#im scared to be perceived by the developers in general actually

[theonewhohyperfixates]

Heard that the Lamb was confirmed to be Aussie or something 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

and happy pride to these assholes. it's still june so i can technially still make that joke right

[cuntycassandra]

heyy, could you rank the star wars movies

(i’m now deeming you the local expert) 💫

(IM THE LOCAL EXPERT? AFSHDJDKS THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. I LOVE THAT AGEHDJD 💛)

Hannah, bestie, this is a very dangerous question to ask….I’m honestly quite scared.

(Star wars fans™️ don’t like to have their opinions rivalled you see, of course this only accounts for a small percentage of our fandom, but even so please note THIS IS JUST MY OPINION. To all the SW fans who come across this, I’m not bashing your favourites, I’m not dragging anything, I’m just giving a personal opinion which i have been asked to give. I’m not trying to shove it onto anyone else. 💛)

(Using a scale from 1-9, 1 being my favourite and 9 being my least favourite, I’ve also given them a ranking out of ten each. I haven’t included Rogue One, Solo or any of the tv shows, but if you ever wanted me to comment on those, I would!)

9: The Last Jedi

I don’t feel like I can say much on this movie without getting brutally murdered, so all I’m going to say is they brutally ripped apart Luke’s character, it’s honestly so sad to see. It really just isn’t my vibe as an OT fan, and not to mention they butchered Hux in this movie. 3/10

8: The Rise Of Skywalker

*sigh* did Palpatine really need to come back? It felt like such lazy writing to me…Finn’s entire character was washed out, as was Poe’s to an extent. Don’t even get me started on the whole “Rey Skywalker” ordeal (imagine how powerful it would’ve been if she’d have claimed the Palpatine name to the light side, or even stuck to just ‘Rey’ to show how you don’t have to be related to a famous family to be special) however I do like the effects in this movie, and the General Hux spy arc is amazing (they so should’ve dragged it out a little more) 4/10

7: the phantom menace

I feel like everyone is going to hate me for this, but I pretty much dislike everything about this movie excluding Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Padme, and the last forty minutes of the movie as a whole. I absolutely love the Maul duel, (DUEL OF THE FATES AGSHDJDKSK) but overall, I think the acting is a little hard to stomach, the dialogue is forced, and the Jedi (all excluding Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan) are lowkey really dislikable. The ending is pretty sweet though, can’t lie. 5/10

6: The Force Awakens

I think this movie is honestly a repetition of A New Hope, but I actually still really enjoyed it. I think a few aspects could’ve been better, but I love how each character was introduced, Hux was perceived as a genuine villain instead of a laughing stock, Snoke still seemed hella cool, and Rey, Poe and Finn still had so much potential. I don’t love this movie, but I don’t hate it either! 6/10

5: Attack Of The Clones

The acting in this movie isn’t really it, both from Natalie and Hayden, but I also understand they can only work with what they’re given, and the script is very wooden and hard to manoeuvre, but overall I love this movie so much. The introduction of the clones is just incredible, once again Obi-Wan steals the show (king), we see Anakin go through a section of character development, and R2 is iconic. Jango Fett and baby Boba too. I also do love Padme in this movie, she’s such a badass. 7/10

4: Return Of The Jedi

This movie is a very very close fourth. I’m not a huge fan of the first half an hour, I think when Luke shows up is when it gets spicy (I love Luke so much-). I think Endor is hella interesting and contrary to popular demand, I actually don’t mind the ewoks (don’t love them, but I don’t hate them). And- god that ending, it always makes me cry, Luke honestly went through so much, my king. Again, the acting is phenomenal, and the script as a whole tied in with the sets and costuming is just….out of this world (pun intended.) 8.5/10

3: Revenge Of The Sith

This. Movie.

The acting is so much better than the previous two, THE MUSTAFAR DUEL AGSJDGDHL, Padme’s beautiful dialogue, Obi-Wan’s amazing oneliners, the sith reveal and order 66 (I cry EVERY DANG TIME-) the ending??!??? AGSHDJDJD. I think the only thing that brings this movie down is it’s somewhat wooden dialogue in parts, and the drawn out feeling of politics, but overall this movie is absolutely amazing. 9/10

2: A New Hope

Honeslty I think A New Hope is lowkey underrated. It’s the movie that started it all! The sets are incredible, as is the music (binary sunset my beloveddddd.) the actors are absolutely amazing, as always. I think my only qualms with this movie is the slow-ass lightsaber duel between Obi-Wan and Vader (after ROTS I think it just feels so….dull.) and a few pieces of cheesy dialogue, but overall it’s an amazing movie!! 10/10

1: The Empire Strikes back

Is the cliche? Maybe…but this movie is spectacular. I actually don’t think I have anything negative to say about it. Tremendous actors, top notch special effects (especially for the time of its production) one of the greatest directors of all time was involved, the dialogue is superb, it holds one of the biggest plot twists in all of cinema history, not the mention the music?? The sets??? The costumes???? AGSHDJDKDK this movie is a masterpiece!!!! 11/10.

Anyways- thank you Hannah for trusting my judgment! And I hope everyone can be respectful when interacting with this post! 💛

[nozomijoestar]

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem​ on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share 

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun"   Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

 especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans 

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period  esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels 

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

------------------------[ CUT INTERMISSION ]-----------------------------

nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc 

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work, 

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

 Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place, 

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep  empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns 

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive 

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic. 

 Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists. 

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

[fireeaglespirit]

@fireeaglespirit @viviane-lefay i do worry sometimes with the stories I write if things might be too much for you. To be fair I dont think in any fanfic Ive ever written anything too explicit but now Im so conscious of other people’s viewpoints and being inclusive that it is a concern. Ultimately I write what I want to/need to but I am aware it might not be for all tastes hence always trying to follow ratings etc.

Replying here so it doesn’t cause any problems with OP, etc..

Ohh. I’m sorry if this worried you.. tbh this was very random and I wasn’t even thinking about fiction when I rb this. This one reminded me of a few times I went out with friends and colleagues and I just felt starkly asexual, lmao

About my tolerance regarding sex and explicitly in fiction, I’ll be honest with you…

There’s hardly anything I could say I wouldn’t read about. I just don’t feel ‘triggers’ or anything of the sort, no hard feelings when it gets to fiction and I value your will to be conscious of other viewpoints but its practically impossible to cater to all tastes like you said, so don’t worry about it much… there’s always someone out there who will feel offended and others who will fiercely love it.

As for myself, I’m very tolerant to sexual content in fiction, idk? I don’t seek it out particularly but its not a deal breaker either.

I know some asexual people are less tolerant, I usually just get a ‘meh’ feeling whenever those subjects are touched in much detail, idk some works do get nasty and bothersome because of much detail involving sexual practices so I just give up on them or put them aside when they bring me no joy but I gladly consume material with sex on it as long as I like some aspects of it. Also, I’m good at ignoring or glossing over things I don’t like in fiction… when I read explicit scenes with intercourse it does nothing to me and my eyes focuses on the sentences I loved such as regarding the feelings between the characters and subtle interactions instead of the physical/carnal aspects of it, and this makes it all worthy it.

Even so, some works might become overwhelmingly depressive or repulsive so I might put them aside even if I enjoyed an aspect of it or I might just skip through them and this happened recently to a series of fantasy books I tried to read which were actually really good but they were so overwhelmingly and unnecessarily dark and had an horrid oppressive atmosphere towards women an sex so I just felt no joy reading them? Its not like I was traumatized by its tone but it felt like a chore and I couldn’t care about it further and no character inspired me whatsoever that the world could change for the better, so I dropped them.

But its not like I’m judging it, I just feel weirded out to some things and I just imagine the kind of mind that takes upon themselves the chore to write a whole series of book which has nothing but suffering and misery in them, especially concerning women, lol. We already had this shit in history and still have in some places in the world so I kinda feel like its not interesting for me to read about it in a fictional setting, especially if I don’t feel like the writer is going to challenge the setting.

But I’m aware most people are much more sensitive… these things can be horrid for those who are more sensitive, and perhaps my own asexuality protects me from feeling it fully as I don’t even think of myself as a being capable of partaking in this (weird, I know), so I have problem even projecting.

But I did felt really strongly for the way women were oppressed absurdly and had their agency completely obliterated, so that sparked a sort of empathy or kinship in me which made progress in such book a chore…

You got my point and this just illustrates a bit my relationship to fiction and things that irk me since you were interested in my opinion… I have another example of fantasy book with lots of sex in it:

I read asoiaf even thought its full of sexual stuff but I don’t feel joy at these parts, yet the work is so good on other themes that I ignore it for the most part… but even so, recently I’ve read F&B and it was kinda overwhelming on the sexist aspect with myriads of female characters turned into child brides and raped and dying at their childbirth repeatedly it just got very tiresome and repetitive near the end, because there where almost no counterpoints to it, unlike in the main series where the situation is dire for women but we have characters challenging it more often and idk. F&B just lacked on that front.

So, this shows a bit my sensitivity towards sex is more related to sexism and the feeling that women are confined to their reproductive aspects: motherhood, childbearing, marriage, sensuality, etc.. I don’t have a problem with sexual intercourse per se as you can see, but that’s from my unique point of view and I know some asexuals are more repulsed towards it, but you asked my opinion…

So, if its consensual sex: its not my cup of tea but I don’t feel like its a deal breaker…

Just to give you a positive sex example: when I see an OTP of mine getting to the point of having sex I think its pretty sweet, like when Jon and Dany consummated their love on that boat… I was happy for them, for all that it means, the symbolism between the union of ice and fire and just two characters which I love dearly, finding happiness and comfort in each other. What’s not to love about it??

This is a rare stance I can say I saw a pair I ship get to that point xD

I love shipping as you know, but its more about the psychological aspects and potential for character development and even when I’m reading fanfic about my OTPs I enjoy more the angst and symbolism than the ‘hot’ parts which usually just makes me go ‘meh’ (again).

So this makes me say: when sex is the focus of works I could feel like I’m too asexual for this, even if it regards an OTP, it just doesn’t have a very exciting effect on me or I’m not explicitly interested in this part of a relationship, when so many other things caught my eye… sometimes subtle interactions and dialogue and and gentle approximation (touches, caresses, kissing, etc..) is so much more exciting for me to read about than the ‘thing’ itself, lol.

To sum it up: when its there just for p*rn or even worse, shock value it just makes me go ‘meh’ or ‘ugh’ or ‘uhh why am I even reading this?’

This reminds me of Vivi’s take on the ‘hiero gamos’, in this case I just say I might even enjoy the theme as long as the scenes involving sex are meaningful and passionate and the aspect I value the most about them are sublime and platonic instead of carnal but I’m aware the carnal aspects are very important for the characters and the audience so I also worry when I get to show my stories people will think they lack sexual content ^^  I get you.

Now that you know my feelings towards sex in fiction, to a broader sense I just wanted to say..

There’s no way to guess people’s sensitives but it doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells afraid to trigger people all the time, hell no! I’m all for freedom of creation. At least around me there are no metaphorical ‘eggshells’.

Everyone has their own set of opinions which makes them unique, not just me, I mean…  even so I will let my snowflake syndrome show but I’m quite peculiar if you could say, so I sort of grew a strong ‘carapace’ towards the world as I deal with people with completely different views and values on a daily basis which might make me have inflamed political opinions while at the same time, I’m very flexible and forgiving when it comes to fiction in general.

I don’t expect much of the population to be like this so I’m also self conscious when it gets to writing my own stuff because I know people can feel very strongly about it and you’ve seen the way fandom reacts to minor things and bash creators when they perceive flaws in their work… I’m just not a judgmental person, its not in my nature. I just ignore things in fiction if I don’t like and I became even more relaxed over time in regards to this all, lol I nearly reached a ‘nirvana’ as I don’t even feel strongly negative feelings in regard to this.

Snarky and bitter comments from time to time? Yes… but no hard feelings. RL needs my hatred, lol so I don’t have it to spare with fiction any longer.

Anyway, on an unrelated sub note… as you might have noticed, I don’t feel comfortable about current fandom trends and specially policing, and with reason as this gets very serious and quick with literally ‘wave chain reactions’ of hatred sparked apparently from nowhere. I hope people could create more freely instead of the political correct police and restraining of creativity we have now. It was good for a while and I’m all for diversity and change in status quo (for the better), but I think this has gone too far and I perceive a lot of rigidity in fiction right now due to fear of fandom backlash we have creators afraid to make their thing and afraid it isn’t ‘inclusive or progressive’ enough… so they bend themselves endlessly until fandom ‘approves’ them, but even so someone is bound to scream and say the work is offensive and the cycle of hatred is restarted.

I know this reply was like a huge egocentric monologue and I strained with non related issues at the end, but you asked my thought on this so I tried to convey it with detail.. including things related to the perception we have concerning fictional themes and I just kinda had to vent at some parts of it.

etc…. This doesn’t mean I forbid judgment from others or criticism or that I forbid people from harshly criticizing works of fiction, just that sometimes it gets more harmful than beneficial and scare people off, and I felt like saying that.

Anyway,,, just want to say nonetheless I find it very sweet and considerate that you are taking different opinions in mind while writing, but you don’t need to worry at least from my part, and I don’t think you ever got even close to being explicit in your writings so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

[lonerism2105]

11/7/21 (archive)

i just dont know man... it feels whatever i perceived myself as is so fuckin incorrect. like i am just the opposite of what im supposed to be. my friends and i had a long talk and like they told me that i made everything about myself and that i dont sense another person's pain... that if someone tells me what they are going thru i say "oh yeah i went thru that" or "oh yeah no my friend went thru that". i just feel so shitty because that is not the person i wanna be. and why cant i share with people... like what makes me hesitare to share my things with others?? its just eating away at me when they said that i take more than i give... is it really true?? is that how people perceive me?? this is just fucking with my mind so bad... and about aarya... i just dont know man, her voice is ringing the loudest in my head... her words are like repeated stabs into my heart and they make me want to reach for the scalpel and actually hurt myself...

 • "dont you have other friends" this was legit a stab in my heart yikes like lol it made me want to stab myself

 • "sachi and i are going to always be closer to me than to you. she is MY best friend and she is always gonna choose me."

 • "you have no loyalty"

 • "i am saying this because we are already talking abiut it- sarah actually called me... you know how sachi is my best friend, sarah is my bff. she actually asked me how could you be friends with pani. like im actually disappointed- and the way she spoke shows that there actually hasnt been any growth since then." okay lets make one fact clear... i have never really spoken to or been that close to sarah and eleventh grade me idk... i dunno what caused her to jump to that conclusion and what triggered her to assume that about me. i just dont know...

 • "sachi has gone thru even worse than you yet she doesn't do what you do."

 • "yeah and you know who else got out of her home and is independent for the first time? sachi." lol this actually hurt xD and it's been on repeat in my head ever since yesterday.. i slept with this ringing in my head and i woke up with this ringing in my head... like damn everybody's trauma is different and everybody takes time to heal and it's not a fucking competition and sachi is way different than me... she is much more better at dealing with this shit and she had a headstart alright?? i let myself sink into that shitty gaslighting cycle and for the longest time i was convinced that being told to die was a normal parenting thing and that my parents were good hence they practiced so much control on me... but at the same time the way everyone kept in saying that "we have gone thru the same thing as you, you aren't any special" really makes me doubt that i have just made this all in my head and its so FUCKIng scary🥺 i am so scared that i have just been lying to myself and making this up and my parents were actually right that i have just put a label on it to get more attention.... just hahahah existential crisis has risen again...

im just... it's painful hehe. like i dunno where will we go from here and i honestly dont know what will happen to me. will i slip into that familiar welcoming sadness where i become numb and dissociate from reality... just like headless zombi with no direction? to be honest that sounds so ideal and so well known that i actually feel like letting myself fall... to not care about how im wasting, to starve and make myself suffer, to cause me physical pain so that it can take my mind off the deep pain and grief i feel inside me... i want to hurt myself more than anything else.. i want to punish myself and i want to beat myself i want to make myself feel such incredible pain... dont know if that makes me a sadist but to cause pain to myself feels like the only better alternative than to become numb... because being numb is like floating with no sense of time and just losing out on yourself while carving myself up will atleast remind me that im human that i bleed like other do and that i have some sort of semblance to others despite being so fucked up... maybe mama was right.. maybe i am a habitual liar and maybe i deserve to be alone

yes i want to therapy and that always gonna be around but my self destructive bitton has been pressed and to think about anything that will make me better feels so yuck

i dunno man... guess im just gonna stop talking about myself altogether. i actually felt comfortable with this group to talk about things that i haven't really told many people and thats perceived as being insensitive... singh actually told that im making my personality all about being sad and yikes that just means i got too comfortable and in turn made other people uncomfortable. never talking about my trauma ever again. never ever EVER. i either type it down or write it down ir just shove it to the side and distract myself. i am never gonna talk about what im going thru or if im suffering because i don't need that kind of power struggle. from no one im going to work to make my facade so strong and so impenetrable that no one can know... not even the people closest to me because im a ticking time bomb and i cant risk losing the few people i have... arushi literally said kitne din aur tera randi rona sunanana padega xD well not anymore now onwards im just not gonna open up. i am gonna shut myself up completely so that nobody can know me. too late that these guys know way too much and i wanna kick myself for it but going forward, no on absolutely no one will know about me.. you can call me mysterious or whateva idc... im just gonna be a massive bitch and towards the people i care about im gonna be funny, nice and all things nice. yesss this sounds so much better... being jaded and stoic really sounds like a nice idea ❤️ if only i could get an unhealthy coping mechanism like smoking along with it.. it would just be perfect. numb everything, sounds so beautiful and attainable than actually facing my demons. like Aastha said, just think of this as character development well yall would definitely enjoy this new character arc 😁 of course i would be funny and the comic relief and yes im gonna be a better listener and be more empathetic but im never gonna talk about my joys, my sadness, ny trauma, my happiness, my family relationships... nothing. radio silence. im closing my heart up hence forth such a pain in the ass... its what fucks me over the most so im just gonna kill all the hopes on having "my person" or having a "soulmate' because that hope has always hurt me. and i was born alone so im gonna die alone and that's a fact. hope is such a bitchy thing... always got me ahead of myself and always fucked me over. no more hope... we are just gonna fake it till we make it... im gonna fake my happiness, my humor, my joy everything because absolutely no one can know how i am dying a little everyday. no one can know the amount of hate for myself i hold in my heart. no one can know the things that pain me. no one can know the things that give me joy. no one no one no one. no one is getting closer to me because i need to reduce collateral damage... i am not gonna kill myself obviously but oh... the things i have in store for punishing me?? its gonna be fun 😁 if im not a person anyone can give a second thought about then that definitely means i should not care about myself either. but of course... im gonna be kind and polite and definitely work on being generous.. im gonna continue being a good person even tho aarya says otherwise. i am good and i will stick to that part of my upbringing. im gonna excel in my studies most obviously... gotta play to my strengths so i can convince just how much of a perfect life i have 🥰 being fake sounds so much fun 😁 and i cant wait to fake about my entire personality as being funny, edgy and kind at the same time... sounds beautiful

therapy is always gonna be there bit i really need this for now... imma tell papa that my exams are coming close so i really cant give much attention to therapy maybe after that

damn this is actually a nice thing... to write/type it all down makes me feel lighter and more resolved.

[brianna-lei]

Butterfly Soup Asks #18

I’ll be spending the week of Thanksgiving in Taiwan w/ relatives, so I tried to answer as many as I could ^^; It’s my first time there in around 10 years so I’m really excited! I would do the rest on the plane but I don’t think I’ll have wi-fi...

Highlights of this batch: The squad’s Halloween, pets, and Ester info

Yup! The others finally convinced Noelle to go trick-or-treating for the first time

Diya and Min matched, Diya was Red Riding Hood and Min was the Big Bad Wolf. Min got to wear a wolf mask that went over her head

Noelle: But that doesn’t make sense as a couple’s costume. The wolf wants to eat Red Riding Hood

Akarsha: :^) 

Akarsha went as Guy Fieri

Noelle is boring so she was a doctor. She basically looks the same as normal except wearing a lab coat

While trick or treating, Min started complaining partway through that she was thirsty and drank sprinkler water even though Noelle repeatedly told her not to. She immediately spat it out and went “YUCK!! TASTES BAD” apparently it tastes like mud

A few times, Akarsha ran ahead of the gang and jumped out at them from behind bushes. Noelle screams, Diya jumps back, and Min reacts like this 

Min dared Akarsha to lick a mailbox and she did 

One house’s decorations were too good and Diya got scared

Noelle didn’t want most of her candy so Diya got it 

Diya doesn’t have a dog yet in high school -- she’s always begged for one but her parents knew they’d be too busy to handle it. So their house has a fish tank with guppies

Akarsha had a pet snail in elementary school but accidentally killed it when she tried to wash it with shampoo. She still mourns it. The way she talks about it made Noelle believe for a long time that Akarsha had a deceased sibling or other close family member and she got mad when she found out it was a snail

Hayden’s had a dog since elementary school, much to Diya’s delight and jealousy

Yuki has a hamster

Liz has 2 cats. They’re siblings, one of them has a crooked tail  

Chryssa doesn’t exactly have pets, but her family runs a wildlife rescue/rehabilitation center. They mostly pick up birds but also get other critters like possums and skunks. They even have a hawk there

Ester is just as much a weeb as Sakura and Yuki, but tries to hide it because she worries about how other people see her and wants to be perceived as normal. Whenever they talk about anime she acts like she’s too cool for them but is actually really interested.  She set all the anime and vocaloid songs on her iPod to Skip on shuffle so that if someone else happens to listen to it, they won’t hear any. 

She has friends but isn’t anyone’s Best friend -- they all have someone they like more than her and she thinks about this a lot 

knowing she wouldn’t wear it, I never bothered to design one for her haha

I imagine that she’d want a dark colored one, and only wear one strap bc she thinks it looks cooler like that

Yes, I really want Butterfly Soup 2 and my other future games to have their own soundtracks of music written for them! Feel free to send me examples of your work and rates! Once I properly start development for them I’ll probably make an open call for musicians too ^^

During the story Min doesn’t know about alternative pronouns like they/ze/ey yet, so she currently only uses she/her. In the future, she still mostly uses she/her but will also be fine with they/them 

They’re both 17

Yup!

Secret for the reasons above, sorry!

It’s funny because there’s only 2 reactions to Min’s height, with almost no in between: 

HOLY SHIT I DIDN’T REALIZE SHE'S SO TINY

I related to her bc I’m small too, but she’s 5′1″?? IM NOT EVEN 5 FEET TALL I FEEL BETRAYED

This is a common enough sentiment that I really want to make it happen. I’ve found decent places that make custom hoodies for Diya’s jacket, but I still have yet to find a reasonably priced option for custom bomber/letterman jackets. If anyone has places they recommend please let me know!

In high school I wanted to be an artist but my parents didn’t approve of it, so I didn’t really know what I wanted to do yet. UC Berkeley is considered the best UC to a lot of Asian parents, so it was just naturally somewhere I wanted to get into. 

It wasn’t until I actually got into USC that I found out game design majors even existed. It was insanely lucky that I happened to go to a college that had such a well known game design program

I’ve said a bit about this on twitter before, but that part of Min’s story was inspired by things my friends and I experienced growing up. Most stories about fictional bad parents come in 2 flavors:

The parents see the error of their ways in the end and aim to be better 

The kid escapes from the parents and lives happily ever after

But in reality, it’s often not that simple. Sometimes your parents never change and there’s no easy way out, that’s just how it is and you have to live with it. So I wanted to show characters who have to bear with it, and at the end of the story are still bearing with it, but are able to find happiness despite it. I wanted people like that to know they aren’t alone in never getting a storybook resolution to what they went through and it’s ok

It is a difficult subject to handle, and it was a challenge figuring out how to realistically show Min going through this without being gratuitous about her suffering. A lot of people like my beta testers were happy seeing a character having the same arguments with her parents as they did, but everyone reacts to things differently and I hope that the trigger warnings prevent too many people from being blindsided by it 

you’d be surprised at how small of a space you can fit in! ...not that I endorse getting free meals like this. kids don’t try this at home 

oh?? Do you mean PC Gamer? I haven’t seen an IGN one yet :o 

oh no! I’m sorry it’s doing that :(  dam u tumblr

I’m not sure what this means but it sounds right

SFDJHKJ I actually don’t think she would, I feel like it’s not the right vibe for her if that makes sense

They were mostly drawn in Clip Studio Paint! It goes on sale for as low as $15 every few months and it’s my favorite drawing program atm

I generally welcome Lets players, it’s fun seeing them enjoy the game! I specifically dislike Pewdiepie, though. I don’t know a lot about Markiplier, but I don’t think he ever played Pom Gets Wi-Fi?  

I’m really touched that people like it enough to replay it, it’s only been out for 2 months!! Thank you!! 

You’re welcome!! I’m really really happy you appreciated it!

It makes me so happy to see it too!! You’re welcome, thank you for the message ;u;

You’re welcome!! I’m always really glad to hear people relate to Diya ;u;

You’re welcome! I hope you like the game! 

You’re welcome!!! 

Thank you! I’m really glad you liked it :> 

You’re welcome! Thank you for playing it!!

[lesbitchka]

I have a kind of dumb question... I've id'd as a gay trans guy for several years now, but recently I've realized that I've never really... felt happy being called "he" or being called a man and I can't seem to actually develop feelings for a guy and I'm very confused and kinda scared? Like I constantly talk about how pretty girls are and how nice they are but I don't feel like I'm comfortable with being called a girl either?? I'm so lost, do you have and advice? Have a sweet day 🍓

@closet-keys has talked about butch dysphoria (and lesbian dysphoria in general) at multiple points and while i cant point you to specific posts, their blog is a good place to start

anyway it’s quite normal for lesbians (butch and non-cis ones especially) to dislike being called women and to generally feel alienated from womanhood outside of the lesbianism, which ive also talked about quite a bit (and im suggesting that you look into lesbianism both due to not actually liking men and discomfort at being perceived as a woman)

there’s always the contact list too!

[apsbicepstraining]

Stress fractures, thirst and low-spirited spend: one woman’s life as an NBA cheerleader

Many dancers are attracted to life as a cheerleader but they often find themselves disappointed at what the hell is thought would be a nightmare job

You can deflect leading questions that stereotype you by explaining that this is a hobby

Q: Do you get paid ?

A: All dance teams in the NBA get paid, and theres other enormous perks, like going our whisker and make-up done, tanning, etc

The above is excerpted from a manual on how to talk to the press, given to the 2013 Golden state Fighter dancers by their coaches. It was handed to me by former Warriors Girl changed labor preach Lisa Murray.

Salaries of NBA and NFL actors are, of course, widely available. They are fodder for headlines and talk radio beef have proven that sometimes Cinderella tales actually do come true. Until recently, there was little reason to suspect that within these wildly profitable societies, cheerleaders those archetypal is a matter of envy and passion were being brutalized and underpaid.

Lawsuits against NFL crews began in early 2014. In rapid attack inheritance, complaints alleging payment stealing and other serious strive contraventions were was put forward by former cheerleaders against the Oakland Raiders; Tampa Bay Buccaneers; Cincinnati Bengals; Buffalo Bills; and decided for as much as $1.25 m( the instance against the Bills has yet to settle ).

Last year, the Milwaukee Bucks became the first NBA crew appointed in such a suit when former dancer Lauren Herington filed a complaint on behalf of she and her team-mates alleging gross underpayment and illegally mandated out-of-pocket overheads. Soon after filing, she shared with me emails, agreements, and detailed notes further that she maintained during her term as a Bucks dancer. If her accusations are true, the team did not consider hires described in the organizations own internal correspondence as, high profile members of such Milwaukee Bucks community with the respect or compensation they were entitled to.

Prior to working for the Milwaukee Bucks, Herington too was agitated about being treated as a high-profile member of the organization. She equated being a professional cheerleader with being a mini celebrity. As is particularly so with many professional cheerleaders, she had been dancing since early childhood, and had long dreamed of a discern on an NBA squad.

I envisaged I still think its a big deal to be able to say youre an NBA dancer, Herington told the Guardian. But I guess thats over for me now.

Salary was not discussed in the month-long unpaid bootcamp Herington listened prior to being hired by the Bucks. This was also the speciman at training workshops I accompanied for potential Clippers dancers for another article last year, where we were told wages would be discussed only after we were hired. It was also the instance for Murray, who recollected of the Warriors Girls, They have a epoch where you come in, and you read the contract together, and you sign it. And thats when I found out I was realizing $10 an hour. I remember simply being outraged.

There was no discussing it, Herington said, of her event signal after molted already relocated to Milwaukee to work on the team. It was, If you have an issue, then you can go ahead and it leaves. We werent have been able to take it dwelling, and go through it or anything like that. It was just handed out at rehearse. We signed it and leaved it back. Harmonizing to the agreement, she would be paid $30 per bi-weekly two- to four-hour practise; $65 per weekly 6.5 hour home competition; and $50 per two- to four-hour public appearance.

Hertington was also contractually obligated to adhere to the Bucks taxing fitness touchstones, which she alleges in her suit amounted to significant hours of payable labor. Per their accordance, dancers were required to maintain a high level of fitness, which was to be obtained by fulfill( ing) the conditions for workout curriculum designed by the training staff at Elite Sports Club.

What constituted a high level of fitness would be determined by the Bucks dancers tutor Tricia Crawford, who declined to be interviewed for this story. Workouts were monitor the performance of Tony Moro, a manager at the above-mentioned Elite Sports Club, who was in close linked with Crawford. In one email at the beginning of the season, Moro planned crew members for seven-day-a-week mandatory workouts and noted that the women should always be sure to cc[ Crawford] so she knows what is going on. Outage to comply with the activity and weight commissions set forth by Moro and Crawford would, according to the Bucks policy, result in disciplinary action as deemed necessary by the Dance Team Manager.

According to Herington, exchange about her load inaugurated as early as the teams first appearance in August of 2013, where coaching staff payed her negative feedback about her illustration, and subsequently applied her on a special exercising schedule that surpassed the four to five hours of daily practise she was already fully participate in.

Herington too began starving and dehydrating herself to look[ her] absolute good. She often appeared faint while working out. She experienced severe diarrhea after ingesting for the first time after days of nutrient destitution for circumstances like the teams calendar hit. She emailed Moro asking for additional work out that might help her lose the extra fatty[ she had] around[ her] hips and waist area.

Despite these efforts, Herington never knew when she would be allowed to dance at tournaments, and when she would be benched( without remuneration ), for failure to adhere to the Bucks fitness guidelines. On 18 18 November 2013, the week after the Bucks firstly dwelling activity, Crawford explained in an email: This week you will be out. I think you need a little more time to focus on your fitness. I was looking back at my memoranda and photographs from auditions, and I can see a significant difference. At that time, I thought your fitness was close to where it needed to be, but you still had a little slimming and color to do.

Sometimes, she said, she would hear a routine simply to be slash at the end of rehearse, at which point she would awkwardly leave the studio as her tired team-mates were told they would now have to stay belatedly to relearn formations.

In an email on February 18 2014, Crawford wrote, Saturday will be your first day back, and then Ill make a decision as to the remainder of the season. Id like you to visit Tony on Friday if you are able and do one more researching.( Testing here referred to the regular torso fat percentage estimate that Moro played on Herrington and reported back to Crawford .)

Herington developed stress ruptures in her shins. She stopped get her span. At one point, she was refused weight loss prescription from a doctor who expressed concerns over Heringtons mental health, and advised her to retire dancing.

By late winter, Herington said, the girls started seeing that my look seemed actually thin, and they asked if I was losing heavines in a health practice. At one rehearse, a command expected Herington why she looked so stressed out. I told her I was on probation for the last 2 week, and if I didnt make improvements I was not going to be on this crew any more, she said. Two weeks later, in the same 18 February email, Crawford wrote: I know you asked[ the cheerleader command] about your status with the team yesterday, but she has nothing to do with this. This place is between you and I.

Crawford signed off that email with a smiley face.

When Im sitting here now, Im like, wow, that resounds really stupid. Why didnt I just say something? Herington told the Guardian. Why didnt I merely stand up and be like, No. This is wrong. But then when I think about how drilled into our thinkers it was that every little thing we did was being watched You get scared that youll never piece as a dancer again.

During a weekend-long retreat at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, in the opening up of the season, Herington recollected rooming with a team-mate who told her that any in-room eating she did would be reported back to Crawford. At the same departure, she said the dancers accompanied a forum on how to adhere to their contractual obligation to refrain from posting anything on the internet that could be perceived in a negative dawn. When they arrived, draws from their Facebook notes had been projected onto the walls to be used as examples of photos that made them look like sluts and lesbians.

This retreat was also where each lady received their makeover. A examination was chosen for them by Crawford and a unit of beauticians from Salon Nova& Lash, where dancers where contractually required to visit, at their own expense, for all “hairs-breadth” needs.

I was the a-little-bit-older-than-my-actual-age-one, says Herington. I was the jumpy one on the team I had to convey that throughout the season. I had no say in what I looked like. That was part of the brainwashing.

They change your examine. They change your personality. They change everything, said Murray, of her epoch on the Warriors Girls. Murray attributes some of professional cheerleadings bizarre culture to the fact that most women coaching are themselves former cheerleaders.( Crawford danced for the Detroit Pistons prior to her hire with the Bucks .) Professional dancers, like most pro contestants, generally start working at a young age, due to their professions finite arcs. Many coaches, then, have worked in the world of pro-cheerleading since early adulthood. Because of this, said Murray, coaches may accept the view that in this profession, relations are an appropriate form of compensation.

Something they say a lot of the time, she said, is its a sisterhood. The document Murray rendered me with advised dancers to tell press: Its such a support to be on the Warriors Girls because you get to meet women who have your same anger for dance. It absolutely is a sisterhood!( When I attended the Clippers seminar, dancers there had also employed the convict, It truly is a sisterhood! verbatim, to describe life on the team .)

Herington likewise echoed hopes of sisterhood when shed attended boot camp. By March, nonetheless, when her team-mates hosted what she described as a mostly mandatory sleepover, she was treated cooly by the other women, who did not volunteer her a glass of wine. The other cheerleaders, though genial at best, were the only people Herington knew in Milwaukee. Labor one or two additional activities on top of her paid and unpaid dancing indebtedness, left virtually no time or fund with which Herington could have socialized.

As soon as shed met the team, molted get a responsibility at Ruby Tuesday. After a couple of months, she took on a third chore working early mornings at a doggie day care. Between her three jobs and the online class she was taking, her eras generally began at 5am and ended at midnight. After paying her rent, invoices, and expenses like mandatory weekly dres cleanse and bashes decorating, she dissolved every month with about $20 in her checking account. She spent the entire season resuming clambering for extra income in this way to Jared Jewelers; another eatery; then back to Ruby Tuesday anywhere that might accommodate the following schedule of an employee who had another part-time chore utterly eating them.

The Warriors Girls manual promotes team members to deem their additional undertakings as a place of feminine pride: Each of you have interests, points, and flairs well beyond being a Warrior Girl In some lawsuits, you are a full-time student, the status of women with a full-time place and perhaps a family.

Milwaukee Bucks Dancers were also contractually obligated to fulfill, a minimum of 10 hours of benevolence/ non-paid figures a year. If team members did not find time during the course of its regular season to complete these hours, they were expected to work off the time in payable promotional appearances for the Bucks.

In an email dated 28 May 2014, Crawford wrote, As a remember, you are all still under contract until July 13 th The reactions Ive been getting thus far for summer episodes have been dreadful. If its because you still need to meet your hours, so you intend on worsening all phenomena because you wont get paid, then thats a serious issue that I will take up to my superiors.

It is unclear whether Crawfords superiors would have paid her any scrutiny. In the same email, Crawford expressed insecurity over the extremely future of the Bucks Dancers, We have no thought what changes the new owners will bring Who knows what could happen to our program.

Women in the coaching slot absolutely are terrified theyre going to lose their responsibility, said Murray, based on the pushback and precede capitulate shes saw when coach-and-fours or musicians have attempted to fight for higher salaries.

Currently, cheerleading crews in the NFL and NBA cannot collectively negotiate their own working conditions. Laborers would be impossible to form confederations unless they are direct employees of a company, and cheerleader employment status varies from team to team. Herington was hired as a direct employee of the Milwaukee Bucks, but many crews apologize the underpayment of dancers by classifying them as contractors. Incorrectly categorizing professional cheerleaders, as was the case in the dres against the Oakland Raiders, prevents all dancers in the tournament – even those who are direct staff members of crews – from unionizing, because crews they would join forces with are not properly classified.

Classifying professional cheerleaders as contractors is, according to California Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez , not legal.[ Cheerleaders] signed an employment contract, she told the Guardian. They clearly represent the team … If youre an independent contractor, you place your own hours. You wouldnt be wearing a outfit for a company.

Gonzalez is the author of California Assembly Bill 202, which was passed in reaction to the classification issues involved in the Invader event. Per the greenback, as of 1 January 2016, professional cheerleaders in California must be hired as employees. Murray was one of the evidences to witness before the assembly in support of its passageway. Gonzalez prolongs work with New York assemblywoman Nily Rozic, who is attempting to pass a similar statute in New York State.

Thus far, progress in the working conditions of cheerleaders has been made mainly through suits like Heringtons. The status could be remedied by the NFL and NBA In the snap of a digit said Gonzalez, by introducing league-wide mandates that all dancers be direct employees.

Murray is optimistic that the NBA will be quicker to address the problem than the NFL, quoting business associations recent partnership with the equal repay advocacy radical #LeanIn. If we dont fix this problem, thats going to look really bad on them, she said.

Herington left the Milwaukee Bucks after her first season. Of her decision to speak out publicly against the team, she told me, Unfortunately, its probably the occurrence[ that I wont ever be hired on another unit ], her voice falling, but I at least hope now that maybe some things will change because of this.

When reached for remark, Milwaukee Bucks spokesperson Jake Suksi threw the next statement: The Milwaukee Bucks strongly disagree with the claims shaped in the federal lawsuit. The lawsuit presents inaccurate information that creates a false picture of how we control. The Bucks value the contributions our dancers acquire to the team. We treat all of our employees fairly, including our Bucks dancers, and pay them fairly and in compliance with federal and nation rule. We guess the lawsuit to be without virtue and will contest these allegations in court.

Herington, Murray, and Gonzalez continue to fight. The majority of American high schools and universities continue to offer cheerleading through their athletic districts. Mothers continue to waste the thousands of dollars on weekend clinics where organisations are learned. Somewhere, at least one minor continued to do those haul up even though they injured, and pattern that eight weigh even though theyre sick of it, because they still think its a big deal to be able to say youre an NBA dancer.

The post Stress fractures, thirst and low-spirited spend: one woman’s life as an NBA cheerleader appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2j4mJuk via IFTTT

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

like

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

like

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk

[apsbicepstraining]

Stress fractures, thirst and low-spirited spend: one woman’s life as an NBA cheerleader

Many dancers are attracted to life as a cheerleader but they often find themselves disappointed at what the hell is thought would be a nightmare job

You can deflect leading questions that stereotype you by explaining that this is a hobby

Q: Do you get paid ?

A: All dance teams in the NBA get paid, and theres other enormous perks, like going our whisker and make-up done, tanning, etc

The above is excerpted from a manual on how to talk to the press, given to the 2013 Golden state Fighter dancers by their coaches. It was handed to me by former Warriors Girl changed labor preach Lisa Murray.

Salaries of NBA and NFL actors are, of course, widely available. They are fodder for headlines and talk radio beef have proven that sometimes Cinderella tales actually do come true. Until recently, there was little reason to suspect that within these wildly profitable societies, cheerleaders those archetypal is a matter of envy and passion were being brutalized and underpaid.

Lawsuits against NFL crews began in early 2014. In rapid attack inheritance, complaints alleging payment stealing and other serious strive contraventions were was put forward by former cheerleaders against the Oakland Raiders; Tampa Bay Buccaneers; Cincinnati Bengals; Buffalo Bills; and decided for as much as $1.25 m( the instance against the Bills has yet to settle ).

Last year, the Milwaukee Bucks became the first NBA crew appointed in such a suit when former dancer Lauren Herington filed a complaint on behalf of she and her team-mates alleging gross underpayment and illegally mandated out-of-pocket overheads. Soon after filing, she shared with me emails, agreements, and detailed notes further that she maintained during her term as a Bucks dancer. If her accusations are true, the team did not consider hires described in the organizations own internal correspondence as, high profile members of such Milwaukee Bucks community with the respect or compensation they were entitled to.

Prior to working for the Milwaukee Bucks, Herington too was agitated about being treated as a high-profile member of the organization. She equated being a professional cheerleader with being a mini celebrity. As is particularly so with many professional cheerleaders, she had been dancing since early childhood, and had long dreamed of a discern on an NBA squad.

I envisaged I still think its a big deal to be able to say youre an NBA dancer, Herington told the Guardian. But I guess thats over for me now.

Salary was not discussed in the month-long unpaid bootcamp Herington listened prior to being hired by the Bucks. This was also the speciman at training workshops I accompanied for potential Clippers dancers for another article last year, where we were told wages would be discussed only after we were hired. It was also the instance for Murray, who recollected of the Warriors Girls, They have a epoch where you come in, and you read the contract together, and you sign it. And thats when I found out I was realizing $10 an hour. I remember simply being outraged.

There was no discussing it, Herington said, of her event signal after molted already relocated to Milwaukee to work on the team. It was, If you have an issue, then you can go ahead and it leaves. We werent have been able to take it dwelling, and go through it or anything like that. It was just handed out at rehearse. We signed it and leaved it back. Harmonizing to the agreement, she would be paid $30 per bi-weekly two- to four-hour practise; $65 per weekly 6.5 hour home competition; and $50 per two- to four-hour public appearance.

Hertington was also contractually obligated to adhere to the Bucks taxing fitness touchstones, which she alleges in her suit amounted to significant hours of payable labor. Per their accordance, dancers were required to maintain a high level of fitness, which was to be obtained by fulfill( ing) the conditions for workout curriculum designed by the training staff at Elite Sports Club.

What constituted a high level of fitness would be determined by the Bucks dancers tutor Tricia Crawford, who declined to be interviewed for this story. Workouts were monitor the performance of Tony Moro, a manager at the above-mentioned Elite Sports Club, who was in close linked with Crawford. In one email at the beginning of the season, Moro planned crew members for seven-day-a-week mandatory workouts and noted that the women should always be sure to cc[ Crawford] so she knows what is going on. Outage to comply with the activity and weight commissions set forth by Moro and Crawford would, according to the Bucks policy, result in disciplinary action as deemed necessary by the Dance Team Manager.

According to Herington, exchange about her load inaugurated as early as the teams first appearance in August of 2013, where coaching staff payed her negative feedback about her illustration, and subsequently applied her on a special exercising schedule that surpassed the four to five hours of daily practise she was already fully participate in.

Herington too began starving and dehydrating herself to look[ her] absolute good. She often appeared faint while working out. She experienced severe diarrhea after ingesting for the first time after days of nutrient destitution for circumstances like the teams calendar hit. She emailed Moro asking for additional work out that might help her lose the extra fatty[ she had] around[ her] hips and waist area.

Despite these efforts, Herington never knew when she would be allowed to dance at tournaments, and when she would be benched( without remuneration ), for failure to adhere to the Bucks fitness guidelines. On 18 18 November 2013, the week after the Bucks firstly dwelling activity, Crawford explained in an email: This week you will be out. I think you need a little more time to focus on your fitness. I was looking back at my memoranda and photographs from auditions, and I can see a significant difference. At that time, I thought your fitness was close to where it needed to be, but you still had a little slimming and color to do.

Sometimes, she said, she would hear a routine simply to be slash at the end of rehearse, at which point she would awkwardly leave the studio as her tired team-mates were told they would now have to stay belatedly to relearn formations.

In an email on February 18 2014, Crawford wrote, Saturday will be your first day back, and then Ill make a decision as to the remainder of the season. Id like you to visit Tony on Friday if you are able and do one more researching.( Testing here referred to the regular torso fat percentage estimate that Moro played on Herrington and reported back to Crawford .)

Herington developed stress ruptures in her shins. She stopped get her span. At one point, she was refused weight loss prescription from a doctor who expressed concerns over Heringtons mental health, and advised her to retire dancing.

By late winter, Herington said, the girls started seeing that my look seemed actually thin, and they asked if I was losing heavines in a health practice. At one rehearse, a command expected Herington why she looked so stressed out. I told her I was on probation for the last 2 week, and if I didnt make improvements I was not going to be on this crew any more, she said. Two weeks later, in the same 18 February email, Crawford wrote: I know you asked[ the cheerleader command] about your status with the team yesterday, but she has nothing to do with this. This place is between you and I.

Crawford signed off that email with a smiley face.

When Im sitting here now, Im like, wow, that resounds really stupid. Why didnt I just say something? Herington told the Guardian. Why didnt I merely stand up and be like, No. This is wrong. But then when I think about how drilled into our thinkers it was that every little thing we did was being watched You get scared that youll never piece as a dancer again.

During a weekend-long retreat at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, in the opening up of the season, Herington recollected rooming with a team-mate who told her that any in-room eating she did would be reported back to Crawford. At the same departure, she said the dancers accompanied a forum on how to adhere to their contractual obligation to refrain from posting anything on the internet that could be perceived in a negative dawn. When they arrived, draws from their Facebook notes had been projected onto the walls to be used as examples of photos that made them look like sluts and lesbians.

This retreat was also where each lady received their makeover. A examination was chosen for them by Crawford and a unit of beauticians from Salon Nova& Lash, where dancers where contractually required to visit, at their own expense, for all “hairs-breadth” needs.

I was the a-little-bit-older-than-my-actual-age-one, says Herington. I was the jumpy one on the team I had to convey that throughout the season. I had no say in what I looked like. That was part of the brainwashing.

They change your examine. They change your personality. They change everything, said Murray, of her epoch on the Warriors Girls. Murray attributes some of professional cheerleadings bizarre culture to the fact that most women coaching are themselves former cheerleaders.( Crawford danced for the Detroit Pistons prior to her hire with the Bucks .) Professional dancers, like most pro contestants, generally start working at a young age, due to their professions finite arcs. Many coaches, then, have worked in the world of pro-cheerleading since early adulthood. Because of this, said Murray, coaches may accept the view that in this profession, relations are an appropriate form of compensation.

Something they say a lot of the time, she said, is its a sisterhood. The document Murray rendered me with advised dancers to tell press: Its such a support to be on the Warriors Girls because you get to meet women who have your same anger for dance. It absolutely is a sisterhood!( When I attended the Clippers seminar, dancers there had also employed the convict, It truly is a sisterhood! verbatim, to describe life on the team .)

Herington likewise echoed hopes of sisterhood when shed attended boot camp. By March, nonetheless, when her team-mates hosted what she described as a mostly mandatory sleepover, she was treated cooly by the other women, who did not volunteer her a glass of wine. The other cheerleaders, though genial at best, were the only people Herington knew in Milwaukee. Labor one or two additional activities on top of her paid and unpaid dancing indebtedness, left virtually no time or fund with which Herington could have socialized.

As soon as shed met the team, molted get a responsibility at Ruby Tuesday. After a couple of months, she took on a third chore working early mornings at a doggie day care. Between her three jobs and the online class she was taking, her eras generally began at 5am and ended at midnight. After paying her rent, invoices, and expenses like mandatory weekly dres cleanse and bashes decorating, she dissolved every month with about $20 in her checking account. She spent the entire season resuming clambering for extra income in this way to Jared Jewelers; another eatery; then back to Ruby Tuesday anywhere that might accommodate the following schedule of an employee who had another part-time chore utterly eating them.

The Warriors Girls manual promotes team members to deem their additional undertakings as a place of feminine pride: Each of you have interests, points, and flairs well beyond being a Warrior Girl In some lawsuits, you are a full-time student, the status of women with a full-time place and perhaps a family.

Milwaukee Bucks Dancers were also contractually obligated to fulfill, a minimum of 10 hours of benevolence/ non-paid figures a year. If team members did not find time during the course of its regular season to complete these hours, they were expected to work off the time in payable promotional appearances for the Bucks.

In an email dated 28 May 2014, Crawford wrote, As a remember, you are all still under contract until July 13 th The reactions Ive been getting thus far for summer episodes have been dreadful. If its because you still need to meet your hours, so you intend on worsening all phenomena because you wont get paid, then thats a serious issue that I will take up to my superiors.

It is unclear whether Crawfords superiors would have paid her any scrutiny. In the same email, Crawford expressed insecurity over the extremely future of the Bucks Dancers, We have no thought what changes the new owners will bring Who knows what could happen to our program.

Women in the coaching slot absolutely are terrified theyre going to lose their responsibility, said Murray, based on the pushback and precede capitulate shes saw when coach-and-fours or musicians have attempted to fight for higher salaries.

Currently, cheerleading crews in the NFL and NBA cannot collectively negotiate their own working conditions. Laborers would be impossible to form confederations unless they are direct employees of a company, and cheerleader employment status varies from team to team. Herington was hired as a direct employee of the Milwaukee Bucks, but many crews apologize the underpayment of dancers by classifying them as contractors. Incorrectly categorizing professional cheerleaders, as was the case in the dres against the Oakland Raiders, prevents all dancers in the tournament – even those who are direct staff members of crews – from unionizing, because crews they would join forces with are not properly classified.

Classifying professional cheerleaders as contractors is, according to California Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez , not legal.[ Cheerleaders] signed an employment contract, she told the Guardian. They clearly represent the team … If youre an independent contractor, you place your own hours. You wouldnt be wearing a outfit for a company.

Gonzalez is the author of California Assembly Bill 202, which was passed in reaction to the classification issues involved in the Invader event. Per the greenback, as of 1 January 2016, professional cheerleaders in California must be hired as employees. Murray was one of the evidences to witness before the assembly in support of its passageway. Gonzalez prolongs work with New York assemblywoman Nily Rozic, who is attempting to pass a similar statute in New York State.

Thus far, progress in the working conditions of cheerleaders has been made mainly through suits like Heringtons. The status could be remedied by the NFL and NBA In the snap of a digit said Gonzalez, by introducing league-wide mandates that all dancers be direct employees.

Murray is optimistic that the NBA will be quicker to address the problem than the NFL, quoting business associations recent partnership with the equal repay advocacy radical #LeanIn. If we dont fix this problem, thats going to look really bad on them, she said.

Herington left the Milwaukee Bucks after her first season. Of her decision to speak out publicly against the team, she told me, Unfortunately, its probably the occurrence[ that I wont ever be hired on another unit ], her voice falling, but I at least hope now that maybe some things will change because of this.

When reached for remark, Milwaukee Bucks spokesperson Jake Suksi threw the next statement: The Milwaukee Bucks strongly disagree with the claims shaped in the federal lawsuit. The lawsuit presents inaccurate information that creates a false picture of how we control. The Bucks value the contributions our dancers acquire to the team. We treat all of our employees fairly, including our Bucks dancers, and pay them fairly and in compliance with federal and nation rule. We guess the lawsuit to be without virtue and will contest these allegations in court.

Herington, Murray, and Gonzalez continue to fight. The majority of American high schools and universities continue to offer cheerleading through their athletic districts. Mothers continue to waste the thousands of dollars on weekend clinics where organisations are learned. Somewhere, at least one minor continued to do those haul up even though they injured, and pattern that eight weigh even though theyre sick of it, because they still think its a big deal to be able to say youre an NBA dancer.

The post Stress fractures, thirst and low-spirited spend: one woman’s life as an NBA cheerleader appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2j4mJuk via IFTTT

[apsbicepstraining]

Stress fractures, thirst and low-spirited spend: one woman’s life as an NBA cheerleader

Many dancers are attracted to life as a cheerleader but they often find themselves disappointed at what the hell is thought would be a nightmare job

You can deflect leading questions that stereotype you by explaining that this is a hobby

Q: Do you get paid ?

A: All dance teams in the NBA get paid, and theres other enormous perks, like going our whisker and make-up done, tanning, etc

The above is excerpted from a manual on how to talk to the press, given to the 2013 Golden state Fighter dancers by their coaches. It was handed to me by former Warriors Girl changed labor preach Lisa Murray.

Salaries of NBA and NFL actors are, of course, widely available. They are fodder for headlines and talk radio beef have proven that sometimes Cinderella tales actually do come true. Until recently, there was little reason to suspect that within these wildly profitable societies, cheerleaders those archetypal is a matter of envy and passion were being brutalized and underpaid.

Lawsuits against NFL crews began in early 2014. In rapid attack inheritance, complaints alleging payment stealing and other serious strive contraventions were was put forward by former cheerleaders against the Oakland Raiders; Tampa Bay Buccaneers; Cincinnati Bengals; Buffalo Bills; and decided for as much as $1.25 m( the instance against the Bills has yet to settle ).

Last year, the Milwaukee Bucks became the first NBA crew appointed in such a suit when former dancer Lauren Herington filed a complaint on behalf of she and her team-mates alleging gross underpayment and illegally mandated out-of-pocket overheads. Soon after filing, she shared with me emails, agreements, and detailed notes further that she maintained during her term as a Bucks dancer. If her accusations are true, the team did not consider hires described in the organizations own internal correspondence as, high profile members of such Milwaukee Bucks community with the respect or compensation they were entitled to.

Prior to working for the Milwaukee Bucks, Herington too was agitated about being treated as a high-profile member of the organization. She equated being a professional cheerleader with being a mini celebrity. As is particularly so with many professional cheerleaders, she had been dancing since early childhood, and had long dreamed of a discern on an NBA squad.

I envisaged I still think its a big deal to be able to say youre an NBA dancer, Herington told the Guardian. But I guess thats over for me now.

Salary was not discussed in the month-long unpaid bootcamp Herington listened prior to being hired by the Bucks. This was also the speciman at training workshops I accompanied for potential Clippers dancers for another article last year, where we were told wages would be discussed only after we were hired. It was also the instance for Murray, who recollected of the Warriors Girls, They have a epoch where you come in, and you read the contract together, and you sign it. And thats when I found out I was realizing $10 an hour. I remember simply being outraged.

There was no discussing it, Herington said, of her event signal after molted already relocated to Milwaukee to work on the team. It was, If you have an issue, then you can go ahead and it leaves. We werent have been able to take it dwelling, and go through it or anything like that. It was just handed out at rehearse. We signed it and leaved it back. Harmonizing to the agreement, she would be paid $30 per bi-weekly two- to four-hour practise; $65 per weekly 6.5 hour home competition; and $50 per two- to four-hour public appearance.

Hertington was also contractually obligated to adhere to the Bucks taxing fitness touchstones, which she alleges in her suit amounted to significant hours of payable labor. Per their accordance, dancers were required to maintain a high level of fitness, which was to be obtained by fulfill( ing) the conditions for workout curriculum designed by the training staff at Elite Sports Club.

What constituted a high level of fitness would be determined by the Bucks dancers tutor Tricia Crawford, who declined to be interviewed for this story. Workouts were monitor the performance of Tony Moro, a manager at the above-mentioned Elite Sports Club, who was in close linked with Crawford. In one email at the beginning of the season, Moro planned crew members for seven-day-a-week mandatory workouts and noted that the women should always be sure to cc[ Crawford] so she knows what is going on. Outage to comply with the activity and weight commissions set forth by Moro and Crawford would, according to the Bucks policy, result in disciplinary action as deemed necessary by the Dance Team Manager.

According to Herington, exchange about her load inaugurated as early as the teams first appearance in August of 2013, where coaching staff payed her negative feedback about her illustration, and subsequently applied her on a special exercising schedule that surpassed the four to five hours of daily practise she was already fully participate in.

Herington too began starving and dehydrating herself to look[ her] absolute good. She often appeared faint while working out. She experienced severe diarrhea after ingesting for the first time after days of nutrient destitution for circumstances like the teams calendar hit. She emailed Moro asking for additional work out that might help her lose the extra fatty[ she had] around[ her] hips and waist area.

Despite these efforts, Herington never knew when she would be allowed to dance at tournaments, and when she would be benched( without remuneration ), for failure to adhere to the Bucks fitness guidelines. On 18 18 November 2013, the week after the Bucks firstly dwelling activity, Crawford explained in an email: This week you will be out. I think you need a little more time to focus on your fitness. I was looking back at my memoranda and photographs from auditions, and I can see a significant difference. At that time, I thought your fitness was close to where it needed to be, but you still had a little slimming and color to do.

Sometimes, she said, she would hear a routine simply to be slash at the end of rehearse, at which point she would awkwardly leave the studio as her tired team-mates were told they would now have to stay belatedly to relearn formations.

In an email on February 18 2014, Crawford wrote, Saturday will be your first day back, and then Ill make a decision as to the remainder of the season. Id like you to visit Tony on Friday if you are able and do one more researching.( Testing here referred to the regular torso fat percentage estimate that Moro played on Herrington and reported back to Crawford .)

Herington developed stress ruptures in her shins. She stopped get her span. At one point, she was refused weight loss prescription from a doctor who expressed concerns over Heringtons mental health, and advised her to retire dancing.

By late winter, Herington said, the girls started seeing that my look seemed actually thin, and they asked if I was losing heavines in a health practice. At one rehearse, a command expected Herington why she looked so stressed out. I told her I was on probation for the last 2 week, and if I didnt make improvements I was not going to be on this crew any more, she said. Two weeks later, in the same 18 February email, Crawford wrote: I know you asked[ the cheerleader command] about your status with the team yesterday, but she has nothing to do with this. This place is between you and I.

Crawford signed off that email with a smiley face.

When Im sitting here now, Im like, wow, that resounds really stupid. Why didnt I just say something? Herington told the Guardian. Why didnt I merely stand up and be like, No. This is wrong. But then when I think about how drilled into our thinkers it was that every little thing we did was being watched You get scared that youll never piece as a dancer again.

During a weekend-long retreat at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, in the opening up of the season, Herington recollected rooming with a team-mate who told her that any in-room eating she did would be reported back to Crawford. At the same departure, she said the dancers accompanied a forum on how to adhere to their contractual obligation to refrain from posting anything on the internet that could be perceived in a negative dawn. When they arrived, draws from their Facebook notes had been projected onto the walls to be used as examples of photos that made them look like sluts and lesbians.

This retreat was also where each lady received their makeover. A examination was chosen for them by Crawford and a unit of beauticians from Salon Nova& Lash, where dancers where contractually required to visit, at their own expense, for all “hairs-breadth” needs.

I was the a-little-bit-older-than-my-actual-age-one, says Herington. I was the jumpy one on the team I had to convey that throughout the season. I had no say in what I looked like. That was part of the brainwashing.

They change your examine. They change your personality. They change everything, said Murray, of her epoch on the Warriors Girls. Murray attributes some of professional cheerleadings bizarre culture to the fact that most women coaching are themselves former cheerleaders.( Crawford danced for the Detroit Pistons prior to her hire with the Bucks .) Professional dancers, like most pro contestants, generally start working at a young age, due to their professions finite arcs. Many coaches, then, have worked in the world of pro-cheerleading since early adulthood. Because of this, said Murray, coaches may accept the view that in this profession, relations are an appropriate form of compensation.

Something they say a lot of the time, she said, is its a sisterhood. The document Murray rendered me with advised dancers to tell press: Its such a support to be on the Warriors Girls because you get to meet women who have your same anger for dance. It absolutely is a sisterhood!( When I attended the Clippers seminar, dancers there had also employed the convict, It truly is a sisterhood! verbatim, to describe life on the team .)

Herington likewise echoed hopes of sisterhood when shed attended boot camp. By March, nonetheless, when her team-mates hosted what she described as a mostly mandatory sleepover, she was treated cooly by the other women, who did not volunteer her a glass of wine. The other cheerleaders, though genial at best, were the only people Herington knew in Milwaukee. Labor one or two additional activities on top of her paid and unpaid dancing indebtedness, left virtually no time or fund with which Herington could have socialized.

As soon as shed met the team, molted get a responsibility at Ruby Tuesday. After a couple of months, she took on a third chore working early mornings at a doggie day care. Between her three jobs and the online class she was taking, her eras generally began at 5am and ended at midnight. After paying her rent, invoices, and expenses like mandatory weekly dres cleanse and bashes decorating, she dissolved every month with about $20 in her checking account. She spent the entire season resuming clambering for extra income in this way to Jared Jewelers; another eatery; then back to Ruby Tuesday anywhere that might accommodate the following schedule of an employee who had another part-time chore utterly eating them.

The Warriors Girls manual promotes team members to deem their additional undertakings as a place of feminine pride: Each of you have interests, points, and flairs well beyond being a Warrior Girl In some lawsuits, you are a full-time student, the status of women with a full-time place and perhaps a family.

Milwaukee Bucks Dancers were also contractually obligated to fulfill, a minimum of 10 hours of benevolence/ non-paid figures a year. If team members did not find time during the course of its regular season to complete these hours, they were expected to work off the time in payable promotional appearances for the Bucks.

In an email dated 28 May 2014, Crawford wrote, As a remember, you are all still under contract until July 13 th The reactions Ive been getting thus far for summer episodes have been dreadful. If its because you still need to meet your hours, so you intend on worsening all phenomena because you wont get paid, then thats a serious issue that I will take up to my superiors.

It is unclear whether Crawfords superiors would have paid her any scrutiny. In the same email, Crawford expressed insecurity over the extremely future of the Bucks Dancers, We have no thought what changes the new owners will bring Who knows what could happen to our program.

Women in the coaching slot absolutely are terrified theyre going to lose their responsibility, said Murray, based on the pushback and precede capitulate shes saw when coach-and-fours or musicians have attempted to fight for higher salaries.

Currently, cheerleading crews in the NFL and NBA cannot collectively negotiate their own working conditions. Laborers would be impossible to form confederations unless they are direct employees of a company, and cheerleader employment status varies from team to team. Herington was hired as a direct employee of the Milwaukee Bucks, but many crews apologize the underpayment of dancers by classifying them as contractors. Incorrectly categorizing professional cheerleaders, as was the case in the dres against the Oakland Raiders, prevents all dancers in the tournament – even those who are direct staff members of crews – from unionizing, because crews they would join forces with are not properly classified.

Classifying professional cheerleaders as contractors is, according to California Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez , not legal.[ Cheerleaders] signed an employment contract, she told the Guardian. They clearly represent the team … If youre an independent contractor, you place your own hours. You wouldnt be wearing a outfit for a company.

Gonzalez is the author of California Assembly Bill 202, which was passed in reaction to the classification issues involved in the Invader event. Per the greenback, as of 1 January 2016, professional cheerleaders in California must be hired as employees. Murray was one of the evidences to witness before the assembly in support of its passageway. Gonzalez prolongs work with New York assemblywoman Nily Rozic, who is attempting to pass a similar statute in New York State.

Thus far, progress in the working conditions of cheerleaders has been made mainly through suits like Heringtons. The status could be remedied by the NFL and NBA In the snap of a digit said Gonzalez, by introducing league-wide mandates that all dancers be direct employees.

Murray is optimistic that the NBA will be quicker to address the problem than the NFL, quoting business associations recent partnership with the equal repay advocacy radical #LeanIn. If we dont fix this problem, thats going to look really bad on them, she said.

Herington left the Milwaukee Bucks after her first season. Of her decision to speak out publicly against the team, she told me, Unfortunately, its probably the occurrence[ that I wont ever be hired on another unit ], her voice falling, but I at least hope now that maybe some things will change because of this.

When reached for remark, Milwaukee Bucks spokesperson Jake Suksi threw the next statement: The Milwaukee Bucks strongly disagree with the claims shaped in the federal lawsuit. The lawsuit presents inaccurate information that creates a false picture of how we control. The Bucks value the contributions our dancers acquire to the team. We treat all of our employees fairly, including our Bucks dancers, and pay them fairly and in compliance with federal and nation rule. We guess the lawsuit to be without virtue and will contest these allegations in court.

Herington, Murray, and Gonzalez continue to fight. The majority of American high schools and universities continue to offer cheerleading through their athletic districts. Mothers continue to waste the thousands of dollars on weekend clinics where organisations are learned. Somewhere, at least one minor continued to do those haul up even though they injured, and pattern that eight weigh even though theyre sick of it, because they still think its a big deal to be able to say youre an NBA dancer.

The post Stress fractures, thirst and low-spirited spend: one woman’s life as an NBA cheerleader appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2j4mJuk via IFTTT