#im thinking of going back to uni maybe
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
130K people were victims of a chain letter scam that affected Tumblr in May 2011.
Text
sometimes you need to have life-altering realizations, cry about them, and then move on be fine and figure something else out
#my job is not sustainable with my health#which is. incredibly fucking devastating if im being real!#ive already given up every other dream I ever had because they were unattainable due to disability#and then I found this job that I love so so so much and could picture doing for the rest of my life#only to have more disability stuff pop up and nope! this isnt gonna work as a career either#and that is. devastating#in a word#but.#im gonna figure it out#im thinking of going back to uni maybe#I dont know#im thinking of either doing a hard pivot into sciences and going into wildlife biology to work with bears#or maybe going to a different college for journalism#im not planning on leaving my job anytime soon#but I need to plan for the future#I could also maybe stay working in schools and be a clerk#we'll see#lots to figure out#cried a lot about it#trying to focus on the future now and not get bogged down in my feelings
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Going through a lot this month but at least I'm bisexual
#gonna text my friend again if the sao paulo trip is still happening but tbh i really dont want to go anymore#i want to get my money back and pay the bills maybe buy me a little treat idk#im so stressed out with uni the idea of spending 4 days in sao paulo unable to work on any of my assignments or studying...#yeah that doesnt sound relaxing at all actually it sounds like a recipe for disaster#plus well im broke and i cant start looking for jobs until the semester ends#i was excited to see a lot of places in sao paulo and go to the parade but atp i just dont think I'll have fun#even if my friend does go#cuz now im mad at him#and it begs the question if hes treating this so lightly does he even care#will he even want to spend that time with me and go with me to all the places i want to see?#yeah i dont think so#so idk#i could put some of the money of this trip aside and start saving to get my passport next year#idk idk
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
as of ten minutes ago we are officially Jobless™️. my sign to retire early and devote the remainder of my existence to writing toxic old man yaoi
#pennforyourthoughts#personal#someone rb this with silly tags i feel it deserves some levity#warning: novel-length tags lmfao#THEY TOLD ME TODAY MY LAST DAY IS FRIDAY? that's only two whole workdays for me HELLO??#knew it was coming bc they let my friend go two weeks ago and he had more seniority than me but jfc#at least let me ride out the contract till november. WHY. i JUST went back to uni i need money goddamn it#full disclosure tho i haven't been able to stop laughing bc so much of the surrounding circumstances are insanely funny to me#1) i was LITERALLY at a job fair yesterday and I almost considered not going bc I was so damn tired#surprisingly made some really great connections so ty universe now i have people to poke in the coming months#2) i switched from part time to ft course load at the last second and have been regretting it ever since but if im to be unemployed then#MAYBE now I can actually handle the uni workload :D#3) when my boss called me she asked how ive been and i told her i was sooo sick last week and got into a car accident#that same day omw back from uni (universal karma for skipping class for my health ig)#THE WAY SHE PAUSED ON CALL IS SO FUNNY IN RETROSPECT. was prolly thinking fuck. now i have to add to this#she literally went “omg im so sorry...anyways i have bad news”#im not even lying when i say i was GIGGLING through that whole call she was so concerned#love her bc she genuinely tried to fight for me and is the reason i wasn't let go two weeks ago but man. the timing is impeccable#also don't think i get any unemployment benefits bc i was temp contract and my situation as a whole is a bit complicated so YAY :DDD#the way i ran to my bestie to spill the tea & we're over here like 🤝 fired buddies 🤝 time to speed run job interviews while juggling uni
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
2024 is probably not my best year now that i think about it
#i mean - let's go over the good ones. i have my own laptop now - i'm doing okay in uni. and I haven't gotten any bad issues with irl stuff#in terms of living i'm doing okay and im pretty content#but emotionally and mentally ? horrendous. I don't think i'm really actually doing okay mentally#im struggling to find myself to be the same person i was awhile back. it just doesn't fit like a puzzle anymore even if it's supposed to fit#whats genuinely saving me from feeling miserable is my current interest which is why i'm really so quick to get excited or happy w it#it's so hard to look at past interests now and not think about the “bad” highlight - even if the good highlights are bigger than the bad#i feel like i'm keeping a facade when i'm talking to people. i feel like im being fake when im talking to people. i just cant find myself to#feel like myself when talking to others. that's why i havent been so active talking unless its close people#i'm scared of not being able to “keep up” with them. feel boring with them. not feeling like “the jil” they know#i'm tired. and upset. maybe i am bothered after all#being told that i sounded so fake when i talked really opened my eyes. maybe i am fake because i'm tired. but i wouldn't know#Losing a friend really does something to you huh.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
honestly i wouldnt even care about not having any friends if my family were normal people
#im literally living in a hell reality where nobody ever talks to me or treats me like a person#lowkey this cannot continue#genuinely we will have to see in a year what happens#bc if i go to uni and dont manage to make real friends im actually killing myself this is getting ridiculous#literally its my birthday and my sister didnt even bother saying hello to me when i came back from the airport#its already over before it began bc i know im inherently incapable of communicating with people since the day i was born#its so strange i think im doing everything right and we are getting along and the other person thinks im an antisocial freak#and i havent talked to anyone properly for like idk . maybe a decade??#they should honestly study me for science. like what happens when you arent properly socialised#ive lived 20 years now and i actually have nothing to show for it.#next year im going to do it for real
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
School sucks
#did not mean to go on a hiatus but heyy#I started uni this year and now Im on break :)#Im sad I missed knds anniversary so maybe I’ll do some doodles if I remember how to draw#my bday is next week and bc canada I can drink so I think its funny me and knd can drink this year#Im also sitting on the last batch of drawing for requests from last year#they are literally done and the art is good so idk why I held back from posting 😭#I’ll post those later
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just submitted a new patient request to Anchor Health. Cross your fingers for me, so I can get set up w/a doc I can stick with who can handle my T and PCP stuff and maybe even mental health stuff? (their website let me mark all three as things I wanted them to provide care for at least)
and the poor local PP can get back to trying to help others without me taking up any more of their scarce resources and staff
#text post#tbh they might say no#i do fall under the qualifying thing of I came from a state that's not safe for trans folks anymore#but I did note on my form that I've been here abt a year since they needed an address and I didn't want the CT address to be confusing#my concern is bc i've been in the state a year already that will disqualify me#told them too that I've been working with pp but need to find full time care for these things and would like to switch to them#they take medicaid plus offer rides to the clinics and i think telehealth too?#so for whatever can't be done via telehealth I could get a ride to the nearest clinic and back again#which frees me from having to try and budget for lyfts or for poor Housemate to have to work aer schedule around me needing rides#which reminds me i neeeeed to get my bloodwork done#idk if i can manage it today bc the doc messaging thing already has my brain even Louder than before (but it deeply needed doing)#but this week if the uni finally shoots me my latest paycheck I think i'll just take a lyft and either go to a blood draw clinic or call pp#and ask to have them do it and apologise for it taking so long to get it done#bc I can tell they're judging me for it and like. they're not wrong to#i really do want to get it done it's just been hard to coordinate around other stuff and yeah. blood draws usually suck for me so also#it's hard to make myself go do it even when something important to me depends upon it#im rambling too much again time to dip back to survey sites and maybe researching dentists for the fall for me and Housemate
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hot Take. Blitzo does not own S//tolas affaction, and with hwo Stolas treate dhim in majorty of S1 ? He has every right to feel angry, hurt and used. The deal was Stolas idea. Blitzo din't use him, he just gone along with it to be able countine to do his job. if anything. Blitzo didn't exactly do much wrong here? beyond stealing the book the first time around but everythign else? I think it more on Stolas. Blitzo messed up a lot, Stolas ain't one of ehm. I don't hate stoals btw, im just tired everybody ask as if he done no wrong. Or try to justfy it - with reasoing that would work for Blitzo just as well.
#im jsut..mad#i get stolas is more popular but come on#he aint a inccount uwu boy#he started that whole mess#the lates epsiode even explained well why BLIzto is so distant#but nope he is strong tough guyx#so his mental issu and trauam do not count#haaa#im glad the deal is gonna be broekn upcomming ep#but damn aint lookign forward to all the#blitzo ahte /::#espically given he is in the right to feel angry#again im indifferent to the chara and ship#..thogu if stolas bashes on blitzo in aplogty tour i not#gonna like him very much anymore#the mun#tbd#maybe#idk#i jsut liek blitzo alot#and i think he will fix his shit#espiclaly now that he has his best friend back#yknow the reason he struggles wiht lettign people close#..bakc to uni stuff i go#syr need a bit to vent#not lookign forward tot he fandoms reaction
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi 👀
#IM SORRY FOR LEAVING#without any sort of previous notice but ive been hella busy these past few weeks#and the tumblr break was really something that i need :')#im not sure if im coming back to this acc#or if im deactivating and making another one or anything of the sort#a part of me is very hesitant bc of the love ive received on here#i truly am not sure which route i should take#but in the mean time !!#i hope all of you are having a wonderful wonderful time#be it summer or winter or any other season !!#it was my first time spending so much time away from home and ngl i absolutely loved it#and and and that means im gonna be a lil busier than usual again bc uni is starting again and i gotta make plans so i can move out for good#on the brightside#im still writing !! and its going well :D i think ive gotten to a point in which i can trust myself and my process and my skill#theres always room for improving ofc !! but still#i hope life is treating all of you well !!#maybe we'll see each other soon :)
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive been thinking and idk if im thinking about it like that because im in avery stressful situation with my studies rn but i think i need to quit uni and apply for something else next year or something
#like#it could be so easy but i have FRIENDS and i want to go to uni with them#i might die man#ive been thinking and maybe i should do some courses or repeat matura or something like that#i just dont think i want to do any of these things im being taught at my school#apparently its normal but i just feel DREAD whenever i think of going back to those classes#maybe i could just go somewhere else in the same city? i dont know it wouldnt be the same#i hate everything#roro come beat me up please god
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Twf your body forces you to take a break by making you feel sick and giving you migraine symptoms, like-- thanks, I get it, but could you lay off on the stress if Im to have any Actual rest? Please and thank you :')
#personal#vent#Raksh vents#Ive been pretty much non stop pushing with my thesis for over a week now#like several hours a day kinda thing#so I think the mental exhuastion and the stress got to me#Im feeling SO freaking brainfogged and really actualky having migrain symptomps with all the oversensitivity and such#worse is I have a full day work tomorrow and then like only the weekend to write as much as I can for the rest of my second chapter#bcs then I'll need monday and thursday for rewrites and edits before I have to send in On thursday#and I have classes tuesday and wednesday so I want be able to do anything about it#I mean Im pretty proud that I managed 10 pages already in well almost as many days#but they're rough and even with the weekend this chapter is gonna be shorter by at least half#so Im stressed out to hell and back and Trying to rest today since my brain is like actually refusing to even think about my thesis#I thought maybe I can do some chill gaming for fun and a kind of reset but so far Ive onlu been loitering at my desk#having a stream in the background and reading some fics on my phone#Im just... so SO damn exhausted#and this week was supposed to be a break from uni but ofc sudden thesis deadlines wont let me rest :')#Im also like so emotionalky fragile today? crying so easy its embarassing xd but ot might be hormons mixed with everything else#honestly I just hope I'll have an easy day tomorrow at the shop Im filling in for the owner#I'll take a book with me or smth to also ctach a break from all the thesis stuff and hopefully there will be close to no clients 🙈#im just so tired#Id be napping if I was physically capable of naps but alss#maybe I'll go make myself some tea and actually try to boot up NMS for some chill gaming#maybe having something fun no stakes to do will actually help with the stress and anxiety...
0 notes
Text
who knew that despite being a good student having several bad and even traumatic moments associated with school would make me resent it and much harder to continue studying
#maybe in being dramatic when i say traumatic but i genuinely feel sick when September rolls around#and even now that im just looking at degrees i feel anxious#i was the kid that would cry for the first few months whenever classes started#and i grew up and learned not to cry but would still feel SO anxious about it#and then uni wasn't so bad but ig wasn't good enough for me to feel like going back#and i think it doesn't matter which degree i get ill never get that valued and whatever#maybe next year ill be able to do something different:(#can that one job pretty please call me now😭😭 i need something to feel like i don't suck even if i just get interviewed and not picked ill#be fine#anyway still hoping theyll say something today or on monday :') and something good
1 note
·
View note
Text
Next year will be my year somehow... i can feel it something good will happen
Or at the least next year will be the year i get that tattoo and the piercings ive been meening to get
But idk i just have a good feeling about it
#thinking about applying for this scholarship but idk since i have a trip planned that would overlap with the course start#but im also like hmm if i am upfront about that then maybe they will be forgiving#its for a cert iv in peer support work#which since that job i applied for is no longer happening im thinking maybe i should go back to study#since its only 2 days a week and would be totally managable compared to uni
0 notes
Text
=3=
#ok ive got an appointment for tomorrow to see if i can. get like meds to help with the horrors but.#its throwing me for such a loop because. i have to explain and justify my depression.#and the little fun voice in my head keeps saying that we dont have it that bad and that we dont need meds and that were FINEE.#but literally the second day i had to go to uni was already badd bc of exhaustion and i didnt wanna get up and. all that stuff.#and i know that as soon as the uni honeymoon feeling ends ill be back in the trenches. especially next semester.#so i KNOW its good too look into help right now just. as a preventative method.#but if its only preventative that means that were not BAD yet so why would we need it now??? hmmm???#its better to just give up and push trough it right :))#sillyposting#its hard and i know the appointment will be even harder because im constantly worried im not mentally ill enough.#i think they'll just say “youre not depressed?? grow up!” despite. “i want to kill myself” almost going trough my head 24/7 =w=b#TONS of people have it worse than me. so why should i deserve help?#anyway yeah im just spiraling on that thought. =w=b its fun were awesomee. i know its all bullshit and i should at least try butt#=3=pp#yippee......#maybe i can at least ask for something to quiet the voices.... that'd be nice.
0 notes