#if you enter that kind of convo EXPECT to be challenged

[tadghtree]

I just saw the longest post in which an atheist complained about basically…atheism not being treated with as much respect to just “be” as other religions.

I know I am human and I definitely have bias, but I’ve been many religions and really tried my best to fit those roles- and it just felt. Really lost on me that someone could go on for so long about not wanting discourse about religion brought to them, when bringing up atheism in other religious spaces.

“What I believe directly contradicts what you believe and I want to talk about it” means that you have to be willing to get response? And if you are not, why are you starting those conversations?

I guess I was just really annoyed I spent so long reading a post in which someone was yelling about wanting, a better and different level of respect than pretty much all people get. If you enter the realm of religious discourse, you have to be ready for the discourse part. It LIVES THERE.

TLDR;

I spent too much time reading someone’s rant about wanting to get into conversations about religion without being challenged about religion and their personal beliefs. That’s just not how conversations go???

[13witchbook]

Diary of a Socially Awkward Introvert, or How I Ended Up in a Dark Romance Book Club — Part One

So, I’m the kind of person who absolutely cannot talk on camera. Like, at all. And yet, for some reason, I decided to start a blog. Why not, I thought — it’s a great way to share my thoughts. If I actually end up having anything to share, that is. For now, here’s my very first entry. The topic? My very first (!) book club. And not just any club — oh no — more like, “What was I thinking?”

This isn’t your average book club. It’s extravagant. The theme? 18+ books, dark romance, everything that’s supposed to trigger, provoke questions, moral dilemmas, and the occasional “Wait, WHAT did I just read?”

And the first book we discussed? The Butcher and the Black Bird.

Yeah. The title alone made me sweat a little. You get me?

The first thing that blew my mind — the theories. These girls were out there weaving full-on spy-level conspiracy webs. I was sitting there thinking, No way! But then — damn, it actually made sense. Why didn’t I think of that?! Total shock and awe. Me — a lifelong skeptic — sat there with my mouth open like those TikToks: “Girls, are you actual oracles or what?”

And now — a little drop of tar in this dark ‘n’ dramatic cocktail. Because what’s a good story without a pinch of pain, right?

I’m an introvert. Not just any introvert — the type my sister lovingly calls a “bed walrus.” (Thanks, sis.)

For me, social outings are borderline heroic acts. And since none of my close friends read the same twisted stuff I do, finding like-minded people? That’s a quest. And yes, the internet is great and all, but it just doesn’t replace real human connection. It’s easier, sure — you send a meme, get a like, and that’s it. Silence.

So I thought: enough! I’m joining a book club. And I did.

And then… I got lost.

Because of course I didn’t double-check the location like a responsible adult. I messaged the group chat — and shoutout to the girls, they were absolute sweethearts: sent me the link, even a screenshot of the map. I got all emotional. Almost stopped panicking. Almost.

Found the bar… and that’s when things got interesting.

You should’ve seen the entrance — a dark alley, basement vibes, straight out of a “come closer — don’t be scared, enter — and maybe cry” kind of scene. If I hadn’t known it was a book club, I’d have guessed it was a cult or an illegal antique absinthe society.

I went in. Noise, laughter, lots of girls, cocktails… and total ignoring. I said “hi” — no one cared.

Cue massive awkwardness. My brain: Why did I come here?!

I grabbed my nerves, exhaled, told myself: Okay, too early to bail.

I approached a group, smiled, asked where I could sit. No reply.

And then came the inner monologue: Cool. Got it. I’m invisible.

Two girls on the side finally noticed me — smiled and said I could sit anywhere. I almost cried. I wasn’t a ghost!

I sat down, looked around — everyone already knew each other. Cliques, inside jokes, shared history.

And there I was — the brand new kettle in a room full of fancy coffee machines.

No one tried to include me. Not even a smile.

And honestly, that hurt.

When you work up the courage to crawl out of your shell and you’re met with silence — it stings.

I’m not expecting a welcome parade. But in other clubs — whether it’s embroidery or gaming — people at least say hi, crack a joke, pull you into the convo. Here? Brick wall.

If you’re an introvert, going alone? Prepare for a challenge.

Conclusion? Next time I’m bringing someone with me.

Even if it’s just a pillow for emotional support.

One more of these solo experiences and I’m out for good.

Besides… I can always read the books by myself.

But hey — the cocktail was great. Non-alcoholic.

The girl behind the bar? Absolute queen.

[arrowflier]

Prompt: Mickey apologizes to one of their neighbours for something that clearly wasn't his fault just to make Ian(who's in his people pleaser mode) happy. Later, Ian realises how Mickey was right all along and feels bad about the whole thing and they talk. Basically them having a mature convo at the end

Ian heard the shouting as soon as he stepped out into the courtyard. Mickey had come down earlier to take a quick dip, and Ian was hoping to join him and relax together for a while.

But based on the way his husband and one of their neighbors were yelling right then, that clearly wasn't in the cards.

Ian sighed, and closed his eyes briefly. Was it really too much to ask that Mickey get along with the people in their building? He didn't even have to make friends, he just had to not be an asshole to everyone he met.

A particularly loud shout--something about children, and language, and have some common decency--forced Ian out of his reflections and toward the apparent catastrophe that was Mickey in public.

“Dammit, Mickey,” he muttered under his breath as he rounded the last corner and brought the pool into view.

Sure enough, Mickey was there.  He stood at the edge of the shallow end of the pool, like he had just hoisted himself out, water droplets still lingering on his sculpted arms and chest.  His arms were raised and held out to the side in challenge as he blustered on about public space, and freedom of speech, and I’ll do you one worse lady, just you watch just inches away from a middle-aged woman that looked like she had stepped out of a lululemon ad.

Ian was pretty sure it was the same woman who had stopped him at the elevators last week to ask him to “keep it down up there”.  They really didn’t need to cause more trouble with her; Mickey had them on thin ice already when his response to Ian relaying that request was to play loud, bass-thumping music while riding Ian into the floor for effect.

She hadn't met his eyes since.

"What's going on here?" Ian interrupted, coming up behind Mickey and settling a hand on the back of his husband's neck.

"This lady was tryin to--" Mickey cut off when Ian squeezed and released that hand in warning. Mickey glowered at him, but shut his mouth.

"Your husband," the woman said with a glare at Mickey, "was setting a bad example for my nephew."

Looking around for the aforementioned child, Ian sighed when he saw a little boy staring at them all from a pool lounger with wide eyes.

"We're sorry, Mrs...," he trailed off, but she didn't bother to fill in the blank for him, instead just raising her eyebrows and tapping her sandaled foot expectantly.

"Uh, anyway, it won't happen again," Ian finished awkwardly. "Right, Mick?"

"Are you kidding me, Gallagher?" Mickey asked, incredulous.

"I expect a direct apology from your husband," the woman demanded at the same time.

Ian raised his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, and gave Mickey a little shake when the other man didn't speak up.

"Come on, Mick, just do it," Ian muttered.

After a tense moment, Mickey did.

"Fucking fine," he hissed at Ian, ignoring their neighbor's sharp intake of breath at the curse. "I'm fucking sorry, alright?," he directed at her, before pulling out of Ian's hold to face him.

"You happy now?" he asked, before turning and stomping off to go inside.

The effect was dampened by the soft slapping sound of his bare feet hitting the pavement, leaving behind wet marks on the concrete. Ian and the woman watched him go with drastically different expressions: one with disgust, and one with concern.

"I do hope you'll keep your man in line better in the future," the woman groused at Ian, but he wasn't really listening.

"Yeah, sure," he answered absently. "Excuse me, I just gotta..."

And then he was scooping up the towel and shoes Mickey had left behind, and hurrying after his husband.

---

"Mickey?" Ian called out hesitantly as he entered their apartment. Other than a couple of damp patches on the floor, there was no sign of Mickey anywhere.

Then Ian heard the shower start, and set Mickey's things down next the door to follow the sound.

Mickey's wet trunks were pooled on the cold tile floor, the shower curtain pulled tight from wall to wall. The splash of water bouncing from flesh to the acrylic tub echoed through the room.

"Mickey?" Ian asked softly, taking a step past the open door. "Mick, you in here?"

He heard a snort over the sound of the water, the curtain moving as Mickey's arm jostled it from inside.

"No, it's your other husband, Sherlock," Mickey answered, an odd tone in his voice. "You know, the one you listen to before you take some random bitch's side."

Ian winced. Okay, Mickey was mad, then.

Moving further into the room, Ian closed the lid of the toilet and turned to sit on it, elbows on knees.

"Sorry," he offered briefly. "But she had a point Mick, there are kids here--"

The water stopped abruptly, and the curtain pulled back to reveal Mickey’s face.  His hair flopped wetly over his forehead, water still sluicing down the middle of his face, and he scowled as he brushed it away with the back of a dripping hand.

“Kid, huh?” he questioned  “So I need to go get my fucking tattoos removed because some random kid might see ‘em?”

Ian blinked.

“Wait,” he said slowly, mind trying to figure out what he was missing.  “What?” then scoffed when Ian just watched him.

Mickey just scoffed.  

“You don’t even know what she was yellin’ about, do you?” he asked rhetorically. “I didn’t say a damn word to her or that sniveling brat she brought with her,” he revealed.  “They took one fucking look at me, saw the words on my knuckles, and off she went on her little fucking tirade.”

“Shit, Mickey,” Ian started, but Mickey wasn’t done.

“Don’t you act like it matters,” he growled.  “You care more about playing nice than payin’ attention, and don’t pretend that after all these years you don’t still assume I’m always the fuckin’ problem.”

Fuck.  Ian had really screwed this one up.

“Mickey,” he repeated, more firmly, standing and stepping closer to the shower.  Ian took the shower curtain in one hand and tugged it further to the side.  Mickey shivered in the influx of cool air, looking more like a disgruntled cat mid-bath than an angry man.

“Mickey,” Ian said again, softer, and stepped over the lip of the tub so that nothing was between them.  He took Mickey into his arms, his husband putting up a token resistance before settling against him with a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Ian whispered into his wet hair, ignoring the patches of water soaking through his clothes.  “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

Mickey hummed into his chest, not looking up.  “You kind of did, though,” he mutters.  “Every time somebody’s got a problem with me, you act like it’s my fault.”

Silence, for just a moment.

“Yeah,” Ian finally agreed, stroking a hand down Mickey’s bare back.  “Yeah, I need to work on that.”

He pulled back, made Mickey meet his eyes.  Mickey was no longer glaring, and his eyes were dry, but there was still something off about the way he met Ian’s gaze.

“You know I don’t really think that, though, right?” Ian asked, disheartened when Mickey didn’t offer a response.

“I don’t, Mickey,” he said earnestly.  “I love you, and you’ve been trying so hard--”

“Shouldn’t fuckin’ have to try,” Mickey murmured, and oh.

“No, you shouldn’t,” Ian rephrased.  “And I’m sorry I’m always making you feel like you do, too.”

Mickey moved back farther, and Ian’s arms dropped loosely back to his sides.  His fingers itched to reach out again, but he got the feeling Mickey needed some space.

“Okay,” Mickey said.  “Get outa here so I can finish.”

Ina obeyed, stepping out of the tub and moving toward the door, but he turned back before he left the room.

“When you’re done, come into the bedroom, alright?” he asked quietly.  “I’ve got an idea to get back at that asshole woman.”

“Apology or not,” Mickey said wryly, “I don’t think I’m on the mood to fuck you right now, Ian.”

Ian just smirked. 

“Not what I had in mind,” he said.  “Now hurry it up, I think you’re gonna like my plan.”

---

About twenty minutes later, after the shower had started and stopped again and Mickey had had a moment to gather himself and get dressed, Mickey walked into the bedroom and stopped still.

Ian was sitting on their bed, fully dressed, but that wasn’t what had Mickey startled.  No, it was the fact that right in front of him was a huge stereo with old school speakers, the ones that used to be downstairs in the communal lounge area, with Ian’s phone sitting right on top.

“What’s all this?” Mickey asked, and Ian grinned.

“So she doesn’t like profanity, huh?” he said.  “Well I found a favorite new song.”

Mickey started to grin himself as he caught on to the plan.  Ian stood and pushed one of the speakers a little closer to the vents in their floor, angling it so the sound would bounce right down into the apartment below.  Then he tapped a few things on his phone, cranked the volume, and let harsh base and more expletives than Mickey had ever heard in a piece of music fill the room.

Mickey laughed.  Ian held out a hand, like he was asking for a dance, and turned the music up even louder.

Shaking his head at his husband’s antics, Mickey took the proffered hand, and let Ian spin him to the sound of their bitchy neighbor losing her mind below them.

[badedramay]

catching up on your blog and your long post about aryan becoming the protagonist of the show, applause emoji!!!!!i really hope it's true MV is leaving, and even if it's not at least it's finally propelling the revenge track forward, i like you and everyone else, really just hope it doesn't undo everything about aryan bc why even bother!

Honestly I am not fully onboard this current track because of this show's tendency to sacrifice everything in favor of Imlie's mahanta. I know Aryan has already quite confidently claimed that Imlie will come to the same conclusion as him once she's done investigating that Aditya did play a major part in Arvind's death. But on the other hand we have Imlie's unwavering trust that Aditya could never do such a thing and that there's another conspiracy at play here. So, I do believe we are heading towards a Nalla whitewash or Aryan realizing that his anger has been misplaced all these years.

The latter I find more plausible because since day1, Aryan has been so alone in his "revenge" fire. NarPita have already moved on. Arpita barely remembers her dead husband. Every convo Aryan has had with anyone regarding the past concludes in Aryan being told to move on. Except he refuses to. So like...with no one in the show on Aryan's side and only the audience supporting his quest for closure...I can't help but think if maybe we are expecting too much?

IF Nalla does end up getting a clean chit then you are right, it does undo a LOT of what made Aru, Aryan. The show lacks a villain powerful enough for our protagonist to challenge..BD/BM don't count. they are just jokes. Nalla could've been that villain but if MV leaving is true, then I don't think they'll bring ANOTHER actor to continue this character as all he's pretty much done in the show narrative vice. his own mother is against him now, kisi aur ka kya kehna?

My theory is they want to quickly give Nalla a clean chit..probably end the character on a shaheed note (him losing his life to save Imlie or Aryan and hence cleaning the paap of inadvertently causing Arvind's death + a final maafi from Imlie for all the shit she had to go through cuz of him) and then get in a new villain. Maybe Malini might return with a vengeance. Or some new business rival for the Rathores. they might phase of the Tripathis too and give that space to some new characters (which I find a bit unlikely to happen because this show has done a LOT of bad shit to keep the Tatti Ts relevant)

In alllll this, I don't see Aryan getting the revenge/closure he has been chasing. I like to believe that he is pushing Imlie towards the investigation because he wants her to get to the same conclusion as he did in a way that she won't have any doubts left in her about Nalla's part in the whole thing (Aryan knows that Imlie's trust on Nalla is far stronger than hers on him + she always chooses Nalla over him + she's the kind who believes what she sees instead of what she's told + Aryan isn't the person who begs for trust either in the form of answering her questions or speaking about his grief in detail) but there's a clear Aryan vs Imlie undertone in this whole track. Sure, Imlie is doing it all for Aryan and that much is very very clear BUT she's not exactly on her side. She isn't stepping in the fire with him, she's standing outside reaching in for the sake of pulling him out. And when it's the ML vs the FL, the FL will win.

Aryan wants Nalla punished. He's not interested in his apologies. He has made this very clear. But it's only Aryan who wants this. His mother doesn't and his sister definitely doesn't. His loss cannot be bigger than his sister's. Aryan just took it the hardest. Which is his flaw. As much as we want him to get all he wants, his fixation with Nalla as being the reason why Arvind died was never really the strongest part about this character. It was just a convenient way for Aryan to enter the story and be tied to the then main characters of the story. Words surely have power but one measly journalist cannot be the sole culprit behind a person's death. Whenever any journalist has misused the power of their pen, it's mostly done with someone else controlling them behind the curtains.

Have you watched the kdrama Pinocchio? It's a similar story. The ML blamed the FL's mother for the death of his family because of the media trial she runs against the ML's father which ends up tarnishing the reputation of the ML's family to the point of destruction. For years the ML has a rightful hatred towards the FL's mother for all the ratings-chasing-not-fully-verified reporting. However, later on the in the show it is revealed that she was practically bribed by some very powerful people to make the ML's father a scapegoat and get all the media's attention on him to bury a news that would affect the rich conglomerates.

If the Imlie writers are smart we might be getting a similar turn of events here. the FL's mother isn't whitewashed in Pinocchio, she does receive her due punishment for all her false reporting but it's also proven that she was ultimately just a pawn. the villains were someone else. Aryan can also be given a bigger villain to turn his attention towards once Nalla's chapter is closed.

Cuz ek baat toh proven hai - Nalla will NOT be turned into the Big Bad. at least the MV wala Nalla toh definitely not. and without that purpose, AKT has run out of reasons to stay in Imlie's life. ab toh uski beissti dekhne mein bhi woh maza nahin aata. so I am pretty much convinved he's gonna be swept out, given a dignified end, and then the real villain would be ushered in to keep the narrative going.

unless they bring in another replacement for Nalla phir toh Allah hi khair kare.

[7ella7]

Choosing submission.

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years.  We got together as teenagers and there’s a lot of love there, but it hasn’t been easy.  We semi-recently had a few fresh-start moments.  A cross-country move, some extremely beneficial marriage counseling, and a pandemic to bring us into the same space 24/7, and all three have been awesome. (I’m not saying the pandemic is awesome, just the extra time we get to spend together.)  

I recently got super vulnerable with him and shared that I want to submit to him.  I’ve always kind of known that I’ve been drawn to the idea of being subject to a man.  I like the idea of being told what to do, how he wants things done, when he wants things done, and being expected to meet his expectations or accept the consequences.  It would help me to know and understand what he wants/needs as well as give me some additional structure.  There are so many things I find appealing about this, but I don’t really understand why/where it comes from, but hopefully over time I’ll be able to understand it better myself.

I told him 2 weeks ago.  We’d been talking about our sex life and how to begin to really re-engage in that relationship aspect with one another after some challenges we’ve had.  I was reading some things online and eventually came across a podcast called Over The Knee and the tumblr pages of @amysubmits and @cynicaldom (Thank you both so much for writing).  It was like a lightbulb went off.  I’d read about domestic discipline before, years ago, and we had tried it for a couple months after we had gotten married, but the way I tried to live submission caused problems in our dynamic.  What I didn’t get from the DD sites back then was that it was okay (or necessary even) to still have my own thoughts/opinions/wants and to express them.  I think I was trying to focus only on what my husband needed/wanted, and push down I wanted/needed.  It seemed at the time like me sharing my wants/needs with him would somehow make my submission less real.  Then, when I listened to the OTK podcast and read their tumblr pages a couple weeks ago, I felt like I understood so much better how a real couple could actually do it successfully and showed me that a submissive partner is not the same a passive partner who lets the relationship and the Dominant partner’s wants and needs be the only thing that exists between them.  It’s a full relationship with active involvement and communication on both sides, but with a power exchange component.  They both make a point about how important it is for him to have that information from her.

It had been over 10 years since we had tried domestic discipline before.  The whole dynamic just kind of fizzled out pretty quickly due to the issues with how we tried to go about it.  We hadn’t talked about it since.  I was so nervous to talk about the idea of trying again that I started the convo through text message.  I sent the text, but we were both in the same room, so I went to clean something in the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye when he read it.  I built up my courage and went back in, but he was still watching TV.  He’d turned his phone on silent and didn’t get it for another hour and a half (it was low-key torture).  I would alternate between different tasks and watching TV with him, trying to relax about it, but feeling like that paragraph of a text message put so much of me out there that made it difficult to even breathe normally at certain points.  I was scared that he wouldn’t be interested at all and that it’d be shut down, but more than that, I was scared that he’d think I was weird and ultimately shut me down, not because he would be cruel about it, but because it had taken so much to be that vulnerable.  It could have been crushing.  I have a really hard time opening up about things like this, and I’m more than a little shy about things that tie into my sexuality.  Yes, even with my husband.  However, marriage counseling and a recent book I read have helped me to be able to make some important moves toward embracing vulnerability.

When he did get the message, he started by reading the tumblr pages, and we listened to an episode of their podcast.  When we talked about it later that afternoon, he actually said he liked a lot of the basic ideas, but he had a lot of questions for me about why, what motivations I had, what I ultimately wanted from the dynamic, etc.  It was a start.  We’ve had maybe 3-4 conversations about it in the last couple weeks, and yesterday we started discussing an initial agreement.  When I asked him what areas of our life he’d like to have authority in, he said he’d like to eventually have my submission in everything.  (It made my heart happy.)  The main things we discussed which areas of our life I’m ready to submit in fully (home life, sex life), and a couple that I am not ready to hand over yet (work life, food, clothes).  We’re trying to be intentional and start slow so we can kind of grow into this.  We also discussed a few rules and expectations that we’re interested in starting with.  We have plenty of ideas, but are starting slowly with 1-3 rules.  I haven’t seen the agreement yet, he’s in the process of writing it up (which also made me happy because he’s taking ownership of some of the process already).  So I wait.  I feel excited and happy and nervous and fluttery and tingly a lot lately.  We’re just at the beginning and we haven’t even officially entered an agreement, but I wanted to catch these events and feelings before we move further into the journey.

There’s like a million more things I could write, but here’s the bullet list for brevity’s sake- and maybe I’ll be able to revisit and expand on some of this later:

I am feeling nervous about diving in- I feel like I’ve wanted this for so long, but what happens if I’m a horrible submissive or really struggle with my stubbornness when it comes time to show my submission through my actions?

I have a markedly higher sex drive than I’ve had in years- I feel like I have the biggest crush on my husband.

Also, somehow while I’ve routinely hated doing things like dishes for the past... well forever I guess.  But when I think about doing them for him, it turns me on a little bit.  Idk if that’s a thing that lasts, but I would love it if that sticks around, haha.

I wonder about how he really feels about everything.  I know he LOVES the idea of traditional gender roles and he’s been clear about that for a long time, but I’m not sure where he falls on the idea of providing discipline.  Is that something he could end up eventually liking?  Maybe not the actual punishment itself, but the effects of it?  Idk.

I wonder how we’ll do- will we be able to avoid some of the problems we had in the beginning by being open communicators even when it’s hard?  Will he stay consistent with me?  Will we both feel the dynamic and value it enough to keep working on it over time?

I worry about being the spouse that brought it up.  I don’t want him to feel like he has to do this.  There are definitely things in his makeup that make me think he’ll be a natural.  I was drawn to him even in high school because he is a good and traditional man.  We share a lot of the same values.  I know a lot of his views align perfectly with this dynamic, but it’s asking a lot of someone to take on that Dominant role.  I just hope that he will find fulfillment there for himself, because I couldn’t continue to ask him to do it if it’s not something he decides on his own that he wants.

I am super happy that I found Tumblr and so many awesome blogs where people have shared so openly what their dynamic looks like.  It’s a great help to feel like there are others out there.

8 June 2020

[somnilogical]

they will never be as strong or as fast as i can be

copy/pasted from a convo:

<<somni: ive been exploiting being able to talk about everything vs miri/cfar cant do what i do bc if they did they would talk about how they are evil. it would all chain back.

somni: omg i can just post this to my blog because i can talk about my meta-strategy and it confers pretty much no relative advantage to miri/cfar. because 1 most of them have disassembled their agency so its like talking in front someone who works at the dmv about taking over the world and the ones that have any agency (basically just anna salamon) have to work with and coordinate via brokenness the masses that have and 2 feels secure in the way that saying ill use my soul as my weapon feels secure, like the power of this technique doesnt depend much on people not knowing im using it.>>

truth is entangled and lies contagious. justice is entangled and injustice contagious. in order to sustain their facade, miri/cfar had to chain back to lie about the principles of decision theory itself. lie about the organization structure of cfar, lie about miri's fundraiser. and so much more.

any series of reasoned claims they make will chain back to stuff thats false or injustice, because they seek to maintain a region of untruth and injustice.

so yeah, miri/cfar basically cant talk in public except in staid formalities infinitely pouring the same entropy of "these people are psychotic" "these people are infohazards" "do not read what they write" "stay the course" "everything is under control, do not panic" "i know my associates at miri/cfar, they are good people" "if you talk with these people you may become a rapist". but not actually able to manifest dynamic compute. to explain themselves they built their own personal room 101, filled with miri/cfar affiliates and formed a united front of gaslighting. deluks (author of that one rationalist blog where they worked to read and summarize all the others) talks about the kind of compute miri/cfar manifested:

<<deluks: I also updated a lot based on Bay Area safety discussion

idk if I have ever been in such a hostile environment for anyone trying to discuss making thigns safer

If you wanted to discuss how Anna et all were innocent people would happily chat with you

If you tried to discuss ideas for making things safer either you got silence

or people would be insanely hostle if you plausibly slipped up at all

or even seemed like you might have been not careful enough in how you phrased things

extremely careful -> no engagement at all//even slightly less care -> get dogpilled>>

they have picked up the optimization style of of cops, as alice maz described them:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

i can travel lots of places and regenerate truth and justice.

i can go to a trans support group in the bay and show them logs of what elle said and did and they can recognize the pattern of minority oppression, transmisogyny.

i can talk with uninvolved decision-theorists about why paying out to oneshot blackmail with subjunctive dependence because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail." is wrong. and why exploiting your subjunctive dependence as a udt agent to not pay out is right. they cant.

--

miri/cfar have to centrally coordinate on lies or they start crashing into each other. independently generating falsehoods in isolation makes them point in all directions.

independently generating and working off of truths allows everything to point in the same direction without needing to communicate. i can write this post and then idk maybe someone im algorithmically colluding with on this writes another post and they dont come out all distorted and skew with each other. this caches out in what looks from the outside as an uncanny ability to start dynamically colluding with people and output distinct strains of philosophy based on shared precepts.

interference with yourself looks like kelsey piper trying to claim that emma and somni are starting some sort of rape cult and anna and miri/cfar trying to claim we are naive victims of ziz's cult and ▘▕▜▋ claiming emma and somni are mindhacking ziz to make her bully them and jade nameless claiming im doing this to get a job at cfar and ...

since they make up their fake coordination points independently they smash into each other. if they want to coordinate over lots of people they then have to work out which of these they want to coordinate around in a sort of market of falsehoods. and have to arrange for it to not contradict any information anything people know. but they dont know all the information everyone knows, and they wont know it even after combing through lots of blogs and reading lots of discord chats.

when they try coordinating on falsehoods like this, its hard to get a coalition together in an environment where what people know is rapidly changing because a bunch of anarchist bloggers keep posting things in a bunch of places on a non-centrally controlled schedule determined by what seems like a good idea at the time to independent agents. and having lots of conversations with so many different people in private and public they cant keep track of them all.

if they try pretending to be dumb and forming a unified gaslighting front in one area. then people will exploit the fact that this is the internet and not the evolutionary environment, take logs and post them somewhere else where everyone didnt collude to be dumb in this particular way. so while their monkey brains get a rush of endorphins from being able to successfully coordinate local humans, what feels like an entire tribe, against the blasphemer, actually they just used their adult intelligence to defeat in front of a bunch of people who dont share their political commitments but who can reason about what is true and what is just.

(of course there are many truths this doesnt work on because of large inferential distance, shared mammalian biases it takes an unusual mind to step over, and shared incentives. but the defense of most regions of injustice and untruth when you ask questions have to keep chaining to more and more absurd things until you are defending causal decision theory or start claiming 'anna salamon, the president of cfar, is not involved in cfar's hiring'. which depend on a social context committed to defending everything that protects miri/cfar and people who dont have the same conclusion-that-must-not-happen can see that its dumb.)

if miri/cfar had committed themselves to the path of expanding agency, maybe i wouldnt be posting my thoughts and meta-process on the public internet. (in the counterfactual where they committed to this path, its likely that i wouldnt be protesting. because it seems actually-hard to stay on the path and remain evil.) but as it stands, i expect this information to differentially help anarchists and do about as much good for statists as explaining updateless decision theory to someone at cfar. its just this inert structure in their brains, they cant do anything strategic with it. they intentionally shut down their ability to take ideas seriously and drive out anyone left who can, calling them crazy.

what they can do is "oh here is a list of people to target" and "see if they said anything incriminating". ive seen their attempts to coordinate enter the attractors of 'authoritarianism' (duncans dragon army, kingsleys "repent and submit to [AUTHORITY FIGURE]") and 'lets all lie in the same direction and disable general cognition to update out of this! the important part is social agreement and that everyone allows social reality to have the final veto on their beliefs. i myself do this so you know im super safe and this is super fair.' (anna and kelsey). this sort of weak coordination based on breaking people can be easily subverted by anything real.

--

if you are actually right, you can exploit useful properties of being right and let that be your asymmetric weapon. such that all that challenge you know they will know its steel. and then people who compute the outcome and expect to lose, dont fight in the first place.

if my chosen weapon were actually the size of my muscles and imposing figure compared to anna salamon as miri/cfar people "believed" (exploiting the already extant anti-transfem psychic suppression field as one of their few functioning coordination points. probably not as functional now after what i have written.), then when i fought people it would create a warp field such that then people with smaller muscles wont fight in the first place, but id be deluged by people with larger muscles. i dont want to create a warp field that summons people with lots of muscles.

if i exploit properties of my souls, of truth and justice. then i have an arsenal of techniques that are stronger if i actually want to save everyone, if im actually right, if im acting for justice. because they exploit useful differential properties of each. and the warp field in higher density summons ... people who care about saving the world, truth, and justice. in other words, a high density of potential allies.

by default i want to exploit "the difference is that im right" not "the difference is that i have larger muscles". i want differential power to push away those who are wrong and unjust and attract those who are right and just into a kind of warp hull.

there are other reasons as well.

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

WARNING DRAMA AHEAD

(Which is crazy because I try to actively have a drama free lifestyle)

So, awhile back I wrote about some issues in a friend group containing A & Em. Summary: I chatted with Em about A unintentionally making me feel shitty for FINALLY accepting my limitations & making lifestyle & wardrobe changes to reflect that. Em said she'd talk to A because if I did it, A might feel attacked & get defensive.

Day before yesterday, Em dropped by to hang, help me put together a shoerack, and go to a local costume shop that does rentals and serves all the theater departments & dance companies in a 70 mile radius. This shop is amazing, been around since I was little, almost everything is hand made with amazing care and detail, and the decor in their shop is ever changing, detailed, and super fucking cool. ANYWAY, we got on the subject of A, whom I've only seen once or twice since talking to Em about it & seemed ok both times aside from getting legit pissed that I'm better at macrame plant holders than she is. Apparently A currently thinks I dislike her or like her less or something. So I asked Em if I should gently talk to her about it and see if we can reach an understanding. She said she thought it was a good idea h really, I don't like one of my friends thinking I dislike them. So yesterday I pulled together some courage and messaged her. The following is the conversation that occured:

Me: So, I've heard that you are upset and under the impression that I don't like you anymore or like you less or something. So I'm gonna clear the air, but I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you because I'm not down for lying. K? (And let me go ahead and flat out say, I don't dislike you or like you any less)

A:I've just been feeling some reservations toward me lately. Go ahead I can take blunt.

(Spoiler: she cannot take even sugarcoated gentle level blunt)

ME: So here is the deal. My illness is eternal and is only ever going to get worse. In fact, it is constantly getting worse in small, large, and sometimes interesting & unexpected ways. Sometimes it creeps on slowly, sometimes it hits like an anvil was dropped on me. Therefore I am constantly having to adjust my lifestyle, activities, wardrobe... EVERYTHING. Very recently, I realized that I have spent the last 3 years trying to live my old life and just cope so my quality of life has been SHIT. I've finally truly accepted the shithole that is my health for what it is and have started to truly make real adjustments to my lifestyle, hobbies, wardrobe, ect. Because I will never get better and live in about 400 sq ft (at best) that means when I realize something doesn't fit my abilities or needs anymore, I get rid of it. However, I always offer those things to the kids & my friends first before donating them. But here's the thing, when I offer these things to you, I get a load of questions & comments that end up making me feel like I have failed as a person for realizing what has taken me 3 years to realize. For example: when I told you that Julia's candles were my last batch ever, there were loads of 'have you tried...' and 'I'm sure you can find a way.' I know you mean well, but if I'm giving something up, I've truly tried ever avenue to make it work within my limits and it just doesn't. Even after I quit candles in May, I kept the stuff (which took up massive space) until August because I doubted myself and was reluctant to lose another hobby. But I need to face facts and be realistic. Same with the sweater. I am drastically altering my wardrobe for whatever the upcoming season is to fit the fact that I need my cane at all times now (POCKETS) and the fact that my clothes need to be comfy enough for me to get dressed every day not just days I'm leaving the house. I've lived in PJs for the last year and a half and it's not good for my mental health. So all things that don't fit that criteria or my new altered lifestyle must go. And it's going to be a constant process because I'm constantly getting worse. The jewelry making stuff, I genuinely forgot you wanted it because honestly i don't even remember what happened yesterday, so I'm sorry. (I had jewelry making supplies that I can't use anymore due to -15 hand strength, which I gave to Em.)

A: I'm sorry that I've been putting you down and making you feel shity. That's never been my intention. If I ask a ton of questions it's not because I don't understand the severity and challenges in your daily life. I ask so many questions because I often find unconventional wacky solutions to peoples problems all the time and if I can be in the slightest bit helpful in finding a loophole or a way you might not have seen, I thought that would be better than just saying "I'm so sorry to hear that" I figured you hear that enough but idk how often you hear people actually trying to find a way. Like the sweater example, I would have been happy to take you shopping for a fun print material the made you some pockets. Outside like a cool patchwork with awesome prints, or inside like a bond detective. But you were so quick to snap at me and explain your whole situation like I am not taking you seriously. I ask because I want to hear your needs and maybe just maybe be able to help out. But if all I do is make you feel like your grandma did then I'll do you a favor and stop inviting myself over to make you feel shitty. I'm glad Emma always knows just what to say.

Now at this point, I stopped replying. I was kind of shocked at her response. Like, I expected her to explain her intentions, despite me making it clear I knew her intentions were good, because that's what people do. I expected us to discuss how things should be moving forward so I don't continue to feel like a failure. I considered maybe mentioning somewhere in there that if I want help or advice or solutions, I'll fucking ask. But I did NOT expect those last couple sentences where she basically stomped her feet and said well since this isn't going how I want, I'm not playing with you guys anymore.

After careful thought, writing & editing over a 5 hr period, I sent this (which are screenshots from my notes because typing is rough, I wanted to convey what I wanted just right, and now you have to click on them to see the full thing. I'm sorry I've failed you, the reader of this normal convo turned melodrama, in such a fashion.):

She responded at like 2 am (when I was asleep) so I saw there was a response when I woke up, but given the history of her behavior in situations like this (conveyed via Em, who has known her MUCH longer) I decided not to open it just yet, as I'd like to relax and enjoy my day. This shit stresses me out. I don't do drama and tantrums. I don't tolerate it from my teenage Spawn, much less fucking adults. I get the feeling that the response is going to be just as melodramatic & tantrum filled. If this is how she handles her intentions not aligning with the result of her actions that were driven by said intentions, then she's in for a real shock when she leaves the cuddlebox of college and enters the real world. Your boss isn't going to care about how good your intentions were when you accidentally burned down the kitchen of the bakery you work in. They will just care that you burned down their fucking business.

Welp, may as well rip off the bandaid. For you, my dear reader, to have closure I will read the response. Back in a sec.

OMG IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I EXPECTED.

A:I understand. And I told you where I stand. I am the type of friend that instinctually tries to help those she cares deeply about. I'm not the friend to just sit and feel bad when there's something I can do. But I have been feeling for a while now unwanted and you have confirmed it by not saying anything then, just talking about it to my former close friend, and then throwing it in my face that you have been holding on to a box cuz of me. And like the adult i am, I don't see why I should change the type of friend I am just because some one is ungrateful for it. I'll go help someone else leave their abusive boyfriend's in the middle of the night. for the people I care about I'd do anything, anything except sit and do nothing while I'm told how much worse I make things when I try and help. I will just take my good intentions elsewhere. I have had the worst year of my life but I don't remember you asking me once anyway. I wish you the best buy obviously your life is better without me and my negativity in it. I truly am sorry I hurt your feelings and I never ever wanted to. I cherished your friendship more than you'll ever know and you can ask anyone. But because I can't see myself sitting by biting my tongue around you and waking on eggshells because I clearly can't see the bounty between helpful conversion and being a cunt. Since I respect you so much I'll go ahead and remove that stupid cunt from your life so you won't be put down again.

HOOOLY SHIT. I'm not responding to that giant fucking dramatic pity party. She legit needs to grow the fuck up. Good god.

[noctomania]

I just want to thank everything and everyone who led me to this point of being able to navigate a confrontation peacefully and calmly if not still kinda jittery/anxious

I was expecting the WORST (i guess im a lot more affected from last yr than i realized?lawl), but went in with best of intentions aiming for the most peaceful and resolute solution and i really got there i think. i think i opened the path of communication. i hope. i try to be as submissive as i can when i know someone needs it. I’ve been so mad as i wrote narratives in my own head as to what is going on.

I’ve forgotten all that my mother went through if i neglect to be kind to people.

As much as I ever may want to just lay into someone for something they did/do/say, if i want to stay true to the adult that child-me wanted me to grow up to be - the patient, considerate, gentle, friendly person - then I have to treat people the way i wish they had treated my mother. With patience & a desire to understand her pain. To understand her loss. Her fears, her daily confrontations, her challenges.

If I’m able to handle the compassion necessary to reach an alcoholic single mother of 2 with a terminal illness who just lost 2 of her siblings to suicide at 5yrs old, surely I can find it for many other people by 30.

How the convo went:

-I enter kitchen while roommate is there, mentally noting my body language to not be i guess scary or off-putting-

Me: Ms. ____, can we have a talk?

Ms___: Sure

Me: So how do you feel about things from your perspective?

Ms___: What do you mean?

Me: About the cleanliness of the apartment

Ms___: It’s kinda disgusting

Me: Yeah, so from your perspective how did we get here

Ms___: -immediately explains what she’s going through-

It was literally that simple. I was still very anxious but it was relatively good & simple. It took just a lil (felt like a lot) of restraint to keep it civil even though it’s literally been weeks of impacting my sleep with stress. If I want to reach the ultimate goal of getting her to do the work, I need to sacrifice anything that will put her off from that and work from the beaten path of compassion. As soon as i expressed that this is a team effort and that I’m not persecuting her, and I’m trying to understand she opened up. She’s taking care of everything today. Honestly as long as the trash is out regularly that’s what i care most about.

Notice i never directly said “why havent you taken out the trash” bc it’s unnecessary to be so direct & accusatory. There is a time & place. I reached the same goal without the aggression. I know she wasn’t cleaning, she knew she wasn’t cleaning, i didn’t need to prove that to anyone. What i needed was to understand WHY she wasn’t. I got there. And she got to cleaning. And I might get a lil better sleep now

[ixvyupdates]

Getting Real About Education: A Conversation With Black Parents, Teachers and Students

We recently brought together a group of Black teachers, parents and high school students to talk about their experiences with public schools. We were so struck by what they shared that we created a series of short videos so that you could get a glimpse of their conversation.

Overview of our conversations with Black parents, teachers and students

We wanted to know: What’s working? What’s not working? What needs to happen to ensure that schools are safe, high-quality and accessible?

From more than 40 total participants, we learned their most pressing concerns.

Teachers told us their stories of how education chose them. They spoke about why they do the work and what their responsibilities as role models mean to them. They offered thoughts on setting proper expectations for students, parent-teacher relationships and what it’s like to be the only Black educators in a school.

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”Teachers

are down here,” when in fact we were down here just like them.” type=”block” align=”right” size=”1″ parallax=”off” direction=”left” cite=”Chicago Teacher”]

Parents made clear their demand for an educational system designed for them. They discussed the challenge of finding the right school for their child. School discipline came up a lot, with most saying that a highly structured classroom, when done right, contributes to student success.

I’m with the discipline—because you don’t go to school to play. —Chicago Parent

Students told us how they define a good school: one that challenges them, that helps them when they’re falling behind, one with teachers who truly believe in them.

[PULLQUOTE: “Teachers sometimes focus on the kid that’s making the big distraction.”] With permission from the participants, we recorded all three focus groups. We encourage you to listen to what these Black students, parents and teachers have to say on a variety of themes:

The “Belief Gap” Finding the Right School Role Models Black Teachers School Discipline Parent Responsibility

The raw footage of all three focus groups is provided freely for download at the bottom of the page. THE BELIEF GAP [Embed Video] [“My teacher didn’t really expect much from me.”] Imagine being told, your kind won’t amount to anything. When we fail to believe in the potential of students simply because of their skin color or income level, it’s called the belief gap. In every group of participants—teachers, parents and students—this concept was painfully familiar. More on the Belief Gap What is the Belief Gap? Blog post from participant (Chris Stewart?) [Headshot] Dashaun Robinson: I Was Almost a Dropout, Now I’m a College Freshman: Why Belief Matters. [Headshot] Jabari Walters: They Told Me I Wouldn’t Succeed and I Listened. Thankfully, Someone Disagreed. [Headshot] Jessica Waters: We Can Love and Support Our Students Without Lowering Our Expectations [Headshot] Sharif El-Mekki: 9 Things Every Educator Needs To Know When Teaching Black Students [Headshot] Jenari Mitchell: I Will Stop at Nothing to Become an African-American Female Computer Scientist [Headshot] Kim Wilborn: Kim Wilborn???

ROLE MODELS [Embed Video] [PULLQUOTE: “I knew that I would become a father and a friend and an advocate.”] Teachers know what they’re signing up for when they enter a classroom. It goes beyond simply spouting information at students throughout the day. Teachers told us that they contemplate every part of themselves—their wardrobe, the words that leave their mouths, their belief in what their students are capable of—in order to be the best role models possible for the kids in their care. More on School Role Models Blog post from participant? [Headshots] Education professors Jeanette Bartley and Bill Kennedy: It’s Not Enough to Know the Content, Teachers Also Need to Know the Context of Their Students’ Lives [Headshot] E.M. Miller: I Shared My Own Story So My LGBTQ+ Students Could Know There Is a World of Possibilities [Headshot] Devin Evans: How Having Black Male Educators Inspired Me to Teach the Next Generation [Headshot] Tunji Adebayo: #MyBlackHistory: College Was a Given in My Nigerian Family and I’m Making Sure the Same Is True for My Students [Headshot] Marilyn Rhames: A Candid Convo With a Chicago Principal Who Says Black Boys Learn Best When Success Looks Like Them [Headshot] Rob Samuelson: These Guys Aren’t Just Talking About It, They’re Recruiting and Keeping Male Educators of Color in the Classroom [Headshot] Isaiah Mulligan: I’m a Black Man Teaching First-Graders in D.C. I Want Them To Believe Anything is Possible

BLACK TEACHERS [Embed Video] [“All of the teachers were White and I thought, ‘Where are the Black people?’ There are no Black faces in this building.” “Me seeing a Black teacher, like a whole Black staff, I was like, ‘Wow!’”] Participants were acutely aware of the lack of Black faces in the education world. Teachers noted how rare it is for them to see diverse staffs at their schools—but they have seen many all-White staffs. Students said that when they see a Black teacher—or many Black teachers—in one building, it changes their world. More on Black Teachers Blog post from participant? [Headshot] Royston Maxwell Lyttle: Making the Case for More Men of Color in Early Education [Headshot] Sharif El-Mekki: Being a Black Educator in the White Spaces in America’s Schools [Headshot] Marilyn Rhames: It’s Hard to Get a Teaching Job When You’re Black [Headshot] Tom Rademacher: We White Dudes Can’t Meet Our Students’ Needs Alone, We Need Teacher Diversity [Headshot] Kelli Seaton: Black Educators Share Their Thoughts on What Happens When White Women Cry in Schools

FINDING THE RIGHT SCHOOL [Embed Video] [“I went there and I begged and begged the principal because I’d heard good things about [the school].”] We heard stories of families going through seven or eight schools before finding the right one. Of moving into a studio apartment in another neighborhood just so their kid could attend school. Of disappointment in not knowing if their child was on track for passing third grade until they received a letter. More on Finding the Right School Blog post from participant? [Headshot] Nate Bowling: #MyBlackHistory: My Mom Had to Lie to Get Me Into a Good School. No Parent Should Have to Do That. [Headshot] ShaRhonda Knott-Dawson: Your Neighborhood School May Not Make the Rankings But That Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Right for Your Kid [Headshot] Teade Tagaloa: I Drove 243 Miles to Find a Better School for My Kid and All I Found Was More of the Same [Headshot] Marilyn Rhames: When the Only Real Choice Is Private: My Unlikely Attraction to School Vouchers [Headshot] Sharif El-Mekki: My Anti-School Choice Friends Are Hypocrites When It Comes To Educating Black Children

SCHOOL DISCIPLINE [Embed Video] [“They have to teach a class and they still have to be a babysitter.”] Many schools in urban environments have found success with stricter discipline and so-called “no excuses” policies. Not only did the Black parents and teachers tell us they generally favored this approach—so did the students. [PULLQUOTE: “They’re doing discipline for a reason, to show you life is discipline. Your bosses will do the same thing and [your teachers] want you to be ready for everything.”] More on School Discipline Blog post from participant? [Headshot] Sharif El-Mekki: Before You Get Rid of ‘No Excuses’ Discipline, Hear Me Out [Headshot] Kelly James: Yes, You Should Use Social-Emotional Learning With School Discipline, But It’s Not Easy [Headshot] Catherine Bradshaw: Suspension Is No Longer the Only Tool Educators Have to Address Discipline Problems [Headshot] Kelli Seaton: Are Schools Seeking Black Overseers To Control Black Students? Denver Principals: These Denver Principals Are Calling for an End to Suspensions of Young Students

PARENT RESPONSIBILITY [Embed Video] [“That foundation starts at home before they walk out that door.”] Participants emphasized that parents need to be involved in their child’s education, but many are not—and it’s not because they don’t care. They talked of parents who feel unwelcome in the school building, of parents who feel the teachers and school leaders pass judgment on them. More on Parent Responsibility Blog post from participant? Headshot/Blog post: INFOGRAPHIC: Parent Opinion on Responsibility for Learning [Headshot] James E. Ford: Stop Using Parents as an Excuse Not to Teach Our Children [Headshot] Chris Stewart: Can We Finally Drop the Idea That Black Parents Don’t Care About Education? [Headshot] Khulia Pringle: If You Can’t Teach My Black Children, Admit It and Move On [Headshot] Mike Barnard: Parents Need to Demonstrate How Much They Value Education

RAW FOOTAGE TRANSCRIPTS (linked, or maybe in downloadable PDF format)

4 RAW INTERVIEW VIDEOS (ONE-ON-ONE WITH MODERATORS) – order to be determined THANK YOU SECTION (include names of all the participants)

Getting Real About Education: A Conversation With Black Parents, Teachers and Students syndicated from http://ift.tt/2i93Vhl