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ohthemis · 2 years ago

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Hi! May i request a fanfic?? Where tot male leads are sick and mc is taking care of them, despite them saying they are fine and later on they starts acting clingy? Thank you so much! Stay safe :)

tot boys when they're sick

characters: all

a/n: ive been gone for centuries lol, sorry i got into a big school and underestimated the workload. finished this because i ditched my case study after a breakdown.

ARTEM WING

he just wants to work, so why won't you just let him work? "i'm fine, mc. i promise, so please, just give me some time to work in peace." he knows he's being snappy, and it isn't fair to you, who just wants to help him, but it's not like he's dying.

you come behind him and tenderly place your hands on his shoulders. "you're sick, artem. please rest?" he sighs, he's trying to understand you, after all he'd do the same for you, but he can't help the nagging feeling of annoyance pulling on his chest.

"mc, i really need you to get out of my office right now. okay?" he doesn't intend for his tone to be so sharp, so mean, but that's exactly how it comes out. you sigh and do as he says, not before giving him a soft kiss on his scalp.

artem then proceeds to go back to work, or at the very least, he tries to. he feels sick and he feels guilty. he reluctantly gets up and opens his office door, greeted by the sight of warm soup and some tea prepped up by his doorstep.

his legs move faster than his brain, and before he knows it, he's already wrapping his arms around you on the bed. he relishes the feeling of your fingers running through his hair. 'it's good to be sick once in a while', he thinks.

MARIUS VON HAGEN

he playfully nudges you away, "i'm fiiiine." his voice is nasally and hoarse, and his skin is paling. you both know he's not fine. "marius, i'm serious right now. let's get you to bed." he refuses again, his hands still typing away on the laptop, despite your tugging on his sleeve.

you even go as far as to try and entice him to bed. "come on, i'll even join you." he grins at that. "tempting offer, but this needs to get done asap, mc." you sigh at his stubbornness. "marius, you look like you're at death's doorstep." but he doesn't budge.

eventually, you're left no choice but to make him some soup and resign yourself to the sofa behind him. you're tapping away on your phone when you feel it. the sofa dips beside you, and he drops his head into your lap.

"mc, my head hurts so bad. i think i'm dying." you roll your eyes but your fingers almost reflexively start to massage his forehead. "that's why i told you to get off your computer and come rest." he sighs into your stomach as your ministrations on his skin relieve him of some pain.

"mm, you're always right, mc. offer still up for the bed." you help him up on his feet. "yeah. but don't get any ideas. you're sick." he lays his head on your shoulder, "'m not that sick." he proceeds to collapse on the bed within seconds of laying down.

LUKE PEARCE

he's coughing his heart out and you're to your knees in worry for him. he, as always, assures you that it's nothing. in the morning, he tells you he was just choking on breakfast. now, he's telling you that he just swallowed wrong.

"luke, you're not fine. please just rest." you plead with him to the best of your abilities, but he refuses to budge. luke smiles at you reassuringly. "for what? just something in my throat is all." you sigh, knowing there isn't much you can do to argue with him.

he goes back to tinkering an old watch a client left for him to fix. you hear a sharp intake of breath and luke slowly turns around. you look up, and you nearly collapse yourself once you see the blood dripping from his nose, down to his shirt.

you're quickly standing next to him, panicking. luke calmly instructs you what to do, and you follow his words. your hands tremble as you tend to him, and he lets you lead him to the bedroom.

that night, he can barely sleep. he's tossing and turning, going between shivering cold and sweating hot. you spend the night kissing his tears away, brushing the damp strands of hair away from his forehead, and adjusting the ac as needed. he finally falls asleep during the early peaks of the morning, his hand tightly wrapped around yours.

VYN RICHTER

vyn is a stubborn man. you should be used to it by now. there's no point in arguing with him, especially when he's dead set on something. but you wish that he'd just listen to you this once. "vyn, you aren't fine. you're sniffling and clearing your throat ever five seconds." he repeats the same thing he told you five minutes ago.

"it's just a cold, don't worry too much about it." but what kind of cold has him staggering as he walks or refusing lunch because he just has no appetite? you come over and wrap your arms around him, a frown on your face. he kisses your jaw and goes back to his papers.

you try to tug on his shoulder gently. "please? just listen to me this once. please?" he signs something, before humming. he sighs and stands up from his seat. "alright. lead the way." you take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. you lay him down, and he thinks it's sweet how much you care for him.

he thinks it's sweet until he's on the brink of insanity because he feels absolutely sick and you're busy getting some medicine for him. "mc, just let me die, i need you here," he whines from the bedroom. you've heard the same thing in about 30 variations in 5 minutes.

once you get back with his pills, he practically inhales the drugs and latches onto you. he grabs you by the arm and pulls you in. "please stay," he asks, in a voice softer than you've ever heard from him. "you won't let me go anyway," you reply. he hums smugly.

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softboo · 1 year ago

Text

love me, ever so gently - part IV

pairing: austin x reader

summary: you recently moved to a new apartment, making some new eccentric friends along the way. but what you didn't expect was falling in love with a stranger. a stranger you somehow couldn't stop thinking about

words: 4.8k

warnings: depictions of alcohol, certain scenes that pertain to dark themes of domestic abuse in relationships, *minors please don't interact*

author's note: hiii here is the next part of the story... i genuinely have no words to describe how grateful i am that there are people out there who have fallen in love with this story as much as i have. i'm still debating whether or not i'll write more just because i still want to live in this world lol. but thank you so much for all your support. it really means a lot to me and i am forever grateful :3 hope you enjoy <3

previous part

part IV

you groaned as you woke up, yet again, to a blaring headache and the door being pounded on. and you couldn't figure out which one was coming from where. you slowly eased yourself up out of bed, which made you feel even worse, shuffling yourself along for a million years before you answered the door.

"wow... you look like you got hit by a bus again."

george's voice rang in your ears. you could've sworn you had your eyes open, but it felt like they were closed. you tried to glare at him, but everything in your face felt numb. cassandra and evelyn caught up with him and both exchanged a look of concern.

"george, i think we need to talk to her alone."

he glanced over at cassandra and then back to you, the joy in his eyes disappearing for a brief moment. he just nodded in response, obliging without fighting them. you suddenly felt this wave of emptiness as you saw him walk away, whispering to cassandra before leaving.

and a part of you wished you never heard it, but you did.

"get our favorite girl back. i don't see her anymore."

~ ~

the silence hung low between the three of you, as you swirled your spoon meaninglessly in the mug. you glanced down at yourself, feeling as if you've sat here before in this exact situation just a few days ago. but then again, when have they not tried to get you out of your apartment.

"my love, i think it's time for you to move on." cassandra began, her soothing tone compensating for the bluntness of her statement. you just aimlessly nodded to her request, which was something she grew familiar with after the third or fourth day.

your empty promises were piling up and it was only a matter of time before it actually had to have meaning behind it.

"come with us tonight to the movies," evelyn suggested, offering her hand for you to take. "it'll be a great way for you to get your mind off of him."

your heart sunk even deeper when they mentioned him again, that night flooding your thoughts as you were reminded of what was going to happen tomorrow. it was inevitable.

she was inevitable.

"please love, you need to get out of this apartment. you can't just stay here and wait until they come back."

you scoffed at such a thought, thinking of what a sight that would be seeing them come back together from the airport, pretending you were preoccupied with anything else that wasn't him.

evelyn's hand still laid on the table, waiting patiently for you to reconsider the option of coming. of just going with them for once instead of drowning yourself in another day of being alone.

you hesitated for a moment, glancing at cassandra and then to evelyn. the thought of him being reunited with her made your heart sting, but you knew being physically here when they did arrive would ultimately make you feel even worse.

so you took everything in yourself to consider the possibility of actually being okay again.

and you slowly let your hand fall into hers and gave the smallest smile in the world.

"okay. i'll go."

~ ~

"are you ready sweetie?" cassandra called back to you, as the three of them waited outside of your apartment.

you checked your reflection once more, letting your hair flow freely and naturally down to frame your face. and a maroon dress that cassandra and evelyn insisted that you wear.

and for the first time in weeks, you felt beautiful, elegant, and untouchable. like all those days of being alone and rumminating on your feelings dissipated into nothingness behind you.

like heartbreak anniversaries were no longer written on your calendar.

you stepped into some heels before meeting them at the door, blushing immensely as they looked at you.

"there's our favorite girl."

george's voice broke a little as he dramatically wiped his eyes for tears that weren't there yet. cassandra walked towards you, her hands taking yours as she gently caressed your cheek and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"you look lovely sweetie," her voice giving you a familiar comfort to your heart.

"so do you," you smiled back as you all gazed at everyone's attire.

george insisted on wearing something formal, wanting to make your little outing a special occasion. according to him, it was a great excuse to wear his suit again. and according to cassandra, it was the only suit he owned, which was from their wedding day.

"alright you old folks, let's go!" george bellowed, letting out that same laugh from when you met him for the first time. cassandra smacked him in the arm before he responded with a sweet kiss on her cheek. evelyn offered her arm for you to hold as you all went downstairs.

and you didn't even look at his apartment.

~ ~

"you have everything right?" cassandra asked george, who was very insistant on being responsible for the tickets. the showing was for one of their favorite old hollywood movies, you weren't sure which, but you were as excited as them to see it.

when you all entered the old theater, the employees shot you a complete and utter face of confusion as you all roared into the empty area wearing the most elegant attire. not many people knew of the showing, which was why the entire theater was relatively empty.

as you all settled into your seats, a sudden wave of calmness came over you as it started to sink in that you weren't there to just forget about him. you were there to spend time with your friends as well. their voices echoed in such a big theatre, not even minding the few stares and looks they got from some of the people there.

"george you're stepping on me again."

"can you pass the popcorn please? no, i want the whole bucket."

"evelyn, i can't see anything. what are you pointing at?"

it wasn't long until the lights completely disappeared and you were swallowed by the darkness that surrounded you in the theater, all of you eager and excited for the film to begin.

that calmness and comfort slowly took over and you suddenly felt at ease with being there, with your friends, and the world you were going to enter inside that movie theater.

~ ~

"goodnight everyone!" you echoed from the top of the staircase. you vaguely heard a reply from evelyn who was on the second floor as the other two were already calling it early. you waved frantically at evelyn from the bottom, who mimicked that same overdramatic wave from the movie. you couldn't help but laugh.

"go to bed already! i want to sleep!" she screamed back at you, flashing a smile at your little figure from above.

you gave her one final goodbye wave for the night, feeling like an entirely new person after spending time with them. you couldn't even stop smiling as you replayed the little remarks all of you made after the movie ended. the way evelyn was so certain of her theory, while george laughed at how the romance didn't make any sense. and cassandra, she fell in love with the film as much as you did.

as you stopped at your floor, your heart dropped from your chest.

austin was there, sitting outside his door like he'd forgotten something. his hair looked disheveled, the blonde messiness matching his loose tie and unbuttoned dress shirt. it was the first time you'd seen him since that night, the memories drowning you in an endless sea.

"hey, are you okay?"

he looked up to find who spoke and you saw those oceans come alive once more, like a second home to your heart. his expression was as shocked and confused as yours, his eyebrows furrowed to try to make sense of you actually being there. after so many days of avoiding him, he had the right to contemplate if your existence was even real to him.

"yeah, i'm okay."

there was an emptiness there and something pulling at your heart. you didn't believe him.

"can i join you?"

"of course," and he moved over for you to sit next to him on the floor. his doormat being a cushion you were both sharing.

"you look nice... did you go somewhere?"

his low tone still sent ocean waves through your body, like he was inviting you all over again. something you convinced yourself for days that you never needed, but somehow he still had a hold on your heart. and you melted right into his hands.

"oh, thank you," your voice merely a whisper in the air, "i came back from the movie theater."

austin looked at you amused, a small smile forming.

"you wore a formal dress to the movies?"

you nodded, "yeah, because i wasn't feeling like myself for the past few days."

it was like you struck a chord in him because he turned to look at you, wanting to figure out what was making you feel that way. but he didn't know how to ask.

"and how do you feel now?"

"better."

something in the way you held yourself in that regard, knowing when to pick yourself back up. he admired that about you, wishing he could maybe do the same.

there was a shared silence between you both before he spoke again.

"do you remember that night... in your apartment?"

you felt everything inside you go numb as he mentioned it. because no matter how long you tried to forget that it happened, he remembered for you.

"yes..."

he let out a soft sigh, as you noticed the way he tensed up a bit. stiffening his stature and playing with the cloth of his dress shirt.

"did you really mean what you said? about my girlfriend..."

you closed your eyes at his statement, the way she still lingered between you two. you mustered up that same strength from before, a lie you repeated to yourself because he wasn't yours to begin with.

"yes, i meant it. she's lucky to have someone like you in her life."

something about you saying it again didn't seem to convince him at all.

"you say that but i don't feel lucky."

you turned to him, looking at his prominent expression of utter defeat. like he'd given up on something. you could see the oceans drying out in his eyes.

"what do you mean?"

and it was like he felt his bruises again, clutching his torso like he was protecting himself. he couldn't look at you.

"austin?"

you saw him soften a bit when he heard your voice, letting it sink in that he was here with you and not her.

you hesitated for a moment, knowing fully well you were going to overstep a boundary and meet him at the bottom of the ocean.

"does she hurt you?"

you felt your heart speed up in anticipation for his answer. he met your gaze for a split second before both of you turned to the elevator, hearing its normal ding.

and out came the last person you wanted to see.

his girlfriend walked out with her long dark red hair flowing effortlessly behind her. she was carrying her bags and screamed when she saw him.

"austin my love!! surprise!! i came back early!!"

a squeal that stung at your ears as she dropped her bags and flung herself into him, ultimately pushing you to the side. she eagerly covered him in messy kisses, like she was marking territory.

like she was marking property.

when she finally let go and austin gave her a weak smile, she eyed you with a suspicious look on her face. that somehow you offended her by merely your presence.

"i didn't realize there was help working late at night."

you clenched your jaw at her sudden assumption of your position. a fire igniting once more inside your chest and you wanted her to walk right through it.

"she's not an employee." austin stated firmly, his face tightening at her insult.

your eyes widened at him and how he held his ground when defending you.

"she's my—"

"well love, whatever she is, she has no purpose in staying here with you. let alone, no reason to be in your life."

she flashed you that creepy little grin that stretched too far on her face, pulling austin closer to her, tightening her grip thinking if she ever gave him a chance to breathe, he'd escape.

"not sure where you belong sweetie, but it's definitely not here."

she purposely shoved you to the side, dragging austin along with her. soon enough, she slammed the door on your face like last time.

and all that was left were her forgotten bags in the hallway, the blinding rage boiling inside of your heart, and the fire that lingered near the ocean.

~ ~

you stared at your ceiling, thoughts racing in your head of what you could've done. what else could you have said. you glanced over at your clock, sighing in disappointment as the numbers barely changed. it was exactly eleven minutes since you last checked, now reading a dreadful 2:16am.

you hated this feeling, of wanting to do something but not being able to. of wanting to save him from something that you knew he had to save himself from. cassandra's words from before rang right in your ears again:

are you doing this because you care about him or because you like him?

did there really have to be a difference?

you felt so frustrated that somehow after two weeks, he still had a space in your heart. no matter how many times you let the alcohol numb you sometimes or how many times you stayed in your apartment watching reruns of your favorite movies and shows.

it all ended the same. your heart was screaming at you for it.

and yet, just when you finally had a chance to drift off into sleep, you heard a noise.

you sat up quickly, facing where the sound came from. you glanced down at the clock, which barely moved, now reading 2:20am. you slowly lowered yourself back to bed dismissing the sound until it repeated again, multiple times.

it was a knock, faint but you knew what you heard.

you slowly got up from your bed, walking slowly to the main door, hearing that faint noise again. there was an occasional loud sound, but the smaller ones were more consistent.

as you slowly approached the door, it was like the stranger on the other side heard your footsteps and for a moment, you heard the sudden weight of something leaning on the door. you froze, but soon enough you heard the faintest voice in the world.

"i don't know if you're awake... but if you are, it's austin."

your eyes widened when you heard his voice, quickly opening the door for him.

and you saw him, dressed entirely in black. his hoodie covering his face a bit and his sweats covered in something that you couldn't really see. his breath stopped for a moment as he saw you, his entire body suddenly relaxing into you. his head falling on your shoulder as if his body was about to give out, his face nuzzling right at your neck.

and you felt this overwhelming wave of warmness hit you, not being able to hide the blush that appeared on your cheeks.

"i... i didn't know where else to go..."

your breath hitched at the realization. at the worst possible scenario. because everything you were thinking about was true. because it happened. and he was all the proof you needed.

you quickly shut the door behind you as he leaned right up against you. you wanted to be so careful with him, being in such a fragile state. you thought about putting him in your bed, but he couldn't hold himself up much longer and soon enough, he collapsed onto the floor leaning up against the door.

"i'm so sorry for..."

"you don't have to be sorry for anything austin... really. i mean it."

he just nodded, wincing at the minimal movement he made with responding to you.

you sat with him, gently taking his hood off from his face and bracing yourself to see what he had to endure before seeing you.

and you felt the tears come as you saw what was left of him.

his eyes were swollen, bruised. he had cuts all over his face that somehow went down his neck. there were more bruises down his arms and a decent amount of blood coming from each and every little scar that decorated his body.

but what made you feel even worse was the lack of water in his eyes. there were no longer raging oceans swimming with life or the blueness that covered the endless body of water. it was empty. dry. like a desert.

and yet, when he saw you looking at him, truly looking at his scars and still trying to find the beauty in him, he couldn't help but give you the smallest smile in the world. he noticed your eyes water and gently grazed his thumb on your cheek to wipe it away.

"don't cry... i'm going to be okay, i promise."

you wanted to hate him, that somehow even when he's the one holding all these bruises and scars, he still had the strength to comfort you.

but you couldn't hate him. not one little sliver of anything inside of you could hate him.

~ ~

austin woke up slowly, his head pounding in his ears as he rubbed against his temple. he had to blink a few times to realize that he wasn't in his own apartment at all. and somehow he fell asleep on the floor. he tried to get up, but noticed a shadow of someone next to him. and it was you.

and the moment he saw you, everything from last night came rushing through him. the stumbling into your apartment, the way you complimented his cologne, you kicking him out from trying to help you change, and the last thing you said to him before he drifted off to sleep.

"your girlfriend is so unbelievably lucky to have you."

it was something that should've initially made him feel grateful because it was true... wasn't it? so then why did it feel like his chest was suffocating on air?

the memories and the alcohol were mixing together, he couldn't make sense of his emotions. what all of this meant to him.

but what he did know was how much you meant to him. he just couldn't decide where you stood in his life yet.

he found it quite amusing that you wanted him to leave, that you were very adament that he couldn't sleep here. and yet, you collapsed right beside him on the floor.

he checked his phone briefly, a bright 4:32am appeared on the screen. he knew he couldn't stay here, but he also knew it would be rude to leave you on the floor.

and so, he gently crouched down next to you and tucked his arms right under you, lifting you up. making sure your head was leaning on his chest, he slowly walked towards your bed and laid you there under the blankets.

he looked at you for a moment before leaving, letting it sink in that you might not even remember where you fell asleep.

and a part of him hurt when the thought crossed his mind.

~ ~

"george... can i ask you something?" austin began as they finished packing up evelyn's cooking supplies from her latest class. george beamed at him, leaning against the boxes on the counter, waiting patiently for him to continue.

"of course elvis my boy! you can ask me anything!"

he hesitated before speaking, thinking it was too invasive to ask, but he had to know if what he was feeling was normal.

or if he was genuinely crazy.

"how did you know... you wanted to marry cassandra?"

george stared at him, his eyebrows furrowing to a point. the question took him off guard, something he never quite expected from austin, but he couldn't help smiling at the thought of his wife and how they first met.

"well..." his voice drifted to piece together all the right words, "i knew i wanted to be with her for the rest of my life when she took me as i am."

george's loudness became merely a softness when he spoke about cassandra and austin could feel that sense of love radiating off of his friend. george began animating his life with her, the way she always seemed to be there whenever he spoke about his passions, and how cassandra fully accepted him as himself.

"usually, people say they drift apart during a marriage because their partner changed. but for me, i just wanted to be there through every changing moment."

george gave him a warm smile, as his words weighed heavy in austin. he lingered on the thought, the possibility of fully letting himself dive into those waters. letting his heart sink into something completely unfamiliar, knowing somehow, somewhere, you would be there sitting with him right at the bottom.

willingly. voluntarily.

along with something else he wasn't ready to face yet, nor was his heart ready to resurface among calm waters.

"thank you..." austin drifted, his voice shrinking smaller and smaller as it disappeared into the walls of the kitchen. it wasn't long until he pulled george into a warm hug, fully appreciating the story his friend shared.

"anything for my boy, you know that."

george's voice slightly broke, feeling as if austin wasn't being fully honest with him or to himself rather. like there was something else hidden under those waters.

it wasn't long until george broke the kind gesture, holding austin firm right on the shoulders, a reminder of his strength. that there was something in austin that he wasn't yet ready to face.

"you're still going to the movies with us right?"

austin blanked at his question, scrambling for the words to answer. he wasn't sure if he should, but he knew that this was his only chance to see you before she came back into his life tomorrow.

that there was a sliver of a possibility that you would be sitting next to him again.

he let out a soft sigh and smiled.

"of course i am."

~ ~

she pulled austin, hard, her face burning with a fire that dried out the oceans in his eyes.

"and you had the nerve to make plans on the day i was coming back."

"i didn't ask for you to come early."

her emotions were boiling over now as she pushed him against the door, her face contorting into a scowl.

"and what does she even have that i don't? what's wrong with me then?"

she paced around the kitchen now, grabbing whatever glass container they had and throwing it on the ground. each one breaking into tiny little pieces.

and all austin could do was stand near the door and take it.

"tell me what's wrong with me then austin. TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG."

her screams echoed across their apartment, drowning him in an endless noise. he clenched his jaw as he mustered enough energy to say something back. because anything would be better than nothing.

"you never fell in love with me. you fell in love with my name."

she paused, her red hair messily laid behind her. her hand gripping the last few glasses they had left as she aimed it right at austin.

"your name? bullshit, i've been there through everything. you're MY everything. she's NOTHING."

"but you don't know anything about me."

and he knew he struck a chord when her eyes began to water. she screamed at him again, a high pitched screech that killed his ears. she threw something else at him, but it didn't matter. he wasn't looking anymore.

she approached him now, holding whatever else she could find to use against him.

"and what makes you say that austin?"

she scrambled to find anything as leverage to use against him, to show she still had power over him.

but she didn't.

"because you never chose me. and i will always choose her."

~ ~

you gently pressed the wet towel against his forehead, soaking up whatever was left of his scars. he closed his eyes to your touch, letting you take control of everything. your legs tangled into each other as you sat together on your bed.

there was something so natural with the way you took care of him, bandaging his wounds, and icing the bruises on his skin.

like you'd been doing this for years.

and he would let you do it forever if he could.

"austin?"

"yes?" his eyes fluttered open to your voice.

"you're not going back there with her right...?" your voice merely just a whisper, feeling as if your words were passing a boundary.

a boundary that you didn't know no longer existed.

he shook his head no, smiling weakly, still trying to remain strong in front of you.

"then stay with me."

your heart speaking faster than your mind could catch up and you panicked at the words. you were so preoccupied by how embarrassed you felt that you didn't notice how red austin had gotten as well.

"i mean... you can sleep on the bed and i can take the couch," you quickly corrected yourself and austin let out a small laugh. something you haven't heard in weeks.

"it's okay, i can take the couch. this is your apartment after all."

there was a calm silence between you two, as you slowly finished placing the last bandage on, pressing the adhesive gently on his skin. and as you leaned back to fully look at him, you could still see the marks that she left behind on him, even when you tried to cover it.

she still lingered in the air between you.

and because of that, your eyes began to water again.

austin quickly reacted, seeing the way you moved away from him. like you were afraid to break him.

"what's wrong?" his voice wavering as you searched through everything to find the right things to say. to find anything to say.

"i just... i don't understand people who hurt people, especially when it's someone like you."

the way you reacted swelled something in his heart and all he could think about was finding a way to comfort you. to take your pain away.

and so, he pulled you towards him, where you were tangled up into each other again. pain shot down through his body at the effort, but he didn't care. he just wanted to ease your pain.

his hand reached your cheek, gently placing a strand of hair behind your ear. and he leaned in to take away the distance between you two, as his lips met yours.

and he kissed you.

the kiss was so soft, so comforting. and you melted right into him like your heart had always wanted to for all those months, since the first time you met him.

he pulled you closer to him, as if there was even a sliver of something keeping you two from being together. he held your face in his hands, easing himself into you gently.

he was so afraid to hurt you, but there was something about the way you explored him, the fragility of your touch against his skin. it felt so unfamiliar yet comforting to his heart.

and yet, it broke yours.

he let himself get lost in you, the warmness surrounding him as you caught every little drop of water from falling into the abyss at the bottom.

the way your fingertips grazed each and every little scar, every bruise, like you were reassuring him. acknowledging its presence but knowing, it would never define him.

you slowly let go, fully gazing into his eyes and seeing those oceans coming alive again, just by the way he was looking back at you. and you saw something that you only wished to see months ago.

love.

his fingers wiped the remaining tears from your cheeks as yours just traced little circles around his, ending right at his lips again. your bodies tangled into each other once more, as you played with his hair.

he closed his eyes again to your touch and you saw him smile.

and it was one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen.

he gently caressed your cheek, gazing at you like he was afraid to lose you. like he was afraid to forget you.

"stay with me... please."

his voice wavered, as if he doubted that your heart would ever let you leave him.

"always."

#austin butler x reader #austin butler x you #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fic #austin butler #fic writing #romance fiction #well fuck #fuck my feelings #fuck i hate him so much

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firemenenthusiast · 7 days ago

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UGH FAWKK tumblr did it again omgg, I swearrr they have it out for us cuz this literally ONLY happens with you 😭. Tbf I use the browser version and is probably worse than the mobile lowkey and why its so wonky sometimes, and I absolutely REFUSEE to do tumblr on my laptop it's probably the supreme way but I just can't do it I can't STANDD how it looks in there. BUT ANYWAYSSS, you're soooo welcomee and thank you! 💗💗💗 Seriously this means sooo much to me 🥹🥹 like omg, especially since you were the main one got me onto tumblr. I've always known about it obvi but I was mostly a surface level lurker for years (not counting the couple of accounts that I created over the years, used for like 5 minutes, and then abandoned lol), I think it was just something about tumblr intimated me maybe it was the ui or something idk 🤷🏾‍♀️. But you were literally the first person that I had EVER actually sent a request or anything to and made me give tumblr a chance. And I'm glad I did otherwise I wouldn't have been in such a small but kind and tightnit community with such amazing people, and even other fandoms big or small ☺️<333. Ive always wanted to participate and interact with other fans of shows/movies/etc but was always too scared and shy to do it. I do feel bad though cuz Archie and his characters have been put in the backburner in my brain for my newest obsession: DEGRASSIII so I haven't checked in on you guys in a good while 😓 (side note: I'm currently watching the og degrassi first but I've been trying to buy the degrassi next gen dvds cuz I LOVEEE collecting physical media and lemme tell you IM LEGIT FIGHTING FOR MY LIFEEE MAN. I either can't find any, their on some sketchy website, sold out, terrible conditions, missing disks, going 300+ for the full collection, or some other bullshit. And when I FINALLY found a few decent box sets for a slightly expensive but decent price EBAY WOULDN'T LET ME FUCKING BUY THEMM LIKE I CAN NEVER CATCH A DAMN BREAK)

You can just call me jj btw!!! Sorry for the rambling, VERY bad habit lol, but yeah ily sooo much pookie and I'll always keep supporting you and everyone!! You da bestMWAHHH

HEY JJ !!! AH IVE MISSED YOUUUU im so glad you actually came back and talk to me again. and oh im using the mobile for talks and updates and notifs get lost A LOT. i always miss when you guys say anything as if its not enough that i always miss when you guys are active 😀💔. i totally get you about the intimidating ui cuz thats what i feel about the desktop version. especially those blogs that are sooo pretty and decorated like ACTUAL blogs i feel like they could tell i know how to do NONE of that 😭.

you could always participate girly !! and talk to others on here i can say theyre all so chill and if anyone is mean to you im gonna act the big sister cuz why would they be ?? this fandom is small enough without anyone bullying others off of it. and i love how our community is so small and so close and it feels like a friend group. if it makes you feel better this is my first actual writing blog too !! i wasn’t always a writer but you guys are so supportive that i actually want to publish my writing.

when u said im the first person you’ve ever sent anything ever on here i legit went like ☹️☹️ cuz LITTLE OL’ ME ??? i just want everyone to feel warm and welcomed to talk to me. i WANT you to talk to me. tumblrs honestly an amazing place cuz everyones so nice and supportive ❤️❤️ you dont have to be shy at all. there’s this one time months ago when archie wouldn’t post ANYTHING and without new materials it was hard for me to get inspired for anything so i totally get why archie’s been on the back burner for you. good news is lurkers coming so !!

so excited for your current obsession though tbh ive never heard of it hehe. but !! here’s a little some some from me :)

#firemenenthusiastinbox #me and jj #archie madekwe #farleigh start #farleigh start x reader #farleigh start smut

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ikroah · 2 years ago

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I've given everything I have, didn't know I'd run up such a tab, Oh, Lord, ain't the reapin' ever done? —“Ain’t the Reapin’ Ever Done,” Eddie Noack (1972)

It Keeps Right On a-Hurtin’ #25 - Ring-a-Ding-Ding IV

Archive Links

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Read IKROAH on Archive of Our Own

Notes / Original Pencils / Transcript:

Notes:

At long last! As I've mentioned a few times, this issue got...delayed because I spent 2023 getting divorced, falling in love again, going outside, touching grass, laughing, playing, et cetera. But even if you toss all that aside this issue would still have been a doozy because I've been wanting to try an issue in this artstyle, and with a much large page size, for...well, for over a year now, ha. The thumbnails for this issue are nearly a whole year old!

Usually I have a lot of fun commentary about how a script changes over the course of working on an issue, or how the production panned out, but the making of this issue has been stretched over such a long time that I can't even begin to really describe it. Lemme just show you the original pencils so we can get out of here and move onto the next one, which will hopefully take far less than the time it takes to carry a pregnancy to term.

Oh, actually, there is one thing! If you spotted this happy couple on the first page, then check out @memepipboy's comics too.

Also, here's Vulpes in the dead Yamcha pose.

Which is also about how I feel after going on a bender of productivity last week to get the whole issue colored before it slipped away again.

Original Pencils:

Transcript:

EXT. NEW VEGAS STRIP. A small plaza outside the casinos is flushed with lights and people, all coming and going, even at such a late hour. The crowd is monitored by the Strip's POLICE SECURITRONS. Two people are exiting a casino: ROSE OF SHARON CASSIDY, and

MESSENGER: AGNES SANDS!

AGNES: Oh God, I'm--

AGNES: --wait, are you NCR?

The MESSENGER that has called out AGNES' name is a surly and middle-aged man in uniform.

MESSENGER: Correct, ma'am. I'm a messenger.

AGNES: Courier, huh.

CASS: Hell do you want, boot boy? We're busy.

MESSENGER: Your presence is requested at the embassy on the south side of the Strip.

The exchange has caught the eye of a BYSTANDER READING A NEWSPAPER.

AGNES: You said requested, as opposed to, um, required?

MESSENGER: Yes. I'll be blunt with you, Sands: the incident near Gecko and your subsequent desertion have made you a fugitive of military police since 2269. I'm sure you know that--but this is not an arrest.

MESSENGER: This isn't even about your personal case, necessarily. It's only from chance reports at the Mojave Outpost and Boulder City that intelligence was made aware of your presence here at all. The NCR merely wants to let you know that you--as well as your companion--are persons of interest to us in two of our other open investigations: the Legion raid on Nipton, and recent terrorist attacks on merchants in the area such as Crimson Caravan.*

CAPTION: *Various events of IKROAH #7-16. -Lou.

MESSENGER: There's also some other matters, which are classified.

CASS, at AGNES' side, listens intently. Then she glares at AGNES, who is grimacing but avoiding her eye contact.

MESSENGER: Now, our intelligence officers only want to speak to you, not arrest you. So there should be no cause for alarm or any worry on your part. It's your choice to come to us willingly--and on your own time. But--

AGNES sweats nervously.

MESSENGER: My orders are to make this next part very clear. This is merely the current state of our interest in you and your companion. If your presence does become required, as opposed to merely requested, by the NCR--and it very well may--

MESSENGER: --consider this a nice, friendly notice. I'm here because the NCR knows where you are. And the NCR wanted you to know that, because it wants you to keep it in mind as you mull over whether--and when--you might be feeling co-operative. That is all. We'll be in touch, Miss Sands.

The MESSENGER departs. The BYSTANDER READING A NEWSPAPER observed the entire exchange. The moment that the MESSENGER is gone, he speaks:

BYSTANDER: Ahh...I must admit, it does make me glad when people discuss my work.

AGNES: W-what?

CASS: Pardon?

BYSTANDER: And it was fortunate, as it turns out, that you were spared that night in Nipton.

AGNES: Oh...oh no--

CASS: --YOU?

BYSTANDER: Very fortunate indeed--

The BYSTANDER grins.

BYSTANDER: --that you were spared from the burning tires, spared from the teeth of the dogs, spared even from the cross and stake--all of this, there, was the finest work yet of VULPES INCULTA--against the profligates of the west, and for the glory and the might of CAESAR'S LEGION.*

CAPTION:*IKROAH #9. -Lou.

AGNES and CASS are transfixed where they stand, taken aback by the reveal. CASS scowls while AGNES squirms with terror. She remembers:

The raging fires and the horror show of NIPTON. Crucified bodies and dogs to eat the corpses.

VULPES: During our talk in Nipton, I admittedly became quite curious about you, Agnes. You had intrigued me for some reason, and I wanted to know what it was. Only later did I finally place it.

Her hands up in front of her face, a futile barrier between herself and three men. Benny. His gun, pointed at her, shining in the light from the moon and the lantern.

VULPES: A tabloid story from the news on the radio. A courier shot in the head near Goodsprings Cemetery.

The SECURITRON with the cowboy face, VICTOR, carried her out of her grave. Or so she was told.

VULPES: --who miraculously returned from the grave. It was you.

There were three men. Two besides Benny. She found them later, one was dead and the other had two more with him.

VULPES: It was also you, as I would later discover...who slaughtered that pack of Great Khans in Boulder City. Clearly no ordinary courier.

VULPES: Why, even now, you assassinate the leader of the Chairmen in his own casino--in his own bedroom, no less. Very impressive.

AGNES: But how did you--

VULPES: Know? From one saboteur to another, I do have to commend you, Agnes. You're quite covert...for someone who had no reason to realize that she was already being watched, that is. Just as we have been watching Benny, the dearly departed.

VULPES grins wider.

VULPES: My network of frumentarii have detected something of a conspiracy in Vegas...something about a certain piece of platinum, I hear. Which reminds me--the mail has gotten so unreliable lately, don't you think?

AGNES is visibly panicked as VULPES continues.

VULPES: The NCR'S interest in you is not misplaced, Agnes Sands, given your recent exploits.

CASS is suddenly going down the casino steps--

VULPES: But I doubt that they are as quite aware of the bigger picture as--

--and raising her fist, and--

VULPES: the--

--punching VULPES in the face.

SFX: WHAM!

VULPES is flung to the ground, his nose bloodied. One of his teeth have been knocked clean from his mouth. He stares upward, in disbelief, up at the furious woman who's laid him out.

VULPES: Ah...yes. Rose of Sharon Cassidy. I've--

PTOOEY. A wad of spit splats against VULPES' cheek. CASS points a finger at him as he shuffles back onto his feet.

CASS: Get my name out of your mouth right now. I'm not afraid of you. You just piss me off. And unless you get lost I'll deck you so hard that you forget my name. Hopefully how to form complete sentences, too.

CASS: I think we've heard enough, you goddamn dogfucker, and whatever you're selling, we don't fucking want any.

VULPES: Ah...so no less impudent than last time, despite...well.

VULPES wipes the blood from his face with the back of his hand, muttering from behind his palm in LATIN.

VULPES: Sī cognōscere nōn vīs canis senex tum nēquam praeter futuendum eris.

VULPES reaches his bloody hand toward his dislodged hat.

VULPES: Agnes--the Legion has a particular use for you, a use which comes with certain courtesies that are not extended to your companion.

VULPES: ...she would do well to keep this in mind.

VULPES returns his hat to his head. AGNES has rejoined CASS at the base of the steps.

AGNES: "Use?" What use? I don't have anything--I mean, I'm not--whatever you--whatever the Legion wants with me, I don't know anything. About this, or about Benny. If you want the chip, I--

VULPES: Agnes, Agnes--you're a terrible liar. Or else just terribly naive.

VULPES turns to leave.

VULPES: If the NCR is interested in you, and they are, then seizing you for ourselves is certainly useful enough on its own. But truthfully, this isn't about the NCR. The Legion is interested in you--I am interested in you--because Mr. House is interested in you. You and that chip.

AGNES: Mr. House!? But I...no, no, I just thought the chip--

VULPES: Vale, courier. And vale, Rose of Sharon Cassidy. And be safe in your travels, if you can help it--you never know when somebody might be watching.

As VULPES departs, a SECURITRON approaches behind AGNES and CASS, casting a shadow over the both of them.

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #courier six #rose of sharon cassidy #vulpes inculta #agnes sands #caesar's legion #new california republic #ncr #ikroah archive #volume 02 #25

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jjkamochoso · 1 year ago

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Hi :) can could you do about Isao shinomiya pls?

Yes I absolutely can!! Thanks so much for requesting, I really hope you like this lil story I've written :) it's my first time writing for him so I'm praying I got the characterization down lol <3

Dreaming of the Director

Fluff

Isao Shinomiya x gn!reader

You feel disheartened when Director General Shinomiya tells you you're not doing well enough in training. Little did you know that the reason behind his harshness wasn't stemming from hatred...

Warnings: mention of hospital settings/medical tests/IVs (nothing graphic)

"You were sloppy; the wide steps you took were horrendous. Practice those moves again."

You didn't think your body could take anymore. You had been training under the guidance of Director General Shinomiya for many months now and today was no different than any of the other days you'd learned from him. Your routine consisted of spending every waking hour in the gym, doing cardio outside, or practicing fighting techniques and to say you were exhausted would be a complete understatement. You didn't want to give in to the fatigue as you knew it was an honor to be by his side in this capacity, but you were practically running on empty at this point.

"Director," you panted, sweat rolling down your back, "all due respect but I don't know how much more I have in me."

His face remained unchanged from its usual stone cold expression. "No excuses, Captain. Do it again."

And so you did.

Some (okay, most) days it felt like Shinomiya hated you. You tried to convince yourself that if he did, he wouldn't have kept giving you, a Defense Force captain, chance after chance to do better the next day, but your fears of never being good enough for him stayed at the forefront of your mind. You bent your knees and got back into position, ready to try the drill again. It felt like Shinomiya's icy glare was burning holes in your back as you bounced around, evading attacks from imaginary foe. When you were finished, you were afraid to meet his eyes, nervous to hear his feedback.

"L/n, are you even listening to any of the criticism I give you? You're leaving yourself vulnerable to the enemy with every punch you throw. Run it again."

You wanted to cry. Your muscles were on fire and you were so sluggish that it felt like your blood turned to cement in your veins. Still, you pushed on. You couldn't disappoint Isao.

"Yes, sir," you whispered, taking up stance once more. This time, you knew exactly where you went wrong all the times you practiced this prior. You readjusted your stance midway through the next move, but you realized you messed up again. Feeling your foot slip from beneath you, you tumbled to the ground, whacking your head on the hard floor. Dazed and enervated, you closed your eyes, savoring the cooling effect the floor had on your body.

"Get up, L/n," barked the director, but for once in your life, you ignored his order. It wouldn't hurt to rest for a second longer...

You felt strong hands grip your shoulders, your spent body shaking like a rag doll as you were pulled away from the oasis you created in your mind.

"L/n. Hey. Wake up."

You then registered the feeling of someone lightly slapping your face and your eyes fluttered open. Shinomiya was crouched over you, his bearded face just inches away from your own. His expression was mostly the same as always except this time, there was a new emotion present that you detected in his yellow eyes, if only for a moment--concern.

"You passed out. I'm taking you to the medic."

He was straight to the point as per usual. You really didn't want to inconvenience him or have him look down on you more than he probably already did, so you tried to convince him your condition was stable.

"No, sir, I promise I'm alright. That was a long enough break, I can go again."

His voice was stern. "You're going to the medic and that's an order. I'll write you up if you disobey."

You gulped, nodding in compliance. Isao swiftly lifted you off the ground, allowing you to lean on him as he walked you to the med bay. You didn't know if it was because of your tired physical and mental state or what, but having Shinomiya so close to you was making your heart skip a few beats; the tight, almost protective, hold he had on you certainly wasn't helping you breathe any easier either. You'd thought he was handsome since the day you laid eyes on him, but it was just a simple crush. He was so unattainable for you, being both the Director General and totally emotionally cut off from everybody and everything after the death of his wife all those years ago. You ignored the aching feeling of your heart in favor of focusing on the more favorable aching of the rest of your body. When you finally made it to the medical building, all the doctors rushed over at the sight of Isao, anxious to help the most important man in the Defense Force.

"You," Shinomiya said, pointing to the first doctor that had shown up, "give L/n a once-over, please. They were training too hard and passed out."

"Right away, sir."

You were immediately ushered to a big room with a comfy bed, all perks of being accompanied by the Director General. As tests were being run on you, you valiantly fought the urge to fall asleep on the bed whose cozy sheets were calling your name. Shinomiya said nothing the whole time, his gaze fixated out the window as he looked deep in thought. Finally, the doctor came back in with your results.

"You're just really dehydrated," she explained, reading the chart on her clipboard. "We'll start an IV for ya and you'll be good to go in no time. Sound alright?"

You nodded in agreement and she got to work. When your IV was pumping much needed fluids into your body, you laughed joylessly.

"All this was caused because I didn't drink enough water? I really can't do anything right, can I?" You slapped a hand across your face in despair.

"Don't speak like that," scolded Shinomiya, "you do things right most of the time. You're much more useful than you give yourself credit for."

You tried not to let your jaw hang open in shock. That had to have been the nicest thing he'd ever said to you!

"Thank you, Director," you breathed out, still not believing your ears. Shinomiya grunted in response, his attention turned back to whatever was happing outside your window. You craned your neck to see what he was looking at, wondering what outside could possibly pique the man's interest so much.

"If I do most things right," you spoke up after some time, "then how come I can't nail your training? There's gotta be a reason I'm never good enough for you."

You didn't mean to tack on that last sentence out loud but you were curious about why your training never landed you praise, even when you did well. You could tell Shinomiya was trying to choose his next words carefully.

"I think you're a very smart, powerful captain with a promising future within the Defense Force. I have to push you beyond your limit so when you’re sent out to neutralize kaiju you don’t…” He was hesitant, more so than you’d ever seen before. “So you don’t die. It’s our duty to lay our lives on the line for the betterment of society and as you know, I’ve lost many people close to me because of that.”

He sucked in a breath. “I refuse to lose you too, y/n.”

You were absolutely shocked for the second time in a few minutes. Shinomiya used your first name while basically telling you he cared for you. You were wondering if you were hallucinating all of this but the warm, comforting hand on your shoulder proved to you the situation you were in was all too real.

“Get some rest. I’m giving you tomorrow off but I’ll see you at 5am sharp the next day.”

He removed his hand and vacated the room, but not before you spotted something strange blossoming on his face.

The tiniest curl of his lips, indicating a smile.

You wore your own smile as well as you ruminated on Shinomiya’s admission. He would most likely never state his true feelings for you outright, but this was a very pleasant start and would serve as motivation for you to work even harder in your training. You absentmindedly stared out the window when something in the distance caught your eye. It must’ve been what the Director was looking at as well since it was a beautiful sight. Most of the military base you were on was made from concrete, but in one of the cracks grew the most glorious flowers. The blooms were a brilliant shade of yellow that reminded you of the hair color of Isao’s daughter, Kikoru. It was then you realized there were three flowers, two smaller and one big, and the large one loomed over the others as if it were guarding them, shielding them the best it could without stunting their growth. The world was full of metaphors and you chose to believe this one represented Isao watching over you and Kikoru. Your head fell back on your pillow, ready for much needed sleep, and the image of Isao smiling led you into many pleasant dreams.

#isao shinomiya #isao shinomiya x reader #isao shinomiya x you #isao shinomiya x y/n #kn8 x reader #kn8 #kaiju no 8 x reader #kaiju no. 8

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callibones · 9 months ago

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UM HI HI HI ITS ME. 🩸🟪 AND I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I AM VERY SORRY!!!

this week ive been exceptionally busy. a lot of stuff has been piling up for me with university and work and it didnt really give me a lot of time to look at tumblr OR read the fics! ill get to them! i didnt forget i swear ive just been EXHAUSTED this message is just being pulled out of my ass since i didnt expect to write to you today so i dont have any topics planned to ask you about. i didnt wanna take the time to think of something because i didnt want it to seem like i was ignoring your poast (despite the fact you wouldve never known if i had seen it or not .. but MENTALLY i'd feel bad, you know?) but uh. yeah

i don't know how people talk. um. how are you? has your week been particularly busy? what DO you do outside of tumblogging actually .. im curious

OH AND ALSO i very much appreciate the backstory info you gave me on callibones. i MIGHT take inspiration from it for my fanart? maybee? and uh i will send that to you SOON! very soon. i guess in the meantime id just wanna polish it more before sending it to someone out of like. principle?

i looked through your friends blog.. i like the concept of a blood bag person thing. there were probably better ways of saying that but IDK!! once again though i think it is Extremely Drawable so i have a small request ..

and regarding CALCIFER .. i think i would appreciate a deity to deity chat. or an potential acolyte to deity chat or I Mean Ha Ha. and those pronouns are Pretty Cool if i do say so myself! im worried directly sending in an ask would be strange so since you said you were friends with them can you parrot my question? i rlly wanna know whether drawing fanart of their OC is okay. sorry what else. im going to try and plan my next correspondence out ASAP so ill probably go through the cedardivine post before the post you made with a ton of fics? just because the list is shorter. idk what ill do after that--maybe ill rank them or something and you can tell me how wrong my opinion is or something Haha! just kidding im always right. i create new truths as we speak. as im typing this im overwriting just a little bit more of the world's knowledge. im just cool and awesome like that. theres nothing else i can think of at the moment to ask you.. OH UM when you mentioned callyris i realized "hey wait dont i know a blog called that" and Look Who It Was! so thats neat i also think i found another blog that may be under your posession but i dont think i can ask about it at the front desk.. so when i message you in some other manner ill probably ask you about that! who knows i might even be Completely Wrong

well anyways sorry for the delay. it will probably take a while longer for me to compose my thoughts so the delay will continue but. idk. i hope this message isnt TOO INCOHERENT but again i am not proofreading at all for this one.

also im definitely using gooby forever now. thats great. what a peculiar phrase.

GOOBY!!!!

hi hi hi hi! i took a million years to get back to this so NEVER apologize or rush about sending me things. anon asks r a tough way to communicate cause i dont got an online indicator for u so i just gotta guess... and u dont got a notification for me! i hope u see this even tho its been a bit.

ive been busy too cause university's also piling up for ME. i'm gonna respond to this one first, and then i'll take a crack at your mysterious coded message! and then i have to do a million homework because grad school. outside of tumblogging im trying to destroy the world with the infinite power amulet, so i'm majoring in general supervillainy! and also urban planning

for the blood bag: @rigormarcy LOVES fanart. marcy, if u see this, respond with your ref, 'cause you have a super drawable OC! the fans wanna draw u so bad. So Bad.

u found another blog that might b me? omg.... here. how bout this. send me an ask with just the name and i wont publish the response. if youre REALLY curious. but youre probably right, because i invented every blog on tumblr GOOBY

#🩸🟪

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little-miss-dilf-lover · 1 year ago

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I too have a hand kink and a size kink so comparing hand sizes with him is perfect

Please omg imagine he's like "It grown back, see?" and we stare at him, "Yeah like 5 hairs" Also me too, I love the idea of us being the only one who can bring him to his knees

I have so many ideas for the facetime one!! If we're in different time zones, we'll argue with them or they'll argue with us to go to sleep. We get away with saying stuff like "Oh I didn't eat anything yet" because what are they gonna do? :) While on the topic of food, we all get something to eat while chatting, it's like we're at the dinner table

“I can’t live without her, and you definitely can’t” love this!!

Him buying the kid a new ice cream, he's so sweet!! Also the Tan nagging him video 😭😭 He's looking over to make sure Tan's not looking and then mock him

I was debating if I should add the little scenerio, I'm glad you liked it! Also I think he'll feel proud of himself because he knows he's making you feel loved and protected 🫠

It's def the curls Can't wait to read it! 💗💗 I'll save the scar one for next time when requests are open (along with others I have saved, maybeee) 💺 anon

— high fives bc same!! 😩 and right???

— acting like a prepubescent teen, “see I got new hairs” but nah dude it’s not enough. I don’t care how many times I say it, ive said it loads but I’ll say it again, I love big strong masculine men that have a spot gooey spot for their SO

— yes😭😭😭 “it’s late you need to sleep, go and we’ll talk in the morning,” “im not tired, im good” EEEH wrong. omg!!! we can can be having dinner and they can have breakfast and all sat together talking. then hopefully if time zones coincide, can have breakfast next day and they have dinner🫠

— tehe I think it’s really cute and it’s true tbf

— I feel like he’ll feel bad for laughing after, and then maybe remembers a time when he was a kid and dropped something and some older kids laughed at him, so he’d be doing it for his inner child. PISSING YES!!! literally like a child, making sure tans not looking and mocks him. so younger brother coded

— he really would 🥲 he likes feeling appreciated and likes knowing how you feel about him. all he wants is for his love (and kid) to know how loved they are, and how special they are. it’s a bonus when we relay it back to him

— ur super cute!! and ofc angel💓💓

#ask #💺#tangerine headcanon #tangerine

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webslingingslasher · 1 year ago

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hiii🥹 i saw my nerdy!peter request btw i loved it he's so adorable thank you sm!!🩷

i've been gone a while bc i was Busy with finals but guess what!! i finished everything a week early so i have an extra week for term break 😌 slayed. im also going to the beach next week and the week after that im excited!!!

but also!! guess who went to bars 2x this week!! me!! which is something i Rarely ever do LMAO but yeah ive been hanging out with my new friends from my new org and ive been so happy!! 💞 we had a 3-day shoot for something we're abt to launch and when we finished we went out to drink near our college to celebrate, it was crazyyy

we played games n one of them were fuck marry kill and a guy said he'd fuck me JXJCJHX ???? 😭😭 i reacted so badly LIKE in a funny way, i cursed in my local language (same vibe as saying "bitch??🤨") and everyone laughed even the guy who said it loll im still giggling abt it bc it happened so fast, like i reacted so fast it was like a reflex😭 you shouldve seen my face kfkcncjdjd but i kinda feel bad bc i think he actually has a crush on me ? bc ive been picking up on how he acts around me lately.. srry brother ur not my type and im not exactly open to dating rn 🙁 but dw it didnt make me uncomfy, everyone took turns including me LOL and there were A Lot of us that night, 15 i think?? haha then some of them also walked me back home since their dorms were on the way. it was my first time walking around the area at night (the place is highkey sketchy) but it was fun👍

and then tonight/today we went out again to drink, just to celebrate the end of the term and i had soo much fun like i didnt drink much but the ppl around me are just rly fun to be with :) we were out from 8pm and i got home at 4am..🥹 it's my first time coming home that late loll but i had a blast. some of my org mates invited their own friends so i met new ppl and they were rly fun to be with too!! they also gave us a ride back home, we were 7 in the car lmfao but it was so nice, that ride fr made me feel like i was in a movie :︎’)

all of this happened this week it's insane but im very happy 🩷🩷 next week im going to the beach w my family and also the week after that but w my parents friends haha, im rly gonna make the most out of this short break bc im abt to start my thesis next term and i knowww i'll be Stressed🤕 i wont get this time of my life back so im gonna be happy now!!

-🧚🏼‍♀️

HELL YES!!!!!! I TOLD YOU THINGS WOULD START LOOKING UP!!!!

YOU GOT FRIENDS, GUYS THAT WANNA BANG YOU AND THE BEACH????

#🧚🏻‍♀️ anon

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sidhewrites · 2 years ago

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15! This one got long, it may end up being trimmed into two chapters. For now though, here's some exposition and research! Slight warning for suggested animal illness at the end, but I'll preface it with saying Renfield is fine and remains fine if a bit shaken throughout the entire book.

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Magnus Sunthorpe, as it turns out, has a long history of paperwork that was only preserved due to negligence on the part of whoever cleaned out the archives. The file folder was stuffed full of moldering, century-old slips of paper, each in their own yellowed folder that had been stamped with date range of the contents inside, as well as a much more recent note that they had been digitally preserved.

"You think the old Librarian forbade anyone from throwing them out?" I ask, waggling my brows at Josie before, once again, being forced to contend with the fact that, actually, the Librarian could do exactly that. I bite back any discomfort, and force myself to say, "She seems the type to hoard everything."

She shoots me a distinctly unimpressed look while we request copies of each page from one of the living librarians back up on the first floor.

"What kind of research project is this supposed to be?" he asks. His name tag reads Carter.

I give Carter a smile. "A weird one."

"A biography," Josie clarifies.

He raises an eyebrow at me, correctly deducing that Josie is the brains of this operation. "These are gonna be due in two weeks, same as any library book. You need an extension, you gotta come in or call us so we can make a note." He takes us to the research stacks just past the children's library, and pulls two three-ring binders down, each labelled meticulously with dates and information. Carter deposits the binders in Josie's arms, and she promptly hands them off to me. "Is this for a class or something?" Carter asks.

"No." I barely manage to keep myself from adding that Josie's cat is possessed, and instead manage to stumble into a different, less suspicious line of conversation, "I think the lady who works downstairs doesn't like when you throw things out."

Carter pauses before placing the third binder on top of the other two. "Not in the least."

Josie's eyes gleam. "You know who she is?"

"I think I'd know my coworkers, yes."

"Don't you love this time of year?" I ask. "The weather is cooling off, the leaves are all red, and there seems to be spooky shit everywhere you turn. Especially in old creepy libraries."

"It's an old building. We're lucky the wifi works. Asking for things not to be spooky in the basement levels is just getting greedy."

"So you agree. The basements are spooky."

Josie kicks me lightly.

I give her my most innocent look.

"I just work here, ma'ams," Carter says, but he holds my gaze long enough to get the point across.

I nod, and Carter nods back, but there's too many people around to talk for long. He helps us check the records out and sends us on our way.

"So am I the only one around here who apparently sees ghosts, or do you think he's just imagining shadows and shit?"

Josie shrugs. "I'm sure you're not the only one. I wonder what the cause of it is."

"I had a near-death accident when I was fourteen. I was doing track and field after school and tripped over a hurdle. Nearly broke my neck. I was in and out of consciousness until I woke up and saw myself lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a hundred different machines and an IV. It was terrifying. I looked around and saw my parents there, red eyed and tired, and I looked out the window and saw this bright light, and a woman's voice telling me it's not my time yet. Go back, there were still so beautiful girls to woo and so much stupid shit left to do in this world."

She listens intently until i get far enough in to remove any doubt that I'm making everything up. "I can't believe you still don't -- I mean -- believe. You're literally dating a ghost."

"I'm not--" I start, and stammer. I mean -- I kind of am, aren't I? But my face flushes, and I get indignant regardless. "That's not --! We're not putting labels on anything yet!"

"So you're in a relationship. With a ghost."

"I..." I start. If I hadn't been carrying binders just then, I'd have thrown my hands in the air or gesticulated or something to burn off the sudden nervous energy building up in my limbs.

"It's okay, I'm not judging. Well -- I am, but it's not my place to tell you how to live your life anymore."

"It wasn't in the first place either," I mutter, and shake it off. We're almost to the edge of campus. "Lucy can only come out at night, so we've got some time until she can look things over. Should we...?" I shrug vaguely, not sure where I'm going with this.

[Transition]

Over the next few hours, Josie and I go through the bulk of the documents. Okay, she goes through the bulk of the pages, and I sit there and color code things with sticky notes. In my defense, research has never been my strong suit, no matter how interesting the subject, and I'd like a bit of praise for not giving up entirely and going on my phone.

The documents come together to form the story of a deeply unpleasant man. He brought his birth certificate with him when he came to Sutton, tracing his family back to a farm in Kentucky. He was one of eight kids, and moved in to town in [year]. He started keeping a journal a month in, which seemed to show him finally happy with his surroundings, surrounded by trees and peace and few people. Magnus hated everything about the people who lived in Sutton -- loud, friendly, often covered in sweat and sawdust, but he liked the solitude.

And then came the pages upon pages of formal noise complaints submitted to the mayor from [the year after he moved] all the way up until his death in [YEAR]. Seems like nothing got past him -- not a neighbor's hog farm causing a ruckus during feeding time in the morning, nor a colic baby being rushed to the doctor in the middle of the day. And if a party ran late in the bar, damn anyone who thought they could have a bit of fun on the weekend without there being trouble.

And then, finally, in [year], he faced his demise doing what he loved best -- being a dick. Magnus had come out on New Years Eve, lantern in hand, shouting to the good loggers who dared celebrate with drinks and music and shouting in town. He was shoved out of town and tossed into the stables -- which, the obit writer made sure to add -- hadn't been mucked in a few days.

A horse panicked and kicked him in the head. He was pronounced dead in the morning, presumably when everyone's hangovers became tolerable enough to leave bed.

In our search, we found a report someone put together of him back in the 1960s titled Sutton's Most Miserable Man by Oliver Proust. It seems, so says Oliver, Magnus was the reason Sutton created municipal complaint forms in the first place, as an unsuccessful attempt to put him off of whining so often to the mayor. He was also the main reason Sutton imported so much paper from a larger town before the mining boom caused the population to grow a decade or two after his death.

"Oliver was right on the money," I surmised, nodding resolutely at our handiwork. The pages had been sorted -- scanned diaries over here, municipal complaint forms over there. "The most miserable man in town, probably in all of history."

"See what Lucy has to say about it. Maybe she knows him?"

"What, like they haunt the graveyard together? You think they're ghost buddies?" Unfortunately, now that I say it, that sounds plausible. They may not be friends per se, but with how long and how sociable Lucy seems to be, I don't doubt that she knows some of the other ghosts in the cemetery. "I'll ask her tonight," I say, and then groan. That's going to mean breaking in. I'm getting frustratingly casual with breaking rules surrounding my job lately, and that's definitely going to spell trouble for me later.

While waiting for night to fall, I pace around my apartment, clutching my phone like it owes me money. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. It could cost me my job. It could ruin any future chances the graveyard might have of working with public figures. Mr. Ngo could be angry at me. A thousand worst-case scenarios play through my head, over and over again, but I just keep looking at Renfield, curled up next to the space heater.

At six, he doesn't get up for dinner. When I try to pet him, he lets out a quiet low growl.

I can feel him there. Magnus. Whenever I look away, I hear a rustling behind me, and I turn to see Renfield's head up, eyes open, pupils narrowed to a sliver. I know it's Magnus in there, watching me. Waiting to see what I'll do. There's no other option. I need help.

I pick up my phone and dial.

The number goes right to voicemail, but I plead my case all the same, begging for help. Or at least for half an idea what to do.

Come nightfall, I'm in the graveyard again, spreading the pages out on a bench for Lucy to look over as she stands off to the side.

"Does any of this look familiar to you?" I ask. My flashlight catches on her, and I have to remind myself that she's a ghost. Ghosts are real, and my kind-of-girlfriend is one herself. Even knowing all that, however, it's still so easy to forget. She looks as solid as I do, her face pale but catching the light like it should. There are such subtle signs of wrongness that, even looking for them, they're easy to miss. But her veil doesn't move in the slight breeze, and the grass below her feet remains undisturbed. Even the mud clinging to my shoes is nowhere to be seen on her outfit, the hem of her gown as spotless as if it was freshly cleaned.

She pores over the pages, either unaware or uninterested in my staring as she scans the pages, eyes darting back and forth from headline to municipal form to obituary.

"No, not a thing. I could ask around, of course. I'm sure someone from his time would have more answers than myself."

I nod. Magnus died thirty years before Lucy was born.

[conversation about ghosts and the different kinds? Lucy has vague acquaintances.] "But ghosts don't socialize in quite the same way. We're not...all here, not all the time."

"Like when the sun's out?"

She nods. "For me, yes. But the rules aren't wholly clear, and they seem to be shifting all the time for some spirits."

I shift my weight and wrap my arms around my knees. "What do you mean?"

[Orbs vs spirits with no corporeal/visual form, sometimes they're more aware of where thye are sometimes its just emotions or detached intentions of going home]

She stands and looks at the old tree, skirts rustling in a nonexistent breeze. It's like she has her own weather sometimes, the wind wherever she is entirely detached from the wind where I am.

"Do you ever miss it?"

"Miss what?"

"I don't know. Life. Touching things? Eating. Changing your clothes. That kind of stuff."

She presses her lips together, gaze falling away. "I'm not sure. I've been dead longer than I was ever alive, and the world is so...big. There's so much to it now. And my memories of my life aren't always..." She pauses, trying to find the right words, but I think I understand this one.

"Yeah," I say, and rest my chin on my knees. "Like they're right there in front of you, and you know they're there, but you can't quite reach them anymore. You don't know where to look for them, right?"

"Exactly, yes."

"I get that sometimes. I mean -- I don't know if mine is the same as yours, but I have that sometimes."

"But you're alive."

"Eh." I shrug. "My brain's broken, but it's less broken now than I was when I was a teenager. Caffeine helps though." I lift my coffee in a toast.

"I don't follow."

"You want a brief history on psychiatric advancements of the 20th century?" It's a joke, but Lucy [looks at me like she'd like nothing more.] "Okay, sorry, that was an exaggeration. Basically, I have issues reliably paying attention and remembering things, among a whole slew of other stupid issues."

She nods, but I don't miss the hint of disappointment in her expression.

Before I realize what I'm saying, I blurt out, "I'll get a book from the library tomorrow. We can read it together, and I'll turn the pages for you. Deal?"

"Deal." Then, after a moment of deliberation, she says, "But why does coffee help?"

"Stimulants calm my brain down."

"Why?"

I shrug, and take a sip. "Because it's broken."

When I put my cup down, however, Lucy is looking at me, a crease furrowed between her brows.

"What?" I ask.

"Is it really?"

"Is what really?"

"Your brain. Is it really broken?"

"Oh. Nah." I laugh. "I'm just being dramatic. I'm fine now. Or, mostly anyway. Nothing too much coffee can't fix." Just to prove a point, I tilt my head back, and chug. I am the epitome of feminine grace.

Her concern doesn't let up.

I feel my smile falter under her gaze, and shrug. "It's fine, really."

"Kaz..."

I don't want to go into this. Not now. Not with her. "Look, I'm okay now. Really. I have some issues, but they're miles better now than when I was a teen."

Lucy makes a show of sitting on the bench, not even disturbing the papers I've set out, and patting the space next to her. Reluctantly, I gather the pages up and set them in my lap before sitting next to her. She doesn't talk first, just waits for me to be ready.

"Look...I mean it when I say I'm fine now, okay? There's problems, but it's manageable now. When I was a kid, you know..." I shrug. "I don't know when they came up with the term, but I had a major depressive disorder. I lay in bed for days on end. I fought with my parents because it was easier than pretending to be okay. When they learned I liked girls ..." I frown. My dad's words never left my memory, fallible as it could be some times. "It got worse. I got worse. My parents got worse. I had the grades to go to an ivy league school in junior year, then by senior year it was a miracle I graduated at all."

I don't look at Lucy, instead focusing on my calloused hands, fingers gripping the library pages tightly. "I had to skip a year before coming here, and I just barely got in." My fingers won't stay still. My knee bounces. "I'm better now, though. Away from my family. I have people I love here, and Renfield makes sure I get out of bed in the mornings, if only to feed him breakfast."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lucy's hand. She doesn't touch mine, but rests it gently next to it, our pinky fingers less than an inch from touching.

"I promise I'm doing okay, okay? I don't really mean it when I say my brain's broken. Other people have it worse. I just like to be a shit sometimes."

"Sometimes," she echoes, and there's a smirk in her voice, though it doesn't last long. When I look up, her gaze is distant. "When my husband passed, I thought I was dying. I don't remember his face, but I remember that...painful numbness. Like I was being torn apart at the seams, and yet like I was feeling nothing at all." Her brow furrows, mouth curving into a frown. "I lay in bed for days, not eating. I think I slept. And then..." She sighs. "I died. I woke up here, without him. If I saw my own funeral, I don't remember it."

I want to take her hand. I barely move my pinky out, feeling the icy static of her ghostly skin against mine.

"Do you miss him?"

"I loved him more than anything. I moved from the city to be with him." She pauses. "He was going to buy me a camera the second he had enough money. Every day he'd kiss me goodbye and promise that we'd have a million photographs -- of our home, of our family... Of us." She shook her head. "The only photo left was our marriage photo. I don't even know where it is anymore."

"I'll find it," I say without thinking.

"Kaz --"

"No. Listen. I'll find it for you, okay? You're a huge star in paranormal communities. If it's out there, someone has it, and probably posted it online. I'll find it."

She looks me dead on, the corners of her mouth starting to pull upwards once more. "I believe you."

"Believe in the internet," I say.

Lucy shakes her head. "I believe in you."

I'm still walking on air when I return home. I hum to myself, jingling my keys before putting them into the lock and opening the door

I stop dead in my tracks as soon as I step inside. The apartment has been turned upside down. Textbooks thrown off the table and shredded, dishes shattered on the kitchen tile. All my knickknacks and things litter the floor, chairs knocked over, couch torn to bits. Even the floor lamp has been knocked to the ground, the remains of light bulbs glittering in the carpet.

Renfield sits on the table, surrounded by his destruction. His fur is paler, pupils narrowed to a thin sliver in his yellow eyes.

"Have you had fun tonight?" Magnus asks. Black bile drips from Marius's mouth, and he launches himself at me with a wail.

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privacyredux · 9 months ago

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45oz water

4:14pm - los angeles

today has been kind of slow tbh. not in a bad way though. i got to catch up a bit more with charlie and eric. i made plans or well, i guess i'll get to that bit later. since i wasn't going to dinner at charlie's i went shopping with them for the shit she'd need. honestly she's who encouraged me to come down in the first place and ive had a really good week plus in los angeles. better than usual actually. it's honestly not my favorite place in general, but i don't really feel like i have any complaints. i got my ass handed to me by ai again, but i guess that's just how shit goes. at least im not alone bc she did too.

the reason i can't go to dinner is bc i have other dinner plans. last night i went to see valeria at work again. it was kind of funny bc i offered to bring her some candy (sour patch watermelons) she was talking about doordashing and she kept insisting that she needed to pay for it and give me the tip she had planned on giving them. which turned into offering to pay for my drinks and me saying id just give her that money and more in tips. i guess she really has strict feelings about owing other people or something. regardless, even though i said i didn't think she owed me anything, we settled on dinner tonight as a compromise. i'm looking forward to it.

but anyway, uh it was fun. i did some karaoke. *nsync at her request and then doing bastille's laura palmer brought us around to talking about twin peaks, which she had never seen. and truly isn't even optimistic about enjoying, bc apparently she hasn't enjoyed much david lynch. she was gonna give it a try though, so even if it's pure complaints it'll be interesting to get her take. i dunno what it is, i do find most of valeria's views interesting, but even in general i just like hearing what people think about shit. like barring some offensive shit, even if i completely disagree and want to debate what they're getting out of it, it still keeps me completely occupied hearing another person's take on it.

yeah so that's how i had dinner plans for today. otherwise, i spoke a bit with blair again about lotr bc i was watching a minimal amount of rings of power just to do it. if i start it, i'll be more likely to continue and feel caught up for the new season. freya has been pretty busy so i haven't talked to her as much as i had the week prior. and im trying to make some direct plans with sabrina so i don't miss her before she's crazy busy. as much as i have a tour starting next weekend it's just for a little bit and hers is a whole ass thing. so hopefully i'll see her at the event and hang out a bit. i plan on coming to see her on tour too, but i know how that goes. it's all chaotic for me and i don't have nearly as much shit going when im on tour. i really doubt i understand the chaos of that level pop tour.

other than what's going on this week, and packing and cleaning up my place a bit, i think i'm ready for tour. ready to be pulled out of everything for a little bit and just immersed in work. especially in japan. i know i'll have a good time and i can kind of just enjoy everything around me and revisit places i love. i don't know there's an awful lot of love that i get out of visiting there. i'm positive it'll make me feel good regardless.

i watched something this week, i forget what, where one of the characters pretended to be an eels fan and it's just had them on the brain. also, i mentioned liking myself less when i was numb and it came together. and it's true. eric is keeping an eye on things too which is nice. probably not necessary, but i probably would've said that even when it was. so i'll accept the help and attention there.

falling apart - slow pulp

why do i cry - margo guryan

novocaine for the soul - eels

#please don't use names i'm trying to be more forthcoming but i don't wanna put anything out there other people wouldn't want told

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sincelastsession · 1 year ago

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Joshua that number I left for my past EMDR therapist is the only way I've gotten in touch with her. I did request my records, she said she'd send them. They weren't delivered ever. I really really do want to get my files from her I am entitled to a copy via state law. It contains a fuck ton about me that I really feel will help because the sheer amount of traumas to bring up again is going to jar me trying to list em out. I feel like it'll definitely assist you on my treatment plan greatly because we did A LOT.

I assume that there's a place files of this nature are supposed to go?

I assume you would know who to call to help me secure them? Or perhaps we could find out. Even if you don't want to use them...I would very much like a copy of her files on me.

I can sign paperwork for you next session for you to get my files if I haven't and idk who else you'd like to talk to or option to chat with other than psychiatrist and primary care but I'll sign documents with them.

I think she still has a profile on psychology today and email...but the text number I left has been my only way to catch her...

I don't want to be nasty but if she can't produce my files I will call a lawyer. Because yes they'll be great for therapy but I asked a while back.

I'm going to send an image of your card to her and request she leave a voice-mail or talk to Chelsea so we can get that done.

It's just BOTHERING me.

I do understand your treatment style us very different.

Also fuck Robyn. I got so much "feedback" to say about her. She takes literal young men and women who are struggling and honestly I see those patients struggling more with thier gender identity and transitioning. I don't think she's safe for LGBTQA+ folks. That's imo something that should be between a psychiatrist and endo foremost before hitting therapy. Like ive spoken to mine about it and we have different views but now that I have I can open up abt that. Like she invited a client to her home. I feel she pushed a bi male into transitioning and imo the trans ppl I know are happy and she doesn't seem happy now at all. She told me to break up with my now ex and treated me like a liar and literally sessions with her felt like interrogation and SUPER judgy and she was VERY FAKE with my parents who were ofc putting on a show for her.

I cannot begin to explain how well my parents are at manipulating therapists and turning it into everything being on me and as soon as I say something in response or try to blow their cover it's WILD because the one thing they don't realize they do is thier facial expressions. They'll either over mask or forget to do it. They always trip up.

Mom likes to play victim and very clueless kind. Dad does this in a different manner, he's subject to get pissed and walk out or raise his voice unless he's gonna act right because you're not a woman.

The weirdest part of having been raised by these people. The way I've studied them since childhood to please them. They adapt and use therapy against me. They don't remember what they've said or done. They seem put out by me telling them "hey what you did was fuckin wrong and yeah I've brought it up before and you shut down and we never settled it" then they'll be like "you just love to hold grudges" etc... but it's not that. I'd like to process it all or what I can. The reason it comes up over and over is because it's not going into memories to be forgotten in my brain. It's just hanging out in the fuckin trauma bay. Like a packed ER.

I am open to whatever type of family therapy is beneficial. Often times my dad is nasty to my mom when she's calling or texting about me. I don't think she deserves any bullshit if she's just relaying a message.

Like they got divorced and still fight like idiot assholes.

She left and I had a fucked up back and was a stoner and kept to myself because my father treated me like a partner to abuse and daughter to control and there's a ton of emotional incest. Dad also talks to young ppl online and what I saw years ago looked like grooming behavior and poor pity me with women of age I hope but still younger than me. Probably because many older men try to influence young women and never emotionally mature correctly and actually accept their age. I remember him on dating sites complaining about how ugly certain women were whose profiles imo were quite lovely and impressive. He acts sorta like an incel.

My sister you'll probably see straight through. She's an actress.

I do want to see with a few sessions if it may be possible to salvage anything with any of them.

What's upsetting is that though I have a poor sense of self...they don't really know me or seem to want to know me.

My psychiatrist thinks it's due to me not being healthy and also that I'm not married and doing the "normal" thing so there's resentment.

Since NONE of them listen to anything I have to say because they're all under the impression I'm trying to control them based on well nothing other than I'm gonna guess THE PAST.

They think I'm frantic. They haven't really read anything about what I deal with. They don't listen to listen. They listen to reply and they cherry pick and twist things I say to mean things they don't.

I don't know how to have a conversation with any of them without them exploding. My dad and mom have literally put me on speaker and walked off and my sister idfk last time I tried to speak to her she was FADED and I hung up.

They all have excuses.

It hurts that they won't accept and educate themselves like my friends do. It's not hard.

I fear they are both VERY mentally unwell and I'd really like to hear what you think.

I do have audio I keep forgetting to show you. I feel it's important and it will give you an idea of what a "light" encounter with them both while having a fucked up back and asking for help because I couldn't do laundry on my own sounds like. I recorded it because it'd already been happening that day and they do the narccistic tornado and I wanted to make sure my words weren't twisted more.

I wish I had more recorded. It's wild.

I'm concerned my dad is fucking with Piper's head but she's already a shitshow (I love my sister but I'm gonna fuss about her crap still)

I feel like I'm playing Squid Games and talking to any of them is a test.

My dad has told me to kill myself and to die and he's left me alone in the hospital after relieving my mom where I was then abused and left in a waiting room with a dead phone and no way to go pee for HOURS because my back was out.

We almost sued OLOL for the maltreatment.

This is not the first time I've been left alone in a hospital and abused.

People think I'm a hypochondriac but I just have a special interest in medical. I grew up in medical environments. Knowing as much as I can retain has kept me safe from further misdiagnosis and malpractice bullshit. I wish I could actually just gent sent to a mayo clinic or idk one of the big hospitals where they use diagnosticians and run you through the gambit.

I know it's not a thing unless ppl are very sick. I mean it was traumatic as a child to be put in NIH testing for a Dermatomyositis study. I don't remember meeting other kids. I just met Ted Kennedy one day while I was playing waiting on another test. It was scary being like 8 and seeing secret service fill a room and guard a door so he could have a photo with me. He did talk to me a ton and I really don't remember what he said. My parents were thrilled and I'm sure there's a cat piss stained picture somewhere.

Did you know that my sister and dad just threw a ton of my things away and donated or tossed most of my books. I had a massive bookshelf. Now it's covered with things that are mine and shit my sister used to make her room aesthetic without asking me.

It has always been hard to go home and get anything from her. I really just want to take everything that was or is mine. Things I gave her and things she stole.

I don't think she realizes I have 2yrs to file a report on the assault and I could take her to court for emotional distress too and probably more.

I've never gotten justice for any of the things that have happened to me.

I wish I could just send all thier asses to prison but they wouldn't survive.

They all think I won't do anything. That's been taunted at me.

They have no clue. They have no clue what they created and they have no clue what goes on in my head.

Sometimes I think that there's something supernatural at play.

I believe in those sorts of things. I don't talk about it much enthusiastically because ofc people like to shit on it.

I know most of the things that haven't been proven by science will eventually be.

I know that also it does exist. Our govt wouldn't have done studies to use ppl with ability for war purposes.

I know a lot of cold reading is fueled by trauma. I don't like to cold read. I think people who sell cold reads etc are just very good at telling others what they want to hear...or they're so desperate they will truly take advice.

When I read things come through and there's this process. It's mind's eye where pictures and words come through. Then I just ask about what I see or deliver whatever messages. I was pushed out of a group that was threatened by my reading. They were threatened because they are frauds. If a message doesn't make sense for someone then I tell them to just take what makes sense. It's often like a crowded room when I read for people. It's been a while since I tried beyond simple shit. I've scared the crap out of friends holding thier hand and reading them. Because they never told me about the people I relayed messages. I didn't just guess. I opened myself up to it and flooded in.

Sometimes I want to get Reiki certification so I can just do that for ppl. I was told by a master that I was a natural energy worker. I was told by native shamans that I was a gatekeeper. My grandmothers had thier little superstitious practices.

This is the part you'll probably want to ask more about if I haven't talked abt it. I've exorcized a demonic or spiritual entity out of a person before. There's no way to prove it. I know what I saw and heard. I wasn't high.

It makes me wonder how many cases are actually supernatural and how many are actually just mental illness.

Also it's been driving me insane Joshua but I know you somehow outside of therapy. I do wonder if we've just been at the same place at the same time more than once and that's why I remember your face or if we have many mutual ppl. This is a big city small town so who knows. I hope it doesn't fuck up th Or you have a doppelganger 🤷🏻‍♀️

Idk.

I think one reason ppl think me and Travis would be a pair is because he's just a really kind good person. This extends beyond me and to others he knows. His family really is picturesque. They are excellent people. He will make someone incredibly happy one day. I am really bothered by people passing him over. He's actually looking for a therapist. I wouldn't be bothered if any of my friends saw you as a patient. The whole "oh no we can't do therapy with people you know" thing imo is silly. People in this state all know each other to the point it's just goofy.

My partner called me all excited that he didn't have to work overnight. He called because he was going out and felt bad that he wouldn't get to chat with me and had planned on doing so and had been excited to do so. He actually said "I Love you" more than once and I told him to go have fun. Saying I Love you is difficult for him sometimes. Am I sad I'm not getting to talk to him? Yes. Am I happy he got out of a stressful work night to enjoy time with his buddies or other partner? Yes, why wouldn't I be? I do get sad that I can't be there but it's still better than half the mfers that are just overgrown fuckbois etc that don't even have the emotional maturity to call.

I'm gonna go smoke out, do smol bit of laundry in my travel laundry bucket thing, eat decent food, stay up to an asinine hour, and play Sims4.

Hopefully no dumb bullshit occurs.

I cannot and I'm not the one this evening.

Goodnight

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