#inspector barnes

[six-improbable-things]

sorry, the Lockwood & Co brainrot is still consuming my soul.

I would kill to see the end of ep. 8 from Barnes's POV. I mean, think about it. He's up to his ears in work, dealing with the panic from the false alarm at the Fittes ball plus the news of some kind of disturbance at Winkman's (an agent is dead. That's not good.), when hears that someone called in a report of a bunch of Visitors from the graveyard where he knows that BOTH of "his" teams are.

He drops everything and goes to the cemetery (obviously he's the first one there, they are his responsibility, after all), finds the place swarming with ghosts, there's a few dead and injured thugs from the relic smuggling ring he's been trying to take down for ages (well, that's one of tonight's messes dealt with), and Kipps and all of Lockwood's team are missing. Kat tells him what she knows, which isn't much but is certainly concerning. (Including the nonzero chance of having heard a gunshot.)

Also, consider the fact that the catafalque needs to be operated from above. Meaning that George, Lucy, and Kipps would have needed to call up for help. I'm imagining that Barnes is up in the chapel, wrangling agents to send them down to the crypt to look for Kipps and the Lockwood team when he hears: Lucy: "Hello? Is someone up there? We need help!" Barnes: "Carlyle, is that you? What's going on down there? Is Kipps with you?" Lucy: "Barnes, it's us! Raise the catafalque!" Barnes: "The what?" George: "It's a lift for caskets! Takes them down to the crypt!" Lucy, aside: "Not now, George!" To Barnes: "Just pull the bloody lever. It's over there!" Barnes: "We unlocked the door, you can come up the stairs. It'll be faster that way." Lucy: "No, no we really need the lift. Lockwood's been-- he's been shot."

And like, of course Barnes's reaction would probably be a mix of like "oh god, not another one." and also "it [Lockwood's recklessness and death wish] finally caught up to him."

And like, externally he's unflappable as always, but inside he's remembering what he said to them: Don't let this be the last time I see the three of you alive.

(if anyone wants to write this fanfic, please do!! and please ping me!!)

[skullmakesmelaugh]

Barnes: Who's in charge here?

Lockwood: Technically me, but it’s usually whoever screams the loudest

[scareah]

Sorry this is Montague Barnes if he was a hamster I don’t make the rules I just draw them.

[utterlyunawarewriter]

Barnes: Between Lockwood, Lucy and George, there are three braincells.

Barnes: And George has all three of them.

[friendlyghostintheattic]

Barnes: If you two are done flirting

Lucy: I was not flirting

Lockwood: I was

[lilaccatholic]

We as a fandom don't talk enough about Barnes's collection of ceramic ducks

[hisnamesdylan]

[arielleshaina]

Pen sketch of Barnes for #inktoberandco the other day

[bobbys-not-that-small]

why is it always "put those teeth away" and never "if nothing else those pearly teeth of yours could light our way in the darkest alleys"??

[pleasetellmetherestea]

For a uni assignment I got to write a background for Barnes, and it was so much fun!

Might turn it into an actual fanfic!

[thesilly-goose]

i’m just gonna say some bs abt lockwood & co

lockwood, go the fuck to therapy. u have issues. also, ur worse than me at asking people out. and i got rejected before i even made a move. like, u think u can’t top that kinda shit, and then bro goes and gives the jewelry of the deceased, freaks out and runs away several times, and then has a blowout argument that results in the departure of the girl u like from ur life. how does that even remotely say “hey go out with me”. no. not even i’m that bad. c’mon man.

lucy, ur so underappreciated. someone please give this girl some recognition for how brave, resourceful, and competent she is. like cmon. she literally CARRIES every case. she basically inspires all of lockwood’s incredible genius detective breakthroughs. she is the catalyst of every solved mystery.

george, u do not deserve all that hate. bro’s so talented. and idc what anyone says, i fucking love his personality. it’s so funny. who cares if u look like an overcooked 馒头. i still love u.

holly, u were part of my pan awakening. i was like, oh shit, i like girls, and the rest is history. thank u for being the queer woman of color that everyone needed in this damp british series (no hate to the damp british characters ofc). anyway yes thank u for existing u r a gift from the gods i may or may not have had a minor crush on u when i first read the series and ur outfits are amazing. please accept my humble offering of green tea and noodles. absolute queen.

flo, FUCKING SLAY. that’s all, thank u and good night.

quill, everyone hated u at some point, but ur relatable asf. i had the exact same character arc as this depressing gay ginger. i’m not even joking. the exact. same. one. i went from a smug asshole to a wet cat that hates themself to an awkward gay third wheel who gets overexcited at every one of their accomplishments because they totally lost all faith in themself. literally the exact same character arc. wtf.

barnes, u did not deserve that much hot liquid to the face. please utilize ur vacation days and take a nap.

skull, ngl, u kinda carried. 10/10 would recommend. best friend ever. yk the type. will endlessly insult u and make fun of u and jokingly threaten u and then proceed to save ur life and then fucking grumble abt it.

[skullmakesmelaugh]

Barnes: Where is Lockwood?

Lucy: Doing things

Barnes: I don’t like the sound of that. What about Holly? 

Lucy: Trying to stop Lockwood from doing things 

Barnes: George?

Lucy: Trying to stop Holly from stopping Lockwood

Barnes: *sigh*

Barnes: What are you up to, Lucy?

Lucy: I’m supposed to distract you so you don’t stop George

[george-the-pumpkin]

Barnes: Kids. They get worse every year. The ungrateful little-

Barnes: I'm going to go sit in the dark and mumble to myself.

[serialadoptersbracket]

Round 3, Match 3: Inspector Barnes vs. August

Submitted kids:

Inspector Barnes: Anthony Lockwood, Lucy Carlyle, George Cubbins/George Karim, Holly Munro, Quill Kipps

August: Hisoka Mikage, Chikage Utsuki

Propaganda under the cut!

Inspector Barnes:

1. “Mustn't be easy keeping those three (Lockwood, George, Lucy) alive”

2. “Serial adopter of waifs and strays, carefully hidden behind the guise of strict enforcer. He's a softie and we all know it.”

3. “Even though he'd never admit this be of his grumpy character Barnes really became a father for all members of Lockwood & Co. He was the only adult who cared about their lives and he tried to keep them safe and sound, but like all teenagers they didn't listen to him. But they always knew that if they had some prolems (which they actually often had) they could always ask Barnes for help, advice or support”

4. “Barnes adopted a smiling giraffe with a death wish and a blinding smile, a 5 foot Northern bitch who can and will fight god on a Tuesday, a researcher who likes sticking his nose where he shouldn’t and three people max, and a secretary who shot at least a dozen people and is way more badass than she seems”

August:

1. “august is the adoptive older brother of hisoka mikage and chikage utsuki. for context, these characters are all spies, and were invited into the organisation by august. (also known as misha sometimes). hisoka is december, and chikage is april! their collective group name in fanon is "gekkagumi."

the first interaction we see of him in game is him adopting hisoka off the street. he was a dying homeless child, and august invited him to join the organisation. at first he declined, but august kept coming back to him until he followed (despite chikage's protests about it) he fed fed hisoka gingerbread, and declared "we're a family now."

chikage was adopted before hisoka, but we only learned more about it later in the story. chikage was living in a "facility" when he runs into august who lives in the organisation.

despite their very harsh life, august really did everything he could to give hisoka and chikage the best life he could. he loved the idea of family, and always encouraged them to celebrate christmas and birthdays, and play games!

august had a cover job where he owned a candy store. despite it just being a cover, august loved it and had a genuine care for the children. he used to give away free sweets to the point his shop was actively going out of business, and whenever he saw a sad kid he'd try his best to cheer them up. people around the town came in just to talk to him, to the point where hisoka said when he was covering the shop for him, the first thing people would ask was "where's misha?"

in his shop, he also used to have a myth that if you wrote a wish on a certain brand of cookie's wrapper, the wish would come true. august spoke excitedly of the wishes kids would wish for.

events in the story lead up to august's untimely death. years later, hisoka runs into a kid who used to go to his shop. this child had wished to be a painter, and was now painting. he actually ended up in possession of a wrapper august wrote on which said ""a happy family."" however, the boy couldn't read japanese and didn't know what it said. despite that, he held onto the wrapper for years after august's disappearance. he also manages to draw a picture of him from memory. :((“

2. “he's so . gwahh he just wants to give them a nice family”

3. “please vote for august!! he is such a kind soul who shows so much generosity and selflessness despite the cruel circumstances he was stuck in.”

[six-improbable-things]

.... things are happening...

[transcript under the cut]

image one:

Inspector Montagu Barnes was up to his ears in shit. Working for DEPRAC was never a dull job, but tonight had been possibly the busiest of his entire career.

image two:

A voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Hello? Is someone up there? We need help!” It was distant, and slightly echo-y, so it took him a moment to place the voice. “Carlyle, is that you?” he called, walking towards the hole in the floor. Looking down, he could see a small pool of light, and in it, Lucy Carlyle’s face peered up at him. “What’s going on down there? Is Kipps with you?” “Inspector Barnes!” There was relief in her voice. She seemed glad to hear him. “It’s us! Raise the catafalque!” “The what?” Karim’s voice echoed up from the depths. “It’s a lift for caskets. Takes them down to the crypt.” Carlyle looked over her shoulder, and he heard a hissed, “Not now, George!” Turning back to Barnes, she called up, “Just pull the bloody lever! It’s over there, behind the pews.” “We unlocked the door to the stairs. It would be faster for you to come up that way.” Carlyle shook her head. “No, no. We really need the lift. Lockwood’s been– he’s been shot.” Her voice caught and she stumbled over her words. She sounded on the verge of tears. “He can’t do the stairs, and I don’t think we can carry him all the way up.” Barnes’s stomach dropped. Not another agent. Of course it would be Lockwood. The boy was reckless, practically suicidal. But somehow he’d always survived, no matter the impossible odds.  Forcing himself to snap out of it, he called to the agents surrounding him. “Find that bloody lever and pull it! Get them up here. And someone call the paramedics.” The agents sprung into action, and Barnes turned back to the hole. “Alright, we’re going to bring you up. Get on that table thing. Is it just the three of you?” Carlyle shook her head. “Kipps is here too.”

sorry, the Lockwood & Co brainrot is still consuming my soul.

I would kill to see the end of ep. 8 from Barnes's POV. I mean, think about it. He's up to his ears in work, dealing with the panic from the false alarm at the Fittes ball plus the news of some kind of disturbance at Winkman's (an agent is dead. That's not good.), when hears that someone called in a report of a bunch of Visitors from the graveyard where he knows that BOTH of "his" teams are.

He drops everything and goes to the cemetery (obviously he's the first one there, they are his responsibility, after all), finds the place swarming with ghosts, there's a few dead and injured thugs from the relic smuggling ring he's been trying to take down for ages (well, that's one of tonight's messes dealt with), and Kipps and all of Lockwood's team are missing. Kat tells him what she knows, which isn't much but is certainly concerning. (Including the nonzero chance of having heard a gunshot.)

Also, consider the fact that the catafalque needs to be operated from above. Meaning that George, Lucy, and Kipps would have needed to call up for help. I'm imagining that Barnes is up in the chapel, wrangling agents to send them down to the crypt to look for Kipps and the Lockwood team when he hears: Lucy: "Hello? Is someone up there? We need help!" Barnes: "Carlyle, is that you? What's going on down there? Is Kipps with you?" Lucy: "Barnes, it's us! Raise the catafalque!" Barnes: "The what?" George: "It's a lift for caskets! Takes them down to the crypt!" Lucy, aside: "Not now, George!" To Barnes: "Just pull the bloody lever. It's over there!" Barnes: "We unlocked the door, you can come up the stairs. It'll be faster that way." Lucy: "No, no we really need the lift. Lockwood's been-- he's been shot."

And like, of course Barnes's reaction would probably be a mix of like "oh god, not another one." and also "it [Lockwood's recklessness and death wish] finally caught up to him."

And like, externally he's unflappable as always, but inside he's remembering what he said to them: Don't let this be the last time I see the three of you alive.

(if anyone wants to write this fanfic, please do!! and please ping me!!)

[mothman-stole-my-eyebrows]

Happy Mother’s Day to inspector Barnes