#i've been trying to write complete fics for months but i only ever get tons of ideas when i write stuff like this

[chrrywvea]

a serotonin boost for today:

✨️imagine married lokius at a christmas market✨️

(or: my brain going haywire at 4 am for these two idiots & leaving me with this half fic half imagine-ramble-story thing)

mobius obsessing over all the little trinket shops

like immediately upon their arrival, he's over the moon

loki detests all the masses of people but nearly melts when he sees how mobius lights up

he does enjoy it later on as well, very much even

sharing mulled wine

butterfly kisses & red cheeks (loki i'm looking at you)

mobius wears the scarf loki made for him for his birthday (personal hc of mine: loki can crochet & knit insanely well)

mistletoes, so many mistletoes

snowflakes in loki's curls make him look even more mesmerising (mobius stop staring please)

mobius gets fairy lights for their apartment

loki shields his tiny husband from all the people bumping into everyone (inspo from the cutest gay couple i saw at the christmas market yesterday thanks guys♡)

they try out all the different food stands together

(since christmas markets tend to have lots of nordic food loki gets to teach mobius about his favourite dishes at home when he was a child)

mobius loves listening to loki anyway, no matter the topic, but hearing him speak so freely of the good aspects of his childhood always warms his heart

they search more quiet spots for breaks when they both get a little overwhelmed

loki sings (though this time only for his husband)

holding hands in each others coat pockets & hand kisses to warm cold skin up

beanies

they try on all the beanies in the whole market (mobius puts them on loki who eventually just surrenders to it)

in the end loki buys them real silly, matching ones (if any artists want to draw this, by all means, go ahead! i'd love that so much but i have zero talent when it comes to drawing)

loki drags mobius to the ice rink, the only thing he's weary of since he's never been ice skating before - but loki is there to help!

he's a pro at it, frosty heritage and stuff

yes i believe frost giants can ice skate really well shush

lots of laughter and banter ensue with mobius attempting to stay upright

the waist hold™ is now reversed to prevent mobius from falling on his butt

but honestly they were gonna be close anyway so

touchy touchy

mobius gets the hang of the whole ice skating ordeal and loki cheers him on when he manages one round around the rink on his own

though he completely rams into loki's back upon his return

when they tire out after a while they get more food, sit around one of the nearby bonfires and cuddle

star gazing when it gets dark & planning for christmas eve

they both sneakily buy gifts for one another when the other's busy with something

mobius gets a little tipsy

too many samples at the liquor shops oops

+ i might add more if anyone likes this but this is what came out for now, enjoy :-D

[anonofseasons]

The reason the rest of Seasons went up is that I figured I'd better just do it before I lost all drive to share ever again and didn't at least complete Seasons for the remaining readers. It's the only thing I've written (outside of fandom) that has gotten much attention. It was nice, and I really appreciate that anyone would read it. But outside of that, I cannot get more than the tiniest handful of people to care about what I write, and it has been that way for years. It's discouraging, I'll be honest. My already-low confidence keeps taking beatings. I used to be more active with fandoms and posting fics, but one fandom/ship soured the experience for me. (Long story short, a lot of that ship's writers were bullied out by much more prominent writers. One of those popular writers mocked content from my fics in vaguetweets every time I posted, and I couldn't keep calling it a coincidence after a while.) I'd hear "you only write manbabies" (yeah more than once) and "you write too much of this" or be told my characterization wasn't realistic. But mostly? It just goes ignored. So I think, "I have to work harder and be better so people will be interested in reading it."

I don't know how other people manage to get word out about their writing. AO3 is great for sharing what I don't plan to publish/what can't be published, but what about what I do want published? I want to be a career author. And I struggle bc I'm dealing with problems that have a hand in worsening each other: financial struggles, living with my shitty parents, and bad health/disabilities. I need something in my life to work out for once. The pressure is on to be successful at something, but I just keep getting older and physically worse. My friend is willing to take me in when they find a place, we hope that's this year, but I can't live off of them, and I can't just sometimes cook and clean when I have spoons to make up for that. I need an income. I want writing to work out. But it just dies on my social media, with very few interactions, if any at all. I had a ton of stuff I wanted to finish for Seasons this month and into October to share with everyone in my excitement. But I'm losing my will to share anything. I only feel foolish when I try. Everything I do only proves my critics right, so it's embarrassing. Why even bother to try? It's been fourteen years of trying to get anything I write seen. I don't plan to stop writing btw, it's the sharing that's so difficult. I've been told countless times to write for myself when I express my despair, and guess what? That's good advice I've been taking this entire time! Who else could I be trying to please at this point? I have no one to please lmao, it's just me doing stuff I wanna do! The reaction to the ending of Seasons has me hesitant to give up on sharing, bc clearly lots of people connected to it in different ways, and that's wonderful. It makes me think sharing isn't so bad! But I just don't know if - at my age and health - if I can keep trying. I have two books I want to self-publish soon, and they feel like they'll just end up like everything else I post over at @mcalhenwrites - 6 notes and 5 of them are my reblogs! (And it's the same across all social media platforms - or it's even worse.) I'm really thankful that sharing Seasons gave me a taste of what it was like to connect with people through my writing, though. I don't think any of the people who commented or sent me asks realize how much it really helped me through this year, but it did. I started to have a little hope that maybe it wasn't a skill issue on my part, at least? ;A; And here's the thing: I don't really hate my writing all that much. I just fear it's got things wrong with it that I can't recognize, and that's what's putting potential readers off. I do believe my hard work shows, but hard work =/= good enough. My style is getting closer to the skill level I dreamed of having. I'm proud of my characters. But what's missing? I know that being a creator of any kind - even professional - is extremely tough, especially right now. I know this is a struggle for a lot of authors, artists, etc. :'( I just... I want to write as a career so I can keep doing more of it. I rarely have the spoons to keep up with anything. Writing is flexible. I love doing it! I just want to explain how I feel and what I'm dealing with, and why I'm so desperate. If you read this, know that it really helps creators to have our work recommended, boosted, etc. Authors matter as much as artists. I've been trying to train myself for the nth time to not be online and talk about my writing in any capacity. It hasn't worked before - I'm always too stupid to commit to giving up - but at what point in 14 years of complete failure with a side of humiliation does one just learn to give up? And to give some further insight into my thinking process: when I uploaded the remaining chapters, I put Seasons in my private collection (which holds 87 of my works out-of-bounds to anyone but me) so I could upload all the chapters without risking annoying my subscribers. Since 11 chapters in one night is a bit much, eh? :') Ugh, idk why tumblr won't let me edit anything or post long stuff. So I'm cutting this short I guess!

[lunapwrites]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

OK, I am going to try really really hard to both describe where I was coming from with these/why they're my favorites and to be as objective as I can about them so I don't walk my self-hype back at all hahaha. (This is also going in my drafts until RL Fest reveals are up so if this comes out super late, that was why!!)

Louder Than Love - WIP. Rated E, Remus/Sirius/Tonks. It's effectively an OotP rewrite in which Remus locates his backbone and tells Dumbledore he can fuck right off with his werewolf missions, he is staying at Number 12 to keep Sirius from falling apart (which goes swimmingly as you might expect.) This started out as basically just me poking at a headcanon a bit -- because I legitimately feel that Remus and Sirius need a third to sort of redirect their respective intensities, and now I'm just kinda having fun with it. Somehow this is now also touching on social justice, government corruption, ethics, addiction issues, gender identity and sexuality (without hitting anyone in the face with it, I think) and parenting as navigated by a couple of fucked up adults who find themselves in charge of a whole ass traumatized teenager. It is my baby, and I'm looking forward to getting to post for it again (the last few months have been HELL.)

three knocks upon the door - Rated E, Lily/Tonks. This is a dark!AU, and my first ever casefic/mystery/thriller whatever you wanna call it. It's also my first ever WLW fic. This ended up coming about because I was assigned a bunch of characters and tropes randomly and I shied away from Snily so hard that this was the result lmao. I am immensely pleased with how it came out. This Lily radiates big dick energy. Tonks shares the family trait of obsessive tendencies and leans right the fuck into it. I included Murderhusbands!Wolfstar with no scruples. Oliver Wood is here and he is The Best Boy. There are power dynamics in the professional and personal spheres. There is a crazy rhythm to this one and I highly suggest also vibing to the playlist because it's one of my favorites that I've made. Anyway, I had a ton of fun writing this fic. The only limit I set myself was on my word count (per the fest) and it SHOWS. XD

Numb (Phobos I) - Rated M, Gen (background Wolfstar mention.) Part of my Satellites series, which all have secondary titles after specific moons which are REALLY meta for the story. Phobos is one of the moons of Mars, and is named after the Greek god of fear -- specifically fear during battle. This was an AU one-shot of what might have happened if Remus got brought to Malfoy Manor instead of the Trio, and faced off against Peter. Writing their dynamic was something I really wanted to try doing because I am firmly in camp "Peter Was Really Their Friend" BUT I also can't look past what he did, and I don't think Remus would either. I wanted to write petty, spiteful little bastard Remus and this Peter who knew him, right down to his bones. I wanted there to be chemistry, and I wanted there to be baggage and delicious, well-earned vengeance and I think I hit the mark.

Applied Theory - WIP. Rated M, Remus/Sirius. The Wolfstar Academia AU! French Sirius and Welsh Remus sniping at each other via academic papers and all the pettiness that entails haha. Honestly this has just been so fun to work on in those moments when I need something light to write to counteract LTL's heavier stuff. The banter is pretty great, and considering that this is basically being chaos-posted without even being edited, I'm honestly impressed with it? Especially with like. The fact that I decided to be COMPLETELY EXTRA and actually cite things in Chicago style and write full-on French dialogue for Sirius and Regulus haha. It's cool it's fine we're doing GREAT over here. Anyway this is just good, ridiculous fun, and I need to get more of it out for y'all soon.

Ouroboros - Rated T, Gen with a strong background Wolfstar. Get in, bitches, we're going to therapy. This fic started as me wanting to write some sort of reconciliation between Remus and Lyall, and then life (or rather death) happened offline on my end. So instead of a story about hard-earned reconciliation and forgiveness between a parent and their child, I wrote about uh... not doing that. And making it okay. And I'm ultimately a hell of a lot happier with it for that. Heavily angsty, and a "canon"-divergence from LTL in which Dora never got involved (but the story fills in more parts from Chapter 12, specifically.)

Thank you for the tag! I have many others I want to pass this to as well but because I'm posting this so late/delayed I feel like y'all will have already done it, sooooo if we're mutuals and I didn't tag you and you wanna do this feel free to consider this your blanket tag because I appreciate you but also I have anxiety! XD

[shywhitemoose]

Hi! I really like following you—your posts always make me smile! I saw that you like getting asks but don’t like to do ask games, so can I ask you some questions from a recent fanfic writer ask game??

What do you like most about your own writing?

What’s something you’ve recently felt proud of related to your writing?

And can you name one or more of your fave comfort fics??

No pressure to answer, I was just curious! Have a good night! 💜

Hello! This is really sweet, thank you. I suppose it's not so much that I don't like to do ask games, it's just that it's unfamiliar to me and I'm... not one of the cool kids, you know? Like I wonder, I've only written one fic so far (and even that’s not complete yet) - am I even qualified to call myself a writer yet? And my art is all over the place (not literally, but aesthetically speaking) because I haven't been doing digital long enough to have developed a consistent style - am I really allowed to call myself an artist? Am I allowed to think anyone will want to know things about me or the stuff I create? These are silly questions, I know, but my brain just.. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, to your questions 😊

What do you like most about your own writing?

Hmm, well my own writing is limited, but I guess within the chapters I've written, I think I like my dialogues the most. I try to find a good balance of humor and emotion and I *think* I’m usually successful? Of course I really just have my characters to thank for that- it helps that they already have such entertaining chemistry to start with :)

What’s something you’ve recently felt proud of related to your writing?

Oh dear. I think maybe I'm just proud that I'm still doing it, ha. It doesn't come naturally to me at all. I mean I've never been able to just sit down and write a page. I swear, every paragraph - at least when there’s no dialogue, but even sometimes when there is - is a Process. I will be particularly proud when I finish the next chapter because it's given me more trouble than any others (how do all you authors churn out such lovely smut on the regular? I'm over here struggling for days about how to get a hand where it needs to be, lol. And don't get me started on how the Force is supposed to play into all this.)

Can you name one or more of your fave comfort fics??

Is it weird to include my own? It’s just that I started writing Adrift and Entangled *specifically* as something I could come back to and read for comfort. Chapters 12-14 put my heart in a particularly warm, cozy place.

For other works, I’m VERY out of touch with what is currently out there because I don’t have a ton of time to read these days. But:

With a Warm and Tender Hand by temple_mistress (I don’t know if this person has a tumblr) is one of the first Obikin fics I ever read and it just really stuck with me. It’s very, well, warm and tender :) It’s been a while, but I’ve probably re-read this more than any other fic I’ve come across.

Another piece that has stayed with me is this short, spicy, but heart-melting prompt fill by @glimmerglanger from many many months ago. Poor Obi-Wan is impotent here, and the way they write what Anakin does for him just turns me into a pile of mush. I still think about it.

The Snowball Effect by @twilightofthe has brought me comfort through laughter on more than one occasion. It’s a two-chapter modern AU and the author is hysterical.

What I’ve seen on tumblr of @tennessoui‘s Keeping up with the Skywalker Kenobis AU has also brought me great joy, and her AO3 version is high priority on my to-read list. Super sweet, and it also involves the kids, which gives me extra feels.

Speaking of kids, I’m reminded of Homestead, by @jswander and @whohatessand. It’s part of a longer series that I haven’t gotten to yet, but this first work was just lovely. A good snuggle up with a warm beverage and let your heart feel all the feels sort of fic.

It’s not in traditional fic format, but I also find great comfort in @shatouto‘s Redeeming Vader AU comic installments. It’s a WIP, but the story is beautiful, and the art is exquisite.

Whew... I guess that was more than one, lol. Suggestions for other good comfort fics welcome - I know they’re out there I probably just haven’t gotten to them yet!

[mrsluthordanvers]

This may seem like a really random question but has writing and reading femslash helped you come into your sexual and/or gender identities? I've been in the Supergirl fandom and other primarily f/f fandoms for quite some time and this is something that I've been wondering about recently.

Yes!!

This got really long, and really rambly, and probably tells more about my experience with fandom then you needed to know to answer this question. But here it is lol

I grew up in a relatively conservative and catholic family with limited access to media both bc of this and bc my family was low income. I remember as a little kid we only had a couple channels and when we did get cable when I was older, my parents would stop pay for it during summer months because they wanted us to go outside.

The only gay media I remember ever seeing growing up in my parents house was Imagine Me & You. I caught it once on TV and I have vivid memories of realizing what I was watching and sitting on the edge of the couch paranoid that my parents would come downstairs and catch me watching it. I remember setting up the remote so that when I hit the quick back button it would take me back to some cartoon channel. And glee. Which I was surprisingly actually allowed to watch. I was always waiting for it to get turned off but it never was.

Both my parents were very big on encouraging reading. When we asked for books, it was almost the only time I don’t remember being told no. I remember I spent tons of time in libraries as a kid and it was one of the only places I was allowed to go after school by myself when I was in junior high. And I loved to write, my mom was always asking her to tell me stories and I was always writing in journals.

Basically what I’m saying is that I really did Not have exposure to the gay community. And looking back it seems really natural that I started reading and writing femslash.

It took me a long time to get into though, and to seek out. Instead I was sneaking Nora Roberts books out of the library at grade 7 because they had sex in them. Sex, I thought, that was safe/healthy/whatever because these were the books my sister was reading. Plus my mom said they were too mature for me, and what’s a better motivator then being told no. I didn’t find famslash until very late into high school bc it never even occur to me that I could be reading cheesy romances that were f/f instead.

My first experience actually reading femslash was Rizzles fics on ff.net. I honestly have no idea how I found it bc at the time I couldn’t have told you what fandom was, or that tumblr existed. The only thing I remember knowing about fanfic was that if you said you read fanfic people assumed you were reading about weird sex about characters and would laugh at you. Honestly I might have only found fanfics bc glee was really big at the same time and I was probably hearing people talk about ships and fanfic even if I don’t remember it now. Either way I found it lol. And I read A Lot of rizzoli and isles fics.

And it helped. Towards the end of high school was when it really started to dawn on me that I might like girls and I didn’t have words for it, I didn’t know there was a community, and there certainly wasn’t people I was willing to ask.

Reading femslash was like opening a door. Suddenly I was being introduced to the same kind of cheesy romance writing I was already reading. I was being introduced to the idea of two women going on dates. Having healthy relationships. Having unhealthy relationships. Soft sex. Rough sex. Falling in love. Getting married. Having kids. And it really started to solidify that I liked women.

Up until that point the idea of being gay scared the fuck out of me bc what I knew was so limited, to me being gay = being alone. It meant I wasn’t allowed to have any of those things and I really resisted that.

Reading femslash was a big part of changing that perspective. It made me comfortable enough to tell a girl at 19 I had a crush on her. It helped me feel like it was okay to tell people I wasn’t straight when I went to university. It prompted me to search out more gay media when I went to university. I started to watch glee again. I watched DEBS, and Imagine Me and You, and Saving Face, and Gray Matters, and Bloomington, and Kissing Jessica Stein, and Loving Annabelle. Basically I went through the LGBT section of Netflix in a year. 

A friend introduced me to tumblr and told me there was a big gay community. I followed some cool people and aesthetic blogs but honestly I still wasn’t quite finding it.

Then I watched The 100 while it was in season 2 in my last year of university. Completely unaware of Clarke and Lexa. I became obsessed lol. They kissed on screen and it was like a switch went off. I don’t know why it was that show instead of anything else I had been watching that spurred me on. But it did. I started looking up accounts on tumblr and following people and reading so so so much fanfic. I had started to find that vast community on tumblr my friend mentioned and started sending people asks and saw people actually answering asks, and posting their art and their writing. It encouraged me to try writing again, and ask a couple people if they would read stuff I posted.

And then supergirl came out and I was soooo excited for it that I started to try mimicking accounts I saw in the clexa fandom. I figured out how to make gifsets, and I liveblogged, and my friend told me to make a side fandom blog or she’d unfollow me lmao. Which I also didn’t know people did. I started this blog just before season 2 happened and it made for the perfect storm. I already had a small following, I was making content (even if it wasn’t great), and Lena got introduced. And suddenly I REALLY discovered how vast the gay community is bc it was suddenly knocking at my door. It was also a big BIG learning curve.

I was reading people’s fanfics and looking at their fanart. I was seeing depictions of different sexualities. And how two characters can be interpreted in such vastly different ways. I was being shown perspectives I hadn’t seen before, some that made me stop and go. Oh. It helped me identify my first label, and then also taught me labels can change, and mine did. I wasn’t just reading fics about two women in a relationship, I was opening fics and seeing me. I saw a piece of fanart of Butch Kara and thought, she looks like me. And then I started to see people writing about butch Kara and commenting about butch Kara and it wasn’t just, she looks like me. It became she looks like me, and that is desirable. And that gave me confidence. I stopped shaving, my wardrobe has started to change, I started buying things I wanted to wear not that I thought I should wear. I learned I wanted people to see me and think I was handsome or attractive before they thought I pretty or cute lol

Writing femslash has a different kind of self reflection. I like to think I have started to notice when I project things on to characters, and think about why those things are important to me. Or why I get defensive over certain headcanons. All things that have made me step back and look at my own sexuality and gender identity. Which honestly I’m still figuring out and is still changing, but I’ve learned that’s okay too (fanfic has also normalized that for me lol)

Art is meant to make you feel things, think about things. I don’t think fanfic or fanart is any different. Sometimes it is just meant to make you feel you horny and sometimes it makes you reflect on whether or not you might be butch. Personally I think it’s very cool that it’s so powerful

[giggles-and-freckles]

(Sorry for how long this got, conciseness is not my strongsuit)

Hey, so I've always loved writing, but actually doing creative things has always been difficult for me because (backstory, mental health, trauma etc. You know the drill)

BUT

Recently, a game inspired me to write fanfic, and I've written almost every day for more than a week! I even missed a day and didn't entirely fall off the bandwagon!

So my biggest concern is burnout, and I'm wondering if I could get some tips on how to maintain your writing schedule/routine without overdoing it

1) do you ever say to yourself "today, I'm not going to expend any creative energy, I'm just gonna consume things"? How often does that happen?

2) When you suddenly get an awesome idea and write down an unplanned story that meets your writing goal for the day, do you still work on whatever project you had lined up, or do you usually count that as your progress for the day?

3) If you do a lot of brainstorming/outlining (and actually write it down rather than just thinking it lol), do you count that towards your writing progress for the day?

Again sorry for how long this is, and no rush or pressure, but I really like your work and id love to hear your thoughts!

Hello hello!! Okay, so I’ll be completely honest...I don’t have a ton of real strategy, because I’m very-much an off-the-cuff type of person. But I’ll share what I’ve got!! And oh ho, did I get about lengthy myself. Yikes.

1) Absolutely. So a lot of authors who are better than I do have this idea of a “writing goal.” I’m not going to lie–I don’t have this. For no other reason than exactly what you’re saying...burnout! I only write when I want to. Again, most authors would probably say this is bad practice and that I should push you through to get something down on page. I totally respect this mentality!! For me, though–writing is only the way I express myself, creatively. As soon as I let it become something more, it’s no longer an outlet for me. SO if I don’t want to write: I don’t. I have never ever forced myself to write something and because of this, I feel like I have never experienced this burnout. Which cycles back and means I don’t have many days where I don’t want to write.

I’m not sure if that made sense, so here it is simply: if I don’t want to write, I don’t. I give myself a break for the day. Because of that one day break or whatever it is I need, I don’t need those breaks very often. I would say in a period of a month, I take four or five days to not write purely because I don’t want to...and maybe three or four more because I was busy or had other things to take care of. 

2) Not to be redundant, but it’s the same thing here for me! I write what I want. This is probably frustrating for readers in the multi-chapter sense, because it means I’m not very consistent there. And here is part of me that’s like “aw dang, I should have worked on that” but then I remind myself that I’ve never felt like that about other authors. I’m just happy when they write something! So I try not to hold myself to the same standard. 

I will say, though–if something is giving me a tough time and that’s why I keep avoiding it...I will pressure myself a bit to do some deep excavation. For example, I’m writing an Ilum scene for a fic right now and the imagery is just very difficult for me for whatever reason. So I honestly just ignored it for almost a month. Finally this week, I sat down and was like “okay. today...we fix the Ilum scene.” It’s not necessarily what I wanted to work on with the time I set aside to write, but I knew if I didn’t do it, it would stay a wip forever. And after spending an hour reworking some big parts...I’m genuinely excited to finish it now! 

But if you have an idea and you’re vibing with it–even if it’s something you don’t think you’ll do anything with for months–write it down. Immediately. And keep going until you can’t go anymore. Your future self will thank you!

3) I.........almost never outline. Oops. But sometimes getting an idea down is all I have the mental capacity to do! And so yes, I absolutely count it and stop there if that’s all my brain can do that day.

I think my entire approach to writing is that it’s an exercise that is good and exhilarating for my brain. As soon as it becomes something more stressful or tense, I’m not okay with that. So if giving yourself deadlines and daily writing goals is what you need to structure yourself and find that exhilaration, do it!! Or–you may be like me and find that simply sitting down with your computer, a cup of tea, and no real plan is all the structure you need. Might get a few sentences down, might get a few chapters. 

But however you approach writing–you should feel better when you get up from the chair than when you sat down.

[fandom-collective-writers]

Title: A Smutty Fanfic

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Fandom: Obey Me!

Genre: Smut

Written by @rikumorimachisgirl

Word count: 1,500

Disclaimer: I do not own Obey Me or its characters, but this story was wholly my idea.

A/N: This is my very first Obey Me fic. I hope you like it.

This was the worst! 

You skimmed through the half-filled Doodle Note on your DDD and sighed. The fic you were writing was due in two days, and you were nowhere near completing it. 

Maybe I should just quit, you thought to yourself with another long sigh. After all, I've never written something like this before.

"Oi! I can't focus on my game with all that sighing in the background!" 

You tore your gaze away from your phone and looked at the purple-haired demon, who was glaring at you from where he was seated at the bottom of his bed. In the past three months that you've been living as an exchange student in Devildom, you've grown fond of all your housemates at the House of Lamentation - especially Levi.

Tonight, you hung out in his room like always, tinkering with your DDD while watching him play. Only, your mind was elsewhere and he didn't seem to like it.

"Oops! Sorry, " you said, flustered. "I can leave the room -"

"That's not what I meant." With the game controller still in his hand, he plopped onto his bed just a bit short of where you were seated and looked at you curiously. "Are you bored? I asked you earlier if you wanted to play 'Tour of Duty', but you didn't want to."

"It's not that."

"Then what's the problem?" 

"It's nothing, " you dismissed, hiding your DDD away. "Anyway, shouldn't you be playing?"

"Hmm, I don't know. I think I'm more interested to find out what's gotten you in a bind, " he said before tossing the controller to one side. "So what's up?"

"I told you, it's no biggie, " you insisted. As you struggled to come up with an excuse, he caught your wrist and pried the DDD from your hand. "Hey!" 

"Oho! You're keeping secrets from me now? You don't get to do that, normie. After all, I am your senpai, " he said with a suppressed laugh as he scanned through your notes with one hand while keeping you at bay with the other. 

"Give that back, Levi!"

"Let's see… 'Go on, Davin. I won't stop you.', " he started reading out loud, much to your horror. 

He was reading it - your sorry attempt at writing a fanfic! "Stop it, " you cried out, as you dove to retrieve your DDD and what little dignity you had left.

"You're writing a fic about your Doctor Love bias! I'll read some more. He kissed her non-stop as he laid her on the bed. After what seemed like forever, he stripped her off her clothes and climbed on top of her…" 

You shut your eyes as he continued to read what you'd written, silently wishing that Diavolo would magically appear and zap you back to the human world. You were so wrapped up in your wishes, you failed to notice that the room had become dead silent and that Levi was handing you back your phone. 

"Don't laugh, " you nearly growled at him as you snatched your DDD back. 

"I couldn't if I wanted, " he replied. "That… that's a smutty fanfic you're writing. I didn't know you were into those…"

"Asmo made me do it! He made me join his Post-Valentine's Day event -"

"Lust Fest?" The dashing Otaku exclaimed as he looked at you wide-eyed. "Why the heck did you sign up… and more importantly, this type of writing is even worse than a noob's. I mean, you could do a better job of describing what's happening or how the characters are feeling. That right there looks like it'd been written by a virgin." 

His snide comment made you wince. Taking a deep breath, you square your shoulders and glanced at him. "I can't help that, " you said, trying your best not to blush. "I am a virgin."

"Oh, " he said quietly as he stared at his feet to hide his embarrassment. "I didn't know. Sorry."

"That's fine. Maybe I can head over to Lucifer and ask him to help me with this."

He gripped your wrist once more, just as you were getting out of bed. "Why Lucifer?" 

You looked at him quizzically and tilted your head to one side. "Uh… because he looks like he's got a ton of experience -"

He yanked on your wrist so you'd fallen on his lap. Before you finished your sentence, his mouth had claimed yours, moving hungrily, claiming every inch of your being. Holding you close, he swallowed your gasp and thrust his tongue into your mouth to seek yours.

"Don't go to Lucifer, " he said in between kisses. "Stay with me. I'll help you out. Is that okay?" 

You managed a small nod before he moved his attention from your lips to your neck. As he sucked on a sensitive spot, you let out a moan and immediately clamped your hand over your mouth. 

"Don't cover your mouth. I want to hear you moan for me, " he whispered, before lapping at your neck while slowly unbuttoning your pajama top. "Tell me what I just did."

"You… you… marked me. I-It felt good…"

"Really? What about now?" He made short work of opening your top, and his hands were soon on your breasts, kneading and rolling your nipples between his fingers. "I wonder if your nipples taste as sweet as your mouth is." He blew on one of your pebbled nipples before taking one of them into his mouth, and you felt your panties get soaked. He sucked and laved his warm tongue over your pink nipples one at a time, while you buck against him wildly. "Does this feel good? Tell me!" His voice was raw with lust as he tore your top away and moved you so he had a full view of your naked top. 

You wanted to tell him how wonderful it felt, how your toes curled as he sucked on your breasts, and how you've discovered an invisible connection between your breasts and your pussy… but all you could utter was a moan. 

"You're beautiful, " he said, smiling before you tangled your fingers on his hair and pulled him back so he could lavish your breasts once more. As he flicked his tongue against your hard nipples, you bucked your hips against his hardened cock. The sensation made him groan and he bit your nipple and sucked on it hard. 

Slowly, he laid you on his bed and ran his hand down your body, over your soft plains and curves, and palmed your soaking pussy over your damp pajamas. You arched against his touch and sought more. 

"You're okay with this," he asked. 

"You're asking that now," you quipped. "Teach me, Senpai. I'm all yours."

Those three words were all it took to break his last barrier of restraint. "I want you. I've wanted you for so long, " he said roughly as he removed your bottoms and his clothes and tossed them on the floor. He planted kisses on your lips, your neck, the valley between your breasts, down your belly, before he stopped to look up at her. With a sly smile on his lips, he slowly turned his attention back to your pussy and removed your soaking panties with his teeth. 

It was slow torture, he was aware. As he caught a whiff of your arousal, he cursed himself for not being a total noob at these things. Sighing, he tore the offending garment off. 

You watched as he licked his lips and you tangled your fingers on the pillow, holding your breath,  waiting for his next move. 

"Relax, normie. Trust me, you'll like it, " he said before he dipped his head between your legs and nuzzled his nose against your clit, taking in as much of your scent as he can before you felt warm wet tongue part your folds and  lick your essence. 

"Don't stop… don't stop…"

He sucked and slurped every drop of your essence. "Levi, please… I want more!"

"Just a little while longer, " he said, sliding a finger inside you. You gasped and arched your back as he pumped in and out your pussy. "Does this feel good? I'll make you feel even better." He sealed his promise by sucking on your clit as his fingers thrust in and out of you faster. He knew you were close, he could feel your muscles start to contract, he curled his finger inside you and felt you shatter around him. You cried out his name and bucked thrashed beneath him, riding out your orgasm.

A few minutes later, you laid side by side, breathing heavily as your bodies covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

"That… That was amazing, Levi."

"See? You really didn't need Lucifer for that right, " he said cockily, as he rested his head on your arm. "I can give you all the orgasm you'll ever need."

"But I didn't need Lucifer for this, " you pointed out, much to his surprise. "I was gonna ask him to proofread my work. You're the only one I want."

"Proofread?"

You nodded, and swept his bangs to one side. "Absolutely. You're the only one I want." You smiled at your boyfriend, who was now blushing furiously. "But now I think I can do even better. I think I can write a smutty fanfic… All thanks to you."

The end. 

[thekidultlife]

{ The And } | by The Skin Deep | SVT Version

Author's Note: Happy Birthday, Hyeri! With all that's happening in the world and in our world as sister Carats, I sooo hope that you enjoy your day today! Leave the worries and the cares behind today, and make each moment amazing! I wrote this short fic (which is no surprise to you anymore since I always spoil my own surprises) as a birthday gift for you and I hope that you come to love it!!! Cheers to more memories and more laughter and tears together! Love ya, @wooziologist / @milkteafairy-hyeri! 🤣🙆‍♀️❤

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2,700

🌹🌹🌹

SETTING: The backdrop is a white brick wall. Two wooden chairs face each other, and a table with two stacks of cards on top is in between the chairs. The filming crew waits patiently for the guests to appear.

[There are small whispers of warm greetings as the guests of the day enter the set. The man wears a striking, black button-up shirt that had short sleeves and is tucked into fitting pants. His jet-black hair closely matches the obsidian color of his clothes, and even though he looks really quiet and serious, his eyes, small and thoughtful, are dancing. He looks really happy. Beside him, is you: smoothing the back of your lace dress that had a skirt which flowed just below your knees, you look up at him and you smile. His one hand, with its long, white fingers, is planted on your back and he guides you to your seat. A warm feeling descends over the set as he makes sure that you are comfortable where you are. He takes his place in front of you, and he smiles.]

YOU: [Picks up the top card from the pile; looks up at Jihoon, and speaks with a soft voice.] When did you first know that you loved me?

:readmore:

JIHOON: [Thinks for a long time.] Do you remember that November night when you found me at your doorstep in the middle of the night and I just walked up to you and hugged you?

YOU: Hmm. [Lips curl into a smile at the memory.] Kind of...? Yes. I think I do. Awards Night?

JIHOON: [Nods and smiles back.]--Yes. That was it. [Face turns thoughtful.] I think people mostly realize that they love someone when they went through a dark phase and...and that person they loved was there to help them up. But for me, that realization came when I was surrounded by so many people, when I was at the peak of my career, and all I could think about was you. More specifically...[struggles to get the words out]...of getting through my commitments that night and coming home to you. It was then that I knew. That I loved you. Because no matter how happy I was with my life during that time, I realized that I can't be completely happy until I tell you about everything that happened, everything that I have achieved. I realized then and there that I wanted every happy memory of mine to be shared with you.

YOU: [Hand unconsciously reaches out to Jihoon, and Jihoon takes it tenderly.]

JIHOON: I knew I loved you when the happy moments suddenly seemed duller when not celebrated with you. [Holds your hand tighter.] Let's make happy memories together.

YOU: [Nods and doesn't look away from his gaze.] As many as we can make. [Releases Jihoon's hand.]

JIHOON: [Studies the cards.] That was a good question. [Lips form a sweet smile directed at you. Takes one card from his pile.] Ooh. This one is good, too. [Flips the card so you could see.] How much have I grown as a person in our relationship?

YOU: I mean it when I say, "A lot." [Purses lips.] We have to admit that, at the beginning of our relationship, we were both still young and immature and a lot of that youth and immaturity sort of showed in our actions and decisions. But as time passed by, we really turned into better individuals, and I am so happy, really, really happy, about that growth. [Gazes into Jihoon's eyes.] You were once so afraid of telling me your thoughts. You were once so afraid of messing things up and you end up keeping your thoughts to yourself. But now--

JIHOON: --we're best friends.

YOU: Yes. We have become best friends. And that's growth to me. Because couples could sometimes date and love but choose not to try growing together, which puts a strain on what they have. But with us...[Beams at Jihoon.] You see that, and you know things will be headed in the right direction. So thank you, for growing with me.

JIHOON: [Locks eyes with you for a long time and his face looks like the sun as he returns your radiant smile.] You're right. I was once so much like a stuck-up person, never being able to fully communicate my thoughts with you. But I knew that in order to be with you, I would have to grow a lot, to open up this...shell I have enclosed myself upon. I have to 'man up' to you because I know that without growth there was no way, no way at all, that I would be able to deserve you.

[Camera cuts to Jihoon picking up another card.]

JIHOON: What do you want to tell me that you haven't told me before?

YOU: [Eyes widen.] Wow. Ha. [Leans back on chair and thinks.] Something I haven't told you before. Hmm. [Plays with diamond ring on your left ring finger. Gazes at Jihoon and then smiles brightly.] I think I've told you everything already. But there is one thought, though, that I have always kept to myself. [Wobbly smile.] Because I know that it's only in my head.

JIHOON: I'm listening. [Leans over, attentive.]

YOU: [Laughs and covers face.] I have this funny feeling saying this thought aloud.

JIHOON: Please tell me? [Makes his favorite straight-faced pleading expression that he always gives you when he wants to know something.]

YOU: [Chuckles and purses lips.] I don't think I've ever told you that my greatest fear is to wake up one day and find that all this...[gestures at the both of you]...this beautiful relationship that we have, was...was just a dream. [Laughs as a tear escapes your eye. You dab it away quickly.] I feel so silly saying it aloud, but that is one thing that I have never told you. Because it really, really sounds silly when I voice it aloud. Like right now.

JIHOON: [Has a serious expression on his face.]

YOU: But this thought doesn't last, because I would constantly remind myself of all the times...[searches for the right words]...that we've had lots of talks about our relationship before. That what we have--

JIHOON: [Nods.]--isn't something like a dream.

YOU: [Nods along with him as another tear escapes your eye.] Yes. Not a dream.

JIHOON: Because what we have now, we worked hard for.

YOU: [Laughs and nods as you dab away at the tears.] Yes. Not 'based on sheer luck', like you would always point out.

JIHOON: [In a gentle voice.] Could you please look at me right now?

[An intense eye contact ensues.]

JIHOON: I know that sometimes good things that happen to us take a lot of time to accept, but...what we have here, right now, is real. I am real. We are real. I am here. With you. [Reaches out for your hand and holds it tightly before releasing it.] Real. I'm with you. And I won't get tired of reminding you this because you always remind me in your own ways as well of how much you love me and I am so thankful that I have you in my life. We are real. We happened. And we are still happening. Right this very moment.

YOU: 'Like an unfinished song that still holds a lot of promise in the blank spaces.' [Blinks back turbulent emotions as you are spellbound by the tenderness of Lee Jihoon's eyes, looking at you.]

JIHOON: Exactly. [Releases your hand. Mouths:] I love you.

YOU: [Whispers back:] I love you, too.

[You pick up another card and you read.]

YOU: Tell me one thing that you are most proud of about me. [Leans back and waits for his answer.] This will be interesting.

JIHOON: [Stares at you.] There was this one time that I was in your room and I was looking at--

YOU: --I remember that. [Scratches head shyly.] You were so fascinated about--

JIHOON: --your huge corkboard map where you pin down which places you've gone to. [Thinks.] 46 countries, I think...? And those drafts of--what do you call them? Demar-

YOU: Demarchès.

JIHOON: Yes. And...and the stacks of books, the notes, the letters. [Pauses for a while.] Seeing the fruit of all your hard work around your room, in your office--I just feel...so proud of all that you have accomplished and, and of who you have become. I still feel dumbstruck sometimes because you don't know how amazing you are. [Looks at you with memories in his eyes.] I remember our first year together and how we both thought we were going to break up because we haven't been seeing each other for months. We were both so busy. I was caught up in this frenzy of promotions with SEVENTEEN, and you were--

YOU: --taking up my officership exam. Yes. [Bites lip.] We mutually thought that breakup was going to happen because it felt like everything wasn't going in our favor. [Closes eyes briefly.] But we didn't. We tried even harder to make our schedules and our lives meet. And we succeeded.

JIHOON: And I never regretted making the decision to still choose to make our relationship work, because I got to witness how you made your dreams come true. You made your dreams come true and that is what I am most proud of about you.

YOU: [In a light, joking tone that still didn't work because your voice is breaking] Proud that I always catch red-eye flights and talk with difficult people and write tons of letters?

JIHOON: [Laughs with you and nods, amused.] Those, too! But what I meant is...[grows serious.]...I am so proud of you for never giving up on what you wanted for your future. And how you always fight for what you want to protect. Like our relationship. And there was this one time when I thought you would stop working that line of job because it was taking its toll on you during one particular season, but instead you said--

YOU: --what did I say?

JIHOON: "It took me years to get this job, and I'm doing it and experiencing it all the way. No regrets." [Pauses.] The strength in you really resonated within me, and it made me even prouder of you. I am so proud of you.

YOU: [Whispers as you peer at Jihoon with emotion-filled eyes.] And I am proud of you, too. [In a louder voice.] For all that you have done. And for all that you have yet to accomplish.

JIHOON: Do you ever regret choosing to love me, even at the hard times?

YOU: [Without hesitation.] Never.

JIHOON: Even when I am at my most unlovable?

YOU: Even at your most unlovable.

JIHOON: Why?

YOU: Because...being with you has taught me, in so many ways, that there will always be a reason to stay and I will hold onto that reason. And if you were in my shoes, and I was asked that, I'd want you to hold onto me, too. To us.

JIHOON: And I will. We both will.

YOU: Always. [Picks up another card.] Lighter topic, this one! Name a time with my family that you were the most nervous about. [Laughs at Jihoon's expression.]

[You say the answer together.]

YOU & JIHOON: December family dinner.

[You both hold your stomachs as you double over with laughter at the memory.]

YOU: You couldn't answer properly!!! [Covers mouth as you let out another giggle.]

JIHOON: I was so nervous meeting your dad for the first time! [Looks at shaking hands.] I still get chills. I forgot how to speak for a while as I sat there. It was...an unforgettable experience.

YOU: You were quieter than your quietest behavior and I couldn't stand the awkward silences.

JIHOON: But Mom was the savior during that time. [Turns to the camera and bows gratefully.] Thank you for saving me, Mom. I'll do better the next time around.

[You both finish laughing and Jihoon takes another card.]

JIHOON: What do you look forward to the most in our relationship?

YOU: [Face softens into a reflective glow.] Hmmm...

JIHOON: "Hmmm"? [Laughs as he mimicks you.]

YOU: [Grins at him.] Yes. Hmmm. Aside from looking forward to loving you and spending every moment I could with you for the rest of my life, I look forward the most to...the long nights. The nights when we would just talk, about anything and everything. I look forward to listening to you create your beautiful songs. [Takes a deep breath and smiles at Jihoon.] I look forward to sleeping in your arms as you sing me the [giggles] funny lullabies you make. [Takes a deep breath and smiles at Jihoon.] I look forward to more buckets of chicken and music at midnights and lazy days together...and, of course, raising a family with you. [Barely hides the smile.] Raising children with you as an awesome dad...

JIHOON: [Smiles back.] I look forward to all of those things, too. And...and waiting for you at the airport so I could drive you home and let you catch some sleep. Letting you mess with my hair and makeup backstage during concerts. More family dinners. [More giggles.] Driving our children to school...Oh. [Lips break out into a mischievous smile.]...and dissing the horrible memes you make.

YOU: Ha! Admit it. I'm better at making memes and jokes than you.

JIHOON: [Laughs with you. Watches you fondly as you pick up another card.] You don't have to remind me how horrible my jokes are, love.

YOU: [Mouths: I always will.] What am I always carrying that I should let go of?

JIHOON: [Answers slowly.] The doubts about what kind of future is in the making for your life. The validation of other people. Pressure from 'friends'. Second-guessing the plot of that novel you are writing. All of these negative thoughts that cloud out how much you could shine. And...the fear that I would just...disappear...from your eyes like a dream. Just like you said earlier.

[Your eyes lock for what felt like an eternity.]

JIHOON: Because that would never happen.

YOU: [Smiles and looks up to stop the flood of emotions.] You know, I think it's really good that we get to talk about these things here--

JIHOON: --we've definitely had practice from Leanne's incessant interviews. [Straight-faced for a second before laughing along with you at the memory of midnight conversations over conversation starters with me Leanne.]

YOU: Yeah. [Nods as you dab at your eyes again.] But I think it's really cool that we get to talk about this. Because it's true. I live with that fear. The fear that this could end in just [snaps fingers] that quick of a second. I always knew what I was getting into when we started dating, but that doesn't make it any less terrifying at times. [Pauses.] I was always afraid of people's thoughts about what we had at first, but now, that fear is starting to melt because you would always reassure me of security. And you don't know how grateful I am because of that.

[Silence reigns as emotions finally overtake you. Jihoon just watches, waiting for you to finish. He hands you a tissue.]

YOU: So, really...thank you. For always reassuring me.

JIHOON: Do you know how much I love you?

YOU: Yes...? Um. Is this still part of the questions? [Grins.]

JIHOON: [Grins back.] Reminding you, each and everyday, just how good of a person you are, how amazing and talented you are, encouraging you in all your endeavors and being with you through the ups and downs you will face...I want to be always there for you and to make you feel warm, secure and always confident. I want to be that kind of person, and as you can see, that is how much I love you. I'd do anything to make all those thoughts of yours go away, but the most...effective way I could think of to quell your fears? [Smiles.] Is to simply be here. For you. All the way.

YOU: All the way to forever.

JIHOON: [Nods, never letting go of your eyes, thinking of the wedding day not too far ahead.] All the way to forever.

- Leanne.

[thehoneyedhufflepuff]

2019 Top Five

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

thank you for tagging me @ninemagicks @sourcherrymagiks @f-ing-ruthless-baz @sharkmartini 💜

2019 was the year I found Carry On & this lovely fandom. It was the year I started writing & drawing again after many years of being creatively stagnant (& I wrote a LOT; over 310k published on AO3 & who knows how much is currently sitting unpublished in my Google Drive). It’s been a bit of a bumpy ride—lots of self-doubt & uncomfortable feelings about my own work—but this book ultimately gave me my creativity back, & some wonderful friends, & self-growth, day by day. I’ve been in a bit of a funk since the end of the countdown, & especially these last few weeks, so I think this will be a good opportunity for me to reflect on the things I’m proud of & try to say some nice things about my own work. Let’s get the party started.

1. Between the Lines

Y’all probably aren’t surprised, right? I feel like BTL has really helped me grow as a writer while telling a story that’s very personal & important to me. When I first started this fic, it was meant to be just a little bookshop AU. I’m very proud of what it’s become, & the reception it’s had has blown me away. I appreciate everyone who’s read it/reading it/yet to read it so very, very much. I never would’ve guessed that I’d still be working on this fic, let alone how long it would be. I think it’s probably my best work stylistically & in terms of the story, even if sometimes I cringe when I reread the beginning. (I either cringe or really like my work when I reread it, there’s no in-between.) (I mostly really like this one when I need to go back & study it.)

IDK, I’ve talked about BTL a LOT the last eight months. I’m not sure what else I can say about it right this moment, but I’m sure I’ll think of something eventually, & hopefully y’all aren’t sick of hearing about it because I don’t think I can help it.

🦖💛💙🦖

2. A Pair of Splendid Morons

This fic is still near & dear to my heart. I like to say it was the first fic I finished in the fandom, but it was actually my second (I don’t...like to talk about Merry Gentlemen. At all. I think I’ve been scarred since I got a scathing anon review in the comments [which is why I no longer allow anon comments on AO3, RIP].) (I made some...choices with that fic. ANYWAY.)

So Splendid Morons was the second fic I finished in the fandom (it’ll be a year old on Valentine’s Day; can you believe?!). It’s my second-longest (after BTL, of course, lmao) & I wrote it in just six weeks, which is lightning-fast by my standards. (This set me up to think I was a fast writer. I was sorely disappointed when I discovered that’s not the case.) It’s also my most-read fic, though BTL is super close to taking the crown.

My writing’s improved a lot since I first posted APOSM, I think, but I also think it holds up pretty well! (I do worry sometimes that I wrote Simon too soft, & there are a few mistakes I made by not properly researching [ahem, looking at you, Suitgate].) (One thing I found slightly amusing was the influx of readers this one got after Wayward Son, lmao. This fic is not in the vein of WS at ALL.) (Okay, that might be sort of false? I do mention trauma etc. in the fic, but I guess the main difference is that Simon & Baz really try to face these things together instead of apart. And also they communicate, albeit somewhat awkwardly. It’s a dream come true.)

For anyone who hasn’t read it, it’s a Carry On-era canon first time fic, & it spawned my post-Carry On series that is now an AU. I still have stories to tell on that timeline, but it’s sort of hard to forget Wayward Son completely, you know? When I first started writing this, it was technically still possible. Now it’s only possible as an AU, which is fine. (I’m not really sure where I’m going with this...I just have weird feelings, lol.) OH, also this was the first time I ever wrote a sex scene. I think it’s actually pretty good for a first time (mine & theirs, lmao).

3. Housewarming

Sort of cannot believe I’m picking the smuttiest thing I’ve ever written as one of my top fics of the year, but also??? I’m proud of this fic. It’s super hard to write smut—no euphemism—& I reread this one recently & thought I did a pretty good job. (I was actually slightly ashamed after I posted it, but I got over that once I got some nice comments. Nice comments are always very helpful.) I’ll share one here, which I think is fine since AO3 comments are public anyway:

Your writing just has so much LOVE in it and you write their companionship and connection so beautifully. You know, I wasn't going to read First Bite because that's not my kind of thing and usually grosses me out, but I've loved your other stuff so I gave it a shot. Turns out, it's just that stories like that tend to focus on the kink and grit, but you focus on everything that's good between them instead. And then you show how those good things lead to the perhaps more-than-vanilla coupling.

This fic, too, is grimy and steamy, but it's also sweet because you include the right details... This is not a smut fic of the rough kinky variety. It's a smut fic about two people reveling in a sacred space/act they've created together. Props to you because the difference is palpable. (I have never in my life written so much about sex on a fic review so sorry about this ramble lmao)

Y’all...this comment meant so much to me. This is what it’s really about, you know? I’m trying to show them expressing love, & this just made me so happy. Numbers-wise, stories with a focus on sex seem to get fewer kudos/comments, & I think part of that is the anonymity factor (which I totally understand), but I just want to say that something like this means A TON to those of us who write stuff like this. Many thanks to @sappho-said-i-could ; this comment single-handedly made me much less self-conscious about this particular work. 💜

4. Crashing Through

This is one of my favorite ficlets from the countdown, & also my most popular countdown fic on Tumblr in terms of notes (not that that’s a deciding factor, but it DOES make me happy). It’s a little alternate ending to WS (just a what if? for the beach scene at the end of the book.)

Like many, Wayward Son hit me really hard. I love Wayward Son a lot, but I spent days feeling so emotionally drained, & then weeks just unable to write. This was one of the first things I wrote that even had anything to do with Wayward Son, & fun fact! I wrote it all by hand in the car on a day trip. While it’s obviously not a canon-possible scene at this point, I still really like it. (I reblogged it yesterday as part of my Fandom Anniversary Reblog Thingy that I’m doing, & I read it & thought, Huh. Sometimes I’m decent at this whole writing thing.)

I actually felt stuck when I went to write Be With Me after this, because I didn’t think I could top the way they said I love you in this one (I still...sort of prefer this to the scene in Be With Me but oh well, what’re you gonna do).

5. “Love”

Can y’all tell I don’t normally name my art pieces? I don’t normally name them. I’m super proud of this one; it was the last piece of art I made in 2019, & I think it’s one of my best. It’s one of my least “popular” pieces in terms of notes, but I still really like it a lot & I did a side-by-side comparison of this next to my first fanart last year & it was super encouraging to see my progress. Sharing art has been scarier for me than sharing writing, but seeing how far I’ve come since June was very helpful.

ANYWAY! BTL is super close to my heart, as y’all know, & I had a moment where I just really wanted to draw them in this moment where they’re finally getting some time to just be together & enjoy the newness of their relationship. This was done in copic marker for the most part, though I also used colored pencil for their blushes (my brand 😏) & Baz’s sweater. (At one point I thought I’d completely ruined the whole piece because of how Baz’s sweater was looking, but then @knitbelove gave me some sweater advice & I went back to work & held my breath & everything turned out okay in the end.) This is also the last traditional piece of art I’ve done, & I should probably change that soon. (Please give the original post some love if you’re so compelled. 💜💜💜)

I think I’m a few days late in terms of doing this, so I’m not sure who all has gone yet! I’ll tag @warriorbeeofthesea @krisrix @pipsqueakparker @icarus-n-flames @vkelleyart @singerofsimplesongs @fight-surrender @knitbelove @annabellelux @pitchpatronus @subpar-selkie @neck-mole @cynopoe @gibbarts & anyone else who sees this & wants to do it! Seriously, that means you! 😉

[blackbird-brewster]

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

🌿how does creating make you feel?

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

Thanks for the ask!!! <3

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Probably all of my early works tbrh. But I've decided to leave them be because AO3 is an archive not only for the main purpose of fandom creations, but also it acts as a sort of time capsule for authors who have been writing for a long time -- meaning, when I read my old works I get to see how far I've come as an author and that's really important to preserve. Although I would love to re-write some older stuff, I'm not going to because to me, preserving that writing in it's original form is really important to serve as a reminder of my progress as a writer.

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

Oh godddddddddddddddd, You KNOW I'm gonna talk about [Between You and Me]. When I wrote the original one-shot, I decided to play around with flashbacks used to progress the narrative and build tension. It worked really well and I truly adored that formatting, but THEN I decided to expand this one-shot into what would become my 3rd longest fic to date. And in doing so, I chose to stick with the flashback format in every chapter. It was INCREIDIBLY TEDIOUS to plan the chapters with multiple timelines and threads that wove the story together. Thank goodness for you and Doom Them for always listening to me scream about how frustrating it was to plan that fic, especially since both JJ and Tara kept having other ideas about where the story was going. This is one of my FAVE things I've ever written and I think it's a damn shame more people aren't shipping JJ/Tara because 1) they're an amazing ship 2) y'all are missing out on this fic which is honestly fucking amazing.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

As an ADHD/Autistic who struggles with self-worth and tons of mental health shit -- creating feels AMAZING. I felt really lost the last couple of years, because it's the first time since I was 15 that I haven't had a job. I was fired from my dream career unexpectedly at the end of 2020 and I felt so aimless/worthless for the following couple of years. Then one day last July, I opened a new document and started writing again. I was terrified to try to do something I'd been completely unable to engage with in nearly seven years, but I wrote anyway. And like I said in the first reply, my first couple of fics after coming back are a bit rough around the edges and now when I read them, I can see how much I've grown even in the nine months since I started posting again. I'm extremely lucky to be able to write full-time now. I wake up, have breakfast, do my morning routine, then sit down at my desk and write all day. It's very much my 'job' now and when my routine gets interrupted, or I'm having a bad chronic pain day, or I can't write for whatever reason -- I get SO restless, cranky and irritable. Writing brings me endless joy, I love what I do for a living and I am just so grateful to be able to focus on my special interest full-time. I love how many amazing friends I've met over the past nine months, you all have brightened my life even further and I am forever in awe of all of you.

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

Oh goodness, celebrate is not the term I would use. For sure there is usually a bit of a proud moment when I look at a complete fic and get to move it out of my 'WIP' tag in Evernote, but I always end up getting what I call 'completion crash'. For the few days after finishing a long fic, I usually have no motivation to write and I feel really lost and sort of go through a mini-grieving process because I've gotten to know the characters and I've been so wrapped up in their heads for weeks or months at a time, it's difficult to say goodbye to them. In terms of being able to give myself credit and validation for doing incredible things...I'm still working on that bit.

[Send Fic Writer Asks]

[speckledspout]

since your first ever fic rec had like the most amazing fics I've ever read, can you rec me some LONG AF wincest fics? love you ❤❤❤

ahhh!! thank you, nonny! i totally agree those those were some of the best fics ever and now i really need to get into the habit of like, keeping tab of fics that i read because i read so much that i don’t know anything anymore. but here we go. long af (hopefully, at least they’re longer than 10k) wincest fics.

title: douglas county

pairing: sam/dean

rating: mature

length: 78,000+

warnings: alternate universe, underage sex, recreational drug use, implied/ referenced abuse, masturbation

summary: prison au. dean winchester is a new correctional officer at douglas county youth services where he meets sam wesson, a fifteen year old inmate who’s been charged with arson and the death of his parents. dean finds himself increasingly protective of the young inmate, but as his personal life gets more complicated, dean has to find out exactly how far he’ll go to keep sam by his side.

title: the theory of relativity

pairing: sam/dean

rating: explicit

length: 19,000+

warnings: curtain fic

summary: the apocalypse is over. sam writes it all down, and the result tops the new york times bestseller list for an entire year. dean loves that sam’s found something to do with his life, but doesn’t know how he fits in. And when dean reads sam’s second novel, things get even more confusing for him.

title: into oblivion

pairing: sam/dean

rating: mature

length: 24,000+

warnings: death (temporary), amnesia (temporary), permanent injury, drug use, barebacking

summary: au after 8x23: sam dies before completing the last trial, leaving dean alone and desperate. after a month of trying to bring sam back with no luck, dean gets a tip from the most unlikely of places: metatron. now reigning in heaven, the angel is still looking for stories—one story in particular. sam and dean broke destiny when they derailed the apocalypse, rewrote the book metatron had penned himself so many thousands of years ago, and now theirs is the only history the scribe of god can’t access. although he has sam’s soul captive in heaven, no amount of torture has convinced sam to give up his and dean’s life story. metatron gives dean a scroll and makes a bet: if dean can follow the instructions and return sam’s soul to his body within three days, then heaven will relinquish its claim on sam. If he can’t? dean will forget he ever had a brother, and all of his memories of sam will belong to metatron. it sounds like a fair enough deal, but of course there’s a catch. from the moment dean reads the instructions, he begins to forget sam and his quest, each memory disappearing faster the more clues he leaves to keep himself on track. it’s a race against the clock to decide sam’s life, and it’s all or nothing. dean will get his brother back—or lose him completely.

title: tethered

pairing: sam/dean

rating: explicit

length: 16,000+

warnings: bdsm

summary: dean is abducted by vampires, and on his return, he's distant. untethered. it's not something sam has ever dealt with. he finds the solution by accident.

title: should you ever leave

pairing: sam/dean (kinda sam/jensen)

rating: explicit

length: 21,000+

warnings: fourth wall, crack fic, meta!jensen

summary: sam has spent two months alone after dean died and disappeared. he would do anything to get him back, even if that meant summoning something that wasn't quite dean, just looks exactly like him and screams a lot.

title: stranger than fiction

pairing: sam/dean

rating: explicit

length: 50,000+

warnings: meta, other tags not mentioned

summary: dean can't stop wondering why people would write gay porn about him and sam. research takes him to interesting places; re-reading novels for subtext, visiting message boards, and a really freaky place called livejournal. what he discovers is a sick fascination with fanfiction, more about gay sex than he ever wanted to know, and an even deeper obsession with understanding why people write this stuff. meanwhile, they're hunting a mysterious monster that takes the form of a person's truest love to kill them slowly, the lines between fanfiction and reality are starting to break down, and they still have to stop lilith and save the world.

title: twinsanity!verse

pairing: sam/dean, sam/jensen, jensen/dean, jensen/jared

rating: explicit

length: 112,000+

warnings: a ton of warnings

summary: a verse about the winchester twins dean and jensen. these stories play in current time and not in the hunter universe. there are names, characters and (altered) fragments from there but that's it.

title: brothers-mate ‘verse

pairing: sam/dean

rating: explicit

length: 16,000+

warnings: abo

summary: at age 32, sam winchester presents as an omega. no one is more surprised than dean, the alpha who's been pining over his little brother all his life.

title: losing my religion

pairing: jared/jensen

rating: explicit

length: 20,000+

warnings: au, 90s cults, underage sex, manipulation, sexual coercion, brainwashing, extremely dubious consent, polyamory, pedophilia, abusive relationships, drug-induced sex, murder

summary: jared padalecki meets a boy, falls in love with a boy, and joins a cult because of a boy.