#im so normal im soooo normal about. th. yeah

[kingtheghast]

"Every eye on the coast ever more Will remember the sight of the ghost on the shore"

[song: The Ghost on the Shore - Lord Huron]

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 11

Reg kin anon, pg anon, th anon (new), mirrorball anon (new), bio anon (new), sentiment anon (new)

Reg kin anon

hi cas, reg kin anon here ♡

i realised i didnt mention any update about the guy i thought i liked at the start of the year/end of last year, oops 😂 well, it turned out uhhhhhhh

we had a conversation in... january, i think? maybe february, about how we felt. he said he wasnt ready for a relationship yet (honestly fair, he had a rough breakup when i first met him last year) but that if i was willing to wait a few months then he'd reevaluate (looking back, RED FLAG) which i was fine with, bc relationships scare me too ahaha

and then not even a month later he was flirting harder?? he took me on a date which was really nice tbh and we watched a couple films and he started watching my favourite childhood tv show w me and it was really very nice

and then only AFTER like a month or two of a sort of situationship(? idk if thats the right word, bc i realise thats usually used for more sexual relationships, but i aint into that, it was just kissing/cuddling/staying in for dates) he was still telling people he was VERY STRAIGHT. to remind, i am genderqueer/fluid and OUT TO PPL AT UNI. sooooo yeah he saw me as a girl just because im afab and present somewhat fem like 60% of the time.

so. love that for me 🫠 its now NOT happening, bc im not about to shove myself back into the closet for a guy. he was also giving me the ick for a while in between starting to "date" and then for no reason i could figure out and the feelings have vanished 🎉

on a better note! i opened up to some of my friends about my mother, finally. it genuinely felt so good and freeing to talk about it openly and not feel judged. especially bc i actually had a proper breakdown and sobbing session and they were so, so kind about it all. its so crazy to me to imagine having friends like that because i had literally noone before uni aside from one "friend" (it was more of a 'people hate you, people hate me, lets not hate each other' sort of bond) but now im realising i actually genuinely do have people who care about me and love me and want to support me, and more importantly theyre people who i care about and love and trust too, which i also thought id never find

soooo yay! little reg kin is growin up and finding their place in the world ♡♡

Hi!

Ew yeah that guy sounds like a red flag. Nobody is worth going back into the closet for. You deserve someone who respects your identity <3

But that's so amazing that you have some supportive friends! I know you've been struggling so much with things with your mom, and I'm so glad you have people to talk to about it. It's been wonderful to hear about you grow over this year, and to hear about how you've been able to develop your own support system. You truly deserve it <3

___

PG anon

Ask 1:

For glasses- what about the dollar store or something? Is that a thing near you?

For the fainting...um yeah I'd be concerned. I know it's hard but I'd continue pushing it. Fainting isn't normal...

For C- I'm glad adults know. You shouldn't have to deal with that alone.

How did the GSCEs go? Remember, you deserve recognition and love, whether you're getting it or not <3

And OMG how was prom?

Ask 2:

Exams- I'm glad things seem to be going well! I believe in you, and I know the self-doubt sucks, but I kno you'll do amazing <3

Friends- That's so frustrating because like you said, it's understandable, and there's not much you can do. Have you tried asking your friends to 'body double' over the phone? I do that with friends sometimes, where we're on the phone, but we don't talk and we're both doing whatever we need to do- studying, writing, doing chores, etc. It gives the feeling of not being alone, but you're still being responsible. Maybe that could be a good compromise?

Cancer- <3 <3 <3

Coming out- Remember that you don't owe anyone that information. Do it on your own time, when you're ready. It's okay to take your time! Don't pressure yourself <3

Your past- I think if your past isn't affecting your relationship with your bf now, then you shouldn't pressure yourself to tell them that until you're ready. It's okay to take your time opening up to someone. Your bf cares about you for you as you are NOW <3

Sending you so much love <3

___

th anon

Hii I don't usually do anons but I just wanted to ask you for help on something.

Basically I "broke up" with my best friend 6 months ago (I'll call her TH) and it's not like we were friends for a long time, but it was 3 years of my life.

But anyways when we stopped talking, I don't know, I felt... hurt but more than that, though. Because I vividly recall how heartbroken I felt when I realised she was purposely ignoring me (it was the week before Christmas break back in november and we were sitting next to each other TH was obviously ignoring me bc all she did was stare at the computer. Doing nothing, mind you. I tried to start a conversation but i had a feeling she wasn't in the mood. Then when the bell rang she got up and left the room not even sparing me glance.) I hate to admit it literally made me spiral to the point I cried after school for like 2 weeks straight 😭 oh my god, I feel embarrassed just typing that. But seriously even my brother left me alone when he saw how upset I was.

And even after that I cried on and off. I've written pages of poetry about this (which is the curse of having the ability to write and feel clearly) but I still can't seem to move on especially because we're in the same friend group. I have to see her every. Single. Day.

I hate how awkward it is between us because I really cared for her. I loved her so much omg but now she doesn't even look at me. And one thing about me is that I hate to be ignored it's probably one of the only ways to convince me to let go of someone even if i love them. Like I was sooo close to her but the moment she started ignoring I left it alone. I slightly regret it now though because what if I had just plucked up the courage to fight for our friendship and confronted her? (Although I did ask her if there was smth wrong after the Christmas break which was probably too late to ask that but God I was such a coward.)

I know it's too late to fix it. But I guess I just want reassurance that I didn't make one of the biggest mistakes of my life because I was too focused on winning an invisible competition of who cares the least.

I'm so sorry if this puts any pressure on you that's not what I intend I'm kinda just typing whatever I'm feeling rn. Ahhhajajzj this is making me realise I'm so not over it. Shit. 😭

(worst part about this is that I can't tell if this is romantic or platonic heartbreak)

Anyway I hope this made sense!

Side note: I just started your fic that has trans!regulus and I love your writing sm <33

Hi!

Honestly from this, it sounds like SHE did you dirty here. Like she just ignored you with no explanation? That's shit. You deserve a reason as to why she decided to drop you all of a sudden. If it was me, I'd be pissed.

I think if this every happens to you again, the only thing you could do different is ask for an explanation. But she definitely is the one in the wrong and you absolutely have a right to be upset about this.

___

mirrorball anon

I’m sad Cas ):

I lost two people I would’ve considered my best friends 3 months ago

in the span of a month

and it’s because they did shitty things, they really did

but I feel guilty and paranoid and like it’s my fault or I caused it and did something wrong

it’s just a really shitty time

-🪩

Hi! I already have an evermore anon so I hope this name is okay!

People doing shitty things to you isn't your fault, and you did nothing wrong. You deserve SO much better, and I really hope you get friends who show you that. I'm sending you so much love <3

___

bio anon

just had to take my pronouns out of my bio on instagram because of my new job (i’m scared of someone seeing because i’m not in a very queer safe environment at work) and i tried putting in more “normal ones” but it sat so uneasy with me i just couldn’t. it felt like such a lie.

please tell me this isn’t weird

Hi <3

This isn't weird at all, but it's not fair to you either. I definitely think you should do what makes you feel safe, but I'm so sorry you're in a situation where you even have to think about this. You deserve to be open about your identity and feel safe about doing so. I hope that happens for you someday <3

___

sentiment anon

My dad keeps making comments about me... (Redacted)

Hi <3 This is COMPLETELY inappropriate. Do you have a trusted adult you can tell about this? Like...I can't even stress how inappropriate this is, and you shouldn't have to deal with it. Please lmk if you're able to tell an adult!

[ketamie]

What are the furry things you’re into like idk the games or something or is it comics. I want to see what this is all about

i don't know where to even start i got into the furry thing when i was literally like 12 so there's a lot of backlog for me. i used to interface with the "fandom" via comics mostly at the time. though which i don't remember plus they're probably awful. & redacted. the first thing i've read that sticks out is grant by captaingerbear LMAOOOO i don't consider the thing particularly pornographic plus it's almost entry level furry-wise not that it really matters (the distinction isn't all that interesting imo). i've heard there's a wealth of some genuinely interesting gay furry comics (not grant) that i've just never gotten to. the internship by jackaloo comes to mind as something that's praised but i read it and did not care soooo. if you're more interested in pornography just dm me and i can point you in several directions im just not doing it here because look at me i'm completely normal.

nowadays what i like most about the fandom is the visual novels anyway like. what got the poison to start spreading for me was playing morenatsu back in 2014 which is like one of the progenitors of the gay furry dating simulator genre it's definitely not the first of its kind but i literally see its icy paw still clawing into modern gay furry visual novels. i'm not saying it's "good" but it's literally the template. there's a lot of things considered abhorrent about it that i've seen people try to fix in a certain fan-made remake but it'll never be the original morenatsu. for better or for worse. also the game was never finished but it did enough damage already

since then i've played. let me see. extracurricular activities, minotaur hotel, nekojishi, password, pervader, the human heart, distant travels, after class, house of beef, echo, the smoke room, adastra, arches, khemia. i've touched interea, badtime stories, morenatsu revisited, willy bear beach, lagoon lounge. i could be forgetting a couple. there's also a lot more i never bothered with. almost none of these are finished so far with the exception of echo, adastra and nekojishi to my knowledge because the entire "market" exploded maybe half a decade ago and people are still printing these out on the renpy engine on a very slow update schedule considering most of them are passion projects for broken gay men

if you'd ask me what seperates them from other gay media i think it's the only thing the fujoshis and "allies" havent infiltrated yet considering that being a gay furry requires like deep layers of investment i think. like it's very clear these things are written by gay men for other gay men and even though the quality is often atrocious i think it's so often beautifully camp that it doesn't matter. i always cite extracurricular activities as one my favorite pieces of camp media ever made. morenatsu has that feeling of insane longing embedded in its fabric even though i seriously doubt it was intentional. i could also just be projecting though. but yeah it's an insular community and that adds to its unique charm

if you'd ask me what i'd recommend... morenatsu but watch out (there's really heinous elements to it). echo 1000000% as honest to god some of the most amazing fiction that i've ever read but a lot of its text is dedicated to subverting already established tropes that you'll only fully appreciate if you read it as your n-th gay furry visual novel. but despite that it doesn't matter. adastra as a really well written gay romance. i thought password was interesting and it's something you can sink your teeth into. minotaur hotel.... it's alright. most of these are published on itch io as free games so you're very much free to pick and choose what you think you'd like. it's not that deep at the end of the day. if you want to hear a more detailed opinion on what i think is good or bad literally just dm me i'll talk your ear off like i've done to several mutuals in the past

and if you want to get a better grasp on what being a furry entails in general i might not be the best person to ask even though i'm literally obsessed with the visual novels i'm very much not all that knowledgeable about much else that goes on i was never a furaffinity baby i don't really know the artists the important pieces of work or whatever that means... i simply read.

[eyelessdoll-y]

i wanna ask, what sort of traits or features you're specially attracted to Kanato, it could be anything such as his fucking hot voice (i mean i myself love yuki kaji ♡(> ਊ <)♡), appearance or behaviour, anything?

Hmm, good question!!! I myself to this day question myself on this same topic KKKKK

Hiii!!! 🥰🥰💖 thanks for the ask!! And well, if you ask then I'll tell you a bit about me and my reasons to like so much Kanato!

What attracts me most about Kanato is his appearance mostly!! And I do not say that is the cute and his childish face, but for his aesthetics! His style, clothes, accessories, and well the iconic purple hair😩😩💜💜

Since I was a child I was extremely attracted by the purple color, a good example are the barbie movies where I was NEVER Barbie herself but her FRIEND in a purple dress KSKSKKS Not just on the barbie which I was a fan of, but anywhere where there was a character in purple I already looooved im just a weak for the purple color. Movies, animes, mangas, animations, cartoons: It was always purple.

Here are Yumi from Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi; MY QUEEN Ino Yamanaka from Naruto (since 9 yrs until this day im her biggest fan😭😭💜) ; Plum Pudding from Strawberry Shortcake; Barbie princess & Popstar; Viveca from Barbie and the 3 Musketeers ; Alexa from Barbie and the Diamond Castle grrr I just love girls and purple princess 😩😩💜😭

And coincidentally, Kanato has this exact same palette of purple colors yeah???? 💜💜😭 (despite being a "normal" girl and then talking ab a sick)

But beyond that, Kanato brings with it a more androgen and feminine appearance to a certain extent and come on, I'm a weak bi for this too. His eyes are soooo lovely, he must have such a sweet smell and such a delicate touch. Just imagining his soft, cold fingers I get so 💖🥰💖💖🥰🥰💕💖💖💕🥰🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

Moreover, for having grown up as an emo addicted to black color I today greatly appreciate and gothic culture, a bit of pastel fashion too!! 🥰🥰 I love these pinterest Victorian outfits and if I could I would wear them until I die!! But as a 19 yrs in a tropical country with beaches, I will never be able to wear it because of the heat.

And well, I know Kanato would show up wearing lolita clothes but I'm not a big fan of that boy/girl childish aesthetic, and I prefer to imagine him just wearing more comfortable and softer black/pastel clothes. Something like pastel goth.

So well!!! To like Diabolik Lovers, each of us has to have peculiar and sadistic tastes to some extent, especially in the case of beautiful young vampires soooo to like strange, morbid, dubious, seductive characters and omg Kanato fits in that mainly 😱???!!!!! I Met him by anime in 2016 at my 13 years and i wasn't very interested, but at the age of my 17 years I saw him through the anime once again and those dark circles... the fangs... the blood... purple hair, the clothes and his voice... cmonnn his skin is almost gray and he's in love with death and dolls, he looks sick psycho and obssessive there's any way to like him even more??? Kkkkkk🤪🤪 idk i've always liked weird and eccentric characters more.

His voice is also a great... cosiness. I fell in love with his voice because I love singers of beautiful voices and songs, usually. Just an old to like orchestra and opera😓 let's not fail to notice that Kanato suits in that in therms of music, like the ones I mostly like that is "Nocturne" of Frédéric Chopin and "The nutcracker" of Tchaikovsky (the one the most suits Kanato 🗣️).

Kanato has one of the most yummy voices and grunts in the franchise and that I came to hear in all my life. It's so sweet and smooth while it manages to sound wicked and dirty 😩 It's mesmerizing. He's tasty asf 💜 I could hear him sing without complaining in no time.

Now finally, a question!! You know that saying where the characters we like the most are the ones who look like us?? Yeah!! That one!

I am OBVIOUSLY not like Kanato, nor do I share the same experiences and traumas as him. But I don't know, I like the "healthy" and sweet mature part of him, because that's where I most identify. Mostly the arts part, make works and sculptures, sing, sew and practice handmadet 😭😭💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Now the all the mental disorder, toxic gaslighting red flags (oh I hate that about him 🙄 just shut the fuck up) and that necro preference I'd rather discard!!!!!! Yk I swear if he came up with these pranks up I'd kill him just with my eyes 😡.

I also love psychoanalysis!!! From solving math homework to putting together puzzles, I enjoy studying and fixing things!! Kanato's mind is still a mystery to me, and I love mysteries. Everything has a reason, I want to study every piece of his brain and fix him💖💖😓😓

So I say I can fix him, and I will!! 😼😼💕💕 (in my dreams 🥲)

And it ends here, I get kind of weird when I talk a lot about myself JSJSJSJSKS and now, could you tell me about yourself??? You can message me or send an more ask telling me about your ideas and tastes!! 💕💕💖💖

I hope I have met your expectations!! Kisses!! 😘😘😘

[tomatetoro]

gold, jazz, pearls, penthouse, roses, and satin~

under the cut cause i typed so much lmao 

Gold: describe what you would call the most perfect meal.

i love seafoood and comfort food, a perfect meal would probably be an array of lots of things i love to eat: a bowl of freshly made steamed rice with soy sauce, some pieces of tuna and salmon sashimi, a bowl of paella, some lasagna on the side, some enchiladas on the sideeee, some extra cheesy mac n cheese, some imitation crab with lemon squeezed on it too for the Last Snackie. jsdsfgh and for my drink? of course it must be: the baja blast or thai iced tea  that is so much food but i could eat it all trust me 

Jazz: name a song that resonates with you and your emotions. explain the reason why.

I’m gonna say a non-Vocaloid song for this one, Hoshi Kira by Megumi Nakajima Ranka Lee . It’s a really touching song and the lyrics are so beautiful. It makes my eyes well up with tears honestly; the song is a love song but also bittersweet by how she’s singing how she wants to be reborn and meet again and again with her beloved and how her love is like the universe ever expanding. It’s just super sweet and beautiful and no matter how I explain it I could never convey the story and emotions I hear in her voice :’U 

Pearls: What’s something about your personality that surprises others?

this is kinda hard to know but I’m guessing how positive I can be? I don’t feel like I’m an optimistic person, but I’m definitely the type to say everything WILL be ok and things will unravel themselves out of the knots and what not. like yeah sure i know some things will suck and might be shit for a while but i just don’t see things as 100% awful always ig, i feel that’s kinda annoying for others too though. 

I also think probably my willingness to help. I always wanna lend an ear and I often times have to offer multiple times before a person realizes that I’m not joking hfhfhgh I get told a lot like “it’s fine i know it’s probably too much im sorry to make you listen to me” but im like no!!!! i want to know!!! i genuinely want to know and help and listen!! 

lastly, probably that im not as much of a baby as i seem to be even tho im like nya nya nya all day i do have normal thoughts heh

Penthouse: what would you consider your dream home? describe it.

oh gosh aaaa, i dont mind where i live as love as its comfy and safe. I’d wanna be near a city, maybe even a major city, but i dont wanna necessarily be living in the middle of new york city yknow what i mean. i want a nicely spaced backyard and front yard, enough to do little projects and stuff but not a super nice backyard. i would have lots of pretty plants and have lil bunnies and deer coming infgjhnm maybe like , that sorta dutch style with the cream base and brown trim wood planks (i cannot describe for my life lmao)? or mission style would be pretty too. i would like enough rooms and space for my stuff and to have extra goodies in the house :3 and i want to have lots of little things for Beans to be extra happy (omg omg those cat stairs that go across the walls lmao)! a gazebo outside with a flowy veil over it would be pretty ghgfh

Roses: If it had to be winter, autumn, spring or summer for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

maybe summer :0c i loveee warm weather and clear skies bc it feels like i can go out and actually do things. i wanna say spring because the aesthetic is soooo cute but in the spring i have classes and my allergies so 😔 i dont really mind any weather as long as its not too extreme or annoying with the same extreme weather all day every day i hate washington weather now like raining all day and night for weeks or white cloudy skies and cold windy? nope, thats some seasonal depression activator realness 💅

Satin: what is your most favorite article of clothing?

probably my ouji lolita button up shirt w vest pairing! i dont wear it much atm because of My Emotions , but i still really love it , lace trim on a shirt is so cuteeee :’U 

thank you for the asks mercies!! 💕 :3

[kobra-boi]

soooo-

I wanna start commissions soon

I need the money(I went as cheap as i could guys)

so yeah

I'm gonna post a normal commission sheet soon-

th references n stuff

but if someone already wants to commission meh just dm me uwu my goal is about 100$(sksksk too much sorry-) i do: -gore -NSFW -pony -furry -animals(some of em-) -anime im not really against anything, so feel free to ask me to draw anything WARNING!! please, keep in mind, im not a profesional artist. ill soon post a normal comission info here with the references of what i can draw, and what i cant draw, but for now, you can see some things on my page thank you <333

[haikyustanaccount]

Beatles v One Direction

      Soooo I had it in my mind that I needed to do this. I feel like they get a lot of comparisons and I happened to be listening to both of their discographies about the same time. Everything lined up so I just decided to do this. I don’t have a strong ide for how im gonna structure this, I think im gonna do beatles discog first than one direction and then a together one maybe, we’ll see.

#11 Beatles for Sale: annoying as fuck. I hate it and so do the beatles. lame people music. 4/10: best song is “I’ll follow the sun” cause why not.

#10 Let it Be: damn did i wanna put this one one on the bottom. Like objectively its not worse than with the beatles, but what a way to ruin an ending, I fucking love abbey road it was a great way to close their career, but the stupid studio grabbed a shitty producer and released all these songs. actually disrespectful. 5/10: best is Let It Be.

#9&8 With the Beatles and Please Please Me: These are both fine. They’re basically the same album and its fine. I just don’t care. 6/10: best is Please Please Me and Don’t Bother Me

#7 A Hard Days Night: Best of the first 4 albums era. 7/10 Best is Im Happy Just To Dance With You.

#6 Help!: Its the last normal album before the Beatles got weird and its best. The whole album is pretty solid, but lets be honest, Yesterday towers over everything else. 7/10: you already know what the best is

#5 Rubber Soul: yeah its good just not super interesting. 7/10: best is Norwegian Wood

#4 Revolver: Another weird album, but this time its interesting. We got weird and wacky ideas comin out the wazoo. 8/10: best is Eleanor Rigby

#3 The White album: so this is what too weird looks like. Like its good, but yall did not need 30 songs. ALso Wild Honey Pie deserves to be burned and forgotten. Bests are Blackbird and Mother Nature’s Son.

#2 Abbey Road: god I fucking love this album. It really was the perfect swan song. Beautiful, interesting, and heartfelt. It just feels so comfortable like all of them knew exactly what they were doing and were having fun with it. Its just casually excellent. 9/10: best is Here Comes The Sun

#1 Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band: yeah its kinda self explanatory. like its obviously good. we knew this. I have nothing new to add its just good. 10/10 best is Day In The Life.

Onto 1d

#5 Midnight Memories: idk the singles are good, but a lot of this album just feels samey and like filler, whatever its still good. 1d doesn’t have bad albums. 7/10: best is Story Of My Life

#4 Take Me Home: Yeah its good. 7/20 best is C’mon C’mon

#3 Up All Night: Their first album is pretty good. Not super organized or cohesive, but the songs are all well produced and the singing is good throughout. Just a simple good time. 7/10 best is Everything About You

#2 Four: Their first great album. On the other albums the singles were good, but got annoying. Not here. Steal My Girl and especially Night Changes are certified 2010s pop CLASSICS. Just a great album 9/10: best is No Control

#1 Made In The AM: Fuckin Perfection. amazing swan song 10/10: best is Perfect

     So then which is better? I honestly don’t know, I had it in my mind that I would decide this later, but ig later is now. It honestly feels unfair to compare them. For on the beatles had 7 years while 1d had 4. Even with that I feel like its easier to compare them than to choose between them. Their first two albums both felt similar and represented their original blast of popularity. Four and Revolver were their first great albums and they both had perfect swan songs. I wanna write you a song even sounds like here comes the sun. So let me put it like this. One direction isn’t better or worse than the beatles. They are the modern reincarnation of them, put simply. Same talent, same amazing songs, and same end result. If you took one direction and threw them back a few decades they would have been doing the exact same thing as the beatles.

   I had a good time doing this and now I wanna do one last thing. I wanna count down the best ballads from each of the bands.

Beatles 

#3 Here Comes The Sun

#2 Blackbird

#1 Yesterday

One Direction

#3 They Dont Know About Us

#2 Night Changes

#1 I Wanna Write You A Song

yeah i just like their music :)

have a good day

[tedfashionski]

Finking, Finking.

Hi, welcome to my ted talk. (That is the only time I will ever make that joke. This is Fashionski Finks. Expect radically low standards of self-involved rantiness with zero research or accountability from here on out). For a while there I seriously thought that the covid-19 quarantine was going to result in people being increasingly placid and accepting of creeping extensions of the police state. But here I am, getting depressed again, not about the protests, which I love, but more about my relationship to in-group pressure dynamics. One of the problems with being a relentless contrarian is the discomfort of my impulse to rebel against groups even when they’re championing the right thing. I have to find my own way to fight against the system as an outsider. No gods, no masters, no fucking peer pressure.  I’ll never be happy joining a chorus line. I don’t sign fucking petitions (they’re just lists for the NSA). I do donate, but like fuck will I do it performatively. I can’t go to protests cus I get panic attacky in crowds. I empathise pretty strongly with outsiders of all stripes but believe ridiculously excessively in the public good of criticism, and have a nostalgic love of trolling (I like to think I’m gentle with it though). Bring back the troll! We need that fucker, he’s a sign of a healthy internet. I’m writing this blog thing as an extension of my need to vent my extreme negativity. TBH I never expected to get any followers with ted twitter and the bizarre welcomingness of the hf twitter community totally wrongfooted me. I’m not nice. Ted isn’t meant to likable. He’s my dark side. I was meant to be using this alt as a way to terrorise the nice nice (secretly cruel) fashion people. I’m gunna try and up that aspect more. Just bear in mind, my complaints are largely about the system, but if I see you perpetuating fashion’s entrenched anti-intellectualism or its insidery bullshit, I’ll come for you with a little meta-bomb with your name on it. Maintaining my misanthropic tone does take work tho, like, deep down in some twisted part of my psyche, I guess I do actually want to be liked. It’s fucked up.

I suppose it’s only fair to explain this Ted fursona. Like, new concept, who dis? Why all the furry porn? …..because I just think it’s hilarious. Every time I think about the furries I cackle (not at them, mind). I just love the mad corruption of pure Disney aesthetics into hardcore pornography. That’s anti-authoritarian as fuck. I love the sincerity of their culture. The way the crazy fetish aspect means they’ll never be fully blandified by mainstream acceptance. The way it’s so cringe but so delightful. And more seriously, I’m interested in how a culture of mostly gay male nerds developed to the point where they’ll invest 10k in custom fursuits and support eachother’s independent businesses in ways that the fashion community completely fails to do. The fashion world sucks. There’s so many correlations there that I want to investigate: the newness (furries date from around the 70s, fashion culture in its self-aware state dates from the late 19th C – both very young fields); the centralisation/decentralisation; the hierarchy (furries can be pretty catty, I have discovered in my research, and we all know what fashion people are like); the adoption of new identities; the cis-boy gayness aspect (I’m increasingly tired of the extreme nasty hierarchy of certain CSM queens. It’s all very UGH. Just, fuck those particular bitches.) There’s more to the furry love, but I’ll explore it in future posts.

More importantly, why Ted fucking Kaczynski? I’m not like, actually a terrorist. (….yet. tehehe. NO, seriously I like non-maiming violence. Fuck yeah to property damage. Fuck yeah to disabling the system in extreme way. But no to wooden IEDs. Think of my shitty jokes that fail to land as my hand-crafted bombs). I think I like the shitness of Ted. He was just an epic fail of a terrorist. I’m a little white girl living in London. I’m not actually a primitivist, as much as I crave a hut in the woods. I did go to an elite school though. I had some really shitty experiences in the fashion industry in my early 20s, and I watch my friends who are relatively successful in that system and I get so angry on their behalf at their poor treatment. They think I’m too angry. Fuck that. They should be more angry, and the fact that they can’t be angry at their extreme precarity and the fact they’re still insecure and terrified of being ejected by the system after all their investment and skills they’ve built up is BULLSHIT. I’ll be double angry for them, I’m not invested in that system. I don’t need it to pay my rent. I’m free, motherfuckers, and I’m coming for the abusers and exploiters. If you’re a complacent industry figure not fighting hard from within, uggghhhhh fuck you. Yes, YOU. Soooo, I relate pretty hard to the MK ultra stuff. (go look him up, he was basically tortured and experimented upon by the elite). But there’s a pretty big chasm between my views and his, and I’ll try to be clear about the extent of my interest in his extreme beliefs. I haven’t even finished reading the manifesto. Basically, I watched that shitty show on Netflix with sam worthington around the same time I watched Joker (that movie fucked me up) and thought it’d be a good outlet to larp online as a terrorist. There’s the angry white alt-right school shooter aspect, which I’m still figuring out, cus I’m non-binary and I was raised by nutso trumpy right-wingers, who I barely speak to anymore, and I struggle to get along with people generally. There’s sad, self-pitying rage here. I empathise with the angry white dudes too much. I feel guilty about it. That’s good ground for artmaking (yes, shamefully, this…is…art. Sorry). I modelled this fursona a little after my brother, who I spent years living with and arguing with and trying to lift out of his scary racist youtube rabbit holes. This is actually quite an emotional thing for me, cus I did the ‘talk to your fascist family’ thing. And I completely failed. I realised his right-winginess wasn’t lessening, I wasn’t gaining ground, and in fact my excessive empathy and desire to reach out to the relative most similar to me in character meant his extremism was rubbing off on me. Making me more resentful and depressed. Feeling powerless. I was being too kind-hearted and forgiving of his masculine impotence. So I’m exploring some personal shit here. But Ted is also a cute lil fuzzball teddy bear. He means well, but me being super autistic and faily at social skills means he’s kind of a dick, cus I am. I’m going to try and further develop this character, this POV, and this post is the only time I’ll explain the divide between him and his creator (moi). The ‘I’ on the twitter and here is Ted Fashionski, I need that space between me and him. Masks give us this freedom to be more ourselves. Internet culture has lost a lot of its wild brutal anonymity in the last decade or so, now everyone’s afraid of making mistakes. How the hell do you grow if you’re not allowed to fuck up? This is a vital outlet. He’s become an important part of my life and I have to say, I love being Ted Fashionski. He’s like Paddington Bear who just escaped form Guantanamo or something.

I get pretty fatigued as a matter of course. I’m a long-term depressive since childhood. I have a difficult time keeping my hard-on for living. I don’t get suicidal really but I do struggle with extreme fatigue. I sleep a lot. I often fall into spirals of self-hate. And as someone who utterly believes in revolutionary leftist politics, I beat myself up about not doing enough. I’m so middle class and english and white. I was raised in such a chauvinistic and complacent culture; I don’t even know where to start. I’m wading my way through post-colonial literature and beating myself up for finding it boring and uncomfortable. It’s hard to force yourself to acknowledge your culture is The Bad Guys. It’s easier to fall into fanstasies of supremacy and butthurt misunderstoodness. And it’s not like my depressive brain needs any encouragement to hate me. My trajectory is ever leftwards, but I remember the righteous fury of being right-wing. I get it, that was me. We need more paths back from fascism, more comprehension of why people are that kind of shitty. I talk less, and less well, the more depressed I am. If I’m talking, it means im feeling a lot better. Just, fyi.

Give me a minute to be critical here. With the George Floyd protests, a lot of the cool guys on fashion twitter has gone blazingly hardcore on the political side. But there’s this troubling rhetoric about ‘no return to normal content’ or ‘this isn’t the time for fashion’. Like fuck it isn’t. This is a key problem with fashion culture right here, we have this received perception of fashion as empty escapism. Escapism matters in fashion, yes. But seriously, talking about the surfaces of things does not equal not caring about deeper meaning. What the fuck. Clothes are a connective tissue, a membrane between us. They’re emotional and powerful. We can talk about things that matter THROUGH clothes. I speak fashion, pretty fucking well. Most people who work at fashion magazines are morons with no understanding or respect for their subject. They’re incapable of doing it justice, and that’s deliberate. On this tumblr you’ll see rants and reviews of fashion and other artforms, always interpreting through a fashion lens. cus it matters, cus it’s a vital part of the culture, cus just because something has a glittery, seductive surface doesn’t mean it doesn’t communicate or contain depth. There’s no going back to ‘normal fashion content’, yes. Normal fashion content is a fucking psyop to divert legitimate interest in aesthetics amongst largely non-academic dyslexic visual types away from careful thought/feeling and towards empty consumerist commericiality. The traditional fashion media wants you to express yourself and your interest in the zeitgeist through buying more shit. Another fashion world is possible. Let’s destroy the old and build a new one, one where surface and spirit are connected and true and fashion can’t be abused in service of evil industrial monopolists.

/end rant. TLDR: angry fictional teddy bear with tin-foil hat and an eco-anarchist fetish says no to stupid fashion and yes to the renewal of conceptual fashion. Also, Fuck White People.

[salazar-slytherin-8867]

I challenge you to answer ALL the unusual asks. (If not just answer the ones you want to)

(thanks) 

1) Spotifiy, Soundcloud, or Pandora? 

Spotifiy

2) Is your room messy or clean? 

Messy. very. very. messy. 

3) What color are your eyes? 

blue/green.  

4) Do you like your name? why?

Not really. I got bullied for it in third and fourth grade about it, so Ive kinda disliked it since, but at least its not generic. 

5) What is your realationship status? 

in a relationship. 

6) Describe your personality in 3 words or less. 

Really fucking annoying. 

7) What color hair do you have? 

Blonde, but Im thinking of dying it. 

8) What kind of car do you drive? color? 

I cant drive, but my mom car is a green 2000 Toyota Camry 

10) How would you describe your style? 

All over the place and completely random. 

11) Favorite Social Media Account? 

Probabaly my Facebook, cause thats where I talk to most of my family. 

12) What size is your bed? 

Twin, I think. 

13) Any sibblings? 

I have two half sisters and two half brothers on my fathers side, and a twin brother. 

14) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be, and why? 

Mars cause I want to go to Pigfarts  Probabaly like the Oregon coast. cause I like cold weather and the West Coast

15) favorite Snapchat filter? 

I dont use Snapchat, soooo. 

16) Favortie makeup brand(s) 

I dont wear a lot of make up, but I do like e.l.f. 

17) How many times do you shower in a week? 

On a good week, 5-6, on a bad week, 2-3. 

18) Favorite Tv show? 

Rick and Morty, or NCIS 

19) Shoe size? 

 sometimes I wear a 5, others a six or seven, it varies depending on the style of shoe… 

20) How tall are you? 

5′1″ 

21) Sandals or Sneakers? 

Sneakers

22) Do you go to the gym? 

Nope. 

23) Describe your dream date.

probably just like, picnic by a lake or at a park. 

24) How much money do you have in your wallet right now? 

I dont have a wallet, but I have a jar of pocket money with $83

25) what color socks are you wearing? 

Im not wearing socks but earlier I was wear black socks. 

26) How many pillows do you sleep with? 

I only have one for my head, but I have 12 pillows on my bed. 

27) Do you have a job? what do you do? 

does being annoying and sad count as a job? 

28) How many friends do you have? 

12, but only half are close friends. 

29) What is the worst thing youve ever done? 

In third grade I gave a kid a black eye…

30) whats your favorite candle scent? 

Spring Rain. 

31) 3 favorite boy names?

Max, Alex, Jake. 

32) 3 favorite girl names? 

Raine, Sage, Autum. 

33) Favortie actor? 

Lenardo DeCaprio 

34) Favorite Actress? 

Emma Watson 

35) Who is your celebrity crush

Dont have one. 

36) Favorite Movie? 

Rent 

37) Do you read a lot? what is your favorite book? 

I’ve actually been trying to read more, I love Sparrow Road, If I stay, and Shadow. 

38) Money or brains? 

Brains, teach a man to fish.

39) Do you have a nickname? 

Moxie Clean, Moxanne, Molly Molly Moxen Free, Marshmallow, mo, mox. 

40) How many times have you been to the hospital? 

Once, when I was five, when I cracked my forhead open I Have a Scar I am Harry Potter

41) top ten favorite songs? 

Thats What You Get~Paramore,Thnks Fr Th Mmrs~ Fall Out Boy, Misery Business~Paramore, Whatsername~Green Day, It Ends Tonight~All American Rejects, Be my Escape~Relent K, 21st Century Breakdown~Green Day, Always~Blink-182, Ignorance~Paramore, A Drop in the Ocean~ Ron Pope. 

42) Do you take any medications daily? 

Zyrtec, and Asprins. 

43) What is your skin type? 

No clue, kinda dry I guess? 

44) What is your biggest fear? 

Probably abandonment having no one care about/like me. or being a disapointment. 

45) How many kids do you want? 

probably just one. three max. 

46) What is your go to hairstyle? 

I just leave my hair down. 

47) what type of house do you live in? 

I live in an apartment, that is super tiny, and hasnt been updated since the ealy 90′s… 

48) Who is your role model? 

the woman my mother works for. and my Grandmother. 

49) what is the last complement you recived? 

one of my friends told me he liked my rant about depression. 

50) What is the last text you sent? 

‘bro, did you die?!?’ 

51) How old were you when you ofund out Santa wasnt real? 

I was 5, I still put out cookies, but now they’re for my Grandmother and Grandfather. 

52) What is your dream car? 

I dont know yet, maybe just a Pale Green VW bug, or something that costs less. 

53) Opinion on smoking? 

I dont like smokers Ive been bullied my entire life cause all my clothes smell like cigerette smoke, but I dont really get to voice my thoughts cause most of my family smokes. But I have no plans to when Im old enough. 

54) Do you go to college? 

No. And I wont be anytime in the next five years or so.

55) What is your dream job? 

Chemist/Nurse/Author, or something that does good and pays well. 

56) Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? 

Rural Areas. Its nice to see all the stars so clearly. 

57) Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? 

should I not? 

58) Do you have freckles? 

No, but my mother says that I did when I was younger. 

59) Do you smile for photos? 

Sometimes. 

60) How many pictures do you have on your phone? 

I dont have a phone so….

61) Have you ever peed in the wood? 

nope. 

62) Do you still watch cartoons? 

yeah. 

63) do you perfer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? 

 I cant afford to eat out. (just for the record, Micky D’s) 

64)Favorite dipping suace? 

ranch. 

65) What do you wear to bed? 

it depends, it I dont feel like changing I’ll sleep in what Im wearing, otherwise, just sweats and a tee shirt. 

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? 

Ive never even entered cause in third grade, my teacher told me not to bother trying cause my spelling was too bad, so I havent entered since. 

67) What are your Hobbies? 

Is eating a hobby? I like to read, draw, write, and sit around being sad. and kazoooo

68) Can you draw? 

Not well. 

69) do you play an insturment? 

Clarinet, Guitar, and piano. 

70) what is the last concert you saw? 

a band concert, that I was in. 

71) tea or coffee? 

Both. 

72) Starbucks or Dunkin? 

that depends on the day, what planets where seen last night, what color socks Im wearing, when the next full moon is, and weather or not I have money. 

73) Do you want to get married? 

Maybe. 

74) what is your crushes first and last initial? 

M.D. 

75) Are you going to change your last name when you get married? 

maybe. 

76) what color looks best on you? 

teal maybe? I honestly have no clue. 

77) do you miss anyone right now? 

My friends from school, and old nieghboirs. 

78) Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? 

normally, I would sleep with my door closed, by my brother broke the hinge, so now it can only be open 

79) Do you believe in ghosts? 

yeah. 

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? 

 people who only care about others and never help themselves, people who act entitled when they arent, and people use terms they dont know the deffinition of. 

81) Last person you called? 

@geez-man, in like, June

82) favorite Ice Cream flavor? 

mint or coffee. 

83) Regular oreos, or golden oreos? 

regular. 

84) Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

both. yes. all of the above. 

85) What shirt are you wearing? 

its a leopard with the David Bowie lighting blot on its face. 

86) what is your phone background? 

*doesnt have phone* 

87) Are you outgoing or shy? 

A bit of both, it depends who Im with, 

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? 

sometimes, depends who it is. I have trust issuses with people who touch my hair, cause in fifth grade a girl told to whole school I had lice, even though I didnt. 

89) do you like your neighboirs? 

I dont know my nieghboirs that well, cause most poeple are only here a couple months and then they leave, so really Im indifferent. 

90) Do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? 

in the mornings. 

91) have you ever been high? 

nope. 

92) have you ever been drunk? 

nope. 

93) Last thing you ate? 

A chicken sandwhich with pesto, chedder and pita chips. 

94) Favorite lyrics right now? 

“why do we like to hurt so much?”~thats what you get, Paramore; 

“The walls start breathing My mind’s un-weaving Maybe it’s best you leave me alone”~It ends tonight, All American Rejects;

“Well there’s a million other girls who do it just like you Looking as innocent as possible to get to who They want and what they like, it’s easy if you do it right”~Misery Business, Paramore. 

“If I could find you now things would get better We could leave this town and run forever” Ocean Avenue, Yellowcard.

“Where’s your gavel? Your jury? What’s my offense this time? You’re not a judge but if you’re gonna judge me Well sentence me to another life.”Ignorance, Paramore

“Don’t wanna hear your sad songs I don’t wanna feel your pain When you swear it’s all my fault Cause you know we’re not the same”~Ignorance, Paramore. 

95) Summer or Winter? 

Winter. 

96) Day or Night? 

night. 

97) Dark, milk or white chocolate? 

Milk chocolate. but if you offer me white or dark chocolate, I wont refuse. 

98) Favorite Month? 

August. 

99) What is your Zodiac sign? 

Scorpio

100) Who was the last person you cried in front of? 

I dont cry when Im with other people. 

(I probabaly mispelled 50% of this. Im sorry.) 

[quackspot]

you should maybe write how you feel and maybe some people can try to help you identify if it is what your feeling? you don’t have to but it might help

ohhh yeahh i  dont realy feel it any more also thnks for listnign to me ramble its like 11:35 pm and i usally sleep around like this time i guess KLJSFKLFSJKDLIOKLFSIJDKLAJOHFIJKLSMDAJIDSF normally 10-11:30 ish 

also i talk abt m boobs for like 1 sentence m sorry about it but i dont feel like deleting it and its only a little irrelevant so like .    if ur way older than 15/younger or dont wanna see that thn its at the end of the 2nd paragraph

also in th last big block of text i mention like depression / suicidal feelings or w/e so like  if u dont wanna see that dskjflgjdskl 

ALSO ANOTHER NOTE thts completely unrelated but i shuld mention if i make a short text post or a text post like this i’ll normally tag my stuff like //*tw* with whatever is usually tagged but there like if i answered an ask with “*tw cookie* said gay rights indeed” i’d probly post it in the cookie tag but if it was like uhh i dunno there’s certain situations but yeah i’m gonna tag this as //depression and //suicidal thoughts n stuff heck yeah 

SOOOO uhhhhh im going to use kiley as an example i hope its k with her but i thinkit was just the thrill of puppy love or whatever because it only lasted like .  1 month but whenevr we called each other m’love or some other sweet thing i was like o///o fkdsjhgyuajkfeaslkjklejfklkslfekajlfksjld i really liked calling her m’love but !!!! i seriously crave physical contact and thts why i broke up with her, twice, which is rude of me ,   especially when i wrote a whole ass essay just to try to help her understand it was written at 1 am with proper grammar and i think it took like 30 minutes to write .  i basically wrote 2 essays just to break up with her? dead ass like th first one was only 2 paragraphs n the 2nd one was, longer, of course, 1 am writing compared to 3 am n stuff jkldfshuijkasfdikgdasjkl 

truly she did make me feel nice!!!! i really liked to say goodnight to her n stuff and im sorry but i dont quite remember anything besides the feelings i sometimes got which was like kind of right now where my chest is a little hurt but im happy actually my chest may be hurting right now because bras r dumb or w/e i should wear some with cups someday, whatever, therye not what im used to, cupless bras for rr   ever ! at least until i  remove my tiddys some day because im certain they’ll be too big for my comfort someday and im talking about myself rather than my feelings huh

ANYWYAS THE FEELING UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cant quite describe it it’s rather hard to recall it since i haven’t felt it in like, a month .  i usually felt it when hanging out with kiley like on minecraft or smoething it was mostly extreme happiness and it was fun to be around her most of th time 

anyways my throat kinda feels fjunky my right eye hurts n my left nostril’s the only one i can breathe through good night im taking an allergy pill tomorrow when no body awake because that could be the case or it could not, who knows, whatever, its in my genes just like de pression o-o.   and adhd i think? yea my mommy has adhd but i dont think i do . i’m pretty sure i only have like a light form of depression and a light form of social anxiety i feel more nervous about social situations than i lay in bed thinking “i should do something” but feeling nothing and not doing anything whatsoever that only happened on like april fool’s day of last year and probably a few times where i had to mow man outdoor chores sure do put me in a rather bad mental state . aka mowing / shoveling snow off the drive way i should probably tell someone that like i feel like dying whenever i have to shovel snow and it’s utter torture to mow i certainly am going to live in an apartment or something of the sort to avoid this horrid nightmare fuel of a chore. \

wait i was supposed ot be going to sleep also my brohters in hte bathroom so like ://///// / / // / / /  

OH O HO HOH OH OHO ALSO!!! i like a song a lot its called girls and u probably know what it is and/or heard it maybe? i dunno but its pretty good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGIMjoN2MGQ