#if this gets out

[fxnfiction]

presenting: my 2023 year of reading queer literature (part 1).

next few months focus will be on sapphic books, so swing over some recommendations!

enjoy my funky commentary, im in a weird mood. all my opinions!

[i-like-books-and-women]

Oh other detail I forgot about Geoff (hot take? His name is spelled dumb and it makes me hate him more) but Angel says when they find out about the list that he's not on it because "they don't think and asian guy can be hot" (paraphrasing) and Jon says "dad thinks he can't be racist cause he married a black woman". So extra reason to hate Geoff

[zaachknight]

I now have a hatred for insta posts and I really hate this but it took me 3 days so

[starsforhours]

ughhfhghgh I have so many headcannons to do with the Saturday songs in the book i need my brain taken away from me

[notxherex07]

Oh wowza.. you guys really liked the castle.. here's the eggs. Very smol. Also made of clay. Saw cups coming soon

Ignore the pumpkin...

[shhh-shooting-stars]

I love how there’s a maximum of 10-15 people in the Itgo fandom and we have collectively made enough headcannons to create another book, and there’s about 40 fanfics on Ao3 under the Itgo tag. I’m suprised the fandoms still alive but I’m living for it

[azrantimes]

Currently reading If This Gets Out (ITS SO GOOD MAN) and Ruben mentioned wanting to move away from his mom, to Santa Monica specifically so now I need to find a way to edit him with Chappell Roan's Pink Pony Club somehow

[thepeculiarbird]

I've been drawing a lot of itgo fanarts recently.

[vaampiricdecay]

was looking through old pics for a thing for college and I just realised that I've done a full 360 in like 10 years lmfao. 7 year old me loved silly little boyband one direction, 17 year old me loves silly little fictional boyband saturday

[rubenmontez]

Ruben's arc

I'll shut up soon, but I keep thinking about how Ruben is the quiet tragedy in If This Gets Out. There are so many comments about his life that are dropped in and left there.

Like, he was raised by an emotionally abusive narcissist and a father who never stood up for him against her. He went to music camp to please his mom, and makes friends with a guy (Jon) on her orders. Because of this, he ends up in the band formed by Jon's famous father, where he is forced to hide his sexuality when he doesn't want to, and limit his own talent in case he outshines the other band members. He dates a bunch of guys that abuse him the same way his mother did, treating him as something they can use for their own gains, and is (alluded to) SAd or close to it when he's forced to do things for them in order to keep them and their "love".

Then he finally finds something real with the guy he has feelings for (Zach) and Zach immediately freaks out and pulls away, leaving Ruben terrified he's going to lose his whole found family. He's incredibly anxious and afraid because he's spent his whole life being told he's not lovable if he isn't perfect and doing things for other people. Zach (accidentally) calls Ruben ugly in front of the world, while ignoring him (imagine kissing your crush, only to have him pull away, promise to talk then continually cancel your attempts to work through it, and then telling the world they can't see why people would find you attractive!) My heart broke at that part.

Then they finally work things out and he finally gets a moment of happiness, for probably the first time in his life, and abusive people in power (the story of his life) start interfering and separating him and Zach. To add to it, he's been begging to come out so he doesn't have to sneak around and lie and be afraid (which is another layer of trauma) every time he loves someone, and he finally discovers they're never going to let him come out, and he has to sacrifice his own happiness and wellbeing for the band. Then when the band rally around him and try to help him come out anyway, he's literally and figuratively silenced by his abusers, who then take him to court for 'defamation' when all he's doing is finally speaking out about the years of abuse he's endured.

I also found it very smart how the authors juxtapose Zach and Ruben, because most characters view Zach as the people-pleaser, but Ruben has that in common with Zach. The whole book, Ruben allows himself to be silenced and shoved into a corner for the band, allows his literal identity to be denied for the band, gives Zach plenty of grace to work through his bisexuality even when it crosses over into cruelty sometimes, allows his Mom to emotionally abuse him while still buying her property etc... Ruben's toxic trait of people pleasing is called out less than Zach's but it's as much at the heart of his arc as it is Zach's. In a way, two people-pleasers found each other and were so horrified at each other's insistence on neglecting themselves, they managed to convince each other to stand up for themselves. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[unsupervisedreader]

I'm new to this Fandom! I love it so far! I'm on like chapter 6 right now. I'm reading it per a friend's suggestion. OMGGGG!!

[i-like-books-and-women]

Jon stress bakes. That's it thats the post.

[zaachknight]

zach is truly the type of struggling person to say "alright I'm going to bed" and then as soon as he shuts the door you hear the world is ugly by mcr blasting

[coral-shark-frend]

I had a final in acting it was a monologue and it could be from a book. And I chose from if this gets out Angels runaway monolog before he gets hit by the car

[starsforhours]

Ok but like what IS Ruben's aesthetic and what clothes does he like???

We know Jon likes to dress more on the modest side - im picturing dark academia, Angel likes to be a more revealing - for him I picture like 70's glam/stage wear, and Zach loves emo culture, but what about Ruben? His Galatic/Chorus costume was a soft dark academia boy, but what does he really like to wear? I feel like despite being one of the main characters, the book doesn't go too deep into this???

[vampfaangz]

sketchy-ish zuben fanart! not the most proud of this, but it wasn't going anywhere else so :)

pssst - I have a if this gets out blog @zaachknight ;3