuff and she was moderately pregnant so i just remember feeling so warm and loved inside. looking back it's kind of weird bc i've never been pregnant or in love romantically, but it's still heartwarming

13. What talents do you have?

um, I bake well i think 😂 so far i haven't had any bad feedback...😅

14. Are you psychic in any way?

nope.

15. Favorite song?

gaaaaaaah why is this always so hard mikrokosmos ~ bts or lucid dream ~ monogram

16. Favorite movie?

singin' in the rain, howl's moving castle, moana, all mcu movies i've seen so far

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who shares my beliefs/morals and who supports my passions/interests (and i would do the same for him). has a few quirks he needs a few to survive me lol and is musical, respectful, and romantic. also has a sense of humor i appreciate and vice versa. there are other qualities, but that's the gist 😂

18. Do you want children?

yes! not necessarily biological though, i am very open to adoption

19. Do you want a church wedding?

most likely yes

20. Are you religious?

it depends on your definition of religious. in the sense of believing in a particular faith/religion, then yes

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes 😫

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

nope!

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

if you count the drummer from a now-disbanded band, then yes

24. Baths or showers?

showers most times

25. What color socks are you wearing?

plain white—they're extra thick ones though! 😁

26. Have you ever been famous?

in what sense? 😂 locally or within a specific community of people, then i think so??

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

nope. i used to dream about what it would be like, but i seriously value my privacy and i would feel like i had none if i was famous

28. What type of music do you like?

pretty much anything and everything—except country 😅😂

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

nope...

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

three

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

this weird twisted position on my side. it usually ends with my shoulders hurting 😅😅

32. How big is your house?

it's decently large, but we just updated our tiny two bedroom, one bathroom house (for five people for 15+ years 😳) to a five bed, two bath with an open living area/dining room/kitchen. we made it big enough to accommodate both sides of my family around the holidays (bc we have a decently large family that's only growing 😂)

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

cereal or a fruit smoothie with either coffee or black tea (preferably earl grey) assuming i even eat breakfast

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

not yet, but i would eventually like to! thinking about a concealed carry permit as well depending on circumstances

35. Have you ever tried archery?

yess, and i love it!! it always makes me feel like some woodland elf heroine or something 😂

36. Favorite clean word?

like just regular words? pretty much any soft-sounding, flowy word with l’s, like melody or lucent

37. Favorite swear word?

i don't swear so none

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

like 36-ish hours

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

...not that I'm aware of??

41. Are you a good liar?

.....i do my best to be honest, but.....i can be....😅 just don't tell my mom

42. Are you a good judge of character?

i think so? i'm not going to be right 100% obviously, but most of the time i think i am

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, but they're not very good 😂

44. Do you have a strong accent?

depends on where you're from tbh

45. What is your favorite accent?

i reeeaaally like australian accents...

46. What is your personality type?

INFP-T

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

a top and skirt set someone i know bought for a wedding and never wore again. i think she paid $100+ for it?? so i got it for nothing which was amazing

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yep!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie~

50. Left or right handed?

right~

51. Are you scared of spiders?

most of the time no

52. Favorite food?

i'm just gonna go with italian beef with mozzarella bc it always sounds good

53. Favorite foreign food?

ramen, bingsu, turkish delight, gulab jamun, and this one chicken rice dish that i have no idea what it's called but it's a.maz.ing.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

in general? clean. my room? the best way to describe it is definitely-not-so-organized chaos

55. Most used phrase?

oh my goodness or oh my word

56. Most used word?

like or eyyy

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

......depends. literally anywhere from 5 to 45+ mins...

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i don't think so

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

both

60. Do you talk to yourself?

if i didn't i'd go insane

61. Do you sing to yourself?

^ see above

62. Are you a good singer?

i'm decent if my vocal chords are warmed up enough 😂

63. Biggest Fear?

failing/disappointing others. that and falling from heights

64. Are you a gossip?

no. i do my best not to be, anyway

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

i literally don't know what's considered dramatic anymore

66. Do you like long or short hair?

for my hair? long

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

give me a piece of paper and a pen and yeah 😂

68. Favorite school subject?

english and music

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introvert~

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nope

71. What makes you nervous?

being put on the spot

72. Are you scared of the dark?

not really, but it also depends on where i'm at and who's around

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

if it's one of my really close friends I'll jokingly correct their grammar, but that's it

74. Are you ticklish?

.......sometimes.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

a couple times, yeah

77. Have you ever drank underage?

78. Have you ever done drugs?

79. Who was your first real crush?

this one kid when i was like four or five. his name is tyler. he actually just got married! random i know

80. How many piercings do you have?

none

81. Can you roll your Rs?”

no 😥

82. How fast can you type?

not terribly

83. How fast can you run?

slower than my 70 lb. dog

84. What color is your hair?

dark brown with some blonde and red hints

85. What color is your eyes?

dark chocolate so brown

86. What are you allergic to?

pollen 😥 i think i also have oral allergy syndrome (but that's purely self-diagnosed 😂), so there's that too

87. Do you keep a journal?

i have the past couple weeks for a class, but otherwise no

88. What do your parents do?

my mom is a nurse and my dad is a letter carrier

89. Do you like your age?

ehh, ish

90. What makes you angry?

things taken out of context of conversations, situations, etc. and twisted to portray something else entirely

91. Do you like your own name?

yes~

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

yes! these are just some of my favorites

for girls: lacie everest, elizabeth marie, roselyn chae (or chaela rose)

for boys: vincent alexandre, killian gray, quinton james

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

both~!

94. What are you strengths?

um....i'm very musical 😂

95. What are your weaknesses?

i procrastinate too much and i don't really know how to work on a project with a group

96. How did you get your name?

my mom knew someone with the name (but they shortened it). she later found out that my dad's great- or great-great-grandmother had the same name

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

like seeeeeeeeveral hundred years back, but yes

98. Do you have any scars?

some

99. Color of your bedspread?

off-white/cream and a purple-y maroon

100. Color of your room?

off-white/cream

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

not tagging anyone bc this is like super long 😂😂 if you see this and want to fill it out, go ahead! you brave soul 😂

#thank you~!!#gtkm #if you read the whole thing #i admire your tenacity

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planningthemedlife · 7 years ago

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Studyblr Asks (pt. 1, Q’s 1-20)

01/02/2019~

Thank you @stylizedstudying for creating these questions <3

How long have you had your studyblr?

Almost 7 months!

2. Why did you decide to make your studyblr?

To motivate myself in my studies, and to keep track of my progress throughout university :)

3. Do you have any other blogs besides your studyblr?

I do...but it’s a kpop fanpage (specifically for EXO’s Kai)...it’s currently inactive.

4. How did you venture into the studyblr community?

I remember going through a tough period in year 10 where I was just so unmotivated to do work, yet I still wanted to achieve well at school. The studyblr community was just beginning to get popular on youtube, and after going down that rabbit hole, I fell in love with the community and started following a lot of blogs on Tumblr.

5. Did you have good study habits before making this blog?

A few? I would say most of my study habits were pretty bad (I was a master procrastinator- I once completed a chemistry assignment which we had 5 months to do, in 2 days :( I would say I got through high school mostly by fluke, and my natural intelligence. I am quite lucky in the sense that I am able to learn concepts very quickly, which is why I don’t see too many negative consequences whenever I procrastinate.

A great habit I developed during my first year of university, was to write out my notes the day of the lecture. That ensured all the information was still fresh in my mind and so I could revise and summarise the content effectively.

6. Have you made any friends through your studyblr?

Yes, I have made a couple, and I hope to make many more :)

7. What do you think about the studyblr community?

I aM sO pRoUd Of ThIs CoMmUnItY.

aha no for reals, I am so grateful that this community exists. It has motivated me so much throughout the years!

8. Do you do your homework as soon as you get home or late at night?

During high school, I would usually come home and rest for a few hours before getting into my homework. School in Australia ranges for 6 hours, but it took me an hour to travel back home, so by the time I got back, I was usually very exhausted. Now that I am in uni, I tend to get work done as soon as possible, whether that be during a free hour in between lectures, or whether it means I get stuff done as soon as I get home.

9. What is your favourite stationery?

Grey Mildliner- I don’t use mine for highlighting notes, but rather for outlining my subheadings/important questions. Grey is a very neutral, mild colour, so it works in a lot of different cases.

10. What is your favourite piece of stationery you own?

My mildliners, even though they are quite expensive (+ shipping, because Australia is in the middle of nowhere apparently!)

11. What kinds of pens do you prefer?

Black gel pens, but they can be a bit expensive...I try to write out my notes in black ballpoint, and I write revision/summary notes with my gel pens.

12. Favourite book you’ve read for school?

Lord of the Flies by William Golding.

13. Favorite studying apps?

Forest (i think now there is another similar app called Flora). I started using it during my final year of high school to prevent me from getting distracted by my phone. You can add friends and compare how productive you were compared to your friends- this was the main reason I used it so often, because I would see my friends study for hours and become motivated myself!

14. What advice about studying changed your life?

To try out active recall more. I would say my studying style already consisted of many active recall techniques, but once I learnt about the science behind it, and hence the benefits, I fully incorporated it into my study routine.

15. What quote has impacted you the most?

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” -Albus Dumbledore

16. What do you do when you’re feeling unmotivated?

I TRY to force myself to get even 10 minutes of work done. The key word here, is TRY- most of the time I end up procrastinating, but once in a while, I am able to pull myself through and get shit done.

17. Have you ever felt not good enough?

Definitely. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, and I have often found myself feeling guilty about my marks. Compared to my friends, I am nowhere near as hardworking, but I have the ability to learn concepts and memorise facts so easily, and this often means I am able to score higher on exams as compared to them, with only half the effort. I often feel guilty about this, and I have always felt that I don’t deserve such marks, or that I am not really good enough. It’s taken time for me to just accept this fact- because if anything, I should be grateful for such gift, and I should make the most of it!

18. What is your organization system for school?

Notes are typed out or written on loose leaf paper. These are stapled according to topics or “weeks” at uni. They are filed into a binder that stays on my desk, along with worksheets, practical notes and extra problems I may have done throughout the semester.

As finals approach, I go over the entire binder, and make summarised notes on some paper (say I had about 100 sheets of lecture notes, prac notes and worksheets- I would condense this all into 10-20 sheets of paper for my summary). I would study from these for finals.

19. How has having this blog changed you?

It has made me more conscious about the appearance of my notes. I would like to point out that a negative consequence of starting this studyblr, is that I have spent a lot more time trying to make my notes “pretty” or neat. I don’t think this is an essential feature of what makes you a good student, rather I feel as though in some cases, it can be kinda unproductive? Nevertheless, it is one way I like to relieve stress, and it helps me be a more active citizen of this community, so it doesn’t matter all too much for me...and I definitely revert back to my messy style of note taking if I am time-poor, or if finals are coming up soon :)

20. Do any of your friends from school know you have a studyblr?

No, and I don’t think I’ll ever tell them. The main thing I love about this community is that while we are all close, none of you actually know me in real life. I’m quite a private person, and I share a lot of personal/deep stuff on my blog, and I feel at peace knowing that none of you can trace that back to me :) Keeping myself anonymous on this platform can ensure I be as open and honest with you all as possible, without having to be embarrassed or worried about the implications in my actual life.

~Well, that’s it for Part. 1 of this Q&A~

Again, thank you so much for @stylizedstudying for creating these questions.

Keep a look out for Part 2, coming soon! <3

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happyk44 · 8 years ago

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1-100 all

ONE HUNDRED FUCKING QUESTIONS

1.. what is you middle name?

Marie.

2. how old are you?

A number.

3. what is your birthday?

April 25th

4. what is your zodiac sign?

Taurus.

5. what is your favorite color?

BLUE.

6. what’s your lucky number?

Fuck, I don’t have my sheet in front of me rn but I’m confident there’s a 3 somewhere among it.

7. do you have any pets?

3 cats: Turbo (mine), Olive (my sister), Daisy (mom and dad)

8. where are you from?

BERMUDA.

9. how tall are you?

5 foot 2 and a quarter

10. what shoe size are you?

8 ½

11. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

Currently?? 3. Sneakers, slip-ons (which I don’t wear now that the ground is wet all the time) and boots.

12. what was your last dream about?

Idk.

13. what talents do you have?

Idk again. Writing seems to be up there.

14. are you psychic in any way?

No.

15. favorite song?

Changes all the time but currently? Way Down Hadestown, Rewrite the Stars, This Is Me, The Greatest Show, Epic (Part 3), Chant, Riptide, Take Me to Church.

16. favorite movie?

Power Rangers

17. who would be your ideal partner?

Uh, idk. Someone who likes to cuddle, doesn’t mind being affectionate but can give space when needed and doesn’t let me fall back on my own shit. Someone who can make me smile just by thinking about them. Someone who I can talk to about the stuff I enjoy and who will talk about the stuff they like, even if they’re not common interests.

18. do you want children?

Not really.

19. do you want a church wedding?

No.

20. are you religious?

No, but my dad wishes (and probably thinks) I am.

21. have you ever been to the hospital?

YEP! Gotta love asthma attacks and chronic sickness :P

Also occassional visits to my papa (rip) when my granny would go on vacation and placed him in the hospital’s care for brief times because of his dementia.

22. have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope.

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

None that I’m aware of.

24. baths or showers?

Showers.

25. what color socks are you wearing?

Black.

26. have you ever been famous?

Nope.

27. would you like to be a big celebrity?

Mmm, not really. All that attention seems terrifying. But like, if I could be, celebrity enough that I’m well-known among people and get good wages doing whatever, then yes.

28. what type of music do you like?

All kinds. I have aversions to stuff that picks at my ears wrong or makes my heart beat too fast, though, so a lot of hard metal and soca wind up being out.

29. have you ever been skinny dipping?

Yes. I was a toddler. Clothing means nothing when you’re a baby and live in a hot-ass humid climate.

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?

31. what position do you usually sleep in?

On my side or on my stomach. I’ve been trying to sleep on my back lately though.

32. how big is your house?

Small.

33. what do you typically have for breakfast?

Cereal.

34. have you ever fired a gun?

To my knowledge, yes.

35. have you ever tried archery?

Yes.

36. favorite clean word?

Shiz :D

37. favorite swear word?

Fuck.

38. what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

29ish hours? I stayed up one day to chat with a person who lived in Australia, wound up having to go to the store with my mom around 8 to get school clothes and crashed when we got back home about noon/one o’clock.

Though this month should raise that up higher given I have to be up for my exams starting at 9, stay up to catch my early morning flight the next day and stay up to catch my transfer flight and then keep staying up so I don’t crash through dinner and wake up at like one in the morning, like someone with jet lag. (Bermuda and Halifax are literally in the same time zone, I cannot do this to myself)

39. do you have any scars?

Yes. It stretches shortly on my forearm. I got it from an iron burn when I was about 12, I think?

40. have you ever had a secret admirer?

I think so?? If that’s what you’d call whoever keeps sending me those really sweet anons. :D

41. are you a good liar?

Sometimes.

42. are you a good judge of character?

I’d like to think so.

43. can you do any other accents other than your own?

I can do a semi-decent Irish/Scottish accent from my years of obsessively watching Ronan Inish and a thicker, more prominent Bermudian accent, like what my granny or teachers would have.

44. do you have a strong accent?

I don’t personally think I have an accent. My mom is deaf, my dad is American and the kids and family I grew up around never really used the thick version of a Bermudian accent.

45. what is your favorite accent?

I don’t know. I don’t think I have one? Mostly other accents are just the way people talk and if anything, just amuse me. Like for example, my friend’s Bahamian accent kills me, especially when she starts chatting with her friends from Nassau and their accents start rolling out super thick to the point where you gotta really pay attention to zero in on their words.

But, in Bermuda you’re taught by literally anyone so accents are just?? a thing that exist. I don’t have a favourite.

46. what is your personality type?

MBTI wise, a split between INTJ & INTP. Other types? IDK.

47. what is your most expensive piece of clothing?

PFT, prolly my shoes? I don’t really buy clothes. Though if my cousin’s coat no longer fits by the time the cold really hits and I need to use it, it’ll probably be a winter coat.

48. can you curl your tongue?

Yes.

49. are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. left or right handed?

Right handed.

51. are you scared of spiders?

Small spiders? No.

Giant spiders? Yes.

Weird looking spiders? Only if they’re too close to me.

52. favorite food?

Pineapple pizza. Apple spice cake too, I guess??

53. favorite foreign food?

Chinese, please and thank you, hit me up with that sweet and sour chicken.

54. are you a clean or messy person?

I try to be clean but depression and lack of energy makes it difficult. But I keep myself as organized as I possibly can and use procrastination to keep stuff as well-put as I can.

55. most used phrased?

I don’t even know.

56. most used word?

I also do not know.

57. how long does it take for you to get ready?

Pft, 7 to 15 minutes to shower on average (depends on if I’m washing my hair or not), fives minutes for face and teeth, five minutes to dress and like three hours to actually get up to get ready. :P

58. do you have much of an ego?

I try very hard not to.

59. do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck.

60. do you talk to yourself?

I used to when I was younger. Still do sometimes.

61. do you sing to yourself?

I used to and then I realized that a) my self-improvised songs are terrible and b) I can’t sing.

62. are you a good singer?

My mom is deaf. My dad has hearing difficulties. My papa’s singing voice is a wail and my granny’s is shrill sadness.

I was not born into this world a lucky man.

63. biggest fear?

Demon clowns. Dying alone. Being alone forever. Not getting to say the things I want to say to people. That I’ll crash and burn before I graduate or sometime soon after.

64. are you a gossip?

No.

65. best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

I dunno. The most dramatic movies I can remember tend to be war films based on true stories and I normally check out during that kind of stuff because thinking about the horrors of history and the fact that people suffered and died at the hands of people who still objectively exists freaks me out, sends me into a pit of misery until I combust within myself.

66. do you like long or short hair?

No preference for other people, short hair preference for myself. Currently, I’m growing it out so my friend can braid it then I’m gonna chop it back off when I get home in May.

67. can you name all 50 states of america?

If an American can’t do that, then what makes you think me, a Bermudian who’s only concern with the US is how it will affect me and my country and literally was over-relieved when I got dropped from a US history class, would ever know that.

Case in point, I spent most of my childhood assuming New Jersey was a city and only found out it wasn’t last year.

68. favorite school subject?

Accounting.

69. extrovert or introvert?

Introvert.

70. have you ever been scuba diving?

No.

71. what makes you nervous?

Life.

72. are you scared of the dark?

Depends.

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sometimes. It really depends on the person and the situation.

74. are you ticklish?

Yes.

75. have you ever started a rumor?

No.

76. have you ever been in a position of authority?

No.

77. have you ever drank underage?

Unfortunately, I have? but not anything serious. Just a few sips I didn’t want to take three times throughout my life.

78. have you ever done drugs?

Aside from my prescribed and despite my friends’ best efforts, no.

79. who was your first real crush?

Vanessa Hudgens and whoever that boy who played Freddie from iCarly was.

80. how many piercings do you have?

None.

81. can you roll your rs?“

Yes!

82. how fast can you type?

Who knows??

83. how fast can you run?

I can’t.

84. what color is your hair?

Dark brown with a bunch of purple & pink in it.

85. what color is your eyes?

Brown.

86. what are you allergic to?

Severely allergic to dust mites and extremely irritated by pollen and highly perfumed scents. Which, as far as I’m concerned, means I’m allergic to the damn air.

87. do you keep a journal?

Used to. Don’t anymore.

88. what do your parents do?

My dad is an electrician. He does freelance work for people building houses on-island and my mom is a records management administrator at my bank.

89. do you like your age?

I guess?

90. what makes you angry?

Lots of things. I’m very prone to anger. It’s why the Hulk/Bruce Banner was my favourite superhero as a kid and still is.

91. do you like your own name?

Yes! I do actually really like my name, which sucks because sometimes I get upset or uncomfortable when people refer to me by it and why I like it when people call me Jay, but otherwise my birth name is just beautiful and I don’t think I’d ever be able to give it up.

That being said, I super love the name Jay and when I finally move out of my house and away from Bermuda, I want to try using it more socially rather than just online.

92. have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I don’t want babies.

93. do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Neither. I want another cat.

94. what are you strengths?

I write well, I can speak well and my pale as fuck skin doesn’t let people realize I’m mixed race so, like my friends point out, I get to skirt around the world, practically invisible and I like to work.

95. what are your weaknesses?

Procrastination, tendency to misery over small mistakes, tendency to blow up small things into large problems, tendency to feel abandoned by people who are not abandoning me, inability to properly fall asleep when I feel a lack of affection and touch in my life, inability to listen to people when they ramble on about things I don’t care about, inability to be upfront with how I feel towards my friends and how I feel they’re treating me, etc, etc, etc.

96. how did you get your name?

With my birthname, my mom picked it out from a book, I think?

With my preferred name,I was reading a book about a trans man called “I Am J” and when I got prompted about my name by a friend online, the name just popped into my head, felt immediately right and I used it and connected to it right away.

97. were your ancestors royalty?

I mean I doubt it but I WILL NEVER KNOW.

My mom is black! My dad is adopted! HOWEVER, FINDING OUT ANY ANYTHING ABOUT HER ANCESTRY IS MY MOM’S NUMBER ONE GOAL AND BELIEVE ME, ONCE SHE LEARNS THAT, I WILL LET Y’ALL KNOW.

98. do you have any scars?

Hasn’t this already been asked?

99. color of your bedspread?

Blue and white.

100. color of your room?

Dull green.

#yuuidankkuma #happy's asks #I WAS HOPING U WOULDN'T BC U WERE ON MOBILE AND SINCE I CAN'T FIND WHERE TO ASK PPL Q'S ON MOBILE #I WAS HOPING THAT THERE WAS NOT AN OPTION #U COULD LEGIT JUST SEND A RANDOM NUmBER BABE #THIS TOOK FOREVER #UR LUCKY I LIKE U

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piilokarsastus · 8 years ago

Text

Get to know me

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my gf

2. Are you outgoing or shy? not really outgoing, but shy doesn’t describe me either

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? any cat tbh

4. Are you easy to get along with? generally, yes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? probably

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? girls that are nice, that I just have this weird connection with from the moment we meet and that have a similar taste in things as me

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my gf

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? define ‘deep’

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ‘relatable’

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? I can never decide over these things but can we just pretend I named 5 piano pieces from Oliver Messiaen?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? people, plural? I prefer one at a time but yeah it’s nice

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? sort of

15. What good thing happened this summer? I got a composing commission

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I’d do it a thousand times

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no

19. Do you like bubble baths? yeah but the last time I had one was in like 2010 or something

20. Do you like your neighbors? yes

21. What are you bad habits? procrastinating

22. Where would you like to travel? many places, especially Germany

23. Do you have trust issues? no

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? when I get home from school, I make sandwiches and eat them in bed, watching HBO

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? all of it

26. What do you do when you wake up? frankly speaking, I don’t

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? wtf is this question

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my parents and my gf

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no

30. Do you ever want to get married? it could be nice, but I really don’t care about that yet

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? lol nope

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? ???wut

33. Spell your name with your chin. nmkjkjllkb kjfrdshjulksadnbihj

34. Do you play sports? What sports? sports? I don’t know her

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV??? like what kind of uncivilised barbarian would choose to live without music??

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? when I was a kid

37. What do you say during awkward silences? I don’t?? no one says anything, that’s why it’s called awkward silence

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? she would be... sweet, funny, hella cute, amazing hair, likes music, probably plays the clarinet... oh wait

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? any book/music store and stores where you can buy fancy chocolate and other stuff to eat

40. What do you want to do after high school? not math

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on the fucking context 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? it could mean a variety of things. I could be having a perfectly normal day with just no one to talk to at the moment, or I could be having the worst day ever. 43. Do you smile at strangers? uhh...no (why would anyone do that?) 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? school. or hunger. in both cases, I do so reclutantly 46. What are you paranoid about? people abandoning me 47. Have you ever been high? yes, there was this mountain range on Gran Canaria, it was, like, 2km high or something 48. Have you ever been drunk? no 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? my browser history is clean 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? dark blue 51. Ever wished you were someone else? not permanently, but it’d be interesting to experience the world with someone else’s eyes 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my body 53. Favourite makeup brand? the fuck do I care? oh, maybe all these questions are meant for women (or others) that use makeup... maybe I shoud use makeup... maybe I’m a woman... maybe... it’s MAYBELLINE 54. Favourite store? Stockmann 55. Favourite blog? no opinion on this one 56. Favourite colour? blue but honestly I love every colour (except for that one... yeah, that) 57. Favourite food? pizza 58. Last thing you ate? bread 59. First thing you ate this morning? bread 60. Ever won a competition? For what? I won a costume competition at school in the 2nd grade, I was Harry Potter 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no 62. Been arrested? For what? no 63. Ever been in love? oh boi yes 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? my first gf was over, we lay on the couch and had a LotR marathon. We then discussed a more serious thing, and after that the kiss just happened 65. Are you hungry right now? no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? let’s be real my only tumblr friends are also my irl friends 67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? no 70. Names of your bestfriends? no not gonna tell u u scary internet person 71. Craving something? What? that mineral 72. What colour are your towels? we’re only 72 questions in and this is what you come up with? 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1-2 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? occasionally, there’s a doggo 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? like 40 75. Favourite animal? cat 76. What colour is your underwear? I wonder the same thing every day 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? (I’ll assume this is about ice cream) vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? yes 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? red 80. What colour pants? black 81. Favourite tv show? yes 82. Favourite movie? I rarely watch films these days, but I really liked the King’s Speech 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? only seen the latter 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? I should watch the first Mean Girls before I can make up my mind, but for now I’ll say 21 Jump Street 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? can we just stop with the Mean Girls questions already? 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? that was unexpected but thanks 87. First person you talked to today? my mum 88. Last person you talked to today? my mum 89. Name a person you hate? trump 90. Name a person you love? my gf 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? yes 92. In a fight with someone? no 93. How many sweatpants do you have? 2 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 4 95. Last movie you watched? Einstein and Eddington 96. Favourite actress? I don’t really have favourites but Emma Thompson is a legend 97. Favourite actor? the same thing as above but David Tennant 98. Do you tan a lot? somewhat significantly, but I don’t really like sunbathing so I don’t know exactly how much 99. Have any pets? no :( 100. How are you feeling? normal 101. Do you type fast? quite so 102. Do you regret anything from your past? yes 103. Can you spell well? yes 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? friends that no longer stay in touch for reasons they apparently don’t deem appropriate to enlighten me about 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? this is Finland... find me someone who hasn’t been to one 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? nopefully hot hopefully not 107. Have you ever been on a horse? no 108. What should you be doing? shut the fuck up I’m not listening 109. Is something irritating you right now? no 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes 111. Do you have trust issues? didn’t we already do this one? 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I actually don’t remember but mum probably 113. What was your childhood nickname? in my case, you can’t talk about “the” nickname, there has been so many... 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? oh no sir where I live is the centre of the world, I don’t need to leave because why would anyone want to experience anything new ever, oh boy you won’t even believe what the Pohjois-Pohjanmaan lakeudet perkele has to offer (tl;dr: yes)

115. Do you play the Wii? the whom?

116. Are you listening to music right now? no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yeah whatever

118. Do you like Chinese food? yes

119. Favourite book? no no no don’t ask me questions like this

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no

121. Are you mean? no if you aren’t an arse

122. Is cheating ever okay? no. fuk u. u ruined the board game.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? that should be pretty easy, all you need is a sterile bag and a safe

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

125. Do you believe in true love? what do mean by ‘true’?

126. Are you currently bored? no

127. What makes you happy? food

128. Would you change your name? no, I would’ve already done that by now, wouldn’t I?

129. What your zodiac sign? Virgo

130. Do you like subway? (insert a joke about public transport)

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? date her, if you’re literally best friends with someone of your preferred sex, as in ‘I feel really safe and comfortable around this person and I care about them’ then what the fuck is there that prevents you from having the best romantic relationship possible?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? WE HAD THIS QUESTION ALREADY WHY DO THESE EVEN HAVE NUMBERS IF YOU’RE GONNA ASK ME THE SAME THINGS TWICE LIES EVERYWHERE

133. Favourite lyrics right now? i listen to the music, not the lyrics

134. Can you count to one million? yes. but I wont.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? When I was like 3 I messed with my dad’s watch and didn’t know how to change the time back to normal and when my dad asked me what had happened to the watch I said that it had been on the floor and I had accidentally stepped on a random wrench that had just happened to lie there next to it and the wrench had then launched into the air and landed on the watch breaking it

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed

137. How tall are you? 170cm

138. Curly or Straight hair? my hair? straight

139. Brunette or Blonde? my hair? brunette

140. Summer or Winter? Summer

141. Night or Day? Night

142. Favourite month? July

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark. milk chocolate is also good if it’s of high quality

145. Tea or Coffee? Tea

146. Was today a good day? has been so far

147. Mars or Snickers? why not both

148. What’s your favourite quote? ‘It amplifies your natural abilities, like a microphone... or a pooper scooper’ -The 11th Doctor

149. Do you believe in ghosts? no

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Ei hassumpaa”

#Random info about me

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stalkhome-sindrone · 8 years ago

Note

All 200 of the asks

200: My crush’s name is: [get fucked]199: I was born in: a hospital in Canada somewhere198: I am really: messed up197: My cellphone company is: Rogers196: My eye color is: Mud brown195: My shoe size is: 10 1/2194: My ring size is: Excuse me?193: My height is: 6 ft192: I am allergic to: my own satisfaction191: My 1st car was: probably crashed in a past life 190: My 1st job was: probably ruined in a past life189: Last book you read: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Heaven by Corey Taylor188: My bed is: really nice at this time of day187: My pet: is not here yet, ask me in a few years186: My best friend: is a bit of a cunt, but aren't we all?185: My favorite shampoo is: no real preference184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox183: Piggy banks are: for losers, get an old fashioned jar182: In my pockets: nothing181: On my calendar: also nothing180: Marriage is: a waste of time and resources179: Spongebob can: see question 200178: My mom: does her best177: The last three songs I bought were? what are the last 3 songs on Hybrid Theory?176: Last YouTube video watched: video about how Louis CK writes jokes175: How many cousins do you have? too many to count here174: Do you have any siblings? 2 stepsisters and 1 brother173: Are your parents divorced? Nope172: Are you taller than your mom? Yup171: Do you play an instrument? Multiple170: What did you do yesterday? Probably what I did today but slightly happier

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: HA HA HA see question 200168: Luck: Yup167: Fate: To an extent, yes166: Yourself: On good days...who am I kidding, in vey few areas165: Aliens: Why not?164: Heaven: Nopenopenope163: Hell: If this isn't it, nopenopenope162: God: see question 200, also I'm agnostic161: Horoscopes: to an extent, fun reads though160: Soul mates: Jury is out on this one159: Ghosts: Sorta158: Gay Marriage: Hell yea (the best kinda ally is only an ally)157: War: Nopenopenope156: Orbs: ...huh?155: Magic: ...eh

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Both153: Drunk or High: Neither152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: both150: Blondes or Brunettes: both149: Hot or cold: neither, warm148: Summer or winter: Summer147: Autumn or Spring: Spring146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla actually145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: Always been envious of straight hair142: McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich just to try it out137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Pass134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing if I must pick133: Coach or Chanel: ...huh?132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ...heh?131: Small town or Big city: Biiiiiig city130: Wal-Mart or Target: Walmart129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: Both127: East Coast or West Coast: Both?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday125: Chocolate or Flowers: Both, I'm greedy, probably chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither

[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Don't have it, don't support it, conversation works better.121: George Bush: Couple bands wrote some hate songs about him.120: Gay Marriage: IF YOU DON'T SUPPORT IT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING FOLLOWING ME? see question 200 and piss off.119: The presidential election: AHAHAHAHAHAHA next118: Abortion: AHAHAHAHAHAHallow it, their kid, their prerogative117: MySpace: 10/10 great ironic joke to make116: Reality TV: Big Brother was fun till 2017115: Parents: They were fun till 2006114: Back stabbers: see question 200113: Ebay: ....eh112: Facebook: kinda dead now111: Work: ...huh?110: My Neighbors: cool people, rowdy dog109: Gas Prices: Overcharged like everyone says108: Designer Clothes: Overcharged like everyone says107: College: Not as bad as the perception is106: Sports: ...eh105: My family: ...eh104: The future: It depresses me in all honesty, but so does everything

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: ...shit...102: Last time you ate: 3 hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today100: Cried in front of someone: maybe last week...maybe99: Went to a movie theater: 6 months at the least ago98: Took a vacation: 3 weeks ago..sigh97: Swam in a pool: A long ass time96: Changed a diaper: Maybe a few years95: Got my nails done: Maybe a few years94: Went to a wedding: 2 years93: Broke a bone: never, lucky I know92: Got a piercing: never91: Broke the law: 4th grade90: Texted: 1 minute ago

[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: My friend Sayem because he is consistently a dumbass and I love him for it88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: banana bread87: The last movie I saw: Amelie 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: when my new album comes in the fucking mail85: The thing im not looking forward to: tomorrow84: People call me: Donatello actually (y'all are not allowed to) (I'll block you, don't think I won't block you)83: The most difficult thing to do is: be happy82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus80: The first person i talked to today was: Might've been @lovelyformylove but I dunno79: First time you had a crush: age 9, it didn't ruin me till 1178: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself, duh (hide shit from people all the time)77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: maybe today76: Right now I am talking to: nobody (COME HERE)75: What are you going to do when you grow up: make a thing for people to consume or pirate as entertainment...or die first74: I have/will get a job: see question 7373: Tomorrow: but far away is tomorrow?72: Today: I will suffer for who I chose to care about71: Next Summer: I will be in another country [see question 72]70: Next Weekend: I will sleep in69: I have these pets: not yet68: The worst sound in the world: Forks on plates67: The person that makes me cry the most is: easily myself, duh66: People that make you happy: too exhausting a list65: Last time I cried: last week64: My friends are: really great for tolerating me63: My computer is: finally decent62: My School: a waste of a perfectly good Indian burial ground61: My Car: sitting in a dealership, still waiting60: I lose all respect for people who: fuck with people's emotions (I break my own rule because I am a hypocrite)59: The movie I cried at was: ....can't remember58: Your hair color is: Black/really dark brown57: TV shows you watch: Elementary, The Blacklist, Archer...can't remember the rest 56: Favorite web site: this dumb piece of shit, I mean Tumblr55: Your dream vacation: probably a recording studio to be honest54: The worst pain I was ever in was: something stupid and emotional53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium well52: My room is: pretty dark51: My favorite celebrity is: Corey Taylor?50: Where would you like to be: see question 5549: Do you want children: sure48: Ever been in love: tragically47: Who’s your best friend: Jeremy/Sayem46: More guy friends or girl friends: Real life: guys, here: girls45: One thing that makes you feel great is: a really good riff44: One person that you wish you could see right now: myself in 10 years (most answers witm "myself" are cop outs for real people)43: Do you have a 5 year plan: fuck no42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not yet, but I procrastinate on most important things41: Have you pre-named your children: Michael/Micayla so far, very small shortlist40: Last person I got mad at: myself (that one is authentic)39: I would like to move to: Denmark (escapism capital of my mind)38: I wish I was a professional: composer

[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Hershey's Cookies n Cream36: Vehicle: pass35: President: Obama I guess34: State visited: nowhere33: Cellphone provider: Rogers?32: Athlete: pass31: Actor: pass30: Actress: pass (I've gone numb)29: Singer: see question 5128: Band: changes, currently Foo Fighters27: Clothing store: pass26: Grocery store: FreshCO?25: TV show: Elementary maybe24: Movie: Ameline currently23: Website: this dumb waste of time, I mean Tumblr22: Animal: TURTLE21: Theme park: Wonderland?20: Holiday: New Year's Day19: Sport to watch: Wrestling probably18: Sport to play: Not wrestling xD17: Magazine: Probably some guitar magazine16: Book: Maybe 198415: Day of the week: Saturday easily14: Beach: haven't been to many memorable ones13: Concert attended: see question 1412: Thing to cook: egg, ham, and cheese bagels11: Food: see question 1210: Restaurant: August 8, no joke9: Radio station: the one with the nice classical music8: Yankee candle scent: pass7: Perfume: Chanel something6: Flower: Magnolia5: Color: Green or red, never at the same time4: Talk show host: John Oliver3: Comedian: Bill Burr or Jim Jefferies2: Dog breed: Beagle1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes

#jennythefennecfox

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pixelrender · 7 years ago

Text

Top 8 games I played in 2018

I played around 30 games this year and these are ones I'm comfortable to put on my list without being conflicted. I would be able to make top 10 but games beyond 8 are really hard to order. I enjoyed them for different reasons. Some were little experiments, which would deserve more exposure and some were pretty well-known indie games, which I really liked, but they also frustrated me in a way, which I couldn't overcome. I'm likely to return to at least Hyper Light Drifter, tho. The final 8 is a diverse list of games, which I think shows my varying tastes. It features narrative experiments, walking/passive games, hardcore retro metroidvania and some turn-based delicious fingerlicking goodness. Ultimately, I think these are the four genres I enjoy the most and I'll be sticking to them in 2019. You can find a complete list of games I played in 2018 here

1. Tacoma

This could be expected as I put this on my list of best PC games of all times back in January. This was such a step up from a simple narration of Gone Home and towards something more futuristic and artistic. This was a piece of contemporary theater in a digital form. A move towards new grounds video games can offer and away from copying films. The fiction itself was very polished, self-contained and offering some food for thoughts. Corporations and human rights are things we should discuss every day and yet they’ve just passed a new slave law in Hungary.

2. Into The Breach

This game’s fantastic and Subset Games managed to outdo their previous product, a cult classic and a fantastic game, FTL. I got addicted to this game rather fast and spent a weekend saving new and new worlds. The system is the best evolution of chess I’ve ever seen and everything is crisp and nice looking. Also, the narrative is simple, yet having some dark implications, which are served in the subtlest way possible. The minimalist approach to everything from turned based combat to narrative makes this an extremely tight package of sometimes frustrating good times. And even the frustration is good one here. It’s always your fault, the system is 100% fair. You need to stop and think and that’s good for your cognition.

3. Alwa’s Awakening

I haven’t got to play a whole lot of platformers this year, but the one I played was excellent. Alwa takes metroidvania back to basics. The graphics are true 8-bit experience, controls are simple and precise. The game’s clever and you need to learn to use every of your three skills in order to succeed. Switching between them might be tricky at times, but it also adds to the authenticity of the experience.

4. Proteus

I should have played Proteus years ago. This game is a metric and an eye-opening experience. I think it changed my point of view on walking sims and what I expect from them. It was really nice to just walk around randomly generated island with nothing weird to see. It made me feel calm and think about my life and about going for a real walk. It’s good to procrastinate with Proteus, because it can help you to find focus.

5. Emily Is Away Too

The first Emily game might be actually the better one to play, but this one builds upon its concept giving you more decisions and making them even more interconnected as you chat with two possible love interests and impact their lives heavily. Also, it makes you feel like a weird creep, which communicates important things with other people through internet instead of talking with them. But that might be my personal problem with internet chatting. The game’s definitely well-written and an interesting approach to text based games and teenage angst.

6. Civilization V

I spent a lot of time playing and thinking Civ V this year. It was the second year in row I get immersed in it and I’m progressively becoming a massive fan of the franchise. There’s something appealing to it not being set in a fantasy or sci-fi world and instead building upon our history, yet its not for history nerds. I can talk about it with other people without feeling like an absolute weirdo and nerd. Also, It’s hella addicting. The core is quite simple but the amount of goodness you can add with mods in unlimited. There are so many new nations you can add or change your game completely and add systems known from Paradox’s games. Right now, this is my go-to comfort game.

7. Magic Wand

I cant’ deny that I’m little biased here. Magic Wand on its own isn’t such a good game, but it’s the great introduction to the weirdness of Catmitts’ world. I think there’s as much to hate as there is to love. You can find the game charming or annoying and ugly. One fact stays. The developer approaches games as an art form. He’s taking archetypes and principles common to them and reveals their hollowness by putting them semi-randomly around. This is post-modernism in games and I love it.

8. Glitchhikers

This game’s here mostly because it does two things better than any other games on the list with an exception of Tacoma. The first one is atmosphere. It drips from the game, which is very stylish and accompanied by a great soundtrack. Also, it’s basically on rails, so you can’t miss a beat, you’re always where are you supposed to be. The other one is passive approach to games. You can’t change much, you almost feel trapped in your car, you can’t avoid encounters with strangers or really change the speed of your vehicle, yet every second is dramatic and enjoyable. This is due to the game’s pace, which is excellent. Dialogues are short and mysterious and they make you think about them between you drop one hiker and pick-up another.

Ok, that’s it for 2018. Between now and end of the year, I probably will play various RPG maker games to have something to nominate for Misaos (awards hosted by rpgmaker.net). This year I don’t know about any exceptional releases, which should make the list... but who knows?

#tacoma #2018 #list #pc games #into the breach #Alwa's Awakening #proteus #walking sim #civ v #emily is away #magic wand #glitchhikers

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thatwanderingwriter · 8 years ago

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92 Truths

Rules: Write 92 truths about yourself, then tag 25 people

Tagged by my cyclone - @redrackham87

LATEST…

[1] Drink: black currant fanta [2] Telephone call: dani [3] Text message: reagan [4] Song you heard: “pieces” by andrew belle [5] What do you think?: well my general opinion on life is that everyone tries too hard, but I’m sure that’s not what you meant

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] How do you do it?: maybe it’s maybelline [7] He has cheated on you: do you mean my celebrity crush? because yes, he’s gone out with other girls and not me [8] He kissed someone and lamented: i’m sure, because he’s never actually spoken to me [9] How do you do? f(reaked out) i(nsecure) n(eurotic) e(motional) [10] Depressed: eh, it comes and goes [11] Got drunk and thrown up: never been drunk

LIST THREE PREFERRED COLORS …

[12] bright blue [13] black [14] lavender

IN THE PAST YEAR…

[15] made new friends: yes, and they’ve really helped me. they made life more bearable and made me see i wasn’t entirely alone [16] fallen in love: with the people here [17] laughed until you cried: yep, quite frequently [18] discovered that someone was talking about you: yes. i hear “mzungu” everywhere i go and it’s not fun [19] met someone who changed you: the mother of four who was dying of aids yet still forgave her husband for leaving her with the kids when she was extremely sick. i’ll never forget that [20] discovered who your real friends are: when you move halfway around the world and only 3 people semi keep in touch, yeah, you tend to realize [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: lol, no

GENERAL…

[22] How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: ...all of them? if you mean do i still keep in touch or regularly see them, no. i don’t really even use fb anymore [23] Do you have any pets? 16 chickens, 7 cows, 3 cats, 2 dogs, and a partridge in a pear tree [24] Do you want to change your name: i always thought it’d be cool when i was younger, but then i wouldn’t be an abstract concept and it’s grown on me also i feel like everyone i know will continue to call me hope anyways, or like “that person formerly known as hope” so... [25] What did you do for your last birthday? went to the nearest big town and had a small get together

[26] What time did you wake up? this section says “general”, so i’ll go with anywhere from 5:45 to 7:00 on any given day [27] What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping. i’ve been sleep deprived this whole week and i needed the rest [28] Name something you can’t wait for: flying back home [29] When was the last time you saw your mother? like 3 hours ago?? [30] What is one thing that you wish you could change in your life: sometimes i wish i didn’t care so much or overthink things. it’d make my life way less complicated. but then other days i’d just say my hair color, probably [31] What are you listening to right now: the waves of lake victoria crashing against the beach outside my window. also some birds. natural nature sounds are the best [32] Have you ever spoken to a person named Tom?: he is my grandfather and lives 100 feet away so yes. [33] Something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that MY PHONE FREAKING STOPPED WORKING AND I HAVE 1 MONTH UNTIL I CAN GET A NEW ONE!!! [34] Most visited website: ao3 tbh [35] Elemental: earth

[36] High school: did you mean: homeschool [37] School: of repressing my feelings and acting like everything’s fine [38] Hair Color: i’m pretty sure the shade is called dirty blonde, but that’s because i haven’t been to a salon in 2 years. it’s literally the first thing to go when i get back. i need it darker [39] Long or short hair: long and curly, which means it’s actually super long [40] Do you have a crush on someone: who don’t i have a crush on is the correct question here. but they’re mainly celebrities or fictional characters

[41] What do you like about yourself: that i continue to try even when i’ve messed up before [42] Piercings: one in each ear, but i want to get a second set [43] Type of blood: a+ [44] Nicknames: anyango, nyakwar kadem [45] Marital status: i’m a single pringle that’s ready to stay inside and binge watch on netflix

[46] Zodiac sign: aries [47] Pronouns: she/her [48] Fav television program: it’s cute you think there’s just one. anything marvel really. i like fantasy, sci-fi, crime shows, some superhero shows, comedy. there’s too many to name [49] Tattoos: my dad would kill me no matter how old i was [50] Right or left hand: i always wanted to be ambidextrous, but any 3 year old can write better than my left hand

FIRST…

[51] surgery: tubes in my ears when i was 3 [52] piercing: ears [53] best friend: i think my first best friend was natalie [54] sport: gymnastics when i was 3 [55] vacation: mexico, age 4 [56] pair of coaches: i’m guessing this is for sports again? i can’t remember their names, but there were these 2 super nice ladies teaching my gymnastics class

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: nutella out of the jar (don’t judge, we all do it) [58] drinking: water [59] I’m about to: start preparing for something i have to do tomorrow. as usual, i’ve procrastinated [60] listening to: the waves still [61] waiting: for my life to chill (wishful thinking, right) [62] wanting: a veggie burger and coffee milkshake [63] getting married: eventually [64] career: doctor or author. can’t decide

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: there’s no cure like a really good hug from the right person when you need it [66] lips or eyes: both are just so expressive. [67] shorter or taller: taller so he doesn’t lean on me [68] major or minor: i don’t really get this, but i’m going to guess you mean music. as most songs are in major chords, that’s probably the majority of what i like [69] romantic or spontaneous: imo, they’re the same thing [70] good arms or good stomach: okay but here’s the thing, tom hiddleston [71] sensitive or strong: yes [72] connection or connection: are there words missing here? [73] troublemaker or hesitant: neither

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: nope [75] drank strong liquor?: no [76] lost glasses / contact lenses? not yet [77] rejected someone?: yes [78] had sex on the first date?: i haven’t period [79] broken someone’s heart?: i doubt it [80] had you heart broken?: quite a bit, yes [81] been arrested?: no [82] cried when someone died?: yes [83] fallen for a friend?: yes. do not recommend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself?: i can do a lot of things right and be happy with myself for a day, then do one thing wrong and ruminate over it for weeks. i do try to believe in myself. sometimes it’s just really hard [85] miracles?: yes i believe in miracles. where you from, you sexy thang [86] love at first sight?: yeah, just not for me. someone can look/seem nice and be really terrible. there are also crushes at first sight. but those never turn out the way you want them to [87] father christmas?: i never actually believed in santa, even as a kid [88] kissing on the first date?: depends on if i know them really well before. if not, no [89] angels?: yes

OTHER…

[90] Name of the current best friend: luz, and i’m so excited to see her again soon [91] Eye color: i joke that i have mood eyes, but it’s really true. some days they lean towards green or grey, but on most they’re a variant of blue [92] Favorite movie: avengers (and anything marvel), penelope, rodger’s and hammerstein’s cinderella, jane eyre, star wars, clueless, the fault in our stars, in time, around the world in 80 days, (500) days of summer, etc. (this is not a “one movie to rule them all” type of situation here. you’ll never make me choose. NEVEEERRRRRRR)

dang, that was a lot. i really don’t know who to tag, so if you want to do it, go ahead.

#well #that got deep #92 truths tag #don't mind me #just spilling my life story #for the whole internet

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