#imvalidated

[tatyanapossamai]

I decided it's time to write my thoughts to the world so if something ever happened to me one day people will know what I am all about.

Also I will have a place where I can feel however it it's I feel without being invalidated.

Which brings me to my first subject.

The importance of empathy and validation how your partner feels In a relationship. This is essential. It's amazing how hard it could be for some . Yes most of the time it is not intentionally. So if your partner has told you about it please try to change your ways. It actually makes the other person traumatized. Meaning they will need to heal. It makes the person feel diminished or unimportant.

Many times if not most it's done unknowingly but it's extremely Important to be aware of.

1. Be self aware when it is happening and what your doing to cause it. It's hard to recognize sometimes.

" It wasn't that bad, you are over reacting"

2. There are many types of ways to invalidate :

Inatentive imvalidator: don't listen or pay attention to what the other is saying which is very important to them to the person speaking.

Belligerent Invalidators: Their M.O. is to rebuttal rather than listen, and put their energy into making their own case instead of seeing things from their partner’s perspective.

Owner of the Truth Invalidators: Lastly, there are the reflexive “that’s not what happened” invalidators who pride themselves on being rational and who sincerely believe that their subjective experience is the yardstick of all others. If it didn’t happen to them, it is not a thing. A kissing-cousin of codependency, this type of invalidator will often follow up their original invalidation by explaining to you how you, actually, are the one with the problem.

Example of a Truth Owner in Action:

Them: “I am feeling really invalidated by you right now.”

You: “I am not invalidating you. You were just telling me that your day was hard and you’re feeling overwhelmed, and I know for a fact that you shouldn’t be feeling that way because it wasn’t that bad. You just need to get more organized. You’re overreacting.”

______________________________Good times, right? Yes, there are so, so many ways to invalidate someone. This is just a small sample of the many ways, shapes and forms emotional invalidation shows up in relationships. There are many more. Not sure what kind of invalidator you might be? Ask your partner. I’m sure they’d be happy to tell you.

So: What is “validation?” To validate someone means that you help them feel understood, accepted, and cared for by you. It requires empathy. Empathy is happening when you really get how they see things, and that you support them in their perspective — even if you do not share their perspective. 

Because empathy is such a foundational skill in so many areas of Love, Happiness and Success, the development of empathy is often a big part of what is happening in emotional intelligence coaching, personal growth work, as well as marriage counseling. Empathy requires intention, but it’s incredibly powerful when you start really getting it.

This is super important in relationships because validation is a cornerstone of emotional safety. And emotional safety — feeling like you are accepted and valued for who you are, like your thoughts, feelings, and preferences are important to your partner, and that your relationship is loving and supportive — is the foundation of a happy, healthy relationship.

[please-someone-give-me-love]

This message really is the best, I've always struggled to accept the harm those people made me because it wasn't physical (most of the time) and people also tend to imvalidate you when things are not physical

BTW you don't need to have been physically bullied (punched, kicked, things thrown at you, shoved, etc.) to have bullying related trauma.

If your trauma comes from verbal bullying, that is very real and very damaging trauma. And I don't just mean people who were yelled at or threatened, I also mean people who were constantly insulted, belittled, laughed at, had their 'flaws' pointed out daily and were made to feel alienated no matter how hard they tried to fit in.

You are not weak for being traumatised by insults and anyone who tries to make you feel like what you went through wasn't bad enough to be traumatising is a fucking asshole and is defending your bullies.

I hope your path to healing is as easy as possible xxx

[msbrina7]

Its a Beautiful Day! ☀️ so... don't hold ya breath waitin on me to apologize for shit. If anything Im workin overtime to remove "Im sorry" from my tongue bcuz I move in love, integrity & respect already. See when you stay out the way & don't bother nobody you aint got much to be sorry about. Be very clear bout me. 😉 Govern yourself accordingly. (you see all dem periods over there 👀... oh.) #IAmMe #IExist #ImValidated #repostandroid #repostw10 https://www.instagram.com/p/CnPTqVDOfPdiD4eswxIaQ9-dFYEqg_JYqPRMAI0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[gardensonq]

I just remembered why I don't write anymore. The fear of being known.

[enchantingmemories]

I woke up after a long time. My head was pounding worse than any pain I could imagine. My wings and horns seemed chipped/torn. What the hell happened? There was dust everywhere. I don’t remember if I was alone or not. It took a few minutes, but when t hit it hit hard. Screaming. Blood. Death. Fuck. FUCK! I tried to get up but couldn’t. No no no no

Mom?

Dad..?

Fuck

This can’t be real.

What the fuck

No

Is everyone dead..?

The dust was so thick as I tried to see the ruins around me.

I don’t remember exactly how the world ended, but I was one of the last people alive.

[sissytrapjamie]

if you don't want to be trans literally just stop being trans. this kink is so retarded. porn has obliterated your intelligence

Okay, there's a fair bit to unpack in such a short ask. On your first point, I love being trans, it's the only way to be for me. I also couldn't stop if I wanted to, it's who I am. Everything you're seeing here is kayfabe, like pro wrestling. It's fantasy. My bio and pinned post should've really clued you in on that. Things are scary, they're terrifying. I don't know if you're trans, but if you are, you know this. What we have here is a way of coping, diving into the dark fantasy of giving in, something we'll never do in reality. Nit to imvalidate any detrans folk with sexual feelings tangled up in it, all the love to you, too. Just speaking for myself and others in my position.

On your second point, calling someone or something retarded isn't big or clever. I have at least one condition that word is a slur for, and quite honestly, hearing it tends to turn me on a little bit. You see, it's the same thing again. Taking experiences of duscrimination and using kink to cope, and to process.

And finally, I actually have a kich smaller apetite for porn these days. Kinking around with partners, friends and online randoms is usually enough to satisfy. And once again, being told how stupid I am tends to be a turn on.

Sorry to break character, you guys, I finally got one of these, so I guess I'm getting to be a big name around here now lol

[gayerthanthee]

@udhhd op u're real funny. your reply in the comments is gold. "race-bending is unnecessary"?? what harm does race-bending a character even bring?

does it PAIN you that the character becomes tanned or mixed? does it make you CRY when a character is portrayed as dark-skinned? can you differentiate the reason fiction was created and the reason people race-bend? if you call race-bending (which to us brings comfort that the character is portrayed as dark-skinned) unnecessary when all it just does is bring a smile to our face to make up for something that barely exists, then should you call fiction, and these characters unnecessary too?

please reconsider, op. it's good that you're aware that dark asians exist, but saying that changing one character's race to their liking shouldn't be done is uncalled for. i'm honestly lost on how you even get to think of such an issue? when was this ever an issue?

what's unnecessary is you telling off someone and that what provides them comfort is wrong. that's the one. if you don't like the race-bending then keep the distaste to you and your fellow racist selves. if you don't approve of such activity then keep the hate to yourself than put it out on someone else like a damned baby. we're minding our own business and making up for things that people can't give us that we provide for ourselves instead. same for portraying a character as trans, nb, any gender really, and any sexuality. if you don't like dark people so much you should have just kept your racist arse kissing your racist ideals yourself than meddle with our own issues and including yourself when it's not a battle you'd fight for. i can't find the purpose for this unholy post. what has race-bending ever do to you?

good day and good riddance.

Stop drawing anime characters black when they’re not black

So I’ve been seeing a lot of fan art of characters from anime who are pale being drawn black. Like, actually black. And it’s just like—why??? Like bro seriously. And the whole “I want to add diversity” thing is a lame excuse and also just bullshit in general. Mind you the characters are LITERALLY ASIAN and if anything, you’re erasing that part of them too make them “more diverse”. I get that anime has little to none black characters and other people of color, but you have to remember that the characters themselves are asian. You drawing them black isn’t okay to do. Like I’ve seen so much fan art of people drawing Deku and Gon and Mob or Ritsu or Teru or Serizawa black. It’s exhausting honestly.

[bloodyrakshasi]

Good post, but...you still can't abuse a fictional character. They have zero autonomy and can't suffer. They are not real

i'm taking you to mean it as "they're characters! created by someone! they can only do whatever the creator dreams of them to do!"

if we go by your argument, these characters were still created to embody the author's main message. they are representative figures of, in this case, real trauma. therefore, while they cannot experience "real/valid" trauma/abuse, i believe those who argue against this are more triggered by what they are written to represent- actually abused people. and that is why the people against proshipping are triggered by it even though, for reasons stated in my post, those concerns are imvalid.

now, i, personally believe the characters i create have agency. when i write i truly treat these characters as their own person: this is also why we have criticisms like characters being ooc and why these criticisms are valid; because these characters are not exact manifestations of the authors thoughts, they have their own characteristics. an author cannot make them do something if it is not consistent with their characterisation. it's kind of the point of writing (the chosen medium in my case, but this applies to everyone else) for readers to be immersed in the world and forget that the characters aren't real; for them to berate characters when they make obviously wrong choices. it's also why books where characters have their agency taken away in some way (maybe they realise a terrible truth in their world) succeed. because they believe the characters are real, so when their personhood is taken away, we feel something

so this is what i kind of mean when i say characters have agency. maybe this is just my pov as someone who writes.

this whole proshipping thing is kinda new to me too. i only encountered it when i joined tumblr... which was not so long ago. i haven't seen this in other soc media??? i think my first encounter was when i came across this weird anti-ao3 post???

but thank you sm for this post, it was a lot of fun writing this and also thank you for being so respectful!

[iamshayblack]

Today’s dropping gem 💎. It’s time to work on your dreams. They are only wishes if you don’t make them come true. It requires you to move out of the place of fear and fly. “NUFF” said... #shayblack #iamshayblack #authenticallyme #oneofakind #imvalid #thispoetry #ithastobetold #someoneisdependingonme #poetrysavelives #poetryheals #thismovement #movespeople #changelives #selfcare #selflove #changeforme #todayitsaboutme #accomplish #dontregret #starttoday #followyourdream #makeaplan #followthrough #dontletfearstopyou #getupandgrind #workyourpassion #dreams #makethemckmetrue #believeinyou #youholdthemagicinyourhand https://www.instagram.com/p/BxPqnVBFvoT/?igshid=r8gab8xdl9ei

[iheartbeomie]

₊⁺ ☾✩‧₊⁺ ˚✧ Trans Rights ✧₊⁺ ☾✩‧₊⁺ ˚

[notfrom95th]

Valid like salad 🥗😂💃🏾

[iwantjobs]

9/1/2021:. Before eating, imvalid Trang has to lay down on hard surface for 5 minutes or else her crippled back is too painful to sit up. Today's effort to reduce my cholesterol level from 165 to 60.

[reachedmypeakatsevenfeet]

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL UPSET AND HAVE FEELINGS. STOP TRYING TO IMVALIDATE OTHER SWIFTIE'S FEELINGS.

[gothjacobs]

Mimi Imvalid

[fagpulp]

Imvalid: Hehe >:) Evil Devil Turns Good Because He Falls In Love With Someone He Initially Didnt Really Care For >:) But Through A Series Of Events-

Valid: Dumb Twink Needs To Be Looked At Or He Will Die

[iammaizap-blog]

Imvalidated