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changbunnies · 1 year ago

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Lowkey, I Need You (To Move Out) 18+

♡ Pairing: Changbin x Fem!Reader

♡ Genre: friends with benefits, friends to lovers, roommates to lovers, angst, fluff, smut with plot, mutual pining but especially lots of pining from binnie

♡ Word Count: 12k

♡ Summary: Changbin has a problem– he’s in love with his friend with benefits. And not only is he in love with her, but she’s also his roommate. Torn on what to do, the only thing he knows for certain is that something has to change soon– but is he even brave enough to spark that change, and risk their friendship?

♡ Warnings: miscommunication, but it's resolved quickly!, bin is lil insecure but we're here to make it better !!, gets a bit emotional because truly this is a love letter to changbin and how much i adore him

♡ Smut Warnings: multiple smut scenes, switch!bin with a heavy sub lean, as usual changbin is an extremely soft and perfect lover, pet names (baby, bun, bunny, honey, sweet + good boy), oral (m + f rec), fingering (f rec), nipple play, begging, a tiny bit of edging, spit as lube, cock warming, unprotected piv, creampie, praise kink, body worship, face sitting

♡ Notes: this was written in response to the topic of binnie being excluded, because as a bin biased girlie it's my job to show out for him when he needs the extra love! i've been wanting to write a fwb for SO long and in true changbunnies fashion this turned out longer than i intended it to be but i just had so much fun writing it and giving binnie the attention he deserves, so i hope you enjoy it too !!

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

What do you do when you realize you've fallen in love with your friend with benefits? And what do you do when said friend is also your roommate? The conclusion that Changbin has reached is simple: spiral.

Well, not that spiraling is an actual choice in this scenario– he can't stop it from happening despite how desperately he wants to. He knows you aren't looking for a relationship right now, that you like what you have together because it's casual and fun.

You swore off dating apps and relationships after having your heart broken one too many times, and the only reason you're friends with benefits with Changbin is because you trust him– a trust that he is loath to break by dropping the revelation that he's fallen in love with you.

You were away from your shared apartment for the past week and a half, on a trip back to your home town to visit family. It was exhausting, but fun enough when your parents weren't driving you up the wall by pestering you with questions about when you're going to start bringing a boyfriend back home with you, you told Changbin on the phone last night whilst packing to come back to the city.

He hated the way his heart sank to the pit of his stomach when he considered the fact that he'll never be the boyfriend going home with you to meet your family. And he wants to be, fucking hell, does he want to be yours.

He wants to tell you he loves you and have it mean something more than the platonic love between friends, to take you on dates and freely hold your hand when walking through the city streets together, to share a bed with you for more than just a fuck.

How many times has he wanted to pull you back to him when you start to get up from his bed? To reach out and beg you to stay when you start to get dressed? To knock on your door late at night and lay everything out on the line because the way it keeps him up at night is becoming unbearable?

Fuck, he can't keep dwelling on it– you've been on your way home since this morning, and you're due back any minute now. It'll be disastrous for Changbin if you walk through the door and realize something's off with him.

His heart twisted when he checked his phone and saw a new text, one excitedly telling him you're almost home and that you've missed him– but was it really him you missed, or just fucking him? He didn't know anymore, and he was afraid to find out.

Changbin jumps when he hears the lock to the front door click, taking a breath to calm his racing heart as he rises to his feet to help you with your luggage and welcome you back home.

He’s spent enough time spiraling over what to do this past week, he can’t afford to anymore; not if he wants to keep his sanity intact, anyways. He can do this– once you get settled, he can have a heart to heart with you, and everything will be fine. Even if it’s too much to confess his feelings, surely there’s a way to go about things where you’re both still happy, right?

Changbin did a lot around the apartment to make it perfect for you upon your return– cleaned and dusted every common room until they were spotless, made sure not a single dirty dish was left in the sink, emptied every trash can.. He even unclogged the drains and scrubbed the tub! He just wanted to make sure you didn’t have a single thing to do, that you could just relax and unwind in clean comfort after your trip.

But you don’t spare a single glance around the apartment once you enter– you look just at him, smiling as you kick the door closed behind you, and drop your luggage to the floor to squeeze him into a hug.

He blinks a moment in surprise at how quick the action is– he didn’t even have the chance to get a word out before you were on him. Still, he quickly returns the hug while trying his best to prevent the happy, almost relieved sigh you let out as you bury your head into his chest from giving him false hope.

“You really missed me this much?” Changbin asks with a small giggle– why is he even asking? So much for not giving himself false hope. He just blurted it out without thinking, really; but he can’t pretend the way you affirm it doesn’t make his heart swell.

It was the longest you’d ever been apart from Changbin since moving in together, and it put a lot of things into perspective. Like, you really did miss him, of course you did, he’s your friend! But there was something more– you don’t think you’d ever missed someone so fucking badly before.

Like, staying up all night because you can’t stop thinking about him type of ‘I miss you.’ Wanting to text him or call him at all hours of the day just to check up on him and ask what he’s been up to even though you’re supposed to be focusing on your family and reuniting with childhood friends.

You missed everything about him– his smile and cute laugh, the way he smells, his big arms wrapped around you and squeezing you close. You wanted to hear his voice again, and not through the grainy speaker of your phone, wanted to see him without your parent’s shitty old wifi connection lagging your call, and making him pixelated and blurry.

Changbin is your home, you realized; wherever he is is where you want to be. As long as he’s there, you’d have everything you need to be happy. Is that too sentimental of a feeling for just friends?

Yes, you know it is– and every time you felt it for him before, you shoved it down as deep you could, not ready to get your heart broken again just yet. Better to hold onto him for as long as you can, before he cuts things off to start dating again.

But of course, you can’t deny you also missed him in other, less than innocent ways. The squeak he lets out when you surprise him with a kiss, the cute way he blushes and giggles when you compliment him or call him his favorite pet name, the way he’ll easily drop to his knees for you the moment you tell him you need him.

He never cares what he’s in the middle of or what he needs to get done– if you tell him you want him, he’s ready for you, eager to please. Even if he loses sleep, if it makes him late for work, if it means the food on the stove is going to burn– none of it matters if you need his tongue on you. And you’ll reward him, you always do; with sweet words and touches that makes his heart feel like it’s going to beat out of his chest while his cock throbs.

“Missed you more than you know,” you say in a near whisper, pressing your lips to his like you’ve been eager to do since walking through the door. Changbin practically melts when you kiss him, as always; he just can’t help it– he’s forever going to be putty in your hands.

Was he right in his fear that you only missed him for the sex? Maybe, but he can’t even dwell on the idea anymore– not when the urgency in which you start touching him underneath his shirt while sliding your tongue in his mouth makes him weak at the knees.

Fuck it, maybe that is all you want him for these days, but he’d never stop giving you what you want. Use him over and over, run his heart into the ground when it’s done, what does it matter? At least in this moment he’s yours, even if it’s only temporary.

You grab Changbin by the waist and turn him around, pressing his back against the front door to the apartment. One of his feet very nearly gets caught up on your luggage on one of his steps back, but you kick it to the side, away from the two of you. His sound of surprise is muffled by your mouth on his, as is his gasp when your hands travel up to squeeze his pecs.

You can feel his body shudder when your thumbs brush over his nipples, letting out a whine when you pinch them between your fingers. He’s breathless by the time you pull away, watching you with that eager look in his eyes that makes you crazy for him. “B-Baby, what are you-” he tries to ask as you fall to your knees, though the last word dies in his throat when you look back up at him with a smile.

He still remembers the first time he slipped up and called you “baby.” You were on top of him, riding him so good that all he could do was babble on and on about how good it felt while gripping the bed sheets beneath him. “S-So good, oh my god, baby, it’s– you’re so good, feels so good,” he whimpered, whining loudly when you stopped moving to just look at him.

Changbin was going to ask why you stopped, beg you to please, please keep going, but then it hit him all at once– he called you ‘baby’ when it was never something either of you had done before. And instantly, he looked up at you utterly mortified with himself, ready to apologize over and over again for crossing the line in your friends with benefits relationship.

While the arrangement didn’t come with strict rules, such as no kissing for example, he still was concerned that it was a touch too far in the ‘romantic relationship’ direction. But to his surprise, and relief, you smiled at him, calling him sweet names in return after picking your pace back up. You continued to try out names, gauging his reaction carefully until you found the one that seemed to make him react the most.

And now here you are, looking up at him with his cock pulled out of his sweatpants and throbbing in your hands, calling him the name that turns his brain and body to jelly. “Want to show you how badly I missed you, bunny,” you told him before pressing a lingering kiss to his already leaking tip, his pre-cum smearing over your lips.

Thank fucking God you pressed him against the door, because if he didn’t have the support he’s pretty sure his legs would’ve given out. It’s not often that you’re the one on your knees for him, and the sight is so erotic it makes his brain feel like it’s going to melt out of his ears– not to mention the way you’re talking to him on top of it.

“So hard and leaky already,” you comment gleefully, sticking out your tongue to lick over his tip, “you missed me too, didn’t you, bun?”

“Y-Yeah, missed you, I missed you so much,” Changbin replies breathlessly, struggling to keep his hips still and not rut against your hands. He bites his lip, restraining the whimpers that threaten to endlessly spill when you open your mouth to take him in.

You don’t waste any time getting the corners of your mouth used to the stretch, or for Changbin to get used to the feeling after having gone without it for so long; you take him all at once, until his tip is touching the back of your throat and your nose is pressed against his pelvis.

His head falls back against the door as he squeezes his eyes shut, slapping his hand over his mouth to muffle the obscenely loud moan you draw out of him. Normally he pays no mind to his volume because he knows you prefer him loud, but he’d be beyond embarrassed if any neighbors walking the hall heard him just on the other side of the door.

You swallow around his length, and it takes effort to not gag given how thick and heavy he is, but you manage just fine. Breathing through your nose, you stroke his cock with your tongue whenever you need to give your throat a tiny break, sometimes pulling back to take a bigger breath and let more air into your lungs before sucking him into your mouth again.

Changbin cards his fingers through your hair, but doesn’t pull– just holds your head in an effort to ground himself. His thighs are trembling, and he’s seemingly given up on trying to be quiet, or is simply too far gone to care anymore, the hand he was using to cover his mouth now clenched into a fist at his side.

“W-Wait, wait, baby, please wait, don’t wanna cum yet,” he pleads as his stomach clenches, the twitching and throbbing of his cock growing more in intensity. He’s lifted his head from the door, looking down at you now and meeting your gaze as you blatantly ignore his request and continue to swallow him down your throat.

“Please, please, your pussy– want your pussy, honey, please,” he tries again, chest heaving as he begs, the fingers threaded through your hair now clenching into a fist as well, but still, he doesn’t pull you off him. That’s one of the things you like most about Changbin– he’s so strong that it’d be easy for him to make you do whatever he wants, but he doesn’t.

Even now, as desperate as he is to be inside your pussy, he’s obedient, first and foremost. How can you resist giving him what he wants when he’s so sweet, perfect and well behaved? You pull off him with a loud ‘pop,’ watching the way his cock throbs pathetically against his stomach as his impending orgasm begins to ebb away.

You expect him to take a longer moment to recover, but even with how breathless he is, he’s leaning down to pick you up from the floor. You can’t help but let out a squeal as you’re lifted from the ground– you know very well that Changbin is strong, but it always surprises you how effortlessly he can lift your weight. Excites you too, if you’re being completely honest.

He has you in a full princess carry, one arm supporting your back while the other is under your knees. You know he won’t drop you, but you wrap your arms around his neck anyway for the extra security. He shows his appreciation for you with so many kisses over your face that you can’t help but giggle, and he holds you tighter when his kisses cause you to squirm in his grasp.

“Don’t tickle me with kisses when I can’t escape you,” you half-heartedly complain, and he giggles with you, pressing one more to your nose before he starts walking away from the front door. “We’re going to your room,” he informs you, figuring that’s where you’d prefer to me after having been away from home.

Your luggage lies forgotten on the floor as he makes his way past the open kitchen and living room, and into the hallway leading to your rooms. Standing in front of your door, you lean in his grasp to twist the door knob, and he gently nudges the door open further with his foot. Your bedroom is just how you left it a week and a half ago, and Changbin sets you down on your bed carefully.

“Are you going to undress yourself for me?” you ask with an expectant tilt of your head, and he blushes ever so slightly as he shyly giggles and nods. It never fails to make him a little shy when you watch him undress like this, but he also takes pride in the way you look at him. Hungry, but somehow still tender and sweet.

He starts with his sweatpants and underwear, considering his cock is still out from when you pulled them down just enough to get it out. Kicking his feet out once they’ve fallen to the floor, his shirt is next, and he very quickly pulls it up and over his head. “My baby,” you coo at him after beckoning him closer, and it makes his head spin.

It’s the first time you’ve used a possessive term with him. Your baby.. Yes, whether you know it or not, he’s yours. Only yours.

“You’re so handsome, you know that?” you continue, smiling when the pink on his flushed cheeks deepens, “And sexy, and adorable, and lovable.” You love complimenting him– even before you were friends with benefits, you’d tell him sweet things whenever you could. It took him a long time to grow into himself and get comfortable and confident in his own skin, and he deserves the pride and joy he feels now.

Lovable is a new one, and he tries not to let it root itself inside his head– you certainly do love him, but just as a friend, he knows it. You’ve always been sweet to him, and he’s certain that your doting on him and sweet gestures increased only because of the slight change in your relationship, and no other reason.

Regardless, does the reason matter? You’re complimenting him earnestly, and that’s enough. Even if it’s said without romantic intent, you do mean it– and that’s all he needs, really.

“Help me out with my own clothes now, won’t you, sweet boy?” you ask, and he gives you an excited nod that makes you giggle again. You lift your back off the bed so he can help you with your top and bra, then lift your legs so he can help you out of your pants and underwear when you let your back fall against the bed again.

He kisses you the entire time he’s getting you out of your clothes, only breaking away when he has to. “Gonna get you ready for me,” he breathes out near the shell of your ear before planting a kiss there, and then trailing them down your neck. He slides his hand between your legs as he does, and you spread them apart for him to make his task easier for him.

You both know you can handle the sting from his cock stretching you out, sometimes you even crave it– but you can never deny his desire to be sweet to you. If he wants to stretch you out on his fingers first, you’ll let him do it every time.

“Oh, honey, you’re so wet,” he gasps as he runs his fingers between your folds. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise, really– you always get soaking wet when you and Changbin are being intimate. Still, it always surprises him as much as it did your first time together; he supposes there’s a part of him that still can’t believe you’re this physically attracted to him, even with how much you shower him with compliments.

Of course, if you knew he had that thought, you’d shower him with even more of them, until there wasn’t a single doubt left in his mind. He’s perfect, truly; there’ll never be anyone who can compare to Changbin.

You don’t need him to start slow or careful, but he does regardless, starting by pressing just one of his fingers to your hole before sliding it inside. He knows you can take more at once, would even enjoy the sting that would follow, but he wants to be good to you! When you’re full of him, so thick that you’re full to the point it’s almost too much, he wants it to be pure bliss.

Changbin pumps his finger in and out of you slowly, waiting until he’s certain you’re about to start whining for more before adding a second, and after just a little more he’s adding a third. He keeps his fingers still for just a moment, making sure you’re well adjusted before he starts to thrust them in and out in the way he knows you love.

And God, even though it’s you that’s getting fucked right now, he feels like he’s going a little crazy. He’s so addicted to the noises you make, the way your breathing starts to hitch and turn more shallow, how your eyes roll back when he hits that gummy spot inside you. You’re so fucking slick, and squeezing his fingers so tight that he can barely even think straight– not that he was entirely to begin with.

Is it just because it’s been over a week since the last time you were together? He never thought himself so insatiable or easily worked up, but fuck, you just unlock something in him. He’s had sex plenty of times before you started sleeping together, had plenty of fun experiences with different partners, but only you make me feel so.. needy.

“Binnie, baby, want your cock now, give it to me, please,” you whine, voice impossibly pretty and breathless. “Ah but– are you sure, baby? Don’t want me to make you cum first?” he asks as he slows down the motion of his fingers.

“We’ve both waited long enough, haven’t we?” you ask, rhetorical; it’s much more a statement than a question. You look at his cock, still leaking steadily and impossibly hard, and then look back to Changbin’s face. “Let’s cum together. That’s what I want,” you tell him, and you can’t help but notice the way his cock twitches from your words in your peripheral.

Of course, he can’t resist doing whatever you want– especially not when there’s a promise to cum together at the end. So he slips his fingers out of you, and before he can even ask what you’d like him to do, you’re putting your hands on his shoulders and guiding him to his back.

He falls to his back easily, swallowing as he watches you crawl on top of him. You’ve done it countless times at this point, but it never stops being sexy and exciting to watch. Your hands planted firmly on his chest, and your legs straddling his body, you move your hips back and forth, rubbing your pussy up and down his length to get it wet.

His tip rubbing against your clit feels so fucking good too, but that’s not why you’re doing this; so you quickly move on before you get carried away and end up grinding on him until you cum. Reaching your hand between your bodies, you grab his cock at the base and angle it where you need it.

Changbin watches with eager eyes and bated breath, his hands holding your hips for extra support. Even when you start to slowly sink down on him, and you’re both gasping and breathless from the pleasure, he’s careful to not squeeze you too hard. He’s always so tender and careful, even when doesn’t need to be, and you love him for it.

And true to what he hoped, there’s no sting when you’re fully sat on him, the stretch nothing but pleasurable for you. Because of this, it also means you don’t have to start slow– and so within just a few short moments, you’re bouncing on him rapidly, leaning down to kiss him as you do.

He has long since stopped being embarrassed about the noises you draw out of him, whimpering and moaning freely as the pleasure seeps into every pore of his body. Your tongue once again slips its way into his mouth, and he meets it eagerly with his own, happy to slide it around yours.

Bouncing on his cock, and kissing him like this, he can’t help but be reminded of the very first time you slept together. You had just freshly agreed to the friends with benefits arrangement, both of you lonely and in need of some intimacy, but being done with relationships for the time for your own reasons.

You took the lead, and it was the first time anyone ever had– he was so used to being the macho man in charge for his lovers, that he found it interesting and exciting that you wanted to be the one in control. You told him what to do, how to do it, praised him and guided him along, had him lay down while you crawled on top and did all the work for him after you were ready to take his cock.

And to his surprise, he instantly liked it– loved it, even. He never considered before then letting someone else have the leading role in bed, but after you started, it just felt natural. And when you leaned down and kissed him in that moment, when everything was so different for him and exciting, it felt like everything shifted, like the entire world titled on its axis.

Maybe he’s been in love with you since then, but only fully realized what he felt recently. Maybe he’s been in love since even further before, but didn’t have the tools then to put that feeling together, because the line between friend and lover can sometimes be blurry. Maybe he’s been a fool this entire time, and continues to be one now– because he knows what he feels now for certain, but is still too scared to admit it to you.

He’s thankful that your tongue in his mouth prevents him from speaking– because he’s certain if it wasn’t, he’d end up saying something he shouldn’t. It doesn’t stop him from having the thoughts internally, however.

“You’re so perfect, I love you, I love you so much, I need you, need you to need me, love you,” his brain is screaming as his orgasm approaches once more. The noises leaving him growing more in volume and desperation is enough of a warning for you on its own that he’s close, but you can feel him throbbing too, eager for release after how close he was to cumming earlier.

You reach your hand between your bodies once more, this time to rub your clit with your fingers. It makes your pace falter a bit, but Changbin is more than used to helping you in the last stretch like this. He helps you keep your pace with his hands, and thrusts up into you in time with the fall of your hips onto his.

“C-Cumming, oh, bunny, you’re making me cum,” you whimper, biting your lip and furrowing your brow as the circles you draw on your clit grow messy. You gasp when your orgasm hits you, your breath catching in your throat as your mouth hangs open in a silent cry. Changbin was already close, and the way you squeeze around him as you cum unravels him too.

His cum shoots inside you, hot and sticky, his entire body trembling as he whimpers and whines beneath you. He’s not sure when he closed his eyes, but when he opens them he sees you looking down at him with such a beautiful smile that he truly feels like he died and went to heaven– because fuck, you’re an angel.

Changbin reaches a hand up, tucks your messy, fallen strands of hair behind your ears, smiling when you coo and call him a “sweet boy,” again. You let your body fall against his chest, resting your head in the crook of his neck as you close your eyes and let out a content sigh. “Baby?” he questions, giggling a little when you mumble about being tired against his skin.

“We have to get you cleaned up,” he reminds you, though the way he strokes your back surely doesn’t give you any motivation to get off him. “And you need to go to the bathroom before you fall asleep!” he adds, and you hum an acknowledgment, but still make no effort to crawl off him. Instead, your body relaxes even further, and soon enough you’re not even responding to him talking to you anymore.

You’ve fallen asleep much quicker than Changbin would’ve ever expected; he’s sure you’re tired from the days you spent away and the trip back home, and the fact that you fucked him immediately upon getting home likely didn’t do you any favors in keeping the fatigue at bay.

But he’s still here in your bed, beneath you, your body warm and soft and entirely limp as serene snores leave you. He’s not sure if he should try to wiggle his way out from under you, or just stay like this and sleep together. He knows what he wants to do, but.. he’s never spent an entire night in your room, nor have you done so in his.

And all he can think about while he looks up at your ceiling with you in his arms is how much he loves you but can’t tell you.

Fuck. What does he do now?

It’s been days since Changbin has had the chance to speak with you, but whether or not that’s entirely a good thing remains to be seen– because even with the distance to sort himself out, his mind remains addled and plagued by the desire to be with you as a lover.

Thankfully, you haven’t noticed anything off with him– mostly because the distance since arriving back home was due to your own need to catch up on sleep, unpack your belongings, and get ready to go back to work and resume life as usual. Whenever you’re not sleeping, you’re busy, and that works for Changbin– or it was supposed to, anyways.

All he’s done the last few days is get back into his spiral. Confess his feelings or not, risk your friendship or keep everything to himself, move out before he loses his mind or stay until the day you decide you’re done.. He wishes there was a simple, easy answer. More than that, he wishes he could guarantee that you’d stay with him if he laid his feelings bare for you.

And he misses you. You’re only a room away across the hall, but he misses you. And he doesn’t fucking know what to do with himself anymore. He’s been trying to sleep for hours now, but all he can do is toss and turn and think about you, how bad he needs you– not just emotionally, but physically too. Because the moment he started thinking about you, it was only a matter of time before he began to reminisce about the sex you’ve had.

Is his brain fucking against him, or what? As if it wasn’t bad enough he was in a spiral over the possibility of you rejecting his feelings, now he can’t stop thinking about how pretty you looked after your shower this morning. He only saw you in passing, as he had to head out for work and you had to get back to catching up on the work emails that piled up in your inbox while you were away, but God..

If it wasn’t for the fact that you really needed to get your work done before going back to the office when the weekend’s over, he would’ve dropped to his knees right there in the middle of the hallway and eaten you out until you were begging him to stop (or forcing him to by pulling his hair.) He wouldn’t even have cared about his own job– Chan would forgive him, he always did.

And truly, this is agony. Worse than agony, it’s torture. He needs to go take a cold shower and calm the fuck down so he can start thinking rationally again– as rationally as he can manage to in his lovesick state, anyways. With a heavy sigh, he throws his blankets off himself and reaches for his glasses on his nightstand. After putting them on, he rises from his bed, hoping the shower will be enough of a reset to let him get some sleep.

Opening his door, he’s surprised to see you’re awake. Well, he can’t see you just yet from the hallway, but he can see that the lamp in the living room is turned on, and can faintly hear the tv playing lofi focus music. And even though he probably shouldn’t, he can’t resist walking over to check in on you.

He can hear you typing away on your laptop as he gets closer, and you look away from the screen and turn your head in his direction when you hear his footsteps over the softly playing music. “Oh, Binnie!” you smile at him, and it’s so genuine it makes his heart flutter. He’s so fucking screwed. “Couldn’t sleep?” you ask him, taking a small break from responding to emails to give him your attention.

“O-Oh, yeah, well I was trying to sleep, but..” he trails off when he sees you glancing down his body, to the painfully obvious erection straining against his shorts. “Had a problem?” you finish for him, and his face instantly flushes red. It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve caught him with an erection, but it always makes him feel so perverted when it happens this way.

“I can help you,” you offer, shooting him that pretty smirk that always turns him into jello. Fuck, you’re a siren, and he’s helpless to resist you. But still, aren’t you busy? As much as he’s willing to fuck up his own work performance for you, he’d feel terrible if his neediness made your own work harder for you.

“I-I was going to shower and take care of it myself, but I saw you were awake and I just wanted to see what you were doing and.. Anyways, you don’t have to! Seriously, I know you’re busy! It’s okay, I don’t-” he babbles, and you giggle at him. He’s just so cute, especially when he’s trying his best to be considerate to you.

“C’mere. I can’t help you right this minute but good boys like you know how to be patient, right? You can sit pretty here until I’m done with my emails?” you ask, patting the spot next to you on the sofa. Shit, you always know just what to say to him.

He listens to your siren song, coming to where you beckon him to sit like the obedient boy you know him to be. “Take your cock out for me, baby,” you instruct, and again he listens, not a single ounce of hesitance as he slides his shorts down enough for his erection to spring free. He watches as you set your laptop on the coffee table and stand up, curious as to what you’re doing.

Changbin gulps when you slide your own shorts down your legs, as well as your panties, and fuck, he’s excited, but more than that he’s confused. He thought you told him he’d have to wait until you were done with your emails.. So why are you undressing already..?

Maybe this is to keep him hard and eager– make him sit there with a view of your bare pussy so that by the time you’re done, he’s desperate and begging for you. Maybe you want to test the limits of your “good boy,” see how riled up you can make him while you work until he snaps and bends you over the sofa, taking you as he pleases.

You stand in front of him with your back facing him, and though it’s a bit awkward and challenging, you reach behind and take his cock into your hand. “Spit on it, get it wet for me,” you tell him, and though his mind is still reeling from the unexpected development, he does as you ask.

You spread his saliva around his length as best you can with your fingers, and when you’re content, you carefully press his cock to your hole. It takes you a second to get the angle right thanks to the position, but once you’ve got it, you slowly start to sink down. Changbin gasps and whines, bewildered by what’s happening right now. “B-Baby, I- what- what are you doing? I thought- I don’t-”

“You’re still going to wait,” you tell him after you’ve fully sat in his lap, doing your best to keep your voice steady and firm despite how deliciously his cock is stretching out. “Be good for me, and stay still ‘til I’m done, okay? And then I’ll take care of you,” you tell him, and again he whines as he watches you lift your laptop from the coffee table and set it back in your lap.

It’s a little awkward to type like this, but you think the fun that’ll result from it is worth it. Changbin eagerly nods his head, but then he remembers that you can’t see him in this position, so he speaks the best he can. “Y-Yes, I’ll be good for you,” he says with a shaky breath, biting his lip when you squirm ever so slightly to get more comfortable.

You lean back into him, his chest pressing against your back, his face close enough to your neck and shoulder that you can feel his labored breaths tickling your skin. He hears a click on your touchpad, opening a new email he assumes, followed shortly by the sound of keys resuming as you respond to it.

Why is this so fucking hot? His dick is fully pressed inside you, and you’re not even paying attention to him– just continuing to type away on your laptop as if he’s not even losing his mind beneath you. Or should he say behind you? Both?

He bites his lip and closes his eyes, trying his best to keep staying still like you told him to, his hands clutching the sofa cushions to keep them from wandering without permission and distracting you from your work.

And God, he’s trying so hard to be quiet too, but it feels so impossible. The more you type away and click open new emails, the more he throbs. And the more he throbs, the more your pussy reacts by squeezing around him. And then he can’t help but whimper, his eyes rolling back when you adjust in his lap and cause the tiniest bit of friction.

Click, more typing. A few more clicks, more typing. Click, click, more typing. How long has it even been? Since the moment you sank down on him and started working, he feels like he’s lost all sense of time. All he knows is that your pussy has been squeezing him so good– and it’s so wet now too. Is it just as exciting for you as it is for him? Do you like it? Or is it how good he’s being for you that’s making you soak his cock?

“B-Baby, are you almost done? Please tell me you’re almost done,” Changbin whines, the desperation in his voice palpable. You chuckle as you click send on another email, wishing you could see his face right now– you’re sure he’s absolutely debauched. “Not quite,” you answer, and you can practically hear the pout in his whine.

Changbin is many things, but impatient and disobedient is not among the list. And he’s trying so, so hard to keep staying still, but he doesn’t think he can take it much longer. Honestly, you’re not sure if you can either– you’re quickly losing focus on your emails, and you’re fairly certain at least a handful of them were written less than professionally.

Still, you click open another one, trying not to react to the way he desperately whimpers. He can’t be bad, he can’t– so his only option is to keep sitting here, and take it. “You’re- you’re almost done now, right?” he asks after another few minutes of waiting– at least, it felt like that to him. For all he knew, in reality it could’ve been more like 30 seconds.

“What’s wrong, baby? Can’t wait anymore?” It’s a bit of a mean question, you know– especially since you already know the answer. But still, it’s fun to ask, and you love how whiny and breathy his voice has gotten in the time you’ve been sitting on his cock.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m really trying, I just- I-I’ve never wanted to fuck you so bad before, I’m going crazy,” he practically cries, and you’re sure that if you turned around, you’d see his plump lips formed into the cutest, most devastating pout. “But I’m- I’m good,” he continues after taking another shaky breath, “I won’t move, not unless you tell me to, I promise.”

Fuck it– you still have work, but who cares? Surely your boss will understand if you couldn’t get to every email right? You got through most of them, and that counts for something, doesn’t it? That’s the justification you give yourself anyways as you close your inbox.

“You want to fuck me, Binnie?” you ask him, and he eagerly nods just as he did before, remembering again at the last moment that you can’t see him. “Yes, yes! I really, really want to,” he replies, letting out a salacious moan when you start to lift off him. You shut your laptop and place it back on the coffee table before you turn around to look at Changbin.

Just as you expected, he looks deliciously debauched. Lips swollen and bitten red, face flushed, eyes sparkling with hope and desire as he looks up at you. “You’re right baby, you’re good. Such a good boy,” you coo at him, leaning down to kiss him sweetly. “How do you want me?” you ask him when you pull back, and his brain has to work overtime to stop itself from short circuiting from the question.

If you’re letting him pick, there’s one clear answer that’ll make him the happiest. “Lay down- on your back, please. Want to look at you, want you to look at me,” he says, and you smile at him as you lay back against the sofa, spreading your legs so Changbin can crawl between them. He kisses you as he takes his cock in his hand, pressing it against your hole before pulling away to look at you for approval.

“Go ahead, fuck me, bunny,” you encourage him sweetly. A shiver runs down the length of his spine as he starts to push back inside you, another obscene whine from deep in his throat leaving him when he’s fully inside. He leans down to kiss you again when he starts to fuck you earnestly, because that’s all he can think to do with his overwhelming wave of emotions.

He’s thrusting fast from the start, all the pent up desperation and need for you pouring out of him ceaselessly. Your eyes always stay on his, even when he hits your spot in the way that normally makes them close or roll back, and it makes him crazy how you’re catering to his desire to have you looking at him.

Your eyes are so pretty, so warm in the way they look at him. Everything about you is warm– your hands when they hold him, your body when it envelops him, your voice when you speak to him. The way you smile at him when he enters the room, the way you laugh at his stupid jokes, it’s warm, all of you is so, so warm. You’re home, you’re comfort, you’re bliss.

He feels like he’s unraveling in his entirety as he looks down at you, his pace quickly growing sloppy as his cock throbs. He can’t handle the way you’re looking up at him, can feel the tears threatening to well up in the corners of his eyes. He’s so overwhelmed by it all– by the pleasure, by the way you look lying beneath him, by how much he loves you.

“You’re so beautiful, oh my god,” he whines, every thought that’s been running through his mind falling from his lips as he squeezes you in his arms. He knows he should shut up, should bite his lip or slap his hand over his mouth before he says something he shouldn’t, but the words just keep pouring out of him.

“You’re so pretty, so fucking pretty, I can’t take it sometimes,” he continues, whimpering when you bring your fingers to your clit and start to squeeze around him tighter. “You- you make me so crazy, you’re perfect, so perfect, and- God, ‘m so close, love you so much, I love you,” he stutters, his eyes rolling back as he feels you start to cum with him. He presses his cock fully into you one last time, his cum spurting out in thick ropes until you’re full.

He’s panting, glasses fallen down to the tip of his nose, body trembling as he slowly starts to come down from the high. “Binnie,” you call him softly, and it’s not until he opens his eyes and looks at you again that what he said hits him like a ton of bricks.

He told you he loves you. While he was fucking you. He told you he loves you.

There’s no way to turn it out around as platonic in this scenario– it’s so fucking obvious how he meant it. To say he’s mortified is an understatement; and when he tries to speak, all that comes out are pathetic stutters, every explanation he wants to offer dying in his throat. Your eyes are watery as you look at him, and suddenly his throat feels impossibly dry, his hands clammy as he pulls out of you.

He fucked up so bad. He ruined everything, he knows he did– this isn’t how he wanted to tell you, he wasn’t even ready to tell you. And now you know, and you’re looking at him with so much concern he feels like he’s going to shatter. Not anger, not sadness, but care– a care entirely different from what he’s seen on you before.

It’s pity, isn’t it? You don’t share the sentiment and you pity him for blurting it out like that. “You love me?” you ask him, your voice soft but cautious, unsure. “I..” Changbin tries again, but honestly he just wants to cry. Every emotion, every word, lodged in his throat and stuck, but still he tries to explain himself. “I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean-”

You’ve always loved Changbin. Since the early days of your friendship, you’ve loved him. How could you not? You’d never met someone as sincere as him, his every action so affectionate and caring. A gentleman through and through, always making sure the people he loves are taken care of, always the first to offer a helping hand when someone is in need.

But you’d given up on the idea that you could have something more so long ago– and becoming friends with benefits with him told you that he didn’t love you romantically. He was the first to offer, and people don’t offer that arrangement if it risks their feelings getting exposed; so he didn’t love you that way, you were certain.

You told yourself you were okay with that. You were done with relationships, so tired of having your heart broken after pouring all of your love and faith into someone. And sure, you’d be heartbroken again when Changbin inevitably decides to move on, but at least it was a heartbreak you accepted would come, you’d be ready for it– that’s what you always told yourself.

But he loves you? Like, is in love with you? And he’s mistaking your surprise, your teary eyes, your struggle to wrap your head around the fact that he loves you as much as you love him as rejection. You can see it in the panic in his eyes, the way he stumbles over his words, the tremble in his voice– he thinks you don’t love him.

How could he ever think you don’t love him?

“Changbin, I-” you try again, and somehow the fact that you’re using his full name hurts worse; it's like a confirmation that you’re done with him, with this. It’s irrational, but the part of his brain that’s trying to talk sense into him is drowned out by the panic and fear of rejection, as if he can protect himself from the pain by accepting the fact that you don’t love him now before you say it out loud.

“I need- I need a minute, I’m so sorry,” he blurts out, because even though he knows it’s coming, he can’t bear to hear it yet. He scrambles up from the sofa, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill as he rushes back to his room. He falls to his bed, burying his face into his pillows and lets out a trembling breath.

Tomorrow.. He can’t avoid this, knows he needs to accept it sooner rather than later, but for this tiny moment, at least until tomorrow, he’s still yours.

Changbin isn’t avoiding you. At least, not on purpose– he just hasn’t gathered the courage to leave his room yet. He feels a bit like a hypocrite; he prides himself on his communication skills, and yet in the face of an honest conversation and acceptance of rejection, he flounders. Is he pathetic? You’d have every right to think so.

Are you going to move out now? Should he? No, he should stop beating around the bush and just talk to you. You’re not in love with him, but you do love him– and that’s supposed to be enough, he told himself so many times that it is.

You can work past this, can’t you? It has to be possible. He just doesn’t want to lose you, even if it breaks his heart he can take not having you romantically, is totally fine without the sex– but losing you as a friend? He can’t bear that.

He sighs, covering his face with his hands as he lies in his bed. He slept like shit, and he’s sure you didn’t fare much better– a thought that adds to the guilt he feels. But fuck, he needs to face this. The only thing that would be worse than losing you as a friend because being friends with benefits blew up in his face would be losing you because he was a spineless coward.

Changbin grabs his phone, checks the time– it’s still early in the morning, but you’re usually awake by now. With another sigh to steel himself for what’s to come, he gets up from his bed and faces his door. He takes a breath, another attempt to calm his nerves, and walks to his door, quickly twisting the knob and pulling it open.

“Oh!” you squeak in surprise, jumping where you stand before him. Changbin jumps too, with his own little shout of surprise coming out. How long were you standing outside of his door? Were you trying to work up the nerve to talk to him too? You blink at one another for a moment, and to Changbin’s relief, you’re the first to crack, letting out a little giggle.

He giggles too, and though it’s a bit awkward given what happened late last night, it’s a relief that you’re not mad at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Changbin explains through his giggles, and God, your smile is so cute. You cover your mouth as you try to stop giggling, eyes crinkling and sparkling as you look at him, “No, no! It’s my fault for standing outside your door like this.”

It eases him, feels more like the normal he’s used to with you– the normal he hopes and prays you can still share after this. “Can I come in?” you ask him, and of course he lets you, stepping to the side so you can enter his room. Your body language is still relaxed, but when you look at him again, your expression is serious.

Part of him worries that the lighthearted moment you just shared was a lapse in judgment on your part, and that you’re about to chew him out for running away last night– not that he wouldn’t deserve it if you did. But what you actually end up saying is a much stronger shock to his system. “Why do you think I don’t love you?”

“Wh-What? I-I.. I don’t-” Changbin stutters, blinking at you in utter shock, not even entirely sure how to respond.

“Because I do. I love you so much, Seo Changbin. The idea that you think I don’t hurts me,” you tell him, entirely sincere. That’s the part of his impromptu confession that kept you up at night, the part that upset you? Not that he loves you when he shouldn’t, or that your friendship might be ruined?

“If you think you’re not enough for me, you are– if you think you aren’t deserving of love, you are. Tell me what it is, so I can make sure you never question how much I love you again. Okay? I need you to promise me that.”

Changbin blinks, frozen, a million thoughts and emotions running through him. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t know the answer. There was such a big chunk of his life where he wasn’t happy with himself– the way he looked, the soft parts of his personality, his desires that felt so grandiose and impossible..

He thought he had to live to what other people expected him to be, that it was the only way they would love him. It took him years of effort, of stumbling and falling and getting back up to get where he is now. More confident in his body, in the way he walks through the world, in the love he pours into his family and friends.

But there’s that part of his old self that still lingers– a part that calls to him late at night, that makes him question if he’s allowed to be this happy. That reminds him it’s still there when he’s weak and unsure, that crawls up his spine whenever you smile at him, that won’t let him believe that you could love him.

Changbin isn’t the same lanky, insecure boy he was when he first met you, but maybe he is. He looks different than he did then, but maybe that part of him is still there, underneath the built up muscle and maturity. Maybe it always will be, maybe there’s no way to ever make it go away– but maybe he doesn’t need to.

He thinks of all the times you were there for him, from the very first day you met. How you always encouraged him to do what makes him happy, how you supported him through his every decision to better himself.

“I think you’re perfect the way you are, but if going to the gym would make you feel better about yourself, you should do it!” you told him when he brought up the topic of trying to bulk up and fill out his body. “You’re so adorable Binnie, seriously, how can you be so cute?” you grinned, pinching his cheeks the first time aegyo slipped out in front of you.

No matter which version of himself he showed you, you loved him. Each part, no matter how different and against expectations, you cared for. And even with all the work he put into himself, there was still the part of him that tried to change in his romantic and sexual relationships. Trying to live up to what he thought his partners wanted, trying to adapt himself to them.

But so effortlessly, you dismantled the expectations he put upon himself. All the times you called him sexy and adorable in the same breath, made him believe that he could be both at the same time– that he could be manly and intimidating, sweet and loving, sexy and cute all at once, and it was all still genuinely him, all worthy of love.

Maybe it’s impossible to shove insecurity completely aside; it’s likely that it’ll always linger. Even when it’s small, and tucked away, and very nearly forgotten, it’ll be there, waiting. And maybe that’s okay, because when you have someone who loves you as you are, who reassures you and listens to you and comforts you, it’ll start to fade back out as naturally as it came in.

“I don’t know why,” he answers honestly, his bottom lip starting to quiver. His best guess is that his fear of losing someone he loves so much expounded upon his underlying insecurities, made them flare to the point that he felt like he could drown in them.

“I just know that I love you. And I need you, and not like- not like that, I just- ..I never want to be without you,” he continues, refusing to get choked up by his emotions and let it stop him from saying what he needs to. “And I promise- I’ll tell you, anytime I’m unsure of myself, I’ll tell you.”

You step closer to him, reach up and cup his face in your hands, rub the tears that threaten to fall from the corners of his eyes with your thumbs. His heart skips a beat when you smile sweetly at him, when you lean towards him to press a soft kiss to his lips, to tell him you love him. “You said I was perfect,” you say as you kiss him again, and then again, “but so are you. You’re the loveliest person I’ve ever known.”

You press more kisses over his face, complimenting each feature as you go. His deep, dark eyes that can be so piercing or so soft depending on the situation. His full cheeks, so cute and endearing when they’re pink from a blush, but so handsome and complimentary to his face. His downturned smirk when something amuses him that can easily turn into a fully bright upturned smile when he’s happy, and makes his nose scrunch adorably.

“Honey,” he breathes in a soft whine, unsure of what to do with all the excess affection. You guide him back to his bed, crawling atop him when he falls back against it, continuing your trail of kisses down his neck. “You deserve this,” you tell him, smiling against his skin when you feel him squirm beneath you, “deserve it all, and more.”

Changbin brings one of his hands to the back of your neck when you pull back to look at him, bringing you back down to him so he can kiss you. He doesn’t want to hold back anymore, to try and hide how badly he needs you. He kisses you like a man starved, hungry and desperate. His desire is carnal, every inch of him aching for your attention.

Your hands sweep over his torso, finding the hem of his shirt and tugging at it. He gets the hint, and separates from you so you can take it off him. He watches you remove yours too, heart thumping in his chest as you reach behind you to unhook your bra. He tries to lean up to kiss you again when you’re finished, but you push him back down.

He whines at first, but quickly swallows it down when you smile at him in that pretty way that makes his stomach flare with butterflies, his cock twitching as it hardens beneath you. Your hands travel his body, compliments about each and every inch of him freely falling from your lips. His arms, thick and warm and comforting. His chest, so strong and beautifully sculpted. His stomach, soft and cute, as perfect as the rest of him.

You kiss him too– everywhere your fingers touch, your lips follow. Soft, tender, overwhelming– his heart is beating so fast and hard, all your words, touches, and kisses make his blood feel like molten lava, every inch of him unbearably hot. It chokes him up too, how sweet you’re being to him; you’ve doted on him plenty of times, but never like this.

You take one of his hands in yours next, bring it up to your lips to press achingly soft kisses to it. The palm first, and then his wrist, before you turn it over to kiss his knuckles. You kiss the tip of each of his fingers, and his breath hitches as he watches you, goosebumps erupting all over him when you gently put it down and pick up his other hand to repeat the actions.

You treat him with so much reverence, shower him with more love than he knows what to do with. He’s trembling with emotion, aching with desire, overwhelmed by how much he loves you, how beautiful you look. He’s going to cry– seriously, he doesn’t know how much more he can take before tears start spilling out of him.

“Honey, please-” Changbin whines, and to his relief, you pause to look at him. “Please, I- let me make you feel good, please? I want to, I- I want to show you how much I love you too,” he begs. You intended to take care of him, to shower him in affection until you inevitably made him cum, but you meant it when you said you can never deny him his desire to be sweet to you.

“Tell me what you want, baby,” you say, and you watch as he chews on his bottom lip, face heating up further as he considers what to say. He knows what he wants, he’s thought about it so many times– it’s just the admitting and asking for it part that makes him a little shy. Still, you treat him so well, and you always indulge him, so.. The only thing to do is just go for it.

“I want.. Want you to sit on my face. Please? Please, please sit on my face,” he begs, and God, that has to be the sexiest thing he’s ever begged for. It makes your stomach flip, and if your legs weren’t straddling him, you definitely would’ve clenched them together. Lifting yourself off him, you make quick work of the remainder of your clothes.

Changbin scoots down the bed, so your legs will have more room when you return to him, chucking his glasses away, not nearly enough care in him for where they land. He looks at you, with a devastatingly sweet and bashful smile, his arms reaching out to help you when you start to settle above him. Your knees on either side of his head, he wraps his arms around your thighs.

The latter half of his face is obscured by your body hovering over him, but looking down, you can see his eyes, sparkling with eager excitement as he keeps your gaze. You lower yourself just a little, nervous to sit your entire weight on his face and suffocate him, but Changbin doesn’t want you to hover, he wants you to sit.

So using the arms he has wrapped around you, he pulls you fully down to him. You gasp– partly because of the surprise, and partly from the feeling of his tongue meeting your pussy. He focuses on your hole first, lapping up all the slick that drips out of you before he drags his tongue up to your clit, licking in a long, fat stripe.

He wraps his lips around it, sucking and flicking it with his tongue until you're writhing above him before he alternates back to licking you up, bottom to top, drinking all you offer. You bury your fingers in his curly hair, and he moans when you tug on it. He squeezes your trembling thighs, letting out happy hums whenever you moan for him.

He sticks out his tongue and lays it flat for you when you start to roll your hips, letting you grind against his face and use him however you see fit to. You shiver when your clit bumps against his nose, your breaths becoming harsher as you drive yourself closer to release on his tongue.

“Oh bunny, you’re so good to me, so good, ‘m gonna cum for you,” you cry, voice whinier than you would’ve otherwise liked it to be, but the way Changbin whines eagerly in response tells you how much he loves it. A few more rolls of your hips, and you’re cumming, your thighs squeezing around his head as you keep a tight grip on his hair to keep yourself steady.

Changbin enthusiastically laps up your release, continuing until you're squirming and whining from the sensitivity. He loosens his hold on your thighs when you do, letting you lift your leg over his head and fall to the side of the bed a little ways away from him. Both of you are breathless, but Changbin is the first to recover, and when he does he sits up and crawls over to where you landed.

He grabs your face, gently, of course, and pulls you into a kiss. His face is slick with your essence, and you can taste yourself all over his lips and tongue. “You looked so pretty,” he tells you softly between kisses, “You’re so gorgeous when you cum for me.” He carefully spreads your legs and slots himself between them, sliding his tongue around yours as he does.

“Want to give you my cock now,” he breaths, pulling away just enough to look at you with those eager, pleading eyes that make you weak. “Want to keep making you feel good, want to- want to watch your eyes roll back when I make you cum again.”

“Sweet boy,” you coo, spreading your legs wider for him, offering yourself to him, “do it, baby. Give it to me.”

He kicks off the remainder of his clothes in record time, taking his cock in his hand and spreading the dribbling pre-cum over his length until it’s completely wet. You’re more than ready for him, but he’s as careful with you as always, pushing each inch inside slowly.

You reach out to him and pull him down to you, kissing him hard and sweet, drinking in the whimper he lets out when he’s fully inside you. His entire body is trembling, still worked up from all the attention you gave him and sensitive from fucking you just last night. There’s a part of him that still feels vulnerable too, but he’s safe with you, and he knows you always will be.

He loves you well, but you love him better; and he’ll spend every moment he has showing how much he appreciates you. He doesn’t need to prove his worth, doesn’t need to do anything apart from be himself– the love you’ve given him has shown him that. You understand him, better than anyone ever has.

You love him, you always have, long before who he is now, and will continue to long into the future. All he has to do to repay all you’ve given him is love you. Love you honestly, openly, freely– because he’s enough as he is.

When he starts to move his hips, you both moan, Changbin just the slightest bit louder than you. He tucks his arms under your shoulders and pulls you closer to him, chests touching as he steadily builds a faster pace. He’s squeezing you in his arms, whining in your ear about how good you feel around him.

He’s so high-strung and sensitive that he doesn’t think he’ll last long, but oh, is he going to try. But shit, he’s still so emotional too– he thought he would’ve recovered by now, but it keeps hitting him in waves. And when you kiss him, it makes him dizzy– not just with lust and desire, but with passion, adoration.

The way he looks down at you when he pulls away takes your breath away, so sentimental and loving. You take his face into one of your hands again, and it takes everything in him to not get choked up again. Your love is his greatest comfort, but it also makes him ache– because no one has ever loved him as sincerely as you do.

“Do you need to stop?” you ask him tenderly, once again wiping the tears from his eyes. His heart feels like it’s going to burst from all the emotion, but he quickly shakes his head, offering you a sincere smile, “N-No, no, I’m fine! I just- I really love you,” he admits, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips to show you he means it.

“And besides, I might go actually insane if I don’t fuck you, cause seriously, how are you so fucking sexy?” he follows up. “Oh, shut up,” you giggle, playfully slapping his arm. “This is supposed to be about you, you know? My sweet bunny and how perfect he is- maybe I need to remind you?”

Changbin curiously tilts his head at your words as you lock your legs around him and using what strength you have, and with the help of gravity and momentum, you force him to roll to his side, and then to his back. You smile down at him, your roles easily flipped, while he stares up at you, mystified and easily the most turned on he’s ever been.

“Oh-” is all he manages to utter, his cock throbbing furiously inside you. He could’ve easily fought it– he’s physically much stronger than you, after all. But he just loves when you force him into the positions you want, loves to be malleable and pliant for you.

You plant your hands firmly on his chest, bouncing on his cock fast, the sound of your thighs slapping together just barely louder than Changbin’s obscenely loud whimpers. “Oh God, ‘m gonna cum,” he whines desperately, too wound up and sensitive to resist it, his hands clutching at the bedsheets so hard his knuckles have turned white, “please, please, please, can I, please? Please, let me cum.”

“I love you so much, Binnie, want you to cum for me,” you tell him, bringing one of your hands to your clit so you can cum with him, the way he always loves to. It causes you to squeeze tighter, and he gasps, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he trembles. “Give it to me, baby, be a good boy and cum for me.”

He does just as you ask, a messy string of “I love you”s falling from his lips until he’s too far gone to keep talking, tears streaming down the sides of his face as his eyes roll to the back of his head, and then close. His noises are high-pitched and pornographic, his entire body shaking with the intensity of his cum spilling inside you.

His vision is blurry when he starts to blink open his eyes, but soon enough you come back into focus above him, looking down at him affectionately. He smiles at you, a goofy, sweet one that makes you giggle. He wraps his arms around you and drags you down to him, pressing kisses to your lips over and over again.

Changbin tells you everything he’s wanted to this entire time as he does; how beautiful you are, how much he loves you, how he can’t imagine his life without you in it. He blushes when you do the same, while once again making him promise he’ll tell you if doubt ever starts to creep up on him.

The journey to loving yourself isn’t easy; it’s a long winding road, uneven and easy to stumble on. But when he falls, you’ll be there to catch him. You’ll remind him how loved he is, the value he has simply in being, how he brightens every day you share just by existing.

You’ll always be here, growing older with him, supporting him as he continues to grow and change, each experience turning him into a newer version of himself. And in every change, in every season of his life, you’ll continue to love him. Always.

network tags: @ksmutsociety @skzstarnet

#ksmutsociety #skzstarnet #skz x reader #changbin x reader #skz smut #changbin smut #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz fanfic #mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune

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ghostflowerhotpotch · 2 years ago

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How do you think the events at the end of the movie would’ve played out had Miles actually gotten sent to his home universe (Earth-1610) and Gwen had also arrived there as well when she got the watch from Hobie? How different would that part of the movie be excluding the stuff that happened at Earth-42.

Honestly? That's a good question.

I initially was thinking of someone a fic response like I did with the jealous prompt I got a few days ago, but I couldn't find a way that I could align all the canon elements in the fic in a way that would give a good conclusion. Perhaps I would use that idea for a proper fic.

Regardless, the thing that I keep thinking is not on Miles or Gwen, but Miguel and his allies.

At first, naively so, I thought Miguel and the others were looking for the Spot; perhaps I just wanted to think this a bit more positively; because the idea that this grown ass man roped two other people to capture a 15 year old that wants to save his dad is...a choice.

(I swear I don't hate Miguel, he just tests my patience a lot.)

Now, for obvious reasons these would be a problem for any Ghostflower reunion because Miguel has no chill; and would not wait nicely for this young couple to settle an argument.

Where is he, though.

Not seriously, what is this?

I was thinking he would be in Visions Academy, but this doesn't look like it at first glance. The dark atmosphere and the rain is not helping this either. If anybody has an idea, I am listening, but the only clue I have is that Miguel has a gigantic red sign that says "Welcome."

(Fun fact, the first time I saw this movie i almost expected the sign to say Hell. It wouldn't make sense on a world building sense but that was what going on my mind seeing this situation.)

Riley we know was waiting in front of Miles's house.

Now, this one is not really a problem because in the scenario that they are all in the same universe, this would mean Gwen already dispatched the Meathead (the director's words, not mine;) with Miles just entering his room after that.

Considering the situation, there is a chance Gwen would either see Miles going into his apartment, or perhaps Miles realizing that Gwen is on the alley. However for the nature of this ask, we would not explore those scenarios in this post.

Here is when it gets tricky.

Jessica was following Miles' dad, which makes sense considering they are looking for Miles and he may try to go directly to his dad.

In the scenario the timing tracks exactly the same, Gwen would probably look at the window and see Miles, so she may or not realize Jeff is coming.

What would I think if Gwen got to Miles directly? That things would probably escalate rather quickly.

I think if Gwen saw Miles lying on the floor (As he did when he got home in Earth 42;) she would quickly rush to him. To which I would expect Miles to either adopt a defensive posture, or tell her to stay away.

We need to remember that as far as Miles is aware, she is still working with the organization, last time they saw each other she was attempting to capture him (Well, honestly she didn't try very hard, but it would still be betrayal for him.)

Of course, I imagine Gwen would start with either a "I'm so sorry, Miles," "I am not here to fight, I am on your side," "I know a way we avoid the canon event." Perhaps she would say a combination of all of those things, the problem is that I don't think we would have a chance because problem number 3 would arrive.

(Imagine this is Rio from 1610.)

Now, I am going to be a bit generous here, and I will imagine that Rio didn't hear Miles coming in (unlike Rio from Earth 42,) perhaps the other version of her heard Miles come in because she was picking up laundry and was close to the door.

But I am sorry, every time I try to imagine an scenario where Gwen and Miles get to met here, I can't imagine any of them being quiet enough to not make Rio realize there are people in her house. Emotions are running way too high for either of them to think about that.

In the movie, Miles was on the floor and heard Rio appear, so he had the time to get his jacket on. In this scenario? Frankly I imagine Miles and Gwen would be close to screaming so neither of them would realize of her coming by.

Now imagine you are Rio for a moment.

You all of the sudden hear your son and or/the girl he was with earlier screaming about nonsense you don't know what the heck could be about, and when you open the door you see your son and that girl in Spider suits. No idea if there is any information or pictures of Gwen's as a Spiderwoman on Earth 1610, but that's kind of a moot point when your son not only is dressed up as the current spiderman, but also is sporting these.

(Sorry I don't have a full image, I try to get ANYTHING in the movie that would give me a good visual, and no shot; I couldn't get the complete image of where I got these, and finding these was a pain and a half.)

There is a 50/50 chance that Gwen/Miles may be able to sneak a "is a costume!" lie, but all things consider this would probably make Rio realize a lot of things are making sense all of the sudden. Rio would probably rush to Miles once she sees he is this hurt and freak out, no doubt.

And if things couldn't get worse, is around this time Jeff is coming upstairs, and who came with him?

YEP.

Now, we see that Jess spies on Gwen and Miles' parents thanks a device, not sure if this is the spider thing Gwen used earlier to track the Spot, or something else; regardless, she would definitely see them there, if not hear the ruckus.

Here is the thing, would I think Jess would do something?

...Sadly, yes.

Jess has kind of a soft spot for Gwen, and while I don't think she was the best Mentor (less about what she taught Gwen and more on not being there for her enough, but that's another discussion.) Jess gave the chance to Gwen to go to 1610 in the first place, she also let her try to fix it (thought the circumstances weren't too generous,) and while we don't have a clue what she would do next, I am inclined to believe that canonically, she is not going to snitch to Miguel that Gwen went by, perhaps only mention that Miles isn't in this dimension.

Because here is the thing, she has a soft spot for Gwen, but we can see that she definitely thinks Miles is a problem; and considering she is still helping Miguel, I doubt her mind had changed much in that regard.

So while she let Gwen "go" to get Miles (though there is the chance she is just letting her go so she can track where she is going,) I doubt she would see Miles there and not do something.

Now we have Rio screaming her lungs out about what the heck Miles has been doing, Miles probably trying to explain the situation to her, Gwen may or may not try to defend Miles (honestly the only reason I may think Gwen doesn't say anything is because this is really a conversation she shouldn't be involved.) And Jess then comes out from the window to collect Miles; she may also bring her Motorcycle with her which would cause even more chaos.

Hey remember how Jeff was just going upstairs? I like to think is something like this.

I know is an old meme but imagine Jeff, happily coming back home after an end of his shift; and he finds the house with his son on a Spiderman costume fighting a very pregnant woman (who may have the motorcycle INSIDE HIS HOUSE,) the girl he brought with him earlier shooting webs or something trying to stop the black lady, and his wife probably screaming on a corner.

While writing this, I originally was going to say earlier that having Miguel and his croonies here could make things a tad complicated; no wonder I deleted that earlier because this is just chaos.

Speaking of Miguel, no doubt Jess informed him that Miles was at his house, with no signs of Riley. Depending or where he is, he may be coming by soon enough.

Sorry if you or anyone else was expecting a fluffy or heartwarming scenario, but in this blog I try to adhere to canon facts as much as I can for these analysis, and I couldn't answer with canon possibilities without taking everything into account.

That being said, oh my g-d this was so much fun; I should try to do these more often.

I will see if I use the original fic idea I had in mind, while drafting this I also thought of the possibility of what would happen if Gwen's picture (That as discussed in this analysis, she may have with her) fell off while she was leaving Miles' apartment; if anyone is interested in that last idea please say so because I am on the fence about it.

That's it for today! Hope you folks had fun with this.

#ghostflower #gwiles #miles morales #rio morales #gwen stacy #jessica drew #atsv files #ghostflower files #atsv #across the spiderverse #jeff morales

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eliyahu613 · 2 years ago

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I really want to know, why does it bother you so much that there are cis gay men in the world who do not want to have sex with afab people? it triggers your dysphoria and makes you feel bad, I gather that much, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to their sexual boundaries.

especially when there are countless posts made by gay people that are talking about same sex attraction that get dog piled by trans people feeling excluded, when they just are inherently excluded from some peoples sexual attraction.

gender and sex are different yes? and sexuality is based on sex. this seems to be something we disagree on. trans men are men, they have the right to live as themselves and transition, but they are still trans. not everyone is going to be sexually attracted to them, or have them included in their sexuality, especially people who are single sex attracted. I want to know what’s transphobic about this.

your crusade to get cis people to accept any genitals in a partner is actively driving a wedge in the lgbt community, I would like to understand your perspective beyond “this makes my dysphoric, I feel excluded, therefore I will create the term TEHM and make these people into villains on tumblr.com”

I ask this out of curiosity, I am interested to hear what your takes are in one place since it’s hard to find your whole POV across multiple posts. We don’t agree and probably won’t ever agree, but I hope you can see where I’m coming from and I hope I can do the same for you.

I was going to delete this ask, but this is the most politely that one of you has come into my inbox. I don't have the energy to write up anything that long about the subject but I'll try my best.

As I have stated many, many times, I don't care if an individual cis gay man doesn't date or fuck trans men. I really don't. The problem arises when cis gay men claim that they cannot be attracted to trans men, or that their supposed lack of attraction to us makes us any less male or any less gay.

A cis gay man making a blanket statement about never wanting to date/fuck a trans man in specific is like an allistic person loudly proclaiming that they would never date/fuck an autistic person, or a white person saying they would never be with a POC. While their individual choices don't matter, their "preferences" reveal that they are bigots.

"Trans men are men" is incompatible with the idea that gay men cannot be attracted to us. Hell, I'm a gay man, and I love my fellow trans men. If a gay man truly sees trans men as men, he will have the capacity to be attracted to us. The idea that sexuality is based on sex can be easily debunked by many examples of cis gay men dating and fucking trans men, as well as the fact that we have documented evidence of so-called "I'm only attracted to biological males!!!" type of men unknowingly fucking stealth trans men.

Now onto my more important point, the issue with TEHMs is not that they embarrass themselves by making a huge display about how they're so obsessed with hating boypussy, but that they try to claim that their own lack of attraction to trans men means that we should not be included in gay male spaces.

Not every cis gay man is going to be included in the attraction of every other cis gay man, but we don't see fem4fem cis gays claiming that masc cis gays don't belong in our spaces, do we? But because trans men are treated like shit even by other queer people, no one comes to defend us.

And as for posts that talk about "same sex attraction" being dogpiled by trans people, yeah, they deserved that. Gay trans men and transfem lesbians experience homophobia, and the vast majority of experiences that TEHMs call "SSA experiences" apply to us. Gay trans men are a very diverse group of people with very different experiences and daily lives from each other.

I also did not coin "TEHM." It was coined in 2017 by another Tumblr user who I don't remember the username of.

And before you go "but what about cis gay men who are trans allies who just aren't attracted to them 🥺" and to that I say, please show me someone. I have yet to meet a cis gay man who claims to have a genital preference or who says he would never fuck boypussy, who is also a trans ally. They all end up going mask off immediately. And so many of them try and make their subconscious biases that make them believe trans men are unattractive my problem.

It's true that we probably won't ever agree on this, especially if you're cis. If you're trans, I wish you the best of luck overcoming your internalized transphobia, and my blog will be waiting for you when that time comes. You seem to misunderstand the problem that I and other gay trans men have with TEHMs, and it comes from the bias that we're just entitled women who want to fuck gay men.

Obviously, when a gay trans man calls out bigotry, he can't ever have a point 🙄 it must just be someone refusing to play along with his fetish! (sarcasm)

#asks #long post #transandrophobia

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the-big-nope · 9 months ago

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So if you've never played Mass Effect 3 (specific spoilers excluded), you are given three choices at the end of the final sequence to determine the fate of the galaxy going forward. None of these options are ideal: one of them maintains the status quo (or whatever remains of it) at great sacrifice, and the other two are pretty much leaps of faith into the unknown that may not work, one of which will cause significant change to the entire galaxy's population without anyone's consent. Unfortunately, the player character is alone, cut off from everyone else, was only just presented these choices at the end, and has literal minutes before the last bit of resistance in the galaxy is wiped out. Only you the player can make that choice. Some people don't enjoy this ending, but I do. The imperfect nature of it feels fitting, given the scale of the conflict the series is dealing with, and having to grapple with a choice that has no perfect solution and will require some degree of sacrifice/moral murkiness is always a fun last step for whatever version of the main character I'm exploring that playthrough.

My problem with the Bells Hells, despite also facing several imperfect choices that will massively effect their world regardless of which morally murky choice they may make, is that they DO have time. Not much of it, but some. They are not cut off from the rest of the world, and they have numerous allies in very high places from all across Exandria. And yet, despite Ashton's claims that they stand for the little people, Bells Hells haven't shared any of the things they've learned or any of the options available to them, not even with their close allies. The very metaphysical fate of Exandria hangs in the balance, and yet it hasn't occurred to them to ask.... pretty much anyone that these changes would actually affect what their opinions about it would be. Why do they keep bemoaning the weight of making these impossible choices while also neglecting to even try sharing the burden?

It would be one thing if the Bells Hells were convicted one way or another. If they were collectively set on banishing the gods/releasing Predathos regardless of anyone else's opinions it would make more sense, but they're not. If the people of Exandria are who they care about most in the outcome of this conflict, why do they keep endlessly seeking the opinions of higher beings rather than the ones of their fellow mortals?

The ending of Mass Effect 3 works (for me at least) because the whole series up to that point had been about the PC being the only one able to make the tough choices in the moment. The most pivotal points in the story often leave you with no time, or cut you off from any support, or leave you as the only one with the experience to make any sort of reasonable call. The ending is just that final step: the ultimate uncertain decision that you have no choice but to take a leap of faith into, trusting in the gut instinct and moral code that's led you this far. This isn't the case for Bells Hells. They've had time. They have readily available, experienced allies who have been through insane crises and dealt with powerful extraplanar beings. They don't HAVE to be the only ones making this choice, and the fact that they're acting like they are despite holding the fate of millions in their hands, and doing so rather cavalierly at that, is both confusing and... continuously frustrating to say the least.

#critical role #cr discourse #the angle of the bells hells going rogue in order to banish the gods would be kinda fun!#but that doesn't appear as of yet to be how they're playing it #as a group at least #and the moral complexity and indecision is difficult to enjoy #when they seem to be somehow avoiding the most obvious routes for relieving that uncertainty #at this point in the story the most logical interpretation #is that they're sleepwalking themselves into an ending that's utterly antithetical to everything they claim to value most #unless something major changes SOON

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oliwiaryngiel · 2 months ago

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Half serious, half jokingly

“Oliwia, why are you always so positive? You’re being delusional and not realistic about life,” one of my university peers lamented last week. At that moment, I thought to myself: “What the actual hell? Is this really a problem nowadays, that I decide to look at life as a half full glass rather than half empty?”

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens, when you decide to focus on the brighter side of life, instead of leading a miserable life that only focuses on problems and survival.

As ridiculous as the above quote sounds, I want to challenge myself by exploring this existential misunderstanding that being positive means being delusional and unrealistic.

Let’s take this example: you’re on your way to an important meeting. Before this, you decide to grab a coffee or another beverage of choice. Because you are in a rush, you close the cup in a way that it spills on your shirt. Of course, you don’t have a spare shirt to put on, so you have to lead the meeting with a big, unprofessionally looking stain in the most visible place of your outfit. What do you do?

I shall make my point by portraying two potential scenarios of dealing with this situation.

Firstly: bear in mind that this already happened, you cannot go back and change the past. It is where it should be: behind you. Despite these logical thoughts, you go on about your day and scold, get frustrated and perhaps even less confident about the presentation. “How could this happen to me?” you may even think. “Wasn’t there a better moment to do this, like on a day that I wouldn’t have this important meeting?!”

💥 Reading this now, you may find this an exaggerated reaction. This is, because you’re looking at it from a 3rd person perspective. This also discloses the significance of journaling, which allows you to look at a situation from a bird’s point of view. To continue, now that you’re self-conscious about the stain, it feels as if EVERYONE notices it! You feel uncomfortable and struggle to form sentences, as you feel less and less confident about your self-image. After this whole parade is over, you sit down and this what a horrible day this has been - “It always happens to me! Ha-ha, I may not be a magnet for a ‘perfect partner’, but I certainly do attract problems! You see, life is not as good as they say!”

All right... 🙏 The occasional dosis of complaints has been reached here. Now let’s go to the next example, which sketches the second possible reaction to spilling coffee.

This one entails, as you could have guessed, a positive outlook on life. What does that even mean? A positive outlook on life does NOT exclude awareness of the whole picture. Being positive is NOT about being delusional and unrealistic. On the contrary, it is being INTENTIONAL with where you focus your energy on.

In other words, you acknowledge the situation in its fullness: you spilled coffee over yourself. It happened, you cannot go back and change the past. Now is the moment of your choice: will you deprive yourself of your peace, decide to direct your attention to worrying, complaining and stressing about your presentation - which by the way is still not happening RIGHT NOW - or do you accept reality as it is, and try to seek ways to make the best out of it, despite what has already happened? You cannot control the things that life sends on your path - thank God, no one can! That would make life so much more complicated if you had to focus on both actively controlling the circumstances and controlling your reaction to it. However, what you CAN control, lays within you: you can control your reaction to the environment. You can reinstall certain beliefs that make you view the world the way that you view it. At the first glance, the stain isn’t ideal. Nevertheless, you can consciously CHOOSE to turn it unto something positive! For example, it could be a great ice-breaker, in which you tell the audience how you were so enthusiastic about the presentation that you spilled the drink over yourself!

💥 Looking at these two examples, which one do you think will create a more empowering atmosphere in the room? How will your colleagues view you when you act ‘negatively’ vs ‘positively’? It is up to you to decide whether this small situation can ruin (or already HAS ruined, before it’s even officially happened!) your reputation, or not. Similarly, it is up to YOU what energy you embody, and what energy you allow to guide you through the situation. You have a choice. Always. Even - or actually especially - when you think that you do not.

💥 Will you decide to magnify the problem by dwelling on it - reliving it - or will you choose to turn this occurrence into something that can elevate you in life? Something that will allow you to become the truest expression of yourself? The REAL and the BEST You that you’ve ever been.

And of course, this story was not about the coffee :) I could give you plenty of other examples, on both large and low scale, but the main point here is that you always have a choice of how you view your life. Some beliefs may be just deeper rooted than the other ones, yet it is still up to you, whether you take action to ACTIVELY transform your life, or not. You are responsible for your own life and reactions to your life. Circumstances may provoke certain reactions or emotions, for example me getting touched by my peer’s remark, yet it is up to YOU if you act upon the triggered feelings, or not. Despite feeling disbelief and a touch of anger, I chose to react maturely, and simply said: “If you truly feel happy to be surrounded by misery and negativity, do as you wish. I am living the reality that I have actively created for myself, and I wish the same for you,” after which I left the room.

#encouragement #motivation #desired reality #choices #mind control #psychology #maturity #emotions #thoughts #university

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addedsugars · 7 months ago

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sodaa !! can i pls hear anything u want to share or say abt ur dgm insert !! im rly all ears !! (@dmclr)

HIIIII CLARA HIII thank you so much honestly... I have so many thoughts cause none of my friends are into d gray man and there for have. no idea what I'm talking about!

this is a long post so have some songs I listened to while writing it <:3

⛈️ ⛅ 🌨️

I was going to make this like a big lore post but I realized there's a bunch of things I wanna figure out first and a bunch of things I'd have to explain and I don't wanna leave this in my ask box for. Months! So instead I'm gonna use this post to talk about my current design process hell. I'm like aware self insert designs don't need to be complicated or directly match the source material but. Mine does actually! No it can't just be me it needs to fit with the LORE

a big problem I've been having recently is colors... I would consider my s/I to be like... part of the main quartet to some extent and all of them have main colors I associate with them.

Allen is generally white or a pale grey but I could understand if someone argued for red because of his scar and arm, but red is more an accent color than a main color for me. when illustrated in a simpler way Hoshino will usually focus on including his pale-ness before his red accents so I consider that more important in his color hierarchy

Lenalee is obviously purple. her hair is canonically black but whenever hoshino stylized her its just. purple. and she also has purple eyes either way. shes purple.

Lavi's in an orangey red or just orange in the a very "He is a ginger." type way. you could also just say his color is ginger and i'd be like. yeah.

and then finally, Kanda's is very much blue, even in canon I think during the Alma arc when he went insane his hair turned blue. even if that wasn't true, like Lenalee his eyes are blue is canon, and when given the chance his hair is also stylized as blue.

that being said when the characters are so clearly color-coded I find it important to also color code my self insert a little which leads to the dilemma of: which color do I give them?

i know my blog's theme might lead one to believe otherwise but my favorite color is red, so of course that was my first choice, but even with red not being Allen's main color. it's still very prominent in his palette and felt like stepping on his toes a little, plus even excluding Allen, Lavi will often stray into red and i don't want to deprive him of that versatility in my art just to differentiate the two color-wise. there is the option to make them into more of a pinkish red so when i push Lavi into more red, they'd become more pink so palette-wise they stand out from each other but I'm iffy on that.

this is also to say it isn't unheard of for characters to share a main color but it's usually with purpose. Like Alma's main color is arguably blue but i think that's purseful seeing as Kanda and Alma's stories are extremely intertwined. it shows that they're connected to each other in a way others aren't, these two characters' bond is unique.

I also like to think that Kanda and Lanelee having similar colors with Kanda occasionally slipping into more indigo than his usual blue shows that they have a unique bond in their own way too but :3c that's more just wishful thinking on my part...

Allen's mentor Cross's main color is red, which very much makes sense to me with Lavi and Allen's dubious claims to red as their central color since all three of these characters have a connected history. I would get into how the histories are connected but then this post would NEVER END so we can't do that. not today at least.

that being said I DID consider my self insert blue as a central color because my character is obviously very connected to Kanda, but I didn't like the idea of them having the exact same shade of blue so I thought of making it maybe a little lighter or a little darker. i also did not like that though because it reminded me too much of one of my moots ships. WHICH IS NO SHADE TO THEM BTW I love his ship a lot and that's partly why I think my brain has decided they have a claim over that specific color combo.

besides even if all of the above wasn't true I think Alma and Kanda's bond is very specific and unique and I feel like sharing their color might... intrude upon that instead of building upon it, if that makes sense? My s/i is still connected to BOTH in a way but, at the beginning of their relationship especially, not in the way they're connected to each other. I don't like the idea of them signifying a sense of unity with Kanda by sharing a central color with him when that's simply not true for them until WAY later. maybe they'd wear each other's colors to show that or something...

At the moment I'm really considering yellow for multiple reasons...

an orangey yellow to be specific! partly because it would still connect them to Kanda and Alma in a weird way of being their opposite of the color wheel but also showing their distance by again, being their opposite. i think it also goes with some design themes I was playing. them being a warm yellow in contrast to Kanda's cool blue... i also liked the idea of their ability to involve a flash of light somehow. especially since i planned to make them light-sensitive and get migraines like meee :). its funny to me.

i believe that is all my thoughts for now!! at least the coherent ones. i might post some design concept later... for nyow, thank you for coming to my ted talk! like genuinely if you read all this thank you!!! i talk a lot.

#🫧.blub blub #🐚. moots #🦐. asks #tag later #debating wether to put this in the main tag or not...#yes im posting this at 7am at a Wednesday. what of it #🗡#📕#👢#🌱#what of allen and alma emojis...#thats what the tag later is for i guess.

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yusuke-of-valla · 1 year ago

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If I see one more 'but all the Work that would go into FeMC and Atlus is just a tiny company that makes no money and and and-' I am going to Scream.

People legit think that Portable is presented in the visnov style because Kotone's route just used up so much processing power and not that Kotone was incentive to get people to play what otherwise would have just been a worse version of the game.

Idk enough about the psp and it's processing power and how much data Kotone takes up but like.

I can tell you that they did not need to make Reload, because Portable already exists and is playable on modern systems. If Atlus is such a tiny baby company with no money how come they spent all that time and money on a second remake of this game where they have to completely rebalance the gameplay and hire a completey new voice cast and basically remake everything from the ground up?

And if they're not a tiny baby company then they made a deliberate choice in the year of our door-kun 2024 to exclude the female protagonist and not make Reload a definitive edition when the idea is that it's supposed to be an entry point into P3 for new fans by giving it the Persona 5 glow up (and if you think fans who got into the series would be uninterested in or hell, actively turned away by, a female protagonist that's another problem)

Atlus actively made a choice, no one forced them to do anything or they'd go under, hell they have the money to launch a whole new IP! So if they're gonna make the choice to exclude Kotone then they gotta be ready for people thinking it's kinda sexist that they actively chose to exclude the female protagonist, you can't just go "I'm a lwiddle guy and it's my birthday" here

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troglobite · 3 months ago

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fatphobia & weight loss discussion beneath the cut. this is a relatively low stakes (but long and angry) rant, nothing in particular has happened. seriously if in-depth discussions of weight loss & fatphobia are Bad for your brain, do not read this.

some of my least favorite people on the internet are ppl who won't shut the FUCK UP abt their weight loss

and to be clear i'm not even talking abt the "i starved myself, got an eating disorder, go to the gym so much i'm a walking muscular corpse, and lost a ton of weight, and all it required was sacrificing all of my personality, money, time, and mental health to do it!!!!"

those ppl have been around forever, they aren't unique to the internet

the ppl i'm talking abt are the ones getting bariatric surgeries and taking medication INTENDED TO TREAT DIABETES for the SPECIFIC GOAL OF WEIGHT LOSS

first i need to make it so clear that i think doctors who do these things are fucking evil and should die and rot in hell for all eternity

if you make your living prescribing these medications to paralyze a fat person's organs so they lose weight

if you make your living REMOVING FUNCTIONING, HEALTHY, LIFE-NECESSARY ORGANS from fat people so that they die 10-30 years sooner and lose weight (temporarily)

i think you're a disgusting evil fucker who has no soul and you deserve to die, no questions asked.

okay, now moving onto to the people this is abt

not every person who has those things^^ done to them Never Shuts Up About It Online.

so the ppl i'm talking abt are the ones who never shut the fuck up.

EVERY COMMENT SECTION on EVERY POST that's even TANGENTIALLY abt weight, fatness, or weight loss

they HAAAAAAAAVE to talk abt their surgery or their usage of these medications

and the REASON i fucking HATE these people is the following:

they act like they're the most persecuted minority on planet earth and act like the "stigma" around these things is somehow the WORRRRSTTTT THING EVERRRRRRRR and then abandon their fellow fats and ppl they SHOULD be allied with

in favor of acting like the world's most pathetic victim

bc "everybody hates them" or whatever.

i need to be so clear

fat people hate you not bc we don't get it. of course we GET IT. there are a MILLION reasons that you've been forced, manipulated, harassed, guilted, pressured, etc. into doing those things to lose weight.

fat people hate you because you won't shut the fuck up and act like our hatred of the weight loss industries is somehow a personal attack against you

FAT PEOPLE ARE YOUR FUCKING ALLIES, YOU DIPSHIT

but these people repeat the SAME FUCKING PHRASE IN EVERY MOTHERFUCKING COMMENT

"the stigma around these choices is so bad :("

what are you talking abt.

what the FUUUUUUUUCK are you TAAAAAALKING about

i can't go 5 minutes watching tv or streaming or online without an adblocker without seeing TEN FUCKING MILLION COMMERCIALS abt these weight loss methods, and that's EXCLUDING the commercials abt diet programs and body sculpting, etc.

what are you TALKING abt "stigma"?

you mean the like whatever small percentage of thin people who want their cake and to eat it, too, when it comes to judging fat people? how they say "eat a salad/go to the gym/cut out your stomach/starve yourself w meds, fatty" and then when you do that they go "lol fatty eating a salad/ew fatty at the gym/wow you're so undisciplined you had to cut out your stomach/take meds"

like you mean THOSE people?

the SAME FUCKING PEOPLE who TELL YOU TO DO THOSE EXACT THINGS bc being fat is the WORST thing you can be, according to them?

you mean THEM???????

because i can tell you right the fuck now nobody who's pro-fat is saying that shit.

only fatphobic shitbags are saying that shit.

which is to say

YOU CANNOT WIN WITH FATPHOBIC BIGOTS.

YOU CAN'T WIN!!!!!

THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF THIN YOU CAN BE THAT WILL SOLVE *ALL* YOUR PROBLEMS! THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF WEIGHT LOSS THAT WILL MAKE PEOPLE FORGET YOU WERE FAT! THERE IS NO *METHOD* OF WEIGHT LOSS THAT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE *AND* APPEASE THE BIGOTS!!! THERE ISN'T!!!!

BECAUSE IT IS A FUCKING SOCIETAL SYSTEMIC LEVEL OF BIGOTRY

YOU CAN'T WIN!!!!!

so when these motherfucker dipshit fuckshit SHITBAGS go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about "THE STIGMA!!!!!!!!"

they never specify what it is or was. or anything.

and i don't go where fatphobic shitbags are leaving comments, anyway, so i don't see what they say.

so why are YOU going those places?

what are YOU talking abt?

could it be.....that you're talking abt....completely justified anger and frustration coming from other fatties? who are sick and tired of the various weight loss industries? and are DEVASTATED every time a famous fat person who they looked up to decides to LOSE A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT?

could it be that you're talking abt devastation and disappointment from fellow fatties who hate to see you excise healthy, functioning, life-giving organs to starve yourself into an early grave? who hate to see you paralyze those organs, instead, for the same reason and to the same result?

we're not mad at you personally. we're not judging you personally.

we hate the system and have complicated feelings abt you.

and NO. DOING THAT SHIT. MEANS YOU ARE NOT WELCOME INTO PRO-FAT SPACES IN TERMS OF ACTIVISM AND HEALTHY MINDSETS.

you are 1000000% welcome to follow pro-fat people and try to heal yourself from this incessant bigotry that you're facing, and try to make peace with the choices you made in this world that basically FORCED you to make that choice.

but don't come into this comment sections like a fucking catholic begging for forgiveness for permanently devastating and ruining your body in the pursuit of thinness

don't come to fat people trying to live our fucking lives and then whine and bitch and moan abt ~THE STIGMA!!!!~ as if WE'RE the ones holding any fucking social capital over you.

that's your own conflicted conscience. that's not US.

and if someone is an asshole to you, you literally need to get some fucking perspective on the situation and understand WHY. should they maybe shut the fuck up bc targeted weight talk is a problem? yep.

but you literally need to be the bigger person (ha) here and get the fuck over it and understand that the same context that forced you to make this irreversible decision is the same context that THIS person lives in and is dealing with differently so that they DON'T make an irreversibly damaging choice abt their body and life. and seeing yet another person succumb makes it HARD to keep resisting.

is it your personal job to be The So-Called Perfect Political Fatty? nope. there's no such thing anyway.

but that's where the frustration comes from.

and y'know what's FUCKING WILD?!?!?!?

if you didn't fucking incessantly talk about it in every motherfucking comment section

NOBODY WOULD SAY SHIT TO YOU!!!!!!

YOU ARE LITERALLY BRINGING THIS UPON YOURSELF BY GOING INTO EVERY MOTHERFUCKING COMMENT SECTION OF EVERY POST ON EVERY WEBSITE AND TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE THE ONE BEING A FUCKING DIPSHIT ASSHOLE AND INTRUDING ON OTHERS' LIVES!!!!

THE STIGMA YOU ARE IMAGINING COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE IS COMING FROM YOU!

AND ALSO FROM THE BIGOTS WHO ALREADY HATED YOU ANYWAY!!!!!!!

stop trying to appease people who ultimately JUST WANT YOU DEAD!!!! that is the ultimate goal of EVERY BIGOT for EVERY BIGOTRY THERE IS! they want you dead!

fat people, disabled people, Black people, literally ethnicities/races, LGBTQ people entirely. they want you dead.

they'll SAY they want you "reformed". but only bc "reforming" has SUCH A HIGH DEATH TOLL, and the ones who live basically serve to uphold and PROVE that their bigotry isn't bigotry, but the real and natural order of the world.

fatphobes will always hate you. literally. even if you lose weight. even if you have a so-called perfect body.

why?

because the second you deviate even a little bit, they'll get your fucking ass.

they'll get you for being Too Thin

they'll get you for being Too Muscular

they'll get you for weight fluctuating due to NORMAL LIFE

they'll get you for not being perfect enough

they'll get you for being too perfect bc who can actually have that body?

you will NEVER. BE. FREE. of fatphobic body critique.

and you seeking catholic-style absolution at the hands of FELLOW TRAUMATIZED FAT PEOPLE is the most HEINOUS shit you could do.

you are the problem.

not because of your choices (which, imo, weren't really YOUR choices, but the choices of the world around you).

but because of your subsequent choice to NEVER SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING/DID TO LOSE WEIGHT.

OH MY GOD HAVE YOU EVER LEARNED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE?!?!!

I'M GOING TO LOSE IT JUST BE FUCKING QUIET HOLY SHIT YOU ARE NOT OPPRESSED BY FELLOW FAT PEOPLE

AND BIGOTS WILL STIGMATIZE EVERY CHOICE YOU MAKE AROUND WEIGHT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BIGOTRY IS

YOU ARE LITERALLY THE DIPSHITTIEST MOTHERFUCKER ON PLANET EARTH MAKE IT STOP

okay i'm done.

no wait i forgot the most important part:

YOUR CHOICES TO LOSE WEIGHT AND HOW TO DO IT

ARE NOT MORE STIGMATIZED THAN JUST BEING FUCKING FAT

you are not MORE persecuted than other fat people who stay fat!

why?

BECAUSE WE AREN'T PERSECUTING YOU.

we want to CHANGE AND UPROOT THIS SOCIETAL BIGOTRY and DESTROY the industries that did this to you

so nobody ever has to feel that pain or make that choice ever again

and while we're doing it, WE ARE BEING TREATED THE WAY FAT PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TREATED

you are not MORE persecuted bc we HATE the ppl who did to you whatever it was you chose to have happen

stop acting like a fucking wounded martyr in the comment sections of fat ppl and pro-fat ppl

you are not that. you're a sign of how dire things are right now, yes.

but you're a not a fucking martyr. you aren't MORE persecuted.

it's all the fucking same.

and no, fellow fatties aren't your fucking enemy.

you can make choices abt your body and what to do to it and trying to be thin or WHATEVER

and STILL ALLY WITH FAT PEOPLE AND PRO-FAT PEOPLE

but let's be fucking honest the real reason you go around doing that, begging for absolution in fat ppls' comments, is to get validation from THIN PEOPLE and people who've drunk the fucking kool-aid

bc those are the only ppl who actually RESPOND

"that's so brave of you to choose to be thin"

"no one should shame you for choosing to prioritize your health [by destroying your health]!!!"

"it's really amazing of you to decide to stop being fat, and any hideous fatty--i mean, uh, other. person. shouldn't judge you for it!!!"

you are doing this begging for absolution from fat people

and either getting it or getting yelled at for being a ridiculous fucking asshat in their comments

OR, more likely, getting congratulatory comments from ppl just like you or THIN PEOPLE.

you want the gatekeepers to see your penance and REWARD you with entry into the ELITE.

you therefore know these choices aren't stigmatize, or you wouldn't be fucking FLAUNTING THEM ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE

you are LYING. to yourself and to everyone else.

and it's fucking pathetic.

please stop making your own mental health journey everyone else's fucking problem, like EN MASSE.

is this unique to this group? no not really! there are plenty of ppl from different groups who refuse to look behind the curtain and instead inflict this shit on ppl who are their would-be allies seeking validation from their oppressors!

but i've just seen this FUCKING EVERYWHERE lately and i'm SO FUCKING SICK OF IT.

so i'm complaining.

instead of replying to you dipshits in the comments section.

huh. interesting, that. almost like. you aren't being oppressed by me being pissed off at you.

final disclaimer:

this is abt ppl who make those choices and then won't shut the fuck up abt them in comment sections.

this is not abt making those choices in general.

the response to that is "i hope it actually DOES materially improve your life. i hope you DON'T die 10-30 years sooner. i hope you DON'T develop irreparable, chronic illnesses from these choices. i hope you CAN be happy. i hope you DO keep the weight off so it was worth it."

and also

"ppl who perform abortions don't deserve to be picketing and bombed, bariatric surgeons & weight loss doctors do."

now to be clear to anyone who wants to report me: that isn't a threat or even a promise or even necessary a political stance but an emotional statement. i'm a disabled fatty stuck in bed all the time i can't do shit :))))))))))

anyway.

just clarifying.

also i'm not exaggerating by describing these weight loss methods the way i do. that is literally just reality. appetite suppressants & stomach paralyzers. surgeries to remove healthy, functioning organs so that you starve yourself and deprive yourself of crucial, life-giving nutrients.

i want ppl to be so clear on this, it's not that these surgeries prevent you from "eating too much" it's that they destroy your body so deeply and utterly, that your body goes into starvation mode and starts consuming itself.

those fat stores were there for a reason, so your body starts using them up.

and either it tries to readjust and recreate those fat stores despite the missing organs, or you are permanently malnourished.

either way, that kind of stress on the body literally takes decades off your life and can kill people.

the surgeries are sold as removing the "offending" parts of your digestive system, or restricting how much you eat.

as if overeating was the problem.

it wasn't, it isn't, and even if it was, that's still not what's being addressed, mainly, w these surgeries.

it is damaging and destroying the body and scaring it into using up all of the energy & fat stores that it had on hand so that you don't fucking DIE IMMEDIATELY.

your body wants you to live. that's what the fat stores ARE. it wants you LIVE.

okay. anyway.

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blacktoothcomics · 8 months ago

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problem with being mixed is we don't really get to belong anywhere. I can't write for an "us", only a "me", because each mixed kid's experience is wildly different from t'other, even within similar demographs.

i'm a quarter (eight 🎱?) indigenous american, stricken with auto-immune issues resulting in pretty severe vitiligo in early childhood, triggered by extreme stress (we lived in isolation and poverty, our white mom excluded from community support on both sides, and i lost a sibling to rape and murder before i was out of diapers).

state schooling was hell. abrahamic saturation in popculture, deeply unsettling. peers and classmates inexplicably cruel, when they weren't white kids trying to obsessively monopolize my friendship and esteem based on my heritage, they were brown kids pushing me out of the lunchline accusing my grandparents of colonialism.

at age 13 i tried to enroll in algonquin language classes, the maiyami language smothered by colonial catholics, and was promptly bullied out by browner students with better monied parents. trying to explain my vitiligo was no use -- instead of support and acceptance i found the exact same amount of abelism and classism and racial supremacy rhetoric as some white communities tend to foster; worse for me because there was no definition for this kind of exclusion -- it wasn't racism exactly, and i didn't have anything for any of these kids to be jealous over but that was the only answer i was ever given, that the browner and better monied tribal american kids were envious.

as a teenager i was approached by another racial supremacy group, a second-gen korean woman who agreed with my ha'native dad that their races (??) needed reproductive preservation. (barf.)

my dad, along with permission from my mother, had frozen and sold the eggs of my murdered sibling. in the name of racial preservation, this happened, the reproductive choices of a toddler, stolen, her body harvested for parts so monied white women could exorcise some of their guilt and collect some little brown babies on the way (y'know, for social clout, and bcos birtherists are fukken creeps).

the woman who approached me with ideas of racial preservation knew me through my dad, or rather through my dad's choices and the media bruhahaha that arose when mom tried to sue for money owed (she had only agreed to the harvest of her dead child for lack of ability to pay for hospital and funeral fees).

the second gen ha'korean woman was also an ecofascist, and shared her aspirations to genocide white americans the same way tribal americans had been genocided.

and i, mixed race but pretty thoroughly hatecrimed by adults and teens of both (and all) races by then, knew this woman for a crock of shit who needed to be stopped. i wasn't desperate enough for community to fall for violent extremism, despite the accidental death on my record from an industrial accident that white-ass mormon media had published as purposeful sabotage.

if ever you're curious, investigate "anna fox" of east leroy, athens, or battle creek michigan. you might find her headstone, and media records for "anna's law", which specifies that organ donations from unconsenting minors never include reproductive parts, cos baby harvesting is fucking ghoulish and racial supremacy is goddamn gross.

so anyways, i stoolpigeoned on the ha'korean supremacist and her entire toady operation of terrorists, because what the fuck else was i going to do? fight the moonies alone?! white supremacists were scary obsessives and tan supremacists probably weren't going to be any less violent or controlling or rapey (re: reproductive pressures lain against erryone, disabled or queer or regular asexual).

as i never thought to guess, this 'betrayal' of a group of obsessives projecting allyship on me, uh, didn't turn out so well for me or my family down the line. harassments from outside the neighborhood were seasonally random but constant, paired with a growing meth crisis and opiod epidemic recruiting the resentments of the "white trash" that i had stood up for in the first fucking place. survivors are the worst to other survivors.

also, that open-faced drainage ditch was going to catch fire eventually, sheer coincidence it was my cousinage's fireworks to land the hit, mmmmaybe we don't leave flammable industrial waste running freely through residential neighborhoods, even if the community is mostly latinx. (won that fucking lawsuit, too, but as ever the real harm came with the media coverage of the entire thing, which drew local eyeballs and fanned the flames of extralocal rumormongering.) ha'korean moonie loonie got the idea somewhere that i was an ecoterrorist, because this was a useful brag to the ecofascist my dad had married, a woman who later would try to freeze and harvest my surviving sister's eggs in her teenaged years, because money and human trafficking.

so, i dunno. all this happened under every different kind of president this country ever had in my lifetime. mom was still sexually assaulted by dad's CO, dad still told mom to just roll over and take it, we were still too poor to afford safe or decent housing when mom fled and was rejected by her catholic parents for leaving the marriage, nevermind healthcare or nutrition. white parent still ostracized by both white and brown sides of the family, hashbrown parent still a shitass homeopathic grifter getting labortrafficked by his shitlib second spouse.

my sister was still raped, my twin still murdered, my classmates still unimaginably cruel and my peers still unreasonably selfish; the white music teacher at verona elementary still raped my white hashbrown sister and later my classmate and always his own daughter; i still stabbed the music teacher and he still never saw jailtime (and last i knew still got to work in education).

the immigrants to this land still don't know how to fukken act right, and the indigenous to this land still consider themselves beyond goddamn reproach.

and all through childhood and teenhood i couldn't be fucking bothered to choose a side. both sides sucked in the exact same ways, fortunate survivors lashing out in confused grief, pissbaby bawling 'bout land and economy, narratives soured by the refusal to name the *actual* enemy to us all.

like, look, very few classmates believed me about my native heritage, which was fine because we didn't really have much social justice clout before the widespread accessibility of the internet and whitepipo tend to get xtra rapey when they suspect minority status (my first personal actual sexual abusers were white girls, while the meth'd up teens to kill my twin and rape our white sister were hashbrown boys, there is literally zero difference between the axes).

and still, the only connection to my native heritage i have left is a few scattered secondary relatives, which i don't speak to re: lingering issues with cultural supremacy and general lack of interest or effort on their side. and a few artifacts, heirlooms even, which have gone missing piece by stolen piece and year by displaced year. and stories, i have stories. memories. training. the anonymity of the manapogo aunties, their warnings that not every tribe in america was the same, that we didn't all get along and that the schism of capitulation to colonialism still remained between us all -- maiyami, as was explained to me by my oldest and most demented greatgrammaw, maiyami were considered "uncivilized" by white settlers and reservation-locked indigenous tribes both. on account of all the ? miscegenation? idk the word for it, basically we was gypsy trash who openly and easily married french bohemes freshly escaped from their pressgangs, which "watered down" uh "the bloodlines" but on educated hindsight probably actually just saved my ancestors from localized vulnerability to le plagues 'n such.

i'm saying immigration is good, actually!

colonialism = bad, capitalism = bad, but accepting refugees and immigrants = very cool and beneficial and even fun if it's done respectably.

maiyami tribe's greatest sin, at the time of exclusion from reservation displacement (we wasn't even ON the trail of tears lmao)? LEARNING. LANGUAGES. FOR TRADE.

what's one of my casual interests that i do for fun? is it languages, real or imaginary, lettered or mathematical or code? isn't it!

and maiyami, see, they easily lost their french-algonquin pigeon because, uh, hurrdurr being allowed to STAY ALIVE tends to matter more than what sounds are coming out your mouth in which order. it wasn't this great betrayal of history or honor or ancestry to let the maiyami tradespeak wither under the stones of the catholic church, it was just survival.

and fellow survivors are the worst to others lucky enough to survive.

i am mixed. i don't have a "we" or an "us" to speak for, even if my experiences weren't that far removed from other little white kids, other brown teens, other 'mixed' persons. black and brown tribes across the seas aren't a monolith, either, not even in the cultural deadlands carved out by slavery, or imperialism. we're all mixed.

i can't speak for an "us" because i can't speak for everyone in my nation, in my tax bracket, in my generation.

but i am more native to america than (checks notes) absolutely fucking anyone else i personally goddamn know, so i do feel entitled to say this:

you are a guest. yeah, you. you are a guest to your neighbors, to your country, to your lands; because we are all of us, guests, to this planet. we are guests to each other, and we need, us, we, together, need to goddamn remember that. you are a guest.

you're a guest to your tribe, your heritage, your family. the people who fucked to make you, they invited you to this world and you were not given the chance to decline and you were not given the chance to consent, but you are a guest just the same.

i never owed deference to my parents just like the maiyami never owed deference to the algonquin or pottowatomi; we were all just guests to one another, and owed each other nothing but consideration, a chance to goddamn consent. immigrants are guests no matter where they (or you) are from, no matter where we land, where next we might need to flee.

i am comfortable with displacement because it's something my immediate family has had to do, because it's something the family in their past has had to do, because their ancestors also had to flee to survive, also had to uproot and lose connections and make new lives with new neighbors and missing heirlooms and et c.

and i'm not any less native for being white, and neither is the european quadroon fresh in from a shitty island somewheres. we're all native to this planet; and the #1 difference between settlers and indigenous americans was mypipo had the good goddamn sense to pack up and fucking *leave* when the weather turned.

oh i left michigan as often as financially possible. besides the klanadians, the mormons, and the neonazis in from whiteflight detroit, my neighborhood also struggled with abrahamic cults in black and brown communities, and pressurized class violence which almost always saw women murdered and children raped all up and down every tax bracket (THANKS, CAPITALISM).

and me still mixed, still without definitive community, still dodging attention-hungry church leaders and their viciously desperate victims, still inexplicably popular and well-received at random (brutha i had to get good at all kindsa languages, not least the codes with the switching thereof). still harassed by victims-turned-villain, still assaulted by girls and women both in my peer group and older and MUCH older, all of them white and all of them perceiving me as Not White.

while all the brownpipo accused me of whiteness, the way the violently displaced yet racially preserved "civilised" tribes accused the maiyami of ?? we still don't know what, survival maybe. the fur trade had something to do with it all, and maiyami the name even pigeon french with "ami" as in friend, and more than a few tribal collectives more like trade unions than families, as varied were their members, and probably plagues just fucked everyone up for lack of gradual exposure, and yeah probably the dirty frogfuckers caught blame for surviving that too.

i'm not catching blame anymore. i'm not even going to let it fall at my feet. i am stepping over blame's listless corpse, and walking the fuck forward to punch the next goddamn nazi in line.

the reskids called me Buffalo, when i busted in that trailer door to get at the bullies sending dogbites after my little brother.

you know what a *white* buffalo means, to the viciously civilized tribes who have spent 200 years lashing out at fellow survivors?

change.

#bummer #tw: bummer #blacktooth articles #personal #mmiw

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dragonflight203 · 1 year ago

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Mass Effect 3 replay, part one of the Citadel DLC:

-I normally do the Citadel DLC right after picking up Tali, but I wanted to do the Rannoch arc in one go so I put it off.

Now seems like a good time – after Rannoch the Normandy probably needed repairs anyway, and the asari Councilor’s called me back to the Citadel.

Meeting Joker

-In the Grissom Academy mission, Anderson and Kahlee haven’t seen each other for years.

At the start of this mission, Anderson says Kahlee had wanted them to settle down in the apartment. In one of the audio logs he speaks to her directly.

So, retcon?

-How does Anderson connect to the apartment? Or to Shepard in general?

I thought QEC worked so one point connected directly to another point. So you can’t pick another point to connect to; it can only connect to a preset transmitter.

Ergo, Anderson should not be able to wander around Earth and connect to the Normandy or his apartment whenever he happens past a QEC transmitter. That QEC transmitter should only be able to connect to its pair.

It’s entirely possible I’m misunderstanding how QEC work, but that’s what I take away from the Codex entry: “the system’s exclusively point-to-point nature precludes peer-to-peer networking and data dissemination through the galactic extranet.”

-The audio logs in the apartment have excellent information, but needing to listen to them is painful. Just present a text entry that I can choose to read or listen to. I can read much faster than Anderson can speak. Easier to reference, too.

-I can understand why this apartment is huge; admiral or Councilor, I’m sure Anderson brings in a nice salary.

But why the hell does it have three beds? Two upstairs, one downstairs? Did Anderson have roommates?

-The turian pointing at the fish at the sushi place is so, so cute.

-This place must do both levo and dextro food. I see a mixed crowd eating.

-I wanted to complain that the mercenaries are all human, but we learn later Brooks is a human supremacist so that adds up.

-As a power user, this section should be easy. I normally don’t use my gun at all.

However, the M-11 suppressor during this section is heavy, so my powers recharge much more slowly than normal.

That makes this section very frustrating.

I don’t know why they did that; the M-11 you receive later is light.

-The attack on the sushi place is odd.

It’s extremely public; if Shepard died there, everyone would know. Clone Shepard doesn’t want that – they want to replace Shepard, and there would be too many questions if Shepard died at the sushi place. This is before they’ve replaced Shepard’s fingerprints.

They also want to kill all of Shepard’s close friends; they would not be able to fool them.

That’s presumably why Brooks saves Shepard at the sushi place.

But why attack them there at all? Why give the mercenaries kill orders and risk one getting off a lucky shot?

There must have been an easier means to lure everyone into a trap and obtain Shepard’s Spectre code. Some method that did not result in everyone in full combat gear.

-As usual in ME3, I have a hard time making out the broadcasts and background chatter. It’s not subtitled because fuck you if you having hearing problems.

-Why does the walk sign consist of a turian, hanar, and human?

That’s an odd choice. Turians and humans have very similar body types; you could easily switch either out with an asari.

The hanar makes sense, as they have a very different body shape.

Instead of a turian and a human, I think it would have been better to swap one out with an elcor.

-Finally, the much spoken of Fishdog Food Shack makes an appearance.

Seriously, where did that name come from? That does not sound like a human name. Did some other species start it up and advertise it as selling human food?

-I hope the skycar place has good insurance. They’re going to need it.

(I bet Citadel policies exclude acts of Spectres, the way many policies exclude acts of god.)

-It’s a nice touch that you can read the descriptions for many of the skycars for sale.

-I need to look up how this plays out if Wrex is dead; it must be very different.

-When Brooks says Shepard took out 100 guys with a pistol, Shepard does not deny it.

Well, even if they didn’t take out 100 today they have over the years.

Casino

-Elijah Khan’s name is very close to Elias Khelim, from Thane’s loyalty mission. I initially thought they were the same person.

Were they perhaps intended to be at one point, and it was changed later?

-You should have the option to take Cortez with you. He’s a love interest and there’s no combat this mission, so it wouldn’t take that much more work to include him.

-Javik should have had a new set of clothes for the Casino. We were robbed.

-Why are all of Shepard’s dresses awful?

-I love how Elspeth Murrain attracts every shady person to contribute to her campaign funds. Even Aria’s involved and she operates out of the Terminus Systems.

-At least the consort’s a bit warmer this time. Still not tremendously helpful though – is “win” really the best advice she can give?

-Columbia Rios is glorious. She reminds me of Helena Blake from ME1. Very pragmatic and straight to business.

-Hmm. I deliberately avoided speaking to Aishwarya Ashland so I could speak to her father first, but I still told him that I’d met her. Is it because I overheard her say a line? Or does Shepard always say that?

-The turian by Aishwarya is wearing a suit. Every other turian except Rolan is in other clothes. Is he her date?

-Javik dances when you speak to Jonah. It’s beautiful.

-Huh. I swear I remember some dialogue about the Patriarch, but I’ve circled the casino twice and can’t trigger it.

-Brooks, have some patience. I’ll get to you.

-You get credits after the mission. Rather amusing – the implication is that Shepard robbed the place. Hopefully just Khan’s personal funds.

Citadel Archives

-Javik says protheans did not date primitives… Except for asari.

Ah, asari. The writers screwed you over so badly. You deserved better than to be best known as the species everyone wants to fuck.

-How did the volus delivery person get into the apartment?

Even if it was unlocked – and I hope not! – I presume they would not waltz right in.

Unless James gave them the code and told them to? But why would he do that?

-And why is payment for the pizza not required before delivering it?

Everything’s digital anyway; or at least I haven’t seen any references to cash. I’d expect payment before delivery to be standard.

-Brooks makes sure everyone goes to the Citadel Archives by saying it’s a shame that not everyone can come.

If she hadn’t brought it up, someone may have stayed behind to secure the home base.

Reverse psychology at its finest.

-There are multiple biotics in the squad. Dropping weapons doesn’t disarm them.

-The archive holos are not subtitled, because I cannot emphasize enough how many fuck yous Bioware has for those with imperfect hearing.

-Of course the holo about the First Contact War would consist of two male turians and one male human, despite the species supposedly being gender equal.

The Omega DLC had already been released. They had no excuse for not including a female turian. Or at least making the human a woman.

-One of turians explicitly says he intends to conquer Earth.

I do love the Hierarchy being a low key empire in the background. They must pull this bullshit all the time. If they snatch up a new client race, no one will protest because it’s more work than letting it go!

The asari and salarians must be sick of it.

The real reason they were so firm that the Hierarchy couldn’t conquer humanity and had to pay reparations: They’d already aquired two other “clients” this century.

-Why is there only one image of the krogan ambassador attacking the asari and salarian Councilors at the start of the Krogan Rebellions? Is the implication supposed to be the rest of the recording was damaged in the fight?

-Why does Glyph desire combat abilities?

He’s not a full AI, so that must be part of his programming. But where the hell does it come from?

-Liara apologizes that Glyph keeps mixing up the two Shepards by saying he’s not a combat model.

What does that have to do with being a combat model or not?

I suppose combat models may have greater recognition ability because that’s extremely important in a fight, but you’d think that’s a function also critical for the Shadow Broker.

The former Shadow Broker was cheap.

-And we learn in another holo that the Council did accept that Sovereign was a Reaper. They just kept it quiet.

Interesting retcon, since the writers explicitly acknowledged and rejected this possibility earlier on by having Joker state he had hoped the Council had been denying it to Shepard because of the Cerberus connections and was disappointed to learn it was not the case.

So why retcon it now? Did the writers realize how absurdly bad it made the Council to deny it? But why would they care? They’ve always portrayed the Council in a negative light.

I suspect this was another case of “Wouldn’t it be cool if…?” and not much more thought was given to it.

-I love that the first Spectre was selected because he used civilians as bait and was fairly confident that they’d survive.

The Spectres have always been shady as fuck. I suspect paragons are more rare than renegades.

-Glyph says it’s a pity the scientists perished because he wanted to discuss the elcor mating totem with them.

Does he mean in the past? Or current day in the Archives? I don’t see any bodies.

-I suspect the Council will be pissed at the amount of damage the Archives is taking.

Here’s to hoping their backups are up to date.

-Clone Shepard is dressed the same as the Shepard in the Archive holo where they’re considered for Spectre status.

That can’t be coincidence. Someone is feeling insecure.

-In Brooks’ flashback, the signs by the door Shepard uses their Spectre code to open have text rather than the cute picture of turian/hanar/human they do in the game.

-When Clone Shepard replays the portion of the Council meeting where Shepard was made Spectre, only the asari and turian Councilors are shown. Where’s the salarian Councilor?

-Clone Shepard: The Normandy needs its captain.

Very out of character for the real Shepard. When the quarians called them captain in ME2, they specifically rejected the title since they had not reached it in the Alliance.

-Is it just me or does anyone else get the impression that Brooks seduced Clone Shepard?

Give Clone Shepard’s chronological time span, that makes me feel icky.

-The inability to open vaults from the inside is a huge safety concern.

The real contribution of humanity to the galaxy will be minimal safety requirements.

-How does Joker know about the other Shepard?

They don’t learn about that until they’re in the Archives, and Joker doesn’t join them there.

Normandy

-Clone Shepard may have changed the biometric logs, but they don’t have Shepard’s memories. They will not be able to fool anyone for long.

Also, I hope the Archive system has an audit trail that tracks when changes are made. Even better, what changes were made.

-At the start of the mission, Joker referred to the Normandy as “his” then quickly backtracked it to “ours”.

As he takes Shepard and co to the Normandy, he and Shepard refer to the ship as his repeatedly.

Nice touch.

-Javik: Don’t be stupid, human. It was clearly a clone.

Considering Javik’s been expressing incredulousness this whole time about it…

-The clone letting go of the Normandy because Brooks abandons them is tragic.

The clone’s been alive six months. Brooks is the only person they really know. Once Brooks leaves them, they’re alone in a world they barely have any experience with.

They’re a shitty person, but they’ve had barely any time to be a person. And they’ve had just about the worst guide the whole time.

I feel bad for them.

-The Normandy probably needs more repairs than when it started. Oops.

#mass effect #mass effect 3 #mass effect 3 replay

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psudopod · 2 years ago

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Yeah it's fine. It's fine to consume media. It's not rare. It doesn't need a special post to explain to people they can watch TV or read a book. Many people have no hobbies. That's fine. But fine isn't great. "Do you have a hobby outside of consuming media?" is not a post about how to be just fine and common.

If you find yourself making a million and one exceptions to a general post maybe that post isn't for you? This is the "people should go for walks sometimes" post all over again. "I can't because my body can't!" Ok! Post isn't for you. "I can't because I live in a car-centric hell scape" Ok- Post is actually very for you. Structural problems are indeed not individual problems congrats on understanding what I said but that doesn't mean people suffering under structural problems should have their suffering normalized, like it's normal to not even have the choice to walk or have a self-expressive hobby. When my homies can't even play video games after work I'm not like "hey it's ok and fine to not have a choice over what you do with all your energy!" I'm pissed. They're pissed. I see a post about people not being able to pick their hobbies since they are busy recovering from work and I'm fuckin pissed at the system.

(I also think you're projecting a much not restrictive definition of a hobby that isn't just consuming media than I had in mind. Imo hobbies can include media consumption activities. After all that trying to define what is a hobby and what is consuming media in your first post, a lot of that is a hobby IMO. When I say "consuming whatever media is in front of you" that was specifically to exclude the media consumption creativity that I see as a hobby-that-isn't-just-consuming-media.

My neighbor, who's main pastime is on the surface "listening to music," but who's actual hobby is making a room with a huge sound system and a specifically placed chair to have the perfect acoustics to listen to a very specific range of singers. Or people who curate watch lists, or curate a media collection, write reviews, or contribute to fandom discussions. I meant that not as an insult to media consumers but as a way to specify the activity. An activity more akin to leaving the TV or radio on a channel. The point where it becomes hard to call it a hobby. A pastime? An activity? Decompressing? (I think you've got people in the notes saying writing fanfics isn't a hobby? Wack.))

"Name a hobby outside of MEDIA CONSUMPTION" is the worst kind of post. It's squarely in that ever-growing genre of post where the point on its face is ideologically meaningless and entirely reliant on an audience's biased negative reaction to a certain popular online buzzword (in this case, "consuming media"). Define "media". Define "consumption". Are reading books, watching movies, and playing video games all inherently inferior hobbies for dumb babies? What about going to an art gallery? What about going to see a play? What makes those "different", if you instinctually answer "Noooo that's not the same!"? Where does creating art, or "media", fall into this equation? Why does your insistence on feeling in some way intellectually and/or morally superior than the peons who use TikTok always fall back on the idea that the only worthwhile, "real" hobbies require a certain level of physical, mental, and/or social ability and reinforce the glorification of manual labor? Why will we never Fucking be free?

#the original post brought to mind my dad when he tried to retire.#he spent a few months consuming media since that's what he did to decompress and he never had a ton of energy to have a big bad hobby #he could tell me what he was watching and what he thought of it... sometimes...#and then he started learning French and every day it was something he'd talk to my mother about talk about the stuff he was remembering

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chainmail-butch · 2 years ago

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Okay, this is my last post about the Present Discourse but defining Lesbianism in relation to men really seems to run entirely against the grain of being a lesbian. If someone is a bisexual lesbian then that means they're a bisexual lesbian. And, not to put words in other peoples mouths, they're not concerned with men.

They're Lesbians. That's why they're using the word lesbian, why is that a problem.

Two dykes can fuck each other and simultaneously admire a man's ass.

If your beef is 'we need our own special word' then grow the fuck up. Your special word is lesbian. Its right there. No one is adulterating it. It means women that fuck women. There are Dykes, there are Bulldaggers, there are Butches, there are Studs, there are Femmes, there are He/Him Lesbians. Not all lesbians have vaginas. Not all lesbians are women. And in that same vein not all gay men have cocks and not all gay men are men. We (Dykes) aren't special and we aren't excluded from fluidity.

And also sexuality and queerness don't need to be firmly defined. I was ace for a while, now I might not be ace. Shit changes. Hell, I was a guy for 23 years. Shit can and does change over the course of someone's life.

If you're main beef with bisexual lesbianism is the fact that these women have the capacity to be attracted to men then maybe chill. They're lesbians. That's why they're using the word lesbian. If you're worried that Bisexual Lesbians will somehow compromise "The Sexuality" in the face of the straights then I don't know what to tell you.

Respectability politics never win. Exclusion is never the right choice. There are Bisexual Lesbians in this world, no amount of whining is going to change this fact.

#lesbian #gay #bisexual #transgender #queer #I promise this is the last time I engage with this.#The Discourse

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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years ago

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ok so. kiwami 2. rooftop scene. the ending. it's a bit of a clusterfuck but i wanna talk about one detail, a problem they bring to your attention by Fucking. Talking About Her.

haruka is watching all of this unfold.

[this post is like 4.5k words long + pretty critical + has spoilers for kiwami and kiwami 2, and really minor/vague ones for a couple others. they're not that bad though, trust me (and i added a warning in the one place it is major)]

ALSO CONTENT WARNING i'm gonna talk about kiryu's passive suicidality a good amount in this one, so stay away from this if you think that might affect you negatively/you'd be better off skipping it. i'll also make a tl;dr (which i will highlight in red) at the very end if you really wanna know what my point is that will exclude those elements <3. i am also going to use a lot of choice-based language in regards to kiryu's contemplation of suicide because i think it's the lens through which the games treat the topic, but i personally don't find it a productive or realistic way to look at suicide or suicidal ideation at all. someone dying by suicide absolutely does not mean they don't care about their loved ones enough to fight on or whatever. i love you, and proceed with caution on this one.

(also i'm using the kiwamis as my point of reference because i uh. don't have a ps2? those are the games that i played, and though the differences are likely slight, i wanna be clear about that. also,, ignore the watermark on these screenshots,, i didn't notice them and i'm not retaking them. we're all gonna have to settle for youtube cutscene comps for now xoxo)

first, we have to talk about the ending of the first game.

[note: i am Really Really Confident kiryu has a conversation earlier in the game about his going to jail in nishiki's stead being him running away and choosing not to resist his two options (go to jail or let nishiki go to jail) and define his own path, fighting his way against fate to make it happen. part of why i'm so confident it exists is because it made such an impression on me at the time. it's pretty important to my interpretation of things but i also can't find it for the life of me, so uh. sorry ✌️ i really tried. this post's takes/analysis will be dependent on this scene existing, so keep that in mind. if anyone knows where to find the scene/screenshots of it, lmk and i'll add a follow-up with it]

kiwami stuff

so as she's dying, yumi tells haruka this:

that she may be dying (painfully, and right as she's getting everything she wanted), but she doesn't regret it, because at least she did something rather than running away from it all. that you shouldn't run away, ever.

shortly thereafter, when the police find kiryu and haruka, this exchange happens between him and date. here's the play by play:

date tells kiryu he can get him out of trouble with this, and that if he doesn't, he'll get life in prison; kiryu declines his help:

kiryu is so devastated (understandably) by the back to back losses of the three people closest to him that he resigns himself to life in prison, and the death-in-effect that would be. he would prefer to waste away rather than struggle through a life without them. prison was monotonous and isolating, but coming back after a decade was overwhelming, and coming back to everything being so warped and twisted, and then losing the corrupted scraps he had anyway, well. he wants to go back to sleep. he doesn't want to be in a world where everything's the same except he's on his own. better to return to safety, to die slowly in a hell he knows well than weather a new one where he has control and agency, and thus one where he has the ability to fail and to lose anything at any time. he explains to date that that loss is why he can accept his death:

date shakes him and asks him if there's really nothing left for him, no reason to keep living at all:

then echoes yumi's advice to haruka:

which makes an impression on kiryu:

date gives him a reason to live in the form of haruka, saying she'll be on her own again if he goes to jail. he hijacks kiryu's tragic protector complex to keep him alive, because she needs him, and because she's someone precious to him:

after the dust has cleared,

kiryu and date also have this exchange, where date tells him to stay away from the cops (and presumably arrest and a return to prison, the aforementioned fate akin to death), and kiryu cites haruka as his reason to stay away, one he holds to with no uncertainty (showing again that he's accepted date's logic, that his reason to keep living even when it's incredibly difficult is to care for the more vulnerable haruka). given the weight of the consequences, to me, it feels like date's telling him not to be alone with his thoughts or something. it's almost frightening:

so, what's our takeaway from kiwami?

kiryu lost everything and hit rock bottom, but he chose to fight, and to live life on his own terms, even when it got difficult. that's the narrative life lesson he had to learn to avoid repeating the events of 1995. he made that choice for haruka's sake. it's seen as growth.

and without him, haruka would've just returned to the orphanage (assuming she could make it back to sunflower at all) with no one who knew or understood what she had been through, no one to mourn with her, and no one to give her the attention, care, and protection she needs. kiryu knows what it's like to be an orphan with a limited parental figure who only checks in every so often (kazama, "aunt" yumi), and what someone will do for attention/affection from that person (via both himself and nishiki swearing up, climbing the ranks, etc. arguably haruka coming to kamurocho by herself to find "mizuki" is similar), and what it's like to lose them anyway (again, kazama, yumi). their situations parallel each others' somewhat, and that binds them further. and after losing everyone (which he blames himself for to some extent, as one can probably assume from this and 2, and something key to his arc in later games), he chooses to protect her. and this time, he won't fail. at least partially because failing would hurt him, too. he'd have nothing left again.

okay. now we get to kiwami 2.

if you forgot, the context is basically:

everybody's fighting on the roof of a building which i'm sure will not be a running theme or anything as the series goes on

there's a bomb that's about to go off and they don't know how to/can't defuse it

ryuji shot the twist villain to death, but took fatal hits to do so

sayama's like hey!! let's get out of here!!! and kiryu and ryuji are like nooo we have to settle this oughh it's punchin time and they stick her on an elevator and send her down so she doesn't have to watch

ryuji loses. sayama returns, they have a cute sibling heart to heart, and ryuji dies in her arms. sad

kiryu is in rough shape as well, and there's like 2 minutes left on the bomb's timer

here's the scene itself:

sayama tells kiryu they have to run, and kiryu says he can't. the gist is "let's run!" "you go without me" "i'm not leaving you!" "i'm in no condition to run" "i'll carry you then!!" sayama: *sees how fucked up kiryu is, realizes he's Going To Die Anyway* "ok, then i'm staying with you!" and then further bickering about that, before they give up and make out (as one does i guess)

date (he's here now) yells this at them from a helicopter:

before someone else in the helicopter tells date this:

we get this shot of haruka calling out to kiryu as the helicopter swerves away:

and kiryu and sayama have this exchange about haruka where they say they let her down, but that she'll understand:

then they hug and the bomb ticks to zero right when the credits hit. in post credits it's revealed that the twist villain defused the bomb when they weren't looking, betraying his co-villain for reasons i truthfully do not remember and am unwilling to look up. it's not about that right now.

so, how does this scene interact with the ending of the previous game?

the short answer is "badly <3" but here's the long answer:

it's about choices.

the thing about fiction is that anything you want to have happen, as a writer, can happen. it may not be effective, internally consistent, or logical, but you can write it regardless. audiences suspend their disbelief for the sake of engaging fully with your fiction, but everyone has a threshold past which they will stop being engaged in a story and either become uninvested or annoyed. writers usually have lines they're unwilling to cross as well. but in almost every story, there's at least a couple of places where they stretch reality a little to make the narrative they want happen. this is not a bad thing at all. that's how stories get told.

now, i'm gonna be real with you. i don't care about how feasible plots are like 95% of the time. it's not something i think about much, nor is it something i prioritize. i am a very character-centric media consumer, so if world building and/or plot are a bit stale or contrived, that doesn't really bother me much so long as i'm invested in the characters involved. some people can't stand plot holes or the ways musicals burst into song or whatever, and that's fine for them. but it's not something i tend to find that all that important.

this is all to say that i have a sorta affection for rgg's flavor of bullshit pulling. and it is a powerful flavor, maybe even an acquired taste, but i can and do rock with it so long as it doesn't damage the characters too much. this is why i'm not making a lengthy post howling into the void about joji kazama or the second joon-gi han or how many secret relatives there are. those things are silly and endearing and a clumsy yet heartfelt part of a series i care about very deeply. i'll joke about it, but i don't consider it much of a flaw. it's more like personality. flaws are texture, and they help a piece's identity. point is i am very, very willing and able to suspend my disbelief for these games in exchange for a good time, particularly via good characters.

(if you want another example of where i draw the line from within rgg, the answer's the YAKUZA 4 SPOILERS INCOMING rubber bullets twist, because i think 1) it's actively horrifically stupid (especially retconning a scene we SAW HAPPEN. WE SAW BLOOD ON EACH IMPACT, AND RUBBER BULLETS DON'T OFTEN BREAK SKIN THAT DEEPLY (THEIR DAMAGE IS MORE PERCUSSIVE THAN PENETRATIVE). THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN THE SAME GAME YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETCON IT JUST REWRITE IT. OR DON'T SHOW THE HIT AT ALL SO THERE'S MORE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. DON'T DO THIS JUST TO HYPE UP YOUR SHITTY VILLAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT. and 2) (a bit more importantly) i think it actively removes saejima's primary internal conflict for that game, that being his intense guilt over the 18 murders he thinks he committed, one i was invested and interested in. but this isn't a rubber bullets post.)

characters in this series walk off a lot of life threatening injuries. they survive miraculously, they escape in the nick of time, and they pull through in the end. kiryu still somehow hasn't killed anyone. almost every game in his saga ends with an "is kiryu gonna make it out this time?!?" shortly followed by a "yeah lol. lmao" postcredits reveal. kiryu fucking punches a marble statue into dust in the first game. having a story that asks you to suspend your disbelief so much and so often means that when a decision is made, it's not the writers saying, "well, this would have to happen so we are obligated/forced to write it happening" so much as "we wanted this to happen for some reason(s)," because you already know that they're not guided solely by logic. again, this is true of all writers, it's just amplified in stories like these because they've already given you so many hard mode suspension of disbelief moments (they've broken you in like leather, yeah? or like how obvious internet scams allow for self selection by being so obvious that only the most vulnerable people would fall for them. they curate an audience willing to play along with their bullshit flavor so they can tell a story that's more likely to satisfy that audience. in a good way, in a fun way! mass appeal is overrated). there is not much limit to what this series is willing to try and sell you.

so when ryuji takes lethal damage taking out the big bad, that's a choice. when he doesn't die immediately, that's a choice. when ryuji and kiryu send sayama away in the soon-to-be-forgotten elevator so they can settle this like men or whatever despite the literal actual bomb about to go off, that's a choice. when sayama comes back, that's a choice. when ryuji does die, that's a choice. when kiryu determines that he can't escape in time, that's a choice. when sayama is unwilling to leave him, that's a choice. when she says she'll carry him out and there's an elevator right fucking there and then she's like never mind i guess i won't anymore we're dying together right now kiryu like they're not gonna even try?? wouldn't distancing themselves from the blast give themselves a better shot, something that's super possible given the 2 minutes they have with that elevator??? sayama you met him like a week and a half ago why are you ready to die with him that's not a plot hole i just think that's kinda strange whatever anyway, that's a choice. when kiryu stops arguing with her so they can kiss (next to her brother's corpse), that's a choice. when date shows up, that's a choice. when the helicopter can't save them because the bomb was going to go off too soon, that's a choice. when they put haruka in that helicopter and take her away, let her only impact be reminding kiryu and sayama that they can't help her, that's a choice. when they spend their last moments talking as if they're already dead, then simply waiting, that's a choice.

they're all choices that the writers made for the characters, and we are asked to believe them for the sake of achieving the writers' vision, as with any story. the only problem is that the writers' vision here fucking blows.

i'm not saying it would be realistic for kiryu and sayama (and even ryuji) to make it out alive, but it wouldn't be out of character for the series in the slightest. kiryu is suddenly unable to power through here, and that's a choice. so, what is their vision?

put simply, i think they wanted a romantic last stand for kiryu and sayama, a tragic scene of doomed, devoted lovers. and i think they wanted an edge-of-your-seat fake out death. they wanted spectacle.

here's how some specific choices they made undermine all that shit we talked about earlier from the first game.

once again, kiryu is called by date to live, to pick himself up and keep going, no matter how impossible the odds are. he's even reminded by haruka's presence, his one anchor in keeping himself going. the growth he had in the parallel scene in the previous game is challenged, and he fails.

it's not enough this time. and that's a choice.

it's also one i can't think of a good reason for, and that's the real kicker.

characters can have developmental backslide just like people do, and if they're given good reason for it, it can be just as, if not far more compelling that purely linear growth (i am a chimera ant arc enjoyer, and that's all i'll say. sorry if you haven't seen hunter x hunter. uhh. i am also a zuko avatar enjoyer if that helps). but i can't think of anything that happened in that game that would cause this from a character perspective. if anything, kiryu should be less likely to do this intentionally. he's spent around a year raising haruka, and a year has passed since he lost his loved ones. at the very least, the pain should be more dull, though it is established through an early nightmare sequence that his ass is (justifiably) not over it yet. given that their deaths were the initial motivation for his willingness to rot forever, theoretically, he should be more motivated to stay alive than before now that he's got more investment and stability in his life outside of them, particularly when it comes to haruka, his reason for surviving. and if the ongoing nature of the trauma was the motivator for this, then they should've had it affect him more past that nightmare scene (it really serves more as a recap of the last game than anything else) so it didn't come out of nowhere. so the reminder of the lesson that saved his life and then guided it for at least a year afterwards, one that the whole resolution of the previous game relied on heavily falls flat for... some reason.

i think this is a good time to mention that, generally speaking, you don't write arbitrary choices into characters. sure, people in real life are often sporadic, but when analyzing fictional characters, every choice is filed into a portfolio of characterization that can and should be analyzed. going for pure realism can obfuscate their development, motivations, themes, etc. their choices and reactions may be unorthodox, but they must be internally consistent. this is very related to how i view plot contrivance as well. characters drive the plot, not the other way around. stories are about the ways characters affect their worlds/lives and vice versa, and they're the human face to the themes and ideas the writers are trying to explore and express. maybe my stance on this seems hypocritical. i don't know if it is. but to me, plot issues are usually a matter of engagement and investment, while character issues are a matter of substance.

i hope this doesn't feel patronizing explaining all of this, but i want you guys to know where i'm coming from in my analysis. starting at my base philosophy on writing is the easiest way to do that, i feel. defining the terms of the debate, and all that. anyway

and i mean, look. they survive because "it was defused the whole time we just didn't see it happen", so it's not like narrative tension or realism or whatever was THAT big of a priority overall. if it was gonna be a cop-out anyway, they should'nt have ruined kiryu's development too, yeah?. and sayama fucks off to america after this game anyway, so it's not like the doomed lovers thing had much payoff or meaning after this one (though you could argue that's more an issue with yakuza 3 than yk2, which has some merit to it). which means that they chose to sacrifice kiryu's prior development and internal logic for the sake of cheap tension for their finale that was both kinda illogical in and of itself (the elevator!! the elevator!!!) and a romantic climax that neither required nor really benefitted from this staging. (like. you coulda had them make out and then get saved by date, or kiss on the elevator in a "it's moving, but will we make it in time??" way or whatever. look i'm not saying those are great options either but they're SOMETHING okay. it would remove/reduce the amount of time wasted on characters sitting around with their thumbs up their asses for no reason in this finale).

instead the message of this finale is that, actually, sometimes it is impossible to change your circumstances and fight for your own way out of an awful situation. and what should you do about this unfortunate truth? uh. die! i guess. it's the exact opposite of the encouraging, optimistic message of the last game. zetsubou chou pride my ass.

note: i feel i should mention that when suicidality is brought up within the series (particularly in substories), it is always something someone has to overcome themselves through wanting it badly enough. they simply need the inspiration and the motivation to keep going. it's arguably treated as a moral obligation. frankly, the series is broadly very meritocratic (<- bad) when it comes to this topic (and others, but that's a Whole Other Thing. see akiyama's weird loan shark tests as well). sheer will and resolve is enough to conquer any problem, be it physical or mental/emotional, and it's irresponsible to act/feel otherwise. this is the logic the games operating under, and kiryu is often the mouthpiece for this bootstrap-pulling "tough love" sentiment. so when kiryu "chooses" to die, yet faces no emotional fallout from date, haruka, or anyone else, it feels very out of place. it's not just an odd choice; it's specifically, once again, an odd choice to make in context of the game/series/character it appears in.

kiryu's just like eh, haruka'll watch her only family die right as she gets some sense of tentative stability and lets her guard down after a devastating month the year prior (and a relatively dismal upbringing before that) that we trauma bonded over. sure, she likely came to view me as the one who would stay no matter what, who was too strong to be taken out, who she could always rely on, and so i know that dying would hurt her immensely, but she's smart enough to know it'd happen eventually. her eventual recovery means it's okay for me to do this (somehow, in a way it wasn't in the first game). it's an excuse within the narrative's logic, and one it is uncritical of simply because it's kiryu. he gets a pass.

and i think with the previously mentioned passive suicidality and general series-long mental health issues kiryu displays (i mean. yakuza 5's literally his depression arc), this could be retroactively seen as an interesting choice, like a piece in that particular narrative. i don't even dislike that viewing, especially in terms of fan approach. but (assuming this went down the same in yakuza 2), they likely didn't have that in mind. all they had then was the first game and the movie. and they took the first game's Entire Message and contradicted it for nothing but a scene they wanted to have happen because it'd be suspenseful and/or emotional (without actually doing the work to earn it). and they're not fans trying to analyze his character, they're the ones making choices for him. and they chose to massacre my boy. and if the subject of kiryu's mental health was a priority of theirs, why didn't they explore that? haruka and date's feelings on him not resisting and their words not being enough (whether that blame is justified by the narrative or not (it shouldn't be btw)), the uncomfortable drifting that resigning yourself to death and living afterwards anyway often brings, literally any conversation about it besides the minimal shit we get post credits of date being like "did you know about the bomb not having a fuse?" which like. bad answer either way (which is why they weren't straightforward about it, the cowards). you can't just be like "oh uh. idk he just gave up this time. yeah he was gonna die on purpose for some reason. good thing the bomb was fake lol" and then pack up and go home!! that's stupid!! any merit the idea of kiryu dying by suicide in this scene and in this way could have had from a character-based perspective loses its weight because 1. it didn't happen (for kinda stupid reasons), which makes it fall flat and 2. no one is really affected by the fact that it almost did, including him. they sacrificed his ass and replaced it with nothing, even when there could have been interesting outcomes to it.

so the narrative effectively chose to kill him by making the situation impossible, and this impossibility is ultimately arbitrary, given the series' usual approach to miraculous, illogical escapes. that, or the choice to stay was up to kiryu and sayama, one that 1. doesn't make sense and is actively regressive in context of kiryu's arc in the only other game in the series (as well as his whole saga in retrospect) and 2. one that contradicts how the series sees/treats resignation to death/death by suicide in all other contexts without being addressed, challenged, or condemned in ways it would in all other contexts. because they don't want you to think about it like that. they want you to think he (and the narrative) had no choice, that it made sense to do that. but it didn't. it doesn't.

and look, honestly? if i was bleeding out and had like 2 minutes to live, there's a non zero chance i'd say fuck it and kiss a girl too. i get it. but i am (and this is crucial) not a fucking yakuza character. and i'm certainly not kiryu kazuma.

tl;dr (basically just rephrasing the second to last main paragraph)

there are not sufficient character reasons for kiryu and sayama not trying to escape. additionally, because the narrative regularly facilitates even less likely escapes, it's not so constrained to logic and reality that it couldn't pull this one off. the choice to let their situation be impossible this one time was a cheap and arbitrary way of forcing a scene they thought would be cool and dramatic, and in doing so they chose to cannibalize a key emotional note of the previous finale (namely kiryu's mission to dedicate his life to protecting haruka) for hollow last minute stakes-upping in this one. it is then completely disregarded anyway. god damn.

#got so into this post that i used tumblr on my laptop for the first time to surpass mobile's image limit #i also added transcriptions in the alt text (which i should do more often)#actually thinking about it in the movie kiryu teaches haruka that lesson about stumbling on.. and she's the one to ask to follow him... hm.#just interesting given that the movie came out before 2. i don't think it makes much of a difference to the post it's just neat to me #one of my favorite parts of writing this was skimming through a bunch of yk1/yk2 cutscenes and noticing how often kiryu pats haruka's head #it happens a lot more than i remembered and it's very sweet to me. get bonked little one <3 #another good thing was realizing you can edit tags when you're not on mobile.... fucking life changing. i have lost hours to mobile tag #editing and i'm not even kidding about that #speaking of editing this one took like 6 hours.. my brother used “yakuza autism” (verb) for me earlier and it's so true. source: this post #i did have a short break to get food bc i hadn't eaten all day but that's mostly because i woke up at 3pm. anyway #also if you like kiwami 2's ending you're not even remotely alone. i looked at the comment sections of the scene comps and ppl love it #and more power to you!! i like it when people enjoy things. and tbh i DO have feelings that i'm supposed to about that ending #i just also have feelings you're not supposed to. like. anger. i guess.#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #skrunk meta #aww yeah it's a new tag babeyy #yakuza kiwami 2 #kiwami 2 #yakuza #like a dragon #yk2 #kiryu kazuma #sawamura haruka #sayama kaoru #maybe my thoughts'll change after replaying the games...? it's been like a year and a half since i beat yk2 so i am a bit fuzzy on it #yakuza kiwami spoilers #yakuza kiwami 2 spoilers

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