#im in my second year of teaching
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pidgeonlaguz · 2 months ago
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howdy!! it's been a minute but i'm still around. fair warning-- i have been lurking the whole time and have about. 100+ posts drafted 😵‍ you'll be seeing these shortly, i'll try my best to space them out as i get around to tagging them
#tldr im fine it's just been a lot lately and i havent had the energy to tag anything#which!! i like being chatty in the tags and i try my best to say at least something cool about any art or fic i rb#when you're running on 0 tho.... it gets hard to keep that energy up yk???#long version: (if anyone is reading this ty but feel free to drop off at any point it's kinda heavy and just a vent)#hit the 'one more minor inconvenience and im running off into the woods forever' point about five major events ago yet we're still truckin#firstly: found out two months ago (february) that i needed 6 credits worth of college by june to keep my teaching license for next year#so accelerated online graduate courses were the only option and i have since done more work for that than my 5 year undergrad#im almost done with the second class but im so fuckin drained dude i havent been able to really draw/write or play music or sew or anything#everything i do try has either been hit with the executive dysfunction or turns out Bad enough that i get frustrated#shortly after i found out the nice old guy downstairs died my upstairs neighbor who i cared a lot about died. last week and im still waitin#to find out when the funeral is from her son. ive been taking that kinda hard since i feel like i should have checked on her#my parents are moving 17 hours cross country to move back to where we are which is nice but ive been hearing about all their stress with th#house sale on loop by this point whenever i talk to them. which fair they managed to sell the house in a week when we thought itd be months#got smacked with thousands of dollars of surprise car repairs out of nowhere to get my inspection sticker and am still trying to recover#and petty things: lost my favorite piece of clothing and broke my glasses last week while running tech week for the kids#idk man any one thing at a time i could've toughed out better its just been all at once#anyways like i said i'm still truckin and will probably delete this (or at least the tags on it) later had to get all that out somewhere#messenger pidge#if anyone did get this far down thank you for watching me yap <3 i promise im good and will be back to normal shenanigans soon hopefully
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foxcassius · 5 months ago
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why are taxes so stupid.
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despazito · 2 years ago
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Being second generation half Russian in Canada is like a weird purgatory bc of course i reap all the benefit of white privilege and pass as just another white Canadian mf yet ppl still treat your country of origin as some crazy foreign boogeyman and regurgitate insane propaganda, but if your parents retained their communist moral compass (75% of them turned into materialistic consoomers the moment the country opened up) you also just feel this immense cognitive disconnect from the west and Canadian ideology. It's like an identity in here ...
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ranvwoop · 6 months ago
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I also have good things going on in my life. I am going to get more into Crafts. and my dear irl now has free range of Having A Car and said we will hangs out. and also as always The Puter is a Place Your Friends Are. And I am not bound to school any more :3 So 2025 Could be my year. Maybe
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shellofwonder · 6 months ago
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Today my first graders gave me a gift bag as a going away present. Many parents gave me little chocolates and gift cards already, but I was appreciative of the kids giving their own gift. I wasn't expecting much beyond a drawing of some hearts and maybe a candy. What I did not expect was to start crying as soon as i opened up a cheap gold bag filled with legos, pencils, tiny notebooks, and scissors. The nature of being 6 is to have no money and no opportunity to freely get gifts no matter how much they may want to. They didn't have money to buy but they did have time to spend. My first graders organized in secret throughout the week to find little things in their backpacks they thought I would like. Nothing expensive and the majority was little legos shapes they built during play time. The young organizer was so proud to present me with their little baggie of goodies and made sure to point out the lego she contributed. I was a mess seeing the present paired with their little note signed in gold sparkle pen. The first graders found the second graders to add their names to the note and they did their best to get signatures from the big kids too even though they only play together for a scant few minutes a day. I may have gotten quite a few fancy chocolates and coffee gift cards, but the best gift I received today was my little bag of legos that cost nothing but a pure belief that I would be happy with what made them happy.
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fratalian-dinosaour · 8 months ago
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the most fun thing about being under the trans umbrella is the name changes . whenever i make posts about me i would use "stories with asher" but now my names emmett . its actually so much fun bc i can see how long ive been on here . i dont remember the last time ive used the name asher but i still kept using it as my tag . no clue why but i kept it there . my first name was eren, then it was 2020 and i went down the noun for name rabbithole and it was fern, then i went to asher, then i started going by em in school (closest to b.n.) now im emmett because my friend grace started calling me emmett for fun and it sticked ! sometimes ill see friends who havent seen me in years and they'll call me asher and its HILARIOUS because its like a war flashback. i was crazy emo when i went by asher and now im fun and colorfull and silly and a major nerd! also i was obsessed with the lego movie as a kid and LOVED Emmet (first fixation) so . basically my life has made a full circle ! yay
beware of the yapping in the tags :3
#srry for rant i had to get it out there#sharing it with the class#its just . so fun#whimsical even#and whats even better is that life is great for me rn!#i finally have free time to hang out with my friends (marching bands over)#i convinced a middle schooler to join marching band as a mellophone!#adding to that#they liked the mellos vibe SO MUCH that me and my right hand man are meeting them at our local smoothie place to hang out#and teach them about marching band!#and!! we finally found out why i get so dizzy and pass out! we tested my blood sugar and came out with the conclusion that im#drumroll que#HYPOGLYCEMIC!#yay!!#like obviously not happy that i have it#but definitly glad we finally know whats wrong with me#also i think i forgot to mention that we met the middleschooler because 1) theyre friends with my brother whos in the same grade#and 2) it was a full marching band indoctrination of 8th grade band and orchestra kids#because our mb starts the summer before your freshman yesr#OH! and since the seasons over#symphonic orchestra is gonna start soon! its where the chamber orchestra(pretty much honors orchestra)#-and the most advanced band kids team up in an awsome afterschool extravaganza where we play awsome music#im first chair french horn in our wind ensamble(honors band lol) AND i was in it last year so im gaurnteed a spot!#im hoping the second horn (freshman who tried out for wind on trumpet but got in on horn) does good because the horns in the consert band...#theyre .. uhm... not the greatest.#we only have two horns in wind so im REALLY HOPING he doesnt get any horns from concert to play in aso#which he might do bc there was 4 horns last year#but also they were in wind#im just hoping he doesnt choose quantity over quality#emmett speaks!
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stillwithmeisonlyyou · 8 months ago
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I haven't been depressed enough to listen to mitski lately but god i miss that women so today was the mf ing day lets go
This is my mitski playlist btw nothing special except for mitski herself
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orcelito · 8 months ago
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Actually it is SO weird to me to remember that I was an engineering student and that later on I had been pursuing a minor in statistics
I may be a IT & com person in the end, but I do have the foundations of engineering and statistics in my brain too. Wild !
#speculation nation#if i hadnt liked coding so much i probably wouldve still been an engineer.#like my school does a first year engineering track where u learn the basics and then explore different engineering options#so by ur second year u choose your official track and that decides the rest of your schooling.#and id been thinking about computer & electrical engineering. often goes hand in hand.#guys i couldve been an electrical engineer. honestly that wouldve been so cool. wasnt meant to be tho 👍#i took a coding class my 2nd semester. first experience with coding. it was in C. i LOVED it.#and it got me comparing computer engineering and computer science and i decided that i wanted to do computer science#but well the intro course for that fucking sucked. didnt wanna go back to engineering either bc i hated engineering lol#im smart enough but it's fuckin soul sucking man.#eventually tho i found my way to my current home. im a techie :3 and im happy with that.#anyways do i seem like the kind of person who was into engineering and statistics? sometimes it's weird for me to remember.#but i did spent Years assuming id end up as an engineer. my grandpa was one. my dad was studying to be one b4 he dropped out#and my sister is one. just kinda runs in the family i guess. & so i was So Sure that was where i was going.#took. an engineering class in high school and everything. taught me some good foundational skills in modeling#also was the class that let me develop my signature. bc we had a notebook we had to sign the top of every day#so me doing my signature over and over again. i decided to use it as an opportunity to make it My Own. rather than just my name in cursive.#so yeah im a techie that talks good but i do have that math brain. engineering basis. statistics knowledge.#kinda feel like a jack of all trades (master of none) with it all. but see thats a good thing for companies (i hope)#ive got foundational knowledge of many things. and i am Adaptable. they can teach me the in depth shit i need to know themselves.#and i Also have my work experience in management... which i hope will help my case when applying to companies too.#aaaahhh!!! so many things to think about!!! but at the end of the day i am smart & educated and i will be a good asset to any company i join#i just need to convince them of that 😂 but i can probably figure something out. something !!!#i will graduate college and get some kind of IT job that pays decently & work my way up to maybe someday being an IT manager or smth#i can finally start. truly growing up. instead of being stuck in forever college unable to drive myself anywhere.#have my IT job and a car and the ability to do Whatever i want.... god i want it so bad.#im just daydreaming by this point. god im so excited to finally graduate college.
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thebluebygracieabrams · 2 years ago
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#this is so mind numbingly exhausting i don't understand how everyone else seems to just do it?#it was such a weird day#started out in a good mood but then boss scolded these two interns cause of a mistake#and like he wasn't shouting exactly but he raised his voice and said so many things like you are so careless im suffering so many losses bc#bc of you outsiders are going to think i don't have a good team and i don't have control over my team#and how we should always note things down because we're so distracted and not serious#and how before going home everyday we should report to him what work we did today#i understand that he's being reasonable (maybe? idk) but it sounded so eerily horribly like my dad i couldn't function properly for an hour#why are men so similar everywhere#why am i SO scared i could feel the disappointment radiating off him and he wasn't even mad at me and i felt like a failure#which is so embarrassing like girl stop you are a 20 year old adult woman you will not cry at your workplace because an angry man triggered#your dad issues#and upar se there was a new intern at work one year younger than me and oh my god he was so annoying#like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talking😭#like ok it's kinda cool that this senior di she trusted me enough to be like you teach him this project report this when ive only been#here for 3 weeks but bhai😭 he's so annoying 😭 i have newfound respect for the di how does she handle all 7-8 of us interns i would go#crazy and shout at everyone and tell them to leave me alone 😭 but she's so patient and kind and answers dumb questions 100 times#but she's leaving this office permanently from next month bc of her ca final :( i mean very good for her she deserves better more money#better work hours better office etc. but :(( she's leaving :((#as you can see i have both dad issues and abandonment issues so fun lol
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I didn't come into this thinking "oh the citations will be a nightmare". you know, I thought difficult things in uni were when you actually write the essays and take exams and stuff. no - when trying to reference correctly - you'll wish you were dead
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foxmulderautism · 2 years ago
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no but like there's writers out there attending classes by garth greenwell ocean vuong brandon taylor etc meanwhile the intro to creative writing class i did in my first year was run by a guy who declared repetition 'lazy' and called one of the student's pieces perfect in workshop as if that's how you should run a workshop
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guinevereslancelot · 5 months ago
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whoopsie i turned in my letter of intent late 🤡
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sundancedyke · 5 months ago
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SLEEPY. MY GOD
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bxdtime-ceai · 7 months ago
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i think it's really important for kids in school to have at least one teacher who doesn't love kids. by "doesn't love kids" i mean doesn't smile at them at every single chance, doesn't change their voice to them just because they're cute, doesn't gush about them to other teachers/people, etc. i've seen countless times how this kind of treatment leads to kids becoming emotionally spoiled AND lessens consequences for their actions. I personally do not love kids but I am a good teacher and that is specifically because I treat kids like human beings, not just as little cutie pies. If a child is being violent to another child I will not speak gently to them and ask them kindly to stop, I'm speaking to them in a stern tone so they actually understand that there is a problem. It's good to also ask them questions in the process like "Does what you're doing right now feel good to you? What about to them?" Kids are not babies and they should not be treated like babies.
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ragnars-tooth · 1 year ago
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I should not have been taught so badly for 3 years that i genuinely have to google how to find job postings in my field. "Get a degree!! Get a degree!!" for why. To be laughed at by out of touch tutors and not taught anything? It's certainly not going to help me get a job because i CANT FIND THEM. "People will see you went here and that will give you credibility." Will it roderick. Because I now know not to trust a motherfucker who went here 💀
#rangnar rambles#taught by people who have not ever had to get into the industry in this state. dont know how to use computers. and (i cannot stress this#enough) DID NOT TEACH ME ANYTHING#I GET MY 27K PIECE OF PAPER IN 2 WEEKS AND YOU CANT TAKE IT FROM ME. SO CAN I GET SOME CONTACTS OR SM#but no yeah im so normal and glad i spent my time like this#WHAT DID I SPEND THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE DOING#if youre going to study illustration in the uk just go to falmouth. i dont go there but anywheres better than here#if [REDACTED] has no haters i am dead and have been ejected from the universe#if i could go back in time id do maths at a level and become a fucking accountant jesus christ#i had a tutor last year who used to do coke and got paid 15k to sit in front of a camera doing nothing by a mate in LA#the same guy our year got fired for being incompetent and aggressive when you asked for help (like. his fucking job)#AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. who was also a tutor and MORE INCOMPETENT#i had one tutor the whole course who had my back i love you jeremy i hope you finally get to retire and stop having to run FOUR COURSES#only man who actually had us do drawing exercises and taught us (in SECOND YEAR) how to draw perspective#so many people got to final semester and suddenly got failed bc tutors were lying to our faces about the quality of our work and not giving#accurate crit. how humiliating is that for everyone involved??#you dont want to tell us our work is shit until the grades are coming out?? and ur shocked when you havent taught anyone anything?? be so fr#it was like they were always shocked that we wanted direction and advice and our feedback was always met with 'well in the 80s there was a#big push for thia kind of open loosey goosey art course' its not the 80s anymore and students have been complainging for a decade#management would 'take on board' criticism and then bank on us all being gone in 3 years so they wouldnt have to actually do anything#all while taking our money and shutting down the entire humanities section of the uni#*actively wating wires* anyway no yeah im soo glad i spent my time like this at least i got a girlfriend i GUESS
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sos717 · 5 months ago
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Yes, Im Back
Here it is you guys, this is going to be the clearest and most simple explanation I’ve done so far of manifestation and your identity as conciousness and what that means for experience & the world unfolding. Don’t worry if you’re new to this, this will help!
THIS IS A MASSIVE POST, TAKE YOUR TIME AND GRAB SOME WATER, YOUR ABOUT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE 😉🤭🤭
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So around 7 years ago I started stepping into the world of what people typically call manifestation. I went down the rabbit hole of Subliminals, Law of Attraction, Law of assumption, NonDuality and finally to where I am now, the unlabeled.
I want to preface by saying, I have been through an unimaginable amount of turmoil, and growth while on my journey to understanding reality and the way the world appears.
I’ve spent all of my time from back to when I first found out about this side of reality, to today while I’m writing this post, constantly looking at a multiplicity of teachings and teachers to figure it out, except until the very end. I really want you to know this because it’s very important to not brush this off as if it’s not possible for you, as if you have to adapt a technique or secret. This isn’t something that’s to be exhausting. With that being said, let’s move forward.
We all want things, we all have ideas of a life we hope to live, we want to fill it with all the experiences and specific details that match our taste. But this is actually, where the problem begins.
The way manifestation is taught is inherently wrong, I’ve fully stopped watching and consuming content that has anything to do with manifesting all together, because no matter what it is, Law of assumption, Law of attraction, all of the other ideologies that promise your desires, they all have a fundamental flaw, identity.
They usually all entail a similarity: methods, techniques, specific things you can do and ways you can act to make an outcome happen. All the while throwing in a random “because you’re the god of your reality”. And instead of focusing on the phrases that relate to the center of all of it, YOU, it’s simply just brushed past.
And not just the typical “your source”, “your operant power”, “you are the manifestation,
We get it but wtf does that actually mean, and why should you care??? Well, let’s get into this, because once you start from point A, everything else makes sense.
What all these teachings of the world get wrong is the idea that you can want things and desire, as source. Fundamentally this is a paradox, you can’t exist in desire and want if you are the source of reality. It’s not to say you aren’t, but it’s to say, you don’t ACTUALLY want and desire, but the illusion of being separate from the world is what makes you want and desire.
Let’s break the illusion.
Ask yourself this for me. “Am I aware”.
The answer will always be yes. Undeniably. And no matter how many times you repeat this, the answer is always yes, no matter a feeling, no matter a pleasant or unpleasant experience in the world, no matter any circumstance, you will always say yes.
Why is this so important to explore?
Because you are able to see from direct experience what source is.
When you asked yourself that question, did you notice something weird that happened? It’s almost like everything paused for a split second and your attention went somewhere to find the answer, and a response came from there. Look closer, ask yourself the question again, and this time try to find where the answer is coming from.
You’ll find that it comes out of nowhere, and if you try to trace it as far back as you can, to even before you answer yes, there this empty space of knowing that the answer conjures in.
This is consciousness. This is you.
Whether you name it consciousness/awarness or knowing, it doesn’t matter, it’s all interchangeable. But the important thing to note is, this thing doesn’t ever go anywhere. That is your true identity, the starting point of all ideas, the starting point to anything that can possibly be known. Every decision is from here, every expression comes from here, everything leads back to knowing. When there is emotion, it is known, when there is idea, it is known.
You being able to know that you are aware comes from this. This is the unseeable, the thing that can’t be perceived in any way, this is origin, its source, and its you. Take a shot at it, try to see what knowing looks like, its weight, its shape, its color, its dimensions, what its favorite color is, what it doesn’t like or does like. You’ll be left with nothing, as in no descriptions, but definitely knowing that there is a presence there that never goes away. Now try finding its name, its age, its skin color, its voice. You cant, and yet, from this very nothingness comes your undeniable answer that you exist and you are aware of your existence.
You don’t need and feelings to know, you dont need sight, sound, and sense of perception, you don’t even need to acknowledge the body in any way, but you know you “are”.
At some point when there were no worlds and universes, there was an unseeable, dimensionless plane from what everything came from, does this sound familiar? Before there were things, there was no-thing, a presence yes, but no objects. And from this, reality was expressed, but source can’t go away, the fundamental key to everything there is today, has to remain, or else everything else would not exist.
Concouisness is what you are. And it IS the origin.
Now how tf do you live you dream life???
By understanding that the world is also just an expression of source, conciousness/you.
I need you to understand something that I thing we can all agree on, if everything has one source, it would only make sense for everything to be the extension of that thing that gives it life. The world is no different, and trust me I know this without a reasonable doubt. I’ve spent closer to a decade trying to figure this out. Everything exists in/on the field of consciousness/you.
I need you to trust me, because no matter how far you have been in your journey and how tiring it might have been like it was for me, I promise you, this is worth it all.
Step away from the ideas of wanting and needing, put on your neutrality glasses and perceive the world as 2 simple things, conciousness and conscious expression. These are the only 2 things that drive experience itself.
Understanding that you are source, more things become clear. Where do all the stories of all the unfavorable problems in your life activate from? Where does the idea of good events activate from? Where is it that any form of knowing come from, you. Whether it’s about struggling with money, or about someone loving you, the story or ideas, conjure from you.
We already know that we are conciousness, but now let’s acknowledge the second mosy important part, reality begins at us, draw yourself into something that you don’t really like, something you’d like to change, now notice where it activates from.
From knowing. Knowing the idea or story is its creation
Now when we see it casually, as just another thougt about something the world is showing us we brush it off and move on with our day, until we have to face that thing, but, what if this was actually in reverse?
Because if everything is an expression of source, doesn’t that mean the world is too? It would have to be. Doesn’t that mean, anything registered by the senses has to abide by its source? And doesn’t that mean, that the world is not truly something of its own will?
The short answer is yes absolutely. And I can tell you, this is it. THIS WILL BE VERY F$&#*NG IMPORTANT.
Admitting to the idea that there is one source for everything is literally acknowledging that everything can only show up IN ACCORDANCE AND RESPECT TO WHATEVER ITS SOURCE IS.
THIS MEANS, the the world is a PROJECTION of source, IT DOES NOT STAND ALONE. It does not OPERATE ON ITS OWN.
The world is the projection of consciousness.
Following me??
Like a hologram, like a school projector QUITE LITERALLY a projection.
From us, an infinite array of stories and ideas come, and they only become activate or exist if we allow them to, if we give permission to this thing to exist.
That story that you’ve had about SP (Specific Person) or Money or Success, has always been activated by you. TELL ME WHERE ELSE IT STARTS. You can literally even prove this to yourself right now. WHERE DOES THE STORY BEGIN.
And because the world is just an expression/extension of its source (YOU) it is ONLY GOING TO BE WHAT SOURCE IS. Because it is source, just with senses and perception. It is coming face to face with what you are aware of.
The way the world shows and all of its details are projections of whatever you decide to activate. How do you activate something? BY KNOWING IT.
How do you know “red apple” ? By knowing it. That is the origin for this idea. And you can run this test for every single story you play on loop, find its source, it will always be you.
Now, for the important steps moving forward. Stop treating this like an on and off switch, truly stop caring about a feeling, stop letting yourself get so swayed out of understanding your identity as the source, do NOT give up this beautiful opprotunity just because it seems or feels different.
You’ve been taught for so long that the world has to be struggle, so that’s all you know, you’ve been told that things don’t always come easy, this is all you know, take the time, take the days and weeks you need to break out of this useless cycle of exhaustion and understand who you are as source
Do not double down on doubts, double down on the truth, regardless of how you feel, take your time to feel, take your time to be, but never allow yourself to slip back into the brainwashing of the world.
Moving forward you need to understand the world objectively, not with the ideas of wants and desire, but for what it is. Source can’t want, you turn it into desire by creating a sense of divide for yourself. You pretend the world is something to change, drop this. You pretend that the body is all you are, drop it, you pretend that there has to be more to this but knowing, DROPKICK this into the damn ground.
This all is very simple. Everything being the expression of source is only projecting what source (You) are. The world is a direct projection of conscious activity. Whatever is know is given permission to exist, it’s given life. It’s created. THIS. IS. IT.
Whether it be blue butterflies, getting a free coffee, or changing your eye color, it all is just knowing. And this isn’t something that turns off. This is reality, this is you. Start noticing the random things the world shows up as when you were just thinking about it the other day or a few hours ago. It is not a coincidence I assure you.
That friend you were thinking about calling you? Yeah.
That song you were thinking about suddenly popping up? Yeah
That “problem” you were thinking about suddenly reappearing? Yeah
It is all the same, yes it will take getting used to, but please understand me when I say this, it took me a painful amount of time and effort to finally see this as the truth, the amount of months I’ve spent isolating from content and other teachings allowed me to take ONLY personal experience, I tested it day in day out and this IS it.
Currently I expand my comfort on how seamless existing is, and I can assure you, if I can come to this conclusion, you 100% can because it has NOT been easy for me, and it almost didn’t want to accept it. But the moment I did, and kept seeing it to be true time and time again, I knew I had to go fully in.
You create the idea of wanting by doing this.
“I really want Sp to text me”
This is what you’ve given permission to exist, this is now activated, it now is conscious activity, and because the world is source projected with senses the world IS this.
You treat it like an absolute, but when it comes to something like this:
“Sp loves texting me”
You treat it as effort, and something to do and wait on. Now tell me, does that make sense? Does the idea of waiting, wanting, desiring, changing, even make sense with the knowledge you have up to this point? Nope.
You need to understand. The world is not a story, it’s projection, and it can only be projecting you. Stop turning to the world as if it can make statements, as if it’s feeding you ideas, when you’re the one activating them. You NEVER actually change the world, it’s you that activates a new idea. THATS IT. It exists because you know it. A feeling cannot stop you from knowing, the world cannot stop you from knowing, ONLY YOU can stop yourself from activating a story. A story can’t exist if it isn’t known.
So, don’t you think it’s about time you see past the illusion of wanting and see for yourself what you are?
Don’t you think it’s time, to wake up.
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