#idk. it is all beyond me. i dont understand things. im going to go draw i think

[clockworksheep2]

in bed and have a comfort tea i havent had in . like a whole year i think. maybe two. and i am going to draw and maybe read the new book we got (that we've been wanting for 2+ years) and uhm. idk. i want to be okay and i want things to feel okay. i am trying very hard to make things a little bit better. i just hope i can sleep. i am scared of tomorrow!!!

[w-d-g]

Do you know. Is there anyone out there who is missing you? Who would notice your absence? Assuming they even remember you. Is there anyone to care? With how ornery you seem I'm not sure if there would be. I can't see anyone caring beyond what you could do for them. I'm not sure if any of 'us' care beyond the amusement you provide :)

((this fool spilled espresso on the universe in a nutshell . wtf

((obviously he is unaffected by this, you can tell by his sure and proud body language

((asks open now until . idk how long. a while

((under the cut is my process yap session. this was agood one to do it on bc i had to redraw the whole pose and scene, and the head angle allowed me to show off the Noggin Prism. i would have done like, a speedpaint type thing, but my insecure ass cant handle ppl seeing the 900 mistakes i make every time 😭😭😭

((so first i usually draw out the hipbone, ribcage, leg forms, and approximate head shape/position. for this guys figure im going for a combination of the machinist and goth anime legs uncle. hes got no arms but i usually put in shoulders for an expressive silhouette. i dont do the legs every time, as sometimes for more simple poses it isn’t necessary.

((second i figure out what i wanna do with the hands, drawn on a separate layer. good time to remember sketch is just a general loose layout, and you can change things whenever you decide.

((third i do whatever props are supposed to be around. i do this after the pose bc i usually base the “camera” angle around what makes sense for the pose, then i know what perspective they should be.

((fourth i do the goop. i do it after the pose and hands because its similar to the way i would draw clothes - kinda held up by and draped over the body forms.

((step five i dont often need to do, but for when i have to draw the head at an unusual angle, i make this boxy mapping shape. this step is a little complicated so i wont explain it in full, but its super helpful and easy once you understand the shapes that make up a face. if enough people wanna know i might make a separate post for it.

((step six is lineart. i did the full face lineart before i covered it with the hands, because once its all lined, you can make sure that it looks correct. usually its easier to tell during lineart because the forms are more clearly defined, and you can tell where things might not line up, or they look unnatural. you can do the hands first if you turned off the head layer, but its harder to tell where the hands should be resting. you can see in this step i changed the shape of the hands and the position of the head a bit, which happens often in this step for me usually due to the definition of the forms i mentioned. remember its good to zoom out and look at the whole form often so things arent drawn too big or small!

((next was doing the neck, white goop outline, filling in the face and hands, and doing some minor shading on the white bits. since i use a black background, i dont actually need to fill in the body with black. when i color lineart, i duplicate it and put the color on the layer on the bottom. this is so i dont accidentally change or erase the lineart, but also because if i decide to color the lineart, i can mask layer the lines instead of the lines And the color. this is also the step where i lined and colored the props.

((after the

((after i finish doing the black prop outlines and coloring them, i turn the black back up to full opacity. i turn it down so that im not trying to see black lines on a black background.

((then i finish up with resizing, text, and whatever extra effects i decide to add.

((i dont do all of these steps every single ask, but i should because shortcuts fuck it all up fr. thats all hope this was cool and helpful.

[crazysodomite]

the problem is that i feel that no matter how much i practice i dont get better and in fact get worse. and each time i try to go above and beyond and try something grandiose it looks so laughably bad that i dont bother finishing. i still havent the mastered the simple principles of placing things in 3d space. foreshortening/perspective/etc. and i've done so much studies and practice to no effect. i try to be positive towards my work but like. its bad. anyone who isnt trying to sugarcoat me would tell you that. it's deeply amature. and i feel like i can't move past that. in fact it feels the more effort i put into something the worse it looks. all my attempts at scenic art are straight up cringeworthy. i can't even get to the stage of rendering because the fundamentals arent good enough or worth finishing. basically all of my art has no depth and feels like those orbs you draw as an exercise.

all my art is basically this in different configurations and every time itry to stray outside of that it falls apart. idk lol. i cant take my art seriously because its bad. not to mention my complete lack of mastery of values and color. i always need to fix my values after im done rendering something because i just don't see or notice that my values are off unless i literally fix them in photoshop. and when it comes to color its honestly laughable how little i understand about anything. i can't even render a character thats a single color in an interesting or good looking way without overblowing the saturation. its literally mindless and bad and anyone with even a basic grasp of color theory would be able to tell you that. but like. i dont know what to do with all this. ideally someone whos a good artist would tell me what all my problem areas are and how to fix it but its not like i have money to pay for an apprenticeship or whatever. i literally need to start learning to draw from scratch like i dont know anything lol

[h0rr0r-enthusiast]

would you consider rambling about asa or jesse? I'm interested in what you have in mind for them

alright i’ve been pushing this off for ages for no good reason so here’s that long awaited list of random hcs about jesse ,, i only have a couple hcs about asa so i think i’d rather rewatch his films or read more about him before i write about him,, until then enjoy this

(uh this will probably get a bit long)

Jesse Cromeans Headcanons

- first things first, the is mf is bi. i don’t make the rules. this guy swf doesn’t care about gender but if u ask him about his sexuality he will either refuse to answer (he probably feels he’s too old for labels) or start askin if ur interested

- idk why but im convinced he's half or a quarter puerto rican. i just feel like his mom was puerto rican and married his dad when she was really young. she died when he was young and primarily lived with his father's side of the family. after his mother's death he lost contact with her side of the family so he doesn't feel a strong connection with his puerto rican heritage. i doubt jesse cares much either. i dont think he's ever felt much of a connection or had much of an interest in learning about his own heritage or family history.

- jesse doesn’t rly like animals, especially ones that shed. he doesn’t like them and they don’t like him, it’s a mutual understanding. he also can’t be bothered to take care of any animal no matter how minimal their care is. he does not want to meet ur dog and i can promise u ur dog does not want to meet him.

- his eyes are a slightly orangey brown w warm undertones,, theyre light enough that you can see all the lil details of his iris w/o any sunlight,,

- a lil more about his eyes ! considering he was stabbed in the eye while on the “job”, he likely didn’t have any time to properly treat it or receive medical treatment for it until after his incident,, obviously that means the eye’s not of any use anymore but i also think it’s likely that the chemicals from the glue on his mask that melted his face off also damaged that bad eye beyond repair,, this leads me to believe he wears a glass eye ! typically when i draw his bad eye it’s a dull grey but that’s just an artistic preference,, tbh he probably has a whole collection of various colors ranging from natural to more fantastical,, i also think he used to have perfect 20/20 vision before but w those glue chemicals being near his eyes he was probably blind for a lil while as he healed from his injuries,, i wouldn’t be surprised if all the blunt force trauma he received from getting hit w a bat damaged his eyesight even more. he probably got laser eye surgery to correct it.

- man definitely has tattoos. im not sure if he'd have full sleeves but i can imagine him gettin em in the future if he doesn't already have em (especially to feel better about his appearance and feel some sense of control over the way he looks). what im absolutely sure of is that he has his whole back inked up. i wanna incorporate his tattoos into my drawings of him but i need to design em first.

- another thing about his appearance- he definitely has his own gym at home. before the incident he likely had his own trainer but i doubt he has one now,, probably trains on his own so he doesnt have to show his face.

- keeps his home neat and tidy, but has house maids do all the dirty work adn heavy lifting for him. all he has to do is keep everything the same until they come back the next week. he also has one special cleaner who gets rid of any blood stains and bloody bandages from wounds. the other maids don't know anything about his less legal activities.

- he never invites one night stands to his home and always throws parties at a separate location. he owns multiple properties and never reveals his home location for both privacy and safety reasons. this was especially true for when his wife was still alive.

- he has a special morning and night routine for his face and its time consuming

- jesse has alopecia and hes had it for as long as he can remember. it's spread more and more over the years so at a young age he just decided to start shaving and waxing his whole body. after he started participating in less than legal activities he found being hairless to be pretty useful. for this reason he got the hair on some parts of his body (primarily arms, hands, and legs) permanantly removed thru laser hair removal. it makes it harder to trace any evidence back to him thru hair.

this is already rly long so im not gonna go any further for now

[xianglingslesbian]

oh I'll give u a character alright: Izuki, Kiyoshi, Riko and Aomine <333 technically that's four, but what goes around comes around (I'll keep this circle of love goin forever buddy)

VICCCC ily my man <33 thank u!!! aight putting this under a cut bc it got long

Izuki

Why I like them: izuki’s just overall so amazing! he inspires me to give my best in the stuff i do, and although it sounds a bit silly i try to be a person that he’d be proud of. his puns are hilarious and well-thought-out (as a person who loves words and word jokes, i’m naturally drawn to him lol). they’re also a way to take the heat off the team, he’s so hardworking and never views obstacles as obstacles, rather as hills he must climb to find newer skies. he’s also rather clever and employs his brains to great effect when his body fails him! izuki embodies the meaning of ‘eagle’ in the truest sense - waiting to strike when the time is right and not failing when it is.

Why I don’t: *sweats* can’t really think of a reason i don’t like izuki, at all??? i guess he can overwork himself a lot and tends to keep his true emotions hidden which could lead to misunderstandings between friends (although this is totally headcanon territory lol)... i also didn’t like the ableist comment he passed on hayama (“i’m just glad you weren’t smarter than me”). but i think he can (and will!) grow from that kind of stuff, he is that kind of person so yeah no particular reason for me to dislike him at all

Favorite episode (scene if movie): how dare you make me pick s3 e8 izuki vs kasamatsu, hands down. i know its like cliche or whatever but that moment just told me so much about izuki as a character? he’s willing to do what it takes to win, he’s adaptable and dependable and he doesn’t let shit get him down ever. it’s gorgeous

Favorite season/movie: s3, he got some fantastic moments in there!! although i will say i loved the spotlighting he got in s1 in the seihō match

Favorite line: “Fear isn't a bad thing. There are some things that can only be done by cowards.” this is first of all such a nice thing to say. ‘fear is not bad’ is just... so fucking wise? keep in mind that this boy is 17, i’ve met 30 year olds who are less mature. secondly it feels like izu’s speaking from experience?? like he has a lot to be scared of, i’m sure. particularly of falling behind and being a burden to his teammates. but it’s that ‘cowardice’ that drives him to practice so so hard. that visceral terror of weighing on seirin is what pushes izuki beyond his limits - which is why here he can empathise with furi’s fear, and knows how best to employ it.

Favorite outfit: look i hate last game w/ a passion but that lil tie/shirt/hoodie thing he had going? that was literally so cute. izuki in general has a p great fashion sense but his last game outfit takes the cake <3

OTP: hyuuizu oh my god i could talk for years about them but since this post is gonna be very long i’ll refrain. just. they are perfect they are fucking perfect

Brotp: kiyoizu!! kiyoshi is izuki’s biggest enabler and i love that for him <3

Head Canon: izuki can be very very passive aggressive when he’s angry at someone/sad and gets cold and withdrawn. it’s not fun to experience but tbh if you upset him you probably deserve it

Unpopular opinion: izuki should’ve been naturally better in canon. it’s not fair to shaft him and give the ‘trier’ thing off to himuro. that being said i am p happy with who he is as a person

A wish: i want to know how izuki felt after middle school! izuki’s and riko’s backstory focuses so much on hyuuga its dumb >:( he also would’ve been demoralised but he didn’t quit bball and i would like to know his thought process!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: i. uh. i guess izu quitting basketball. because i genuinely cannot see that happening. it brings him so much joy, he should never stop cold turkey. i can imagine old man izuki hobbling about a court giving little kids pointers and making them laugh T-T

5 words to best describe them: “big brain caffeine-powered clown baby” 

My nickname for them: babyzuki/izu/shunshun

Kiyoshi

Why I like them: lots of reasons! kiyoshi is an admirable person. he’s strong, yet friendly and gentle, and he loves his team above all else, which i just find beautiful. i find his manipulative side also pretty cool, bc it shows off how multifaceted he is.

Why I don’t: this is more of a fandom reason but i really dislike how kiyoshi is always said to have had the greatest impact in hyuuga’s story. he badgered and manipulated hyuuga, and while some may argue hyuuga needed that push, it only worked bc hyuuga had had time to think about shit. he’d also been given space by riko and izuki (two integral parts of his life whom the fandom looooves to sideline for uwu kiyo//hyuu). 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): yousen match (can’t pick the episodes)! i loved the backstory we got for kiyo vs mura and i loved how kiyoshi was willing to smile and play but also refused to lose. he truly stole the show despite kagami being the one to finally take down murasakibara, it was gorgeous <3

Favorite season/movie: s2 for sure. kiyoshi wasn’t allowed to shine much after yousen imo - all the focus was on hyuuga kagami and kuroko, and to a lesser extent izuki. not complaining, but yeah

Favorite line: “Let’s go have some fun.” i know it’s kinda cliche but i do love how kiyoshi’s always thinking about playing a good game and enjoying basketball. he wants to play because he loves it and as someone who loves a sport as much as kiyoshi loves b-ball, that love is so poignant and tender

Favorite outfit: practice clothes! kiyoshi looks great in pink <3

OTP: kiyohana. hateshipping amirite ;)

Brotp: kiyohyuu! i love them as friends so so much <3

Head Canon: kiyoshi is half-iranian on his mother’s side and is muslim. i won’t say too much because i am not muslim myself, i need to do more research into this but i’ve had this headcanon for quite a while now!

Unpopular opinion: he should be bullied more for the fact that his canon power is having yaoi hands

A wish: kiyo finds something he loves as much as b-ball. he can’t canonically play at this level again, so if he found another sport/competition/anything, it’d be amazing

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: he should never become demoralised. kiyoshi at heart is a dreamer, so let him dream, let him look towards tomorrow with a smile always

5 words to best describe them: “useless dreamy dumbass cheerleader clown”

My nickname for them: kiyoyo, bc my feelings about him have yo-yoed a lot lmao

Riko

Why I like them: im a lesbian, next. /j i love her because she’s so tenacious and driven. yet she’s also kind and gentle, and never loses her humanity. she cares, and she cares hard. she’s so fucking smart too like... coaching a hs basketball team at 17 against players of NBA calibre and making them win? i could never. seirin without riko is nothing.

Why I don’t: i dont like the constant slapstick of her beating up her boys. also, i dislike how the narrative forces her to act ‘feminine’ and then has the boys think of it as nothing. like first of all if someone like her offered me a kiss i would so take 100, and secondly... why is a girl’s worth so tied to her femininity? it’s awful

Favorite episode (scene if movie): her sending in furi vs kaijō, early in s3. it was an exceedingly smart move that could have only come from her knowing her players’ strengths and weaknesses intimately, and being a brilliant coach. just amazing <3

Favorite season/movie: all of them! riko has some amazing moments each season, so i can’t really pick

Favorite line: “Humans grow. Don't act like you understand when you don't even realize that!” here, riko knows and knows well that she is in her element. momoi might have the data, but riko understands adaptability and knows how to predict stuff. in that way, one can draw parallels between takao vs izuki and momoi vs riko: takao and momoi are recon experts, whereas riko and izuki are strategists. momoi uses raw data; riko manipulates the data to her advantage

Favorite outfit: idk if this is exactly an outfit but her glasses are so cute oh my gosh. (i’d kill to see her in a leather jacket tho)

OTP: rikomomo!!! i’m 100% sure that momoi’s fixation w/riko’s boobs is just... repressed lesbian sentiments. also sports girlfriends gimme

Brotp: hyuuizuriko. i hc that hyuuizu were tgt since elementary school and riko joined them in middle school so... childhood friends feels!

Head Canon: riko knows how to shoot a gun. her father owns one so it makes sense

Unpopular opinion: riko does not need to have bigger boobs in fanart. please stop sexualising a 17 year old girl

A wish: white suit riko please

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her ever leaving behind sports in any way shape or form. it’s her thing. in the same vein, she should never have to change herself or become more traditionally feminine to be ‘appealing’

5 words to best describe them: perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect

My nickname for them: ai/riri

Aomine

Why I like them: aomine is just a pure, hurting young man that deserves help. he’s passionate, and his fire died down out of no fault of his own. that fire’s reignition through kagami is one of my favorite scenes <3

Why I don’t: he’s perverted as hell and i dislike that. it plays into the ‘brutish dark-skinned pervert’ stereotype which is yikes. also i thought we were done with pervs in anime

Favorite episode (scene if movie): s2 seirin v touou when kagami enters the zone!! aomine’s finally happy and it’s so amazing to watch <3

Favorite season/movie: s2, he finally got happiness and peace of mind

Favorite line: “You’re the best!” there’s just so much of pure joy in this line. he’s so so beside himself that he finally has someone he won’t destroy. kagami sees aomine the person, and that person is so happy, it’s beautiful

Favorite outfit: the leather jacket from the finale lmaooo he looked so cute

OTP: AOKAGA BABY i could write an essay tbh

Brotp: aomomo!! theyre such good friends and bi/lesbian solidarity too!

Head Canon: aomine cannot dance. he has stepped on kagami’s feet multiple times. he has also attempted to twerk when drunk. kuroko recorded the whole thing and uses it as blackmail in case the puppy eyes and “but aomine-kun you didn’t fist bump me back” don’t work

Unpopular opinion: more a fandom thing, but you all need to stop making aomine the aggressive/possessive top/‘seme’. it’s racist as fuck

A wish: aomine goes pro. it’ll be amazing for him, a huge challenge and kagami will be there too so its a win-win ;)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: he quits again/b-ball loses its allure. aomine at heart is someone who needs passion to drive him so i just want that passion to always burn bright within him

5 words to best describe them: “bastard baby needs a hug”

My nickname for them: dai-chan, momoi rubbed off on me

[paradoxxerr]

True Dreamon: a random dmsp headcanon/AU i had

I literally had this random epiphany out of nowhere while i was dazing off and shit

i was always bothered how the dreamon hunters arc didnt get expanded further beyond a few references, and also the mystery of Ranboo’s white half...i think this my brains copying mechanism....

Well, without further ado, I introduce to y’all: True Dreamon! brace yourselves for a loooooong ride

Let’s start: Dreamons are one of the many sentient species that roam the SMP and have been around since forever. They´re little pale blobs that jump around that vary in color and have weird mouths that makes it look like they’re perpetually smiling.

-Being tiny blobs, Dreamons are very physically weak. Even foxes or wolves can overpower one, but there’s a catch: Dreamons have strong psychic abilities, like sensing emotions, mind reading and levitating objects.

They’re also known for “bodysnatching”; a self defense tactic where they get something or someone else’s body and use it to suit their needs, like having more physical prowess pr hiding their true form. While in the ancient past, Dreamons just snatched dead bodies or hypnotized feeble animals or humans, this fell in desuse in favor of creating a body from natural materials.(ie. Our Dream controls a body made out of slime.)

Although infamous for being manipulative tricksters, Dreamons aren’t inherently evil. Records have shown Humans,  Hybrids(animal people like Fundy or Techno) and Dreamons living in harmony with each other, and that Dreamons with good intentions were extremely kind, pacifist and understanding friends.

These Dreamons, who lived alongside civilized society away from their home tribes in the wild, eventually changed their appearence along the years, becoming more humanoid, taller, and with limbs. But their psychic abilities, although not lost, became severely atrophied, and only with rigorous training could be unlocked. This subspecies, coloquially called “Dreamonfolk” or False Dreamons, they were looked down by the wild, “True” Dreamons for becoming too soft.

Despite being accepted by many, True Dreamons and Dreamonfolk alike were also hated by many. Dreamon Hunters were seen as local heroes and knights in many kingdoms, specialized in countering their mind powers. Slaughtered to the point of extinction, the True Dreamons became even more recluse, migrating to the most remote parts of the server, and Dreamonfolk decided to leave their homes and friends behind for their own good. For many, many years, the documented Dreamon appearences could be counted with a single digit.

Until the infamous green blob we all know and hate showed up. He managed to become very influent and feared with his manipulation and fighting skills, all that while keeping his true nature relatively a secret. “Dream” isn’t his actual name (hes ashamed of his actual name? we’ll never know ;P ), and bringing the Dreamon topic around him makes him extremely uncomfortable and rude. It is to be expected of a “True” Dreamon to be opportunistic and antisocial.

Close friends like George, Sapnap and Bad know about it but dont know much about how his abilities. And he even put on a little “show” for Tubbo and Fundy when they suspected of him. A lot of misinformation was written about Dreamons as way to protect their secrets, many of it made by Dreamons manipulating historians, like the golden hoes, farmland, and iron doors rituals Tubbo was talking about, and Dream decided to play along. (he was suspended by a wire and stabbed himself in the flying scene)

Ranboo, our favorite memory boi, is half Enderman, half Dreamonman. While his aggressive and shy side clearly comes from the Ender half, I can see his kindness and making friends easily as the Dreamon half. The ominous “voice” is obviously Dream talking to his mind and altering his brain to imagine/forget stuff and trigger the Ender frenzy. Dreamons used to communicate with each other by mind reading, so its easier for him to temper with Ranboo unlike say, Tommy or Tubbo, for human/hybrid minds arent really made for psychic powers.

yay that concludes my lore dump ahaha...im kinda leaning on writing some one shot scenes with this au but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee idkk if ye or no

maybe even drawn but my drawings look shit shit eeeeeeeeeeeee

if yall hany any questions go ahead to ask me and shit, i dont mind. If you wanna use this thing for fanart or writing idk go ahead you do you yay :)

[minijeong]

One of these days all your followers are going to have asked you to do dance analysis on every Iz*one member and I would like to push for that goal (if you're down for it, of course). In your Chaeyeon post (which was amazing, btw) you mentioned that Chaewon had the best textures, can you go more in-depth on her dancing?

LOL you’re right… someone asked me to do one on izone before but it woulda been a whole dissertation so instead i asked them to send a vid but it never happened idk L O L

im glad you enjoyed the post! comments on my one pick below cut 👀

chaewon!! stood out to me the most when i first watched izone and i was like wow is this second generation of chungha? everyone thinks im crazy for thinking she has a chungha aura but i will stand by this no matter what

out of all the members, i think chaewon was literally the ultimate diamond in the rough that pd48 found. seeing her on stage is like seeing a fish in water no matter what concept they do, no matter where she is in the formation, she just draws in attention and i love that. i think there was a meme going on before with a clip of chaewon in the lver mama practice that was like ‘when it’s group work but individual marks’ lol yes that is chaewon always. out of all the members, chaewon would be the member i would feel most safe having on my team because of this consistency and versatility.

it’s especially noticeable in lver mama ver, but i think in any performance, if you focus on chaewon, you can hear the music through her dancing more than any other member. its more noticeable in lver because at eunbi and chaeyeon’s parts, if you watch each member individually… i think you’ll understand what i mean

imo chaewon has a talent in dance that got discovered from being in pd48. it’s pretty clear that this kid doesn’t have any dance foundation beyond learning choreo for covers or izone songs. i remember watching idol room where they had to do some basic footwork for some freestyle dance? and chaeyeon was killing it because it’s a move that we all have to learn LOL. but i was so so SO surprised that chaewon didn’t know how to do it at all!! and she couldn’t figure it out quickly!

that’s when i remembered how hard of a time the ‘to reach you’ group had trying to learn their choreo. i remember watching them perform it the first time in front of the teachers and thinking wow this is so boring you kids gotta put some textures in… and then they got roasted the hell out of for that exact thing LOL (to be honest the pd48 teachers are definitely very qualified to teach and help the kids grow. whenever i see a comment like ‘it wasnt even that bad the teachers are mean’… sorry bro the teachers are spot on. but thats a story for another day). anyway… the point of talking about pd48 is… chaewon became izone’s master of textures after that day and im really impressed… it probably takes her a lot of practice

imo the main thing that chaewon should work on is dancing bigger and projecting her presence on stage. when she takes center in lver dance break, it’s clean, but she seemed pretty small in both presence and moves compared to chaeyeon (and it didn’t help that yujin, who dances pretty big, was beside her lol). she also doesnt use her torso that well for moves besides body rolls and chest/hip isolations. but think of it like this. you extend your arm sideways using just your arm, and you can only get so far. if you use your core to push your arm out more along with your chest, your arm can go even further. if chaewon learns to do this, i think more people will start noticing her talent for dance. it would also help if she learned if she increased the reach of her chest isolations. (a lot of dancers think they can’t do this because they don’t have a chest size like eunbi but it’s really all about how far you push your shoulder blades together (for chest out) or apart (for chest in)).

ya i gtg now but ya i love chaewon and she was my #1 until violeta idk how yuri stole me from her but i dont get to choose these things

[oleaspur]

ummmwine replied to your post “zenkaiankoku replied to your post “i find it really interesting how...”

oh totally to all of that though, like, yeah i think ppl either smooth him over WAY too much &/or make him like, more stable than evan which is like??? they have Different Problems actually but connor is definitely the least okay / least okay to be around of all of them...but it's also like...clearly just as Off to interpret him as somebody who just acts out completely at random and is just Intensely Angry ALL THE TIIIME instead of yeah, him having this actual internal

OK im replying under the cut because this will be long but tl;dr YOURE RIGHT

process behind the stuff he does which like, from an outside perspective would clearly be unjustified or over the top or irrational etc etc etc...and tbh like interpreting him as like, slow to warm up to ppl and quick to draw back thx to paranoia or potentially actually sort of latching on to ppl too fast but it can also go sour rl quick All Thanks To Splitting is valid af and like!! we don't know cuz canon doesn't say anything about that kind of thing re him. liiiike

i think the difference between having a relationship w someone with something like depression and anxiety and with someone who has a disorder like bpd is that w/ depression and anxiety you can almost always take a step back. its not going to be the case that everything you do impacts them and that their response to your actions is going to be a public thing.. bpd for me at least is very loud. it takes up all the space it can possibly find, so every interaction Means something and every response you have to those interactions needs to serve some kind of a function and it needs to be Known. its why at least for me i tend to suffer more when i have close relationships with people, because youre constantly having that sort of connection. like im not saying its always a bad thing because the good times are! so good! but everything is horrible and intense All the time so it never feels like youre doing something wrong when youre acting out. its more like why DOESNT this matter to everyone else the way it should. 

the splitting thing just makes so much sense to me because i used to be the kind of person who would say like , really awful things to my family as a result of it. i dont ever want people to think im justifying what connor supposedly did but i think there Should be an explanation beyond hes just ‘a bad person’ or Vaguely troubled. there is a genuine attempt to reach out to evan, however minor, and i think that its way more compelling to treat him as someone who Does crave genuine connection w people and is just unable to approach it in a healthy way than anything else

i don't think that reference to that particular incident with zoe is meant to be like "there's a specific canon answer to what issue made connor act like this" but like i can so see that being more of legit paranoia fueling that problem somehow and just...like hghh again out of all the senior kids he'd definitely have the most work to do before he'd be able to have a good relationship either in terms of on his own end or re the other person's end of it...like obviously

there's the violence which is like. number one Got To Get Rid Of That Asap mostly for other ppl's sakes but then like. figuring out how to deal w the underlying crap would be more for his sake. like god that all of them were in therapy but also connor's problems definitely seem intense enough that he could probably stand to look into being medicated instead of having to self medicate cuz i figure that's what he's trying to do even if its kind of backfiring sometimes...

definitely definitely.. i could say a lot about why i think having connor and evan (or jared i suppose but i havent thought about that so much) bonding initially and then it going downhill because of a lack of an actual understanding of each other’s issues (and then both learning and coping separately IN ORDER to build an actual relationship with each other) is more interesting and genuine feeling than them Immediately helping each other and it actually working. but it would be long.. 

they all need to See Someone. + obviously medication is never the be-all end-all of any kind of mh treatment but for me personally therapy was never useful UNTIL i was on medication that actually helped regulate my moods first. the sort of things they talked about were never feasible for me because my moods dropped SO fast and because just being told to do things was so infuriating.. and so on. i definitely agree w the self-medication part i usually see that as connor trying to deal as best he can w something that no one else seems to understand or struggle with. sometimes it seems like the best way of coping w things is to try and detach urself from it . obviously that isnt healthy at all but when u dont know how else to deal w ur problems u find your own solutions :(

ANYWAYS the point is that like. first of all projecting shit Is Valid And Who Cares Anyways but in this case its probably also more accurate than what ppl write when they have no experience with such intense and unmanageable things and stuff that you really can't quite imagine accurately unless you know it firsthand already. and godddddd a trope i cannot stand is like, the 'i just need one good relationship and that will fix things / inspire me to choose to be able to

handle this and voila! i am handling it" like!!! i LOVE good relationships being mutually helpful and with this cast it's easy to see how they'd clash cuz they all do in canon!! but it's also ughh so easy to see how they could all understand and help each other even tho their specific problems are different when u zoom in enough. and like it's cool as hell if a relationship helps you / motivates you but it's not gonna fix everything and it shouldn't!! and like yeah with

connor i really see his shit as being involved in / close to the clinical psychotic types of issues. which yknow, people REALLY don't tend to know how to write if they don't have lived experience or really do a lot of good research anyways. like badly written anxiety is still probably gonna be closer to the mark than badly written delusions or smthing, idk. but anyways i am going ON AND ON and the point is. bpd connor is valid as fuck and i love that perspective on him

YEAH i think when i was younger i fell into that kind of writing as a sad sort of wish-fulfilment thing because it makes sense to want things to be that way. but its not helpful to people who relate to those characters, or realistic/healthy to want that sort of solution because it just doesnt exist

i think with personality disorders especially its hard because to a certain extent its like... it inhabits you. i was SO worried that once i started being able to deal w my mental health issues i would stop being a real person because like. it informed Everything in terms of how i approached the world. its hard to write something like that but like.. it all makes sense in your head. you have your own internal justification for everything even if you never reason it out and even if you couldnt possibly explain it in words you KNOW youre feeling this way for a reason and youre justified and should be feeling this way. its weird stuff

ANYWAY ty for this i LOVE talking about this kind of thing and literally everything youve said is so good and real.. connor is important to me even if he has barely any characterisation in canon lol

[bonbonswirl-blog]

Perfect

ALL THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING. This is like..uhhhh idk?... a 'batim' au idea? I guess? Im Not sure idk..its just that I got the idea from there and Instead of bendy its jokey, but not really exactly what happend there in batim. Plz ignore the bad portrayed scenes XD blondie is a lot OOC here. Enjoy if you only can thx.

It was a typical afternoon, the sunlit clouds drifted across a clear blue sky, fresh air filled the atmosphere swaying the palm trees gently by a breeze. David was at the recording room, a mellifluous melodic singing voice rose high, following the sweet, piping notes produced by the musical instruments around. After such a lilting, everyone toke a break, david sat on a chair, holding the lyrics for the new song in his hands. He saw a shadow approaching him, revealing his only cheerful boss. "Oh hey Mr. Blondie!! How are you in this lovely day!" "Hello david! Just checking on my young talented singer! How is the new song going?" "Its going great! Im just reading the lyrics again now!" "Thats good!...you know david...have you ever thought about how much the children love your jokey voice?" "Oh! Thats intresting...im sure everybody enjoy listening to it!" "Yea! they do....have you ever felt some...connections...to jokey?" "Connections? Mmmm well...I do feel that we both share a good love for the stage and thrilling the audience! along with the love to asssist other people and spread some optimism in the air!" "Thats beautifull!...Have you ever considered before...becoming this star that all those kids appresciate?" "That...looks pretty Mr. Blondie! But what do you mean?" His boss began to equivocally chuckle, it was low but icy, wasnt like his usual gleeful ones that gave an auditory hug, but david overlooked that, remaining unruffled till the answer. "David. Can you come with me for a while?" "Sure thing! But..what about the new song?" "Dont worry! It can be done in another time! now follow me!" They both left the recording room, the animator leading the ginger boy across the studio, while on their little trip to the unknown room they are walking to, david catched from away a sight of henry, tommy and norman talking together until a rueful rob drew near them, starting a conversation. David didnt mean to eavesdrop anyone, but their high voices did reach his ear. "Guys! Have any of you heared ANYthing lately about harriet? I cant find her anywhere! She didnt come to work and she is not at her home! I called her many times but she doesnt reply! Im really so scared..." rob vented, the three told him thag they didnt see her too. David felt sorry for the fellow worker, hoping that harriet is alright and will be back soon. He looked forward, though he only saw blondie back and his wheelchair, he could feel that he is trying to ignore something, he may have heard a little of the talking out there, maybe he feels sad too? But david was in his mind for a bit, wasnt aware of the time until he sensed that blondie stopped moving. This is when he noticed he is in an unrecognizable area he didnt see before, maybe this was a new place that got built recently?, " Here we are david!!" In front of both was a dark long way of stairs, it was only one storey up, just like one of those half open basemant stariecases. David knew not both will be able to clmib this, he was ready to push that wheelchair up, he looked at blondie concerned, whom just returned a grin. "Dont worry about me! I have my own ways for climbing those!" David didnt really get it, but he just let it go and left blondie to use to his own way, watching him in every step making sure he wont be close to any harm.

Dont ask how blondie climbed the stairs, he just did. that was a really narrow hall they were both in, in front of them a wooden door, blondie toke out his keys and opened it, only for both to be greeted by. "Finally!! Where Were ya!!" an angry wallaby yelled, looking as if he lost patience, it seems blondie was late to whatever meeting they should have done earlier, the room wasnt so small, almost looks like a little hallway with a wall at the end. The view was...tensed, it was a dark room with only a little bulb barley lighning it, orange colored light struggling to penetrate the darkness in thin thread rays. It was almost as if candles were the ones giving the slight shine here. Wallaby, paul and murphy were there, standing near the sides of the walls, everyone in a specific place, two at the right wall and one at the left one, only a mile spearting each two. the menacing aura holding david in a tightening grip, why do blondie have such a grisly decorating tatse...He wasnt sure if entering this room is a safe idea. "Guys!! I Brought Our Last Guest!!" Blondie exclaimed in a chirpy tone, closing the door behind himm Last guest? What does he mean? "Can we PLEASE Finish This Now And Go out?" "Come on paul dont be such a killjoy! Enjoy the place!" "If you are telling us to enjoy this creepy atmosphere then I had lost all my faith in you." murphy sneered, clearly not comfortable or trusty with how this 'gathering' is going to end, nobody knows the goal behind it. "Come on David! Here! This Is Your Place!! Stay Still And Dont Move Ok?" Blondie said while putting david on a specific spot on the left wall. "Sure! Wont Move A Shoe!" David obeyed, blondie looked at him, but this time, although he had his usual smile that showed his white glowed teeth spreaded on his face, his eyes had shimmers with some inexplicable spite. "Everything is set~" He whispered this under his breath while walking to one of the corners, nobody heard that one. Three of the invited four toke a look at blondie whereas he was doing something uncanny at that distant corner. David turned at the person in front of him, which was paul. "Oh! hey Mr.Paul!" But being the tedious man he is, paul didnt respone, only focusing on the book on his hand, thats why wallaby seemed as if he was gabbling to himself. The young boy then looked to his right side and saw murphy, still keeping an eye at blondie in a suspicion, despite not understanding a thing from what he was doing, nobody can just fetch someone to a room like this without being not up to something. "So Guys! Why are we here?" "I Dunno david! Mr. Blondie just went to me and told me that I gotta get here cuz he needs me for somethin, well I dont see anything! All I do is just standing on dis here spot not movin a leg!! What about ya paul?" "I dont care I just came here so he can stop nagging me." " I came here after he told me that I can be a 'star' like jokey." "Wait you gonna be a star? Ooh! Thats why we standin on a star!" "What?!" Wallaby words strongly drived murphy attention, making him watch the ground, they all noticed it now, they are standing on 'stars' that are drawn on the floor. David felt inside him a very straied premonisition feeling that was telling him to move, he didnt understand it, why would his guts tell him to move away from a single drawing on the floor? He promised his boss he will stay still there....how could a star drawing hurt anyone? Since whe do drawing harm people? But no matter how much he tries to brush off that feeling, it feels like a stiff weigh was being held on his chest, it made him feel so sick, maybe he just needs to move because his legs hurt him? Yeh yeh thats just it. The cheeky lad toke one step only out of that star shape, he tried to persuad himself its his legs aching and not because of a sixth sense, and that was really something he should be thankful for because. "Guys! I think we gonna be a stars!" "Wallaby...I dont think this star shape is used fo-" "GOODBYE MATES!!"

And with a casted spell and a flash of an eye, everybody was drowned with an unknown colorful sticky liquid that fully covered them, gluing them to the ground. Expect David, who fell down to the ground aspect with a horrible fear that rised behind his eyes from the grisly vision that immediately happend.

Blondie Stood there, watching him in enmity.

Blondie turned around, only to be so bothered by seeing the surviver. "Oh it seems I missed a shot! Im going to fix this~" The words had deserted david, the color quickly drained from his face, a cold wave embalmed him and his mouth ran dry, sweat poured down his body, Heart began to hammer against his chest, every muscle in his body shouted at him to flee. To escpae this imminent threat. He hurried to the door, using every little cell of power left to open it, but no matter how much he quickly moves the handle in fright, the door didnt open, oh yes, blondie locked it. Seeing no hope, he knocked on it so expeditiously and hardly, trying not to make his words stumbled, begging for someone outside to hear him. "HEEEEELLLP!!! HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!! ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!? PLEASE HELP ME!!" "Come on David, why so nervous?" Blondie snickered from behind him, his voice hinting he is oncoming, his tone ringing in a sick icy way, sending chimes ringing in david ears, but he kept screaming for a rescue, he was not frightened nor afraid, he was beyond such mere nouns, he was going crazy, his boater hat fell from his head, it only reminded of how much he wants his family NOW in this profound situation, he just wanted to go back to them again, stay with his father marley at home and go to beach together or golf or car or wherever his father wants to go, staying in his parents arms was all what he desired, he would never wish anything anymore after this. He could no longer control his hands they were shaking in an odd trembling rhythm, his legs collapsed underneath him, teeth chattering in fear, He slid down the door, bringing his knees up to his chest.

"I-I-I-I-I-I D-D-DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!"

"You dont understand? I hated you! Im who created jokey! He was my friend since the childhood! My friend since the start!! But you! I saw every little detail I gifted him in you! You were perfect, perfect for him, more perfect than me! Now that I had a studio of my own, I wanted him to be alive! I reached my wish by the help of you all, by animating and presenting him to all the children around the world, they loved him, just like me! But lately, I didnt feel that I made this dream come true yet...how can a cartoon character offset me of a friend who always stayed by my side that I cant make real! But now I found a second chance, a second chance to revive him, to this reality. Thats it! Thats the chance! By using some souls to bring those stunning characters and that convival cartoony world I created to reality...that was always my biggest dream...and whats a better chance than to have the voice actor whom I influenced the traits for the children 'star' right at my hand~ People will love you david~"

Blondie was right, if david dyed his hair black and wore some cheeks make up, he could exactly like a real life jokey, but who would need a cheap costume when you can bring jokey himself to reality. David recalled the times when he sometimes thought uncle harry may have been a little overprotective of him. He thought his uncle needs to ease a bit, nothing so dangerous will happen for him. Now, he regret thinking this, and wants him to overprotect him forever and ever. Fear became a tangible, living force that crept over him like some hungry beast, immobilizing him and his brain, holding him a captive and took control of his entire body, Shadows and echoes play on his senses warping shapes and sounds. That outlandish substance already reached his legs, his life flashed before his eyes and he ushered his bright unearthly ones shut.

Yeb, this is the angel end.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Okay so after you shared that one Ben/Kip fic the other day I went into the tag to see if there was anything else and I found your story that same day, but having no clue that it was yours (okay maybe a slight feeling that it was yours). I have to say though, I do really enjoy it, it’s lengthy and it does have jumps at times but it’s really, really enjoyable to read. Your characterization and take on Kip is the most unique I’ve seen and that’s honestly what makes the story great for me.

oh my god this is so nice lmao…i’m gonna have to finally put in the exhausting work of copy/pasting the next segment to post lol (╯﹏╰）

im glad i accidentally self advertised, that’s pretty funny…and yeah i feel like it’s not as though anyone would be like “this one blogger i dont know about definitely wrote this, the only person,” and yet its not like there’s an infinite list of suspects or fics and it’s pretty clearly like…my signature moves there, in content and gay agenda and going on way too long and what am i talking about anymore…i wondered if it might be at least sort of suspiciously me-esque. that’s funny too. and yeah from the uncertain start all the way to like last week i was like “am i gonna have kip and ben kiss hmmm” and leaving it open ended for myself but now the answer is Oh Absolutely and my resolve strengthens with every day. spoilers. only not at all spoilers. its about the journey here, not abt the mystery of the destination

umn idk anyways this is this first feedback i’ve heard from anyone else reading any of this content, and its really great to hear you actually like reading it and its not just, like, a punishment to try to force your way through, especially since what i’ve put up so far is like, mostly the oldest stuff where im like oh god i hope its at least readable…i know it kind of crashes around as i try to touch on a lot of areas all at once, since i’d supposed i’d have the whole thing wrapped up in like 100k at the most. Ha. haha…ha……..aah…if i’d known i’d now be at this point where i’m just gonna get done when i get done i’d’ve used the evergreen Kip Is Trans hc. smh

uhhhhhHh anyways yeah seriously. i’m all delicate b/c i havent shared writing in years and im painfully aware of how inconsistent i am when writing beyond like 500 words, but also hey, it could be worse. i dont even know how to look at my own interpretation of kip or describe it b/c i’m taking full advantage of the fact i can draw so heavily from my own thorough understanding of trauma and anxiodepression and etc and using it to color in these like thoughts and emotions that i don’t often try to draw b/c it’s like. tricky to draw stuff like “just excuse me while i sit here and have a silent crisis for the next few hours.” i’m going on too long as always, the point is, i also did put a nonzero amount of heart into trying to lend some earnestness to what i’m writing abt. not to be, like, a diary, but since this is indulging my dream abt kip living in peace and being kissed ninety times a day, and yet i also appreciate how negative feelings can be part of your life regardless of lack of external conflict or presence of good shit, so. i’m very much like. trying to totally embrace all the negative feelings that i wanna include, and not having this mean it excludes having security and comfort and love and shit. i’d thought about it sometimes since i have often been megadepressed while working on this lol…like veering away entirely from my intended direction…but i refuse. it’s going where it’s obviously going and has already partly gone even in the bits i’ve posted so far. like i said i’m able to make something here out of my familiarity w totally miserable feelings

nobody can say anything to me without getting an overly long meandering response lmao sorry…but thank you for this message, it’s great to get a response lol and im Heartened. i’m really glad you think its good lol…i know it’s not like it’s that bad but i still had no idea if any other person ever would wanna read it. hearing you actually enjoyed it is like beyond any of my expectations, and so is getting any feedback at all…thanks a lot and thanks for this ben/kip solidarity lol…im giving the people what they need. and what i want. 😚✨

[anotherler]

Ask Meme Part 2: LQ-ler

My faviest fave who I ever faved!! Low Quality Once-ler! Lets do this.

Why I like them: More like, why I LOVE them okay? Uh…where do I begin. I think his initial and prevailing appeal was his aesthetic. I love old technology, low quality footage, foggy audio and static. I love the sound of a VCR’s mechanics turning. And the reason for all of this is suitingly, nostalgia. Which is what LQ is all about. He’s so carefully thought up and his themes fit together so nicely. His concept had me hooked from the start; a Once-ler who comes from lowquality footage of the movie. But then it just gets even deeper and examines the regrets of a Once-ler and a character that knew about his fate and destiny from the start and it’s just so fucking fascinating and well thought out. LQ himself has this charm to his personality and he’s positively endearing and adorable it’s not hard to understand why so many people flocked to him and showed him love. But if he was just that and that alone it would make for a flat character. LQ has other sides to himself that come out from time to time and it becomes obvious that in some cases he’s putting up a façade. He tends to brush the fact that he’s upset or angry under the rug to keep up his image and it’s something that anyone reading can really understand. It’s a great study of identity and how adults present themselves to each other in the business world and just generally to the public and how sometimes we aren’t really true to ourselves because we don’t like things about ourselves. I know this got super analytical so im going to go back to his characterization for a sec. He is such a lively person. Each gesture and reply and his eccentricity are wonderful to witness. I love his design a LOT. Those big grey-blue eyes with the long lashes and his glasses and his messy brown hair. He has a really unique look to him. He’s a good guy and I’d love to talk with him about old tech and stuff. He comes off as caring a lot about other people and Im sure he wants the best for others.

     Why I don’t: He has made some really dumb mistakes and been so self destructive that he has impacted those around him. He needs to practice true self love beyond any sort of merits he has and just believe that he can do good things even if he’s done bad things in the past. He’s really REALLY got to stop beating himself up. It’s okay for him to make mistakes in the past but he’s got to seek improvement and any time that he does you can feel really happy for him. He’s come a long way but he’s got some ways to go and can’t give up just yet.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Probably when HQ first showed up. That whole part had me screaming. Actually, I have a LOT of favorite scenes and chapters from his blog. Type louder and his drawing party are some old favorites. The buildup to the GRAND reveal and LQ’s valley times are also incredibly great and Swone’s visit was hilarious and sweet. I also love the more recent chapters where LQ continues to have conflict with HQ and we some other sides of him.

Favorite season/movie: Ahhh…it’s hard to pick one. I love his entire blog :�� ) I already talked about a lot of stuff it’s hard sjkgslsddsh I’d just sit here and list everything LOL but if I had to pick one both the events leading up to the GRAND REVEAL and HQ showing up.

Favorite line(s): “Even though the tag might say “low-quality”, I think that those old gifs had their own charm to them. Nostalgia, if you will. “ “Honesty is the best policy, after all.” “I AM N-NOT A BUTT P-PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!”

Favorite outfit: I’m honestly a sucker for his business suit and bandaged arms(though, poor LQ for being so badly injured). I also really love his thneed and that REDICULOUS cape he had from his business times.

OTP: LQxHQ. Gotta have that self love, amiright? It’s a really good exploration of LQ’s relationship with himself and HQ is frankly hilarious. I know it isn’t the healthiest for LQ but im hoping things can improve for him in the future. Also, Bawstin-luh or Brandon O’ Shea from the the Thneedville High AU because LQ and Brandon are just really happy together :” ) Brotp: LQ and Swone. And my guilty pleasure: LQ and Swone and Onag. I always did want to see those two meet. Also LQ and Thneednight, LQ and Corv and LQ and Winter when they finally work things out a bit heh. While we’re on the topic of folks I wish LQ could have met I just gotta say…Cheap. Thrift buddies. Just picture it. Cheap had a chance to meet LQ by punching him in the face for 10 whole dollars but he PASSED IT UP!! For SHAME, Cheap. (To be fair IDK if they’d get along well haha)

Head Canon: At one point in the blog it’s mentioned that LQ used to watch the 1972 TV special and he said his Mom caught him watching it and turned it off. I think that she turned it off during the Once-ler’s successful points and before he chopped the last tree. Since then, LQ has never watched past that point on the VHS tape and in his youth it gave him only positive ideas about being a Once-ler and impacted him a lot in the long run. It’s kind of ironic because his Mom tried to discourage him but only really made him more interested.

Unpopular opinion: Y’all probably don’t want to face this fact, but LQ can be really nasty and temperamental sometimes. He’s spoken outright insults at people when he’s speaking honestly so he’s not purely “an innocent and sweet uwu baby” . He’s also very introspective and intelligent though he’s made a number of stupid descisions. Some things he’s said and thought are downright philosophical. That being said, those aspects make me like him even more as a character.

A wish: I want to see LQ continue to improve and move on in his life. He might need to break the mold he’s in to make that happen but he’s already established that he’s been doing things his own way so it’s not hard to imagine. It’s hard to move on but I believe in him.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I don’t want LQ to die or give up :” )

5 words to best describe them: Nostalgic, Mysterious, Adorable, Charming, Bright

My nickname for them: I love the nickname ‘Lowqual’. It’s not a nickname I coined but…yeah. Uhm…Staticky Boi, My Favorite Onceler,

@residentcryptid And now onto Cheap!

[bfknj]

tags masterpost (?)

I was tagged in a few tag games over the past few days and instead of posting them all separately I decided to just put them all on one! If I tagged you feel free to do any or all of these (including people who tagged me!!) As always, don’t feel any pressure to do any, I just think these are fun and wanted to share :)

- - - - 11 questions tag - - - -

Rules: 1. Make sure to post the rules!! 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

these questions are from @moonmyun !! michaela you had me stRUGGLIN OKAY YOUR QUESTIONS WERE HARD but ily still bless you for the tag you angel :”)

1 who is your bias group? why?

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN AKA MEME SQUAD !!!!!!! honestly they just make me so beyond happy wow holly nobody ever says that about their favs ur original a LOOOT of music is centered around love these days and not to say bts doesn’t do that with a lot of their music but they also tackle a lot of societal issues and I really respect them for that. From 21st century girls w politics, spring day mv and the ferry sinking, suicide in the I need u mv and many other things I feel like they take risks for the sake of portraying what they hold true to their hearts/morals not necessarily what will sell best and I can’t name many other groups who do that as well :( also my boys cute af I love those dweebs IM SO WHIPPED HAH

2 which kpop video do you find the most aesthetically pleasing?

this is hard :(( idk my number one but I really like seventeen hip hop unit’s check in, red velvet’s one of these nights, ladies code’s galaxy, kim lip of loona’s eclipse and crush’s fall ! they don't all match my aesthetic but I feel like they match the songs really well!!! watch them okay 3/5 of them are hELLA UNDERRATED bye

3 if you could instantly learn one choreography, what would you pick?

something by either gfriend or bts?? love whisper or not today or blood sweat tears?? OOOH or red flavor by rv!! tbh though I’m really skinny so my limbs look weird af with a lot of dances rip

4 who do you look up to as a role model (in the kpop community or not)?

there’s no person in particular that really sticks out but I will say I’ve always admired jungkook, and really all trainees for that matter, who leave their families to start training really young because its a process thats hard physically, emotionally and mentally for late teen/early twenties trainees but there’s sO many kids who enter in their pre-teens and idk how they survive also I realized this doesn’t answer your question at all I'm sorry its 1:28 AM I’m just waiting for the DNA mv to drop

5 whose concert would you go to if you could and why?

DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 !!!!! THEY INVENTED LIVE SHOWS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS or shoot maybe dean or crush or heize?? I LOVE TOO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE also I would say bts but although there are countless amazing beautiful armys there are def some crazy scary ones that are known to be horrible at concerts so

6 if you could pick one idol to be best friends with, who would it be and why?

OK YALL IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT IN MY DAILY LIFE SO S/H TO MICHAELA FOR ASKING ILY either boo seungkwan or ahn heeyeon!! I feel like hani would be so fun to have girl time with bc I feel like we’re really similar in some ways ?? IDK I LOVE HER bUT overall I’d say boo seungkwan because istg we are 100000000% the same person only he has a weenie ok just trust me I am boo and boo is me

7 would you want to be a part of a kpop group if you had the opportunity to be?

I’d absolutely love to be in the entertainment industry and I think the staging, costuming, group dynamics and publicity (variety shows, fan service/interations) in the kpop industry are all really cool but I honestly don't think I have the mental strength to do it lmao idols go through so much and I don’t think I could handle it regardless of how much I enjoy singing/dancing/performing etc.

8 what languages do you speak, and which do you want to learn?

english and some spanish??? I understand a lot because quite a bit of my family speaks it but my conversational skills have gone downhill recently because I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to practice :( with that said, I’d like to be fluent in spanish and - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME READ IT ALL OK - I’d like to learn korean BECAUSE!!!!! when I was little before I moved I would go to a farmers market by my house and a lot of the older ladies there spoke korean and little holly though it sounded so pretty and I always wanted to chat w them ok THATS WHY I’m not a creepy koreaboo this has been a thing since before I even knew what a kpop was ok bye 

9 what song cheers you up when you’re sad?

fire by bts bc I get hella turnt to that song its a pROBLEM also jackpot by block b, baby/puss in boots by astro, chained up by vixx, not today/bst by bts, knock knock by twice, i think I love you by sonamoo THE LIST GOES ON I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST OK

10 what things do you associate with your bias?

dimples!! pretty hands, closing one eye in selcas, ootds, happiness so cheesy ik sORRY, ryan, studying, awkward dancing, open mouth laughs, second hand embarrassment, sentimental rants

11 what’s your favourite thing to do in your free time?

cry over namjoon tbh I’m one of those people who is constantly listening to music so I’m always doing that and singing along regardless of if its free time or not HAH then I really like reading and catching up on my youtube subscriptions

my questions!

what is your dream job?

favorite book of all time?

what is your current fashion like and what is your dream fashion?

if your best friend was cloned, how would you know which one of the two was your best friend?

what song got you into kpop?

which idol do you think is most similar to you?

favorite kpop lyrics?

if given the opportunity to collaborate with any group/soloist of your choice, who would you choose and why?

what is your favorite physical and character trait of your ult?

which underrated groups/soloists do you believe deserve more recognition? any song recs?

do you read fanfics? if so, what are your favorites?

- - - - song title game - - - -

I was tagged by @kihani, your song choices were 12/10 

rules: spell you your url with kpop songs and tag ten people! (all of these happen to by song recs too so listen nd be happy friends)

mysterious - hello venus

i think i love you? - sonamoo (a fav ok listen pls)

life in color - beenzino

knock - knk 

jelly - hotshot

only u - daze

out of sorts - vixx

night rather than day - exid

she’s a baby - zico

- - - - get to know me tag! - - - -

1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true. tagged by @sleepysugarmoon, thank you friend!! APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses (or contact lenses) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people  People tell me that I’m funny   Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument  I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion  I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging some mutuals bc ily and why do you even follow me I'm a wreck tbh OK i tag: @kihani, @21jd, @lapatronakim, @94seulqi, @gayoongi, @springdqy, @medina-kim, @15minss, @je0n, @cottontae, @taebaeul, @booty-baekery, @lalisl, @babekhyun, @voidpjm and anyone else who wants to try any or all of these!! 

[aitian]

July 6 2019

3:15 am (saturday?)

it feels like july fourth was just a few hours ago, & june should not have passed yet. i really wish i had someone to love in these moments. it really feels like once again no one really cares for me (in all meanings; im not interesting or tasteful or attractive or desirable or worth understanding/being around). i feel so strange about my body as smth that i do not totally mind being in but also feel mildly disgusted by bc of how other ppl have treated me based upon it. it predicates so much of the violence & suffering that i have internalized. also i am hitting a rock with a few things- i spent all of last night (the night before?) looking up careers & etc things all over the internet & i still have no real dreams relating to working & being a worker- i am more & more uncomfortable with my transness & feeling like i will b disgusting & foolish if i become more feminine but also that i am disgusting & foolish already in how i have always looked & felt- i keep looking at these websites related to queer apa groups & literary things & “opportunities” for someone like me & they just fully do not feel like they are for someone like me bc i feel at the same time too privileged & too lacking to be who they want to support & also that i am simply annoying & burdensome for trying to do anything yet feeling like the work that they do is sometimes annoying & useless anyway so what gives them the pride to deny me & then circling back to these ideas abt money & power that seem antithetical to the stated goals of all of us but totally in line with our actions. it all makes me feel increasingly isolated & resentful that i am unable to change how i feel & live in this moment. it feels like i am back in high school with the part of my brain between my eyes aching yet unable to scream & cry. i know i am different now, but not enough, & not in a way that feels loved. i know that part of my problem is not having a large enough heart to love others first, but when i have not been extended kindness in ways that feel right to me, it is hard to step out & be generous to others who i know deep down will no reciprocate meaningfully. i feel stupid for having these desires that seem totally arbitrary & just make things harder for me (a masculine loving force, being treated as a queer femme by my friends & the respect that comes from knowing i have complex thoughts & emotions, codependency & mutualism in a way that may only be “unhealthy” because of how capitalist dynamics structure our interpersonal relationships) but i cant figure out how to change. i dont want to be uncomfortable & unfulfilled for the rest of my life. on the other hand, i now feel so much shame for wanting these things & pursuing these things in the way that i always have such as studying & licking the toes of elitism bc i understand that this is probably not a channel for me to truly gain comfort but a small part of me (& a huge part of the rest of the world) says yes, it really can be.

A review of june: 

kicked off the month with sherry leaving. we had our philly day trip to eat cheesecake in late may & then our trip to toronto where we met up with grace for a day & then on the last day we hung out until smth crazy like 4am & i sat on the pavement of our driveway & cried as they back up their cars and left. 

the next few days include hanging out w adele, going to hershey to visit alice, & hanging out w adele a little bit more before she left to go on vacation.

around the middle of the month, i did a lot of cooking & eating & sleeping at the correct time & trying to nourish away the emptiness that was slowly creeping in. i was also sewing a shirt with mom that we finished & it looks pretty cute. 

mom & i took many trips. after the weekend at hershey, we went to philadelphia just to eat & hang around, & we went to baltimore at the end of the month (just last weekend). we also went to stone valley/shavers creek & walked around.

around june 20th or so everything started to become a blur. i was/am working on the zine, sleeping at the worst hours, & feeling so empty inside. 

things on the immediate & horizon:

- i bought silkscreen supplies but have not set up a studio situation yet. i am trying to make smth that i am proud of first i guess.

- i am trying to illustrate a zine/comic but i have totally lost steam. i just want it to magically manifest as a finished product because idk how much i still believe in it in this moment of depression & fear it will never come to fruition. part of why i stopped was bc i started feeling like it was shameful to draw these things that i imagine could be a part of a wonderful life because other ppl could look at it & think abt how foolish & disgusting & simple i am.

- em shared these two articles which are rly fucking with me. i guess its comforting that they describe ugliness as smth that shouldnt be treated badly but they also do not have conclusions abt how to not treat ugliness as undesirability which fucks with me. its this strange rhetoric that undesirable people should be valued but maybe still remain undesirable? while acknowledging that value & desirability r unfortunately but definitely related. the more i think abt it the less sense it makes. esp bc i am struggling so much with feeling wholly & totally undesirable. i sent a msg to em today abt it bc they asked me how i am doing & i think it was too much bc they just liked it & didnt reply. 

https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2011/08/22/moving-toward-the-ugly-a-politic-beyond-desirability/

https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/how-to-be-fat-caleb-luna-sub/

- im supposed to have my wisdom teeth removed at the end of august & im pretty scared tbh. i have never had surgery, & there are multiple parts that are intimidating to me. i fear being totally not in control of my body being cut up & gouged & not having the choice rly to object because waiting can only make it worse, i fear the physical stabbing & poking & bleeding, i fear the recovery & the pain & indignity, & i also fear the part abt losing consciousness. i dont know what part of my anxiety keeps telling me that its the same as dying, that losing myself to a strange limbo is terrifying, & that framework even makes me suddenly afraid of sleep. on top of that, i am afraid of what i will say & do as i am coming back into consciousness because i think my base thoughts & emotions are not things that i would want mom to hear. 

- i am relearning dr. gradus & here is a section that i played today. ngl i practiced just these measures for the video but also i am rly beginning to string the piece together.

[zonerz]

All of the questions for the shipping thing 😈

AAAAAAAAA Im gonna d i e I hope ur happy abt this long post u dork

Talk about the first ship you ever had.Dang dude,,,,,,, makin me think,,,,,, I suppose it was Jay and Nya from Ninjago?? I thought they were cute but wasnt like SUPER into it, the other one that I was into was me shipping an “OC” with Lloyd L m a oTalk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.Three most important? Uhhhh idk abt important exactly, like idk what the whole requirements for one being more important than another would be. Though, the main one that always makes me happy, no matter the circumstance, is McHanzo. Idk what it is about it but it always makes me smile and helped cheer me up plenty of times throughout the year hahaWhat’s your current OTP?McHanzo or Sonadow tbhWhat’s your current NOTP?shi//ma//da//cestDo you have any poly ships?Yes with some of my OCs!!How do you feel about love triangles?They CAN be done right but most of the time im just over here like, ‘UGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH No one c a r e s’How do you feel about RPF?Idk what that stands for 3Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?Not myself, but my OCs. Tho I suppose my first ever OC was very similar in looks so I suppose partiallyDo you have many ships that never got together at all?Lmao yeah man, most people seem to forget that McHanzo started out as a crack ship hahaDo you ship any characters that have never met?See the previous statementTalk about your favorite first kiss.Wonderbat in the Starcrossed episode. It was gr8 man. Kissing to blend in with the crowd.Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together?The Nya-Jay-Cole love triangle was forced and stupid. LETTHEMBEHAPPY–Has a ship ever broken your heart?HAVE YOU EVER READ UNDER THE WISTERIA TREE? IVE NEVER BEEN SO EMOTIONAL OVER A FIC. I SOBBED FOR A GOOD HOUR AFTERWARDS MANHow do you feel about will they/won’t they?I think it depends on the material, like Wonderbat in JL was a good one cause we still got content for it here and there but it was never ‘official’ but it wasnt relentlessly teased at teither, it wasnt a main focus nor dragged down the show. It was acceptable cuz they were also, yknow superheroes and Bruce isnt the type of character to just suddenly settle down

But otherwise I think it can get really annoying and unnecessary if done wrongHave you ever “shipped at first sight”?Yeah lolTalk about a ship you initially disliked.Im p sure I used to be p decently opposed to Sonadow at first, because at the time I was super into Sonamy (which I’ll talk abt laterrr) though I learned more of the reasoning behind it and was like ‘oh! This is p decent’ and since Ive re-entered the Snoc fandom, Ive sorta reanalyzed my ships and looked into what real chemistry co9uld be there and frankly I just think that Sonadow has a lot of working potential, it reminds me of how I felt about McHanzo at first; They have a lot of working potential and thats what I love building off of. They have the potential to work really well together because the balance each other’s personalities and senses out (Shads bringing a sense of realism and Sonic bringing a lightheartedness) and neither has to worry about the other getting into trouble/hurt/being used against them because they’re both extremely capable of handling themselves. The difference between them and a ship like Mchanzo though is that they’ve already previously worked together and interacted on multiple occasions.

Im sorry I just have a LOT to say abt the ships I love ha h a–Also Ive noticed I have a tendacy to like ships where the partners balance each other?? God im predictableTalk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically.Sonamy has sort’ve dropped off the radar for me (except in Boom and maybe in X) at least in a more serious regard. Idk how to quite get how I feel into words r i pTalk about a moment which made you question an entire ship.I was actually watching a DHT (I think thats his name idk im tired lol) Top ten abt his personal opinions on ships? Cuz I like hearing other people’s opinions and point of views!! And I mean idk his points with Sonamy were really true and while I still think Sonamy is really cute and has gotten a bit less violent in recent years, the negatives at this point are sortve outweighing the positives atm imo? So it was just kinda like ‘huh. Thats tru’Have you ever shipped something despite yourself?No..? Idk if Im exactly understanding the question but if its asking if I still shipped smth even if it was against my morals? Then a definite no, if its nasty, its nasty imoTalk about a ship you feel alone in shipping.Wonderbat fandom where r u??Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against?The only ones I can really think of are Shadilver and Sonouge?? :00 Im just curious as to like the origin or reasoning behind the ships! I love hearing people’s reasons beyond “They look nice together” yknow? HahaWhich of your ships have the best chemistry?WONDERBATWONDERBATWONDERBATWONDERBAT–Which of your ships deserve better writing?Sonamy,,,, Jaya,,, //criesDo you mostly ship canon pairings?It depends! But a lot of times I end up soHave you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar?I probably have LMAOHave you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to?yEAHI like the dark broody one and the lighthearted cheery one where theyre opposite but not so much that they never get along. I like ones where its like sun and moon, where they balance each other out and both bring something to the table. Where its mutual.Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life?Idk man, I didnt really have ships before I was 10 so like–Does shipping come easily to you?Somewhat, I need some good and moral reasons to ship two ppl before I turn into shipping puddy–Do you need to ship something to really enjoy a movie/book/tv show/comic?No, but if there’s a rlly good ship that I enjoy in the content then it definitely boosts how much enjoyment I get out of it hahaName a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.I can only rlly say that for rlly obscure fandoms, like Ranger’s Apprentice. There’s also the FNAF book-verseTalk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love.For Sonic and Shads I read this one thing ages ago abt Sonic teaching Shadow all the meanings each flower type and color portrays so them giving each other meaningful bouquets n shit is RLLY CUTE AND I LOVE THAT KIND OF STUFF OKAY,,,,,,Share five must-read fics.UNDER THE WISTERIA TREE IS EQUAL TO FIVE MUST READS! gO READ IT! (BUT BE PREPARED FOR TEARS AND LOTS OF THEM)Name your favorite fanartist(s).uHHHH @ludwigplayingthetrombone (Their expression are so soft,,,, n sweet,,, its so fluffy n good,,,) Share your favorite fanmix for your OTP.I dont have a favorite so just go look up some Everytime we touch PMVRecommend 1-5 shipper blogs.¯\_(ツ)_/¯Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for you ships?I draw,,,, every once in a blue moon,,,,Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP?Mutual pining and dorky fluffDo you like and use ship names?Yes!!!Is there a fictional relationship you’d really want for yourself?Nah boi Im ace lolIf you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?More interactions,,,, pl z ,,,,(diduknow that the “Pretty handy with that bow!” vl came out on my birthday last year?? Best gift man, thanks Blizzard, love ya)

[noidsome]

Digimon tri: Loss rant aka butthurt

So there are things that bothers me a lot about these Digimon tri movies and this movie, well lets just say its teh drop that tipped the glass. I dont really like rewieving things..but i am very passionate for digimon, so i suppose this will do.

So what is there to say about Digimon tri? or spesifically... loss? hehe loss..more like loss of my intrest in these movies..

TLDR; the movie is long, boring, little action, meiko is shit as always, the conflict with sora, tai and matt doesnt exist, some scenes go nowhere and are more filler then plot, still questions left unanswered, 02 kids are dead and gone and nobody cares at this point, and shitty, limited, boring, bland and dissapoiunting animation. 

Anyhow where do i even start? first i suppose i should start off by saying the things i DO like about this movie. I did enjoy seeing tai more in the spotlight, and it was nice seeing tai, matt and sora talk again. And not to mention, digivolutions! Where most of the digis became ultimate! hell yeah! and my boi machinedramon, i always loved that fella. And more digi kaiser?? YES PLS FUEL MY NEEDS FOR FOOTAGE!! and of course, the animation was well done with the fight scenes and the action was really neat! My favorite part of the movie was the last part.

and now, onto the... MANY many problems these movies had, with none other then shitty animation, awkward scenes, bad art styles, scenes that go nowhere, meiko, and FILLER!! clench your asshole because this is going to be a long one...

Ok so we start off the movie strong. This flashback goes well with me because its this old timey wimey film effect, and we get to see the backstory of himekawa and black hair teacher typography mcgee, i forgot his name..anyway thats cool, we get plot! and then cuts to meiko being left out with her dark evil special digital device. GOOD. she has no way to enter now. she should be left out like the shitty written character she is. im glad shes out.. but would i be like this for long?? NOPE, NOT HERE IN DISSAPOINTMENT LAND I WONT!!

So then we get tehse cute bonding scenes, which are just very nice. its good they take their time with these, and boy....do they take their time :))))) the shitty happy music desu comes so abruplty that you just sit back and say “nice here it is.” so the rest of the digimon get along just fine with the kids again, which is nice i guess....except for pyokomon or whatever. For some reason she is the ONLY CONVENIENT one that wont like her. now, im fine with this, because things never happen the same way twice. however, she is THE ONLY ONE, and the others open very fast, so why?? eh whatever wont bother explaining too much about that ;))

so after this kawaii desuka moment, after toei “””””””””””””””animation”””””””””””””””” show us a slideshow of their best drawings of the kids just sitting there, with no movement, we get on with it. 

There is one thing i learned in animation class, and that is that YOU NEVER HAVE ONE STILL FRAME in animation, and these movies have a lot of them, and so fucking shittly placed as well. Just sometimes to save time, or just because lazyness, the animators just pan a akward still filler frame. i know things are hard, and horrible in NEY-HON, especially with animation, but for gods sake i cant help but go “animation is hard XDDdDdDD” whenever watching these movies....because sometimes....SOMETIMES.......

anyway so onto the story, “special super powerful” meikoomon appears, crying because she is adult and remembers meiko. why, you ask?? WHY??????? WELL who cares stfu. so she runs away and jumps into a distortion. did she make it? did the digital world provide her with some? will we get answers??

so then, PTaiSD starts doubhting if we can save the special boy cat, and Yamaha has to of course get angry about every single little thing tai does, and walks off in a huff. Was this scene forced like all hell?? is yamiffedo being a bitch for no reason?? Yes. yes he was. at this point, it feels like they just put this here to give matt a reason to be angry because they have nothing left to bitch about to eachother, or yashitto just wont let up. either way, it is so frustrating..but i digress. 

we also cut to black haired crocks wearing mcgee again, in and out, of him saying “i cant figure this out” and we get told this 2 times. ... ANYYYWAYYYY then the kids remember their personalities again and tai suggests we do something now, and the digimon digivolved. HURRAH!”

byomon is still not trusting sora, which is fine i guess bonds take time, and they did take their time, which was fine. so they keep cutting to this trolly, the one they slept in in digimon adventure. HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THE TROLLY???? REMEMBER DIGIMON 01?? WASNT THAT SERIES COOL??? 

special OP baby cat meikomon just sits and laments because she cant find meiko, so she gets all infected and fucks up everything again, making the reboot for NUFFIN if she keeps this up. BUTT WAIT, why does she still have this infection?????? OH NO SHE TURNED EVIL AGAIN!!!! but does the movie explain??

so here we are with the blank kids club as izzy expositions the shit out of the other kids, which is nice. its nice to get plot... BUT ITS NOT THE PLOT WE ACTUALLY NEED, just...just a little bit of it. just a little bit.......... anyway everyone cuberbullies meiko and basically says that she is a shit and wont fit in here because all she would do is cry or fuck up something beyond repair. that is what she would do.

so then sora walks off and sits by a trunk and is sad because her tamagotchi doesnt like her anymore. BUT.......and this is a big but...Taishit and Yaman come to the rescue. BUT...they are both stupidly blank and doesnt know waht the fuck to do or say, but they try. how will they tackle this point??

So basically sora is suprised to figure out that tai and matt cant read her mind, and just runs off and is understandably angry about the situation. so as tai and matt is visibly upset they cant fix this, which you couldnt tell because their expressions are about as vibrant as a piece of wood, Taichi basically says something good for once. Sora spends her times worrying about other people and doesnt say anything about her own worries. which is....good??????

im sorry but to me thats not good at all. if you fix everyone elses problem, and you shut your own problems inside, you are going to suffer. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING HOLY FUCK WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT??!?!?!?!? unless i am completly misunderstanding this kind of behaviour but to me, this is not good. fuck that shit. so that scene ends. nothing gets resolved.  then finally, after fucking FOREVER with filler scenes and awkward crappy animation, machinedramon finally appears and is here to fucking kill this second hand emberassment. they run from him, and the others see whats going on. so then they try to do something and fails, and then meikoomon isnt evil anymore...........????? and then something which i think is one of the biggest, STUPIDEST cop puts of all time happens. 

macinedramon shoots them at point blank, and really hard and long too, like so long the camera makes sure to show ALL of their faces as they slowly burn to death by the giant super death cannon...and so they all get fucking obliterated and die... EXCEPT THEY DONT!!!!!!!!!! A DISTORTION PORTAL APPEARS AND JUST... TROWS THEM ACROSS THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!!! AND THE KIDS ARE ALSO UNHARMED!?”!?”?!?

WHAT THE FUYCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!??! WHY DID THE DISTORITON APPEAR??? WHO MADE IT?? WAS IT MEIKOOMON??? EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE IM TOO AUTISTIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS DEEP LEVEL OF STORY TELLING!!!

oh and we get a cute flashback to actually knowing what himekawa wanted. she just wanter he digimon back.......which is why she acted this way all along? so she could get her stupid digimon back=??? thats why she had to act like she was secretly the one fucking everything up?? ....eh idk ANYWAY

byomon sees sora cry and decides wew lad....that changes everything.,..so that scene ends, and what does byomon find?????? WELL WOW ITS MEIKO WHO JUST FELL INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

it was at this point i got really upset with this crappy movie. The scenes drag on for too long, scenes just end and go nowhere, and GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY FOR SAYING THIS BUT MEIKO IS A FUCKING MARY SUE. she is such a classic example of shittily written self insert characters that it fucking hurts. if i wanted to read your shitty digimon fanfiction from 2008 then i would of done that. Its fucking insane to see this level of writing from a professional writing team, holy fuck. 

and then........this.......this takes the cake.... fucking tai and kari are together. finally, they get to talk a little about things, like for example bringing up whats bothering tai all this time, or why he has to be such a tittybaby with yamato, or maybe have a little chat about character development. but no we dont get none of that. shitty sad music plays and....no tai just says “oh man im so angry i didnt make it” and kari says “its ok” and then tai just looks down.... AND THEN THATS IT!!! ....OK??

so then a whole lot of fucking nothing happens for a while, and i mean, they just.....dont say ANYTHING worthwhile. tai goes all “man i wish tai would read my mind and not be an asshole. my name IS MATT AND I JUST CANT TALK TO MY FRIENDS SO I WALK AROUND LIKE AN ANGRY PISSY BABY BECAUSE THATS MY TRAIT, WHICH IS NOT FRUSTRATING AND TIRED AT ALL” 

and byomon being a little warmer, going to meiko just because shes a cunt at this point, like now shes just being a dick, and generally everyone just walking around having a grand ol time. i guess its nice, and cool and all...but it drags ON FOR TOO LONG WE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF CALM WHEN YOU HAD ONE ACTION SCENE TROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!!! and just generally....just stuff that goes NOWHERE!! like that train scene???? literally filler. was it a trowback to 02 where agumon came back on the train after being with the dark master?? i dont know!! fuck!!

then expositionmon comes, and its vague, and leaves. and then whatever anyway

meikomon cries and when she gets back to meiko again she tries to slit her troat, and meiko supringly tells her that she isnt good.....wow..thats nice. but they reuine and FINALLY gennai arrives again. in his kaiser disguise. why does he have that avatar to go back and forth troughout the world? why did he chose to use kaiser?? my guess is just to be a dick to the others, because thats the only good explanation at this point. 

and sora does say “oh hi ken please dont” but thats it. im sorry but at this point, the 02 kids are oficcially dead and gone. there is no logical explanation to why they act like this anymore. none that are actually good. forget about them, the others have. just....forget about it.

so distortions appear again and everyone reunites again, because hell we needed SOME explanation to them meeting again. so action happens, and everything is nice and fine and then gennai just

hes so insane im kind of liking it..... ANYWAY stuff happens and so they run away while gennai talks to them about some answers to our questions, which they might not hear because of the BIG HEAVY  STOMPS AND ROARS from the digimons but whatever... yuggrasil i dont remember who is and at this point i just wanted the movie to be over, so this last part, there isnt much to say because i liked it.

however sora getting BTFO by a giant mountain and machinedramons claw should have killed her, but nah whatever. and the scene with tai and matt drowning??? i jsut... dont understand it. what the fuck happened??? why did they just not drown anymore?? what?????? did the power of magic save them or somethin? I DONT GET IT!! and i mean...they should have drowned at that point jfc 

then half the movie is the digimon digivolving and now im so god damn sick of writing, but meikomon fucks everything up again and NOW IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! REEEEEEEEEEEEE

SOOOO yeah thats it...the movie was slow, boring, fun, and overall awkwards. the kids had ALMOST no personality, and the scenes that the movie advertized, like the conflict with sora, tai and matt was nonexistant, and just....i myself, and a lot of people, are fucking dissapointed.

if you read this far, thank you. but i have no big hypes for the rest of the movies anymore because the shitty animation, no facial expressions, crappy storytelling, boring character interactions, and MEIKO makes me hate these movies more and more...........and that makes me sad.

[fabledtactician]

got tagged by @norwidki that asshole im supposed to study but lbr ill do anything to avoid it B^)

[Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!]

1. Are you named after someone? 

nope im named after marzipan lol

2. When was the last time you cried? 

WHEN I FINISHED FFXV BOY THE TEARS WERE COUNTLESS

3. Do you like your handwriting? 

when i try it looks kinds nice but my letters always slip up and down i cant write in a nice straight line, also the thing is, i rarely even try so usually its just an ugly mess

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? 

what the fuck is lunch meat anyway my fav meat is chicken

5. Do you have kids? 

yes i have a cat her name is seven and shes a lil shit but i LOVE her

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? 

see thats a tricky question bc on one hand WOW finally someone who understands me almost 100% but on the other hand. im a shit friend as is and im p sure i would annoy the living shit out of me so. probably not

7. Do you use sarcasm? 

BOY DO I :) even my mom keeps calling me out on that

8. Do you still have your tonsils? 

uhhhhh yeah

9. Would you bungee jump? 

probably not, if it wasnt upside down id consider it but im too poor anyway

10. What is your favorite kind of cereal? 

corn flakes

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? 

NEVER unless theyre like tight ass sneakers that wont come off if i dont, but usually i wear big comfy shoes that just slide right off, or zipped boots so no problem with laces here

12. Do you think you’re a strong person? 

lmao no, neither physically nor emotionally nor any other way tbh im a limp noodle and my heart is glass

13. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? 

vanilla or chocolate chip

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? 

hair and sometimes overall aesthetic or shape idk if it makes sense??? anyway i dont remember faces until ive met a person 10+ times so i usually go by hair which is. hell

15. Red or pink? 

ehhhhhhh both are okay but not rly my faves

16. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? 

i think my face doesnt rly match the rest of my body like i look in the mirror and its just my face? NICE when its everything but my face? DAMN NIIICE but combined?? it looks weird its kinda like a mismatched dressup doll

17. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? 

my cool ass edgy grey pants and big beige fluffy xmas slippers, theyre so warm and comfy, ideal for this shit winter

18. What was the last thing you ate? 

scrambled eggs with sausage and a sandwich, finally a fancy breakfast on saturday

19. What are your listening to right now? 

FFXV OST WHAT ELSE

20. If you were a crayon what color would you be? 

teal

21. Favorite smell? 

fresh laundry and pool chlorine

22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? 

my dad called yesterday

23. Favorite sport to watch? 

figure skating obviously, the only sport i actually watch

24. Hair color? 

brown, i still have a greenish tuft on the side from the time i dyed my hair

25. Eye color? 

brown

26. Do you wear contacts? 

i wear glasses tho i can still see p well without them

27. Favorite food to eat? 

noodles, chicken, fried veggies, some cool sauce, lots of spices

28. Scary movies or comedy? 

i dont like either, i mean i sure like to laugh but most of comedies are.... uhhhhh not rly funny theyre embarrassing to watch

tho i gotta say i watched the shining with friends on halloween and it was hilarious so yeah scary movies sure are fun

29. Last movie you watched? 

........barbie fairytopia trilogy, dont even ask

30. What color shirt are you wearing? 

i think its some greenish brown, im not sure, what am i, an art student? NOT ANYMORE HA

31. Summer or winter? 

SUMMER ALL THE WAY, FUCK WINTER, WINTER NEEDS TO DIE

32. Hugs or kisses? 

uhhh hugs, and even that has to be very specific, like, a hello or goodbye hug is VERY GOOD, excited tight hug is GREAT, huggin while lying down is nice but very uncomfy for longer then a few minutes, rest is kinda ehh

33. What book are you currently reading? 

me? BOOKS? lol

34. Who do you miss right now? 

ehh no one really

35. What is on your mouse pad? 

i have a shitty bootleg star wars mousepad that i won on some convention, my mom stole my nice one with a turtle

36. What is the last TV program you watched? 

i dont remember, i think we watched some music channel on new years? AND THERE WAS RICKROLL

37. What is the best sound? 

ENTIRE ORCHESTRA PLAYING SOME LIT TRACK and well a sound of a cat chewing on wet food is oddly satisfying

38. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? 

beatles, theyre fun to sing along to, especially when youre studying and want to die

39. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? 

madrid on a school trip, ill prolly never travel any further bc im broke and i hate moving my ass someplace i dont know

40. Do you have a special talent? 

uhhhh idk i draw fast???? doesnt mean its good quality but. well fast

41. Where were you born? 

cracow a pretty city, tho polluted beyond measures, literally

ok that it idk who do tag JUST DO IT