#if ted

[ninjaturtlecosmo]

Might one day make some posts on some headcanons about the IFs previous lives, but since I shared my headcanon in a couple posts that IFs were originally humans, I thought I'd get a little dark here and share my headcanons on how each IF in the movie probably died in their past lives xD

CW: Some of these deaths might get a little disturbing, so proceed with caution..... or don't read if certain ways to die are too much for you to read about.

Calvin- Was likely a circus performer in his past life. He was a tightrope walker, but somehow he slipped on the line which caused him to fall to his death, dying as soon as he hit the ground

Blue- A baker who ran a beloved small business in his past life, but one day his shop was robbed by a couple of bank robbers. When he tried to reason with the robbers, he ended up being shot in the head

Lewis- Probably had the least traumatic of everyone's deaths, having died peacefully of old age before one day finding himself reincarnated as a giant teddy bear. He was actually a priest in his life as a human, but after his kid forgot him in his current life, he received what he felt was a calling from God to start a home for IFs looking for a new after after their kids forgot them. (A/N: I'm not really religious, but parts of religion have always fascinated me, so I like to incorporate it into my work if I think it fits a specific story)

Blossom- Was a ballerina in her past life, and one that was adored all throughout Europe, but one day during a performance, she slipped somehow and ended up falling off the stage, breaking her neck and dying on impact.

Art Teacher and Star- They were both lovers in their past lives together, somewhere in the 80s. Art Teacher was an artist of course, and Star was a musician that played local shows in Illinois. They lived together and were going to get married, but one day a group of home invaders broke into their house to rob them, Star getting severely beaten and stabbed as Art tried to save her, but the latter ended up thrown out of a window from their apartment that was about 3 stories high up..... Art died from the fall, and Star later died in the hospital from her wounds. (A/N: if you've seen The Crow, yes, that movie inspired me for this. Not the new one thar just came out, the original one with Brandon Lee)

Sunny- Was a therapist in his past life, but despite all the help he gave to his patients, he suffered from severe depression and had no one to talk to about his own issues..... He ended up losing his battle to his demons and taking his own life in his office.

Cosmo- Was a cop in his past life, and when he ended up helping to save a group of kids from a hostage situation, he ended up taking multiple bullets from the criminal he was after, dying from all his wounds.

Pop- A woman in her past life who worked in an office and suffered severe social anxiety. She was mugged one day in the streets and ended up being stabbed after having all her valuables stolen.

Uni- A cheerful woman in her past life who worked with kids and always got joy out of what she did, but sadly she died in a hospital of a terminal illness

Spaceman- Was an actual astronaut in his past life that one day was boarding a rocket ship to head to space with his crew..... but a malfunction in the ship caused it to explode before take off, killing everyone on board.

Ted the ice cube- Somehow got stranded out in a desert island, likely spent hours walking in a wasteland to find help, only to eventually die of thirst and heat exhaustion.

Banana- Was someone who always loved exercise, went out running almost every day.... He lived in Florida though, and one day he got too close to a lake on one of his jogs and got mauled by an alligator.

Steven the slime- Died by drowning in his hometown of Spokane

Marshmallow- Burned to death when he got caught up in a fire

Octocat- Was a professional marine biologist who went scuba diving under the water for her work.... Sadly she ended up losing her life under water when an octopuss got spooked by her and managed to strangle her to death

Magician Mouse- A Magician who performed in Las Vegas, he decided to have one of his shows feature a snake..... but sadly that snake bit and immediately killed him on the stage with its venom.

Andromedus III- An author who wrote ghost stories and medival stories, but he died of a heart attack before finishing the final book of his most recent series

Guardian Dog- An actor who was starring in a superhero movie, but production was canceled after a prop weapon somehow ended up actually killing him on the set on accident

Ally- A professional wildlife expert, she went into a swamp in Australia for her studies, only to be mauled to death by a Crocodile

Gummy- A woman in her past life that ran a candy shop, but she had a lonely life that caused her to turn to binge eating sugar for comfort at night.... this ended up being the cause of her death when all the sugar in her system eventually caused her to go into a diabetic coma and die.

Robot- A technician who worked endlessly to make technology that he hoped would change the world for the better instead of being used to make humans more dependent on technology and be another victim of corporate greed..... He had an invention that he was certain would help others, of which the invention and its functions remains unknown..... but whatever it was was enough for his higher ups in the company he worked for to have him shot and killed so they could take all the credit.

[kingcatnine]

we are never making it out of the cave

[victusinveritas]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Cary Elwes is known for WHAT

Ted Cruz is a fan OF WHAT

WHAT NOW

[zealockthegreat]

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i'm a big fan of tv shows where they do an episode from the POV of a side character and they're living in a completely different genre than the main character

[bearloonz]

hahaha….. they are friends :)

[notbecauseofvictories]

A customer contacted our team with questions, and then finished their email with: "I am daunted by the complexities and unknowns." I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

[reasonsforhope]

When self-described “ocean custodian” Boyan Slat took the stage at TED 2025 in Vancouver this week, he showed viewers a reality many of us are already heartbreakingly familiar with: There is a lot of trash in the ocean.

“If we allow current trends to continue, the amount of plastic that’s entering the ocean is actually set to double by 2060,” Slat said in his TED Talk, which will be published online at a later date. 

Plus, once plastic is in the ocean, it accumulates in “giant circular currents” called gyres, which Slat said operate a lot like the drain of the bathtub, meaning that plastic can enter these currents but cannot leave.

That’s how we get enormous build-ups like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, a giant collection of plastic pollution in the ocean that is roughly twice the size of Texas.

As the founder and CEO of The Ocean Cleanup, Slat’s goal is to return our oceans to their original, clean state before 2040. To accomplish this, two things must be done.

First: Stop more plastic from entering the ocean. Second: Clean up the “legacy” pollution that is already out there and doesn’t go away by itself.

And Slat is well on his way.

Pictured: Kingston Harbour in Jamaica. Photo courtesy of The Ocean Cleanup Project

When Slat’s first TEDx Talk went viral in 2012, he was able to organize research teams to create the first-ever map of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. From there, they created a technology to collect plastic from the most garbage-heavy areas in the ocean.

“We imagined a very long, u-shaped barrier … that would be pushed by wind and waves,” Slat explained in his Talk. 

This barrier would act as a funnel to collect garbage and be emptied out for recycling. 

But there was a problem.

“We took it out in the ocean, and deployed it, and it didn’t collect plastic,” Slat said, “which is a pretty important requirement for an ocean cleanup system.��

Soon after, this first system broke into two. But a few days later, his team was already back to the drawing board. 

From here, they added vessels that would tow the system forward, allowing it to sweep a larger area and move more methodically through the water. Mesh attached to the barrier would gather plastic and guide it to a retention area, where it would be extracted and loaded onto a ship for sorting, processing, and recycling. 

It worked. 

“For 60 years, humanity had been putting plastic into the ocean, but from that day onwards, we were also taking it back out again,” Slat said, with a video of the technology in action playing on screen behind him.

To applause, he said: “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, honestly.”

Over the years, Ocean Cleanup has scaled up this cleanup barrier, now measuring almost 2.5 kilometers — or about 1.5 miles — in length. And it cleans up an area of the ocean the size of a football field every five seconds.

Pictured: The Ocean Cleanup's System 002 deployed in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Photo courtesy of The Ocean Cleanup

The system is designed to be safe for marine life, and once plastic is brought to land, it is recycled into new products, like sunglasses, accessories for electric vehicles, and even Coldplay’s latest vinyl record, according to Slat. 

These products fund the continuation of the cleanup. The next step of the project is to use drones to target areas of the ocean that have the highest plastic concentration. 

In September 2024, Ocean Cleanup predicted the Patch would be cleaned up within 10 years. 

However, on April 8, Slat estimated “that this fleet of systems can clean up the Great Pacific Garbage Patch in as little as five years’ time.”

With ongoing support from MCS, a Netherlands-based Nokia company, Ocean Cleanup can quickly scale its reliable, real-time data and video communication to best target the problem. 

It’s the largest ocean cleanup in history.

But what about the plastic pollution coming into the ocean through rivers across the world? Ocean Cleanup is working on that, too. 

To study plastic pollution in other waterways, Ocean Cleanup attached AI cameras to bridges, measuring the flow of trash in dozens of rivers around the world, creating the first global model to predict where plastic is entering oceans.

“We discovered: Just 1% of the world’s rivers are responsible for about 80% of the plastic entering our oceans,” Slat said.

His team found that coastal cities in middle-income countries were primarily responsible, as people living in these areas have enough wealth to buy things packaged in plastic, but governments can’t afford robust waste management infrastructure. 

Ocean Cleanup now tackles those 1% of rivers to capture the plastic before it reaches oceans.

Pictured: Interceptor 007 in Los Angeles. Photo courtesy of The Ocean Cleanup

“It’s not a replacement for the slow but important work that’s being done to fix a broken system upstream,” Slat said. “But we believe that tackling this 1% of rivers provides us with the only way to rapidly close the gap.”

To clean up plastic waste in rivers, Ocean Cleanup has implemented technology called “interceptors,” which include solar-powered trash collectors and mobile systems in eight countries worldwide.

In Guatemala, an interceptor captured 1.4 million kilograms (or over 3 million pounds) of trash in under two hours. Now, this kind of collection happens up to three times a week.

“All of that would have ended up in the sea,” Slat said.

Now, interceptors are being brought to 30 cities around the world, targeting waterways that bring the most trash into our oceans. GPS trackers also mimic the flow of the plastic to help strategically deploy the systems for the most impact.

“We can already stop up to one-third of all the plastic entering our oceans once these are deployed,” Slat said.

And as soon as he finished his Talk on the TED stage, Slat was told that TED’s Audacious Project would be funding the deployment of Ocean Cleanup’s efforts in those 30 cities as part of the organization’s next cohort of grantees. 

While it is unclear how much support Ocean Cleanup will receive from the Audacious Project, Head of TED Chris Anderson told Slat: “We’re inspired. We’re determined in this community to raise the money you need to make that 30-city project happen.”

And Slat himself is determined to clean the oceans for good.

“For humanity to thrive, we need to be optimistic about the future,” Slat said, closing out his Talk.

“Once the oceans are clean again, it can be this example of how, through hard work and ingenuity, we can solve the big problems of our time.”

-via GoodGoodGood, April 9, 2025

[bitesizedpoetry]

Sylvia Plath, aged 29, after discovering her husband's affair, in a letter to Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse Beuscher, her former psychiatrist (dated Friday, 20 July 1962)

[captain-price-unofficially]

I have always dreamed of interviewers asking basic questions of the killer clowns who run America. I can't believe it took Tucker Carlson to do it.

I’ve heard Cruz talk about deposing “the mullahs” for 13 years straight. During the 2016 GOP primary, he said he wanted to see if “sand glows in the dark.” You’d figure he’d learn some basic facts about the main villain in his moral universe in that time

[orgasming-caterpillar]

"fuck it we ball" is for stress about the future "it is what it is" is for stress about the past and "this too shall pass" is for stress about the present thank you for coming to my TED talk

[nessa007]

Ted Lasso + The Wizard of Oz

[nick-nellson]

TED LASSO 2.10 No Weddings and a Funeral