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darling-flora · 9 months ago

Text

a sunday kind of love

fc : yesly dimate

charles leclerc x interviewer!yn

Notes: Im not really a follower of the wag's so if your a "fan" of ASM you might not like this b/c she's a "villain" kinda (not really?? but idk) also this took me so long because nfl season started and im stressed 😫 ANYWAYS hope you like it rt's are appreciated !!!! ❤

f1gossip

Liked by username1, username2 and 159,944 others

f1gossip Charles Leclerc and Alexandra Saint Mleux have confirmed their split after messages where she admitted to using Leclerc for fame leaked by a mutual friend of Leclerc and Mleux.

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username1 ohhhhh and yall hated everyone saying that she had bad vibes 🤭

username2 the season just ended??? bros gonna be alone for winter break 😭

username3 what about the messages of her being jealous of y/n interviewing charles 🤭

↳username4 i mean almost every driver flirts with her 😭 ↳username5 i hope they get together honestly 🤷‍♀️ every time she interviews him he's smiley, even if he's had a bad race 🥺 ↳username6 nahhh y/n was always a bit weird towards her, i wouldn't be surprised if she wanted charles ↳username5 SHE was weird, because when y/n tried to say hi to her she was being SOOOO fake 😭 ↳username7 yeah there's a video of them first meeting and SHE looked y/n up and down then when y/n turned around she made a face...... so y/n is NOT the problem

username8 she hasn't been at any races since the belgian gp, so they had to of been broken up for like three months???

↳username9 yeah i think so, the messages that were leaked were from early july don't know why it took them three months to say something tho ? ↳username10 maybe to not distract from him racing ?

username11 the friend ate for leaking the messages

username12 she really tried to lock him in with that dog 😭

↳username13 he kept the dog in the divorce anyways 🤭

username14 both carlos and charles in their single era 💅

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yourinstagram

Liked by charles_leclerc, joeyb_9 and 559,944 others

yourinstagram Bits of the 2023 season !! Looking forward to next year ❣

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username1 the lewis pic is iconic !!

maxverstappen Im an incredible artist

↳yourinstagram in someone's eyes maybe ↳maxverstappen wtf ↳maxverstappen i take back every time i've said your my favorite reporter ↳yourinstagram well we both know thats not true ↳maxverstappen yeah your right 😔 ↳username2 why do i love them 😭 ↳username3 there interactions are always so funny 🤭

username4 everyone's favorite reporter 🙌

bengals Every NFL press room misses you !! But mostly us 😔

↳yourinstagram I MISS YOU ALL TOO !!! 🐅🧡 ↳username5 she went from interviewing 6 foot nfl players to 5 foot f1 drivers 😭 ↳username6 the only reporter to make Burrow and Herbert smile after a bad game 🥲 ↳username7 she did nfl reporting ?? ↳username6 yep ! she did nfl and f1 reporting at the same time but the past two years she's only reported on f1 !!

username8 y/n being friends with all the drivers is my favorite thing

username9 Hi perfect woman!

charles_leclerc We got two pics carlossainz55 😮

↳carlossainz55 We have to aim for at least 1 more next year 😉 ↳yourinstagram you two are always plotting and scheming.... 🤨 ↳charles_leclerc Lies ↳carlossainz55 Lies ↳yourinstagram right....

username10 literally breathtaking. a disney princess

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yourinstagram Story

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charles_leclerc so your in malibu ? 👀

yourinstagram maybe.... 👀

charles_leclerc well i may be in malibu as was well 😁

yourinstagram mhm what a coincidence 🧐

charles_leclerc sooooo charles_leclerc do you wanna get lunch or something ? charles_leclerc maybe tomorrow 👀

yourinstagram i’d love too 😁

charles_leclerc i'll text you the details then i'll pick you up !

yourinstagram sounds perfect !! see you then 😊

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yourinstagram

Liked by charles_leclerc, yourbff and 859,944 others

yourinstagram dinner and a date ❤

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username1 GOD IS A WOMAN

username2 what a face 😍

yourbff with... who i think it is?👀

↳yourinstagram maybe...

username3 Keep shining beauty 💫

username4 can whoever your on a date with fight ?

francisca.cgomes miss u already ❣️

↳yourinstagram hope to see you soon beautiful 😙❤

username5 my girl crush fr

username6 joe burrow and justin herbert just fell to their knees

↳username7 so did half of the f1 grid... 😔 ↳username8 unless it's one of them 👀 ↳username6 burrow isn't in la but herbert is 🤔 ↳username7 a hand-full of f1 divers are in la right now tho 😩

username9 the type of picture i would put in a locket and take to war

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charles_leclerc

Liked by yourinstagram, oscarpiastri and 6,559,944 others

charles_leclerc Summer over. 2024 season here we come ❤🏎

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username1 LEO LECLERC !!!!!!!!!!

username2 now who is that

username3 who is this diva?

username4 photo dump game is getting STRONGER

username5 HES ALIVE EEVEYONE CHEER

username6 THE LAST PIC ????

username7 I don't know which is more beautiful, the view or charles

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yourinstagram

Liked by charles_leclerc, username1 and 859,944 others

yourinstagram A Sunday kind of love ❤

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username1 now whose arm is that...

username2 ARE YOU READY FOR BHARAIN ????

↳yourinstagram Sadly no !! I'll be back to work at the Saudi Arabian GP !!

username3 *bows to you*

username4 u serve like no one else

maxverstappen Hello..... 🤨

↳yourinstagram whats with the face... ↳maxverstappen the cats were expecting a visit..... ↳yourinstagram OMG I FORGOT PLEASE TELL JIMMY AND SASSY IM SORRY ↳maxverstappen they wont forget this.... 😔 ↳yourinstagram NO PLEASE I'LL SEND THEM TREATS AS AN APOLOGY ↳username5 i know they are just friends but they have so much chemistry it's crazy 😵

username6 you’re my roman empire

username7 both charles and y/n soft launching.... if 2+2 = 4 then.....

username8 This woman makes everything she wears look good

username9 THOUGHTS ON LEWIS TO FERRARI ???

↳yourinstagram SO SO SO excited !!!

username10 well i adore u

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yourinstagram

Liked by charles_leclerc, username1 and 959,944 others

yourinstagram JEDDAH PHOTO DUMP !!!! My first weekend to start the 2024 season and what a weekend it was, glad Carlos is feeling better (we are appendix-less buddies now) max p1 checo p2 and charles p3 !!!!!!!! and a HUGE congrats to Ollie for scoring points in his f1 debut !!

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username1 Our princess is back!

username2 You’re unreal, you’re such a masterpiece, you’re angelic

maxverstappen I expect to be in every photo dump

↳yourinstagram so sassy 🙄

username3 how could anyone be this perfect

olliebearman Thank you !!!! 😁

liked by yourinstagram

username4 We love you princess

francisca.cgomes I’m the leader of your fan club ❤️

liked by yourinstagram

username5 My favorite Woman is back!!!!

charles_leclerc The last pic is my favorite

↳yourinstagram mhm wonder why.....🧐

username6 The angel we all need

username7 i cannot get over how absolutely stunning you are ????? help

username8 Blooming 💅🏼

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yourinstagram

Liked by charles_leclerc, username1 and 859,944 others

yourinstagram HELLO HELLO !!!! Australia, Japan, China, Miami PHOTO DUMP !!!! The start of the 2024 season has been a bit stressful but ALSO so so so fun

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username1 please hard launch soon i cant take the suspense 😩🙏

oscarpiastri Some very intense racing going on in the 4th picture

liked by yourinstagram

username2 y/n the woman you are, thank you for the pics🧎🏻‍♀️

lilymhe Gorgeous angle 📐 👼

liked by yourinstagram

username3 you've a bit more down this season 💔 hope your taking care of yourself !!!

↳yourinstagram Don't worry I am !!! The weekends can be a bit stressful is all, hopefully lessening the work load will help ❤ ↳username3 sad if there is less y/n but glad your prioritizing yourself !! ❤

username4 you always have the best bts pictures thank you 🙏

username5 literally the it girl

francisca.cgomes You are everything and more 💌

liked by yourinstagram

username6 serving cvnt as always

landonorris Im everyone's favorite part of this photo dump

↳yourinstagram you keep telling yourself that

username7 Oh hi pretty girl

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yourinstagram

Liked by charles_leclerc, username1 and 2,859,944 others

yourinstagram Italy ⭐

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username1 Real life princess indeed

landonorris podium 😎

↳yourinstagram who? ↳landonorris who what ? ↳yourinstagram asked... ↳landonorris wtf ???

username2 ik y/n freaked out seeing vettel 🤭

username3 in italy but no gp ?? do you job 🙄

↳yourinstagram Yes ! I was at the race just not reporting, Luke who is an incredible reporter is going to be doing a few races this season. ↳yourinstagram Race weekends can be a bit overwhelming and hopefully having the option of letting someone else report we'll help lessen the negative effects of the job for both of us !!! Hope that answers your question ☺ ↳username4 "Hope that answers your question" oh she ate that 🤭

username5 all the red..... she has to be dating either charles or carlos

username6 wait is she dating the dude in the 6th pic ????

↳username4 nope !! thats luke gooding a reporter and he has a girlfriend !!

username7 yall need to stfu about who she's dating omfg

francisca.cgomes i love you pretty girl

↳yourinstagram love ya 💫

username8 ughh face card sister oml

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f1gossip

Liked by username1, username2 and 159,944 others

f1gossip Charles Leclerc and reporter Y/n L/n were spotted shopping in Monaco ahead of the Monaco GP.

Do we think they're dating ?

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username1 this is so serious for me....

username2 YES THEY ARE DATING !!! they have not been subtle about it, they flirt in their interviews, charles has been posting her cats in his insta stories for WEEKS ….

↳username3 they’ve probably been together for a while honestly…. glad they feel comfortable being more public tho 🫶

username4 they are being more public together while his ex is liking hate post about y/n.....

↳username3 she's always liked weird shit on socials, so im not surprised lmao

username5 wait they were in cali at the same time AND y/n posted a picture saying dinner an a date....

↳username6 so they've been seeing eachother for like 6 MONTHS ??? ↳username7 we dont know if they're together?? they were just hanging out... ↳username6 after the double date and this......i don't think it's really a question if they're dating 😭

username8 they are definitely hard launching this weekend

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charles_leclerc

Liked by yourinstagram, oscarpiastri and 6,559,944 others

charles_leclerc Happy birthday to the hardest working, sweetest, and most beautiful creature I've ever known, I adore you and love you more than you know ma chérie ❤

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username1 IS HE QUOTING HARRY STYLES SONGS ???? MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS 😭

username2 I love this couple! So beautiful ❤️

yourinstagram oh i love you so so much mi amor !!! 🥲🫶

↳charles_leclerc You are my world 🌍 love love you ❣

username3 The way he is looking at her is every girls dream

username4 the way you tagged her on your heart 🥺 happy bday y/n we love ya ❤️

leclerc_pascale Happy birthday to my favorite girl ❤ Always a smile on the two of your faces when i see you guys together ❤️

↳yourinstagram Awww love ya ❤

landonorris lucky guy 😔

username5 It's not fair that you're living my dream, perhaps the dream of millions.

username6 The most gorg pair

username7 I don’t think there is a more beautiful looking couple on earth

username8 OMG MY PARENTSSS

username9 You guys !! Love looks good on u both ✨

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yourinstagram

Liked by charles_leclerc, username1 and 2,859,944 others

yourinstagram Monaco 24' !!!!! What a dream to see Monaco love you back mi amor. Such a sight to see you on the top step of your home race, you have deserved this win for so so so long !!! i’m so proud of you and i love you endlessly ❣️

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username1 him blowing a kiss to her on the podium 🥺

charles_leclerc Thank you for being there ma chérie ❤

↳charles_leclerc I love you to the moon and back ❣ ↳yourinstagram love you my pretty boy 😪❤

username2 did you tell the cameras to focus on someone else because you were about to cry…

↳yourinstagram maybe….🫣 - not just crying though it was VERY close to full on SOBBING 😭

username3 oh i’m crying a little 🥲

leclerc_pascale thank you for making our boy so happy my sweet girl

↳yourinstagram thank you for making him easy to love ❤ ↳username “our boy” “easy to love” i can’t take this today i’ve already cried to much 😫

username4 three cats and a puppy..... its a full house mama

username5 AHHHHHH 😭😭😭 so so happy for you both 🌸💘

username6 I honestly just wanna be like you when I grow up.

arthur_leclerc I am in possession of a picture of y/n sobbing if anyone wants it

↳yourinstagram leo and cat privileges could very easily be revoked ↳arthur_leclerc My apologizes…. i was lying 😁 ↳username6 he really said “ my apologies i wasn’t familiar with your game” 😭

username7 yall are so cute im gonna throw up

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charles_leclerc

Liked by yourinstagram, oscarpiastri and 7,559,944 others

charles_leclerc Last but favorite photo dump from my Monaco weekend ❤

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username1 you and y/n are the only people ever 😪

username2 these two lovebirds ❤

yourinstagram my favorite race winner !!! 🥲🫶

↳charles_leclerc ❤🥰❤

username3 You guys look like a dream

username4 you can tell how much it meant to charles to win this race

arthur_leclerc Congrats to y/n's boyfriend for winning the Monaco GP !!!

↳charles_leclerc My favorite nickname 🥰 ↳arthur_leclerc The fact that i know you're not joking.... ↳charles_leclerc What's to joke about 🤷‍♂️

username5 adorable the two of you ❤

username6 charles monaco gp win you are and will always be everything to me

lewishamilton7 Happy for you man 🏆❤

username8 I'M SO SINGLE THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE

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ava-starrs-girlfriend · 2 months ago

Text

Corner Store Sock Aisle Angel

Bob/Reader, post Thunderbolts* movie ending.

Summary: You met the cutest guy in New York City at a corner store while running an errand. And while he wouldn't call himself an angel, would you? Beauty in the eye of the beholder and all that?

Warnings: none, just a TON of fluff. Spoilers for the movie's ending!!!! Do not read if you haven't watched! No Y/N usage or pronouns for reader.

Word count: 3.5k ish

Author's note: i watched Thunderbolts* in IMAX on Thursday with Rachie and left the theater incredibly compelled to write a fic where i got to kiss Bob. Now have this!

Thunderbolts* movie spoilers under the read more!!!

A week in New York City for work was only half ideal. Half, because you'd have to work, but half because when you werent working, you could explore one of the biggest and most iconic cities in the world.

You hit a couple museums, and then decided you wanted ramen in your hotel on the second night instead of eatting out. The day had been long and exhausting, with your co-workers and people you were meeting being demanding in the most classic office-job ways possible.

It paid well, and you had a nice hotel room, but really, you just wanted to cozy up for the night with something familiar and watch a movie.

But first, you needed ramen.

Of course, you could stop at an actual ramen place, get real noodles and a more authentic experience, but tonight, instant noodles was the desire. Plus, you wanted some candy, and maybe some new socks since you somehow forgot to pack some.

To the corner store it was! Or maybe it was called a bodega?

You pulled out your phone as you waited to cross the street and texted your friend.

"Wtf is a bodega" followed by "isnt it just... a corner store...???"

Your friend responded "how should i know? Im not from NYC!"

You laughed and crossed the street.

It didnt take you long to find a store that looked familiarly safe enough to venture in to. Plus, there were a couple other people in the store.

You walked in and found the instant noodles you were looking for.

Now just Sour Patch Kids candies and socks.

How the hell did you forget socks?

You sighed and turned a corner, nearly running right in to someone.

"Oh! Sorry!"

"Its no problem," he said.

He was *so* cute. And tall. And looked like a dork. He was in a sweashirt and jeans, with worn black converse. Oh, so cute.

"You looking for something?"

"Do- do they have socks here?"

"Yeah!" He said, smiling again, and gestured over to another aisle. "Over there."

"Thanks. I forgot to pack some," you said, passing him. You groaned and squeezed your eyes shut. That was dumb. All you needed to say was thanks.

"You from out of town?"

"Yeah," you turned back to face him, holding the noodle package awkwardly in your hand. "Here for work."

"Ah, not vacation."

"Not quite."

"Bummer. It's a great week for weather, you should try and get to a park or something at least!" His eyes lit up with an idea. "Maybe lunch, or something? Fresh air?"

You laughed. "Not sure how fresh the air of New York would be, but yeah, that sounds nice."

"Cool. Well, um. Good luck!" He said, and gave you two thumbs up.

Who the hell is this guy. Two thumbs up?? What a dork.

It was adorable.

You gave him a wave and nod, before saying thanks as you turned away, hoping he didnt see you blush, or heard you giggle.

You got over to the sock aisle safely and found a set of pairs that would just have to work.

Finally, you made your way to the candy aisle and saw there were more than one kind of Sour Patch Kids available. What kind of monster gives that many options of basic sour candies?

"Lots of options," a familiar voice said to your left.

You lookes up. The cute guy again.

"Pff. Yeah. For real," you sighed and looked at the options again. "Already a long day and now... more choices."

"These are my favorite," he said, reaching forward and picking up a package of gummy peach rings. He held it toward you. "If, yanno. You didnt want to choose."

"Definitely. Those would work great with my-" you checked the noodles in your hand. "Kung pao chicken instant noodles."

You laughed a little together as he handed you the package.

"Cool," he said. It was kind of pathetic. But also really cute. He offered you his favorite candies so you didnt have to decide. Absolutely adorable.

"Well, thats all I was looking for tonight," you said, looking up at him. "Thank you, corner store angel."

He laughed. "Oh, no, not an angel. Just a guy."

"Just a guy, huh?"

He shrugged, and shyly didnt look you in the eye. "Yeah."

"Alright, just a guy," you said, and, on a whim, handed him one of your business cards. "Text me, maybe. If youre not a serial killer, or anything."

"God, no," he laughed, and looked at the card as he took it in his hand. He smiled and then looked at you. "I like your name."

"Thanks," you said.

Just a moment later, you were walking back to your hotel, feeling like you were floating on a cloud.

You'd met the cutest guy New York City could have possible offered, and randomly gave him your business card.

Not something you usually do.

But how could you not?

~*~

The thought of his cute face and kind laugh diatracted you through the next few days on your work trip. But just as much as it distracted you, it softened the blow of the blunt demands and requests from your team and the business you were hosted by. You felt productive, even if your friend requested Corner Store Angel Boy requests every half hour.

Of course you'd told them. They gushed and were so excited, happy to soak up every little detail that you could remember about the stranger.

But you hadnt asked him what his name was. And you'd forgotten to get his number!

So you were just relying on hoping that he would actually text you. Before you left.

It was kind of hopeless, but at least you hadnt forgotten his face yet, and it kept you looking ahead instead of at the ground as you walked through the city.

On the fifth day, you got a text.

"How are those socks working out for you?"

You couldnt help but smile and swallow a squeal of excitement.

"You good?" One of your co-workers asked.

"Yep," you nodded, and quickly started typing back.

"They're doing the job!" And then "peach rings were the best choice."

"Nice! :D"

Of course.

"Work ok?"

"Would rather be at a park tbh"

There was a moment of watching the little three dots appear and then disappear, then reappear.

Finally, another message.

"There's plenty of parks by good dinner places."

Was- was he actually asking you out?

"Nothing too fancy?"

"Maybe just some pizza?"

You couldnt help the thought that flashed through your mind- *anything with you sounds amazing.* But you didnt type that.

"Send me the time and address"

He sent both a minute later and you could not believe your luck.

You immediately changed over to the chat you had with your friend and told them about the date.

After they sent you a voice note screaming, they made you promise to share your location.

~*~

You had a little time before meeting with the cute guy, so you got back to the hotel to freshen up a little.

Of course, you'd already been in work clothes when you met him, so he'd seen you when you looked pretty good, but at the end of the day.

At least now you could change into something a little more comfortable, and freshen up or touch up your hair. Anything to make you feel less anxious.

You got to the pizza place a little after the suggested time, but he was there, waiting.

You couldnt help but snap a picture before he looked up from his phone.

His face broke out into the biggest grin when he saw you coming. He waved at you, too.

"Hi!" You said, waving and smiling back.

"Hi!" He answered. "How's- how's your week been?"

"Its actually been ok!" You said. "Kept thinking about this reallg cute guy i met, hoping he'd text me." You looked at him, and couldnt help but laugh when he looked uncertain. "You, dude. Im talking about you."

"Oh, duh," he laughed. "Wasnt sure."

"Its not every day i meet corner store angels."

He laughed again, then the smile fell from his lips. "Oh, shit, i never told you my name!"

You laughed again, your hand landing on his forearm. "No, dude."

"Ive known your name and had your number! Im so sorry!"

"You know what'll make it up to me?"

"What?"

"Your name," you said.

"It's Bob."

"Bob?"

"Yeah. Yep," he nodded. "Mhm."

"Cute," you remarked, and looked toward the pizza place. "Well, Bob? Shall we get some slices?"

"Sure!" He agreed and followed behind you into the pizza place.

It still amazed you how the pizza could afford to be just a couple dollars and taste so good. Or maybe you were just hungry. Either way, well worth it, especially to watch Bob get pizza grease down his chin.

He was incredibly cute. Not that you hadnt not thought that before. It was just impossible for you to not think that. And he had the sweetest laugh, and nicest smile.

Maybe he was just new, and it was nice to start learning things about someone.

After finishing the pizza, you asked him about the park he was thinking of showing you.

He opened the door for you and held it as you left the pizza place, and only stared a little as you hooked your arm in his.

You realized as you walked to the park that maybe you shouldnt just walk arm-in-arm with a man you barely knew, at night.

But you also figured that if your friend saw your phone's location in one place for too long that she'd definitely call the cops. FBI, even. National Guard.

The stroll through the park was blessedly uneventful. Bob asked you questions about yourself, happy to listen and hear your stories. He asked clarifying questions and follow ups, and made you laugh with his reactions.

He didnt seem to want to talk about himself too much, but you werent going to press it- a guy who asked questions and was engaged in conversation? Crazy. You weren't going to change that if you could help it.

He also seemed like such a nice, genuine guy. He was sweet, and laughed at your bad jokes.

Part of your brain wanted to process the part that maybe he was still a serial killer, or at least an asshole, but when he smiled at you, you really couldnt see it.

Before you knew it, the time had flown. You checked the time on your phone and it was almost nine p.m.

"Oh, shit! Later than i thought it was," you remarked.

You were sitting with Bob on a park bench, watching the last of the Summer sunset.

"Do you need to go?" He asked.

"Yeah... one more day of work tomorrow, then heading out on Saturday."

"When?"

"The afternoon."

"Bummer."

You looked at him, leaning your arm on the back of the bench and head against your hand.

"I mean, well, i'd really like to see you again, before you go," he said. "Go home."

"Are you busy tomorrow?"

"I figured you'd be?"

"I was working today, Bob," you said. "But I was able to come meet up with you. You're worth that to me, at least right now. And i'd like to see you again, too."

He glanced at your lips before licking his and sighing, looking across the park's path. Then he looked at you again. "Do you think... we could meet up tomorrow?"

"Unless my boss drops a ton of work on me? Yeah, Bob, I'd love to!" You smiled. Your face was going to hurt tomorrow from how much you'd been smiling.

"Really?"

"Yeah, dude," you laughed, and caught him looking at your lips again. You hummed. "You look like you might want to kiss me."

He blushed and looked down at his hands in his lap.

"You can ask, you know," you offered. "Knowing me, I'd probably say yes."

"Ive, uh, just..." he mumbled something you couldnt hear, even though you were sitting right next to him.

"Didn't hear that," you leaned closer.

"I've just never, uh... ive never kissed anyone."

That broke your heart a little. Had no one given him a chance?

Was he a little slow? Yeah, maybe? But you barely knew him, and you couldnt help but like him. Besides, in this world, who isnt a little slow sometimes? He hadnt chosen to talk about any of his own passions, like he'd asked you. There's something that lights his fire, and you were going to find out what that was.

"That's ok," you said, gently. "It's been a long time for me."

"Really?" He scoffed- not in an assumption you were trying to be nice, but just in pure disbelief. "But you're... you."

You hummed and nodded. "Exactly what I thought about you."

He looked at your lips again.

"I'll warn you, my first kiss was not like the movies make it out to be," you said. "No pressure. And if you dont want to-"

"I do want to!"

"Then by all means, Bob, whenever you might be ready."

He couldnt stop looking between your eyes and your lips, and he moved closer to you on the bench.

You met him halfway, reaching over to put your hand over his.

He quickly took your hand in both of his, like he needed the grounding, and then he closed his eyes and leaned in.

You kissed him, just expecting a cute little peck.

But then you felt his warm hand on your cheek and he grew confident, like all he needed was a chance.

You hummed against him, smiling against his lips as he took your top lip between his.

"Woah, Bob," you said, your heart racing as he moved his face a centimeter away from yours. "That was kind of a movie kiss."

"Was it ok?"

"It was great!"

"Can i have another?"

"Well, sure," you agreed, and he enthusiastically kissed you again, his lips soft and touch gentle but curious.

After the second kiss, he looked bubbly.

You couldnt help but mess with his hair a little with your free hand. "Thank you."

"For- oh. Youre welcome. And thanks."

"My pleasure."

He smiled nervously, then glanced at his watch. "Oh, you- you needed to go, right?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. Well, I'll text you? Or should we walk to the train?"

"You can walk with me," you said, and stood up from the bench. You held out a hand, and he took it, standing with you.

~*~

You texted all day with him, and still managed to get the extra work your boss assigned to you that morning done.

Your friend didnt know about the kiss yet. They would have called every five seconds if they did.

But you had enough time to meet Bob for dinner again, this time at a sit down place, but still not too fancy.

He even paid.

He had a job? He hadnt seemed employed.

Bob opened up a little more at dinner, and you were happy to take your turn listening to him.

He avoided talking about a lot of things, but seemed to have a few interesting stories from his past.

You tried not to push anything, however much curiosity you felt. You didnt want to break the bubble that was forming around the two of you, hoping the dreamlike feelings of safety and luck and reality wouldnt burst and come raining down.

It seemed natural at this point to link your arm in his, and he didnt seem as startled about it as he had the night before.

You also secretly loved how solid he felt. As much as sometimes you were curious how his mind worked, he wouldnt blow over with a breeze. When you werent paying attention and stepped out onto the street too early, you were surprised to feel the strength he used to quickly pull you back against him as a car honked and passed by.

He was someone special. You hoped he would be someone significant to you.

After dinner and walking a little aimlessly around Manhattan, he said, "do you want to come over?"

For a guy who'd never kissed anyone before last night, that was awfully bold.

"For what?" You decided to ask.

"Oh, um, just to show you. Also, there's a bowling alley in- in the building."

"You remember that?" You had mentioned bowling when you were younger, and enjoying it even if you were bad at it.

"Yeah!"

"You know what? Sure, lets go bowling."

A few moments later, you could not believe where he stopped.

You looked up, feeling tiny in the building's reflections and it's iconic history. "This- this is the Avengers tower."

"Yeah. Cool, huh!"

"You- do you live here? I didnt know they have condos."

He squinted up at the building. "They have condos? Thats cool."

"Bob, where do you live?"

"Here."

"Like, where?"

"Oh! At the top!" He said, then looked concerned. "Are you ok with heights?"

"Th- the top? Thats where the Avengers live."

"Oooooh." He nodded, pointing at you as if he understood your confusion. "Yeah! Im one of them. Sorta?"

"You- youre an Avenger?" Your confusion quadrupled.

"Sorta! Im kinda their roommate."

You looked at him in disbelief. Then you smiled. "On a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, how good of roommates are they?"

He chuckled, then shrugged. "Well, they almost never do their dishes. But, hey, they save the world sometimes, so, thats cool! And we play video games. I beat Bucky all the time. Beats being high on meth, heh."

You laughed with him, head sort of spinning as you reached up and brushed hair out of his face. "That's good. That you're- You dont get high on meth anymore?"

"Oh, no. Nope! Ive been reading a lot."

"Like what?"

"I finally finished Pride and Prejudice. Ava really wants to watch Bridgerton and said i should read Jane Austen's books."

"Pride and Prejudice, huh," you smiled.

"Yeah! It was really good, have you read that?"

"I think so," you lowered your hand and entwined your fingers with Bob's. "You gonna take a girl inside? It's getting windy."

"Oh! Yeah, sure, of course," he nodded and opened the door for you, letting you go first.

He lead you to the elevator, waving at the security, who smiled and waved back at him.

"Who's this, Bob?" One asked. His nametag reads Bob, too.

"Oh this is a friend!" He said, and explained who you are and where you met.

"That sounds like a meet-cute," the older, Security Guard Bob smiled and nodded. "Nice to meet you, honey."

"Nice to meet you too," you responded, smiling back at him.

"Go on up, kids," Security Bob said, and opened a gate for you to go to a special elevator.

As soon as the doors of the elevator closed, you turn to Bob.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he nodded.

"May i kiss you again?"

He smiled. "Yeah," and he leans close to kiss you as you cupped his cheek and moved in against him.

Your friend was *never* gonna believe this.

#thunderbolts spoilers #thunderbolts* spoilers #thunderbolts #thunderbolts*#bob reynolds/reader #bob reynolds #bob reynolds x reader #bob reynolds x you #bob reynolds/you #my post #my writing #my fic

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mays-simping-for-leona · 1 month ago

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No, leona doesn't have a rut, stop the 🧢 (NSFW)

a post i know no one is interested in but gotta say the shit in my head and ruin the smut about leona (and other beastmen in the game for a bonus)

𓏲̣̇.info

nothing, just trying to show how the "realistically and logically" savannaclaw smut is so far away from being realistic

this obviously will be my first and last NSFW post and then ill stop talking about this topic because i don't like it, it makes me uncomfortable

TW: blunt speaking and explaining of body, sex, and whatever shit this smut is about. no filter today just basic biology class

NOTE: im not talking about the writers that write these stuff as fun and imagination, im talking about ones who claim they write smut based on real science and logical thinking — understand the difference before saying anything

ok so...where do i start? OF COURSE, THE RUT

bro, no way you didn't even try to at least make a search on google about "does male animals have ruts?" because obviously you didn't, NO, male animals doesn't have ruts! the only males getting ruts in nature are more likely elk, deer, and antlers — BIG CATS DOESN'T, ONLY FEMALES GET A RUT

"b-but males do fight for the females in nature🤓👆🏻" bro be fr, they fight because FEMALES are in heat, not males being whatever freak this smut says?? and when they are "horny" and wants to mate it is because of the presence of pheromones they get affected with

how to apply it on leona? literally like any human being bro, he won't sit naked on the bed and moan your name or say "im gonna fill you with my cubs". if you have boyfriend or any kind of love relationship with a man, your partner will get more intimate and get excited because of the other being" hotter" or more appealing, not because he goes in a rut?? yea he will love it when his girl partner is ovulating cause literally the same rut and heat applies on the animals will apply on humans, even normal men would find it incredible their partner is ovulating

so basically, leona will be more excited about a girlfriend in heat you could say, but NOT animalistically, leona is not a mess of hormones and desires like you guys imagine — all of us can agree on how emotionally controlled he is. of course he will get those random "i wanna make love so bad" situation, but it won't be like what the writers explain

leona is not aggressive in bed, he would NEVER, this man only experienced touching and physical contact in a bad way and never recieved it as love and intimate, and he respects his partner, no way he is gonna "hold you down with an iron grip so you won't move and he fucks you raw" like wtf this is totally not leona

he may tease, give you a shit-eating grin, act like a brat abit just to piss you off, but he is not the kind of man that gives those alpha obsessed treatment at all that wants to prove dominance 24/7

so, for the first point, we concluded that leona is not a "im gonna breed you until you can't walk" guy, and all other beastmen are not like this either, they are just more sensitive to pheromones but not mating-straved brats

and the second thing? let's say it is more about leona here, his "barbed man equipment"

ok, let me explain about lions before leona (reminder that im here just correcting the "based on science and logic" smut, the fictional stuff are another topic that i don't have a business with) so, to explain it...lions and cats are similar but lions are NOT cats

cats use the barbs cause of 2 reasons:

to induce ovulating in females cause female cats doesn't ovulate only during mating

some nervous system stimulation stuff that im not expert in but it is also for ovulating

and a bonus, some scientists claim it is for male cats to remove other male cats' scents from the female (Not confirmed, just a theory)

but for lions? things are totally different for them

fun fact that lions mate 40-50 times a day, so this will be deadly horrible for any female — this is why lions do have spines but they are less in number A LOT and more solid, less sharp. they still hurt the lioness but not because they are too painful like cats but because of the constant repetitive mating, and mating between lions only takes maximum 15 seconds so the mating itself will be rough and painful, so the body will try to develop and adapt to this crazy breeding by making the spines less and whatever i explained above

ok and now tell me, is leona going to fuck you this much and does he really have that thick barbed equipment? short answer: no

long answer: leona is not just an animal, he is highly affected and taken with human genes and development — so you could expect 2 cases:

he does have barbs but literally not affective, won't do shit, not big, no he is not got his whole thing covered in it, and yes you might feel it just a little bit but it won't hurt or anything because he won't make love with you for more than 5 (maximum let's say 10 if you both got that horny idk) times a day

he doesn't have at all, his human genes are stronger than the lion, wich basically gives him a human anatomy

and try searching and applying this stuff to other "induced ovulation" beastmen

you may still go like "idc i just want to read for fun" ok literally you are calling it "leona smut" when it doesn't contain anything that relates to leona except for his name. you can literally remove the name "leona" and replace it with any beastman name in the world and it will still work as if it is canon

i hate smut and hate reading it, i can't stop any of you from reading it, but bro if you are going to read smut or even write it, let it be at least good and really expresses the character, not just put the name of a character in wattpad-coded, cheap omegaverse stuff and call it "according to science and real information"

oh..another weird shit i saw: "im gonna get you pregnant" said the same leona that might kill a kid if he had a chance (joking, just for the drama said it)..leona is not mentally stable to have a kid or be a dad, he might say it as joke or teasing, and will use it more often in a successful marriage that really helped heal him (talking about future leona)

but the 20 yrs old leona rn? no way he is doing it. this man is still developing, learning, and trying to set a path for his life..he is selective in words and knows how to say it and when, he is aware of how incapable he is as a father rn and wont risk it

leona is not superficial person, he won't say such thing driven by hormones and needs, it might be rare to find him lose control completely but on an average day? he just says it once a month to joke, never serious

it is so cringe to imagine leona all serious in his age (20) trying to impregnate you or whatever and acts all crazed by "the scent of your heat"

this man knows himself, limits, and what he wants..he is not lustful or frenzied..love making for him is something he wants to feel with actual love, fun, slowness, comfort, a bit of teasing to make things spicy, but the other crazy stuff? maybe he gets this random "dominant alpha" situation out of nowhere, though it is not his default sex attitude

leona and other beastmen are basically humans that got this weird sensitivity and excited nature, something complex, but not animalistic

they can act like any normal human in love, even supress their needs, say no to love making (yea bad news they won't be a ready-to-cum brats ready-to-serve like you might imagine)

let's be fr, if you read this stuff knowing 100% it is all for drama and reader's fun and not believing anything in it from a scientific and logical way is something good, but if you genuinely believed it and thought it is valid? well..i hope this post gave you some knowledge at least

didn't imagine in my life i'll post something defending leona's equipment, but yea shit happens i guess

have a great day

#disney twst #leona kingscholar #savannaclaw #leona kingscholar x fem #leona kingscholar x mc #leona kingscholar x oc #leona kingscholar x yuu #leona kingsholar x reader #savanaclaw #savanaclaw leona #maysdiscuss #maysheadcanons #leona kingscholar smut #twst smut

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waitingonher · 1 year ago

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ALL DA LADIES LUV LEO! — [leo valdez dating headcanons]

author's note: i am ladies. where's my irl leo...wtf.

you and LEO VALDEZ are the definition of “if you do it, i’ll do it.” (a VERY common phrase in your relationship)

istg this guy is down to do ANYTHING. you wanna play dress-up and do his makeup? go ahead. you wanna participate in some cheesy couple trend? of course! he’d do anything to make you happy <3 (even if it means ruining his dignity)

leo has so much love for you, and he is NOT afraid to show it. he for sure owns a million different variations of the “i ❤️my girlfriend” tee-shirt. he’s worn them so much that even chiron and mr. d stopped pestering him for not wearing the chb shirt 😭

y’know that one topic you could talk about for hours on end? yeah, well you’re the topic leo could talk about for hours on end. you always feel bad for the unfortunate new camper who decides to ask “who’s on your shirt?” it always ends in them making an excuse to get out of the conversation.

some may say he’s obsessed…i just call it the bare minimum!! 🤗

leo absolutely LIVES for your little gossip sessions. he’s not one of those bf’s who will try to give actual advice on how to handle the situation,, he’s the type to fully shit talk the person with you 😭 you guys are literally the “she’s also ugly…” audio and i know for a fact you guys have made a video using it LMFAO

he also has the entire timeline memorized. he could tell you exactly what month, what day, and what time so and so wronged you if you asked 😭 leo’s absolutely invested and will ask for updates every so often.

considering how leo spends so much of his time in bunker 9, it’s almost your second home at this point. you can’t even begin to count how many times you’ve fallen asleep sitting with him as he’s worked on a project. but leo always carries you to bed! there’s no way he could allow his girlfriend to wake up with a sore neck!

speaking of bunker 9, leo keeps a bulletin board full of photos with you and all your friends next to his workbench! when working on a particularly hard project, he’ll look over at the photos for some motivation.

there’s nothing better than successfully convincing leo to come to bed, especially during those cold winter nights. he’s basically a big heater that can walk and talk. and leo’s super duper big on cuddling so it’s even better. why invest in a heater when you have him?

LMFAO it’s so funny when it’s summer and he’s basically on his knees begging for cuddles 😭 it’s only then that he curses his strangely high body temperature.

i also think it’s canon that leo’s a good cook…?? so you’re always eating good with him!! he just loves seeing your reaction to his food, especially when it’s your cultural food. leo knows how important it is to you and to know he could provide some semblance of what you grew up with, it makes him beyond happy.

when you give him hugs from behind while he’s cooking >>>

he melts every single time.

omg. breakfast in bed with leo. him shirtless wearing an apron that says “kiss the cook” while bringing you a plate with all your favorite breakfast foods <33

pda king 🙏🙏 he loves pda, but not in the gross, obnoxious way. leo’s obviously smart enough to know when it’s the right time and place.

he’s also really big on “splitting the pole” LMFAO 😭 if you’re walking down the street and a street sign is in the way he will literally pull you to his side while screaming, “don’t split the pole!” babes…it’s not that serious 🤒

his love languages are words of affirmations and acts of service. there’s nothing better than coming home to cuddle with you as you whisper sweet nothings into his ear after a long day. he really values all your thoughts and opinions, so it means so much to him when you say these things.

when it comes to you, leo’s so incredibly supportive with everything you do. the minute you even slightly hint about picking up a new hobby, he’s already encouraging you to do it.

he gets so upset when he gets those “these initials are soulmates” videos and your initials aren’t together 😭 one time you woke up to an entire essay-length text from him explaining why you two are extremely compatible in response to a video that said “these initials aren’t compatible”

leo’s VERY attentive, especially when it comes to you. at this point, it’s like he knows you better than you know yourself. he always knows what you’re gonna say simply by your reaction. his brain literally goes “oh her right eyebrow raised slightly, i think she likes it!” and he ends up being right too.. 😭

or when he goes shopping without you and he sees something he thinks you’d like, and it ends up being something you’ve been wanting for the past few weeks?? at this point he might be reading your mind…

this also makes him the best gift giver ever! it could’ve been something you barely mentioned before bed, but he made a point to remember it and surprises you with it.

he also likes to make you little gadgets that you never would’ve even thought of but are so helpful. one day you walk into your bathroom and leo’s sitting there polishing his newest project, and he tells you it’s a towel heater he made for you???

leo absolutely loves your family and will do everything in his power to build a close relationship with them. he knows how happy it makes you and he also just genuinely enjoys their company too! ooh and if you have siblings, especially if they’re younger, he just adores them to death…UGH he’s so so good with kids.

whenever he buys you flowers, he also buys some for your mom too!! and considering his mechanic skills, he loves to work with your dad with his car/whatever needs fixing around the house 😭😭 your parents basically treat him like their own son and leo feels so incredibly lucky to have you guys in his life.

this guy’s your #1 hype man + your personal tripod. when he’s taking your picture he’s literally screaming compliments behind the camera while suggesting poses for you to do 😭 he’s just so silly like that! and then when you post it, he’s up in the comments like “i took these where’s my credit 🤨🤨”

you guys are at each other’s cabins so often that no one’s ever fazed when you’re at the door. they’re just like “who’s at the door?” “just y/n again.”

and his siblings absolutely love you to death. they see how happy you make him and they love you for it. but they’re also strangely protective of you too. when you and leo get into those rare arguments they’re always like “what’d you do this time 🤨?” to him LMAO

ugh but your younger siblings and his younger siblings all look up to you guys like you’re the pinnacle of love. it’s genuinely so sweet,, they always talk about how they want a relationship like you two when they’re older

dancing in the refrigerator light but in bunker 9 under his workbench light.

i like to believe that leo always has music playing when he works, so when a good dancing song comes on, he’ll drop whatever he’s doing to dance with you.

sometimes it’ll be a song where you guys are just silently slow dancing together or it’s a song that has you two jumping up and down going crazy. the duality of his playlist!

i just KNOW that at some point in your relationship, leo makes you a promise ring gjkdslfsl and i bet the stone has some sort of significance to you guys.

sometimes when you can’t wear it on your finger, you’ll string it onto your chb necklace and he just gets so giddy knowing that you care that much about it 😣

SPEAKING THROUGH MORSE CODE WITH HIM?? specifically when you’re in bed, both are too tired to talk, so you feel him tap “i love you” against your skin and you send the message back.

can we all collectively agree that leo is like the most perfect boyfriend ever?? 😍😍 thanks!

#dividers from @chachachannah!!#leo valdez #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x you #leo valdez headcanons #leo valdez imagine #leo valdez fanfic #percy jackson #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson fandom #heroes of olympus #heroes of olympus x reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson fic #percy jackson fluff #pjo x reader #percy jackson x you

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empty-movement · 2 years ago

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Welcome to Something Eternal: A Website Forum in 2023 wtf lmao

It's 2023, and a single belligerent rich guy destroyed one of the primary focal points of uh...global communication. Tumblr is, shockingly, kinda thriving despite the abuse it gets from its owners, but that I will call the iconic refusal of Tumblr users to let Tumblr get in the way of their using Tumblr. Reddit killed its API, removing the functionality of mobile apps that made it remotely readable (rip rif.) Discord, our current primary hangout, has made countless strange choices lately that indicate it has reached the summit of its usability and functionality, and can only decline from here as changes get made to prepare for shareholders. (NOTE: WROTE THIS POST BEFORE THEIR MOBILE "REDESIGN" LMAO)

The enshittification is intense, and it's coming from every direction. Social media platforms that felt like permanent institutions are instead slowly going to let fall fallow incredible amounts of history, works of art, thought, and fandoms. It kinda sucks!

A couple years ago, I posted about a new plan with a new domain, to focus on the archiving of media content, as I saw that to be the fatal weakness of the current ways the internet and fandoms work. Much has happened since to convince me to alter the direction of those efforts, though not abandon them entirely.

Long story short? We are launching a fucking website forum. In 2023.

If you remember In the Rose Garden, much about Something Eternal will be familiar. But this has been a year in the making, and in many ways it's far more ambitious than IRG was. We have put money on this. The forum is running on the same software major IT and technology businesses use, because I don't want the software to age out of usability within five years. It has an attached gallery system for me to post content to, including the Chiho Saito art collection. It has a profile post system that everyone already on the forum has decided is kinda like mini Twitter? But it is, fundamentally, a website forum, owned and run and moderated by us. We are not web devs. But we have run a website on pure spite and headbutting code for over twenty years, and we have over a decade of experience maintaining social spaces online, both on the OG forum, and on our Discord. Better skilled people with far more time than we have can and will build incredible alternatives to what is collapsing around us. But they're not in the room right now. We are. And you know what? Maybe it's time to return to a clunkier, slower moving, more conversation focused platform.

You're not joining a social media platform with the full polish of dozens of devs and automated moderation. Things might break, and I might need time to fix them. The emojis and such are still a work in progress. Because e-mails no longer route in reasonable normal ways, the sign-up process instead happens within the software, and has to be approved by mods. Design and structure elements may change. Etc. The point being, that the forum isn't finished, but it is at a place where I feel like I can present it to people, and it's people I need to help direct what functions and things will be in this space. You all will shape its norms, its traditions, its options...choices I could try to make now, but really...they're for us to create as a group! But the important stuff? That's there. Now let's drive this baby off the damn lot already!

Come! Join us!!

PS. As always, TERFs and Nazis need not apply.

#revolutionary girl utena #shoujo kakumei utena #rgu #sku #empty movement #utena meta #fandom stuff #fandoms #expect a somewhat spicy atmosphere #empty movement has always had deep something awful roots #and i expect the migration back to a forum will bring with it some of that more spicy attitude #also lol henry kissinger is dead god that rules

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cartierre · 2 years ago

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SUGAR COOKIE | cs55

SOCIAL MEDIA!AU carlos sainz x fem!japanese!reader (fc: minatozaki sana)

side note: there's no real plot except the whole world simping for y/n.

♡ liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 189,837 others

tagged: carlossainz55

yourusername miami so far 💛🧡🩵

view all 1,737 comments

user1 i am deeply obsessed with y/n ⤷ user2 ong

user3 every time i see a post of y/n on my time line my day automatically becomes so much better

carlossainz55 mi rayo de sol (my sunshine) ⤷ yourusername 🌞🌞

user4 she is the it-wag

user5 i cannot believe i'm able to live at a time where y/n exists

♡ liked by yourusername, carlossainz55 and 311,031 others

tagged: yourusername

graff Graff is delighted to announce its partnership with Y/N Y/L/N as its very first brand ambassador in Japan. Graff is synonymous with unrivalled artistry and striking design and is thrilled to partner with Y/N, whose passion and creative fearlessness is showcased in her flawless appearance.

view all 3,827 comments

user6 i'm so broke i had to google wtf graff is just now

user7 "flawless appearance" SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

yourusername so grateful and honoured to be able to partner up with an incredible brand such as graff! feels like a dream come true! comment liked by graff

user8 is this like y/n merchandise but for the mega rich

user9 y/n in her model era is so iconic ⤷ user10 she deserves all the brand deals fr

♡ liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 673,912 others

tagged: yourusername

carlossainz55 a little break in between races

view all 2,354 comments

user11 they're so adorable i wanna throw up and bash my head against the wall

user12 y/n being shy and all blushy has me feeling some type of ways

yourusername i told you not to post that picture! ⤷ carlossainz55 what do you mean this is my new favourite picture of you ⤷ carlossainz55 you look lovely as ever

user13 i'm melting by how cute carlos and y/n are together

user14 if they ever break up with each other i'll have to call the police ⤷ user15 i will not become a child of divorce again

♡ liked by carlossainz55, danielricciardo, landonorris and 201,936 others

tagged: carlossainz55

yourusername summer break! 💐

view all 1,938 comments

user16 i think i'm getting diabetes from how cute you two are ⤷ user17 so real honestly

user18 i need to call my therapist because y'all make me feel a bit too single for my liking

carlossainz55 te amo (i love you) my sugar cookie ⤷ yourusername mi amor 🫶🏻 (my love)

user19 no stop i hate it here but also never ever think about breaking up ⤷ user20 carlos isn't that stupid to let someone like y/n just go

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golbrocklovely · 2 years ago

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cultish love // colby brock

A/N: first off, so sorry for this being so late, i had a lot of things i had to edit about this fic. also this is my longest fic ever ! like the other fic before this, this is a AU version of colby… where he, you guessed it, is a cult leader. and he is also corrupt (but like aren't all cult leaders). again this deals with some possible heavy themes, so give a good read of the trigger warnings before reading ahead. i've always joked about colby being able to lead a cult, and that's basically where this idea came from. this fic also took a turn i wasn't expecting, but i like it anyway. also the first half is written as a journal entry (all italized) and then the rest is an actual fic (not italized). lmk what you think, and happy haunting !

prompt: you're a journalist, and your next big story is on the 'empathic love' cult, led by none other than colby brock. this cult is not known well, but you are getting a first hand look at them and what they do. and quickly, colby takes a liking to you. || fem!reader x AU!cult leader!colby brock

trigger warning: SMUT, no actual sex but you do get mentally fucked (it will make sense in the story), cult vibes all around, love bombing, cursing, supernatural powers, colby is very intense and kinda scary but also still his charming self, slight dubcon similar in vain to sam's story - you never say no outright, but you do have general feelings of 'wtf is this, idk if i like' so if that's too much for you, feel free to read something else :), colby's aura is crazy good at giving you visions, strangers-to-soulmates?? don't know if that's a tag lol, also…. colby's technically bisexual in this????? but like barely

word count: 8610

I've been a reporter for only five years, and this story.... it could make or break my career. Cults aren't as prevalent as they once were way back when. They still exist, just in the shadows. A lot quieter on most fronts. Usually disguised as a business or religion, for tax reasons of course. But this cult, Empathic Love, is unlike any cult I've heard of.

Of course, they don't call themselves a cult, but that's what they are. How else would you describe a bunch of randos following one man around wherever he goes?

They only started so many years ago, right before I graduated university. The main founder, Colby Brock, is a pragmatic individual, according to his followers. The cult began blowing up in my town a little over two years ago, and now people flock from all over the world to visit the Love Compound. You would think it's Disney World the way people grow excited about it.

But I am here to get to the truth of this cult. What is their motive? What are they planning to do? Will this be another Waco or Heaven's Gate? What sinister beliefs hide underneath the modern-day hippie aesthetic they show?

These notes will document everything I experience for the next couple of days. And in case I go missing, these are my proof of who's to blame.

I don't think it will go that far, but you can never be too sure.

~~~~

Day 1 - Investigation

I'm still incredibly surprised I was allowed to come onto the Love Compound. The leader himself apparently reached out to my boss and told them that they wanted someone to come down and interview the group. They allow visitors from time to time, "new recruits" as some of the townspeople call them, but reporters have never been allowed in. Not once. Until me.

Driving up to the compound was nerve-wracking. I never imagined I would be nervous; I've interviewed plenty of criminals in my years, have done full blown investigations into scary, horrifying crimes. But something about this place freaked me out. Partially because I didn't know what I was getting into. But another part of me, and I will never admit this out loud, felt... at home.

The only promise I made to myself was I wouldn’t drink any kool-aid while there. So, I plan to stick to that. Pretend my previous statement never existed.

I was greeted by a beautiful woman when I got there: Avery. No one went by last names. And some apparently changed their names altogether, which was not surprising. My guess is there were most likely criminals hanging out amongst the group. But I had no proof of that, just a hunch. It easily could be a safe haven for those wanting to escape whatever life they had before.

The compound was three Victorian style mansions connected to each other and had a decent size farm attached - about 222 acres. Avery told me about all of the vegetables and chickens they farmed. Everything was organic and used up as often as possible. Anything that couldn't be eaten or produced too much for the only 100ish people in the compound, was sold at the farmer's market or given away to the local food bank. Avery explained to me very clearly that everyone in the compound chipped in one way or another. Some still worked normal jobs, but just lived here with everyone. But she noted that Colby hoped in the near future no one would have to work at all and they would be self-sufficient in a couple years.

A cult with future plans? Almost unheard of.

I told Avery that I was given an all-access pass to ask anything I wanted to, and nothing I asked could be ignored or deflected. She agreed to an interview. I recorded all of it, but here are the highlights of what I gathered.

I asked her why Colby was such a secretive man. There were very few photos of him that did exist out there, but all that was rumored about him was his alluring eyes and generally attractive presence. She agreed that he was handsome, describing his as having "ocean blue eyes" and his voice was to die for. "Deep and arousing", as she explained.

I noted that she seemed almost lost in thought at the idea of him, like she was envisioning him directly in front of her. Strange behavior; but not for a cult follower. Many end up falling in love with their leader, believing they have a genuine relationship with said person.

I bought up the name of the group, Empathic Love, and said it felt a little too inviting. She laughed and told me that it was right on the money - the best way to describe why everyone was there. She expressed to me that so many of Colby's followers wanted peace and love and light, and that being in this group felt like that. It was rewarding to be surrounded by those that cared and wanted to see each other succeed. Life outside the walls of the compound was rough, scary, draining; but inside, it was all love.

Call me cynical, but I don't believe that for a second. It took all the strength I had to keep from rolling my eyes at her. But I could tell from her voice, her motions... she was telling the truth. Well, her truth.

I wanted to know what brought her here, so she spoke of her previous life. She was abused growing up, moved around a lot in foster care. She was almost homeless, and then one day she ran into Colby. He had just begun the Empathic Love group, and she just knew she had to stick with him. Her life immediately turned around the moment he was in her life. The adoration in her eyes told me a different story, so I pressed her - "are you and Colby... together?" She smiled and said no, but she knew that they were life partners before, just not currently.

Oh... so it's one of those types of cults.

She said that Colby doesn't have a second in command, wife, girlfriend, whatever. Everyone is equal and heard. He's just the face of the group, which is a bit ironic given even I have no clue what he looks like. I knew he was young, in his mid-20s. But other than that, no idea.

I needed to know, why stay? What keeps you here? A dreamy look came over her, like she had said this a million times before: "Colby. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."

Chills ran up my spine at the tone of her voice. It was dull, and her words sounded like a mantra, the way she said them so easily.

I wrapped up my interview with her, quiring if I was allowed to interview others. She said yes and began sending over random people one-by-one to me.

If I hadn't gotten chills from her first, I would have from everyone else. Something about seeing everyone saying similar things, smiling happily, like the ship isn't sinking around them was eerie. It made my stomach churn when I would ask questions I already asked Avery, and get almost the same speech back.

I interviewed about 15 people. All variety of ages and genders. I suddenly realized that there were no children around, and everyone was over the age of 21.

Consenting adults… minus the supposed brainwashing.

A couple of the interviewees stuck out to me:

Penelope, 25. Her upbringing was similar to Avery's, but she still kept in contact with her family. Apparently, she wasn't the only one like that either. Many still kept in touch and even visited their loved ones. I asked her to describe Colby, tell me anything about him. She giggled, almost like a schoolgirl, and began to weave such a story about him. He was kind and caring. His smile was contagious, just like his laugh. And his singing voice was fantastic. She talked about him like he was a boy band member, and she was his biggest fan. I asked her to give one word to describe him, and she said "Love. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."

Greg, 36. He had fallen into rough times, and desired a fresh start. He had heard about this group online, and figured checking them out while he was in town wouldn't hurt. And that was a couple years ago. I wondered why he didn't feel weird listening to someone that was younger than him, and he shrugged. It was nice not having eyes on him. He loved being in a wallflower, and he believed that Colby deserved all the love he got from everyone in the group. Every ounce he got was ten-folded back into the group. Greg had never felt so connected to a group of people and he knew it was all thanks to Colby. "He brought love into my life like I never have had it before. Because that's who he is: love."

Heather, 29. She mentioned how for most of her life she felt like shit. Her confidence was at an all-time low when she met Colby. He encouraged her to keep at it, to love herself and find happiness everywhere. And by spending more and more time with him, she did. She has never felt more confident about herself, her life, her direction, and Colby is the reason for that. The tone that took over her voice when she bought him up was odd. It was very similar to a partner describing the love of their life, almost like wedding vows. I asked her haphazardly about her love life, how that was going for her. And she told me she had been on many dates - something she never used to do back when she was younger or before Colby. But she did note that regardless of who she ends up with, she knows that a part of her heart will always belong to Colby. They were connected, forever. "Love and light and happiness is what I desired, and I got it - all because Colby exists in my life now."

It felt like I was getting nowhere with some of these interviews. Many said the same thing, Colby being love and light and blah blah blah. I wanted someone that wasn't gonna just quote to me whatever mantra he made them learn. And luck was on my side, because I was able to interview their newest member, Ash. They were 23, and very beautiful. There was an almost smugness about them, like they knew they were the shiny new toy on the block. The confidence only a young 20-something year old could have.

I asked them, point blank, about Colby. Be brutally honest. They told me he was hot, and that's what drew them to him. They liked the idea of living in a group setting, especially since they grew up with many brothers and sisters. They liked helping out, and they liked knowing that Colby was keeping an eye on them the most recently. I then followed up with how long it took for them to join the group. "Three days. That's how long it takes for everyone."

I questioned them about the "Colby is love" thing, and they agreed it was a bit strange, but they couldn't help but feel the same way as everyone else. They were like a moth to a flame when it came to him. Everything about him was hypnotizing, entrancing. It was like staring at the sun; even though you knew to look away, you just couldn't help it.

Then I had to know: were they sleeping with him? Most of these cults feed off of the leader fucking every person they wanted to and leaving other members high and dry. But for some reason, it felt as if Colby was sleeping with everyone with the way they all talked about him. Ash dissented, saying no one was sleeping with him. He didn't sleep with any of his followers. But they all shared a deep, sensual mental connection with him. They felt like, sometimes, he was in their soul. And that sensation alone was euphoric, bordering on orgasmic. They also knew that in another life, they would have been together, similar to what Avery said.

It was then I knew that this group was clinically insane, or just really infatuated by what Colby was selling. It had to have been some crazy brainwashing. But it was odd; people were allowed to leave, to see loved ones, to have lives outside of the compound walls. Hell, some had dating lives that included those not here! That's unheard of, and completely stupid on Colby's part if he wants to keep things going.

A cult leader that wanted to watch his world implode.... I had to meet him. I had to meet the myth that was Colby Brock. And tomorrow I get my chance to.

~~~~

Day 2 - Interview with Colby

I feel the need to explain that these are my notes, not really meant for anyone else to see. And really, the only reason anyone would be seeing this is if I disappear or got murdered.

So, I say all of that just so I know, for myself, that this is a safe space for me to express my truest emotions and thoughts after interviewing Colby.

And all I can say, honestly, is that... I get it. I understand it now.

I felt my nerves hit their break last night before going to sleep, unable to stop my mind reeling from what was to come. I ended up bringing along a bodyguard, or really a photographer. I had known Trey since I started working as a journalist, and I knew I could rely on him to get us out of the Empathic Love compound if anything went south. I wasn't sure what I was up against when I went to interview Colby, but God... I didn't think I was so underprepared.

I met him in his office, Avery walked me over to it. It was up in the attic of the third house. It overlooked the entire property with wide windows. For an attic, I expected it to feel dark and dusty, but surprisingly it was light and airy. Almost like being out in the woods and taking a deep breath.

Colby was sitting in his main office chair. He spun around to see us, a light smile on his face. I'll be honest - I was taken aback by his beauty. I understood Ash's whole spiel about him being attractive and looking at him was like looking at the sun. It was intense. He was intense. His blue eyes bore into me, almost like they could see through me. I felt chills, but they weren't of fear. It was out of... excitement, of awe.

He greeted me, giving me a warm handshake. I hate to admit that I almost blushed at the sound of him saying my name. I had to take a couple deep breaths before starting. Avery left the room, and Trey sat outside the door, in case of backup.

I recorded our interview, knowing that I couldn't keep track of everything he said. But listening back to it now, his voice.... it's like a song. A beautiful, spellbinding song. I could almost fall asleep to it....

I asked him about his life, and how he came to be a leader for a group like Empathic Love. He spoke of his upbringing lightly, barely scraping the surface. He talked about growing up pretty normally, having a loving family, a great friend group, and then one day realizing that he could make a change in the world. That many people loved him and loved being around him. And that's when he knew that if he could make their lives better, he would. So, he started Empathic Love. Originally, it was just gonna be a safehouse for those that needed it. But then more and more people joined and suddenly, it grew into what it was today.

I asked where his family was now. "In Kansas," he told me. He said nothing further than that.

He humbly spoke of all the love he received from his followers, or his "friends" as he put it. They all cared about him in a way that he only wished he could return tenfold. I questioned him about the whole "Colby is love" thing. "How come everyone says almost the exact same thing, like they've been brainwashed into saying it?" He didn't even trip over his words as he spoke matter-of-factly to me. "I didn't come up with that phrase, they did. You would have to ask them. I take it as the highest form of a compliment, truly. I'll be honest, it's a bit embarrassing at times when they call me that, but I can't help what they do. I appreciate their love, nonetheless."

I continued asking him about different topics, until finally reaching the one I was most intrigued about. "How many of your followers - excuse me - friends, have you slept with?" He smirked, smirked, at me and said "None. Did any of them tell you that we slept together?"

"No, but the way they talk about you like the sun shines out of your ass does seem a bit odd, don't you think?"

He looked unphased. God, he had an answer for everything. "I'll be honest with you, some of my friends might be in love with me. But I make it abundantly clear that while I love them, and love their love, I don't have feelings for them. I'm still looking for the one."

I remember holding back a glare, "So, you're celibate?"

"Now, I never said that." He let out a chuckle, then his eyes darkened. "Why do you care so much about my sex life? Unless of course, you want to join it."

I tried ignoring his gaze and his words but stuttered through my next question. “Then who exactly is the right one for you, if it's not one of your followers or friends?”

It took him a while to answer, he even closed his eyes for a bit. He sat up once he knew, sauntering over to his window that overlooked it all. "I imagine the one for me is someone that will bring peace to me and my life. Someone that for all my faults, can see who I am truly deep down. She will love me, and I will worship her. I will show her what true love feels like. Our souls will be one, because they always have been."

Something strange came over me. I don't know why I said it, but I uttered, "What about looks?"

Who cares about looks! Why did I ask about looks? I was a serious journalist, not a reporter for Star Magazine!

He looked over his shoulder at me, "Looks aren't that important to me. What matters is mind and soul. Who you are deep down. But if I had to pick… someone like you. I feel someone like you would be a perfect fit around here."

I wanted to give him the sassiest voice and rebuttal I could muster, but deep down I was shaking. Energy raced through my body, like I had been electrified.

He kept his back to me, staring out the window. “I'm not trying to be overly complimentary. I'm just being honest. But I can tell that you would do so well to have us around. To have... me, in your life. I bring a lot of love to people's lives, that's for sure. But I also bring a lot of drive, and passion, and intimacy.”

Intimacy?

“People open up when I'm around. They tell me everything, even things they never dreamt of telling another person. And I allow it, because clearly, they needed to express it. And once they do, it's like the floodgates open. Love and light just start pouring into them, into their life, and it's overwhelming - but so worth it. Doesn't that sound nice?”

I guess so...

“I bring happiness to so many. My friends have told me that they get jittery around me, I'm like a shot of adrenaline. And that energy, that power, courses through them. And when it gets expressed, it comes out in…” He took a long pause, turning back to me. The look in his eyes… I can remember it as if he was still in front of me. “Pleasurable ways.”

I hate admitting this, and it's embarrassing to say it even now, but I felt a jolt of... something, run through me. I won't even say what it was out loud, in fear of never being taken seriously again. But what happened after that, I don't know if words can even express it well.

Colby continued talking, but I couldn't pick up on any of it. He was talking up a storm, but I couldn't help the sensations I was feeling. Even in my wildest of fantasies, I've never felt anything in reality. It was all in my mind. But in that very moment, it felt like it was happening to me.

I felt lips tread up my neck, stopping just below my ear. A hot, low moan breathed into my ear. My spine tingled at the sound, my hands gripping the armrests of the chair. If I didn't know any better, I would think Colby was behind me, making those noises. My hands suddenly felt hands on top of them. My eyes widened, looking down, but nothing was there. I couldn't really move my arms once the invisible hands were there. My whole body felt numb and heavy, relaxed. My mind was the one on edge, worried as to why I was feeling all of this.

I hadn't eaten or drank anything at the compound. Maybe it was being poured into the room by the vents? I don't know, but something was making me feel this way.

The invisible hands drifted up my arms, massaging my shoulders for a moment. My head lulled back, almost hitting the back of the chair. My mind was on high alert, but my body was about ready to fall asleep. The hands relaxed me so much that my eyes began to flutter.

But then... they drifted down my torso. They traced along my neck gently, drawing small, insignificant patterns. The hands grew lower and lower until they finally were on my chest. I felt the hands cup my breasts softly, my breath hitching in my throat. They kneaded my tits gingerly, my nipples hardening in my bra. I bit my lip, praying that I wouldn't make a sound. It was hard not to, especially when the delicate fingers of these invisible hands found my nipples, gently pinching them.

I remember closing my eyes tight. Trying to clear my mind. This wasn't actually happening to me. There was no way. This was a psychosis or a drug hallucination that was happening to me and Colby was doing nothing about it.

One hand drifted down my body, stopping right above my sex. I suddenly became very aware at how wet I was, my eyes widening. I felt a rush of blood flow through my cheeks. I was about to get caught. These invisible hands made me wet, and I couldn't stop them.

And the terrible thing was, I didn't want them to. I wanted them to finish the job. To get me off... in front of Colby. One hand rose back up my body, grabbing my neck and turning my face to look up at him.

A deep voice whispered harshly, "You want him, don't you?"

I didn't say anything, afraid of what would come out. But deep down, I knew.

"Say it, and it's yours. Say you want him. And he'll have you... forever."

I opened my mouth. I felt the words almost leave my lips. I stuttered out something. I closed my eyes, my body feeling high.

And then in a split second, it was all gone. The room grew quiet, and Colby cleared his throat. "Y/N, are you okay? You look flush."

I jolted out of my seat, being able to move freely again. I looked around and realized Colby was sitting once more, staring at me concerned. I finished the interview abruptly, saying I had everything I needed - even though I definitely didn't. And then he uttered words I wish I didn't hear.

"If you want, come back tomorrow. We are having a celebration here. I would love if you came by, even if for an hour."

I nodded, not even really taking in what he said, and left. Trey was confused as to why I bum-rushed out of the room, but I never told him the truth. How could I?

I knew deep down I shouldn't have said yes to go to the party. But getting that footage would be killer for my article. Interviews are great, but a party at a cult compound? That's bound to end terribly (for Colby, but great for me).

But something in me can't shake this feeling that I basically signed myself up for the end. End of what? I'm not sure. But I'll find out tomorrow.

~~~~~~

Stepping back onto the compound made my heart race. I was nervous as all hell, and just wanted this day to be over with already. Today was my last day doing this story. I was counting the minutes to when I could go back to my office and write about how this place was insane, or whatever narrative I planned to write.

I had enough proof that something was up here. All I needed to do was a bit more digging. And during the party is when I planned to do it.

Avery walked up to me, smiling brightly. "Hey, Y/N! How are you doing today?"

"I'm okay. I know it's a bit early, but Colby never specified when the party was going to take place." I replied.

"No, you're totally fine. The party is gonna happen later. Right now, though, we have something going on that you'll definitely want to see." She clapped excitedly.

"Oh? And what is that?" I questioned.

"We are inducting a new member!" she exclaimed giddily. "There's a whole process that we do, and everyone is involved. I imagine that will bode well for your article if you see it firsthand. It's all taking place in that tent."

I stared over at the huge tent, its plastic cover doors strangely inviting.

I hummed, "Sure, I'll be there in a moment."

Avery nodded, turning on her heels and prancing over to the tent, following in other members.

"What's happening in there?" Trey asked.

"Apparently they are inducting someone new into their cult." I informed him.

He blinked. "Group, you mean."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever. Make sure to capture as much as you can."

He shook his camera, giving me a wink, "On it."

We both walked in, many members still up and around, giving everyone hugs and chatting. Avery waved me down, patting the seat next to her. I walked over and sat. My body tingled in anticipation. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. My breathing picked up as everyone grew silent, the doors opening. Colby walked in, and people rushed to their seats.

Colby called out, "Hello everyone, good morning."

"Good morning, Colby." Everyone said in unison.

Jesus, that was creepy.

"A lot of things are going to be different today. First, we have guests watching our festivities. Y/N and Trey. Everyone, give them a hand." He gestured to the two of us.

The tent exploded in applause, Avery evening rubbing my back sweetly. It felt like I was being congratulated on something I didn't achieve, my cheeks flushing at the acknowledgement.

"And secondly, sadly, the new member we were going to have decided not to stay." He frowned, his face dropping.

Members gasped, some audible "oh no" echoed around the tent. Colby nodded his head sympathetically. “I know, but fret not. I think this will be a learning experiment for our new guests. We can still do our traditional motions of having someone join us. But, imagine it as if it's a mock ceremony instead. Ms. Y/N, would you please step up here?”

My heart stopped when he looked into my eyes, the first time since yesterday. I glanced at Avery, who grinned enthusiastically. She pushed me out of my seat, my body following her lead. I gazed around, finding Trey, who pulled away from his camera with a concerned look. I stumbled up the walkway, stepping on stage with Colby.

Colby lowered his voice so I could only hear him, moving away from the microphone. "I know you wanted to know about how we induct someone into our little home, so I figured why not use you as an example? We aren't actually inducting you, in case you’re worried. This is just what would happen if you were joining. Are you okay with that?"

I gazed around the huge, white tent, making eye contact with many people in the audience. They all looked so eager, waiting to hear my response. Some were even shaking with excitement.

I stuttered, feeling Colby squeeze my hands to bring my attention back to him, "I-I guess so."

"Fantastic." He turned, still holding one of my hands, "Alright everyone, you know the drill."

The crowd cheered, suddenly many lining up to a microphone at the side of the stage. Colby lightly pulled me to a cushioned throne, sitting me down. "So here's what's going to happen. People are going to come up to that microphone, and they are going to give you plenty of love. Genuine love. And then the next person will go, and so on until everyone has spoken."

"Everyone here? Like, all hundred plus of you?" I whispered.

"Yes. It's gonna be a while, so get cozy." He laughed, rubbing my shoulders.

Time felt frozen as slowly everyone came up and said something nice about me. Some were quick, mostly just commenting on how nicely I dressed or how the stories I had covered in the past were interesting and thoughtful. But others, it's like they could see into my soul and point out the exact thing I was insecure about. Everyone was complimentary and it was nice, but exhausting.

The line had dwindled down, and the next person to speak was Avery.

She stepped up the microphone, giving me a huge smile. "Hi, Y/N. I know we don't know each other that well, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. These couple days of getting to know you, being interviewed by you, have just been the highlight of my life. You are such a lovely presence to be around, and you deserve all the success you've gotten these last couple years."

Lots of people in the crowd nodded, agreeing with Avery. She continued, taking a deep breath, "I wanted to add - you are so deserving of love. You are easy to love too, and I hope that you are surrounded by people that make you feel that way. I know that this is just a mock ceremony, but I truly believe you would be such a great addition to us. I know you don't trust us, but I hope that soon you will find that you have a safe place here. Even if you never come back here again. This is your home now, and forever will be."

My chest heaved suddenly, tears welling up in my eyes. What the fuck is happening right now? Why was I crying at what she said? Sure, it was sweet and kind, but... how did she know I needed to hear that?

I turned my head, wiping the tears before anyone could see them fall. The crowd clapped as Avery left, going back to her seat.

The last couple people were a blur, my mind still hanging onto Avery's words. Suddenly, a hand was placed on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts. I gazed up, seeing Colby's beautiful face staring down at me.

"The ceremony is done. Now, time to party."

~~~~~~

It had been a couple hours since the ceremony, my body feeling almost numb but jittery all at the same time. It was hard to shake all the love and words that were thrown my way today. Sure, some were probably just lying and saying random things because they had to, because they were conditioned to. But it freaked me out how some just... hit the right spots, knew my insecurities.

The party itself was fine. Two of the houses had parties happening in them, and since all three houses were connected, you could leave one and walk into another. There was a dancefloor full of people, and multiple fully stocked bars. Tons of food was at each table. It honestly looked like an adult prom. But I wasn't in a partying mood. Trey, on the other hand, was enjoying himself immensely. Girls and guys surrounded him, laughing at his jokes and bringing him plates of food and wine. One girl kept rubbing his thigh, staring at him longingly.

I wanted to leave. I had had enough of today, and I just wanted to be as far away from Empathic Love as I could be. I decided fresh air was what I needed, so I got up and slid out the back door of one of the houses, taking a deep breath. There were still too many people around, but I noticed the last house, the one with Colby's office in it, had no lights on and no one around it. I walked through the yards, stopping once I was by the back porch of the third house.

I sighed, leaning back against a railing. I could still hear the party going on, almost getting louder now that I wasn't there. I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed.

“Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Colby's voice broke through my thoughts.

I exhaled. “Hi, Colby.”

He cocked his head, “Are you doing okay? You seem... upset.”

I felt this sudden rush of anger, knowing in reality he was to blame for all of this. “No, I'm not doing alright. I want to go home, I'm extremely overwhelmed by this party and all the people around here. That ceremony was too much for me to deal with, and the only way for me to get out of here is Trey and he's getting rubbed down by your followers!”

He took a step back, putting his hands up defensively. “Woah, that was a lot. You must have needed that release.”

I glared, “You think?”

“Look, I get it. It's a lot to take in. I myself don't love going to all these parties. It can be really overwhelming and if I'm honest, it gives me a lot of anxiety,” he admitted casually.

“You get anxiety?” I scoffed, “How? Everyone here loves you.”

“I know. That's the stressful part!” He sat on the railing, turning to me. “I'm the leader of this family. I have to make all the right decisions, and sometimes that means upsetting some of the people closest to me. Not to mention, so many eyes are on me, and it's just all too much sometimes. Even if you think this group is a cult, I still care for everyone here. I make sure they are fed, have a job, and have a life outside of here. And that's a lot to take on.”

“How do you deal with all of it, then?” I questioned.

“Patience. And a lot of alone time when I can get it - through meditation, specifically,” he laughed. “I was actually going to go meditate before I found you. Would you like to join me?”

I shook my head. “No, I'm good.”

“Are you sure? Look, at the very least, it will get you away from the party and all the noise. You don't even have to join me, you can just... sit in the room with me while I do it.” He argued, shrugging his shoulders.

I gazed at the party, everyone had grew rowdier while we were talking, and I didn't even notice. But my head felt like it was spinning from the noise alone. I sighed, nodding my head. Colby smiled, opening the door to the house, and I walked in first. I followed him up to his office, sitting down on his couch as he sat in the center of the room on the floor.

I raised an eyebrow. “That's where you meditate?”

“Yeah, I know it's a bit silly. But I feel so much more grounded... on the ground.” He replied cheekily.

I snickered, sitting back and watching him. He crossed his legs, resting his palms on his knees. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He took multiple breaths until they were low and shallow. I furrowed my brow, my eyes never leaving his form.

It almost seemed like he was asleep, or in a hypnosis of some sort. He was completely still and silent. A dull glow appeared at the top of his head, growing brighter and larger. I leaned away from him, my eyes widening at the sight. What the fuck is that...?

An aura grew around him, surrounding him completely. He didn't move, unfazed by it. His eyes remained closed, and with each breath it grew.

"How... are you doing that?" I uttered, my mouth a gape.

"Doing what?" He spoke in a monotone voice.

"That... aura. How are you doing that?" I pressed.

“I've always been able to do it since I was young. You can get closer if you want to.” He suggested.

How did he know I was still far away?

I stepped off the couch, moving closer to him. I kept my distance, but the aura was almost pulling me in. It was beautiful, the light reflecting and growing bigger. I was almost engulfed by it, but it stopped right before getting to me. I could feel its warmth, its energy. It was calling to me, beckoning me to step towards it.

The aura wrapped around me, filling me with light and love. Or at least that's what it felt like. I gasped at the sensation, my legs shaking underneath me. I breathed in deeply, my lungs filling up with fresh air. I didn't feel like I was in the room anymore. I felt like I was flying, the world almost zooming around me.

“Let your body relax, Y/N. I know it's so much to take in.” Colby’s calming voice spoke.

I felt my body give out on me, falling onto the soft rug. I laid down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Visions began to swirl in my mind and around me.

How is any of this happening?

He answered, reading my mind. “Because of me. Because of us. Because of the connection you and I share.”

My body felt very heavy, unable to move even if I wanted to. I could move my eyes, and out of the corner of them, I saw Colby stand up. The aura remained around us, almost engulfing the entire room.

“You know, I knew the moment you stepped foot on to the compound's grounds, you were going to like it here. You were going to stay.” He smiled sincerely, gazing down at my body.

I blinked, confused. “What? I-I don't plan to-“

He cut me off, “This is the final step, Y/N. Everyone gave you love, people celebrated you, and now... I'm allowing you in.”

I wanted to shake my head, but couldn’t. “But I don't want to join.”

He chuckled, “Yes you do. If you didn't want it, none of this would have worked on you. You wouldn't be seeing what is directly in front of your eyes.”

The visions morphed around me, suddenly showing Colby and I. But we weren't us, we were different people, at a different point in time. But I could feel it was us. We were in love, growing a family together. Our lives were beautiful.

What the fuck is this?

“That is our past, or present, or future,” he winked. “The thing is, Y/N, I never seek out anyone. They all seem to find me.”

“That's not true, you emailed my boss about being interviewed.” I remarked.

"Oh, you are so forgetful, Y/N. You emailed us, begging to interview me and anyone else that said yes. I only agreed because I knew you wanted to meet with me. You sounded very eager to join in your email." Colby pulled out a piece of paper, reading from it happily, "Dear whoever reads this, I'm hoping to score an interview with your group, Empathic Love, for an article I am writing. I would love to meet Colby, and really pick apart his brain on why he created said group. Maybe I could even join if you guys win me over. Please let me know if any of this sounds of interest to you. Sincerely, Y/N of Global Gazette."

He leaned down, staring into my eyes mischievously, "Now does that sound like someone that didn't want to be here?"

My heart raced, suddenly scared. “Why don't I remember writing that?”

“I couldn't tell you. All I know is you wanted to be here. And there's a reason for it.” He sat down on the ground next to me. I wanted to get up and run, but my body stayed still, heavy. “Growing up, I realized very early on that certain people just... gravitated to me. A lot of women, yes. But really it was anyone. And not only did they gravitate towards me, they became obsessed with me. At first, I was confused, uninterested in ever going through that. Who wants someone obsessed with them? But then I realized how much good I could do with so many people rallying behind me.”

He continued, “As I got older, my ability, or power, or whatever it is - grew twice as strong. Suddenly, all the people around me followed me, did anything and everything I could ask for. Then, I began getting visions, and I understood why this was the case. Everyone here: we had a past life together. Their souls and mine have always been connected. They find me and then continue to stay. And almost always, they fall in love with me. It's just so glorious.”

“You're insane.” I mumbled.

He hummed, “Interesting, especially since you’re seeing the same things I am.”

It was true. The whole time he spoke, I saw vision after vision of our past lives together. We were always destined to meet, destined to be with one another.

“But the thing is, I know you're different from all the rest. You and I, we are meant to be together forever. You are meant to love me forever, and I am meant to love you. That's why my abilities affect you so greatly.” Colby divulged.

“What if I say no? What if I want to leave?” I grunted, trying to shake free.

“You've had the ability to go all this time. You just don't want to. You know how much love I can give you. You know how much pleasure I can give you as well.” He bit his lip, his eyes snaking up and down my body, “You've known that since yesterday, haven't you?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks, memories of yesterday played in my head.

“And do you know what’s crazy about that? That's not even half the pleasure I can give you.” Colby kneeled next to me, a devilish smile on his lips. His hand lightly brushed my face, cupping my warm cheek sweetly.

A burst of arousal raced through me, my body spasming in ecstasy. “Oh my God!”

“I know, it's a lot to take in. But I just want to make you feel good, darling. You deserve it.” He leaned in slowly, “You are mine, after all.”

"This is what your followers meant by a deep and sensual mental connection," I groaned, feeling hands all over my body, touching me in the most lustful of ways. "You got inside their heads and mentally fucked them."

“...That's one way of wording it. But if they didn't trust me, if they didn't already want me, it wouldn't happen.” He winced playfully, “So in reality, it's your fault.”

“Fuck you.” I growled.

“But baby, that's what's happening,” Colby laughed darkly. “Those hands, those kisses and bites... that's all mine. I can tell you're losing it. You want me real bad, but you don't want to admit it. I get it, you’re overwhelmed.”

I felt like my body was getting electrocuted with pleasure. My hips grinded into the air, needing some form of relief. My nipples strained against my bra, wanting any form of touch. I closed my eyes tightly, embarrassment rolling through me as I felt my damp panties against my sex.

Fuck, he was right. I did want this, and him.

I didn't even need to say it out loud. Suddenly I felt a cock slid inside of me, too easily from how wet I had become. I ripped my eyes open, looking around. Colby was watching me from his chair, smirking.

He palmed his hardening dick through his jeans. “Imagine how much better it would be if I was actually inside of you, filling you up with every. fucking. inch.”

I thought about screaming Trey’s name. Maybe he could help me.

He grimaced, rolling his eyes. “He won’t do anything for you, sweetheart. He joined our group just a couple weeks ago. Right around the time you sent the email. So really, you have all the more reason to join us.”

“Even if I join this cult, I will never stay here. I will leave here and never come back.” I hissed.

“And that is your choice to make. But Y/N,” his gaze lowered at me, his eyes intense. “You will never be satisfied. You got barely a taste of what I can offer you, and you're gonna want it forever. Just like everyone else here.”

“You're a- fuuuuuucckk!” I moaned, the cock inside of me hitting my spot deeper. I caught my breath, glaring at him. “Y-You're a freak.”

“Says the girl almost coming to my invisible dick.” He spat, clenching his jaw.

I bit my lip, annoyed at how right he was. The hands exploring my body gripped my ass, slapping it lustfully.

“Okay, okay. I'll agree with you. I am a bit of a freak of nature. But let's not act like I'm some monster. I let people leave. But they always come back because they choose to. I can't force people that far. Pinky promise,” He stuck his pinky out, and I rolled my eyes defiantly. He huffed, “It's not like this place is Scientology, for Christ's sake. We are love. I am love.”

“You are the most tainted form of love that I've ever met.” I retorted, gripping the rug to hide my building arousal.

He deadpanned, “Ow. That hurt.”

Colby strutted over to me, laying down right beside me. The pleasure grew more intense, my hips bucking desperately. His one hand hovered over me, never touching me. It didn't matter, because having him this close felt like his whole body was on top of mine, fucking me hastily.

“If you allow yourself to enjoy this feeling, you might actually come. Because I won't force you to. I'll just keep you here, for hours, riving in pleasure until your brain melts into goo.” He smirked, “How's that sound?”

"I-I hate you." I gritted my teeth. Why did I feel like I was lying?

"No you don't. But soon you'll be able to admit the truth." He leaned his mouth in close, his voice low and sincere, "I know that this place might not be what you imagined your home to be like, but it is. You will always have a place here. You will always be loved here. And I know that's what you want deep down. To be loved unconditionally. To have every fiber of your being satisfied. And if you let me, I will do that. I will please you every night, however you want me to. But for me to do that, you have to let me in. You have to let love in."

The cock inside of me pounded faster and faster. I could barely think anymore. The only thing on my mind... was him. The lives we had together, the life we could be having. I knew I shouldn't want it, but I did. I wanted him in my life, forever. He was what was missing, and I couldn't live one more day without him.

I mewled loudly, my hips thrusting up erotically. Colby's hand cupped my face gently, turning my head to look him in the eyes.

His alluring eyes stared deep into mine, his jaw clenched. "You will always be mine. I am love, and that is all you could ask for."

"You are love, and that's all I could ask for." I repeated mindlessly, grabbing onto his arm desperately.

His face softened, “That's right baby. You're such a good girl for me. My good girl, forever. You want that, don't you?”

“Yessss, please Colby. I want to be yours forever.” I keened.

"You will be. I promise, you will always be mine." His eyes darkened, the pupils almost completely blown out. "You will never leave."

"I won't!" I trembled, my orgasm building closer and closer to the edge.

“You wanna come, Y/N? Get close for me. Don't I feel so good inside of you? You like when I do this?” Colby's hand snaked down my body, rubbing my clit sensually.

I begged wantonly, dying to come. "Pleaseeeeee! Please let me come! I need it! I need you."

"Of course you do, baby. You and I need each other. Our connection is unlike anyone else's. Tell me the truth and I'll let you come." He leaned in close, his lips brushing against my ear, "Tell me, baby. Say it..."

"I love you," I cried out, right on the edge. I direly wanted him to say it back, knowing it was already the truth.

“I love you too, baby,” he smiled sweetly, kissing my cheek. “Now, come for me.”

Hot, white pleasure shot through my body. I had the strongest orgasm of my life, my mind shattering as I rode every wave of pleasure that went through me. Colby stayed by my side, shushing me as my high lowered down more and more. He kept whispering 'I love you' repeatedly, my mind unable to hear or think anything else after a while.

I blacked out at some point but awoke when my body was lifted off the floor and placed softly into a bed. “Wha... happenin?” I slurred.

“Relax, darling. I just brought you to my bed. Well, our bed now,” he chuckled. “I want you to get your rest because tomorrow is a big day for you.”

“What's tomorrow?” I murmured.

“Your introduction to everyone as my soulmate.” Colby informed happily, tucking me in. “Everyone will be so pleased that you changed your mind about joining us.”

I nodded my head, snuggling deep into his bed. He dimmed the lights, whispering softly, "Welcome home, Y/N."

#colby brock #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fic #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock x reader #colby brock smut #colby brock one shot #colby brock oneshot #golbrocklovely's 13 nights of halloween

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deadgayturtles · 1 month ago

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i finally know who played grantaire in my show so please buckle in for notes from my first ever time watching les mis live!!! 17 may 2025 arena tour, melb/aus matinee

i knew i was going to love killian donelly so much but i wasn’t prepared for just how much… he opened his mouth during the prologue and i nearly burst into tears (guys. it’s not even a sad scene i just wanted to cry hearing him sing)

^ i also don’t usually cry at bring him home but his rendition made me cry so…

bradley jaden looks and sounds incredible as javert. i will forever be sad that he doesn’t go on as enjolras anymore but gosh do i understand why he NEEDS to be javert now!!!!! what a javert

his disheveled javert at the barricades look is very… feral and mmhm. he also has two locks of hair loose from his ponytail and i just imagine javert fixing his disguise in a mirror during one day more and pulling those locks out thinking ah! perfect! they will never discover me now HAHSHSH

he spits a LOT lol

when he sang the soliloquy, it absolutely WRECKED me. i have never seen a javert quite like his. this moment is played very angrily and the emotion feels so raw. but just as suddenly snaps into confusion and you get a very vulnerable and small javert, and it is VERY convincing why he does not feel that he has any other choice but to die. i do not know how bradley can even express this many emotions i don’t think i have this many emotions in a day

marina prior and connor jones are fantastic as the thenardiers!! loud loud applause for marina since she’s australian but she really deserves it, hilarious performance by both of them and this is coming from someone who does not usually enjoy the thenardiers bits

eponine was played by shan ako! need i say more? she’s powerful and emotional and your heart really breaks for this poor girl

side note: i hate the changed eponine lyric about marius (i like the way you talk monsieur vs i like the way you grow your hair) like can she not like him for his intellect?? who made this change i’ll fight you

but that isn’t a change made in this production so i digress

marius was played by jac yarrow in act one but had to be replaced in act two by caleb lagayan, hopefully jac is okay!!

i loved both actors but i think i preferred caleb, sort of an unfair judgement tho since marius has more to do in act two, including kicking thernardier in the balls. hilarious no notes.

les amis: they are great except i am very bad at telling them apart, but i love how rowdy they are, esp when grantaire opens his mouth at drink with me and they cheer lol

special shout out to abel law who played a bunch of different characters, including montparnasse and the guy in lovely ladies. he is so sassy and just acting his heart out i loved it. when valjean and cosette run away after javert arrives, montparnasse is on the second floor as one of the lookouts and you can see him very cartoonishly watch them run away, like his head follows their action and he swings around the pole he’s leaning on and he has this moment of like wtf? very tiny but hilarious detail LOL

okay guys are you ready for enjoltaire? i waited till i knew grantaire’s name to do this so you can imagine how incredible it was…

first of all this grantaire is TINYYYYY like so tiny i was ready to wait for a group photo of the whole aus tour cast so i could id him based on height

that makes the height difference very very cute because james d gish is a whole head taller than him

i’m sure you all know all about james gish by now tbh but yup he’s incredible as enj, very fiery and passionate but more importantly to me the way he interacts with all the amis is so!!!!! he really goes up to each of them multiple times and you feel a very strong friendship between each of them

all through red and black, grantaire just looks sad especially when enj scolds him for being yaknow. obnoxious. but there is like a MOMENT where you see the lightbulb in his head go off of i’m gonna heckle him again and he starts smiling again LOL

when gav announces that lamarque is dead it gets very somber until enj gives his rousing speech and yadayada everyone is very enthused but grantaire looks even more despondent and slinks off to the back, only at the end does he half-heartedly raise his bottle

in one day more, enj goes to greet each ami and they are clustered next to the seats in the back of the stage, grantaire is sitting with gav on the seats. when enj approaches grantaire gets up and i’m not even kidding waits behind enj like a puppy for him to turn around and greet him 😭 all the while he’s doing this he is also wrangling gavroche, and when enj finally greets all the other amis and turns to greet grantaire, R lights up and the two of them wrangle gav TOGETHER like a little family unit and grantaire looks sooo happy 😭😭

drink with me truly killed me

when r starts his sad spiel, one of the amis (could be marius?) tries to go comfort him but is stopped by enjolras, and enj goes to comfort grantaire himself instead

grantaire is angry at enjolras and pushes him away at first

but then almost immediately aggressively pulls enj back in for a hug 😭 and they hug. for. so. long.

enjolras is cradling grantaire’s head throughout the whole hug

when grantaire finally lets go he stumbles off and enj looks very lost until another ami comes to him with a bottle

the amis mostly die standing in one row on the main stage but grantaire and gav are slightly in front of the main stage, and gav is picked up by R when he dies then R dies too (guys their rs is so important to me), enjolras dies right at the front of the stage, and i really like this staging. it preserves an impression of climbing the barricade that the usual stage production has? but it also lets enj and r sort of have their moment of dying together rather than just R dying amongst the other amis

after they die, all of les amis are sort of ghosts in the background (at the seats area where the ensemble stays) but enj, r and gav in particular sit on the middle second floor. they are tgt in the afterlife y’all 😭

anw. this beloved grantaire is played by michael burgen. he is tiny. he is rowdy. he is a little bit melancholic. and most importantly he is very very in love with enjolras

#les mis #les mis arena tour #enjolras #grantaire #enjoltaire #btw if you are wondering about cosette or fantine i didn’t really enjoy these renditions of them as much but others have said great things #and thanku to the person who helped me find grantaire and to the ppl who reblogged and put it on their feed #i love this community

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pealeii · 7 months ago

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les mis us tour on november 21, 2024 !!

javert (nick rehberger) said “no 😒” so snootily

the valjean (nick cartell) was INCREDIBLE. his “FLIIIGHT” note in the prologue was an inSANE high belt. and he did it while twirling around?? like WOAH.

the bishop (randy jeter) said “my friend :) you left so early” so gently

the factory girl who fought fantine was genuinely great??? like when she said “sleeping around” she made a little gesture and got all up in her face about it

before fantine died, valjean and her hugged 🥺

the thernadiers were GREAT. we had a panel with the actor of marius (jake david smith) and thernadier (matt crowle) and thernadier said he had a newer take on the character that he described as more of a jester, and you could tell! he really leaned into the physicality. i liked it

when madame did the sign of the cross thernadier just like. flopped his hands vaguely around

stars was fucking incredible. like WHAT. such a stoic javert…and a RICH voice. absolutely gorgeous rendition

javert and gavroche had this little moment after javert cleared everyone away where they just looked at each other like “ok……..respect.”

KYLE ADAMS GRANTAIRE IS BETTER THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE

during red&black grantaire kissed combeferre on the head and later sat on his lap. he was also just SO CUNTYY. he crossed his legs in the most CUNTY way and just traipsed around and messed around with people and SERVED

when grantaire said “let’s give them a a screwing they’ll never forget” he empasized screwing like “let’s give them a screwing 😏💅 they’ll never forget”

ALSO!!!!! his and gavroche’s friendship was amazing !!!! like they would hug all the time 🥺🥺🥺 they had so many little moments. after grantaire’s verse in drink with me gavroche came over and hugged him on the legss!!! 💔💔😫😫 and when gavroche died (holy shit) grantaire ran over and hugged him and tried to wake him like WTFFF 💥💥💥💥💔💔💔

OKAYYY OH MY GOSH eponine (mya rena hunter) was amazing!!!!!!!! her on my own gave me CHILLS WOAHAHAH SHE WAS INCREDIBLE!!

AND MARIUS AND COSETTE WERE SO SWEET <3333 THEYRE DYNAMIC WAS EVERYTHING. like the cosette (delaney guyer) was SO short it was adorable. also her voice was naturally high and i really enjoyed it

marius was great. when he said “marius pontmercy” in heart full of love he bowed to cosette so goofily 😂

ALSO A LITTLE FALL OF RAIN!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!! It was done so intimately—marius and eponine were so close to each other in their own corner and the whole stage was dim except a spotlight on them, and they sang so softly to each other it was like you were leaning into this conversation between just the two of them it was 💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭

also during that song at one point gavroche tried to come over but grantaire pulled him back

and bring him home holy shiT. he started so quiet and gentle, but then his voice just SOARED as he got into it. just WOAH.

also!! when valjean read marius’ letter he stopped at the “well” when marius is writing about how cosette loves him as well. so like “love me as…well 🤨” SOO funny. bc he’s always so *valjean* and serious yknow but that break was so good

JAVERT’S SOLILOQUY. HOLY SHIT. he did my FAV thing of screaming the first two lines which 10000/10💥💥💥💥💥💥 and when he jumped, the set just like UNRAVELED around him (like how he himself was unraveling!!!) and he stayed suspended in midair while being moved back

at the end when valjean dies, he had the same candlesticks that the bishop gave him set up!!

#these are just SOME of my scattered notes from yesterday #i havent seen les mis live at a professional level so if these are like normal things they always do in productions IDK #like how they changed the lyric in thernadiers at the wedding to “this one’s a queer and i’ll try it too” and dipped this random dude #<- like is that recent?? did i hear it right?? idk #the whole show was fucking life changing #also i recorded audio of the panel we had with the actors and i might post it :3 #BIG SIGH i fuckkng love les mis so MUCH #les mis #les miserables #les mis us tour #les mis us tour 2024 #irl

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cerromoreno · 9 months ago

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Starbula crumbs in the GOTG Vol 3 art book!!

Ok I’ve been meaning to post this FOREVER and life has been absolutely crazy…

But the GOTG Vol 3 art book finally released this summer… and the Starbula crumbs in there are kind of incredible. I don’t have a scanner, so please enjoy my low-tech photos of these pages. 😅

We start off with Peter and Nebula looking gorgeous next to each other on the back cover 🥲 And basically in the front of the group (aside from Rocket, the main character)? Delightful.

Ok, the next page of note isn't actually a Starbula crumb. It is a STARBULA FEAST WTF. Again, sorry for the low-quality picture -- it's super dark and I kept trying to take a picture at different times of day/locations to get a better angle lol. Take a look at this picture and its description:

Reading this for the first time, I literally couldn't stop laughing from disbelief and amazement. Starbula was potentially going to be SO in-your-face in the movie (more than it was already) and I am so happy to know this.

But honestly, I'm also kind of happy this moment wasn't in the film. Instead of Peter and Nebula having this ultra-cinematic, obviously-romantic moment where the world falls away and they stare at each other, the movie's focus is on Peter and Nebula beginning to truly move forward and heal from their pasts. That way, Nebula isn't just a Romantic Lead Replacement for Gamora, but is more of a subtle, farther-in-the-future (and endgame!) romantic partner. I really think that having this moment hidden just underneath the surface is amazing -- since I now totally headcanon that this is what happened in the scene, just off-camera. (In fact, you can actually see Peter run to Nebula's side in the distance of the shot of Nathan Fillian floating away!)

Maybe Peter and Nebula have been increasingly having these intimate, hyper-focused-on-each-other moments during missions, and they don't even notice it's a big deal. We basically saw this happening during the hallway fight near the end of the movie, too -- them being totally in sync and staring at each other instead of the henchmen they were fighting. Maybe some of their teammates are starting to notice, maybe not. But it's happening under the surface all the same. 🥹

Here they are zoomed in a bit:

And the last bit of Starbula content is this Star-Lord page:

Interesting who they decided to place next to Peter to show the different Guardians uniform options... 👀 Also, they look SO FUCKING GOOD TOGETHER

Ok, those are my GOTG Vol 3 art book Starbula moments! I hope these bring you as much surprise and delight as they brought me 💖 💖

#starbula #peter x nebula #gotg #gotg vol 3 #mcu #peter quill #nebula

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hopeymchope · 3 months ago

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A laundry list of complaints about Magia Exedra

Please note: I'm always happy to have new Puella Magi content of some kind. And given that we lost Magia Record before we ever got the second story arc in NA... I'm obviously grateful we now have another English-language game to play.

With that said... I have... a lot of complaints about Magia Exedra.

I've been playing every day since its launch, and... BOY HOWDY, we got shit to talk about.

I will always... always... take a new/original story over retreading the exact same shit I know from other media. The main story in Magia Record was a totally original tale that got us attached to a huge new group of magical girls. The main story in Magia Exedra, on the other hand? Is just retelling the Puella Magi Madoka Magica anime. Boring AF. Between the anime, the manga that retold the story, and now this game retelling the story AGAIN, this is currently the second-worst way to experience the original PMMM story. (The absolute worst way is probably still the two "summary" movies, but... this is right on the borderline of being worse.)

I'm not convinced the devs read any of the manga about Oriko.

From a story/writing perspective, the categories that the girls are placed into as combatants make little to no sense. Mami Tomoe, who is said to be one of the strongest and most experienced magical girls as well as one of the most dangerous combatants? She's not a damage-dealer (i.e. "Breaker" or "Attacker"); she's a Debuffer! Tsuruno Yui, who the highly experienced and very strong Yachiyo once complained (while fighting Tsuruno's Uwasa form) "hits like a truck" thanks to her incredibly strong attacks? A Buffer! (Though to her credit, she's apparently an incredibly useful Buffer. Not that I can get her... ) And Oriko, a character who routinely notes in her stories that she's a relatively weak combatant and needs to rely on others to do the fighting for her? She's an "Attacker," a.k.a. a rapid damage dealer. Wtf??? YOU'RE DOING THIS WRONG.

The game is borderline "idle" a lot of the time with how much you can automate non-boss battles. I guess that's kind of nice given how long they can drag out, but like... maybe just don't make them drag out so obnoxiously? The combat system in Magia Record was much more engaging and involved.

This game is EXTREMELY cheap with how much it doles out ANYTHING. I get enough gems to do a 10-pull roughly every 2.5 days. I've now pulled for Mami eight times on her banner and haven't gotten her once; in fact, I've only gotten one five-star in those eight pulls. It was Yachiyo. And I'll get into the "forcing you to only grind as much as we'll LET you" problem in a moment, but... like, seriously. It's so slow to wait to get energy to do the grinding. Fuck y'all for making this so exhaustingly hard.

If you're only trying to grind up a team of five girls from the start and never anyone outside of your core five, it's not too tough to maintain pace with leveling up your girls while you churn through the main story. Unfortunately, you will NOT be able to build a team that will make it through the whole Standard story or even beat all of the Event battles with just five girls. Which means very, very slow grinding becomes mandatory. For SOME fucking reason, the game limits how much you're ALLOWED to grind for the ability to level up your girls or level up their magic, and it took me nearly a week to get Yuma—a healer—up to par with the rest of my team so I could take her into the Mermaid Witch fight. NOT THAT IT MADE ANY DIFFERENCE. Oh hell...

Mermaid Witch, a.k.a. Oktavia, a.k.a. a miserable bitch.

Fucking god, the Mermaid Witch. I've been stuck on the Mermaid Witch fight for five days. I got my team where with the total level in the mid-10,000 range, and now I've ground them up to mid-12,000s. In the process, I also grinded up Yuma to be at the level of my main five. Guess what? It doesn't fucking matter. This thing will always heal break damage to the point it takes me 20 minutes to even empty the meter. If/when I DO empty the meter, the Witch will always do a "damage down" buff on itself so that any damage I do during the break period is easily healed. I fucking hate this goddamn thing. Phase 2 of the Mermaid Witch is a ***MASSIVE*** difficulty spike to compared to everything before it.

#puella magi madoka magica #magia exedra #negativity #complaining #griping #puella magi madoka magica: magia exedra

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aihoshiino · 10 months ago

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chapter 158 thoughts

i lied the hyperfixation took over and reanimated my body

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 15

Aqua Hoshigan Status: N/A

Usually when an OnK chapter ends on a bombshell like this one apparently does, I usually play a little coy as to my thoughts on it but I don't really see much point in doing that this time. This chapter basically is its final moment, with some swings taken at basically every other character on the way down so I don't see much point in separating it from the rest of the work. That said, my ultimate feelings on it will ultimately depend on how the story progresses past this moment so don't expect me to go too deeply into it for now. All I'll say at the top of the post is that I think this is deeply contrived and continues Akasaka's trend of seemingly beating every character with the dipshit stick in order to make a certain dramatic plot beat happen.

But it'll be pretty messy to follow if I get into the chapter's final scene right here and now, so let's rewind to the start and break down the rest of this chapter too. Don't worry, I have plenty of unpleasant things to say about it as well!!!!

Akane's here!! Actually in truth I had somehow forgotten that she'd cut her hair in the weeks since her last appearance so seeing her turn up with it so short kind of startled me for a second LOL

More AKKN yuribaiting… usually I eat up this kind of queerbait with a spoon because I am a simple creature but it doesn't really hit this time. I think it's because we're running through the Tokyo Blade arc in the anime right now and being reminded of how utterly electric their rivalry used to be makes the lack of meaningful follow-up and ultimate state of their relationship just kind of sad to me.

Seeing Akane and Ruby talking also feels kind of surreal given that it's almost 60 whole chapters since they've actually properly interacted onscreen… Like, obviously they were acting together in the Movie Arc and we can infer they had some offscreen chats then but… well, that's things we can infer, not something that's actually in the text of the story. Akane's involvement in the movie really was a total waste of potential, huh…

that said, wtf is akane even doing in miyazaki. girl who are you stalking this time.

Speaking of things that are weird, Ruby's hostile reaction to the idea of Akane getting a new boyfriend is… kind of bizarre, to the point where I literally have no idea where it's coming from?? Like, regardless of what this chapter tries to pretend, Ruby and Akane are absolutely not close enough for Ruby to feel upset at the prospect of Akane blowing her off in favour of boyfriend time. If anything, you'd think that having Aqua's ex-girlfriend definitively Out Of The Way would only be good on her eyes because it means one less obstacle between her and getting to shlonk her brother, but… apparently not???

The only way I can really make any sense of this is assuming this is the old and crusty "single girl getting jealous that her friend has a boyfriend at Christmas" joke, which I guess indirectly answers the question of whether or not anything AquRuby related has resolved in the Offscreen Dimension.

Anyway, Akane's chatter in this scene leads into something I've been kind of holding my tongue about in favour of waiting until it was addressed in the story and we're finally here - as previously predicted, this chapter starts on the note of attempting to assert that Ruby has 'become an idol who surpasses Ai' and you'll notice the way I phrased this because uh… no, she very much hasn't!

This idea of Ruby 'surpassing' Ai has been floating around in the story for a while now and as I've said before, unless OnK puts a huge amount of legwork into supporting that idea, I simply wouldn't believe it. It didn't, so I don't.

Not only is this assertion just half-heartedly plunked into the narrative - incredibly underwhelming for what should be a huge moment of triumph for Ruby - but the visual storytelling of the manga fails it as well. Like, compare this to similar moments from the very arc the anime is adapting this season - hell, in this very chapter, we see a panel of Kana's dazzling acting during Tokyo Blade. In comparison, the panels we see that supposedly show how Ruby has become an idol beyond compare… they just look like literally every other panel of any of the girls doing idol stuff. Hell, she looks distinctly less striking than some of Kana's performances as an idol and they certainly don't match or exceed the panels we've seen of Ai's spellbinding performances, which really undermines what the story is trying to say.

This is made even worse for the fact that the story has repeatedly pointed out that Ruby is the subject of incredible amounts of favoritism in the new B-Komachi - their boss is Literally Her Actual Mom who was explicitly called out by Ichigo for favoring work opportunities while leaving her fellow members out to dry. Members who, I feel the need to remind everyone, were scouted by her twin brother, not Ruby. Members whose careers as idols suffered during Ruby's clout chasing BH era because of her clout chasing and whose hurt feelings on this are framed as something Ruby is graciously forgiving about.

Like… I'm not saying it's impossible for Ruby to become an idol who outshines her mom, but this narrative as it's currently being presented in the manga falls flat for me because we never actually see Ruby face any kind of struggle on her road to doing this. Ai, Kana and Mem all face significant structural, social and industry-wide issues and toxicity that they must grapple with and overcome but Ruby just… does not?? Ever?? And given the way the narrative has framed Miyako's involvement in her career, the only conclusion I can draw is that Ruby is being shielded from all this by Miyako at the expense of the other girls. Especially because Ruby literally said so in 156!

Idk man. This whole chapter just sucks for basically every B-Komachi girl - that panel of the girls on stage where you literally can't even see Mem's face is so fucking miserable lmao. There was so much weight was placed on B-Komachi's togetherness as a trio of not just idols but friends who genuinely care for each other that seeing the story end up in this place of unironically indulging in all the same favoritism of Ruby and sidelining of her fellow members that Ichigo and Miyako did with the original B-Komachi is honestly just upsetting. Not only does it drag down Mem and Kana's stories, but it ends up making Ruby come off as a tremendously self-centered person in a way the narrative clearly does not understand and is uninterested in unpacking.

And like… bro, I don't want to be pissed off at Ruby!! Pre-BH Ruby is one of my favourite characters in the series!!! But the way she's been coddled by the narrative is deeply frustrating to read! It's frustrating to see everyone else's arcs compromised in favor of forcing this bizarre narrative about Ruby that doesn't even do any good for her either.

I can so easily see a better version of this story where Ruby surpasses Ai because she has so much support and faces none of the obstacles that Ai did, where the story is making a point of just how much further Ai could have gone and how much more she could've done if she hadn't been treated like such utter shit by everyone around her. But the point the story settles on seems to just be that Ruby is a better idol than Ai because she arbitrarily is not affected by societal and systemic oppression for no clearly articulated reason, I guess! You go, girl!

huffs. anyway.

Ruby's little monologue about the short-lived life of an idol also feels like the final nail in the coffin for the story being able to even pretend to do any meaningful industry commentary. Compared to how biting it was in the early arcs, it's a pretty standout representation with OnK's bizarre relationship with idol culture as of late, especially as pertains to Ruby's place in it. I can sort of get what I think Akasaka is going for here - it's part of the theme the story is leaning into lately of letting go of your past and moving towards a brighter future and this is how Ruby is coping with Kana's time in B-Komachi coming to an end. The point being made here is that change is inevitable no matter how you try to hold onto things and the only way to freeze yourself in stasis forever is to die.

But having this framed through the lens of Ruby talking so warmly about the impermanence of idols is just kind of… hello?? Ruby's framing here almost seems to treat the issue as some beautifully tragic but inevitable thing… and is very much is not! Idols age out of the industry because of its obsession with youth and beauty and the fetishization and commodification of virginial purity. Seeing Ruby frame it as this sad but natural thing when these fucked up purity standards literally killed her mom is just. What is going on here.

Speaking of baffling! Nino my girl, what are they doing to you…

I mentioned this in my chapter 155 thoughts that I felt extremely cold about the way the story was choosing to characterize Nino in the actual pages of the manga. I won't repeat myself too much but compared to the messed up but deeply human character we saw in 45510 and the RBKN conflict, this Nino honestly feels like a mean-spirited caricature, amped up to such dramatic extremes that she stops being a person and instead becomes a flat cartoon character used for moving the plot along. I loved Nino in 45510 and the Movie Arc so seeing her reduced to this psycho lesbian stereotype really stings.

also wtf is the manga trying to say with the 'since we killed ryosuke' bit. that was a whole ass suicide. this manga gives me such a headache sometimes.

Anyway. I can't talk around it anymore so. RIP Ruby, I guess. It was nice knowing you, but-

no but seriously, I'm holding my tongue on anything to do with this twist until next chapter because my actual thoughts will depend on how it plays out or if this is even really happening at all - which is NOT something i would even entertain as a possibility if oshi no ko was not the manga it currently is lol

But there's also the fact that, as others have pointed out, that panel of the stab is presented with faded colours and overly dramatic lighting in a way that is consistent with how OnK sometimes presents flashbacks or otherwise unreal visualizations. Given how incredibly dumb the entire cast - including Ruby - would have to be for this to actually, really happen, I'm withholding judgement until I see how this pans out.

That said. Man. I was really taken aback by how not just underwhelming but outright Not Good the actual panel of the stab is. The attempt to mine an emotional reaction out of the pre-existing iconic panel of Ai's murder just falls entirely flat because this version of it is worse in just about every regard. Ai's panel is composed beautifully, with the white petals and the motion of her body perfectly drawing the viewer's eye to the knife and the uncharacteristic expression of total shock on her face really hammers home the 'oh shit' moment. By contrast, Ruby's panel is flat with oceans of dead space despite being a much smaller panel and the actual stab has no weight to it, visually or otherwise. Ruby's body and face aren't reacting to it in the least - her expression is totally lifeless and she just looks like she's mid-stride, not that someone's just stabbed her in the gut. And to add insult to injury, the fucking layering on the killer's hand isn't even right. It's so obvious these two characters were drawn totally separately and pasted together afterwards and the entire moment falls flat as a result. Mengo, girl, what happened here!!!

and to add insult to injury. break next week. because why woudn't it be.

any of yall got ibuprofen

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #chapter reviews

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clare-with-no-i · 11 months ago

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theogony part 1 behind the scenes

**SPOILERS ahead for theogony and mild spoilers for Outlander!**

this is just going to be a long infodump of all of the things I pondered while writing theog (specifically part 1, part 2 will come later) but never talked about! I'll try to go chapter by chapter, and maybe I'll end up adding more later on, but for now I just think it'd be fun to chitchat and reminisce on some of my favorite tidbits. this story is really my baby idk :")

Prologue - Alalá

one thing that I wanted to establish in the prologue, other than the obvious James-Sirius dynamic, is the presence of otherworldly or spiritual premonitions in this universe. it was always important to me that the first person who actually made any sort of prophetic declaration was James.

so much of the story relies on Lily's status as an oracle, but this little tidbit here helped build the world for me so much; we can't be sure if James's various dreams and premonitions are wishful thinking, or really the Gods speaking to him, or something else entirely. of course, this story deals with time travel, so there's an inherent supernatural element. but Lily and James's conflicting – and sometimes competing – conceptions of God felt like such a necessary tension for me to explore. it was such an incredible shorthand for the tension between modern and ancient sensibilities. and we never get a definitive answer to those looming questions, which I knew I wanted to do from the outset. did the Gods bring Lily back to the past? did James? did she do it herself? does God/the Gods even exist?

also: there are probably moments where I failed to do this, but I tried to capitalize Gods in all of the James chapters but not in Lily's, unless she was referring to the Abrahamic Capital G God. that is, until the last chapter, which I'll elaborate upon later :)

also: i wrote the prologue first, then the epilogue, and then i posted the prologue pretty immediately after. I had the entire story roughly outlined but I absolutely jumped the gun when it came to posting the prologue LMAO I didn't even really announce the story, I just joked about writing it and then posted the prologue, which you can see from the beginning note. i remember Suze was about to go to sleep and she started messaging me like wtf Clare what do you MEAN?

and the rest was history (pun completely intended)!

Chapter One: Ouroboros

the narrative brushes past the other statues in this section pretty quickly, but I always imagined that the first bust is Philoctetes, James's father. I think the consensus on this one tends to oscillate between Philoctetes and Aristides, which is another great interpretation.

The reason I wrote it this way and imagined it to be Philoctetes is because I thought it would have been nice to let Lily 'meet' James's father (in a sense), even before she 'meets' him. when I read this chapter back after I first finished the story, I had a very soft moment where I close-read my own fic (lol) and thought that maybe it was Philoctetes who sent Lily back to the past. maybe he sensed something about her and knew she'd be right for James and for antiquity.

sooo many people forgot about this! which i was hoping for!!!!! I was hoping everyone would forget about James's statue holding something until the Big Reveal. fun fact is I wrote the reveal right after this. I liked the idea that, no, he was never going to actually be holding anything. he'd be reaching for Lily. the choice to accept his hand was always going to be hers.

a fun fact about this chapter is that I had to pull from a bit more Outlander lore than I originally thought. and no I don't mean the 'Jesus H Roosevelt Christ' part lol. It was always hilarious to me how Outlander set up Claire to be the objectively perfect person to go back in time. she was a combat nurse who happened to develop an interest in medicinal botany and Scottish-English history. she also happened to spend her formative years with her adventurous archaeologist uncle after her only living relatives died. like girl. lol.

so I had to really toss up which traits I thought it would be appropriate for Lily to have as she traveled back in time. the biggest one, obviously, is her field of study, which was necessary given the language barrier and the completely foreign nature of social norms in Classical Athens. I toyed around with the idea of making her mum a nurse so as to give her some base medical knowledge, but that felt a) unnecessary given the circumstances of the story, and b) far-fetched that she would have gleaned enough transferable skills to apply in 479 BCE.

it was also fun to give her more reason to go back to the future; she has a sister who, while they aren't in contact, is a significant emotional attachment; she has academic goals; she has a best friend (however toxic we know him to be). it added a layer of conflict that I enjoyed playing up, even if I definitely could have explored her modern life more fully.

Chapter Two: Kinesis

soooo much exposition and worldbuilding in this chapter. oml. it was so much fun to play around with the reasons why James would be in Tatoi in the first place; I can't remember quite how I landed on the Persian auxiliary soldier thing, it might have been from my initial (admittedly extensive) research on the months leading up to Plataea; it may have just been the fact that I KID YOU NOT this story used to take up all of my fucking brainspace. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'd be doing work for my research fellowship and just daydream about theogony. the initial idea came to me AS A JOKE!!!!! when i was idly pondering before going to sleep (as one does), and then it just wouldn't leave me alone. i kept imagining what it might look like. I thought about how the time travel might work. I thought about James's Greek equivalent. I ranted to my sister and her dog (he did not care) about what the statue might look like and mean (sorry bestie love u).

one narrative decision that has given me a bit of strife was the Dimitrios-James name change. I've had a number of people ask me if I'd ever try to pubilsh theog – and this is one of the (many) reasons why that would be pretty categorically impossible. using James's English name in his internal narration, instead of the name I give him as a Greek man, is something that only translates to fic. it makes pretty much no sense at all if you consider these original characters lol.

honestly putting the word 'practicum' in here caused me SO much pain. in James's chapters I tried really hard to use words which had Greek roots and not Latin roots, even if they're in modern English today. in most of his chapters, I'd try and find synonyms for big/complex words so I could use ones that came from Greek. it just helped me stick to his narrative voice a bit more.

I forgot how much STUFF went on in this chapter. oh my god SO much happens?? we get the lack of the Parthenon as the time marker (felt very clever doing that), Lily processing the fact that she's time traveled (lazy writing on my part to not have this happen in a Lily POV chapter but I'll take that on the chin), the Plataea reveal. OML. tired just thinking about it. lily sweetie i am so sorry

guys, the amount of time I spent wondering if I should Greek-ify Sirius's name is insane. For so long I thought about making him Seirios, which is the original Greek version of Sirius. But I felt like I had already messed with their names too much, and so I left it. but honestly I'm still torn. looking back, maybe it would have been the right move to make him Seirios and have Lily give him the name Sirius, but I guess we'll never know!

one of my favorite Sirius moments, and something that, essentially, sets up the rest of the story. but I wanted there to be a little ambiguity throughout the story about how much of this Sirius actually believes.

we know that James has just confessed to Sirius and Pétros that he was hoping they'd desert the Athenian army. we know that he thinks he's going to die, and he's adopted this sort of fatalist view of his future. and then here you have Sirius, who could never abide such a thing, pretty much leaning into the idea that Lily can tell the future – which would allow him to challenge James's prediction. I always wanted to leave it up to interpretation, and I know it comes up in later chapters (at the komos especially), Sirius's skepticism about Lily's origins. but it's such a fun question to ask: does he really believe that she's the Oracle that James prayed for, or does he just need that to be true so he can try and influence the future himself?

Chapter Three: Peribolos

omg. lol. the chapter three opening academic argument scene. this is a favorite of mine, and something I had so much fun writing. it's actually based on an argument/"spirited discussion" I had with my dad a few years ago about moral absolutism versus moral relativism which forced me to interrogate and expand my knowledge on the subject. I thought it was such a fun way to get into Lily's politics and her character without doing crazy exposition in the ancient world.

it also touches upon one of the touchstone themes of the story: that to study something is, in a way, to detach yourself from it. academia is routintely completely disconnected from its subject matter, and it creates this weird disdain for lived experience versus book knowledge. Lily has spent upwards of ten years studying (in some capacity) the ancient world, but she is so utterly out of her depth when she experiences it herself. as such, she espouses these very revolutionary politics when examining historical conflicts, but she has a blindness to what the real-world realities may have been for the people living in those conditions at the time.

alsooooo, The Return of Martin Guerre is one of my favorite books I read in college, and the easter egg here is that it's about a person of dubious origin entering a community and the politics of how the community might accept or reject them. ha ha!

^^based on something I said in an argument with a Poli Sci major in college and I have to say one of my better moments. was an absolute haymaker. this was very 'author gives main character a zinger' of me and I will not be ashamed of it

this! ladies and gentlemen! this was basically a declaration of love!!!! to be loved is to be remembered!!!

in a very romantic way, the study of history can be such an act of love to those who lived before us. i just adore the idea that, even before Lily developed real romantic feelings for James, she had this itching sort of feeling; AKA, when someone has made such an impression on you, and you know (or in her case, you think) that you'll be leaving them at some point, and you just want to be interesting enough, be impressive enough, that they remember you, that they think of you randomly as time goes on. that is such a giddy hallmark feeling of having a crush, in my book. I liken it to making eye contact with someone or having a brief conversation on a night out, maybe at 3am on your way back from a bar when things are sleepy and dizzy, and you just have this sense that you're being seen in that moment as anyone you want to be. i love this moment so much I feel like I could give it its own meta LMAO

Chapter Four: Hamartia

this chapter really put the pedal to to the metal lol. at the time of writing the story, I generally didn't (and still don't) love fake dating that much as a trope; I don't typically love plotlines predicated on (even harmless) deceptions, it's just a sensitivity of mine that I don't expect anyone to relate to or share. but when I was considering how to structure theog, it just made so much sense for James and Lily's arcs to have them get 'married.' there was no way that Lily was going to be able to navigate Classical Athens as an unsupervised woman alone, and even with the Oracle title offering her some protection, there was nothing really tying her to James. much like Outlander, it really did feel like the last possible resort, which softened me to the idea of using the trope.

fun fact, i got a snarky comment a few months ago complaining that i was trying to pass the story off as historically accurate (lol to the fifteen disclaimers I embedded throughout which addressed that) and one thing they took issue with was that lily wouldn't have been able to own property and the only thing that would have kept her from being a slave would have been marriage.

which! yknow! none of which contradict the story! but anyway I digress.

I was initially nervous about how early on the fake marriage happens; we don't really know the characters that well yet, we're not sure who James is as a potential partner to Lily, or how Lily's feelings for him are starting to bump up against her very rightful and justified desire to get the hell out of dodge. but – we only really see James in canon as a husband and as the father to the main character, so it felt pretty true to the source material to throw him into being a husband pretty early.

I loved writing this scene with Aristides. I've always been partial to his appearances throughout the story, and this one is just so special to me. I think of him as a driving force in humanizing the ancient world in theog, sometimes even more so than the main cast of characters. to elaborate a bit on that: with the Marauders and Lily and the other transplanted HP characters, I think there's this inherent sense that they are already fleshed out people (to some degree) even before they hit the page of the story, because they appear in canon and across Marauder fic verses. no matter how much I make James into Dimitrios and Peter into Pétros and Fleamont into Philoctetes, people know them and love them outside of theogony verse. but not Aristides. he doesn't have a one-to-one HP character. there is some version of him that really existed in 479 BCE (my complex and largely negative feelings on RPF are setting off alarms at this but we proceed) and that's it.

it would have been easy to just give him this very gruff and surly character, to make him a military general who didn't care about anything other than the war. I think that's how we conceptualize historical people sometimes, often without meaning to. but he was a person, and he had likes and dislikes, he probably had a family and maybe he'd fallen in love, and it was such an honor to give him such dimension. not to say that I'm putting that personality upon the actual historical person; but just to really take my time with a character outside of the Marauder canon. in this scene he has this human moment where he reminds James that, yes, love is a worthy pursuit, even to those in positions of incredible power. even when the discussion isn't about romantic love but about James's love for his closest friends. it's this permission that James didn't even know he was seeking but ultimately that changes the course of his and Lily's lives. Aristides is who James might become, in many ways. in the actual Plataea chapter this becomes more and more prevalent. (more on this later!)

overall, I am forever hoping that people come out of reading this story with an appreciation for the humanity of those that came before us. I did a poor job with other characters in this story, and I own that, but I'm proud of how I wrote Aristides.

oh my godddddd I fucking love this part. i am so fucking proud of it. LMAO. achieving wordplay in an ancient language that i have never studied should be on my fucking CV I swear. like this was just perfect I'm sorry I am BUZZING that I pulled this off.

also, a cute way to introduce a phrase to the narrative which will become very important: se filo!

I remember that I wrote this passage, which many people commented on and which I loved writing, in a coffee shop on a sunny day when my cousin was visiting me to introduce me to his girlfriend. there wasn't any wifi in the coffee shop so I was blessedly devoid of distractions and could only focus on the doc, and i was LOCKED IN let me tell you.

when my cousin and his girlfriend arrived I told them I was sending an important email and edited the last sentence of that paragraph about four different times while they sat in silence and waited for me to finish LMAOOO

Chapter Five: Ascesis

a profoundly insane moment in my personal history was reading excerpts from Eudemian Ethics, Nichomachean Ethics, and Memorabilia just to passively mention them in a flashback in a fic. relied heavily on Foucault for this, I will be so honest. why did i do that tho. like girl take a breath...

but in all seriousness this was just a joy to write. i miss being a history student and having these discussions – law school is great, but history classes will forever hold my heart ngl! also, this passage is in some ways an homage to my grandfather, who is one of my favorite people ever. he taught himself Classical Greek and Latin when he was in his 20s, before he went to medical school (and get his pilot's license for fun, he's seriously the most interesting guy alive). he gifted me his leatherbound Great Books printings of Aristotle's works and of the Iliad and the Odyssey shortly after I started theogony, and I cherish them so much. he spurred my interest in ancient greece when i was young. so this is for him :)

one of the hardest things for me to articulate (and maybe something I could have done better) was the war and the balance between James's inherent goodness and his growing feelings for Lily. i wanted her to have plausible reason to think that he doesn't at all feel romantically towards her, even as she's growing to admire him more and more. I hoped, as I wrote the story, that these little interactions where the reader clues into his feelings (this protective 'peninsula' moment being one of them) still walked that line. as in, i wanted lily to reasonably believe that he's just that good of a guy that he would take issue with anyone being taken advantage of, not just her. she's so destabilized in this moment as well, I think that worked to my advantage. or I hoped it did LOL.

from what I remember of writing this chapter, it just came really quickly and naturally. much more than the later ones. this early period of writing was just an outpouring of the ABSOLUTE BRAINROT I was going through after conjuring up the idea for the story. it just flew. the ending scene where they have their little almost-moment was probably about an hour's worth of writing. it's like I couldn't type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. not sure i've experienced that since!

also, the now, here, alive line reappears in the last chapter, which is one of my favorite callbacks:

:) :) :)

Chapter Six: Kleos

one thing I used to worry about CONSTANTLY is that I was losing the classic (and necessary!) Marauder goofiness to the more somber setting. so it was a jaunt and a boon to write scenes like the opening one here, where it honestly could be copy-pasted into the Gryffindor Common Room and it'd look a lot like my canon stories.

he's just a dude being hungover and embarrassed about the previous night with his bros!

the first time we get a hint of Pétros disappearing to dubious locations!

this chapter was one of the most research-heavy. it was a new setting, filled with new characters, and predicated entirely upon planning the Greek front at Plataea. so if I couldn't nail that down (at least to some degree), I was going to have trouble. of course I took liberties, but I spent a lot longer combing through sources for this chapter than some other ones, I'll tell you that for free. it took ages to find any treatises on ancient athenian sword combat, sigh.

yeah I mean i remember thinking that the subtitle for this chapter could have been 'I am going to create an environment that is so toxically masculine' because that's pretty much the whole vibe. James is not immune to that, either, and that was intentional. he feeds off of the violence and the anger of the men surrounding him, and he exhibits some behaviors in this chapter (rushing off to kill Anaxagoras after he grabs Lily's arm, for instance) which are not ideal! but I do think that there's meaningful conversation to be had about Lily's cultural assimilation into an ancient, misogynistic society, and how there was absolutely no way I was going to get out of this story without giving James some sort of period-typical attitude. now again, I took the liberties I deem necessary, because I have no desire to make my main romantic lead into an asshole. that's not my James Potter. not that that's news [gets taken out by a sniper]

i got CLOWNEDDD for referring to this dude as Dion son of Dion but idk what to tell you!! that's how the old documents referred to him!!! i didn't make that shit up I swear to god!!!!

also - that's the actual text of the Oath of Plataea, except (as Lily points out) it should read Athena Areia. is it likey that she'd remember this off the dome? no. is it possible that she just recognized the missing descriptor from context clues? yes. did i care enough to explain this either way? no, no i did not.

the Big Ticket Item of this chapter, though, is the oh.

and it wasn't just an oh, it was an oh followed by this innocuous conclusion that isn't even about Lily. i made myself laugh so hard with that. he's just like 'oh god my friend is going to wave this over my head FOREVER' and you know what? he's right!

as for the previous paragraph in that passage, I pulled a bit of a bait and switch, but not as badly as you might think! it was a risk to even bring up the idea that James could leave Athens, because I know it spurred some people into thinking that he'd go to the future with Lily (sorry babies that was not on the table). but what I intended for this passage (however successful it may or may not have been) was to just…allow him a moment of real, visceral empathy for the sensation of displacement that Lily's experiencing, and as well, introduce the idea that he might leave the life he's cultivated in Athens. his entire upbringing has been himself, the consummate Athenian man, surrounding himself with people from outside of Athens and drawing from their experiences, but never venturing outside of his little realm. in so many ways, the story questions what Lily's relationship with 'home' is (especially later on), but it always felt necessary to me to reckon with how 'home' may change for James as well.

finally:

yeah honestly i just remember the exact moment i thought of this passage. i had been reading the secret history (shoutout Donna Tartt i idolize and fear you) and i was lying down in my local park in the summer. I just thought about the Greek myths I knew, and the kind of cosmic horror that it is to really admit you're falling in love with someone, that they have this power over you that you didn't anticipate. and that closing line of the scene really struck me out of nowhere – I wrote it down in my notebook and just stared at it for a good few minutes. it's still one of my favs of the story :)

ok! if you made it this far, you are just amazing. this has to be a few thousand words at least. TYSM!!!!

see you all later for the part 2 BTS ❤️

#honestly if this gets 0 notes i don't even mind #this is purely for my audience of one (myself) LMAO #theogony #clare talks writing #THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG HOLY GOD

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 3 months ago

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s7 episode 2 "the sixth extinction: amor fati" thoughts

oh god. i just read the episode description. CSM takes him???! WHERE? good lord!!! can’t they have a break??? and scully has to find him!! fuck!! abduction arc parallels!!!

not even going to ponder what might happen or make any predictions… we need to jump into this. STAT.

(post-episode thoughts: bro... they said the lines.......

so much happened. i ended up having to walk around in silence for 10 minutes or so after the episode ended. to see that alternate dream reality... scully and albert and her heart... cupping each other's cheeks...

there were really, incredibly profound moments in this one, and then also alien mytharc moments that made me go "wtf" a bunch of times. i feel like i have way more questions than i started with and they will probably never be answered. so my overall feelings on this episode are complex and confused, and i will probably need time to sort them out. this confused nature may be visible in my notes- but you have to understand! y'all have had years, even decades, to wrap your heads around these episodes! i just got here, so lend me some grace, bahaha.

oh. i once again really want a post-episode fluff fic. i'm gonna have to just suck it up and write it myself, huh? SIGH.

okay, take it away, me from about 18 hours ago!)

(previously on the x-files)

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, recap time. scully begging him at his hospital bed to hold on. mmm. good stuff. so much is happening, though. i’m ready for a bit of a break. a chill episode would be cool.

mulder’s on a beach!!!! watching someone play with a child. and smiling. is that his child? or just some random baby? the lighting implies that this is some dreamland.

OH SHIT!!! his mom is here!!! and the doctor is explaining to him that he is dying!!

“enough! there’s only so much bluntness that a mother can take” <- oh, she is not having this…. she says they’re turning him into a zombie.

ahhh!! he can hear her thoughts!!! and he’s thinking back!! but she can’t hear him!! and she’s walking away!!! noooo!!! he’s screaming for her in his head!!!!! but obviously she doesn't know :(

WHY IS. CSM HERE. looking down at him. thinking about what it means to have a father.

WAIT, THEY’RE TALKING??? psychically. “how does anything i do surprise you now?” <- okay, i feel called out with that line, but forgive me for not knowing that he could READ MINDS??? i thought his whole thing was being an ordinary guy who can do awful things through the power of knowing people and fear!

CSM loads up a syringe…. and pushes it into mulder's head. he gasps. and says he is giving him a choice. life or death. he says mulder’s suffered enough. he isn’t christ.

and he tells him to arise. and he moves his hand??? and is controlling him??? what.

he says to take his hand. “you have to take the first step” (more visions of a baby)

“i am your father” HUH.

well. uh. let’s just see what canon actually says. because that was implied before. but. didn’t go anywhere. also, why would someone being your father allow them to read your mind? sorry. i don’t think it works like that.

mulder looks gagged to hear this.

spender and mulder half brothers…. omfg. juicy. but AGAIN. let’s see what actually happens. i can’t analyze anything too soon. they love a red herring.

hey guys, what’s going on though. CSM psychic reveal??

OOOO, new words after the intro!!! “amor fati” <- see, if i look those words up, i’ll get spoiled, so i must sit tight and wonder what they mean, i guess

where’s scully. i need scully at this time. ah! here she is!!! she fell asleep at the desk!!! translating more words!! but kritschgau opens the door and wakes her up, saying they don’t have time for sleep!! wtf are you doing here????

he says she has to use her time with mulder wisely. “like you?” injecting him with mysterious medications? <- OHHHH get him!!! he insists that overdosing him was what mulder wanted. yeah. suuuuure.

he claims mulder was infected with an alien virus. and now he is proof of their existence. so i guess he has started believing since we last saw him.

“well, whatever it is, it’s killing him. and we have to get it out of him” “you destroy this, and i’ll destroy you” <- bro, she WILL shoot you. it’s not even a question. and frankly at this point in time, i want to see it happen.

the phone rings… and he walks away, having contributed nothing to the conversation.

nooo!! it’s skinner saying mulder disappeared!!! oh, she’s gonna kill someone.

there were GUARDS here. but the nurse claims his mother checked him out??

OHHHH, skinner does NOT want to be involved!!! she clocks that he is not saying something and he admits to being in a compromised position- the less he knows the better.

bro is still chilling on the beach in his head. oh shit, he wrote this episode with chris carter. well. i don’t know what to expect. i know that man can write an ep, but chris carter is hit or miss.

is that his child self walking up to him? his imagined future baby? who is this... AUGH. the baby talks in CSM’s voice... NOOO.

he wakes up in handcuffs while CSM drives him…. somewhere…. in the rain. CSM says his doctors worked on him. “at some point, i realized that if the syndicate didn’t kill you, the FBI would. if the FBI didn’t kill you, your own misguided heroism would. there’s really no way out for you” <- ohhh… my heart is racing. i’m lowkey forgetting to breath. cannot tell if this episode will be a masterpiece or a train wreck.

he says mulder needs to just disappear. become a man without a name, like him. but he’ll learn how to enjoy life’s simpler pleasures.

he’s gonna set him up with some fake life and diana, huh. i see what’s going on here. and i DON’T LIKE IT.

he wants to tell scully. but CSM says he cannot. because he is entering a witness protection program. and he offers him a cigarette. “i don’t smoke” “maybe now you do”

poor scully….. poor, poor scully…. at her apartment…. but someone approaches!

she gets her gun. i feel like she looks different, but i can’t explain why. like, her face. am i tripping? is her makeup different this season?

she finds someone and holds him at gunpoint. OMG!!! IT’S ALBERT!!!!!! the best guy to see in this situation, tbh!! he has bandages on his head. is there hope for mulder?? because albert had the same illness he did, right? did they find a cure?

he says she must find him before something happens. for the sake of us all.

hmm. the alien colonization plan must be close. they must be trying to take him away so he can't somehow stop it.

CSM gives mulder keys to a house. he says this is his new life. “you can drive away right now. drive back to scully and your x files and your imminent death. i wouldn’t be surprised if you did. but i think you should take a look around” <- ohhh…. my heart is RACING…. everything is so tense

and CSM walks away.

it’s a nice little house. i'll give him that.

scully is looking at surveillance footage… the cameras from the hospital were covered up when he went missing!!! they can see his mom talking to someone!!! someone with a cigarette!!! WHICH ONLY MEANS ONE THING IN THIS SHOW!!! what does she know?!

mulder opens the door to the house. it seems empty. he calls out asking if anyone is home…. poor guy is still in his hospital gown. and the fridge is filled with sunflower seeds. this makes him laugh.

HUH??? is that DEEP THROAT??? he’s gagged. he can’t believe it. scully saw him get shot!!! but deep throat says he’s just very relaxed.

so they faked his death??? for 6 seasons?????????

or is mulder tripping? he can’t believe it. he felt responsible for his death. “yes, along with scully’s sister and the man you thought was your father and duane barry and even scully’s mysterious illness, and on and on and on. you can let go of all that guilt” <- oh yeah. this was very clearly a trick of some kind before, but now it is even more evidently a trick. but fuck, if the angst of it all isn’t tasty. the concept of that ancient guilt of his being washed away. MMMM!

deep throat explains that they’re puppets in a master plan. and that he’s suffered enough- he should enjoy his life.

deep throat has a wife and daughters, and he hopes that mulder will visit them for dinner. which is a lot to unpack.

bro gets lots of sunflower seeds and passes out. and dreams of that child again. his sandcastle is knocked down, and he tells the boy it’s okay; he can build it again.

now he’s in bed. and the door opens. he’s still cuffed!!! AW FUCK, and it’s DIANA. in a sultry dress. she unlocks his handcuffs. and strokes his chest. and he kisses her. FADE TO BLACK. the FUCK is going on??????

scully calls his mother. and leaves a message. because she did not pick up. what is she doing...

she gets a package from someone at the FBI…. it’s a book of native american legends. and the writing she was trying to translate!! it matches what is on the book’s cover!!

AH! the anasazi!!! “an entire indian culture vanishes without a trace” <- LIKE CSM SAID!!

she calls skinner…. and asks if he sent the book. “it explains everything that i saw in africa… using the same symbols that i found on the ship” but my queen! he can’t tell you about it even if he did send it!!!

but i don’t think he did… and she goes on about a mass extinction. they think mulder's illness is a gift. that protects them against a coming plague. skinner hangs tf up. which did kind of make me laugh.

she goes to figure out wtf is going down in skinner's office, and even though his secretary tries very bravely to stop him, she hears him moan and barges in…. WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIM??

AHHHHH!!! she sees hairy krycek leave with his weird medical device!! and he pulls the fire alarm to get everyone out before she can catch him!!!! the rat bastard!!

mulder is at his new house, getting the mail. diana comes out. he says everything is perfect- too perfect. what about his commitments, he asks? she says his commitments are CHILDISH. WTF???

WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK???? she says he needs to BECOME A FATHER??????????

what is going on. guys. i’m serious... WHAT is going on. i don’t like it. mom, i’m scared. please come pick me up.

he says that they only slept together one time, it's pretty sudden to decide they need to have kids…. and he’s obviously freaked tf out, because it’s CSM who is arranging all of this!! the devil himself!! but she says oh, we'll go visit him after breakfast :)

girl, i’m scared.

scully knocks on kritschgau’s door. she knows he told someone about mulder… but he promises he didn’t. she sees his computer… and he’s hacked into her files!!!! he was having the NIH analyze all of the genome data they found!!!

he says it proves he’s become biologically alien. and she deletes them all. what is this guy doing!!!!!!!

diana and mulder go to visit CSM……. he says he has three grandkids and mulder's sister. who has been living here all along.

they lock eyes. she runs up and hugs him.

AH, FUCK!! it seems that he’s been imagining this the whole time!!! because now we see his naked body is laying on some sort of panel with probes attached to it!!! i guess that's a relief, though. i didn't want to have to deal with diana/mulder children in canon.

but CSM claims he had such high hopes for his son… he never imagined “the depth of his capacity for suffering”

hey. guys what the FUCK is going on? i almost don’t want to take notes. i just want to watch it all and see what happens. because i’m still not very pleased…..

and fucking diana is watching him on the table!!!!!! she wonders what he dreams of. and CSM says it must be of simpler things. “dreams are all he has now”

FUCKING DIANA, GET OUT OF THE FBI. “bum a cigarette, agent fowley?” <- GET HER ASS, SCULLY!!!!

they’re gonna fight it out. “maybe before you go around blaming everyone you can find for what’s happened to mulder, you could think about what you could’ve done to prevent it” <- WOAH. JESUS CHRIST. what an absolutely horrible thing to say. scully, we need to kill her.

scully doesn’t move. she says to think of mulder's promise back when they met at the academy. and think of how he would bust his ass to save you. and diana walks away.

the doctors with CSM are talking about how mulder has become immune to the viral apocalypse…. but he might not survive the procedure. then he will suffer a hero’s fate, says CSM.

FUCK! he dreams of getting married to diana. of going to the hospital for her delivery. of their kids and growing gray. of her death. crying at her coffin. CSM grabbing his shoulder.

but in reality, he's still laying on that table. diana is stroking his face, while CSM says she shouldn’t think of the man, but the sacrifice he will give to the world. CSM thinks he would have chosen to become alien. and she strokes his face again.

(fuuuuck.... CSM as god.... mulder as his son... the sacrifice to the world... your motifs... i'm picking up on them. chris carter saw a bible and he said "this needs to be in my show")

elderly dream mulder is talking to CSM. with the very silly makeup. he knows about the boy on the beach. “i’ve seen him thousands of times”- but he’s never figured out what the child wants him to see.

the kid builds a UFO out of sand…… and he rips it up. saying it was mulder's. he was supposed to help him.

scully goes to her apartment, and albert is there again. he says she is running out of time. and he suggests looking for mulder in her heart.

“are you asking me to pray?” he kneels down with her. “there are more worlds than the one you can hold in your hand” <- GODDDD.

okay. scully and albert are praying together. it’s very touching. but somewhere else, they’re also stripping down CSM as he is to get infused with mulder’s alien DNA or something. it’s not a pretty sight. “i hope you see the poetry in this, diana” and she says he might kill his son!! so she truly believes his claim, huh?

aughhhhhh…… i can’t watch this…….

mulder wakes up. he won’t stay under. he’s looking at diana. she walks away. where is she going……..

in his mind palace dreamscape thing, he’s old as hell with CSM sitting nearby. who hasn’t aged. he says samantha died five years ago. “what about deep throat?” “we’ve been over this. he’s dead” <-what a cruel thing, to remind him of everyone he has lost in his old age as he forgets...

CSM says that scully is dead, and he starts to cry. it is not lost on me that it is her being gone that makes him weep. “it’s time for you to let go. they’re waiting for you. if you let go” but he won’t close his eyes………. until he does.

i’m so sad. wtf.

CSM opens the blinds to look into the outside world of this dreamscape, and the world is surrounded by an apocalypse. CGI war everywhere. it’s aged poorly and makes me laugh as it snaps me out of what is going on. the UFOs…… they fly over……. girl…..

maybe I need a smoke break. thought about that???

but in the real world, someone is burning files!!! so many files!!! they shot kritschgau!!!!! it’s krycek!!!!!

and an envelope is tossed under scully’s door- poor scully, who fell asleep on the floor, she must have been praying... and albert isn't with her

the card!!! is it diana’s card?!!! to get into that lab where they're testing on him? she runs out……

they’re taking all kinds of things from mulder in surgery, and i simply cannot look. but scully scans the card…… and he imagines her coming to his dreamscape bedside!!!! in his very old age!!!

she’s mad at him!!! she calls him a traitor!! a coward!!! “you’re not supposed to die mulder- not here. not in a comfortable bed with the devil outside”

he says there was no mission; no aliens. she tells him to get up and fight. he’s so confused. he’s crying. asking where scully is. calling out for her.

she finds him, in real life, laying on the table after the surgery….. she whispers to him. tells him to wake up. his eyes open up. he’s breaking through the years of lies!!!!! her tears fall on his face!!!

“you…. help me”

OH. SHE HOLDS HIM CLOSE….

let's just sit with that for a minute.

one week later…… she goes to his apartment. oh! he was going to see her in the office!!!! she scolds him for this. "no work". his head is covered in bandages and he has a yankees cap on top.

he says he was coming to work to tell her that albert is dead. he’d been in a coma for 2 weeks. “there was…. no way he could have been in your apartment” “he was there. w-we prayed together.” (mulder purses his lips and nods) “mulder, i don’t believe that. it’s impossible” “is it any more impossible than what you saw in africa, or what you saw in me?” “i don’t know what to believe anymore. mulder, i was so determined to find a cure to save you that i could deny what it was that i saw, and now i don’t even know… i don’t know. i don’t know what the truth is, i don’t know who to listen to. i don’t know who to trust” (she’s crying) (and i might be crying, too, mind your business)

DIANA FOWLEY WAS FOUND MURDERED THIS MORNING??

“i never trusted her… but she helped save your life just as much as i did. she gave me that book. it was her key that led me to you. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i know she was your friend” (they hug)

god.... i'm torn between being so sad that scully thinks so little of herself that she actually claims diana helped save him as much as he did, and how kind she is to tell him she is deeply sorry even after how much suffering diana caused

“scully, i was like you once. i didn’t know who to trust. then i… i chose another path… another life, another fate, where i found my sister. the end of my world was unrecognizable and upside down. there was one thing that remained the same.”

so it's as if he considers the alternate dreamscape life to have actually happened. like he saw what would happen if he did make that choice. that's very interesting that he takes the responsibility, saying he chose another path when it never really happened.

OH. HE HAS HER FACE IN HIS HANDS….

“you… you were my friend, and you told me the truth. even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant… my touchstone”

OHHHHHH, HE SAID THE LINE THAT EVERYONE SAYS IN THEIR TAGS WHEN THEY REBLOG AN MSR GIF!!!!!!!!!!!

“and you are mine”

AND THEY KISS???

wait. not for real. she kisses his forehead. the angle made it look like a real kiss on the lips for a second, but she was kissing him on his forehead bandages…. for a solid ten seconds. and he smiles. she puts his baseball cap back on. and cups his face. runs her fingers over his lips.

he closes his eyes. like he’s realizing something.

he sees that little boy…. and they’re building the spaceship together.

the end.

hey guys. i need to go scream for a minute to decompress.

wait. i need to set my phone down and go leave the room.

i had to go walk around for ten minutes. i had to brush my teeth and do my skincare before bed in total silence. i had to drink straight from the sink and let the coolness of the water surprise me. and then the mouthwash burned a bit. i had to to rub the nice lotion on my hands and put myself back into my body after that.

fuck me.

okay. so, first thoughts: i’m not buying that he’s CSM’s kid. i think it’s too heavy-handed, plot wise. the bad guy is secretly the good guy’s father! it’s been done before. we've all seen star wars. it’s not super satisfying. it’s a fun thought to bounce around in your head and imagine what would happen if it WERE true, but i just… don’t think they’re telling the truth. maybe CSM and his mom had an affair, but i don’t think he’s the result of that. i think it’s a convenient lie to lull him into complacency. and even if he hold diana that it’s true, that doesn’t mean it is. this is CSM. lying is his career. and he went pro. to the major leagues. he also lied about being samantha's father before. i see no reason to believe him.

he's gotta hang on until 23andme is invented so they can discover the truth.... cause god knows CSM could manipulate a traditional paternity test.

okay. so. the alien stuff. he was infected with the virus two years ago (in the gulag, correct?) and he gained some sort of immunity to it as a result, which may or may not be because his brain was going sicko mode. i guess i have some questions on the logistics of that, but none that i think can actually be answered by canon. so the dormant virus went haywire when he saw the rubbings on the letters? that makes no sense, but okay. and then somehow he became alien and then CSM took the alien parts out of him and put them into himself. so now CSM has the immunity. then how did he read his mind at the start? was it a trick? i'm guessing that mulder is no longer psychic, though, since they took the alien part out of him, but maybe now CSM is- which would be very dangerous. or maybe he already was? because he already was doing the mind reading? didn't he undergo the DNA splicing procedure when they thought they were going to have the whole alien colonizing thing last season? so what is the sense in doing it again?

sighs. i just don’t know.

let’s talk about scully, i say, and this is something i could have said any day for the last ten months and it would be true. this was a major turning point for her. being so desperate that she abandoned her own ideals. but, at the same time she began to discard the strict notion of science because she felt so entirely lost, she did also turn into herself and what she knew- praying with albert. turning to the belief she’s had in her all along that has never ran contradictory in her mind. but albert might not have even been there. a messenger from the divine, perhaps? a hallucination from lack of sleep? an angel? i guess we’ll never really know.

but… man. i need some time to sink my teeth into that.

her faith in science has been tested before, and to have everything explained by an alien civilization isn’t necessary in contradiction with science, just something not understood by it yet. she’s mentioned that point before. but also… she’s had shades of belief in the past. shoving the doll in the microwave in chinga. gibson telling her he knows she believes, she just doesn’t want to. that same exchange happened like, 3 other times in s6. so no, she’s not a full convert to the extraterrestrial. but she’s seen things she can’t understand and doesn’t know if it came from her own desperation to believe or if that is the Truth, and what is the Truth, anyway, and how can it be known?

what makes me really sad is how she kept repeating she was a failure for being unable to save him, and then at the end, her saying that diana saved him as much as she did broke my heart. diana put him into that situation. deciding at the last minute that she’s too cowardly to go through with it or has some change of heart that could almost be seen as mercy can’t be called saving him. she put him on that table and helped carve him up. we can’t give her equal credit for saving his life when his life wouldn't have been in danger without her meddling.

and for scully to think that makes me feel so sad. it’s as if she thinks that all she has is her science, and if she can’t understand that, what does she have? but the answer is she has her instincts, her kindness, her talent, her brains, her courage… for her to say that diana saved him as much as she did- god, i just think she must feel so guilty, so terrible, and not see her own worth. i will choose to interpret this line as a momentary exhale, a brief showing of her wounds which she normally keeps so tightly wrapped up. a moment of weakness. an indication of her lack of direction and her sheer desperation. because something i love about this show is that scully knows her value. i love that she knows she deserves to take up space at the table and never questions that. but maybe, when you’re questioning god and the universe and what it means to be alive and other unshakable truths, your own self-worth can get caught in the mix. maybe that can get shaken up, too.

mulder…. being lulled into complacency with the idea of forgiveness, starting fresh. a baptismal cleanings of sins via the suburbs. to know that he wasn’t responsible for everything he blames himself for; a reality where his family was whole. his fantasy of a normal life. damn. if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about his character… what he wants, what motivates him. but what tells you even more is the fact that he isn't satisfied- not really. he feels like that little boy watching the sandcastle get destroyed. and he almost goes through with it and never wakes up. until dream scully calls him to action. he cannot look away when she calls. he knows that she is reasonable and truthful. and that no matter how lovely this fake life is, it isn’t real. he can’t turn away from his commitments. no matter what fantasies fill his head.

also. i knew he wanted kids so bad. but to see it in the dreamscape........ man. (gazes into the distance)

FUCK. i’m so mad about the whole diana thing. that she went along with it all… claiming to love him, and that they could be together. and having to see him dream a domestic future with me obviously pissed me tf off. like. shaking like a chihuahua levels of rage. did he really trust her that whole time? is that why he dreamed about it? is that the future he really saw for them in real life- even though he said he loved scully- or was the dreamscape carved up by CSM somehow? but sometimes, dreams are not wish fulfillment. sometimes random stuff happens in your dreams. everything else seemed so purposeful as his ideal reality, though, i can't help but wonder if that is truly how he felt- that he saw a marriage and kids and growing old with her. and why would that be?

she was touching his face, saying she loved him as she worked to kill him. and how nasty she was to scully……… and i'm not off-base in the implication that she assaulted him in the last episode, right? taking off her shirt and going into his room while he was violently ill and could barely speak? the writing was pretty clear on the wall there. i have been known to miss undertones, but that was clear to me.

usually, i love the female characters that everyone hates. if other people are writing dissertations on how much a fictional woman sucks, i am usually picking up a pitchfork and defending her honor. but i can’t do this here. i don’t even find her worth writing a dissertation about because her character was so flat. i will say that they at least gave her some dimension this episode. so shoutout to the writing team for that, i guess.

hmm. and CSM. driving him away. saying he was proud of him as a son. it just…. mmm. i don’t know if it’s not believable or if it’s not personally satisfying to me. what was his mother doing with him in that waiting room? does CSM believe what he claims? does mulder? does his mother? was he really reading his mind at the start? is his character able to kill thanos or something?

i am very worried about mrs. mulder, however. she might be in very serious danger. she didn't pick up scully's calls, and she was there with CSM when they kidnapped him... it is not looking good for her.

i don’t really care for the alien plot stuff, so CSM getting mulder’s alien DNA removed and put into him was just kinda weird to me. same with all of the other alien stuff. the writings, the biblical imagery, the apocalypse. the appropriation of anasazi and other Indigenous legends, which feels in poor taste in the modern light. it just doesn’t really interest me that much. in this show, i like the vague spookiness and the interpersonal relationships and the search for the Truth and the old, old guilt in these characters, but the aliens themselves do not appeal to me very much. so. yeah. i guess i just feel (shrugs shoulders) about it, you know?

it feels like there is still an untapped wellspring of things i need to say within me.

how about we discuss skinner? telling scully that he is compromised and that he cannot help her. but she still calls him and explains about the book, because it's him- and this is why kritschgau is killed- because someone hears what she says. and she bursts in to find him when she has been expressly told not to, and he is slumped over in pain, krycek having used his remote controller to hurt him. so he was just blaming himself for mulder’s accidental overdose at the hands of kritschgau, saying it was his responsibility. and then things get worse… but they get better.

i want to explore that space of the getting better. of him hearing that they made it out despite it all. does it fill him with hope? but also, is it tinged with dread? because he knows there is more ahead? but mulder knows about him and krycek and the illness now- can they somehow find a cure? is that the next big project to embark upon? will he forgive himself?

kritschgau… idk what his deal was. he hacked into scully’s files and sent them to the NIH because he claimed he wanted to crack into the human genome, but it seems all he really wanted was to backup his claims as whistleblower. why did mulder pick him to ask for help, beyond him knowing the drug that helped him out? why did he threaten scully and break into the FBI? it felt like a really weird unresolved plot point.

what about barnes? what about the dude that came back to life and killed him? what about amina? i liked her!!! a lot!!! what about the ship? is it still there? is any of it still there? can any of it be explained? was it all a fake somehow? or was it real, and the aliens just have really weird priorities?

gah! it makes my head hurt to think about for longer than 5 seconds. and i know that we will never really know, which is frustrating. we are slowly dripped these little plot points that never add up to a whole picture, and it drives me CRAZY.

but how beautiful it is to know someone so fully that you can know them when you know nothing else. when your whole world is turned upside down, you can see them clearly. that sort of soul bond. to kiss someone’s bandages. to be a touchstone. to cradle their face in your hands and hold the whole world in them.

fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK me.

good angst here. incredible MSR. but i’m not sure what i would rank my overall satisfaction with this arc. it is an upheaval of everything we have known so far when it comes to our characters. scully, a believer? mulder, an alien (formerly?) and a bastard? skinner, someone who cannot be trusted? i will need some time to process all of these changes. there was a sense of finality and not going back, of every moment being incredibly important and life-altering moving forward. of no return. which happens in some episodes. and they always leave me with a strange feeling. sadness, perhaps? of the loss of what once was? of simplicity?

i think that the grand alien plot can take me out of the simple human connections that make the show so good. it can elevate them to a point that is hard to wrap your brain around and fathom. can make it so complicated for us mere mortals to understand. when dealing with the end of the world in a story, you must zero in on the mundane, the human, so we don’t get loss in an endless series of nearly avoided apocalypses without having a reason to feel a relief, as the audience, that the world didn’t blow up this time. and while there certainly are the essential human elements at play that ground such a fantastical story- when it veers away from focusing solely on that, it can make me aware of the fact that i am watching TV from a specific genre with a specific set of tropes rather than being immersed in the experience so wholly like i am when the plots are more character-driven and down to earth. i think that’s just how the nature of sci-fi/action stuff goes, at least for me. i’m not moved by the idea that aliens are god and left us messages. i’m moved by the humans who discovered that grappling with losing each other and comprehending their reunion. i’m moved by their tears and their blood and their lips touching foreheads, hands touching backs. you get what i’m saying?

fuuuuck. where do you go from here? there has to be some fic that takes place after this episode.

i’m waxing poetic. because my heart yearns for a softness! and maybe i’m expecting something that the genre doesn’t deliver, but fuck. you need relief after endless punches to the gut and to the gut again and to the head and then to the gut once more. you drive these characters through horrible thing after horrible thing and i, the viewer, need to come up for air- which is why s4 was so tough for me. i felt like there was no air to breath. mytharc episodes will also plunge you underwater. and then, of course, the show is written pretty inconsistently, so whether or not you’ll get the relief in the form of lightheartedness and banter and teasing and fluffy stuff afterward is never guaranteed.

so. thus ought to conclude the diana saga- but who knows? it’s hard to say. maybe she didn’t actually die. like dream deep throat. and it was a shock to see deep throat again. a nice little treat for the viewers. with his wife and kids.

hmm. despite typing all of that up, i still feel like i have so much more to say. but what is it? it’s a yearning for an epilogue i will never be provided.

i will say, this episode made me lowkey want to proceed with my plan to not watch beyond s7. i know that i probably will end up going through with all of it… but. my heart was racing!! my feelings were feeling things!!! gaaaah! i need to be sedated.

"my constant" fuck.

i just realize i wrote all of those words about an alien show. which is fine. i don’t ever half ass anything.

need the fic where scully goes to his apartment after work and she makes blueberry pancakes in his kitchen and she catches him up on the office gossip since he went on leave and they catch each other's eyes for a liiiiiittle too long.

#this is mostly me recounting what happens in the episode at a breakneck pace and then staring at the wall and wondering wtf just happened #i liked parts of this but the alien lore parts took me out of the story. so not sure how i would rank it overall.#but when it was good it was GOOD. it was for real cooking.#i am left with a bittersweet taste in my mouth and a lack of any idea where we will go next.#well. off to read some fic i suppose!#7x02 #the x files #txf #juni's x files liveblog

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