#immediately gets fired

[allpiesforourown]

Asshole boss would definitely make secretary Shen Yuan dress up for him and make up bullshit about company policy.

Trying to figure out how to say "in his defense if shen yuan was my assistant..." in a way that doesn't get me arrested

[chloesimaginationthings]

You know Henry’s final speech went hard in FNAF

[jadewritesficshere]

Rockstar!Eddie who, after rehab, returns home. Have support as he tries to make this time stick (he's also pretty positive Wayne will actually kill him if his assistant Nancy doesn't first). He's told to try some healthy habits.

So Eddie tries to be good. Decides he'd try yoga, cause that's the last place anyone would expect to find him (not that people recognize him much outside of his stage makeup and costuming).

And it's fine. The instructor is nice and takes pity on him, practically staying with him the whole time. Talks his ear off, but it helps distract him from the muscles he didn't realize he had that ache as he stretches.

His hands are flat on the ground, trying to do a downward dog position. "Hips up," a male voice calls. "You're not even an instructor!" The girl snaps, before lightly touching Eddie's hips to position him correctly. He glances up, ready to mouth off to the man but-

He's a fucking God on earth. A male Adonis. Truly a perfect specimen. Hair pushed back that Eddie wants to run his hands through. That tiny waist, slightly shown off in a muscle tank, oh God Eddie can see chest hair and a hint of abs and-

Eddie's hands slip out from under him. Face crashing into the floor. The startled yelp he lets out rivals the instructor's. He simultaneously can't feel his face and also feels way too much of it.

Eddie can feel strong hands grab his shoulders, carefully turning him, one large hand cradling the back of his neck for support. He peers up into the concerned, hazel eyes of the Hottest Man On Earth.

"Holy shit, you okay?" The man asks, fingers lightly touching Eddie's nose. He can feel it already swelling and blood start to come out of it. "Definitely broken," the man sighs and frowns down at Eddie," You okay otherwise? Lightheaded, dizzy, seeing stars?"

"I think I just fell for you." Eddie replies, causing the instructor to snort and laugh as the Loveliest Most Handsome Man blushes.

[ghostbsuter]

"Hey constantine, who's that?" Someone asks and Connie looks down at Danny, blue eyes staring back at him.

"My coworker."

"He's my dad."

"What?"

"What."

—

Who knew John Constantine would gain a ward, one being such a little mischievous bastard with bright eyes and good heart.

He certainly didn't.

Nor did he expect the stabby Robin to get into a heated argument with his ward, gesturing to his form next to Batman and spit venom.

"But‐ Damian! Look at him! I can fix him!" Danny argues back and Robin, so done with this, rips his mask off and—

Oh.

They have the same face.

Connie looks at Batman, nervous what the reveal will change.

("I don't care if you can 'fix' him, danyal! Return to Father, to me!")

Batman stares back.

("Connie is dad shaped! I chose him myself, damian! Leave me and my choice alone!")

The day will only get longer, it seems.

[wentian]

DEVIL MAY CRY (2007) Episode 5: In Private

[muffinlance]

ORBSJB AGNI AS A TURTLE DUCK I'm sorry but LIKE HOW CUTE AND then it's like he's this turtleduck in the pond bc depending on how people treat animals, small ones that need help, that's how he knows if they're good and he blesses the ones that treat him kindly and then Zuko and I'm sorry of this sint coherent (I'm a long time fan of your content btw, all the his and the books and omg I wish I could've gotten some)

Azulon looked down. His grandson, along with the turtleduck in his arms, looked up.

“This is Agni,” the boy said. “He says you should stop now.”

QUACK, said the duck. It was a strange red-gold. It was glowing. It was staring at him, even through the flames of the throne.

“Stop what?” humored the Fire Lord.

“The war,” the boy said. “It’s killing too many firebenders. Also his sister has been yelling at him, so we should let the waterbenders go, too, and be nice to them from now on so he can get a good night’s sleep and not have her redirecting comets at him any more. Probably we should leave all the other benders alone too because he’s pretty sure it was the air spirits that made him a flightless duck. He says that’s their sense of humor.”

QUACK, said the turtleduck.

“…Guards,” said Azulon.

This proved to be an ill-advised action.

ALTERNATE TAKE THAT WENT NOWHERE AND ISN'T EDITED HAVE FUN WITH THAT:

There is a Fire Nation child in Hakoda's village. The child has a softly glowing turtleduck in his arms and a quietly oozing wound under his bandage. This is not how Hakoda thought his morning would go.

"What's with the turtleduck?" asks Hakoda's son, who is wrapped around Hakoda's arm and his spear in a way that makes it very hard to instinctively stab at red-clothed things. Hakoda... expected more of them. But the tiny sail boat the kid just ran into Sokka's lumpy watchtower seems to be empty, now that its single feverish passenger has stumbled over. With his duck.

"It's a turtleduck-phoenix," says the Fire Lord's heir, answering exactly none of Hakoda's actual questions. "...You remember?"

"That your hair is going to get worse before it gets better?" says Sokka. "Absolutely."

The Prince scowls. "Then where's Aang?"

"Katara's been looking for him. He's still in the iceberg."

"...The Ember Island Players' iceberg?"

"The Ember Island Players' extremely accurate and well-researched iceberg."

The Fire Prince stares at Hakoda's son. The Fire Prince stares at Hakoda. The Fire Prince flips his duck around to face himself, then starts shaking it. "Give me a less stupid reality."

QUACK, protests the duck, with a burst of accompanying immolation that does nothing to dissuade the prince.

"Sorry, buddy," soothes his son, "you were always in the stupid reality. Remember the frozen frogs?"

Quack, says the duck, as if in confirmation.

[yashley]

It’s about this time, another voice pushes into your head, like a bat out of hell. 

[phoenixcatch7]

Okay but it's super interesting how

Din = Power = Ganondorf

Naryu = Wisdom = Zelda

Farore = Courage = Link.

Because Din, in the hylian creation myth, created the physical world. Naryu then created the laws - gravity, time, etc. And Farore finally created life - plants and people.

Din created the body, naryu the mind, Farore the soul.

And the triforce and its wielders so perfectly reflect that.

Ganon is physical power, he is big and intimidating and he breaks things. He is cunning and determined, but that's not what he focuses on. He is might makes right.

Zelda is wisdom and cleverness. She is stall tactics and information and team work. She is a powerful mage with a spine of steel, but that's not how she'll win. She is the pen being mightier than the sword.

Link is courage and persistence. He is the wild card sneaking behind enemy ranks, always moving, plunging into terrifying situations head first. He's a phenomenal fighter with a keen wit, but that's not what will get him through his challenges. He is bravery not being the absence of fear but the triumph over it.

They sit in perfect parallels to each other.

And ganon is reborn through his body - his resurrection is immortality. No matter how low he is cast, as long as he has a body he can claw his way back. He can cling to his power, build it ever higher.

Zelda is reborn through the magic of her bloodline. It's the accumulated knowledge handed down for generations, the unique power she must master, the skills she must develop to survive and get her kingdom out the other side intact. Even her name, the knowledge of herself, is handed down from all the way from the very first. Her ancestors knowledge of her future presence, her stability, is what gives her the edge.

Link is reborn in spirit. He is not bound by flesh or blood. Just like his wanderlust soul he can reappear in any time or place. His variation, his unpredictability, is exactly how he fights. It's what makes him so hard to pin down.

Ganons need to build strength means he can't chase after link. Links impulsiveness means zelda can outwit him. Zeldas stationary predictability means she's an easy target for ganon.

But the other direction?

Fire melts ice, ice redirects lightning, lightning burns fire.

And that's the very essence of the triforce.

[egophiliac]

BIRD SSR????????????

NOOOO I wasted all my keys on Platinum Malleus, HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO ME

(I do kinda love that this is officially "Raven Jacket" Crowley though) (does this open up the possibility of a selection of future Crowley fashion cards)

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

sometimes when Darry gets frustrated when he's arguin' with other adults about Pony or Soda (i.e. he feels like a teachers bein' unreasonable or an adult lookin down on them) he'll snap leave my fuckin' kids alone, yeah?

[tenderjock]

I’m with you, my love The lights shining through on you Yes, I’m with you, my love It’s the morning and just we two

[bitchthefuck1]

I actually really love that we see Helena's palpable hesitation about going back to the severed floor. We know that this has all been a publicity thing for her and it's about helping Lumon, so she's really invested in the outcome, but like. from her POV, she's literally letting someone who actively hates her and everything she stands for, and also has a proven willingness to hurt herself if it means hurting Helena, who now knows who she is and her significance to Lumon, pilot her body for 8 hours every day in an environment where they've repeatedly failed to control her. If I were her, I'd be genuinely surprised to wake up with my limbs intact.

You already questioned why on earth she'd come back after Helly's suicide attempt, and the identity reveal explains the reasoning, but on a human level that's still a wild thing to have to think about. This person (who is you but also isn't) almost succeeded in killing you, and like a week later you let them pilot your body again like nothing happened. How could you not be terrified?

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

I fear there's simply no booktok-sensation enemies-to-lovers novel that will even come close to whatever the fuck napoleon and illya were doing in the man from uncle

[suprecorp]

GET TO KNOW ME ♡ [1/10] Favorite Movies Imagine Me & You (dir. Ol Parker)

Her name… is Luce. Luce? As in a woman? As are you a woman? So, you mean you two are… lesbifriends?

[catfuyus]

seeing mikey after he’s had a long hard day and giving him the soppiest, saddest little pout. all “aww, my baby, is life being too hard on you?”

“yea,” he pouts back, dark circles under his eyes. and you open your arms wide for him, pull his face into your chest and squeeze your love into him. holding him tight and rubbing his back, all while cradling his head to your chest.

and his muffled voice comes through your embrace, cheeks flushed and pink to the ears, “m hard.”

[sha-brytols]

like maybe i'm just a #empath but idk how anyone can see this and feel anything other than profound guilt and sympathy LOL